When life handed us the mantle of fatherhood, it wasn't accompanied by an instruction manual. This heart-to-heart with Nick Pearce peels back the layers of what it means to be a dad in today's world, sharing the raw joy and piercing challenges that come with the territory. From the heartache of miscarriage to the euphoria of holding our children for the first time, Nick and I traverse the emotional landscape, bringing our personal stories of balancing the weight of professional dreams and the sheer enormity of parenting.
As we swap tales from the trenches, we uncover the often-unspoken aspects of supporting our partners through the trials of pregnancy and childbirth. We lay bare the transformative journey of not just witnessing but actively participating in the birth of our children, underscoring the pivotal role of education, advocacy, and an unwavering team spirit. The narrative shifts as we recount the early days of fatherhood, filled with humor, panic, and a newfound depth of love that forever alters our being.
Culminating in a candid conversation about keeping the flames of partnership alive post-children, Nick and I delve into the dance of communication, self-care, and the relentless pursuit of happiness amidst the chaos of parenting. We celebrate the rites of play, the bonding over shared meals, and the universal language of cooking that brings families together. Join us for an episode that promises not just to speak to fathers everywhere but to anyone who has navigated the intricate waltz of nurturing relationships while crafting a family legacy.
When life handed us the mantle of fatherhood, it wasn't accompanied by an instruction manual. This heart-to-heart with Nick Pearce peels back the layers of what it means to be a dad in today's world, sharing the raw joy and piercing challenges that come with the territory. From the heartache of miscarriage to the euphoria of holding our children for the first time, Nick and I traverse the emotional landscape, bringing our personal stories of balancing the weight of professional dreams and the sheer enormity of parenting.
As we swap tales from the trenches, we uncover the often-unspoken aspects of supporting our partners through the trials of pregnancy and childbirth. We lay bare the transformative journey of not just witnessing but actively participating in the birth of our children, underscoring the pivotal role of education, advocacy, and an unwavering team spirit. The narrative shifts as we recount the early days of fatherhood, filled with humor, panic, and a newfound depth of love that forever alters our being.
Culminating in a candid conversation about keeping the flames of partnership alive post-children, Nick and I delve into the dance of communication, self-care, and the relentless pursuit of happiness amidst the chaos of parenting. We celebrate the rites of play, the bonding over shared meals, and the universal language of cooking that brings families together. Join us for an episode that promises not just to speak to fathers everywhere but to anyone who has navigated the intricate waltz of nurturing relationships while crafting a family legacy.
Howdy ho, daddy-os, and welcome to the Dad Podcast. This is brought to you by myself, kyle Graham. This is a place where all types of dads, or dads to be, can tune in, copygeek or learn something new about life as a parent. Follow along as we interview dads of all types and undercover some wisdom to help us be the best dads and partners we can be. So get comfy and listen in your big deals, because the next episode of the Dad Podcast is about to go down. Alrighty g'day, your big deals.
Speaker 1:So today I've asked my good mate, nick Pierce, to come on and share with us his journey to fatherhood. We're going to chat about something different, other than COVID today and discuss how he has navigated, embraced and accepted a new archetype of being a dad In terms of dating and relationships. Nick is someone that I've certainly looked up to in turn for two, for guidance whenever I've needed it and, yeah, really stoked to have you on, mate, and share some of your story, some wisdom, to our fellow dad-os. And, of course, like the real purpose of this potty is to share the good times and the shit times you know, in the hope that it helps someone in their journey to fatherhood or, yeah, just to help someone out. So, mate, let's keep things off. And, yeah, let's start to get to know Nick. Tell us about yourself, man, yeah, howdy. So yeah, my name is Nick, obviously, and I'm father to two beautiful girls, so Elvis Poppy she is three, turning four in fair and Goldie, who's about 18 months, and wife Sophie, yeah, nice, and what do you do with yourself? So we're used to work together. This is the question you're getting asked a lot at the moment. So I'm getting asked this a fair bit at the moment.
Speaker 1:So for the past sort of decade I've been in retail, hospitality and wholesale as well. So I started a cafe when I was 19, called Blackboard and that was next to uni in Barsadie Lakes. And then, you know, sort of through that process of the 10 years, three or four years into it, so that we started roasting our own coffee under that brand, which Kyle knows very well. Shout out Blackboard, yeah, shout out Blackboard. And yeah, I recently sold both the cafe and their roasting business, left Kyle behind. And then I've also got a shareholding in Tucker and Jordy's in Casuarino and that's it Tucker's a cafe and Jordy's is a pizza place.
Speaker 1:But day to day, my main thing is at the moment, teaching people how to cook through our Instagram recipes, and that's sort of the thing that I'm into, you know. If you ask what I do for work, that's probably what I'll tell you, but yeah, it's basically teaching people how to cook through Instagram and sharing the things that I love. Yeah, so you're still, apart from, you know, selling off a business. You're still pretty busy yourself, you know, with doing things and family. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you're building a house and we're building a house. So, no, it's good times at the moment. It's no, it's been been exciting for years. Yeah, so you and Soph have two beautiful girls and I'm very lucky and honored to know them and your families.
Speaker 1:And, yeah, could you, for those that don't know, you, could you tell us about the pregnancy of both of them? Yeah, so, so, pregnancy, and you know how are they different? Yeah, 100%, yeah, so well, I wanted back to, I think, when I was, you know, I think I was 18 and I recall this kind of process. I did a work experience program up here at this place called Golden Door, which doesn't exist anymore, and it was like something different. Yeah, it's kind of like nine perfect strangers actually, to be honest. Like, oh, no prime at the moment, but now, basically, it was a health retreat and I did a work experience program there and it was the first opportunity or the first time I feel like in my life or I'd ever sort of sat down and had the opportunity to write goals or think, you know, like we're about to get let out of school, what does the future hold?
Speaker 1:And I think for me, like you know, I observed other people in young families and to me that just looks so exciting and felt like such a genuine, I don't know, it just seemed like such a purpose that resonated with me. So I think in that moment I recall, you know, writing down some goals and part of that was to set myself up financially so that when, at the time came that I did have a family, that I could really focus on them and that would allow me to have a young family and have time as well. So, yeah, I've always wanted to have kids pre-meeting. So Soph and I met, I was very vocal about wanting to have a young family as well and we glued, you know, really, really well together. So I really wanted to get married. So that was a huge milestone for her prior to getting having kids. For me it didn't matter so much. I was like I think commitment of having a child is a bit more than a ring, you know, for me.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, we went through that process and then I think we were around 25 maybe when we started trying. It certainly wasn't, you know, I literally thought it was like you go get it on one arbo and then nine months later the kid arrives. Yeah, it wasn't the case for us. So first time around we had a miscarriage and so it was a successful pregnancy. You know, had the test that came back positive, went through the process of telling like all our loved ones and things like that, and then for that to come back negative. So that was our first kind of hurdle.
Speaker 1:We were pretty open people, so we chose to tell our friends and things like that, and the biggest thing that we found from being open about it was that the amount of love we received back and people saying, yeah, we've had X amount of miscarriages, and it really normalized things for us and made us feel like not such victims to it. I think initially we were like, oh, you know what's wrong with us, or is there something wrong with me or is something wrong with. So for, and that's kind of like where your mind goes Did you guys find that the more that you spoke about it and talk to people about it, you find out that it's not such an uncommon experience? Yeah, not, it's super common, you know, like, and to be honest with you, it's part of the process and in a lot of ways, it's amazing that, if it's not quite right, that your body can recognize that and and, like you know, get rid of it basically. So, yeah, it made us feel a lot more normal about it.
Speaker 1:I think you guys know us personally, we're pretty open with most things and yeah, yeah, we sort of digested it. It was really sad and a lot more visceral for so, obviously in terms, physically, but I think for me it was like a bit of a, you know, emotional, like wake up call of like hey, this thing's not smooth sailing, you know it's not necessarily going to play out like a Disney, disney movie, you know, do you think that it affected you emotionally or, you know, mentally, moving forward into becoming pregnant again? Oh, not so much. Oh, further on, yeah, I'd say, for me it was more like empathizing with so because, you know, I can see it's a lot more visceral for them physically, you know, and I think when you love someone and you see them going through that, I think that's probably more. You know more where it came from and I've told the stories in the past.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I think for me I dealt with it kind of weirdly emotionally. I laughed when we found out I have super inappropriate oh, I can tell you. Yeah, so you know, we knew that it wasn't going to be a successful pregnancy and I think for me, like, whilst I'm good with dealing with stress in the past and in young years, I feel like, you know, I can kind of internalize it and just be like all right, this is hard, she needs me to be there for her. Anyway, I wasn't prepared for how they do the examination and basically they get out what looks like a lightsaber and there was a trainee who is quite attractive and an older lady and they're both trying to put this condom on this lightsaber to do the internal check and it was just the whole thing was too much to even be around. They were like looming it up and trying to just stroke it on and I was then trying not to laugh because I knew how inappropriate it was. So I was basically just, you know, suppressing all of that down. They did the check and she was so nervous the whole time. Yeah, fyi, maybe trainee not the best person to deliver that message anyway.
Speaker 1:So we go into the waiting room afterwards and we've had it confirmed, we both sort of already digested it by then. But we see our obstetrician and he comes out and he's a super jovial kind of fella and he's out and he's like I didn't realize what he was doing, but he was just nodding and like doing this weird thing around the room and he was actually counting the chairs. And then he got to us and goes oh, hello, and just the whole thing. I just felt like I'd been in some weird, like you know, cartoon and I just started crying with laughter to the point where I had to leave. And, yeah, they would have thought something simple, weird was going on, and so I just had to excuse her husband for a little while. But yeah, tomorrow I cannot explain to you how much I was laughing either Like I could not stop it even if I tried.
Speaker 1:So you know, everyone deals with these things in different ways, and that was mine and then. So that was your first pregnancy, yeah. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, first, you know, first sort of pregnancy, and I think I don't want to say the word like lucky because it sort of takes away from the experience, but I think in some ways for how early it was, and I've heard a lot of other experiences people having a lot further down the track and you know that can that can be pretty hectic, you know, I think. So, yeah, it was cool, we got to move on. We got back on the horse, literally literally my wife is not a horse, yeah, and we tried and yeah, it didn't happen straight away for us. I can't recall how many months or how many cycles, whatever, but yeah, I guess one thing for me to share from that period that felt really important is to me it felt like we had to be making love rather than it being, you know, a process of like medical insemination.
Speaker 1:You know I've always been quite an emotional, loving guy and I think for me you don't want to have the time to go off and be like I'm fucking ovulating, like you know it's boogie, yeah, and doing handstands to make sure it gets up there. But yeah, the main thing for me is to make sure that the process. You know your child is a result of love between you guys that you've chosen to do, and that doesn't always go that way for people, but for me it can't feel like it's a transaction. You know it has to, has to feel like it's you guys connecting and making love, that is, is resulting in this, and so, that being said, there's obviously a lot of people that are going through similar things and you know it's probably taking a lot longer than what they expected.
Speaker 1:How did you keep the spice in the love making you know to for pregnant again, eric, a bad news and candles and massage, or pretty much. You know that's probably a much deeper conversation for people. But I think you know me and my and you know I think about these things a lot. So, first and foremost, in terms of, like, how people see sex and their relationship or how they see how they connect in their relationship, I think that you know you want to feel like you are making love together for this thing and, yeah, there can be some anxiety around it not working or, you know, will it work this month and waiting for that test result and things like that, but I think this is just my opinion. You know everyone has a different way of going about it, but I think the more of that expectation you can strip back, particularly from the male perspective, you don't feel that pressure as much and it's more about you guys making love and it's about connection between you two. And then you know, hopefully planting that seed, and you know the thing that you would like to happen comes from it. But, yeah, trying to enjoy the process and trying to enjoy the journey and also not forcing that either, like, yeah, sometimes you don't feel like it. You, yeah, so that's the I don't know. That's the thing. It should be beautiful. And I think if you get over analytical about it and you have 20 different apps that you're tracking it all, like from a guy's point of view, you can definitely feel like a piece of meat and you basically human turkey based that you know and we just have those conversations early on that we wanted to not feel like that. Yeah, so the seed is planted and you're pregnant with your first and so how was that?
Speaker 1:Pregnancy for Soph, like is in terrible, yeah, okay, but she's like for Poppy, she was so sick, yeah, couldn't like. Basically, at the time she was working as a doctor and she was like incapacitated. She would like sleep when she was home, go to work, be sick while she was at work, and then that you know there's a lot of days she couldn't. So that nine months was like super rough for her. And then, obviously, from my perspective, just trying to do what you can to support your wife. And, you know, I think that's the first moment in time where you realise that your world is going to change, you know, and that that sort of there's going to be other factors coming into your life and it's no longer just about you and your misses and trying to have, you know, fun and what you know, whatever else it is. You're like, all right, this is going to be challenging, you know. So that's probably the first sniff of like difficulty. Like the house we're about to move in now. So I couldn't even come and check it out, like I was just like, hey, babe, this house is great and she's like, whatever you think, like I'm in bed. So, yeah, man, it's, that's the first chance. Everyone has different experiences with that, but yeah, even for us now thinking about a third, that's a huge consideration, knowing that she could be sick for nine months, you know, yeah, and so we'll get to the second pregnancy as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so with Poppy, you know what were some of the things you did to support Sof and then educate yourself on what's to come. So supporting Sof was chicken snittles and basically ham and cheese croissants, but no, throughout her pregnancy we just had to ride the highs and lows of it and it was whatever she needed to help with her sickness. Yeah, it was just, it was new territory. You know, were you good at acknowledging those things before being asked to do them? Or yeah, in some ways. Yeah, it's like different weeks and different days she felt better and worse. I was flexible with work at the time, which made things a lot easier, I think, for, like, she would probably say that would have made things easier for her. So, like you know, cooking dinner and doing breakfast and all those things, it was a piece of cake.
Speaker 1:Mentally it's hard because you see your wife going through that sickness thing, the same with, like, if you enjoy that intimacy in your relationship, you have to kind of realise that that it's going to take a backseat during that time as well. So, from that side of it, not that I felt like a victim, that it was harder on me or anything, but they're the little things that you're like all right, this is. You know, there's these little challenges popping up. How are we going to navigate it? And, you know, make each other feel loved as well still, so, come down here over active, so yeah, but um, yeah, you just empathise with them, I think.
Speaker 1:And then in terms of education, yeah, the main thing is like ignorance is not bliss in this case, which is sort of how you know, I'm one of those people I like rip something out of the box. I'm like fuck the instructions kind of thing, I'll just, I'll do it. This is not one of those cases. Reading instructions, you can't skip step three and go to five. You definitely can't.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, we did calm birthing with some mates who did the step and take, which is cool, but yeah, the whole it just educated you as what your role was in this, and the main takeaway for me was that, as a male, you're not there to observe and be a bystander in a medical process. Your number one role in it is to in some ways like be then, you know, coach or cheerleader for your partner, because what they're about to go through is a fucking marathon, you know, and and they all go for different lengths or whatever, but they need someone there to make sure that they've got someone on their team, that they're about to go through this endurance event and advocate for them when 100% themselves. Yeah, you know what their intention was for it and you need to either like pull them back to reality or you need to advocate for them with the medical staff to say this is what the plan is or whatever that might be, and try and act in the best interest of your partner, but also take on the medical advice as well at the time for whatever that might be. So, yeah, you've got a huge role in it. And to think that you're gonna, you know, go on at the times or gone should be the times where guys think you know it's not for them and I'm like going down the business end, you know that's like, yeah, pull your head out of your ass if you think that's a good attitude and like the whole thing of like joking about going surfing or doing footy and then I'll go pick up my baby when it's all done Like it's just not a healthy mentality and it's one of the most beautiful things you'll ever see, as visceral as it may be.
Speaker 1:But that feeling of endorphins you get from seeing your wife exert that kind of natural power and then holding your baby on your chest for the first time and connecting with them, that there's probably no pure natural experience that we will ever experience like that. You know, particularly with the first baby, I think it's so real. I seriously felt like ripping my shirt off and just like bedding my chest and jumping around the room like a gorilla. Like I seriously felt, like it was so primal. I just like was like, if it's, you can understand why like grizzly bears bite people's faces off when they've got their cubs. They're just like. You know, this is my, this is my tribe, like no one's gonna fuck with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what was your first thought? Like when you, when you were holding Poppy on your chest I see the sea after like everything was, yeah, it was over, done with it. I don't think you can think it's like yeah, it's just a feeling, yeah, it's an out of body experience. And you know, I remember turning to self straight away when Poppy was on her chest and like we had two names ready to go. I kind of remember the other name was now, but yeah, I just remember saying to her like that's Poppy. You know, like I just saw her eyes and I saw her face and yeah, when they told us it was like she was a girl and yeah, you just knew straight away like that was her. And putting her on my chest and yeah, it's just a such raw feeling that the connection you feel to them and that you've made this together and I think in that moment too, that that nine months of of hard of war for us was a hard time. It just feels so worth it and it's culminated in this beautiful for us, healthy, beautiful baby. You know, there's no, no, like one word to describe that. Yeah, that's cool man and I kind of.
Speaker 1:I kind of know this story too. But I went through a very similar thing with Valley. Like we bought him home and I know yours was still at the hospital bed. I was bathing Valley, and I had him sort of like face down just watching you back, and I just do this, like, like this, and I was like freaked pity mark, and it wasn't blue or anything, but he just like wasn't responding to me and I was like I fucking shit myself. And you know we were fortunate enough to have jazz's mom in the house and who's a midwife, and I was like gas, gas, gas. What's going on? Yeah, I know you've got a similar story, so yeah, I just wanted you to kind of share your story for you know other fellas to know that like shit happens and you know, like laugh about it now. So listen up to this one Because, um, yeah, obviously when, when the babies are born, this is.
Speaker 1:I did this with Goldie. So, okay, yeah, it's okay, but basically when they're born, they're covered in vernex, which is like I don't even know how you describe it. It's like it's like they've got cream cheese all over them. You know it's meant to be really great skin and stuff, yeah. And then, sort of once it's all absorbed, you give them a bath.
Speaker 1:And I can't even remember when, first night, maybe second night, whatever, and I was trying to just do the right thing and give Sophie a chance to rest and I was like I'll bathe Goldie. So I started wiping off the vernex and you do get a little bit OCD because it's like you know these cracks and you're trying to do it and then I think it was so it's like her head's underwater and I was like, oh my God. So I pulled her head up and yeah, same deal, absolutely not breathing, like not a sign of life, and I not even kidding in that moment I thought I'd killed her and it's the feeling. I felt like I was going to vomit on her, which also probably wouldn't help. But when Sophie hit the met call button which is like code, fucking, whatever, and yeah, they all just came running and the midwife is like basically laughing like she. She knew straight away what had happened and I remember doing this we did this child CPR thing for choking. So straight away I flipped her up on, like smacking her on the back, like you're trying to do something. We were like stop, stop getting your babies. Yeah, and yeah, the middle I was laughing and then, yeah, sure enough, like she then just takes a breath. And what I didn't know is that babies have this reflex where, if they go underwater, it's a survival mechanism and they will get out, hold their breath just like involuntarily, and then get going again. But yeah, it scares the life out of you and yeah, it's one of those funny things like we spoke about afterwards. But yeah, I'm sure there's lots of dads out there that have tried to drown their baby First night. We didn't try to. Oh my God, yeah, it's not a good time. No, so, yeah, I thought so with all the other dads at science, especially if it's really recent, and so we might just go back to the second, the third pregnancy, which was Goldie. Yeah, how, that was a little bit different. Yeah, it was. So I've got minor brain damage from having kids, so I can't remember things about it.
Speaker 1:I think, with Poppy, like, probably the main thing I would say is that we know we wanted to have a big family, regardless, like Soph and I have always spoke about having four kids without really knowing what that entails. You know, we just see big families and it looked exciting. I come from a family of two, she comes from a family of three and we both have always said we want to kind of go for four. So, yeah, we sort of had to pick along with it. Life is sort of getting back to normal and it seemed like the right time to do it. I'm trying to work out exactly what the age gap would have been, but I think Poppy would have been around 15 months, 16 months, yeah, and we were actually on holidays down in Gipsland when she was conceived. I don't know if that's too much information. But no, go for that. Yeah, we're feeling relaxed. The wine was flying and, you know, things happened. So I'm pretty sure Marlowe was conceived after like a false festival. Yeah, three days. So, yeah, awesome, yeah, so we make our best that happens, yeah. So, yeah, we felt ready and, same deal, we didn't find out the sex this time. Her pregnancy second time around was slightly better.
Speaker 1:It's challenging when you have a kid. Regardless, your wife is pregnant and they're obviously, you know, again dealing with some sickness in there and things like that. So, again, from a male point of view, that's a challenging time. Only because things are changing again, you know, and you're like sweet, thought we had it all sorted and things sort of changing up again. You're trying to balance like work, your relationship with your wife that you know, in terms of like you and her as lovers kind of put on hold in that period and you're there to support them. You're trying to support your firstborn as well, and then, obviously, whatever else you have going on in the background.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, it's a hard time, but I feel like for me, I've always been good at sort of just getting on with it, you know, and just waking up each day and doing the best that you can, getting on the plates, yeah, yeah, yeah, to be honest with you and I wasn't joking about thinking how I'm not being able to remember that much but it was just one of those periods of life like, yeah, I remember doing a lot of poppy and supporting software I can, but I don't have a. There's no real nuggets of gold that I feel like I can pull out of there. It's just we just got on with it and we're like we're having a second child. Yeah, and did you, did you guys find out as sex of your baby birth times? Neither, neither on both. Only because initially I had really strong opinions about it. I was just like I just want this pure surprise.
Speaker 1:As things have gone on like next time around, for some reason, I feel like I want to find out, just maybe for different experience. I don't even know, like, but yeah, I think I loved the first time around not finding out. I feel like now things go faster and time goes faster. You've got a lot more distractions. I'd be equally as excited just to find out when and if we fell pregnant again, whereas the first time around I feel like it was going to be a bit of a buzzkill to find out early. So, yeah, different strikes from different folks. But, yeah, it was so cool when, yeah, goldie's birth. The difference is you know what you're signing up for, you know what you're going into. Again, I felt like I'm out. I was like ready for game day. So, in my opinion, on the second one, just seeing it like she was just ready to own it as well, it was pretty cool to see.
Speaker 1:And by times they're inductions. So, first time around. So that's not just an oven or a stove top, by the way, guys. Yeah, First time around. So I've actually got this really bad rash towards the end of pregnancy and wasn't sleeping very well, and that was the reason that we got induced that time. Second time around, it was we wanted to have our obstetrician there for game day and he was potentially not going to be there if we let it go any further. So, yeah, induction by times.
Speaker 1:The second time around, we went in. It was very orderly. It was very funny because this midwife kept coming in saying that there's a sausage, is all happening, and that if we wanted to go down and put our two bucks in and so forth, I had the drip in and was like having contractions and so sort of this ongoing joke throughout the day, and I always love having music in there and just trying to set the scene a little bit. So experience a bit, yeah, but man, it happened quick and I think she was born around 1130. And, like, so far, was only in labor, I think, for maybe four hours, yeah, from memory. So it happened super quick, super intense and, yeah, boom, goldie is out. Like so, yeah, that that one. In particular. We had this amazing midwife called Claire and she was there from start to finish and she just had like a beautiful aura about her. You can tell she was excited to be part of this birth with a young couple, and not saying they're not all like that, but for a lot of midwives that have just been working a really long time or maybe they're just not as connected to it and then they're just to sort of, you know, service you as opposed to like be a part of it. And you know Steph and I both said that if she's available for our next one, even if she's not the midwife but somehow can be there, we're just like want her there. You know she made it such a beautiful experience and yeah, so I've owned it.
Speaker 1:And did you go through a private system? Yeah, we went to John Flynn. Yeah, so we had the private health cover early enough. And because so far it's an obstetrician, we kind of been murdered up. Yeah, you might remember this, but I think you have to have private health care for a certain time. Okay, before it kicks into going to that system. You can't just like switch it to pregnancy. No, yeah, so, yeah, we had our own room and then you stay there afterwards for however many nights. And yeah, it was. It was amazing.
Speaker 1:I think the biggest thing for me second time around was that it was so finalized chance to be back in a little bubble. Poppy was with her grandparent, with Jimmy and Timmy up here. My folks flew up as well. Yeah, just having that time together to connect with Goldie and then try and drown her and bring her back and then and then bring Poppy in and introduce her like man, if your heart isn't already like melted and it doesn't melt by, you know, your first born meeting, meeting you on a try, oh man, it's. It's a crazy feeling.
Speaker 1:And I think the second time around I felt the same level of love. I don't feel like it was as visceral because I wasn't as stressed going into it. But, yeah, yeah, you drive home and you're like, holy crap, we've got two kids. Not that having one kid isn't a family, but for some reason I was just like, wow, like we've got the same amount of kids as there are us. Like this is intense, man, like almost outnumbered. Yeah, I can imagine families that have more, like even more, I can imagine what that would be like. Yeah, oh man, there's some beautiful experiences that I know like with with our experience having Valley we had. So we went through the public system and, although the experience was beautiful, we had quite the opposite in terms of we probably had a think close to five mid different midwives of just giving birth and although, like, I wouldn't necessarily say that as a negative, because they were all really beautiful people as well but the thing that I found was that you do start to get this connection with the midwife and he or she starts to learn about you guys as a couple and whatever. And then it's like, gosh, you're so hot, ding, yeah, and be daddy, and towards the end we kind of had the midwife that ended up delivering our baby. She kind of stayed on a little bit longer than what she was meant to, but yeah, she just likes it. Yeah, we did find out that later she was actually one of her neighbors in catchment. Yeah, it's kind of cool. But yeah, so you've got the first baby poppy, you've given birth, you've taken her home. I'm just gonna take a few backwards steps.
Speaker 1:First few nights sleeping with your first newborn at home. I've heard lots of stories like why I know for myself, I was checking on Marlowe like probably every hour to see if he was breathing. See, like you know, the first few nights were terrible, but, like, once he started actually sleeping, I was so scared of him falling asleep on my chest because I was so tired that I would fall asleep too. Yeah, how did you sort of cope with that? Or were you just like, oh, yeah, to be honest with you, I feel like, yeah, most things I do. You know that I'm a frother. Like you know, I get really, really excited and in a lot of ways, like with parenting, that's to detriment, because you don't realize. You know that you're in it for the long haul. So, yeah, I was so excited that for me, like not sleeping, I just didn't care that much, you know, and I love sleep, like I put my hand up and say, like you know, like I definitely am the nap king, but yeah, for me it was just so excited about this beautiful baby that we had that every time I woke up I was like, oh, I don't know, just that overwhelming love for them.
Speaker 1:The sleep thing wasn't really a drama. Yeah, I feel like for me that kicked in a lot later when you know that adrenaline wears off and you're like, wow, what's happening? This is here for a long time. So that first period, I love the first few weeks. It was dreamy, and then bringing Goldie home, like similar, similar feelings, no, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Then I think, when you have two like six months in, I found all the adrenaline that I had had worn off and the sleeping gets to you and you know that's sort of when, like, you come to those arrangements or whatever, where you and your wife or partner, whoever you know making those arrangements, you get up one time a night or whatever it might be. So, yeah, it's hard to say, but I feel like Brown too. I was like I know what I'm in for and I was like we need to get Goldie sleeping as good as we can in some kind of routine and a little bit of a divide and conquer approach, where, if so, if you've been up, I'd take the morning shift and just try and bounce off each other and communicate, not to say that you don't end up in, like you know, there's midnight craziness where both kids are going off and you know you can't do anything but laugh. So, yeah, laugh and cry. Yeah, laugh and cry, yeah, but boiling big time, yeah. So yeah, round two. You're not as naive and I think you don't get as much of that overwhelming love hormone that can override not sleeping. Did you guys work out a plan with because Sophie's breastfeeding? Right? Yeah, she breastfed bowtimes, but I feel like we mixed the bottle in there too, just so that I could. I could help.
Speaker 1:You know, this episode of the dad bod cast along with almost every day of my life is fueled by Blackboard coffee roasters. The crew of Blackboard coffee roasters have set out with the aim of educating people about coffee where and who the beans come from, how they're roasted and what to look for when you're drinking a brew. All you coffee addict dad bod listeners will be stoked to know that I have a little DC code to sweeten your next coffee purchase and to dad bod 10 at the checkout for a 10% off discount If you're looking for a little bit more. I personally love the value in setting and forgetting a coffee subscription. The boys at Blackboard offer a huge 20% off every coffee order and free shipping across Australia with every order over 30 bucks. Join up for a prepaid subscription or set and forget with the pay as you go option, with no locking obligations. Reach out to the boys on insta at blackboard coffee or blackboardcoffeecom to find out more Blackboard coffee. Good coffee, good people.
Speaker 1:Now back to the show, and do you feel like your connection with Poppy happened instantly? What do you think? That it was like a like down the track where you potentially were maybe feeding her a bottle, a bit more like, had a little bit more of involvement with? Yeah, I've observed a lot of people having kids, I feel like around our age. Hearing what you're saying, I think I've seen some guys not, you know, they don't feel like they're kind of like part of that process, but A bit disconnected.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think, because I was frothing on it so much and so if it was welcome to receive that help in my experience, where I've observed guys feeling disconnected. It's because the mom's sort of overbearingness to want to do everything their way, or even if just their love is overwhelming for them and that's their main priority, it can make the husband sort of feel a bit useless in a lot of ways. But, to be honest, I just would never allow that to happen because I want, you know, I would just get my hands in there and go for it, you know, yeah. So, yeah, I remember, like pretty often so if we'd sort of go to bed a little bit earlier and I'd watch a movie with Poppy on my chest and have that time to connect with her. But, you know, often in mornings I'd go for a walk with her. So, yeah, no, I just was so frothing to like be dad and interesting that you make that point, though, because I recall, in particular mornings that I'd take her out and I was by myself.
Speaker 1:Like the older demographic would be like, oh, that's so cute, like, and I'd almost think it's like foreign to see dad with a baby that young in a swaddle, taking them for a walk and grabbing coffee and hanging out with their mate or whatever it might be. But so true, yeah, for me that's like that's the best feeling in the world. You know, like, and it's got so quick, so proud. Oh, it's just about it. Yeah, the pram or the, you know, yeah, and a lot, of, a lot, of, a lot of moms that do have that anxiety around. You know what if this happens? What if that happens, like, I think it's our role as a partner to be like it's okay to just for you to rest, or it's okay for you to. Maybe you don't want to rest, maybe you want to like chuck a podcast on or watch whatever it is like, but just giving them that little bit of time it's gonna hit, reset, yeah, it's gonna pay dividends for your relationship and for the child and for the mom, so that mom's got some energy to give back. You know, yeah, so it's not everyone's in it Like.
Speaker 1:I definitely was in a flexible work position too, so I had the, had that time to give. Yeah, it's funny. I do recall, like to sort of walk in with Marlowe you know whether it was to the beach or wherever, the park or whatever and just those comments like oh good on you, mate. Yeah, so you just have a medal. It's just a dad taking your kid out. Yeah, cheers, yeah, um, right, so you knew, archetype, being a dad.
Speaker 1:It's a new season, it's ever evolving, it's uncharted territory, you know, like I recently had a conversation with a mate about becoming a dad and embracing it but also accepting it. What is the new normal? And I guess you know we obviously from the conversation we've just had, if you weren't nervous about that change, you seem to be well equipped and prepared for it. Yeah, and, and you know, really excited about it. But was there kind of like, once it all happened, was there a moment in particular that you've gone? Oh fuck, like this is a new person, like or I accept this 100%. Yeah, I think, um, the nugget of wisdom that I think I would say here is that this is not I mentioned to this before like if you're someone who is in the past, hasn't had a problem with ambition, hasn't had a problem with challenge, and you know that for me, was something that I feel like I stepped up to or changed my mindset in my late teens was sort of embracing challenge.
Speaker 1:Embracing, you know, embracing that if you want to get after it and you want to make things happen in your life, that it's going to be hard, you know, and I think the the naive thing within. That is, when you have kids. You're like, yeah, of course there's going to be hard things, but I'm used to conquering things. I'm used to doing hard things, you know, but at the end of the day, you're not climbing a mountain to reach the summit and see this beautiful view at the end of it. Like parenting is an ongoing ultra marathon, you know, and the views will get better along the way, but you'll also be stuck in the martyr points too, and you're going to need help generally to get out of that mud.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I think that for me, is probably the toughest pill to swallow is that I feel like I'm someone that has always been able to, you know, overcome adversity and things like that. And I was lucky enough at the time, even pre kids, to be training with a good friend of mine, taylor. You're planning on getting on the podcast as well. And, yeah, I've always like joking Next time. Yeah, I was jokingly called Tate Jesus because he's, like you know, just this walking man of wisdom and I'm one of his disciples. He doesn't he doesn't call himself that, by the way but yeah, I was lucky enough to be already an open person, having done a little bit of like yeah, I would in some ways label it like therapy.
Speaker 1:I guess it's like mental work to understand who you are and what drives you and why you're doing the things you're doing. So I was equipped, I felt like to navigate these feelings I was having and I think, just as an example of what you said about accepting the archetype of being a dad, it's really hard because you first need to define what that is to you and I think for a lot of us, we accept a picture that can look pretty dismal. You know, like I'm never going to have sex again. These are my two kids. I'm going to fucking smash tins every night. I'm going to smash tins every night, and you know, until I get fucking stuck in the grave.
Speaker 1:But the reality is it's between you and your partner to define how you want your life to look and how you want your. You know how you want to be individuals outside of being parents and how you want your life to look for your kids. There's obviously factors within that in terms of the resources that you have, what you want to achieve, whether you're doing it by your first time or whether you already have it. There are some realities to working those things out. So I think for me just to sort of like go back on that, I was really naive, I just thought we'd kill it. It would be this always happy family.
Speaker 1:But the biggest thing for me was that challenges popped up that I never sort of expected and that was like, yeah, just trying to keep everyone happy, as well as yourself, and I think that is the daily struggle is that sometimes and some weeks you'll feel like you are losing, like you feel like you're failing at everything, and if you're someone that feels like they can have a toolkit equipped to like succeed or whatever that might be, it's really hard to accept that. But sometimes you're just going to have, you're going to have weeks that suck. Kids are going to be sick, you're going to have financial pressures in your business or with work and you're going to feel like you can't climb out of the hole and that's not necessarily accepting being a parent or a dad. But you have to realize that this whole new sector of the pie that makes up your time, life and resources has just been dumped in and you might have initially thought that kids were going to take up this little slither here. I'm just going to pop a, pop a kid in there. We're still going to be going out, and that's probably the point is that taking on this journey, as beautiful as it can be, it'll take you to the highest of highs and lowest of lows, and within that there can be amazing growth, but for some people it is crippling.
Speaker 1:So accepting being a parent, I think, is first having open communication with your partner and defining the life that you guys feel like you can have. And you know, soph and I just had a chat in the last few days about both of us trying to be able to do the things that we want to do to a certain level of quality. And like to give you an example of that. You know, if you have an activity that you'd like to do and we've spoken about this before, but it's like if the kids are challenging at home and having two young kids is if you let your partner say, go and do something. You know so if might say, let me go for a foil or a surf in the morning, and then I've said I'll be home in a certain time and you know I'm not the most diligent of people and you come back and you're home late and they've had a rough morning, I feel put out. It's really hard for them to, you know, feel stoked for you that you've gone and done it and then, vice versa, you feel like you've quickly gone for a surf.
Speaker 1:You used to go and have a coffee afterwards with your mate and just talk about life and how amazing things are and how you plan on having 100 kids, and then your partner then feels a little bit neglected and then they maybe have things that they need to do and you can see how that stuff confessed to if you don't talk about it. And the conversation that we had off the back of the last few days is we should both be able to do the things that we need to do. If we can communicate the needs of each other personally and giving the other person the time to do what they need to do fully, so like for us, that one of those is like giving you know so if has a lot of kind of admin things that she needs to do around some of the work that we do, so yeah, giving her that time to go and do it rather than trying to fit it into the house or whatever it does, and I don't feel like we fully work that out yet. But accepting being a parent to me is accepting the constant need for readjusting and constant need for communication, the constant need for like trying to make things work as a partnership. Trying to make things work in terms of like giving your kids what they need, which to me means being a present father mentally, physically, all of that and you know playing monkeys, jumping on the bed or playing. You know making houses out of cardboard and being fully committed, not being half on Insta and half doing emails or even mentally not being there and getting the shit through that. So that, to me, is what the kids need, what your partner needs in terms of them being a mom, but also what your partner needs in terms of you showing up as a lover as well.
Speaker 1:When you can, yeah, yeah. When the time feels fit, yeah yeah. And not just sexually, just mean in terms of like seeing them and their struggles. You know, and acknowledging that and I can say straight up that's not my forte is like acknowledging other people's struggles, and I think mainly because of the high expectation that I place on myself. And so and that's part of it it's like acknowledging that and talking to your partner and say, hey, I know I don't do this particularly well and then saying, yeah, you don't shit. But yeah, when you hear those things it can be tough people to swallow. But drop your ego and be man enough to realize that at the end of the day you should all be on the same team and that picture of what parenthood can look like can be amazing. You just both have to come to the table and be able to get the things that you need to fill up your cup to show up as a parent. Yeah, you make some really good points with you know accepting what the new archetype of dad is and it's not just accepting fuck, life's over, like you know, like it's changed. You know like my old life life is, nick Pierce, being single or you know, just married, and you know having fun with your wife and stuff is done Like.
Speaker 1:You made some really good points of checking back into that, nick Pierce, and also the connection that you have with Soph. What are some of the things that you mentioned surfing and foiling but what are some of the things you do to keep that calm, level head and be able to provide those fun things for Poppy and Goldie? As a father should, but that can't just happen when you're tired and exhausted because all you've you haven't checked back in with those things that fill your cup. So what are some of the things that you do to reconnect with Nick Pierce, and then also some of the things that you you do with Soph, and how do you do it? Oh, that's a very intimate question. I didn't connect with Nick Pierce, no. So there's obviously a lot, a lot within that and it's pretty loaded questions. Yeah, no, no.
Speaker 1:The first thing I'd say is, like getting back to who you are is a question that you can ask yourself, regardless of having kids or not. I think when, particularly for me, having, since having had two kids it forces you to ask yourself that question. Because if you start feeling a little bit, you know, agitated and frustrated, like for me, that's what helps me calm that frustration and anxiousness and irritability is like redefining, I guess, who I am, irrespective of as an individual. As an individual, yeah, and it's something I think about quite a lot, and the answer to that recently for me has been sort of connecting with my food, connecting back to my food, and particularly even when the girls I've always enjoyed fishing and produce and things like that, but, particularly at the moment, the things that I find really give me that sense of freedom and re-energize and excite me to give me that feeling to come to the family energize is things like fishing and hunting, and the point I would make with that we spoke about this the other day is that I think sometimes, from a male perspective, we have a certain amount of like.
Speaker 1:You know, I don't even know if you just call it like testosterone, but I've always been had that, you know, wanted to have that regular intimacy and regular connection with. So, and particularly during the time when they're pregnant, you know, they're like nursing this baby Sorry, nurturing this baby in their womb and giving everything to that. You know, like you have to take a backseat. Yeah, that's just a reality of it. So what helped me at that time, rather than feeling like a victim and feeling unloved or whatever it might have been, was to find some things that would fill up my cup and from such perspective, she might think that I've probably taken that too far. But yeah, I was like what? What really connects back to me and and filling up my purpose? And for me that was connecting back to my food and that feeling of catching something with my mates and the excitement of it and being in nature and bringing it home and cooking it and just that whole process I've always loved. So that was something that really filled up my cup, particularly that time, and I connected more and more with that and it's something that I've sort of kept going with.
Speaker 1:But I think, yeah, the biggest thing for me is that feeling, that natural experience, whether it's going on a hike, like we've done some awesome trails, be it like walking or running or whatever. Going into the ocean, swimming, surfing, foiling For me that just melts everything away and those little niggling irritations are gone and I feel set up to take on whatever challenges are going to happen for the rest of the day. Even for me, if I go two or three days without doing something, I just get so eggy and I know so, if can tell when I'm like that as well. Yeah, and it's hard because that energy just hasn't, hasn't left you. You know like you just have it in there and the little incessant things that kids do start to get to you and there's nothing worse than feeling like a parent just snapping at their kids Because, guaranteed, they just resonating on the energy you're putting out. So it's so good if you can make that time for yourself and your partner and there's seasons within parenthood where it's not possible but if you guys can make that time to give each other enough just to fill your cup up a little bit, that prepares you to go. Go back, you know. Be a bit stronger and just ready to take on whatever the kids throw at you. Wise words Including shitty napkins.
Speaker 1:Have you thought about your future archetype of being a dad? Yeah, I think about the future heaps. So yeah, I don't know what it holds, but I think the one thing I do know is that you have to fight to have that future and it's not just going to come to you. And that means waking up in the morning like I'll be the first to put my hand up and say that I'm not the best at saying that I'm having a shit day. And you know, even the other day you messaged me the other day, you know, like you seem to be it off and I was like, yeah, fuck, actually, you know what. I haven't been off like you know. And yeah, sometimes it was like the next day I felt he's better because so if I had a conversation and I realized that my mood was just reflecting on, like you know, some internal things that I was struggling with that I hadn't really voiced.
Speaker 1:And yeah, the more you internalize, it comes out in bad ways. You know you can be reactive and snappy and not talk about it in a nice way. And you know for me, for me that night, that I was feeling a bit off, like, to be honest, it wasn't even the root of while I was feeling off, but it was something sort of a little niggle in there and it just came out as a bit of a snap. And you know I hate communicating like that, but sometimes it takes a little bit of chaos and speaking your truth to work things out and both come out a bit better. And the one thing I know for the future, like whether it's communicating with my daughters or you know, if we have another kid, whatever that gender may be, but speaking your actual truth, regardless of wiring if it's actually going to hurt the person or not, and just talking through it, it's always the best. It's always the best road.
Speaker 1:You know, sometimes it's hard to tell your partner because you do love them. You're worried about the things you're going to say and hurt them. You're worried, telling them that you know, I hate it when you roll your eyes at this thing, because it makes me feel like shit, and saying that you're like, oh, that's, you know that's going to hurt them, you know, but in the reality is it doesn't. It's for them to digest. And then you guys talk about it and end up in a better place and hopefully level up because of it. And I think, from my perspective, the one thing that I know about the future is that that's how I will continue.
Speaker 1:My self-respect is by, like, speaking my truth to my girls. You're honest with yourself and with everyone around you, yeah, and I'll be honest if I fuck up, you know. I'll be honest if I said the wrong thing, you know, and yeah, to me that's the most masculine thing you can do. It's like, oh, no, you know for sure. I think the least masculine thing you can do is puff your chest out and pretend it's sweet, yeah, whereas, um, yeah, putting your hand up as a guy and saying I'm finding this hard or, you know, talking about it. That to me is like true courage and something you can be proud of from an identity point of view. Yeah, yeah, that's um yeah, across all aspects of your life really, like you know, with your, with your kids, with your friends, with your partner. I think it's like, yeah, really good advice, man.
Speaker 1:So you know, but before the new role of being a dad, you know, you and Soph had a lot of free time to just do the things that you know really, I guess, strengthen the relationship and you and that love bubble and just just being married and things like, what sort of things do you guys do now to like reconnect with that, with that flame or that feeling that you're still just madly in love with each other? Yeah, I mean, you said it better than anyone the other day when we're just chatting on a run or something, but a really common thing or a really common life archetype sort of thing to check in with is that in a lot of ways, you, you lose your lover to a mother, so the person you fell in love with was that lover and They've had to switch which is totally understandable to that mother archetype. So in a lot of ways, you need to fall back in love with them as a mother. And yeah, how do you do that, like there's no prescription for it and I think it's really easy not to, you know, but how do you find the beauty in it? And, like, you have to check in with yourself how you're showing up, you know for them, and I think it's really normal to go through periods with struggling with that. And, yeah, it's just naive to think that it's going to be sweet and the same and expected, and the child with the same amount of passion, after you know having a child hang off their breasticle for a long period of the day. So, yeah, how do we make time for that? I mean, particularly since when lockdown hasn't been around at the moment and I always said we wouldn't talk about that.
Speaker 1:But yeah, we try to book in a date night and one of the things that we checked in with this year was, like, after having Goldie, we went to a house here for dinner and we were both so effing tired, like, and we went and stayed there for this one night. So, parents looking after the kids, we had a few drinks in the arbo and then went down for dinner and we're in this really formal setting. We haven't sort of sat down, you know, face to face like that for quite some time without looking after things, and you feel like you have to unpack the last two years or whatever it is. I was like feeling kind of anxious and so was so, and I think we both just didn't acknowledge that we didn't. That's not what we wanted at the time. So I ended up like crying at dinner and shit and the drinks, like for me too, I was like tired as I just want to go to bed.
Speaker 1:And we just realized in that moment we were like we spoke the next morning, so it's like I don't even know why I cried and I was like, yeah, I'm feeling pretty cooked as well and we realized that like we need to carve out more time for ourselves. So for us you know, I know it's not a reality for everyone financially, but we're in a good financial position and we book a babysitter like once a week to go and do an activity. Sometimes that's like we've been doing ceramics. We just go for dinner and like sit at a bar and have dinner together, go and get rum and like just do something to reconnect, go down the beach. We try and get the babysitter nice and early as well. Shout out to Zadi the bloody legend, she's the bomb. Yeah, that's that to me, like the regularity of it is the key.
Speaker 1:And then also, just, you know, the other morning, so if made me a coffee and often I would make the coffees and stuff, and to be honest, that that was enough I was like I just felt really loved because of that. And then, yeah, reciprocating that and noticing these little things that you can do for them and you know, I'm terrible, like I'll even fucking pile of destruction behind me when I do things, so I'm not the best at the best that I keep in the house clean, but finding out what really ticks the box for your partner and making sure that you try and do those things and we send our kids to daycare and try and get that on consecutive days and try and sneak in a little date here and there. So, yeah, I think it's really talking about it and nodding it out and then taking action and making sure it happens. And then, yeah, every, every season of parenthood changes and you have to just again come back together and go all right, I'm struggling, just. And then you have to see a game of trial and arrows and really, like you've just got to like adjust, like work out what the core of any issue that pops up, and oh, yeah, and flip it on its head and yeah, and try something new. Yeah, and it's funny too, because you can feel like everything's running along sweet, and then yeah, and then a little bit of stress sets in for one or another and then yeah, it just takes like trying to be aware and it's hard. It's hard when you've got so much going on, but that's that's like to the core.
Speaker 1:Or one of the reasons why I wanted to create these podcasts is because, fuck all out there for for blokes to like just get a subtle reminder of what to try or whatever. You know, from a bloke's perspective as well, it's like it's not very easy to identify. What are these things that tick your partner's box all the time? Tell us more. There's all these things, like you know, and it's it's just about trying new things, and you might not know what these new things are until you hear it from someone else's experience. Yeah, and then we were talking about it before, but you know, like you're saying different things for different people.
Speaker 1:There's some really cool literature written on think the love language thing, and I think one of the cool things to check in with that, even if you don't necessarily read the book, you can get a quick sort of idea of it online and it defines the categories in which someone can receive love, give and receive love. And when you understand how your partner can receive love, you're then able to tap in with them because you know you might be trying to say, gift them something that you think, oh, this is going to make them feel so loved, and you do it and then it doesn't hit home for them. You know, yeah, it might be that doing the dishwasher in the morning actually makes them feel way more loved than you know booking this fancy dinner or something. So talking to your partner and accepting their honest answer and creating a space to communicate where they can be honest, I think is a huge part of doing that, because if you always beat them down after they're honest, they're going to stop being honest with you, and vice versa If, if this is always at your throat when you're being honest, you're going to shut down and not be honest. So the first place is is discussing that. We've sort of established this in our relationship, but I think for a lot of people that don't go. Hey, you know I don't feel comfortable telling you what I actually think, because every time I tell you that I'm not feeling loved because of X. You actually shut me down and that's going to stop me from trying to talk to you about how I actually feel. Yeah, and imagine in that moment that in your like, let's say, you just started your journey as a parent, you've got another, however many years that that stuff's going to fester.
Speaker 1:You know you should always be able to speak to your partner truthfully and if you don't feel like you're being heard from a guy or girl point of view, I think establishing that ground rules that you won't tolerate not having a space in which you can be honest is the first thing you should do for self respect, yeah, and first foundation of of something to build on. You know, I certainly put my hand up and say, like, in the past I've definitely not been a strong point for me. Yeah, it can be tough, it can be tough to swallow. Yeah, yeah, someone says something that maybe fucks with what you want to do, or maybe you know you don't want to unpack the dish or shit before going to work and wrecks your plans. But yeah, you know you have to create a space in which each other can be heard and yeah, I know in the past for me, if you have a lot of other stresses, it can be really hard to hear what they're saying or to feel like you can actually speak exactly how you're feeling, without worrying about how they might take it or if they're going to bite back. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But I think there's some excellent points in there about becoming the new archetype and, you know, adjusting, accepting, and it doesn't have to be this daunting, horrible thing. You know, it can be really beautiful and, yeah, like it's, it's a new lifestyle for you, it's yeah. So I think I think there's some great things in there for everyone to to, you know, learn from and and to take in place into their, their toolbox. Yeah, 100%. But I thought I thought we just changed the topic a little bit and go into something a little bit more fun that I wanted to start to implement into these chats, and it came from something that I read recently around some studies of dads playing with their children and how it can really benefit them, overcoming challenges and, you know, just just helping them with problem solving and things like that.
Speaker 1:What are some of the things that you do with the girls, you know, when you feel like they're silly dad? And playing, playing cool games with them. Yeah, you know, because I think, like in the, in the heat of like a bottom meltdown, you, it's very easy to revert back to this fun game that you always play over and over again. That like seems to work. Yeah, like it's. It's really cool to hear other stories and you know other examples that you might be like. Ah, nick said this, yeah for sure. Yeah, that's, you gotta go. Yeah, yeah, I find with like with our girls, especially now that God is getting a little bit older and that they can play.
Speaker 1:But I'm by nature I'm like pretty pretty silly and just like do stupid shit and sounds and stuff with them. You know, kind of constantly, yeah, but, um, yeah, they surprisingly like I'm not, I shouldn't even say surprisingly but our girls love like a bit of rough and tumble as well. So, yeah, I mean we're always playing like monkeys jumping on the bed and like I push them over on the bed and stuff and they just cackle and love it. Like both girls I've always like it's funny too, because one of one of our mates, sasha, does this too, and we both did it without even knowing. Um, but when Poppy used to be like sort of cracking a little bit and you could see see like her anger for a situation was getting to her.
Speaker 1:Rather than saying like, be a good girl or something, um, I'd be like, oh, I'm going to have to reset you because, like she'd had toys and stuff that needed to be reset. And to reset them, you hang them upside down and it was just like a bit of a circuit breakout in the moment where, like you know, you've sort of maybe turned off a TV show or said they can't have something or whatever it might be. But to sort of take it back to a game and just be like, you know, don't worry about it, like everything's good, you give them a reset and you just hang them upside down and hit the reset button Like their belly button or something, and just like make them laugh and just sort of take out, take the seriousness out of the scenario. I should ask to reset with it. It doesn't always work and sometimes it adds fuel to the fire that is cracking it by your own.
Speaker 1:But no, like, yeah, there's not one sort of game I can like pinpoint that we play. But you know, I've got the rings outside of my house and the girls love swinging off them, the biggest thing. I always try. I try not to say no, like it's going to hurt them or something, until it really is dangerous. Yeah, because I want them to be able to explore. I want Poppy to be able to, like, climb rocks at Cabba Beach as high as she can go, as long as it's, you know. Natural consequence within reason yeah, totally, man, and I, like you, know it's so easy just to say no, no, no. But um, yeah, some days I just find myself saying stop it, no, stop it no. Yeah, and when you're in the house it's hard. So I think, yeah, trying to get down to their level and just play whatever it like the amount of poor patrol games that played recently where Poppy's dished me out of character and yeah, I can just go full tilt and be stupid and yeah, and play the game. But um, yeah, probably my favorite when they were younger was the reset and then, definitely at the moment, poppy's like jumping on the surfboard in the pool and then we're making waves and she's like trying to stand on it and that's pretty fun.
Speaker 1:So to give this next question we've already spoken about it some context, I was hoping you might be able to talk to us a little bit about recipes because I think that kind of ties in with some of the activities you do. Oh yeah, I didn't even think you're cooking. That's definitely a good one, yeah. And so, like, I see Poppy pop up in a lot of the recipes and Goldie, you know, just giving you a hand, yeah, and I think that that's a really cool thing and connection to do with the kids, and not only is that forming that connection and doing an activity with them, but it's also promoting a healthy lifestyle and introducing into different foods and things like that. If people aren't, you know, following you on recipes, yeah, so, um, recipes is basically, you know, it started through. My wife, sof has a pretty good following on Instagram through her podcast and just, you know, posting beautiful pictures, but people shout out to be on the bump there. Yeah, shout out to be on the bump. Yeah, I was seine добби Karl 8 beside at this entire event. Oh, yeah, thank you. Yeah, recipes basically started because so I've got sick of people asking what something was on here Instagram that I'd cooked, and Then we sort of made its own page and we just post one sort of once a week showing people how to cook.
Speaker 1:Having been a hospitality for 10 years. You know I've loved cooking since as long as I can remember. My parents were into it and I haven't really fond memories of cooking with my parents as well. Down the track in life, I always saw myself doing something in a cooking school related kind of business, similar to something like a grand kitchen down in Tassie, which I've been to a few times. But what I found was like the amount of people recreating our dishes from this Instagram Was blowing me away, and people saying that they've fallen in love with cooking and then people sending us through pictures of them cooking with their kids as well. And yeah, I can't tell you how stoked that makes me feel To see that, and I realized that, like, the reach of this thing was way bigger than saying having like 12 course participants In some school. We have to build. Yeah, we can do it in our own home. It's food that we love to make, we're gonna eat it afterwards and people can consume their content whenever they want, you know, and it's it's there permanently. So that is what recipes is we now. It's now like a you know, a business for us, too, because brands that we love reach out and we create recipes for them and then it's still free for people to use. So, yeah, part of that is encouraging other people to get in the kitchen and rather than seeing it like this punished chore.
Speaker 1:You know, it was funny, actually even thought of this the other day when I was cooking at the barbecue and Jazzy's like, oh, poor nicks outside on the barbecue and I heard Jack, oh hi, kyle, go easy, he's fucking hell. Yeah, there's like no place. There is no place and rather be particularly cooking for mates. So, and car did a great job with the ribs that night. Oh, tell us about your recipe and how many hours, in what time, you have to cook it out Like I had it all. Man, I've had a few too many drinks down the fire pit and Forgot about a few times, remember, but then cook me, fuck, getting out. To be honest, oh, shmoky, yeah, so that's what recipes is, and just claim it did not follow recipes recipe. So there's your problem. Yeah, it was my problem anyway. So, yeah, but the plan is I think we're gonna do some to try, and particularly for the fellas.
Speaker 1:Like I know, cooking is not stereotypically a male thing in the past, but times have changed, definitely, and it doesn't have to be a hunk of meat that you cook in, you know, on the barbecue. But falling in love with the process of cooking is, you know, I've seen you Enjoy it more and more now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like what's it to you now? And because, well it's, it's become more approachable for me because I've had someone Educate me and break it down. Yeah, it does become easy. Yeah, it's not. It's not a hard thing to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, to source fresh produce and to really like enjoy the process of cooking up something and enjoying it as a family and, like you said, cooking for your mates and family. Like there's no better thing than sitting down as a family after something that you've, you know, planned for the day or whatever, and cooked it up and and again, like throw two kids in the mix. It's not the easiest thing always to do. Yeah, picking juicy recipes yeah, totally, but it isn't that hard to create something kind of special and how kids involved in in the process too. Yeah, and I think a cool thing is to like giving your kids the opportunity to fail as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like the amount of times that we're cooking a cake and you need exact ingredients, like don't go into it thinking it's gonna be like how you normally cook it, like so for myself, like the kids now, but so fast, like an annual, is that when she's watching, because there's shit all over the bench and like whatever. But if you weigh everything out beforehand, if you're making something like that, there's only so wrong. It can go, you know, and like let them chuck their hands and there's sugar and play with stuff and it's like a textual fun, like from their world. They're like this is the best thing ever and just know that you're gonna have to clean up at the end, you know. Yeah, so I think like Goldie's 18 months and poppies nearly four, but both of them can crack eggs. And that's not because I've been like this is how to crack an egg. It's because they sit in my stand in a loony tower and I just include them in on it and they're like what are you doing? And they want to see it. And then you hand them one and, of course, the first time, egg and everything go. You know, shell, and everything goes in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but yeah, just giving them that opportunity and having that patience and, and you know, putting yourself in there shoes, like they're like well, this is probably the first time they've done that thing and they are gonna fail at it. Yeah, and like to me, the gift of being able to teach your kids to cook. You know, that's gonna be a life skill for them and it's so much more than just cooking. Yeah, like about learning a process and things which takes them, you know, into so many more things. That's so true, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So, guys, keep an eye out, because Nick and I are gonna come up with some recipes to. We should start with rims. Yeah, we should start with rims and Not a vacuum we just call his barbecue. Make sure we can do it. Yeah for sure, and that'll pop up, probably, on on our Instagram, and if you aren't already following Nick on recipes, it's at Recipes. Yes, wait and yeah, and so, yes, stay tuned for, yes, some exciting new things on our Instagram, with Nick Helping us out with some recipes and things. And, yeah, of course, get in touch if there's something that you guys want to say.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, I just wanted to finish it off by saying thanks so much for coming on, mate. Yeah, I really appreciate, you know, your words of wisdom and being open and honest and, yeah, like, yeah, really appreciate it. I'm sure that you're gonna help a lot of the boys along the way and she's brought to a resume. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode your bunch of legends. If you enjoy the show, could I please get you to show me some love by subscribing and leave a really nice review? Also for loads of extras and to stay up to date with all things dad podcast. Head on over to at dad underscore Podcast on Instagram and give us a follow. Huge love to you all, daddy-os. Catch you soon.