Life has a way of serving up surprises when you least expect them, and often, it's the hurdles that teach us the most. Nick Pearce joins me, Kyle Graham, as we reboot the Dad Bodcast, delving into the very heart of what it means to be a father amid life's unpredictable twists and turns. We're back to share our stories, the laughter, the tears, and the wisdom that comes from the trenches of parenting. It's about the real stuff—balancing work, family, and the elusive 'me' time, all while nurturing the bonds that make this journey worthwhile.
This episode touch on deeply personal tales, from the emotional rollercoaster of an unexpected pregnancy and the complexities of loss, to the intricate dynamics of welcoming new life into our family. Hear how we navigated the tension of familial changes, mastered the logistics of daily life with three young kids, and found joy in each unique experience they brought us. Even in the toughest circumstances, we illuminate the power of resilience and the indescribable strength found in the love for our children.
This isn't just a podcast; it's a community. We're laying bare the silent struggles that come with being a dad, and how carving out time for self-care isn't just a luxury—it's essential. Join us as we tackle listener questions on maintaining relationship sanity against the backdrop of fatherhood and business. We're here to share the strategies that help our families not just survive, but thrive. It's about building a life filled with memories, setting boundaries that serve us, and embracing the chaos with a smile. So, get comfortable, and let's share this path of learning and growth together. Welcome to Season 2 of the Dad Bodcast.
Life has a way of serving up surprises when you least expect them, and often, it's the hurdles that teach us the most. Nick Pearce joins me, Kyle Graham, as we reboot the Dad Bodcast, delving into the very heart of what it means to be a father amid life's unpredictable twists and turns. We're back to share our stories, the laughter, the tears, and the wisdom that comes from the trenches of parenting. It's about the real stuff—balancing work, family, and the elusive 'me' time, all while nurturing the bonds that make this journey worthwhile.
This episode touch on deeply personal tales, from the emotional rollercoaster of an unexpected pregnancy and the complexities of loss, to the intricate dynamics of welcoming new life into our family. Hear how we navigated the tension of familial changes, mastered the logistics of daily life with three young kids, and found joy in each unique experience they brought us. Even in the toughest circumstances, we illuminate the power of resilience and the indescribable strength found in the love for our children.
This isn't just a podcast; it's a community. We're laying bare the silent struggles that come with being a dad, and how carving out time for self-care isn't just a luxury—it's essential. Join us as we tackle listener questions on maintaining relationship sanity against the backdrop of fatherhood and business. We're here to share the strategies that help our families not just survive, but thrive. It's about building a life filled with memories, setting boundaries that serve us, and embracing the chaos with a smile. So, get comfortable, and let's share this path of learning and growth together. Welcome to Season 2 of the Dad Bodcast.
This episode of the DadBodcast is proudly brought to you by Bud. The Label Bud is a kids clothing line that offers simple, wearable and versatile pieces. If you are looking for clothing for your kiddos with quality and comfort at the core, then look no further. Thank you, bud, for making this episode possible. Go, dad Dad's from Bud. Howdy ho, daddy-os. And welcome to the DadB from Bud. Howdy ho, daddy-o's. And welcome to the Dad Podcast. This is brought to you by myself, kyle Graham. This is a place where all types of dads or dads-to-be can tune in, cop a giggle or learn something new about life as a parent. Follow along as we interview dads of all types and uncover some wisdom to help us be the best dads and partners we can be. So get comfy and listen in your big deals, cause the next episode of the dad podcast is about to go down we're pros, yeah, all right.
Speaker 2:So, uh, my name is nick pearson. I'm in the hot seat today. This is kyle graham's podcast, but we thought it would be a great way to go for everyone to get downloaded on who kyle is and, rather than him sit here and talk about himself for an hour, I can um, yeah, I can ask him some questions, um, on everyone's behalf, and so much has happened since you last did the podcast. So, mate, give us a, give us a rundown, like, um, yeah, what did first season look like? When did you wrap it up? How long has it been?
Speaker 1:yeah, so, um, my name is kyle graham and, yeah, I've now have three young boys, uh, ages sort of nine months, three and six. So yeah, all different, different levels at the moment yeah, well, I'm truly in the trenches yeah, yeah, there's a lot going on, um, so I guess, um, yeah, like I started the podcast, uh, two and a half years ago, yeah, and it was, it was kind of started during code.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, um, and it was.
Speaker 1:It was a journey of, I guess, um, you know, trying to enrich my own life with knowledge and things like that, to be a better dad, better partner, and all those things.
Speaker 1:And, um, you know, I'm certainly not the expert, so I thought, you know what a what's a better way to do it than then talk to people about their experiences and, you know, if there's some experts out there, too that I can brag some chunks of wisdom from, and things like that. You know, it's only going to help my journey of parenthood and things like that. Yeah, so unfortunately, I guess towards the end of 2022, I just had to put a line in the sand, basically because there was so much going on in our own family life and then juggling things with full-time work and whatnot, and, yeah, I just needed to spend time with my family, and this is certainly not something that's just an easy task, and obviously we want to make sure that the information that we're providing all the listeners and things like that too, is good quality, and, yeah, so there's a lot of time that goes on. Something had to give.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sorry, podcast. Unfortunately, it was this baby, not my other ones. Yeah, so, no, that's, that's awesome. So when was your last episode? It was at the end of 2022. Yeah, yeah, and so much has obviously happened between um, now and then, which, which we'll get to. But, yeah, what sparked the fire? Like why are we back here? What's made you want to get the podcast?
Speaker 1:back up and running. Yeah, well, I guess again like we've had another kid and I find myself back in this position where I'm just thirsty for knowledge. Yeah, and I had a moment of reflection on this too, just last night actually, because knowing that we were going to be recording again, because knowing that we were going to be recording again, that it's kind of a cool thing for the kids to listen back on when they're old enough to understand. Well, hey, like Dad really did give a shit about, like you know how he was bringing us up, give you shit or give a shit.
Speaker 1:Well, there'll be a bit of all that, but you know it's. I just thought it'd be a really cool thing for them to listen back on too and and go, look, dad, like a bit of a legacy type thing you know as well just say like, oh, dad did some really good things in the community and helped others out and, you know, tried to be a better dad himself and partner to mom and all that sort of thing.
Speaker 2:So that's one thing I think I really admire about yourself and, like, we talk about this all the time but often, if we're going for a run or go for a surf or something, often, like parenting is one of the, you know, biggest topic we talk about and we're both quite vulnerable. I feel like, as far as, um, you know, new age males kind of go, um, and we talk a lot about like our struggles with it or you know, things we're finding challenging and we often bounce ideas off of each other. But, um, yeah, how cool is it that, like, you're obviously bringing that to like a greater audience and we always find, when we start chatting to other dads, that we end up having these really cool convos and, um, there aren't a lot of platforms out there for all like communities for that. So, yeah, um, yeah, I'm so psyched that you're bringing it back, because I think it's only going to enrich um other people's lives and I'm excited to listen, um, yeah, to see what comes up and try and find some of those little nuggets.
Speaker 2:So, um, yeah, one of the questions obviously that um people sent in too was what's your family situation, what is, um, what age are the boys? And, um, uh, what does, uh, your wife jazz do for work? Give us a bit of a rundown on what things look like for your home what do you do for work?
Speaker 1:yeah, so, my boys are nine months, three years old and six years old. Names yeah so, marlo is the eldest, he's six valley, he's the middle child, three years old, and lenny Vali, he's the middle child, three years old, and Lenny or Lenzo, yeah so yeah. And then for work. And then, obviously, most importantly, can't forget my wife, jasmine darling. And yeah so yeah, she's my wife and she works as a nurse, as a registered nurse at tweed hospital.
Speaker 1:She also does some um sort of cosmetic nursing as well on the side, um yeah and then you know, just recently doing some things on social media too, which is really cool to you know, witness her getting after it and you know doing things that she really enjoys doing, um, yeah, and then myself I uh work for blackboard coffee. I was, I was there back in season one as well and yeah, it's still there, still there, um, selling some coffee and yeah and yeah. So, yeah, really enjoying it still.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, obviously it's a, it's a juggle, yeah, um, and that's full time, that's full time yeah, monday to friday and then a lot of weekends, yeah, phone calls and things like that too. Yeah, um, but you know that's that's life. We all. We all have a job and yeah, we've got to got to pay the bills somehow. Yeah, yeah, yeah nice.
Speaker 2:I feel like it's a pretty good snapshot of like. Yeah, it's kind of cool too that we're mates, because I think I feel like one thing that we, um, you know, even though we're both in that like parallel universe of like having three kids similar ages like we're, we both are having very different experiences in terms of like full boy household, full girl household, not to like stereotype, but there's like some differences in in the ways we both have to parent. So it's always cool like the combos that we have, um, which, yeah, I'm sure like you're gonna get such cool, you know, like feedback from people as to like techniques and stuff that will work for, yeah, um, you know different parents, but, um, yeah, that's awesome, so let's get into it. So it's been two years since your last um episode of season one of the dad podcast, so at that time you had um marlo and valley, yeah, and they would have been what that miles would have been four or five he, yeah, he would have been yeah around four or five yeah and valley.
Speaker 1:He would have been yeah, or one like maybe yeah, 12 to 18 months or something like that, and you guys were still in casuarina then um fingal head.
Speaker 2:Oh, you're in fingal, yeah all right cool so give us, give us an update like, um, a lot has happened since then. You've obviously had a another child, but there's two pregnancies in like in that time as well for you guys. So, um, yeah, give us a bit of a rundown of, um, yeah, from living at Fingal, what's been happening in your life since then.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I guess probably the listeners a bit of a reason why, too, that a couple of things stacked up, you know that made it really hard to continue the podcast. Not only just personal life, but then we had a lot of things going on up here, as everyone did, with covid and things that was. That was one thing. And then we had, you know, the horrific floods that hit the northern rivers up here too and that kept us occupied for a few like months and, yeah, um, not only personally but, you know, in the community and then, obviously, with work too. You know like we were navigating different landscapes, you know, like, of how we needed to do business and and things.
Speaker 1:So, um, yeah, look, there was, there was those things that that really put a spanner in the works with it. And then, um, yeah, there was there was also a bit of a stressy situation with. We were at that time, selling our house and the floods hit, uh, just as we were, had signed the contract and where the house was was pretty badly affected by by the flood waters. And, um, you know I was fortunate enough to to know the people that and, um, you know we were on the phone as as tides were rising and things like that.
Speaker 2:And yeah, like I'm not gonna lie, I lost a lot of sleep over that and um, hard to like, even though you say it's fortunate that um you were selling to um you know someone really close to you guys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that also adds in some ways more of a stressor because you don't sure you don't want to like yeah, do the wrong thing by them too.
Speaker 1:So yeah, absolutely and from memory it was like 10 mil from coming in the house, right yeah so just lapping the um the floor, joist, yeah, so, yeah, so yeah, pretty stressful situations there, for sure. And then, you know, not long after that then we bought a place up in Currumbin and from memory we like it was a day or two after we were moving in yeah, I was, you know, getting rid of all the rubbish and things like that you do when you move into a house and you're still under the pump quite a bit. And Jazz sort of walked out and said, hey, I think I know why I'm feeling pretty crappy over the last few days while moving. I just thought she was trying to get out a bit of an excuse. Still might have been, it could have been, you know, and fair enough.
Speaker 1:But yeah, yeah, just waving, waving the p-stick, yeah, wow, up on the stairs and yeah, I look it would be. Um, I guess remiss of me, not to mention that it was a pretty bad response from my behalf. Yeah, you know, like I didn't, it was, it was a whoopsie and I wasn't expecting it. So, yeah, and then, just being in the thick of what we were doing, um, yeah, like, yeah, my reaction wasn't the best and yeah, I'm still really sorry for that.
Speaker 2:How did that go down? Like, obviously, yeah, I mean moving is one of the more stressful things, but, um, I imagine too, like off the back of like that stressful situation, was selling the house like yeah, talk to us about that, like what, like you know, not putting words in your mouth. Yeah, we all have a certain bandwidth and yeah, I remember at the time, like knowing you when you're you know when you're like 100 kyle and like I also have seen a few things on my mind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've seen you when you're at your bandwidth so like, yeah, that has to play into, yeah, how you were feeling reacting at the time.
Speaker 1:Oh, there's no note about that that it was full yeah there was, there was nothing left and um, I I guess the the beauty of hindsight is that when you look back on things, you realize you do have more. It's just, it's just at that time and in the heat of the moment. It's really difficult to. The beauty of hindsight is that when you look back on things, you realize you do have more. It's just at that time and in the heat of the moment it's really difficult to regulate your reaction. And at first, that's what my reaction was. What was your reaction? Oh look, I think I just dropped the boxes that were in my hand and I pretty much walked out.
Speaker 1:I walked out the front and, yeah, and had a breather but, um, you know, like poor jazzy, I'm still really sorry for that, like you know, to this day, but it was, um, you know, obviously a bad reaction, but I came, came back in and, you know, had a good chat with her and yeah and had a hug and, you know, talked about it and stuff.
Speaker 1:So it was. It was all good in the end and you know, we, we talked to one another and we get through these things and yeah, um, yeah, look, I guess you know it was something that I came around to eventually, you know, once the dust settled a little bit and yeah.
Speaker 2:So yeah, and talk to us about how, how that, um, yeah, how things progressed from from there. Like you get settled in your new place at carumban. Yeah, um, you're expecting a third. Did you guys find out what you're having at all, or were you?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, so we did the scans actually no, sorry with with um with this pregnancy, we were wanting to give it a surprise and uh yeah, so just obviously went through all the scans and things and settled in quite well and things, things were going quite smoothly. And then, um, yeah, look, unfortunately I think Jazzy was um around about 18 weeks pregnant and yeah, unfortunately we yeah experienced miscarriage and it was a really sad time for us because 18 weeks is pretty sorry, I'm getting a mess you're good, take your time.
Speaker 1:I'm good yeah yeah, it's um, it's hard to talk about yeah wow, wow no, it was, it was. It was really hard time for us. Yeah, yeah, we struggled, yeah, as a couple like struggled too, because we're just trying to understand what we were going through yeah, and you guys had a lot.
Speaker 2:I feel like I remember that time you had a lot of lot going on as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a lot of changes, and um, well, like I mean, you still got two other kids as well. Yeah like, and that was challenging enough, like at the ages of the era, like, yeah, challenging enough to be there for them, yeah, and then be there for each other, yeah, yeah, oh, for sure, it was hard yeah, do you?
Speaker 2:do you want to kind of share, like like how you guys found out that you were having a miscarriage and that or um, oh, it's perfect.
Speaker 1:I haven't really spoken to jazz about that, so yeah, just for her privacy sake?
Speaker 2:probably not not in too much detail, but um, obviously being that far along was pretty horrific, yeah for sure yeah, and then you know having to go through procedures and stuff after that, yeah, it's pretty hectic, yeah yeah, and then, like obviously for you guys like that you know I remember, yeah, for everyone around you like obviously wanted to support you guys. But it was just, you know, something you guys had to move through as a couple talk to us about. Like you know, you'd obviously gone from not necessarily planning that pregnancy.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like how did you guys as a couple like move through that period of like there's obviously, you know, like a really hard time?
Speaker 1:and some grief associated with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how do you, even how do you go for bringing that conversation back up and like how did that? How was that experience for you guys?
Speaker 1:yeah, well, I think, like I had conversation with you here in your place, yeah, and was was in tears as well, just sort of trying to work that out, yeah and um. Yeah, look, I think, as time passes and you know, like obviously things become a little bit easier to to swallow. Like you know, you, you feel like you're ready to have a conversation and jazzy and I obviously obviously did and um felt really strongly about having a third. So I think experiencing that loss made us realise how much we really wanted to have this baby and I guess that's probably why I feel pretty bad about I was so emotional about it.
Speaker 1:It's because of my reaction, like when we found out yeah, so yeah I don't know it's like, obviously, you know the dust settles and we start talking again and and things like about, about having a third, and um realize how much we we wanted to have a third and so, yeah, like the decision was made that you know, once Jazzy had recovered and things, that we would try again and you know we were excited about the you know, about the idea of having a third.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's kind of beautiful that you know like you've gone from having that initial reaction and you feeling a little bit guilty about that to like obviously this um, you know really tough experience for you guys, but how cool is that that you came out of it yeah, both so like concrete on the fact that you didn't, you know, you didn't feel complete and that you, if you know everything goes well, that you had yeah um that kind of, yeah, you know mutual like direction that you had.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that kind of, yeah, you know mutual like direction, yeah, yeah, sure yeah, and it's something we obviously.
Speaker 1:I finally look back on now yeah that that we did have those moments shared, those moments of grief and whatnot, and something really amazing came out of it.
Speaker 2:How did the boys take it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, look, I think Valley was probably still pretty young, but yeah, I guess from almost day, dot Marlo had named him Luca. Yeah, and that's just the cutest thing, yeah, but it just showed that there was attachment there, yeah, you know. And so he had just started kindergarten as well, and so new school, school, new surroundings, like new beginnings and all that it's big enough in itself, you know. So, um, like he, he had a lot going on as well. Like, um, outside of thinking about all these things and um, adding that on, I think it really affected him. Yeah, I think, whether it was distraction at school and things just like knowing that mum and dad like aren't okay at the moment, those things like yeah, but I think he took it pretty hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, and there's still obviously, still, obviously, like you know, we hang out with you guys heaps, and yeah, that it's, I guess, like one beautiful thing that I observe is like how they still think of luca as like part of your family or like, if they talk about, like you know, like they're still very much aware of that like period of time so like you said, obviously, that they're much more aware than sometimes.
Speaker 2:I think maybe we give kids credit of like particularly how you guys are feeling and like how, yeah important that time in your lives was obviously yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1:Marce is still talks about luca, yeah, to this day, like a lot.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, yeah, it's obviously something that still ticks around in his little mind and stuff, so yeah, yeah and um yeah, how, how did things kind of go from there? So you're in this point of like knowing that you want to have a third. How does the next very fast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, are we talking about the actual conception or the three and a half minutes later we had a new child.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, honestly, I didn't think, um, like jazz, it ovulated again and she didn't get her period again. Yeah, and um, we just decided the time to try and we thought, yeah, let's, let's start trying again. And um, yeah, it happened really fast, which is very much contrast to the other kids. You know, like that, we we had some, um, yeah, so like some longer times of trying. You know, yeah, like some rough patches, you know, in there with trying for our babies and stuff. So you know, it was very exciting.
Speaker 1:And obviously you know that's, I guess, the beautiful side of what we went through is, you know, like maybe it was meant to happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So talk to us about that. How did you go, when did you find out and what was the the like? Yeah, what were the feelings for you and jazz?
Speaker 1:oh, obviously like very emotional still again, but like just ecstatic, yeah, like yeah, we we just wanted to have that third, third bud. So much yeah and um to find out that we were pregnant again. It was, um a really happy time in our lives and for the kids and things like that too, to be able to tell them, and you know, miles, to have a connection again with another bump and things like yeah and yeah.
Speaker 2:So how is Jazzy feeling, like obviously she's gone through that? Is there like some anxiousness for her around the pregnancy?
Speaker 1:oh for sure, like yeah, so that that wasn't our, our first miscarriage either, by the way. Like, yeah, we, we had one um in between, uh, marlo and valley, and um, yeah it, yeah, definitely some anxiousness. But then also, like you know the poor thing, they'd already been pregnant for what? 18 weeks or so, and then, you know, barely recovered from a miscarriage and then is pregnant again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I know, at the time, like I remember thinking back, and I think Soph and her were very similar in terms of dates. Yeah, with our third as well. Yeah, remember thinking back and I think soph and her were very similar in terms of dates. Yeah, um, with our third as well. Yeah, and I know, for them being so close, that was like a big challenge. Yeah, for her was like this, you know, being able to go through this pregnancy with someone to then like lose luca and then, um, you know, even that sort of period in between, I know Soph was trying to be really conscious of, like you know, being like empathetic to your situation.
Speaker 1:Which would have been so tough on Soph as well. But yeah, look, that was obviously hard for Jazz, you know to also the other way around, be, you know, there for so for things, all the time as well and and kind of shove her feelings aside a little bit. Yeah, um, look, they're, they're best mates. Yeah, like you're not going to get them away from each other. No, totally, like you know, they're going to be there for one another, but it's um, yeah, they would have been really tough feelings yeah.
Speaker 2:So how did things? How did things go from there? Because I know it wasn't, it wasn't smooth sailing no, yeah, and obviously to.
Speaker 1:To add to the anxiety of of being pregnant again and worrying about miscarriage and things, um, jazzy actually had um placenta previa, which, um those that that don't know can call me what's that? Yeah, placenta previa. So, um, it basically means that the placenta is um across the, the passage in which the baby you know needs to come out, basically blocking where the baby goes. So, um, with jazzy, uh, the placenta was kind of split on on two sides, um of her cervix and um as the baby grew and she grew it.
Speaker 1:It moved around um, sorry, no, cervix uterus right, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna get in trouble here. Let's leave the inner workings you know in there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, get an expert on the podcast um, but you know, basically, in a nutshell, as she grew and the baby grew, uh, the placenta was starting to detach and move around and that created some bleeding and things like that, and and that is really nerve-wracking because, you know, there's some signs of miscarriage and and whatnot. So jazz spent a lot of time in hospital and, um, you know, on bed rest and things like that too, to monitor the baby and herself and things. Because, uh, it's not just, I guess, the baby at risk when you see bleeding and things like that, like, um, yeah, because there was, there was also, uh, they were tracing some blood vessels that were that were in that like connection, um, on the placenta. So obviously that's a very high risk if that was to rupture and things like that too for jazz. So, um, yeah, like she's very stressed and we all were, you know, very worried about the situation. But, um, yeah, I guess we got through it.
Speaker 2:We got through it and I remember too, like like just from observing, there was a lot of uncertainty right, like, yeah, she was in and out of hospital quite consistently and it would when, um, those like bleeds and stuff would happen. There was always so many questions, yeah, kind of around it, and after each time, and there were a lot of yeah, trips that you guys couldn't, you know, go on, yeah on, yeah, you know, and in particular, one big one that you'd planned to go overseas with us and another family. So, yeah, how did all that kind of play out?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so obviously, yeah, just spending that time in hospital created also a juggle of life outside of that as well. You know, like I'm working full-time, kids going to daycare and things like that too, and um, yeah, so like it was a very busy time and I guess when it came time to canceling holidays and I guess life's plans and things like that, it was a no-brainer really for us. Like it sucked for sure, but it was a no-brainer because that was priority that we just look after the family and make sure that we have a happy, healthy Bubba and things like that too. So, yeah, it was a very, yeah, rough pregnancy for jazz and, yeah, I guess all of us, yeah, you know, but, um, I think, I think there was there was always this uh on, well, you know, there was always this positivity floating around it because, like we were just so happy that we were having another baby anyway. So you just go with the flow and get on with it for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah and um, it's no secret, you had another boy. We've already introduced the boys um, yeah, when did you have um, when did you have lenny? And um, yeah, what was the birth like? And and can you talk to us about like that whole kind of period of life?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, so we, we found out that we were having, like, what, what sex of baby we're having.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, with that pregnancy, just because we just wanted to know, so that we could make sure that we had this connection, and things like that. Yeah, um, you know early on and and whatnot, but, um, yeah, so, uh, the the birth itself in the lead up to it was, um, yeah, look again, very stressful because we had many different options and the tough thing was, while jazz was in hospital as well, was that that no one was giving him giving us really definitive answers to, like, why things were happening and and, like, we, we knew, through seeing uh, scans and things like that, like what was happening, but they didn't know why it was continuing to happen and and things like that. You know, we kind of got to a point where it became a little frustrating and you know, we were in between different hospitals, different doctors and things like that too. And um, yeah, like, obviously, the lead up to the birth as well becomes, um, pretty stressful because you're wondering, you know, like, how are we gonna get this baby out?
Speaker 2:yeah, like, yeah, she was on bed rest before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so she's on bed rest. And then, what was the? What was the route that you guys chose?
Speaker 1:yeah, so in the end, um, yeah, we, we chose to come through the sunroof, yeah, and like, for many different reasons. Yeah, um, there was risk to jazz, there was risk to the baby and um, all those things, and obviously, um, that was the the safest option for us and you know, that was the goal to have a have a happy, healthy baby, and that's what we, what we did. So, yeah, I guess, um, yeah, out came lenzo and yeah, it's, yeah, we couldn't be, couldn't be more stoked, yeah, like, yeah, it's such a such a legend, just typical third baby as well. He just gets on with it yeah.
Speaker 1:It's a chiller.
Speaker 2:Yeah and how like. So I know from experience having a third is not like throwing another kid on the pile. And people who say that we jokingly said that, didn't we?
Speaker 1:I don't know who said that yeah, let's just put them all on the pile.
Speaker 2:Yeah, stop saying that it's not a thing.
Speaker 1:But yeah, mate, tell me like, yeah, what was having a third, like Again, like it was something that we're obviously used to. I guess navigating logistics of life. I think that, as something that is beautiful that happens in your relationship, I feel, with with children, is that you communicate like you have to, yeah, but you communicate so much better, you know, with each other and, um, that takes work, I'm not gonna lie, but it it definitely, um, it doesn't always work either but yeah, so yeah communication is key.
Speaker 2:And how did you divvy up that time, though? Like, obviously you've got the two boys um was miles in school, miles in school. Yeah, daycare ballets at daycare jazz is focusing on lenny, presumably, yeah, like yeah, pretty much like obviously comparing like the first to the third.
Speaker 1:You know like you're very hands-on as one kid, you're like you, you want to do as much as you can and whatnot, but, um, you know, when the third comes around, I was pretty much just looking after the, the two older boys, and did you take time off work to do that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had a month off work, which was great, yeah, spending a lot of time, and it was actually really nice to have that time once the kids had gone to school and daycare and things, to have some of my own bonding time with Lenny and things. So, yeah, it was obviously somewhat seasoned veterans by the time the third comes around, that like things are a little bit easier, like in terms of like you just know what the bub's doing when they sleep, you know if they're screaming at you, what they want, and yeah, I don't know if you found this and this is like obviously just speaking from my experience with the third, but the thing that I really struggled with was, like previously, if you had the two kids and you've taken them to go do something, or whatever often it was like, you know, the other person could be at home and cleaning up or yeah, you know sort of, yeah, their hands free to do what they need to do.
Speaker 2:Suddenly you've got this like you're outnumbered, so you've got that, you've got lenny, and then the other boys. Yeah, and it's like no matter who's where, you've got your hands full. Yeah, absolutely. And then like, even if sort of one person has the three, the other person's using that small amount of time to do what they need to do, you know, around home or get dinner ready, and things like that. And yeah, I just know from experience.
Speaker 2:That was the thing that I really struggled with when people were like you know, you sort of know what you're doing and everything, but I was like these little condensed windows of time to get all the things done and, um, that's what I know.
Speaker 2:For me I really struggled with because I was just like I was like are we just happy doing what we can with the time we have? Because it feels like you're sort of on this, you know, endless cycle of to-do lists that you can never quite keep up with and you're looking at, you know, say, for example, your garden, or, um, you know, you know the bins need taking out. Yeah, this just constant list of things, and that's what, um, that's what I found was the biggest difference was just this um, the needs of that newborn and the time that that sort of soaks up, and then also the needs of the older two, and that has to be your focus. Yeah, so there are things that just fall by the wayside and that might be like you know your standards of cleanliness in the home or you know plenty of other things, even like time for exercise and stuff.
Speaker 1:Initially, yeah, absolutely yeah, and I would agree. I definitely felt the same, for sure, and I mean, it's also okay. You know, like a lot of these things that we you know whether we pride ourselves on it or not like you know keeping up with the washing and all those like you know sort of chores and things, that you feel like you're on top of it before and then that bub comes and and you know it's like a whirlwind, um, but that's okay, like who cares if there's a pile of washing and things like that?
Speaker 1:you know, like I think eventually we get used to it as well and like we're probably at that point in time now that you start to get a bit of a schedule, routines, things like that, that that help, I guess, to get those things done, or you look at outsourcing them and and things like that too, so um yeah like it's again. That's the logistics of having another human being to to feed and things like that is it's yeah, and if you fast forward to today.
Speaker 2:So how old's lenny now? Uh?
Speaker 1:he's just about nine months.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it hasn't been this like with the third, it hasn't been the smoothest of sailing nothing in our life is no yeah including gastro this week yeah absolutely you know we? Might we plan for the best you know? Or is it hope for the best plant? Okay, plan for the worst, whatever it is, it's all been. There's grenades, um, but yeah, give us an update like um, that hasn't been super smooth, sure, what's been yeah, look, obviously we have two older kids going to school and daycare and things like that.
Speaker 1:They bring home all those lovely little germs and things like that too. And then you know they they love their brother, so they're smothering him and and putting those nice little mitts all over him and things and little gastro kisses, yeah, all right and so, yeah, look, from very early on, it was pretty a couple of scary moments actually with with lanny.
Speaker 1:uh, he ended up getting crew a couple of times and obviously with the airways not being developed and things like that, um and and just the body not being strong enough yet, that that he really struggled with it. And there was there was of nights there where we had to call the ambulance in the middle of the night because he was struggling to breathe and yeah, so go and spend a couple of days in hospital with him fighting off that and yeah that's.
Speaker 1:I think we've done that now five or six times with Krupp, so that's Krupp can go get fucked.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you know that Kru gotta get fucked.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're pretty done with that. So, um, you know, when you look at his life right now, like he's nearly nine months, he's been in there like five or six times it's it's a lot pretty hectic, yeah, yeah yeah, and, and yeah, I ones just happened recently again too. So um with him starting daycare and things. Yeah, yeah, it's been.
Speaker 2:There's definitely a difference with the third. Hey, like, normally they might be at home for a year or so, depending on when people send them to daycare, obviously, but often they're quite sort of in a bubble, whereas, particularly with the third, if the other kids are at school already, they're just exposed to that straight away. So in the long run it might work out better with their immunity maybe, but they get it early. So where do you live now? You don't live in Karambin anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we just added another thing into that timeline. We sold our place in in caramban. Yeah, there was oh look, some, some and we're not the only one in that boat that you know. The interest rates increased and there was stress there around, you know, jazzy not being back at work yet and things too. So we just decided to um, sell up and move back south of the border because we missed it so much. Yeah, our mates down here, and then my sister's south of the border too, and and then you guys worked out pretty early on too that that wasn't going to be your forever home.
Speaker 2:No for sure. Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, we're gypsies like that too, though we've yeah, like every, I reckon, on average every year and a half as I know, I'm fucking done yeah, I definitely just through observing you guys have noticed that same like the lifestyle down here is real is you both seem happier and way out, it seems to be working well for the boys. Yeah and yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so yeah, sold Crumbin and moved down here to God's Country, cabarita Beach, and yeah, obviously enjoying having some time with my mates again and more regularly anyway, and yeah, and then obviously Jaz's parents have just moved up into the house in Bingle that we're at, so that's been great to have a little bit of a help as well because, you know, through the, the other two kids like what's that?
Speaker 1:six years we've been up here with with no help. You know like it's, it's a juggle. You know it's really really tough. Um, so, yeah, it's been nice to just have a bit of a helping hand, yeah, every now and again. And, um, yeah, feeling like we're getting our life back a little bit and, yeah, time for a podcast time for time to launch the body again and I've got a fire in my belly and I'm feeling excited about it and uh, yeah, got a few exciting guests.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm talking to that. Yeah, I'm excited to share soon. But yeah, what is it that?
Speaker 2:you want to like. Obviously you're saying you yourself you love that um community of the podcast and everything like that and yeah, um, yeah, what were some of the things that you loved about when you did that first season that you maybe didn't expect. That you're kind of looking forward to happening again yeah, like our experiences are all different.
Speaker 1:You know we've all got. We've all got something to say and something that that someone could take you know and put that into like part of what they're going through.
Speaker 1:You know, every like every dad that I spoke to has a different perspective on fatherhood, different perspective on being a partner and things like that, and I just felt as if I had unfinished business here, and I think I said that to you that I was really proud of what I created in such a short time with it, and it's definitely not at its potential where, uh, I know that I can grow this community of people that enjoy listening each week and and can have a laugh and take some, take some wisdom and try and, you know, be a better parent or or partner and things like that.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, look, I'm really excited about kicking things back off again and you know, as I said, I kind of feel like we're at this point in time where we've got a juggle, like got a handle on things like with with the juggle of parenthood somewhat some days, um, and yeah, I guess like, yeah, I'm just excited to, yeah, get creative with it again and yeah, I think, too, it's really cool, like one thing that we often observe that a lot of got males in particular tend to suffer a little bit in silence and then when you share your story with them and you're a bit vulnerable and say, fuck, I've been really struggling with this, or yeah you know it might be the relationship you have with your partner, that there's some things that you're feeling frustrated about and whatever it is, and sometimes it does just take you sharing your own story for someone to go, fuck, I'm actually feeling like that too, or, yeah, um, you know there's so many little facets and but there's also a lot of, like, common things that people have that they struggle with.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, and, like, you put out some questions the other day and we might jump into one of those in a sec. But I think the beautiful thing that that I see from what you are doing is that not only does it give guys a platform that, if they're all listening to you and your guests talk about these certain things, but it's also a great way that if someone, if two people, are listening to it two dads and they're struggling with that same thing, it sort of created this great foundation for them to have a conversation about it. Yeah, and you realize that you're not alone in in the way that you're feeling as well, because there's for sure, you know, particularly as as a dad, and you know in that traditional um format, like if the dad is, say, working and the mom takes that time off and you add other kids in the mix. Often, like, in terms of, like loneliness, you're like the bottom of the pile.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you're trying to be a rock for your family, you're trying to support your wife through this really turbulent time and body changes and, um, you know, looking after the infant is just so taxing. They have to be focused, yeah, on on them and and then you're trying to give everything to you know, um, you know, depending on where you're at in your parenting journey, but in our case, two other kids. So, um, yeah, I mean, hats off to you for freaking focusing on that period of your life because it was hectic, yeah, um, but it's so sick that you're back here doing this, because I just think it's going to enrich in so many, for sure lives.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I hope so um, yeah, let's, let's, um.
Speaker 2:You posted a question the other day. It was a beautiful picture of us coming out of the sauna and, um, what goes on? This on a season? So yeah, one of the questions was between business and being a dad, how on earth do you find time for yourself and your partner? So yeah, what does that look like for you guys? I know we've had lots of chats running recently about yeah, it's working some weeks and it's not working others. What's? How are you guys doing that at the moment?
Speaker 1:I guess there's there's no secret in saying that. You know if you go and do something that's going to fill your cup up, you're going to come back and and be able to give a hundred percent. You know whether that's. You know, focus on the kids and family and things, and I think it's important to make time. And if filling your cup is doing something individually, on your own or with mates and things like that, those things that you enjoyed doing pre-kids and seemed like you have no time to do now, or you know whether that's planning a date with your missus and seems like you have no time to do now, and um, or you know whether that's planning a date with with your missus and things like that, uh, as well, I think it's really important.
Speaker 1:I guess, and in our case it's after the kids go to bed. You know that's if you look at our, the timeline of our day and apart from a few phone calls here and there, you know to catch up, you don't have really any time. Um, you know as soon as you get home or pick up from school, it's on, and then dinner time, bath, bed, it's like that's, that's your time. So that's, that's the, that's the moment of the day that we utilize to have discussion around who's doing what this week and we plan it out on a calendar and things like that.
Speaker 1:So you know I, you guys, have a shared calendar yeah, yeah, yeah just like the google calendar or whatever that that we can both see on our phones and and lappies and things like that, uh, so that we can see what's ahead of us and generally try and do that like on a Sunday night or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and what does your week look like? What do you like to try and get in?
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, at least trying to have a couple of mornings a week where we go for a run or a surf or something like that before work, and then trying at least one day a week, you know, just have the arvo off, yeah, Like not having to do school pickup or bath and bedtime and things like that too, and you know, just go and do something that you really enjoy doing and you know, in my case it's quite often with yourself and you know we'll go for a surf or something like that and grab dinner.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, that's something we've both introduced recently. Yeah, so it's like I feel like it's a fairly new thing that we're all trialing. And friends of ours introduced it and I think we sort of suggested it and then the wives were keen on it too. So we should explain it that basically one night a week each partner gets from the afternoon off and there's kind of no home time within reason.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um and um and uh. The idea is that, yeah, you can utilize that time for whatever. So, like we've, often, if the surf's been pumping, we've been going out surfing or foiling, grab dinner afterwards, and the beauty is you don't have that time allotted period where, say, for example, you know, every now and again we were doing yoga in the arvo, we'd go for a run and whilst that might be, you know, fill your cup up, it's you're kind of rushing home to go back into the chaos. Whereas, yeah, this doing these like individual date nights has kind of allowed us to go and really feel, you know, recharged and not, and you know, do things on your own terms, rather than always feeling like you kind of don't have a choice in terms of the responsibilities.
Speaker 1:So it's, it's been so, been so nice, don't you think, to tap out of responsibility and just be yourself absolutely for an hour with your mate, where you can just be, uh, really present as well, I think, yeah, yeah, and quite often you know, in the past you'd come, come in from a surf or like whatever it is, and you've got a couple missed calls and a message just asking, when you're going to be home, if you could grab this on the way home and this and that, and it's like bang, it's gone. That that feeling like feels like it's gone. Yeah, so doing it this way is kind of mattis, feels like oh geez, like we're free for a little bit, totally, and I think what I think we should say too.
Speaker 2:Like this week you've had gastro in your household and, yeah, you put a line through yours last night. It is like you sort of plan, you know, plan for how you would like those individual activities to go for the week, and then it's also.
Speaker 1:Life gets in the way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, life might pop up and you do have to put a line to it, but you can plan with the best of intentions, yeah, and we should say I think too, with that in mind, I feel like where that question comes from is a lot of people don't have that common ground of like this. These are the things that you fill up your cup with, and I feel like both of us have really worked on that in our relationships, but we've also both identified when there's too much of that happening. Yeah, and you kind of feel like ships in the night, where it's always like, you know, tit for tat or like handing the kids over, whereas you also want to have that space right where you can share those beautiful moments as a family it's not always about individually getting what you need but yeah giving the family like that love and attention as well.
Speaker 2:Like, yeah, how do you guys balance that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I guess, yeah, like we were talking earlier about how, at the moment, we're kind of feeling that way, like with putting this in place, it's been really fun and things like that. But also it does feel like, oh, we're off doing these things all the time and quite busy and obviously, adding in is sometimes where you're away for weekends and things like that, whether you're away for weekends and things like that, whether you're with the family or not. But it it has kind of made me feel like I just really want some family time. I just really want to spend time with the kids, but all of us together with the kids, yeah, and not, you know, like I'm off doing something or jazz is off doing something and you're trying to fill the time in and things like just, yeah, so it's, it's been really good. Like I feel as if where jazz and I both are on the same page, like where we're wanting to spend more time with kids and do quality things.
Speaker 1:And, um, I think something that I heard on uh, I think it was hamish is like he's got a dad podcast as well, and something that he does with his kids and um, it's something that we've done in the past too is just put like a future plan in place with your kids to go hey, something to look forward to within reason, like we're going to pick something that we want to do together, and it just gives them it's something to look forward to for their kids. And and it also just means that if you look at it as like a yearly calendar type thing and plan it so far in advance that if something pops up like whether it's work or whatever, that's locked in, you're going to do that, and and it doesn't locked in, you're going to do that, and and it doesn't necessarily not happen if you just try and organize it on the go, yeah, and it's um.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's something that I'd really like to focus on too for the rest of the year, like with the kids just planning some things, um, you know, together and doing some good quality family time yeah, what are some of those things that you got like what, what to use, like the ideal family time, like I know?
Speaker 2:um, these are like individual trips, but we went on a trip over to north strati yeah and took the two. Both took our two older kids. Yeah, um, like it was, that was pretty early on when the bumps went, that old yeah, no no, um, but yeah, I know, for me that was one of my favorite trips because I feel like, but it was something that we both love doing and driving on the sand and camping and doing that was really filling up our cups.
Speaker 2:But experiencing that also with the kids is like etched into my memory as one of my favorite trips, yeah, um what are the things that, like you guys, love to do as a family and like what would one of those like planning one of those trips look like for you?
Speaker 1:yeah, much, much the same as that. You know, like we we love getting out and adventuring and marlo's into riding his dirt bikes and things like that now, and so you know, just, I guess, planning things around, you know things that we know that the kids really enjoy doing, yeah, and then you know, in a couple months' time we're going overseas again, which would be really fun with you guys. Hey, y'all, yeah, planning those things, like I mean that obviously got postponed. You know when Lenny was, when Jazz was pregnant with Lenny and things, and so, yeah, round two here and you know that's got everything that we love, you know, for the kids and for the girls and surfing for us and things, oh, they surf there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's such a lot, so happens to be surfing Really good surfing. I'll pack four.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you better.
Speaker 2:No, that's awesome, man. I really admire how you guys balance things out and, yeah, I think for a lot of people as couples listening to this podcast, they'll get a lot from hearing how you guys approach that, because I think you really prioritize each other's needs individually as well as together, and you're always reassessing each know each week as to like you've got.
Speaker 1:You've got it. Yeah, communicating, because some weeks it's just not going to work for sure yeah, yeah and you just got to acknowledge that yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So, um, one of the questions that was sent through is are the boundaries around phone? Oh, what are the boundaries around phone time with you both? And jazz is obviously, um, you know, leaning into doing some social media stuff and she's doing a great job with that. Yeah, um, that seems to be like ramping up for her. She's also doing, um, the cosmetic injectables and then working as a nurse as well. You're working full time. You're doing, you know, doing this podcast now on the side. Yeah, both of your side hustles involve phone time. I'm also in that world like how, where are you guys doing about that and how do you manage?
Speaker 1:it. Yeah, I think, if I'm honest, like not that well at the moment, but it did.
Speaker 1:Seeing this question come through, it did kind of open that conversation up to us, uh, just last night actually, and, um, for me, I guess the the ideal scenario is that once you finish work, once you're home with the children, phone down, yeah, you know, and just be present. And obviously there is those times where something needs to be at a certain time, but just check out, like don't, don't be around the kids and in like, while we're trying to have conversations and things like that, um, staring at a phone and whatnot. I just think that if you need a moment, go, take a moment, come back, be present, yeah, um, yeah, nothing crazy, but like just try and put the phone down when we come home from work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's definitely a huge reminder for me, because I feel like, yeah, sometimes we go through these periods where we're both quite busy and needing to upload things at a certain time to social media how stressful is it when your kids just like it's stressful and?
Speaker 2:to your point too. If you try and do it in the space where everyone's parenting, it's not not ideal and your kids are seeing you prioritize that as well. Yeah, I think for us it's definitely something we need to revisit, and I feel like generally, the more tired both of us are, the less strict we'll be with it. But that's also probably when we need to do like put our phones down in the morning, spend our time together before the kids wake up, um and and, or also do that in the afternoons yeah or if someone has to do something work-wise like you, step into the office and, yeah, step out of that parenting space.
Speaker 2:But yeah, it's a good reminder for me too.
Speaker 1:I definitely need to prioritize that one, yeah yeah, well, I think it's not only just people that are working in social media and things like that too, but we're all on it, but we're all like and I think it is such a trap, you know, like, and I always find that if it always seems really stressful where you are trying to look at something or send something off or whatever, and as soon as you put that phone down, it becomes so much easier, like it's just, yeah, it's crazy, like as if they know like dad's trying to do something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, really important here, that's so true, they definitely vibe off that yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure no awesome man um, I think that might be we're done on the hour yeah, I'm pretty sure that that's it. I just, yeah, I'm so stoked you're doing this and I think, um, yeah, I think everyone's gonna win, winning, winning, yeah, man, is there anything you want to kind of you know, sign off the potty with yeah look, I I'm stoked to be back and, um, really excited for what's to come.
Speaker 1:you know like I'm excited to grow this community and and this party and and just say, say where it goes, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And yeah, if anyone has some interesting stories or anything like that and wants to reach out, um, you know, on the, just send me a DM on on my Instagram and things like that. And yeah, a dm on on my instagram and things like that.
Speaker 2:And yeah, I'd love to have a chat as well, yeah so yeah just yeah stoked to be back for sure, man, I think too, like it's so cool that we I don't even think we touched on this initially, but so much of that first season like, if you just step back and have a look at it, it's just like a common, the common thread through everyone is like we want to.
Speaker 2:We want to do the best we can, yeah, for ourselves, for our partners and for our kids, and it doesn't always have to be that, um, you know, we're trying to focus on living the life that we were living pre-kids of you know the activities that we're maybe doing or whatever it is, but I think the real common thread that I noticed, and what I loved listening to the last season, was that, like, we're all trying our best, but we all have a different home situation, different um partner relationships, different challenges with our kids, be that like sickness or behavioral or ages um, gender, whatever, whatever those challenges might be.
Speaker 2:But the common thread is we're all here, we all want to show up in our best and, yeah, if we can um through chatting and sharing, like all get little nuggets of wisdom. And you know, take the um, take the parenting hacks from each other that um or help us like, yeah, it's such a good win. Are there any like um? I remember you'd often ask people on the last season like a parenting hack, yeah, at the end of it, is there anything that like comes to mind for you at the moment that you're using or particularly having having um? You know, going through having three kids, that that you'd want to share or maybe, maybe like even to boy dads as well?
Speaker 1:well, I mean for me at the moment it is is spending sort of one-on-one time with each kid too. You just break up the like because the two older boys, valley and marlo, they can be, you know, at each other at some times and then just play really nicely the others. And I just feel sometimes like we, it's so easy, like hey, kids, come on, we're all going outside. But if you, if you go to a bit of effort and take some time and just organize some one-on-one time with different kids and things like, I feel there's a lot of connection there that maybe you never knew was missing, because you kind of just put them all into one pot, don't you like?
Speaker 1:when you got three kids and be like yeah this is easy, let's just like all do this, yeah, and you know, they're all different human beings, they're all different. Uh, they act differently, they've got different characteristics and things like yeah so I think it's not really a hack. I just think like it's just what works for me. I've noticed um you with my kids just spending some one-on-one time doing the things that they enjoy doing. That's awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, don't know if it's a hack.
Speaker 2:No, give it a go, we'll take it. You only have to do one, because you're going to be in the hot seat from now on. Do I have any Mate hot seat from now on? Do I have any um mate? To be honest, with you having three kids now, yeah, I do feel like, with interest in things, I am at my bandwidth.
Speaker 2:So, in terms of like the zone we're in now, the hack is hard to come up with because you're just sort of pushing to keep the wheels turning. The hack that, I would say, is like sitting down on a sunday night and planning your week out, because I've really noticed that it's expectation that makes us feel like shit. It's like I thought I was going to be doing this on tuesday morning. I thought I had wednesday arvo to do this for myself, and then it's like also then expectation of like who's dropping off who, who's doing these. So mine would be like um is like making the plan, but then also knowing that the plan is very liquid and that you have a relationship with your partner where you can, you know, communicate really well and not, and both feel heard, yeah, but also be able to be honest.
Speaker 2:And we had like a situation this morning where, like, I was tired and a bit shitty and I think Sophie was probably feeling the same, and we had like a miscommunication about one silly thing of like filling up a car.
Speaker 2:And we haven't had a fight in ages and I wouldn't even necessarily say it was a fight, but we both kind of had the shits over it. Yeah, and we and I wouldn't even necessarily say it was a fight, but we both kind of had the shits over it, yeah, and we've since had a great debrief on it. But it's so easy to get stuck in the mud on those things and allow those things to fester. So mine would be to, yeah, sit down when you do have time or like carve out the time for it so you can plan out the week both individually needs for the family if your kids are at school, like what their commitments are, so then you've got full visibility on it and you're not like there's, you're not being reactive every day. Yeah, and you also have that opportunity when you're in that space to be like oh, hey, I actually think you might be taking the piss a bit this week with that amount of things, or about foiling yeah, vice versa.
Speaker 1:Hey, what's about me?
Speaker 2:so, um yeah, and I'm guilty of it, I'll keep pushing and if it like, I get a bit of string and I'm like fuck, so it's pumping for like three days straight. I kind of like my mind just like gravitates towards that and I start shoving.
Speaker 2:You know all the responsibilities to the side and then they do compound and if you don't deal with them it can spill over and piss your partner off and then you're stressed, the kids aren't getting the best of you.
Speaker 2:So I'm 100% guilty of it. But I think in terms of like, yeah, it's not necessarily even a hack, but just sitting down and carving the time out to plan it makes everyone's worlds better or at least gives each other an opportunity to be heard and less chance for resentment and tit for tat and reactivity, because ideally you should both be able to have needs at a reasonable expectation be met. You know it just takes that constant communication and adjustment for sure, um, to get it. But I'm also very conscious that, um, so for us, home life and the work that we have is very flexible and we 50, 50 parent, 50, 50 work it's it's probably the lesser unique, yeah, um, so it's more of a unique scenario than the average household. Yeah, which, in case, I think there needs to be more communication. Yeah, because if someone's working, you know, full time, and someone's parenting full time, the need to probably tap out of that and recharge in a way that you'd love is probably even more necessary?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you've got less time.
Speaker 2:You've got less time to be able to do those things. Yeah, yeah. And one thing we did recently was the fair play cards, which we heard about on another podcast and we did it on on soaps podcast, um, recently, and it's basically a activity at home where you divvy up all the home jobs and, whilst that might sound really overwhelming, the beautiful thing about it is, when you take on a responsibility, you see it through in its entirety, rather than some person doing bits and pieces. So, like, if you're taking on school enrollment, you do that from start to finish. It's not like oh hey, babe, can you do this little bit of it or this and that?
Speaker 2:yeah so it just creates that little bit of mental space where the responsibilities are for you to own entirely.
Speaker 1:Um and again, that'll be a work in progress, but yeah but isn't that, like that's also where the things fall over, is like? If you don't have that in place, it's quite often we just think, oh, I don't know, like, I know in our circumstances, like no actually Jaz is handling that.
Speaker 2:That's fine, Fool it and you're just like because you're just so busy, yeah, or you both ignore the things that you don't want to do, like in our instance, and my car was unregistered since 2021. And so this car rego elapsed, both our phone bills got cut off and we're like I think we might need. There's a few things we're both ignoring that might need to be life, admin life has gone to the bottom of the pile. Yeah yeah, what is it?
Speaker 1:um, poor planning is piss poor performance, yeah, leads to piss.
Speaker 2:Poor performance, yeah, oh yeah, whatever one of those things but um, yeah, not necessarily a hack either, but yeah um essential for um for trying to thrive in what's pretty gnarly stage of life, for sure yeah, yeah yeah, as I said earlier, like the keys, communication and what like different levels you know, like how you're feeling you know today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's going to change every day, yeah yeah, at the, the top end of it, just some, some planning. Yeah, you know, tony, get ruined by gastro.
Speaker 2:Oh, sweet mate well yeah, I think that's an hour for your first episode. Yeah, it's been great to get to know you again, thanks for having me. Thanks, thanks for having you. Love you mate.
Speaker 1:Bye, Ciao, babes. Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode, you bunch of legends. If you enjoyed the show, could I please get you to show me some love by subscribing and leave a really nice review, Also for loads of extras and to stay up to date with all things. Dad Podcast. Head on over to at dad underscore podcast on Instagram and give us a follow. Huge love to you all, Daddy-Os. Catch you soon.