Controlled Chaos
Controlled Chaos
EPISODE 4: HOME
Today, we're exploring the topic of Homelife. Note to self, don't limit your travels, if your Home is on the road.
‘The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned’- Maya Angelou
I’ve lived in a fair few homes in my life. Despite having lived in more homes then I can count on two hands, I only refer to it as a ‘fair few’, because well... we all know someone who was constantly moved around as a kid and talks of having to start a new school a thousand and one times. It’s rough, but hey that’s life! Then there’s the other percentage of people who for whatever reason have just not settled; possibly from having had to move a lot for work or for family…or perhaps there just your classic gypsy. For those of you who don’t know, generally speaking there are two different types of gypsies-Roma Gypsies & Irish Travellers who both lead nomadic lifestyles. And believe it or not such people still exist! You only need to have binge watched Big Fat Gypsy Wedding to know that. Oversized wedding dresses and scrubbing the floors of Caravans ain’t my thing, let me tell you! However, in saying that though, what I do share in common with them is their insatiable appetite for travel; to get up, go and live elsewhere! I’ve moved around to more places than I can count on two hands and plenty of those places I’ve not just travelled to but lived in. When I travelled around a lot, while studying at University, I used to joke to others that I was a gypsy then go on to refer to myself as being ‘free- spirited’ by nature.
According to Mariah King she writes in her blog on the online platform ‘The Oydessy Online’ , that the ‘free-spirited’ quality is one which describes a hippy. She says that “hippies are free-spirited because they remind me of songbirds and wildflowers. They sing all the time, dance in the rain, and seem to blossom in troublesome situations. They are free-spirited because they do not let hard times bring them down; they are resilient in all aspects of their life. Gypsy’s on the other hand “..are a little different. Rather than giddy and free-spirited, I see them as free- souled. Free souls like rivers and mountains. They make their own path and stand firm in their beliefs. They carve away what they don’t need, leaving only beauty and strength behind. (Lagertha from the Hulu series Viking screams to mind! Which by the way is one of my favourite series!) Though, both terms seem similar, they are like twins. Similar in appearance, yet divergent in mind and spirit.” But don’t confuse yourself to much on that one, hippies like bright colours with gypsies preferring darker colours, which is crucial to know if you’re planning your next Burning Man festival outfit.
I believe that I’m ‘free souled’ as well as ‘free-spirited’ (so a gypsy & a hippy if you please) but either way whatever your nature may be, where-ever you live, whether that be overseas, in your home country or on the road somewhere, it’s important to live in a home where you feel safe, comfortable and happy. Living in a safe and comfortable home, (whatever kind of home that is) is crucial to your happiness and something we should never take for granted. A saying I’ve heard before, is that, ‘It’s not how big the house is, it’s how happy the home is’. Obviously, you may be happy in a big home, I mean….you could be living in the house of your dreams but a happy home has a lot to do with how happy you are living with the people you currently live with or don’t.
Having lived in many different houses, in different cultures & countries, I’ve certainly learnt a lot about home life. What I want and need is obviously dependent on the circumstances of my life, but I’ve learnt some valuable lessons in the past that influenced the choices I make now when it comes to my home-life. Like many of you, I’m sure that for those of you that have lived in share houses, you’ve had your fair share of good and bad experiences. I guess it’s part of the parcel when living with other people or in other people’s homes. Sometimes you don’t share the same values when it comes to living, perhaps you don’t feel comfortable living amongst the décor (say for example, if they’re religious) or your personalities simply clash. Then there are next-door neighbours. If you’re lucky to have the kind of relationship where you get together for your annual Christmas street party, then kudos to you because there are neighbours out there who will take you to court for the smell of a meat barbeque and the sounds of your children playing in your backyard, due to the fact that their vegan nose and ears can’t handle such smells and sounds. Look in this day and age, I’m quite certain people don’t bake cookies and bring them over on the regular, but if you have a neighbour who respects your privacy and doesn’t keep you up midweek until all hours of the night, I’d say you’re doing pretty well. I once had a neighbour who used to scream at the top of her lungs at someone in her household, all hours of the day & night (and I’m not kidding when I say that). It went on for about 4 months and I was so grateful when it eventually stopped. It’s heard on the grapevine, that we don’t really know someone until we live with them and this applies to living next door to someone. I know you can’t always predict what’s going to come, but do yourself a favour and lessen any future stress & show yourself a little care by really evaluating someone’s household values or the community’s residential expectations, before you move in with someone or next to someone. People change I’m aware, we grow as humans day by day, but if you’ve got the head lights beaming and its presenting some red flags up ahead, give some serious thought as to whether moving into the house with this person or those people are going to worthwhile. Don’t drive yourself into a household situation you’re going to regret.
It’s important to remember though, that just because you’re not entirely comfortable with all of your living arrangements, say for example, if your kitchens too small; it doesn’t mean it’s a big red flag. In order to feel really comfortable, it’s obviously helps, when everything works in your favour; enough room in the house to do what you need ( a bigger kitchen then perhaps), a home with functioning utilities (a kettle is an absolute must!), great housemates (& let’s hope that’s applies to your family! Or no-one if you happily choose to live alone), affordable living, happy neighbours and in a good location close to work or family & friends. However, sometimes your circumstances are just not going to allow for it; and as frustrating as it can be, for a while, you’re going to need to put on your hard helmet and boots and deal with it. Why? Because life my friend is not always going to be comfortable. Which I’m sure you’ve worked out by now. Sometimes, we just have to make do! Whether that’s for a little or long while, that’s up to you. That said, this does not apply to all situations. If things are very bad at home for your health and happiness then by all means find alternative living arrangements as soon as you can, because ultimately it is so important to be comfortable in your home and my free souled & free-spirited travels have certainly taught me the importance of this in life. It’s not until you find yourself uncomfortable in a home that you appreciate a good home more then you ever did. When you get home after a long day, your home is your haven. A place to relax, unwind and de-stress. You don’t want to go from feeling stressed to have to put up with further stress! And it goes without saying, but has to be said, the simple things in life are the best things. Nothing beats hot showers, the first bite of a meal when you are really hungry, knocking back a cold glass of water when you are realll thirsty, crawling into bed after a long day, waking up in the morning and actually feeling like you had enough sleep and tight hugs and kisses from your loved ones.
So far, I’ve lived in a fair few homes, each with a different living experience. I’ve listened to the hoot of freight trains whizzing past in the night during a time when I lived in a townhouse by a train-line in a country part of Australia, I’ve listened to the sounds of bells clanging on trams from a high rise apartment in Melbourne, slept on a bed as hard as wood in an apartment the size of a small bathroom in Asia, slept at opposite ends of a large room with my best friend in a mansion in West London, lived in a house as cold as ice in winter with no heating in a notoriously dangerous suburb of London and in a room with the Sydney Harbour Bridge for a view from my window. When it comes to living with other people that too has been an experience in itself. I’ve lived with a bunch of highly strung musical theatre folk on a university campus, with a wild Russian model, with 8 people in one home but only every seeing 3 people (as if there were 5 ghosts living amongst us), with a heap of pot loving Europeans, a women with obsessive compulsive cleaning disorder, and an Irish football loving tradie. Have these places and people been challenging at times to live in and with? Ha! All I can say is my life has been more interesting for it!
I’m sure you all have many stories to tell good or bad, but wherever you go and wherever you live, I can only hope you are free to enjoy the simple things, and you are safe, comfortable & happy in your home. Whether that be in a tiny house (yes that’s a thing!), sleeping in the back of your van on a mattress as you travel around Australia, in an apartment in east London surrounded by dusty books and records, in a mansion overlooking the Atlantic ocean, in a high rise apartment in Dubai, in the middle of the outback on a ranch with more acres that you can count or in a brick house with 4 walls in the city suburbs. It also doesn’t matter if crave routine & stability, if you choose to wake up and see the same painting on the wall (that’s been hung there for the last 20 years) or if you choose a different beach to wake up to in Europe to feast your eyes on over a cup of instant coffee; your home is where you make it.
I speak from personal experience; if it’s not working, work with it and through it until you can find an alternative arrangement. So show yourself a lot of care with every decision you make when it comes to your home-life and ask yourself what do I need to be safe, comfortable and happy in a home? And if that means you’re a half breed of a free-spirited & free souled wanderer like myself who enjoys living in homes around the world, well then so be it, because the world is our oyster, and we are the pearls who settled at home within it.