MindsetGo iCommunicate Podcast
Welcome to the iCommunicate Podcast where we develop the mindset and provide communication strategies to foster confidence, emotional intelligence, as well as organizational, team, or personal growth. Our progress and improvement is not limited to a training session; it embodies a constant cycle of self-reflection and continued learning on individual and communal levels.
MindsetGo iCommunicate Podcast
ICommunicate Radio Show #173: Success Templates for Motivation and Confidence
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Welcome to iCommunicate on full service radio, 830 W C R F. To join the conversation, call 508-871-7500. Now, here's your host, Mark Altman.
SPEAKER_01Welcome to iCommunicate. I am your host, Mark Altman, and founder of Mindset Go, and I am joined by my wonderfully talented 16-year-old son Cole, who is a sophomore at Westboro High School. Cole, I love that you're joining the show today. Welcome.
SPEAKER_02Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.
SPEAKER_01Cole, if you could just uh familiarize the audience, uh tell tell the tell the audience a little bit about yourself to get us started.
SPEAKER_02So I'm a basketball player at Westboro High, and uh I'm an entrepreneur, and I uh really love uh just spending time with family and friends, so I really uh really love all those things.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, could you just briefly tell our audience you say you're an entrepreneur, what is your business?
SPEAKER_02So I resell shoes, uh whether that be uh shoes made by Nike, Adidas, things like that, I buy them for retail price and sell them for a higher, higher price to other consumers.
SPEAKER_01That's awesome. And we're gonna come back to that later in the show. And one of the reasons I ask Cole to join us today is because we're doing a show on success templates. And it is so rare for people in life to have success templates. And when I say that, what I mean is something that removes subjectivity. In other words, when you're self-evaluating your success at something, in Cole's case, it would be as a student, as a son, as a basketball player, as a friend, as an entrepreneur, Cole plays a lot of different roles. As adults, we play a lot of different roles. Mothers' fathers, leaders, coaches, parents, lots of different roles. So what I find over the last eight and a half years and working with leaders and teams across the country at Mindset Go is that when people tend to evaluate how good they are at something, and it could be at a skill, it could be how well they did a task or a project, it could be if they did a presentation, how successful they were at the presentation. Most people default to the negative and criticize themselves. So they'll identify very quickly what they didn't do well as opposed to what they do do well. That didn't sound good, but anyway. So the reality is confidence and motivation in life are fleeting. They can come and go very quickly. So the reason I'm trying to make success templates a big part of learning and growth is because if you are honest with yourself and you set that criteria to evaluate yourself, it removes the subjectivity and the unnecessary and unfair criticism of yourself. An example of this would be in Cole, let's do this. What we can actually use a situation that just happened with you. So Cole um has an entrepreneurship class at Westboro High, and he had to do a presentation. And so if I said to you, Cole, how did you do on that presentation? What I'm really asking you is, I'm less interested in whether you thought you did good or didn't do well, I'm more interested in what you're basing your answer on. So what is your success template for that presentation?
SPEAKER_02Well, what I base my answer on is the criteria of the teacher. Because the criteria of the teacher, usually a teacher will put out a rubric or things like that for a presentation, and I would base it on how I met those standards. So uh presentation skills, how comfortable was I up there, um, just knowing the material, not reading off the slides, stuff like that.
SPEAKER_01So, Cole, that's that that's such a logical answer. And and we we live in a society where authority figures are always defining success for us. So in the workplace, leader leadership teams will give what are called KPIs, which stands for key performance indicators. They'll give goals, they'll give quotas for sales teams, and hey, if you do these things well, it means you're doing well. That's the success template in the workplace. So, what you just described in the classroom is a rubric or some kind of scoring system that allows you. But let's throw that out the window, Cole. Let's say the teacher didn't give you that, and I said, forget what the teacher says. How do you know whether you do well or not? What would be your rules?
SPEAKER_02Well, uh, personally, I I feel like people hold themselves to a specific standard. And my standard would be uh based off heavily based off presentation skills. So was I reading, did I read the uh the people in the room well? Uh did I did I read the teachers' cues well? Because usually a teacher will be in the back of the room maybe shaking their head or writing something down, so you have to read that. Um and uh did I know the material adequately because that would be that would be huge for me, because if I feel unprepared for something, that makes me nervous, and then I feel like in turn I wouldn't be a good presenter.
SPEAKER_01So I heard your success template had four criteria. One, preparation, and preparation would be knowing the material without having to read off something, and it's also reading the the body language in the room and reading the same thing with the teacher, which I love. That's tremendous success criteria. So you're saying that for the rest of your life, and I'm not being facetious, for the rest of your life, if you're presenting to anybody, regardless of what scorecard they give you, that's your scoring system to know if you did a good job.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and especially for the second thing I said with the person in the back of the room, it's not always going to be a teacher, it could be a boss, it could be it could be an observer, it could be a sales prospect trying to sell, right? Um uh I know you do vistage presentations, it could be people in the room trying to invest in you, so if that that that's a few examples.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, great job, Cole. So so the reality is that part of the show today around success templates is not only following success templates that people provide for you, but defining your own. Not to be robotic. You know, one of the things I talk about in the workplace is I often ask leaders in performance reviews to ask this question. I say, and I and I tell them this is specifically how to ask it. Forget what I tell you you need to do to do a good job. Forget whatever KPIs I'm giving you. What are your rules? How are you going to be happy at this company? How are you defining what success looks like at this company from uh a personal and professional growth, from opportunities for promotion to feeling challenged? And I think this is such a big thing, Cole, because I'm not sure how familiar you are with the terms quiet quitting and great resignation, but a lot of people are leaving their jobs because their their expectations aren't being met. And when I say their expectations aren't being met, I'm saying that I, as the employer, as the boss, as the president of the company, I need to know how to satisfy them internally. And for me to know that, I need to know what their success template is. And that's the dynamics of authority, Cole, is that whether it's a parent and a child, or whether it's a leader and an individual, everything seems top-down. So I'm the authority figure. Cole, you have to do what I ask you to do, as opposed to let's make this a mutual relationship. You need to understand how I define success, but I also need to understand how you define success.
SPEAKER_02Well, I think that's important in the in the hiring process, because I think when you're hiring someone, it can't just be about their accomplishments or academic success. I think you need to find their uh their indicators, their KPIs, and you need to you need to see if you can meet that. Because if you if you are hiring someone and they have all these accolades, but the you you can't meet their needs and they can't meet your needs, then it's not worth your time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I want to give an example I hear for adults a lot, and Cole, I bet you can relate, I'm sure your friends may have said this to you at one time or another. But when we talk about success templates, I want to I want to model a very specific example. If I have a peer at work who just did a presentation for their team, and I see them after the presentation, I say to the peer, hey, how'd the presentation go? And they look at me and they go, terrible. And I say, Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, why did you say it went terrible? I don't know, just felt terrible. Well, that's what I'm talking about about defaulting to the negative without criteria. Now, if that person had said prior to the presentation, you know, this is going to be a good presentation, if I adapt my presentation while reading the room, um, if I have really solid, meaningful answers to the questions that are asked, and if people are engaged in participating in the presentation, that's my criteria for a good presentation. So now if you set that success criteria prior to the presentation, now when they say terrible, and I say, Well, what criteria do they have? And they tell me those three criteria, and I say, Well, did you achieve those three? And they say, Well, no, I only achieved one of the three. Then I come back and say, I can see why you're frustrated. I can see why you're disappointed, because you really defined what you thought success was and you didn't achieve it, as opposed to not uh not assigning it and then just saying it was terrible based on nothing. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_02Yes, I agree. And I I have a question for you. Do you think, in a matter of academic uh standpoint, do you see it as important as before a teacher would give an assessment um to give what how they grade and basically how how they judge how they judge your success before taking the quiz so you can adjust your uh your test taking skills based on that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think, you know, Cole, it's funny you bring that up. I think that are you asking me if I think teachers should do that?
SPEAKER_02I am.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think that they should, and I think one of the blind spots for teachers and leaders is that they often assume that someone knows something already, and they leave it out in the instructions and the details. And that's where things can really break down because when leaders are delegating something, our teachers are giving instructions for a homework or study preparation or a test, um, you may have given those instructions so many times over the course of your career that you forget a few things and you don't cover as much. So I do think that teachers should give that. And I think the balance in education is um they should spell out those expectations, but there's also an expectation of you that you know you need to study the material and be prepared for anything. So it's a balance, but I do think that expectations should be set.
SPEAKER_02I do think time could be used more efficiently, especially if they did set those expectations, because students are often left studying everything and anything because they don't know what is going to be there. And I think that could be partly a waste of time, things that could be used more efficiently. But I also think it's important for kids to grow the skill that they need to be ready for everything, like you said.
SPEAKER_01Excellent. All right, well, we're gonna take a break. Uh, this is i Communicate. I'm with Cole Altman, and I'm your host, Mark Altman. We'll be back after the break.
SPEAKER_00Welcome to iCommunicate on full service radio, 830 W C R F. To join the conversation, call 508-871-7000. Now, here's your host, Mark Altman.
SPEAKER_01Okay, welcome back to iCommunicate. I'm your host, Mark Altman, here with my son Cole Altman, and we're talking about success templates. And Cole, I want to address the elephant in the room, which is um when you're in school, your success template is your grades. And we've had lots of conversations around this, and so you know, uh I'll certainly share my opinion, but I want to get your understanding that what is your success template when you take a quiz or you take a test, um, regardless of the grade, is the grade your success template or is there other things that are your success template?
SPEAKER_02Well it's actually really funny you bring this up because I actually uh I try to be funny. Well, you you you do well.
SPEAKER_01Okay, thank you. Appreciate that.
SPEAKER_02Um it's uh funny you bring this up because m my bioteacher and I were having a discussion yesterday, um, because whenever we have an assignment, I say, Is this graded? Is this worth points? And she goes, she finally said, Is it only about the points for you? And I was and I I had to stop because there are things that I feel like I could take, and then I feel like the grade, I feel like in my heart, the grade is the most important thing to me. But if you're asking the things that if I'm taking a quiz or a test, the things that I look for uh besides the grade is my preparation. Because if I almost always if I prepare adequately for a quiz, I'm going to get a good grade.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so let's go there, Cole, because you and I have had conversations about this. And you know, how how's your how do you define preparation? Because what we're talking about here is, and Cole knows uh he and I have had lots of conversations. I've talked about this with various leadership teams, and you know, my thing is we are a company and uh about habits and behaviors, and you can't clone people, but you can clone habits and behaviors. The joke I always make, a blind squirrel can eventually find a nut. So I think we're so outcome focused all the time in society, which don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with outcomes, but we we tend to only think of outcomes, and we don't think of the journey to get there, which is the consistency of habits and behaviors. So when you say preparation, Cole, you look in the mirror, how do you know you've prepared enough? Like what's your metric to say, yeah, I can be honest with myself. I prepared enough.
SPEAKER_02Well, honestly, that's a tough question because there have been times I've studied for a test for three hours and I take the test and completely befuddled. But there's also times where I study for ten minutes and I go on the test take a day. So I think it's it's also how much you pay attention that class originally, but I think that um I I judge it, I I can't really make a key judgment on that until I get the test in my hands and I look at the quiz. Because you can't really tell if you have studied enough until you see the material you're being quizzed on.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I I I think, you know, where we're going here, everybody, is if you ask a if you ask your child, have you adequately prepared, what you're really asking them is what is their success template for adequate preparation? Because most kids equate adequate preparation with an amount of time they've prepared. The problem is, if you don't know how to study effectively, if you're not listening in class, as Cole just alluded to, and you're not paying attention, you can put in a whole bunch of time and it may not yield the results. So, you know, part of understanding people's habits and behaviors is going a few layers deep. So if I said, let's say, Cole, you get a C on a test, and I said, Cole, what happened? Like, why did you struggle on that test? And he says, Well, Dad, I I I studied three hours last night. Give me a break. Like, what are you talking about? And so now you have to ask yourself, I would say, wow, three hours seems like a reasonable amount of time to study for a test. So now you've got to ask yourself, he did seem like he prepared, but then if you peel the onion back and go, so why don't you think you did well, Cole? And we call this in leadership the fake problem versus the real problem, and then getting to the root cause of the real problem. So for instance, the fake problem is that Cole got a C on the test. The real problem is that his method of preparing for the test isn't effective.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then we get to the root cause. So what's the root cause of that? Well, the root cause could be he's not paying attention enough in class. It could be he doesn't have the most effective or efficient study habits. It's could it could be that he studies nonstop for so long without taking a break that he just starts glazing over and he's not even processing information anymore.
SPEAKER_02Well, not to mention the fact that if a kid says they've studied for three hours, you gotta fix in they're looking at their phone occasionally. Cole, do you do that? All right, go ahead. They're looking at they're looking at their email, they're doing other work. So you gotta fix in, there is some time where kids are getting distracted. So I think that the the the things I know personally that when I'm studying and then I look at my phone, the things I've studied the past five minutes go straight out the window. Because I haven't been I haven't had enough time to process that information and let it instill in my brain. And then once I go on my phone and I look at something that that stimulates my brain, that I I I truly forget what I've been studying.
SPEAKER_01Well, and I think there's something else here too. You have to care, right? So if you get a C on a test, um you have to care enough to want to do better, right? You have to have the mindset where, because if I tell you as your parent that's not good enough, but you don't actually care and that's not your standard, then you're gonna be doing it for me and not for you. And then in that case, regardless of what success template hat you have, if the motivation and the and the desire to do it isn't there, that itself will hamper your ability to be successful. So look, again, the example I gave is student gets a C on a test, we want to know why, despite effective preparation. So fake problem is they're not preparing the right way, or that's the real problem, not the C. The real problem is they're not preparing the right way, and the root causes are what I mentioned. And so when it comes to kids in school, having kids have their own success template as opposed to parents saying, you have to get these grades, you have to do this, you have to do that. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying as a parent not to set standards and expectations, but I'm saying again, like I mentioned in our first segment, it has to be mutual. Is your child bought into this? Because if your child isn't bought into being successful and and whatever that success criteria is, it's it it may solve in the instant, but the habit's not being built.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I 100% agree.
SPEAKER_01So we're gonna transition to something kind of interesting about success templates, and it's how to give positive feedback. And a lot of people, when I bring this up, when we do leadership development and training, they're like, What do you mean? What what's the template for giving a compliment? You just give a compliment. No, you don't just give a compliment. So here's the thing when when someone does something well, okay, what do you specifically want to recognize? So, Cole, I'm not even a lead it yet. So when you think about giving a compliment to someone, what's your approach to giving a positive compliment?
SPEAKER_02Well, uh, I think if I'm giving a compliment in school, I'd say, say, wow, you you really study hard, you really put effort in, it's impressive.
SPEAKER_01Well, how would you know if the person studied hard?
SPEAKER_02Because, well, I normally I hate to say it, but I wouldn't give a compliment to someone who I'm not friends with.
SPEAKER_01Okay, well, that's alright. That's your your that's your you're entitled to that.
SPEAKER_02So I guess if I'm really if I'm friends with them, I guess I would kind of have a feel of their study habits, but I really wouldn't know in depth. So I guess it would just be based on what I see on the surface.
SPEAKER_01Well, so the big question for me is do you think you would compliment someone on being really smart? Or do you think you would compliment them on their preparation and study habits?
SPEAKER_02Well, I know kids who are brilliant that put no effort in and still get good grades because they're just brilliant. But I know kids who struggle in school and they have to put double, triple the amount of effort that one of these smart kids would have to put in and to get the grades that they want to get. And so that's when I would compliment the uh the determination, the hard work, the grit, instead of just the automatic gift-given sparse.
SPEAKER_01So what about because I I want to I want to call you on something, because I I'm not convinced of this yet. So let's say your friend Alex on the basketball team, let's say he finishes the game with 20 on the JV team with 25 points, and you go up to him the game, what's the compliment you would give him?
SPEAKER_02Well, I think that would depend on his uh field goal percentage.
SPEAKER_01Let's say his field goal percentage is good.
SPEAKER_02I would compliment him on his shot selection.
SPEAKER_01Would you? I wouldn't really You wouldn't go up to him and say, Wow, you scored so many points, Alex. Great job, good shooting. You wouldn't say that? Come on. Okay, maybe you're trying to be an adult and anticipate what I'm gonna say here.
SPEAKER_02Maybe I'd do that first. Right. Maybe I'd do that first. And then I'd probably compliment him on his field goal percentage because like it's not easy to shoot a high field goal percentage when you're shooting that many shots, and then um then I'd compliment him on the shot selection. But I think you're right, it's a good call.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but I I but just the same, I'm really proud that you're thinking, habits, and behaviors. I mean, the reality is, let's take a step back. If someone does well on a test and you're complimenting their preparation and study habits, then instead of complimenting the outcome and the result, you're recognizing the characteristics that help them achieve the result. With Alex's example in basketball, what we're talking about is if you say great shot selection, I mean one of my big frustrations about Jalen Brown on the Celtics is yeah, he puts up 25 points a game, but not only is his shot selection poor off in, but his volume is so high a lot of the times that he might go like nine for twenty two and put up twenty five points. But but again, the shot selection wasn't that great. So when we come back, we're gonna we're gonna keep going on the success template for giving positive. Feedback and recognizing and appreciating people. So for Cole Altman, I'm Mark Altman. We'll be right back to iCommunicate.
SPEAKER_00Welcome to iCommunicate on full service radio, 830 W C R N. Join the conversation call 508-871-75. Now, here's your host, Mark Altman.
SPEAKER_01Welcome back to iCommunicate. I'm here with Cole Altman. I'm Mark Altman, the president and founder of Mindset Go, where our intention is to make a legion of emotionally agile communicators. What a mouthful, Cole, huh? What a word. We're blending emotional intelligence, conversational intelligence, and the ability to manage yourself and your mindset. So this show is about success templates, and we just were starting to talk in the last segment about positive feedback. So where we left off is we said, you don't talk about the points, you talk about the shot selection. You don't talk about the 90 on the test, you talk about the preparation. Because those are the characteristics. So Cole, I don't know if you remember this. Long time ago, I tell this story a lot, a long time ago, maybe three years ago, you came home from school one day, and as I mentioned, Cole's a sophomore, so this was probably when he was in eighth grade-ish. Came home from school and he was telling me about a grade on the test. I think he said, I got a 90 on the science test or something like that. And I said, Well, that's great. How'd you pull it off? Look at me, 90 on the science test. Yeah, yeah, take it easy. Don't be LeBron and pumping up your own accolades. Um so you get a 90 on the test, and I said, How'd you pull it off? I complimented you. I said, Great job, how'd you pull it off? And you kind of looked at me quizzically, great word quizzically, right? So you looked at me quizzically. That'd be a great Scrabble word, although there's only one Z in Scrabble, that's the problem. We do have pillows filled with your banana grammar. That may be an idea. Yeah, I agree. So I said to you, How'd you pull it off? And you looked at me quizzically, and you're like, What do you mean? And I'm like, Well, did you get lucky? And you looked at me very defensively, like, no. And obviously, when I said, Did you get lucky? My intention was to kind of frustrate you. And so I said, Well then how'd you do it? And you said something along the lines of, Well, I studied. You know, I I spent time last night studying. And I go, Okay, that's great. Anything else? And you said, Well, I I think within the last couple weeks I went for extra help from the teacher. And I said, Anything else? And you said, Well, and you couldn't think for a minute. I go, well, think about it for a minute. He said, I guess I reached out to a friend when I didn't understand something. I said, Well, congratulations on those things. Because if you keep doing those things well, if you have effective study habits, if you get re now listen carefully, Cole, on this one. Not just you get extra help, you recognize the need. Remember we used to talk about this? Recognize the need for extra help and you act on that need. Because as a kid, you could say, I got I want to do other things after school. I don't want to go to get the teacher. So you recognized and acted on the need for extra help, you recognized and acted on the need to get help from your friend. And so I was like, congratulations on those things. Because success templates, if you keep doing those things, you're gonna get those grades consistently, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, 100%.
SPEAKER_01So here's the point about the positive feedback success template, which we're talking about. I can say to you someone in the workplace, I could say great presentation. And what I'm reinforcing when I say great presentation is they did a great job on the outcome, which was the presentation. But in positive feedback, the first thing you want to do is you want to state and describe what the person did well. So instead of great presentation, it would be like, boy, Cole, you knocked it out of the park. The way you engaged and got everybody comfortable participating, um, the visuals on your PowerPoint, um, the command of the information, man, you hit it out of the park. Because then I just reinforced three qualities and characteristics as opposed to the outcome. You with me?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01One other example, and then I want to ask you a question, Cole. One other example is think about a time when you closed your biggest deal for your company. Tell everybody the name of your company. East Coast Kicks. Okay, so can you can you envision right now your best sale at East Coast Kicks or one of them? Okay, so perfect. So here's the example, Cole, and I want you to speak to this. In sales, if at a company a salesperson closes a$2 million deal, then of course the people in the company be like, wow, it's amazing, that's an incredible deal. Where I would say, Great job on the deal, how'd you pull it off? So my question to you is when you think of your best deal or two that you had, how did you pull it off? What were the habits and behaviors that allowed you to be successful?
SPEAKER_02Well, to be honest, uh, most of the work I do is I just post the shoe on social media. Someone reaches out and then we just work towards the deal. But I guess once they inquire about the shoe, I have to be kind of a salesman to get them to finish the deal.
SPEAKER_01So what does that mean to be kind of a salesman? Because I think that's derogatory. Because being like a salesman feels pushy and aggressive. So what do you really mean? Because you're not pushy and aggressive.
SPEAKER_02No, I'm not. Um I guess I guess not I guess that was a wrong choice of words. I guess I'd probably choose to if they had questions about the shoe, uh answer patiently and not like, come on, why are you buying this? Um I think working with the customer uh to feel more comfortable about a purchase because uh if it's my biggest purchase, it was a pretty big purchase. So um I think that you have to make them feel comfortable, make them feel worthwhile, and not like any other person. So I think that that's a big part of what I do when I'm uh dealing with uh any kind of tech customer, whether it be a big sale or a$10 sale.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean I think that was brilliant. I mean what I what I heard you say, I'm gonna reflect back what I heard you tell me if I'm right, is I heard you say you need to better understand what the customer needs and wants. You need to meet the customer where they're at and what their comfort level is. Um and I know for you, one of the things you and I have talked about, that's one of your habits, um, at least this is what I understand, I hope I'm right, is negotiation, when you negotiate with people, it needs to be a win-win. Or as Steve Carell says on the office, a win-win-win. Um but seriously, I think you understand that. And so I think those are some of the habits that contributed to your biggest sale. And so the success criteria for giving positive feedback to meet people, it starts with two things. One, from your perspective, the person delivering the positive feedback, what is it specifically, what were the habits and behaviors specifically that you observed or you heard that helped them contribute? And then on the flip side, what do they think it was? Again, mutual. So, hey, cool, this is what I observed and heard you do. And then I'm curious, what do you think contributed to your success? Does that make sense? So it's so important that in the workplace and as parents, we focus on the habits and behaviors because that's what creates the consistent outcomes. And that's what I mean about success templates. Because if you're focused on, oh, you gotta do better in English, you gotta do better in English, you know it. I told you at the beginning of the term, you need to get an A. So what's the message? Just that I need to get an A. But that doesn't help you understand what the path to get there is and what you need to do differently to get there, right? Now, here's the here's the rest of the positive feedback template, just to finish this before we go into our next break. Think about this, Cole. Part of the positive feedback template is what is the impact that the positive behavior had on the person, the team, and the organization? So, for instance, in the presentation, if someone makes a presentation, you said you were the one that gave the great presentation at the company, and I said, what do you think the impact was on yourself, on the team, on the organization? Well, any any idea what what an answer may be for any of those?
SPEAKER_02Um perhaps the outside influence that they may have gotten on developing the presentation?
SPEAKER_01To be more specific, what do you mean by that?
SPEAKER_02Um, so whenever I'm developing the presentation, I'm not just developing it and submitting it. I'm I'm going to multiple other people to check my work, see if they have any recommendations. So that's what I guess what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So I like that. And where I'm going is that if someone's making a presentation, public speaking is the greatest fear aside from snakes for people. And so if I'm making a presentation and I give positive feedback, excuse me, if you're making the presentation, and I provide positive feedback following the success template that I'm talking about on the show, the impact it's having on you is it's building your confidence. The other impact it's having is it could be motivating you to do one of to do want to do more presentations because now you're getting a little momentum and confidence. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. The way it could impact the team is most people don't look forward to going to meetings because people have meeting fatigue. So if you have an impactful presentation where you engage the audience, you might be modeling a behavior that encourages other people to follow your habits and behaviors when they present.
SPEAKER_02And also think it it it depends on who's giving the compliment. Because I What do you mean by that? That's interesting. Because I feel like if I'm getting a compliment, if someone came up to me on the street and was like, Oh, I like your shoes, that's cool, but like I'm not like I'm not taking a ton from that. Now, if you gave me a compliment or uh a close family member gave me a compliment, I that would be more meaningful because they know who I am and they know my tendencies, and if they could give me a compliment based on that, that would be more meaningful than just a compliment from a random person.
SPEAKER_01Well, I I I think it's a really interesting point you're making. I think what you're really saying there is that whether someone's giving you positive feedback or constructive feedback, um, how much you respect and trust that person plays a big role in how you receive it. Right. Now I I agree, and that's that's a great point. One question though I'd ask you is regardless of who's giving you the compliment, someone walked by you on the street and said, I like your sneakers, you bring something full circle before we go into break. What I'm trying to coach on this show today is if they say I like your sneakers, instead of saying thank you, I would want you to look at them and go, What do you like about them? Now, no, I I can see the face. You can't see it's on radio, but but I see the face like you feel like that's kind of odd. But you may not do that at your age, you might feel that's kind of corny, but you get my point? Because if someone likes your sneakers and says, Oh, I like your sneakers, yes, it reinforces that you have good sneakers, depending on their how much you respect that person. But wouldn't you like to know what they like about your sneakers? Uh listen, before you say anything, here's why. East Coke's kicks, you're selling shoes. So if you're modeling and wearing some of those shoes and people start talking about qualities of the sneakers you're wearing, that might give you a clue on how to order more sneakers. Fair?
SPEAKER_02That is fair. And the I guess comeback I'd say to that is I feel like if I if I told someone I liked their shoes and they said, What do you like about them? I would say thank you. Thank you. What do you like about them? I feel like just for me, I would see that as someone trying to fish for compliments.
SPEAKER_01Interesting. All right, you know what? That's a perfect connection. We're gonna start with that on our next last segment. So we're gonna go to break. We will pick up right where Cole just left off in our next segment. For Cole Altman, I'm Mark Altman. This is i Communicate.
SPEAKER_00Welcome to iCommunicate on full service radio, 830 WTRM. To join the conversation, call 508-871-750. Now, here's your host, Mark Altman.
SPEAKER_01All right, well, in our last segment of I Communicate, and what a treat it is to have my son with me today. I'm enjoying it immensely. And Cole, I want to pick up right where we just left off. You said, quote unquote, that if someone complimented your sneakers and you said what do you like about them, it would sound like fishing for a compliment. So I have an alternative, and you tell me if you'd be comfortable with this. All right. That's all I can ask. You're l you're willing to listen to understand. I'm willing. I'm I'm willing. Not listen to reply. Indeed. What a remarkable characteristic for a high school student. Um so, Cole, what if you said, instead of thank you, what do you like about them? What if you said, thanks, man? I appreciate you saying that. I'd love to know what you like about them because I'm in the shoe business and it may help me determine how to buy other shoes like this.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I like that one.
SPEAKER_01Right. So the reason why I said that, everybody, is because what Cole brought up is a very normal thought process where a lot of people, when they want to build that success template and get positive feedback, don't want to appear like they're fishing for a compliment. That's very common. And so this is called the elephant in the room technique. So if you don't want to fish for a compliment because you're worried about how it may be perceived, then share why you're asking. Here's another example. If you're doing a presentation, watch the difference and tell me if you agree with this, Cole. If I just completed a presentation in front of my peers at work and I said, Hey everybody, I'd love to know what you think of the presentation. That could be seen as fishing for a compliment. If you say, Hey everybody, I'd love to know, did you think the slides were really visually appealing? Because I've been working hard to improve in that area.
SPEAKER_02I think I think what you're saying is it's important to share your reasoning. The why? The why. Because if you're if you're just asking like that, it does come off as fishing for compliments a little bit. But if you if you imply why you need that such information, not need it, want it. Want, thank you. Why you want that information, uh, it could not only uh like um what's the word I'm looking for? It could motivate the person to give you the information, but it could make them feel like they want to give you detailed information because they know you want to make your business better, and a person who really values improving yourself and improving others could take that with you and um and really instill that with them.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and so Cole articulated that really well. So the reality, everybody, is when someone says, I like your presentation, I like your shoes, great job on the project, whatever the compliment is, you want to know why. Because it's gonna reinforce the good things that you do. And so, in the example Cole gave, he said, share the why. And the reason why I said the elephant in the room technique is because in the elephant in the room technique, that's in your head. Whatever fear you have for asking for the feedback, because let's be honest, you don't even know if you're gonna get positive feedback. If you say, How do I do how did I do with the slides? because I was working on making them more visually appealing, they may not tell you they were that good. So you don't know, but by addressing your own fear around the request and by sharing your why for why you're making the request, you're more likely to get genuine and honest feedback. And, you know, Cole, why I bring this up too is because often we only seek feedback when something bad has happened. So for instance, in sales I see this all the time. If someone loses a deal that they thought was going to happen, um, one of two things happens in that case. The sale actually one of three things happens in that case. The salesperson gets frustrated, pouts, and does not communicate with that person again. Second option is the salesperson emails the client and says, Okay, I understand, could you share with me what made your final decision, which is the success criteria, right? And the third scenario is the salesperson is assertive and confident enough to call and actually have a conversation with the person because it's hard to hear that bad news again, right? So there's three options. And so the reality is that we're so invested, hopefully, in if we don't have a success, if we don't achieve, to try to do some self-reflection. I wonder why that deal fell through. I wonder where I fell short. Maybe I need to call the customer. But you know what we don't do? We don't typically find out why we were successful. So here's the example, Cole. Let's say I just landed a new big client. I'm so excited I land the client. You know what? I'd like to know what I did to land the client. For instance, I coach salespeople to say, hey, call the client. So happy you decided to do business with us. We we can't wait to earn your trust and confidence. And what put us over the top?
SPEAKER_02Well, I think honestly, that's where surveys come in. And I think that on one hand, surveys are great because they're quick, they're easy, uh, they can get they can get to someone's email, quick fill out, you're done. On the other hand, calling the company on the phone, getting to talk to them and and uh getting their their first impression, not one they can just think about and come back to later. Getting their first impression on the phone can really give an authentic experience.
SPEAKER_01Well, and and I I'm not a fan of surveys for stuff like this. I mean, I can see the value in some cases, like you said, but here's why. Because if you're a salesperson and you actually seek feedback even when something good happens, and you say, Thanks, I can't wait to earn your trust and confidence. What put us over the top? The person may give you a very generic answer. The person may say, Well, you know, just you guys were the least expensive option. To which I would say, Well, that's great to hear. So was it solely a price-based decision, or was there anything else that came into play? Because what if there are all because I said at the top of the show, the reason why I'm such an advocate for success templates is because confidence and motivation are fleeting. I want to know when I do something wrong or when I perceive that I failed at something, I want to know what not to do and what to do differently next time. But when I've had success at something, I want to know what to continue doing. Because what if the person says, you know, Mark, I'll tell you that the reason that you put you were over the top is you asked me thoughtful, provocative questions that none of the other vendors asked. And I appreciate you really made me think and reflect on what we really wanted in a vendor, what we really wanted in this product, what we really wanted in this service. And that to me is what I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_02Well, I think I really have a connection to this because I feel like in basketball, um, when I I I've had issues in the past with coaches who I feel like I've been playing well, and then I get taken out, or I get a negative comment from the coach, and I think that's really that that's really tough because you don't know what you're doing wrong. And I think you've got to set the expectation as a coach, um, or you're gonna ask as the player what you're looking for. And if you if you can meet those expectations, that's what you need to do. Because if you're doing something you think you're doing great, you may not be meeting what the coach sees as doing great.
SPEAKER_01So that could that could be well, and I think you're talking about something, it's a good, it's a good uh thought because you're talking about you may have a success template for what you think is gonna keep you on the court and get you the maximum amount of playing time. And then if you think, okay, for example, I gotta make sure I don't turn the ball over, I'm in the game to rebound, and I'm in the game to uh score from the mid-range. Like that's say what you think your top three things are. And then you think you're doing those things well, and the coach pulls you out, now you start to question your success template. Wait a minute, I thought I was doing these things well. Why is he pulling me out of the game? And that's again why we're talking about the importance of getting feedback. Because if you say to the coach, very respectfully and kindly, not in the middle of the game, but after the game, hey, I noticed you pulled me out a couple of times. I thought I was playing well. Could you just walk me through your thought process? But not in a judgmental, frustrated way, in a curious way, right? And the coach looks at you and go, Oh, geez, Cole, yeah, it had nothing to do with your playing. It was just that it's I just want to make sure all the kids get enough playing time because this is gonna be their last year playing. So it really had nothing to do with you. And more, and now you're like, oh, okay, I guess my success template's still okay. But see, if you don't ask that question, you're gonna be left wondering. You're gonna be left wondering and then questioning your own success template and go, well, yeah, I guess this doesn't work, forget it. And you could and that could change the direction you take for the rest of your basketball career because you start to doubt yourself because you never asked for feedback to understand the rationale for what the coach was doing.
SPEAKER_02100%.
SPEAKER_01Right? So that's big. So look, just some final thoughts for today. When you're giving positive feedback, just to summarize, ask the person what they thought was their secret sauce. What were the biggest contributing factors to their success? You share with the person what you heard and observed that you think were the biggest factors to their success. And then talk about the impact it had for them, the team, the organization. And you know what's cool about positive feedback? If there's an opportunity at your company where someone did something really well and they could model it for others, give them a chance in a meeting to coach others, like empower them, say, Man, you presented that concept so well. I want you in our next sales meeting to do that. Hey, you you had that courageous conversation, you hit it out of the park in that courageous conversation. I want you to talk to the rest of our leadership team about a couple of the techniques you used to push through that conversation. That's what we're talking about. Habits and behaviors create outcomes. So, Cole, man, so great having you on the show. Thanks for joining us today.
SPEAKER_02Well, you know, we we've done some great shows over the years. And it's been a while since I've been on. And uh I'm glad to be back and hope to be back soon.
SPEAKER_01All right, for Cole Altman, I'm Mark Altman. Thanks, Ted. Thanks for listening to I Communicate.
