7 Steps to Sexual Intimacy in Marriage - 224

**Listener Discretion is advised**

Sexual intimacy in marriage represents the deepest form of connection God designed for couples, yet many Christians struggle to discuss it openly or understand its sacred purpose. As we conclude our journey through the Four Laws of Love, we explore seven transformative steps to create true sexual intimacy that honors both your spouse and God's design.

The biblical approach to sexuality begins with prayer. Many couples feel uncomfortable bringing sexual matters before God, yet He created this gift specifically for marriage. When we invite God into this intimate space, we find healing for past wounds, freedom from shame, and depth of connection that transcends the physical. As one spouse shares, "I had to pray through it," reflecting on how divine intervention healed sexual barriers caused by past betrayal.

Communication emerges as another crucial element. Many couples—ourselves included—once allowed their sex lives to "just happen" rather than intentionally nurturing this vital connection. Creating a vision for your sexual relationship, discussing desires openly, and taking a servant approach transforms intimacy from a potential source of frustration into a beautiful expression of mutual love.

Throughout the episode, we tackle challenging questions about biblical boundaries, addressing common concerns like "what practices are permissible?" with thoughtful examination of scripture. Rather than imposing rigid rules where the Bible is silent, we explore helpful criteria: Is it safe? Mutually agreed upon? Does it harm the relationship or others? This balanced approach avoids both restrictive legalism and harmful excess.

Physical changes, medical conditions, past trauma, and emotional wounds can all create obstacles to fulfilling sexual intimacy. Through vulnerability and personal examples, we share how perseverance and seeking appropriate help demonstrates true commitment to your spouse and marriage covenant. Remember—your sexual relationship is sacred to God, and working through difficulties honors both Him and your spouse.

Whether you're newlyweds discovering physical intimacy for the first time or long-married partners navigating changing bodies and life circumstances, these seven steps offer a pathway to deeper connection. Join us as we explore God's beautiful design for sexual intimacy in marriage—where vulnerability becomes strength and two become truly one.

Chapters

• 0:00 Adult Content Warning
• 1:21 Wrapping Up Four Laws of Love Series
• 2:35 Praying About Your Sexual Relationship
• 9:30 Having Vision For Your Sex Life
• 18:38 Being a Sexual Servant to Your Spouse
• 26:26 Taking Turns in Sexual Focus
• 32:12 Being Adventurous and Creative
• 45:24 Romance in Your Love Language
• 55:35 Never Give Up & Final Thoughts

Transcript

Daniel Moore: 0:00

This episode covers some adult-themed material in nature. If you have young ones around, I'd pop in my earbuds or listen to this when you are by yourself. Listener, discretion is advised. The question of oral sex and some of those types of things are brought up quite often. The question of oral sex and some of those types of things are brought up quite often. As far as in a Christian aspect, is it actually okay to do that kind of thing? And this little section here pretty much hits it right on the head.

Daniel Moore: 0:35

It's the same way as it is with anything when it comes to our walk with Christ. We have a roadmap that's been given to us to follow as being a Christian, and that's the Bible, and they're everything that's that's wrong for us to do as a Christian. That is a sin, is listed in that book, and if it's not there, then I feel like I agree here. I feel like that if it's not in there that it's a sin, that it's something bad that you shouldn't be doing, then I don't see why there is an issue with introducing those types of things into your relationships if that's what's going to help you grow closer and create that stronger bond between each other. This week, on Marriage Life More, we're wrapping up our study on the four laws of love, life and more. We're wrapping up our study on the four laws of love as we finish up our two-part episode on true sexual intimacy. We'll be back to get into that right after this. Welcome to Marriage Life and More.

Daniel Moore: 2:07

This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies. We also interview people that have inspiring and interesting stories. I'm Daniel Moore. Your host, michelle. My wife, is sitting here. She's the fantastic co-host that I have with me here on this podcast.

Daniel Moore: 2:23

I want to thank you guys for joining us this week. If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website. Hosts that I have with me here on this podcast. I want to thank you guys for joining us this week. If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website and you can find that at Marriagelifeandmorecom.

Daniel Moore: 2:31

We have our platforms on there our YouTube Rumble links. We're also on the Christian Podcasting app, edify. We're also on our Alexa and Google Smart devices, so you can visit us on social, at Facebook and Instagram, at ctgapaponline. If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe and feel free to leave a comment on our platform. Give us a thumbs up or five-star review on Apple Podcasts and we thank you for that, as that helps our podcast to grow and get it out to more people that need to hear these episodes. Well, last week we started off our final two episodes of our extended series on the four laws of love, and last week it got a little sexy. We were talking about true sexual intimacy and we're going to go ahead and wrap that up this week. We're going to be talking about seven steps to sexual pleasure and intimacy.

Michelle Moore: 3:21

I hope you all have had a good time listening to our series, the Four Laws of Love, by Jimmy Evans, going through it and walking life with us through this series of listening to Dan and I of all of our mistakes and where God has brought us through and everything that where we're at now Yep, it's been're at now.

Daniel Moore: 3:45

Yep, it's been quite a ride.

Michelle Moore: 3:47

Yeah, so it's kind of sad for this last one.

Daniel Moore: 3:50

Yeah, but we've got more good stuff coming. Oh, absolutely, this isn't the end of it. Yeah, originally, when we started this, we thought we'd just do this series and, might you know, just be done with it and may go back to my normal thing. But, as you've seen, god's directed us to do something completely different and we flipped the podcast to a marriage platform at this point, and she's going to stay with me.

Michelle Moore: 4:11

You would be surprised. He's got me chained down to make me do these things. No, I am super excited. I feel like that. This has definitely been something new for me and it's definitely made me grow out of my comfort zone. And I say things all the time I'm like I probably shouldn't have said that. Or, you know, did that sound right? Or if I listen to it going back, I'm like, well, I didn't even say that word, right. But you know what? I'm just being real. Dan and I are being real, and this is what you get. Yeah, this good old Granby Missouri, little girl I wouldn't say little girl, I am a old person now.

Daniel Moore: 4:52

And for those of you that don't know about Granby Missouri.

Michelle Moore: 4:55

There's not much there.

Daniel Moore: 4:56

You get a chance. It's a place you want to visit and check it out, and then you'll see what she's talking about it's a farm town, as they say it's

Daniel Moore: 5:05

one of those what you blink in the road. You blink your eyes and you miss it. It's a rural town close to us. That's so funny. It's a good little place. There's a nice creek that runs through there that we kayak on occasionally, and stuff. But we're going to go ahead, though, and get started this week on the episode. And we're going to go ahead, though, and get started this week on the episode and we're going to be talking again, as I said, the seven steps to sexual pleasure and intimacy. So, as we get started this week, as we pop out this last episode here, we're going to be talking about seven steps that you can take to have sexual pleasure in your marriage and intimacy. And this is doing it God's way and this is the biblical application that you can put into your life to make this the best thing that you could ever have between you and your spouse you and your spouse.

Daniel Moore: 6:07

So, the very first one here. I'm going to let you start off with this and let you do step number one here as we get started.

Michelle Moore: 6:11

So, number one pray and invite God into your sexuality. We stated in the previous episode that spiritual intimacy and praying together as a couple is one of a woman's most important sex needs, but husbands and wives should both pray individually as well for sexual temptations, problems and desires. Many people are grossed out at the thought of talking to God about sexual issues, but he created sex and is present with us every time we are having sex. It isn't gross to God. It is beautiful and he wants us to enjoy it. Therefore, we need to keep our sexuality as an open conversation before Him. Trust God to increase your sexual desires if that is an issue, believe in Him to heal sexual or physical issues that are hindering your ability to perform or be sexually intimate. Sex is sacred to God and he cares deeply about us. You will find that including God in your sexual relationship will add untold blessings.

Michelle Moore: 7:23

Remember, the devil is the prince of darkness. He uses shame, guilt and ignorance to keep us from coming to God or others with our problems. That is the same scheme he used in the Garden of Eden to get Adam and Eve to hide from God after they sinned. The irony is this when you hide from God, you're hiding from your healer. He loves you more than you can possibly comprehend. He is a loving, forgiving God who is compassionate and understanding. Bring your sexual issues into the light of God's love. It will change and set you free. I'm not sure that I've ever prayed it will change and set you free. I'm not sure that I've ever prayed about that to God. I can't say that I have.

Daniel Moore: 8:09

It's something that I think a lot of us don't really think about, Because whenever we have sexual issues between each other, I think as a couple, we have a tendency to blame ourselves. You know, one or the other, whether if it's us blaming the other spouse or if it's just within our own selves, we just feel like we've got something going on and it's something we need to fix and take care of. But in all reality, I think a lot of times just like last week, you know, we talked about pornography and we talked about having those types of hang ups and strongholds in our lives that Satan puts upon us. You know, a lot of times if we do have difficulty performing sexually with each other as a married couple, we probably haven't really thought about it, but a lot of those times those may be things that Satan's putting upon us.

Aria: 8:57

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 8:58

You know, because he does know that, with the sexual intimacy part of our relationship, that is that true core bond that bonds us together. That's that soul tie as we talked about last week that we create and all of those hormones that are released and the result of those hormones being released into our bodies. That's what creates that everlasting deep love that we nurture and grow between each other. Satan doesn't like that.

Michelle Moore: 9:26

Right, and I guess I can go back and remember when, after I had the affair, how much guilt and shame I felt, you know, after if we were making love or something like that, there was thoughts in my mind like how could I do this? Blah, blah, blah. I won't go into any detail on that, but I can remember that and I guess I did have to pray to God to help me with my mind and how to overcome that.

Daniel Moore: 9:56

Well, I will take it a little bit of a step further on what you just commented there. I know for myself when we first started moving forward with our relationship. One of the things that I did have to fight in my mind is every time we did hook up and start having.

Michelle Moore: 10:10

I love the word hook up Sorry.

Daniel Moore: 10:12

Yeah, have a sexual relationship again and trying to reboot that.

Aria: 10:17

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 10:17

There was times in my mind that I was thinking okay, is she thinking about me or him, or are you thinking about me or him. You know? Yeah, or are you thinking about me or him?

Aria: 10:27

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 10:27

You know, those are thoughts that Satan would place inside of my mind, yeah, and inside of me. We had discussed what our plan was and we were trying to move forward and we were trying to make that work. So I knew that wasn't true, but at the same time Satan was trying to use that to put a little issue there to cause some problems between us sexually.

Michelle Moore: 10:48

Right, and I can remember saying I'm not worth this, like why is he giving me an opportunity or a chance at this, you know, and that would play in my mind constantly and for that played in my mind for quite some time.

Daniel Moore: 11:01

Yeah, so it's the best therapy to just sit there and try to fix that ourselves, or should we have prayed about it? You know, I guess that's where it comes down to. That was probably a spiritual attack, in essence, and I will say, there's times I did pray about that because I had to. That was a way that I utilized to work through some of those times, and I know I feel like I know you did the same thing.

Michelle Moore: 11:25

Yeah, absolutely, that's what I was getting ready to say. I had to pray through it.

Daniel Moore: 11:28

Yeah, it's. There's times in your life when you have stuff like that happen. That really is trauma and there's no other way to get through that except to introduce God into that equation.

Michelle Moore: 11:39

And then I know, mentally, there was times that we were both like we just can't right now, like if one wanted it and the other one didn't, because you have to, you know, you have to work through it, you know. So it wasn't like, oh, let's go. You know we had to work through it, yeah and yeah.

Daniel Moore: 11:57

And there is a lot to be said of being a praying couple.

Aria: 12:00

Yeah, couple.

Daniel Moore: 12:01

I think that when we have our prayer lives and we have those moments that we talk to God and we pour our things out to Him, that does help us grow, even within our own relationships in our home, especially if we're praying about those things that goes on between you and I and the direction that our home should be going for direction and all that kind of thing. And so if we keep God in the mix and keep Him in the middle of that, then that's only going to help our sexual relationship grow better and that's only going to help it to get to where it is that God wants it to be. And this is something I think that probably a lot of people haven't really thought about, but it's probably a picture you need to keep in your mind is, yes, whenever we're having sex and having those moments of intimate relationship, god is there.

Michelle Moore: 12:51

If we're a true Christian couple and we're keeping God in our life, he's with us all the time, and so— it's just not something you ever think about.

Daniel Moore: 12:59

It's weird to think about it that way.

Michelle Moore: 13:00

I'm going to be honest it's definitely not something. Even now, I don't.

Daniel Moore: 13:04

So, knowing that, how does that make you want to, you know, perform that part of your life? You want to make sure that it's pure, you want to make sure that it's in the right mindset.

Michelle Moore: 13:14

I'm going to be sitting here looking and thinking of a picture of Jesus and God.

Daniel Moore: 13:18

And I'm going to be like somebody's watching.

Michelle Moore: 13:21

Sorry, I shouldn't have said that.

Daniel Moore: 13:23

Closing the curtains, yeah, but you know God, as we've talked about God, created this whole thing, anyway, and he had full intentions of this relationship, of how it was supposed to work, what it was supposed to create between me and you and between other married couples, and if it's done in the way that God wants it to be, there's no deeper love between two individuals physically or in this physical state here on this earth. You know, barring the relationship we have with God, there is no stronger relationship that can be formed if we do that the way that God wanted us to do that. So I guess the best takeaway from that first point is is make sure that if you're performing sexual relationships with someone, that it's the way that God wants you, because he's sitting there watching you don't want to be doing the wrong thing, because Satan's going to be in there to use that shame and that guilt. He's going to try to throw a lot of that stuff on you.

Michelle Moore: 14:21

And if you're having problems, as it says, bring your sexual issues into the light of God's love. Yeah, because he is our healer.

Daniel Moore: 14:30

He can heal all of those issues, absolutely. Just like he healed ours. Yes, because it's been years now since I've even thought about any of our past.

Michelle Moore: 14:37

Yeah, and trust me, after we talk about it, we don't even think about it. God has just been so good to us about that.

Daniel Moore: 14:43

We're just thankful that we can use it as a testimony now to maybe help others Absolutely.

Daniel Moore: 14:48

The second one is kind of just a little short one here. It's have a vision for your sex life. You know, back in episode 213 of this series we taught you about the importance of having an annual vision retreat. We briefly mentioned in that episode that one of the areas that you should be praying and getting a vision for is your sex life together.

Daniel Moore: 15:08

It's very helpful to talk about sex openly, even when you aren't in bed, and this is something that Michelle and I have had to grow over time, because there was a point in our life, especially when our kids were younger and still at home, we really never talked about this stuff very rarely between each other.

Daniel Moore: 15:26

We just let it happen. And I think that one thing that we have made a point ever since all of the stuff's happened in our life in the past, we have made it a point now to watch that part of our life a little bit closer and to make sure that we are being proactive and, you know, moving in a positive way, regardless of how often or how often it does or does not happen. This is something that you and I can actually still we can openly talk about it at this point, and it has become a care point for us. Yeah, you know, we want to make sure that not only are our bills paid and not only is it important that we're backing each other in our jobs or keeping the house clean or all this other stuff that goes on in our daily activities. We also know how important it is to make sure that our intimate moments whether if it involves sex or not we want to make sure that that's where it needs to be.

Michelle Moore: 16:22

Yeah, and we definitely. You know, I'm a type of person I'm not like a calendar person, like hey, you know this has been this day, this date, but between the two of us, when we have this care point, we will be like, okay, it's, you know, it's been a little while, like we're so busy we need to slow down and just kind of talk about this, and then you know it's like it's been months when really it hasn't, but it feels like that sometimes, and so it's very interesting, because before we would never talk about that, and I mean we're just.

Michelle Moore: 16:55

As you get older, I think, though, your intimacy changes a lot too.

Daniel Moore: 16:59

It can. Yes, Some people still go like rabbits, but some don't.

Michelle Moore: 17:05

So yeah, I can't believe. You just said that.

Daniel Moore: 17:07

It can change for sure, but I think that's kind of based on life, life happenings and just things that take place or whatever. That was good, but I think whether if it is something that happens frequently, or if it's something that just happens on a random basis, the important thing of that is that it's satisfying your needs between each other and that you are still growing closer and still building that relationship and you're super happy with where you're at between you two and God I think that's what the most important thing is, because there are situations and we will get into this into a future episode where the guy or the woman can have issues come up because of illness or surgeries or those kinds of things where it can actually hamper the sexual drive and even age or weight.

Daniel Moore: 17:53

There's different things that can affect that. It's how do you work through those things is what you have to be careful of. You have to be careful of and just make sure that your vision for that sexual part you can't just do away with it completely, because that's a huge part of the core of that relationship God's created for us. So you have to make sure you nurture that and keep it healthy, however that may look to you in your point in your life. So that's the second one is to have a vision for your sex life and to make sure that you're proactive with it, make sure that it's moving in a positive direction and that it's moving in a way that it's building your relationship, not only between each other but between you and God. So what's number three?

Michelle Moore: 18:36

Be a sexual servant to your spouse. In episode 212, we talked about the importance of having a servant spirit in your marriage. Nowhere is there more important than in the bedroom. The secret of ultimate sexual satisfaction by both spouses is a servant heart. When two servants have sex, it is a wonderful win-win experience. They love serving and pleasing each other and don't mind doing something they don't need. They aren't selfishly focused on themselves, they are focused on the object of their affection and making sure they are pleased.

Michelle Moore: 19:15

Selfishness and dominance kill sexual intimacy. If you are not a selfless and generous lover, you are robbing your spouse of something very important to them, and I really like this one. This one to me is something that you are phenomenal at, and my previous marriage I never had this at all, like it was not anything about me at any time, and so when I married you, it was very interesting that the fact that it's like, oh, it's about me, you know, and it changed the way I looked at it. It took me a while, but it took. You know. I love the fact that you always wanted to take care of me first, and I think we both had seasons of life where we both went back and forth to where you know. Hey, this is your time, I'm going to take care of you, and I feel like this area we are really both good at.

Daniel Moore: 20:32

Well, we have to remember and I don't know if we've really brought this up yet throughout this series but it takes a little bit different process for the women to get to the point where they are actually satisfied sexually and it usually takes longer for that to happen than it does for the guy. And I think a lot of times guys forget that and they think that you know what, as long as we get in there and do our thing and I'm happy when we're done, that she's going to be happy too, because I'm happy. But then if she never really got to the point that she was wanting to get to, she's probably not as happy as the guy thinks she is you know, and unfortunately in a lot of situations like that, the women won't speak up and they just act like oh yeah, that was great, Everything's fine.

Daniel Moore: 21:17

You know, they roll over and go to sleep, and so the guys in a lot of cases, I think, sometimes don't even have any idea that their wife never really got to the point where she enjoyed it to the fullness.

Michelle Moore: 21:29

I think that part too comes with communication.

Daniel Moore: 21:31

It does yeah.

Daniel Moore: 21:32

You know, and so this part of being a servant to the spouse, it has to be two-sided because, as we've been talking about through these whole two sections here, if the husband and the wife are going to be completely satisfied sexually in that part of their relationship to the extent of the way that it's supposed to be, then you both have to be fulfilling that need. You can't just halfway fulfill one need on one side and let that happen all the time, and on the other side it gets completely fulfilled. That just doesn't work that way. That leaves a longing there in one of those spouses. They always feel like there's a void that's not being taken care of and that can get very exasperating to them and frustrating.

Daniel Moore: 22:17

I think is the best word for that, probably and so that communication is very important and the guys, you've got to remember that your wife, her enjoyment of that is just as important or more than yours, and you need to make sure that that's taken care of. And there are a lot of times where one spouse may want something done to them that the other spouse has never done or really has no desire to do it, and I think that when that comes up, that's a conversation that you both have to have. I think that when that comes up, that's a conversation that you both have to have and you have to understand that there are, I'm sure, everybody's going to have their boundaries. They're going to have their spot that they don't want to cross. But make sure that if you set that boundary, that you both can agree on that boundary and that you both are okay with that. And especially if, like as it was mentioned here, if it's something that's not a sin or taking you down a harmful road, if it's just something that could be enjoyable between the two of you, that's going to really cause no harm. Even if you don't enjoy doing that kind of thing, every once in a while you might want to consider allowing your spouse to enjoy that, because that is something that's going to even make you love each other even more.

Daniel Moore: 23:32

The fact that you would sacrifice something for your other spouse for their enjoyment that just I know for myself that does a lot for my psyche, because I know that if that there's things that I enjoy that you don't, but if you do that for me, I know I feel completely different about our relationship after that. Yeah, because I look at you as like you know she really does love me. I know I feel completely different about our relationship after that Because I look at you as like you know she really does love me. I mean she'll do things that she doesn't even want to do for me and vice versa, and you know that really just does awesome things for how I feel about you and how I look at you at my spouse, and so definitely keep those boundaries as they need to be there. It might be something you need to pray over to try to get a peace in those situations, in those areas, because everybody looks at sex a little bit differently obviously.

Michelle Moore: 24:18

Absolutely, they do.

Daniel Moore: 24:20

But don't forget that God did call us to be servants to our spouses and that servanthood encompasses everything, every aspect of our relationship and our marriage, including the sexual part. So don't be selfish with that in a selfish manner. Talk through it Right, Communicate.

Aria: 24:42

So good.

Daniel Moore: 24:43

The fourth one take turns being the focus of the experience and this kind of piggybacks off the last one.

Daniel Moore: 24:47

Jimmy shared that one of the things Karen and this kind of piggybacks off the last one. Jimmy shared that one of the things Karen and he would do that really worked great for them was having his nights or her nights every now and then. Men and women are different by God's design and we both have different sexual natures and needs, which we just discussed. The purpose of having nights that focus on one of us is to make sure our needs are being fully met. He went on to say that on Karen's nights they would do a lot of talking and things were. That's right, that's all of us guys. Things are the way he would choose and Karen was focused on him. Sex and marriage should be a win-win proposition and no one should be left out or in second place. We should have sex on a frequency and in ways that make sure that both spouses are fulfilled, which we just talked about that earlier. For this to occur, there's going to have to be concessions on both sides.

Michelle Moore: 25:51

I really like that.

Daniel Moore: 25:58

I think it's an awesome idea because it allows you to not forget that one of the other may not be being pleased. We should try that In that part of our relationship. I don't think we have that issue.

Michelle Moore: 26:03

No, but it's still no, I'm just saying his or her. I understand what you're saying you know you write down. I think you should write down a list of everything that you like and then hand it to me and say here's my list on one of my nights. Here you go.

Daniel Moore: 26:18

You won't have to read a whole, I mean.

Michelle Moore: 26:20

I mean come on Dan.

Daniel Moore: 26:23

But yeah, this is something that can be considered.

Michelle Moore: 26:26

I mean, you might want me to wash your truck.

Daniel Moore: 26:29

Oh hey, now we're talking.

Michelle Moore: 26:32

Doesn't have to always be sexual.

Daniel Moore: 26:33

That's true, so you can see where the guy's mind goes. It just goes right in the gutter.

Michelle Moore: 26:44

But no, I think you know, this is a way that.

Daniel Moore: 26:45

I think if you're having trouble being a servant to your spouse, maybe take this approach and that will maybe help work through that process a little smoother, possibly.

Michelle Moore: 26:54

And I do think that you know, if you do do that, do write down things that you like, that you would want to be pleased by, and same for the female. So because sometimes guys just don't know.

Daniel Moore: 27:08

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 27:09

And wives don't really know. You know themselves of, like, what makes him happy or turns him on or whatever. You know that may be something that you know if you're newly married. Write them down, you know, and sit down and talk about them before you do that. You know and just like hey, this is. You know what I like, what I don't like, and you know.

Daniel Moore: 27:31

And this is a huge part of the relationship. You're going to find out, as you if you're newly married. You're going to find out as the years go by that the sexual part of your relationship is that glue that keeps you together in all reality. Everything else kind of circulates around all of that.

Daniel Moore: 27:51

And there's. This is no place to be embarrassed to talk about things. If you are too embarrassed to tell your spouse what you like and don't like and those kinds of things, then you need to work on that. You need to try to get to a point where you both can be completely open with those things, because that's what's going to get you to the place where God you know God designed this for having children but, he also designed it for our pleasure.

Daniel Moore: 28:12

We know that by reading the Bible, that that's why this was created between us and to help us, you know, nurture this relationship in a godly way, and so we have full grounds to. You know, take it wherever it needs to go for to be able to have that type of relationship that God wants you to have. And if you're too embarrassed to talk about it, you're never going to make it to that point, and you're going to probably leave frustrating voids.

Michelle Moore: 28:38

Yeah, you don't want. And seasons of life, your body changes.

Daniel Moore: 28:42

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 28:43

And you know, having children as a female perspective, or having surgeries of health issues. You know, as you get older it all changes. And you know, as women, we're kind of critical on ourselves. If you know, if you used to be this small person and you've gained all this weight, or you know, or hey, your body's been like cut stuff, your mind can go into a place that I'm just not. I don't want him to see me that way. I don't want to have sex.

Aria: 29:17

You become self-conscious.

Michelle Moore: 29:18

Yeah, very, and it's like you know you have to talk that through with your spouse Because more than likely they kind of already know what you're thinking. But give them the opportunity to build you up, give them the opportunity to encourage you that it's okay. I mean, heck, my body's changed a lot, multiple different times, and I tell Dan to this day I mean there's been times I've really struggled with it, and he knows I really struggle with my weight and I mean that is one of my things that Satan really, really fights me with. And over the years it's just like I'm so thankful you still love me for who? Not for my body, because that's not what's important. He loves me for who I am and what's in my heart. You know, and I think sometimes we lose sight of that it's about the body and it's not. It is not.

Daniel Moore: 30:13

So just remember, if you are fighting that, talk to your spouse, let them know what's going on in your relationship and your marriage for the right reasons, then your ultimate goal should be to wanting to create that family and that family unit around you.

Daniel Moore: 30:36

As you grow older and them kids grow up, you create a legacy, basically.

Daniel Moore: 30:42

And so what the female goes through to have those children you know, I look at you know what's happened with your body, with having the children and everything, the way that you've had to do it To me that's a beautiful thing, because that's the beauty of the family unit being created and that's one of the purposes that we got married was to have a family and to be together.

Daniel Moore: 31:04

And that's a sacrifice that I see you make and you know that makes me love you that much more, because the fact that you're willing to sacrifice what you once had as a younger person, to sacrifice that as you get older and I feel like that a lot of guys lose that perspective and as they get older, they all of a sudden want this young teenage figure again in front of them, you know, and want to trade them in for a younger model, and some women do the same thing to the guys. But in all reality, you know, beauty should be better with age, you know it's. I think that over time, as those scars that we have because we've been fighting for our family and building our family and building that legacy, there are battle scars that come along with that and those should be beautiful to us because those are sacrifices that we both have made as we endeavor to create our family unit.

Michelle Moore: 32:00

I always tease Dan about him loving around the world map because the stretch marks that I have that's probably TMI. But you know I always tease him about it and you know he's always been really good and so encouraging to me that now it's like I don't really say anything about it anymore. I don't think anything about it. You know he has done such a great job of making me always feel beautiful.

Daniel Moore: 32:23

Yeah, and that's what a guy's supposed to do. I mean, that's the whole essence of the love that you should have for your spouse and you don't. You know, dumb them down and talk down and, you know, point out all the flaws all the time and expect them to fix them. That's not the purpose of us being married. We're married to grow together and to love each other more and more every day, regardless of what kind of through, thick and thin, rich, poor, all that stuff comes into play.

Michelle Moore: 32:51

Oh, absolutely.

Daniel Moore: 32:53

Those vows that we say at the beginnings. All right, so we'll be going on here to number five and you go ahead and read that one.

Michelle Moore: 33:14

This one is be adventurous and creative. There are two extremes that must be avoided sexually. One extreme is being in ruts and only doing sex one way all the time Interesting, and only doing sex one way all the time Interesting. The second extreme is the pressure to be constantly changing and experimenting. You don't have to come up with something new constantly, but if you never do anything different, it means you aren't taking sex or your spouse seriously enough. Pray about it, think about it and talk about it with your spouse seriously enough. Pray about it, think about it and talk about it with your spouse. Your annual vision retreat is also a great place to talk about this issue.

Michelle Moore: 33:58

Regarding being adventurous, jimmy regularly gets questions from husbands and wives about whether he thinks oral sex, sex toys and things like that are all right. His response was if the Bible says not to do something, you shouldn't do it, but if it is something the Bible doesn't address, then you should consider these questions Is it safe? Is it mutually agreed upon? Does it harm our relationship? Does it harm anyone else? If something you are considering is against the Bible, isn't unsafe, it's mutually agreed upon and doesn't harm your relationship or anyone else, I would consider doing it and see if you like it. It might be that one spouse really likes it and the other one is just all right with it. That is fine. You don't have to like something the same to do it. But don't be a prude. Keep your sexual relationships pure, but have fun and be creative.

Michelle Moore: 35:05

By the way, it is important to know that there are many reasons we have sex. Here are some of them Reproduction, comfort, sensual enjoyment and pleasure, bonding, self-esteem and confidence, intimate connection and knowledge of our spouse, protection from outside temptation as a covenant sign of good faith. When you remember that sex is a multi-dimensional and important on many levels, it helps to keep it in context and motivates you to put energy into it. I really like that. I would definitely say that. You know there's been times that we have definitely done some different things. Just to you know, try different things out. I can't believe we're saying that just to spice it up.

Michelle Moore: 36:00

You know, and that's not an issue that we've ever come across, I think. I think most of the time, if we've talked about something, you know, if it's something that you really like and I'm kind of OK, it's still OK because I want to please you. So, same as me. Now, we don't get heavily invested in toys or anything like that.

Daniel Moore: 36:24

Yeah, you know, it's one of those things that I think I think we can vouch for the fact that if, if it was the same all the time, it would be probably like being in a rut, and I think a lot of people listening probably can testify to that same thing. And so it is a good thing, I think, to mix it up every once in a while and do different things and try different things once in a while. And do different things and try different things. And again, if you're in a servant attitude, like we talked about earlier, then that's also going to help your relationship and trust that you have in your spouse. And you know this question if you go Google this, the question of oral sex and some of those types of things are brought up quite often as far as, in a Christian aspect, is it actually okay to do that kind of thing?

Daniel Moore: 37:12

And this little section here pretty much hits it right on the head. It's the same way as it is with anything. When it comes to our walk with Christ, we have a roadmap that's been given to us to follow as being a Christian, and that's the Bible, and everything that's wrong for us to do as a Christian that is, a sin is listed in that book, and if it's not there, then I feel like I agree here. I feel like that if it's not in there that it's a sin, that it's something bad that you shouldn't be doing, then I don't see why there is an issue with introducing those types of things into your relationships if that's what's going to help you grow closer and, you know, create that stronger bond between each other.

Daniel Moore: 37:59

I will say this, though we talked last week a lot about pornography, and one thing that happens with the pornography is you will see a lot of these extracurricular activities taking place on those screens, and a lot of times it's in a very forceful type manner or a possessive type manner, from the guy to the girl. It's like they're forcing them to do things because that's part of the sensuality, of what turns the guy on. That's just that mindset that they're trying to set there. So I think the thing that you just have to be careful with, especially with, like, the oral sex and those kinds of things, is it does kind of lean towards the pornography side of things to an extent. So you have to be careful with that.

Aria: 38:48

You definitely don't want to force it.

Daniel Moore: 38:49

You don't want to make them do something that they don't want to do. You know you don't want to. You know, do things like they do it in the movies, where you know grab their head and shove it down or whatever it may be. I think there's things that you have to be careful of when you're doing that, because then it can get more over to the other side of things, where you are being forceful in an area where you shouldn't be. It needs to be something that's coming natural, absolutely, that the other spouse is definitely okay with doing because they want to please you, because they want to give you your sexual fulfillment in that moment. And you know, there's just some things you just have to kind of weigh the balances with there and it's a testing. There's a little field of testing there that you guys you know as married couples, you can kind of tread through those lightly and just see how things you know pan out and it may be something that you all enjoy and it's just going to add that much more spice to your relationship and it's going to help you draw closer to God.

Daniel Moore: 39:46

And, just again, just ask those questions you know that we mentioned Is it safe? Is it mutually agreed upon. Does it harm your relationship? Does it harm anyone else? There's a lot of questions you can ask yourself if those things aren't specifically spoken of in the Bible as a sin, and I think that this is an area that a lot of people really cut themselves short on, because they automatically start feeling well, we can't do that because that's sinful. Well, where's that scripture at that says it's sinful?

Michelle Moore: 40:13

Let me ask you this and this is not necessarily. I think this just came from someone that had asked me one time and I know the answer, but I'll just ask you this. Someone had said we're not having sex before marriage, but we have oral. Is that wrong?

Daniel Moore: 40:35

It's definitely wrong Because in all reality, even oral is sex. It's still a sexual activity that you're taking place in the nude body, biblically, is to be saved for marriage for that person that you are to be married to, unless it's in other situations such as getting surgeries and that kind of thing. Obviously that's a whole different aspect. But when it comes to building a relationship between a guy and a girl, at our school we used to have what we call the six-inch rule, and if we had a boyfriend or a girlfriend I went to a Christian school, by the way I was getting ready to say it.

Daniel Moore: 41:12

It ain't no public school it wasn't a public school, we had a six-inch rule. So if we got anywhere within six inches of our boyfriend or girlfriend holding hands or wrapping arms around or whatever, we got in huge trouble for that. And that wasn't necessarily a biblical standard by the way, there's nothing in the Bible about that but it was just basically trying to keep us from the temptation and all the kinds of things that go along with that. And obviously we didn't follow that when we weren't at school. But you know there's just a certain point that you can't pass. You know you can go so far with the. You know showing affection between a boyfriend and a girlfriend, but when it comes to getting handsy, touching body parts, getting underneath clothing, that's things that a lot of people do and they fall for it.

Daniel Moore: 42:06

Michelle and I were in that same boat you know, when we were dating we did those kinds of things, but it was not right. That is a sinful thing to do If you're going to completely keep yourself for marriage. Then you know we talked about the hymen I think it was last week about when it breaks. That can actually be broken, you know, with fingers. It doesn't necessarily have to be the other kind of penetration for that to happen. And so you have to be careful with all that stuff, because that's essentially that's sex. It's just in a different form, a different way of doing it, and so we just have to be careful with that and just bring it to the word.

Michelle Moore: 42:43

Yeah, which I knew the answer. Just be biblical about it.

Daniel Moore: 42:45

If somebody ever does ask someone out there as the listener, Right you know, yeah, it seems strict and all that kind of thing, and it kind of comes back to legalistic and all the stuff that people like to say about it, that the Bible is just a bunch of rules. But those are in place for a reason. That's right, and you know, for us to be sexually pure whenever we are married. That is a reflection of the pure relationship we have with Christ and that's something that we need to keep in mind. So, moving on here to number six, be romantic in your spouse's love language all day long. Sex doesn't begin when you get in bed. It begins when you wake up in the morning and say hello to each other.

Daniel Moore: 43:30

As we stated in previous episodes, sex is only one fourth of the full intimacy formula. For it to be fulfilling, we have to pay attention to other three areas as well, such as spiritual, mental and emotional. As a husband loves his wife in a sacrificial and sensitive manner through the day, it is foreplay to the max. When he ignores his wife and doesn't meet her needs, he will pay for it in bed later. His wife and doesn't meet her needs, he will pay for it in bed later. Also, when a wife honors her husband through the day and meets his needs. It prepares him for intimacy with her on every level, including sex.

Daniel Moore: 44:03

In the early episodes of this series, we described the difference between husband and wife's needs in marriage and how to be romantic in your spouse's language. It might be helpful to refer to those episodes for a reminder regarding this issue. It is critically important in sex and all other areas of marriage to accept and celebrate the inherent difference that we have, and with this one here, it is very true. You probably do need to remember the differences between guys and girls. If you're mean to your spouse throughout the day, then you're going to have a padlock locked at night when you're wanting to have the sexual intimacy part happen sometimes.

Michelle Moore: 44:42

I think it does play a little bit of a factor.

Daniel Moore: 44:44

It's going to be an issue.

Michelle Moore: 44:45

But I don't, I mean, I don't. I'm not the type of person to hold things against you during the day.

Daniel Moore: 44:52

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 44:53

To bring something at the bed, you know.

Daniel Moore: 44:55

Yeah, unless it's something that really makes you angry. I mean, I think there are things that can make somebody angry enough that In the past, yeah, Especially if you go to bed angry, and we've talked about that as well.

Michelle Moore: 45:08

In the past.

Daniel Moore: 45:08

yes, and that's why it's so important not to go to bed angry, because that can definitely play over into and it can also be a situation, just like we've talked before, where you try to have makeup sex.

Daniel Moore: 45:21

You know, if you make somebody, make each other mad throughout the day and then the guy or the woman expects to just have sex when you go to bed and make up for it when the other person's still mad, then that's not going to work either and that's not how that works. So it's very important to remember, or to understand, your spouse, and not all spouses have the same love language, although women have a lot of the same basic needs, and so do guys. But in all reality, women are created different between each other and guys are created different between each other. And that's where this communication comes into play and knowing your spouse inside and out and understanding how to meet those needs and take care of that. So that's I think we'll leave that one there, the seventh one to wrap up these seven steps here. Let's go ahead, and you go ahead and share that one.

Michelle Moore: 46:12

OK. Number seven is never give up. If you have some physical or emotional issues that are keeping you from opening up to your spouse sexually, you need to take it seriously and get help. When you have a problem, you both have a problem. If you don't take it seriously and get the help you need, you will sexually strand your spouse and it can do great damage to your marriage.

Michelle Moore: 46:37

You might be dealing with sexual guilt or it might be previous abuse, an abortion, an affair or something else. Maybe you are dealing with erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness. You may be dealing with anger and unresolved conflicts with your spouse. But deal with it. Don't let any problem derail your marriage or your sexuality. It is too important and too sacred in your marriage. Go to your pastor or a Christian professional, go to a doctor if necessary, but let your spouse know that you won't stop fighting for your marriage. Let them know that you are committed to meeting their sexual needs and will overcome any obstacle that may come in your way. Sex is a beautiful gift from God. It is designed solely for the marriage relationship, as the covenant seal and sign If we will honor God's plan and reserve.

Daniel Moore: 47:46

So with this one here, I think a lot of people may have a lot of have probably experienced this where if they had some obstacles or roadblocks come up that it made them just want to give up on it and not even try, and that's a very dangerous place to be, because that's unfortunately a lot of times that's a recipe to head you straight to divorce if both of you aren't on the same page with all of that.

Daniel Moore: 48:16

And, as it's mentioned in here, you know some of these things are inflicted on people, like previous abuse. That's a big one. There's a lot of people that are abused as teenagers and when they finally get to the point where they're able to get married, as soon as they start having sexual relations with their spouse, it starts bringing back just in floods all of their childhood and all the stuff that was done to them and that makes it very difficult for them to be intimate and to open themselves up and allow their spouse to be a part of them, like it's supposed to be done. How do you navigate that? You know, I mean, I fortunately did not go through that.

Daniel Moore: 48:55

I didn't either you didn't either, and so we didn't have that issue, and you know I'm thankful for that because that's not something that I really myself ever wanted to have to navigate, but I do know people that's been through it.

Aria: 49:09

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 49:10

And but that's not a reason to give up. You know that's not a reason to just say OK, we made a mistake, let's cut the ties and move on. That's something you need to work through. You know abortions those can have a huge effect on marriages before and after, especially with the women of times. If you look at statistics and I've done a couple of episodes last year I think it was around August of last year, july August about abortion and statistics show that women, when they actually get the abortion, some of them are okay with it and they think they're doing the right thing or whatever. But after they do that, later on, statistics are very high that they have a huge regret and it really messes with their psychological mindset and they start going into depressions and all that kind of thing and that can create an issue in sexual intimacy. You know affairs. You know. Look at what happened with us with the situations that both of us brought into our marriages. It would have been real easy for us to just give up.

Michelle Moore: 50:18

Oh yeah.

Daniel Moore: 50:19

It would have been easy for us to not go back and try to fix any of that, but we chose to do it and with God's help, we were able to restore that. And you have medical conditions. There are some surgeries that women have that you know. It talks here about erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness. You know there's things that can happen within our bodies medically that can cause issues and create problems. And you know you might have had a really active sex life up to a certain point and then all of a sudden something medically happens that stops that. Yeah, and over time all of a sudden you're having problems. You know the other spouse just doesn't understand and they don't grasp the whole fullness of what's just happened and they start playing the blame game. You know it's just an excuse. You don't really have this problem. You know what's just an excuse. You don't really have this problem. You know what's the problem. You know and it can really create issues and again, I think we've said this time and time again through this whole series, I think communication.

Daniel Moore: 51:23

I was going to say communication is the key, it's a huge key in that, because you and I have walked that and, like I said a couple of times, several times here we've talked about, we're going to be doing an episode pretty soon because we walk through that exact thing and it can be traumatic to relationships if you're not careful. But, as we was talking here, you know, don't let any problem derail your marriage or your sexuality. God brought you together. You've gotten married. You're walking that path that he set before you. You're keeping God in the middle. He wants to bless that marriage. He wants to make sure that it ends to the fullness that it could ever be In all reality.

Daniel Moore: 52:09

One way that guys can look at this when we get married, we are actually preparing our spouses for that marriage in heaven someday.

Daniel Moore: 52:22

You know, our life doesn't just end here.

Daniel Moore: 52:25

Once we walk this walk and we end up crossing through those gates someday into heaven, everything that we've done on earth down here is practice.

Daniel Moore: 52:35

We are practicing for the marriage supper of the Lamb when we walk through those gates and we become a part of the heavenly kingdom with God throughout eternity, and so that should be all the more reason why we should really work on our marriages while we're here on earth and make them the best that they can be, because that is the reflection of that marriage relationship that we have with Christ, and that's what we're doing here. We're practicing for that day. So everything that we do, whether if it's emotionally, spiritually, sexually, any of those different areas within our bodies that we have the intimacy take place we need to dedicate all of that to God and allow Him to work through that within us so that we can have the fullness of what he expects us to have in our relationships as we're here on this earth, knowing that someday, when we get to heaven, if we've done it all right, we have rewards waiting for us and, at the same time, we've had the best possible marriage and life on this earth.

Daniel Moore: 53:35

That we could ever ask for, and I think that that's probably one of the best ways that we can end this series on the four laws of love. So is there anything that you want to add to this?

Michelle Moore: 53:47

I just want to tell everybody thanks for walking this series with us. You know the four laws of love and I hope you learn something. I know that Dan and I have. We've grown more together. We hope that, if you're listening as a couple, that you've grown together and you've taken something from it, and I'm super excited that God has, you know, worked everything out for us, Yep, and continue going before us, yep.

Daniel Moore: 54:31

So don't forget that you can reach out to us. Yes, we do have all the information in our show notes here on the episodes. You can email at danielconnectingthegapnet. There's a little shout out link that you can click and it'll send us a text and we'll respond to that on a future episode, as we can't text you back. But if you have questions, just want to give us some encouragement, give us some examples from your marriages where God's just intervened in a miraculous way. We love to hear that stuff. We'd love to share it with our other listeners to encourage them, because a lot of times when you're walking through these dark, dark moments with your spouses, it feels like you're by yourself. You're really not.

Daniel Moore: 55:08

There's a lot of people going through issues, a lot of people going through problems. The statistics today are so extremely high for divorce. It's unbelievable.

Michelle Moore: 55:17

It's been amazing, since we've been starting this podcast, of how many people that we've talked to that have walked some kind of path. That I wouldn't say some kind of path, but it's been amazing, since we started this podcast, that we've talked to other couples that have walked something similar like us.

Daniel Moore: 55:48

Or even worse.

Michelle Moore: 55:49

Yes, it has been amazing to. I mean, I would have liked to know that when we were walking through things, just because it made me feel like I was all alone and that I literally was. I mean, obviously I did some things that I wasn't supposed to, but even afterwards, I mean the guilt and the shame, and you know we didn't talk about it.

Daniel Moore: 56:11

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 56:12

You never talked about it.

Daniel Moore: 56:13

Yeah.

Michelle Moore: 56:14

And you know we didn't talk about it, you never talked about it. And now that this podcast has come out and we've been talking about the you know, the four laws of love and everything, it's been amazing to sit down with other couples and just to listen and they have someone else that's walked through it, you know, to know, hey, there is hope. You know, it just blows my mind how God has used this even to open my eyes to other people and it's like because before I was like I'm not talking about this because everybody's going to know and they're going to judge me Well, what you don't know. Other people have walked their own stories as well.

Daniel Moore: 56:57

Yeah, it's not taboo.

Michelle Moore: 57:00

No.

Daniel Moore: 57:00

It's not something that we should shove under the rug, and not approach.

Michelle Moore: 57:03

Marriage is so tough.

Daniel Moore: 57:04

There's help out there.

Michelle Moore: 57:05

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 57:06

But you've got to speak up if you're going to get that help and whether that comes from just a very close friend. That's very biblically grounded. No-transcript.

Michelle Moore: 57:32

I do want to give one shout out to a person that has been with me through thick and thin besides you. But, Paula, I just want you to know that I love you. You have been with me ever since all my kids have been born. Like you, have walked seasons of life with me. You have always encouraged me, you have always kept me accountable when I stepped out of line and you've poured into me and I just want to thank you for that, because God put you in my life for all these years that I needed someone that I could talk to, and she knows me inside and out. She knows everything. We've walked through my previous marriage. I mean she has truly been a godsend for me and I just want to say that I love you and I thank you for that.

Daniel Moore: 58:27

Everybody needs that friend.

Aria: 58:28

Yeah.

Daniel Moore: 58:29

That's for sure. It's a God thing when people like that are put into your path and I'm thankful for her as well and everything that she's helped you through and they've been her and her husband both. They've been really good friends to us for a very long time.

Michelle Moore: 58:45

And you need that friend, that will put you in your place when you step out.

Daniel Moore: 58:49

For sure. Well, I guess with that we'll call this a wrap, and next week I will be starting a mini series on rejection, and then we have some more marriage stuff coming. So we've got some interviews lined up and then Michelle and I have some things that we're going to do as well. So be watching for all of those. We may have a couple of episodes next week It'll just depend on how things land. But we'll be pumping out some more stuff here and hopefully you guys will enjoy all of that. So please subscribe, because if you don't, you're going to miss it all, and you don't want to miss these good episodes that are coming your way here on Marriage Life More and Connecting the Gap. So that's going to end this week's episode.

Daniel Moore: 59:32

I'm Daniel Moore, my wife Michelle. She's sitting here with you for this extended series on the four laws of love. Thank you guys for listening. This show really wouldn't be possible without you. If you're a fan of the show, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, or if you'd like to help us out, just take a few seconds to give us a five-star click and please subscribe to us on your favorite platform. The links are in the show notes. Well, that's all for this week and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode. This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries and we pray that you guys have a blessed week.

Aria: 1:00:07

You've been listening to Connecting the Gap Podcast. In this world, there are many disconnects that cause chaos in our lives. This podcast is birthed from the desire to share hope and restoration of the power of the gospel by being transparent and open in our biblical walk with God. Each week, we take a few moments as we navigate God's Word and peer into other people's testimonies and encourage each other to connect the gap. We upload a new audio podcast every Thursday and a video version of it on YouTube and Rumble. We are also on the Christian podcasting app Edify. You can subscribe to our podcast on many of the available podcasting platforms, including Apple Podcast, spotify, amazon Music, iheart Radio, tunein Radio and more. We are also available on your Alexa-enabled devices. If you would like to contact our ministry for any reason, visit our contact page and send us a message. We hope you are blessed by this ministry. This is a production of Connecting the Gap Ministries.