What If It Did Work?
What If It Did Work?
Boldly Embracing Self-Love Through Transformation
In this captivating episode, we delve into the transformative journey of self-love with Sandra Silverman, author of "From Bullshit to Botox: A Rebel’s Guide to Self-Love and Eternal Youth." Sandra shares her personal path, filled with ups and downs, as she navigates the world of beauty treatments and explores the dynamics of insecure relationships that have shaped her understanding of worth. In a world where external beauty often overshadows internal happiness, Sandra's narrative bravely challenges societal norms, emphasizing the importance of providing listeners with a fresh perspective on self-acceptance and holistic well-being.
From discussing the impact of toxic relationships to celebrating the beauty of aging, this episode provides a rich tapestry of insights and experiences that encourage listeners to reflect on their self-worth. Sandra's message is clear: true beauty is derived from accepting oneself, facing past traumas, and reclaiming personal power. With practical advice and personal anecdotes, she empowers others to embrace their journeys toward self-love, reminding us all that we are worthy of love, respect, and happiness.
Join us as we explore not just the surface but the depths of healing and growth, highlighting the importance of prioritizing inner happiness and self-care. Don’t miss Sandra's upcoming book, which promises to be a powerful resource for anyone seeking to navigate their own path toward self-acceptance. Tune in, engage with our conversation, and take the first step toward loving the person you see in the mirror.
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I never told no one that my whole life I've been holding back. Every time I load my gun up so I can shoot for the star, I hear a voice like who do you think?
Speaker 2:you are right. Another day, another dollar, another one of my favorite episodes of my favorite podcast. Yes, I'm biased. Four seasons in and I gotta say my favorite podcast is my own podcast. What if it it did work? A little change of pace here. I've got an award-winning author yeah, a woman. All about empowering, all about transformation. Sandra Silverman, author of From Bullshit to Botox I might need the Botox. A rebel's guide to self-love and eternal youth I might need the Botox. So, rebel's Guide to Self-Love and Eternal Youth. An inspiring advocate for both external beauty and something that we all need to work on internal transformation. Sandra's journey combines self-love, life coaching, healing past traumas and beauty treatments like Botox, proving that true beauty starts always from within. So how's it going?
Speaker 3:It's been great. It's been a great journey the book released in November and it's been amazing. I just started working on my second book, which will be finished by April, and it's been great promoting this book and going on podcasts like yours and interviews, and it's just been super fun.
Speaker 2:Now I got to say I know you're way younger than me here in your 20s, but what got you into? Were you always into the self-development, personal development? No, or was this something later on?
Speaker 3:Well, the journey started when I was 26. So at 26, I started dating my now ex-husband and he made a comment to me early on in our relationship and he said that I was soft and I needed to go to the gym. And this is after knowing him for maybe a month, and that's the first time in my life that I ever thought, wow, there's something wrong with me. So that prompted the journey for all the wrong reasons, and then over time I realized I need to do these things for me and not for somebody else. So by the time I was in my mid-30s I started just doing treatments for me, and not because I felt insecure At that point, I still was just more worried about the exterior, not the interior inside part, and then over time started doing life coaching and taking a more holistic approach to my health, fitness, that sort of thing, started talking to spiritual healers. So then I kind of shifted more into loving myself, which I should have from the beginning loving myself which I should have from the beginning.
Speaker 2:Isn't it crazy that you and I and pretty much everybody, that really the aha moment is?
Speaker 2:I mean you can be shredded, you can have like $10 million, you can have the perfect life, but until you realize that you're worthy and that you love yourself, the rest it's just bullshit, it doesn't really matter. It's true, and I got to say this. This is crazy. So you date a guy and hear me out a month in, yeah, he pretty much tells you hey, sandra, there's no way around looking soft. The only time maybe, like you have a little, you have a son and I don't know. I've got two daughters, but hey, you know you need to toughen up. But to tell someone that they're soft a month in and you marry the guy, right?
Speaker 3:I ended up marrying him so early on. We started a business together and I kind of shrugged it off when he said it. I really didn't take it to heart, but I think subconsciously I did. Consciously I didn't, but subconsciously I definitely did and that's what started this journey.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, everything happens for a reason and I mean, quite frankly, I mean I get it because I've always since it took me forever to realize to love myself and that we're, we're, we're only a magnet to what we think we deserve. So there's been drama, toxicity, dysfunction, from like from my teens all the way up to getting divorced, from my teens all the way up to getting divorced and then dating women that I mean heck, you name it. Uh, so I get that. I get it completely. I mean, the person that you are now would have never have accepted that.
Speaker 3:Never.
Speaker 2:But you felt somewhere inside you that you do deserve this. You. You deserve to someone to to berate you or to shame you. Because I mean, if it was that easy. I mean can you imagine if somebody you know shit, we'd all have washboard abs, if somebody's just like hey, you know, you're soft that was a red flag that I should have listened to, because it did get worse.
Speaker 3:When my son was born, he was mortified by my pregnancy and how much weight that I gained and called me fat.
Speaker 2:Why were you so inconsiderate to do gain weight while you're pregnant?
Speaker 3:he literally took it as a slap in his face that I gained weight during my pregnancy, like I did something wrong to him.
Speaker 2:So after that, I mean, he, you, you guys don't live like in a small town, like in Footloose or somewhere where there's only, uh, you know, like less than a thought, Like no, we lived in Baltimore at the time. Oh, so Baltimore. So he's seen other pregnant women correct Throughout his life.
Speaker 3:He just thought it was a slap in his face that I gained 60 pounds and couldn't stop himself calling me a whale, calling himself a whale watcher. One day after my son was born I said to him that I was going to get my eyebrows done in New York with my girlfriend and we were going to have lunch and just a little outing and he looked at me straight in my face and said eyebrows. I wouldn't be worried about my eyebrows If I were you. I would get to the gym Cause when, basically, like you look that heavy, like your eyebrows don't matter.
Speaker 2:Wow, like a real Tony Robbins. I mean you should write a book on inspiring, like one of those little coffee books, you know, just like inspiring quotes. You know you pick it up. What would I read today? Like that one's, just like no, it's crazy Inspiring.
Speaker 3:So I allude to the second book in this book, chapter nine. I'm alluding to that. There's going to be a second book and it's going to talk about the marriage and narcissism and my journey we're getting divorced and my journey as a 53 year old dating. So there's going to be a lot revealed in that book oh, so that's the tell-all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's Tell-all in a way.
Speaker 3:I'm not going to make him really look that bad. I'm going to have experts in the book as well, just like I have from Bullshit to Botox. I'll talk about different scenarios and then have an expert's opinion, more so on narcissism and that sort of thing. But yeah, it's going to be an interesting read. But yeah, it's going to be an interesting read Well, we're both Gen Xers.
Speaker 2:We're both. I'm 51. I'm going to be 52. Why is it that? Just the term? It's like an increasing amount of people that are narcissists.
Speaker 3:Do you think that we just didn't have that diagnosis like in the late 80s and the 90s and the 2000s? I think we talk about narcissism a lot, especially on social media. Therapists talk about it nonstop. I'm not sure every person that they're referring to is a true narcissist, a truly diagnosed narcissist, because I feel like there are very few that are truly diagnosed, but so many people have narcissistic traits that it's enough to categorize them as a narcissist.
Speaker 2:Well, sometimes well, if you think about it a lot of ego. If you lead by ego and you lead by your emotions. It's hard not to have narcissistic traits. But like reading the diagnosis, I mean it's it's bad in the sense that it says there's no cure. No, there's no cure.
Speaker 3:Exactly, and I know a few truly diagnosed narcissists. I'm not sure if my husband would be diagnosed, but he has a lot of traits.
Speaker 2:I honestly don't think, just from hearing the little that you've told me, that he's making an appointment now to go speak to someone to see if he's truly a narcissist. And it really doesn't matter, because it's not like they can give you a pill or anything, it's a nice way of saying dude, you were born an asshole, sorry. So you had some trauma, as like a toddler, and you can't overcome it. Suck it up or quit being soft and be aware, oh, a hundred percent, a hundred percent.
Speaker 3:It's from a childhood trauma.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, it's crazy Cause I I read what it was and it was like damn. And it's like you know, growing up I mean yes to growing up in the 80s and 90s, when to be a narcissist just meant somebody that you know is full of themselves, that they're a hot shit, and that was it you. There wasn't a diagnosis, so clearly I mean we can't do anything about that. That was 20 something years or whatever in the making, but it led you to this.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Every journey there's a reason for everything, and you know the A, b CD, and because of that, I mean you wrote a book and you know you became a life coach because think about that You're empowering other people not to be a doormat, or you're empowering people to find their true self and to stand up. And you know, I am woman, hear me roar but even even men I I mean because, hey, we're all vain. I mean plenty of men do botox, plenty of men shit there's. Every ad I get is either for hair loss, which I guess they don't, I don't have that problem or, you know, trt testosterone, because you know getting old sucks it does. I mean, yeah, I, I don't know what it's about, but you know, clearly in our 50s we look better than people like growing up.
Speaker 2:You know you see those pictures right, like when we were growing up. You're like shocked that archie punker was like 47 and and like friggin um, fred Stanford, fred Sanford. So I don't know whether it's just life and we look better than what our parents and our grandparents. But you know, nobody wants to, nobody wants to get old no style as well.
Speaker 3:I saw a photo of Alice from from the brady bunch and remember her short kind of military style hair she was what, 35 years old she was only 35 there? I think so. And then they. There was a photo of her. It was like a pig stitch, like side by side, where somebody put real hair on her like long hair, and she was like a totally different person.
Speaker 2:Well, true, back then there wasn't any like hair club for men, or you know it is what it is. There was no. We couldn't go to the wellness clinic to get Botox or TRT, no testosterone therapy. So how long did it take you to write the book?
Speaker 3:It took about a year. So when I first started I was actually going through a separation with my husband at the time and I basically wrote the table of contents in the introduction. And then I soon realized that I'm not a writer. So I found a co-writer and her name is Erica Florentine, so she helped. So by that time it took about six months total.
Speaker 2:Now, some of these things, I mean rhinoplasty that's just a nose job, right. I know rhinoplasty from South Park.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that was just another show.
Speaker 2:So I mean your book goes into detail about the recovery time, the cost, yes, so have you done all these things? I have.
Speaker 3:So everything that I've wrote about I've done mostly. There are a few things I wrote about that I haven't, but in general most of the procedures. I talk about the rhinoplasty. I've had three. The second one was because somebody broke my nose. They threw a football that unfortunately hit me in the nose.
Speaker 2:So two actual.
Speaker 3:The first rhinoplasty. I wasn't happy with the second. It was because somebody had hit me in the nose. The third one I was happy with.
Speaker 2:Okay Now. So here I'll do the list that's in your book. Yes, so you've done breast implants, botox, rhinoplasty, tummy tuck, vaginal reconstruction. Well, I know holistic medicine because you talk about it Diet and exercise. We all do Facelift and clearly we all do well some of us the hair, makeup and clothes. Two out of three of those we all do Well some of us the hair, makeup and clothes.
Speaker 3:Two out of three of those I've done all of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, now was there a specific order?
Speaker 3:or was this just because you felt ugly inside and you felt like you needed this, or do you think it actually made you more attractive and actually somewhat made you happier because you went through all this? I started because I was super insecure and then over time some of the procedures, like the vaginal reconstruction that was due to a lot of trauma during the delivery of my son, so that was necessary. Then I made a few mistakes. One of the mistakes was liposuction in my stomach and knees and because of the liposuction in my stomach the skin started to sag. So therefore I had to get the tummy tuck. So before that I didn't actually need a tummy tuck, even after childbirth. But because I made a mistake I needed the tummy tuck. So that was a mistake.
Speaker 3:The liposuction. And then I did a Y lift in New York, which was filler, to lift the jowls. This first time I did that, that procedure was perfect. The second time I repeated it two years later, the doctor literally pie faced me, put so much filler in the wrong part of my face that caused me to look like a pie. After that I had to remove the filler and I show photos in the book. After removing the filler there was more sagginess. So then I got the facelift. So I had made some mistakes, but none that I couldn't fix.
Speaker 2:Now, is it true that it can be addicting? Enhancement, and all these enhancements? Because, yes, I've seen stories. You know how you, you read all this person had 200 procedures. Can you do you? Do you think it's what's addicting about it? Do you? Do you possibly think that our image of what we see ourself in the mirror is blurred? It's a, it's a fake reality. It's not real. Like you know, if I look at myself and I think I'm like some real goofy, cheesy 80, I look 80 or I look way, you know, I don't have the ralph macho syndrome or whatever. I have the opposite. I look way like a, you know, compared to what I actually do. Do you think that's a possibility? And why people?
Speaker 3:I think people get addicted, especially now, because they look at social media and AI and they see what, how people can enhance themselves on social media or Instagram with these apps, and then they'll take those photos into the doctor's office and tell the doctor I want to look like this, especially the younger generation. So I think they're trying to achieve something that's not possible because it's not real.
Speaker 2:I don't know I'm dense, I didn't even realize back I went, I moved, I went to school at lsu because you know, everybody on campus when I was touring was blonde. And I realized years later yeah, that's that's, people dye their hair. And it's funny that you you talk about because and it's not just people our age using a filter on social media 20 year olds and eight teenagers and it's like why do you have zero wrinkles and the imperfections that someone has? You know, god gave it to us.
Speaker 3:It's what makes us unique, it's a really big problem because you have these young girls going in and removing the buccal fat which they need as they age because they so they don't. They have that fat, you know, in their face as they get older or they're starting Botox really young and filler. But the problem is starting the filler, that young. It's going to sag your skin at some point because you're stretching if it's not injected properly. So that's definitely an issue.
Speaker 2:Yeah, speaking of cause, I've never used a filter in any picture. I mean shit, I'm 51. I think people would laugh if, all of a sudden, people have known me forever in high school, elementary, all of a sudden I look like I'm 25. And but I was. I was dating this girl same age. We grew up and we took a picture and she posted it and I'm dense, I'm like shit. I'm maybe because I'm with someone from my past. I'm looking really young that's so funny oh, that's really funny.
Speaker 2:So then you did all this. Now, wouldn't it have just been easier just finding your own true happiness within? Because I know, because we're all addicted to something. I'm the guy that went to like seminar, personal development, business development, looking for happiness, thinking if I completed something or if I bought something, you know, if I bought the Tiffany or the Prada or the Gucci or the Louis that you know, coming out with the box, God would shine his light on me, rainbows, and I'd finally find happiness. And you know, I didn't realize it was an inside job and it's something you just declare and you do so well, definitely.
Speaker 3:I've learned that over time and went through a whole like holistic journey that I talk about in the book as well to find my internal happiness and I realized that the procedures really didn't the out outward. You know, procedures really didn't make me that happy, but I did eventually find the internal happiness and now I don't really do the surgeries anymore, I just do beauty treatments of course lymphatic things like that. But I don't really do the surgeries anymore.
Speaker 2:Now you said you have a son. Do you only have one child? No, I have two kids.
Speaker 3:So they're both 21. My son one's adopted, my daughter's adopted. We adopted her from Russia when she was four, so I have two kids.
Speaker 2:Okay, Now do you empower your children and you tell them Because men can be addicted and do the Botox left and right and before you know it, they can't even move their face because they've had so much work done Do you tell them both just love yourself or it's an inside job?
Speaker 3:Yeah, we haven't really talked about it. My daughter has had lip filler a little bit. That's pretty much it. She's pretty, very natural. It's funny that you asked me that question because I was in people magazine online. They did an article last that was released val's Day weekend and the article's pretty in depth. It talks about a lot of the procedures and the ones that I made the mistakes with, and the comments from people were interesting because they were making comments about my daughter and I feel sorry for her because she's her mother has gone down this path. I don't think the kids really look at me like that in terms of, oh, she shouldn't have done these things only because I look natural. If I looked unnatural then maybe they would have comments to make, but they never really made comments about my appearance or the fact that I look unnatural, and that was part of the book as well. You can do these procedures, but you have to make sure that you don't look overdone or you don't look natural.
Speaker 2:But we love our parents through the toxicity, through the dysfunction you know for them to say that I mean.
Speaker 3:They haven't really said anything. I mean they're supportive.
Speaker 2:They're supportive, no matter what I mean. Think about it Bruce Jenner's kids, you know they accepted him being Caitlyn Jenner and if they can do that, I mean that's the ultimate. You know, makeover.
Speaker 3:Right, that's true.
Speaker 2:You know we, oh, oh, my gosh, you got rhinoplasty, like what kids are back? That's it. I'm out when you're not.
Speaker 3:You're no longer my mom, you're no longer my dad, you know a lot of the procedures took place when they were very before they were older, so they only saw maybe a few of them.
Speaker 2:Now, was your ex like encouraging you to do all these procedures? Was he like a driving force as well, Since you know he did? No, he just made a lot of rude comments.
Speaker 3:But no, he was. He wasn't saying he would make the rude comments, but not. Oh, you need to get work done. If anything, he would tell me not to do the work, but he would still make the rude comments. Ok, well, all your nose looks like. If anything, he would tell me not to do the work.
Speaker 2:But he would still make the comments Okay Well, oh, your nose looks like shit. Oh, your nose looks like shit. Oh yeah, yeah, no, don't get a nose job. He's funny. Now did he do a lot of procedures?
Speaker 3:No, no, he had rhinophosphate, but he needed it because his nose was broken. That's pretty much it. Besides Botox, he gets Botox and he colors his hair.
Speaker 2:Now growing up. Mom and dad, did you have a traditional upbringing Like? They loved you.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:You were. You know we're kids of the 70s and 80s. I was worshipped. You're a woman. Hear you roar, you know. Watch Linda Carter be Wonder Woman, because I'm trying to figure out like there must have been something traumatic that made you feel that you were. Were you teased in high school?
Speaker 3:No, there was one issue that happened that I talked about in the book. I was molested when I was seven and that caused me to, not because it happened in a small space, it happened in an attack room. I was a horseback rider and when that happened I must have shut down. I don't remember, I don't have recollection of it until I was 16. So I'm sure that played a part. I just don't really remember that. But as an adult I have a very hard time riding elevators because the space is so small. So I've tried everything. I've tried hypnosis, I've tried therapy, I've tried plant-based drugs and nothing has worked. That would have been the only traumatic experience as far as my upbringing.
Speaker 2:It was normal hmm, indeed, so an amazing book. We'll go to the middle name now, sandra alina, so author of from bullshit to botox a rebel's guide to self-love in eternal youth. What was the true inspiration? What was the? Did someone say, sandra, write this book, or did it just all come from within? Did you just wake up and go? Hey, you know what? I'm tired of all this shit. I want women to know what the fuck are we all doing? We don't need to be doing this stupid shit.
Speaker 3:I started thinking about writing the book because so many people would ask me about all the procedures and beauty treatments that I've done, to the point where I would turn into like a go-to person. And then I decided let me just write the book so everybody has a reference guide, and I'll make the book completely each procedure very thorough, with experts, so women could use it as a guide but also empower them. So let them know, it's okay, do as many procedures as you want, as long as you're doing them for yourself and nobody else, and don't hide it.
Speaker 2:Be proud of it sandra, do you 100 fully love yourself now.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:You've gone through all the bullshit.
Speaker 3:I've gone through the bullshit You've gone through all the struggles?
Speaker 2:Yes. So now that you found happiness, are you dating or are you just by yourself? We need to know. We need to know the Sandra Silverman story now.
Speaker 3:Which will be in the second book, the Sandra Silverman story now, which will be in the second book. So I my second. Well, actually it's our fourth separation was this past July. We separated again and at that point I decided to file for divorce and started dating two weeks after we separated.
Speaker 2:After four, the fourth time was the charm.
Speaker 3:Yes, 27 years and four separations. So randomly I was introduced to a guy, my, who worked with my friend. That was two weeks after the separation and we started, I guess, dating and super fun. He was younger than me and that lasted for like five months and during that time, when he was seeing other people, I was seeing other people. I had kind of eight people I was talking to at once.
Speaker 3:So I was going on dates and there was another person that I had met as well. That started as a friendship that started turning into probably more of a friendship more recently. That probably is not going to work out. So the other six people I went on some dates and then just decided I didn't really like anybody that much so, as of right, this second I'm not dating anybody.
Speaker 2:Hey, you know what, You're living your life on your terms and you know what? At least you're proving yourself that you're not codependent, exactly Because sometimes, you know, heck, I mean mean me, being married for almost 20 years and getting divorced. I, it was like I was codependent and I, I lied to myself, I didn't realize it and until, like, I got dumped and it was like you know, I, I did the knee jerk reaction that most people our age, oh my gosh, I'm going to be by myself for the rest of my life. I'm going to die alone. You know little, do we? You know the bullshit we tell ourselves that you know there's like 8 billion people in this planet.
Speaker 2:Oh so many you know when we're codependent or whenever we use that bullshit, that you know we're alone. It's like we don't count ourselves because I mean, we grew up with ourselves, so you would think you know you're with the person that loves you and knows you the most, so you're never alone that's true so diet and exercise.
Speaker 2:You know that that's something that we all need to do more of. Well, we're mature athletes, so I think now we have to focus more on the diet than the exercise. Like the best, people always ask me what's the best way. You know, exercise for a peloton ride or whatever, and it's like just park it right in front of the refrigerator. You'll definitely shed some weight.
Speaker 2:That's really funny because you know, I'm sure you have. You get this a lot, especially with your clients, in general people. We feel like we've earned something Like oh my gosh, I worked out three days this week so I've earned a six-pack of beer, or I've earned two desserts. And we also don't realize that our metabolism is shit right now and that you know calories, especially when you go out to eat. Man, I don't even want to know about the calories. Like in a dessert out, like at a nice restaurant.
Speaker 3:Oh, it's probably a thousand calories for like a slice of cake or tiramisu, something like that.
Speaker 2:Always just tell yourself nothing tastes better than feels.
Speaker 3:It's true, I count my calories, so I'm pretty strict about that.
Speaker 2:There are days where I end up eating more than my allotted amount. So then what you're saying is you're human right?
Speaker 3:Yes, but I have somebody that I admire so much, which is my personal trainer, vanessa. This woman is the most disciplined person I've ever met in my entire life. She never skips a workout, ever not since 2009,. And only has one cheat meal each week. So when you have somebody like that in your life, something tells me her cheat meal is like, just like an average. Oh, it's an omelet. It's like an omelet.
Speaker 2:Piece of bread. She's going balls out there.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:So you do coaching? Now, is it just women or no? I don't. I don't do coaching. Oh, I thought it said so it's just the book.
Speaker 3:No, it's just the book and I'm on Instagram. I have a decent following on Instagram where I I look at you, I know like over 200.
Speaker 2:I need to look it up because I don't want to go lower. Then you know I would be like it's like what? 225, I think Like 250.
Speaker 3:And then oh 250. So I post products, ones that I like here and there. But no, I don't do coaching, I just just promoting the book and doing podcasts and that sort of thing. Working on the second book.
Speaker 2:Now the second book is the tell-all, but it's also like an instructional book, because you do have actual doctors and you'll have actual I will, so it's not really going to be a tell-all, just to well, at least you'll know what a nurse no, no, no, not to make him look bad.
Speaker 3:I'm just going to talk about certain scenarios and explain.
Speaker 2:Have an expert explain why that happened or you know what the purpose of that was, and also my journey you wouldn't want your daughter being with someone that that said. You know that I mean you're, you're flabby, you're soft or absolutely not. You know, you, you, you look like you fudgy the whale at carvel or absolutely not.
Speaker 3:No, I can't believe what I put up with, but but I learned, so it was a learning experience. But also part of the book is the journey now of dating at 53 and what I've experienced and the people I've experienced as well, and I actually don't have an ending for the book. So the book will be finished by April and it's being written right now in real time, so I don't really have an ending.
Speaker 2:Well, what would, what would you like the ending to be, though? Like? Is it going to be like Sex and the City? There's Carrie Bradshaw and and all the other, and Miranda and Samantha.
Speaker 3:Some of that. So two of my friends are on this journey with me. They both were going through the divorce at the same time and both of them had narcissistic husbands. They're part of this journey and their experiences, so that's going to be part of the book as well, and the ending is going to be very interesting, because I really don't know how this is.
Speaker 2:I'm really not sure I say it's like one of those, like Pat Benatar, joan Jett, you women just right off to the sunset, you guys are badasses. Maybe you don't need any dysfunction. You don't need any toxicity, you guys are fucking. You know nobody does. We just get what we think we deserve. And the moment we realize that you know you attracted your ex because you're like this is it you know this. This is, this is what I deserve, because the this you would have never have accepted any of that.
Speaker 3:Never the guy that I started dating after the separation. We had an issue in December, early January, and I walked away from that relationship because I saw red flags that I didn't like and I thought why would I pursue this? I'm never going to let somebody treat me this way, so I walked away from that and there's you feel good about yourself. I did and we had a connection. It wasn't that easy. This wasn't easy at all, but the old you would have tried to make it work 100, the old me would still be waving the red flags, you know
Speaker 2:my god, I don't see anything.
Speaker 3:I don't see anything wrong you know, and it's a learning experience for everyone, because I'm hoping that he has learned from this experience with me. He's younger than I am, so I'm sure this was a learning experience for him and for both of us, and hopefully he will do better with the next relationship that he's in. And there's somebody else that I had been talking to during that time that we started to date, sort of like recently, and I don't think that that's going to work out as well, so I don't know Not everything has to work out.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you can, just as long as you know I'm. You know this is just temporary. This is not every relationship is supposed to end. Some relationships are meant to be, at that particular moment, exactly which you need in life at that time.
Speaker 3:Well, meeting the guy after my separation. He was meant to help me get over my marriage, and I did.
Speaker 2:Of course he was a young guy and good looking, I'm assuming yes young young.
Speaker 3:He's 38, look at that, yeah, congratulations but I know I also realized that there's even though age shouldn't matter, life experiences do, and he's never been married before and I have, and with two grown kids, and he hasn't experienced that yet. So there was a big difference in life experiences even though we had an amazing connection he couldn't relate to no I mean our children are always going to be our children.
Speaker 2:And being with someone that's never had children or never been married especially, I'm sure, possibly he wants one day, of course, as he should. To be married and to have children, not that everybody wants it.
Speaker 3:It was hard for me at first because we would have these conversations to comprehend. Well, I don't think the age should matter, because if two people like each other and they have a connection and it took me until now to realize that the life experiencers are so important and he should have the life that he wants, because I wouldn't really be able to give that to him. I mean, technically I could, but you know, it's better for him to find somebody that's younger.
Speaker 2:You've moved past that too. Yeah, you're not in that stage in your life and you don't want to be in that stage of your life. It's like, you know, I wouldn't want to be with some 20 something year old. That's like, hey, guess what? You know, don't you want to have children? And it's like, yeah, I have two of them, 19 and 17, soon to be 20 and 18. I don't want to raise, you know, after you. Also, when you, you go through with children, it's like crossing a marathon, you don't necessarily want to go back.
Speaker 3:No, you don't, but part of me at one point, because the connection was so strong. I thought about it and I thought well, how does this? Work. Of course this could work. Anything can work if two people really like each other and really want to be together. But now I've realized that that was crazy to even think that.
Speaker 2:Well, it was even crazy to think about, because think of, think of it this way. Let's say, you and your husband, everything, it was a normal relationship. You guys were still together. It wasn't like you'd have the conversation you know what Our kids are 21, had the conversation. You know what our kids are 21, 24, you know what. I think I think it's time I mean they do it in sitcoms. I think it's time we have another kid. Just, uh, you know, make things more interesting. Yeah, on a show like you know who's the boss and all those shows growing up. Yeah, great, you bring in the homeless new kid to spice things up, or the new baby. But yeah, I mean, it's a process and you had that moment that we all have that crazy wacky moment where we go with our emotions and we don't think logically. That's when you're like maybe it can work out, maybe what's another child? You know I'll give it to them. But you know that's not what you really want and in a relationship it should be what both people want.
Speaker 3:Exactly.
Speaker 2:That's why I was saying that, because of life experiences, we're in two different places and it's fine because it ended Okay and isn't it wild, though, when things, when mature people, and it can end and I mean that's, that's, that's something too, that shows that you know you've grown, you know there's no drama, no toxicity, no dysfunction. That shows that you've grown there's no drama, no toxicity, no dysfunction.
Speaker 3:I've definitely grown. My husband or ex-husband and I are friends now, after the fourth separation and going through the divorce. We talk and we are friends and I've been able to put everything that's happened in the past, which is good, so you've forgiven him I have.
Speaker 2:That's all you need to do to move on For both for him and your own well-being, because so many people like you know something. It ends and you keep anger and that animosity and it's like for what you know, for a relationship not to work. Things are disconnected on both. Both people are at fault. Oh, it's that person's fault, it's her fault, it's his fault. It's hard to go.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I played a part and oh, for sure I played a part, and I will talk about that in the book I'm not an angel. For sure I played a part. And well, now that you guys are.
Speaker 2:You guys are friends. You think so. Does he know that the second book's gonna have some aspects of? He does his condition and he's perfectly okay with it?
Speaker 3:Pretty much he knows he's going to be in the next book. The person I was dating after him knows he's going to be in the next book and I've been threatened a few times about lawsuits, but I'll handle it well.
Speaker 2:Oh, come on now Lawsuits. I love how everybody always threatens it's watching too much TV. I'm going to hire an attorney and we're going to have a cease and desist. And let me tell you, sandra.
Speaker 3:The book will be well written and tastefully written.
Speaker 2:Tastefully written. You know you can always change people's names too. Tastefully written, tastefully written. You know you can always change people's names too. So we have that book coming out ultimately that'll be completed in april.
Speaker 2:Like I said, I don't have an ending, so we'll see what happens, so april and we'll be able to listen to audible, just like yes, the same as from bullshit to botox. That's on audible as well you see, I know these things. I try to get a digital copy. But you know your publicist was like pulling teeth. So you know I listen to audible. I get to a month, so that's why I'm like can you get it on audible? Yes, so where, ultimately, do you want to see yourself, sandra?
Speaker 3:Well, the second book. I'm hoping to turn that into a Netflix miniseries. Who would you like playing you? I'm not sure. I never thought about that, I don't know, but I want to turn that one into a Netflix miniseries and then possibly have my own podcast eventually or some sort of a talk show or talk radio show, something so you do, you picture yourself to be like mel robbins, like uh I can't say I.
Speaker 2:I actually think she's our age, so I can't say do you want to be a younger version? So so but you want to. I mean, believe it or not, we all have our own you're, you're good, your path, believe it or not, it's a new path because I mean, like Gabby Bernstein, with with her, her manifestation, and Mel Robbins has hers, in fact, there's a room for a million people, about 100%. What you want is the same thing they want and ultimately, what everybody should want happiness, because success. Without it, what's point? You know?
Speaker 2:there is no point yeah, I mean, you know we can get the vaginal rejuvenation, we could get the rhinoplasty. You know we could get the, the brazilian butt lift, and and the, the cheeks and the fillers and the botox, and without happinessers and the Botox and without happiness. You know, the only one that's probably happy is the surgeon.
Speaker 2:For sure, they're the happiest All out of pocket too right, all of it. Yeah, I mean health insurance companies suck because think about it. I mean sometimes it can be necessary. I mean you know, health insurance companies just want to get paid. They never want to.
Speaker 2:So what would you recommend someone like on their journey male, female, because it's the same. I mean males, we have female energy, women have male energy as well Instead of running down to a wellness place and getting an appointment to get Botox, trt, anything like that. What's the first thing? Just so we can bind inner happiness within us, just so we can find like inner happiness within this.
Speaker 3:For me it started with the life coaching using a more holistic approach to my nutrition. The lymphatic work that I do working out balances me so much so that's helped a lot in terms of internal happiness. I feel like just with the right diet so that's helped a lot in terms of internal happiness. I feel like just with the right diet and the right supplements and the right life coaching and doing my lymphatic work and I also do body work with somebody who does connective tissue work I feel so much better. So in turn it makes me a lot happier as a person. Good, I feel a lot more balanced and a lot less pain too.
Speaker 3:No pain.
Speaker 2:But think about it. I mean a lot of people our age, a lot of people in general don't even go to the gym.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 2:And then, if our body is supposed to be our temple, how are we supposed to be shiny, happy people if we're just shoveling bullshit Not only people's thoughts into us or their opinions and that little voice inside our head? But we're eating the frigging Doritos and we're going to the Golden Arches and we're going to the In-N-Outs and we're going to all these places and just feeding ourselves crap. I mean, food's supposed to be fuel. It's not really supposed to. You know, we're not supposed to head out to Slanik and hit a 2,000-calorie meal.
Speaker 3:The diet's really important. And I also found I hadn't had alcohol three to four years before my separation. And then, two weeks after, when I met the person I was dating, I started drinking again and I realized that my body was inflamed. I didn't look as bright, so I stopped drinking, of course, all over again, because I wrote about it. So I know that it's bad for you and now I feel so much better. I look better, my body is not inflamed any longer, my face looks brighter and I know better. I know that alcohol is bad for you, but I got caught in a situation of, like you know, getting out of a 27-year marriage and just running wild for six months.
Speaker 2:Well, also, one of the biggest bullshit stories we tell ourselves and others is that we need the drinks, we need the alcohol to be more outgoing. I'm more of an extrovert, I'm a better dancer, I'm more entertaining, we're all. We don't need the crutch, we don't need the booze, like what you said. It just makes us feel like shit anyways and then, you know, shuts down our metabolism and the inflammation kills us. You know, in general, the overall they're. You know, the only people that really say there's health benefits is the wineries. They're like yeah, have a glass or two, or a bottle or a case a day. It's great for the heart.
Speaker 3:All the above.
Speaker 2:I know where to find your book. Where do we find Sandra Lena Silverman's book? From Bullshit to Botox A Rebel's Guide to Self-Love and Eternal Youth?
Speaker 3:It's on Amazon and Barnes Noble online.
Speaker 2:Barnes Noble online.
Speaker 3:And Amazon. The same with the Audible or the audio.
Speaker 2:So we can't even get an autographed copy. Man, that's, that's a bummer we're gonna have to get, we're gonna have to get the publicist, uh, make some phone calls so you can go to these barnes and nobles and you can do a talk about narcissism. You know the second book will be.
Speaker 3:The book eventually will be in stores as well.
Speaker 2:Both books will be in stores eventually these books are empowering the women because, think about it, they've never had anything like, especially when we were growing up. There's nothing like this, you know. There's nothing, any shit. There really isn't.
Speaker 2:Besides, besides yours, your book, I mean, it's common Everything on personal development all we need is inside us, but we're so fucking stupid we lack common sense. It's like with everything. Oh, my gosh, to lose weight, to eat less calories, holy smokes. Oh, to get in shape, I have to do it on a consistent basis, mm-hmm. Oh, to get out of debt, no more going to the galleria and going to buying shit online, wow. But yet here we are. So any empowering words of wisdom? Well, here, what would you tell the the per, the woman, she's around our age. She feels defeated. She's either a doormat to her husband or he left her for the 30 year old, the 28 year old, because you know it's his new soulmate, and she just feels defeated. She feels like times, like it's, my best years were in the past. This is it. It is what it is. I'm just living out the back nine until the day I die alone.
Speaker 3:I would want her to read basically both books, because the first book talks about how she can improve herself internally and externally, and the second book will be helpful and empowering to women as well, to let them know that they're not alone. This happens all of the time. It happens to a lot of women, and I'm a prime example. It happened to me. My husband left for an Insta escort sugar baby, shall we say. Happened to me as well and I was able to move past it and live my life and meet other people and be happy again.
Speaker 2:Good. You know, happiness is an inside job. We all. It's in abundance, there's no scarcity. Just wake up and say I'm happy, man, because, think about it we still have our best days are fucking amazing, and our worst days are still fucking amazing compared to most people. Man, and just live it like that. And you know what? If things don't work out and somebody hauls ass, they're fucking lost. You know, that's it. There is life after marriage that you're speaking to the choir on the house, I, I know that, completely so, and you're based out of miami. I am, oh well, yeah, too, I was born and bred in Miami. Yeah, I live in the 954 now, but yeah, definitely.
Speaker 3:Oh nice.
Speaker 2:Awesome. Well, Sandra, thank you for your time.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. Thank you for the book, thank you.
Speaker 2:Buy the book, Buy the Audible right. Either. You could go to the gym, you could go to Crunch. You could go to the gym, you could go to Crunch. You could go to Equinox, you could go to wherever you work out. You listen to it, you go on the Stairmaster and you go. You know what. Fuck him. I am worthy and drop the mic, but don't drop the mic Literally, because those are usually expensive. All right, sandra.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much, I really mean that For sure. Thank, you have a long time To make it happen.
Speaker 1:You gotta take action. Just imagine what if it did work.