The Power of Concrete Language

In this episode, Jen explores how perception shapes our communication and discusses the importance of creating shared meaning. She explains the pitfalls of abstract words and how they contribute to misunderstandings. Learn two practical strategies to enhance clarity in your communication and minimize miscommunication. Join Jen and improve your communication skills and foster effective conversations.

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Book on relationships written by the podcast host, Jennifer Furlong.

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Transcript

Perception is at the heart of all communication activity. Because humans are by nature, egocentric beings, it’s easy for us to forget that just because something isn’t happening to us, or hasn’t happened to us, or to someone we know, doesn’t mean that it’s not happening at all. Our experiences shape our understanding of the world and the lenses through which we see the world. 

Also, it’s easy to forget that in communication, it is possible for two things to be true at the same time. The meanings we derive from a word or phrase or action are our own. That’s because meanings rest in people. Every communication act we perform, whether it be through the clothes we choose to wear, the hand gestures we choose to use, or the types of decorations we choose to hang on our walls, is perceived by others in the only way they know how…through their own personal lenses that are shaded by their own personal experiences.

The message we send, may not be the message received. 

So what can we do, the egocentric creatures that we are, when communicating, to make sure we are creating shared meaning with the other person? What can we do to minimize the miscommunication? To minimize the misunderstanding? 

That’s what this episode is all about. 

When I talk about creating shared meaning, perception is at the heart of it. So to become a better communicator, you’re going to have to keep remembering that. But it’s not enough to remember that we all perceive things differently. There have to be some things we can try out when we’re communicating so that we can make sure we’re doing a decent job of it. 

The good news it there are lots of things we can try as we’re communicating with other people to hopefully have our message come across clearly and effectively, minimize the potential for miscommunication, and minimize the potential for misunderstanding. Today I’m going to share with you two. Why just two when I just said there are a lot of things we can try? Because each one of these takes practice. Takes effort. Takes time. And if you want to improve your communication skills, you’re going to have to practice one thing at a time, and enough times that they become second nature to you. 

So let’s start with these two. And begin practicing them today! 

The first thing I want you to practice so that you can have more clarity in your communication is to stop using abstract words. Whether you’re making a statement or asking a question, be as concrete as possible. For example, if I were to ask you where I could buy a cheap car, you might have some advice for me. But what’s your idea of cheap? Is it the same as mine? If I don’t bother to clarify what I mean by “cheap”, I increase the possibility of misunderstanding. 

Here’s how that plays out. You spend several hours locating some options for cheap cars. You pass them along to me. I see your suggestions and scoff because you obviously don’t understand what a cheap car is. I decide you’re not taking it seriously, which naturally, pisses me off, because a good friend would help me out with some serious suggestions. You see that I’m irritated and don’t like how I dissed your suggestions, which in turn, makes you upset because you spent all that time doing some research on my behalf and if your suggestions weren’t going to be good enough then I shouldn’t have asked you in the first place. 

Sound familiar? 

Yeah. I thought so.

So who’s fault was that miscommunication? It was mine! I used an abstract word when I asked the original question. I asked you where I could buy a cheap car without clarifying what I meant by cheap. Did I mean less than 5k? 10k? 15k? Cheap is an abstract word that has different meanings for different people. If I had bothered to be more concrete in my language and phrased the question as, “Where can I buy a car that’s under 10k?” then you would not have spent your time looking at options that would have been completely useless to me. 

So stop using abstract words today. 

Also, ask questions to clarify so you can avoid assuming stuff. 

Yes, it is perfectly acceptable to ask questions to make sure you aren’t misunderstanding something. Taking the same scenario, if I asked you where I could buy a cheap car, you could have avoided the misunderstanding by asking me what I mean by cheap. So this miscommunication was just as much your fault as it was mine. 

It takes both the person who is speaking and the person who is listening to be aware of how abstract language increases the potential for misunderstanding. It all boils down to our different perceptions of meaning. 

And we have so many words we use when communicating every day that are abstract words increasing the possibility of miscommunication and misunderstandings. Abstract words are not clearly defined. They’re general, not specific. They exist in the mind. 

We come across these words every single day in the messages we send and in the messages we receive. And we allow ourselves to be sucked into arguments over them. 

Do you see why I wanted to keep today’s episode limited to two things you can begin implementing today to increase clarity in your communication? It’s not an easy task! So for the next week, focus on recognizing when you use abstract language, and when others are using it, and then use that opportunity to clarify. Clarify by using concrete words instead. Use words that leave little to no room for misinterpretation. When you are intentional in bringing clarity to your messages, the probability of having effective and successful communication increases dramatically. 

Think of this as an experiment and let me know how it goes. 

Be sure to tune in to the next episode where my guest and I discuss communication techniques that help you access the stuff that’s invisible, the stuff that’s not said out loud, and the stuff that will help you have a perceptual shift. Also, we’ll discuss the one question you can ask that is guaranteed to help you get clarity while communicating. It’s a fantastic conversation. Don’t miss it.