What If It Did Work?
What If It Did Work?
Break Free From Hidden Clutter
What if the reason you feel stuck has nothing to do with time, talent, or willpower—and everything to do with hidden clutter stealing your energy? We sit down with author and mountaineer Saahil Mehta to unpack the tolerations we’ve normalized: the avoided talks, the “busy” work that hides fear, and the approval chasing that started in childhood and followed us into leadership, love, and health.
Saahil breaks clutter into four dimensions—mind, body, relationships, and material life—and shows how leaks in one area flood the rest. We explore why resentment is the compound interest of avoidance, how tiny lapses like repeated lateness erode trust, and how to design tough conversations that actually heal. You’ll hear practical frameworks for setting outcomes, co-creating rules of engagement with a partner, and entering dialogue from curiosity instead of combat. There’s a simple nightly energy audit you can start today: two minutes to spot what drains you and what lifts you, so you can subtract the noise and double down on what works.
We also go deep on authenticity and impact. People pleasing can’t buy peace, and even clowns can’t make everyone happy. From niching your work so the right audience finds you to pressing send on the manuscript despite the inner critic, we map the move from fear to freedom. Comparison doesn’t vanish at seven figures, so define your own seven summits—your personal version of success—and build rituals to protect them. When you stop dragging last level baggage, clarity and momentum return fast.
If you’re ready to trade inherited expectations for your own metrics and replace overwhelm with a clean, focused life, press play. Then share it with someone who needs the nudge, subscribe for more conversations like this, and leave a review to help others find the show.
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I'm never told no one. My whole life I've been holding back every time I'm gonna do it. You think you are making it?
SPEAKER_01:All right, everybody. Another day, another dollar, another one of my favorite episodes of my favorite podcast because I'm biased. What if it did work? We're gonna we're gonna switch it around because I'm trying something different. Because this book, this author, my guess is something completely different. What if the reason you feel stuck isn't because you're lazy? What if it's not because you don't have talent? What if it's not because you don't have time? What if you're stuck because your life is cluttered, not your garage, not your closet, your mind, your energy, your relationships, your focus. Welcome back to the What If It Did Work podcast. Of course, I'm your host, Omar Medrano, the vacation CEO. And today we're getting into something that might offend a few people in the best way possible. You know, I love to offend people. You can't build a next level life while dragging last level baggage. My guest today is Sahil Meta, author of the book Break Free. And this isn't one of those feel-good episodes where we post a quote, we go back to doom and gloom, scrolling like it's CrossFit for your thumb. No, Sahil is going to challenge us to confront the clutter that's been silently stealing your future. Because clutter just isn't stuff. It's the things that you've been tolerating, it's the conversations you've been avoiding, it's the distractions you've been calling quote unquote busy. And once you start removing what doesn't belong, that's when you break free. So if you're ready for clarity, which we all need, peace, which we all really want in our inner soul, discipline and the kind of growth that makes you look back and say, Man, why didn't I do this sooner? Then buckle up. Let's go. How how is that for an intro for you and your book? Because let me tell you, oh, 20-something years of personal and business development. This one was like, I couldn't put it down.
SPEAKER_04:You nailed it. I mean, I wish I I'm gonna keep that recording, and that's gonna be my intro for everything I do moving forward.
SPEAKER_01:That's that's for your one sheet. I I want everybody to say that, man. Because when I when your publisher's first and it was a book on clutter, I'm like, oh my gosh. I I believe it or not, because some people are literal. I you know, I didn't think I thought it meant like spring cleaning, and you know, hey, New Year's resolutions, it's time to to throw quit obsessing and throw throw the crap away, prep throw the bullshit away. And then I read it and I couldn't put it down. I I literally, it was one of those books, and I'll tell anybody if nobody has ever done personal development, this book is right up there with like an Anthony Robbins book, and and I mean that, and a Zig Ziggler, brother, because I had to listen to it on Audible because the message is like so impactful.
SPEAKER_04:Uh thank you. That's uh I that means a lot to me.
SPEAKER_05:Really appreciated.
SPEAKER_01:So, I mean, what was it that made you this decide to write a book like this? Now, did you grow up like in a family that was open with communication? And you guys did the Zig Ziggler and the Jim Roan, and you guys, I know you're uh you climbed mountains, but what was your family just like a visionary, like one of those families that hey, let's let's communicate our problems, let's not just go superficial, like heck, my family's been superficial since the day I've been born when it comes to communication.
SPEAKER_05:Well, I wouldn't call it superficial, but I wouldn't call it is totally open in communication either, Omar. We, you know, I grew up in this environment where I say you do. And that's just how it worked. And I think that's probably one of the reasons why I have, you know, well, that coupled with a cut, you know, a couple of other things, I have this tendency to people please because if I did good things, I was a good kid, I was a good boy, and uh, and yeah it just it meant and it's always nice to make your parents happy, right? But I've carried that belief system of mine into my adulthood, into my life. And it's not it's not just with parents, it started becoming the the norm with everyone.
SPEAKER_01:Believe it or not, I I have similar because my my mom was a single parent, went to school full-time, worked full-time. And when I say my family, my uncles, aunts, my grandparents, my grandparents are still alive, but it was never they could never say, I'm proud of you. You're doing a great job. I graduated college, it was crickets. I graduated my my master's degree, and they they thought I had somehow scammed the system because they didn't see the the physical piece of paper right then and there, and it was never so it carried on like on my relationships. Like I felt like I you had to earn like love, you had to earn respect, you had to earn happiness. I'm a slow learner. It took, I think I was like 50 when I realized that happiness was like an inside job, and you know, you don't need the the great job from anybody. And in fact, uh finally when my mom said she was proud of me, it was because um entrepreneur magazine had like a little blurb that one of my books was like the business book to read, like top 20 for the year. And I sent it to my mom and I almost crashed my car because she said, I'm proud of you. And it was it was a lot of it, you know. When you you've you've climbed peaks and mountains, but I when you did the first one, you probably felt like you like the heavens were gonna open up, and you you had this anticipation, and it was amazing, but you thought it was gonna be one million times because just the antipass anticipation, because I'm like, I I felt like God was gonna talk to me. I I felt the heavens, I felt like rainbows were gonna come out, and it wasn't that, it was like I I did for at the I'm 52 now, so like 48, 47. I'm like, I did all that running just for that. It was very anti-climatic.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, no, you know, it's it's crazy you say that. It's I I I look at my upbringing, and my mother was always the one, of course, when things didn't work, you know, when she saw that I had the ability and I screwed up because I was being lazy or just spending a lot of time on my Nintendo. Um, you know, God bless Mario, one of my favorite characters of all time. But so she would only get upset at those moments because I she knew I could do better. But in general, she'd always did, wow, I'm so proud of you. You got really good grades. And and it was it was strange. Like from my dad, I I didn't receive the same feedback. And I always thought, and this is the crazy part, like I could have just asked, why didn't I ask that question? But I didn't ask, and you know, I just got a eh, or every now and again he'd like pat me on the back or something. It's like I was always seeking his approval. Like I wanted him to be proud of me. Um and and it was only in the last year of his life when I started having a lot of vulnerable conversations with him. I once asked him. I just said, you know, I know you've praised me with your friends, but why do you never praise me directly?
SPEAKER_02:Sahel. I didn't want you to become weak.
SPEAKER_05:And this was my way of making sure that you stayed strong. Because it's a tough world out there. And I was like, oh my goodness. Like, had I asked this question a decade earlier, two decades earlier, it would have solved so many men, so much mental clutter that had built them in my head.
SPEAKER_01:But the best part about that story is you felt like it was okay to be vulnerable because he was dying. You you don't feel uh like the reason why you couldn't do it 10 years ago or 20 years ago was because he was at his ultimate peak. It was like trying to climb Mount Everest to you. You you saw him as like there was like because you you're fearful too of what if you didn't like the answer? Or what if he told you Sahil, shut up? Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_05:Well, you know, the story goes is I actually didn't know that he was gonna pass away. It was in the last year of his life, and but I say that because when he did pass away, it it all happened within a sp it happened very quickly. Um, but on my 40th birthday, I was in Bali. It was a very spiritual birthday. We it was all uh plant-based organic food, uh, no alcohol, no caffeine, uh you know, sound healing, yoga, ice baths, shamanic breath work. I mean, you name it. There's a lot of internal work. And I was just in this very reflective mode in this heavenly surrounding. And I remember that he called me up one day, and I think it was towards the end on the fourth day of this of this trip, and he asked for an OTP for a banking transaction. And you know, by then our relationship had become a lot more transactional. Yes, we fulfilled the roles of a father and a son, but that father-son bond that I remembered as a child just wasn't there. And for me, when someone calls and just asks for an OTP and then hangs up, that for me that was kind of the final nail in the coffin that what the hell has our relationship come to? And so then I I you know I hung up, and again, I'm in this reflective mode. I'm surrounded by what I you know, it's such beauty. I call him back and I said, Dad, I just want to let you know that I love you. And then I just broke down because I just feel that there's so much that was just held inside of me. I just broke down, he broke down, and then I've started becoming very okay, yeah, or very good with my emotional state. I don't have a problem with tears or anything, but I could sense that he had a lot of discomfort. And then he says, Okay, call your mother up and tell her the same thing, and he hung up. And but it was a beautiful moment, and I realized that I had to take the first step. You know, I can't expect someone else to take the first step and just play that in my head all the time that they should take the first step, they should do this, they should do that. But why? Why am I not taking the first step?
SPEAKER_01:Because it's easy, it's easy to give the power to someone else. Because think about it, man. Oh, to be vulnerable or the the this fear of rejection, uh putting yourself out there, and it's easy when you give the power to someone else, then you can have that inner ah, I can't believe him. He doesn't want to have that conversation with me. Because communication is sometimes it's hard, especially if it's very superficial. Especially, I I mean, to me, if that that's like the the hardest thing is whenever somebody wants to have a real conversation, especially about something like that. Like I can't do it because it that's past comfort, because you know my my whole life, yeah. Hey, how's it going? Did you watch the game? This and that. It was never I and then like my mom too. I it it's funny, you know. I I see people when they say, Oh, there's no such thing as depression or whatnot. I I'm like, you must know my mom, because I remember growing up, if I would tell my mom, you know, I'm feeling down, or you know, I I might be depressed. And my mom would always, do you know what you don't want me to tell you what depression is? So it's always it's always like that. So it's easier just to throw it on someone else if you want to have a conversation, because it's unc it's uncomfortable, and it's something uh you even say it in the book. When you look at the cover and all that, and I had to write this down because to me, clutter is like when somebody lives uh like those hoarders that they they have like 60 years full of magazines and newspapers and trash everywhere. But that's not what your definition of clutter clutter means shunned confrontations, the things you know you need to face, but don't. And we all have that not only in our work life, not only in our business, but it bleeds out everywhere. Include especially your personal relationships. You know, we all want we we all want the the hallmark, we all want the the movie, the romance. We we don't understand that that's fake, but if you want anything, you have to be vulnerable and you have to communicate, which is like, and if something's bothering you, that's why you know that clutter just you know, oh well, I don't want to rock the boat, things are going great. Maybe we'll talk about it. It's right, that's everybody says that you know, everything's going great. Why why I don't want to have this deep conversation or you know, why ruin the mood?
SPEAKER_04:We'll just agree to disagree.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. We'll we'll table it. We'll table what I I mean. Before you know it, it does you're the the inside of your spirit, inside of your mind looks like that clut that that literal clutter.
SPEAKER_05:And you know what the the danger is that I realize the hard way, Omar, is and I refer to it, you know, the concept of this one degree shift, it might seem small, it might seem that someone will forget, but you know what? It stays with you and it just keeps building. And over time, that gap between you and that other individual that is significant in your life, it just keeps widening to the point where after five, 10, 15, 20, whatever that time frame is, but after a certain duration of time, you just become very distant and you're scratching your head thinking, I just don't understand. Nothing major happened. Just this this constant uh tabling or agreeing to disagree or shoving it under the carpet or whatever it is for you, it just builds up over time.
SPEAKER_01:That that's how resentment builds up. And what usually happens though is you keep it keeps on building up in all a lot of major stuff. And what usually happens is something really minor upsets the person, they blow up, and the other person's like, are you or are are you blowing up because of this? Yeah, and it's like, no, I'm on cluttering. This is like five years or two years or or however because if if you you're gonna laugh, but I've I've taken so many personal development, and one of the things that you have what we do is we always go over the the minor things. You're five minutes late. Well, you're five minutes late every time with this person. Well, it it's not like you you have a clearing, you never go, hey, look, I it's my fault. I apologize. So what happens is you just go, you know, you you bury it a little deeper, and then overall, that other person, you don't know how how they feel about it. You don't respect them enough to be on time. So eventually, one one day, whatever, since you've never discussed why you're consistently late, because you wouldn't be late if this was a business meeting, you wouldn't be late if your life depended on it, but you treat this relationship like it's always going to be there, so who cares? So don't don't explain why you're late, and then you just keep on doing it. And and that's that that's how but that's how we operate, is that and it's not we can say it's selfish or whatnot, but a lot of times we just think everything is minor, but all those little minor things uh can build up to a huge mountain.
SPEAKER_05:Well, that's the thing, and it's not just with other people, it's also with the self. You know, when there's so many people who you you talk about what you just shared was taking people for granted. And it's it's it's kind of uh ironic that it's usually the people that matter the most in our lives. Because you like you said, you feel that they're just gonna be there, they're gonna hang around. But what about the what about yourself? You know, a lot of people take themselves the health for granted. Oh, and little things keep popping up and you go, yeah, you know, I'll but it's it's not a big enough slap in the face where you go, oh shit, like something needs to be done. And and like you said, when it does erupt, it's sometimes so bad that now you've been told, Oh, you now are gonna have to take medication for life, or you have this chronic disease. And you're like, How did I get here? Well, that's because you never paid attention to yourself, you kept taking yourself for granted as well. And it didn't just suddenly happen. It's been it's been building up progressively year after year after year.
SPEAKER_01:But it but it's always been there. We pretend we don't see it. I mean, I'm sorry, but if you if you're having a hard time bending over to put your shoes and you're out of breath, like you run a you ran a 5k, or you you walk a flight of stairs and you you act like they act like they're they're one of your Sherpa's help helping you go up to the mountain, and it's like, no, it was only 20 steps. But but it's like, oh oh my god, doctor, I didn't well now you're a size 42. You do did you take 42 and 44 waists as normal? You know, you don't have a mirror because you know, people it it's always great to uh play victim, it's always great. I remember the the show The Biggest Loser. Nobody could be accountable. Oh my god, I I'm shocked I wait that much. Really? Oh, I didn't I didn't realize eating two large pizzas every single day. In what world, you know, a six-year-old could tell you that. We we just pretend it's it's like, oh my gosh, I took that other person for granted. I can't believe they left. But let but let me just say, hey, you know, let me play victim on social media so I can get people to to give me the cyber hugs and give me the the the the love that and you know, but that's how we that's how people operate.
SPEAKER_05:But it's so important what you said about playing the victim. I mean, look, I I'm not gonna lie, like I was that guy, I was always Pointing outwards. I was saying it's it's my parents' fault, it's the educational system's fault, it's the government's fault, it's it was never my fault, it was always someone else's fault.
SPEAKER_01:But it's easy, isn't it? Especially now with social media. Yeah, if you post anything, you will find just the right amount of people to make you feel loved on in your victimhood. They'll be Sahel. You're you are so right, man. You're so right about the government. You're I I wish I could hug you. I apologize for for your parents, and people like, oh, you see, and and a lot of times, you know, that we they don't realize they're just like anchoring in the negative behavior, they're anchoring in the toxic traits because you're giving it's like a dog, you're giving them a snack, you're giving them a treat. So the person's like, oh wow, this is amazing. Maybe, maybe this behavior is is the way I should act.
SPEAKER_05:Absolutely. And I'll tell you what shifted for me. I know when I started making myself the first my first priority, because as a people pleaser, that's very difficult to do. But when I realized that I had to make myself the first priority, one of the things I realized was, hey, Sahel, every day you wake up and you're just on the run. Like you get up and it's go, go, go. And then by the time you get back, you're exhausted, you sleep, and it's next day repeat. How are you going to become a better version of yourself if you don't invest in yourself? And so I started having this morning ritual. And part of that, you know, due to this one other book I read, The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod, it talked about uh one of the things to do was having a positive affirmation. And the one that really gelled with me and and made me look in the mirror and say, Sahel, you are responsible for yourself, right? So it goes something like this I have the power to change my life for the better, to get it right and get the desired results. The key being I have the power. And that was so empowering because that started, that made me feel that I didn't have to point outwards anymore, that I can live the life I want to live. I am responsible for me, no one else. And that's when I started saying, okay, well, what's what's what are the what's the clutter that I'm carrying in my backpack? And how am I gonna start getting rid of it? I'm not gonna point outwards anymore. No more of this shit. It's it's time to make a change because I want to invest in myself and become a better version of me.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. And being a people pleaser, or uh because I completely get it when when when you're chasing something and when you're you're you think uh it's like uh I always laugh because I remember in in university they always Spanish class, you had to read Man of La Mancha, and they're always saying that Don Quixote was crazy, stupid, because he had Sancho or whatever the guy's name was, and he was chasing windmills, and he thought that the prostitute or or whatever was a virtuous princess. And years later, I realized the guy was happy. That's all, as long as you're happy, you don't need to justify, you don't need to go answer to anybody. The only validations they heal when you wake up and you're like, Oh my god, I'm so grateful to have one more day to be here. I'm happy. I will own, I will win today, but I will win today for me. Because man, that's tiring. If you're like, oh, I I need the approval of everybody, I and I live like that because you're you're gonna laugh. I I had all my my first book, I had all these positive reviews, and then someone left a a one and saying it was superficial. I I threw it in the recycling thing, and and it it it bust, you know, it it felt like that person said told me that my kids were evil or a personal attack on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was bad for a while, and then it I just did that mental shift, and then I woke up and I'm like, well, I'd like to see whomever wrote that. I want that person to write a book because it's it's way in disclosure, people, is before AI, so I I'll even give let that person write a book with AI or whatever, and then also, hey, he bought the book, so the joke's on him. But you know, instead of putting it to the recycle boy, you should have given it to someone. Maybe they would have gotten something out of it. But that's well, once you do that shift of like having to, you know, that we all have different clutter, you know, when it when it comes to decluttering, that's why I love you know, your four, there's four dimensions, people. And what I love about it is because I always talk about mind, body, spirit, my book, my podcast, everything. Yours is very similar, mind, body, relationships, home, and material life. And to me, right, if there's you'll never see someone that's failing in one thing, and everything else, they're rock stars and they're succeeding. There's doesn't life just seem to bleed. It it's like in the Titanic, right? There was a hole, small holes is what brought the boat down, yeah. And it brought everything down. Because you know, everybody was led to believe you know it blew up, you know, it hit it. But no, what happens is you take on if your mind's not right, definitely you might be in great shape, but if your mind's out of whack, your body's gonna definitely have all that clutter. And then you're shit.
SPEAKER_05:And you know, I I before I get into that, I I want to kind of pin down on that story where you got the one-star review. You know, when I when I look at reviews, the reality is whether it's a review, whether it's someone cutting me off on the road, whether it's someone who got angry at me for whatever reason that that uh that makes no sense to me. I just go now. Rather than being judgmental, I often ask myself, I wonder what's going on in their mind. You know, maybe they're just having a bad day.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah, especially to ruin your day because because somebody cuts you off. What? You don't know if they they're a horrible driver. But but yes, I've uh everybody's been there until you actually work on yourself that you know which should only be that split second because it, you know, you're that adrenaline's pumping in you, you that knee jerk, you the caveman in us think that a tyrannosaurus rex or something's chasing us. But after that, man, let it go. Who cares? Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05:And then the other thing is, and and this is where the you know it it ties up with the people pleasing as well. I re I realize even a clown can't make everyone happy at the circus. So if a clown can't make everyone happy, making everyone happy is is an impossible task. So I set myself up for 100% failure, it's just not possible. And when I realized that, I said, you know what, everyone's gonna react or or you know, have an opinion. That's just the way life is. As long as I'm comfortable in my own skin and I've done it with the right intentions, which is from a place of love rather than a place of fear, then it really doesn't matter. And like you said, just let it go, you know, they have their perspective, and that's okay.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. And you said it best, or are here here's an example. If Disney Disney World doesn't have 100% approval, Apple Computers doesn't, Starbucks doesn't, how are you and I supposed to have everybody think we're amazing? And the moment you realize you because what what people want to do too is a lot of times, especially in business, is be vanilla. Try try to be middle of the road and not niche, and believe that everybody and anybody is your customer, is your prospect, is your client. No, it's absolute that that that's failure right there.
SPEAKER_05:100 man, 100. I share a story. So, you know, you're talking about my book, Break Free A Guide to Decluttering Your Life. The next book which I'm working on, where my co-author is Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, you know, one of the top executive coaches worldwide and four times New York Times bestseller. When when we're when we're putting the book together and I we were coming up with the concept, the original concept which I brought to him, he said, Sahel, you know, as a mentor, he goes, Sahel, honestly, this is not gonna work. And I said, and you know, I was taken aback. I put in a lot of effort with the outline and everything. And he said, Sahel, it's not gonna work because you it's just another leadership book. What makes you think anyone's gonna buy this? That you know, we're gonna put all this hard work in together, but no one's gonna buy it because it's just another leadership book. There's plenty of leadership books out there that are crushing it. He goes, You need to be hyperniched. You know, we need to be hyper-niche. What is the target audience we're going after? And then once once we started to hyper niche, because at the end of the day, I don't need a billion customers. I just need, you know, if I get if I get if I look at coaching as as my one of my businesses, if I'm having 10 active clients at any given time, I'm happy because I'm running three businesses. I can't have 10 coaching clients every single day. It's just too much for me because I have other things going on, and I have my hobbies and my family time and et cetera, which I don't want to give up. So we hyperniched, and now it's for a smaller audience, but it's big enough for us. Exactly. And it's it's very powerful as a result of that. So I what you said is so true that you you you one size fits all, is is it just doesn't work overall. I mean, you're not gonna be a Coca-Cola or this or that. Well, you may, you know, I'm not sorry, I don't want to offend any of the audience members. You might be that big one day, but in reality, it's very hard to get to that space, and most people are operating where you have to be unique because if they think of that space, they got to think of you. But if you're playing vanilla in the middle of the pack, no one's thinking of you.
SPEAKER_01:Well, Sahel, with your book, you could have gone two routes. You you could have been like, screw it. Why am I gonna write a leadership book? John Maxwell has like 30 of the same book, he just rearranges his chapters around. You could have been like that, or you could have been like, you know what? This this is what so many people I'm gonna be a carbon copy of John Maxwell because everybody wants to be a carbon copy of their favorite guru. There's plenty, there's already a John Maxwell, there's already an Anthony Robbins, there's already a Grant Cardone, but there's just one version of you. So just be the best version of yourself. Quit trying to pretend everybody's story is their superpower, but a lot of times they don't want to unleash that because you know they want to play in the middle, or yeah, I just want to be just like my guru. Well, you're not.
SPEAKER_05:And Omar, the reality is when when you are wearing that mask which takes you away from being your authentic self, the question you have to ask yourself, and this is really what struck me as I was on my journey, and you know, I lost a few relationships along the way, it's because the people were friends with the fake me. And so when I became my authentic self and I was comfortable in my own skin, and I said yes when I wanted to say yes, and no when I wanted to say no, all of a sudden these folks were like, Well, I you know, that doesn't work for me. And I said, That's great, I get it. You know, I if that that's the choice you make, that's the choice you made, and it made decluttering people a lot easier for me. Uh, but the reality is when I'm in my element, there's so much more joy in my life. And I'm gonna give you this one example. I was on this retreat with fellow entrepreneurs, and this was kind of the start of my journey, which kick started writing this book. On the retreat, we all agreed to no no judgment. And I took that very literally. Like this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't have to pretend to be someone I'm not, and I could just be me. Now, one evening we're dining at this restaurant and they have this entertainment going on. They have acrobats, they've got a singer, they've got um, you know, musicians, etc. You get you get what I mean, right? One act after the other. We're sitting right next to the stage, like my arm is on the stage. That's how close I am. The final act, dancers come up. This one of the dancers, this lady, she looks at me and says, Come up. And like the previous me, who's who's afraid of judgment, would have done everything. Look the other way, go fall back in my seat, pick up my phone like I'm busy, you know, making a million-dollar deal or something to dance. That's the reality. And I said, You know what? I don't care what anyone else thinks. I love to dance, I'm just gonna do it. And I went up on stage and I just felt liberated because I didn't care what anyone else thought. And what was magical, at the end of it, she wraps her arms around me and flings her legs up. And I go, Oh lord, like I have to catch her. Fortunately, fortunately, I did. But but imagine, Omar, she had more confidence in me than I had in myself, and she just met me. And that was a real opener for me. And I said, Oh my goodness, like why why do I have this fear, fear of what other people think? Because when I was myself, I was liberated. I felt so much joy, I felt like I was in my element, and that's when it attracted other people as well. People enjoyed being around me as well.
SPEAKER_01:Because I wasn't trying to be anyone else. Because you are 100%, you you let your guard down. Because you know how many times people look at that dance floor, and well, the the first thing is if somebody's dancing off beat or whatnot, most people are dancing off beat, but what oh yeah, look at that idiot. I'm glad I'm not out there looking, and you know what? The guy doesn't care 100%, you know, and a lot of times it's funny because the the the knee-jerk reaction when you see somebody an ugly guy or whatnot, and he's he's with the woman, an attractive woman. First, oh, he's gotta, he's gotta be like a Rockefeller or a Vanderbilt, he's gotta have a Porsche. Maybe he just had the confidence and belief in himself, and he asked her out and she said yes. Yeah, absolutely, right? But but yet, you know, we always come, we we always there's there's always a reason why she's with him, and that's it. Instead of just being like, Well, you know, you you miss all the shots you don't take. So a lot of us like being on the sidelines.
SPEAKER_05:Well, I love I love the story you shared, Omar. I was on a flight recently. Normally I take the window seat because I I just don't like anyone disturbing me. So I love the window because I sit there, and then if I need the bathroom, I disturb someone else, but no one disturbs me. Um, but for some reason I booked a bit late and I could only get an aisle seat. Okay, that's fine. Still better than the middle seat. Anyway, I'm on the flight, uh, on this short domestic flight, and uh a girl comes along and she sits by the window. Then someone else comes along a bit later, uh, a male, and he's looking and he's looking at his ticket, and then he goes, Um, I think you're in my seat. He tells that to the girl. And in my head, I'm thinking, No way, no way is he gonna give up his seat because any day a window is better than the middle seat. And then she just asked, Is it okay if I sit here and you sit in the middle? And in my head again, I'm thinking, no chance. He's gonna say, absolutely not. And he said, Okay. So the the the lesson that I learned over there is, and my dad used to tell me this all the time you don't ask, you don't get.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I was, and it's funny for a guy that pod, you know, podcast, head X, all this crap, I had the biggest fear of rejection. Because to me, I felt like the whole world would know any type of rejection. If I asked out a girl, the Miami Herald would find out CNN, everybody, you know, so rejection was like you know, the the biggest fear, and it's like it after you know, once you get past that, that life is way easier. You know, once that my mindset shifted, I had it was like, you know, I'm I'm with a woman now, but if I I was single and somebody gave me a challenge of asking out 20 random people, women, not just say people, women, just women, 20 women, or ask them for their phone number or anything like that, I can do it. And if they all said no, my my mind would be like, oh man, well, you know what? They're lost, but the old me, I'd just to ask out one, I'd I'd probably be like perspiring, and it was like you know, a a billion people with like like this the stage. I would be in the middle of the stage with the you know the light on, and everybody's okay, this is Omar. He is going to ask out this woman, and we know she's gonna say no, and it's like, but but yeah, it it was it it was actually uh um in college I I learned how to get over all that. I I actually went away from co to college to a place that I didn't know anybody because all this was not me, it was the city of Miami that was the problem. So then when I I went away for school, I realized maybe it's not the place, maybe it's just me wherever I go. I'm such an introvert that nobody's gonna want that. There was so much clutter everywhere inside my head that yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Well, you know, it it the thing I always tell people is you have to keep practicing. Because what you just shared reminded me of a very recent experience. Even though I've written this book, I have the tools, and since I've written the book, I have even more tools. A recent example, as recent as December. I sorry, November. I took I organized a retreat in the mountains in Bhutan. And prior to that, I had organized a parent-child retreat. Now no one signed up for the parent-child retreat, even though the one that I did the year before was a super success. And so I canceled it. And then for the Bhutan retreat, no one signed up either. So I'm about to cancel. And I'm, you know, the voice in my head immediately defaults to it must be me. Always. Yeah, it must be me. People don't, I they don't like my retreats. They don't think I did a good job. And I've already forgotten the hugely successful ones I did previously. And then I get one person registering and then another and then another. And then you know it ends up happening. And I told them on the retreat, I said, you know, I almost didn't make this happen. And they said, Why? Your retreats are amazing. I mean, I had someone who out of the five retreats, they've come on four. I had another one who came for the third time, I had another one who came twice. They all love it. And that's why they come again. But I realized that it wasn't me, the individual, the person, it was my communication. I only announced it eight weeks prior. And the reality is, Omar, people plan, people have things in their calendar.
SPEAKER_01:Especially something like that. Yeah. Oh, well, hey, next week can we go to potato? Oh, of course. And they told me they sold out.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, and and they all told me, they said, Sahil, don't stop doing this because we love it, and and others will love it too. We're gonna spread the word, but just please announce it earlier. But how quickly, even though I talk about this, even though I've written about this, that I default to myself. So I always tell people you have to keep practicing, it's not something that goes away. Yeah, you just get better at managing it, right? And when I say managing it, processing it and and and understanding that no, Sahil, it's not you. Understand what happened, these are the elements that went wrong next time. Communicate in advance because everyone's given you a high rating, everyone had such a great time in the previous retreats. Why are you thinking it's you? But again, it's so quick, it's so easy to default to the self when something goes wrong.
SPEAKER_01:It must be here. You this our conversation almost never happened. This was like last year, year four, by the way, and like three straight guests no showed. Oh wow, yeah, and once in a blue moon, but it was like back to and I'm like, Yeah, maybe you know, maybe it's me. Maybe who wants to be on my show? Who am I? Who wants to have a conversation with me? Maybe this just sucks, man. Maybe it's because you know, and it's always the I'm not good enough. Well, you know, I'm not Andy Frasella, maybe it's because I'm not Ed my Let. Oh so and then it was like then sometimes just random, sometimes things happen for a reason. Somebody just DM'd me and said, you know, it was like when I'm on the road long distance, I love listening to your podcast. They DM'd me on my and on Facebook, and I looked at that, I'm like, oh my gosh. And then it's funny because when whenever I tell people why did I do everything, it's like if I could only influence one person, if I can change a person's life, maybe two people, maybe start a movement, three or four. Well, that doesn't sound like the guy that's crying because he got a bad review, or two people, three people, no showed. So sometimes you just have to quit playing the the Titanic soundtrack. And you but you you and that's why, yes, you have to realize you can there's always gonna be that hidden clutter that's it from your past that's like aha, you see, I told you, and you just have to be louder than that voice.
SPEAKER_05:Absolutely. You remind me of when I was when it was the final send that I had to press on this email, which was for the manuscript for the book. And once I clicked on send, that was it. It was gonna go into it was gonna get published, right? And and then I'm just hesitating. I'm like, do I click? Do I click? You know, I got the only subject I didn't get an A in school was English language. Um, I'm not a writer. You know, what if people criticize my book? Again, all those voices, the past was creeping up on me. And then, like you, I said, well, what would make you happy? Because, you know, again, when when there's fear, there's so much focus on the fear. It's a bit like uh, you know, I also enjoy go-karting, so I race go-karts. And where your focus goes, that where your focus goes, that's where you will drive, right? So always so when you when you know, when I'm on the track going at a high speed, when I have to turn left, my head is already turned left, and then the rest of my body, because I'm looking in the direction I need to go, and then the steering wheel and the cart will go left. I'm not looking straight at the wall that's approaching me at a very fast speed, because if I keep focusing there, I'm gonna crash. And that's what fear does. You're just focusing on the fear, and then you're just in it all the time. And I and rather than what will life look like when I overcome? Exactly. Right? What will life look like when I overcome? So I ask myself, what will life look like if I overcome? Well, it could help one person. Wow, that's just like you said, that's great. If one person has a better life as a result of reading this book or listening to the audiobook, I'm I'm a happy man. But here's the thing, and this is what I didn't realize when I click send, the first person that book helped was me.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly.
SPEAKER_01:That's that's powerful, but it but it's so true. When people uh ask me, like, why do I when I do videos on TikTok or Instagram, the the origin of the story was uh my ex-wife's best friend had a teenage son, and it was like one minute videos on personal development, but then it grew from that, and then overall, the person that I was coaching is the person that I've been coaching my whole life. It's me, and the book, the book is is for me, and the reason why it took me into my late 40s to write the first and then the second book was uh I always compared myself uh to all these other writers. But before I thought I was gonna be a fiction writer, and then it was just like, Well, I can't be as good as Stephen King, I can't be as good as like Chuck Palnik and all these different writers. But that's okay, the world, like, but you know, just say it's the same thing with gurus. Nobody wants another guy writing the same style as that, and and that's fine. And what once you realize that that you are worthy, you know, because that that fear of rejection, the fear of judgment, the fear of oh, I'm not good enough, that's a hundred times all of that. The the opponent is the person that's inside you. Because the the the world's not gonna be like, oh Say heel, you wrote this book. But you say that, you know, we say that, like, oh, and or I would I would always be like, Oh, you know, only two people are gonna buy three people are gonna buy my book. Well, my mom, and she's not gonna read it because she's never watched a podcast or anti-personal development. She still calls the man Anthony Roberts. So she doesn't know who Anthony Robbins is, she doesn't know what her son does. And my two kids. Well, at the time I'd have to buy them a copy, anyways. But you know what? More than the more than three copies were sold. And as long as because I I remember somebody was asked interviewing me about a TED would a TEDx change my life, and then they they try to be profound. What if you wrote another three, four, five books in your life? You might do another TED talk, and you know, you do speeches here and there, but that's it. And I'm like, what do you mean that's it? And he's like, You're never, you're never famous, you're never this, you're never that. And I'm like, would he's like, would you find that to be success? And I'm like, heck yeah. And another thing, I never do any of this for success for to be a rock star or to I'm socially awkward. I don't want people, I couldn't imagine complete strangers talking, oh hey, I love your book and all that. So, you know, I I don't see myself on Oprah ever. That's not my personality, and that's not why I do it. And then also our books, we're not gonna we're we're not gonna be competing with because people want to check out fiction. Fiction is always that's why they always have to have like the New York Times fiction and nonfiction, because a self-help, a business book, a business, uh, any book that'll change your life for the better will would never even hit the top 100 if it wasn't for fiction. And people can't see themselves the hero of their own story. That's why we have to check out and and read someone else's some fictional story, some some fictional Luke Skywalker or Indiana Jones.
SPEAKER_05:But I love what you said. You wrote, you know, you wrote it for yourself. That's that's what it comes down to. It it's it's and everyone has a story, everyone's got a book.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, 100%.
SPEAKER_05:You know, you see, you talk to you can talk up talk to anyone, and everyone's got an interesting story, everyone's got an amazing perspective. So who says you can't do it because you can't?
SPEAKER_01:For sure, brother. The the number one thing, though, is it's like what here how would you describe the clutter in the mind of your average person? And I and I'm not talking about somebody that that that's wakes up, gratitude. I'm talking about your everyday person that that goes on social media, argues with someone because they don't have the same political social views, etc. A person that just operates and thinks this is it is what it is. This is as good as it gets, my life.
SPEAKER_05:So look, I that's just my opinion, right? I I I I it's it's very hypothetical, but what I will share is something based on research that I've done, which is gonna be a slight modification to the question you asked, but I feel it proves a really solid point. So I've interviewed more than a hundred business owners, and all of them based on this the definition of success, that is kind of an uh inherited one in society, which is fame and fortune, if we assume that for a second. Although I, you know, I find that strange because we all have our own fingerprint that's unique to ourselves, yet many of us follow the same definition of success. That makes no sense. Uh and you know, that's another topic altogether about defining success for yourself. But when I was interviewing these people and I looked at the top seven behavioral challenges that they were facing that were inhibiting their growth, one of them, which was really surprising to me, the others I was like, yeah, that makes sense, that makes sense. One was comparison to others and feeling that they're not reaching their full potential. And these are all people with a net worth of seven figures running multi-million dollar businesses, and still they felt that they were not reaching their full potential, and you know, it was caused a lot by comparing to others. So whether you're starting off your career, you're the CEO, you're a founder, whatever it is, it doesn't mean it's going to change. That clutter has stayed with you. And until you don't process it, until you don't understand where it's coming from, and use tools and guides to get you over that hump to remove that clutter, the next promotion, the next paycheck, the next whatever is not going to suddenly change your life. Exactly. Miserable poor, you're going to be miserable rich, right? I mean, that's that's it's that mindset that is being carried with you.
SPEAKER_01:Well, what people don't realize too is money is just a a tool. You you you can be an asshole poor, you can be an asshole rich, you can be beyond happy and be poor, and you can be wealthy and happy. Oh my god, I can't believe that millionaire killed himself. Oh my god, that that famous movie star. Well, well, once again, it's because it's a tool that doesn't that that doesn't there's no well if you reach past$87,525, once you cross this line, then that's happiness below that is unhappy. But but that that's how people operate. But you this is a question uh since since relationship clutter. I I have to ask it because it by by it'll be out our episode in a couple weeks, and I know Valentine's is big. How does someone know the difference between a relationship that needs a conversation and one that needs an exit?
SPEAKER_05:This is the way that I would approach it, and this is how uh when I'm working with my clients, this is how they I share with them. The first thing is you have to understand many things are in your own head. The other person is not good, the other person is not bad. They're just themselves. How you react to it, that's what you control. Right? You can't control the other person, but you can control you. You can't change anyone else, but you can change yourself. But what's happening is we think we're in control, but in reality, many times we're the puppet and someone else is the puppet master. Because every time you see a person, it makes, you know, let's say it's someone that affects you in a negative way, you cringe or it brings back these memories, etc., etc. And so they're controlling your emotion whether you know it or not. So it's very important to identify that. And again, you have the power to change your life for the better. So whenever someone triggers an emotion, I sometimes ask myself, one, where's that emotion? Where's that, what's that trigger, first of all? Because it may not even be that person. I'm actually I'm always happy when someone triggers my emotion because it means that there's something unresolved inside of me. Right? But if it's someone who's intentionally trying to harm me, that's a very different story altogether. If someone is intentionally harming me, that is a relationship where an exit is required. But if someone is harming you but they don't know it, it's just their nature, or but you just can't accept it for whatever reason, that doesn't mean that relationship needs to exit. That's a question for yourself. Why is this trigger being pressed? What is the source of it? How can I overcome it? Let me get the tools to become a better version of myself so I'm not triggered by that person anymore, and I'm no longer the puppet. Sounds like some of my relationships in my past, but maybe we still have some of them today. And and then the reality is um when when it's someone who's not trying to intentionally harm you, but you're still getting harmed for whatever reason in your head, it begs the question, why not have a conversation? And you might find that in, you know, again, like in me, the people pleaser, I would think, oh my God, if I open up and I have this conversation, it's gonna turn into an argument. Let's just keep the peace. I'm not gonna have the discussion. But I didn't realize that, like I told you before, it just meant that the distance kept increasing over time between us. And so I realized that in order to have a conversation with someone, I had to set a couple of ground rules for myself. And I would tell myself that what you know, these are the things that I would often ask myself. One, what is the state of mind I'm in? Because if I go into that conversation with fear, it's not, you know, or any sort of emotion that's pulling me down, it's gonna make that conversation a lot harder. So, how can I enter the conversation with something that elevates me instead? Another thing I would always make sure is that I'm in a in a space where there's very few distractions, if no distractions. If I try to have an important conversation in the middle of a train station with someone, it's it's probably not gonna work out that well. It's just too much noise and distraction. And the third thing I'd ask myself is what is the outcome that I'm looking for? Because I used to sometimes woke go get into a conversation just in in fight mode, and I didn't really have any desire of what I mean, clarity of what I wanted the outcome to be. And the conversation would just go south. But if I know what I would like, the first thing I usually tell them is, this is why I would like to have a conversation with you, because this is this is the outcome I'm looking for. So at least they understand, because otherwise, you know, you may say something that triggers them, and then suddenly the conversation goes sideways. But what I've what I've realized, and then this is with in the case of um my partner, my spouse, we also co-created, and I say co-created because if I come up with this, she may say, Well, you came up with it, I didn't even think it was a good idea, and or vice versa. But we co-created the rules of engagement when we wanted to have those tougher conversations. And if any one of us went out of line, we we agreed to hold each other accountable to get back on track. And so when we're having our conversations about these relationships, we're oh where it's a safe space to open up, to understand each other, to understand each other's perspectives without losing our temper, but coming in from a place of curiosity rather than judgment, and we're able then to have those difficult conversations. And what I realized, Omar, is in many cases, what I thought was going to be an argument in my head, it was just an argument in my head. In reality, it turned out to be a constructive conversation in many, many, many cases, maybe not all, but in many of them. So it's it's amazing how in our own mind is preventing us from doing things because we've built all these fascinating stories of which most of them don't come true.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, completely, completely. But that's why it's called what if it did work? Because we always focus on the opposite, and we always focus on the worst case scenario. We always believe that death. It's like that person, and we all have that dramatic friend. Oh my gosh, that they they they're like the Pope. They feel like they need to kiss the ground because they they landed and Have to take these drugs. It's like you have a higher probability of winning the lottery than being in the plane crash. What is wrong with you to feel that way? Oh, oh, oh. Statistics, you know, break that fear. Plain and simple. Quit quit focusing on something that's never gonna happen. And but that's that's what literally stops us. And and Sahel, we live in a TikTok world where you know we're taking away time from people scrolling and people watching the or they're still waiting for that super secret episode of Stranger Things. So you know, I have to ask you though, where can people follow you and get deeper into the breakfree work?
SPEAKER_05:The best place, Omar, is my website. There's a there's a webinar that I offer on my website, which only costs you time and energy. It's complementary. And it kind of gets you onto this foundation, which is three steps of what does success look like for you? What is the baggage that you're carrying in your backpack as you climb your metaphorical mountains? And what are some daily rituals you can do to ensure that you take steps forward every day? So if you go to www.sahilmetha.com slash success, which is www.sou meh.com slash success. That's that's a great place to start. My contact details are there, and I always love a fun conversation, so reach out to me.
SPEAKER_01:Not only that, break free. You gave me a copy, a literal copy, and it's signed by you. You're gonna laugh. There, there's a a CEO that I had. Usually I'll get a digital copy, but the the CEO of this publicly traded corporation that I had refused. And like at the very beginning, before we started taping, I'm like, well, you know, uh, it would have been a much greater episode. Because to me, if somebody wants a copy of my stuff, have at it. But this guy was like, uh it was just tongue in cheek. And his answer was like, oh, so do you want to postpone it so you can have time to buy your copy on the book? I'm like, sure, brother, whatever, whatever, man. If if you're if you're not if you're living in scarcity, you're like that. But if you're living in abundance and you you your heart and our hearts are together because we're in service, so help others. It's like, oh my gosh, man, did that would that really have and it was a digital copy that was asking for uh on any book because hey, you know, and it it's literally could could it be much harder? You can tell I've read this because I've been asking you and I'd listened to it. So, yes, please buy the book, and you can download it on Audible. So it's so he'll actually doing it, it's not someone else. I hate when an author does that has someone because that's not their work, this is your work. And I have to ask you, this this I always and I have two questions, but this one we we read this book. Let's say someone out in the abyss, someone that's never done the work. If someone wants to break free but feels stuck, what's the first step within 24 hours, in your opinion?
SPEAKER_05:Great question. For all of you that are listening, here's a quick exercise. It just takes two minutes of your time in the evening before you go to bed, or any, you know, any time before you're too tired, get a pen and paper. Um and I say that because I don't want the distraction of the phone or the tablet, which might have notifications and stuff, and just answer the following two questions. The first question is, what drained my energy levels today? And the second question is, what elevated my energy levels today? And if you repeat that for days or weeks, depending on how it is for you, over time you're just gonna start to notice patterns that there are things that keep repeating in your life that are draining your energy levels. Guess what, folks? That's clutter. That's something that's not being addressed. You're shunning that confrontation. Now's the time to address it. Because then you can get rid of that energy drainer. And the things that are elevating your energy on a regular basis, see how you can do more of those. Simple exercise, only two minutes each evening, and it's gonna be a great way to start this initiative of breaking free.
SPEAKER_01:Wow, I love that answer. And this is the final question.
SPEAKER_02:Sahel What does a zero regret life mean to you?
SPEAKER_05:It starts well, if you look at what's on the opposite end of the spectrum of regret, it's fulfillment. And in order to live a life of fulfillment, it's important not to live the inherited definition of success, but define what success means to you. It's never one thing, it's never just money, it's never just health, it's never just relationships. I always say think of seven things. You know, you have the seven summits in the world, the seven tallest mountains on each of the continents. What are the seven most important things for you that make up your definition of success? Define what those are because you get to design the life that you want to live. And when you do that, you are more fulfilled, you're moving away from regret, and you get what we're all searching for, which is that inner peace.
SPEAKER_02:Brother, thank you for two things.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you for the book. I love the book, it's one of my favorite books, and it's autographed, it's signed by you. So that put a bigger pleasure. And two, you gave me the most valuable resource. You gave me your time, you gave me your undivided attention for an hour. So, on behalf of my audience, and especially me, because I'm selfish, maybe I've just listened to all these episodes for me. Thank you.
SPEAKER_05:Absolute pleasure, and thank you. I've learned so much from this conversation, and I look forward to the next one.
SPEAKER_01:For the next your next book, you better be on.