A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Life® with Laura Muirhead
Welcome to A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Life®. This is THE place to be for stories to inspire and uplift when life doesn't go according to plan. I'm Laura Muirhead, your host and the reigning queen of A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Life®. I can't wait to share my plot twist stories and the stories of my guests with you!
A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Life® with Laura Muirhead
EP 7 Sandra Joy - A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Life®
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Sandra Joy shares her A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To My Life® experiences of recovering from a traumatic horseback riding accident that changed everything in her world...her career, her family, and her mindset. Sandra's story is truly inspiring!
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Website: sandrajoy.com
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Welcome to a funny thing happened on the way to my life. This is the place to be for stories to inspire and uplift when life doesn’t go according to plans. I’m Laura Muirhead your host and the reigning queen of a funny thing happened on the way to my life. I can’t wait to share my plot twist stories and the stories of my guests with you!
Find out more at lauramuirhead.com
For more information on Laura Muirhead visit...
Hello and welcome to this episode of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Life. I am Laura Meerhead and I am so happy to welcome as my guest today, Sandra Joy. So Sandra, come and introduce yourself and tell us where where you are and what you do in the world.
SPEAKER_01Hi, thank you, Laura. I really appreciate this opportunity. I love being here. And um, well, I'm Sandra Joy, and right now I'm a personal empowerment priestess, and I help women connect back to their power. Um, I'm in Pennsylvania in a little town called East Berlin, which is very close to the Maryland border in the eastern part of the United States.
SPEAKER_00That sounds amazing. Um, you're not too far from me in um because we also we we have a house in Michigan and then our house in New Jersey. So you're not too far from me.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, that's not far at all. About three hours, maybe two and a half on a good day.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. So um you tell me about your background. Like do you you weren't always you didn't always do what you're doing now. You have a a really rich background that is is quite different than what you're doing now. So let's tell me tell us about that.
SPEAKER_01Okay, well, um in my previous life, I call it, I started um out as an English teacher. I was an English education major. That's what my bachelor's degree is in. I spent 20 years teaching high school English in the public education system. And uh and I got two more master's degrees, education related, and I was just full force in public education for the long haul. And I had fully expected to retire from that profession. And uh then that funny thing happened on the way to my life.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so that it, I mean, that is really a big change from what you do now. Um, and you had a lot, I mean, getting a master's in the and um the the universities that you went to, that was incredible. So tell us about your a funny thing happened on the way to my life experience.
SPEAKER_01Um, all right. Well, uh it was November 9th, 2014, and that's when everything changed. And I always like to preface this by telling everyone that um God, spirit, source, divine energy will wake you up when it's time for you to wake up, especially if you're not listening. So previous to my accident, I had, you know, connected and I was kind of dabbling like, oh, this is a cool thing, like this is a nice hobby, um, you know, helping people. And I realized with my students I would do some of the things that I'm doing now, you know, just to get their mindsets correct and do some like energy work. And I had started my Reiki practitioner certification, my Reiki one back before this uh this life-changing accident. But November 9th, 2014, um, literally changed my life. I was hanging out at my home. We have a small farm here and an old German bank barn where we kept uh several horses. I had a couple paints um and an awesome mule. One of them that this story is related to is um she was a Percheron, 17-hand Percheuron, trained in dressage and uh old. She's 22, so well seasoned, and just a sweetheart. And for some reason, um I decided I'm like, okay, you know, and she's pure white. So if you know anything about horses and white horses, you know, they don't stay white for long. So especially in an old German bank barn field setting. So I had given her a bath and you know, dried her off, and I had put my favorite saddle on, and I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna trot around the barnyard. Um, let's just do this. Because she wasn't in a position where she could be ridden, you know, fully due to a previous injury on her part. So I was like, we're just gonna do like a really quick trot. That's it. I got on. I don't know what happened. Um, the next thing I know, I'm looking at her. I'm literally literally parallel to her head. Like my eye, if I looked over, her eye was right here. And I was like, this is not going to be good. It was a flash. And then all of a sudden, I remember seeing a very, very bright green light envelope my whole head, like emerald, emerald green, intense. And the next thing I know, she had her her muzzle on my face. And like, hey, hey, mom, what are you doing? And like woke me up. I have no idea. I did lose consciousness. I do not know for how long. Um, I was covered in mud from head to toe because I had landed flat from you know the back of my head to my ankles, um, bam, right down on the ground, but in a mud puddle, which turned out to be um a life-saving mud puddle. And it was a cushion enough that it didn't cause me more damage. So I was by myself. Um, my kids were young at the time and they were in the house. My husband wasn't home. You know, he was working a full-time job at an insurance company. Um, and I didn't have my cell phone on me. And, you know, I'm thinking, I can see my house from the barnyard. Why would I need anything? So I'm lying there and I said, okay, let's try to get up. Nothing. Um, tried again. No, not happening. So in my head, I'm like willing my son to come out and get me. My daughter's only four at the time, so that would have made my son about nine, 10 years old. And I'm thinking, please come outside, please come outside. And eventually he came out and he helped me up. So I walked over, we had a hay wagon, it was empty. And I walked over and I sat on the edge of the hay wagon and just tried to pull myself together. And it wasn't working. And all of a sudden, like other people who've had extreme accidents like this, um, physical accidents, I'm sure there's a moment when the pain hits you. And that pain hit me while I was on that wagon. And it was unlike anything I had ever felt. And I just prayed. I just started praying intensely for this pain to stop and not to scare my son. And I managed to tell him to go get a neighbor. And I said, go get the neighbors. And he went and got the right neighbors. They were, you know, we're in farm country, so they weren't close. So he had to go traversing through the woods to go get the neighbors. And then they came up. And in the meantime, I don't know how much time had passed, but my husband was got there. So it had to be a significant amount of time because he wasn't close. So I'm still on the hay wagon. He gets me up to try to move me and he's like, we're going to the hospital. And I don't know why. And here's another, you know, um, tidbit for life. Call the ambulance if you're ever in an accident, you know, don't try to power through it. Call the ambulance, um, which is what should have happened. What really happened was my husband took me into the house and I could walk, um, but barely. And I honestly don't know how I did because um the fall had created um a broken lower back and it blew out two discs in my neck. I have a scar right here from the surgery where they had diffuse C6 and C7. Um, and it was I I don't even know. I I lost time between the time I got into the house and I got to the hospital. And I remember when I got to the hospital, um, the piece that flashed as seared into my memory was that they started yelling at my husband that he should have brought me the ambulance. Like he should have called the ambulance. So um anyway, they whisked me away, did all the tests and everything. And it, you know, it turns out I had the two-blown discs and the broken lower back, and scanned my head first with a CAT scan. And they said it was fine. There was no brain bleeds, there was no damage. Um, that couldn't have been further from the truth. So I'm recovering physically at home, and um then weird things start to happen. And being um my profession as an English teacher, English literature, I love words. I love words, I love stories, I love everything that has to do with them. And um all of a sudden I couldn't find words. I couldn't find them, they wouldn't come. Um, I started asking my husband for things, and he would look at me like I had three heads and did not know what I was asking. In my head, it made sense. What was coming out of my mouth made none. Um, I would use words, real words, they weren't gibberish, but they just weren't the right words, and it would be complete nonsense. Um, almost like the jabberwocky. I don't know if you um are familiar with that story. But it was just very surreal. And then I noticed that I couldn't remember things. And I usually have a very, very vivid memory, um, so much so that it would be like movies playing in my mind. And when it came to remembering things, they became still pictures. And it was always my memory, it was always vivid, um, super color. And this time it I had almost like still black and whites. And I was just really like, what is going on? What is going on? And told my doctor um about this. I had a spine specialist at the time, and he referred me to neurology, and they ended up doing more detailed scans and found out, and this is very common in brain injuries, um, that the the symptoms of it don't necessarily necessarily start right away. They start, they it takes time for them to really start affecting you, um, which is kind of what threw me for a loop. So they they took these scans and they found I have what's called a hybrima, it's still there, um, from hitting my head so hard on the ground on the back, it basically did this to my brain. And it was back to front bouncing. And right here, in right behind my forehead, I have like a pocket of fluid. Um, it wasn't getting any bigger, but it wasn't getting any smaller. And they decided that they were going to leave it alone. And if it didn't cause me any more problems, we didn't need to drain it. So that's where it stands. I didn't have to have you know brain surgery to drain that, but it's still in there. Um so it is it is definitely life-changing when everything you thought you knew or thought you had like completely under control goes out the window. And things just started snowballing. And this brain injury was such that um before I got my language back, uh, it got worse. There was a time where I couldn't speak coherently at all. Um, and this was probably end of December, early January, when all of this started showing up. Um, and then all of a sudden my eyes didn't track together. Like one would go this way, one would go that way, and they weren't, they weren't moving together. Um and what else? They had my balance was completely off, and it still is. That's that's a remainder, um, like a leftover from the accident. My balance was off. Um, I did a lot of water therapy, I did a lot of um site therapy, I had to follow dots on on paper and such, and it was really difficult work. And I ended up not going back to teaching that year. I eventually did, but I didn't do it that year. And I want to tell you how deeply we're programmed into our jobs, um, our careers. And I was so broken at that time, but all I could think about was getting back in the classroom. I wouldn't have been an ounce of good. I couldn't have done anything. Um, yet I felt tremendous guilt for not going back into the classroom. Um, I felt like I let them down. I felt like I let the school down. I, you know, um, and this was completely illegal, but they were sending me work home to grade because they couldn't find a long-term sub. And I don't even remember doing it, but I sent it back. I have no idea what what um, you know, the validity of that that grade was, but it it was just something where I was like, okay, you got to do this, you got to pull it together, you gotta, you gotta power through. And I didn't even give myself the time to heal. I didn't give myself the time to heal because I felt tremendous guilt. Um, because I had to fit into this societal norm. And when I found out from my neurologist that I definitely wasn't going back that school year, um, I kind of, you know, it became more of a self-care, self-healing. And it didn't go smoothly. Um so I, yeah, I struggled with the language. Um, I struggled with losing parts of my memory. Um to this day, I will say, we'll be driving down the road and I'll say, Oh, that looks like a really nice place to stop. We should, we should stop there sometime. And my husband will say, We we've been there. I'm like, no, I have no recollection, zero recollection. So um, life has now become before my accident and after my accident. You know, and if I don't remember something and somebody's looking at me like, you should remember that, I said, Oh, that must have been before my accident. And I'll say, Oh, yeah, okay, that that that was. So, you know, you you start to think about a lot of stuff when you're sitting alone, um, and you're not really, you had this whole persona, this whole person that was me that that is not there anymore. Um so I started, I started spiraling. It was a downward spiral and it was fast. Um and I started to numb my pain through alcohol. And I would just drink wine. I would be like, okay, I can I can have this. And all of a sudden this became a bottle, two bottles, you know, and it was my coping mechanism, which was not a good coping mechanism at all. Um, I couldn't drive. I couldn't like I couldn't drive because of my accident, um, you know, especially with the alcohol. Don't drive, don't drink or drive. Um, but it was debilitating. And I had, I had gone to, you know, doctor after doctor to try to get things under control. And I was just in such a deep depression. And thinking, you know, this is crazy. Like, and it's struggling to piece the puzzles of my life back together, struggling to bring back everything I was before that accident. Um, what really switched it for me was realizing that that person I was on November 8th, 2014, had died in that accident. She was not going to be available anymore. She was not going to be able to be pieced back together no matter how hard I tried. So I was in uh seeing a therapist at the time, and she told me the best piece of advice that I had think I've ever gotten, as far as that whole situation goes. And she said, you know what, you need to mourn who you were. You need to mourn your old self. So it was kind of like we had like a little symbolic funeral for who I was, because who I am now, and even then when I was still struggling, was not anywhere near who I was. And I could not get that person back. And I think a lot of times people get stuck in that struggle of trying to return to normalcy, especially with a traumatic brain injury, because you can't see it on the outside. My neck healed, my back healed, I was walking fine, um, I was looking, like for all intents and purposes from the outside, like I was doing really well. And internally, I was a hot mess. Um, so I I struggled and I eventually listened and we said goodbye to the old me. And I finally gave myself permission to let the new me shine. And I had found and I'd been ignoring that I had found that I could do things now that I never used to be able to do before. Um, some of the amazing things that happened, my daughter, um, she was, she's almost 12 now, but I guess she was about five. Yeah, she would have been five. And she asked me to help her draw something. You know, like little kids are like, hey, mommy, can you help me draw this? And she wanted me to draw a bear. And backstory, when I used to teach, we would have vocabulary lessons, and I would teach these vocabulary lessons and we would use um sketches, and they would have to draw something that reminded them of the word or part of the word. So it helps, you know, it's a device that they can help remember the definition. I couldn't draw, and they would make fun of me so hard. It was a running joke. Um, my high schoolers would just be like, okay, you know, they would wanted to see how terrible my drawing was, you know, this vocab lesson. Um, stick people were a challenge, right? That's how bad I was. So um I immediately said to my daughter, I can't, you know, I'm not gonna be able to draw you a bear. And I was like, all right. So I said, All right, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna show you, I'm gonna prove to you that I can't do this. Okay, that was my mindset. So I decided I'm gonna get this piece of paper and I'm gonna show my daughter her mother cannot draw a bear. I drew a bear. I didn't just draw a bear, I sketched it like I had had art classes, like drawing classes my entire life. It was the most realistic bear I have ever seen. And I looked at her and she's like, see, mommy, I knew you could do it. And it was just like this switch. I'm like, where the heck did that come from? Like, how? And I went and told my neurologist, you know, I took the bear and I was like, I drew this. And she's like, Oh, yeah, that's nice. I'm like, no, you don't understand. Like, this is not me. I cannot draw. And this happened. And I learned then that there are things that happen when you have a traumatic brain injury that allow, like when one part of the brain gets damaged, um, it allows another part that was always there to come to the surface and to show its talent. So apparently, deep down inside, I always had this ability. Um, it just wasn't awake yet. So that's kind of like a huge paraphrase for my life now. You know, I've always had these abilities. They just weren't awake yet. And that's everybody. That's everybody who feels stuck, that's everybody who's in misery. Um, I do want to go back to the alcoholism because that's super important because a lot of people use alcohol and drugs and other addictive things to numb pain. And um I did have to go to treatment. I went to a 30-day inpatient um down in Georgia, and it was a phenomenal program. And it has been, it was absolutely life-changing. Um, and that's where I really accepted the new me, you know, and not just having the funeral for the old me, but you still have to do the work to accept the new version of yourself, whatever that version is. Um, you know, whether it's post-ilness, post-acident, post-traumatic breakup, you know, whatever it is that pushes you into that new realm, that you're a new person, um it's important to get to know that person. And it's important to take time not to ignore the new stuff about you. Um, you know, the only thing constant in this life is change. And embracing change goes a lot better for you than fighting it. Trust me. So I tried to fight it for too long. And um so I have been sober now for six years, and it's amazing. I want absolutely nothing to do with any kind of you know, numbing, mind-numbing device, like no alcohol, nothing. Um, and that's a personal choice. And um, everybody's different. So I'm not saying, you know, don't drink. You know, I'm saying if that's what you feel like, you know, you can partake in safely and it doesn't change your life, then fine. But um anyways, it's just not for me. So another side note, it's kind of like a side story from this. Um I went, well, I went back to work and it was the following August, and I went back, and everybody's like, Oh, you're back, yay! You know, go you, you really did it. And I got back into the classroom and we taught on a block schedule. And what that means is there's four classes. Classes a day instead of eight or nine. Um, and that classes are longer. So they're about an hour and a half class, and then we have one um prep period, which is, you know, you can plan and grade and you know, or be called out to cover someone else's class. Um, which is, you know, pretty norm. But it was so difficult for me. And I had originally arranged with the assistant principal who was in charge of like working with teachers in their schedules the previous year before I came back. I had everything set up and in place. And I was going to teach the same course all three periods that I taught. And that was because part of my brain injury was a transition thing, and I couldn't transition from one thing to another thing quickly. Noise was a huge issue. Um, too much noise, too much sound, too much light would shut me down. And um we had a new superintendent come in over the summer and he thought he was hot stuff. Um I say he has it had a Napoleon complex, but um, he was just very much like, I'm here now, I'm in charge, it's my way or no way. And he came to me and said, if I did not have proof of a disability, that I was not permitted to have that schedule because it wasn't fair to other teachers who did not have all of the same classes. Now I was one of the only teachers who did not have all of the same classes. It was pretty standard practice that everybody taught the same level, the same grade, everything. Like that was the 10th grade teacher, that was the 11th grade teacher, you know, and that was the level of class. And um, so he came in and he said no and gave me a hellacious schedule. I taught three periods in a row, starting from first thing. My prep period was last of the day, and every single class was different, everyone. So by the time I got home, I was absolutely fried. I was no good. I didn't have time for my kids, I didn't have time for dinner, I didn't have time like I used to cook all the time. I used to make, you know, it was like happy household. And I literally shut down. I would go right to bed. I'd put an ice pack over my head, I'd get in a dark room, and I'd go in my cocoon until I had to do it again the next day. And um, and I did that for two years. And it was horrible. And I don't know how I kept my job. I don't know how. Um it was awful. Um, I really still cared about the students, but I was not a good teacher to my own standards. I was not a good teacher after that accident. Um, and I knew what I could do before, and doing it now, you know, at that time after was such a struggle. And I eventually decided, you know, I I can't do this anymore. I cannot come back. And I don't recommend this, but I had no plan. I had no backup job. Um, my husband was still working insurance and hating it, by the way. And I just said, I I can't, I cannot do this. So I put in my resignation and I said, Okay, I'm here, open to whatever you have for me. And it was then that I really started diving deep into all of the spiritualism and meaningful things and um really creating who I am today. And a lot of it was just overcoming my own my own stuff. Um, you know, getting over the excuses that you tell yourself because they are excuses. I mean, you can do anything you you put your mind to. I know that sounds like such a teacher-y thing to say or a mom thing to say, but um, really, you can do anything you put your mind to. And um, mindset is everything. So if you think you can't do something, you can't. If you think you can, you will. It may not be instant. You may have to take some time and put some effort and work into it, but it'll work out and you'll get there. And those are the stairs.
SPEAKER_00Um and it can we go back just a minute? Um, I'd like to go. I mean, I that was a lot of incredible information, but I've got a lot of questions from what you've said. I'm sorry, yes, go ahead. Um, it's okay. I mean, that is an incredible story. And I'm so I mean, it really in the scheme of things, it it wasn't all that long ago that you had your accident and it was just your anniversary of it. So one of my questions is um you I think it's interesting that you didn't feel the the pain right away. I think it's interesting that your that your um symptoms, your um neurological symptoms didn't start showing up for a bit of a time. So you really, it sounds like, and tell me if I got this right, that you had about a year of really solid trying to um trying to recover, you know, just to to get to a recovery point, to get to a point where you could, you know, even though you were trying to push through with your teaching and all of that, it really sounds like it was at least a solid year of of working on things and um and you know, like you said, that it then numbing it. And I would imagine that you also had some prescriptions along with the with your with the wine. And so the the I mean you what helped you to make some some of these tough decisions, like even to go to you know, it's a rehab to get to stop drinking, like what there's gotta be something in you that really has some strength to push through these things.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna say that was someone next to me. Um that was my husband, and um I'm gonna try not to get emotional. Um he is he's my rock. Um and he woke me up hard. And he said, look, he's like, you can't do this anymore. He's like, you are trying to live another life, you are trying to ignore your problems, you are trying to pretend none of this ever happened. And you know, I want you to be here for me and for our kids. I mean, it was it was bad. It was to the point where like he would come up and find me passed out in my own vomit, like bad. And um, he said, That's it. He drew the line, he said, I can't do this anymore. He said, You will go get help or I am done with this. And you were on your own. And I thought, okay, I can't do this on my own. Like there are still a lot of things that I can't do because I played the victim. I was good at that. Um, I I knew the role, I saw people, you know, in this role for a long, long time. And I thought, okay, that's how they're handling it. That's how I'll handle it. Okay, so that's what we do. You know, we we play the victim card and we see how far we can get. And um he wasn't letting me. So it was it was really hard on him because you know, he worked all day and then he had to come home and he had to take care of kids and he had to take care of his wife and he had to take care of the household. And I was useless, totally useless. And um I didn't contribute, and it was always, you know, woe is me, my problems, like you don't understand. And he never said that he did understand. He just saw how it was affecting me and he saw how different things were, and he saw this this huge downward spiral, and he said, It's rehab, or I'm gone. So that's how that happened.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that had to have been a huge, like, yeah. Um, oh yeah, yeah. Probably really wasn't much of a choice at that point, which is great. Like, good, yeah, thank goodness for him. But then I'm also curious, I've heard these stories where people, you know, have things that happen and have, you know, like you said, traumatic brain injuries, and then they can speak French and they never spoke French before. Or so I think that is really interesting that all of a sudden you could draw. Um yeah, you know, that especially to the level it sounds like you can can draw now.
SPEAKER_01Um I turned it into painting and I I'll email you some some photos of the paintings that I did, but I had people commission my work and I wouldn't even start the normal way. I would just grab a blank canvas and some paint and I would just start. And I would use paintbrushes, I would use my fingers, I would use any material and and thing I had, and then it would be animals, was what I was most connected to. I did I painted a huge, like three foot by two foot horse for a friend of mine. And, you know, seriously detailed stuff, it blew my mind. Um and yeah, so I and I still do a lot with painting and I do a lot with um, you know, I when I first started to reinvent myself or embrace my new self, I had a thing called I called Paint Me Through It because that's how I ended up. That was my therapy instead of wine. When I came back from rehab, I dove into art and I had just I would create and create and create. And I, you know, I was like, oh, well, here, buy my paintings, and people bought my paintings. I'm like, okay. Um, so I you know, I I got into this, it's kind of funny, but it doesn't mean the same thing. But it's a medium called alcohol ink, and um, it's like rubbing alcohol, it stinks to high heaven. Um, but I could do some amazing, amazing things with that, and I'm I'm actually working on a lot of things with that too um now, which is beside the point. But um, but yeah, I mean it's amazing when you start embracing the newness that comes from that traumatic brain injury, where it can take you. And that painting gave me confidence and like I can do this, and people like it. You know, I do know what I'm doing. And there was a moment, and I this is super important. I really feel like this, someone who's gonna listen to this or listening to it needs to hear this. You do not need a degree or a piece of paper or something from some official institution to give you the power to do something. You don't need that. Um, for a long time I thought I did, I really thought I did, and I did not feel validated and I did not feel real, and I felt like an imposter, huge imposter, because I did not have that training. I did not have, and you know what? Um you don't need it. You don't need it. Um you know, these gifts, they come from God, they come from the divine, they come from, you know, wherever, whatever your soul's purpose is. And you know, once you try to connect to it, once you try to really embrace it, it's just gonna, it's it's easy, you know. It's like that commercial with the easy button. You know, it's an easy button. You know, once you stop fighting it and you you start embracing it, you'd be amazed at how many things just start aligning and how easy things get. And you'll be like, wow, you know, is this this what's what's going on? You know, and then all of a sudden you just take it for for who you are and what you can do.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I love that. Um, I think that's a really important message, and thank you for sharing that. I also, um, when you were talking, I was thinking that um it do you feel like some of the thought process of I need, I mean, I you know, we are at least here in I feel like in the in this time in the United States, especially, there is this push to have the degree and and you yourself, you're you're before you're B A before accident life. That is, you know, clearly like that's the path that we are really, you know, told that we should follow and get the get the degrees and then get the masters, get the PhD, whatever. And so do you think that that I I'm gonna say that I feel like we all feel that way anyway, that we need the certificate or we need the degree to have proof of that we know what we're doing. But do you feel like that played a bigger part as well for you? Because especially knowing that you like, I can't draw, I can't draw, like to really get rid of that whole idea, and then to have have people buying your art and and saying to you, you know, you thinking in your head, well, I don't even have, I don't have any training in this. What, you know, why would people buy this? Why are people buying it? And so the validation, I I do you think that your previous your BA life played a part in that as well?
SPEAKER_01Oh, definitely. I definitely I grew up in a family where it was expected that we did something after high school. Um, it was expected to go into a career um of some kind. And I came from a family where I had I was very a people pleaser and I did what my parents wanted me to do. And um it didn't work out, I didn't love it. And I chased degrees and I collected them, but it wasn't really for me, it was kind of to prove to someone else that I could do things, that I wasn't I wasn't a screw up, you know, that I could actually do this. Um, but I think no matter what the reason that you're pursuing all of the degrees, I mean, if it's not coming from your heart center and it doesn't feel like that's completely 100% aligned with you, then don't do it. Like you don't need that degree. Um, and if it's something that you have a natural talent for, great, do that. And you don't have to get the degree for that because all of that is just practice. It's practice, and then it's a paper to say, Hey, you've practiced enough. So here, we're gonna give you this. Um, and then you can display it on the wall and you say, Look, I've practiced. This says so, you know, and when you have that innate talent, which you all do, you know, it you just have to find what it is. Um, and when you connect to that and when you use that, you don't need that piece of paper because your proof is in what you do, your proof is in what you say, your proof is in how you live, not that piece of paper. That piece of paper is meaningless. That piece of paper put food on the table for a lot of people. Yeah. Okay. That piece of paper probably funded a lot of vacations. Um, but you don't need to pour your heart and soul into something that is not aligned with you in order to be to be, you know, validated. Um validation has to come from within. And when you reach that point in your life and you're like, oh, okay, I see where you are, I see where you are, you know. And on the other side, it's easy to talk about this. Um but that's why I kind of stepped into what I do. And it just kind of like I knew I was always aligned. I know I'm a teacher. Um, I still am a teacher. And right now I show people what they can do. I show people how to reconnect with their own power and take it back from a society that says, okay, we need this part of you for this paper, we need this part of you for this, we need this part of you for this, and then what's left? It's a shell of a person that then tries to numb because all of these parts of you are taken and doing other things and it's not really fulfilling. So yeah, you don't, you know, you don't need that paper to really do what you love. Um, but I do have to and I'm laughing here because there um my spirit guides are like, yeah, yeah, sometimes you do. Um, because you know, like with with uh um, you know, certain jobs, you need certain more in-depth training and education. And you know, ultimately, yeah, to play nice in in society as it remains right now, sometimes that that piece of paper is important, but it's not as important as you think it is. Um, it's your innate talent, really.
SPEAKER_00I love that. Um, I also want to go back for a minute to so when you went back to teaching and had that struggle, um that was you pushed through that for two years, did you say? Is that so do you also feel like that? I mean, to me, just listening to that story, it sounds like there would there was this drive in you to still do the thing that you were trained to do and still, you know, be, you know, maybe what your family, what society, what you were, what you were trained to do. Um, but it was also, it sounds to me like a a big message of nope, you there is like you said, there's something else for you. You are still a teacher. You just need to shift into teaching something else and uh embrace the new gifts. And you know, what do you think? Do you do feel that way?
SPEAKER_01Absolutely, absolutely. And I will tell you, the longer I stayed in that place I wasn't meant to be, the worse it got. Um previous accident, BA. Um, I'm gonna use that all the time now, just so you know, like my friend Laura. Um, but yeah, my BA life was very meticulous. You know, I knew what I had to do, but afterwards I struggled so hard to do that. Like when I first went back, taking attendance was such a chore. And I could normally do that like that. And it was so difficult to do. And um, timeliness was horrible. Like I used to be perfectly on time and early and everything else, and it was a struggle for me to get to work on time. And you know, teachers, you had to be there early. And I would get there like right at the last minute, and I started getting, you know, like uh written up for those for being late, like a minute or 30 seconds. And there was actually a time where I had to call when I got to work, I had to call the assistant principal and let her know I was in my off my room at my desk at a certain time. And I thought, wow, this is this is like I just came off of this massive accident and you don't care. And that's what that was one of my wake up moments that it wasn't about me. It wasn't about how late I stayed, because I could stay late. It was just like the mornings were hard. It wasn't about how much I helped someone, it wasn't about the effort that I put in or the other things I volunteered for. It was about, was I at my desk at 7:29 a.m. And I'm like, that's not okay. Um and it got to the point, and I'm telling you, like, listen to your body, feel into um how things are, and you know when it's not aligned. And a lot of times people will think that that's their only option, and they will continue pushing through. And each day, you know, a little piece of them dies because of that negative energy that they're in. And I'll tell you, by the time that I decided I was done, I was literally coming to school and going into the restroom and vomiting every morning from that amount of anxiety, that amount of fear, that amount of frustration. It was horrible. It was horrible. Um, I was definitely not the same person, and I was definitely not aligned with public education anymore. Um, and this could be a whole nother podcast episode, but um, the alignment, the the disalignment was actually from seeing the box that public education pushes people into, because I didn't see that clearly before my accident, and I really saw it after. And I struggled a lot with that too. So um, yeah, the only choice left for me was was to leave and was to pursue my own my own thing. So now I think I'm kind of like undoing what all those years of of education, public education system does to people and how they make them feel like they're less than and not enough just because they can't pass a test. Um, or you know, just because they don't connect to English literature, it doesn't mean they're not brilliant in another area like CAD or um woodworking, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm not I don't even want to talk about English literature or American literature. I mean, I have my own experience with those in high school that you know it was like it was it was some a course that we had to take. And um yeah, um, but um I also think what what what I want to um talk about. With this, is that I think so many people do exactly what you did. Like we do, like, you know, the universe are is throwing things at you saying, nope, we don't like to do this anymore. And we just keep sticking through, like, we don't see it. We're like, no, okay, I can still do it, you know, and no, I can still do it until really like we keep pushing through and pushing through until like here you are physically sick. And I'm not laughing at that. I'm just saying that like we don't get it. We do not get the clues as they come along until you know, this is all to me another, you know, besides your your equestrian accident, this is another like a funny thing happened on the way to my life. Like, hello, you're not gonna be an English teacher anymore. How many times do I have to show you this? And you know, to it does take a lot to embrace the change and to embrace the the things that you know that we maybe are meant to do, you know, that was what you were meant to do for that for a long, very long time. Yes. But now there's other things for you to do and other and other missions for you to share with people. And those are the things that I think sometimes we know they're there and we just don't embrace them. Um, and I think sometimes it's the fear of change. I think sometimes it's just the fear of our own, like like you said, well, maybe I don't have a certificate in this, um, but I love it and I want to teach it or I want to share it in whichever way that comes across. Um, I, you know, I am an artist. I'm an artist, I but I'm also um a bookkeeper. And I what, you know, just these things, like we we can be these different things. And sometimes I think it's the fear of just trying, even just stepping out of our comfort zone and and trying. And so I love this. You I mean, your story is so inspirational. Um, I also would you just talk for a minute about your family and you know, do you and I hope you don't mind me asking this, do you remember B A B A, your kids, and do you have still memories of the kids when they were young? Um, you know, do you have just flashpoints? Or I'm just curious, and if you don't want to share, then then that's okay as well. But I'm just curious about where your memory is at. I know you mentioned that you don't necessarily remember things as you're passing, but how did it change your family life as well, besides your husband taking on that role for that very long time of you know, really the sole provider for that lot for those couple years?
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, this is definitely another emotional one for me. Um, it I'm happy to talk about it though, because part of this healing and part of the brain injury, it did cause memory loss. Um, I don't have vivid memories of a lot of things that happened. And when before I had come to terms with that, um, I would get really upset or frustrated because I have, especially my daughter, because she was too young to understand, and she would ask me, Hey mom, do you remember this? Hey mom, do you remember that? Like we took the kids to um Disney before my accident. And it was the year before my accident. And then after I would my daughter would ask me questions and say, Hey mom, do you remember this? Or why don't and then she would get angry at me because I couldn't remember. So I started lying to her. And I said, Oh yeah, that was awesome. That was a perfect, you know, I loved when that happened. No idea. And um luckily for me, like I started building back up to where my memories used to be, like as far as I can visually see like movies in my head again of new memories. Um but there are other parts of me that you know, I'll never, I'll never get those memories back. Um, I'll look at pictures and have no recollection of being in that place at that time. Um, they'll tell me stories and I have come to terms with it and I've said, okay, you know, that was that was before my accident. Okay, I'm not gonna let myself get upset about that. You know, I have you as my memory. You know, I have my husband, I have my daughter, I have my parents, I have my friends as my memory. And I haven't lost those memories, you know, they just are in a different vault. So I just need to access that vault from somewhere else. So, you know, mindset, it's all about how you look at something. Um as far as like long-term memory is is pretty good. My short-term memory now, not so much. I live with a notebook, with lists, I have an app on my phone where I keep everything. Um I will forget so often and have no recollection of things that if I don't write it down, it's gone. I've just accepted that. Um, but it's just a different way of living. You know, I never used to have to. I could remember appointments um and things that I would have to do like that, and I would never have to write them down, and now I do. You know, so it's just a little bit of a shift. It's not debilitating, it's not life crushing. Um, it's just a new method that I have to use to be able to get to where I want to go, you know. Um, like the mindset shift, you just have to apply that to every piece of your life. So I could be one of those people that say, Oh my gosh, you know, I'm I'm so disabled. And that's why um, and back to the superintendent story, he said I would have to show proof of disability. And I got so angry at him. And I thought, I am not disabled. Like, and this, it's like this voice just welled up inside of me. And I'm like, I will not get that piece of paper that says to everybody else that I am disabled. Like that is not an option. And I think that it was like that fire in me that really helped me push through. Um, but you know, a lot of people do choose that route. And the oh, woe is me. I'm so, I'm such a victim. I'm gonna, you know, spend the rest of my life on medicines and sitting in a chair and waiting on, you know, someone to take care of me because I guess this is my life now, and I I don't know what to do. I'm stuck, I don't know where to go, I don't know how to get out of this. And you know, that was another push for me, you know, especially with the personal empowerment stuff, is to reach my hand out and say, here, come on, I've been through it. Let's go. I can help you. I know what you need. And everybody's story is different. Um but it's it is so it ends in universal love. Is that's what it's really about. It ends in universal love and care. And it it doesn't matter what your ability is, um, you have something important to share with this world. You are here for a purpose. And um it's it's the struggle, the struggle is not worth it. I mean, I struggled for like a good three years afterwards, so three, four years. And I was like, you know what? I'm just this is ridiculous. This is a lesson in futility, and I'm just gonna go and do what I do and and be proud of it and ignore the naysayers and the you need proof of you know what you can doers. And I'm just, you know, it's gone. I just I'm me, and I'm here to help now. And I I feel at home in my own skin again, which is super important. Um and it's it's attainable.
SPEAKER_00I love that. That's really beautiful. And it, I mean, it it is I what a journey you've been on, but also to embrace, I I love that you were able to have, you know, say goodbye to your old self and and really have to embrace that in a way, but also I think a lot of people wouldn't like you're saying, wouldn't embrace the new me, the the AAU, the new you after accident you, um, not the other AA. Um after after my accident you and you know, a lot of people wouldn't, you I mean, you've had an incredible recovery to even be to, I mean, I I I don't see you, I don't see anything about you, you know, that that isn't a fully capable human being. You know, there is yeah, we, you know, and we all use we all use these tools of you know, of remembering, making the notes. And our brain for me, my brain just gets overloaded with so much information that if I don't make a note, I'm not gonna remember it. Or it's not that it I'm not taking away from your accident and what you experience. I'm just saying so many of us walk into the kitchen only to get there to go, what was I coming here for? So these tools and and us, and I think it's amazing that you see that you need the tools and are willing to embrace those as well. Because I think, like you're saying, a lot of people just wouldn't. They just would say, Well, I can't do it. I can't do it, I can't remember, I'm not gonna remember, and that's just me. And you all have to just accept that. Uh, and I think people would. They wouldn't take away from you for this terrific accident that you had and these challenges that you have, but you're you have such a strength inside of you to say, no, that's not gonna be me. I'm gonna move forward and live my life. And I'd love that you were able to embrace the new you and and thrive in this in this new you. And it sounds like so now with your spiritual business and and empower, helping to empower people, some of that must have been in you before. I mean, I obviously it was in you, but did you do some of that as well before uh before BA before your accident?
SPEAKER_01I think I I mean I I didn't call it a spiritual practice, I didn't call it um, you know, anything that I do now. Or I I would just I've always been able to connect to people and I've always been able to see what they need and like feel my like my clairsentience is strong. Um I've always been able to feel that um with people from as far back as I can, you know, remember, you know, pun intended. But like I remember being super little and being able to read my mom and um and like my sisters and just everything. And I always had I guess I was always a bit different because I always had this, I wouldn't say a mothering instinct, um, but that's what it would come out as. But an empowering instinct, I should say, um, to show people that they could do things. Um, that I spent a lot of my life being told that I couldn't do things for different reasons. Not because I wasn't capable, sometimes because they thought I wasn't capable, but other times um simply because the opportunity wasn't there or that opportunity was not going to be given to me. Um so I kind of learned to do things on my own for what I wanted to do. Like I taught myself how to play the piano. Um, I wasn't allowed to get lessons. So um it was too much of a time constraint for my parents at the time. So um, you know, I wasn't allowed to do that. But now I play, and piano teachers would probably cry if they looked at my finger placement on the keyboard. But you know, it's it's beautiful and uh the music that I make is is awesome. But um I I decided to follow that on my own. But I think I have always been someone who cares for other people and who kind of shows them that there's another way. Because even when I was a teacher, you know, um pre-accident, it was showing people that their worth was more than a test, their worth was more than a class, um, you know, that this person used scare tactics to get you to cram for a for a test that you're not going to remember that stuff the day after, you know, and that your entire education is based on standardized tests that only are in place to give schools accountability for their teachers. And it's not really a reflection of how that person works or that that person's talent. Um, and you know, just kind of showing them that they were so much more than this tiny little box. Um, but after my accident, like that really came up, like that fire inside. And now I really, I really push people um in a good way. And one of my friends calls me, um, did she call me um the blunt psychic because I have I have zero filter and I will say exactly what I need to say, and sometimes it's a shock to the person that needs to hear it. Um, but it's those tough things, you know, it's it's tough love in a way that it illuminates your next step or it illuminates um, you know, the fears that you're holding on to, not tough love as in you'll do it because I say you'll do it, and you know, I love you, you know, like not like that. But but here is your here's your path, and here's what's blocking you. You know, here's your path, and here's how you're stopping yourself. Um, it's kind of like that. So after my accident, all of that just kind of leveled up. Um, you know, I'm firing on all cylinders now with that, and my intuition is on point, and you know, my my psychic abilities are on point, and I really can connect with a person at a heart center level and I can tell what they need personally to get through what they're going through. Um, so yeah, you know, it's kind of like I always knew I had that ability, but um it was always a hobby and it was not anything I was pursuing because it wasn't societally acceptable. Um and I didn't want to disappoint people.
SPEAKER_00Right. Well, and again, I think just listening to you, what comes up for me is that you just do have this strength inside of you. And I would think for the people that you work with now, it you're not just telling them you can do it, they can see you're an example as well, you're a leader that you can do it. If you know, if I can do it, you can do it. And you know, sometimes I think that blunt blunt works well, you know, works really well. So yeah, so I just think there's so much in you. Again, I just see, you know, I we know each other in the online Facebook world. And I don't know you until today. I haven't we haven't spoken, but this is what it comes across for me is that you are just this leader and teacher. You always always have been a teacher, and you're still a teacher, just teaching and empowering people in a much different, different way, in an insightful way. And I think it's I think it's beautiful that this is what you know, sometimes the fun, you know, when a funny thing happens on the way to our life, it really does lead us to something that we would have never imagined. And that's that's the whole point of it is that you know we we can expand and grow and we do. So I love this story. I love your story, and I love how strong you are. I think it's beautiful. Thank you. Um before we wrap up, would you please, I'll put I'll put this in the show notes, but would you please share with um with the listeners today where they can find you and um you know on social media online where what were all of your all of your links for social media?
SPEAKER_01Sure. Um I have several, I think as we all do. Um I have my Instagram is at the at sign v.sandra.joy. Um and my Facebook, I have a private group called Untame Your Soul. And it literally is Untame Your Soul. Um, that's the name of the Facebook group. So there's a page in a group. Um you can request to be a part of the group, and um, that's where I do a lot of talking in there and inspirational stuff. So you're welcome to join. Um, no obligations, just come and soak up everything you can soak up. And let's see, um my email right now is healing realms at gmail.com or healing realms111 at gmail.com. And um it's the number ones, not the word ones. And I do have to say a little, this is kind of a side note, and you can cut this part out, but um, when you open up to your true purpose, your energy has an effect on everybody else's energy around you. So my husband quit his horrible insurance job and he started his own company and he has a coffee company now. And in addition to my you know, personal empowerment stuff, I have I run a crystal shop and um I do a lot of work with that. And I have I just opened up a holistic healing center where I do Reiki and crystal therapy, and it kind of all just wanted it to intermesh, and it is, you know, and it's it's happening beautifully. So I have a lot of different social media handles, which is why I just brought that up. Um, but um, but yeah, I mean it's my website is sandrajoy.com and you can contact me through there, and that's probably the easiest way. And yeah, I'm just happy to talk to anybody who wants to reach out. And if you want to share your story or or connect or want some advice, you know, reach out.
SPEAKER_00I love that you like what you said. I agree that when when you embrace who you are, and it does tend to ripple out to other people. And I love that your husband um was able to quit a job that he didn't like and and create something new in this world as well. I would imagine he's very happy doing that, or he wouldn't be doing it. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so much happier. I mean, his energy shift was huge. Um, yeah, I'm sure we could talk eons about energy and how you know the type of energy that you put out is the type you get back. And I mean, it was a massive shift. So he is my number one fan and a proponent, and he will shout from the rooftops about mindset change and energy. And um, it's it's beautiful.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I agree with that. Um, I see that in my own husband as well. That we, you know, we they tend to come along with us when we go on our journeys, or we go along with them if they go on their journeys, but um, that's beautiful. And again, Sandra, thank you so much. I love hearing your story, it's so inspiring. You truly are a teacher and a leader. And um I just thank you so much and um for joining me today. And I also want to thank our listeners for being with us today as well.
SPEAKER_01Thank you for having me.
