Your Marriage Plan Not Working? 3 Reasons Gods Plan is Perfect - 211

In the last episode we talked about the Law of Pursuit. We must work at our marriages to keep them strong and vibrant but at the same time we must work at them in accordance with God’s design. God designed marriage with respective roles for husbands and wives. In this week’s episode we are going to study that out using Ephesians 5.

In the Bible, we can thank Paul for giving us the most revelatory and descriptive text in marriage and how it is to operate. Nowhere do we find a more graphic and supernaturally inspired explanation of the perfect plan for marriage than in this chapter.

Having said all of that, there is a problem with this text. It’s actually a very big problem! Most Christians don’t like it! Probably the only other scripture that is disliked more than this one is the one in Malachi about tithing! Christian marriage counselors will tell you that almost every time they read these scriptures to their clients in counseling sessions, they never get much of a positive response.

Join us this week as we dissect the objections husbands and wives have with these scriptures when it comes to the roles they both are to keep in a Biblical marriage.

Visit our website at www.connectingthegap.net for everything about our ministry. Please subscribe so you never miss an episode!

Chapters

• 0:25 God's Perfect Plan for Marriage
• 12:14 Mutual Submission in Marriage
• 18:11 Equal Partnership in Christian Marriage
• 30:50 The True Treasure in Marriage
• 36:13 Marriage and Inner Beauty
• 39:39 Marriage Roles and Responsibilities
• 47:32 Restoring Harmony in Christian Marriage
• 58:24 Connecting the Gap Podcast

Transcript

Michelle Moore: 0:25

When did it become wifely duties? See, I think this is where the generation thing comes back from Tradition, yeah.

Michelle Moore: 0:35

You look at the generations back then, the wives stayed home, they cooked, they cleaned, while the men went out to do their farming. And then, as time progressed, you know women didn't work, you know they didn't work. Well, even when my mom went to work, she still cooked, she still cleaned. She did all that. And you know it hasn't been. It's not like, hey, you stay home now and you don't work. You know you don't work, but you're going to do all this. And then there are some concepts of men who do work and the women stay home, raise the children. And you know they do cook, they do clean and sometimes the men still come home.

Daniel Moore: 1:21

Did you know that God has a perfect plan for marriage? He does, and he talks about it in Ephesians. This week, on Connecting the Gap, we're going to talk about that and we're going to be back with that right after this. Welcome to Connecting the Gap. I'm Daniel Moore, your host. Thank you guys for being with us again this week as we're going to roll out another episode in our series on the four laws of love. We hope you guys have gotten something from that so far as this week we are moving on into, I think, part 11, I believe, of this series. We are moving on into, I think, part 11, I believe, of this series. It's a very extended series. We're digging deep into what the Bible says about biblical marriage. My name is Daniel Warren, the host for this podcast. I have my wife, michelle, here with me today once again and she's going to be helping me get through this episode as we discuss what we're going to talk about, and I just want to thank you guys for joining us. If you're not familiar with our show, you can check us out on our website at wwwconnectingthegapnet and there all of our platforms are there. Our YouTube and Rumble links are also in the Christian Podcasting app, edify, and on your smart devices. You can also visit us on social, at facebookcom, forward slash, ctgaponline, and if you are a fan of our show, please subscribe and feel free to leave a comment on our platforms. We have a lot of listeners that are not subscribed, so please do that, and that helps those algorithms, helps our show to grow, especially when you share it. It gets it out there to people that may not have heard of us before. And please give us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. We'd be grateful to you for doing that, and we thank you once again for coming back each week to listen to the episodes here on Connecting the Gap. Well, this week we're going to be continuing the law of pursuit. We started that last week talking about how you have to work at your marriage. It's not just something you stand by and just let it happen, because it's not going to happen. If you do that, you have to work at it, and sometimes it takes a lot of work. But we're going to be continuing that this week. And this week we're going to be talking about God's perfect plan for marriage. We're going to be talking about that here on Connecting the Gap. So in the last episode we talked about the law of pursuit, and when we talk about that, that means that we must work at our marriages to keep them strong and vibrant, but at the same time, it's not just work at them like we want them to work, we need to work at them according to God's design and what he has put forth in His Word. God designed marriage with respective roles for husbands and wives, and in this week's episode we're going to study that out using Ephesians 5.

Daniel Moore: 4:37

In the Bible, we can thank Paul for giving us the most revelatory and descriptive text in marriage and how it is to operate. Nowhere else do we find a more graphic and supernaturally inspired explanation of the perfect plan for marriage than in this chapter. So, having said all of that, there's a little bit of a problem with this text, and for some people it's actually a very big problem. Most Christians don't like it, and probably the only other scripture that's more disliked in the Bible is the one in Malachi about tithing. You can bring tithing up and people will shut down on you in an instant, but Christian marriage counselors will tell you that almost every time they read these scriptures to their clients in counseling sessions, they very rarely get much of a positive response.

Daniel Moore: 5:23

So before we go into much more discussion about this passage, let's go ahead and read it. Within this text of Scripture, god has shared His perfect plan for marriage. Once you understand it and actually apply it in your marriage, you're going to love it. We are starting with an incomplete sentence in reading this Scripture, and we're doing that on purpose, but it's a very important incomplete sentence. So I'm going to go ahead and Michelle's going to read this here from Ephesians, chapter 5.

Michelle Moore: 5:53

Submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of church and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives. Just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, and that he might sanctify and cleanse her with washing of water, by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church not having a spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.

Michelle Moore: 6:46

He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church, For we are members of this body, of his flesh and of his bones, For this is the reason. A man shall leave his father and a mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular, so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Daniel Moore: 7:27

So that was Ephesians 5, and we started there with the last half of verse 21 and read through verse 33. And as you see there in verse 31, he actually repeated Genesis, chapter 2, the scripture that we've been talking about for the core of this whole study so far. He included that in this passage of scripture. And so when counselors read this passage of scripture in counseling sessions, spouses almost always have the same reaction they love what it says about their spouses, but they very much dislike what it says about themselves. They then fear going first to discuss their problems and they use their spouse's behavior to justify not having to obey it. And I know a lot of people that I've came across in my lifetime. I have met people before that they knew the scripture but they really just didn't care for it.

Daniel Moore: 8:23

I think if you read this scripture out of context, this scripture is one of the scriptures in the Bible that's always misinterpreted a lot of times, and you know guys will flippantly use it. If their wife asks them to do something their wife refuses, and even if they're joking or whatever it may be, the husband may flip, may throw it back at them and say well, the Bible says you're supposed to submit to your husband, you're supposed to do everything that he asked for. Wait on him hands and feet and a lot of that might be in joking manner for a lot of people, but I really believe there's probably some people out there that are serious when they do that and of course that puts the wife and the husband on unequal territory. At that point it makes it look like the wife is beneath the husband when that takes place. So in response to this chapter in Ephesians about wives, a lot of women would say well, I would honor my husband like Jesus, but he doesn't even remotely act like Jesus. He acts more like the devil. If I respect him with him acting like that, it will just encourage him to keep acting that way. I'm sorry but I can't do it. I'm on a mission from God to keep my husband humble.

Daniel Moore: 9:35

Well for husbands, their responses are also filled with excuses. If I show that woman any weakness at all, I'll be doing housework all night while she is sipping herbal teas in the bathtub. I've got to stay strong or she will kill me. Even though these responses for both men and women are probably just a little bit exaggerated for humor's sake. These responses truly represent the true spirit of the responses that are quite often given and the tragedy of all of this. They are responding to God's perfect plan for marriage. There is no alternate plan Other than what this plan is. In Ephesians that Michelle just read, there is no plan B. When you throw out Ephesians 5, there are no more blueprints to work from, and even if you know the four laws of love, you can't even fulfill and live by them the way that you should, because there will always be something lacking in your marriage.

Daniel Moore: 10:31

So the first thing here that we're going to do is dissect the objections the wives have with these scriptures when it comes to the role of the husband. So the first problem for women beyond the scriptures to submit is the fact that scripture also says that the husband is to be the head of their wives. The misunderstanding that is connected with this scripture has caused pain and confusion in many women, as well as fueling chauvinistic attitudes towards men. It's for that reason that many women refuse to accept Ephesians 5 as the standard for marital roles and in some ways you probably can't really blame them. Now, michelle and I was talking a little bit here before we started this episode because I was kind of curious. She has, you know, friends that are good Christian friends and you have some that aren't. And we were talking a little bit about this and I was curious if you've ever ran across any of your friends or any females that you know that has a problem with this scripture. But you said that you really probably haven't.

Michelle Moore: 11:36

No, I think part of it is a lot of my friends, you know they're Christians, so we know that, you know, and the ones that aren't, it's never, ever talked about. You know, it's like they either live with their boyfriend, girlfriend, slash, you know, or they just don't talk about it and I don't know that necessarily. I've ever had a conversation with someone you know joking around as a Christian friend. You know I would sit there and joke around like, oh you know, I have to submit to Dan and what he tells me to do. Really it's not like that at all.

Daniel Moore: 12:14

Yeah, and I know that if you get out into like Hollywood or you get out into these other places where probably, especially if the woman has a much better paying job and has a little bit more clout in society than her husband or whatever it may be, you're probably you're going to run into some people that probably have an issue with this, because I think sometimes, even though we may not intend on doing it, sometimes if they're, you know, typically I guess the stereotype is always that the man always makes more than the wife and you know it's like everything's always secondary, it seems like for the wife.

Daniel Moore: 12:52

The way that we grew up, that's kind of in my mind, how I always pictured it and so. But in our situation, you make more money than I do and I know many couples that that's like that than I do, and I know many couples that that's like that. But at the same time, this scripture has nothing to do with saying, well, because Michelle makes more money than me, then that makes her better than me. Or if it was flipped and I made more money than Michelle did, then that doesn't give me the right to push my ways onto you and, you know, force you to be submissive in a bad way.

Michelle Moore: 13:25

Right.

Daniel Moore: 13:25

Because you know submission can be good or bad. You can take that two different directions and obviously here in the Bible God has good intention with being submissive when he says for wives to be submissive.

Michelle Moore: 13:41

And I feel like, too. It also goes on personality. I'm not a very pushy person. I can be if I need to be, but I think some women that have those very strong personalities probably maybe rule the roost a little bit more. Even as a Christian friend, you can see, you know it's like, oh, she wears the pants in the family or you know, and I've been there there's some things that I feel like I've pushed, you know of. I feel like this needs to be or this. You know, back in our earlier days definitely, and not prayed about it, and you know you didn't have much of a stand because I was going to run over you a little bit. A stand because I was going to run over you a little bit, but I mean, I feel like that for the most part, most women generally will fall underneath that.

Daniel Moore: 14:31

Yeah, and it's funny because I was when you started talking. One of the things I thought was how many times have we said well, I wonder who wears the pants in that house? I don't know how many times we've made that comment.

Michelle Moore: 14:43

As Jake, would say, he would say me.

Daniel Moore: 14:46

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 14:47

But it's truly not, it's just you know, sometimes I'll say, hey, dan, will you do this, and he'll do it, and I don't know that he believes that a man should do everything for his wife.

Daniel Moore: 14:57

No, everything has its limits and obviously it's both ways.

Michelle Moore: 15:03

It's not just one direction there. He likes to give me a hard time about it.

Daniel Moore: 15:06

Yeah, and of course he's not married yet either. So, enough said, once he gets married he'll figure all that out. But if you remember, we started with the passage in Ephesians 5 with a very important incomplete sentence and I made a point to say that before Michelle started reading that that sentence states submitting to one another in the fear of God. That was Ephesians 5, in the last half of verse 21. There, the remainder of the text we then read is connected to that statement. After stating that we need to submit to one another, paul then tells wives how to do it in verses 21 to 24, and then he tells the husbands how to do it in verses 25 to 29.

Daniel Moore: 15:49

God's design for marriage does not really involve a submissive woman under the authority of a controlling man. Rather, it entails two individuals with humble and servant-like hearts who submit to God and one another, loving each other as equals. Regarding the husband's role as the head of the household, it is essential to recognize that women desire leadership, but they don't like to be belittled or dominated, and this is why the Apostle Paul instructs husbands to demonstrate Christ-like love and care towards their wives. Well, in Ephesians, chapter 5, later on, men are instructed to serve their wives sacrificially, following the example of Jesus.

Daniel Moore: 16:28

Many people worldwide, you know, they choose to follow Jesus Christ as their Lord because they trust His unmatched character, which His character is not domineering, but Christ's character is humble and serving much like a foot washer. A Christian husband who follows Jesus' example should possess the same spirit. It's rare to find a woman who does not really fully embrace this idea. The husband should submit to God and his wife by loving and caring for her sacrificially as equals. The wife should submit to God and her husband by honoring him as she would the Lord and serving him accordingly. A Christian marriage based on these principles benefit both spouses, honoring their needs and nature.

Michelle Moore: 17:09

So good.

Daniel Moore: 17:11

So in Michelle and I's relationship and I'm going to throw this back to you for a second, when you look back at our relationship are there places in our relationship where you feel like that we have dominated each other Absolutely and when that was going on, were those good times in our relationship where you feel like that we have domineered each other or dominated?

Michelle Moore: 17:25

each other Absolutely.

Daniel Moore: 17:26

And when that was going on, were those good times in our marriage in your opinion?

Michelle Moore: 17:32

Well, let's see, in my opinion, back then I would have been yeah, of course, because I would have been domineering, and it just didn't work out so well.

Daniel Moore: 17:48

Well, I think we've been more domineering during the times that we've been at each other's throat. Well, yeah, I think that's probably one of the best ways to answer that, because I think that as we've put Christ in our marriage, we have allowed the humbleness and the servitude to come in, and it's actually changed both of us.

Michelle Moore: 18:07

Yeah, because I feel like you know when you're talking about that. I actually was highlighting this and it says you know when you're talking about it entails two individuals with humble and servant-like hearts who submit to God and one another loving each other as equals. This is why Apostle Paul instructs husbands to demonstrate Christlike love and care towards their wives. It just hit me, like you know, we're supposed to submit our hearts and submit to God and to treat each other, loving each other as equals, and it's taken me. I mean I can definitely tell you that was not a part of the first part of our marriage at all.

Daniel Moore: 18:50

And how many marriages do you know of today that when you look into it from the outside, we see a lopsided relationship going on?

Michelle Moore: 18:59

Yeah, absolutely, and even in.

Daniel Moore: 19:01

Christian circles? Yeah, absolutely. I know people that I can think of off the top of my head right now, where the guys tell their wives what to do constantly and they expect them to do it at the snap of their finger. It's almost like the wife is the servant and they get, you know, upset and frustrated. And the wife, you know, a lot of times in Christian circles the wives will just accept that and move on. They just go ahead and submit to it and don't really say anything. But you know from your perspective of it, you know being a female, if a guy is going to be dominating like that where just snap of the finger, he's just constantly telling you what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and he expects you to jump at his beckoning call, is that really a Christlike relationship?

Michelle Moore: 19:46

No, I've actually been through that and it is not Christlike if you don't have the love. I feel like if you're going to love God as yourself and you treat someone else like that, it definitely does not show, Because you are not doing anything in the relationship and that one person is doing everything.

Daniel Moore: 20:08

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 20:09

It's kind of demeaning too. Yeah, you know, and I know that's not how God would treat us.

Daniel Moore: 20:14

Well, you know, guys, a lot of times and I'll just say this from what I've seen a lot of times guys feel like, well, dishes aren't my job, doing the laundry is not my job. I mean they they feel like they've got this list of things, that's their job. The wife is supposed to be doing everything else. But when I look at that I think, well, that's not really two people working together very well. I mean, I feel like I should be willing to do any of those what you would consider to be wifely duties in the house, as much as you should be able to want to help me mow the yard or wash the truck or clean the garage floor out.

Michelle Moore: 20:56

When did it become wifely duties? See I think this is where the generation thing comes back from. You look at the generations back then, the wives stayed home, they cooked, they cleaned, while the men went out to do their farming. And then, as time progressed, you know women didn't work you know they didn't work.

Michelle Moore: 21:22

Well, even when my mom went to work, she still cooked, she still cleaned, she did all that and you know it hasn't been. It's not like, hey, you stay home now and you don't work. You know you stay home now and you don't work. You know you don't work, but you're going to do all this. And then there are some concepts of men who do work and the women stay home, raise the children. And you know they do cook, they do clean and sometimes the men still come home. But I think the equality how do I want to say this?

Daniel Moore: 21:56

The equality.

Michelle Moore: 21:57

Yeah, thank you. Sometimes I have problems saying words. He's laughing because he knows it's true. I think because of that, the shift has changed. From that of the women, you know, staying home, taking care of things, it is now a women go off to work, they work long hours, the men work long hours, and then you have the children, and so when you come home, it takes everything for everybody to pitch in.

Daniel Moore: 22:26

Well, let's talk about a non-working spouse for a second, because actually what you were just talking about made me think of this. There is a place where, if the wife doesn't work outside the home, or if the husband doesn't work outside the home, I think that that probably is the fair time. I guess you could say that that spouse would probably do the home duties working outside the home. Then he's making the money and bringing it in or whatever. Then he would come home in the evening. Then that spouse that stays at home, whether if it's the guy or the woman- because we do have a lot of stay-at-home dads these days.

Daniel Moore: 23:09

I think that it's fair to say that maybe at that point that's probably when they would probably take care of the home more than the working spouse. Probably when they would probably take care of the home more than the working spouse. But at the same time I know it's busy at home, so it shouldn't be above any guy or woman to come home from work and even help.

Michelle Moore: 23:26

That's correct because I think, as some men will look at it this way, or women, whatever you want you know you get to stay home with the children. What do you do all day? But what people don't realize is tiring to stay at home when you have a bunch of little ones and you're trying to take care of them, trying to homeschool them. It's a lot and then you want a break but you can't get a break. It's a full-time job to me and because I've never experienced that. But I see women and it can wear them out and if the husband comes home and doesn't want to help, it gets overwhelming sometimes for those women. So I do think what you just said is they do need to help a little bit. I realize they work full-time, but it's 100% on both sides.

Daniel Moore: 24:21

Yeah, that's where you have to be humble.

Michelle Moore: 24:22

Yes.

Daniel Moore: 24:23

And you have to take each other into the equation when all this kind of thing's going on. And I think in any relationship, if it's truly based on the foundation of God and the servitude that God expects us to have as Christians, I think both of us should be looking for any time and moment that we have the opportunity to help each other, that we should be, ready to do that.

Michelle Moore: 24:45

I think any marriage, yes, I would agree with that 100%.

Daniel Moore: 24:48

Yeah. So in our relationship, you know where it's at at this point, because both of us have committed to following Jesus and each other, as outlined in Ephesians, chapter 5. You know, I myself I receive the honor that I require, while you receive the sacrificial care and leadership that you need. And if you are hesitant or resistant about the teachings in Ephesians those of you that's listening out there today I hope that this insight will help you be more open and accepted as God's word and plan for your life, because it is his perfect design for marriage and it can be successful for anybody. This is just. This is the formula that God has put out there. Now you know, caveat even if your spouse is not fulfilling their role by faithfully obeying God and doing your part, your marriage can begin to transform as the Lord uses your faith to perform miracles in your relationship, and I think that any of us can probably vouch that we've seen that happen at least once or twice in our lifetime, because we do know there's a lot of one-sided relationships out there and there's times in marriages where one of the spouses just does not want to do squat. They just want to sit around and be lazy all the time and the other spouse feels like they just get worn out doing everything. But you know, in the eyes of God, if we stay faithful to Him and we still follow these scriptures as they're stated here, and do your role in the way that God wants you to, he will bless you in the long run. And so, as easy as it is to want to get angry and mad and, you know, retaliate back towards that spouse, because you come home from a hard day at work, they've done nothing, and then you feel like you got to do all of the house duties when you get home because they're just sitting around. That's not really the plan God has and that's understandable. But at the same time, there is a way that God wants us to handle all of that. Yeah, and he will bless you for it. So there's three reasons why God's plan for marriage, as shown by Paul in Ephesians 5, is truly perfect. The first one is that God's plan makes us attractive to our spouses. I bet nobody out there ever thought about that, but it's very true.

Daniel Moore: 27:03

In Ephesians 5, husbands are called to be servant leaders for their wives, following Jesus' example of sacrificial love. They are instructed to nourish and cherish their wives with sensitivity as they do their own bodies. Now here's what's interesting, because when I read all of this I was thinking wow, I never even thought about this and this actually sounds kind of weird in a way, but research from the University of Washington indicates that wives find their husbands more attractive when they participate in housework. Additionally, men who share household and child care duties with their wives tend to have a more active sex life compared to those who do not. Studies have also found intriguing effects of male sweat on women. Research from Rockefeller and Duke University shows that male sweat has a positive impact on women, leading to relaxation, improved moods and increased sexual arousal. This phenomenon has been confirmed by the University of Pennsylvania and other academic institutions.

Daniel Moore: 28:08

So to the husbands that are sitting here listening to us today, the takeaway from this research is very simple A clean house might lead to the night of your dreams.

Daniel Moore: 28:18

Just keep that in mind. Engage in some housework and occasionally let your wife catch a whiff of you as you walk by. And many men mistakenly believe that their wives should be aroused by their muscular physique or their masculine presence, but in reality, women are less visually stimulated than men and are more responsive to a man's character and care. This is why the sacrificial and sensitive role outlined in Ephesians 5 holds the key to a woman's heart. God's perfect design for marriage assigns husbands the role that not only makes them more attractive to their wives but also fulfills their deepest marital need for security to their wives, but also fulfills their deepest marital need for security. So all this time that I've been thinking about going to the gym and buffing up so that my wife Michelle here would be more attracted to me, I guess this just kind of gives me a reason not to go to the gym. Right, I can just go run up and down the street and come back home all sweaty and I'm good.

Michelle Moore: 29:16

I'm actually laughing about this actual paragraph.

Daniel Moore: 29:21

But no, that just can't be you. So, from the female side of it, what do you actually think about? If a guy is buff, like if I go get buff and all of that, but I'm not going to do my work around the house, is that going to draw you know, make you more towards me because I'm all buff and all that? Or are you going to appreciate more that I'm willing to jump in and work and get sweaty and then you catch a whiff when I walk by? I like that little paragraph that's pretty cool, I can tell that.

Michelle Moore: 30:04

But no, I think I would definitely appreciate the fact that you pitched in and stuff like that. I mean, I like how they said that they find it attractive and stuff like that, because I feel like if you help, it shows that you genuinely care and and with that genuineness, I feel like it does turn the attraction on yeah, because you're in there doing something to help me yeah, I can understand that.

Daniel Moore: 30:30

Yeah, that's why I don't go to the gym. I think that I you know you cannot see this but.

Michelle Moore: 30:38

I am shaking my head back and forth.

Daniel Moore: 30:41

She knows I don't go to the gym because I'm lazy. That's what it comes down to. Okay, we're going to move on. So wives, on the other hand, they're given a different role by the Apostle Paul. They are instructed to respect their husbands as they would Christ himself hall. They are instructed to respect their husbands as they would Christ himself. Now, while men and women are equal in marriage and life, equality does not equate to sameness. The modern, aggressive, feminist attitude can be off-putting to men, as it can deprive them of their primary emotional need, because men are inherently sensitive in their egos, a trait designed by God, which is unchangeable. Women who are wise understand how to communicate and interact with their husbands in a way that respects their nature, making them more attractive and influential in their eyes, and there's a scripture here that we can consider that Peter wrote, and I'm going to go ahead and read that to us.

Michelle Moore: 31:36

The same goes for you wives. Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance, the styling of your hair, the jewelry that you wear, the cut of your clothes, but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way and were good, loyal wives to their husband.

Daniel Moore: 32:15

Okay, that was 1 Peter 3, verses 1 through 5, and that was the message version. So the main idea of this passage is that men are drawn more to a woman's inner qualities of respect and loyalty than to external beauty, although external beauty is still significant. Respect holds a strong allure for men, often leading them to adjust their behavior in response. So here Peter is assuring women that their inner beauty can be more influential on their husbands than their words. It is intriguing that both men and women are given roles that enhance their attractiveness to each other, and this goes beyond being merely interesting, and, of course, this is because it is all God's perfect plan.

Michelle Moore: 32:56

I do have a question is because it is all God's perfect plan. I do have a question Now. When you were younger, was attractiveness more than the inner qualities of a woman?

Daniel Moore: 33:16

So here's the thing, because, as I was reading this, thinking back, yes, when I'm a teenager, I'm looking for the good looking chick. I mean, that's what I'm after, but I think as we get older and we know that as we get older we're not going to look the same. Right, I mean, as we age, the wrinkles start setting in, we start losing hair. Just all this different stuff starts happening. Well, where'd that beauty go? Right? That beauty has transferred to somewhere else.

Daniel Moore: 33:44

It needs to be inside of you at that point and so I think when it comes to you know that it's out there that guys do like to go towards attractiveness. They do see the outside beauty and that's probably one of the first things that attracts a guy to a woman. But I think a lot of times if you really follow a lot of different people's stories, you will get a fair share of stories from guys that say, yeah, she was beautiful, but we broke up a year later because I couldn't stand her attitude. You know, her true colors finally came out. Luckily, I figured that out before I married her.

Daniel Moore: 34:19

You know, just because she was beautiful on the outside, you know inside she was a terror, and so he didn't want any part of that. Because in the long run, even though we see the outside beauty, us guys we still know that we have to live with this woman the rest of our life, and so if that inner beauty is not there as well, in the way that she handles other people or the way that you think she's going to handle the family later on down the road or take care of the home, to be that spouse next to you through thick and thin, I think a lot of guys are smart enough to get out of that because they know that that's not going to last for a long time. That's not going to last for a long time, and so I think that it's just the way that God's created. It is so awesome Because with guys, I feel like God has given me the opportunity to.

Daniel Moore: 35:10

When I first seen you, I thought you were very beautiful. So we've been together for a long time now and both of us are aging at this point, and if we look at pictures back then they're completely different than what they are now, but where, in your eyes, you might think well, I'm not as beautiful as I used to be, because that's kind of how I feel in some cases myself but in my eyes, I think you're more beautiful than you've ever been, because I already married you from the beginning, because I thought you were beautiful on the outside, but I've also, at this point, seen the beauty on the inside, and I think that's the true measure of marriage and how that should be, and I think that is so important because I know we talk about it all the time.

Michelle Moore: 35:59

I'm more in love with you today than I was a week ago and I think as we grow older, your love changes. It doesn't change, but it changes in a different way. I don't know how to explain it, you start seeing the true treasure in a person. Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 36:14

Yeah, All that stuff changes. We have to understand that life has a cycle and if I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world what would be considered as under the standards of the world, whatever that person would be then technically, if I really followed the world's outlook on that, I would have to get married and remarried constantly, Because nobody stays what the world would think is the most beautiful person in the world their whole life. It just you can. All the plastic surgery in the world's not going to help that. I mean, we all have a day that we were born and we're appointed, a day that we're going to die, and there's that span between then, from the time that we're a toddler till the day that we're lying on our deathbed. If we live a long life till the time that we're older, our outside looks are going to go through huge transformations and that's why you can't just marry somebody just based on their outside looks.

Daniel Moore: 37:16

You need to make sure the heart's there. And there's many, many times and I've even talked to you about this that where I'm kind of more of a hard nose in some situations, I see the softness of your heart and I see where things truly, truly mean something to you. It's not just something you say, but you truly, inside your heart. That stuff means something to you in helping others or, you know, serving Just the servant's attitude and the humbleness that you have. I look at that and I think you know that is a very beautiful attribute to me and I think that offsets my sometimes harder side where I may not be so quick to jump to being as humble or being as much of a servant as you are.

Daniel Moore: 38:02

I think I've transformed over time and changed just because of the way that you are. I've transformed over time and changed just because of the way that you are. And so you know, just talking to young, especially talking to younger ones, if you're listening out there and you're not married yet, this is a good time to bring this up. Don't just go after the looks, because we're all I mean, I was I don't know what 40 pounds lighter than I am now and we got married at something like that, and so we all change, we all go through transformations, and someday you're going to have to. You're going to come to a point someday where you're going to find out that you've got to love the person for who they are inside as much as who they were outside when you very first met them.

Daniel Moore: 38:42

And so I think that you know what we were just talking about, about that internal and that external beauty. There's a lot to be said there for both sides of that, and so God had this plan in place for a reason, and that's how it's supposed to work.

Daniel Moore: 38:59

That's good, I like that reason here that this is, you know, god's plan for how we are to be husbands and wives toward each other, is that God's plan releases the potential in both husbands and wives. You know, in Ephesians 5, 29, husbands are instructed to nourish and cherish their wives in the same way that Christ cares for the church. So these terms here they are related to agriculture, where nourish means to feed towards maturity and cherish means to keep warm Together. They emphasize the husband's role in aiding his wife's growth and protecting her on the journey to fulfill her God-given potential. Now, throughout history, women have faced mistreatment and exploitation by men and we kind of talked about that just a little bit while ago, about tradition, about how women used to be looked at, you know, back in the pioneer days and that kind of thing. You know, contrasting the biblical guidance in Ephesians 5 with traditional societal norms, the way the society used to be, the Bible urges men to serve their wives and assist them in reaching their full potential, rather than objectifying them to just being a sex object.

Daniel Moore: 40:09

And you know, even today, if you look over into, like the Middle Eastern areas, especially Afghanistan and those areas I just read last week where they are wanting, so the Taliban. Since they've taken back over Afghanistan, since we pulled our military out. They are very much into Sharia law and the Muslim Islam faith that are there already. They're wanting them to board the windows up so that guys can't look into the homes and see the women in there working and have a possibility to be tempted. I mean, it's just. It blows my mind how they treat women. I mean it's just like put them in a box, lock them up, throw away the key. I mean what's the difference they have? They can't. They're back to not being able to get an education, they can't drive. They've taken a lot of this stuff away from them since the Taliban's taken back over. And then, of course, you know, here in the United States it's not that bad as far as that stuff goes. But but you still have guys that maybe talk down to their wives all the time and they just use them because they're there for sex or whatever it may be. Sex or whatever it may be. The wife really has no more value in their marriage than just to be a maid and to take care of their sexual needs. That's not why God created the man and the woman. That is not how he ever intended for that to be. Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross to save us from death and hell, elevating us to the highest heavens to reign alongside him eternally. And this is the standard that was set by the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5 for husbands. We're going to be held accountable before Jesus for the most precious gift entrusted to us, and that's our wives.

Daniel Moore: 42:01

Early in our marriage, I failed to recognize Michelle's needs and the unique purpose for which God created her. That made me to neglect my role in assisting her to fulfill it. Now the realization of this. If I would have kept going down that path, this would have left me ashamed before Jesus someday. If I would have died and went on to meet Jesus before I truly, you know, treated you the way that God expected me to treat you, I would have been ashamed before him because he put that in place and I failed. I didn't do that Well. Today, over two decades later, of sacrificially caring for Michelle and supporting her and achieving her life's calling, you know I no longer have that regret. I have assured you of my readiness to make any sacrifices necessary to help you realize God's purpose for you and the sentiments that you embrace, and in this supportive environment you have thrived. You've evolved into the person that God has intended you to be and you continue to even more evolve into that each and every day. And that transformation overall has been beautiful to watch because I've been able to watch you grow in Christ and we've talked about this before how the leadership that I have given here as a godly husband that has helped you in your walk with Christ.

Daniel Moore: 43:22

So women thrive in an environment of security. A caring husband can be likened to a nurturing greenhouse, providing his wife with love, protection and sacrificial care so she can blossom into her true self as intended by God. Ephesians chapter 5 guides men on the specific behaviors that can help their wives reach their full potential, making it a perfect plan. So men are driven by the desire for respect and they're willing to go to great lengths to earn it. It's often joked in a marriage conference that a man will slide down a mountain of razor blades to land in a lake of lemon juice to hear one idiot say you're the man. And then he goes and does it again. And as I think about that, there's a lot of truth to that. Guys just love to try to one-up each other in everything that they do, but men thrive in an environment of praise and respect, while they hate disrespect. We've talked about this a few times here in the podcast and there's an illustration to this. Let's consider the analogy of a good wife as a cheerleader.

Daniel Moore: 44:24

Cheerleaders exemplify two key qualities positivity and tactful communication. They're always that girl in school that you hated, because every time something happened they were just all positive and jumping and hooping and hollering about it. But they always bring a positive attitude to celebrate and foster a culture of praise. Additionally, they know how to deliver criticism in a constructive manner. For instance, during a football game, when a team is struggling, cheerleaders they'll get up there and they'll chant encouraging phrases like defense, defense, defense, hold that line, hold that line, hold that line. You'll never hear cheerleaders say hey, sissies, would you please tackle someone? My grandma could have caught that guy in her walker. Unless maybe you're a Cowboys fan, then you might hear them say that I got a lot of friends that are Cowboys fans. I had to throw that in there. But when it comes down to, wives are equal partners with their husbands in every aspect and you know, husbands should grant them an equal voice. The wife should have an equal voice. The wife should have an equal voice. The husbands have an equal voice and the freedom to express themselves openly and honestly. However, the manner in which a wife communicates with her husband will determine her ability to influence him and encourage positive behavior.

Daniel Moore: 45:42

I don't know how many of you guys have read Proverbs, chapter 31, but that paints a portrait of the exceptional wife highlighting, in verse 23, that her husband holds a position of honor in the city gates with the credit attributed to her. This suggests that she played a pivotal role in his success. Now, how did she achieve this? How did she achieve this? Well, it's our belief that she treated him with the respect befitting of an elder, even before he held the title, and in response to her admiration, he elevated himself to meet her expectations. So that's a good picture there of the husband doing his role. That causes the wife to react. To come back to the husband for her role, yeah, and then, with both of those being, on the positive aspect of things, working together in an equally plateaued manner, then things get done.

Michelle Moore: 46:36

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 46:36

You have a good marriage, you have a good relationship between each other, you're able to communicate, and so therefore, that just helps. You have a better relationship all the way around.

Aria: 46:46

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 46:46

And that's just exactly how God created it that releases that potential in both spouses. The last one here we're going to discuss here real quick is God's plan neutralizes our sin natures and keeps them from damaging our marriages. And you know we mentioned earlier in this episode that Christians often struggle with the content of Ephesians 5 regarding marriage. However, it is not the guidance provided for our spouses that we take issue with. We just don't like what it says about us individually, and the reason for that our sin natures don't like it. That's what rises up inside of us when we are told to behave in a godly, selfless manner rather than acting selfishly, which naturally comes to all of us. Anytime. We're told by Scripture that we should be submissive, we should be humble, we should be equals, you know, with our spouses, the first thing that comes up is Satan wants us to. He wants to contradict that. He wants that sinful nature to rise up and say I'm not going to be equal with my wife. You know she's going to do what I tell her to do. You know that's why we got married. I need somebody to do all of my chores and stuff. That's Satan rising up inside of us and that's one reason we don't like that set of scriptures, but in the Garden of Eden, prior to Adam and Eve's transgression of consuming the forbidden fruit, they experienced a flawless connection and a unity of their souls. This was the original blueprint for marriage as established by God. However, the introduction of sin marred that harmony.

Daniel Moore: 48:21

Soon after partaking in the fruit, adam and Eve found themselves concealing from both God and each other behind fig leaves. In addition, adam shifted blame onto Eve and held her accountable for their mistake. Furthermore, god forewarned Eve that there would be a struggle for dominance between her and Adam. She would try to control him, but he would control her. I mean, looking at that in a worldly manner, I mean what a mess. I mean, that's just not the way that you know, that's not something you want to see in a relationship, having that constant fight back and forth like that. But the significance of this is that we have inherited those sinful tendencies of Adam and Eve and that impacts our interactions within marriage. So how can we break free from the consequences of their actions and the flawed nature that we now possess? Well, we do that by obeying the roles outlined in Ephesians, chapter 5. We can effectively neutralize our sinful inclinations and restore the cherished unity and intimacy that God intended for our marriage. In Genesis, chapter 1, god tasked Adam with ruling over the earth and exercising dominion over all creatures, including serpents. When the devil, disguised as a serpent, entered the garden, adam was responsible to act in obedience to God and protect his wife, but Adam failed to do that.

Daniel Moore: 49:43

Pestitivity is the sin nature of men within marriage. The majority of marriage counseling sessions are instigated by women, as men often overlook issues and adopt a passive stance towards their wives and relationship challenges. This lack of action exacerbates problems, leaving wives feeling insecure and unloved. Well, in Ephesians, chapter 5, the Apostle Paul dedicates more instruction to husbands than to wives, urging them to actively love their wives with sacrificial and servant-hearted care, mirroring Christ's devotion to His bride. By following this directive, husbands can overcome their passive tendencies and prevent their marriages from being destroyed.

Daniel Moore: 50:25

Disregarding the guidance in Ephesians 5 indicates that one's sinful nature is in control, therefore jeopardizing the relationship. It is essential for husbands to rise above their inherent flaws and fulfill their God-given role in marriage. We need to become the husband that God has called us to be. This commitment is vital for success in marriage as it applies to everyone without exception, and I think Michelle and I I know for myself I've talked to several people before that's had marital issues that needed to go to counseling, and usually it is the wives have the tendency to probably want to do the counseling first because the guys have this macho, tough guy thing and we can work through our problem.

Daniel Moore: 51:07

They don't need no counselor telling me what to do the counseling first, because the guys have this macho, tough guy thing and all we can work through our problem. You know, they don't need no counselor telling me what to do. And. But I think on the flip side of that, when the wife is willing to go do that, I think that that makes probably makes the wife feel that she's not important or not, you know, loved in that relationship because her husband could care less about even going to counseling to try to fix it. Um, I mean, would that be how you would probably think that women would take that?

Michelle Moore: 51:32

Yeah, and I think a lot of times men have so much pride that they're not going to go. But I think the women, I think they have more of the softer hearts and they want to fix everything.

Daniel Moore: 51:43

Yeah, and so that's something to keep in mind. You know, if you guys are having marital issues and struggling, if one of the spouses pops up and says, hey, we probably need to get some counseling somewhere, are you willing to do that? I think that should be a red flag instantly that there's probably a serious problem in the marriage. If one of you thinks that there should be some counseling, and so I think you know the other spouse at that point, especially if it is going this direction, where the woman's the one that's brought it up, and you know you're the guy standing there listening to this. You've got to give up that macho man thing and you've got to understand that the wife obviously feels like there's an issue and that issue needs taken care of. And so you know men need to stand up and do their part in trying to fix that marriage. If it means anything to them, they definitely need to do that. So while men may struggle with passivity in marriage, women face their own challenge, and that's relational independence.

Daniel Moore: 52:45

When the serpent tempted Eve with accusations against God and deceit regarding the consequences of sin, she acted independently, without consulting Adam, despite his presence beside her. This is evident as she offered him the forbidden fruit and he also ate of it. Another error on Eve's part was failing to seek guidance from God before believing the serpent's words. In the Garden of Eden, god interacted directly with Adam and Eve, yet shortly after they sinned, god approached Adam. If Eve had waited and sought God's counsel, she could have verified the truthfulness of the serpent's claims. However, she did not. Proceeding without involving Adam or seeking guidance from God, eve acted independently. This reflects the sinful nature of women in marriage, as they may exhibit stubborn defiance and resist receiving advice from God or their spouses regarding their lives and relationships.

Daniel Moore: 53:44

Now Jimmy Evans he talks about. In his years of counseling, numerous women had sought his assistance in their marriages. However, in many instances, their primary aim was not to seek help for themselves, but to seek assistance on behalf of their husbands. They came in thinking, well, I don't have the problem, I need you to fix my husband, he's the issue. And so often they would enter counseling with preconceived notions and a sense of having figured everything out. When Jimmy's perspective differed from their beliefs about their spouses, particularly when he would challenge their behavior within the marriage you know some of them, women they would get upset.

Daniel Moore: 54:22

Well, ephesians 5 instructs wives to submit to their husbands as they would to Christ, emphasizing the importance of not acting without their approval. This directive aims to address and mitigate the impact of women's sin nature, of relational independence, on marriage, rather than demote their status in the relationship. So the thing here to keep in mind as we close up this week's episode in Ephesians 5, god lays out a specific roadmap of how marriage should be between a husband and a wife and, as we've also stated here in this episode, if you take that Ephesians 5 and throw it in the trash can, then it's a free-for-all at that point. Then it's a free-for-all at that point Because really, you know, being married isn't just whatever our opinion is, and being married isn't just taking the path that whatever we feel in the mood for that day and whatever we think is best for us and not what's good for you and vice versa.

Daniel Moore: 55:23

When you start doing that, there's no cohesiveness at that point, there's no direction. There's no direction, there's no goals. Really, you're just two people, you know, living together, existing together, and you're going to constantly clash in everything that you do. And I think that if we follow this plan that God has put there in Ephesians 5, you can't fail. I mean, the wife knows her role. You know, michelle, you read it, you know what your role is. I've read it, I know what my role is and we know that both of those have to come together through humility and understanding that we're both equals in this relationship and we work together.

Michelle Moore: 56:02

That's right.

Daniel Moore: 56:02

There's strength in numbers, that's right.

Daniel Moore: 56:04

So is there anything else that you wanted to add this week as we close up this episode? So just remember that God has a flawless blueprint for marriage and there is no alternative course of action. We said it earlier there's no plan B, it's plan A period. There's no alternate option there for how you should be married and make all of that happen. Every marriage has the potential to flourish and maintain intimacy and passion through your whole lifetime. However, to achieve this, we must adhere to and comprehend the second law of love that we've been talking about this week, the law of pursuit. It is imperative that we actively pursue one another in accordance with the roles designated, as we studied today in Ephesians 5. These roles are not only exquisite and vital, but they are also flawless in their design, because God did it, he put them together, he is our creator. Because of that, they are beautiful, they are essential and, of course, they're perfect. You cannot fail if you use this as a roadmap, so we're going to leave you with that for today as we wrap up this episode of Connecting the Gap. Next week, we're going to be going on into the law of pursuit and we're going to be talking about being a servant in marriage. So servant there's an acronym for that. So each letter in the word servant has a meaning and I'm excited to get into that one because, as we've discussed today, my wife has Michelle has a servant's heart and she always has, and so I'm kind of excited to get into that episode and see what that all has to say and compare to what she does in our marriage and in her life as being a servant to Christ. So we're going to be talking about that next week here as we continue with the four laws of love here on Connecting the Gap. Well, that's going to end this week's episode.

Daniel Moore: 58:01

Thank you guys for listening. I'm Daniel Moore and my wife Michelle's been sitting here with me this week as we've been going through this episode. Thank you guys for listening. I'm Daniel Moore and my wife Michelle has been sitting here with me this week as we've been going through this episode. Thank you guys for listening. The show Reload would be possible without you. If you're a fan of the show, leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Please subscribe to us on your favorite platform and the links for most of those platforms are in most of our show notes on the different platforms that you may listen to. Well, that's all for this week, and we believe that God's word never fails us. God's word has stood the test of time and through Jesus' death on the cross, he has connected the gap.

Aria: 58:34

You've been listening to Connecting the Gap podcast. In this world, there are many disconnects that cause chaos in our lives. This podcast is birthed from the desire to share hope and restoration of the power of the gospel by being transparent and open in our biblical walk with God. Each week, we take a few moments as we navigate God's Word and peer into other people's testimonies and encourage each other to connect the gap. We upload a new audio podcast every Thursday and a video version of it on YouTube and Rumble. We are also on the Christian podcasting app Edify. You can subscribe to our podcast on many of the available podcasting platforms, including Apple Podcast, spotify, amazon Music, iheart Radio, tunein Radio and more. We are also available on your Alexa-enabled devices. If you would like to contact our ministry for any reason, visit our contact page and send us a message. We hope you are blessed by this ministry. This is a production of Connecting the Gap Ministries.