ICommunicate Radio Show #71: Motivate Yourself Through Emotional Agility

Are motivational speakers overrated? MindsetGo Founder Mark Altman gets down to the roots of motivation. Is depending on other people the most effective strategy to motivate yourself? It’s one thing to know how to motivate yourself, but when leaders are promoted before they’re ready, do they know how to motivate and inspire others?Segment 1:What fuels rivalries? Why does anger escalate to regretful action? Why do athletes get more focused, intense, and ready for some games and not others? How does this relate to business? What goes into our response to failure?Segment 2:Who do we idolize as humans and why? Where does competitiveness come from? Is it artificial to manufacture motivation through competition? Is “cheating” to generate motivation effective? What are the best “cheats” to increase productivity and success?Segment 3:What goes into finding our “spark?” What are the various factors that innately motivate us? Is there a better way to find motivation? How can we leverage other people to motivate us? How can bosses, coworkers and rivals motivate us at work? How can we fix promotions at work? How should we evaluate people for leadership positions? What does lead by example really mean?Segment 4:How do people stay self-motivated? How can we easily motivate others? Is there an easy, straightforward strategy to motivate others? Do you really know how to motivate yourself? What’s stopping you?

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome to iCommunicate on full service radio, 830 WCRM. To join the conversation, call 508-871-7000. Now, here's your host, Mark Altman.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

You know, I feel like Ted. I want to start one of my shows. Um, rest in peace, Robin Williams. You know, when he did the whole good morning Vietnam, I feel like I want to be like, Good afternoon, listeners.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

Good afternoon, West Morrow.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

You know it. So uh welcome to the Mindset Go Radio Show, the show about conversation intelligence, weaving in the two main ingredients, which are emotional and multi-generational intelligence. So happy to have you back here with us again. And I've been receiving some great feedback in between shows from our listeners, so I appreciate that. And uh if you'd like to call in the show at any point, the number is 508-871-7000. What's that number? 508-871-7000. So, today, what a wonderful day. So, today we have an interesting theme, and what kind of sparked this thought process were today, we're gonna talk about the concept of rivalry. Ooh. And how rivalries really fuel motivation and drive and competition.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

I'm much better at this than you are.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

You know, and what was interesting is what got me thinking about it was uh, I believe it was a couple of nights ago, uh, one of the oldest college basketball rivalries, Kansas and Kansas State, uh, at the end of their game, there was a huge brawl. And one of the players in the brawl on Kansas State, I believe, um actually picked up a chair, held it over his head to smash somebody with it. And I got I got to thinking to myself, you know, when you're mad, when you're angry, you know, we know there are different levels of conflict and anger and what take in what how you get triggered, and this is a whole aspect of emotional intelligence. But what struck me is what what gets you from being mad and wanting to throw a punch at someone to wanting to pick up a chair and maybe cause permanent bodily injury to someone, impale them with a level.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

Yes, yeah. It's an awful transition.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

So it just struck me, you know, I'm such a fan of emotional intelligence that, and I was thinking about geez, you know, rivalry really raises people's energy level and drive. But but here's what here's what I don't get. You know, Ted, when I go into schools and work with sports teams, one of the comments I make to teams all the time is why would you get more up for a certain game than another game? It doesn't make any sense to me. So it implies that if all of a sudden, oh, this is a big team we're playing, this is a rival where you've got to get up for this one. Well, see, that implies to me you're you're you're not up for the other ones. And and more to the point, it it it really speaks to a difference in motivation level depending on the level of competition you're playing. And I I just I just don't get that.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

Because it's certainly unprofessional to judge one opponent with greater satisfaction or uh as being a greater competitor than any other. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Well, but uh not as much unprofessional, Ted. It's disrespect. Well, you're disrespecting your opponent. You know, that's what it's really about, right? You're disrespecting the opponent. However, I I I'm asking when people play competitive sports, when people compete in anything, you know, I am I am so hungry to be successful and experience that winning feeling that I it just doesn't matter who I'm playing or who I'm competing against. So I just can't relate to that.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

You're right. It should not. Um but this gets back to what we've talked about before, and that is human beings present prejudice wherever they go. And it only ends up hurting us ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Well, so so let's let's uh compartmentalize this into ages for a moment. So when I look at, say, let's take a look at high school kids for a moment. What I think about with high school kids is what are they balancing, right? Well, one of the things they're balancing is they're playing the sports they love all year round now, which never was the case, Ted, when we were young. So we've got that. We've got extracurricular activities, we've got studies, we've got life, friends, family, relationships, and things like that. And what I see happening now when I watch a lot of athletes is what they're doing is they just don't have the energy, the fight in many cases, to get up for every game. So it's not necessarily an indictment of, hey, I don't care, I'm not motivated. It's they just don't have the bandwidth or energy to do it.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

Yeah, I've I've heard some coaches uh say, well, it's either soccer or it's softball. It's either soccer or it's football. It's either soccer or it's and and I and I remember back in the day being encouraged to play all the games. And uh I you know, I I rarely do this, but I want to point out Arnold Schwarzenegger. When he first came to the United States, wait, you rarely point out Arnold Schwarzenegger? You caught me. Okay. I did that on purpose. Okay, just checking.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

Okay. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

When he first came to the United States, people asked him, How did you get this physique? And he told them, I played every game. I played all the games. I played soccer, I played football. I mean, not football, American football, but he he played all the games and he participated in competitions, and he was always engaged in a multitude of activities. He never runs out of energy, even at this late age. He is full of energy because he played all the games. And taking kids out of this element where they can play whatever they want, whenever they want, you know, the word play and and telling them now you have to focus on soccer, not baseball. You have to or make a choice. You can't you can't be on the equestrian team and shoot a rifle. It's you know, it's one or the other. I I think that has had a deleterious effect on the energy level of our children.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

Well, before I even respond to that, I want to acknowledge Ted for an immediate word-of-the-day nominee with deleterious, because that is a real quality word right there, Ted.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Well, yeah, uh, just just so everybody knows, it relates, it's not really a good word. It relates to things that aren't good for you.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

I I you know what? I love that. I love that uh knowledge. So here's the thing. So, Ted, where I certainly agree with you, I'm gonna tell you what I see as the biggest enemy to consistent motivation in fight, even at the high school level, even though I think your points are very well taken. What I think it is, is it's confidence. Because now, when you're competing so often, there are so many more opportunities to lose your confidence and have slumps and have downtimes. And I talk to more and more athletic directors about the concept of mental toughness. Yeah, and so what's interesting to me about mental toughness is we equate effort and work ethic to sweat and physical fatigue, right? But it's the mental aspect of competing that I think so many people struggle with. And when you're in those moments, for example, you know, and my favorite sport is basketball, so very fond of that. But you know, when I look at a basketball player who turns the ball over or misses a critical shot, what do you what do you see a lot of kids do? They drop their head. And you know what, you know what kills me, Ted? From a competition standpoint, the last thing, I don't care if it's in business, sports, whatever, the last thing I ever want my competitor to see is they got to me.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

That's it. Never let them see you sweat.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Never let them see you sweat, mentally or physically, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

Right. When you fail, get in their face.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

So but in that moment, Ted, and we've talked in a lot of past shows about you know internal reactions and external reactions and things like that, but in that moment, when you feel like you let yourself down or your team down or your coach down, you've got to make a split-second decision. And in that moment, when you make the decision, if the choice is, and I'm not saying kids articulate it in exactly these words, but if the choice is, oh, I'm a failure, I suck, if that's the takeaway, that's gonna totally impact not only the rest of their game, but it could impact their confidence for a while in the future.

SPEAKER_02 9:42

Well, you know, uh letting kids say, Oh, I don't want to do that, instead of go do it, um relates to this acceptance of failure. They're they're falling back. Well, somebody will let me off the hook.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

What does that mean, Ted? Acceptance of failure to you. What do you think that means?

SPEAKER_02 10:03

Well, if the choices are I succeeded or I failed, and they get into this competition, well, I you know, I I can get let off the hook if I fail, rather than I have to succeed. I am going to take the ball. There's a psychological trick where in the back of their mind they don't have to push because they can get let off by somebody saying, it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Well, it's interesting where you're going with that because what what I what I think about is that the templates, the life templates we grow up with are pass-fail templates, right? So in school, you pass or you fail. And let's face it, everything in between, you know, is like whatever, but you're taught from an early age, you're evaluated from an achievement or an outcome.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

You know, that's very much a Yankee thing, I'll tell you that. You go to the West Coast and you go to see uh venture capitalists on the West Coast, and they want to know what you've failed at. You you go see a venture capitalist in Boston, he wants to see a clean record of success.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

Yeah, but it's but you know what it is.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

I'm saying it's a cultural attitude.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

I understand, but I think it goes even deeper than that. I I agree. But I think the challenge is it's a reframing problem. Because, for instance, at the training I was at today, one of the leaders in the training was talking about, we were talking about managing up and having to convey customer feedback to the owner, president of a company, negative customer feedback. How do you tell the owner of a company that a customer gave you bad feedback about them? And here's what happened. He said, Well, you know, I just think it's really hard to call out someone when you're managing up. And I said, But that's just it. You're not calling out anybody. You're actually assertively communicating, presumably based on the company's core values around open, honest communication and client first. Trevor Burrus, Jr. Sounds like managing up to me. But see, that's just it. So so going back to what you were talking about, the way I see it is the word failure is such a uh what's the word I'm looking for? Not not uh um not a triggering word, but it's such a polarizing word. There you go. It's such a polarizing word that when when you tell a kid, you know, you didn't fail, you need to learn from failure, it's just that word that keeps connecting from failure.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Right. They keep it's a down. It turns them down, not up.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

Now, when we come back from our first break, I'm gonna share an experience I had earlier in life around rivalry and competition professionally that I believe truly shaped to where I am today. This is Mark Altman for the Mindset Go Radio Show. We'll be right back. Okay, welcome back to the Mindset Go Radio Show. And and before I share the story that I teased before the break, I I want to add one other thought. You know what's what's so funny to me about mindset and failure and those concepts is you look at this player on the San Francisco 49ers, his name is Raheem Mostert. This is a guy that's in his seventh year in the NFL, has been cut, I believe, eight times in his career. And what's what's interesting to me is the three areas of people that we typically idolize as humans are athletes, musicians, and celebrities. Okay, now there's politicians certainly in that mix too, but let's focus on athletes, celebrities, and musicians for the time being. And how many stories do we need to hear from any of those groups about how many times they failed? Michael Jordan got cut from his freshman basketball team. The Dewey brothers made 20 song attempts before they got their first song. Raheem Mostert got cut from eight teams. I mean, these stories are everywhere and anywhere you want to look. And yet the very people we idolize that we look up to can tell us that this is part of life. This is how you become successful, but it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_02 14:37

You know, uh the Babe Ruth story is the one that always sticks in my brain. While he was the home ran home run champion of the world, he was also the strikeout champion of the world.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

That's great. That's great. So so here's my story, Ted. So I really, I really, I'm such a big believer in self-reflection and introspection, and I really tried to think a long time where my competitiveness comes from, where my killer instinct comes from. And I really believe it comes from just playing and watching sports when I was a kid.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Oh, wait a minute. Can I ask you a few questions?

SPEAKER_00 15:17

Sure, please.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

Are you firstborn?

SPEAKER_00 15:20

I'm not.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

I'm the youngest. You're the youngest out of how many? Three. All right. I think the audience is shaking their head up and down right now. We know where your competitive nature came from.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Okay, I know I agree with you. However, what's interesting is if you break up, so that actually lends itself to a different concept. So competitiveness can play off in different areas, right? There's competitiveness in sports, there's competitiveness in professional, like your career and your business, there's competitiveness with your friends, with your family, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:50

So there's all like it can also be environmental, like you had an experience.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Totally. But I think you're right. I think it's definitely being the youngest is definitely a part of it. But I also think because I never saw my mother was competitive, but I never saw, like I would never have described my father as competitive, although he was an avid marathon runner, and I know he was competitive in that vein. But here's what happened, Ted. I was, let's see, I was 20, 28 years old. I had been working for a company that was a small division. They did work in government utilities, and they were a small division of an international staffing corporation. And so the CEO of the staffing corporation was like, listen, this municipal stuff, this isn't our core business, we're shutting it down, we're focusing on what we do. So the president of my division, who was the brother-in-law of this CEO, okay, he says to me, Mark, here's what we're gonna do: we're gonna go to the number one competitor in the industry. I'll make sure you and I both have jobs, I'll set us up with this competitor, and we'll just go work for them and take our expertise and knowledge. And he had it all planned out, he presented it to me, and I'm like, Joe, I can't do it. He goes, Why not? And I said, Because I don't want to join the big fish, I want to beat them. And he was pissed at. He was so mad at that point that he literally, within five minutes of me saying no, he said, and by the way, their division, this division was closing in three weeks. So he says, You're fired. Right there on the spot, he fires me. So I was pissed. I was like, you know, what's going on here? So what did I do? At a young age, I was pretty good at advocating for myself. I marched up to the CEO's office in this big building, scary guy, go to see him, and I said, Sal, I told him what happened. I said, Listen, Sal, I want to start my own business. I want to do this myself. Do you support me? Can I take some of the equipment, the personnel, and stuff? Well, this guy, who was such an intimidating guy, could not have been more supportive. So he said, Mark, not only will I help you and support you in any way you need, I'll pay you the three-week severance. Don't worry about working.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

Get to work on your thing.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Get to work on your thing. He was great. So here's the thing. In that moment, when I said, I don't want to join the big fish beat him, I realized something about myself that I needed a rival. I needed, in this company, who's still a very successful company today, I needed that company to hold over my head to push me and to motivate me to reach a certain goal. And so what's interesting is when I think about your competition level and your drive and your passion, is it artificial to not have the self-motivation and to have to manufacture the competitor, the rival, the the carrot? Does that feel artificial to you, Ted?

SPEAKER_02 19:00

I you know, personally, I don't believe you can teach people to be competitive or to be an entrepreneur. They either are genetically programmed to put everyone else behind them, or they're not. And, you know, that's why a lot of these people aren't well liked because they're winners. And when there are winners present, there are potential losers present. And if you don't have that winning attitude and yet winning point of view, then you know what group you're in.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Well, you know what's funny? That's an interesting thought because one thing I've noticed about people I interact with over the course of my personal life and professional career is I there's a part of me that loves, in a constructive way, pushing people to compete harder. So if I'm playing, when I play basketball with people, if it's just kind of like a pickup game, I'm not dirty or anything, but I will go all out, and then people see it, and then they feel like, all right, well, I guess I gotta raise my game a little bit, not because I'm better than them.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

You know, that's the way I feel about any human relationship. If you kind of get into a relationship with other human beings like a game, okay, if you don't go full hog in, you're cheating everybody. You're cheating yourself. What the heck are you doing there? Why even play the game?

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Okay, but wait a minute. You said you're saying that you can't teach that drive and motivation. So if that's true, if you can't teach it, does someone who can't naturally find that fuel and that drive Let me turn it around?

SPEAKER_02 20:44

When you go out on the game and you're there with five guys, can't you tell who I can immediately?

SPEAKER_00 20:51

But I'm asking you, I can, but I'm asking you if you can't manufacture that naturally because it's not innate in you, is it okay to substitute that with needing some kind of artificial tool or carrot to push you?

SPEAKER_02 21:05

You know, are you talking cardiosteroids here, or are we talking about personal motivation?

SPEAKER_00 21:10

No, we're talking a rival. We're talking about we're talking about Tom Brady at 42 years old still saying that he doesn't feel he's respected, which is garbage. But he says it because it fuels him.

SPEAKER_02 21:22

Okay. I I follow you now. So you're talking about the personal motivation that will convert your otherwise pessimistic attitude to one of, well, damn it, I'm gonna get it.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 21:36

Well, that that that's something I think that's a uh that's similar to the trigger you started our conversation here today with. What is it that drives people to pick up a chair and want to impale somebody because they have a disagreement? What is that switch that goes off in us?

SPEAKER_00 21:56

I mean, my oldest son, who has I remember when he was in high school, I was trying to give him some coping skills to help stay organized and be structured. And I remember one day, I'll never forget this conversation. He said to me one day, one of the things I would give him is I'd have him leave little notes for himself, sticky notes around. And he said, Dad, I feel like I'm cheating. I feel like if I can't realize how to do it on my own, I shouldn't have to use like sticky notes to cheat. And I I feel like sometimes our inner voice and and people who have worked with me know I talk about inner voice. Sometimes if you if you need to use the cheats, whether that's a sticky note to remember what you're supposed to do and stay organized, whether it's to tell yourself you're not respected, to push yourself further and to keep going, it's almost like they look at that as bad. But you know, I I asked the question rhetorically, because it isn't bad. You gotta do what you gotta do. It's a tool for the tool. So as we go into our our next break, this is this is what I want you to be thinking about. I want you to I think about identifying who that rival is. Do you have a rival professionally? Who is that person professionally that pushes you? Is it a boss? Is it a competitor? Is it a coworker that you're competitive with? When we come back from our next break, we're gonna talk about how those relationships play out and how they serve you. This is Mark Altman for the Mindset Go Radio Show.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Now I communicate continuous on Full Service Radio, 830 W TRF. Once again, here's your host, Mark Altman.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

Okay, welcome back to the Mindset Go Radio Show. Again, if you'd like to call in, it's 508-871-7000. And you know what's interesting? Um Magic Johnson and Larry Byrd have said repeatedly in interviews since they retired, they don't think they would have been half as good as they were if they didn't have each other pushing on the East Coast and the West Coast.

SPEAKER_02 24:04

That rivalry big.

SPEAKER_00 24:06

So I want to talk about what pushes you, right? And so I as before the break, I mentioned, and Ted used a good word uh word we were talking, it's that spark, right? It's that that ongoing spark, keeping that candle lit, that spark so on to speak. So we talked about three options, right? You have a coworker, you have a boss, and you have a competitor. And let's look at each of those individually. I want to talk about the boss first, because I know one thing about myself. I was I was a little bit of an outlier because I was never one to be motivated by a boss. You know, for a boss in my career doing communication and sales, if a boss came into my office and said something like, you know, Mark, three other guys on the sales team are generating these numbers and you're only generating this, I was like, eh. It just didn't do much for me. Because it just felt artificial. Because frankly, if you have to tell me that, if I'm not even recognizing that on my own, that's really where the problem lies, well before you told it to me.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

Yeah, but you were smart enough to keep your mouth shut.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

I was. So when I look at being motivated by a boss, you know, we talk about leadership styles a lot. And you know, you hear the expression, Ted, sometimes you need a pat on the back, sometimes you need a kick in the ass. But can I say that word on the air?

SPEAKER_02 25:26

Yeah, I'll push the button.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

Can you okay? Yeah, because I I don't even know if I'm allowed to say that.

SPEAKER_02 25:33

So uh Well, you can talk about a donkey.

SPEAKER_00 25:35

Oh, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 25:38

Or you can talk about one of my British friends being an ars, but you can't say the word you use.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

Ted, you know who just to digress for one moment, you know who I totally way underestimated their talent level as a comedian is George Carlin. Oh, he's he is brilliant. Like I saw like a little show on him the other day in some of his jokes, and he talked about the dirty words using the word ass and how you can and can't use it. It was so funny.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

Right, you can prick your finger.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Yeah, there you go. So um so, but the point I'm trying to make is so from a from a from your boss coming in and telling you, let's go, give you a pat on the back, give you a kick in the butt, whatever it is, what you have to ask yourself is which one are you? Because I'm gonna tell you something. If you're the person if you think you're the kind of person that needs the kick in the butt, what does that say about you? Does that say that you can't really generate you know motivation on your own? And and so listen, I talk about communication, such a big aspect of communication is perception. So in the same way, if you need the kick in the butt, you may not be able to stay consistently motivated. If you need the pat on the back, Ted, what's the obvious perception there? I kind of needy. Yeah. Boy, I can lose my confidence really easily. Can you come over again? So so here's the thing. You know what? We're talking about what you need to be motivated, if you can generate that self-motivation or if you need others. And so here's the point. If it's a coworker, okay, and the co-worker is pushing you, such as, and I don't want to focus just on sales, right? Could be another leader in the company that's vying for certain opportunities, it could be another leader who has achieved more KPI success than you have departmentally. And if it's a competitor, you know, what is it? You want to beat the competitor. But the bottom line is, ladies and gentlemen, is when you're evaluating your own motivational skills, if I was your boss or if I was your coach or your mentor or your support system, I'm less motivated on how you need to be motivated, and I more care that you know because just having the awareness that you need a kick in the butt or a pat on the back, and you know you have that self-awareness, now I'll take it. Because the people who can't identify when their motivation is declining, how to overcome that declining motivation, who to talk to, who to trust, what steps to take, that's what matters. So, Ted, you know, you've had a you've had some very diverse experiences in your career. You know, can you recall a time where first of all, were you the pat on the back or kicking the kick in the butt person or n or something else?

SPEAKER_02 28:35

Um I I've always felt the only kind of person that should be in sales or in a leadership position is a person that is fully uh self-motivated.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

But that just doesn't happen.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

Maybe that's why I wasn't always popular.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

Well, let me say this. Let me interject something, because it's interesting what you just said. You know, one of my biggest pet peeves about leadership is I hear so many companies, when I work with them, say, you know, we just promoted so-and-so to leadership. And I said, But what did you see that gave you the indication that they can lead people? Because uh there's this thing called leadership on boarding. And so what it really comes down to is if you see, if you recognize someone's accomplishments and someone's value, and that they're really serving the company well, and you really want to reward them, rewarding them as a leader, and that might be what they want, but are they ready? Are they prepared? Do they have the requisite leadership skills such as knowing how to motivate and inspire other human beings, and we're putting too many people into leadership positions that don't have the competency or skill set just because they're doing other things well.

SPEAKER_02 29:53

Or they earned a certain level on the bean counter thing. That's right. If if you don't if you're not self-motivated and able to uh demonstrably uh share that with the people uh that you work with, then you're not a leader. That's that's one of the prerequisites of being a leader. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

Well, and and that's a great point, Ted. And one of the things that uh I hear a lot of leaders say things like, I'll say to a leader, boy, you seem really self-motivated. You know, what are the keys to, you know, how do you push yourself and drive yourself? And they'll say, I don't know, I just do. I just do it. I just do. Which is the innate aspect you were talking about. However, here's the problem. It's one thing to know how to motivate yourself, it's a whole different skill set to know how to teach that secret sauce to others.

SPEAKER_02 30:41

Yeah, well that's why it's lead by example, because through example, people absorb things through uh the uh the words osimosis. Uh but uh y y sometimes it is a self-motivating uh example that perpetuates itself.

SPEAKER_00 30:57

So Ted, let me ask you this. You're talking about leading by example, which is a tremendous form of leadership, okay? But here's my question for you Is leading by talking overrated, is it becoming extinct? Because someone who gives the pep talk and the motivational speech this is what and and and when we come back from our next break, we still have a few minutes to go, but when we come back, I'm gonna talk about the concept of a motivational speaker. Because when we rely on the words, when we rely on the pep talk, it just doesn't seem half as good as anything by doing the pep talks should be short and concise.

SPEAKER_02 31:37

And unfortunately, the people who get into the position where they're required to give a pep talk are often the same people who love the sound of their own voice. So rather than it being short and concise, it ends up being long and monotonous. And that, you know, is a a whole nother animal.

SPEAKER_00 31:56

Well, you know what, Ted? I I have learned that, and I think the short and concise point you're making is interesting because I have learned that the feedback I received over my career in sports and business is that the best pep talks I give are the ones that remind people what they already knew. And you know, I had a woman this morning who affirmation is so powerful. Affirmation and so I had a woman this morning who at the end of the training, a very talented leader, and she said, Mark, this was really great because you validated things that I always thought were really good approaches in leadership, and you also reminded me of things I've gotten away from and I've forgotten about that I need to go back to doing.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

That's a worthy goal right there.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

That's it. And so, yeah, and so we uh Ted, we have a caller?

SPEAKER_02 32:48

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 32:49

Okay. Who do I have on the line? Welcome to the Mindset Go Radio Show.

SPEAKER_03 32:54

Mark, Matt from Amherst. Matt, how are you? I'm fantastic, buddy. Love, love the show. Two things, two quick points that I need to make before I get into my real point. Uh one, Ted, I'm also a big fan of Schwarzenegger. Just think he's uh, I think he's a wonderful example of everything that can be. You know, he's not flawless, but also a big fan. And two, on another note, I can speak from personal experience when it comes to Mark and basketball. He's brutal. He's an absolute hack. He was the Rick Mahorn of the neighborhood growing up.

SPEAKER_00 33:29

Oh, Matt, man, I love it. You know something? Let me tell you. I want to tell you, Matt, and before you get to your point, I want to bring something up. So Matt is a high school friend of mine and a great guy. But Matt, if you, without going into too much detail, if you would briefly share some of the growth you've had personally, because you and I have talked about that and some of the transition you've made and how you were able to do that.

SPEAKER_03 33:52

Sure, happy to. So I am one, I like Mark says, I've known him for a long time. And I've I've lived a roller coaster. I've had my ups and my downs. And I can say without fail, uh, or without question, I I put everything on my own feet. Um, I was given, grew up in a wonderful two-parent family, never questioned whether or not I was loved, never wanted for anything, yet I failed multiple times. Yet I've also picked myself up multiple times, and that's one of the great lessons I've learned. Uh one, not to feel sorry for myself. Uh, and two, that I control my own destiny. And I'm I'm a firm believer in that. Because I can honestly say I've screwed up as much as it is to do as it is possibly human.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

Yeah, but but but Matt, let me just interject. There's two things that you said that really resonate. One is you're you're owning your behavior, you're accountable for it. Absolutely. And the other thing is your recognition that you have choices. No one has a you can do what you want to do. You're right.

SPEAKER_03 35:00

And you know, it's funny, I I I come back when people ask me about this because I'm not shy about sharing my story. I'm not I'm not proud of all the things I've done because I've made a lot of horrible mistakes in my life. But if anybody is out there recalls the Al Pacino movie, Sense of a Woman, when he's giving his great speech at the end, talking about his life, and he says, I've always known the right path and the wrong path. And why they and not to, I don't want to touch place, why do people not do the right thing a lot? Because it's too bleeping hard. It's not, oh, it's not easy to do the right thing, but it's still the right thing.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

Matt, let me tell you, not only is that that is one of the best motivational speeches in the history of movies. I absolutely love it. And Matt, I'm gonna quote a line that might tease my brother all the time. Remember when Al Pacino says, I'll take a flamethrower to this school, the bad school. Yep. That uh it's a great but but your point's well taken, Matt. And you know, Matt, if you'll stay with us, I know we have to head to break, but if you'll stay with us, I'd love to continue with uh your primary reason you call it.

SPEAKER_02 36:12

Can I add just one word? Please.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

This is Mark Altman for the Mindset Go Radio Show. We'll be right back.

SPEAKER_01 36:27

Now I communicate continuous on full service radio, 830 WTRN. Once again, here's your host, Mark Altman.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

Okay, welcome back to the Mindset Go radio show. Matt, are you still with us? Yes, sir. Awesome. Okay, so talk to us. Talk, why did you call it?

SPEAKER_03 36:45

So when you talk about motivation, so I I'm also a believer, I agree with both of you guys. One, short and sweet, but I think we have as a society, we have a short attention span now. Definitely. I think it's just not only doesn't you know what you say, validate. All goal-oriented. Whatever it is, if it's I want to have a wife and kids by the time I'm 25, or if it's I want to be a millionaire, or if I want to create a product that makes the world a better place. So Matthew's gotta have some sort of dream, some sort of goal.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

So, Matt, let me ask you a question. I think you're right, and I think those goals have to be smart goals, too, because I think they have to be you have to be held accountable. But I want to ask you maybe what is it maybe a difficult question that you might not even know the answer to. You know, I think one of the best ways to motivate people are actually to give authentic compliments, but actually to take it a step further. Authentic compliments for non-obvious things. And I'll give you an example. There's a kid on my uh the seventh and eighth grade basketball team I coach who during one during the game last week, one of the kids on our team made a bad play, he lost the ball out of bounds. And this other kid went up to him and kind of real quick put his arm around him and said, Don't worry about it, we'll get him back. And so I went up to that kid in the timeout and I said, Now that's leadership, that's good stuff. And so I think my question for you is when you receive compliments, whether it be from friends, family, coworkers, bosses, whoever it is, do you actually become aware of the impact those compliments have, whether it be in the moment or shortly thereafter?

SPEAKER_03 39:01

Well, I will say it's they're they're kind of self-affirming. I would say it it wears away quickly. So if somebody says, hey, you know, you did a really great job. Whatever building that whatever it is. Great. That's that's that's but you can't respond. That can't be everything. I mean, yes, it's important. Yes, it's great. And I think it's more important to over. Um like you said, you know, it's it's not the one of the most complicated things. It's hey, great job of the leadership. You know, you know, like like your example is great. Something specific, not just, hey, you're doing a great job. Because you can say that to everybody. And most of the time we know that you know, it's great, wonderful. I know I'm doing a great job.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

So, Matt, so you you've spent a lot of time in the restaurant business, which is a very difficult business. So let's talk about so uh the two thoughts. One is when I say authentic, here's the challenge I think we have, Matt, in leadership, especially in corporate America. You know, I I want them to be authentic and I want the compliments to be earned and deserved. But here's where I see the problem is people are too busy running around with their own stuff and their own to-dos and their own life that I don't think they're being they're recognizing when they're deserved. I I I just think I just don't think there's there's many more opportunities for for recognition and compliments. And here's my point to you. If you're managing a restaurant, and let's say the restaurant has had terrible two weeks of business, and you're feeling down, maybe the staff is feeling down, and the owner of the restaurant. Now, picture this, Matt. You're you're feeling down, your mind sets down, and the owner of the restaurant comes up to you and just walks up to you at the end of that second week and says, Hey Matt, I just want you to know that even though we've been struggling the last couple weeks, your leadership is one of the few bright spots we have. Now, you tell me, Matt, how much that would shift your mood and attitude on a dime.

SPEAKER_03 41:14

You know, it does. And Mark, it's funny you say that because I've been in that experience in that exact situation. I was on a thinking shift for one of my two of my closest friends. Um one of whom you know, one of the owners who was the anchor in dragging, and then the other one was failing furiously. I think I think he's doing a great job. It does. It's it's fulfilling. Um it probably should be done for but it has to be done honestly. Um it does nobody any good for you to just kind of pump somebody up if they're not doing a good job.

SPEAKER_02 42:00

This goes back to what you were saying about manufacturing.

SPEAKER_00 42:03

Yes, exactly. Yeah. And and go ahead, go ahead, Matt. Go ahead, Mark.

unknown 42:08

No, I'm not.

SPEAKER_00 42:09

I was gonna say, so what's interesting though, Matt, you you made a comment that got me thinking about something, and that is that you know, people like to know they're they're doing a good job and they're on the right track. But what's interesting is what we haven't talked about on the show that should be a really powerful motivator is improving the quality of your performance in your work. So, for example, if I'm a graphic designer, if I work on websites, if I'm a salesperson, I don't care what the job is, if your confidence is fleeting and can go up and down and you're starting to see traction that you're on the right track, that little nod or even a few nods to say, no, hey, you are on the right track, you're doing that you know what's crazy? That not only can empower you to be confident to move forward, and I don't care what anybody says who's listening to the show, that can change your life. Absolutely. Right?

SPEAKER_03 43:02

I I agree 110%, Mark. But uh, but on the on the opposite side, what I will say uh is that sometimes it makes no effect. Because here's it, as human words different. Not every not every shoe fits for everybody. You know, some people, like you said, some people need a kick in the you know what, some are are self-motivated. Some people that will it doesn't matter. Give it up. Don't ever stop trying to motivate that person. And what I would say is to to the manager or to the motivator, don't get down when you when your plan doesn't work, when you're trying to motivate an employee or a friend or a family member or whatever, try something else.

SPEAKER_00 43:46

Now listen, Matt, uh we now uh we uh first of all, I'm so grateful for your loyal listenership as a friend and a listener. But this is the thing. Matt, I want you to spread the conversational intelligence mindset go radio show. So I want you to go out on the social media and tell everybody what they're missing. And they're missing you too. Come on.

SPEAKER_03 44:06

That might not help your listenership, Mark. People don't, people are tired of wild boy.

SPEAKER_00 44:11

That's so awesome, Matt. Hey, Matt, thank you again for calling in. Always, always love to hear from you. And uh we shall talk soon.

SPEAKER_03 44:19

Yes, sir. Love the show, guys. Have a great day.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

Thanks a lot. So look, in the final few minutes of the show, uh, there's a couple of points I just want to really leave our listeners with today. And you know, Matt talked about Matt brought us full circle, right? We started talking about artificial cheats and motivators, and so Matt talked about having something to shoot for. And you know something? It's really important that if you if you really don't know how to get yourself disrupted, how to change your energy level, your mood, your motivation. I don't care if it's within the same day, I don't care if it's over a period of time, it doesn't matter. But if you really don't know, then we should talk. Either talk to me or talk to someone else who you trust and who really has the skills and knowledge to support you.

SPEAKER_02 45:08

Oh, I'm so glad you said that because one of the terrible things about being an entrepreneur and working by yourself is you can break your arm trying to pat yourself on the back. Yeah. And going out and talking with other entrepreneurs or other people or having someone like you come in and discuss the facts of your business is is really so helpful.

SPEAKER_00 45:30

Well, and I think I think to Ted's point, you know, I actually uh facilitate a masterminds group for executives and business owners, which which has been really successful. We've done it the last couple of years. But every time I talk to entrepreneurs, I always start with fears and confidence because you know everything starts with the mind. Ted and I have said it so many times on the show before. Whatever goals, whatever drive, you you've got to have your head straight. And that's a that's a tall order. So, anyway, thank you for listening to another edition of the Mindset Go Radio Show, a show about conversational intelligence. And today we talked about self-motivation. If you want to learn more about Mindset Go, please reach out. Uh, send an email at info at MindsetGo.com. Call us at 978-2061535. And look forward to hearing feedback from the show or if you need anything around coaching, consulting, speaking, or training. Hope you have a wonderful rest of the week. Ted, thank you as always for partnering and producing and have a wonderful time.

SPEAKER_01 46:37

You've been listening to iCommunicate with your host, Mark Altman. Join us again each week at this time on Full Service Radio, WCRN.