Smells Like Teen Parent
This podcast is for adolescents and the adults who annoy them. You want to have a good relationship with your teen and you also have to get them ready for the real world. Jenny Debevec, a nationally certified counselor and consultant with 20 years working with teens, helps you maintain your sense of humor, offering motivation, advice, and support as we walk this sometimes smelly road. You will hear fun discussions and let’s get real interviews with parents, kids, and experts about topics like college applications, sex and gender identity, social media, relationships, learning disabilities, parent self-care, puberty, and more! If you need a laugh, a little advice or just want to know you’re not alone, listen in.
Smells Like Teen Parent
Ep 24: Inside Youth Sports: Joy, Risk, And Real-Life Lessons
In this episode we unpack why teens join, why they quit, and how to keep sports joyful while still building grit, trust, and leadership. Adult expert Scott Jarvis shares how great coaches center people over trophies and how families can reduce burnout and widen access.
Let's talk about:
• participation trends, injury risks, and dropout data
• cheer as a case study in trust and fear
• athlete to athletic trainer pathway and health literacy
• burnout versus healthy culture and fun
• transferable skills for school, college, and careers
• inclusive options beyond varsity and elite teams
• honest roles, specific feedback, and belonging
• equity barriers like transport and jobs with flexible fixes
• parents letting go while kids learn to fail safely
This episode of Smells Like Teen Parent is brought to you by Path, the sleek refillable aluminum water bottle that's ending our dependence on single-use plastic
If you have any questions, topic ideas, or you'd just like to share your own expertise, email me at smellsliketeenparent@gmail.com.
If your teen is approaching college applications, or you could use some coaching, I offer personalized college counseling and academic consulting through yes and counseling. You can learn more at yesandcounseling.com or by emailing me directly
www.yesandcounseling.com
smellsliketeenparent@gmail.com
Welcome to Smells Like Teen Parent, the podcast for adolescents and the adults who annoy them. I'm your host, Jenny Debevik, a counselor and academic consultant with over 20 years of experience working with youth. Today we're lacing up our cleats and directing our quads because we are talking teens in sports. The glory, the grit, and all those ditches. Because the reality is that organized youth sports are hugely popular in the US, not to mention other continents, with about 45 million children and teens participating annually in the United States. Around 75% of US families with school-aged children have at least one child involved in organized sports. It seems like a healthy traditional pastime, and families often report higher satisfaction when their kids play.
SPEAKER_05:Football team, for example, like there are so many different types of people: height, size, weight, ethnicity, and it just brings everybody together. And being a part of a team, it's almost like having a second family.
SPEAKER_07:But there's more to this story. Some research says that we're seeing about 2.6 to 2.7 million emergency room visits per year for sports-related injuries in ages 5 through 24. Attrition is real too. By age 15, 70 to 80% of kids have dropped out of organized sports, though many of them step into new roles as coaches, advisors, and even trainers. Tell me what makes cheerleading such a rigorous sport and what do you love about it?
SPEAKER_03:I love practicing because all of my friends are on the team and we all work hard throughout the week, and it's you work throughout the entire week to try to get the stunts perfect and the routines down and make sure you know all of the moves. Friday is our big reward at the end of the week for working so hard. You have a crowd in front of you instead of just like cheering in front of the mirror and what makes it hard? Definitely learning new routines every single week. Cheer may not seem like a hard sport compared to some other ones that are more like strenuous, but chucking people into the air, it can be hard on your body, but also your mind because it can be a little scary to put your whole trust in another person. Are you the chucker or the chucked? The chucked. You're the chucked. How have you built that trust with your teammates? I've been with the same base and back spot since my freshman year. Things have been changed up a lot this year, so I'm relearning the process of how to trust other people again. If we learn a new stunt, they promise they're like not gonna drop me, and then we like do it first try, and then I my trust is renewed even though I got stressed. Have you ever been dropped before? Yeah. Have you ever been injured? Um, never like a broken bone. It's usually just something in my back hurts for like 24 hours, but then you're good. We'll prepare you for middle age.
SPEAKER_00:What sports did you play? Uh high school I was football, soccer, and track, and then in college I specialized in football. And now what stage are you at? For me now it's getting the next generation ready for their sports. That's really what I'm looking forward to now is working with those athletes, the young ones coming up, and making sure they're educated and healthy, moving forward throughout their career.
SPEAKER_07:So you were an athlete and now you're going back as as an aspiring athletic trainer?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so that that's my role right now is being an athletic trainer. I'm working towards the graduate portion of that. Um, but right now just getting as much experience in the athletic training realm, being like that first line of resource for athletes and stuff when injuries occur and they have questions about their health and well-being.
SPEAKER_07:Another aspect of sports is the aspect of an overemphasis on winning, as well as overuse and the resulting burnout. These issues vary widely across culture, community, gender, and socioeconomic status. Yet, despite the risks, the benefits are significant. Sports build teamwork, resilience, leadership, and time management. So, what are the pros and cons for you playing several sports in high school?
SPEAKER_02:I think that the pros are that I can create many different friendships, bonds, and relationships, and I learn new ways to have different relationships with everyone. And it's like been a lot of the best years of my life being on these teams, but a lot of mental draining and physical draining, all in all, I think it's worth it in the end if you really love what you're doing.
SPEAKER_07:Student athletes are more likely to graduate high school and attend college. Plus, health.gov confirms that 73% of parents say sports benefit their child's mental health. Well, what about teens who don't fit that natural athlete mold? Well, the key is inclusive, unfirst activities, recreational leagues, non-competitive adventures, multi-sports opportunities that keep more kids active and confident. Recreational leagues, intramurals, outdoor adventures, dance, climbing, martial arts. These can be just as valuable as varsity competition and help more kids feel included. But it's more than athletics. It's about the lessons we learn from sports or any school activity where students are passionate. What were you like before you started playing sports?
SPEAKER_04:Well, I mean, I was very active, you know, and definitely had a hard time expressing myself, especially being speech delayed and everything. And so I think sports gave me like an outlet to just express myself without being punished for doing so.
SPEAKER_07:When you say you were punished like you were an active kid in school, yeah. Maybe struggled a little bit with sort of traditional classroom.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_07:So then you got into football.
SPEAKER_04:It's definitely one of those few sports where you can hit the person in front of you as hard as you can and not get punished for it. So that's definitely a fun thing.
SPEAKER_07:Besides the physical rigor of the game, what else do you like about football? I mean, you put a ton of time into it.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, I love the strategy behind it because it's a sort of like a chess game almost. You're trying to, based on film, predicting what the offense is going to do, and then you do a certain coverage against that. And then the offense is trying to think, okay, the defense is this coverage, so we have to do this. And then it's kind of like a back and forth almost, like we're trying to outsmart the other team, which you don't really see when you're when you're watching football, because all you see are just a bunch of people colliding into each other.
SPEAKER_07:That's pretty much what I see. Sounds like there's skills from playing sports that translate into other parts of your life.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah, for sure. Like for one, time management, because like I got so much, at least from football, the hard work ethic, and just the whole communication stuff too, on like school projects, clearly communicating with each other.
SPEAKER_07:As a college consultant, I can speak to the fact that commitment to sports can impress college admissions teams. And the way students are able to reflect on their experiences participating in athletics also convey to admissions how a student is ready for the rigor and independence of life past high school. Through their athletic involvement, whether varsity captain, referee, or coach for younger players, students demonstrate commitment, grit, and leadership. And these qualities can be a real differentiator. Moreover, many students begin to discover their college study and career path through peripheral activities, whether it be through sports medicine, athletic training or health sciences, communications or business. Now, you're a dancer, a cheerleader, and you're also interested in a career in sports medicine, which is a program your high school offers?
SPEAKER_06:So, sports medicine, we focus a lot on learning taping skills and looking at injuries and kind of being there for the athletic trainers if they ever need anything. We work a lot during the football season. We learn how to tape all of the things that are kind of common for the team. So most of the time, that's wrists, thumbs, ankles. So we're kind of there to be extra support for the trainers because they get really busy on doing the specific requests from the more advanced injuries that we can't deal with by ourselves. And I like getting to learn about the different types of injuries and getting to just get familiar with it, especially if because I'm thinking about continuing it in the future. So it's kind of cool I get to see all of this beforehand.
SPEAKER_07:I love it. And let's not forget, this episode of Smells Like Teen Parent is brought to you by Path, the sleek refillable aluminum water bottle that's ending our dependence on single-use plastic. Doctors agree. Cutting plastic out of your daily life is healthier for you and definitely for our planet. For me, switching to Path was a total game changer. No more plastic bottles rolling around in my car, just clean water and peace of mind. With over 335 million water bottles already kept out of oceans and landfills, Path proves the power of one more refill. I'm so excited to bring our adult guest expert on this episode, someone who knows the game inside and out, Scott Jarvis. Scott is a nationally recognized leader in high school athletics, a certified master athletic administrator, and the brand new executive director of the Iowa High School Athletic Directors Association. Over nearly three decades, he's built programs, led teams, and mentored countless athletes and coaches. He's also the author of a powerful book on leadership in sports. I'm so excited to bring you his insights on what sports can teach teens and parents, the role coaches play in shaping teams of grit and resilience, and well, how sports bring us rewards long after the lights go out. Mr. Jarvis shares what makes a coach truly great. The ones who push hard but care harder, who see the person before the player. And he'll also speak honestly about the challenges in youth sports and what we adults can do to ensure that kids who want to play get to play. Welcome, Scott. Just give me a 15-20-second bio about your expertise in the youth athletics world.
SPEAKER_01:I serve as the Iowa High School Athletic Directors Association, executive director, as well as National High School Athletic Coaches Association, work with Newton Community Schools as an activities coordinator, author, podcast, host, whatever you need me to be for the day.
SPEAKER_07:Kind of like a one-stop athletic shop. And you've had such an incredible career across schools and states and sports. I'm curious about what inspired you to get into high school athletic administration and what's kept you passionate about it for two decades, over two decades.
SPEAKER_01:Not to age you. I had so many coaches that just made a huge impact on me. My family put the fun back in dysfunctional. So having those coaches, choir teachers, they were like a second family and sometimes a first family and kept me on the straight and narrow. I was probably the kid that most teachers and coaches would be just like, uh, give up on. I had a football coach, Coach Hale, who was so good to me. And beyond just being an athlete, just you know, he made sure that I was going to school and checked in on me and made sure I was okay. And there was just so many coaches. I and teachers, my choir teacher in middle school was such a huge influence on me. I got into it because they made me feel good about being me. So if I can do a small part of what they did for me, then I feel really good about what I get to do every day. If you look up the original definition of a coach, it's to a vessel that brings somebody of importance from where they are to where they want to or need to go. I always find that as a coach, as a teacher, we are the vehicle that helps guide and maybe bring our kids to a destination they might not have always thought they would go to, but we leave them there just because of the potential that we see in them.
SPEAKER_07:Despite sometimes it's kicking and screaming. We're like, no, we're only for your potential.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. They don't always thank you in the moment, but they, you know, when they get out of school 10, 20 years and they're like, they thank you. Those are the moments that you cherish, and those are the ones you hold on to, but you have to stay in it long enough to get that. So I always tell all of our young ADs and coaches, like, the payoff is coming. I I remember writing an article and they talk about Alonzo Stag, who's a tremendous football coach, and he just got done running a national championship, and the reporter said, Hey coach, what do you think of your team? You know, you just won a national championship and all excited. And he goes, Well, I'll tell you in 20 years. And so I always think of that. It's not what it is in the moment. It's what, you know, maybe you help them through a tough moment, maybe that you help them frame things differently in their life, and then 20 years from now, they'll be like, Oh, now I see what Coach Jarvis was saying, or now I see what this teacher was saying, or this coach. And as they have have the time to reflect, um, which I think we get better at as we get older, they see that it was a a life-changing moment for them.
SPEAKER_07:The state of youth sports. I mean, I think the stat is like we have 45 million kids in organized sports, but high dropout rates by sophomore junior year. How do you see the overall health of youth sports today?
SPEAKER_01:Are we trending in the right direction? I think most kids get done playing sports when they're like thir 12, 13 years old. Like 70% of kids drop out of youth sports. And I think what we forget, number one reason why kids go out for sports is to have fun. And we've made it so much about the college scholarship, being a starter, you know, being all conference, all these accolades, instead of it's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be about teaching kids life lessons through sport, through the classroom, overcoming adversity, working with others, maybe even when we don't really like them. All those things that we have to do. But no, I I just think that we just need to remember that as parents, it's not about the transaction of I'm going to invest a bunch of time and energy and money into my kid so that they can get a college scholarship. It's I'm gonna invest this time and energy and money into my kid so that they're healthy and they have a good outlook on life and they they know how to overcome adversity and they know what to do, you know, when they graduate from college and they have a vision and a plan for themselves versus just I want them to be a division one athlete or I want them to get a college scholarship. It's needs to be more than a just about that.
SPEAKER_07:And so, what do you think the difference is between that healthy student-centered sports culture and one that just burns kids and their parents to a degree, burns them out?
SPEAKER_01:I've had so many kids that have been very, very good athletes. And by the time they're senior in high schools, they'll be like, I don't want to participate anymore, I don't want to go to college. Like they've had they've had the ability and the opportunity to go play college sports and get a scholarship, but they're like, I'm done. For parents, I would say just love watching your kid play, be on a team, have fun with their teammates, maybe have to deal with some difficult things along the way. If I think back on my opportunity to play in high school and college, I remember probably the tough times more than I do all the really good times. I don't remember any score of any game I ever played in. I could never tell you what the score was, but I remember my teammates, I remember my coaches, I remember the relationships I built, I remember the lessons I learned from many of the things that you had to face in athletics, whether it was overcoming an injury or and there's some teammates I didn't see eye to eye with, but we had to get it done on the field together, seeing beyond just the sport itself, but seeing how it can play out in the kids' lives. That's I think the important perspective that we need to keep keep as parents. And many times as adults. In in today's society, I see you know, parents a lot of times booing other kids or complaining about another kid up in the stands because they made a turnover or something. I'm like, wow, we've just completely lost sight of it's okay to fail sometimes. It's okay to make mistakes. I always tell our seniors every year, I hope you had the opportunity to fail in your four years as a high school student. Because if you haven't, yeah, then you're not learning. And and I I see so many parents trying to avoid their kids failing, a huge asset for them to be able to fail with teachers, coaches, parents there to be the net that catches them. Because then when they go on to be in a college student, adult, mom, dad working for a business or owning their own business, then there's no more safety net. So if we don't let them learn then, the the stakes are much higher.
SPEAKER_07:So, how can coaches and parents develop balance the developing an athletic skill with other life skills like teamwork and resilience and leadership in students, at student athletes?
SPEAKER_01:I think as a parent, one of the hardest things is just sometimes you gotta let go. As a coach, it's using again, using the platform of high school sports to teach kids the life lessons. So I think for parents, it's sometimes letting go a little bit, letting them struggle, but then always being, you're always there to advocate for them. But teaching our kids to advocate for themselves, such an important skill. I see this now, kids struggle to have converse tough conversations with adults. I think we've lost that maybe that art a little bit of having tough conversations and then being able on both sides to give and take and sometimes just agree to disagree.
SPEAKER_07:Can you give me an example of a tough conversation that either a student has had with you or that you've had with a student?
SPEAKER_01:Obviously, a lot of kids go in and they're they just thought their role on the team was going to be much more substantial. Like, I thought I was gonna be a starter, I thought I was gonna have a you know more playing time. We always talk to our kids, and like, okay, now how can we go into coach and have a conversation with them respectfully about here was my five my role was, here's where I'm at, and then asking the coach, what things do I need to work on to attain more playing time? And sometimes I think we as coaches sometimes are just like we need to work harder, but it's not specific. Yeah, that doesn't give the kid a plan forward. I've had tons of kids that have worked really, really hard, but their ability, their athletic ability just is not gonna allow them to be there. Sometimes I think we need to tell kids, like, hey, you are an awesome kid, you're a great teammate, you're always working hard, you push others to be better. That's your role on the team, and that's a super important role to have on our team. And I think it's always finding a role with a for a kid on a team, no matter what that role might be, and finding the importance in that role is important and having a positive team culture. And so, like when you see teams that are successful or teams that have a good culture, they might not always win state championships, but everybody feels like they're a part of that, whether it's because of the coaches or the teammates, um, the leaders within the team, they provide a platform for everyone to feel valued.
SPEAKER_07:They recognize there's something bigger than just winning or losing this game or this season. Absolutely. You can you can tell the kids who like who have coaches that have that lens.
SPEAKER_01:I'm an old history teacher, so bear with me here. But passion comes from the word pate, which is Latin, and it means to suffer. So whenever we do something that we love and we're willing to sacrifice because we love it, you're you're willing to suffer a little bit to do that. So there's always a little bit of suffering when we do things that we really absolutely love.
SPEAKER_07:Speaking of loving it, how do kids, even for students who don't necessarily go into athletics in college, how can athletic involvement strengthen their college applications or sort of their next steps after high school or even scholarship opportunities?
SPEAKER_01:I I see this statistic a lot in uh, especially on the for females. Like I can't remember something insane. Like 70% of female CEOs played high school or college athletics. I think there's just something in here about being on a team. Jenny, I would say this. It doesn't have to be an athletic team. Um, you could be the captain of the debate team, you could be on the speech team, you could be in a choir or a band. Like my daughter's in band and she works her tail off in marching band. There are so many valuable lessons we learn, even in activities within, you know, knowledge bowl. There's so many different things that kids can get that experience. And I think it's just the ability to work with others to understand and realize that everything's not easy. The things that we really love and we want to be good at are really, really, really hard. And there's no way getting around that hard work. If you want to be great at something, it takes tons and tons of time. And I think about this on those teams that are successful, just have good cultures. They're willing to spend the time outside of the sport. They develop a sense of trust. They develop that, like Jenny, that we talked about that value. Trust can only be developed through the passage of time.
SPEAKER_07:I think that's something that when you've worked in districts, I'm sure, with varied resources, and you've seen how that trust is such a core aspect. What are some of the common barriers to sports participation? And what sort of creative solutions have you implemented or admired?
SPEAKER_01:That's a great question. And I think we see this a lot in many of our schools that have tons of low SES kids. I was in a school district that had coming from families that didn't have much, like 80, 90% free and reduced within our school. For me, it was about how can I find the ability to get the money so that these kids can still do it. And I think a lot of the barriers were transportation. I have to go home, take care of brother and sister because mom and dad are working. There's nobody there at home. And that they're part of the their role in the family might be to go get a job. We actually surveyed our kids. Why aren't you coming out for sports?
SPEAKER_07:What a great question.
SPEAKER_01:I don't have a ride home. I got to go pick my brother and sister up from school. So by the time I do that, it's 4:30 and practice is 45 minutes in, and the coach gets mad at me because that's come back. How can we develop an after-school care program for younger siblings of kids that want to be out for sports? How can we then provide them transportation after they get down with practice? And if they do have a job, can we work with those kids that they have the ability? Now, does that mean if they're not at practice every day, they're going to be, you know, varsity star? Maybe not, but they're part of the team. Maybe they can only come three days a week. So I think it's for us adults, it's about like meeting the kids where they're at and then providing the opportunities that they can participate when they can. And that's not always being stringent. This is the way it is all the time for every single kid. I say this, I go, that's don't be a cookie cutter coach. Uh or a cookie cutter parent for that matter. Absolutely. We have to meet them where they're at. And I know that always sounds simple, and it's not. It's really hard, as you know, being in schools and seeing so many kids that are struggling, whether it's they didn't have anything to eat last night or they don't have a home, they're living in their car. There's so many different things that kids if you want it to be easy, don't really work with children. Because it's always, as you said before, it's always messy and it's never easy. It's always, it's hard. But good hard. Yeah, good hard. I mean, because at the end of the day, when you see those kids that really struggled through schools go and go out and succeed, and you see them have kids, and they're like, and they come up to you and say, you know, Mr. Jarvis, I just had they'll call me like I just had a you know, baby boy here. Hey, Mr. Jarvis, I'm getting married. Would you all would you officiate our wedding? Like, those are the times you're just like that's full circle, super rewarding when you see those kids come back, and even though in the moment they might not have saw the value in how you were having to deal with the situation, they do later in life, especially when they have their own kids. That makes it all worth it.
SPEAKER_07:Especially the ones that maybe swore at you or wrote messages on their desk, carved it into their desk. And then when you see them, they're like, I'm gonna go into teaching too, or I'm gonna be in a absolutely. I never expected that to happen. Okay, final thing. And you talked about this idea of remembering that it's fun. If you could give one piece of advice to parents about supporting their teens in sports, whether their child is a star athlete or a bench warmer, what would it be? Scott Jarvis.
SPEAKER_01:I think it's it it as you know, Jenny, it goes so fast. From the time they're little babies to the time they leave the house, it just seems like a blink of an eye. And I've had two kids now leave. It doesn't get easier. My son left, it was hard. My daughter left, it was harder. Now I've got my youngest coming up, it was hard. Just enjoy watching them play. Watch the smiles on their face with their teammates. I tell parents this at our parent meeting. By the time they reach um seventh grade, 75% of the time that you will spend with them as a parent is gone at age 13. So 75%. So all that time that you spent with them as a baby and in elementary and how they needed you, and now they get less and less and less. They don't need you. Like so, letting go is hard, but gosh dang, we need to do a better job of that as parents and teach them to live without us. Give them the skills that they need to go be amazing adults. And sometimes that means letting go a little bit.
SPEAKER_07:We have to learn to let go.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, maybe one of the hardest things we do as parents is to let go. You love them so much, you don't want to see them struggle, you don't want to see them go through the hurt or the pain. Like and you can't fix it. We can't fix it for them. Letting go, just enjoying that time that you have with them because it goes by way too fast.
SPEAKER_07:That's a great way to end this. That just fills my heart. And where and what I should be reading your book tonight. What will what will I read? What will I read tonight? I will be reading your book. And what would it be called? Tell us one more time.
SPEAKER_01:I have a couple. One is called The DNA of an athletic leader. And then uh, secondly, I just uh not too long ago released a book with two other very successful coaches beyond the X's and O's, beyond the scoreboard. It's really truly about the impact that coaches have on their kids and the importance of that impact. That sounds great.
SPEAKER_07:Yes. Well, thank you, Scott. It was such a pleasure and an honor to speak with you this afternoon. Thank you so much. That's it for today's episode. A big thank you to Scott Jarvis and to Banyan Productions for making this podcast possible. And of course, thank you for listening, sharing, and downloading Smells Like Team Parent. Together, we are building a strong, stablished community of team raisers. If you have any questions, topic ideas, or you'd just like to share your own thoughts, email me at smellslike teamparent at gmail.com. And if your teen is approaching college applications, or you could use some coaching, I offer personalized college counseling and academic consulting through yes and counseling. From building the right college list to crafting standout essays, I help students and families navigate the process with less stress and maybe even a little fun. You can learn more at yesandcounseling.com or by emailing me directly. Until then, may you be safe, may you be happy, and may you be free from suffering. Oh, and don't forget, wear sunscreen even in winter.
