Rejection - Getting Past the Past - 226

Have you ever felt the sting of rejection so deeply that it altered how you see yourself? This raw, powerful episode takes us on a journey from the pain of past rejection to the stability of an identity anchored in something unshakable.

Through a seemingly simple home repair story about a stubborn cable that wouldn't budge, we discover a profound truth about human identity. Just as that cable needed secure attachment to function properly, our sense of self requires anchoring to something permanent rather than hanging loose, vulnerable to every emotional breeze.

I was run over by a car at age 11, permanently altering my appearance and setting me on a path of self-consciousness, especially during the formative teenage years. This vulnerability led to painful experiences of rejection that revealed two core fears we all face: abandonment and loss of identity. When we build our worth on external validation—likes, comments, relationships, or achievements—we create an exhausting cycle of manipulation to protect our fragile self-image.

The path forward requires developing what we call an "intimacy-based identity" by wrestling honestly with three transformative questions: Is God good? Is God good to me? Do I trust God to be God? Through biblical insights and personal reflection, we learn how to shift our focus from circumstantial evidence to unchanging truth.

Most powerfully, we discover that while rejection remains possible in this broken world, God's love provides an unwavering foundation. "The most exquisite love story we can engage in is the one we were designed to experience with God." By daily affirming God's goodness and embracing our identity in Him, we can finally break free from the painful patterns of our past.

Join us for this second installment in our rejection mini-series, and discover how to replace the unstable cable of circumstantial identity with the unbreakable connection of being "holy and dearly beloved." Your journey toward healing begins now.

Chapters

• 0:46 Rejection Part 2: Getting Past the Past
• 2:53 Moving In and Home Maintenance Struggles
• 6:51 My Accident and Teenage Identity Crisis
• 12:21 The Core Fears Behind Rejection
• 16:34 Building an Intimacy-Based Identity
• 22:10 Is God Good? Exploring Divine Goodness
• 24:44 Is God Good to Me? Finding Personal Peace
• 31:40 Trusting God to Be God

Transcript

Daniel Moore: 0:03

In the past, my perception of God was characterized by caution and skepticism. It was easy to be consumed by doubt and disbelief when faced with constant streams of chaos, tragedy and suffering depicted in the news. Questions about how a loving God could allow such widespread pain and turmoil often plagued my thoughts. For years, my understanding of God was clouded by uncertainty and fear. When asked what I believe about God, my response would have been marked by skepticism and unease. I viewed him as a mysterious and intimidating figure, prone to unpredictable actions. That left me feeling unsure and apprehensive. This week, on Connecting the Gap, we continue our mini-series on rejection. This is Rejection Part 2, getting Past the Past. We'll be back in a moment to continue that, right after this.

Daniel Moore: 1:03

Welcome to Connecting the Gap. This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies, and we interview people that have a story. I'm Daniel Moore, your host. Thank you, guys for joining us this week. If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at wwwconnectingthegapnet, for our platforms. Our YouTube and our Rumble links are there. We're also on the Christian podcasting app, edify, and you can get us on your Google and Alexa smart devices. You can also visit us on social, on Facebook and Instagram at ctgaponline. If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe. Feel free to leave a comment on our platforms, give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, and we'd be grateful to you for doing that. That helps our podcast to grow Well. Thank you, guys for joining us once again this week for another episode of our podcast here at Connecting the Gap and, as I stated here in the beginning, we are in a mini-series on rejection. We started that last week with episode one of that series. It's a three-part series and this week we're going to be doing part two. This week's episode Getting Past the Past episode Getting Past the Past.

Daniel Moore: 2:53

When we moved into our current neighborhood, we thought we had hit the jackpot. It was a beautiful, completely remodeled home with very little projects to worry about. That was big in my book because if you know my wife and I personally and have visited our previous home of over 21 years, it was nothing but an ongoing project, nothing but a money pit. It was built in the late 1800s initially and if you've ever seen the 1986 movie with Tom Hanks and Shelley Long Money Pit, well, that's the way I felt. Every time we would start a new project. It spawned about three more, it seemed. So I was super excited with this house purchase, that is until we found out we had no internet options in our neighborhood. I have a computer business on the side and that was a huge problem. We spent the next several months trying different services until we finally found one that would slide us by.

Daniel Moore: 3:48

Three years later we got the awesome news that our town was getting fiber. It was like Christmas to me. All I could do was sit and chew my fingernails and wait impatiently for them to get it buried so we could hook it up. Then the day came, and then I found out they would have to install it on the south end of the house. I needed it on the north end, in the loft above the garage. So I started my game plan of how I would resolve this problem. I decided to run a cable up my wall through my attic and then put in a plug in the loft. Upon examination of the room it was installed in, I realized that the cable TV had been run through the wall already and it was in a wall box behind a plastic wall plate. This is going to be easy. I thought I can fasten my cable to the cable in the wall, have my wife feed it to me as I stand in the attic sweating, and pull it up. I prepared all the cable and it's ready to go.

Daniel Moore: 4:51

I go into my attic and dig around the insulation until I find the cable. Are you ready? I called out to my wife. She was ready. I grabbed the cable in my hands, leveraged myself on the rafters and pulled, strained, pulled and I strained and I pulled some more. That cable didn't budge. I'm like what in the world? I grabbed the cable and started following it into the middle of the attic when I realized the cable was stapled down to all the rafters.

Daniel Moore: 5:27

Then it dawned on me. They installed this cable when they built the house. I bet they stapled that cable all the way down that stud. I go back downstairs to the bedroom to check it out. I ended up cutting out the box and looked into the cutout on the wall. Ended up cutting out the box and looked into the cutout on the wall. My heart sank. They had run the cable down the opposite side of the stud than the box was installed on and then drilled a hole through the stud, pulled the cable through and that cable wasn't going anywhere. Man, how frustrating.

Daniel Moore: 6:00

I really had wished it was an easy way, but there wasn't. I was going to have to fish the cable down the wall and do it the hard way. As I thought about it, though, I realized why they had done it that way. The cable had to have some stability to it. That way no one could accidentally pull it out of the wall and render it useless. The cable wouldn't be very stable just hanging there unattached. There was nothing astounding about that fact from a construction standpoint. I mean, if you think about it, you can't expect too much stability from a cable that is hanging loose. And that was kind of like looking into myself.

Daniel Moore: 6:42

For many of my teenage years, I'd been expecting stability from an identity that could have been broken at any moment and left to hang there like a loose cable. What a lot of you may not know is that when I was 11 years old, I was ran over by a 1970s model Lincoln Continental. If you've been with me from the very beginning of this journey with my podcast, you would have heard me share that story in episode one entitled why I Do what I Do. The part I didn't share in that story was all the pain, confusion and the many questions I asked myself and God throughout all my younger years. The most influential portion of our lives is during our teenage years. That's when we struggle the most to figure out where we belong, how do we become accepted and we attempt to make lifelong, lasting friendships. That's also when we try to find a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

Daniel Moore: 7:39

When I was hit by that car, it changed my whole life trajectory. I quickly became an 11-year-old boy that was shy and didn't want to be seen by strangers. I had scars on my face, hand and my shoulder. The handsome profile I once had was seemingly altered for a lifetime and it made me very self-conscious about myself as I started my journey of having countless surgeries to fix the issues. Some of the procedures that had to be done were even more embarrassing than my injuries. I had a balloon on the side of my lower jaw and neck that was filled with two liters of saline every two weeks, which was to expand and cause skin to grow to fix the scars on my face. I had that for close to a year.

Daniel Moore: 8:28

I found myself trying to be funny in the crowd, cracking jokes and pulling pranks to try to draw attention away from the elephant in the room. I constantly worried about what people would think of me with my disfiguration, and I knew it was going to be an issue when I would try to get a girl, and eventually it happened. I liked a girl in school and we became pretty close friends. I finally got the courage one day to ask her to be my girlfriend. Keep in mind I was still too young to really go on dates. I wasn't even old enough to drive. I had worked my way up to being one of the most popular guys in our class and I had it going on, and my confidence was as high as it had ever been since that fateful day when I was run over and then it came crashing down. She turned me down Not once, but several times over my high school years, and you know how it is when you think that you want something so badly but you can't get it, it just makes you want it even more. You go to any lengths to get it.

Daniel Moore: 9:39

During this time of the obvious rejection, I discovered two core fears that feed a person's vulnerability while being rejected. Number one, the fear of being abandoned, and the second, the fear of losing one's identity. As a teenage boy, I never expected to experience being abandoned or losing my sense of self. However, I was starting to understand the pain of rejection all too well. When someone you care about is there physically but emotionally distant, it can leave your heart feeling empty and powerless. This holds true whether it's a spouse, a friend or any important figure in your life. Rejection was starting to settle deep within my heart. I felt myself coming to an earth-shattering conclusion I don't matter, I am worth nothing. Why did this have to happen to me? There were so many more people in the world that this could have happened to. Why me? What was more disturbing is I was starting to be angry with God. My self-worth to Him was starting to be very shaky.

Daniel Moore: 10:52

For years I had always been taught to put my identity in Christ. I always heard and understood what they said and agreed with Colossians 3.12, as they would make us memorize it God's chosen people, holy and dearly beloved. But when life would get hard and threatening, I'd revert right back to the pity party and the old thought patterns of feeling unwanted and rejected. As I was standing there in the attic holding that cable in my hand that was stapled tight to the rafters, it reminded me of how it can't just halfway be done. You can't take all the old thoughts and patterns and nail a little bit of Jesus' truth to it and expect it to have the stability it needed to stay where they installed it. I have come to realize that I need to stop measuring God's goodness based on my feelings. In the moment, emotions are unreliable and fleeting like a loose flapping cord, but the truth is constant, steadfast and unwavering. To change my old ways of thinking, I must replace them with a new perspective based on God's truth. Regarding my core identity, I need to firmly establish my sense of self and the reality of God's nature and His relationship to me. This foundation will provide stability, untouched by shifting emotions and by aligning my understanding with God's truth, I can draw closer to Him and fully embrace my identity in Him. Embrace my identity in Him.

Daniel Moore: 12:24

When our sense of self is intertwined with external circumstances, we become vulnerable to insecurity. The unpredictability and fluctuating nature of these circumstances can lead us to feel a major sense of unease. We may find ourselves highly responsive to external validation, feeling cherished when complimented but devastated when criticized. Our self-worth becomes tied to external affirmations, leaving us desperate to maintain relationships that validate our value. The fear of losing these relationships becomes palpable as we perceive their departure not just as a loss of a person, but also as a loss of a piece of our own identity. The mantra is I must keep things good so I can be good.

Daniel Moore: 13:17

Constantly trying to manipulate and control situations to maintain an identity rooted in circumstances can be draining and overwhelming. The effort to protect this fragile identity can take a toll on us emotionally, leaving us feeling trapped and insecure. This ongoing struggle can overshadow the true essence of who we are, burying our authentic selves behind a facade of insecurity and self-doubt. It is imperative to put an end to the deceit and immense pain that arises from aligning our identity with ever-changing circumstances. Rather than being swayed by the unpredictable nature of external factors, we should anchor our sense of self to the steadfast, unwavering and unquestionably good nature of God. By forging a connection with Him and acknowledging our true identity in Him, we can escape the turmoil perpetuated by a circumstantial sense of self.

Daniel Moore: 14:20

This realization unravels in the quiet moments when we wholeheartedly surrender ourselves to God, declaring I belong to you, god. I am not who people say that I am. I am not defined by likes on social media or the comments that try to tell me who I am. I am not who the mess-ups and screw-ups say that I am. I am not what all my flaws and my shortcomings say that I am. I'm going to quit teasing myself with the unstable things of this world and everything it throws at me and become totally sold out and in love with you. I am loved, I am special, I am yours, god. I am God's forever.

Daniel Moore: 15:10

It is in these moments of surrender that we find our authentic selves and establish an unbreakable bond with our Creator. The more emotionally and intimately intertwined with God we are, the more stable we become and the more secure we are in our identity. But that brings up a very difficult question. It's easy to say it, but how do we live this? It's easy to say it, but how do we live this, how do we really live this out in the midst of all the chaos, the ups and downs and the messes? How do we live this when one day we are accepted but then the next rejected, the days of the positive and the days of the unpredictable?

Daniel Moore: 15:54

We need to develop an intimacy-based identity, and this starts with sincerely answering these three questions. Number one is God good? Number two is God good to me? And thirdly, do I trust God to be God? If you can win a wrestling match with these questions, you will start to feel the stability and your life start to build up. The first question is God good?

Daniel Moore: 16:40

Well, in my past, my perception of God was characterized by caution and skepticism. It was easy to be consumed by doubt and disbelief when faced with the constant stream of chaos, tragedy and suffering depicted in the news. When faced with the constant stream of chaos, tragedy and suffering depicted in the news, questions about how a loving God could allow such widespread pain and turmoil often plagued my thoughts. For years, my understanding of God was clouded by uncertainty and fear. When asked what I believed about God, my response would have been marked by skepticism and unease. I viewed Him as a mysterious and intimidating figure prone to unpredictable actions. That left me feeling unsure and apprehensive. While I never questioned God's power or authority, there were moments when I grappled with doubts about His goodness. There were moments when I grappled with doubts about His goodness. The presence of suffering and injustice in the world often led me to question how a loving God could allow such pain to exist. However, by shifting my focus from my fleeting emotions to the unchanging truth of God's character, I began to see His goodness in a different perspective. By seeking clarity in the eternal truth of His nature, I discovered an awesome understanding of God's goodness that transcended my limited human perspective. This shift in perspective allowed me to perceive God's goodness in a new and enlightening way, deepening my faith and trust in His divine plan.

Daniel Moore: 18:14

In Genesis 1.31, it is written. This verse encapsulates the inherent goodness of God that has been evident since the creation of the world. As God formed, shaped, painted and sculpted the earth and all living creatures, his goodness permeated every aspect of His creation. His divine touch infused every detail with love and care, reflecting His perfect nature in the beauty and intricacy of the world around us, from the majestic mountains to the delicate petals of a flower. God's goodness is manifested in the harmonious balance and diverse beauty of His creation. Each creature and each element of the natural world is a testament of His love and goodness, a reflection of the Creator's infinite wisdom and grace. As we marvel at the wonders of creation, we witness the absolute goodness of God that has been present since the beginning of time, when Adam and Eve made the choice to disobey God and sin. Their actions had far-reaching consequences that impacted all of creation. The consequences of their sin tainted the harmony and perfection of God's creation, causing a disruption in the inherent goodness of the world. The ripple effects of their disobedience penetrated the fabric of creation, tarnishing the purity and perfection that God had originally intended. While there are still elements of beauty and goodness in the world, the presence of sin has distorted the full reflection of God's perfection. The consequences of Adam and Eve's sin introduce suffering, brokenness and imperfection into the world, creating a stark contrast to the original goodness of creation.

Daniel Moore: 20:10

Romans 8.21 states that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. This verse displays the concept that creation is currently in a state of bondage and decay, a result of the brokenness and imperfection introduced by sin into the world. The presence of deadly weather events, car accidents, illnesses such as cancer, sickness and famines are not reflective of God's original design for creation. These hardships and sufferings are consequences of the fallen state of the world due to sin. The bondage and decay in the world testify to the brokenness and corruption that permeate the creation as a result of humanity's disobedience and separation from God. The promise conveyed in Romans 8.21 offers hope and redemption for creation, asserting that one day the world will be liberated from its current state of decay and brought into a new state of freedom and glory through the work of God. This verse illuminates the ultimate plan of restoration and renewal that God has in store for creation, where suffering and pain will be replaced by freedom and glory, in alignment with His perfect design. The brokenness of the world serves as a poignant reminder of the need for redemption and the promise of a future where creation will be restored to its intended state of perfection and harmony with God.

Daniel Moore: 21:46

In no way did sin affect the goodness of God. Psalm 96, 13 states Let all creation rejoice before the Lord, for he comes. He comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in His faithfulness. This verse reveals that God has a good plan to ultimately rid the world of every effect of sin through His righteous judgment. God's judgment will bring justice and righteousness to all peoples, eradicating the sin and its consequences that plague the world. In light of this truth, I believe that God is good. His plan to judge the world in righteousness and faithfulness demonstrates His love and desire for restoration and redemption, the fact that God is just and merciful and that he works towards the ultimate elimination of sin reassures me of His goodness and His grace.

Daniel Moore: 23:02

The second question is God good to me? Well, based on some of the experiences I've had in my life, it is easy for me to want to be mad at God and say that he isn't good to me. You know, I'm always getting the short end of the stick. Even as long as I've been a Christian in my life which is most of it I have always known that God loved me. But I always still wondered why that, even as a Christian, some things still had to be so painful. Cs Lewis says it best we are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us. We are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.

Daniel Moore: 23:51

And at this point someone in Bible study whips out Romans 8, 28 and reassures us of God's goodness by stating this verse emphasizes that God works for our ultimate good, even in the midst of difficult circumstances and trials. It reminds us that God's plans for us are always good and that he is actively working for our benefit. Verses 5 and 6 of the same chapter. They further solidify this assurance by stating those who live in according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires, but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. These verses explain the importance of aligning our thoughts and desires with the Spirit of God, which leads to life and peace. Therefore, when we trust in God's goodness and seek to live in accordance with His Spirit, we can have confidence that he is working all things for our good. By focusing our minds on the things of God and walking in obedience to His will, we can experience the life and peace that come from being in alignment with His purposes for us. This additional layer of assurance reinforces the belief that God is indeed good and that His plans for us are ultimately for our benefit and flourishing In my spirit, I believe.

Daniel Moore: 25:19

Trust God to be God. Well, in Isaiah, chapter 26, verses 3 and 4, it says you will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you, trust in the Lord forever, that God is good and that he is good to us. We must now trust in Him completely to be God in our lives? This final question is crucial for stabilizing our identities and fully anchoring us in God's peace. Trusting in the Lord means surrendering control and relying on His wisdom and guidance. It means acknowledging His sovereignty and believing that he will work all things together for our good. When we fully trust in God to be God, we can experience perfect peace and security, knowing that he is our eternal rock and foundation. By trusting in God's goodness and His sovereignty, we can find stability and security in our identities and anchor ourselves firmly in His love and grace. Trusting in God allows us to fully lean on Him in times of trial and uncertainty, knowing that he will never fail us.

Daniel Moore: 26:59

The Hebrew word for steadfast used in Isaiah 26, 3, is samak S-A-M-A-K. It carries a powerful meaning to brace, uphold. It carries a powerful meaning to brace, uphold, support. In essence, it says those whose mind or purpose is sustained. The word paints a vivid picture of firmness and strength, indicating that those whose minds are fully braced, upheld and supported by the truth and trust in God will be kept in perfect peace. Our mind feasts on what it focuses on. What consumes our thoughts will shape our beliefs, attitudes and, ultimately, our identities. This expresses the importance of filling our mind with the truth of God's goodness and His faithfulness.

Daniel Moore: 27:58

Trusting God in all circumstances is a choice that we must make daily. Will we trust that God sees and knows things we don't? Will we trust Him even when we don't understand why certain things are happening? Will we trust Him when life gets tough, when relationships fail, when our hearts ache with pain? Trusting God to the point where we fully surrender control of our lives and those we love to Him requires a deep level of faith and reliance on His promises. It means acknowledging that His ways are higher than ours and His plans are always for our good, even when we can't see it in the moment. When we choose to trust God wholeheartedly, we can experience a peace that surpasses all understanding. We can find stability and security in His unchanging nature, knowing that he is always with us, upholding and supporting us through every trial and triumph. Trusting God in this way can truly anchor our identities in His love and grace, allowing us to live with confidence and assurance in His perfect will for our lives.

Daniel Moore: 29:06

When we affirm that God is good and that he is good to us, it becomes essential to trust Him completely in all areas of our lives. This means filling in the gaps of uncertainty with a resounding declaration of trust. God is good at being God. We don't have to try to figure out every detail of our circumstances, fill the void left by someone's absence or unravel all the mysteries of life. Instead, we can simply choose to trust. Trusting in God involves letting go of our need for control and understanding and surrendering to His divine plan. It means acknowledging His wisdom and sovereignty and allowing Him to work things out in His perfect timing and way. By trusting in His goodness and faithfulness, we can find peace and rest in the midst of life's unknowns and uncertainties.

Daniel Moore: 30:04

When we come before God in quiet humility, without our own personal agenda, and simply say God, I want your truth to be the loudest voice in my life. Correct me, comfort me, come closer still. When we can say that we are demonstrating our willingness to trust Him completely, we are choosing to let God take the lead in sorting out the complexities of our life and aligning ourselves with His perfect will. In this place of trust and surrender, we can experience the presence and power of God in an awesome way. We can rest assured that he is working all things together for our good, even when we can't see the bigger picture, assured that he is working all things together for our good, even when we can't see the bigger picture. By affirming that God is good at being God, we affirm our faith in His character and His ability to guide, provide and protect us through every season of life, and in this trust-filled surrender we can find peace, hope and strength to face whatever comes our way. We can find peace, hope and strength to face whatever comes our way, knowing that God is indeed good at being God.

Daniel Moore: 31:15

Although our experiences may differ, it is likely that you, like me, have faced past rejections that led you to seek stability in unhealthy ways. The pain of rejection can linger and hold us back unless we actively work to move past it. This is why we have been replacing negative thoughts with a new understanding of God and how that shapes our identities. As I mentioned before, what we focus on becomes what we feast on. You can understand a person's focus by listening to the words they speak.

Daniel Moore: 31:53

We exist in a world that is marred by brokenness, making rejection a constant possibility, even from those who share our faith. However, despite this looming threat, we can take peace in the anticipation of God's final redemption, can take peace in the anticipation of God's final redemption. This hope is encapsulated in Jesus, who introduced us to a love that endures, remains steadfast and never wavers. No matter who rejects us, their actions cannot negate the unwavering love that God has for us. This fact is irrefutable and absolute. The most exquisite love story we can engage in is the one we were designed to experience with God. We can leap into each new day a little differently just by saying God is good, god is good to me, god is good at being God, and today is yet another chapter in our love story. So, no matter what you may face today, it will not impact or modify this reality in any manner. Raise your hands, open your heart and embrace this undeniable truth. That's going to end this week's episode.

Daniel Moore: 33:28

Next week, we're going to conclude our mini-series on rejection, as we'll release episode three of that series. So please subscribe so you don't miss that episode. You can check us out on all of our platforms Apple, youtube, rumble and many, many more and make sure that you subscribe and give us a five-star review. Give us a thumbs up. I'm Daniel Moore. Thank you, guys, for listening. This week this show really would be possible without you. And as we go, don't forget that God's Word never fails us.

Aria: 33:58

God's Word has stood the test of time and through Jesus' death on the cross, he has connected the gap. You've been listening to Connecting the Gap podcast. In this world, there are many disconnects that cause chaos in our lives. This podcast is birthed from the desire to share hope and restoration of the power of the gospel by being transparent and open in our biblical walk with God. Each week, we take a few moments as we navigate God's word and peer into other people's testimonies and encourage each other to connect the gap. We upload a new audio podcast every Thursday and a video version of it on YouTube and Rumble. We are also on the Christian podcasting app, edify. You can subscribe to our podcast on many of the available podcasting platforms, including Apple Podcast, spotify, amazon Music, iheart Radio, tunein Radio and more. We are also available on your Alexa-enabled devices. If you would like to contact our ministry for any reason, visit our contact page and send us a message. We hope you are blessed by this ministry. This is a production of Connecting the Gap Ministries.