Christ in the Center (Marriage as a Mission) Pt 2 - 325

Most marriages don’t implode; they drift, and it usually happens while you’re doing “good” things. You’re working hard, raising kids, trying to keep the house steady, and then one day you realize you’ve built a life together but stopped building each other. We get honest about that slow fade and why it can make a marriage feel less like a relationship and more like a well-organized group project. 

We walk through a simple but challenging biblical order that brings alignment back: God first, spouse second, then everything else. From there, we name three common threats that sneak in quietly: career, kids, and comfort. None of them is bad, but any of them can become a form of idolatry when they take Christ’s place, and that shift always shows up in your connection, your communication, and your joy. We also talk about why child-centered living can feel loving while still starving the marriage, and why empty nest seasons expose what you’ve been avoiding for years. 

Then we turn practical: returning to the “marriage altar” daily with small choices that actually reshape a relationship, like praying together even when it feels awkward, forgiving without keeping score, and choosing to be Christ-like instead of trying to win. We also address ego, pride, and control, especially around work and money, and how humility changes the tone of every disagreement. 

If you want Christian marriage advice that is clear, biblical, and doable, press play, then share this with a couple who needs a reset, and leave a review so more marriages can find it. What’s one “good thing” that’s been crowding out your best things?

Want to purchase the book and study guide for this series? Check the link here:

Currently available on Amazon at the links below:
Paperback, Hardcover, and Kindle: http://bit.ly/4nMs7kP
6-Session Study Guide: http://bit.ly/4nac67e (Amazon Exclusive)

You can also get this anywhere you get your books online and at www.marriagelifeandmore.com.

Transcript

When Marriage Starts To Drift

Daniel Moore 0:07

Most marriages don't fall apart overnight. They drift. Not because of some big dramatic moment, but because of small, subtle shifts that no one really notices at first. It's when good things, like work, kids, or just trying to keep life from falling apart, quietly take center stage. And before you know it, your marriage starts to feel less like a relationship and more like a well-organized group project. You're coordinating schedules, paying bills, passing each other in the hallway like coworkers on different shifts, and somewhere along the way, connection takes a back seat. Well in this week's episode, we're talking about how to realign what matters most and get your marriage back in the right order. God first, your spouse second, and everything else where it belongs. Because here's the truth: when good things take God's place, they don't stay good. They start pulling everything out of alignment. But when you intentionally put him back at the center, something powerful happens. You stop just managing life together and start building something meaningful again. It's not about being perfect, it's about being intentional. And yes, sometimes that intentionality looks like praying together when it feels a little awkward, or choosing love in the middle of a disagreement when your flesh is like, yeah, but I'd also like to win this argument real quick. This conversation is all about shifting from drift to direction. Because a strong Christ-centered marriage doesn't happen by accident, it's built on purpose. Welcome to Marriage Life and More. This is a podcast about marriage, Bible, and book studies. We interview people that have inspiring stories. I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and over next to me is my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle. Hey, hey. Thank you guys for joining us this week. Not familiar with our show. Check out our website at marriagelifeandmore.com. Our platforms are there, YouTube and Rumble links. We're also on the Christian Podcasting app Edifi. And we're also on your Alexa and Google Smart Devices. You can also visit us on social on Facebook, Instagram, and X at CTGapOnline. And if you're a fan of our show, please subscribe and feel free to leave a comment on our platforms. Give us a thumbs up or five-star review and Apple Podcast. And we'd be thankful to you for doing that. Well, this week, as we continue our series on marriage as a mission, we're going to be continuing and finishing up episode four that we started last week. And again, if you'd like to get a copy of this book, you can do so by going to our website, marriagelife.com. There's also a six-session study guide that goes with it as well. This is the first book that we released here at Connecting the Gap Ministries, Marriage as a Mission. And hope you've been enjoying these episodes so far. So this week we're going to go ahead and get back into it, and we're going to wrap up episode four of Keeping God in the Center of Our Marriage. So as we get started this week, last week we talked a little bit about how it's so important that we keep God first because if we don't, everything just kind of starts imploding around us and it starts becoming us at that point. And, you know, Michelle and I, I think last week we talked through a lot of really good points about marriage and why it's so important to keep prayer and to keep reading the word. And we talked about worship. There's just a lot of different things that we talked about last week that as Christian couples, we really need to keep those things on our radar and make those a part of our everyday activity, our everyday life, as we are attempting to keep our marriages together and in a way that honors God. And I think last week we covered a lot of good territory that I think sometimes isn't really thought of in marriages. So this week we're going to take it a little bit further and get a little bit deeper into this because it's real easy for us as couples to put God on the back burner. And I think, Michelle, you know, I'm sure you agree with me. There's lots of times even in our own marriage where we have not kept God front and center in our life and in our marriage and our decision making, uh, the way that we've, you know, raised our children. There's just a lot of things, a lot of different times over the span of our marriage that we kind of made a lot of those choices on our own. Yeah. And we didn't allow God to be a big part of that. And honestly, when we do that kind of thing, there is something out there that's called idolatry. And I know a lot of times we don't like to look at things in our lives as idolatry because that's kind of a nasty word. If we sit there and say, you know, well, I've got an idol in my life, and this is something that I idolize or whatever, typically we're not very proud of that. That's just not something that we, you know, want to go around spreading around to everybody and sharing that information with people. But honestly, if we have something that's actually putting itself in the place of Christ in our marriage, what else can you call it? I mean, it's got to be at some point, it's gonna be an idol in your life because anything that you put in front of God, that you put first before you put God in that equation, that's an idol in our life. No matter how you want to look at that, there's no way to sugarcoat that at all. And so this week we're going to talk about some different areas in just our everyday marriages, our everyday living that we have to deal with on a daily basis in our marriages that can become idols that we can actually put in front of God and put them in his place. And so we're gonna be talking this week about guarding against the idolatry. And the things we're gonna be covering uh this week is career, kids, and comfort. That's three things that we're gonna talk about as we dig into this. So, one of the biggest threats to a Christ-centered marriage isn't always loud, obvious sin. A lot of times it's the quiet, subtle misalignments. It's when good things slowly become ultimate things. It's when careers, kids, and comfort quietly climb onto the throne of your heart without you even realizing it. And the tricky part is none of those things are bad. You know, within themselves, kids are a blessing. Yeah. The Bible tells us that. You know, God rewards us as parents with children for us to raise those. So you would think, well, surely my kids can't become an idol in my life, in my marriage. But you know what? They can. God gives us good jobs. You know, he puts us in positions where doors open. He allows us to walk through those. Those are blessings that he puts upon our life. But again, we can actually put those jobs in front of God. We put those in front of Christ. And so we have to be super careful with that. And, you know, we want a peaceful, comfortable life. You know, we don't like conflict, we don't like arguments, we don't like having constant issues and chaos going on in our marriages, in our lives. We want some comfort, we want some peace. But again, we if we're not careful, we can put things that create comfort and peace in front of Christ as well. And so that's something else we have to be careful of. So all of that stuff's good, but when those good things take first place, they become that nasty little word we was talking about a while ago. They become an idol, that four-letter word. And idols always pull our marriage out of alignment, most generally, and whenever that starts happening. So God designed order for a reason. And the way that he did that, and we've talked about this a little bit before when we went through the four laws of love, um, and biblically it's set up that God's first, and then it should be us as a spouse, should be next. And then anything else that's out there in our marriages comes after that, whether if it's kids, career, family, whatever it may be, everything else falls into place after that. Well, when that order flips, even if it's unintentional, things in your relationships and your marriages can start to crack. The communication can weaken, the connection can fade, and suddenly we're not building a marriage anymore. We're just managing a life together.

Michelle Moore 8:11

Yeah.

God First Then Spouse Second

Daniel Moore 8:11

And that's when we kind of get into that danger zone because it's real easy to uh start letting those things kind of take a precedent in our life. And before we know it, our eyes are taking off the prize, our eyes are taken off of Christ, and we're looking at other places that are more in the world, and then we open up that door for bad things to start happening and for things to not go as smooth as we hoped they would. And so as we get started this week, Michelle, why don't you go ahead and and start off there with the first section we're going to discuss this week?

Michelle Moore 8:44

Yeah. Um so Jesus makes this crystal clear in Matthew 22, 37 through 39. Love God first with everything, then love your neighbor as yourself. And let's be real. Your spouse is your closest neighbor. That is so true.

Daniel Moore 9:03

Yes.

When Kids Become The Center

Michelle Moore 9:04

That means your job doesn't come before your marriage. Your kids don't come before your marriage, and your comfort definitely doesn't come before your marriage. Those things are gifts, but they were never meant to be God's. And Matthew 633 reminds us why this order matters. When you seek God first, everything else falls into its proper place, not perfectly, but properly. Here's what it looks like in real life. You got one spouse grinding at work, staying late, chasing promotions for the family. The other is pouring everything into the kids, practices, school events, endless snacks, and rides. And on the surface, it looks like a strong, responsible family. But underneath, the marriage is running on fumes. Date nights disappear, praying together fades out, conversations become transactional. Did you pick them up? Did you pay that bill? At some point you wake up and realize, hey, we built a life together, but we stopped building us.

Daniel Moore 10:11

And how many times, you know, even in in our own relationship, you know, we can look back, and we've talked about this before, we actually at one point in time got our stuff out of order.

Michelle Moore 10:22

I think more than once.

Daniel Moore 10:23

Yeah, lots of different times, definitely.

Michelle Moore 10:25

In different areas, you know, when you talk about careers, you talk about children, you talk about comfort. Yeah. I mean, in in all reality, that there's a lot of ways that you can get misaligned.

Daniel Moore 10:36

Yeah. And you know, this one is a touchy subject because there's a lot of parents out there that are just totally 100% sold into their kids. And I understand that because kids, kids are our offspring.

Michelle Moore 10:49

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 10:49

They are the next closest thing to us besides our spouse. We all live underneath the same roof. And so we always want our kids to be successful. We want them to flourish. We want them to have good friends. We want them to be able to go do things and fit in and, you know, all the typical things as parents that we want for our children, we want that. And sometimes we go to extremes to make sure that happens. I mean, we we get in battles, we get in fights sometimes with other parents and other people. Um, you know, I remember, you know, several times when our kids were in school where we had to go make trips to the principal's office because kids were, you know, being mean to our kids and stuff was going on and there was issues taking place and you know, getting chased down the road in their cars and all this other stuff.

Michelle Moore 11:35

It was being bullied. Being bullied, yeah. It was that's what it came down. They were harassing.

Daniel Moore 11:40

And so, you know, as parents, we're automatically going to kick into defensive mode. We're gonna take care of our kids. You know, that's our first priority. And but what happens over time is especially I think, and you can correct me if you if I'm wrong on this, but it seems to me that the more kids you get, the more kids you have, that it's so much more easier to let the kids take a priority. Because not only are you just chasing one around now, now you're chasing two, well, now you're chasing three, now you're chasing four. And if they're all in different sports, if they have different things that they like to do at school, so they're not really in the same place at the same time because their interests aren't the same, you know, that's when the parents start getting pulled in all different directions. And I that's when it gets real easy if you're not careful. That little statement there, we built a life together, but we stopped building us. That's where that can become so true if we're not careful.

Michelle Moore 12:32

And I feel like that area can be so unintentional and not, you know, realizing that you're going in separate directions all the time and that you're so wore out. And then by the time you get to your spouse, it's like, okay.

Daniel Moore 12:44

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 12:45

And it is the leftovers. Yes. And so it is, I think in a lot of marriages, it's intentional. Yeah. I mean, it's not intentional to, you know, I'm gonna do this and I'm not gonna talk to you. But if you really think about it, you're just pressing one foot forward after the next and just trying to get to the next day, just surviving, especially as a mom. I mean, not necessarily as, you know, I can't speak for everybody, but I know in our schedule it was constant. And, you know, I had the flexibility to do a lot more. And so it was like constantly running, and you would be running with one child, and it was you know, it was always something. And granted, we didn't have a great marriage to begin with on that.

Daniel Moore 13:23

And so I mean So it almost became a distraction. It was the kids were a distraction away from the elephant.

Michelle Moore 13:30

So we didn't have to deal with each other.

Daniel Moore 13:32

Right.

Michelle Moore 13:32

And you know, and in a healthy marriage, sometimes I think that it's just so unintentional, and it's just not really you didn't mean for it to, you know, put your kids before your marriage.

Daniel Moore 13:42

Yeah. And you know, it's it's real easy to get an argument with other parents about, well, my kids are my everything. I'll do anything for my kids. It does not matter what happens, I'm there for them, they're my first priority, you know. And I understand that argument completely. We have kids of our own. And, you know, we raised all of our kids kind of with that same mindset. We want to protect our kids to the fullest extent of what we can as parents. We want to be there for them. But God's intention was never for us to put our children between your spouses. That was never his intention. The spouse's relationship was there first. The kids are actually learning from us. You know, that relationship that you and I have, our kids are watching that. Right. And all of you married couples out there that have kids right now, your kids, you are the example that they are seeing every day on how to have a good, flourishing marriage. And if you're putting your kids between the two of you and there's no interaction between you and your spouse, you're not showing any um, you know, sentimental times towards each other, you're not showing uh love towards each other like you should be in front of your kids because you're just so um focused on schedules and time frames and you know, got to be here, got to be there. It's all logistics, everything that you talk about. That's what your kids are gonna grow up thinking. Well, a marriage is about logistics.

Michelle Moore 15:01

Right.

Daniel Moore 15:02

And that's not God's intention. And go ahead and there was one more line there. This this next line that you're gonna share kind of puts this into perspective of why this isn't supposed to be this way.

Michelle Moore 15:13

Yeah, and when the kids grow up or their career slows down, there's not much left holding things together.

Daniel Moore 15:18

Yep. And you and I are right now on this precipice of having empty nests. We've already been an empty nester once before.

Michelle Moore 15:25

And then he came back.

Daniel Moore 15:26

It's a whole different dynamic. Yeah, he did come back. He missed us so much. He just had to be a little bit more.

Michelle Moore 15:33

Yeah, we think anyways.

Daniel Moore 15:35

So we're gonna have our empty nest back. And you know what? As a married couple, that can that can generate two things it can create fear or it can create an excitement. Oh, I'm excited. Because if you are in a position where you've always put your kids first and you've not poured into your spouse and you almost have become strangers at this point because you've not had enough intimate time together and all that kind of thing, the thought of your kids being gone and it just being the two of you, that could be a little bit scary.

Michelle Moore 16:05

Well, and I also think that, you know, for the first time when our kids left, it wasn't necessarily we were in a healthy, healthy place, but there was still kind of a a fear of Are we gonna be able to get along in the long term?

Daniel Moore 16:20

Well, that's just gonna work.

Michelle Moore 16:22

You're a mom. You always worry about your children. Right. And you've been used to 18 years of taking care of your children. And then I mean, like my son's gone on a trip, he's driving to South Carolina, and in my whole mind today, I'm like, Lord, just keep your hand up on him. And I said, Hey, will you text me when you make it there? And he's like, I'll think about it. And it's like, I'm still your mother, you know. There there is always something I think for mom and dads that will always have a connection with your children and that you always want to be around them and do things for them. As Dan says, it's our time, don't worry about our children. And I'm like, But I love my children and I want them around me all the time. Not necessarily. I love my children, I love to see them and I like to do things with them, but I want my husband around me all the time. Yeah, he is my best friend, uh, you know, and we love the empty nester.

Daniel Moore 17:16

Yeah, we we just love it, and we both now realize it's time for them to be adulting.

Michelle Moore 17:21

He says that I'm not ready for that.

Daniel Moore 17:23

This is their adulting moment, and I mean two of ours are already married with children.

Michelle Moore 17:28

I know, but it's still hard.

Daniel Moore 17:30

Yeah, the other one's dating, he's pushing 30 years old. I mean, you know, if if you and I had continued the route we were going, uh, you know, a lot of times, to be honest, the t statistics actually back this up. There is a, I don't I don't know the percentages, I didn't look it up, but there is a percentage of people out there that actually get divorced when their kids are gone because they don't because they don't know how to cohabit.

Michelle Moore 17:56

Oh yeah.

Daniel Moore 17:56

They don't know how to communicate, they don't know how to to live together anymore because everything has been poured into their children, and that was never God's intention because those kids move on, and then we have to figure out once that happens, where do we stand now?

Michelle Moore 18:11

Well, can you even think about when you retire, both of you retire and you're with each other 24 on, 24? I mean, just like constant. And so to me, that's another set of life that we're gonna, you know, right. You really get to see that person, and if you don't have a relationship, then it's even gonna be harder.

Daniel Moore 18:30

Yeah. And so we've talked about this side of it. So now we're gonna talk about a different kind of marriage that does it the correct way. Why don't you share that with us?

The Intentional Couple Model

Michelle Moore 18:40

Yeah. Um, now picture a different kind of couple, not perfect, but intentional. They put God first, not just in theory, but in practice. They pray together, even if it's short and sometimes awkward. They make space for each other even when life is busy. They don't ignore their responsibilities, but they refuse to let those responsibilities replace their relationship. They parent as a team, they work with a purpose, not obsession. They protect their marriage like it actually matters because it does. And in the middle of the chaos, their relationship stays anchored. When God is first and your marriage is protected, everything else finds its proper place.

Daniel Moore 19:27

And this is a perfect example of how living biblically is the way to go.

Michelle Moore 19:31

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 19:32

Because in this situation here, I like how you know they parent as a team. So they're both they're not separate ways, off different directions, not having a clue who's doing what because there's the chaos and everything going on. No, they're they're they're a team. They know exactly what the other parents are doing. They've got this all planned out, it's all figured out. They're working with a purpose, not an obsession. They're not obsessed with making sure their kid can be in everything and anything and be a part of it all. No, the parents actually have a plan and a purpose for what their kids are doing because they know that as they get older, the things that they're doing is building character. It's building uh, you know, young adults as they grow older so that they can actually live on their own um, you know, securely when they're out by themselves and they're moving on with life. Um, you know, they protect their marriage because it matters. You know, there's a whole different uh mindset there from that type of parent and they're gonna be blessed for that. In the long run, I think those are the parents they're gonna have, you know, the pretty good relationships with their children, I think, as they get older and move on. Uh, they're gonna have good relationships with their grandkids. I mean, there's a lot of stability there in that type of a relationship because God was kept in the center of all of that and they never lost focus on the purpose of being a parent and what that truly means and making sure that God was included in all of that as those kids were raised. And, you know, I've seen several uh different couples that are very strong Christian couples that they have super great relationships with their children, but they've always kept it balanced the correct way. And it's really interesting to me to see how, you know, a lot of times I really feel like some of those kids in those types of relationships are actually more solid than the ones that the the parents are chaotic and they're just going all over the place. A lot of times those kids, you know, when they grow up in that type of environment, they seem to have a lot of chaos in their life later when they become an adult. And so I think one thing that we have to remember, we've talked about this several times in several different marriage episodes that we've had. The way that we raise our kids, the way that we run our home, our kids take a lot from that. And when they go to run their home later, it's real easy for them to take some of the things that we do as parents and put and put it into their own homes when they start raising their own kids. Because you And I did it. You know, I watched my parents and I brought some of this stuff from my parents into our relationship. And, you know, you've done the same thing. And sometimes those aren't good things.

Michelle Moore 22:10

Right.

Idolatry Whispers Through Busy Seasons

The Daily Altar Of Surrender

Daniel Moore 22:10

And so we always got to make sure that we um defer off to God first and make sure that we're being biblical and there is an order. Yes. And it's very biblical. God has it set in stone. It's God, spouse, kids, and then on down the chain. So that's the first thing we want to talk about this week as being an idol that can take the place of God. Now the subtle danger of idolatry is this. Idolatry doesn't usually announce itself, it whispers. It sounds like, I'm just doing this for the family. Or once things slow down, we'll reconnect. Or this season is just busy. But the thing is, seasons have a way of turning into years if you're not careful. And the fruit of misplaced priorities is always the same. You end up with disconnection, frustration, and a slow drift apart. But when you keep God first and your marriage close behind, something powerful happens. You create an environment where the love grows naturally, where trust is strengthened, and where joy isn't dependent on circumstances. You don't have to choose between loving your family and loving God. You just have to keep them in the right order. And I think that, you know, sometimes there might be parents out there thinking this right now. It's like, well, if I don't do all of this stuff I've been doing all this time and everything, my kids are going to think I don't care and I don't love them. You know, they're I can't tell my kids no because these their friends are doing it. You know, they got all these excuses and whatever. There is a proper way that you can do all of that and still have good, solid kids that get to do a lot of stuff. It's all in um preparation and being intentional in your parenting and being intentional in your family life. Again, if you keep that prayer scripture and the worship, like we talked about last week, that should overflow into how you run your family from the foundation up to begin with. And so we have to be careful because this idolatry thing, you may not want to call it that, but that's really what it is when we have these little excuses and these little um things that we'll say to try to justify the way things are and what's happening at that moment. We can justify it all we want to, but if it's taken the place of Christ, it's an idol in your life. And that those idols have to come down. You cannot leave those in place. So the next one here uh on the marriage altar, where love is renewed daily, won't you share that with us?

Michelle Moore 24:52

Yeah, let's shift this for a second because marriage isn't just something you committed to once. The real marriage altar isn't the one covered in flowers on your wedding day, it's the one you come back to every single day. A Christ-centered marriage isn't built on one big I do, it's built on a thousand small I choose you moments. It's waking up and deciding I'm going to love you today, even if you're hard to love and you drive me crazy. Just kidding. I added that last part on. I'm going to serve and not keep score. I'm going to forgive and not rehearse what you did wrong. That's daily surrender.

Daniel Moore 25:36

In Romans 12, 1, it calls us to be living sacrifices, you know, not a one-time offering, but an ongoing daily surrender. And that means marriage isn't about convenience, it's about commitment. It's also not about winning, it's about yielding. It's not about being right, it's about being Christ-like. So good. And let's be honest, that's not always easy. No, it's not. It's very difficult sometimes to have that kind of an attitude when crazy things are going on in our relationships. Because sometimes, you know, dye into self, it looks like apologizing first when you're pretty sure that you're only 30% wrong. Sometimes it looks like choosing kindness when your tone wants to come out a little sharper than it should.

Michelle Moore 26:19

I think he wrote that for himself.

Daniel Moore 26:20

Think so?

Michelle Moore 26:21

I know you did. You can just tell by that laugh.

Career And Ego Threaten Unity

Daniel Moore 26:25

It's very possible. Just kidding. Sometimes it looks like letting go of control, even when you know your way is better, or at least you're convinced it is. But that's where transformation happens. And so we always have to remember, and we've talked about revelation before, how if you do get in a position where you're more like roommates than you are soulmates, and you feel like you're, you know, drifting apart, living with strangers, however, you want to describe that, we've talked several times about how to correct that, and that's to go back to our first love. That's to go back to where it all began. And I think a lot of times when we talk about the marriage altar, sometimes that does become a distant memory. You know, we we say I do at the altar, we walk away from it, and then some people get further and further and further and further away from it until they totally forget about what it was like that day, and now we've got a bunch of problems out here. But if we do keep in mind that, you know, the way it was on that day that I said I do, if we can make that scenario happen every day, you know, and I know every day's not a honeymoon, I'm totally aware of that. Um, they do say that after two years your honeymoon stage is over. But does it have to be? You know, it's like there's there's things that we have to think about. If we truly love our spouse and we want to put them, you know, first, behind God, obviously, God's first, but we want to put them right in that slot after that, then that's gonna take some intentional effort to always remember the way it was when we first began. And if we can keep that in mind, then we don't have issues with putting kids in front of our spouse. Uh we talked about career, we haven't talked about careers yet, but that's another one. You know, it's real easy if we become very successful and we start making lots of money and we start focusing on, well, as a parent, I have got to provide for my family, you know, that becomes first and foremost. Well, we do need to provide for our family because that's bibli another biblical standard that is instructed of us. But we have to remember those blessings come from God. That job came from God.

Michelle Moore 28:34

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 28:34

So is He going to leave us stranded high and dry? I mean, if we do we really feel like we have to put 24-7 into a job and, you know, bow down to the altar of our boss and you know, do anything and everything to make sure we don't lose that job to keep supplying for our family, um, you know, at and at the same time putting our family on the back burner, you know, putting our spouse on the back burner. Um, you know, I see that that happen quite often. There was one point in time where that happened with us because I got to a job situation where I felt obligated and I put tons and tons of time in, and that took a lot of time away from us. And I was looking at the money side of things, and it did. It ended up imploding on us. And it created an issue in our relationship where we started, you know, growing apart from each other. That was just another um piece of the pie that that got stuck in there that didn't need to be there. And so that's another way that we can have an idol in our life is our jobs and our careers. And God wants us to have that career. You know, he gave us the smarts and the brain to be able to go to college and get the degrees and whatever it may be to learn to do the best job that we possibly can. And he's okay with us making good money. There's no problem with that at all. It's all in how we handle that, it's all in our stewardship of how we handle all of that and how do we keep those things lined out? Yeah. How do we keep them in order? And, you know, again, we got to make sure that regardless of what type of job we have or how important it is to us and our lifeline and whatever, we still got to make sure that our spouses are front and foremost and that our marriages are taken care of. Yeah. So we got to make sure that that does not become an issue. So another area here that we have to be careful of is our ego. It's real easy to get an ego.

Michelle Moore 30:33

Yes.

Daniel Moore 30:35

And I I would like to think that a lot of us as Christians don't have those. But you know, that's another one of them subtle things that just can kind of sneak up on us if we're not careful sometimes. And some people are intentional with their ego. They just they think they're all of that and they're just gonna be all of that no matter what you say about it. But Philippians chapter two, verses five through eight, it reminds us to have the same mindset as Christ. And what kind of a mindset did Christ have? He humbled himself, he chose obedience over pride. So that's the model for marriage. It's not two people trying to win, it's two people trying to reflect Jesus.

Michelle Moore 31:14

How often do we forget that?

Daniel Moore 31:16

I know.

Michelle Moore 31:17

That is so good.

Daniel Moore 31:18

Yeah, it's like you know there is no winner. No, there it's not a competition. No, it's it's it's a team effort. We've talked about that before also.

Michelle Moore 31:27

I love that.

Daniel Moore 31:28

And there in a marriage, there's no no place for pride. No, really, because you and I are on level playing fields and we we both run our household, we both make decisions, uh, we both support our home. And so there's no reason for either one of us to have more of an ego than the other because we are in this together. This is our joint effort.

Michelle Moore 31:51

Do you see most of the time that men have more of an ego than women?

Daniel Moore 31:56

I I mean I think it could probably go either way.

Michelle Moore 31:58

Go either way.

Daniel Moore 31:59

You know, because I we're all human. Uh now some I mean guys possibly could just because you probably see the guy being a breadwinner more often than probably you'll see a lot more stay-at-home moms, probably, than you will see stay-at-home dads. And so I think, you know, depending on the attitude that the person has, because sometimes if it's especially if it's a one-income home, you'll have, you know, the guys, if they're the if they're the income breadwinner, you know, they may, this is my money. You know, this I paid for all of this, I'm the one that's got the job. They get real snarky and can get smart elic with it, and that ego can come out there, especially if there's conflict or issues that are going on and there's some problems, you know, taking place. It's real easy to use that as a weapon. And so that can become an ego issue if you're not careful. And so we have to really watch all of that because it doesn't matter. You know, you and I both work in our home. We both have jobs. Yeah. And so we don't have that argument necessarily because you bring in money and so do I. So we put it in the pool, and everything that we get um comes out of all the the income that we both have. But even if it wasn't that way, if it was just me making the money, or if it was just you making the money, we're still in this as a team. It's still a team effort, doesn't matter who makes the money, right? Puts it in the bank. It's still both of our money because we're married, and when we get married, everything becomes one.

Michelle Moore 33:27

Right.

Daniel Moore 33:28

And so we have to remember that that's how God looks at that. He there's no place for ego in a marriage.

Michelle Moore 33:34

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 33:35

Because as soon as that ego starts flaring up, then that's gonna start making your spouse feel like they're less than.

Michelle Moore 33:43

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 33:44

And it's going to start making them feel like that they're not as important in the relationship. There's probably going to be some verbal abuse type stuff going on of the spouse talking down to the other spouse and belittling them. You know, you start seeing all of these things start to happen whenever those egos flare up. And so we have to choose Christ over that. We can't allow those egos to come in. Now Satan wants us to have ego. He wants us to be full of pride. He wants us to come in and be the one man show or the one woman show, but that's not the way it is. We choose Christ over that. And a healthy marriage isn't built by two people demanding their way, it's built by two people surrendering to God's way. It does not matter what you or I want. What matters is what God wants. That's where it comes, that's what it comes down to. You know, you and I can have all kinds of wants and needs and whatever, but if it's not in God's plan, it's probably not healthy for us to pursue that.

Michelle Moore 34:42

Yeah.

Daniel Moore 34:42

And so we need to make sure that both of us stay on the same page and that keeps that pride and that ego down too. Because if we're if we're both pursuing after God's way, there's really no room for you or I either one to become proud and for our ego to flare and go out of proportion and get between us. And so I think it's just all in our perspective and how we look at things, how we keep things biblically and the foundation of our marriage and our marital relationship.

Michelle Moore 35:09

That's good.

Daniel Moore 35:10

And so when both spouses take that posture of going after God's way first, something shifts. You'll notice that the arguments become opportunities to grow. Because that's what anytime you and I have any kind of a uh conflict, which is very rare, but anytime that we do, we both make sure that it's a positive outcome when it's done. Offense loses its grip faster. And I think you and I can both say that we don't hold offense against each other, we don't hold grudges, um, we don't keep score, and grace flows more freely. So if you if I upset you or if you upset me, we're pretty quick to show each other grace, I think.

Michelle Moore 35:51

We are.

Daniel Moore 35:52

You know, we have a lot of mercy for each other, and a lot of that comes back because of that love that we have, and again, we're trying to pursue what God wants for us.

Michelle Moore 36:00

That's it, right there in our relationship.

Daniel Moore 36:03

And so you know, the goal isn't winning the moment, it's actually honoring Christ in the moment. That's what this is all about. And so if we can get out of that this is all about me, I'm gonna win this fight no matter what, a mindset, and allow God to come in and transform our hearts and allow us to see our spouses through his heart and through his eyes, then you can't go wrong. Right. You know, I think there's there's just there's no way around that. So is there anything you want to add to this week's?

Michelle Moore 36:37

No, this is good. It's very, very good.

Daniel Moore 36:40

I mean, hopefully we didn't step on too many toes this week.

Michelle Moore 36:43

It's good to be stepped on though, to be quite honest.

Daniel Moore 36:46

Yeah.

Michelle Moore 36:46

I mean, we've been there and we wish somebody was stepped on ours.

Final Takeaways And How To Connect

Daniel Moore 36:49

Yep. Yeah, because you can take it from us. We went through this exact stuff and almost got divorced over it. So we are a living example of anybody out there listening right now that everything's about your kids, everything's about your career, everything's about the money that's in the bank, everything's about your ego or the comfort that you have in your life because you want boats and campers and you know, all this big fancy stuff all the time because that's what you find your comfort in, and you're putting all that in front of your spouse and in front of your family, it's gonna implode. There's just no way around that because that's not how God designed it. And anything that anytime that we get out of God's plan and we get out of his design, then we are just opening up that door for Satan to get his foot in there, and it doesn't take anything for that to be destroyed. Just want to remind you that you can go to our website at marriagelife.com. Everything about our ministry is there. If you'd like to purchase one of our books that we have available, there's links there to do that. And of course, all of our platforms are there. If you love this episode, know somebody that might gain something from it, please share it, share it to other people because that's how the podcast gets out and uh like it, and that gets us in the algorithms. Um, so we just appreciate any activity. If you'd like to reach out to us, we've got a form on our website that you can send us a message or you can email us at Daniel at connectingthegap.net. We'd love to hear from you guys. Just make comments on social media, whatever it may be. We'd just like to hear from you and how you're enjoying this series so far as we continue here with marriage as a mission. Next week, when we come back, uh we'll be coming back with some more brand new episodes from that series. This week, though, as we finish up this one about keeping God in the center of our marriage, you know, at the end of the day, a Christ-centered marriage isn't built on feelings, it's built on daily decisions. And what are some of those decisions? Well, some of them are, you know, keep God first. That's the first obvious decision. Secondly, protect your marriage from misplaced priorities. Third, return the altar of surrender again and again. You know, if we keep God first and if we protect those priorities and keep those in the right place, and we continue back to that altar to surrender before our spouses, to not let those egos get in the way, then you can't go wrong with that. You will have a good marriage that's based on Christ and you'll have a good foundation. You don't need a perfect marriage. None of us have a perfect marriage. And no matter how hard you try to attain that, you're not going to get it. What you need is a surrendered marriage. Make sure that whatever happens between you and your spouse, whatever happens between you guys and God, that you stay surrendered and don't let that pride get in there and cause you to fall. When both of you as spouses lay down pride, control, and self-centeredness before God, he does something that we could never do on our own. God strengthens what's weak, he restores what's been strained, and he deepens what's been shallow. God takes an ordinary love story, which is two imperfect people figuring it out, and turns it into something that reflects his grace, his power, and his glory. When you surrender your marriage to Christ daily, you don't lose. You finally build something that lasts. Well, that's all for this week. And as we go, we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode. This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries. We pray that you have a blessed week.