Marriage Life and More

Communication in Marriage - 4 Significant Conversations Pt 1 (Marriage Reset Series) - 259

• Daniel and Michelle Moore • Episode 259

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Ever wonder why "just communicate better" feels like such empty advice when your marriage is struggling? That's because most of us don't understand what communication actually means. In this illuminating episode, we unpack the surprising truth that communication encompasses far more than just talking—it's about how we connect through words, actions, silence, and even digital exchanges.

We share a revealing story about a husband who thought flour was his wife's favorite flower, highlighting how easy it is to miss what truly matters to our partners without genuine interaction. Drawing from both personal experience and relationship research, we explore how 70% of Americans recognize communication as the cornerstone of marital happiness, yet it remains one of the top causes of divorce.

The conversation takes a practical turn as we examine two critical types of communication every marriage needs. First, we discuss the unexpected importance of small talk—those seemingly insignificant exchanges that maintain your friendship and connection. When these light interactions disappear, it's often an early warning sign of relationship trouble. We also unpack "work talk"—the essential conversations about schedules, finances, and household management that prevent couples from operating as mere roommates.

Most powerfully, we introduce a spiritual perspective that has transformed our own communication: asking yourself, "Would I speak to Jesus this way?" This simple reflection can immediately shift your tone, intent, and approach when talking with your spouse.

Whether you're struggling with silent treatment, hiding behind digital devices, or just want to deepen your connection, this episode offers practical wisdom for moving from roommates to soulmates. Tune in next week as we continue with two more essential conversation types and introduce the game-changing 10-minute rule for better marital communication.



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Daniel Moore:

either in passing or whatever, we've had couples come up and ask us our opinions on things, and usually our conversations a lot of times comes back around to communication, because that's where a lot of the problems are. Once we start digging into the issues, we start realizing real quick there's some communication problems here. That's going to have to be resolved. But more often than not we want to tell everybody. So we want to say, well, you just need to fix your communication issues and we just leave it at that. Well, the average person what are they going to think of when you tell them to fix their communication issues? They're going to think the way they talk to each other. That's probably the first thing that's going to pop into their mind. Yes, that's a big, huge part of it. But there's way more to communication than just talking.

Daniel Moore:

This week, on Marriage Life and More, we continue our series on marriage reset roommates to soulmates in your marriage. This week we're going to be talking about communication. We'll be back with that right after this. Thank you, welcome to Marriage Life and More. This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies, and we interview people that have stories. I'm Daniel Moore, your host. Over here next to me is my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle.

Daniel Moore:

Hey, hey, she's going to be here with us again this week. Thank you for joining us. If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at www. marriagelifeandmore. com. For our platforms, our YouTube and Rumble links. We're also on the Christian podcasting app, Edifi, and if you have smart devices Alexa and Google smart devices we're also on those as well. You can also visit us on social at Facebook, Instagram and X at ctgaponline. If you're a fan of our show, please subscribe. Feel free to leave a comment on our platforms, Give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple Podcast, and we'd be eternally grateful to you for doing that.

Daniel Moore:

Well, this week, as we mentioned here in the intro, we are getting back into our Marriage Reset series. As we continue along with this, Hopefully something that we've discussed here over the last few weeks has resonated with you, Even if you're not really feeling like you're in that roommate situation. Sometimes, even in marriages, we still have issues here and there that we have to take care of, and maybe some of these topics that we cover in this series might help you with that. That's our prayer. So this week we're going to get right back into it, and this week we are in episode four of this extended series. Today's title is Communication in Marriage for Significant Conversations. While attending a marriage seminar in communication, Josh and his wife Brianna listened to the speaker declare it's essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. Then, addressing the men, he asked Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?

Michelle Moore:

Well, Josh leaned over and touched Brianna's arm gently and whispered it's Pillsbury, all purpose, isn't it?

Daniel Moore:

That's so good. I mean, that is pretty funny. But you know, underneath the humor the speaker highlighted a critical issue. Partners need to understand what truly matters to one another, and that understanding only comes from genuine interaction. Despite this, many couples in so-called business-like marriages admit we barely talk to each other anymore. We barely talk anymore at all. Counselor Dr Amy Bellows breaks down the danger here. She says communication acts as the glue in a relationship. When it's missing, everything starts falling apart Without it a marriage becomes hollow and it loses its essence.

Daniel Moore:

So, as we start this week, what do you think about what she said there, with that comment about the conversation being the glue in our relationship? You know, and the experiences that we've had in our marriage and we've had, you know, lots of the conversation, the communication issues. We've talked about it before in some of our episodes, but with that comment that she made there, what's, what's your thoughts on that?

Michelle Moore:

I would agree 100%. I mean, I feel like if you have open communication and we talk about this all the time communication, communication, communication Because even if you don't communicate, you're not going to know your spouse at all, and it's a one-sided relationship. And so if you do communicate, you're going to know anything and at all, and it's a one-sided relationship. And so if you do communicate, you're going to know anything and everything about them, even though when they don't want to communicate, I mean, but they try. I mean I look at you and I think about how communication doesn't come easily for you, but yet you try so hard at it, because that's something that it's our marriage.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, it's important, it's very important, and not only is communication in itself important, but there is certain ways to communicate.

Michelle Moore:

Absolutely.

Daniel Moore:

Because you can communicate between each other and it can come off totally wrong and it can upset. You know, one spouse can get upset at the other because they said something and took it the wrong way. Possibly, or you know, maybe they intentionally changed the tone of their voice, maybe they're being snarky on purpose or they're being sarcastic on purpose. And when you have those issues like that taking place, the communication, like it says it, can make or break a marriage.

Michelle Moore:

Absolutely.

Daniel Moore:

Because how you handle your conversations between each other, how you communicate, in the long run really determines where your marriage is going to go.

Michelle Moore:

Again it goes back. How do you communicate with the father?

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, I kind of look at it, it's almost like a steering wheel. Yeah, you know, if you had a steering wheel in your marriage, that would direct it one way or the other. I think a good thing to call that steering wheel would be communication.

Michelle Moore:

Yeah.

Daniel Moore:

Because you can communicate yourself right into a divorce, yeah, or you can communicate yourself into the best marriage that you could ever ask for yeah. That causes marriages to fail today. It's not really, probably necessarily, the sexual side, or, you know, being a good cook or a bad cook, or there. You know all these different scenarios you can put in there, it's probably communication.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, Because if you have issues elsewhere in your marriage, that's the only way you can fix those other issues is by communicating and talking about those problems. And you know what do we do between each other to make sure that this all gets fixed.

Michelle Moore:

Well, and communication means face to face.

Daniel Moore:

Yes.

Michelle Moore:

You have to communicate. I mean I look at you and when I communicate, I know by your facial expressions, like, am I coming across right or am I not coming across right? You know that is something that's very important to a lot of people. I mean I feel like if you text, you know I mean I use our daughter, for example, you know. If I text something, you know and she's like well, is this kind of like, are you mad at me? Or you know, and it's like you know, it's face to face, you know, and it means so much to me that you would open up and talk about it.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, and that is a big issue. These days, a lot of couples, and you know, in relationships, whether if they're marriages or if they're just dating, the courtship process, whatever it may be we have a tendency because we have these devices in our hands all the time we hide behind it.

Daniel Moore:

We hide behind those devices, especially when there's confrontation yeah, behind it. We hide behind those devices, especially when there's confrontation yeah, if there's a confrontation issue that's going on in a relationship. You know we don't like to argue face to face, we don't like to have that confrontation most generally, and so it's easier just to type it out and hit, send and cross your fingers.

Michelle Moore:

Well, you think about it. If you're texting, you have a million things going through your mind so you can type it and they're like oh no, backspace it. I type this, oh well, maybe not, and then it's like, ok, yeah, you know you can sit there and change it, but when you're in person, you speak from the heart.

Michelle Moore:

Yeah, that's really good and so you know you get caught. I mean, sometimes some people don't like to be caught off guard and really want to think and ponder things. But I think a lot of times whatever is in the heart speaks out. So it's like I like that face to face communication.

Daniel Moore:

I agree, and there was a joint today and survey monkey study that was done in 2017. And in that survey it actually backed this up, revealing that 70 percent of Americans believe that strong communication is the cornerstone of a marital happiness. So clearly people recognize its value, yet the struggle remains widespread. And something to keep in mind with that, today and SurveyMonkey are not by any means Christian organizations, so they weren't just looking at Christian couples here. If you read between the lines, they did the survey amongst all different kinds of couples, those that actually have God in their relationship and those that don't. But yet strongly, 70% of that whole group came to the same consensus that, regardless if God's in the mix or not, communication is a huge cornerstone of where that marriage is going to go. So at least even in the secular world out there, people are still admitting and seeing the importance of having this communication and a strong communication between each other.

Daniel Moore:

Insights from Focus on the Family marriage assessment. This will probably lean more towards the evangelical community, completed by over 800,000 participants. Now that one revealed that the lack of meaningful dialogue ranks as the third most common issue between couples, and so that's very, very high on that scale of why marriages are probably failing and why things are not being resolved, why issues continue to carry day by, day by day and they keep building up to become this huge monster, this big elephant in the room. And one thing we have to understand too when we come into this conversation and we're talking about communication, it's more than just talking. You know, it's a skill that needs to be sharpened. If it weren't so complex, it wouldn't rank among the top causes divorce. I mean it's a skill that needs to be sharpened. If it weren't so complex, it wouldn't rank among the top causes divorce. I mean, it's way up there.

Daniel Moore:

Part of the challenge is wrapped up in the word itself. You know one simple term communicate. That represents a wide range of relational exchanges that couples need to engage in regularly. And here's a good example of that, because the English language is one of the worst. I've always heard this as I went through history classes and just different things that I've came across in my lifetime as I've been reading different things. In all essence, the English language is very tough. If you ask anybody out from other countries that come in and try to learn English, they'll say that English is very difficult to learn Because a lot of our words have dual meanings, depending on how you say it.

Michelle Moore:

That is true.

Daniel Moore:

And so, yeah, it's always hard for them because they see an item and they are a thing or an emotion especially and they want to say what that is. But if you say it wrong, or in this, in the wrong context, it could mean something completely different. And here's a good example of that is the word run. You know that's a simple three letter word and it might sound strange, but linguists often point to this word as one of the most complicated in English, and the reason for that is the word run. It has over 645 different uses as a verb alone. That's crazy. That's according to the Oxford English Dictionary. It took one skilled researcher nine months just to list them all.

Daniel Moore:

Context gives the word run its meaning. Context, context, context. That's so important. I mean, think about it. You can run out of cereal, you can run late for a meeting. You can run interference for a friend. You might run your mouth. You know a lot of people are good at that. You can run away with an idea. You can run into an old acquaintance. I mean, each phrase uses the same word run, that one three-letter word, but the meaning depends entirely on the scenario.

Daniel Moore:

I never really thought that, however you put that word in there is going to determine where that conversation is going to go, and so that same goes for communication and relationships. When someone says we need to work on our communication, they could be referring to conflict resolution, active listening, emotional support, logistics, expressing affection. I mean, the key takeaway to this in relationships, clarity and communication depends greatly on context. That's why we talked about this in our Four Laws of Love series about tone, remember that episode we had on what tone you speak to your spouses or your mates.

Daniel Moore:

And so it is. It's all in context, because I can tell you something and affirm you with what I say, or I can twist that back around just a little bit different and say it in a different way, and I can destroy you in what I say. And that's why I think in the Bible, that scripture about the power of life is in our tongue. That's such an important scripture that we often overlook because we don't think about things before we say them and, you know, think of the consequences. And, like you said earlier, I mean you actually hit it right on the head with when you said we speak our heart, when we actually just have that face-to-face communication and we're not writing it on paper or like in a text or whatever, or even write it on paper, because even if you write it a note, you can still rewrite that note 20 times, you know.

Daniel Moore:

And so you can sit there and think all this through to try to formulate it the perfect way, and so what comes out in the end? Yeah, I mean it might have a little bit of a flicker of what you're trying to get across, but at the same time you've probably doctored it up a lot, yeah, and you tried to make it sound better than it really is, where, if you're just in the moment and you're just reacting in a conversation and talking, your true feelings are going to come out eventually, and so that's why it's so important to do this face to face. So there are many, many, many types of communications, just like we were just talking about. Michelle, why don't you share a list here of what all these communications are that we deal with every day?

Michelle Moore:

You talk about problems. You communicate about your daily schedules, you discuss your to-do list, you express frustrations. You talk through finances and budget matters. You chat about your day. You gossip about the latest rumors. You give your opinion, you express your emotions and feelings. You converse about your hopes and dreams. You discuss solutions and talk about how to fix problems. You lecture your children, you negotiate compromises. You profess truth, you make snarky comments, you verbally banter and you talk about sex in parentheses, baby. You give speeches, you reveal your fears.

Daniel Moore:

Isn't that crazy? It is. All of that can happen in one day, and that's not even all of them. There's other ways to communicate still, but when you think about that, it's no wonder that so many people just let their tongues fly off half the time and get themselves in trouble. You know, honestly, we walk around all the time probably as a ticking time bomb.

Daniel Moore:

At any moment we could explode and say stuff that could just totally change the trajectory of our life, you know, and that's, I think that's why this is so important. It's something that we have to be intentional. You can't just let this stuff with communication just let it take its course and whatever, what is what is? You know, I think we've got to be intentional with the way that we communicate. Even if it's not our spouses, you know, we have communications every day with just people in general and honestly, the way that we communicate with everybody really formulates our character and really formulates the person that we are. So if, if we're, you know, talking nicely to our spouses and whatever, that should carry over into our business, to our friendships, our family relationships, all those kinds of things, and vice versa, If we're talking great to our best friends and our family members. We're great with them, our coworkers, but then we come home and bite our wife's heads off or our husband's heads off. There's a problem there.

Michelle Moore:

Yeah.

Daniel Moore:

Something that needs to be corrected. There's an issue. We got to figure out what that issue is, and so you know talking more isn't the magic fix for relational issues. It's not a matter of just word salad. That's not what this comes down to. Communication takes many forms, and telling couples to simply improve it isn't helping unless we specify what that really means. It's not just about speaking often or even speaking better. It's about recognizing the different types of meaningful conversations that strengthen a relationship, understanding why each one matters and learning to approach those moments effectively.

Daniel Moore:

And this is somewhere that, as I've studied more and more on the subject of marriage and communication, I have seen that this is something that I think a lot of people don't think about, and this is where the industry fails a lot of times, because Michelle and I you know we've we've actually mentored several couples, just either in passing or whatever. We've had couples come up and ask us our opinions on things, and usually our conversations a lot of times comes back around to communication, because that's where a lot of the problems are. Once we start digging into the issues, we start realizing real quick there's some communication problems here that's going to have to be resolved, but more often than not, we want to tell everybody is we want to say, well, you just need to fix your communication issues and we just leave it at that. Well, the average person, what are they going to think of when you tell them to fix their communication issues? They're going to think the way they talk to each other. That's probably the first thing that's going to pop into their mind.

Daniel Moore:

Yes, that's a big, huge part of it, but there's way more to communication than just talking. You know it's. You can be fine with, you can be a linguistic scholar and have all these flowery words and just affirm somebody and talk them up or whatever. But then if you go over behind their back and do something conniving and something bad to cause that person to have something bad happen to them or whatever, that's another form of communication. You're communicating to that person then that I really don't care about you. Yeah, that's good, and it didn't even take a word to say that. Just by an action that you did, you're communicating to that person, then that I really don't care about you.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah that's good, and it didn't even take a word to say that. You just, by an action that you did, you communicated. And I think this is where a lot of times the industry fails people, because we tell them well, you just need to fix your communication, you fix that and come back next week and we'll talk about this again and we'll see what progress you've made. Well, the whole week they go home and they're trying to watch every word they say, but yet they're doing stuff in the background. You know, elsewhere, whatever that's causing issues in the marriage still has nothing to do with what they're saying and that's not explained correctly.

Michelle Moore:

I think a lot of times and this is just me and my personality and who I am but a lot of times I mean, I may not say something, I may be quiet, but I always go back to the point and again, this is. You know, sometimes my human flesh does take over, but you would admit, I kind of have a soft heart and I'm very compassionate for people and I have a very forgiving heart.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah.

Michelle Moore:

But I always go to think of, if I say something, a lot of times and you know, I just think is this the way I would talk to Jesus, you know, and a lot of times would my actions go that way? You know, and I, honestly, I think a lot of that. I've trained myself to think that a lot, you know, and I think sometimes when I've done something, immediately the Holy Spirit will check me like you shouldn't have been talking like that or you shouldn't have been saying that, whether it may be gossip or something you know, and it's like I'm so sorry I let the father down, you know, and so I try to relate. As communication is, would I talk to someone like I would talk to my father, that way?

Daniel Moore:

That's really good.

Michelle Moore:

And I honestly, there's sometimes when I get frustrated and I'm just like gosh, how frustrating can I be? To my father? And because I don't have an earthly father, I think a lot of my heavenly father. But I've gotten to where I'm more like that as time has went on, but literally I've had to pray. God, show me the way to communicate to you, to put it into my daily activities and my speech.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, and what is the silent treatment? That's a form of communication, yep, and we see and we see that happen a lot in marriages.

Daniel Moore:

They'll get mad at each other, so they just give each other the silent treatment and then you're like well, your communication sucks. Well, we don't talk. How can we have a bad communication? We don't say nothing to each other. Exactly, you know you're communicating. Regardless of how you're doing it, you're still communicating, and that's why this whole big picture has to be repaired, and that's a good way to probably to check yourself, because we should always check ourselves back to the word and to God and having him in the middle of everything, and that, as we've talked many times on this podcast, our marriages are the reflection of the relationship we have with Christ, and so you're exactly right. If you're treating your spouse badly by things you say and the things that you do silent treatments, whatever it may be would you do that to Christ? What kind of a relationship would you expect to have as a Christian then, if you actually let that be your practice every day and how you lived?

Michelle Moore:

Well, if you think about it, you know, communication is like we talk about. It's one of the huge things in a marriage, you know, and we didn't have that, we did not have that, so it did not, you had the silent treatment down here.

Michelle Moore:

I mean communication came very hard for us, very hard for us, and I'm telling, and I'm saying this because if you have a communication issue, it takes time to get that, but if you pursue it with the help of Christ, you can do it. Dan and I are walking testimony of that and I look at how hard Dan has changed over the years, with God's help because communication was not his thing and for him to open up and say the things that he talks about daily now. I just know that God can help you with that and I mean, and I just I guess, because we have walked what we have, it's easier for me to see what my past was, for me to be able to be where I'm at today.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah.

Michelle Moore:

And you know, and I look at it I'm not thankful, but yet I am thankful because God has shown me a lot with that.

Daniel Moore:

So we have four different significant conversations that we want to talk about that you can apply into your marriage, and what we're going to try to do here. We're going to try to get through two of them today, and then next week we'll come back and we'll do the final two, and then next week also, we have something we're going to talk about called the 10-minute rule, and that's really cool also. So you definitely don't want to miss next week's episode either. But for this week, we're going to start off here by talking about a couple of types of significant conversations that we actually have on a regular basis between each other as spouses, and the first one is small talk. Won't you share that one with us?

Michelle Moore:

This kind of interaction falls under casual conversation. It's easy, surface-level exchanges that help you stay in touch with each other during the day. It's easy surface-level exchanges that help you stay in touch with each other during the day. It's like catching up with your partner over trivial topics or sharing light moments that don't carry emotional weight. For example, jamie called Brenda from his lunch break the other afternoon because he had a funny story to tell. Jamie was supposed to attend a workshop for the first-time pet owners at a local community center. He got to the correct building and walked into the room filled with people and dogs, which seemed right. He started introducing himself to everyone and petting some really cute pups. After about 10 minutes someone mentioned they were excited to adopt a greyhound Wait, what that's? When he realized he had accidentally walked into an adoption event instead of a pet training class, brenda and Jamie laughed hard over the phone and exchanged a few more words, then went on with their day. It was just a small interaction, quick but fun. On with their day. It was just a small interaction, quick but fun.

Michelle Moore:

Now it might be tempting to think these service-level talks don't matter much, and it's true. If all of your conversations stay this light, it might feel like your connection lacks depth. However, these brief exchanges serve a real purpose in your marriage. Sharing updates from your day or cracking a joke isn't about emotional death. It's about staying connected. No couple can or should live in a constant state of deep, vulnerable conversation. That would be exhausting. Try seeing light conversations differently. They're subtle ways of staying linked to each other. They're a type of connection attempt that you can either welcome or brush off. Back to Jamie and Brenda. When Jamie calls her while she's working, she sometimes keeps typing away as she listens. She gives automatic responses like yeah, hmm, without tuning in. She gives automatic responses like yeah, hmm, without tuning in. Occasionally, jamie tests her to check if she's paying attention and says something ridiculous like I started a side job as a snake charmer. She still replies that's great, that sounds fun, Until it hits her Wait, what? No-transcript?

Daniel Moore:

And so small talk is something that we can probably all recognize as we read through that All of us should have a level of that in our relationships. So when you start having problems and issues in your marriage and you start getting to the point where you don't really care to communicate with your partner, you will notice this is one of the things that drops off, because I know for myself whenever you and I were having our issues, there's a lot of times that we would make little efforts to try to carry on small talk here and there. But then sometimes I know for myself there sometimes I probably didn't communicate as much as I should have. It's why I clammed up and didn't really talk much, because I felt like even if the small talk carried on, it might eventually carry us into the issues that we have and we'd have to end up discussing that, and so I chose to just not talk at all and just completely skip it that, and so I chose to just not talk at all and just completely skip it. And so this is something that you should always watch for in your relationship, because if, if this small talk stops, and each day when you come home and you just have these little subtle.

Daniel Moore:

They're probably meaningless conversations for the most part. You know, just something crazy that happened today to me or whatever. In my opinion, when I look at these small talks, this is kind of like a friendship type thing. Yeah, because when you have friends, really close friends to you, then these are the kind of conversations that you have quite often. You just you can talk about anything and everything and get a laugh out of it and, you know, have a good time or whatever. And that's what this is all about, because even in our relationships as a marriage, we want to make sure that we keep this line of communication open. Where we may have something happen throughout the day, that really doesn't mean squat. I mean it just has no meat to it whatsoever. It's just something stupid. Maybe that happened or whatever, but the fact that you have someone that you care about enough that you can talk to them and share that with them, you both have a good laugh throughout it. You know, I think that means a lot. I do.

Daniel Moore:

And you know something that, when I think about this, something that pops into my mind that we had issue with, especially in our marriage, is for the longest time. You know you would tell me that you liked how I would smile, but I always did it with other people you could. You would wash around other people and I would laugh and carry on and joke or whatever. Then we'd get by ourselves. I had a tendency I did not do that. I looked more. I looked like I was unhappy and you called me out on that. Because during that time, when we were going through a lot of that stuff when I look back that was the case, you know, there was, it seems like, when I would have my conversations with my friends and that kind of thing, that those relationships were good. But because the relationship that you and I had between each other was damaged, like it was then, that created an issue with the fun conversations. We didn't have those and how did that make, how did that resonate with you when that was going on?

Michelle Moore:

Well, it just made me feel like you know, everybody else made you happy and you could be open and honest with everybody else and just crack up. And then, when it came to me, I couldn't even get you to do that, so it just it broke my heart inside, like it's just like it killed me, like slowly, but it just killed me.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, and I wanted you to kind of mention that because you guys that are listening out there right now, if you're doing this to your spouse, and sometimes people do it without even realizing they're doing it.

Daniel Moore:

They do. But I really feel like if that's taking place, there's probably a reason. Yeah, because we're always very communicative to each other when we first start dating. I mean, we call each other at the drop of a hat, any little thing that happens. We call and have these stupid, ignorant conversations. You know, know, laugh over, meaning we laugh, laugh over. The dumbest thing sometimes. But then later on is after we get married, it seems like a lot of that stuff will drop off and that's something that we need to keep that fire stoked. We need to. We need to make sure that that stays there, because that's kind of the playful, childlike part, the innocent part of our relationship that was always so wonderful in the very beginning and you want to make sure that you continue to keep that.

Daniel Moore:

You know, michelle and I will communicate throughout the day a lot of times by email. She'll email me something and I'll email back and with my email that I have that I use, I have the capability of putting these emojis and stuff in there. So I put some really you know, deep, thoughtful emojis with some of my email responses and I'll. My phone will be like 11. And I'll blow that emoji up to about like a 24. And I'll send it back to her. She's over shaking her head at me right now, so I kind of she's communicating to me.

Michelle Moore:

Silently.

Daniel Moore:

But that's a fun part that I just love doing that, you know, because I'll find some sometimes they're, you know, like the heart or the kissy face emoji you know I'll send that over there. But then sometimes if she asks something and I just find this stupid, know, I'll send that over there. But then sometimes if she asks something and I just find this stupid emoji, I'll stick with it and I'll send it over there to her just to get a reaction out of her. But that's just subtle ways that you know, even during while we're at work.

Michelle Moore:

I know we also take pictures of ourselves at work and then we'll send them to each other and we're both laughing.

Daniel Moore:

It's like, okay, this is stupid.

Michelle Moore:

It's like but you know what? It's funny, but at the same time it's like okay, we can be silly, but we love each other, you know.

Daniel Moore:

And you never know, in a moment like that, your spouse may need it. Yeah, you know, unbeknownst to you, god may be pricking your mind and you know just you know, instigating you to do something like that because your spouse may be going through a bad moment at work on their side. You don't realize it, but yet you think, okay, I'll send this funny, stupid thing or whatever, and then it just breaks that monotony for them. You know it's, there's little things like that, that when we communicate between each other it's not for no reason. Things like that that when we communicate between each other it's not for no reason. If it may seem like it's something super small and meaningless, but in all reality, when it comes to relationships, even the smallest things can mean so much sometimes, and so the small talk is very important. You cannot let that slide out of your marriage and your relationships, because that's what keeps just that fluid communication going. That makes it that much easier when you have to have those deep talks, because when you're already on a level that you can communicate all the time regularly, it helps when those big deep talks come along, you can actually sit on and talk those through.

Daniel Moore:

Yeah, so the second one is we close today that we're going to talk about is called work talk. So this form of communication focuses on coordinating the practical side of life together All the logistics, the planning and decision making that go into running a household as a couple. So, as you can tell, it's not how to write an Excel sheet at work. We're not talking about that kind of work talk when you stop and think about how many moving parts there are in a typical day, and when you're looking at those moving parts, you're talking about kids' schedules, meals, bills, appointments, chores. It's no wonder that couples often feel overwhelmed. You know, these aren't deeper emotional conversations, they're just regular task management sessions that are necessary to keep things running smoothly. Regular task management sessions that are necessary to keep things running smoothly.

Daniel Moore:

Even when you think you've gotten everything organized, something unexpected always seems to pop up, and Michelle and I can we can, you know, verify that. It happens to us a lot. We'll have a plan, things will be going fine. Then all of a sudden something pops up the middle of that and just messes that whole thing up. We got to start over and try to reevaluate everything and put it all back together. You know, john Lennon said it well. Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. Because life is full of twists and turns, it's crucial to have consistent check-ins about your daily operations. Talk about what needs to be done, who's handling what Upcoming and surprise issues that need attention. From coordinating pickups to discussing finances and handling last-minute schedule changes all of it falls under what we call life logistics talk.

Daniel Moore:

Without these conversations, it's easy to fall into a pattern where each person handles things separately, more like co-managers than a connected couple, and that disconnection fuels the sense of simply being business partners or roommates. We're not suggesting you to sit down daily and run through every task or detail. That would be very exhausting and absolutely unrealistic. Probably in most situations, michelle and I couldn't even do that. Instead, work together to determine what areas need joint input and where things can be handled independently. Be adults about it. This prevents communication misses like oh, I forgot to tell you or I thought you were going to handle that.

Daniel Moore:

Communicating frequently about household and family management helps minimize these gaps and the frustration that follows. Of course, if all you ever talk about is errands and scheduling well, you're going to suck all the spark right out of your relationship. That's why these planning conversations should be one part of a much broader communication rhythm. Still, when life gets busier, these logistical talks become more important, not less. Without them, you risk stepping on each other's toes and missing key responsibilities, which creates tension and misunderstandings. Stay adaptable Life will keep changing and plans will keep shifting. The real win comes when you can deal with it all as a united front. Purposeful life logistics talk keeps you connected as you manage your home and responsibilities, functioning not as independent operators but as a team working side by side.

Daniel Moore:

This one speaks teamwork and every relationship, especially every marital relationship. You have to, unfortunately, deal with all of that bad stuff like bills, mortgages. You know, picking up the kids who's not going to you know they're going to go to daycare, I mean you have. You know the meal, the kids he's not going to. You know they're going to go to daycare. I mean you have. You know the meal planning. Just the financial side of you know, making sure the jobs you have you can make enough money to make your ends meet.

Daniel Moore:

There's just so much stuff that goes into that side of it and if it's not handled correctly, that can destroy a marriage. I mean, how many times, you know, do we even talk to people that it seems like you know, one person handles everything and the other one's completely out of the loop, and some people are okay with that but some people aren't. Some people want to be a part of the logistics side of the marriage and they want to feel like that. They're needed. And you know, for us, you know, if I completely take everything and never discuss any logistics with you about how we run the house here, what you know, where our bills are at, what needs paid, what doesn't need paid, just decisions around the house of things that need to be done or whatever, you know, if I completely just kept you out of that on purpose and just kept it to myself, how would that make you feel?

Michelle Moore:

One sided.

Daniel Moore:

Would you feel like you're important in the relationship?

Michelle Moore:

No, I mean some people are okay with that. I mean, honestly, you know some people are like, oh okay, you know, and it doesn't bother them. So I don't feel like you know, necessarily it could be one-sided, it's just they don't care, you know, they trust that partner to do everything. So I feel like that's a little bit different scenario than you know, than someone that just pretty much left you out of everything.

Daniel Moore:

And sometimes I wonder if that's fair to the other spouse, that the one spouse just lets them do that. I think that's a lot of pressure on one spouse and I think some people can probably handle that to an extent. But at the same time, if you're going to be married and you're going to try to have a relationship where you actually do things together and I think you'll find out that I know it might be somebody's personality to want to handle everything and have a spouse that's OK with that and it might be OK with some people's personalities too. If the other spouse handles it all, then they're fine with it. They don't want to be a part of it.

Daniel Moore:

But at the same time, I know for us, whenever we make these decisions together and we decide what's going to take place, how we're going to do it, where the finances are going to come from for that or how we're going to work their schedule around to make that work, I feel more accomplished when it's me and you.

Daniel Moore:

I think it makes us closer to each other. I value your input and you value mine from both sides of it, and I think that both of us when it's you know, at the end of the day after we've made these decisions and these choices, and especially when we get to the end of it, and if it's a successful outcome, you know, after we've discussed it, made the decision and the plan and put it into place, and then it's successful in the end. Now I feel more accomplished when that happens, knowing that we did it together. Yeah, you know, I can put trust in you, knowing that decisions you make are going to be good and vice versa. I don't know how you would ever find that out if both spouses never had the opportunity to speak their part into it. You know.

Michelle Moore:

I see what you're saying. I just, I mean I just know there's people out there and I mean I don't begrudge that or, you know, say there's anything wrong with it. I mean I see your point too, but I mean I just some people just don't really want to be involved in it.

Michelle Moore:

And if that spouse is okay, then you know, that, as long as they, you know, I always think on big purchases, though. Every you know, when you make a big purchase, buying a car or something like that, if you're that spouse that just lets your other spouse do whatever you need to have some kind of input in that. You guys need to be praying together, because it's not a little purchase, it's a big purchase and you need to make sure that you're both on the same level. I mean, I would definitely agree with that, you know.

Daniel Moore:

And it's a good way to cause problems, because if one person makes all those choices and something bad happens yeah, because if one person makes all those choices and something bad happens yeah, and especially if it happens more than once, then that gives the other spouse the opportunity to say well, what, that was a stupid decision. Why did you do that? You know, yeah. But then you got to come back. It was like well, you had no input, you know, do you have any right to say anything about this?

Michelle Moore:

Yeah.

Michelle Moore:

You know, I think that I think it's always important for big purchases. You know you, you need to sit together, talk about it, pray about it and see if that's something that you should be doing. I mean, how long did we look, we? We actually we prayed about, you know, purchasing a vehicle. You know, I mean, it was months and then finally it was to a situation that we had to get one and, you know, we just kept praying that the right one came along, because, you know, finances would only allow so much. And you know it, it got opened a door and I felt like, because we prayed together and we, you know, we felt a peace about it. You know, because, let me tell you, there's been multiple times Dan and I have made bad choices when it comes to our finances.

Daniel Moore:

And we've dug ourselves out of many, many holes.

Michelle Moore:

Yeah, and so now it's like, yeah, no, we need to step back and we need to pray about it and seek God's guidance in it, because we don't want to go back to those situations.

Daniel Moore:

Definitely.

Michelle Moore:

And you know and there's been times you know, just you know helping our children or something you know. You should be praying about that and you should be communicating as a husband and wife. If you're helping your children financially with something, you need to be on the same page for that and you actually definitely need to be seeking God's guidance, because it may not be something for you to be doing, because God's going to jump in that situation and take care of it, but yet you're trying to take care of it, but yet you're you're trying to take care of it. So I think in anything like that, you should always be going and communicating with your partner and talking about it.

Daniel Moore:

But always seeking God's guidance on it. Yeah, it just puts it more into the aspect of the reality of two becoming one.

Michelle Moore:

That's right you know God.

Daniel Moore:

I think in the very beginning God's intention was for us to come together as a married couple and then live life together. And one thing about you know our church we have life groups and I've always loved that slogan that the church has had for the longest time living life together. It kind of puts a twist of you know, a different kind of a meaning on it when you look at it that way. There's strength in numbers, you know. The Bible tells us that. You know a three-stranded rope cannot be broken as easily as you know if it was just a single strand.

Daniel Moore:

There's just a lot of wisdom that takes place in all of that, and so if one person feels like they can make really great, phenomenal decisions, imagine what two could do if they're following Christ.

Michelle Moore:

As we're sitting here talking, I'm thinking why do you always tell me no when I bring ideas to you?

Daniel Moore:

Because we haven't discussed it yet.

Michelle Moore:

Oh no.

Daniel Moore:

I don't hardly ever tell you no.

Michelle Moore:

Yes, you do. I just want you people to know I had ideas and he's like no, no.

Daniel Moore:

So that's the next conversation when the ideas exceed $500,000.

Michelle Moore:

He just looks at me like no, but that's, you know, and I'm okay with that because I know you know, honestly, and there are things like it's more expensive stuff that you know it's like I have these ideas I want to do to the house or you know stuff like that, and but at the same time I know he has the best interest at heart for for us and for our family. And you know, and sometimes I just get a little crazy doing too much Pinterest and HGTV and it's like, oh, I'd like that, I'd like to do this, and he's like, yeah, no.

Daniel Moore:

But you know, in all reality, as we close this episode here, you know talking about that, though, when it comes down to it, if we were serious about looking at those and we someday, we hope some of those ideas will happen we both want that, yeah. But when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of the whole thing, we sit down and we look at everything and we decide, financially, ok, well, this isn't something we can do right now, right, and we both come to that agreement.

Michelle Moore:

Oh, absolutely, I'm giving him a hard time. I'm definitely giving him a hard time.

Daniel Moore:

We tease each other a lot, you know whatever.

Michelle Moore:

And I know in the back of my, you know in my heart, god wouldn't want that for me right now, because I'd be putting myself in a financial situation. And it's like, even though he tells me no, I'm like you always tell me no, I'm like something's wrong with this picture and we just tease each other. And I love it because we can banter back and forth about it.

Daniel Moore:

That's that small talk.

Michelle Moore:

Yes, and we'll tease each other about it. It's like, oh, I'd be sitting outside with a covered porch if I could have one right now.

Daniel Moore:

So me and God are against that. It's so funny. Well, we're going to go ahead and wrap up this week. We got a couple of those conversations out of the way there.

Daniel Moore:

So just remember that in your relationships, don't let the small talk stop. You know you've got to make sure you nurture that. That's a healthy part of communication and marriage and it's so important that you keep that in place. And then, of course, the work talk. That's the talk we probably don't like to have occasionally, but we have to have it because that's just part of being married. You have the logistics and the financial side of things and the kids and the. You know there's so many things there. That's the daily routine of just keeping your life going. Yeah, that's the daily routine of just keeping your life going. That's the daily routine of just keeping your family together and keeping things moving forward, and you want to make sure that that moves forward in a positive way and that you make good decisions and choices with that.

Daniel Moore:

So we're going to leave it with there, with this week, and we'll come back next week. We're going to talk about the other two conversations that you can have, and then there's a 10 minute rule that we want to get into also. That has to do with communication, and we'll get into that in next week's episode here on Marriage Life and more. Again, if you guys would ever want to communicate, if you have things that you'd like to share with us maybe that's happened in your relationship, or some points positive things that you've maybe put into place to help solve issues in your marriages that's worked for you and we could share that with other listeners.

Daniel Moore:

We're always open to that and we know everybody comes up with great ideas occasionally on how they can keep their marriages rolling along and keep everything positive and making good choices between each other. So we're always looking for those kinds of things. So if you ever have any stuff like that, there's a contact page on the website and an email address there as well that you can get a hold of us, or you can just message us through Messenger with our social media. However you want to do that, there's plenty of ways to contact us and we look forward to hearing from you. So you have anything to add to this week? No, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Daniel Moore:

So you have anything to add to this week? No, okay, well, we're going to go ahead and call this a wrap. Then that's all for this week and, as always, we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode. This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries, and we pray that you have a blessed week. Thank you.

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Daniel and Michelle Moore

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