The Gospel in Marriage Pt 1 (Marriage as a Mission) - 313

Marriage can turn a tiny thing like a kitchen light or a dishwasher into a full-blown standoff, and that’s exactly why it can also become one of the clearest places to see the gospel at work. This week, we dig into how marriage reveals what’s really in us and how grace meets us right in those unfiltered moments. We keep coming back to a simple truth: biblical marriage isn’t mainly about winning, keeping score, or getting your way; it’s about reflecting Christ. 

We walk through Ephesians 5 and unpack why the relationship between husband and wife is meant to mirror Christ and the church. That means covenant love instead of a contract mindset, sacrificial love instead of transactions, and daily grace instead of simmering bitterness. We also talk about what forgiveness looks like when it’s not just a nice idea, and why prayer, humility, and servant-hearted love matter most when you feel least like offering them. 

Then we get practical. You’ll hear a memorable conflict tool called the “third chair” as a way to remember that Christ is present in your hardest conversations. We also tackle missed expectations and communication, because unspoken expectations can quietly turn into resentment. Finally, we share a realistic marriage scenario that shows how the gospel can reshape tone, timing, and response when the stage is set for another fight. 

If you want a gospel-centered marriage that grows in holiness without denying the real mess of life, this one is for you. Subscribe, share this with a couple who needs it, and leave a five-star review so more people can find the show. What’s one small change that would bring more grace into your home this week?

Want to purchase the book and study guide for this series? Check the link here:

Currently available on Amazon at the links below:
Paperback, Hardcover, and Kindle: http://bit.ly/4nMs7kP
6-Session Study Guide: http://bit.ly/4nac67e

You can also get this anywhere you get your books online and at www.connectingthegap.net.

Transcript

Marriage As A Gospel Mirror

Daniel Moore 0:07

Marriage has a funny way of revealing who we really are. You may start out thinking that you're a pretty patient, loving, grace-filled person, and then suddenly you're in a heated debate over who left the kitchen light on for the third time this week. Marriage has a way of holding up a mirror, and sometimes that mirror shows us a version of ourselves we didn't expect to see. But here's the beautiful part. That's exactly where the gospel shines the brightest. Marriage isn't just about two people learning how to live together without driving each other crazy, though that's certainly part of it. It's about two imperfect people learning to extend the same grace they've already received from Christ. In fact, Scripture tells us that marriage is meant to be far more than companionship or romance. It's designed to be a living picture of the gospel itself. In Ephesians 5, the Apostle Paul shows us that the relationship between husband and wife is meant to reflect something far greater, the covenant love between Christ and his church. So this week, we're diving into what it really means for the gospel to shape our marriages, not just in the big theological ideas, but in the everyday moments, the misunderstandings, the forgiveness, the patience, and yes, even the occasional argument over the dishwasher. Let's take a closer look at how marriage becomes a living story of redemption. Welcome to Marriage Life and More. This is a podcast about marriage, Bible, and book studies. We interview people that have inspiring stories. I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and stand up here next to me once again is my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle. Thank you guys for joining us this week. If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at marriagelifeandmore.com for our platforms. Our YouTube and Rumble links are there. We're also on the Christian Podcasting app Edifi. And we're also on your Alexa and Google Smart Devices. You can also visit us on social on Facebook, Instagram, and X at CTGap Online. And of course, if you're a fan of our show, please subscribe. Feel free to leave a comment on our platforms, give us a thumbs up or a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. And we'd be thankful to you for doing that. Well, this week we're going to continue our new series that we started a couple of weeks ago called Marriage as a Mission. And of course, the series that we're in right now is actually going along with the first book that I wrote called Marriage as a Mission, Living Out God's Design for Marriage. And if you haven't picked up your copy of that yet, you can do so by going to Amazon exclusively to get the study guide. There is a six-session study guide that goes with that book. The book itself you can pick up pretty much anywhere. It's available at Barnes Noble, Walmart, Books a Million, Amazon, all over the place. Its hardback uh version is also on Amazon. So you can take your pick and you can go ahead and just go along with us as we go through this study here on Marriage Life and more. And uh you can be in kind of have the notes there with you, I guess, while we're doing our study each week here on the podcast. Well, this week my wife is in much better shape. She's actually able to talk.

Michelle Moore 3:13

Yes.

Daniel Moore 3:13

So we're definitely looking forward to this week's episode uh to get uh back to normal here, hopefully. So this week we're going to continue our series with episode two of this series on marriage as a mission, the gospel in marriage.

Michelle Moore 3:43

They say marriage is a lot like a mirror. You quickly start to see the real you, flaws and all. And if you're anything like me, you start wondering why that mirror seems to exaggerate your messier moments and whisper them louder when your spouse is nearby. But here's the twist that's exactly where the beauty of the gospel shines the brightest. Marriage isn't just about two imperfect people trying to live under one roof. It's about two people learning to give daily grace just as they received it. Think of it as a joyful and sometimes bumpy journey of sanctification with your favorite roommate, best friend, and occasional spoon stealer. Marriage in God's design isn't just about happiness, it's about holiness. And nothing shows us the death of God's love quite like a dirty dish argument that ends with, I forgive you. So let's explore how the gospel shapes our marriages, not just in big theological ways, but in the laughter, the learning, and yes, even the laundry.

Daniel Moore 5:01

Well, as we get started this week, uh just a real quick recap here. You know, the last couple of episodes we talked about how our marriage reflects God and what the purpose of marriage was. We talked about the uh contract versus the covenant, uh, which I thought that was uh a really good episode. If you guys haven't actually listened to those yet, you might want to go back and check those out. And then last week we talked about how our marriage actually reflects the Trinity and the Trinity, God the Son, God the Father, God the Holy Spirit. Uh, if you look at all three of those in aspect with each other, they actually do reflect what our marriage is supposed to be and what God expects that marriage to be coming from us. And so, as I said, I'm really happy this week that my wife can actually speak because last week you pretty much had to listen to me and her occasional yeses because she couldn't talk.

Michelle Moore 5:59

Actually, he enjoyed me not being able to talk. Maybe not so much for the podcast, but for every other day.

Daniel Moore 6:05

Yeah. Uh, you know, what what do I call that? A relief or something.

Michelle Moore 6:10

Something like that.

Daniel Moore 6:12

Uh no, actually, I don't like it when you don't feel well. And of course, uh, same for me. It seemed like it took you a while to get over that one, but you're finally back in good shape now. And I think uh we're able to actually put an episode together uh this week together with both of us in it instead of just having to listen to me. So I'm looking forward to it.

Michelle Moore 6:31

Yeah, because we also just came back from uh North Carolina seeing our granddaughter and our son-in-law and our daughter, our granddaughter got dedicated to the Lord um in North Carolina, and we got to be a part of it. We're so, so thankful for that.

Christ And Church As The Model

Daniel Moore 6:49

Yep. And so, you know, that's one thing that you get to experience whenever you have uh a marriage that's centered around Christ, a marriage that's centered around God. You know, we've always tried to keep our kids in church, and we're so thankful that, you know, that tradition's being carried on, and it was just awesome to be able to watch our little granddaughter Sarah be dedicated to the Lord, and we're glad to be a part of that. And of course, all of that even wraps into what we're going to be discussing today. The first thing we're going to talk about here this week as we get episode two started is about Christ and the church as a model. So not only is our marriage a model of God and a model of what the Trinity uh is and how it can be imported into our marriage experience that we have together, but we are also supposed to be reflecting Christ as uh Christ and the church reflects and how all of that goes together. We're going to start out here in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 22 through 33. And in that passage of scripture, the Apostle Paul gives us one of the richest and most beautiful pictures of marriage found anywhere in Scripture. At first glance, it can sound like a list of practical instructions. You know, the roles for the wives, the responsibilities for the husbands. I think it's the traditional scriptures that husbands and wives like to run away from. We always, and that one scripture about, you know, wives submitting to their husbands, that one's always the root of a bunch of jokes. Yeah. You hear stuff about that one all the time. But, you know, when we slow down and really sit with that passage and actually read it and understand exactly what Paul was trying to get at, we realize that Paul is doing something far more intense. He's pulling back the curtain and showing us that marriage itself is meant to tell the story of the gospel. And what is the gospel? Well, the gospel is when God sent his son Jesus to this earth, and Jesus loved us so much that he took his sins upon himself. He gave his life for us, he shed that blood so that we in turn can have eternal life with him, and we can have that eternity in heaven someday. That is a huge price to pay. And whenever we look at that and we understand that God expects our marriages to reflect that same storyline, that really brings the intensity of it, I think, to the front of exactly how important this marriage relationship actually is between you and I and the sacrifices that we have to make with that. And so as we start here, uh Michelle, why don't you go ahead and share with us the first scripture we're going to cover here from Ephesians?

Michelle Moore 9:32

Paul writes, Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, as the Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Daniel Moore 9:44

So that's Ephesians chapter 5, verses 22 and 25, kind of combined there. So there is a phrase in that scripture that we do want to pull out here and look at. And I think it's a phrase that a lot of times us as married couples kind of, I don't want to say we overlook it, we just kind of forget about it, maybe, and just don't think about it as deeply as we should. And that phrase is, as Christ loved the church. You know, that line there, that's an anchor for understanding everything else in that actual passage. So what it's saying here is that that marriage, according to God's design, it isn't merely a social arrangement or a legal contract or even a loving partnership. It is intended to be a living, breathing portrait of Christ's covenant relationship with his bride, who is the church. And just to clarify, we all know who the church is, correct? That's all of us that are born again. We've asked God into our hearts, we've asked him to forgive us of our sins, and we have made it an intentional effort to follow what Christ has set before us, that path that he's put there. And we're looking forward to that eternal reward that we get someday. We all make up the church. Right. And so, with that being said, we are the bride of Christ. That's what the scriptures call us. And so, whenever we look at this scripture and we are we're reading these lines that sometimes we don't really want to read, like wives submit to your husbands and husbands love your wives and whatever, we come to realize that I think a lot of times uh in conflictive situations and marriages and that kind of thing, when when we let those conflicts get the better of us and we start treating each other in a mean way, we start speaking mean things over each other and you know that start the fights and the different things that take place. I think we forget that in those moments we're supposed to be Christ-like.

Michelle Moore 11:41

Yeah.

Covenant Love And Grace In Conflict

Daniel Moore 11:42

And Christ does not hold any of those grudges against us, he doesn't start those fights with us. He loved us so much, he gave up his life for us. And I think if we look at it in that aspect, it has to give us a totally different meaning in our marriages. And I I would think it would have to probably help us stop some of those conflicts and stop some of those times and think twice about when we want to spout off and we want to make these bad comments towards our spouses. You know, if we start putting it in into the aspect of Christ, we're supposed to be reflecting him and his image and how he treated us, the church, by giving his life for us, then that should stop us in our tracks from treating our spouses that way. So this covenant language is important because throughout scripture, God reveals himself as a faithful covenant-keeping God. And you can see a pattern here. We can go all the way back to Abraham, to the promises that he gave him in Genesis chapter 15, those covenants that are still in play today. Then it moved on to a steadfast love for Israel in Hosea chapter 2, verses 19 and 20. And then that carries right into the New Testament to the new covenant sealed by Christ's blood in Luke 22, 20. So as we look at all of these different places, and these are just to name a few of where God's covenantal uh relationship that he has with us shines through in Scripture, that's just naming a few of them. But God's love is not temporary or transactional, it is sacrificial and enduring. So marriage then is meant to reflect the same kind of faithful, self-giving love. You know, how many times do we see spouses that it's a transaction to them? You know, they think, well, I'm gonna manipulate and do this to try to source my partner into doing this, you know, or I'm going to try to put myself up on a pedestal and really, you know, blow myself up to be something that inside I'm really not, but that will cause my spouse to do what I asked them to do. There's a lot of pride that's involved in a lot of that.

Michelle Moore 13:46

Well, and I I like that sentence because you know, you think about it, it is sacrificial and enduring. What is a marriage? You sacrifice for your spouse.

Daniel Moore 13:54

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 13:55

And it is very enduring of the fact that your marriage always has things coming toward it or against it, and you have to endure seasons of life in a marriage, and you sacrifice that time. And it's so good to hear that because God's love is not temporary. You think about that. My love for you, could you imagine if it was just temporary?

Daniel Moore 14:20

Yeah. It wouldn't endure.

Michelle Moore 14:23

No. And I and I think about just like as Christ loved the church, you know, as Christians, we should love our spouse.

Daniel Moore 14:30

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 14:31

Just as he loves us.

Daniel Moore 14:33

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 14:33

You know?

Daniel Moore 14:34

Yeah, and that carries on into, you know, when Christ gave himself up for the church, he didn't do it because the church had earned it.

Michelle Moore 14:41

Right.

Daniel Moore 14:42

You know, we don't earn that love. Uh we're not supposed to be looking at it like that, like we're trying to earn something. Um, or because we make ourselves lovable, just like I mentioned a while ago. You know, we can try to doctor up our little story and make ourselves look sweet as pie, but inside be a terrible person. You know, we got it's got to come from the heart.

Michelle Moore 15:03

Right.

Daniel Moore 15:04

It's got to be something that's foundational within us, um, so that whatever does happen between us as spouses, it's something that's true. It's something that's gonna last, have a firm foundation underneath it.

Michelle Moore 15:15

It goes back to actions, speak louder than words.

Daniel Moore 15:17

It does. And Romans 5.8, you know, kind of speaks to this just a little bit where it says God shows his love for us and that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. You know, it doesn't matter what we've done, he loves us unconditionally. There's nothing that we could ever do that would cause him to not love us. No matter how bad we treat Christ, the bad things that we might say, the many times we turn our back on him, it does not matter. He would still go back to that cross for us and he would still die for us all over again. How much does that speak towards us in our relationships? If we're gonna reflect Christ and who he is, that's really that's a high bar that he set there for us. But that's also what what is that whenever uh we you know perform that way? That's grace in action. Yeah, you know, that's the grace that that God gives us, and he continues to give that to us. It's not it's a non-stopping thing. Yeah, he shows that grace to us every moment of our lives.

Michelle Moore 16:16

We don't have to earn it.

Daniel Moore 16:17

Exactly. Yeah, and so that same grace that he gives us is meant to shape the everyday rhythms of our marriages. So every time a spouse chooses forgiveness over bitterness, patience over irritation, or gentleness over retaliation, we are that at that point, we're echoing the gospel. You know, marriage becomes one of the primary places where grace is practiced and it's not just proclaimed. It's a there's a difference in saying that you give grace and really doing it. There's a complete difference in that. And what would we be if we didn't have grace to allow us to give forgiveness over bitterness? It's so easy to become bitter.

Michelle Moore 16:56

Oh, yeah.

Daniel Moore 16:56

You know, it it takes nothing for one of us as spouses to do something really mean, and then if we continue that that path and we don't ever take it back over time, that's gonna cause a bitterness in the other spouse because they're gonna constantly have these bad things being done to them, and it it becomes harder and harder at that point to give that true forgiveness on down the road. We just want to be bitter and retaliate, and which again it says gentleness over retaliation. You know, God gives us that capability just because of the grace that He shows us. He doesn't retaliate, He's still gentle with us. So this speaks a lot um into our relationships and how they should be. And you know, you and I are we've had this same situation in our marriage where we've been bitter, we've retaliated, we've been irritated, not had patience. It's real easy to fall into that.

Michelle Moore 17:51

But I also think it comes back to your relationship with Christ because even now, because we've grown so much in Christ, I don't know that, you know, the bitterness I I mean before anything, we communicate, you know, and but I think anytime you have a in-death relationship with Christ, forgiveness is gonna come along with patience and gentleness. If you're speaking love, how hard can it be to be really irritated at your I mean, you can be irritated at your sauce, let me rephrase that. I think if you have a deep relationship with Christ, you're going to have God's gonna speak to you and being like, you just sounded like that. You're choosing, you yourself is choosing this, the bitterness. It's not God is choosing bitterness, you, and that's when pride comes in.

Daniel Moore 18:56

Yeah. And we've talked about it before, that's why it's important to pray for your spouse because how can you be bitter or hate someone that you just prayed blessings over? We've mentioned that several times, and there's so much truth to that statement. Because if we are truly having a prayer life like we should be, talking to our Father and allowing God to pour into us and you know, wanting him to help us to be a better person, to be a better spouse, then it makes it really hard for me to be mean to you and say hateful things to you and mean it.

Michelle Moore 19:30

Right. And I I like it because it says marriage becomes one of the primary places where grace is practiced, not just proclaimed. You think about it, if you're practicing grace with your spouse, how much more grace are you gonna practice throughout the day to other people?

The Third Chair In Arguments

Daniel Moore 19:46

Yeah, exactly. I heard a guy talking on a podcast here recently, he was being interviewed, and he has a marriage ministry. I actually have one of his books that he's written that's a really good book called The Essential Nine. Uh he was talking about how in his early years of marriage, even when he was doing marriage ministry, his wife and he conflicted a lot. They had not, even though they were doing marriage ministry, they still hadn't figured the conflict thing out. And he said one day he had a scheduled appointment for a marriage conference that he was speaking at that weekend. And sure enough, right before they left, they got in a huge fight. And he was very mean with his words. He's an escalator, he's one of those that he starts yelling. He says, I grew up in a house of yellers, so therefore I became a yeller when I had my own home. He said, I brought it right into my marriage. And he said he they went back and forth. He said some really hateful cutting things to his wife. And he said, just before he got ready to leave and walk out the door, she looked at him and she said, You know, she said, I just wish that all the things that you say to these people when you go to these conferences and the way that you pour into them to try to help them build their marriages and that you speak into them from the word. I just wish that you would do that here at home. Ouch. And he said, you know, he said that cut like a knife when she said that. And he said he didn't even want to leave at that point, but he already had to this the conference, he had to go. He said that whole weekend, guess what was on his mind? He sat there and that just stewed inside him over. He said he felt so bad. He felt so horrible because his wife didn't deserve to be talked to that way. She's a human being just like he is, and she's on an equal level with him in their marriage. There was no reason for him to cut her down like that. And he said, So he prayed about things. He said he didn't take care of it immediately. He prayed about it, then he came back and he resolved within himself to try to fix this. And he said, God. God laid it upon his heart. The next time you get to a conflict and you're you're starting to escalate, your voices, voice is starting to rise, you start to feel that yelling fit come on. He said, Do the opposite. Bring your tone down. And he said, So the next time that happened, he said, I intentionally brought my tone down to where I was halfway to a whisper. And he said, What did that cause? My wife had to lean in then to see what I was trying to say, get closer to me. And he said, You know, he said, if I still felt inside of me that I was on the verge of escalating, I'd go to go to a whisper. He said, I just tried my hardest to go the opposite direction of what I normally do. And he said, you know, he said he mastered it. And he realized that he he finally got some self-control over that issue. And he said, then later, as this thing progressed and he started working on this and things started getting a little bit better, he came up with this idea that everywhere we go, everywhere we speak, it doesn't matter where we are, Christ is there with us. If we are Christians, Christ is in our home, he's in our rooms. Wherever we are at, we have Christ living inside of us. So it's not just me and you yelling and conflicting with each other. Christ is in the middle of this also. And he said he, for some reason, and I think a lot of us have this issue, we forget. You know, we start fighting and arguing and our voices raise and escalate, and all of a sudden the moment's about me and you. Who's going to win this fight? You know, we forget God's sitting there listening to this whole thing, you know, very disturbed, probably at what's going on and upset with us. And he said, It's so easy to forget that. So he started getting a third chair. And when they'd have these conflicts and stuff, and he'd set the chair between them, and that's where Jesus was sitting. That's awesome. And he said he kept that in his mind the whole time while they were talking. He said, It's really hard to argue with your spouse and be mean and hateful and say mean, rude things to her or him whenever you're visualizing Jesus is sitting there in the middle listening to the whole conversation.

Michelle Moore 23:54

That's so good.

Daniel Moore 23:55

And he said it's just amazing the difference and transformation it made in their marriage. And maybe, you know, we're speaking to somebody out there this week. Maybe you're having this issue. This might be a good uh way to help you solve that issue because it's more visual. It is.

Michelle Moore 24:10

It's not you know, it's visual that he there is a chair there that you know that he's sitting there watching.

Daniel Moore 24:17

Yeah, and so it helps us to continue to be more Christ-like in our nature because it's again, like we talked about earlier, it's hard for me to be mean to you and say hateful things to you when I'm praying for you for God to bless you and build you up into who he wants you to be. Well, it's the same thing. It's hard for me to be Christ-like when I'm sitting here with Christ sitting right in the middle between us and I'm spouting hateful things that Satan's wanting me to throw them daggers. Satan wins that battle. Right. If I start throwing the daggers and the word arrows and the word knives and all that kind of thing.

Michelle Moore 24:50

Well, and as you're saying that, when you're fighting and you're trying to prove your point, that's pride. So pride is not of God. So you gotta remember you're fighting Satan at that time. You have to die to self.

Daniel Moore 25:04

Yes, you do.

Michelle Moore 25:05

Just remember, not every battle's worth winning.

Daniel Moore 25:09

No. No, there's gotta be a happy medium there where you both can come to a point where either even though both of you may not have what you would consider, quote unquote, winning that transaction between yourselves, you can at least live with the outcome.

Michelle Moore 25:22

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 25:22

And be okay with it. So as we continue here in Ephesians, Paul continues explaining that Christ's purpose was, and read that part to us.

Michelle Moore 25:33

To sanctify her, having cleansed her by washing off water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor.

Daniel Moore 25:43

So this statement here in Ephesians reminds us that biblical marriage is not spiritually neutral. A godly marriage is not just about shared responsibility, shared finances, or shared memories. All those do matter. Uh, you know, we talked about our trip earlier. We're gonna forever remember those memories that were made. We've got lots of vacations, we've got lots of memories. Those are a part of our marriage, but those are not actually the core foundation of what our marriage truly is. At its core, marriage is about mutual spiritual formation, it's about two people helping each other become more like Christ, pointing one another back to the truth of God's word and encouraging growth and holiness. And that's kind of what we just mentioned earlier. You know, if you have something that's on your heart and God wants you to move into this new uh area in your life to do something for Him, it's my job as a spouse to back you in that, to cover you in prayer and to push you as far as you I can possibly help you go to attain what God wants you to do. Even if that means I end up in the background. You know, if this may not be my calling, it's yours. Right. But it's still my job to be behind you for your support system, whatever it may be, and vice versa. You we both do this for each other.

Michelle Moore 27:01

And it's so encouraging when you have that support system. Yep. You know, if you think about it, I mean, there's a lot of times that for like Daniel, you know, he just jumps and goes, although I encourage him, he's just a go-getter and he's like, I'm gone. There are seasons of my life when I have felt like there's been deserts that God is teaching me things, but there's also times that I have not moved in things that God has really wanted for me because I don't feel like I'm good enough, and you know, and I don't know why. I mean, I'm I'm much past that now, but he has to encourage me. Um, you know, and it feels good to have someone come along and just tap me and be like, you can do this. Yeah, you know, he loves me so much to see that I succeed in what God has for me. And I share those times with Daniel so that he knows too to hold me accountable.

Daniel Moore 27:56

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 27:57

You know, and you as a marriage to have that support from your spouse, it does wonders. I mean, the encouragement, I just I mean, I didn't have that in my previous marriage, and I don't really know that I had a lot of encouragement as a child. Um so having it now has changed a lot in how I look at things. And it becomes from, I don't know if I can do this. It's like, heck yeah, I can do this, you know, because I have someone that right back there behind me, encouraging me. And if I run into roadblocks, we discuss those, and it's like, okay, and I know he's praying for me daily.

Daniel Moore 28:38

Yeah. And I know you're doing the same for me.

Michelle Moore 28:40

Yeah, and I and I love it. I love to see Daniel succeed. I have encouraged him to go to college to get a degree in psychology, would you know that? Um, but I, you know, I see him in a way that probably he doesn't even see himself. And I think as spouses, you should see each other in ways that they don't, because who's our worst known critic?

Daniel Moore 29:07

Yeah, we are here.

Michelle Moore 29:08

We are.

Daniel Moore 29:09

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 29:09

So if you really think about it, if you have the lens on of a godly spouse, you're going to encourage that spouse to even drive harder, dream bigger. Because you know that God's got those plans for the future for them.

Daniel Moore 29:24

Yeah. And of course, to do that, we have to take a lot of our own pride out.

Michelle Moore 29:28

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 29:29

You know, because I'm a I like to lead. You know, I like to, I mean, I've had this podcast going on five years now. You've been with me for almost going on a couple years of it at this point. Hard to believe, but this is our second year going into the marriage side of it. And, you know, I'm I'm constantly writing, doing something, you know, yes, putting books out or whatever it may be. And that's not even including my regular job, which is also ministry. You know, I've I've been very ministry-minded in a lot of the things that I do. So it would be really hard for me if God put a calling on your life right now for you to be something big or whatever. It could be really hard for me to step back from that because I would be, I would want to be right there in the middle of it being a leader with you. But if that's not what God called me to do, I'm gonna have to put my pride on the shelf and say, okay, this is Michelle's season. This is my chance to pour into you to help you attain whatever God has for you.

Michelle Moore 30:30

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 30:31

And so that's why humility in this situation is so essential as a spouse. You know, Philippians chapter 2, verses 5 through 8 is a perfect scripture for this. It paints a powerful picture of Christ's mindset. Christ humbled himself. Read that scripture to us.

Michelle Moore 30:47

It says, Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus. Who, though he was in the form of God, emptied himself by taking the form of a servant.

Daniel Moore 31:01

The thing that none of us want to be, a servant. We want to be in the front in the limelight, want to be the leaders.

Michelle Moore 31:07

It's just not all of us.

Daniel Moore 31:08

Some of us are different.

Michelle Moore 31:10

Yes.

Daniel Moore 31:10

But I think where our strong points are at, we always want to be in the middle of that, which is very that's the way we're wired. That's just the way we are. And a lot of times God lets us do that. He really does. He'll open doors and he'll allow us to shine. But there are times that he wants us to serve and he wants us to be who Christ was. And especially in marriages, we have to learn to be humble and be able to serve each other. And that's where we reflect Christ. Um, as he reflects himself towards us, that's the reason he came, was to be that servant. And so that kind of humility is the soil in which a healthy marriage grows. It means laying down that pride, it means laying down the preferences and the need to always be right. How many times do we run across situations in our own lives or even in marriages that we work with where the each spouse wants to be the one that's right?

Michelle Moore 32:04

I'm kind of like that.

Love That Must Be Practiced

Daniel Moore 32:05

That's what starts conflicts because everybody wants to be right. And so in marriage, the goal is not to win arguments, though, nor keep score, or even to protect our egos. And we all have those. It's actually to reflect Christ by loving sacrificially. I love that. If we are humble, we show humility, we actually put ourselves in that place where we serve and we sacrifice things, then we find that we won't keep score. Right. We don't write things down to use them later against our spouse when they make us mad. Uh, we are also not going to be always wanting to be the one that's right. Um, where that those egos that we have is gonna be put on the back shelf because there's gonna be no need for an ego, because again, we're being a servant like Christ. You know, Christ God created us. The Trinity was all there in Genesis when the world began. If anybody has a right to have an ego, it's Jesus. But he does not have one. And so if we're gonna reflect him in our marriages, then we are going to have to make sure that we put those egos to the side as well. And we love our spouses like Christ expects us to. So that's also why 1 Corinthians 13 is more than just poetic language for wedding ceremonies. And this is the love chapter for those of you that are uh pretty versed in the Bible out there, you'll know which which chapter we're talking about. But it's a practical blueprint for gospel-shaped love. And Michelle, read that scripture there.

Michelle Moore 33:38

Love is patient and kind, it does not insist on its own way, it bears all things, it believes all things, it hopes all things, it endures all things.

Daniel Moore 33:52

And I think whenever we look at these scriptures, you know, we're used to seeing them on pillowcases, on mugs, on little pictures at little Christian bookstores. You know, we we see some of these scriptures like this everywhere. And it's for good reason. There are tons of nuggets in these scriptures that we need to really apply in our life. But I think at the same time, a lot of times it kind of makes us forget what they truly mean because we see it. Oh, that's a that's a cool, that's my favorite scripture. I gotta buy that mug. And so we buy it and we start making our coffee in it, but then the next thing you know, we're having a big fight at home with our spouse. And we forget what 1 Corinthians 13 says and what it means. It's right there on our mug, and we're sitting there yelling at each other over the coffee steam coming out of our mug with 1 Corinthians 13 on it.

Michelle Moore 34:41

If you argue over that, you really need help. Yeah.

Daniel Moore 34:46

Um, but basically we're getting what we're getting at here is when you read that scripture, what does love do? It bears everything. Yeah, it believes everything, it has hope in everything, and it endures everything. It doesn't matter what Satan tries to throw at us as couples, it doesn't matter how what kind of roadblocks he tries to put up in front of us, doesn't matter what other people do to us as a couple, and then trying to cause stir up the the stuff in between us or whatever, if we have true love for each other, that true love's gonna endure all of that.

Michelle Moore 35:21

But it also, you know, you kind of think of the love, it doesn't come naturally. No, you know, and and that goes back. If you, you know, if you have to practice that that, the same thing as we go back to forgiveness over bitterness, patience over irritation, gentleness over retaliation, those things you have to practice because they don't come naturally.

Daniel Moore 35:44

That's right. And I think even the grace that we was talking about earlier and forgiveness is the same way. Yeah, they are an ongoing action.

Michelle Moore 35:52

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 35:53

That's something that has to happen moment by moment. You don't forgive somebody and then just stop. It doesn't just end there. You have to continue because that hurt's still there.

Michelle Moore 36:02

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 36:02

And anytime that those irritations happen, those irritations are still there. She's still got to have the grace to get past all of that and keep moving forward. And Christ, it's the same way with us. We mess up all the time, but yet Christ always has grace and forgiveness for us.

Michelle Moore 36:18

Well, and you think as your relationship with Christ changes, so does your heart.

Marriage As Witness In Daily Life

Daniel Moore 36:22

Yeah. So this uh this love that we're talking about here, it flows out of a heart that's been transformed by the love of God, as 1 John 4.19 tells us, we love because he first loved us. So here we are, we're reflecting again, we're taking lessons from Christ and how he treats us. We're taking lessons from that so that I know how to treat you, and so that you know how to treat me. And it's a true love when that happens. So when we view marriage through the lens of the gospel, we begin to see that it's not ultimately about personal happiness, although joy is certainly a fruit of it. You know, you and I, because we've got a pretty healthy marriage at this point, we're happy a lot. We have a lot of joy in our marriage and the things that we do. So that is a huge part of it. But that's not really the core of what we're trying to do here with our marriage. Marriage is about witness, it's about displaying God's covenant faithfulness to a watching world. So, in that sense, marriage becomes a mission field, a daily opportunity to show what Christ's love looks like in real life.

Michelle Moore 37:29

Could you imagine what people thought of us? Well, actually, you know, we didn't show a lot. We put on, we hit it. But, you know, if you really think about your actions and then being, you know, your marriage becoming a mission field, I think about now. You know, if people look at us, I want to see, I want them to see the love of Christ. That if we do have a disagreement, that hey, you forgiveness is right there.

Daniel Moore 37:59

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 37:59

Um, but most of all, I mean, our marriage transformed by communication and love for each other and the expectations. Um, so I mean, I think about that. Your marriage is a ministry itself. I mean, I look up to a lot of the older people.

Daniel Moore 38:17

Yep.

Michelle Moore 38:18

And I'm like, how did you walk that? How did you walk that season? You know, because we're in a different season. Our children are grown. We have grandchildren, you know, we have jobs. We're in that middle age now, and there are seasons that come up against, you know, that we have to walk. So I do look to the older people that have been married for a long time, and I want to know because their marriage is a ministry to me.

Daniel Moore 38:43

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 38:43

Because I watch them.

Expectations And Clear Communication

Daniel Moore 38:45

And it's something you don't retire from till the day that till the as long as you and I are together, we should be living an example for anybody behind us, and sometimes even the older ones. They didn't have a very good marriage either. And they can look back at even us as a younger couple, if, you know, with Christ radiating out of us, that's what this marriage is all about. You know, we all the other stuff is just the icing on the cake. You know, the actual cake is how are we reflecting towards other people and how are they growing because of what they're seeing us do? And that's the whole purpose of this book that I wrote and what it means to have your marriage as a mission. I love, you know, how you said it's as a mission field. And that's exactly what it's all about. And, you know, that real life, it includes laundry piles, burnt dinners, missed expectations, disagreements over how to load the dishwasher. Those everyday moments are not interruptions to spiritual growth, they are the training ground for gospel love. And it's often in the ordinary, unglamorous moments that Christ is most clearly revealed.

Michelle Moore 39:52

I want to go back to, you know, as you discussed that, missed expectations is a big one.

Daniel Moore 39:59

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 40:00

Because if you don't know that you're missing an expectation, um, for example, you know, I want you to do something, but I never communicated that to you. And I let bitterness grow because I didn't speak that expectation to you or I didn't discuss it. I just let it go and be like, okay, you just didn't meet my expectation. One communication.

Daniel Moore 40:24

Right.

Michelle Moore 40:25

And then we're gonna go back to forgiveness over bitterness. Because if you don't talk about that expectation, you're gonna let bitterness grow. Yeah. Because how does that spouse know?

Daniel Moore 40:37

Yeah. And again, God's given us a blueprint for that. Yeah. Because his word, the Bible, yeah, is full of his expectations for us as a Christian.

Michelle Moore 40:47

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 40:47

So he's spelled it all out for us. There's no reason to have any question whatsoever what God expects out of us. So it's a fair playing field at that point. Now it's our choice if we're gonna follow that or not. That's on us. So why should we expect our spouses to read our minds and not know what our expectations are if we don't speak them?

Michelle Moore 41:07

And don't set expectations that you know your spouse is not gonna meet. I mean, come on.

Daniel Moore 41:12

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 41:13

Dan's not gonna go get a job and make a million dollars a year, you know?

Daniel Moore 41:17

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 41:17

If it is.

Daniel Moore 41:18

As much as I'd like to.

Michelle Moore 41:19

I know. I can't expect him to do things that's way out of his control. You know, as as a spouse, sitting down and saying, okay, this is our expectations in our marriage.

Daniel Moore 41:31

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 41:32

And communicating those I think is very, very important. Yeah. I mean, I don't expect Dan to do laundry. Oh, let me take that back. Yes, I do, because I don't like laundry.

Daniel Moore 41:43

She hates the laundry. I do.

Michelle Moore 41:45

But you know, just expectations. For example, I don't expect Daniel to send me flyers for her anniversary on her birthday. I don't expect that. I I if he if if you ask me, I'd rather buy a pair of shoes. I get more time out of it. You know, I don't expect Daniel to do the things that I always want to do.

Daniel Moore 42:06

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 42:06

It's because he's different than me. That's the reason why unmissed expectations is so important in a marriage. You need to make sure you communicate and not let those go.

Daniel Moore 42:20

And I know those are your non-expectations because you've told me. So it's like you've got to be open with each other and communicate so that you don't have these issues that come up which causes conflict.

Michelle Moore 42:33

Which we're pretty good about our expectations. Neither one of us, if you really think about it, and you go back to the word. We actually, as humans, put more expectations on our spouses than God ever intended us to do.

Daniel Moore 42:46

Yes. No doubt about that at all. And it causes a lot of problems in a lot of different situations.

Michelle Moore 42:52

Yes, it does.

Daniel Moore 43:07

So as we close here this week, I've put a little example here that I'm going to let Michelle read. And everything that we've talked about today, as far as whenever we come into these situations in our marriages, how we need to think of it from Christ side of things, putting Christ in the middle of it, reflecting Christ as he loved the church. And this little story is going to kind of explain that just a little bit here. So let's go ahead and take a look at what this might look like in a real marriage. And Michelle, go ahead and share that with us.

Michelle Moore 43:36

Mike and Jenna have been married for five years, then genuinely love each other, but like most couples, they don't always get it right. One evening, Jenna comes home completely drained after a chaotic day at work. The house is messy, dinner still hasn't been made, and to make matters worse, Mike, who said he'd be home early to help, walks in an hour late, holding a coffee. Coffee and no explanation. Jenna feels the frustration rising. Her natural instinct is to unload everything she's feeling. Mike, on the other hand, is already on edge from a stressful meeting and is bracing for conflict. The stage is set for a familiar pattern of defensiveness, harsh words, and emotional distance. But instead of reacting, Jenna pauses. She remembers how Christ treated her when she was undeserving, how he met her with grace instead of condemnation. So she speaks honestly but gently. She expresses her disappointment, but she also acknowledges his long day and invites a conversation. I really needed you tonight. Can we talk about how we can do this better together? Mike, instead of justifying himself, remembers the humility of Christ. Philippians 2 echoes in his mind. He realizes he's been focused on himself rather than serving his wife. So he apologizes. Not just to keep the peace, but because he genuinely wants to love Jenna the way Christ loved the church, sacrificiously, humbly, and faithfully. In that moment, the gospel shapes their response. Grace replaces resentment, humility disarms defensiveness. Instead of creating distance, Christ draws them closer together.

Daniel Moore 45:39

And I notice we read this, it seems kind of a weird story because this isn't how normal people usually react whenever they have these moments like this. But I put it together like this on purpose. Because if we're going to truly put the Bible into play and we're going to read our scripture and we're going to have our prayer life and we're going to allow that to infiltrate into our marriages and how we do our marriages, um, how we communicate with each other, this is really kind of how it's going to look like. Because, you know, we've got Jenna here who's, you know, she's expecting him home. He's an hour late. I mean, that's a long time to be there waiting for some help. And she had all her stuff going on all day long, you know. That anger's rising the longer it is, and then here you, you know, he comes prancing in the door with his coffee and just acting like nothing happened, although he's knows he's in trouble. And uh, but there's two ways that Jenna could have responded to this. You know, she could have flew right off the handle and been mad and just started chewing him out one side and down the other, ripping his head off, you know, calling him names, you know, just really escalating this whole thing. But that's not Christ-like. That's not how Christ wants us to do that. Instead, what did she do?

Michelle Moore 46:53

She paused. Then she remembered how Christ treated her when she was undeserving, how he met her with grace, but she speaks honestly but gently. And she also acknowledged his long day and then invites the conversation. I love that.

Daniel Moore 47:13

Yes, it's so important how you react.

Michelle Moore 47:17

Because she was already frustrated, she chose to put herself last and put Christ before.

Daniel Moore 47:24

Right. I love that. She responded in a way that she thought Christ would do that. So when she did that, that then is going to set the tone for what Mike's going to do.

Michelle Moore 47:36

Yeah, because he was already on edge and he was already raising for conflict. He was like, let's I'm I know what I'm getting ready to say.

Daniel Moore 47:43

So he had his cup of coffee and his boxing gloves and he was just waiting.

Michelle Moore 47:49

But instead of justifying himself, he remembered the humility of Christ. He realized that it'd been focused on himself rather than serving his wife. So he apologizes. But I like this, not just to keep the peace, but he genuinely wants to love Jenna the way Christ loves the church, sacrificiously, humbly, and faithfully.

Daniel Moore 48:15

And you know that. What does pride do whenever we are being accused? We want to sit there and justify ourselves. We want to make excuses. And sometimes those excuses aren't even true. They're lies a lot of times. And we want to try to gaslight our spouse into uh not being mad at us anymore and making them think that it was something else than what it really was. And we start working through all this word salad, you know, trying to fix everything and make it better so we can just move past it real quick and you know, maybe won't be brought up anymore, you know.

Michelle Moore 48:52

When you think about it, in that moment, the gospel shapes their response.

Daniel Moore 48:56

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 48:57

Grace replaces resentment and humility disarms defensiveness. Instead of creating distance, Christ draws them closer together.

Daniel Moore 49:10

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 49:11

And so it's so important to remember.

Daniel Moore 49:13

I can only imagine now, since Jenna did what she did, and Mike responded back the way he did, he probably didn't put himself in a position to do that again. And they probably had a good evening.

Michelle Moore 49:25

Well, and you think about it, go back to the fact of can we talk about how we can do this better together? And I'm sure their tone, her tone was forgiving, loving, and she opened it up for communication.

Daniel Moore 49:42

Yeah, because it says she spoke honestly honestly but gently. Yes. She handled it gently.

Michelle Moore 49:47

So it goes back to communication.

Daniel Moore 49:50

So that's the gospel at work in marriage. That's exactly the picture that we're trying to paint for you this week in this episode about how to respond like Christ would. It's not perfection, because we're not perfect. No. We're all sinful human beings that are put together in a marriage, but it's persistent grace. Again, we talked about this earlier. Persistent means it's it keeps going, keeps going, keeps going. That grace is always there and ready to come out when it needs to. Again, it's not keeping score, it's choosing sacrificial love. It recognizes that when failure happens, and it's going to, we're all going to fail. The hope of the marriage doesn't rest on neither spouse's performance, but it rests on Christ, who is at work in both of them, as we read in Philippians 1:6. So that gives you a whole different perspective on that when we take a look at that in that way. I think it's just, it paints a beautiful picture, really, of what our marriage should be. So as we close out this week, is there anything that you wanted to add to this one?

Michelle Moore 50:49

No, I just want to say it was a great trip to North Carolina, and we created a wonderful memory with our seven-month-old, and so thankful to be part of her dedication and just getting to love on her.

Daniel Moore 51:02

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 51:03

Wish we could take her back with us.

Daniel Moore 51:05

Tried to kidnap her, they wouldn't let us do it.

Michelle Moore 51:07

Yeah, they came out to the truck and took her away.

Daniel Moore 51:10

Took her back.

Michelle Moore 51:11

But we tried.

Daniel Moore 51:12

Yeah. But you know, that's the fun part of being married, having kids, starting a family.

Michelle Moore 51:18

I do I do want to make one comment.

Daniel Moore 51:20

Go ahead.

Michelle Moore 51:21

Um, I I want to just make sure that you really guys just think about this. Um, that the love that um you have, going back to Corinthians, love is patient and kind. It does not insist on its own way. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Remember that kind of love doesn't come naturally. But I challenge you guys to really love your spouse that way, to work hard on it, to read those scriptures together, to practice it. Um you know, choosing forgiveness over bitterness, patience over irritation, gentleness over retaliation. It echoes the gospel. Yeah, and that's what we are in a marriage. Yeah, we're like-minded, Christ-like-minded, and we have a ministry. Your marriage is your ministry.

Daniel Moore 52:18

Yep. And God's watching, he's listening, yes, and he's pouring into us as much as we'll receive it.

Michelle Moore 52:25

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 52:26

And so that's so important. So day by day in moments just like this, marriage becomes more than companionship. It becomes a living, breathing picture of redemption, one small act of grace at a time. So as we wrap up this week's conversation, here's the truth we want to leave with you. A gospel-shaped marriage isn't a perfect marriage, it's a grace-filled one. Every marriage will face moments of frustration, misunderstanding, and failure. There will be days when patience runs thin, words come out wrong, and expectations collide with reality. But those moments aren't the end of the story. They're actually the places where the gospel has the greatest opportunity to shine. When a husband chooses humility over pride, and when a wife extends forgiveness instead of holding on to resentment, and when both spouses remember the grace that they've received in Christ, something powerful happens. The marriage begins to reflect the very love that saved us, not because we get everything right, but because God's grace keeps meeting us in the middle of our imperfections. And that's what Paul is pointing to in Ephesians 5. Marriage isn't just about two people building a life together, it's about two people displaying the love of Christ in everyday life, in the laughter, in the learning, in the struggles, and even in the small acts of forgiveness that often happen behind closed doors. So this week, as you go back to routines, whether if it's laundry, dinner, long work days, or those little disagreements that inevitably pop up, remember this. Every moment is an opportunity to reflect the gospel. Every act of grace, every humble apology, every choice to love sacrificially becomes a small picture of Christ redeeming love. And over time, those small moments add up to something beautiful. A marriage that doesn't just survive, but quietly tells the story of redemption. And that's a story worth living. Well, you can go to our website, marriage lifeandmore.com, to check out more about our ministry. All of our platforms are there. Also, you can reach out to us at Daniel at connectingthegap.net. And there's also a form there that you can fill out and send us a message. We'd love to hear from you guys. All of our books are available there now for purchase. So you can check all of that out. We've got several books available that we've released in the last year here. And of course, you can pick up Marriage as a mission there as well if you'd like to get that. And follow along in our study here as we go through that book here over the next months to come. Well, that's all for this week, and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode. This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries, and we pray that you have a blessed week.