Smells Like Teen Parent
This podcast is for adolescents and the adults who annoy them. You want to have a good relationship with your teen and you also have to get them ready for the real world. Jenny Debevec, a nationally certified counselor and consultant with 20 years working with teens, helps you maintain your sense of humor, offering motivation, advice, and support as we walk this sometimes smelly road. You will hear fun discussions and let’s get real interviews with parents, kids, and experts about topics like college applications, sex and gender identity, social media, relationships, learning disabilities, parent self-care, puberty, and more! If you need a laugh, a little advice or just want to know you’re not alone, listen in.
Smells Like Teen Parent
Episode 23 Student Spotlight: Autism, Advocacy & Power-Ups with Gabriel
Welcome to Smells Like Teen Parent, the podcast for adolescents and the adults who well sometimes annoy them. I'm your host, jenny DeBevick, a nationally certified counselor and academic consultant with 20 years of experience working with young people and the grown-ups who love them. Due to popular request, I'm bringing you another student spotlight episode, where teens step up to the mic to talk candidly about the challenges they face and the steps they're taking to make their world just a little bit better. Now, april was Autism Awareness Month, but here at Smells Like Teen Parent, we're not about limiting important conversations to a single month. So today, just a week into May, we are thrilled to introduce Gabriel, a 17-year-old with autism who is also an artist, a gamer and an emerging advocate. In this honest, illuminating episode, gabriel shares how he first noticed he was different from his siblings, his experience navigating school challenges, and supports what it was like getting tested and why the testing process needs more transparency, his journey towards self-advocacy, resilience and discovering his passions and his hopes for a more inclusive world that celebrates difference. You'll hear articulate reflections, surprising humor and that kind of wisdom that reminds us advocacy isn't just a grown up skill or a political one. It's a human one. But before we dive in. Make sure you download this episode and text it to your group chats, your PTA and your D&D group and, of course, your mom. Let's keep this conversation going.
Speaker 1:This episode is brought to you by EO Essentials, the personal care brand born in a 10 gallon stock pot in a San Francisco garage. For 30 years, eo has been elevating daily routines into treasured rituals through sleek blue bottles, sustainable ingredients and scents that make you want to slow down and breathe deep. They believe that essential oils transcend boundaries, bringing beauty, function and intention to every bottle. And though the pots are bigger now, their small-batch mindset and commitment to people and the planet remain. Eo essential oils intentional living, everyday magic. All right, player one. It is time to press start Up. Next is my interview with Gabriel, a 17 year old with next level insight, boss level resilience and enough self-awareness to unlock secret worlds most adults haven't even discovered yet. From navigating school like a tricky Mario Kart track to collecting power-ups in the form of self-advocacy and support, gabriel's story is full of real talk, big heart and a few emotional warp pipes. You like that, you got it. Let's go.
Speaker 2:My name is Gabriel, I am 17 years old and I am on the autism spectrum.
Speaker 1:What values do you hold for yourself?
Speaker 2:The values that I bring with me, is very hardworking, I'm very determined, I'm creative and I love to solve problems. Every individual who is autistic has a special interest like dinosaurs, trains, cars it's Super Mario, kind of like a story. When I was young, living with my grandma, we would have like all these toys for me and my siblings cars, horses and, I guess, dolls and what my siblings would do. They would just, you know, play with them normally and all that stuff. But my grandpa observed that when I would play with the toys instead of playing with them normally, I would line them up and that was like an early trait that he noticed when I was young, compared to both my siblings so that was sort of early recognition that you might think about things differently than others, other kids, what's something that makes you you?
Speaker 2:I definitely think it's the way that I get through problems and solve, solve issues in like a very different way, because most of the people I've known and talked to they usually get through, like you know, situations like say like, say like for school, for example, like a math problem, or I don't know a problem for a project.
Speaker 2:They would know, like what the rules and like outlines are and they would, but uh, for me, I usually have a difficulty like explaining what I'm being, I'm being asked to do.
Speaker 2:What I do is, since my special interest is Super Mario, I tend to use a lot of like the logic and ideas and knowledge from the game to help me with with situations Like, for example, I remember when, when my mom helped me open up a bank account and whenever I would like deposit money into my, I would have trouble figuring out what it meant to deposit and withdraw money, very confused with, like you know, terminology. It was until I started playing a game called Super Mario Galaxy. In that game there's a part in the game where you can store the in-game currency to character running a bank. There's a menu that shows up with an arrow pointing up to the character saying deposit and then an arrow pointing down to Mario, saying withdraw, and then I was like, oh, that that's what it's like. So ever since then, whenever we go to the bank, I just that's the first thing that comes up in my head, and that way it helps me to know what it means to deposit and withdraw my money.
Speaker 1:I love that imagery. How long have you known that you were on the autism spectrum? You're 17 right now. When did your family talk to you about it?
Speaker 2:Speaking for my parents. They had like signs and they knew that I stood out from both my siblings. I'm the youngest in the family. I have an older brother and an older sister.
Speaker 2:They definitely noticed this when I went to elementary school, which, compared to my siblings, I would usually be the kid who would want to be isolated, who really disliked loud noises and would have meltdowns whenever things just didn't go my way.
Speaker 2:They decided to test me to see if I was neurodivergent. At the time they thought I had ADHD because I shared like a lot of traits of ADHD or like I would get pulled from class and I was like thinking, oh, am I in trouble? Nobody explained it to you. I was clueless on what was going on and I'm not sure if anybody explained to me what was going on when I was in fifth grade. I was transferring schools to another school because I wasn't getting the support that you know, tell me with my classes and I remember at the time I was thinking, was thinking oh, is this like testing to get into another school was until I did my last test that summer and then that summer I went to a summer camp saying I'm saying a lot of summer, uh that break I went to a summer camp and I remember getting into the car with my dad.
Speaker 2:We take the, we take the freeway to the place of my summer camp and then I'm like in the back like so excited, like jumping in up and down the seat like oh my gosh, I'm so excited for this camp. And then we enter the freeway, turns off the radio. He's in the driver's seat, he turns around with his shoulder in the seat and he goes. Okay, gabe, so you have autism I love that story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just I gotta soften it for you. There you go. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2:I think. I think it was a good way for him to spill the beans while I was doing all the testing. Then I was asking him what? What is autism? And then he explained to me that it just means that you think differently, but shouldn't never feel ashamed of it. You should feel proud that you think differently. During that break I was questioned what is this thing that I hold and what does it mean to everybody else? I was asking, like all my friends and family, and they all said the same thing that you know. It's just that your brain functions differently compared to everybody else.
Speaker 1:Well, one of the questions I had was you had mentioned that you weren't receiving the sort of support that you needed at school, and I was wondering what did that look like? What did a lack of support look like versus what does support look like for you?
Speaker 2:I didn't receive any of the support to help me with my classes. I would lose focus like really easily. I would get very overwhelmed with topics that were just too complex for me to understand. And they didn't have support classes, they didn't have um, didn't have stuff like IEPs or 504s there, so I was just stuck in the classroom where everybody would get through the, would get through the assignment in a breeze, and I would just be there like, just just like scratching my head wondering what's? What does this mean? I just don't understand.
Speaker 1:And there was no modification in your, in your curriculum or your assignments because there were no special ed resources for you at these particular schools. Do I have that right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was exactly that. But when I was in fifth grade and I was doing the testing, my teacher explained to me that that she noted that I wanted, wanted to, you know, be alone with you know, doing my work, and at the time of the testing she decided to. She said to let me work on some of my personal projects. So she took me out of the work that everybody else was doing and she let me work on some of my personal projects that I was working on. At the time I got moved to the back of the classroom and I remember it was one recess we go out to play. Then I walk up to her and ask her hey, I noticed you moved in the back. Did I get in trouble?
Speaker 1:You were always worrying about getting in trouble, weren't you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was ever. I would like, you know, get in trouble like in the classroom or just be misbehaving. The teacher would just like move my desk like somewhere, like a like away from the other kids. And when that happened, that moment I was like I got moved but I didn't do anything. So then I was asking her and then she says oh no, no, no, no, no, you're not in trouble, that's your special work spots where you can work on whatever you want. I was like, oh okay, I don't get it.
Speaker 1:You still didn't understand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I still didn't understand why I was moved.
Speaker 1:So interesting to hear this from your perspective and just how probably adults make decisions for little kids maybe, who think differently all the time or who are struggling, and that there's maybe a lack of explaining to children. This is why we're doing this thing, and so it's interesting that kids automatically and I'm sure you're not the only one who's like I must be in trouble right or there's something wrong with me, rather than like no, this is to help you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Good for educators to kind of note that. What are some things that have helped you?
Speaker 2:Some things that have helped me just growing up. In general, I guess one important thing was knowing that the the whole world just isn't gonna end if I do something wrong, which is, for example, like whenever I would play a game with my friends and something just didn't go right. I would just assume, okay, my day's over, everything's just all over, like, okay, I should just start panicking. I just remember, like going through like school and just walking out in the building just crying on many days, and whenever I would like get home, I would just be still be thinking about it, thinking like, oh, what's it going to be like when I get back? They're all going to look at me with you know, here's the kid who like messed up our game and all that stuff. I'll be in my room and I would just be like, oh, wow, I have I can distract myself to help, like, cope with these emotions.
Speaker 1:So having sort of a safe, well-known environment is one of your coping tools.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, definitely going to like comfortable and familiar places helps me like cope with very like cold emotions. I was getting into some arguments at some point during middle school and then and then I was like thinking, do I want to like spend all my time with them and let it bring me down? Remember like I was like trying to like space myself away and I was like looking outside. I was like, oh wow, this is beautiful. Definitely got me into like exploring the world around me and it kind of got me into photography as well, because I just admire like the different places around me that I explore and it just gives me a massive sense of peace.
Speaker 1:You mentioned photography.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely helped me in like situations where I would feel like stressed or overwhelmed, because I guess the way I put it is that you're diving into, like the world of photography and with it you're discovering, like, like a lot about yourself.
Speaker 1:Wow, what? What are some other things that have helped you feel understood or helped you make friends at school?
Speaker 2:I guess the thing that has helped me make a lot of friends at school is knowing that, just like me, they're different too. When I transferred in sixth grade, I met most of my friends who are neurodiverse. Most of them have autism, they have ADHD, and we were able to connect with each other because we just shared a lot in common. I'm in high school now and I burned the title Nintendo kid at school.
Speaker 1:You have. Yeah, that's quite a title.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So you're saying like a good friend to you are people who accept you and accept your interest.
Speaker 2:Yeah, those are the people which I feel like accept me and in return, I want to accept them back for who they are.
Speaker 1:How have you learned to speak up for yourself?
Speaker 2:Learning to stand up for yourself. At school it was, I understood that it would help create like strong relationships with friends. But whenever, like we would have these like classes, like we were like showing videos about like oh, treat the others how you want to be treated, it was, it was like very hard for me to to understand and like to get like the general concept. At the time, you know, I was playing like a lot of mario and I was like thinking, wow, mario's like such a cool guy, he's brave, he's fearless and he's like so friendly. For a really small plumber he's. He has the guts to take on a giant turtle twice his size. There may be like a bunch of stuff that like comes in his path. Nothing can stop him. He's always determined, he always believes in himself and he knows that if he puts in the hard work, he'll be able to achieve his dreams. If I'm ever feeling down, I just got to be myself and I just have to do the best I can to help people and get through problems.
Speaker 1:And what kinds of things are you doing now that are working towards your dreams, and what are your dreams?
Speaker 2:My dream is I want to help people who may be going through similar challenges that I went through. I've been dreaming of becoming an activist for autism awareness. I have this morning news show at my school and for every April I do a autism awareness segment where I explain to people what autism is and how we can support and show awareness. I worked as a camp counselor and and one time we had a we had a girl with autism like join the camp and my boss walked up to me and said hey, gabe, just so you know we have a girl with autism, would you be able to help her? I was like sure thing, she was really nice girl, she loved dinosaurs and it just felt great to help her because I was applying the skills that people use to me to help her. So I knew like what made her feel happy, what would get her upset.
Speaker 1:What's something that you wish people would stop assuming about people with autism?
Speaker 2:I just wish that people would stop assuming about autism. When people on the spectrum, when they don't listen to you, it doesn't mean that they don't care or they don't like you. It's just because they just have trouble communicating with people. And with autism it's on the spectrums. But I've been in situations where I've struggled to communicate with my friends, like I have a speech impediment which causes me to stutter with with easy to say words. I've gotten teased for many times in the past. Sometimes I'm like really bad at like eye contact and like maintaining conversations, and what people should know about autism is that the thing is that's just how they work. You can't change them. You can't like force them to do like this or that. That's just how they work and as a human you just can't change that. You just you have to accept it as part of society, because we're all different. We all have our own beliefs and all stuff. You just have to accept that.
Speaker 1:Love that and what's something that you wish every kid could hear.
Speaker 2:One thing I wish every kid could hear is that everybody's different, we're not all the same and nobody's perfect. You should feel proud for who you are. Autism just it isn't something you should feel bad about having it's, it's like a superpower. The only other person in my life who's who's ever explained me, who's ever explained me something using super mario, was my sister, and in fact, she wrote a article about what it was like growing up with me and how and how, because of me, I was able to teach her like many important uh life lessons, one including patience give a shout out to your sister.
Speaker 1:She sounds like an amazing person. Anything else you want us to know?
Speaker 2:oh yeah, that's. That's kind of about it okay, I have one.
Speaker 1:If you had your own podcast, what would it be about?
Speaker 2:If I had my own podcast, it would be. It would be interviewing people who are neurodivergent and just listening to their personal experiences and that way it can help get, help, motivate and encourage people to realize that they're capable of amazing things.
Speaker 1:You are a shining example of that, gabriel. Thank you so much for taking time today and being on this podcast. Wasn't Gabriel amazing? I love his honesty and self-awareness and he is just so committed to understanding both himself and others. It's exactly the kind of conversation that we need more of in our present day. Just some quick food for thought for grownups in the room.
Speaker 1:Consider how transparent you're being with young people about their learning differences. Honesty, when paired with compassion, can help them build trust and confidence in their own learning. Build a team of supporters family, friends, school counselors and teachers who show up not just for the grades but for the whole student. Stay alert to interpersonal challenges that may arise, including mental health challenges, and keep the communication loop with school staff open. Look into local or online support groups focused on building social skills and community connection. And to all the parents navigating IEPs assessments or advocacy for your child, know that the goal isn't perfection. This is going to take several years to kind of get it right, but it's about progress, connection and, of course, love. Well, that's it for this episode. Thanks for listening to Smells Like Teen Parent. Thus, please don't forget to follow, download and share this show with someone you think needs it today.
Speaker 1:And hey happy Mother's Day to my own amazing mom, barbara, and all the moms out there who keep the love going even when the Wi-Fi is down, who maintain that car console full of emergency snacks and who keep mailing us newspaper clippings because someone needs to know what's going on in our hometown Until next time. I'm Jenny DeBevick and this is Smells Like Teen Parent, where we celebrate teens, talk about the tough stuff and remember that we're all still figuring it out.
