Episode 60: A Conversation About Understanding ADHD in the Early Years with Aaron Bailey

In this episode, ASCY’s Nicole Colterman is joined by Aaron Bailey, Aaron is a certified ADHD Life Coach, educator, and advocate with both professional and lived experience in ADHD and neurodiversity. With over a decade of work across education, mental health, and coaching, including running his own practice, Aaron brings deep insight and practical support to the ADHD community

Together, Nicole and Aaron explore what ADHD truly is: a neurodevelopmental difference, not a behavioural choice or a character flaw. Aaron clearly explains how differences in brain chemistry, particularly dopamine, impact attention regulation, impulsivity, emotional expression, time perception, working memory, and executive functioning. The conversation reframes behaviour as communication, encouraging educators and caregivers to shift from asking “what’s wrong?” to “what’s happening in the brain?”

Aaron also shares practical, developmentally appropriate strategies that support children in early learning settings, such as visual supports, movement, predictability, novelty, interest‑based approaches, and reducing cognitive load. Many of these approaches benefit all children, which is especially important given that ADHD is often undiagnosed in the early years and children may not yet have the language to describe their needs.

This episode is a strengths‑based, compassionate conversation that reminds us: when children struggle, it’s not because they won’t, it’s because they can’t yet. With understanding, empathy, and brain‑based support, we can remove barriers and help children show us who they really are.

Guest Bio: Aaron Bailey is a certified ADHD Life Coach with advanced training from the ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA). He holds a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) credential from the International Coaching Federation (ICF), as well as his Professional Certified ADHD Coach (PCAC) designation from the Professional Association for ADHD Coaches.

Aaron also holds a Diploma in Child and Youth Services and a Bachelor of Human Services. Over the past decade, he has worked extensively in the ADHD, learning disabilities, and mental health field, including roles at Queen’s University, as an Educational Assistant in the Yukon, and as the owner of his own coaching and education‑based practice.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

• ADHDfolk on social media: @ADHDfolk
  Created by Aaron Bailey, ADHDfolk shares strengths‑based, educational content on ADHD, brain chemistry, motivation, executive functioning, and everyday strategies.
   
• ADHDfolk YouTube Channel  https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDFolk
  Short, accessible videos that explore ADHD through neuroscience, lived experience, humour, and practical supports.
   
   

Transcript

0:02

Hello from Hamilton, Ontario. Welcome to Ask Y's podcast. Can we talk conversations in the early years? We're so glad you're joining us for our 60th episode. Thank you for continuing to learn and reflect alongside us. In today's episode, ACEs Nicole Colterman is joined by Erin Bailey. Erin is a certified A DHD life coach, educator, and advocate with both professional and lived experience in A DHD and neurodiversity with over a decade of work across education, mental health and coaching, including running his own practice. Aaron brings deep insight and practical support to the A DHD community. Okay. Together Nicole and Erin explore what a DHD truly is. A neurodevelopmental difference, not a behavioral choice or a character flaw. Erin clearly explains how differences in brain chemistry, particularly dopamine impact, attention regulation, impulsivity, emotional expression, time perception, working memory, and executive functioning. The conversation reframes behavior as communication, encouraging educators and caregivers to shift from asking what's wrong to what's happening in the brain. Aaron also shares practical, developmentally appropriate strategies that support children in early learning settings, such as visual supports, movement, predictability, novelty, interest-based approaches, and reducing cognitive load. Many of these approaches benefit all children, which is especially important given that A DHD is often undiagnosed in the early years, and children may not yet have the language to describe their needs. This episode is a strength-based, compassionate conversation that reminds us when children struggle. It's not because they won't. It's because they can't. Yet with understanding, empathy and brain-based support, we could remove barriers and help children show us who they really are. Erin's full biography along with all resources mentioned in this episode, can be found in the show notes. We hope you enjoy listening. It's so great to see you today. Thanks so much for coming out. No problem. Thanks so much for having me. Yeah, this is great. So, I just wanted to start off and ask you, the basic Let, can you define a DHD for us? Oh, man. All right. I mean, a DHD in its simplest form is, uh, a. A fancy term called a neurodevelopmental disability, which just means that's a brain-based disability and that our, our brain develops at a different rate than say, people who don't have a DHD or what we call neurotypical. And what's happening there is that, The A DHD brain doesn't make enough of a neurotransmitter, which is just a fancy term for a chemical in our brain called dopamine. And dopamine plays a big role in motivation, reward, and behavior. And our brain communicates using these neurotransmitters like dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. And so because the A DHD brain doesn't make enough of that, we struggle with things like attention regulation, impulsivity, because our brain is simply not communicating as efficiently as it should. So it's really just that we're our brains work and are wired a little bit differently when, when we talk about those with A DHD. Uh, can you talk about a little bit, the misconceptions that are attached? Yeah. Unfortunately, A DHD has a lot of negativity attached to it. You often hear people say, you're lazy, you're unmotivated. You just do what you wanna do, and you're, you can't do things that are important or that others ask of you. And. Really, when we look at A DHD, we often think of it as a behavioral issue, and that does a big disservice to the disorder in itself, but also the person struggling with it, because then that puts the onus on the person instead of what's actually happening in their brain, right? The behavior is a symptom of their neurology or how their brain functions, and when we just focus on the behavior. We're not actually getting to the core issues of what's going on with A DHD. So a lot of people will often feel like it's a character flaw. They're broken, they can't learn. Right? And we, and then we start to hold these beliefs and values, onto ourselves and believe this is what a DHD means. When in reality, if we understand that it's a neurodevelopmental disability, and like you said, our brains are wired differently. Once we understand how our brain works, we can then start to work with it instead of against it and start shedding some of these significantly, uh, negative misconceptions around it. Thank you so much for that. Yeah. I feel that there really is so many, negative, misconceptions to A DHD and we really wanna knock that out, um, because we wanna make sure that, we really are looking at, like you said, behavior, is communication. And that's what we talk about in early in the early years is that there is always a why. You know why and why now? Yeah. Are we seeing these things? So when we're starting to ask those questions and dive a little bit deeper, maybe some of these things are really impacting a lot of the children in our program and we don't really know. So thinking about the A DH adhd, it's always talking, um, focused on attention and their attention deficit, right? So how are, how does it impact more than just that? What is, what a, what a deep question. I heard this recently online, and one of my favorite explanations of A DHD or the A DH ADHD brain is they said the A DHD brain is very porous, almost like a sponge. So if you think of a small sponge and you put it into a glass of water, it absorbs all the water, right? And if you think about the A DHD brain, it's not a lack of attention. PE people often say, oh, you have a terrible attention span, and that's not it at all. We actually have great attention. It's just on everything. So think about that sponge too. I am. I am constantly, as somebody with A-D-H-D-I am constantly absorbing everything because of the lack of dopamine in my brain. There are certain areas of my brain that are supposed to stop or inhibit, you know, external and internal stimulation so I can focus on the most important task at hand. But that is inefficient because of the lack of dopamine. I'm talking to you, but I'm looking out the window at the cats and the birds and everything, and I'm trying to tell my brain, okay, stop. I don't need to pay attention to that. Don't need to pay attention to that. But it's absorbing everything, right? So I really like that the A DHC brain is porous, um, description, but I mean, other ways it affects our attention. It's gonna affect our emotions, how intensely we feel those emotions and how we express those emotions, right? Again, that part of the brain that's supposed to inhibit. All the stimulation around us. It's also supposed to stop us before we express our emotions or what we want to say. And so that's where impulsivity comes from, right? And because we lack that, when we experience an emotion or show like a big outburst, Dr. William Dodson says. We show emotions as raw or unfiltered, and that's so, so intense and can be really overwhelming and embarrassing for us. So, you know, a DH ADHD can affect our emotions. It affects how we feel and perceive time, right? I, I struggle with time blindness. I don't understand how long I've been talking or how long a task takes. I can over or underestimate how long a task is gonna take. Um. So I'll, I'll often not leave enough time to complete a task, or have 10 million tasks that I need to finish within the hour.'cause I thought, yeah, I've got enough time to do that and I can't. It affects everything. This is the thing. It's almost hard to pinpoint it, as a former educator or ea we used to focus on A DHD just within the school. Just within the classroom, but it's gonna affect everything. It's gonna affect our ability to, hold and maintain relationships, whether those are romantic or peer relationships. Or even, family relationships,? Like. Here's an example. So it affects an area called our working memory. So if you ask your kid to, you know, do the dishes or go put your clothes away, and they literally forget, and then they're off doing something else that's gonna look like laziness, that's gonna look like you're being disrespectful to me. And really it's the challenges with working memory, which is the ability to hold information temporarily in our head, um, manipulate it and then use it later. You go off to do the task and then you get this rush of stimulation or thoughts in your head and it kicks out everything that you were holding onto be like, oh, I have to go do the dishes. And then the dog barks and you're like, Ooh, I should go walk the dog. And then they're outside playing with the dog, right? And that, and that's gonna come off as you know, you decided not to do the dishes. You chose to, you chose to forget. Um, it's gonna affect our executive functions, like time management organization, the ability to prioritize. They say for people with a D, h, D, everything has equal value. So it's incredibly hard to see what we should be doing because how do you know what to choose first when everything feels like it has equal value, right? It can be really hard to distinguish the difference between urgency and importance. So something can feel really important, but it's not really urgent for us. And on the other hand, something can feel really urgent for us, but it's not important at all. And that can be really frustrating as a parent or somebody working with A DHD to understand. Why did you choose this task when this is clearly the more urgent or important task? And I think, when we're talking about early years, kids feel this, but they don't know how to articulate it and they don't know how to explain it. And that's why we get a lot of like, what's going on? I don't know, because they don't know. The worst used to explain what's going on. They can't say like, oh, I'm feeling really fidgety, so I need to go for a walk. They're going to throw toys or bug their friends, or, you know, dopamine is a stimulant and our brain needs stimulation to focus. And so if you don't have enough dopamine, you're gonna go searching for it, and they're gonna bug their friends. They're gonna start doodling, they're gonna daydream about something that's way more interesting than the task right now. And that's gonna look like you're, you're, you're. Being disrespectful, you're gonna be an, you know, a space cadet or air heady. Right. But they don't have the ability to express to other people, Hey, I just need a bit more dopamine, so I'm gonna get up and stretch, or I'm gonna move or do whatever. Right. You know, it's so true. And even as adults, like, we don't, we don't necessarily know that either. Um, and I had the pleasure of like, of hearing you, uh, speak back in the fall in, in Caledonia. In our Haldeman, Norfolk community. And, um, honestly, I just learned so, so much from you there, but you spoke too about like, you know, 75% of people are undiagnosed, I think, is that the right statistic? So, yeah. Len Adler says, um, within the A DHD community, about 75% of people don't know they have it. Yeah. So that just was really eye-opening to me, and I'm like, imagine how many people, and that we don't even know. But just throughout our lifespan we've like, you know, learned how to cope with these things. So thinking about the children and as you were talking in the early years, they don't know. And you've been in ea Yeah. And that's such, um. Such great experience for you. Can you share some of the strategies, for classrooms that maybe, would work for the early years? Yeah, for sure. And this is, this is gonna be tricky because every, every kid is so individualistic when it comes to a DHD. So, you know, one strategy that might work for one kid might not work for the other, which is super frustrating, right? Because you just want that one strategy. But I mean, and, and it depends on. What the kid with a DHD is struggling with, right. So when you're talking about something like working memory, specifically auditory working memory, which is the ability to hold information in your mind temporarily, especially with what's been said, that can be really weak for, for some kids. So that's why visual cues are really good. Whether. You give an example of what the finished work is supposed to look like, you know?'cause it's not, it's not cheating, but it gives them a template. A framework so that they don't have to hold that information in their mind. Right. Because when you hold, we only have a certain amount of space in our working memory. And so when you're trying to hold, what does this project or what was the task at hand, you're not gonna be able to take in any other information. So if you can help reduce that cognitive load by, Creating visuals or one of my favorite executive functioning strategies is called, get Ready, do Done by Sarah Ward and Christine Jacobson. you work your way, um, from right to left, and you draw a picture or, or take a picture of what done looks like, and then you write all the steps that you have to do and then all the steps you have to get ready. And when you see that physically, you go, oh wow. That's a lot of information to hold and maintain in our head. Which a lot of the, a lot of people with a DH ADHD really struggle with. So if you are able to remove that cognitive load for a lot of these kids, that is really going to help them, in regards to impulsivity, right? It can look like a lot of negativity. But I was working with this teacher in kindergarten and this kid just kept blurting out answers, right? And he wouldn't put his hand up and he. The other students weren't having, uh, an opportunity to participate. And it's, I, I get it. It's frustrating, but when you look at it from an A DHC lens, that kid is probably just so excited to participate and he finally knows the answer. And with his work, with the work, the challenge and working memory, there's probably a fear that you'll forget the answer, right? Because sometimes our working me memory feels fleeting and we don't wanna lose that. So I worked with this teacher to come up with like a whiteboard where they could either write the answers or they give them options and they can circle it and then they can show the teacher be like, look, I got it right. Because they still can participate, they can still show that they know the answer, but they're not interrupting as much anymore. So you can do that. I mean, body movement for a lot of younger kids, especially boys, is huge. I've just been learning about proprioception, sensory, which is. What they kind of consider our sixth sense, which is where our body is in space and time and how much pressure we put onto something. You know, I hold my pencil very tightly to the point that my hand cramps, I learned that was a sensory issue. I had this one student where I would literally have to almost give'em a piggyback while he worked to give him that sensory input that he desperately needed. If you think about the A DHD brain being porous like a sponge, sometimes we can get overwhelmed with that sensory overload. And so sometimes, either having quiet headphones or what's, what's coming out now of these loop, headphones, which reduces the decibel sound. I think, the classics of having a, a very structured and routine, um, in place for the kids so they, they understand what's coming up. I love the visuals of how much time is left. You know, I, I've got this time timer here, which is just a visual timer so I can see how much time is left. Um, and when you use something like that, you can incorporate transition time. To be like, okay, when the clock gets, you know, here, you need to put your shoes on, or you need to be ready for recess, because sometimes we get in the zone and it's so rare and inconsistent that we get in the zone. So we don't know when it's gonna come back and we don't wanna leave that. So sometimes when it's an abrupt transition, it can feel like it's being physically torn from us, which is super uncomfortable and painful for us. And so building in those transitions and That physical way to see and feel time so you can prepare for that can be huge for a lot of these kids. Thank you so much. You shared like in just such a short little time, so many different strategies, but as you mentioned before, it's not just, uh, one shoe fits all either. Um, we are going to have to try lots of different things,, to figure out what works. But all of these things that you're sharing, um. Can help every child in our programs. And that's something that we really wanna make sure that e everyone is aware of that visuals can help so many, and as we've talked about before, is that these children don't know and we, and they may be undiagnosed, A DHD, especially in the early years, it, it's, very rare for A DHD to be diagnosed, before the age of six. Um, yeah. And, and can I just, sorry, on top of that Yeah, no, go ahead., I'm working with a close, a close family member and friend. With their 7-year-old, and I've been very open. We, they suspect they have a DHD, so I've been just chatting with them and I don't necessarily come from it as the frame of A DHD, but I just tell them how their brain works. You know, I talk about emotional dysregulation, I talk about working memory. And what's been happening is that they've been getting texts from their teacher to show them that their child is now utilizing strategies to help with their working memory because. They understand how the brain works and if you are able to teach them how their brain works with no negative, um, association or attachment to it, that can be huge. Because now this kid can go, oh, I know that I forget things really easily. Uh, and so I, I need to have like this tense chart or whatever. It's the strategy they're implementing because they know they're gonna forget. And you, you can tell them like, I know you can do this work. But there's this working memory challenge there, and that often happens too, is that a lot of people that I've worked with, with A DHD, they are able to do the work, but there are barriers in front of them to complete it. And we just have to find out what those barriers are. Right? And there's this really good saying, I don't know who said it. One of my coaches said it to me and I just love it. And it's been really resonated with me lately. Lately. If we could, we would. You know, if we could do the work, we would. If we could remember, we would. So then the question then is if we can't, what do we need to be able to complete it? And I just, I, I have been finding that very impactful lately. Yeah. How powerful that message is one of my favorites. It's right along those lines is when we know better, we do better. So like you're saying, when we know what works for our brain to be able to help us, so it we, we can knock down those barriers and have those positive tools. What I love what you're saying with that communication with those families that it was all just positive ways to work with this child to give them what they need in order to do so, how powerful that can be. And just, and just explain the brain, almost matter of factly. Oh, you know, you might not make enough dopamine. Full stop. That's it. That's, that's the matter at hand, right? Like there's no negativity towards that. And so if your brain doesn't make enough dopamine, we have to find out how to get you that dopamine, whether that's fidgeting, whether that's doodling, whatever, you know, appropriate way that works for you in whatever environment you're in, whether that's in class, whether that's at home, right? And there are ways, I worked with a, with a mom once and she said the best three words she has ever found for her kid is, I bet you. Because I bet you it's a challenge, it's a competition. And we know that increases the dopamine or the, adrenaline in your brain, and that helps you focus. And so, you know, getting dressed for this kid was very challenging. Challenging. So, so she'd say, I bet you can't get dressed in five minutes. Oh yeah, mom up. He goes, right, he's got that challenge, he's got that competition, he's got the dopamine, and therefore the brain is communicating as it should. And he gets stressed and then she changes it every day. I bet you can't find the craziest outfit I've ever seen. Oh, yeah. You know, and again, not every kid is gonna like that challenge. Every kid's not gonna like that competition. So you have to find out what works for your kid, and we know certain ways to get dopamine is in incorporating interest. Incorporating new and novel things, right? This is why we get bored so easily. We might like something quickly for a while, and then it loses the dopamine, and then we're not interested in anymore, And then there's challenging competition or there's urgency, right? That's why often people with a DHD leave everything to last minute because it boosts that urgency. We get a shot of adrenaline, which is a stimulant, which then makes our brain able to connect with each other and focus more. And so once you start understanding these aspects of how our brain works, you are then able to start to work with it, right? Be like, okay, they can't do this. Right? Right now, what can we do to increase this? And it's ridiculous. I tell you, I, I like to refer myself as an adult child. Um. Because that seems to fit my personality best. One time at work we had this Philly challenge. It was Move your body for five minutes a day. We had a calendar with stickers and everything. Um, and for the first two weeks I killed it. I had a sticker every single day. Then all of a sudden the stickers started to lose their novelty for me. They didn't give as much dope meat. And I started to stop and I would walk by the calendar and I would see everybody else's stickers and none of mine. Feel guilty, I would feel ashamed, but that guilt and negativity didn't motivate me to do it. It just made me feel worse about myself. So I was talking to my coach and I was down on myself about this, and she's like, well, Aaron, you know a DHD. Like, what do you need? How can you create novelty? And I was like, what do you mean? Do I need to go out and buy a bunch of different types of stickers and then every day choose which sticker I want? And I can't even tell you the moment I said that. I went, oh. That actually sounds like a lot of fun. I was like, maybe one day could be a sports sticker, maybe one day could be like a 3D sticker or a shiny sticker. And I was like, it is so painfully accurate this, this idea of new and novelty to help increase that stimulation and that dopamine to maintain motivation, maintain that schedule and routine, right? And so if you have a say loose framework or some form of framework and you can add novelty within there, that's amazing. Because it, it keeps that dopamine going and that's what's gonna happen, right? Like, you might find something that works and then two weeks later it doesn't. And if you don't understand how the A DH ADHD brain works, you're gonna be back to square one. But it can be like, okay, this strategy worked. It's not working anymore. How can we change this? How can we keep it, but change something slightly that it's still fun and engaging for that? That's so great. Thank you so much. Yeah. When you're talking about novelty or interest, we base a lot, like we know that the children are more invested when they're interested in it. Right? So we try to plan for that. So again, another,, strategy that really does impact every child in our program, not just those, With a, with potential of A DHD. So I wanted to. Kind of end here. I'm just looking at our time and like we do, we can go so fast. There's so much to talk about and I truly appreciate your time. But I wanna know, what do you wish every parent, teacher, or caregiver understood about A DHD in young children? What a question. I truly do love that saying if we could, we would, because it removes the onus on the behavior and the child. But also, I think what could be so devastating for a lot of these kids and, and people with a DHD is that for the majority of us, our intentions are really good, but our actions do not depict that and. We are often people pleasers. We, we want to make people happy. And our actions show the opposite. And it almost creates this vicious cycle of, oh, I wanna make you happy, but my own behaviors don't. And then you get mad at me, but I wanted to, so maybe I'm a bad person. But I think just remembering that the intentions are positive and so how can, what do we need to do to allow them to show their positive intention? I just was talking to a parent today about their kid and she's like, my kid's a great kid. He's a good kid, he's happy, but he just does inappropriate things sometimes, or he does bad behavior. I hear that all the time about the, my kid's really good, but my kid's really good. But a d ADHD has nothing to do with your kid being right. And so we focus too much on the behavior and not on the brain chemistry. The kid. Um, and if, if we, if we can learn about how their brain works and then we can start to allow them to show what their true intentions are. That was supposed to be a short one-liner, but it turned out to be much longer than I intended. Beautiful. It was beautiful. I truly appreciate it. I really do. And before we like leave, I know that you have some, um, social media in your own site, so I just wondered if maybe you wanted to drop that. Oh my god. Sure. Um, yeah, so all my social media handles are just a DHD folk. Uh, as I live in Norfolk, I had to get involved with the folk and I have a DHD folk swag and I do, I do have a YouTube channel. I try and make fun engaging content and style of Rick Mercer. And now I'm going on to that seventies show style'cause that was my favorite TRO growing up. And that's also at the handle at A DHD folks. So if you're interested, follow that. Check me out, see what I'm doing. Uh, yeah. That's so great. Erin, thanks so much. I have definitely started to follow you on all of those and I appreciate your time here with us today. Thank you so much and I hope to chat with you again. Not a problem. Thanks so much for having me, Nicole. Thank you for joining us for this thoughtful and affirming conversation. We hope Erin's insights helped deepen your understanding of a DHD brain-based behavior and how we can support children with compassion, flexibility, and intention, especially in the early years. To learn more from Erin Bailey, including educational videos, practical strategies, and advocacy work. Be sure to explore the links in our show notes where you'll also find Erin's full bio and additional resources shared in this episode from all of us at Ask E. Thank you for listening.