While The Wives Are Away The Husbands Better Not Play: Wives Weekend Getaway

Ever found yourself chuckling at the thought of a Target run feeling like a night out? Join me as I recount a weekend of unexpected San Diego shenanigans where my tried-and-true rhythm got challenged by an NFL cheerleader's dance moves. As the birthday beats pulsed, my tale of tackling self-care, from massage misgivings to facial freedoms, might just have you embracing your inner desperate housewife. We'll also navigate the comedic seas of married life, where my partner and I juggle the intricacies of domestic bliss—from sleep apnea adjustments to laundry escapades—and remind you that it's the little moments woven into our daily fabric that truly add sparkle to our stories.

Grab your headphones and get cozy, because this episode is all about the heartwarming hustle of everyday life. I'll share the touching realities of caring for our furry family in their twilight years, reflecting on the poignant blend of joy and responsibility that comes with it. And don't miss the special teaser—I've got an announcement up my sleeve that's sure to pique your curiosity! We'll wrap up with a big thank you for sticking with us through thick and thin, and extend an open invitation to weigh in on the topics that resonate with you. So, whether you're tackling life's routines or seeking solace in shared experiences, remember: every aisle, be it literal or metaphorical, holds its own joy.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello and welcome back to the real desperate housewife Cause. I am a little desperate, if you would call it that. I mean, look, some people are like if you get a little jealous, it's cause you're insecure. You know what? Call me insecure? What do I care? We all have insecurities. I'm happy to admit all of mine. I get a little bit jealous. That's my insecurity.

Speaker 1: 0:37

I have a matcha and a pen in my hand and I don't know what I'm writing down. Right now. I just literally picked up a pen for no reason because I am losing my mind, because this weekend was my friend's birthday and I decided to go to San Diego and celebrate her birthday and it was so much fun and I have been working so much and I am so tired and I am so sleep deprived that I was like you know what? It's your birthday, I'm coming in to tell. And we spent the entire weekend dancing the night away. Like I danced so much and it was so much fun. And it's crazy, cause, like, as you get older, you're like okay, let's start to get ready to go out. And it's like nine o'clock and you're putting on clothes and you're putting on makeup and you're like I'm so tired from staying up and putting on clothes and putting on makeup and getting ready for two hours. Do I really now want to go to a club? By the time I get there, it's gonna take 45 minutes 30 minutes depending on Uber. If I have a drink, if I don't drink, I can drive, but then I've got a valet. I got to wait for the car. Like these are the things that hold us back from going out, like today. For me, going out and having fun is going to target and getting a cart and dancing down the aisles with my cart, just dancing and having a good time and shopping, and meanwhile I have nowhere to wear the clothes that I buy at Target because I get too tired to go out. But this weekend I was like no, you know what, I'm going to San Diego and I'm gonna go out for my friend's birthday and we just had a ball. We did the spa, which was just fun, and I am look, listen, I'm gonna be honest with you. Like I am, everybody's gonna be like Betsy, come on, come on.

Speaker 1: 2:58

I am not the type of person.

Speaker 1: 3:00

I do not love getting a massage.

Speaker 1: 3:02

I love getting a massage, but I don't love getting a massage Like it feels good after and my body feels like, oh my God, I feel like amazing, like I just I'm limber, I could do cartwheels again and like I can do all these things after I get a massage.

Speaker 1: 3:24

But I cannot stand the beforehand, thinking about having to lay there for an hour and having to relax and having to get in that mode Like, oh my God, I'm not gonna be able to do things for an hour, like an hour, without looking at my phone, like literally looking at my phone. It's so hard because you have to like literally prep yourself to be off the grid for an hour these days. But anyway, I got a mini facial and my friend treated me because I said I am not getting a massage. I don't care, please do not set me up for that, I just wanna get in a hot tub. At least in the hot tub I can like look around, you know, look outside, see the sky, relax. Like I don't have to like lay on a table with my eyes closed in the dark.

Speaker 2: 4:20

I sound like a baby, scared of the dark complaining about a massage. Oh Betty, you're scared of a massage.

Speaker 1: 4:31

I swear, but I gotta tell y'all my friend who's birthday it was. She was an NFL cheerleader, so it was me and a bunch of friends that went for her birthday and she's like I made up this dance. She, literally at midnight, the night before we went out for her birthday, we were up practicing a three, eight counts of a dance. Okay, it was like step to the right three times, step to the left three times. We could not get in sync to save our lives.

Speaker 2: 5:12

I was like what is going everybody half of them were stepping to the left. I was to the right, she was to the right.

Speaker 1: 5:23

Like it was like what is going on here.

Speaker 2: 5:28

Like you, would think that a group of friends, that a group of five people, could get it together to do three, eight counts of a dance.

Speaker 1: 5:41

By the way, five sober people, maybe maybe three, had had a glass of wine. We were like struggling, out of control. It was like, oh my god, what is wrong with us? I mean I was feeling so sorry for us. But we but if we were dying laughing and it was such a good time and we, and the night of her birthday party we did the dance about six times and it, it, it was not, it was not right, it was crazy town. We recorded it six times and then finally I was like let's just um, freestyle dance tonight. Thank you very much.

Speaker 1: 6:31

But that, like this, is what you get when you hang out with a cheerleader like she can do the dance and you can't, and everybody else has struggled. Let's just put it that way she, she's down for the choreograph and we're all like can we just twerk? Like can we just twerk our asses and like, have a good time. But it was so funny because you know, I don't I mean I don't drink a lot and I did. I literally had a drink the first night I got there and I actually got there for a wedding party, um, and which was a blast. We danced the night away.

Speaker 1: 7:09

But then I started like I have that drink and I was so tired I started panicking. In the middle of the night I was like, oh my god, I woke up out of a dead sleep. I have mentioned this before, that I did a sleep study and I really do think that happens to me. I wake up panicking because I just found out I have a mild case of sleep apnea. I did the at-home sleep study and it's a mild case. So now guess who has to sleep with a c-pop? This bitch right here. This bitch has to put a c-pop on and sleep next to my husband with a c-pop. But at least I won't be poked all night in the back. Bitch, roll over.

Speaker 2: 7:56

I am rolled over, bitch, you're snoring, no shit and if I try to go sleep on the sofa. Somebody gets their feelings hurt because I'm leaving the bed welcome to married life.

Speaker 1: 8:16

My favorite topic in the world marriage. Marriage is very fun. Marriage is fun because men are difficult and don't have fun going to Target like we do, and it's just fun to watch them suffer through the things. Sorry guys, like love you guys, but it's like you know that you're not the biggest fan of Target my husband's like I'm not going to Target.

Speaker 2: 8:52

I'm not.

Speaker 1: 8:52

I'm not going to Target well, my husband was the star of the party because my sister was there and we all love, like we, we love waiting for phone calls to come in. I know that half it, like some of you guys know that, like we have we split our time. I'm mostly in LA and he goes up north because his parents live there and we have a little place there and it's so funny because I, you know the I do his like let's I do a lot of stuff, okay, like I, my husband works and I'm very grateful for what he does for me, you know, helping me out to pursue my career and make this podcast happen, and allows me to like do all the things. And but the one thing that I never make my husband worry about is doing like laundry the dishes, and I literally don't even complain about doing it because I'm grateful for what he does for me. I feel like there's a balance here, right, like he goes to work, he makes money. I make a little bit of money, not as much as him, but you know I am great. I'm so grateful for what he does to me.

Speaker 1: 10:17

So I never, I never go like like wash your clothes, like do some shit around the house, like I just like he comes home and it's done. Or he comes home and it's a mess and I'm like I'm busy, I don't care, get in bed and go to sleep. It's not made, like you know. Or like the laundry will be done next week type of thing. Because the truth is like sometimes I get busy, I have shows at night like I'm writing and meeting other comics and writing with them and doing my podcast, and I just get busy and things pile up and I feel bad about that. But, like my husband, like one time you know his laundry wasn't done and it was his mountain bike clothes and everybody knows that. You know how he is. He has a million mountain bike clothes.

Speaker 2: 11:06

He wanted his certain favorite things done and he goes you know, I'm just gonna do my own laundry and I was like, okay, like nobody's stopping you.

Speaker 1: 11:18

Like go for it.

Speaker 2: 11:21

Do your own laundry. And then he comes upstairs and he's like, oh, babe, um, where would one put the laundry detergent in the washing machine if one wanted to do laundry? And I was like you're, you're freaking, kidding me? No, no, no, you're joking. And he's like, oh, what Is it inside the laundry basket? I was like uh, no.

Speaker 1: 11:56

So I went down and I go, come here, let me show you where it is, and I put my hands in the little slit and I pulled it out and I go in there Like it. But my sister said you have to tell some of these stories about Steve to one of our other friends and I was like, oh, the where would stories, the, where would one, where would one one meaning you Would that be, you, would one be you honey, oh, sweetie one. But yeah, no. So I decided to tell some of these stories and people were dying laughing. I don't know. I guess when you're a wife there is something so funny about men just being men and it's just not like the reason we are with you is because you're just a different type of human and we love it. We I think women find it so entertaining and love it so much. I don't know.

Speaker 2: 13:08

Like I just get a freaking kick out of my husband, the phone calls I get when he's not with me, like um, honey uh, now I wanted to call you and ask you if one decided to run the dishwasher, where would one put the dishwashing detergent and where is that?

Speaker 1: 13:33

Uh, under the sink one would find it, and then one would take a pot out and put it into the little dispenser and close it.

Speaker 2: 13:43

And he's like um now what I have to Peel the plastic off of this nose.

Speaker 1: 13:49

It goes and it ruins the ocean. It goes straight into the ocean and claws it. And, by the way, I started buying the natural pods because one wanted to peel the plastic off. He couldn't figure out how to work the pod. But if they're, but, so I don't get, so everybody doesn't come after me and go by.

Speaker 1: 14:10

Betsy, I see you with a Seattle. Come, betsy, I thought you were an environmentalist. Okay, I am. Okay, I like I am trying to be very environmental over here. Like, hello, reusable glasses, reusable cups, reusable straws. Like I Try not to waste, like I, I'm doing what I think is in my part. Yes, these nails are gonna get clipped and they're going into the. Oh, there, these nails are gonna dive into the ocean and a fish may use them as a little spoon to spoon, a little Little spoon to eat. Okay, like, yes, that may happen. I, I'm not perfect, but I Try. Okay, I try To do everything I can for the environment, for the future of kids. Okay, because they deserve a shot. Hey, I would want someone to care about me. So, anyway, my husband was a hit at the party because we told where would one Stories all night about my husband? Where would one?

Speaker 2: 15:26

Betsy Han, if one wanted to clean the toilet and get those little, you know, pill-shaped things that you put back in the toilet, where would one find something like that?

Speaker 1: 15:43

Honey, one would find that in the grocery store, on the cleaning supplies aisle One, one meaning you, sweetie, go to the grocery store, go to CVS, they have it too.

Speaker 1: 16:04

I know we were just having such a good time with with these. Where would one stories? And if you want to hear more of them, please DM me, let me know. Follow me on Instagram at bling and Betsy comedy. I am happy to tell you all about my life, but so we had this girls trip and my husband was a hit at the party and we talked about husbands, we danced, we ate really good food and it was so nice.

Speaker 1: 16:34

Because Sometimes you get so caught up and working so hard and you get so tired and you Skip doing things because you have to work so much or you feel like if you go do that fun thing, like you know You're gonna take away from this thing that you know you really do need to get done. But sometimes I Feel like for me and maybe for other people, it's nice to just cut loose and say you know, you know you're gonna get that thing done. Don't let those things sit on your shoulders and stop you from going out and party it. And if you can't get every Single thing done on your deadline, like is it the worst thing in the world what you work for yourself? Are you gonna fire yourself? Like I? I Now have a partner and a project and I'm really excited, but we'll talk about it another time.

Speaker 2: 17:32

But like is she gonna fire me? I don't like. Maybe I should sign a contract with my partner and my friend and say, please, don't fire me, but it's true.

Speaker 1: 17:44

It's like we all put so much pressure on ourselves to like Be perfect, get this done, get that done, and go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go go, and it's like we don't stop to enjoy. Sometimes Some people are the type of people that always enjoy and are like we'll do that tomorrow. I'm not. I'm the type of person that's like, but I've got all these things that need to be finished and all these things that need to be done, and today I was like you know what I'm driving in and I can't make this. So I just like I'm not going to push myself to make it. Like I'm not going to race home and go crazy just to make it.

Speaker 1: 18:23

It'll get figured out, Things will get worked out. I'm going to enjoy myself. I'm going to drink a coffee this morning. I'm going to charge my car so I have battery for this week Like I'm going to do the things and I'm going to relax into things because it's important to have fun. It is so important to go out and be like wow and dance it up and stay out all night and be tired the next day and not be able to get shit done because you're tired. That's okay. I think you need that sometimes. I think I need that more. I think from now on, I'm going to be out partying again, so maybe I'll be doing this podcast live from clubs in LA.

Speaker 1: 19:15

I mean, actually I could imagine I could see myself in a club dance it on a bar, with a microphone doing a podcast. That is so my style of personality. But yeah, I just I listen. I'm not going to lie, I used to love going out. It was so hard not to go out because there's something about listening to music and dancing and it's fun. Like, I wake up sometimes and I play music in the house and I'm dancing around the kitchen. You know where my favorite place to dance is? The grocery store. I don't, I don't know if it's from the pandemic, but all of a sudden the grocery store I don't know if it's just LA plays the best music you have ever heard and you're like I'm like what? Like 90s, like all this old school hip hop. I'm in the grocery store breaking it down.

Speaker 2: 20:19

Let me get that can of beans in the cart, throwing shit in the cart, popping it, dropping it low on the basket, Like it's so crazy how good the music is in the grocery store.

Speaker 1: 20:39

I swear, ever since the pandemic the grocery store has become like the club for me to go to. I go to the grocery store and it is like an on fire party for me, Like I'm like going off and they are people call me. I'm like girl, listen to what they're playing up and here in Ralph's and I swear I groceries are so expensive now and I feel like it's become dance party USA. I'm seeing it in there dancing. I see other people doing it too. They're charging money for those groceries now Cause they're like these bitches want to come party up in here.

Speaker 2: 21:19

They're going to pay, they're going to pay for this party.

Speaker 1: 21:27

No, but it is like I am like realizing, like I am like cracking jokes and laughing at my own self on this podcast all the time. This is like I'm a crazy person. Thank you very much and I'm proud of it. But, yeah, so it's my friend. My friend's name is Elena Sahagan. She's on Instagram.

Speaker 1: 21:48

If everybody would like to wish her a happy birthday, go for it. She's a real. She's such a doll. We've been friends pretty much our entire lives and she's like my older sister and we grew up to like I mean, not grew up, obviously she's a little bit older than me, but my LA years. She's like my LA older sister. She's like little miss Raider at.

Speaker 1: 22:16

She's just such a fun, bubbly, love thing and it was so nice to celebrate her, and I think we have to celebrate the people we love. We have to be grateful for our friendships and we have to take the time out to do that, and that might mean showing up on a weekend, being dead, tired and exhausted and chugging coffee and going out and drinking Coca Cola to stay up and break it down on the dance floor. Well then, that's what I'm going to do, because life is short, people and I am going to celebrate and I am going to start trying to have more crazy time, fun, and keep up with working. Is it worth it? Let me work it, I don't know, but we're going to keep working too. This has been a fun time with all of you and I know that I missed two weeks of my podcast and I'm so bummed. But I have something to tell you guys about, but not right now, but very soon, and you will shortly know why. But I'm always so excited and I'm still going to always come back and do this podcast and try to be, you know, not miss a week here and there, not get too busy where that happens.

Speaker 1: 23:38

But it gets crazy town over here, and you know that I have all these freaking dogs that I love dearly my little babies and they're old and one of my dogs right now has dementia poor thing and he just got his last round of teeth pulled because I do not want him to get mouth infections and cut his little life short. I mean, I say cut his life short. He's probably 17 now, maybe, if he's not 17, he's about 16 and a half and I was really worried about getting his teeth clean because that's really dangerous as you get older for a dog. But I said, you know, I don't want him to have complications. And then he's 18, he's 19, and he's got this dementia. And it's not that bad, it's just he'll just start walking around for a couple of hours and he doesn't know where he is and if I pick him up he kicks me. Mommy, put me down, poor little baby. But. But when he's, but when he's here, he's here and he has been pissing all over the house in these little dementia moments and I have been vacuuming the floors with the wet pack nonstop. My poor dog.

Speaker 1: 25:00

So you can see, on top of my work life, my home life with my little old, old, old, old dogs keeps me so busy, but they also bring me the most happiness I've ever had in my life. So if you don't have a dog, think about rescue and one, and you can clean piss all day, like me. You can pick up shit in the yard all day, like me, and you will be the happiest person on the planet cleaning the piss and shit, because when that dog glicks you on the face and looks you in the eye and gives you all the love in the world, you will feel better than you have ever ever felt. Thank you everybody for listening to the real desperate housewife. I'm so happy. Please click subscribe and like the podcast. Please comment, please reach out. Please let me know any topics you ever want me to talk about. Ask questions. I am here for you. Bye you.