{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":4.11,"endTime":7.2,"body":"Hello, and thank you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":4.11,"endTime":7.2,"body":"for joining incoming, where I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":7.2,"endTime":10.59,"body":"help you sort through the crap"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":7.2,"endTime":10.59,"body":"that life throws at you, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":10.59,"endTime":13.35,"body":"tear down the roadblocks that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":10.59,"endTime":13.35,"body":"you put in your own way."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":22.77,"endTime":27.3,"body":"Hello, and welcome to incoming,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":22.77,"endTime":27.3,"body":"I'm your host, Margie Avery. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":27.3,"endTime":32.52,"body":"we talk here a lot about finding"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":27.3,"endTime":32.52,"body":"happiness in life, getting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":32.52,"endTime":36.81,"body":"through obstacles that we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":32.52,"endTime":36.81,"body":"knowingly or unknowingly putting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":36.84,"endTime":40.26,"body":"in our way. And we've been"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":36.84,"endTime":40.26,"body":"talking about professional life"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":40.26,"endTime":44.28,"body":"and work and some politics and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":40.26,"endTime":44.28,"body":"things like that. But today, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":44.28,"endTime":46.89,"body":"want to talk about something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":44.28,"endTime":46.89,"body":"that affects everyone,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":48.15,"endTime":54.18,"body":"relationships. And,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":48.15,"endTime":54.18,"body":"specifically, today, I'm going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":54.18,"endTime":62.19,"body":"to talk about relationships with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":54.18,"endTime":62.19,"body":"our partners. And some of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":62.19,"endTime":67.86,"body":"things we do where we become our"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":62.19,"endTime":67.86,"body":"worst enemy to finding the right"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":67.86,"endTime":73.17,"body":"partner. And some of this feeds"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":67.86,"endTime":73.17,"body":"back into some things that we've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":73.17,"endTime":79.29,"body":"already talked about. People"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":73.17,"endTime":79.29,"body":"putting up false images on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":79.29,"endTime":85.02,"body":"social media. And why we do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":79.29,"endTime":85.02,"body":"that, we're more focused on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":85.35,"endTime":92.91,"body":"finding an audience than we are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":85.35,"endTime":92.91,"body":"on being who we really are. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":92.91,"endTime":97.14,"body":"finding our people. You know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":92.91,"endTime":97.14,"body":"it's not very hard to study a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":97.14,"endTime":105.0,"body":"personality type, copy the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":97.14,"endTime":105.0,"body":"behavior, repeat the lingo, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":105.0,"endTime":108.12,"body":"go out. And of course, that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":105.0,"endTime":108.12,"body":"going to attract those kinds of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":108.12,"endTime":111.03,"body":"people in you think that that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":108.12,"endTime":111.03,"body":"what's gonna make you happy,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":111.03,"endTime":114.78,"body":"because you've seen other people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":111.03,"endTime":114.78,"body":"look and act and talk this way,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":114.78,"endTime":116.85,"body":"and live this way. And these"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":114.78,"endTime":116.85,"body":"kind of neighborhoods and these"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":116.85,"endTime":120.6,"body":"kind of houses, and they looked"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":116.85,"endTime":120.6,"body":"happy. So maybe if you figure"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":120.6,"endTime":124.14,"body":"out how to replicate it, you'll"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":120.6,"endTime":124.14,"body":"be happy. And I'm telling you,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":125.16,"endTime":128.58,"body":"there is a good way to find"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":125.16,"endTime":128.58,"body":"happiness, because it isn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":128.58,"endTime":131.73,"body":"really you and eventually,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":128.58,"endTime":131.73,"body":"that's going to show through."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":131.73,"endTime":134.94,"body":"And eventually, you're going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":131.73,"endTime":134.94,"body":"have all of these things that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":134.94,"endTime":137.22,"body":"you thought you wanted, but"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":134.94,"endTime":137.22,"body":"you're still going to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":137.22,"endTime":142.44,"body":"mentally unhappy. The way to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":137.22,"endTime":142.44,"body":"happy I keep repeating this, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":142.44,"endTime":148.17,"body":"I'm going to keep banging it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":142.44,"endTime":148.17,"body":"like a drum on your heads is to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":148.17,"endTime":152.49,"body":"embrace who you are to love who"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":148.17,"endTime":152.49,"body":"you are. And as long as that is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":152.49,"endTime":157.35,"body":"not harmful to either you or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":152.49,"endTime":157.35,"body":"other people. There's nothing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":157.35,"endTime":163.11,"body":"wrong with it, be you. We are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":157.35,"endTime":163.11,"body":"not that unique in the scope of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":163.11,"endTime":167.7,"body":"humankind. I promise you, there"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":163.11,"endTime":167.7,"body":"are other people out there like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":167.7,"endTime":173.88,"body":"you. You know, whatever it is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":167.7,"endTime":173.88,"body":"you may like if you like to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":173.91,"endTime":180.15,"body":"sniff and taste good whiskies."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":173.91,"endTime":180.15,"body":"If you like to hear BB bands, if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":180.15,"endTime":186.78,"body":"you like to quilt, whatever it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":180.15,"endTime":186.78,"body":"is, you're not a one off, there"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":186.78,"endTime":191.88,"body":"are other people out there like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":186.78,"endTime":191.88,"body":"you. If your idea of a great"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":191.91,"endTime":197.79,"body":"weekend is snuggling on the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":191.91,"endTime":197.79,"body":"couch, snacking on food and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":197.79,"endTime":202.95,"body":"watching whatever television"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":197.79,"endTime":202.95,"body":"you're not the only one. If your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":202.95,"endTime":206.94,"body":"idea of a great weekend is to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":202.95,"endTime":206.94,"body":"start with a five mile run at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":206.94,"endTime":211.23,"body":"5am on Saturday morning,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":206.94,"endTime":211.23,"body":"followed by some calisthenics, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":211.23,"endTime":213.42,"body":"think you see where I'm going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":211.23,"endTime":213.42,"body":"with this, you're not the only"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":213.42,"endTime":217.26,"body":"one, whatever it is, you'll find"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":213.42,"endTime":217.26,"body":"people out there that are like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":217.26,"endTime":221.85,"body":"you and quit thinking that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":217.26,"endTime":221.85,"body":"have to change who you are, in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":221.85,"endTime":226.35,"body":"order to find happiness and to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":221.85,"endTime":226.35,"body":"find someone to enjoy that life"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":226.35,"endTime":231.12,"body":"with you. One of the biggest"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":226.35,"endTime":231.12,"body":"things that I see or have seen"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":231.12,"endTime":236.7,"body":"in my life and in relationships,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":231.12,"endTime":236.7,"body":"and experienced myself is people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":236.7,"endTime":240.78,"body":"not being honest about who they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":236.7,"endTime":240.78,"body":"are and what their expectation"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":240.78,"endTime":247.41,"body":"is in a relationship. And then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":240.78,"endTime":247.41,"body":"being unhappy or angry with the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":247.41,"endTime":251.31,"body":"person that they wound up with."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":247.41,"endTime":251.31,"body":"As if it's that person's fault."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":251.34,"endTime":255.45,"body":"It's not really their fault."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":251.34,"endTime":255.45,"body":"Somewhere along the line, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":255.45,"endTime":258.9,"body":"spent a lot of time saying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":255.45,"endTime":258.9,"body":"things were okay that really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":258.9,"endTime":263.1,"body":"weren't okay. You spent a lot of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":258.9,"endTime":263.1,"body":"time pretending to be something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":263.1,"endTime":270.06,"body":"that you weren't in order to get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":263.1,"endTime":270.06,"body":"this person. And again, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":270.06,"endTime":273.57,"body":"your choices, your decisions"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":270.06,"endTime":273.57,"body":"that put you where you are."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":275.01,"endTime":279.3,"body":"Which is great because you can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":275.01,"endTime":279.3,"body":"make different choices and be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":279.3,"endTime":283.77,"body":"somewhere else. Now let me stop"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":279.3,"endTime":283.77,"body":"right there and clarify. I do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":283.77,"endTime":288.81,"body":"not believe for one minute that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":283.77,"endTime":288.81,"body":"people have to be carbon copies"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":288.81,"endTime":291.93,"body":"of one another in order for a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":288.81,"endTime":291.93,"body":"relationship to work. In fact,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":293.01,"endTime":293.76,"body":"not at all."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":294.93,"endTime":298.68,"body":"But the core elements of making"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":294.93,"endTime":298.68,"body":"a relationship work. Good"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":298.68,"endTime":303.18,"body":"communication. Which has to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":298.68,"endTime":303.18,"body":"very honest communication, not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":303.18,"endTime":309.27,"body":"just attacks on each other, or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":303.18,"endTime":309.27,"body":"setting the person up like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":309.27,"endTime":314.19,"body":"you're trying to. They feel that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":309.27,"endTime":314.19,"body":"they have to defend themselves"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":314.19,"endTime":318.12,"body":"like they're in a court of law."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":314.19,"endTime":318.12,"body":"It's more about saying your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":318.12,"endTime":322.26,"body":"honest feelings, your honest"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":318.12,"endTime":322.26,"body":"thoughts, what's really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":322.26,"endTime":326.25,"body":"bothering you? And being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":322.26,"endTime":326.25,"body":"prepared for whatever their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":326.25,"endTime":333.57,"body":"answer may be. Another key"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":326.25,"endTime":333.57,"body":"element is, if you know that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":333.57,"endTime":337.32,"body":"this person has something, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":333.57,"endTime":337.32,"body":"know of interest that like, they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":337.32,"endTime":341.22,"body":"like to get up at five in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":337.32,"endTime":341.22,"body":"morning and go for a run. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":341.22,"endTime":345.24,"body":"the thought of doing that makes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":341.22,"endTime":345.24,"body":"you want to cry. You knew this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":345.24,"endTime":348.51,"body":"about them when you met them,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":345.24,"endTime":348.51,"body":"don't start complaining about it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":348.51,"endTime":352.89,"body":"later on. That's completely"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":348.51,"endTime":352.89,"body":"unfair to them. Too many people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":352.89,"endTime":356.58,"body":"go into a relationship in either"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":352.89,"endTime":356.58,"body":"consciously or subconsciously,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":356.58,"endTime":360.15,"body":"they already know there are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":356.58,"endTime":360.15,"body":"things that they aren't thrilled"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":360.15,"endTime":365.34,"body":"about with this person. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":360.15,"endTime":365.34,"body":"consciously or subconsciously,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":365.7,"endTime":369.15,"body":"they think they can change them."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":365.7,"endTime":369.15,"body":"Well, don't get in a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":369.15,"endTime":371.79,"body":"relationship with someone that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":369.15,"endTime":371.79,"body":"you already want to change,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":371.79,"endTime":375.42,"body":"first of all, and secondly,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":371.79,"endTime":375.42,"body":"yeah, you might be successful"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":375.42,"endTime":378.54,"body":"for a minute, but eventually,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":375.42,"endTime":378.54,"body":"probably their true character is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":378.54,"endTime":384.66,"body":"going to come out or even better"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":378.54,"endTime":384.66,"body":"resentment toward you. Because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":384.66,"endTime":388.29,"body":"you have made them change in so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":384.66,"endTime":388.29,"body":"many ways. And another thing, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":388.29,"endTime":392.13,"body":"want to take a second and point"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":388.29,"endTime":392.13,"body":"out here, I am not a counselor,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":392.37,"endTime":397.23,"body":"I don't have any credentials. As"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":392.37,"endTime":397.23,"body":"such in this area. I'm just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":397.23,"endTime":402.63,"body":"sharing with you what I've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":397.23,"endTime":402.63,"body":"learned in 57 years of walking"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":402.63,"endTime":405.78,"body":"around this earth and having"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":402.63,"endTime":405.78,"body":"relationships with people as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":405.78,"endTime":410.1,"body":"friends, or workers or neighbors"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":405.78,"endTime":410.1,"body":"or love interest, things that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":410.1,"endTime":413.64,"body":"I've observed that, hey, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":410.1,"endTime":413.64,"body":"know what, maybe they haven't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":413.64,"endTime":416.22,"body":"occurred to you things I wish"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":413.64,"endTime":416.22,"body":"someone had said to me. So with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":416.22,"endTime":419.64,"body":"that out of the way, we'll get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":416.22,"endTime":419.64,"body":"back to this. You know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":420.15,"endTime":424.29,"body":"sometimes we meet people, and we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":420.15,"endTime":424.29,"body":"are so attracted to them, and so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":424.29,"endTime":429.3,"body":"caught up in them, that we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":424.29,"endTime":429.3,"body":"immediately will do anything, to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":429.3,"endTime":433.26,"body":"get their attention, to get them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":429.3,"endTime":433.26,"body":"to want to be with us. And what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":433.26,"endTime":437.49,"body":"that really comes down to is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":433.26,"endTime":437.49,"body":"pretending to be something that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":437.52,"endTime":444.18,"body":"you're not. And you're taking"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":437.52,"endTime":444.18,"body":"them? Well, I guess I would say"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":444.18,"endTime":447.96,"body":"that you are lying to them right"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":444.18,"endTime":447.96,"body":"out of the gate, you're giving"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":447.96,"endTime":451.5,"body":"them a false impression of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":447.96,"endTime":451.5,"body":"yourself. Because you have gauge"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":451.53,"endTime":454.83,"body":"what they find attractive, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":451.53,"endTime":454.83,"body":"you're trying to pretend to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":454.83,"endTime":460.32,"body":"that in order to get them. That"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":454.83,"endTime":460.32,"body":"one's never gonna work. Another"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":460.32,"endTime":464.82,"body":"one is, as you're in a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":460.32,"endTime":464.82,"body":"relationship, of course, people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":464.82,"endTime":468.93,"body":"change and they grow. And that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":464.82,"endTime":468.93,"body":"fine in sometimes you grow"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":468.93,"endTime":473.4,"body":"apart. And we need to understand"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":468.93,"endTime":473.4,"body":"that that's okay. And sometimes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":473.4,"endTime":477.69,"body":"you need to recognize that and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":473.4,"endTime":477.69,"body":"realize that it's time to move"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":477.69,"endTime":482.49,"body":"on in life. You can't handle the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":477.69,"endTime":482.49,"body":"changes or you've changed too"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":482.49,"endTime":487.86,"body":"much, or what you or they want"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":482.49,"endTime":487.86,"body":"out of life is no longer aligned"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":487.86,"endTime":491.82,"body":"with each other. It's okay, not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":487.86,"endTime":491.82,"body":"every relationship is meant to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":491.82,"endTime":496.89,"body":"last for life. And somehow"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":491.82,"endTime":496.89,"body":"inside we have this puritanical"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":496.89,"endTime":501.45,"body":"thinking that we are sworn to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":496.89,"endTime":501.45,"body":"make it work and make it last"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":501.6,"endTime":505.56,"body":"for I don't know why because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":501.6,"endTime":505.56,"body":"Don't do that to yourself. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":505.56,"endTime":510.18,"body":"don't do that to your partner."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":505.56,"endTime":510.18,"body":"Sometimes things change and you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":510.18,"endTime":516.72,"body":"can part amicably if you both"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":510.18,"endTime":516.72,"body":"recognize that, accept it. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":516.72,"endTime":520.44,"body":"you know, just tap out call it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":516.72,"endTime":520.44,"body":"This isn't working anymore. It"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":520.44,"endTime":523.44,"body":"was great. But this isn't right"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":520.44,"endTime":523.44,"body":"anymore. And it's something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":523.44,"endTime":529.32,"body":"anybody did wrong, we've just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":523.44,"endTime":529.32,"body":"changed. A lot of people mess up"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":529.32,"endTime":533.43,"body":"on that one. It's a big, big,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":529.32,"endTime":533.43,"body":"big bad one. Or they talked"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":533.43,"endTime":536.13,"body":"themselves into staying in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":533.43,"endTime":536.13,"body":"relationships that are not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":536.13,"endTime":540.78,"body":"fulfilling to anybody involved."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":536.13,"endTime":540.78,"body":"Because we have kids, because of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":540.78,"endTime":542.97,"body":"the money. You know what, folks?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":544.29,"endTime":546.78,"body":"Kids are going to be expensive,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":544.29,"endTime":546.78,"body":"any way you want to slice it or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":546.78,"endTime":549.72,"body":"dice it. And if you're both"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":546.78,"endTime":549.72,"body":"good, devoted parents, you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":549.72,"endTime":552.99,"body":"figuring out how to make it work"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":549.72,"endTime":552.99,"body":"financially together, you can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":552.99,"endTime":556.53,"body":"figure out how to make it work"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":552.99,"endTime":556.53,"body":"financially, if you split up,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":556.77,"endTime":560.01,"body":"there are ways to do it with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":556.77,"endTime":560.01,"body":"reasonable people who have a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":560.01,"endTime":562.56,"body":"similar goal, which is to take"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":560.01,"endTime":562.56,"body":"care of our children."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":563.13,"endTime":567.45,"body":"Financially, you can figure that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":563.13,"endTime":567.45,"body":"out. It is not healthy for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":567.45,"endTime":570.9,"body":"anybody involved, not the kids,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":567.45,"endTime":570.9,"body":"not you, not your partner, to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":570.9,"endTime":575.04,"body":"in a situation where people are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":570.9,"endTime":575.04,"body":"mentally unwell mentally not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":575.04,"endTime":579.9,"body":"happy. And in the end, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":575.04,"endTime":579.9,"body":"going to do a lot more damage"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":579.96,"endTime":583.47,"body":"than good. So don't try to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":579.96,"endTime":583.47,"body":"convince yourself of that."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":584.25,"endTime":589.89,"body":"Another one that I see people of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":584.25,"endTime":589.89,"body":"every age bracket mess up on his"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":589.89,"endTime":594.69,"body":"cheating. You know, when I was a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":589.89,"endTime":594.69,"body":"kid, which would have been in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":594.69,"endTime":599.4,"body":"the 70s. For some reason,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":594.69,"endTime":599.4,"body":"cheating was romanticized. It"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":599.4,"endTime":603.03,"body":"was Go back and look at some"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":599.4,"endTime":603.03,"body":"television shows and listen to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":603.03,"endTime":606.54,"body":"some music from that time"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":603.03,"endTime":606.54,"body":"period. It was really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":606.54,"endTime":611.19,"body":"romanticized. And it was very"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":606.54,"endTime":611.19,"body":"confusing to me as a child and I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":611.19,"endTime":615.12,"body":"was a grown up before I set that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":611.19,"endTime":615.12,"body":"all straight in my head. Some"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":615.12,"endTime":619.08,"body":"people still romanticize it. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":615.12,"endTime":619.08,"body":"more than anything, and this is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":619.08,"endTime":623.13,"body":"something I really have zero"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":619.08,"endTime":623.13,"body":"tolerance for is cheating."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":624.3,"endTime":630.36,"body":"Here's the thing, the moment"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":624.3,"endTime":630.36,"body":"that you meet someone else, or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":630.75,"endTime":633.6,"body":"that you have these thoughts"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":630.75,"endTime":633.6,"body":"that you enjoy talking to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":633.6,"endTime":640.11,"body":"someone else, more than your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":633.6,"endTime":640.11,"body":"partner that you enjoy being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":640.14,"endTime":642.78,"body":"around someone else more than"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":640.14,"endTime":642.78,"body":"your partner, and you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":642.78,"endTime":646.08,"body":"starting to think you want to do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":642.78,"endTime":646.08,"body":"more than just that. That is the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":646.08,"endTime":649.14,"body":"moment that you need to go talk"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":646.08,"endTime":649.14,"body":"to your partner and alert them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":650.46,"endTime":654.24,"body":"what's going on with you that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":650.46,"endTime":654.24,"body":"you've lost interest or that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":654.24,"endTime":658.02,"body":"you're finding an interest in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":654.24,"endTime":658.02,"body":"other people, and let them make"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":658.02,"endTime":662.64,"body":"a similar choice. Not doing so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":658.02,"endTime":662.64,"body":"is my problem with cheating,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":662.64,"endTime":666.9,"body":"because it is incredibly selfish"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":662.64,"endTime":666.9,"body":"act, it's fine. If you want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":666.9,"endTime":669.48,"body":"go sleep with other people, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":666.9,"endTime":669.48,"body":"fine if you want to go spend"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":669.48,"endTime":673.2,"body":"time with other people. But it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":669.48,"endTime":673.2,"body":"is not fine for you to waste"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":673.2,"endTime":678.39,"body":"time out of your partner's life."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":673.2,"endTime":678.39,"body":"Making them believe that you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":678.39,"endTime":683.07,"body":"together exclusively, when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":678.39,"endTime":683.07,"body":"you're not, and not giving them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":683.07,"endTime":687.06,"body":"the same opportunity to decide,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":683.07,"endTime":687.06,"body":"okay, I guess I'll go see other"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":687.06,"endTime":692.07,"body":"people too. It is an incredibly,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":687.06,"endTime":692.07,"body":"incredibly selfish thing to do."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":692.07,"endTime":695.19,"body":"If you do not want to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":692.07,"endTime":695.19,"body":"exclusive with someone, let them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":695.19,"endTime":699.78,"body":"know that. And let them decide"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":695.19,"endTime":699.78,"body":"if you're the person that we're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":699.78,"endTime":704.61,"body":"looking for or not. And if it is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":699.78,"endTime":704.61,"body":"decided that, okay, we are not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":704.61,"endTime":708.87,"body":"exclusive, we're going to go out"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":704.61,"endTime":708.87,"body":"with other people were going to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":708.87,"endTime":713.64,"body":"hook up with other people. That"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":708.87,"endTime":713.64,"body":"is a very grownup scenario"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":713.64,"endTime":718.17,"body":"you're in, do not turn around"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":713.64,"endTime":718.17,"body":"and act like a juvenile, an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":718.17,"endTime":723.78,"body":"adolescent, and get angry at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":718.17,"endTime":723.78,"body":"your partner, when they in fact,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":723.78,"endTime":728.76,"body":"do go out with other people."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":723.78,"endTime":728.76,"body":"That is manipulation. That is,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":729.3,"endTime":733.83,"body":"as I said, very juvenile. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":729.3,"endTime":733.83,"body":"you don't really belong. In a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":733.83,"endTime":740.46,"body":"relationship, that's this grown"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":733.83,"endTime":740.46,"body":"up. If you have decided that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":740.46,"endTime":745.17,"body":"this, okay, we're not exclusive."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":740.46,"endTime":745.17,"body":"That means both of you get to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":745.17,"endTime":750.0,"body":"see other people, both of you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":745.17,"endTime":750.0,"body":"get to hook up with other"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":750.0,"endTime":754.47,"body":"people. If you realize that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":750.0,"endTime":754.47,"body":"not for you, and again,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":754.47,"endTime":758.43,"body":"communicate, tell the other"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":754.47,"endTime":758.43,"body":"person I've changed my mind. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":758.43,"endTime":760.83,"body":"don't know if I want to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":758.43,"endTime":760.83,"body":"exclusive with you. But I want"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":760.83,"endTime":766.83,"body":"to be exclusive with someone."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":760.83,"endTime":766.83,"body":"Again, communication and honesty"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":766.86,"endTime":769.56,"body":"about what you want out of a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":766.86,"endTime":769.56,"body":"relationship, what your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":769.56,"endTime":773.7,"body":"expectation is. And if that has"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":769.56,"endTime":773.7,"body":"changed, since you first met"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":773.7,"endTime":778.86,"body":"that person, let them know. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":773.7,"endTime":778.86,"body":"that they know what they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":778.86,"endTime":783.3,"body":"currently agreeing to. And then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":778.86,"endTime":783.3,"body":"we get down to the truly"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":783.3,"endTime":787.8,"body":"unhealthy relationships, the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":783.3,"endTime":787.8,"body":"ones that are physically or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":787.8,"endTime":793.23,"body":"mentally abusive, the ones that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":787.8,"endTime":793.23,"body":"are dangerously toxic. And, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":793.23,"endTime":797.07,"body":"know, I'll tell you an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":793.23,"endTime":797.07,"body":"interesting thing. The human"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":797.07,"endTime":801.69,"body":"body is made to adapt. It's how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":797.07,"endTime":801.69,"body":"we survive. And it's an amazing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":802.14,"endTime":808.8,"body":"feature of the human body. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":802.14,"endTime":808.8,"body":"the downside to that is, it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":808.8,"endTime":815.73,"body":"kicks in automatically. When we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":808.8,"endTime":815.73,"body":"are in dangerous situations,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":816.54,"endTime":819.99,"body":"unhealthy situations, it's the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":816.54,"endTime":819.99,"body":"body's way of protecting itself"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":819.99,"endTime":823.2,"body":"and surviving. So it kicks in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":819.99,"endTime":823.2,"body":"and the next thing you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":823.2,"endTime":826.11,"body":"you're finding a way to tolerate"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":827.61,"endTime":831.6,"body":"behavior, bad situations in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":827.61,"endTime":831.6,"body":"order to get through them, your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":831.63,"endTime":836.19,"body":"brain comes up with ways to get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":831.63,"endTime":836.19,"body":"through. Your body comes up with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":836.19,"endTime":842.34,"body":"ways to get through and here's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":836.19,"endTime":842.34,"body":"the thing. You have to be aware"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":843.18,"endTime":846.51,"body":"that you don't always have to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":843.18,"endTime":846.51,"body":"find a way to adapt and get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":846.51,"endTime":849.99,"body":"through something. There are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":846.51,"endTime":849.99,"body":"horrible times in life. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":850.02,"endTime":855.66,"body":"when you're ill. And when you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":850.02,"endTime":855.66,"body":"know people who are soldiers who"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":855.66,"endTime":860.58,"body":"are in war zones, people who are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":855.66,"endTime":860.58,"body":"living in horrible countries"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":860.58,"endTime":864.33,"body":"under horrible situations. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":860.58,"endTime":864.33,"body":"mean, there are Yes, things in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":864.33,"endTime":869.16,"body":"life where we want that reaction"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":864.33,"endTime":869.16,"body":"in our body. We want to be able"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":869.16,"endTime":874.95,"body":"to adapt and survive. But there"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":869.16,"endTime":874.95,"body":"are other times when you have to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":874.95,"endTime":878.97,"body":"stop and say to yourself, wait a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":874.95,"endTime":878.97,"body":"minute, why am I figuring out a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":878.97,"endTime":884.49,"body":"way to adapt to this, I can just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":878.97,"endTime":884.49,"body":"leave this situation. And I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":884.49,"endTime":890.88,"body":"talked about this often with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":884.49,"endTime":890.88,"body":"jobs. And I'm glad to see that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":890.97,"endTime":894.18,"body":"there's a greater awareness"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":890.97,"endTime":894.18,"body":"coming about in society and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":894.18,"endTime":898.38,"body":"American society about that but"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":894.18,"endTime":898.38,"body":"that is the case in your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":898.38,"endTime":902.13,"body":"personal life, too. Now it may"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":898.38,"endTime":902.13,"body":"not be something that can happen"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":902.13,"endTime":905.55,"body":"tomorrow may not be something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":902.13,"endTime":905.55,"body":"that's easily done. But it can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":905.55,"endTime":910.5,"body":"be done. Once you set your mind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":905.55,"endTime":910.5,"body":"that that is a goal to get out"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":910.53,"endTime":914.13,"body":"of this situation. I'm not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":910.53,"endTime":914.13,"body":"saying that it's going to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":914.13,"endTime":918.12,"body":"easy, it's not going to be easy."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":914.13,"endTime":918.12,"body":"It's very difficult sometimes to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":918.15,"endTime":922.23,"body":"extricate ourselves from"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":918.15,"endTime":922.23,"body":"situations. Even with a job, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":922.23,"endTime":925.29,"body":"talk in other episodes about how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":922.23,"endTime":925.29,"body":"you have to plan and things you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":925.29,"endTime":929.13,"body":"may have to do to make that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":925.29,"endTime":929.13,"body":"change. And in relationships,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":929.13,"endTime":933.99,"body":"that's not all that different,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":929.13,"endTime":933.99,"body":"you have to come up with a plan"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":934.02,"endTime":937.41,"body":"that works. And I realize if you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":934.02,"endTime":937.41,"body":"have kids in these situations,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":937.41,"endTime":941.37,"body":"that can be even more difficult,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":937.41,"endTime":941.37,"body":"but there is a way to do it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":943.05,"endTime":948.3,"body":"Start down that path. You don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":943.05,"endTime":948.3,"body":"have to be with someone for the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":948.3,"endTime":953.34,"body":"money, you can live on less"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":948.3,"endTime":953.34,"body":"money. Who cares how much money"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":953.34,"endTime":958.77,"body":"they have, it's not worth your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":953.34,"endTime":958.77,"body":"mental or physical health. Go"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":958.77,"endTime":962.46,"body":"get a job at McDonald's if you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":958.77,"endTime":962.46,"body":"have to, and rent the cheapest"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":962.46,"endTime":966.51,"body":"thing you can find until you can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":962.46,"endTime":966.51,"body":"get on your feet successfully."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":967.56,"endTime":972.15,"body":"If you're with somebody with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":967.56,"endTime":972.15,"body":"huge money, guess what? That"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":972.15,"endTime":978.0,"body":"money is not going to replace"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":972.15,"endTime":978.0,"body":"your mental health. Whatever the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":978.0,"endTime":983.01,"body":"situation is, do not just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":978.0,"endTime":983.01,"body":"naturally adapt when you find"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":983.01,"endTime":987.63,"body":"yourself that instinct of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":983.01,"endTime":987.63,"body":"adapting, kicking in stop and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":987.63,"endTime":991.62,"body":"ask yourself, wait a minute, do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":987.63,"endTime":991.62,"body":"I really need to put the energy"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":991.62,"endTime":995.01,"body":"into finding a way to adapt to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":991.62,"endTime":995.01,"body":"this? Or is this something that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":995.01,"endTime":1000.47,"body":"I can just have gone from my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":995.01,"endTime":1000.47,"body":"life. And I can put the energy"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1000.47,"endTime":1003.35,"body":"into figuring out a way to do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1000.47,"endTime":1003.35,"body":"that, rather than figuring out a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1003.35,"endTime":1007.67,"body":"way to live with it. Those are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1003.35,"endTime":1007.67,"body":"the kinds of things I want you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1007.67,"endTime":1012.65,"body":"to put thought into. But it all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1007.67,"endTime":1012.65,"body":"comes back to the same thing."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1013.31,"endTime":1016.64,"body":"Thinking about you for just a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1013.31,"endTime":1016.64,"body":"minute, and thinking about what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1016.64,"endTime":1020.84,"body":"you want out of life, what you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1016.64,"endTime":1020.84,"body":"want out of that relationship"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1020.87,"endTime":1027.02,"body":"with this partner. And what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1020.87,"endTime":1027.02,"body":"would really make you happy. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1027.02,"endTime":1031.79,"body":"I always go back to sometimes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1027.02,"endTime":1031.79,"body":"the best thing to do is put"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1031.79,"endTime":1034.94,"body":"pencil to paper or digital list."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1031.79,"endTime":1034.94,"body":"If that's your thing, or a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1034.94,"endTime":1039.05,"body":"mental list, whatever your way"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1034.94,"endTime":1039.05,"body":"of doing that is, make a list of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1039.05,"endTime":1041.54,"body":"the things that you are not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1039.05,"endTime":1041.54,"body":"happy with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1042.65,"endTime":1045.5,"body":"the things that you don't like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1042.65,"endTime":1045.5,"body":"and really be honest with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1045.5,"endTime":1047.75,"body":"yourself about them. Are you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1045.5,"endTime":1047.75,"body":"being petty? Are you being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1047.75,"endTime":1051.2,"body":"picky? And if that's the case,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1047.75,"endTime":1051.2,"body":"why are you doing that?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1051.23,"endTime":1055.31,"body":"Is there some other underlying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1051.23,"endTime":1055.31,"body":"bigger issue that's making you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1055.31,"endTime":1059.39,"body":"complain about these silly"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1055.31,"endTime":1059.39,"body":"things like leaving dirty dishes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1059.39,"endTime":1062.33,"body":"in the sink, the classic,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1059.39,"endTime":1062.33,"body":"leaving dirty clothes on the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1062.33,"endTime":1064.91,"body":"floor rather than putting them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1062.33,"endTime":1064.91,"body":"in a hamper. You know what I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1064.91,"endTime":1069.71,"body":"talking about? It's possible,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1064.91,"endTime":1069.71,"body":"you're a personality type that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1069.71,"endTime":1072.65,"body":"those things really take you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1069.71,"endTime":1072.65,"body":"over the falls. And that's okay."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1073.82,"endTime":1076.64,"body":"But if you look at your list,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1073.82,"endTime":1076.64,"body":"and you realize you've got a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1076.64,"endTime":1081.5,"body":"list of kind of petty things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1076.64,"endTime":1081.5,"body":"that knowing yourself wouldn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1081.5,"endTime":1086.21,"body":"normally make you feel like, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1081.5,"endTime":1086.21,"body":"hate this, I want out of this."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1087.14,"endTime":1093.56,"body":"Try to look because often there"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1087.14,"endTime":1093.56,"body":"are bigger, underlying issues"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1093.56,"endTime":1098.78,"body":"that are making us pick nitpick"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1093.56,"endTime":1098.78,"body":"at these little things. Now,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1098.84,"endTime":1102.68,"body":"another thing, though, is,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1098.84,"endTime":1102.68,"body":"beyond being honest about your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1102.68,"endTime":1106.49,"body":"list, if you look at the things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1102.68,"endTime":1106.49,"body":"that you're unhappy with in that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1106.49,"endTime":1112.22,"body":"relationship, and you start to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1106.49,"endTime":1112.22,"body":"recognize a trend like the Oh"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1112.22,"endTime":1114.56,"body":"yeah, this is really how did I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1112.22,"endTime":1114.56,"body":"ever get here?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1115.79,"endTime":1116.33,"body":"Leave."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1117.98,"endTime":1123.5,"body":"But that list becomes kind of a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1117.98,"endTime":1123.5,"body":"guideline for what you do want"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1123.53,"endTime":1127.85,"body":"in a relationship. But you got"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1123.53,"endTime":1127.85,"body":"to be careful with that one too."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1128.45,"endTime":1135.86,"body":"In this instance, because I have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1128.45,"endTime":1135.86,"body":"known people that told me that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1136.13,"endTime":1140.0,"body":"when they left one relationship"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1136.13,"endTime":1140.0,"body":"and got into a new one, that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1140.0,"endTime":1145.61,"body":"they didn't truly assess the new"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1140.0,"endTime":1145.61,"body":"person, they just sort of looked"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1145.61,"endTime":1152.12,"body":"in the criteria was, okay, this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1145.61,"endTime":1152.12,"body":"person does not do these things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1152.12,"endTime":1156.17,"body":"that the last person did that I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1152.12,"endTime":1156.17,"body":"hated. So that makes them good."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1156.23,"endTime":1158.93,"body":"And then as they got in, they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1156.23,"endTime":1158.93,"body":"found a whole nother group of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1158.93,"endTime":1162.38,"body":"things that they didn't like. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1158.93,"endTime":1162.38,"body":"be careful not to do that. Don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1162.38,"endTime":1167.51,"body":"just look for someone who is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1162.38,"endTime":1167.51,"body":"missing the bad qualities in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1167.51,"endTime":1171.05,"body":"your current relationship or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1167.51,"endTime":1171.05,"body":"your last relationship. really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1171.05,"endTime":1176.57,"body":"figure out what it is that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1171.05,"endTime":1176.57,"body":"want. What are the things that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1176.57,"endTime":1179.81,"body":"are important for you? How do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1176.57,"endTime":1179.81,"body":"you picture yourself living a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1179.81,"endTime":1186.62,"body":"happy life every day in a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1179.81,"endTime":1186.62,"body":"relationship with somebody? So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1187.43,"endTime":1191.39,"body":"in this instance, it's partly a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1187.43,"endTime":1191.39,"body":"list like I always say a things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1191.39,"endTime":1195.65,"body":"that you don't want. But you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1191.39,"endTime":1195.65,"body":"have to really think about those"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1195.65,"endTime":1200.84,"body":"issues and figure out what they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1195.65,"endTime":1200.84,"body":"mean to you. What what If you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1200.84,"endTime":1203.57,"body":"really do have a problem with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1200.84,"endTime":1203.57,"body":"somebody who doesn't put their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1203.57,"endTime":1207.98,"body":"dirty clothes in the hamper, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1203.57,"endTime":1207.98,"body":"leaves dirty dishes in the sink,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1208.04,"endTime":1212.33,"body":"maybe the real thing is you like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1208.04,"endTime":1212.33,"body":"to live in a tidy organized"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1212.36,"endTime":1217.82,"body":"together environment that makes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1212.36,"endTime":1217.82,"body":"you feel happy controlled, it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1217.82,"endTime":1222.74,"body":"doesn't make your brain feel"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1217.82,"endTime":1222.74,"body":"scattered. Some people cannot"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1222.74,"endTime":1227.54,"body":"live in a cluttered environment,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1222.74,"endTime":1227.54,"body":"it makes them a little bit crazy"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1227.54,"endTime":1231.89,"body":"inside. So maybe that's the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1227.54,"endTime":1231.89,"body":"bigger problem. So be careful,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1231.89,"endTime":1235.55,"body":"because you don't want to go"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1231.89,"endTime":1235.55,"body":"find somebody that oh my god, he"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1235.55,"endTime":1238.34,"body":"or she actually puts their dirty"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1235.55,"endTime":1238.34,"body":"clothes in the hamper. And they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1238.34,"endTime":1242.09,"body":"don't leave dirty dishes in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1238.34,"endTime":1242.09,"body":"sink. But, you know, maybe they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1242.09,"endTime":1247.85,"body":"do other things in the house,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1242.09,"endTime":1247.85,"body":"that fall in line with your real"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1247.85,"endTime":1251.18,"body":"underlying issue that you need"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1247.85,"endTime":1251.18,"body":"order, and you need tidiness."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1251.78,"endTime":1255.74,"body":"And that's okay that you're like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1251.78,"endTime":1255.74,"body":"that. But find someone who feels"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1255.74,"endTime":1260.42,"body":"that same way. Because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1255.74,"endTime":1260.42,"body":"sometimes, you know, in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1260.42,"endTime":1267.05,"body":"silly examples I'm getting you,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1260.42,"endTime":1267.05,"body":"you find somebody who, okay,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1267.08,"endTime":1270.65,"body":"they don't care about a dirty"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1267.08,"endTime":1270.65,"body":"dish in the sink. But they like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1270.65,"endTime":1274.04,"body":"their desk really neat. They"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1270.65,"endTime":1274.04,"body":"like their bed made every day."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1274.82,"endTime":1278.15,"body":"So that's suddenly maybe halfway"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1274.82,"endTime":1278.15,"body":"to being where you're at where"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1278.15,"endTime":1283.46,"body":"you like it all, in order. So I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1278.15,"endTime":1283.46,"body":"hope it's a good enough example"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1283.46,"endTime":1286.76,"body":"that to really sort through and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1283.46,"endTime":1286.76,"body":"think on your list of things"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1286.76,"endTime":1290.39,"body":"that you're not happy with, why"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1286.76,"endTime":1290.39,"body":"they bother you what the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1290.39,"endTime":1296.69,"body":"underlying reason is. and use it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1290.39,"endTime":1296.69,"body":"as a guideline to formulate what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1296.69,"endTime":1300.95,"body":"it is you really want. What it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1296.69,"endTime":1300.95,"body":"is, that's really making you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1300.95,"endTime":1306.02,"body":"feel dissatisfied in your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1300.95,"endTime":1306.02,"body":"current relationships, or in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1306.02,"endTime":1310.58,"body":"former ones, and use that as a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1306.02,"endTime":1310.58,"body":"guideline to go and find"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1311.24,"endTime":1316.64,"body":"someone. That is what you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1311.24,"endTime":1316.64,"body":"looking for. And it starts with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1318.2,"endTime":1323.39,"body":"being who you are, all the time."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1318.2,"endTime":1323.39,"body":"Of course, we're all on a first"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1323.39,"endTime":1327.23,"body":"date, maybe on a little better"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1323.39,"endTime":1327.23,"body":"behavior than then on the 10th"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1327.23,"endTime":1333.32,"body":"date. But essentially, don't go"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1327.23,"endTime":1333.32,"body":"in a costume dress, how you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1333.32,"endTime":1337.19,"body":"dress, for whatever venue,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1333.32,"endTime":1337.19,"body":"you're going out with this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1337.19,"endTime":1342.59,"body":"person the first time, be who"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1337.19,"endTime":1342.59,"body":"you really are. And if you're in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1342.59,"endTime":1345.41,"body":"a state of mind, that isn't how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1342.59,"endTime":1345.41,"body":"you normally are. It's just how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1345.41,"endTime":1347.75,"body":"you're feeling at the moment,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1345.41,"endTime":1347.75,"body":"let them know that but be as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1347.78,"endTime":1352.79,"body":"honest and open as you can with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1347.78,"endTime":1352.79,"body":"this person and with yourself"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1352.79,"endTime":1355.97,"body":"about who you really are. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1352.79,"endTime":1355.97,"body":"you know what it will begin to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1355.97,"endTime":1363.38,"body":"attract people like that. It's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1355.97,"endTime":1363.38,"body":"that simple. You know, if I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1363.47,"endTime":1367.16,"body":"looking for a house, and I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1363.47,"endTime":1367.16,"body":"absolutely know that I do not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1367.16,"endTime":1372.86,"body":"want a two story home, I am not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1367.16,"endTime":1372.86,"body":"going to go look at two story"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1372.86,"endTime":1378.53,"body":"homes, I am going to go look at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1372.86,"endTime":1378.53,"body":"ranches only. So if someone"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1378.53,"endTime":1381.95,"body":"advertises a house for sale, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1378.53,"endTime":1381.95,"body":"misleads me into thinking that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1381.95,"endTime":1384.35,"body":"it's a ranch, and it's not, I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1381.95,"endTime":1384.35,"body":"going to end up being very"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1384.35,"endTime":1386.51,"body":"disappointed with the house,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1384.35,"endTime":1386.51,"body":"it's not going to be a good"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1386.51,"endTime":1389.39,"body":"outcome for either of us. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1386.51,"endTime":1389.39,"body":"it's a very, really kind of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1389.39,"endTime":1394.04,"body":"ridiculous example. But I hope"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1389.39,"endTime":1394.04,"body":"it kind of illustrates my point."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1396.29,"endTime":1400.73,"body":"If you advertise who you truly"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1396.29,"endTime":1400.73,"body":"are, the kind of person you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1400.73,"endTime":1406.19,"body":"truly are, how you really live"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1400.73,"endTime":1406.19,"body":"your life. It's going to be very"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1406.19,"endTime":1408.56,"body":"easy for the people that you go"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1406.19,"endTime":1408.56,"body":"out with and people that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1408.56,"endTime":1412.22,"body":"meet, to decide if you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1408.56,"endTime":1412.22,"body":"someone that they want to take"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1412.22,"endTime":1413.54,"body":"the next step with or not."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1414.38,"endTime":1418.73,"body":"And hopefully they're doing the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1414.38,"endTime":1418.73,"body":"same. So that's my thoughts on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1418.73,"endTime":1422.06,"body":"relationships, we're probably"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1418.73,"endTime":1422.06,"body":"going to cover this topic again"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1422.06,"endTime":1427.16,"body":"down the line. But this is all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1422.06,"endTime":1427.16,"body":"part of how you can get past"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1427.28,"endTime":1432.11,"body":"your own roadblocks in life, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1427.28,"endTime":1432.11,"body":"that is one that we all do."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1432.47,"endTime":1435.35,"body":"We're our own worst enemy when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1432.47,"endTime":1435.35,"body":"we're trying to find what we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1435.35,"endTime":1439.82,"body":"want in life because we're too"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1435.35,"endTime":1439.82,"body":"busy putting out the wrong"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1439.82,"endTime":1443.96,"body":"image. So if you want to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1439.82,"endTime":1443.96,"body":"happy anywhere in life, it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1443.96,"endTime":1447.77,"body":"starts with you. It starts with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1443.96,"endTime":1447.77,"body":"you, knowing yourself being okay"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1447.77,"endTime":1451.07,"body":"with that loving yourself and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1447.77,"endTime":1451.07,"body":"putting that honest image of you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1451.07,"endTime":1456.83,"body":"out there. Then no one can say"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1451.07,"endTime":1456.83,"body":"you lied. If they lied, then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1456.83,"endTime":1459.68,"body":"that's on them. But no one can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1456.83,"endTime":1459.68,"body":"say you misled them. They knew."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1460.16,"endTime":1466.46,"body":"You know, you were a exercise"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1460.16,"endTime":1466.46,"body":"freak vegan animal rights"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1466.61,"endTime":1471.23,"body":"documentary loving person when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1466.61,"endTime":1471.23,"body":"they met you. You don't want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1471.23,"endTime":1475.97,"body":"hear any complaints about it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1471.23,"endTime":1475.97,"body":"later on. So I hope you have a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1475.97,"endTime":1480.2,"body":"good day. Enjoy the rest of your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1475.97,"endTime":1480.2,"body":"day. And please join me next"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1480.2,"endTime":1482.75,"body":"time on incoming"}]}