Becoming an Athlete of Joy: A Practice You Repeat

We unpack the lie that joy is a feeling you earn and reclaim it as a daily practice that builds resilience. We explore how joy coexists with grief, why breakthroughs without integration burn us out, and how small rituals train the nervous system to return to center.

• dismantling myths of joy as reward, feeling, or circumstance
• the spiral nature of healing and identity
• practicing joy before the result through repetition
• consistency over motivation and gentle returns
• joy and grief coexisting without canceling each other
• ordinary rituals that regulate the nervous system
• three core truths to carry through the week
• journaling prompts for practical integration
• noticing returns, softening, and steadiness

Three Elena Truths: Pick one to carry you through the week

1. Joy is not a mood. It’s a practice.
2. Resilience isn’t pushing through. It’s returning to yourself.
3. You don’t wait for the life you want—you practice it in small, livable ways.

Journaling Prompts:

• Where am I waiting for joy instead of practicing it?
• What is one small way I already know how to return to myself?
• If joy were a practice, not a feeling, what would it look like this week?
• What feels kind and doable right now?

Once a month I send out the Calliope’s Quill newsletter with journaling prompts and notes, sign up at www.elenabox.com

Transcript

Setting The Stage: Joy And Resilience

Elena Box 0:31

Welcome to the Ode to Joy Podcast, a show where we talk about joy. How do we cultivate it? How do we maintain it? And what are the things that get in the way? I am your host, shamanic practitioner and death duela, Elena Box, coming to you with another very special episode from our season, all about resilience. I hope you enjoy. I am your friend and host, Elena Box, coming to you with another very special episode. Obviously, all of the episodes are very special. And this one is all about, I mean, it's the name of the game. It's about joy. And we are talking about how joy is not a mood, it's a practice. Okay? Let's get right into it. I hope you have your little cup of tea. I hope whatever it is you're doing, you are feeling ready to dive into this with me. We are on this journey together here. So let's just name it out loud. Joy is not a mood. Joy is not a personality. So if you've ever seen someone, you're like, oh my gosh, they're so joyful all the time. Has nothing bad ever happened to them? No, it's not just a personality. Joy doesn't come just after things get better, right? So if you're going through one of those dark nights of the soul, if you're going through grief, if you're going through upheaval, huge transformation, joy doesn't necessarily just come after you go through it all. So joy is a practice, okay? It you have to meet you where you are, all right? And so that is what we're gonna be talking about all on this episode. And this is something that I really want to be a touchstone for you so that it's something that you're gonna be carrying through the week, all right? So here we are on the Ode to Joy podcast, and we're talking about joy. So I'm so happy that you're here with me. Let's continue on the journey, all right? So we're gonna just talk about how there is this lie. That's a lie, they've been lying to you all along. So the lie about joy is that joy is um a feeling, okay? So it's just something, oh yeah, she's so joyful all the time, blah, blah, blah, that it's just that's that's that's the lie there, all right. And it's also, you know, the lie that joy is a reward. So, so again, this isn't just like a little golden carrot that's dangling out in front of you that that one day you're finally gonna be joyful when you get the job, when you get, you know, the relationship, when you get the body, when you get all of these things, right? Um, that's that's also a lie, right? Uh, another thing that we hear often is that joy comes after healing. So, you know, I've been in the healing and wellness field for, gosh, I mean, definitely over a decade. Um, I started practicing yoga when I was 18. And, you know, you get into this whole world of constantly chasing this golden carrot of healing. Well, when I'm I'm healing this, uh, you know, I'm healing that, and you're going and you're chasing and you're seeking. And I think obviously there is an aspect of being a spiritual person and being on the path and seeking, right? But I also think there is this huge falsity that comes around this word of healing. I think it's a complete lie to say that you're ever actually, it's an interesting thing because, you know, we're we're dangling this carrot in front of people saying, you know, there's so much, there's so much wrong with you. My my darling, let's take a look. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're dangling this carrot in front of people that's saying, you know, come to me, and you know, it's like a little bit of snake oil. I don't, I do not subscribe to that, is saying that once you do this, this, and this, you're gonna be healed. You know, we know that in life, life is a spiral, it's not linear. Life is a spiral, it's not linear. Okay, so we're gonna be going on these paths and these and walking this spiral path really for the rest of our lives and perhaps even after that. We'll see. And that means that we continue to come back around to similar experiences, uh, similar trials, um, and we learn a little bit more every time. We we we learn a little more about ourselves, we gain new tools every single time. And so that doesn't mean that you're ever gonna really reach a finish line. I feel like especially when it comes to grief and grieving, I think there is this falsity that there's ever gonna be an end to it, which might sound really daunting, especially if you're in it. But I think when it comes to grief, especially, we learn how to cultivate joy and we learn how to move through it so that we grow around it. And so as we continue on this life journey and as we continue on this spiral, we we have this resilience, right? So that's what we're talking about here today. And the other thing that I want to name is joy isn't, you know, just circumstance, okay? It's when you finally hit that big job promotion, when you um, you know, you have that new couch that you've been looking at, you know, or or whenever you've hit this huge milestone or moment in your life where you finally say, okay, I've finally made it. Because as we know, wherever you go, there you are. Wherever you go, there you are. So it's important that wherever you go, that you like who you're traveling with, right? Ooh, yes, yes, it's true. It's true. We're here, we're on it together. Okay. So that whole model of that lie as joy as feeling, joy as reward, reward, joy after healing, joy as circumstance. That's it's super fragile, okay? It doesn't hold up, all right? So that model is exhausting because again, it's like you uh having this golden uh carrot dangling in front of you, but it's also you on the hamster wheel being like, if I find, if I finally do this, if I finally get there, then I can be joyful, then I can feel joy. And my friend, we're gonna really reframe this, okay? That is the practice today, is we are going to be practicing joy before the result. Okay. So take a deep breath with me here. Let's do it. Take a deep breath in and take a deep breath out and smile. Okay. Let's let's launch into it together. So practice before the result. And this means that we're coming into repetition over intensity. Okay. So we're gonna be holding this with really soft hands. Okay. So if you've ever practiced anything like Tai Chi or meditative movement, we want the hands to be soft. We're not white knuckling joy. We're not like, I gotta be joyful, gosh darn it. Alana said, I gotta be joyful, and this is my week. No, we're gonna be handling it with a gentle, gentle, gentle hand. So open fist there. Unclench your jaw, unshrug your shoulders, let the shoulder blades melt down the back. And we're going to be just practicing joy through repetition. It's like training a muscle, as funny as that sounds. So it means we're practicing consistency over motivation. Okay, because sometimes when you be in a little couch potato, which listen, sometimes we gotta be couch potatoes and have a couple to tree snacks, right? Uh sometimes we might not feel so motivated. When you're in that kind of slump, when you're in the dark night of the soul, it can feel like, you know, gosh, I don't know how I'm gonna get out of this. I don't know how I'm gonna even just spark a little bit of joy. But really, that's what the practice is. It's consistency, okay? You practice first and the result follows. Okay. I know, I know, I know, but we're in this together, okay? We're practicing it like a muscle, like we are athletes of joy, all right? Think of yourself as an athlete of joy, all right? So this all ties back into if you've been listening on the podcast, on the podcast, uh, this uh, on the podcast this season, I've been talking a lot about um taking the result as the path. So I've been really, this is has kind of been my touchstone. Anytime I'm feeling a little wobbly, I'm coming back to, I'm taking the result as the path. So as we talk about this in terms of practicing joy, um, you know, what I want to really name here is that we're not talking just manifestation. And you know me, if you know me, you know I love to listen to all the, you know, positive affirmations and, you know, that really helps me. But we want to remember that, you know, it's not just manifestation because it also requires putting in the work. You know, we're not just pretending here, you know, we're making small, livable choices every single day. We're becoming through practice, we're practicing every single day, taking the result as the path, becoming and being and living and walking as the person who we've been dreaming ourselves to be. Okay. So that also ties into this practice of practicing joy. Coming back to it, staying consistent even when you might not be feeling motivated. It's having these little touchstones of returning to joy, becoming through practice. Okay. So every single day, our identity is being shaped. Our identity is shaped daily, okay? It's a practice. We're like swimmers. We're showing up, we're getting in the pool first thing in the morning. All right, my friend. And yeah, sometimes you're like, it's early. I don't know if I can do it. But the thing that I continue to come back to is remembering that in life, these moments that we have these little breakthroughs. We have, you know, and I and when you go back and you you do your sort of life review, you remember that some of, you know, the biggest moments in your life happened on, you know, a lazy Tuesday, right? That that life is constantly happening. We're constantly in this river of life, we're constantly in this spiral, and extraordinary things are happening on ordinary days. Okay. Extraordinary things are happening on ordinary days. So how can you get ready to be ready? To be ready to be ready. How can you be ready today? Okay, so our identity is shaped daily. So resilience, we're returning back to the theme of the season is resilience equals returning to yourself over and over again. Okay, hand on a heart, hand on the belly, and here we are, we're returning to ourselves over and over again. Okay, so let's talk about joy and grief. I mean, gosh, I love this. I love the topic, obviously. I mean, I am who I am, right? Let's talk about joy and grief and remembering this is a huge thing to remember. Joy and grief are not opposites, right? They're not two different things here. They can coexist, right? So joy doesn't just erase grief. You might be going through the deepest, darkest depths of your own dark night of the soul. You're in the muck, you're trudging through hands and knees, okay? It's not just just, you know, in between your fingers, it's on your back. Like you're covered in it, right? But that doesn't mean that you can't have a little bit of a sense of yuma about it. You go, my gosh, this is, this is, ain't this something, right? We have to be able to return to that little spark of joy within our hearts. And, you know, it doesn't mean that even though you're grieving and perhaps you've lost something really significant in your life, maybe you've lost someone really significant in your life, that doesn't mean that joy cannot exist at the same time. So finding those little LOL moments, finding those little cosmic giggles, because my gosh, if there's one thing I've found in this, in this life and in this work that I do, it's that the universe, G-O-D, you know, whoever you wanna, however way you want to name it, is consistently serving up some of the funniest cosmic jokes I've I've ever I've ever heard, really. So, but if you're constantly in this place of like, but I'm grieving and I must, I mustn't see any of the nice things in life, right? You're gonna miss it. You're gonna miss those beautiful moments of like a butterfly flying on the wind. And I don't know, there's ways that you can tap in, tap into that little uh river of joy that is flowing all around you, even when you're in the muck. Okay. So the good the good thing about joy, and the reason why we talk about it is joy keeps grief from taking over. So that's the thing, you know. I've been thinking a lot about Queen Victoria. I'm a history nerd. I'm also, I wouldn't say a monarchist, but I have like a really weird fascination with uh royalty, and I love going on a deep Google search and just, you know, looking at like, oh my gosh, and they're related and they're related and they're related, and that person married their cousin. I mean, it gets crazy. But I've been thinking about Queen Victoria. And when her husband Albert died, who was also, oh gosh, I'm gonna forget, but like definitely her cousin, when he died, she went into basically like identifying as a widow for the rest of her life. I mean, she, I think she wore black literally for the rest of her life. And she was just sad girl snacking for the rest of her life, which listen, we love a sad girl snack, right? But I would say, as someone who really works in this world of grief, is that we don't want to get stuck there, right? We we we can have that existential kink, right? We love Carolyn Elliott, thank you, of being like, gosh, this hurts so good. And I want to identify with the sad girl and I wanna wear the black, I want to have my goth girl moment, right? And then we want to find the tools to come up and out of there. And it doesn't mean you can't continue to touch, touch your little toes back in there. It doesn't mean, you know, the grief never leaves you. It it doesn't. Like I said, there's no real endpoint or no, you know, celebratory like you've finished running the marathon. By the way, you know, here's the gold, you know, golden little uh coin that you get. No, it's it's a practice and you continue to walk it the rest of your life. But again, we don't want the grief to absolutely take us over so that it becomes your entire identity. I mean, listen, this is why we have these tools of of of art, of poetry, of dance, of movement, of processing all of uh grief, because we can make something really gorgeous out of it that helps to touch, touch our hearts, right? In those in those places where we want to be touched. So we're we're having a little bit of fun here. So this is what I want to talk about next, is is and this is a big one. So we're gonna talk about why big moments don't work, okay? So breakthrough culture. So again, we can have these big moments, but we don't want to be constantly chasing it, right? Like I said, we want to have the very loose grip that, you know, we're here on a casual Tuesday. Okay. So, you know, especially in the wellness world, we see people who are constantly seeking the next plant medicine ceremony, the next, you know, we love a vision quest, but like, you know, the next big spiritual trial because they're constantly chasing this healing at home. I gotta heal that. I gotta heal that. And let me tell you something: that intensity cultivates burnout. We cannot be on that hamster wheel of constant self-improvement. We gotta take a break. Like sometimes you just gotta sit down in a lawn chair and drink some coconut water, you know what I mean? So this is where we come back to repeating the practice of joy, of just having this kind of through line of contentment. And it doesn't have to be the most ecstatic, like piss your pants, laughing every single every single day and moment joy, but it's about, you know, allowing the body to trust the repetition of returning to yourself, having that resilience to return to yourself over and over again, and having this sort of touch point of general feel goodness of, yeah, okay, I've got it. Like I know what that feels like. And even if, you know, in this moment I'm having a hard time motivating myself to really get there, I know it's there. And how can I continue to follow that track to just feel a little bit better? I'm I'm focusing on just feeling a little bit better here. I'm getting better every single moment, right? And I think it's it's a really, really wonderful way to go throughout life and and and your day. So remembering that nervous system trusts rhythm. Like the nervous system gets it. Again, we are athletes of joy. So remembering that your nervous system is gonna be like, yep, I've done this before. I know, I know how to create those small rituals, I know how to create ordinary returns back to center, even if it's just hand on the heart, hand on the belly, three deep breaths, smiling. And you know what? Even if you're like, I can't make myself smile, Alena, I can't do it. I always say, smile with your eyes, just like Tyra Banks said to all of the models on America's. What was it? America's top model. God, I used to watch that all the time. But yeah, smile with your eyes. Smile with your eyes, gosh darn it. Sing out, Louise. So again, it's these small rituals that we return to, okay? So ordinary returns, right? So we're not seeking the big moment of like, yes. I mean, listen, we love standing on a mountain, a mountaintop with the with the wind blowing in our hair and you know, having those moments of catharsis. Yes, fantastic. But we cannot be doing that every single day of the week. Sometimes you gotta chop wood and carry water, okay? And you and do it with while you're smiling with those eyes, sweetheart. So we're gonna come to um the three Elena Truths of the episode. So we're gonna really let these ones land. So maybe you take a little sip of your tea, maybe you take a little deep breath, maybe you feature, feel your feet on the ground or your toch us in your seat, wherever you're sitting, find yourself there. We're going to say the three Elena truths, okay? Here we go. You ready for this? Okay. Joy is not a mood, it's a practice. Joy is not a mood, it's a practice. Take another sip of tea. Oh, delicious. Resilience isn't just pushing through, it's returning to yourself. Resilience isn't pushing through, it's returning to yourself. Oh, yeah. Let that one land. Mm-hmm. It's sliding down the throat like warm molasses. Okay. Last one. You don't wait for the life you want, you practice it in small, livable ways. And isn't that delicious? Isn't that delightful? You don't wait for the life you want, you practice it in small, livable ways. We love it. We love it. We love it. We're eating it up. And not only that, these little uh Alena Truths are going to be in the show notes. So go and have a take a look, a little, take a little look. And you can put it, you know, put it in your journal, right? Put it on your mood board, put it on your vision board, put, you know, take a little uh, you know, uh expo marker, write it on your mirror so that every single morning you're like, Joy's not a mood, it's a practice. Here I am, I'm an athlete of joy. Resilience isn't pushing through. It's returning to yourself, returning to myself. Speak it to yourself. You don't wait for the life you want. You practice it in small, livable ways. So maybe pick one and carry it through the week. Okay. So this is almost like a journal or a workbook for life. We're carrying this through the week. So we have these little touch points so that when you get off kilter, when you begin to wobble, you can come back and you have these little touch points. Okay. So next we have a couple of journaling prompts. Again, we're going through it every single week so that you have something to work on. We love a little workbook, we love a little homework, but again, we're carrying this loosely. We're never white knuckling anything. We are actually holding it with joy, with reverence. And again, a little cashmek giggle. So if it feels good, you can do a little bit of journaling. And you know what? I'm gonna be speaking these out loud. So as I'm speaking them out loud, maybe you hit the pause button and you just even answer it to yourself, maybe in your own mind, maybe out loud. If you're sitting on a subway or on a packed bus, or you know, maybe you're the crazy person, you know, answering the question. Could be you, is it you? Maybe it's you, and that's okay because again, cosmic ego. All right, let's talk about it. Here are your journaling prompts. Where am I waiting for joy instead of practicing it? Where am I waiting for joy instead of practicing it? Okay. What is one small way I already know how to return to myself? What is one small way I already know how to return to myself? Next question. If joy were a practice, not a feeling, what would it look like this week? If joy were a practice and not a feeling, what would it look like this week? I remember you're an athlete of joy. Okay, last question. You ready? What feels kind and doable right now? What feels kind and doable right now? Oh, okay. So there are your little journaling prompts for the week. Carry it through. Maybe every morning you pick one, okay? And maybe you write it out in your journal or in your little notes app, or you just speak it to yourself, okay? So we're gonna be talking now to to close out the episode all about integration. So all of this work, again, we cannot be constantly chasing the carrot of healing without taking the time to integrate, okay? So there's no big overhaul here. We're not, again, we're we're still in winter, so we're gonna be really gentle with ourselves as we're going through this, okay? You're just a casual athlete of joy, and here you are. You're just you're flexing the muscle, okay? We're not adding more. We're not like, and I gotta add on another 25 pounds under the barbell. Can you tell that I've been working out a lot? It's been good. I'm getting strong. But listen, we're not adding on more weight. We're holding this with really loose hands, okay? What I'd like you to do this week is notice your returns. Notice those moments when you're coming back to center. Notice when you're getting off kilter and you go, no, no, no. I am a joy athlete. I'm coming back to myself. Notice when you're softening. I don't know why I was French there, but I'm always a little bit French. So notice when you're softening. Notice when the body begins to get tense and you're like, we're gonna catch ourselves. Oh, we're gonna say, yeah. And I softened there and I softened. Just notice it. And then notice your steadiness. Notice how these little touch points of coming back to center, returning, noticing your returns, noticing your softening, then you begin to notice the steadiness that you continue to cultivate throughout the week as you're doing all of this. Okay, it's casual, it's cute. We're athletes of joy. It's casual, it's cute. Yes, we're athletes of joy. So I want you to really hear this. If you do nothing else this week but return to joy, I want you to know returning counts. Okay. If you're like, I haven't ordered groceries, listen, feed yourself. But if you're like, I didn't check off all the things on my list, but I return to joy, yes, you're doing great. We have to remember kindness is key in all of this. We're really all just being human here. So if the biggest thing you do this week is return, cultivating that resilience of returning to self over and over again, you, my friend, have nailed it. And I'm really freaking proud of you. Okay. So we're gonna close it out here. Listen, I hope you had a wonderful time having this conversation. I know I did, okay? I know that this really filled up my cup, and honestly, I am pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. I'm shooting lasers over here. I'm feeling great. So remember, if you'd like to continue the conversation, once a month I send out the Calliope's quill newsletter. Again, I am not an email person. I've said it before. So please, if you want to hear from me, if you want to have these little bits of wisdom, I include some nice little journaling prompts, some nice little, you know, bits of wisdom for you to chew on, right? Throughout your week, throughout your month rather, right? Once a month, you get the Calliope's quill into your inbox. So you can go ahead and sign up. All of that will be in the show notes. And gosh, please let me know how has this landed for you? I'd love to hear your thoughts. As always, I'm along here, okay? I'm I'm on the journey with you. So, in closing, let's just say joy is not the reward. Okay. Joy is not the reward. Joy is the way, okay? And resilience lives in the return. Resilience lives in the return. It's the truth. I'm so happy to be here with you, and I'll talk to you again very soon. This has been another episode of the Ode to Joy podcast. It is my sincere joy to bring you these episodes every week. And listen, if you feel called, it would mean so much. If you could go ahead and, you know, drop us a review, maybe throw us a couple of stars. If there are five of them, even better. And just sending you so much love. I'll talk to you again very soon.