F*CK ROMANCE. OnlyFans OF S*X.

On this episode of Gayted, Host Kory speaks with Dr. Dominick Bailey about his new medical wellness venture, and how working in the adult content industry influences the relationships of content creators, their partners, and their viewership.

Featured Guest: Dr. Dominick "DomBomb" Bailey

www.drdombomb.com

Instagram: @drdombomb

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Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

You live in a gay community. Called a gay community.

SPEAKER_00 0:03

To me, the the the gay community has has started to become bullies. Have you ever thought how your life might be different if you were gay?

SPEAKER_06 0:10

Racism is alive and well in the gay community. You want us to have an open conversation, white, black, Hispanic, Asian, anybody. I want this to be a safe space for everyone.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

Okay, I was gonna say I'm pulled into somebody. Gated community.

SPEAKER_04 0:23

Gay community, as I said, a trans community. Who is having that conversation? First of all, I'm over it. Um you guys have been begging me, harassing me, hounding me, pressuring me to come from behind the microphone and onto video. So you're right. And here you are. And we also have Dr. Dominic Bailey.

SPEAKER_07 0:57

Also, how loud are we? Because you're doing audio right now.

SPEAKER_04 1:01

We're pretty good. All around family's already helped me connect the dots to www Dr.

SPEAKER_07 1:13

Dombo, Dr. D-O-M-B-O-M-B.com. My voice can get loud.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Which is fine. So like just uh if I have to go too loud, which is nice.

SPEAKER_06 1:24

Yeah, yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Right, right, right. Um project project is always fine times if you need to push it away. Okay, here again, here we go.

SPEAKER_04 1:36

He runs his own brand, Dr. Dom Bomb's full spectrum welding. Dr. Dombombs Dr. Dom Bomb's full spectrum welding. How are you wrong?

unknown 1:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 2:11

On the couch with me. Um, his name is Dominic, but you can call him Dr. Dombaum. I have a little bit about him here that I'm gonna read to you. So Dominic Dr. Dombaum Bailey is a dynamic individual with many talents. He's a clinically trained pharmacist, accomplished dancer, former Division I athlete, and an all-around creative now based in Brooklyn, New York. We met during his stint in LA and we were immediate friends with Kendrick Spirits.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

We improving tonight. All right, so it's been a while. What is it? It's been a while since where is this? It's been a minute. We are here. Who wants it? Where is it? We out here in Highland Park. We we out here We was waiting in the crowd. And now we walk in. Only one of the morning.

SPEAKER_06 3:11

So we out of here.

SPEAKER_03 3:12

Can you send it again? We out of here. We out. What? Can you send that again? Um, thank you. I think it's cute.

SPEAKER_06 3:23

I mean it's cute, it's not that cute, but it's cute. I mean I've seen a little bit better on the store, but it's fine.

SPEAKER_03 3:28

It works.

SPEAKER_06 3:29

It works it wouldn't happen. It works. Listen, it's gonna work for the night, so it's fine.

SPEAKER_05 3:38

But it's for your heartwork floor. That muscle buffer. I have never seen anything like this in my life. Wait a minute. I'm like Dominic.

SPEAKER_04 3:55

Currently, he's an influencer in the wellness space and based in Brooklyn, New York. He runs his own brand, Dr. Dombaum's Full Spectrum Wellness, where he pairs both Eastern and Western medicine with spiritual practices. He's already helped plenty connect the dots to their own health. And his work was even featured in the Washington Post. Yeah, he's he's T. Y'all gotta check him out. Uh his mantra is Access to Health is Wealth, and we rich y'all. To learn more about Dr. Don Bomb, you can visit him on his website. Listen for that later in the episode because uh he'll give that to you himself. But please give a warm welcome to one of my besties, an all-around bad bitch, Dr. Dom Bomb.

SPEAKER_07 4:44

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 4:44

All right, so Dominic, we just gonna jump right into it. Um, we are here to talk about, we've had conversations before. Actually, like earlier this week we were talking about how in romantic relationships or lack thereof in the gay community, um, I don't really see that anymore. Like people, I think that people are more they lean towards just like sexual intercourse versus um romance and dating, um, at least from my experience and from what I hear. Uh what do you think about that?

SPEAKER_08 5:22

It's interesting, right? Because um, first off, thank you for the introduction. I really appreciate that. Um, besties for a long time.

SPEAKER_09 5:30

We've been through a lot. We've been through a lot. A whole lot.

SPEAKER_08 5:33

A whole lot, but it's been good for sure. It's been good. Absolutely. Um, but yeah, so I think in the topic of romance, like when I think about it, like there's just so many different expressions of it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I feel like, at least for me, like I feel like I'm a romantic at heart. I just have to go ahead and bite the bullet and be honest about that. And I think in terms of my experience, it's been really, really challenging kind of to find that because I feel like I don't know, it just feels like there is romance takes time and like courtship and all that kind of stuff. And I feel like right now, with like the way that society's kind of like microwave, like things are really, like, really quick. Um, I just don't know if it exists like that. Or maybe it does exist, it's just harder to find, but like it's really it's been an interesting journey for sure. And I say interesting in like quotations because it's been like also kind of a little bit um taxing, to so so to speak. So it's been interesting.

SPEAKER_04 6:23

Do you think that geography plays a role in that, or do you think it's just like about the person that you meet? And okay.

SPEAKER_08 6:30

So I've lived, let's talk about where we've lived. Um, like Corey said, we both lived in LA. So I don't know if any of y'all have lived in LA, but LA is very how would I describe it? Um fake?

SPEAKER_09 6:44

You know what I'm saying? Fake or very fake.

SPEAKER_05 6:46

Full of fake assholes. Fake assholes.

SPEAKER_04 6:51

I think, well, I think the thing with LA is that people, well, everybody kind of knows that people move to Los Angeles to reinvent themselves, right? So you never really know if you're gonna meet like an authentic person or the person their representative, the person that they moved there to become. Right. Um and that kind of underscores the disconnect between trying to meet someone um in a genuine space. So it's like you don't really know if like who wants to vet a person out to see if you know they are who they say they are. And then not only that, who who's to say that we should believe what they say when they say that they are who they really are?

SPEAKER_08 7:31

And I think that's really interesting, right? Because like you said, like to people go out there to reinvent themselves. So I really feel like, to be honest, I also moved out there. So I was so when I was in LA, I was um, you know, I was already I trained in uh pharmacy at UC Davis up in Sacramento, and then I moved to LA to also like work as a clinical pharmacist, but then also pursue my passion of dance and acting and you know be a movie star. And um, I did some things, some things with me on Netflix, and um and I accomplished some things, but like I was one of those people that really moved there to reinvent themselves. So like, and I don't want to say maybe reinvent makes you feel a little bit cheesy. Um, I moved there to develop. Yeah, to elevate, to elevate, yeah, to elevate and pursue and pursue that. So that was at least for me, that was like paramount. Like that was the number one thing that I was really there for. So love and and romance for me was like an evolution there because I moved there in the very beginning, and I imagine this is how many people probably are when they move there as well. Very focused, like, oh, I'm about to do this, I'm about to audition here, I'm about to go to this class, I'm about to do this, and I didn't really give it a chance. But then um LA is just a really like when you're in that silo and you're in that like that that area of like just laser focus, you really lose sight of like relationships just in general.

SPEAKER_04 8:51

I mean, I think there's a difference between elevation and recreation, right? So like you went to elevate yourself. Most people or some people they go to they go there to or they move there to uh reinvent themselves. Yeah, because recreate themselves. So it's like you, I think that you uh went there with the intent of uh bettering yourself and accomplishing whatever goals and dreams that you have, but you still stay true to who you are, yeah, like as a person. That's real. I don't think that and there's a difference between that and then showing up in a space where you do that in addition to becoming like this new person. And kind of kind of shape-shifting into what people perceive the LA culture to be.

SPEAKER_08 9:40

Yeah, that's like the transplant culture. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I think it was, I agree with that. I think I didn't really even notice it too, like just being that I didn't notice like that's kind of what it was because I don't I can't really speak for you know other people's experience, but like I it was important for me to stay grounded. I think because you know, I'm from the South, and um that is and so are you, so are we, we are, and so period, the whole studio as well here is from the South. Okay, shout out to us, and um, I think we really value community, yeah. We really motherfucking value community, and like that shit, like I just don't know if Lucas another thing like the no, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 10:16

I mean, unless it's like gang culture, well, but they definitely appreciate and they they stick beside each other, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 10:26

That's real. But even okay, if you want to talk about that, that's a community, that's still a community. You got the gated community, this podcast that you developed, period. So, like you obviously um are somebody also who had community in the forefront of what you wanted to build. And I think that's the key. Because I feel like when you're community focused, you bring in like you, at least me, I value like that individuality in the community as well, and that must that's what made the community whole. Whereas I feel like sometimes geographically, um, you kind of sometimes run into people where community is not the it's not rewarded, if so to speak. Okay. Period. So explain because I will. So like I feel like so, like in certain places, like I feel like like here, like everybody, community is something everybody wants to build, so everybody puts energy into it and doesn't. Out in LA, I don't know if everybody was really trying to build community. So like the people that kind of were were kind of out, were kind of ostracized. You know what I'm saying? You were just kind of ridiculed, I felt like.

SPEAKER_04 11:25

Well, I mean, there's also like a dichotomy between different races. I mean, we know that that kind of comes into like everyday play living there. So it's like, yes, you know, where do you even begin to kind of like merge the uh the divide of communities within a community over in LA? Fuck LA. I'm not talking about we're not there no more. We really not there no more. Traumatized.

SPEAKER_09 11:50

Obviously, we were traumatized. Okay, we were traumatized.

SPEAKER_04 11:57

Listen, speaking of, like, I have been dating and I have just realized that these niggas need therapy. Yeah, yeah. These, like, what is going on? Like, I am, I will be 42 in less than a month. Period. Yes, I feel like the guys that I have been meeting here in Atlanta, I don't know, I just feel like they're kind of afraid of themselves. And maybe that shows up as like an insecurity that they project onto me. Um, when I show up the way that I do and I present myself with intention, and I let them like I communicate effectively and I let them know that I am like like this is what I'm looking for, this is what I want. Do you want the same? Let's try this out. And they're like, yeah, I do. And then you find out they don't. Right.

SPEAKER_08 12:50

Yeah, a couple days later, they don't.

SPEAKER_04 12:52

But I feel like it's like just this unresolved trauma that they just ignore. Maybe because I mean, I know everyone is not really inclined to participate in like therapy, cognitive therapy, talk therapy. Um that's the key. But I also think it's like a religious thing. You know, like with black Southern Baptists, they like we going to God. We not paying nobody. That ain't real.

SPEAKER_08 13:19

Like, uh-uh, what hold on? Right. Get out of here with all that depression. Right. Go walk that off.

SPEAKER_04 13:24

The same thing they do with like, we gonna pray all that gay away. We ain't you ain't gay no more. I'm gonna lay hands on, you know what I mean? And it just kind of gives people just walking around like they're healed, and that's the most dangerous part because like when you meet someone who who actually believes that they are healed from whatever past trauma, and it like it shows up that they revealed themselves to not be healed, it's almost like how the fuck did I even get here? Like, people want you to trust them, they ask you to trust them, and then when you put your trust in them, they deceive you. Yeah. Because they don't want to lose you, or because they don't want to face whatever demons they have or whatever trauma they've experienced. Um, which I think is something that happens in the OnlyFans space. Well, um, all right. So um I'm not two too. I mean, just generally speaking though, like if you think about an OnlyFans creator, I'm not one. I need to put that out there. Neither put that out there.

SPEAKER_08 14:33

Because the way that just got dropped out there, I need to make it clear I'm not an OnlyFans creator.

SPEAKER_04 14:36

I don't even subscribe.

SPEAKER_08 14:37

I'm not paying for you get your life. I'm gonna be honest, I have gotten my life on a few. I mean, there's a space for everybody. It is. There is, there's a space for everybody. So, you know, if they if you want to make their coin that way, I can also support that way. However, um, I do think that, you know, it is it's nuanced, right? So I think I want to get back really quick to the therapy comment. Like niggas, like niggas need therapy, because I think literally that should be put on a t-shirt. Like niggas need therapy. And I am niggas. Like, I went to therapy, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, so did I. And period. So that's two people right here that went to therapy. Black, gay, therapy. But we got some folks also, period. We got some people also.

SPEAKER_04 15:17

Some people in the studio have gone to therapy. Therapy works.

SPEAKER_08 15:21

It does, and I agree. And I think that that is that's the key, that's part of the key. Like, I mean, for me in my journey, like in my my therapy journey. Like, I there was a moment um when I got um I got cheated on viciously. Viciously. Viciously. Viciously. That's an extreme. I'm talking, yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and go into it. Like, we was talking every, I mean, me and this boy were talking like every day. We call and text, and I'm thinking, like, how does he how did he find time? Because we were talking all the time, hanging out all the time. Like, how did he find time? You know? How who okay? That's my trauma now. But can we go?

SPEAKER_09 15:55

Two minutes of this and then we out.

SPEAKER_04 15:56

So, like, how long were y'all dating?

SPEAKER_08 15:58

We were dating heavy for like, I think so. This was when I was a bit a young whimper snapper, and this was um, this is probably my second partner for real for real. I'm not even gonna call him a partner. We were just dating heavy for at that point, it was about maybe eight months.

SPEAKER_04 16:13

About maybe eight months. So that was a relationship. I mean, or yeah, I mean would you consider it a relationship? We were definitely headed, we were definitely headed.

SPEAKER_09 16:24

Maybe a little bit, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 16:26

Um, I definitely think we were at that point. I was very like, I was so of course I'm a romantic, so I was very involved and very like, you know, wanted it to be that. So we were definitely headed, we were definitely seriously dating. We were definitely seriously dating.

SPEAKER_04 16:38

And um So is that your definition? Like, seriously dating is not a relationship. Like, what do you Yeah, that's interesting, right? I guess because like that's a really good. I mean, if you're seriously dating and it's exclusive, that's a relationship.

SPEAKER_08 16:51

That's real. That's what we were, yeah. I think now I'm probably putting terms some terms on it because he cheated on me. So I'm like, I we weren't really, you know, boyfriends, but we definitely were. Yeah, we definitely were. So yeah, um, so let's uh eight months.

SPEAKER_04 17:04

Eight months, thank you of just dating.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

I'm like this, let's he traumatized you because he was viciously, vigorously cheating on you.

SPEAKER_08 17:18

Okay, and I think for me, let's get some context of what was going on. So this guy I met, this was back in what 2012. So this was maybe 2013. So this was like club, people were still going out, meeting people at the club, at least I was. So men of the club, it was cool. Um kind of went and talked beyond that. Um, you know, now on paper wasn't really, you know, probably um equally yoked. And I'm just gonna put it that way. And then um, so yeah, so anyways, I got cheated on by him. He ended up going, I have helped plan like a little trip or whatever, and he ended up cheating on me on the trip, and this is that and the third. And um that sent me.

SPEAKER_04 17:53

Wait, were you on the trip with him?

SPEAKER_08 17:55

No, I was not. So you found out so you sponsored a trip for him? I did not sponsor, I did not sponsor a trip. Okay, I I thought you said. I did not sponsor a trip. I helped him plan a trip. Okay. Because he told me this is the cheating thing.

SPEAKER_09 18:09

We're not getting into the pieces.

SPEAKER_08 18:12

We're not getting into the pieces.

SPEAKER_09 18:15

I planned the wedding and the dinner, and we won't.

SPEAKER_05 18:19

What is going on? You saw him in the audience with somebody else. You bitch, you look at that like girl. What is that you? It was traumatic.

SPEAKER_08 18:27

It was a very traumatic. I told you, viciously traumatic. It was a viciously traumatic moment, and that's what sent me to therapy. How many people did he cheat on you with? Just to we don't need to get into the details. One. One. So it was his ex. So how was it vicious? I mean it was vicious for me.

SPEAKER_04 18:42

That is traumatic. Yeah. And it doesn't even matter like how many people someone cheats on you with, right? Like, one is like more than like you just I don't believe in infidelity. I don't practice it, I don't exercise it, I don't support it. I don't believe in forgiveness for infidelity because I believe that infid infidelity is a choice. Um, and it's not like a mistake. I mean, we all consciously, you know, kind of think before we do things. Um you think about putting your seatbelt on when you get in the car or not. Um. And but yeah, so it doesn't matter how many people he cheated on you with. I'm sorry that happened to you. Thank you. Thank you. And I appreciate you. It was real fucked up. You're gonna be his ass. Let's find him and be his ass.

SPEAKER_08 19:23

I've already looked, we already took his God has handled him. Oh, okay. Okay, God has handled him. But um, that's specifically what sent me though to therapy, is what I'm saying. And so from that, from that point on, I feel like I started to really evolve. And that was in LA. You know what I'm saying? In LA? That was in Los Angeles, yeah. That was when I was in Los Angeles. So that led me to therapy with the whole comment of like niggas need therapy. Like, you gotta really look at yourself and be like, okay, what's happening is a problem me. You know what I'm saying? In this case, it wasn't. It could have been actually, but in this case, you know, it sent me there.

SPEAKER_04 19:53

So that's another thing too. Like, that's another layer to going to to needing to go to therapy, right? Because I feel like when you experience like certain situations with guys and or relationships, yeah. Or relationships or dating for eight months, you do kind of end up asking yourself, like when things happen, like, damn, is it me? Yeah. When it's really not.

SPEAKER_08 20:18

And and and yeah, I see what you're saying. I mean, it could be, but I think everyone does play. It takes two to tango a period, so there probably were, and through therapy I uncovered, there were things that I also kind of did to kind of like overlook and you know, not really weigh into the the reality of the situation, what was going on. But um So you ignored some probably some things that you shouldn't have because I just wanted to be dating this nigga with him. Yeah. Yeah. That's real.

SPEAKER_04 20:45

Which is bullshit. You know, one of the biggest things I biggest things that I learned coming out of therapy is dating another person who has been to therapy and done the work, and they came out on the other side still fucked up. Okay. Yeah. So it's like just because someone says, Oh yeah, I've been to therapy, like I've done the work, like I don't really like have people done the work. It doesn't really show. Yeah. Um, because you still kind of like, and they're like, no, I've been to like that's not uh get out of jail free card just because you say you've gone to therapy.

SPEAKER_08 21:18

Um, but anyways. Yeah. So niggas need therapy.

SPEAKER_04 21:22

Niggas need therapy at the end of the day. Y'all go to therapy, please. Um, and don't just like settle for the first therapist that you get or that you find, because it's like building any other relationship. Like you have to find someone who is willing to work with you, like um who can support you in the best way that they can. You know, a lot of therapists I've learned, a lot of doctors, they have this thing. Not you, doctor. Thank you. A lot of a lot of doctors, well, some doctors, um, they will get into That field to um get into people's heads to manipulate. Yeah. Well, that's manipulate them in ways that they might want them to be as a person versus what's better for the patient.

SPEAKER_08 22:14

Okay, I want to talk about this because this is exactly kind of what is kind of my gripe right now with I'm gonna call that Western medicine. So like I feel like Western medicine is like the medicine that we're all taught on the in the West, so like United States and all that, is really focused on symptoms and really focused on like I call it kind of like sick care. So in the psychiatry space, somebody comes to you sick and you heal them, they pay you, and then you know, that's it, right? And so a lot of times they're not really looking at um the holistic picture and really giving like preventative things.

SPEAKER_04 22:47

So like Well, because psychiatry is more like medication, man. Like they just it could be, yeah. It's like a pill factory. Exactly. That's what you're saying, period. Which is the opposite of therapy. Which is the opposite, which is why therapists don't write prescriptions. Right. Okay, did you go to med school? Did you go to med school? Listen, you know I'm a low-key therapist.

SPEAKER_08 23:07

I know you are. Listen, you might listen, shout out, you might be though, coming soon. Coming soon, y'all. But um, yeah, so in the psychiatry space, it's definitely like medicine focus and medicine for it, and like, you know, let me give you this to treat this, to treat that. And a lot of times the people that go into it can't even picture what it looks like to fix somebody from a holistic from a holistic standpoint. They just can't picture that. So you got these, these, you know, I'm gonna call them like almost like minions that are being taught by the system sometimes, and they're being deployed into the um, like the military, they're being deployed into the public, and they don't even know, they're not healers, they're more so uh, I guess we'll call them clinicians. Whereas we go to sometimes, I think people go to the doctor because they want to be, at least black people, we go because we want to be, we want healing, not just somebody who's gonna be a clinician. And so that dichotomy is really where I don't know, it's it's a gripe I have with Western medicine altogether, but yeah, I'll develop a podcast and talk about that soon.

SPEAKER_04 24:03

Wait, so is that what you're doing with your wellness? 100%. Thank you so much for asking.

SPEAKER_08 24:07

Thank you so much for asking, Corey. Yeah, that's exactly what's the space. That's what drove me into doing what I'm doing in terms of like full spectrum wellness. So with full spectrum wellness, it is looking at not only like your medications, of course, because I'm trained as a clinical pharmacist, but also looking at lifestyle choices, um, looking at nutrition choices, um, and looking from a more of a spirituality standpoint. Because I know, so we know melanin is something that can hold on to a lot of things at the same time. So, with that being said, we need those with melanin, we need um more holistic care because that's something that we can grapple onto and really connect with. Like when someone tells you, like if I tell you, oh, I need you to take a torvustan because your um because your shit is high. I'm sorry, not your shit. Your your cholesterol is high.

SPEAKER_05 24:53

Sorry. I need you to change the highest. I'm upset.

SPEAKER_08 25:01

Honestly, I'm upset. But um, yeah, so when someone tells you, you know, your cholesterol is high, but no one tells you what's contributing to cholesterol. Is it um something like it? Could it be your sleep? Could it be your food? Could it be, you know, your mental health that's clear that's contributing to cholesterol? How much cholesterol does actually Corey need? You know what I'm saying? From the gated community. How much does he need? You know what I'm saying? Versus how much does Dr. Donbaum need? It could be a completely different picture based on what's going on.

SPEAKER_04 25:25

So that's I don't know why people didn't have like the wits to think about something like that when they were creating this vaccine for uh the coronavirus. It's not one size fits all. Okay. Um the pandemic. Listen. No, go ahead.

SPEAKER_08 25:42

We know, like it was we also know who stocks went up when um you know the vaccines came out. So we'll can just, I think we can follow the money. Yeah. We can follow the money.

SPEAKER_04 25:50

What do you think about say a male therapist who a male, just say just any man who is not really um he's emotionally unavailable. So he's not really in touch with his feelings, he doesn't like to talk about them, speak about them, he doesn't like to feel them, show them. Um and then one day he becomes a therapist. And while he tr he he's treating his patients, that sounds very specific. No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

That sounds very specific.

SPEAKER_04 26:26

While he's treating his patients, he procures a client list or a patient list of people who are the opposite of him. So they feel their feelings, they come to him to talk about their feelings, and um, he might even encourage for them to talk about their feelings, and that's how he gets that's how he's able to feel his feelings through his patience, but yeah, not as his own person. Yeah, that's tough. Do you think that's dangerous?

SPEAKER_08 27:04

Um do I think it's dangerous? Um, I think that that could lead to prolonged treatment, yeah. Because if you're kind of in it, you know what I'm saying? So if you're kind of in it to kind of be a little bit more self-serving, then you may be seeing patients as like um so you know, you might just be seeing patients as clients versus patients as people. Right. So I think that's kind of like as a number and as a means to an end versus an actual like relationship. Because at least through the therapies that I've been through, because I've I've gone to therapy quite extensively, um, part of it is, you know, building that relationship with that therapist and um and a relationship with that mental health provider. And so through that, you know, through that relationship, you heal your other relationships, yada, yada, yada. And if they don't have that baseline, that's um that's dangerous.

SPEAKER_04 27:53

Do you think it's unethical?

SPEAKER_08 27:55

Yeah. I do. So they shouldn't practice. Um, and they shouldn't practice now. So I would love to know maybe who you're speaking about right now.

SPEAKER_04 28:04

Oh, it's no one in particular. No one in particular. I was just curious on your thoughts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 28:10

Because I mean it's like, but again, it's like people, you know, with medicine, like people go into medicine for different reasons. And it's just like I really wish that they would uh when I say they, like I guess the people who made up medicine, like we gotta look at the origins of medicine as well, like the people who like you know started it and started that that um field of practice. Um I just really wish that it attracted healers, you know, and I think that a lot of us are healers in that space. Not everybody is just like out for a check, but like I feel like the purpose of it is to kind of keep the healers and weed out the people who are just there for the money, but it doesn't really do a good job of that.

SPEAKER_04 28:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 28:47

Doesn't do a good job of that.

SPEAKER_04 28:48

Um I know that sexual intercourse can also be very healing, right?

SPEAKER_08 28:55

It can be.

SPEAKER_04 28:56

Um where is this going? But that being said, we're gonna play a sex game. No, I just wanted to. Um, no, so I have a question here I'm gonna ask you. Do you think OnlyFans, content creators who desire a romantic relationship, submit themselves to a state of delusion when when a romantic interest is turned off after learning about their line of work and their desire to engage in explicit proclivities? Repeat that? Do you think OnlyFans, content creators who desire a romantic relationship monogamous, right, submit themselves to a state of delusion when a romantic interest is turned off after learning about their line of work, OnlyFans, and their desire to engage in explicit proclivities.

SPEAKER_08 29:49

Yeah, okay. So, like what I'm hearing is like basically like um, you know, OnlyFans workers were also I would put that in kind of the category of sex workers as well, right? So if you're prostitutes, if you're sex look, we're in 2026, sex workers.

SPEAKER_04 30:03

Are we we're sex positive here?

SPEAKER_08 30:05

We're sex positive, you're gonna be able to sex positive, okay.

SPEAKER_04 30:08

Um escort sexies.

SPEAKER_08 30:12

No, but I think it's it's a form of work, right? And I think, you know, if you it depends on how you view sex. So how you view like that that act, right? Um, if you're somebody who kind of views that act as like a connection point and like uh, you know, we're doing this to kind of like further the relation, go deeper into the relationship, things like that. And OnlyFans work, at least from my So they're already in a relationship right now, is what you're saying. No, no, no, no. What I'm saying is basically like you can't, what I'm saying is to answer your question, yes, it is delusional because if you're getting into you know a relationship with somebody and they view sex as more of a like a uh I don't want to call it say sacred, but more of like a union or more of like um something that is cherished or things like that, something that's a little bit more precious. That's gonna be hard if someone's line of work is literally to have sex. Or not maybe not have sex, but to promote and kind of give that sexual like thing because it's like you're sharing that with other people, and I think it's kind of something that I only want to share with you. So yeah. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 31:14

Uh uh actually, no. Uh-uh. I want to get into that. Okay, what the fuck was that about, bitch?

SPEAKER_05 31:19

I just asked you a question. I'm just asking what around what actually, what do you think?

SPEAKER_04 31:24

I think that um it can be a bit delusional for someone to expect for a person to uh be loyal and monogamous to them while they're having sex with other people for money or for profit. I don't think that you can compartmentalize um your feelings um when you're in a relationship with someone, no matter how they make their money. Especially if it's by having sex with other people.

SPEAKER_09 31:56

We're back.

SPEAKER_04 31:58

We are back. This is a fucking mess. Um yeah, I was saying that yeah, I think there is like a bit of delusion when it comes to um a person believing that they can be a content creator, a s a sex worker. So this okay, so this is a sex worker and expect for um expect to be in a like faithful, monogamous relationship. But um so someone just says something about the psychology of that. Like they are able to compartmentalize that um that relationship because when they have sex with that person, it means something, and when they have sex for money, it doesn't. What do you how do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_08 32:47

Um well personally, I mean, for me, I'm I'm a person who um wants to be connected to the person that they're having sex with. So, like, as far as like sex work, you know what I'm saying? Work meaning money. Um Okay, wait, hold on, fuck all this shit.

SPEAKER_04 33:00

Cause you told me one time. I'm about to. I'm about to get into it. Okay, okay, okay. I was because I was gonna break that nigga up if you won. Go ahead. These niggas out here, y'all these y'all niggas need fucking help. So here's Jesus, go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 33:16

I mean, I just go.

SPEAKER_08 33:20

I do think though. It just depends on, you know what I'm saying, where you I think people have sex with different reasons. So it depends on where you are in that state and what's actually going on.

SPEAKER_04 33:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 33:28

Um and so, yeah, that's because how I feel. So I just feel like, I mean, I guess I don't actually know. I'm lost right now, actually. So let's continue with some of the things. Okay, well, let me let me um Please remind me what it is.

SPEAKER_04 33:40

I'll be your compass and I'll bring it up. Let me be your compass and I'll bring you back. So once upon a time, you were dating someone who um you had an inclination that he was doing some kind of sex work.

SPEAKER_08 33:51

Yes, oh my god, yes. Unhealed version of me, yes. An unhealed version of me, yes. So please bring up the unhealed version. Go.

SPEAKER_04 34:01

There was you have some kind of like intuition or some kind of feeling that he was doing sex work, and you continue to ask him about it. Like, is this something? Like, do you do that? And he was like, No, no.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 34:10

And then one day he finally was like, Yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_08 34:13

I do, and that was bullshit, and it was really challenging.

SPEAKER_04 34:18

So um, I think you said something earlier about I've never done anything with a sex worker. Oh, maybe I'm just making the law.

SPEAKER_08 34:24

I'm here to go. The law, the law's coming out, the law's coming out. You're right. I had I had blocked that memory from my mind. Suppressed trade. I had suppressed that memory. But yeah, actually, now that you think about that, yeah, there was a moment when I did take I did um interact with somebody who I later found out was um kind of an OnlyFans person and very actually um popular. Popular.

SPEAKER_04 34:47

So tell me why you decided to cut things off with him.

SPEAKER_08 34:50

For me, um, I could not take that. That was just too interesting. What could you take?

SPEAKER_04 34:55

Let's be specific.

SPEAKER_08 34:56

I'm about to. I'm about to get I'm about to be specific. Let's give it language.

SPEAKER_05 34:59

Let's let's give it language. And I'm about to give it language.

SPEAKER_08 35:02

Um, for me, again, the sex thing, like for me, I just did not. The sex was good um when we were doing and the the sexual connection was good and the stuff out around it was good, but I just could not handle that that was visually, I just couldn't see it. It was just too much that he was just doing that, that he was also sharing that piece with so many other people. That was just way too much for me to handle.

SPEAKER_04 35:22

How do you know that it wasn't different? I don't care.

SPEAKER_08 35:25

I don't care if it was different. You see, I'm already seeing I'm gonna show you right now.

SPEAKER_04 35:27

I don't care if it was different. What if he was giving them a lesser version of himself? Ew, no, that's just not, that's just not.

SPEAKER_08 35:34

I think I understand where you're going with that, but I think from my vantage point, looking at him, that shit didn't matter. And I think that shit didn't matter also because I wasn't fully fulfilled in other areas, too. You know what I'm saying? Like I wasn't getting like, I think I'm a more of an intimate person, and I wasn't getting like that intimacy, intimacy outside of sex. I mean, sex is definitely something that is intimate, but there are other intimate moments that we just were not having, and the fact that he was also fucking other people on camera, and it was just too much.

SPEAKER_04 36:00

So are you saying that if he was intimate with you or you did get that intimate piece that you would have considered continue continuing to date him? No. Okay. So, um, next question Do you think that trauma bonding plays into content creators and escorts and how they present themselves in romantic relationships? I'll give you guys the definition of trauma bonding. Uh, it's a powerful, unhealthy emotional attachment that develops in abusive or toxic relationships, characterized by a cycle of intense abuse followed by positive reinforcement. It makes leaving difficult because the brain becomes hooked on the intermittent highs and lows, causing victims to defend or make excuses for their behavior.

SPEAKER_08 36:50

So does that like play into like in terms of the choice to do that, you think, or as far as like connecting with those people?

SPEAKER_04 36:56

Do you think that a person who does OnlyFan content connects with another person who does OnlyFans content through that and they create a trauma bond? And that's maybe that might be one reason why they stay in that business, that that line of work. Ooh.

SPEAKER_05 37:18

You sure you're not a therapist?

SPEAKER_04 37:20

I mean if you think about it, like I'm gonna stay where my bread is buttered, because if I know that someone is gonna accept me in this space and not in the monogamous space, then why would I leave?

SPEAKER_08 37:34

And I think, okay, and I think that that is that's key, right? Because I think about like as far as now I'm gonna talk about like maybe the the gay community at large. Like I think a lot of us, no shade, are like through the apps, through like the how quickly and transactional shit can be are are trauma bonding all the time. And I think the difference is um, you know, with sometimes with sex workers, they're trauma bonding and getting paid. So it's like reinforced. Um, but I think that is something that is that that is like it's real. And um, if you don't kind of look into it or um don't recognize what it is, it can really kind of overrun things. So I think that's when we because honestly, I think, you know, if you want to talk about it, I think that a lot of like the sex positive, sex forward, maybe not sex positive, but like sex forward um mindset that a lot of gay men have, you know, uh, me included in that, um, I think stems from you know, from trauma. Yeah, no? You don't get it? No. I think it stems from when I say trauma, it stems from like some type of lack, some type of feeling like, you know, I don't experience, you know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 38:45

Like I haven't I want to be wanted.

unknown 38:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 38:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:50

Because I wasn't for my body.

SPEAKER_08 38:51

You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, people didn't want me for my personality, but here's my body, you know what I'm saying? Or I was ugly in high school and now I got a fantastic body.

SPEAKER_04 38:57

So either way it goes, it just kind of validation. It sounds like the root cause is acceptance.

SPEAKER_08 39:01

Yeah, self-acceptance.

SPEAKER_04 39:02

Because I mean that's part, and that's part of I think when you, you know, when you are then the gays are fucking vicious, like they're just fucking vile creatures, can be, yeah, can be. I don't like can be, for sure.

SPEAKER_08 39:16

Can be.

SPEAKER_04 39:16

Those of you who are, fuck y'all. Anyways, you just said something about sex education. I want to ask you a question about that. Do you think that gays should get a pass for engaging in reckless sex since gay education is basically learned by watching pornography?

SPEAKER_09 39:29

Woo, baby, that is a great motherfucking question. Wow.

SPEAKER_08 39:36

Man, um, hold on. Next question. Next question.

SPEAKER_01 39:42

See you.

SPEAKER_08 39:48

Um, should we get a pass? Honestly, should we get a pass? It's bullshit either way. So when I think about getting a pass, it's just kind of like, yeah I don't even I don't even know when I don't even, I don't like the idea of like getting a pass or not. But I gotta talk about honestly, that is how I learned uh some of my sexual, um, whatever you want to call it, is through porn. Because that was because you know, gay sex isn't even taught in school, so you don't even know what's going on. Yeah. Um, nothing that needs to be.

SPEAKER_04 40:13

Well, I mean, yeah, it definitely. Well a conversation maybe needs to happen, but does it need to I think I don't know, because I think people tend to conflate sexual identity with gender identity. So like when you get into the politics of that, especially like with transgenders, and I think people might be a little bit confused when it comes to transgenders and what their sexuality is, which they're two different things. Yeah, so but I mean, if if like if we're gonna put sex education back in schools, then you would also have to uh include gay sex and just sexual orientation, period. Or like across the board. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I I I mean, I feel like it's it's definitely something that should be that we need some education around that. Not just uh here's what you do or when you contract something, you take this pill, you go see this doctor, and like you medicine. Yeah, like we don't we need what happens before that to prevent that. Right. I agree. Um I agree, and also just like kind of knowing what to do when you have sex with another man if you're a man.

SPEAKER_08 41:27

Um yeah, because I think honestly, you want to talk about that too. I mean, I think that may have been that was like that lack of education may have been part of the impetus or part of the reason why HIV was like really running through us. You know what I'm saying? Like people didn't know what they were doing, and so like you're doing shit raw and you're tearing shit and you contracting shit.

SPEAKER_04 41:45

I mean, you know, do I want to go there with HIV and AIDS? Because I don't think that we don't have to that was I mean, I think it has something to do with biology, but I do think that it was manufactured. Yeah, I mean, well, if we want to get into that, yes. Yeah. Well, okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 42:03

Next question.

SPEAKER_04 42:04

What do you think? A person who does OnlyFans, what do you think they see when they look in the mirror? I mean, I don't know. I'm just not What do you think the guy who you dated saw when he looked in the mirror? I mean, you have personal experience.

SPEAKER_09 42:22

Dated what? You're an expert.

SPEAKER_04 42:24

I dated what?

SPEAKER_09 42:25

Doctor.

SPEAKER_08 42:30

Um do you think that they bonds through sex? I think he's somebody who bonds through sex. So I think sometimes when people uh Do you think that's toxic? I do. I do, because you didn't you really do run the risk of bonding with people who may not have your best interests in mind. And I think that's what when I think that's something that I was doing, he was doing, and whatever you want to call it. But that was something that was going on.

SPEAKER_04 42:54

Do you think that they know that they're passing that energy and spreading that toxicity? Or do you think that money is more important to them than their moral compass?

SPEAKER_08 43:02

I think money's more important than moral compass. At that stage, I mean, I think like, you know, because it also like what's the longevity of somebody who does like that type of work? Like, I feel like it's not like a career, it's more of a job. But it could be a career. But um, as far as like the, you know, how long could you last on OnlyFans? Four years, three years? I mean, how long are you gonna watch the same person do the same thing over? Do the same thing over and over? Right, it just kind of gets old after a while.

SPEAKER_04 43:23

That becomes obsessive and stock.

SPEAKER_08 43:24

Yeah, which is or boring part of the model, but we don't need to get all that. But I just think that like it is you're bonding through that, unfortunately. And I think sometimes that opens yourself up to different things. Um he is, I'm trying to think, is he still on it? I think he's still he's still creating. So I think he's still kind of like he obviously I don't know if he feels good about it or not, but he's obviously still doing it.

SPEAKER_04 43:46

So maybe Do you think it's one of those things like you know how we have like regular nine to fives and it's like, oh god, I just really don't feel like like I don't want to go in here and do this job today. But I have to. But I have to. Or do you think it's more like Yeah, I do, honestly. You think it's like that? I do, yeah. Yeah, I do. But I like they have to enjoy. Well, I don't I don't know. Do you enjoy your job? I mean, is it bringing me pleasure at the end of the day? Like, I might not want to go in here and fuck all these niggas, but is it gonna bring me pleasure at the end? And I'm getting money, you bitch, and I'm getting paid.

SPEAKER_08 44:16

But how long? Yes, I see what you're saying. Not even. But how long is the pleasure lasting?

SPEAKER_04 44:21

Exactly. It's fleeting. It's very pleading. It's fleeting. Speaking of fleeting, and sex education in schools with gays. Hello. And trauma and only fans. What do you think about it?

SPEAKER_08 44:32

Wrapped into one, wrapped all into one, and a whole burrito, wrapped in a burrito with some cheese and a um and some pinto beans.

SPEAKER_04 44:38

What do you think about soul ties? I'm gonna give you the definition of soul ties. Please do. So a soul tie is an intense spiritual, emotional, or mental bond that connects two people, often described as knitting together of souls. While rooted in biblical concepts regarding marriage or deep friendship, they are frequently discussed today as connections formed through sexual intimacy, trauma, or intense, lasting relationships that can be either healthy, positive, or toxic, negative, unhealthy.

SPEAKER_08 45:15

I think soul soul ties exist. I think soul ties definitely exist. And I think the uh the people who you know believe in that for sure are probably a little bit more careful about kind of who they're they're tying with and what's going on.

SPEAKER_04 45:28

But like Do you think people are like conscious about making a decision of who they have sex with? Some. Some. Not all. Because there could be a result in a soul tie?

SPEAKER_08 45:37

Some. I think that that's something. I think that's kind of like the I do. I really do think sometimes I do think people, some people think like that. I do some think some people think like that. Because I think it's those, those, that's the type of person to me, in my mind, that's to be the type of person that's a little bit more selective about who they actually are like laying with. You know what I'm saying? That's what I would think. That's what I would think.

SPEAKER_04 45:56

See, like when you say that, like, my first thought is I hate people like that. But at the same time, it also gives, I respect you because if if I'm your chosen one, then you know, then they can't be able to do it. That's tidy souls. Great. Exactly. But if I'm not, then it's like, girl, whatever. Right. Like, fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_08 46:18

Ain't nobody trying to hear all that bullshit. But then I think that gets back to though, why are you having sex with somebody? You know what I'm saying? And I think that and I think there are you can have sex for different reasons. I think there are different reasons to to to to into to do that.

SPEAKER_04 46:31

So like so I think that we as regular people who have sex. I'm not regular. Oh, sorry. Doctor. Um not regular as the elevated virgin who went to LA and heightened himself. Um, I think that we, if we can have so ties with people, it's definitely happening in the OnlyFans business, like the OnlyFans industry.

SPEAKER_08 46:54

Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, that space. Yeah, because it's human. It's a human element. Like we can't, you know, it's just something that we cannot. Um, it's just something that we just all do as humans, you know? Like we, that's just gonna happen.

SPEAKER_04 47:06

Are you able to compartmentalize sex and emotional attachment?

SPEAKER_08 47:10

No, I'm not. And that is when I slow the fuck down. That's what I'm saying. Tell us why, Dominic.

SPEAKER_04 47:15

Tell us why you're not able to compartmentalize those two.

SPEAKER_08 47:18

Why?

SPEAKER_04 47:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 47:20

I think for me, they run, they run together because for me, sex is an expression of like my love. So it's an expression of like connection, and it's an expression in that way. So all of like, I feel like it's a part of me and a part of something that I do when I'm expressing myself. So it's hard to kind of separate that because it feels like it's very close to me. I mean, yeah, that's fair. Yeah, that's how I feel.

SPEAKER_04 47:42

How do you feel? I'm asking the questions here. Um, I will say that it's hard sometimes. It's easy for me. Yeah. Like I can have sex with someone and it be just that. Also, sidebar, I think there's a difference between I was telling someone this. I think there's a difference between having sex with someone like the like the dick is okay, but the sex is good, or you have both. That's when you become like digmatized.

SPEAKER_08 48:17

I see what you're saying. Yeah, I see what you're saying.

SPEAKER_04 48:18

Like if, or if the dick if the dick is good and the sex is just like, oh, whatever.

SPEAKER_08 48:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:23

But like if the sex is good and the dick is good, it's like, are we soul tying each other?

SPEAKER_08 48:27

Like the connection and the experience?

SPEAKER_04 48:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_08 48:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:31

Or the talent and the experience or lack thereof. I I I mean, I can still compartmentalize that because for me it's just based on like that one thing. But I think um when I am connected to someone through like when I feel like my soul is speaking to them or their soul is speaking to me, um, I'm not even really thinking about sex. I'm thinking about being like with that person in like companionship.

SPEAKER_08 49:02

And sex is like a part of it.

SPEAKER_04 49:03

Sex is yeah, it's a part of it. But I can also just like have good sex and still get my life and not want to be with you.

SPEAKER_08 49:12

Mm-hmm. Because like the compatibility piece probably the other piece.

SPEAKER_04 49:15

I mean, because I've dated, you know, I've dated guys. Yeah, we know you've dated that we know who you've dated. Fuck nigga in LA that I was dating and was like, oh, uh, I wanna date you. I want to be with you. I want to, and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. We could just continue to have sex. And then he's like, no, but I want more. And then when I say yes, he says, Oh, well, you know what, uh, psych, never mind. He was playing with you. Fuck nigga. No, he was playing, he was playing. So I guess I said that to say that the sex was fuck that nigga. The sex was subpar. God damn it. And I hope you're fucking watching too. So pussy ass, oh still mad. Still fucking mad.

SPEAKER_01 49:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 49:55

Um, but we were on like a couple of days. I was just like, it just wasn't there. The compatibility piece outside of the bedroom. Gotcha.

SPEAKER_08 50:03

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 50:05

Have you ever been in a situation like that where you've dated someone or you were having sex with someone, they wanted to date you, and then so you kind of did it backwards, basically?

SPEAKER_08 50:12

Basically, yeah. Cause I think at that point, and I think you know, at that point you gotta really, I mean, sometimes, and that's the thing of sometimes if the sex is really good. You'd be like, well, maybe we can make it work. That's a whole nother episode for another day. Excuse me. But sometimes you can kind of get into that mode um of where like it's just that you just want it to be better because you want that to continue and things like that. But um for me personally, I just feel like once the connection is built, then sex normally gets a little bit better, if that makes sense. So we're talking about compatibility, we're talking about connection, all that stuff. So, like, if I'm if we're having sex and then I'm talking to you and the connection is also growing that way, then that's when things get a little bit. For me at least. That's when I'm like, wait a minute, what's going on?

SPEAKER_04 50:54

So do you hold on because the sex is good?

SPEAKER_08 50:56

Or um in the past, the unhealed version of me has maybe done that. But the healed version of me, no longer. Oh we gotta call the spade a spade. I feel like I'm a romantic at heart, so sometimes I can fall into that trap. I guess I mean I'm gonna say I'm you over here talking like you're not a romantic Corey.

SPEAKER_04 51:12

I mean, I am, but I'm also an Aries, Aries rising, Aries sun, Scorpio moon. That's there it is. That's where the sex commit.

SPEAKER_07 51:22

There it is.

SPEAKER_04 51:23

Do you consider watching and engaging in solo masturbation to be a form of cheating or infidelity?

SPEAKER_05 51:33

Because nigga, why you ain't letting me why why you doing that shit by yourself?

SPEAKER_04 51:37

You don't want me, you don't want to fuck with me no more? You know what's so funny? Oh, you need your alone time, and I'm supposed to respect that. So now you got boundaries. I'm not even saying about that.

SPEAKER_08 51:46

Is um I have been in an experience like that before, and the guy that I was with thought the same way that you thought. He was like, Well, what are you even doing that for? What? You need to be fucking me. Basically, yeah. Period. But let's talk about what it was. I mean, let's talk about the spade of spade. It was because I was losing a little bit of my connection with him. Why did you communicate that to him?

SPEAKER_04 52:03

Um, I communicated that to him later. Okay, but not before he asked you why you're not doing this with me. Nah, I didn't. So we I really didn't. That's real. Timing and language is important. It is important. No one's perfect, and no one's perfect. You're right, doctor. You were absolutely right about that. No one is perfect. Okay, gated community. Nobody's perfect, and everyone wants to be part of it. Listen, I'm not perfect either. Here at Gated, we are not perfect.

SPEAKER_08 52:26

But I I do wish, I think in retrospect, I do wish I would have had the language to talk about like that before it kind of went that direction because I think that was just like a almost like a band-aid when I was doing it. Um that was kind of like a band-aid for Rough Rome, um, to be honest. But we didn't make it anyway.

SPEAKER_04 52:43

So how did you feel when he like brought it to your attention?

SPEAKER_08 52:46

I felt like I was like, the first thing I thought was kind of like, how dare you? And the second thing I thought was like, this is just normal. This is just a part of like I was like, you know, I was doing all that before I met you, like you coming here interrupting the routine or whatever. And it was a lot of like, I guess, resistance and kind of defense, defensiveness when he when he brought it up to me. Um, and then we really sat down and talked about it. Then the more of, you know, more of it came out that like, oh, I don't feel, you know, I'm not feeling as connected to you. So that's kind of why I'm doing that with other people. So when did you realize that part?

SPEAKER_04 53:16

Wait, other people. I said solo masturbation. I didn't say I didn't mean to say other people.

SPEAKER_08 53:22

That's it.

SPEAKER_05 53:24

Fordy, if Ford is not in here.

SPEAKER_08 53:26

That was a good idea. I was fantasizing about. Um, I didn't actually, but that guy, that was a whole nother situation. But um kind of get back to specifically what we're talking about. Um, I when that came up and I didn't have the language for it, I we ended up breaking up.

SPEAKER_04 53:42

Not just because of that, but like we ended up breaking up like a couple of No, so I guess what I'm asking you is did you know that you weren't really that interested in him while you were doing it, or was it after you guys had a conversation and you learned through the conversation that, oh, okay, this is why I'm doing this.

SPEAKER_08 54:00

It was before okay, so I learned about it after we had the conversation about it one-on-one, right? But before it was just more so, I'm pissed off with you, so I'm not, I'm not, so I'm not attracted to you and I don't want to do anything with you right now.

SPEAKER_02 54:12

Yeah, that's where I was at. Okay, so let's talk about that. That's where I was at. So that's the thing.

SPEAKER_04 54:15

So when you are pissed off with somebody.

SPEAKER_08 54:17

This was when I was 26 years old, Corey. This is when I was 26. I'm currently 28. That was two years ago.

SPEAKER_04 54:24

When you're pissed off at somebody, you nobody caught that. Become they become unattractive.

SPEAKER_08 54:30

Yeah. Um, yeah, sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I'd be like, I'm out of here. Not I'm out of here, but like I don't want to do anything with you. Yeah, for real. I mean, that could be layered though.

SPEAKER_04 54:38

Like, I'm just mad at you right now. Or is it like, uh, like you're not even attractive to like you're you're unattractive. You're I don't want to say ugly. No, it's more so I manage you. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's not, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 54:49

I mean, I'm not, no, no, no, yeah. I'm not like, yeah, it's more so I manage you.

SPEAKER_04 54:53

So one thing I learned about me is I have to stop using dating as psychological experiments, right? Um, do you think it's a form of emotional vandalism? I think guys believe that I psychoanalyze them. I think I've told you that before. That I psychoanalyze them, and really what I'm just trying to do is just simply understand them. I believe that emotional vandalism can be cauterizing a connection without explanation. Also see, ghosting.

SPEAKER_08 55:24

Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_04 55:24

I was like, what's different forms of manipulation? Also see, gaslighting. Or single-handedly and directly exploiting a person's insecurities by igniting triggers that gives birth to feelings or imperfections. Maybe by comparing them to the illusions of social media. Really, any type of mental and psychological dysmorphia. What do you think about just like that in general? Emotional vandalism.

SPEAKER_08 55:52

Wait, do you need the definition? I think I got it. Okay. I think I kind of understand in terms of like, you know, emotion, we'll call it emotional warfare. Um, I think that it becomes like that when you try to figure somebody out, right? Or you're trying to like figure out something, like you feel like you're you're like in investigation mode. You know what I'm saying? And I feel like that can come up, like that, that can come up when you're in investigation mode. And I think that, you know, sometimes um you have to look at yourself and be like, why am I in this investigation mode period? I think emotional vandalism, yes, it can happen. Um, but I think what is you gotta look at why you're doing it. Is it because you're trying to hold on to something? Is it because you're trying you're trying to prove something that you already intuitively know? Like what is like why you're doing it?

SPEAKER_04 56:32

I know for me, I just I like I'm working on, I'm trying to stop asking like so many questions when so many like analytical questions when it comes to like me dating someone. But that's just me, like that's who I am to my core.

SPEAKER_08 56:45

Yeah, you're somebody who like wants to, but you investigate yourself. Like you sit there and like I've seen you, I mean, we've had very deep conversations. Yeah, yeah. We get into the nitty-gritty. Right.

SPEAKER_04 56:54

And the last guy I was dating, um he um would say, like, can you stop being a therapist right now? I'm just like, how do you feel about that, bitch? Can you not make me? Mmm, see, that's what are we doing here?

SPEAKER_08 57:13

Yeah, and I think, right, right, right, exactly. And that's that's where you gotta figure out, like, yeah, the why.

SPEAKER_04 57:20

Or do they? Or do they? Because bitch, I can be like, I'm about to go. Yeah, that's wrong. Um that's wrong. Can we take a pause?

SPEAKER_08 57:29

Yeah, let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 57:48

This is the Gated Community Podcast. Season three, episode three.

SPEAKER_04 57:55

Okay. Okay, Dominic, we're gonna do a fast round of questions.

SPEAKER_02 58:02

Right fast. Okay, let's do it.

SPEAKER_04 58:03

Um, I'm just gonna ask you a question and you just kinda tell me the first thing that comes to mind. Doesn't have to be like this dissertation or anything. Nice. Um, okay. So, what kind of love did you witness growing up and how has it shaped you? Um, I witnessed companionship and um fun, and it's what I look for in a relationship.

SPEAKER_01 58:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 58:27

When do you feel the most seen and understood in a relationship?

SPEAKER_08 58:31

Usually through uh some type of like physical experience, or for like doing something like traveling or like doing something like outside, outdoors.

SPEAKER_04 58:40

So, what's your uh love language?

SPEAKER_08 58:43

Quality time, big time.

SPEAKER_04 58:45

Yeah, quality time. Yeah. What's something that you wish more people understood about you?

SPEAKER_08 58:50

I wish more people understood that my depth. I think that um I sometimes come across a certain way and people don't realize how much is actually underneath. Um, so I really wish that sometimes people understood that.

SPEAKER_04 59:00

Do you think that that can scare people off?

SPEAKER_08 59:02

100%. Yeah, I think I'm an intense person. Like it can be, you experienced me, I think.

SPEAKER_04 59:09

Oh, you? I thought, yeah. You too. You have every friends. Well, no, I mean like I mean like in dating. Like it's like, oh, this nigga is just like Yeah, intense.

SPEAKER_08 59:18

People be like, you're intense. And I think it's just like there's a level of embodiment, is what I'm gonna call it. And I'm very sure about you know my feelings, and I think that that can be intense. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 59:27

Yeah. Same. Yeah. What's a boundary you used to have that you've reconsidered? Do you have boundaries? Okay. Maybe I should decide with it.

SPEAKER_06 59:43

Oh, you can skip it. I'm trying to think what I read.

SPEAKER_08 59:46

This actually is a really good question. Um, I think I've reconsidered what it means to share. So, in terms of like other people having other platonic relationships outside of me.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:01

Is there like a little jealousy involved?

SPEAKER_08 1:00:05

I used to be, yeah, really jealous. Yeah, I used to be a jealous person. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:11

So you reconsider that. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:14

Yeah, I think so, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:15

Do you think it'll still be triggering for you?

SPEAKER_08 1:00:18

Uh triggering or not, um I can go I can grow around it.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:24

What's something unconventional that you find incredibly attractive?

SPEAKER_08 1:00:32

Really nice.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:40

Really nice calf muscles. Okay. The end.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:49

What's a relationship pattern that you've noticed in yourself that surprises you?

SPEAKER_08 1:00:55

Um, I guess I've kind of noticed how the speed, maybe I didn't really feel like I was like, I didn't know I was like, I guess because I feel so sure about, yeah. I didn't know I was moving that fast. Everybody was, I people I've gotten feedback that people feel like I'm moving fast.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:09

Bitch, I was telling you that for like the past.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:11

Well, I mean, well, here we are. Thank you, thank you for watching therapy. We can now recognize that. And what's fast? Like historically. For me, historically, like I I want to, when I'm dating somebody, I don't mind like the I love you's and all that stuff. Like, I want to get that out of the way early. I don't really want to put a time frame on it, but when I feel it, it happens. And so the I think the quickest time that's happened before in the past has been like maybe four weeks.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:35

Yeah, I felt like that. And so I just said, Oh yeah, I love you. And then that was like, oh my God, it was the it was the end.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:41

Have you ever been in love before?

SPEAKER_08 1:01:43

Yeah, I have. I've been in love before. I see what you're saying.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:47

Do you know the difference between loving someone and being in love with them?

SPEAKER_08 1:01:50

So that's that's where I was at. Right. So that's I think where um the that's the dynamic that I was at. I think I loved, like love that person, but I necessarily wasn't in love. And I think whenever I would say things like I love you, they would think that I was in love with them. And that was a little bit too much of people, too quick. And it really wasn't that. It was just like, I really love this experience, I love what we're doing.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:11

I do remember you telling me one time that you kind of like to blur the lines between friendship and dating because you want the guy that you're dating to be your friend also. So maybe that can be kind of confusing for a person when you're like, I love you, in the way that I would say I love you as my friend.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:25

Right. Yeah, that's exactly kind of what it is. Thank you for putting that to words. That's exactly what it is. And people really think that there's a level of like, oh my God, like he wants to like control and keep me. And I'm like, bitch. Yeah. I love like three people. Like, I've got like three people right and I said that too.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:38

Sorry. What's a non-traditional relationship value that matters to you? Non-traditional? I don't know. Okay, skip.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:47

Yeah, skip.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:48

What's a fear about relationships you're slowly overcoming?

SPEAKER_08 1:02:52

I think honestly, it's that sometimes it's that that well, I say I want people to really respect the depth, it's like actually when that does happen, being like present and like fully present in that. Sometimes I think when I'm in a relationship, I don't feel as quote unquote free. And so if I don't feel as free, that that sometimes starts to be a little bit uh problematic. And so I think that that's something that I'm kind of overcoming. So that's where the intimacy that I was talking about earlier that kind of comes in. Like if it's sometimes if it feels too close, I start to feel a little bit stifled sometimes. I think that's where that comes to play.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:20

Did you realize this before or after you told him that you loved him?

SPEAKER_08 1:03:23

This wasn't with him, so it was it was over time. So you're going back to that one moment.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:26

Well, no, not him.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:27

I think you're going back to that one moment.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:28

Generally speaking.

unknown 1:03:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:31

General sense.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:34

What's something about your dynamic that both thrills you and frightens you? About my dynamic?

SPEAKER_08 1:03:40

Just as a person, I think it's like the capacity that I have. I think it's just like I have a very, I can, like I told you, I can be very intense. So I think like that sometimes can be thrilling and sometimes a little scare if I don't reel it in.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:51

How many questions do we have? I'm asking the questions here. What's a relationship rule that you think is totally outdated and explain? Monogamy. Honestly. Everybody wanna be poly.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:05

Monogamy, honestly, monogamy. Everybody wanna be always. Everybody wanna be poly.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:09

Let's talk about it. Monogamy. Everybody wanna be sister-wise. Sister this, the sisters, you ain't my sister.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:14

But we gotta talk. Okay, Corey, okay, Corey, we gotta talk about this. Yes. I think this is something we actually need, this is a discussion. So, in terms of the monogamy versus the non-monogamy, not versus the non-monogamy picture. I think sometimes when you look at monogamy, and we talked about earlier, niggas ain't got it. So, like, if you're locking in with a nigga who ain't got it, that could be scary.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:35

I think people have it. I think almost I'm like have you met it? I'm willing to do it. Have you met it? I have been. This is not about me. I think people have it. What I don't think people have is discipline. The discipline part, yeah. I think you could be attracted to however many people you want to. Yeah. I mean, it's when you act on it, is when you step outside of that line of discipline. So if you don't have that, then you just trash. Okay. Um, last question. What old wounds, if any, did I reopen for you today?

SPEAKER_08 1:05:11

Oh, wow. Um, definitely around uh not definitely. Definitely around Did I re-traumatize you? Okay. The uh the infidelity piece and kind of those past bringing that back up. I was like, oh yeah, I forgot like that was something that I had to integrate. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:25

Well, I apologize. Do you? You're good. Do you apologize?

SPEAKER_08 1:05:28

Are you good? I accept your apologies because I'm great. I'm fantastic, actually. I'm very good. Great. Very good.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:38

Dominic, I want to thank you so much for being here with me today. Thank you so much. Um, as always, it's been a pleasure. You have to come. This is your second. You were in season one, right? Yes. The podcast that was on Spotify. That was on Spotify, um, Apple, Spotify, YouTube, all of it, PodVon. Anywhere you get your podcast. Um, you want to plug yourself before we leave?

SPEAKER_08 1:06:04

Sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:05

Your social media is yes.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:07

So you can find me on uh Instagram with Dr. Dombaum11. Um that's D-R-D-O-M-B-O-M-B-11. On TikTok, I am Dr. Dombaum Says, and um my website is www.drdombaum.com. So check out all those to kind of see what's going on in the wellness space, all the things I talk about as far as content and education, and also call the conversations like this too.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:30

Yes, y'all go check him out. Um, and for me, gator community, you can check me out on Instagram at what is it? You got it. It's the gated community. At the gated community. The gated community. Yeah. On TikTok at the gated community. No, I think on Instagram is gated. On TikTok is the gated community. On Instagram also, my personal account is Corey K O R Y dot K P. And on Twitter, I am at rated gated. Am I on anything else? I'm not sure. Threads?

SPEAKER_08 1:07:06

You know, threads. No, you know, thread too much.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:08

Um Yeah, I think that's it. Listen, I hope you guys have learned something here today from uh our conversation. I will have more conversations coming soon. Um I hear you, I have heard you loud and clear when you say that you want to see me in front of the camera instead of just behind the microphone. I am doing my best to do that. This has been a fucking lot. I'm enjoying it though. I don't understand how niggas be having full-time jobs and like doing like full-arm productions.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:45

Well, here we are.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:46

Me. Producing, writing, composing. I'm Talibari. I'm Tyler Pierre. But look at you doing it. But not Tyria. Look at you doing it, but I'm a dea bitch. Um, I will see y'all next time. Uh yeah. I'll see y'all later. It's called a gated community.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:05

I'm in a gated community. All the gay You live in a gated community.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:09

The girls act like you can't get in a gated community, girl. I've been if I'm in a gated community.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:13

If you don't live there and you talking about you pulling up to a bitch out, that's trespassing. Especially when it's a gated community.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:20

African people are not pro homosexual.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:22

Who is having that conversation?