3 Steps to Keep Couples from Growing Apart - 218

As marriage counselors counsel as many couples as they have, they get used to hearing certain phrases a lot. One of the phrases they hear the most from distressed spouses in failing marriages is: “We’ve grown apart.” What began as a deeply romantic and satisfying relationship is now the opposite. The result is increasing emotional distance that is commonly described as “growing apart.”

In each instance of this dynamic, the essence of partnership is being disregarded. The unity that was once present has now dissipated, leaving the individuals feeling like two separate beings. Even without a deep understanding of love's principles, couples can sense that something is amiss in their relationship. And indeed, it is. Marriage is meant to be a close bond where two lives are shared in harmony. To achieve this, we must not allow emotional distance to creep in; instead, we must actively grow together and remain united as one.

If you can identify with the feeling that you’ve grown apart in your marriage, this episode will give some direction in how you can reverse that process. If you haven’t grown apart, this episode will help you understand how you can prevent it from occurring as you learn important keys to help you grow together for a lifetime. Throughout this episode we will share with you three important steps in growing together with your spouse.

Chapters

• 0:08 Growing Together in Marriage
• 12:38 Overcoming Emotional Reactivity in Marriage
• 21:43 Building a Unified Marriage Vision
• 35:37 Strengthening Marriage Through Faith Community
• 39:22 Bridging Spiritual Gaps Podcast

Transcript

Daniel Moore: 0:08

So this should be a positive thing for anybody out there right now that's probably in that spot of considering separating and divorce. The statistics are actually not on your side. If you decide to end it, the good statistics are with those that actually stick around, and that's probably a blessing from God.

Michelle Moore: 0:28

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 0:29

I mean I would have to say that God's probably God's obviously the reason for that. Yeah, especially if they've allowed God to be a part of it. But I would have to think that even if the couple wasn't really believers but yet they chose to stay together, you know they're still doing what God has ordained marriage to be. So I think God still probably is blessing their marriage with a happiness that they've never known. I would agree with that. They may just not realize it.

Daniel Moore: 0:58

This week, on Connecting the Gap, we continue our study on the four laws of love. We're going to be talking about growing together. We'll be back with that right after this. Welcome back to Connecting the Gap podcast. I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and once again I have my beautiful wife here sitting with me this week as we're going to go through another episode here in our series on the four laws of love, and this is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies. We interview people that have a story and we thank you guys for joining us this week.

Daniel Moore: 2:02

If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website, wwwconnectingthegapnet, for our platforms, our YouTube and Rumble links. We're also on the Christian podcasting app, Edify, and you can also visit us on social, at facebookcom, forward slash, ctgaponline, and we're also on Instagram at this point at ctgaponline as well. I forgot to mention that last week. If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe. Feel free to leave a comment on our platforms, give us a thumbs up or five-star review on Apple Podcast, and we thank you for doing that. Hope you all had a great Valentine's Day last week, as we've passed another one. Hard to believe that we're already towards the end of February at this point, but here we are, the year's flying right on by, just as normal. But as my wife was talking about, we was trying to figure the date out here before this started, and so, as she said, we hope that y'all you know took your spouse out for a nice steak dinner or something.

Michelle Moore: 2:58

I said that or a trip, or a trip yeah, a small getaway A small getaway or a big getaway.

Daniel Moore: 3:06

Either one. Well, we hope you all did have a good, happy Valentine's Day, and if you've been following our whole series by now and actually putting it into play in your life, you should have had a fantastic Valentine's Day. But this week we do have another new episode coming your way and we're going to be talking about growing together, and we'll be talking about this week here on Connecting the Gap.

Michelle Moore: 3:41

As marriage counselors counsel as many couples as they have, they get used to hearing certain phrases a lot. One of the phrases they hear the most from distressed spouses in failing marriages is we've grown apart. What began as a deeply romantic and satisfying relationship is now the opposite. The result is increasing emotional distance that is commonly described as growing apart. In each instance of this dynamic, the essence of partnership is being disregarded. The unity that was once present has now dissipated, leaving the individuals feeling like two separate entities. Even without a deep understanding of love's principles, couples can sense that something is amiss in their relationship, and indeed it is.

Michelle Moore: 4:35

Marriage is meant to be a close bond where two lives are shared in harmony. To achieve this, we must not allow emotional distance to creep in. Instead, we must actively grow together and remain united as one. If you can identify with the feeling that you've grown apart in your marriage, this episode will give you some direction in how you can reverse that process. If you haven't grown apart, this chapter will help you understand how you can prevent it from occurring, as you learn important keys to help you grow together for a lifetime. For the remainder of this episode, we will share with you three important steps in growing together with your spouse.

Daniel Moore: 5:18

So do you remember when we started growing apart?

Aria: 5:21

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 5:22

That's just a horrible feeling started growing apart. Yeah, that's a just a horrible feeling and I think that probably you know last week we started out with that where they were talking about in the conference how they had the raise of hands. You know of all the people that with the dominant relationships and I'd be interested to see, on this one, if people would be honest, you know, to actually tell the truth, how many couples if you're at a conference and how many of you guys are feeling like you're going apart at this point in your marriage. I'd be real interested to see how many people raise their hands.

Daniel Moore: 5:54

Because I don't know how you feel about this, but I look at this sometimes, especially when it's this growing apart thing. To me it's almost like it's a sneaky thing that happens, because usually when it finally gets to the point that you actually start feeling like hey, there's a distance between us now and you start you can't relate anymore. You can look backwards and you can see way back there where that started. It was a long time ago. It was just little things. It was a long time ago. It was just little things and as those little things compacted and time moved along without even realizing it sometimes. I think this situation here does probably catch a lot of couples off guard. Even I think some of them know that it's happening and it might even be intentional, but I think in a lot of cases this growing apart thing probably catches a lot of people off guard.

Daniel Moore: 6:46

Yeah, because it can be so sneaky and just sneak up on you. It's just the everyday drive of the same thing.

Michelle Moore: 6:56

Well, I think a lot of people get so busy that they forget about their spouse. They forget about that priority where it needs to be, and before too long. If you're so busy with other things and not your spouse, you do grow apart.

Daniel Moore: 7:10

Yeah. And when you're constantly putting all of your focus into your kids and your work and the surroundings around you the home, just all the things that make up the family unit, when you're putting all the focus into that, we forget to focus on our souls. Yeah, when you're putting all the focus into that, we forget to focus on our souls.

Daniel Moore: 7:25

We forget to focus on the inner being of who we are and where that love comes from. For our spouse, so good, and then that causes us to have this issue where we start to separate and in all reality, that love between the spouses is more important than the other three things. You know, the kids are great. We love our kids, god. They're a gift from God. The home is a gift from God. I mean everything that we have God gives us. But nothing supersedes that marriage relationship.

Michelle Moore: 7:52

Well, and as you're saying that, if you're separating from your spouse and not giving her the time you need, how's your relationship with Christ?

Daniel Moore: 8:01

Right, yeah, because that relationship is supposed to mirror that relationship with Christ.

Michelle Moore: 8:07

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 8:08

And so this is kind of a should be a little bit shorter of an episode, but I think it is a very important one that we're going to go through today. So, as you were reading here, you came up to the point here that you said you know we're going to be doing three steps to growing together and that's what we're going to do today. So the first step to growing together is do not make decisions based on your emotions.

Michelle Moore: 8:29

This is going to be a good one.

Daniel Moore: 8:31

Well, according to the highly respected and well-researched findings in the book the Case for Marriage by Linda J Waite and Maggie Gallagher, less than 30% of divorces involve high-conflict couples. You might ask then, why are they divorcing? Well, the answer is because they felt it was the right thing to do at the time. But was it? Reports of studies in the case for marriage reveal that in a high number of cases, divorce creates as many new problems as it solves. Thus, the bad feelings continue and nothing has been accomplished. This is the dangerous thing about following our feelings. Consider the following excerpt from the case of marriage concerning couples in unhappy marriages who didn't succumb to their feelings but stayed and worked things out. The book says how many unhappy couples turn their marriages around. The truth is shocking. An actual 86% of unhappily married people who stick it out find that five years later, their marriages are happier. According to an analysis of the National Survey of Families and Households done by Linda Waite for this book, most say they've become very happy indeed. Most say they've become very happy indeed. In fact, nearly three-fifths of those who said their marriage was unhappy in the 80s and who stayed married rated the same marriage as either very happy or quite happy. When re-interviewed in the early 90s, the very worst marriages showed the most dramatic turnarounds. 77% of the stably married people who rated their marriage as very unhappy this was on a scale of one to seven in the late 80s said that the same marriage was either very happy or quite happy five years later. Permanent marital unhappiness is surprisingly rare among the couples who stick it out.

Daniel Moore: 10:22

And what's crazy about that is, I think when I was putting this one together, I thought about what if our marriage had went that route and we had actually gotten divorced, and how would that look? And I think, looking at it now, considering because I think that you can agree with me that we're in that 80 percent, since we've chose to stay together and we allowed God to work on our marriage, we're actually probably like that last section. There I think ours is really high because God has just done a miraculous miracle in our life. But you know, I think sometimes you know, if we had caved and we had went ahead and went through that separation and divorce and tried to move on with our life, I really just don't know that I could have done that, because I think, even if I got with somebody else, there's so many memories that you and I have together that I just don't think I probably could have been very happy the rest of my life. I just don't think that I could have, and so I'm so thankful that God stopped that.

Daniel Moore: 11:27

First of all, you're my soulmate and we're supposed to be together anyway. But I'm so thankful that God intervened and allowed us to not have to go through any of that, and so this should be a positive thing for anybody out there right now that's probably in that spot of considering separating and divorce is the statistics are actually not on your side if you decide to end it.

Michelle Moore: 11:53

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 11:53

The good statistics are with those that actually stick around, and that's probably a blessing from God.

Michelle Moore: 11:58

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 11:59

I mean I would have to say that God's probably God's obviously the reason for that. Yeah, especially if they've allowed God to be a part of it. But I would have to think that even if the couple wasn't really believers but yet they chose to stay together, you know they're still doing what God has ordained marriage to be. So I think God still probably is blessing their marriage with a happiness that they've never known. I would agree with that. They may just not realize it, but God, when we plan stuff, god doesn't bless it. When he plans it, god blesses it. That's right, and so that's something we have to keep in mind with that. So good.

Daniel Moore: 12:38

So with this little excerpt here in the book. These results are incredible, and they show in graphic terms that reacting to our emotions is a huge mistake. The devil loves photographic thinking. He revels in appearing during the most challenging times in our life, in our marriages, and capturing them in a snapshot. He then works to persuade us that nothing will ever improve. He pushes us to believe that our only path to happiness is to leave the pain behind. However, if we take the bait and allow our emotions to dictate our actions, the devil will continue to haunt us on our new endeavors. He'll fill us with regret until we once again become miserable.

Daniel Moore: 13:17

The devil preys on those who let their emotions guide their decisions in both life and marriage, and this is probably something a lot of people fall for. They don't realize that when they get to these situations where they don't get along, they want to blame themselves. But it's not you. It is you. You cause the problem, but there is a force behind it, satan. He's hacking at that marriage Absolutely. He cannot wait until you walk out that door and say I'm done. That's exactly what he wants and, as always with sin, there's only pleasure in it for a season.

Daniel Moore: 13:51

Right, that's very biblical. And so, just because you leave, you find this awesome guy or this awesome girl, you start this perfect marriage off for the third or fourth time, whatever it may be in your life. Satan's not going to let you enjoy that Right, because that's another marriage that he's going to want to break up, yeah. And that cycle that Right, because that's another marriage that he's going to want to break up, yeah. And that cycle continues, yeah. So we have to be super careful with that. On the flip side of that, the Lord blesses us when we adhere to Him in our convictions, and this is the point of everything that's being discussed here in this section. We must have strong convictions and avoid falling into the snare of laying our emotions to govern our actions. While there is no intrinsic harm in our emotions, here's a few reasons why we should resist them to dictate our choices. Do you have?

Michelle Moore: 14:42

a problem with letting your emotions guide you. I don't think as much now as I did in the past. In the past I did, I would definitely say my emotions didn't play a lot. So I think the biggest thing is a lot of times I think God is this emotion from you.

Daniel Moore: 15:01

Or is it you that has the emotion yourself? Right, yeah.

Michelle Moore: 15:05

And a lot of times I'm like this is not of God, this is not what God would want for me to feel, and so I will. Then I'm like guard my heart and guard my mind, Because those are the two things that I feel like a lot of times, that I can let my heart open to anybody and everybody, and then I can let my mind just go, have a playground. So that is a big thing for me. But I think over the years I'm sure you could attest to this I was a very emotional person. I've learned how to set boundaries and to realize what's important, what's not important. But the most I think I would go back to God like this is not of God, this is not what God would want.

Daniel Moore: 15:53

Yeah, so the first one here is feelings are fickle and unpredictable.

Michelle Moore: 15:57

Amen to that.

Daniel Moore: 15:58

What do you think about that?

Michelle Moore: 16:00

It's so true Because you're based on, and you may have a feeling one day and a feeling the next day.

Daniel Moore: 16:06

Yeah, they come and go.

Michelle Moore: 16:07

Yes, so it's definitely going to be unpredictable at all times.

Daniel Moore: 16:12

Yep, but God's foundation is permanent, that's right. That never moves, and so that's why we don't want to follow emotions. That's one of the reasons, yep, because they are very unpredictable, and God is predictable. Yeah, so that's one reason. Feelings may be very real, but very wrong.

Michelle Moore: 16:31

What do you?

Daniel Moore: 16:31

think about that one. That is so true. You always got that saying how can something that feels so right be so wrong? Yeah, I think we've all heard that. Yeah, I mean you can get an answer to that by the story of David and Bathsheba. You know, something that felt very right for them resulted in two deaths and perpetual pain in David's entire family. You know he stole Bathsheba from her husband, sent her husband out to the battlefield, stuck him in the front lines he'd get killed.

Daniel Moore: 16:56

So, he basically initiated a murder and then their firstborn was taken from them because God punished them for that.

Michelle Moore: 17:03

I think that can be very easily into it on any marriage.

Daniel Moore: 17:09

on that one specifically, yeah, when we go by our feelings, that is a personal, that's not a godly thing, and so we are very susceptible to tripping up and those feelings can lead us in the wrong direction. Yes, the devil has access to our emotions. That's a scary thing. In Ephesians 4, 26 and 27, it says yes, the devil has access to our emotions. That's a scary thing. In Ephesians 4, 26 and 27, it says Be angry, do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath. And why is that? Because it can give place to the devil. That's right. So this scripture here reveals an important truth for us If we go to bed angry at each other, it opens the door for the devil, and I know this happens a lot in a lot of marriages.

Michelle Moore: 17:50

Well, how often did it happen to us? We did it all.

Daniel Moore: 17:52

One of us slept on the couch half the time that that happened.

Michelle Moore: 17:55

And wake up the next morning so mad that you still didn't sleep.

Daniel Moore: 17:57

Yeah, because you didn't fix nothing for you went to bed last night and you had all night there for Satan to play in your mind and stir it up some more.

Michelle Moore: 18:06

You've already thought about how much you're right and the other person is wrong and that pride comes back to. I will not say I'm sorry because he's wrong.

Daniel Moore: 18:16

Yep and in the scripture here. The word devil in this text is a Greek word. It means diabolos and it means slanderer. When we allow unforgiveness and bitterness to linger in our hearts, it allows the devil the opportunity to implant lies and slander regarding your spouses or anyone else that we're angry with. So if you regularly go to bed on anger, you've been counseled by the devil and you didn't even know it. So that's something you've got to keep in mind if you decide that you're going to continue going to bed mad at your spouse because he made that left turn instead of that right turn and didn't go the way you wanted him to when he was driving.

Michelle Moore: 18:53

Oh, come on now. Seriously, you had to bring that up, I had to flashback a little bit to last week's episode.

Daniel Moore: 19:05

So yeah, we'll get back to this.

Michelle Moore: 19:06

Sorry, sorry, sidetracked.

Daniel Moore: 19:08

So if you deeply held beliefs and feelings about your spouse that are wrong, you know. This is just one more reason that we should not trust our emotions. Yeah, because Satan can be in the middle of those, yeah, and he can manipulate you. So be careful with that. And God does not bless emotions. What does he bless? Obedience Obedience. We will never stand in judgment before God for how we felt about something, but we will stand in judgment for what we did In marriage. We can't allow our emotions to keep us from doing what we know is right. It only compounds the problem and delays the victory. Mature people act above their emotions and love beyond their comfort zones. That's good.

Daniel Moore: 19:51

This is the secret of growing together in marriage. Mature people act above their emotions and love beyond their comfort zones. This is the secret of growing together in marriage. It cannot be achieved by two temperamental snowflakes who are imprisoned by their feelings.

Daniel Moore: 20:07

It can only be achieved by those who are guided by their love for God, their dedication to each other and their conviction that doing the right thing will be blessed in the end. So we've got to be obedient. Obedience is better than sacrifice Another good scripture in the Bible to bring up on that one.

Daniel Moore: 20:16

Yeah, and I just, I love how it just puts it so bluntly that you know, we can feel our way all the way to heaven, all we want to, but that's not going to work. We'll be judged by our feelings if that's what caused us to sin, because we're going to be judged by that sin at that point. So we've got to keep our emotions out of that equation. We've got to do the right thing.

Michelle Moore: 20:38

I think the emotion thing should be, you know, if you really look at it, if you have problems with the emotions getting the best of you, I would definitely tell you to make sure that you're in your. Bible and to grow spiritually to be able to catch those emotions right as they start and just stop it, and just you know you know, and I think it's because I've grown so much in that area and you know I'm so thankful, but I think as I've gotten older, it's also how I look at things.

Daniel Moore: 21:12

It's a maturity level.

Michelle Moore: 21:14

It's a godly maturity level, I know that I'll give you that.

Daniel Moore: 21:24

Just don't be a temperamental snowflake.

Michelle Moore: 21:26

Okay, maybe that's what I was. Sorry.

Daniel Moore: 21:32

Yeah, so we'll move on to number two here. Build your lives and the purpose of your lives together. That's the second step to growing together. The following text from Genesis, chapter one we're going to read about where God blessed Adam and Eve as he commissioned them as a couple with a united purpose.

Michelle Moore: 21:51

And if you want to go ahead and read that scripture Then God said let us make man in our own image, according to our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God. He created him Male and female. He created them. Then God blessed them and God said to them be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air.

Daniel Moore: 22:35

So that's Genesis, chapter 1, verse 26 to 28. So it's explicit in this text that God's blessing wasn't on Adam and Eve by himself or herself. His blessing was on them as a married couple. God didn't separate them out and say, okay, you get this and I'm going to let you have some of this. That's not what God did. He did a married couple, and this is always the case. This is always how God does this.

Daniel Moore: 23:06

The law of partnership is embodied in the statement and they too shall become one flesh. That's Genesis 2.24. In marriage, we are of one heart and purpose. So if someone wanted to live an independent, selfish life, then he or she should not choose marriage. Obviously you need to stay lonely and alone and by yourself, because if you don't, it's not going to work for you. If you're, you know, wanting to be independent and selfish, because that's not going to work for you, if you're wanting to be independent and selfish, because that's not going to work in a partnership, it only works when you guys are one. It is only fulfilling when there is a together purpose binding us together. So, interestingly, here's what God said about Adam in Genesis 2.18, before he was created. And the Lord God said it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him, and I'm surprised it doesn't say a helper in the car comparable to him. I just had to throw that in there.

Michelle Moore: 23:59

My feelings and emotions are coming out, your emotions are getting hurt.

Daniel Moore: 24:03

You can't live on your emotions. We're having fun with this one. God would not bless Adam by himself. He needed a helper to complement him and share his life's purpose. Helper I know, god gave us the helper in a car for a purpose. That's right. As we read in Genesis, chapter 1, he fully blessed Adam and Eve when they were together to accomplish his purpose, and the same is the truth for all of us. We must build our lives together as a married couple.

Michelle Moore: 24:30

And you always need a helper.

Daniel Moore: 24:32

Yes, we do. When couples are being counseled who have quote-unquote grown apart, they always have this issue in common. One of the most glaring examples of this was a couple that Jimmy counseled who were actually already separated. The husband begged his wife to come with him to see Jimmy. Even though they came in the office together, they weren't really quote-unquote together in any sense of the word. As they began to talk, the wife began painting a vivid picture of what was wrong in their marriage. She stated that he was obsessed with his business and rarely home at night. At night or the weekends when he was home, he abandoned her and the kids after dinner to gamble online in his office. The husband didn't argue with what she had said, but in response he promised to take her on a nice vacation if she would come home. Well, her response wasn't pretty. They ended up divorcing because in reality, he didn't want a real marriage. He wanted an independent life with the wife and children as accessories.

Daniel Moore: 25:29

Couples grow apart because they are apart. The purpose of their lives is separated. They foolishly believe that just because they share a house or kids or a bank account that they should feel closer than they do. What they don't realize is intimacy and being close as a couple has less to do with physical proximity than emotional interdependence. We grow apart because we don't need a lot of each other to accomplish what we are living for. The husband who was rarely at home and gambled online by himself when he was, didn't need much from his wife or children, and the reason is because they weren't the primary purpose of his life.

Daniel Moore: 26:07

And when I look at us and I look at our relationship, you know the same was true of me when I worked a certain job that I had, you know, michelle and I were five or six years into our marriage and by that time was getting kind of miserable. We had very little intimacy at all. I resented her complaints. She resented my emotional distance, my selfish behavior. I didn't ever want to talk. We were at a stalemate and the longer we were there, the more we drifted apart.

Daniel Moore: 26:32

When the Lord saved our marriage, I forsook my selfish ways and committed to becoming one in purpose with Michelle. So today you and I have the honor and together purpose of sometimes even being able to help other couples succeed with their marriage. So just because when you're married and you're with each other in, so there's, you know. Just because you know when you're married and you're with each other in the same room, that doesn't mean everything's okay, and I think a lot of times we forget, sometimes we forget that and that is what causes, I think, when we were talking, at the very beginning, how sometimes this growing apart thing is sneaky, the very beginning, how sometimes this growing apart thing is sneaky and it just kind of creeps up on us.

Daniel Moore: 27:14

You know, it's real easy to maybe know that there's a small problem there.

Daniel Moore: 27:18

Possibly, or you know, there might be an issue that's kind of underlying at that moment but it may not seem that big, so we ignore it and once we're okay with where that's at something else comes along, and once we're okay with where that's at, something else comes along, and then we work on that one until we can ignore it and then you know you start having. I mean, I feel sorry for this couple here that you know they were married and had children and everything, but it seems like the whole time they were actually in the same house together. They were never really together. They were in completely separate places doing their own separate things, and they weren't. They weren't together, they were apart, and so that was inevitable, that they were going to end up being divorced, because that's what they allowed to happen in the relationship that they had. They didn't see the importance of really being a husband and wife.

Michelle Moore: 28:03

I was going to say I feel like she was trying, but he didn't seem like that.

Daniel Moore: 28:09

Yeah, he totally was. Just, you know, didn't see any importance in that whatsoever. So when we think about this, what is your shared purpose as a couple? It should transcend mere financial obligations or material gain. Now think about why did God bring you together? What significant contribution can you make as a married duo that surpasses individual efforts, and what activity can you engage in together that is impossible to accomplish alone? What common endeavor would prompt you together frequently to communicate, pray and collaborate as a united front?

Daniel Moore: 28:46

This purpose should be the foundation upon which you nurture your relationship, fostering growth and longevity in your life together. That's a lot of good questions to ask yourself when you're married, because sometimes we might think we can solo it and we can do it all alone. But in all reality, we need to think about what if we were solo? You know there's certain things we couldn't do on our own Right and there's certain things we shouldn't want to do on our own, and it's you know. You can get a lot more accomplished with two people, and especially when they're in love with each other.

Daniel Moore: 29:22

Exactly, and they're in the plan that God has for them. The third and final step here is growing your relationship with the Lord and your local church. You know marriage was created by God and it's a spiritual relationship. The laws that govern marriage are spiritual laws. The love that fuels marriage is spiritual. It's not emotional, that's good.

Daniel Moore: 29:43

And we've got to take that emotional love back out of the equation because it's not all roses Right. You know, through your whole marriage you're going to have those times that it's going to be rough and you're going to have to work through that. So we've got to make sure we're on spiritual foundation and not emotional. Galatians 5, 22 and 23 says but the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. This text tells us that love is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It's not an inherent quality within us. So we can put this a different way.

Daniel Moore: 30:22

Did you know that when the Bible instructs us to love one another, we do not inherently possess that capability? Our ability to love is activated only when we rely on the strength of the Holy Spirit within us. Human love is fragile and inconsistent, fluctuating unpredictably. In contrast, god's love is unmatched in power and impact. Through God's love, we experience supernatural qualities such as all of these gifts of the Spirit.

Daniel Moore: 30:49

The Holy Spirit is like the essential fuel that propels our emotions towards love. By nurturing a daily relationship of dependence on the Holy Spirit to empower our love for our partners, we gain the capacity for genuine love and can conquer any obstacles that come our way. In the absence of the Holy Spirit, our emotions resemble an engine lacking oil, prone to seizing up and overheating rapidly. What might seem effortless with the guidance of the Holy Spirit becomes insurmountable without Him. So here goes that argument out the door that we don't need the Holy Spirit in our lives. I see so many people that get so far into their relationship with God and they just kind of hang out there and they don't press deeper and they don't allow themselves to be led by the Holy Spirit. And I do think and I think you can probably agree with me the people that I really see the love radiate out of the most, you can just tell that the Holy Spirit's just inside of them. I mean it just, it's so obvious, and so that's where that comes from.

Daniel Moore: 31:57

You know, the Holy Spirit gives us that capability and unlocks that possibility that we can really love like God wants us to. So if you remember, in the Garden of Eden, when God created marriage, he lived with Adam and Eve. God's original design for marriage wasn't for a man and woman to be alone. It was man, woman and God in the center of that relationship. Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage until they kicked God out of it. As soon as they rebelled, they were separated from God and each other. There are many forces in this world that tear in our marriages and test the ties that bind us together, but there is one force on this earth that can overcome anything we are facing and can hold us together, spirit to spirit, in the closest bond possible. That's the power of the Holy Spirit. Yes, as you dedicate yourself to seeking God on a personal level, make a conscious decision to also cultivate a strong bond with the local church that aligns with biblical teaching and fellow believers. I can't express enough how important that church life is, and we've talked about that several times. We even talk about it now. If we quit going to church right now, we know what would happen in even our own relationship. I really think our own relationship would suffer from that.

Daniel Moore: 33:15

You know you and I both attribute much of our enduring journey to the support and guidance that we have received from our church community and Christian friends. There are significant moments in our lives, in our marriage, when we was having our problems. That community provided encouragement and a spiritual nourishment to us. In an era marked by unprecedented temptations and challenges, it is essential to lean on the strength and guidance of a solid church community and like-minded believers In order to navigate the lifelong journey of marriage successfully. It is imperative to have a strong support system.

Daniel Moore: 33:49

In a world filled with challenges, it is vital to be part of a unified community rather than an isolated individual. This support network is equally crucial for our children. An early decision that you and I made, which has been transformative for our spiritual and marital growth, was committing to active participation in our church community and cultivating meaningful relationships with fellow believers. Each time we engage with our church community, we leave feeling uplifted, better equipped to live out our faith and serve the Lord. Our church serves as a support system for us, enabling us to deepen our connection with God and with each other. Our Christian friends consistently steer us towards love and righteousness, serving as a source of encouragement and guidance in our journey as a married couple.

Michelle Moore: 34:35

And I am so thankful for that. Yep just serving as a source of encouragement and guidance in our journey as a married couple and I am so thankful for that, yep, so thankful for all those friendships and everything that just poured into us, I feel revitalized every week, even when they didn't know what was going on. I mean you just, and like you said every week just now, I mean I'm so thankful for friendships, new friendships, old friendships, season friendships, just in general.

Daniel Moore: 34:59

I mean, I feel like sometimes that even if I'm having a rough morning, I'm going into church service.

Daniel Moore: 35:05

It seems like as soon as I step in those doors, oh, absolutely, and I see some of our close friends down there serving and we get to walk up, start talking to them. It just lifts my don't even know. Like you said, don't even know what's going on. They have no idea if we're in a rough mood that morning or whatever. There's just something about being in the presence of some good, strong believers that are like you that you know they've got your back. Yes, you know something takes place. That church community is just irreplaceable. No doubt about it.

Daniel Moore: 35:37

Pastors will tell you that they see a pattern in the majority of couples who are having serious problems in their marriage. One or both of them drops out of church. When their serious problems arise, they will miss seeing a couple in church and will ask someone about them. Many times they won't know what happened to them, but they also agree that they haven't seen them in a while. Then they will begin to hear reports of affairs, serious marriage problems and even divorce. As they reach out and try to help them, they will many times admit that as soon as they dropped out of church, things began changing for the worse.

Daniel Moore: 36:09

One of your together purposes as a couple should be to serve the Lord and help build your local church. That is a great purpose and it will keep you growing together. So never negate or play down the power of a good, positive relationship with a good Bible-believing church that's going to pour into you, that you're going to be able to retain things from and learn and grow in your faith. And, you know, keep that as a central point in your relationship, because that's super where the church is, that's where God's at God's dwelling in the midst of His people, and so that's a good place for your marriage to be is just circled around with all of that. So, as we close here for today, the three steps were again do not make decisions based on your emotions. Build your lives and the purpose of your lives together. Grow in your relationship with the Lord and your local church. As a married couple, your marriage should be growing every year. There should never be a time when you're coasting and taking things for granted. Every day and every season of your marriage should be a time of growth. This happens for the committed couples who build their lives together upon the foundation of God and His church.

Daniel Moore: 37:25

Awesome way to end this week's episode. I really this uplifted me, yes, going through this episode this week, and I hope that it did all of you guys out there listening as well. Is there anything that you want to add? No, like you said, this is, this was this week, and I hope that it did all of you guys out there listening as well. Is there anything that you want to add?

Michelle Moore: 37:37

No, like you said, this was really good.

Daniel Moore: 37:41

So don't let you be one of those people that says we're just growing apart, don't know what we're going to do or what's going to happen, we've grown apart already. That should never be a statement that should be made. Especially as a Christian couple, we should never be making statements like that, because if we get to the point where we feel like we're growing apart, we need to get that glue back in there. That's going to pull us back together and that's by leaning on God and His Word and the church family that we surround ourselves with, and that's all it's going to take.

Michelle Moore: 38:14

And just remember you actually need that helper.

Daniel Moore: 38:18

Yeah, is that the glue that holds me together? I think, so At least I can find my way home.

Aria: 38:25

Always. That's what's important, always. I got your back.

Daniel Moore: 38:28

You got my back. She'll never let me get lost. I'm thankful God's looking out for me. Well, that's going to do it for this week. We'll be back again next week, and I think we just have about three or four more episodes left in this series. So we're getting close to wrapping this up, but we're going to be getting into some pretty deep stuff here pretty shortly, some stuff that you probably don't want to miss. So make sure that you subscribe to the podcast and that way you can get each and every episode as they come out. Well, I'm Daniel Moore, and my wife, michelle, has been here with me this week once again.

Michelle Moore: 39:05

Bye guys.

Daniel Moore: 39:06

Going through these episodes with me. Thank you guys for listening, because this show wouldn't be a thing without you. It wouldn't even be possible. So if you're a fan of the show, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts. If you'd like to help us out, just take a few seconds and give us a five-star click. Subscribe to us on your favorite platform. The links are in the show notes. Well, that's all for this week, and we believe that God's Word never fails us. God's Word has stood the test of time, answered Jesus' death on the cross, yet has connected the gap.

Aria: 39:31

You've been listening to Connecting the Gap Podcast. In this world, there are many disconnects that cause chaos in our lives. This podcast is birthed from the desire to share hope and restoration of the power of the gospel by being transparent and open in our biblical walk with God. Each week, we take a few moments as we navigate God's Word and peer into other people's testimonies and encourage each other to connect the gap. We upload a new audio podcast every Thursday and a video version of it on YouTube and Rumble. We are also on the Christian podcasting app Edify. You can subscribe to our podcast on many of the available podcasting platforms, including Apple Podcast, spotify, amazon Music, iheart Radio, tunein Radio and more. We are also available on your Alexa-enabled devices. If you would like to contact our ministry for any reason, visit our contact page and send us a message. We hope you are blessed by this ministry. This is a production of Connecting the Gap Ministries.