If you're ready to stop wishing for success and instead, have a strategy that takes your photography business to the next level, join us inside AMPLIFY! My lifetime-access, group coaching program that will help you take action, overcome blocks & challenges, and support you as you expand through all seasons of business growth.
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What would it feel like to truly love, accept and embrace yourself for all that you are? In honor of Valentine's Day, I'm revisiting this incredible podcast interview that I did with life coach Dara Poznar, all about self-love and self-care. As Dara shares her story of personal evolution and the roadmap that led her to life coaching, we're reminded that self-love isn't just a concept—it's a living, breathing practice that underpins every aspect of our lives.
Our conversation navigates the subtle yet powerful distinction between self-love and self-care. Self-care is the art of attentively tending to our needs through intentional action; it is the external expression of the respect we hold for our bodies and minds. But at the heart of it all is self-love, an unyielding acceptance and connection with our innermost selves. It's about peeling back the layers to reveal a deep-seated self-acceptance that transcends superficial labels and empowers us to thrive in both personal well-being and business success.
As we explore strategies to deepen this connection with ourselves, remember this isn't a one-size-fits-all path. Whether it’s through movement and mindfulness, or embracing the stillness of nature to become more present, Dara and I discuss practical ways to cultivate self-awareness and self-care. We also delve into the CARE acronym—Curiosity, Attention, Responsibility, and Encouragement—as a compass guiding us toward authentic self-love. This episode promises to ignite a transformative energy within you, fostering a life that not only flourishes in its own right but also enriches the lives of those around us. So, tune in, and let's celebrate the depth of self-love and the empowering beauty of self-care together.
Learn more about Dara and her life coaching here: Mud Coaching
If you're ready to create more momentum and visibility inside your business (meaning: more inquiries and more booked clients) -- you'll want to join me for my next free workshop. This workshop will be interactive meaning you get real-time coaching & strategies to grow your business. Head over to heykristamarie.com/workshop to save your seat.
Ways we can work together:
I'D LOVE TO CONNECT WITH YOU!
If you're ready to stop wishing for success and instead, have a strategy that takes your photography business to the next level, join us inside AMPLIFY! My lifetime-access, group coaching program that will help you take action, overcome blocks & challenges, and support you as you expand through all seasons of business growth.
--
What would it feel like to truly love, accept and embrace yourself for all that you are? In honor of Valentine's Day, I'm revisiting this incredible podcast interview that I did with life coach Dara Poznar, all about self-love and self-care. As Dara shares her story of personal evolution and the roadmap that led her to life coaching, we're reminded that self-love isn't just a concept—it's a living, breathing practice that underpins every aspect of our lives.
Our conversation navigates the subtle yet powerful distinction between self-love and self-care. Self-care is the art of attentively tending to our needs through intentional action; it is the external expression of the respect we hold for our bodies and minds. But at the heart of it all is self-love, an unyielding acceptance and connection with our innermost selves. It's about peeling back the layers to reveal a deep-seated self-acceptance that transcends superficial labels and empowers us to thrive in both personal well-being and business success.
As we explore strategies to deepen this connection with ourselves, remember this isn't a one-size-fits-all path. Whether it’s through movement and mindfulness, or embracing the stillness of nature to become more present, Dara and I discuss practical ways to cultivate self-awareness and self-care. We also delve into the CARE acronym—Curiosity, Attention, Responsibility, and Encouragement—as a compass guiding us toward authentic self-love. This episode promises to ignite a transformative energy within you, fostering a life that not only flourishes in its own right but also enriches the lives of those around us. So, tune in, and let's celebrate the depth of self-love and the empowering beauty of self-care together.
Learn more about Dara and her life coaching here: Mud Coaching
If you're ready to create more momentum and visibility inside your business (meaning: more inquiries and more booked clients) -- you'll want to join me for my next free workshop. This workshop will be interactive meaning you get real-time coaching & strategies to grow your business. Head over to heykristamarie.com/workshop to save your seat.
Ways we can work together:
I'D LOVE TO CONNECT WITH YOU!
Hey there and welcome to the she Calls Her Shots podcast. Every week, we chat through different business building topics that will help you gain clarity around your goals, find inspiration in your journey and also help you create a life and a business that you love. My name is Krista and I'm a wedding and brand photographer and you're a go-to, no fluff business coach. In these episodes we talk through both the tactical strategies, habits and the mindset work that will help you take those really big leaps, and we always focus on the real talk and the behind the scenes of what it takes to create a sustainable and a thriving business, because, let's be honest, the work isn't always glamorous, but it's always worth it. So, girlfriend, let's make some moves and start calling our own shots. Hello, hello, and welcome back to this episode of the she Calls Her Shots podcast.
Speaker 1:In honor of Valentine's Day today, I wanted to release a special episode this week that is all catered towards self-love, self-acceptance, self-care. If you have listened to the podcast, you know that that is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart, because I truly believe that when we can take care of ourselves, our business does naturally thrive, our relationships thrive, everything around us is better, and so I wanted to pull this specific episode out from the archives because this was a conversation that I had way back in episode 19. So the very kind of start and beginning of the podcast with life coach Dara Posner, and honestly it's such a rich conversation and I know that because of experiencing the conversation with her, but I also know that because it happens to be the most downloaded podcast episode that I've ever had by far. So clearly this is a message that all of you are loving, and I think that it begs to be re-listened to a few years later again in recognition of Valentine's Day this week. Just a gentle reminder of ways that we can really support ourselves and also then support those around us by making sure that we're taking care of ourselves first. And in this episode, one of the things I really love is that we are putting a pretty clear distinction around what is the difference between self love and self care. I think a lot of the time that those terms get thrown around pretty fluidly as if they're the same thing, but me and Dara actually have a really beautiful conversation around.
Speaker 1:What is the difference between those two things? What should you be focusing on on a day to day basis and what's the more underlying thing, that should be a shift in your beliefs in yourself and how you think about and take care of yourself. So I am really excited for you to dive in and listen. I'd love to hear what stood out to you the most in this episode. I would love for you to share on Instagram. Tag me at HeyChristinMarie. You can send me a DM at HeyChristinMarie. Just let me know what stood out to you the most in this episode. All of that said, I'm so excited for you to dive in, so let's go ahead. Dara, I am so pumped for this interview. I just always love our conversations, so the fact that I get to share a conversation with my listeners is just so, so exciting. So thank you so much for joining us today.
Speaker 2:It is my absolute pleasure and honor to be here. Thank you so much for inviting me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm so pumped about this topic because, I mean, I already share this in the intro.
Speaker 1:But Dara is my personal life coach and I just feel, like so many of our conversations, what I've learned over time is how incredibly important it is to take care of ourselves and our minds and our I mean, you know, our bodies like just really making sure ourselves as a whole is really taken care of. And so I think this topic of self-love and self-care and really figuring out what the difference is between the two is going to be so important because it just shifts our mindset in the way that we think about these topics. So I'm really excited to learn from you about all of that. But before we dive into that, I'd love to hear you know a little bit about you. I know I probably already know some of this, but I'm sure there's still a lot that I don't know. So I'd love to hear kind of about your journey and what really got you into life coaching. You know the things and the topics and the things that you get really excited about and just like more information about kind of you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would love to share that. So just some kind of key basics. Easy girl here, girl up on the East Coast in the Northeast, kind of black sheep of the family type, a little bit of a Maverick and a renegade I really like that, I know, I know you do. So yeah, my journey has really been quite interesting. In my early 20s I departed from a cult-like religion that I was raised in, which also caused me to separate from my whole family. So that was a really hard time, really stepping into who am I as a person and learning to own my own path. So I think that was sort of the beginning of you know, and that was now almost that was 20 years ago. I can't believe that, but that was the beginning of my journey to real deep and intentional self-discovery and I think that's the beginning of what led me to eventually being a life coach and helping other people do the same thing. Self-esteem was a major issue for me as a young person and so as I learned to sort of heal that and connect with myself, love myself which is what we're here to talk about I became really really excited about the potential of helping other people do that, because the life before and the life after really learning how to connect and love yourself, or connect with and love yourself is. It's a really big difference. So I did. I would consider myself what you might call like a late bloomer.
Speaker 2:I kind of, you know, spent a lot of time searching for my calling, what I was meant to do with my life, and I was in my mid 30s by the time I was called to coaching.
Speaker 2:I had always worried that I sort of missed my chance to work one-on-one with people because I didn't go, you know, to become a psychologist and get a PhD and things like that.
Speaker 2:So then when coaching became a thing, it was like, oh my gosh, like this is the thing. But it wasn't an immediate sell for me because I still was struggling a little bit with, like the imposter syndrome of, like you know, am I cut out for this? You know, am I the right person to do this, this kind of work, working one-on-one with people to help them change their lives? And I have a really dear friend who's a positive psychologist and a coach and the head of a coaching company now, and she said I really think you would be great for this and that sort of you know encouragement affirmation really was what led me to think seriously about it, and I love positive psychology. It was something that had already helped me so much in my life, and so that was the route though there are many to pursuing life coaching that I took. So I got certified as a positive psychology coach that was Wow six years ago now and started my own business pretty much right away, and I've been coaching people ever since.
Speaker 1:I love that. Well, I'm so personally so glad that you made that decision, because I know the time that we've worked together. It's just been I mean, I can't even verbalize the impact that it's had. I think we've been working together. Has it been like two or over two years?
Speaker 2:I think almost three years, and I was thinking about you and me before this interview too, and how we have kind of found our way back to each other in several different ways, like I've heard you as a photographer in the past and you hired me as your coach and we just keep kind of crossing paths in all these different ways and now I'm on your podcast. I know so exciting, so wonderful. I know I've loved our journey too.
Speaker 1:I don't even think I would be doing this podcast if it weren't for all the work we've done. So there's that. But I'm so excited let's go ahead and dive into this topic because I am really curious to learn about, you know so, self love versus self care, and when you think about it, you know kind of, on the surface level you can kind of think how maybe they would be different. But I'm really curious to kind of dive in because I'm sure there's probably a lot of differences that I wouldn't even think about, like just when thinking about the two different topics. So I'd love to dive into it. Like, what is the difference between them? Is there one that's more important? Like, is there one that you find that you know women, especially women entrepreneurs, and you know people kind of trying to find, like you said, like trying to find their place in life or trying to figure out their journey? Is there one that you find that people tend to struggle with more? I'd love to just kind of dive into all of that, yeah absolutely All such great questions.
Speaker 2:Well, first of all, before I even answer the questions, I just want to pay a little bit of attention to the listeners who are out there and just to say if anyone is attracted to this topic today because they personally are struggling with their relationship with themselves and feeling disconnected from themselves, you and I both can say I'm sure we see you, we hear you.
Speaker 2:Yes, we understand how difficult that can be and so we're so happy that you're here to engage with us in this conversation. And it is such a transformational thing to really figure out I think that's one of the things is like I know that I don't love myself. Like I get messages from people that say I know I don't love myself, or I know I don't love myself fully, what can I do? And it can be really confusing because there is a lot of information out there, but a lot of it I have found personally, when I was on my journey I couldn't really make the connection with how to use it, and so that's what I'm really hoping to get at today. And so to answer the first question of the difference, obviously I think we can all sense that there's a lot of crossover between the two.
Speaker 2:So it's not like self-love is over here, self-care is over there. They're interrelated very, very deeply but also fundamentally different. And so for me, how I've come to look at this, and the framework that I've created to really help me understand it and use this, is I kind of look at self-love and self-care as the yin and yang of self-relationship. So there's sort of two sides of the same coin.
Speaker 2:And when we look at the bigger umbrella of having a relationship with oneself, the self-love piece is like the inner condition of that relationship. It's the relationship you have to your inner world, to your inner landscape, to your interiority, and then self-care is more the external condition. It's sort of the things you do a little bit on the outside, though there's some inside stuff too. That's where there's like a little bit of crossover there. But ultimately the self-love piece is the words. I have three words for each that I like to use to delineate them, and I think of self-love, I think of truth, being and connection, and when I think of self-care I think of action, doing and intention. So one is a little bit more static and one is more dynamic. So that's sort of like the fundamental framework that I bring to the discussion about self-love versus self-care.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that and it's so true and I think that it's so hard. I found for me, in the times that we've talked about really practicing that self-love internally, one of the hardest things is just taking the time to do it. And it's not because taking the time is hard. You can literally take a minute in the morning and a minute in the evening and it makes such a big difference. It's not like the time isn't there, but really getting intentional about putting that time to look inward and really look at yourself and care about yourself is just so easy not to do. So I love that there is such a big difference and they are related and there are a lot of things that I feel like you can do as self-care, that kind of touch a little bit on that self-love, because you're taking time for yourself, which means you are kind of showing yourself love. But yeah, that's such an important difference, I think, between the two.
Speaker 2:Such an important difference and you really said it. It's like taking the time. And why don't we? It's because we live in a culture that doesn't tell us how valuable it is to slow down and do it. They tell us how valuable it is to go out there, produce, create and do, and we're bought in fully to that and when we do that right. However, that's just a half of the sort of you know, that's a half of the pie. The other half of the pie is the ability to slow down, give yourself permission to have at least, like you said, one true moment for yourself every day where you're really tuning in and checking in with yourself and getting to know yourself.
Speaker 2:So to me, fundamentally, self-love is about self-knowledge. I like to say, to know yourself is to love yourself, and you know. So you might be thinking oh well, I feel like I do know myself. You know, I've been in coaching. I know my personality type I'm an ENFT, you know. But I know my Enneagram type I'm an Enneagram seven. I know myself.
Speaker 2:That is self-knowledge, but it's surface level. It's really surface level. We have so many dimensions to our being and I can promise you and probably everyone listening to this right now, I would like to just say and call out that the view you currently have of yourself is tiny, tiny, tiny compared to the reality of all that you are and all that is you. There's so much to discover, and so the essence of self-love is to consciously, like you said, with intention, pursue that journey of self-discovery and really go deep, deep down inside, beyond the surface level of the personality and my preferences and my interests and my passions.
Speaker 2:But who am I? At the core, how can I connect to that, root into that, and then take that knowledge and practice? Total acceptance, total acceptance of everything that I see and learn, the things that are easy to see, the things that I struggle to look at, just all of that, fully accept it and then embody that truth. The embodiment is the sort of, it's the flip that switches. Let me put it to you this way At the core, we all know that what we really are is love. That's our essence. Right, I'm love, you are love. Now, imagine really knowing that beyond the intellect, knowing that in a fully embodied way, that I am love, the belief system that goes along with that is I am worthy. If I'm love, I'm worthy, I'm enough, I'm adequate, the energy that comes from having a belief system like that and going out into the world, knowing yourself at that level and being rooted into that girl, that just makes you unstoppable.
Speaker 2:Unstoppable. I mean picture that person who's out there in the world pursuing their dreams and goals, knowing who they are at that deep, deep level. Oh my God, it's magnificent, it's magnificent.
Speaker 1:And the embodiment is so important. I was just thinking about how, like just the core difference between this and I'll try and keep it short, cause I feel like I could also talk about this just again from my journey and from working with you and starting to realize the importance of really embodying that time and spending that time to getting to know myself, because I felt like so long and I feel like a lot of my listeners will be able to listen or to relate to this is that we get so caught up in, like you said, we think that we know ourselves right, like I know. I can even think back to probably when I first started working with you and I can just picture me then and what I would have thought about myself, which is you know, I know who I am, I know my strengths, I know my weaknesses. I felt like I knew so much about myself and then, as we started working together and it all kind of started like, I started to really kind of tear apart the layers and like peel back the layers and realize there was so much about myself that I didn't realize and it was because I knew who I was on the surface level of like, like you said I was taking all the action. I knew I was a business owner, I knew I was a go getter, I knew like I knew all these things about myself.
Speaker 1:But it wasn't until I started to really like even my self care times were like, oh, I'll go get my nails done or I'll go get my hair done, and they were all things that I loved and that made me happy, but they were never things where I like really sat with myself in my thoughts, like listened to myself.
Speaker 1:It was like I'd go get my hair done, I'd be flipping through a magazine, I'd go get my nails done, I'd be listening to like you know who knows like music or whatever, and so it was never a time that I was spending really getting to know myself. And then it was when I started to practice this, actually like and we've talked about this before you start to realize there's this person and for us, like, there's this you know woman inside of you that I've kind of been neglecting, who was like the whole time that I just was so busy doing my own thing that I kind of just completely forgot that there was like a person deeper inside me that I was just like not even listening to, and that's just what I was thinking of when you were talking about that, because it's like it's that embodiment of it, when you start to realize that there's like so much more than the surface level, you start to realize there's a whole part of yourself that you've just probably not uncovered.
Speaker 2:Absolutely so many parts. I mean so many parts. I've come now to a point where I look at myself as like multiple selves and I fully recognize that I am just this walking contradiction, because these different selves have different values and preferences and there's these inner, you know, dialogues that are happening, you know, which is why we fall into ambivalence a lot Like. You know we want to go and, you know, start working out, but at the same time, you know we're like well, I know I want to do that, but why do I have to push myself so hard and I'm just sitting here on the sofa? Well, there's because there's a part of you that really wants to rest too and just kind of edge out right. So you have to help them have a conversation and then come to terms. But I love what you said and that's really, really beautiful.
Speaker 2:You know that you've had your own journey with that recognition of I thought I knew myself, but as I enable myself to value even just a little bit more that time with myself. That isn't indistracted activity, but that is just really sitting with myself, tuning in, closing my eyes, tuning into my heart, because really it's about getting beyond the mind. You know, that's what we identify ourselves with very strongly is our mind and the words and the you know, the inner chatter that just never stops. You know it's like, but there's. There's our intelligences at work inside of us that are beyond the mental chatter, that are beyond the mind, and it's really about getting in touch with all these different dimensions.
Speaker 2:For me, you know, I work with a coach of my own, and one journey that he's taken me on this year is really connecting with my energy body. This is, you know, new word to me. I've been aware of it. But really interacting with, you know, like the chakra system and the meridians and all this kind of stuff I've been aware of that but never really paid a whole lot of attention to it until this year.
Speaker 2:And, oh my gosh, to be connected to yet this other dimension of myself is so enriching and so fulfilling, and so it's and it's fun, you know, getting to know ourselves is so fun because we are magnificent, magnificent beings and even though, at the core, our shared identity is that love essence, that love consciousness, each of us is a unique expression of that right, and so we really get to discover. Okay, you know, now I can feel equal and you know, know that, just like everybody else, you know, I'm this expression of love in the world, but I'm here to do my own unique thing, to leave my own mark to be who I am as an individual. And so there's just so much to unpack, and that's why it's worth spending some time every day in that mode of self-discovery.
Speaker 1:Totally and I know for I mean, I've talked about our journey I still feel like I'm very much in the beginning stages of like getting to know myself and learning about myself. Do you have any, like when you were just starting out or you know, for anyone who's still kind of new to this journey, of like really getting intentional about practicing self-love? Do you have any like ways Like I know meditation is probably a big one, but like, do you have any like tips or like ways that, especially for busy women who just have a lot going on, like what are some really simple things that we can kind of add in that just you know, are super easy to do?
Speaker 2:Totally Well, the first thing I would say might sound kind of obvious, but it's absolutely essential which is, you know, a relationship with yourself has to be chosen. So the first thing is just to make that conscious and deliberate choice, just to say I am going to pursue, very intentionally, a deeper relationship with myself. That in and of itself carries an important weight and a power, because I believe these intelligences in us, especially our deepest self or truest self, what we might call our soul or our higher self, however you sort of language, that it wants to be known. And so making that interconnection of like I'm going to search you out, really open something up inside of us. And so that would be the first thing. The next thing so I have a little acronym. So if you're going to care I'm just such an acronym junkie If you're serious about pursuing a deeper relationship with yourself, then you have to care about that. And so care is the word that I've turned into an acronym.
Speaker 2:And the first thing is curiosity, really just becoming deeply curious. And the next letter A is attention, be curious, pay attention. And then the R is for responsibility, taking responsibility for what you end up discovering. And then the E is encouragement, which is to continually be a self-compassionate, gentle, encourager of yourself. To be more concrete than that, I would say the two things that are starting points.
Speaker 2:I know for me personally. I'm a head type, I'm an Enneagram 7, we're head types. We're really up in here. I was really disconnected from my body. So paying attention and caring about what is my body saying to me, how does this feel, even around people like you're around someone and you notice that your body is like closing down for some reason.
Speaker 2:But you're around someone else and it's really opening up, or just the different sensations and little twinges and things like that and just making it a habit to tune in to the language of your body. And that is, I think, a little bit easier for us to sense than some of the more internal subtle communications. So it's like a good starting point. And then your emotions, especially triggering emotions. Triggers are a gateway to self-knowledge and information because they tell us a lot about our fears. They tell us a lot about hidden beliefs that we have about ourselves, and so that, to me, is a major part of self-care. If self-love is about truth, self-care involves getting rid of untruths, false beliefs, false ideas, false stories that we have about ourselves and clearing that of the way.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I mean, we've talked a lot and I know obviously this year has just been. Some of us have had more time spent at home, alone with ourselves or even around someone else. We've had a lot more time to just be around ourselves, which might have already been kind of awakening in its own sense, not being around people and then starting to be around people again and kind of realizing how your body might react to that. Because I think before, like I said, we're just like go, go, go. We're always hanging around with people. You don't really stop and notice some of those things, and now it's like I think we've been forced to slow down and maybe even ourselves a little bit more, and then, as we start to introduce being around people again, you might start to notice like, oh, interesting. So I think all of that is so crucial.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, really, really crucial. For me it really comes down to attention, being attentive to ourselves and not ignoring anything and just the way we would Anyone else that we care about. It's like, if you're noticing any kind of a response or a reaction, it's like, oh, what's that about? And carrying deeply to kind of follow that and see where it leads.
Speaker 1:Yeah, totally. And as far as self-care, because I think that when I think of self-love and self-care, I think self-care is the thing that I do end up practicing a lot more. Because even if the, like I said, self-care for me for a while was like I'm going to go get my nails done, go get my hair done, like things that just make me feel good, so I feel and that totally qualifies.
Speaker 2:Yeah, those things totally qualify.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I think that's kind of probably the more the easier thing to do, because I think it's also kind of a part of our society and we don't have to go too deep on this. But I think kind of that treat yourself like that kind of a mindset, I think, is something that is pretty prevalent. It's more prevalent than the look inward, you know, find yourself Absolutely. So. I think the one is more prevalent than the other. Do you have any? So I'd love to kind of elaborate. When you talked about the difference between the self-love and it being really internal and self-care, I'd love to, if you have any other Like I'd love to dive even deeper. If you have anything else that you'd love to talk about that, because I really do think that that distinction between those two is something that gets overlooked and it's just so, so important.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, something to take that a little bit deeper is another way I describe self-love often is that it's not something you do and it's not something you have, but it's really the way that you experience yourself. Self-love, I would argue, is the most optimal way of experiencing yourself and again, I sort of touched on this before, which is like how I define it. Self-love is understanding self as love. So if you stick a little as in there, that sort of really brings it to its deepest level, is, like I know, at the core of my being, who I really am and what I really am, and I'm rooted into that and I don't disconnect from that. So I go out into the world being love. Essentially that's what self-love is.
Speaker 2:As I go out into the world being love, being what I am, gleaming that reality right, just glowing it all over the place, and think about how freeing that is when you're able to achieve that level of inner connection that removes all the energy that you spend seeking external validation, all the energy that you spend seeking external achievement to give you a sense of inner okayness or feeling like, okay, I am worthy, I've earned it. One of the most important messages I want to convey in this conversation is Don't allow yourself to fall into or stay in the trap of thinking you have to earn your own love. You don't. You don't have to do or have anything to love yourself. All you have to know is know. All you have to do really is know yourself. And when you really know yourself and when you really are connected that deeply to yourself, that is what self-love is all about. You don't have to go out and perform to get your own love.
Speaker 1:That's so important and that's something that we've talked about so many times, and I know that my listeners will be able to relate to this, because the thing that I constantly and I will, I can almost guarantee I will always like have, then you kind of have to work through, is that feeling of when we are really ambitious and we have really big goals and we're pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone. It's so easy to fall into that idea of needing that external validation. I mean, like as a business owner, like it is scary doing something new and you're on your own and you have no idea if you're doing anything right and you're comparing yourself to someone else is doing it differently, and there's just all of these things happening and it's so easy to fall into that trap of like comparison. I just and like am I good enough? You know I need to get more clients, I need to. I mean, we've talked about this.
Speaker 1:When I started new things and I'm like you know I had one person respond. You know I feel good and you're like yeah, but like you should feel good because you did it, not just like like. It's that idea of like be proud of yourself for doing it not for how many people validate you for doing it and it's like, but that's something that gets overlooked so much, because when we're working on our own and we're entrepreneurs, we don't have. It's not like we have that person right alongside of us just like constantly cheering for every single thing that we do. But we have to be that for ourselves and that's so hard it is.
Speaker 2:It is so hard, but it becomes easier the more deeply connected you are to yourself. And but you know, but also what you just described, that is also very human, right, like our ego, is a part of us. That is very real and that is going to want that external validation, you know, and that's going to happen from time to time. But I think the key is that when you really truly have a deep connection to yourself and a strong relationship to yourself, you're no longer out there doing the things so that you can love yourself. You're out there doing them because you love yourself.
Speaker 2:And while that may not sound very different and it sounds kind of subtle, it is actually a huge, huge difference, because you no longer need to succeed, because your whole self worth isn't hinged upon this thing going down a certain way. Does that mean that your, you know, self esteem isn't going to take an occasional hit? No, it doesn't. You're still going to. You know it's going to take that dip and you're going to be like, oh man, that was a huge bummer. But because you have a deeper foundation of belief in yourself and your own worthiness, you're going to get right back up and you're going to try again, or you're going to say, oh, that was fun, okay, you know what that really wasn't. You know that's not something I want to keep going with and you're going to, you know, go for something else, but you're not going to collapse, you're not going to fall apart and you're not going to stay down, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, my gosh, it's so important and I'm glad. I'm so glad that you brought that up, because I think that you know you said that that distinction can be very subtle, but it really does. I mean, it's kind of your intentions, like intentions make all the difference, and so the intention behind why you're doing something really does make a big difference. When you're doing it because you love, like you said, like you're coming from a place of I love myself and I love doing this, so I'm going to go do this, versus I love doing this, I want to do it for other people, like hopefully I succeed, hopefully this goes well, like you tie all of that into it, which a lot of that is just out of our control, and so it's like it's like think about it, like if we put so much of our weight, of our self and our like self-esteem into things that we can't control, but we do, just like it's all the time.
Speaker 2:Experience, I guess, yeah, it really is. You know they are egos, really really want control. You know we want to be seen a certain way. We want to, you know, just present this one aspect of ourselves and we want to do it perfectly, and we can get really trapped with that, and that's only if that's the only part of ourselves that we're connected to and identify with. If that's all you've got, that's, yeah, that's really really tentative right that can shift and change all the time. That's why it's so important to have a much deeper connection to the rest of your being, which goes way, way, way, way, way beyond that small little ego self.
Speaker 1:Totally and one of the things I do because I know I asked earlier about like are there tips and ways to kind of do this?
Speaker 1:And I know we've had many conversations about this, about how I am I love structure, I love a formula like, I love a plan and I think, although I know that it's very in tune with my A&M type, I also think that for a lot of business owners now, especially, it's like you know, in marketing it's like all these things of like five things you must do and like there's kind of this like belief around, there's like a certain way and a certain structure in which we need to do things, and sometimes it's really easy for us to get caught into like there is one way of doing it Totally.
Speaker 1:And I think that probably relates also to self care, because I know, even in my head I'm like okay, but like what are the three things that I can do to like love myself better? And it's like I think part of it is that like nuance around, like it's going to be different for everybody, like the way to kind of like tune in with ourselves. So I'd love to kind of get your thoughts around that, because that's kind of what I think up in my head is that, you know, the way that I practice self love for me may not give the same effect for someone else who tries it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. That's a really great point. Thank you for bringing that up. It kind of reminds me of, like, the four sort of major pathways of yoga. Right, you have, like, the Rajya yoga for, like, the intellectual, intellectually inclined people, and they have Bhakti yoga for the people who are more like you know, about love and devotion and feeling types, heart types, and I think that, yeah, it's wise to take the same approach when it comes to yourself. Love practice, like you mentioned earlier.
Speaker 2:You know, for me, in the morning, sitting down in meditation works, you know, that really does connect me to myself and I commit to that and I do that. That might not work for everybody, right? So for me, what I would say is really think about what gets you beyond the mind, right out of that thinking pattern and being locked into that thinking pattern. One other thing I like to do and this one was a challenge for me because it makes me so uncomfortable, but I feel like internally, when we we have these barriers between ourselves and ourselves, we really need to approach those.
Speaker 2:For me, dancing by myself was something that brought me into my body and like made me cry, as I did it the whole time, because they're like wherever I had all of this pain still kind of stuck in me and trapped up in me and like old traumas and wounds and things like that. I got in touch with that stuff whenever I danced by myself. It felt weird and uncomfortable and strange, but like I would push through that and it became more and more comfortable and I could feel myself healing so much and getting past those barriers that kept me out of touch with myself and connecting more and more deeply. So there are all kinds of ways to do it. You know, through movement If you're, you know, a body type who really likes to move. Getting beyond the mind and into your body is a really great way. Sitting quietly and meditating, whether it's a silent, just sitting with yourself and just hanging out with your breath, hanging out with your heartbeat, you know, whatever it is, guided meditations, I love them. Completely addicted to the insight. Timer out.
Speaker 1:You got me hooked on it. I listen to it every night now, oh my gosh, I love it so much.
Speaker 2:There's so much good stuff on there guided meditations, and they have live things now too, and I'm getting into mantra and all these really cool things. So mantra is another one. Finding, yeah, finding your way to sort of get out of your head into your body, into your heart, connecting with your soul and your spirit. I feel like these are the three areas you know in our energy body. So like chakra work and things like that, Anything that takes us out of our heads and into the rest of our parts. And you could pick one, be like I'm going to work with, you know, just the energy channels of my body, or I'm going to work with my physical body, or I'm going to really devote this next, you know, couple of weeks or months to just paying more attention to my emotions. You know these are the things that we can do.
Speaker 1:Totally. And I know for me and we had talked about this is like one of the things that I found in the very beginning, when I was like I don't even know where to start with this. I'm just going to like sit outside for five minutes and just try and be really present with like, nature and like, because I think for me it was like I still needed something to focus on, but I wanted something that was not me. I wanted to be able to like focus on something and I know, like sitting outside and just like feeling the sun and like focusing on nature and like listening to the birds and noticing the trees and like. It sounds so small when you think about it, but it's like when you take that time to get out of your own head. I mean it's literally like the whole world just like opens up because we spend so much time thinking about so many different things.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I know for me, when I, when I was like just starting, I was like okay, I just need like a bite size five minute like. And it's interesting because as you start to do that for a short amount of time, I found for me you do start to get kind of curious. Like the curiosity kind of comes of like, oh, like, I did that for five minutes. That was interesting, like, and you kind of it just kind of starts to slowly build off itself. But it's like just doing something as simple as like just getting outside and paying attention to the birds, like it just kind of it like changes, I feel like the way that you think or well, not think about things.
Speaker 2:Well, when you later reflect on that and what that did for you, you know, and thinking about, oh, I want to go back and do that again because I really noticed how I love what you said.
Speaker 2:You said it opened me up and, you know, while you know meditation, we usually view that as just like sitting and, you know, going inward, this is the sort of goal, if you can say that, because meditation is not really supposed to have a goal per se.
Speaker 2:But, you know, the practice is to get you into your life, fully in a present way all the time, and so what that's what you described just now is that I went outside and I was paying attention to, you know, the feeling of the wind on my skin and the birds chirping and looking around and just being where you are, being totally open to life in front of you, as it was, you know, without any judgment, without any critique. It's just being there, with life as it is in the moment, and so I think that that's a really beautiful example, you know, of how you maybe meditate in a way that's unique and your own, because that's what you were saying is like how can we do this in a way that really is suitable to ourselves as individuals, where there's not this cookie cutter sort of path to self love and deeper interconnection, and I think that that is a really, really good point. And then there was something else you said but I lost it that I wanted to touch on.
Speaker 1:Okay, Okay, well, and I also want to make sure, because I, you know, before we kind of wrap everything up, I'd love to, if you have any other you know, maybe the things that we didn't get to talk about or kind of dive into that you that you wanted to touch. I want to make sure that we leave time for that. So if there's, if you have anything else that you kind of want to dive into, I'd love to. You know, just learn about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So why don't we just spend a little bit more time on the self care part of it? Cause I feel like we weren't really heavy on the self love, which to me makes sense because, like you said at the outset, I feel like most of us sort of gear yourself towards self care and maybe equate that with self love, so we're not really connected to what it truly means to love ourselves. You know, which we now know is to to know ourselves deeply, to know are the expansiveness of ourselves, to be connected and rooted into that, totally accepting of ourselves fully, and then energized through being, you know, embodying all the truth that we discover about ourselves, essentially and primarily the truth that we are loved, and to really be rooted into that and then to enjoy the amazing energy. I can't even describe the energy that just comes with that alone. But you know, one might be thinking now well, you know, if all I have to do is know myself and to love myself, like, why would I then go and pursue all these different things in life? You know, because up until now I felt like I need to like succeed and accomplish in order to like get okay with myself, and so what I would say to that is, you know, the sort of beautiful thing about focusing on the self connection first is that what you find is to really love yourself means to then want to go out and create the most amazing life for yourself possible, because you love yourself so much, you know. So that is really the driving force that then, kind of, you know, initiates a deeper why for setting your goals and for pursuing your dreams and for going out there. And you now can also do it with a measure of courage and boldness that you didn't even know was possible for yourself. So why are you going out now? Because I want to see what's possible for myself. You know, I want to go out there and have fun and have an exciting life. And now I'm free because, regardless of the outcomes, I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm going to feel okay on the inside, and it's a whole nother experience. And so what does that self care start to look like then?
Speaker 2:Well, the self care is also something that shifts a little bit, you know, when you're, when you're focusing on setting the foundation of self love first, the self care goes way beyond, you know, some of these more superficial things that we've talked about, even though they're part of it and they're absolutely valid all the time. I love my bubble baths, I love my massages, I love taking myself to the beach, you know, and other vacations. But also in my process of self discovery, I discovered that I've got some wounds to heal, that I've got, you know, some some energy blockages, that I've got some things going on that need my love, attention and healing, and so part of self care becomes doing the work to heal and it also becomes setting up my future self for success, right, not just thinking about, hey, you know how can I live and love now, but you know how can I think about myself 10 years, 20 years, 30 years from now? It's really a level of responsibility for thinking of myself now and in the future and making good decisions financial decisions, relationship decisions. I promise you, when you deepen your relationship with yourself, you're going to tolerate a lot less in your relationships. You're going to be way more willing to say no to stuff and to people and to things that just aren't in alignment. It just frees you in all these different ways. Yeah, and in my article on my blog, you know, I go into a little bit more depth about all the different aspects of self care and all the ways that you know that looks when you're really coming from a self loving place.
Speaker 2:The other two things. With self love or self care rather than, I think we neglect a lot, which to me leaves the sort of full spectrum of what self-care can look like. Lacking is that we neglect to realize that loving other people is also a form of self-care, that when we show up and give, that we nurture our own souls and that we make ourselves happy. I think that it's important to realize that when we're filling ourselves up and we're feeling abundant and we're giving from that place of abundance, giving feels good, loving feels good. It's when we're not taking care of ourselves, when we're not filling ourselves up and then we're feeling like we have to give, that it's not okay to say no, that loving of others doesn't always feel so good, but when we're doing it in a way where we're considering ourselves, our own boundaries or our own limits, it's also a form of self-care.
Speaker 2:Then the third piece I think is the hardest for us as women, which is allowing other people to love us and allowing ourselves to receive their support, their love.
Speaker 2:What I want for everyone is to love yourself so deeply and to be so connected to yourself that when someone says I have something for you, you're like bring it over here, yeah. That's when you know it's working out for you, because you're like, yes, I am worthy If somebody wants to give to you. And when you really understand how that cycle of self-care works, you can also, now that you need this to recognize. But the truth is that by allowing other people to give to you, to take care of you, to support you, to nurture you, you're blessing them as well. They are caring for themselves as they love and give to you. It's a beautiful arrangement, actually that we are blessed by giving the others. We bless others by allowing them to give to us. That sort of trifecta of taking care of ourselves, meeting our own needs, taking care of other people and then letting other people and being open to that, letting them take care of us. I think that's sort of the complete picture for me of what self-care is really all about.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I was like so many nuggets, I didn't want to pull up a note but I had to type. But there's a couple things I wanted to just reiterate that, I think, really hit me through all of that. For one, you don't even stop to think about how, by letting other I had never thought about this by letting other people love you I mean because they are, if that's something that's really important to them is taking care of other people and we don't let them do that. How often do we not think about that? How that affects someone else is like not letting them love us in the way that they want to Because, like we've talked about, it could come from this place where I think I need to do things on my own, because I think I need to prove myself, and again it just all comes back to that mindset and the way that we think about it.
Speaker 1:And it's like when we come from that place of like I already know that I'm enough and so, like you said, I can allow you to love me and help me and support me. It's like you really are that relationship. I can't even imagine the difference that that would make Absolutely An intimate relationship or a friend relationship. I don't think we really think about that, which is huge. And the other thing that you mentioned which I think is so important to know is when you talked about and I should have written this down so that I could more clearly communicate but when you talked about, like when you go out into the world to be successful as a business owner and kind of the difference between like doing it because you feel like you need to find success and doing it because you love yourself enough to do it, it's so funny because as an outsider, someone looking into that, wouldn't know the difference.
Speaker 1:You just see someone going for their goals, doing really big things, pushing past their fears, and on the outside it looks the same as when they're doing it from that internal place of like. I don't need that validation, I don't need any of that. So I think that's important for us to remember is that you know, as an outsider looking on to anybody's journey, it's like we don't know the place that they're coming from. And it's just as doable for us to come from that place if we just give ourselves the space to just love ourselves enough to take that chance. Absolutely Beautifully said.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I didn't say it was going to be you, that was my little quick recap, but, like you said it, amazingly, yeah, so I'm just so glad that I was understood, yeah. That's exactly it. You've got a girl.
Speaker 1:So, so good. Well, I want to, before we wrap up, I mean, we just I feel like that was so many nuggets that we can walk away with today to just like be able to start implementing and just shifting that mindset of like you know, the way that we think about ourselves. Is there any little last nugget? If you could share one thing you know for someone to walk away with, you know what, what would that be?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think it was before we started recording that I said to you, you know what.
Speaker 2:I really want everyone to do is, you know, to make this commitment into their relationship with themselves, because I want them to sparkle from the inside. You know, and that's what I want for everyone. So, you know the the. I would just ask you to start at the very beginning, and even just right now, as you listen to this, as our energies are all connecting, you know, make the decision, make the decision to deepen, wherever you are in your relationship with yourself right now. And I also just want to point out, it's not like you love yourself or you don't. You know there are layers to this. So, wherever you are in that relationship which is the most relation, the most important relationship you can ever have is that relationship with yourself is just to consciously choose to take it even deeper, and so that that's the only thing I would really pose as an invitation right now is to make that choice, to get really, you know, committed to that and to start being really, really curious about what else there is to discover about yourself. Perfect.
Speaker 1:Well, and so let everyone know. I want everyone to know where they can find you, and you did mention the blog post. You have a blog post on self love versus self care, so I will link that in the show notes. So for anyone who's interested in kind of diving deeper into that, that will be linked. But let us know where we can find you. You know how and if we can work with you and like all of that information.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely so. My main hub and my sort of online home is just my website, mudcoachingcom. You can also go to DaraPosnercom, which will take you to my personal blog, which had just started this year, and the post that's currently on there, which is one which is going to explain why that you won't find me anywhere else, which is why I made a decision to get off of social media completely. You might still find my profiles. I haven't taken them down and I do check the messages every couple of weeks because I have written other articles online that people do tend to message me through social media and I don't want to miss opportunities to connect with those people, but I don't log in and scroll and hang out or post anymore. So my website, mudcoachingcom, daraposnercom, or you can just email me. I like to hear from people at Daraofmudcoachingcom.
Speaker 1:Perfect, and I'll link all of that to you so everyone can check out your website and your new blog. How exciting, awesome, oh my gosh. Thank you so much. This, I mean, I'm probably going to go back and re-listen this conversation over and over again because I just feel like there was so much value packed into it. So just, thank you so so much. I appreciate it and I just, I love, I love everything about you, your energies are so fun.
Speaker 2:Likewise, I adore and appreciate you, Krista. Thank you for letting me be here today and I hope we can do it again sometime in the future. Absolutely.
Speaker 1:One last thing before you go. I'd absolutely love it if you left a review on Apple Podcasts, or if you've already left a review, I'd love for you to share this episode with your business bestie. I love getting to shout out my listeners on the show, and the more listeners that we have, the more that I can help others create a thriving and sustainable business too. Thank you so much again for being a part of this community, and I can't wait to hear your takeaways from today's episode.