Do you feel stuck in analysis paralysis because you are so scared of making the wrong decision? In this episode, I share my recent personal experience of making a decision that didn't turn out as expected, but ultimately taught me valuable lessons.
If you feel like there is so much pressure to get everything right on the first try, this episode will help you shift your perspective.
I hope this episode inspires you to trust your instincts, take action, and live life as an ongoing experiment. It's a must-listen for anyone feeling paralyzed by fear of getting it wrong.
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[00:03:40] Welcome, my loves. I am so happy to be here doing a pretty real time solo episode for you today as I'm recording it. It's Wednesday and it's. The episode should be coming out tomorrow, so it's fun to be talking to you in such real time, especially because today I'm gonna be using an example [00:04:00] from my own recent life that is going to be relevant and applicable to you.
[00:04:05] I'm gonna break down sort of a process and introduce a mantra that will help you trust your decisions and therefore make decisions more quickly. Yeah, because one problem I see so many of my clients and the people that I work with and just talk to online that they struggle with is being in this state of analysis paralysis when it comes to their careers.
[00:04:29] And that's honestly a very painful place to be. It's your current setup isn't working and you're looking up options and researching things and really trying to problem solve and figure out what to do. I. But you're not actively doing anything to make a change. And it's not because you're lazy, it's not because you're a bad person, it's because you are just really struggling to take decisive action forward.
[00:04:59] And a [00:05:00] big reason that many of us struggle to make decisions that move us forward is because we're scared. We're scared of making the wrong decision. We're afraid of getting it wrong, and we put these really high stakes. On each decision. And it makes sense because on some level, the current place we're in right now, we wish we weren't in this situation.
[00:05:27] And then there's this sense of, oh, I really messed up. I made some bad decisions in the past and landed myself here. And so now I can't even trust myself. I can't trust my own decisions. And there's like a lack of self-trust that's happening. But then there's also just these really high stakes that we place.
[00:05:44] On getting it wrong. And some of that comes from the fear of wasting time, right? Especially if we're doing a change a little bit later in our working life. So if we're doing a change maybe in our forties or fifties, we can really feel this sense of urgency [00:06:00] of the clocks running out and the clocks ticking.
[00:06:03] We, we really need to get it right this time. Don't wanna end up in another career where I'm unhappy and then that's it. And it's this fear of getting it wrong. It makes us so scared that we end up paralyzed.
[00:06:17] If you cannot relate to any of this, if you feel like you're struggling or have struggled with analysis paralysis, If you feel like you have a hard time trusting your decisions, or if you're always worried, you're going to get it wrong. Or just afraid to mess up. And so you're not really making progress. I would love for you to, after listening to this episode, to come in to our life after medicine, Facebook community, to let us know what resonated with you about this episode was the mantra helpful? Was the whole process of helping make new decisions helpful? Let us know what your takeaways were from this episode and let us know what you're going to implement going forward, like how you're going to [00:07:00] use this mantra. You can never get it wrong or how you're going to start going through and analyzing your actions so that you stop feeling so afraid of messing up.
[00:07:08] So come on in to the life. After medicine, Facebook community, you can find the link in the description below. And this is a place where I've really like the podcast. I'm talking to you guys but i want you guys to talk back like i want reciprocation i want communication and so come into this facebook group talk back come share your experiences with me i would absolutely love to hear from you and so now let's get into the rest of the show
[00:07:36] And so what I tell my clients and really what I practice as well, is you can never get it wrong when you fail.
[00:07:46] You win when you mess up, you learn. And messy action beats the hell out of no action. And one thing that I like, one strength that [00:08:00] I really have is I have this bias towards action. I have this tendency towards just. Going for it and seeing, maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't. In, I don't know if you guys know human design, but my numbers are three five, which means I'm the great experimenter, which means I just jump into life and I take action and I sometimes get it quote unquote wrong, but I personally feel like it's a much healthier way to live.
[00:08:32] Than feeling paralyzed in fear, and maybe even healthy isn't the right word, but I would say being paralyzed by certain decisions is so painful. Being in that state of paralysis is like the height of suffering when it comes to. Being in this career where you're unhappy and just feeling like you, you really don't know what to do to move forward.
[00:08:57] So I wanna just talk through [00:09:00] more about, a little bit more about this mantra and then walk you through the process That I use to help me evaluate and learn from my mistakes so that I can really stand by this statement of, you can never get it wrong because, okay, so I say this statement, right?
[00:09:15] You can never get it wrong. And some of you might be like super skeptical about it, right? Rolling your eyes and being like what do you mean never? You literally can never get it wrong. How is that possible? What if I, Sold all my belongings and drove off into the wilderness and left my family like that would probably be wrong.
[00:09:33] So you know, it's when you can develop these processes that sort of back up the mantra, it helps you really stand by it and believe it. And so I'll share what I mean by that. So there's some caveats, right? Like you can never get it wrong as long as your. being present and checking in with yourself as long as you are being intentional with your actions.
[00:09:57] So yes, I said I'm the great [00:10:00] experimenter and I jump into things, but I'm not impulsive. There is a process by which I make decisions.
[00:10:09] And for me being intentional. About how I make decisions means I check in with my body. I make decisions that are aligned with my body. I check in with my intuition. This is. Processes that I teach my clients who, in my groups and my one-on-one we do every week, we do these intuition activator workshops, right? Teach them how to use the wisdom of their body to inform their decisions, to understand what feels expansive, what feels contractive, what. Like where your body is leading you when it comes to certain decisions. And so I do that. I also focus on being in a state of like love instead of fear, when I'm trying to make decisions, I try not to make decisions. Based on scarcity or fear or [00:11:00] anxiety or any of these things. It's not perfect. I don't always do that, but that's my general goal is to intentionally make decisions from a calm, safe. Loving state of mind, and to. Check in with my body as I'm making decisions. And so I'm intentional with my actions and my decisions. And then I also cultivate awareness. Around the results of my actions. So I'm not just barreling myself into. Situations and not paying attention to what's happening as I'm there. I'm also checking in okay, so I made this decision, how is this feeling? What's going on. Is this giving me energy? Is this not feeling quite right? Like I'm always checking in cultivating awareness and letting myself adjust if necessary. And then another big part of this is. Implementing a process, whether formal or informal mine's a little bit more [00:12:00] informal now. But implementing a process to evaluate and learn from. Quote unquote, wrong turn. So learning from the actions and the decisions that led you to a place that is maybe less than desirable, we can say. So if you can follow these pieces and maybe these caveats are different for you, but this is what I've. I've created these caveats for myself so that I can really trust all of my decisions. I know for a fact that I can never get it wrong. Because I'm always trying my best to be intentional with my actions, to cultivate awareness around the results of the actions. And implementing a process to evaluate and learn from wrong turns or mistakes. And I don't even like using the word wrong. I need to figure out a different way to say that. But. Implementing a process to evaluate and learn from. I would say missteps. Yeah, I think missteps is okay. So I want to go through this example in my own life. It just so that you can really see [00:13:00] how I do this process of evaluating, learning from my mistakes and using all the information that I gain to inform my future decisions. And just the example for my own life is. As you may know, cause I did release a podcast episode about this in April. I signed a year long, lease on an apartment in Albania. And I was really hoping to make it a bit of a European home base to settle in it. Wasn't I never felt that it was going to be fully permanent. I just thought maybe one to two years and I would have a place. To rest and have a place to be, and to not like always be active and thinking about traveling and planning and, next places, the next Airbnb is, and just have a place where I can go for downtime. To chill. And so I did, I made that decision in April. It was like, obviously, In March. Like end of March. I was making the decision. And now in August, just a [00:14:00] few months later, It's four months actually in the lease, I have already broken the lease and decided that Albania is not going to be a home-based for me. And I am back in my suitcase if back to full-time no matting again. And I could look at this dang it. I messed up. I made. A stupid decision. I jumped the gun. I am now out a thousand euros because I did have to put down essentially three months rent deposit. And I only really got to use the first one and the other two I would get if I had finished the lease. And so two months of rent, a thousand euros, I don't get that back. I wasted. I could also think, like I wasted five months of my life trying to make Albania happen and. The thing is I don't even look at it like that at all. I really don't have any stickiness or heaviness around [00:15:00] either decision. The decision to set up a home base. The decision to leave. All of it feels totally fine. I feel really grounded in each of those decisions and I've just learned a lot in the process. And so I want to just break down how I mentally look at all of this. So that you can understand how to do it for yourself because. One thing I see. Yeah, the first we'll do the first step is. The first step is really just clearing the air. So not beating yourself up. Not having this negative self-talk or shaming yourself. And thinking that you made this bad decision and really going into all of these stories around that. This is something I have a lot of my clients struggle with is oh, I never should have gone into medicine. I just regret that I ever did it, or I shouldn't have taken this job or that job, or I shouldn't have taken out so many loans and we just have this. This heaviness, this negative. We charged energy around the whole thing, and we're holding ourselves. It's not even accountable [00:16:00] because we can become accountable by doing this process. I'm going to teach you about learning, but we're holding ourselves, like in this sort of like purgatory around it, we're like punishing ourselves for making this decision. There's this emotional charge around the whole thing.
[00:16:14] And we think that. If we carry this emotional charge in this heaviness that it's going to help us make better decisions going forward, but really it just makes us feel bad. There's a way to take extract the lessons objectively without having this negative charge in this. Heavy energy around the whole thing. And so that's what we have to do first is we have to really just clear the air because. The way I look at this is like hindsight. It's just always 20, 20. Of course, you're looking at your past decisions. Now months, years later, and you're like, oh, I should've done it differently. But you're you now you're not you then. And so you have to really take yourself. Back to the [00:17:00] mental and the energetic state. That you were at. In the time you made the decision and also thinking about what resources did you have? Like just where were you at? If you can just get yourself back to that place. So that you can develop a sort of empathy, compassion, understanding. Of that version of you that made the decision. And so I, when I do this for myself, it's I look at where I was when I made this decision to set up Homebase and Albania. This was in March 20, 23. So just a few months ago. So I'm not really looking that far back, but I, at that time I was really exhausted. I had been traveling. Like at least one country per month since September of the year before. So that was about seven months. Maybe six months of just like bopping around. But on top of that, if you guys remember I was in an accident the summer before, so like [00:18:00] last June, July, August, I was in the UK because I had an accident and I was recovering. And in September I was physically healed from the accident to the point where I could walk again and. And travel and get my suitcase and, pick it up myself and move things around. But I didn't. I hadn't yet done the emotional processing because the way my body worked was. It needed to physically heal first. And when my bones were physically healed to a certain extent, then all the emotional pieces of that came up. And so starting in September, I was doing this travel program I signed up for. So I was, going. In two different places in Africa and like doing all of this travel. But I was also processing PTSD from my accident. And I didn't totally realize it at the time. Cause like when you're in the thick of it, You're just living each day. Without fully having this as zoomed out perspective. But as I'm looking at it now, it's I was so [00:19:00] tired. Because I. Had a lot going on emotionally, like anytime you're processing trauma. Your body just needs so much rest and so much space to heal. And I was doing my best to listen to my body. And at the same time, there was still a lot going on in my life. And so I hit this point in March where I was just like, I don't want to travel anymore. Like I just want to be in one place. I don't want to get on flights. I don't want to. Have it to do list of like tourist destinations to see I just don't want to do it. And so I did, I have to listen to my body at that point. I really needed to just put my head down and get into a routine. And. That was really what I needed. That's what my body was communicating to me. I also didn't have the capacity at that point. To go through this complex visa process or keep searching for a home base. It wasn't like I was in this place. Let me optimize and try to find the best place and I'll go here and see if I like it and then go here and see if I [00:20:00] like it. I just wasn't even in that sort of a state, I just needed somewhere stat. And so Albania was presented to me by a friend who was going there. And I decided to go to, and I was like, you know what? This'll do. And this will work. And so in that mental, emotional state, It was just like I wanted somewhere to rest and a year felt like a really restorative time. And I signed the lease because it just felt easy. Like all the pieces fell into place really easily. The first place I wanted to go. See, I really liked it. Everything just felt effortless at that point. And I needed effortless. I needed it to be easy because I just wanted to place two. Exhale. And I got that. I was really physically in Toronto without any traveling for two full months. That was so restorative for me. And then I did some travel starting in may like may, June, July. I had one trip each month. And [00:21:00] that was nice too. But. It really was a very restorative time for me. And that's what I needed now. I didn't totally need a whole year, but I didn't know that at the time I was like, I just need infinite in a year, felt like the most infinite amount of time I could think of. Because a year is And for me a year was.
[00:21:20] It gave me the space to not even have to consider. Booking. Another Airbnb coming up with alternative plans, like it just cleared my mind. Of that whole process of trying to figure out any travel related to anything. And I was able to just relax and settle in. And I look back at that version of me. And then I take into account where I was at the time, the mental and energetic state that I had, the resources that were available to me, my capacity at that point. And I made the perfect decision for me at that time. Like it was exactly what I needed. I wouldn't do it differently. [00:22:00] And so for me right now, I don't feel resentment or anger to myself or anything negative around myself for making that decision. But if you do feel a sense of Ugh, like I shouldn't have done that or any sort of heaviness then. What I recommend practicing is forgiveness. We go more in depth into this. Like I do this work with my clients and it's so healing and so powerful, but going into a place of forgiveness. Around like forgiving that past version of you for giving the circumstances, maybe that you're blaming someone else for, oh, I will. I would, I made that decision because this person was pressuring me or just like total blanket forgiveness. To clear the air to neutralize any of that heavy, emotional charge around it. And doing this first. Is crucial. Because you need to be in a place of neutrality. Objectivity. And really curiosity. To go through the next steps. [00:23:00] So if you're still feeling any sort of heaviness. Or anything around. The past version of you for making this decision, I would, work on that, do some forgiveness, work around that so that you can really get into a place where you're releasing it. Because once you feel like there's less emotional charge, then you can move into the next part, which is what have I learned. What has this process taught me, like going through this, what have I learned about what I want, what I need. What makes me happy. What works for me, what really doesn't work for me. This is really part of the clarity through action process that I teach my clients, essentially like anytime you have an experience, really anything, but especially for experiences that are less than desirable. There's so much information there. There's so much data to collect. And so we, I do this with clients after maybe they've taken on a bridge job and then it's Ooh, this bridge job actually. It [00:24:00] doesn't feel good. Or they're, they're just trying something out in their career and they're like, oh, maybe it's not that they're having a sense of, that's not really quite it. So we do this process of clarity through actions. So they already did the action. And this is the clarity. This is where we extract the little clarity nuggets from. What happened, we want to use your life experiences. That's the best indicator of what you like and what you don't like of what works for you. What doesn't work for you going through your lived experience, because there's such a difference between in your mind thinking. That you. Oh, I think I really like. Working. Like strange hours. Oh yeah. I had one client who was like, I think I want to try I want more flexible job. And so she thought. That a flexible job would be something that was not nine to five. And then she ended up cause she didn't like the idea of being rigidly, boxed into a nine to five. And so she took a different job that actually had more sporadic [00:25:00] hours. But then all she was doing is she would work a night shift on a Tuesday and then a. Like a third shift on a Wednesday and then her schedule was just a mess. And it wasn't nine to five, but it wasn't flexible because she was rigidly locked into these times and then it was just chaos. So she's so she was like, okay, so that's not it. That's not what I want. So you can take these pieces of learnings, this clarity that you have. And it's okay what did I learn from that experience? And for me, I learned that. I love having a home base. I did love. That idea of it. Now I did get. I don't want to say sick of it. I did feel a little restricted at certain points by the idea of having one. So I probably still need more clarity through action around this, but there were pieces that I really loved about it. So I loved booking round trip tickets. That was really fun. And to be like I'm going there and I'm coming back. I loved when I was getting back from a trip walking into my apartment, [00:26:00] I didn't have to be checking in with an Airbnb host or, I just had my keys. I would just go in and it was like, okay, I'm home. That felt really nice. I also loved when. I was on some of my trips. I'm part of some group texts back in Tirana. And I was getting texts from people in the group of oh, we're doing a karaoke thing next week, or, oh, there's a murder mystery dinner party. And. It was just so nice to be like, oh, I have things to do next week with the friends that I've made in Albania. And so that was really fun. That was grounding. That was stabilizing. It was also just a new experience because I haven't had that before of Oh, I'm gone and onto my next destination. But I am coming back so I can participate in that. And so that felt really cool. And I do like the concept of a home base. It may not look. Like I have just one place that I have an apartment in year round. I don't totally know what it's going to look like, but I did love different pieces of having a home base. And so that's something that I'm going to continue exploring as I go forward. I also. Realize that [00:27:00] I need community. In such a big way. It's like the longer I travel, the more I'm like just craving so much community because of the first like year or so that I traveled. I was pretty so low. And I would make friends here or there, but nothing super long-term and now I just see how much more community has become such a priority for me. And ideally I like having a mix of locals to feel grounded to the place. But then also nomads to feel understood in my lifestyle. And so I think in Albania, It was like a little bit of nothing of I had a little bit of both of those, but also not a lot of both of those. And I just felt a lot of loneliness when I was in Toronto. For the most part, there was community. That existed sometimes, but it didn't feel stable because a lot of people, even if they had full-time jobs in Toronto, I felt like they were traveling a lot. And what my community ended up being was like, I have friends who are. [00:28:00] Like once a week friends or once a month friends. And I didn't have this sort of consistency this daily. Friends. I was telling my therapist, like I just need daily people to do life with. And I look at like the times I was happiest in Albania. It was when. I had other nomad friends. And we would hang out almost every day. We'd go on morning walks. We would then have, we work sessions or we'd meet back up for dinner or it was just an understood of like, Where are we meeting today or what are we doing today? Where are you working from? And it's not that we're socializing the whole time. We're just doing sitting next to each other and parallel play or Hey, I want to walk anyways, let's go ahead and do that. And so it's just, I really need that sense of. Daily people. So daily people are really important to me. I'm also, this is something I've learned from nomad cruise actually was, I am extroverted.
[00:28:55] Which maybe it sounds like maybe you guys all knew that. But for me, [00:29:00] it was like this apifany of, oh my gosh. I thought I was introverted. To some degree, like I thought I was pretty ambivert, but I was like, I still am. I'm very introvert. There's a part of me that. Is introverted, but now I'm just seeing I'm a lot more extroverted than I realize. And I do think it is like a spectrum and we're not just one or the other, but I just am. I realized I'm a lot more on the extrovert side of the spectrum than I realize, but I've just had social anxiety. And. Having like I, after I stopped drinking alcohol, I've like really had that come to the light of. Oh, I really do love being around people, but I just have all of the social anxiety around. Am I saying the wrong thing, are they judging me? What, am I performing correctly for them? And so then it's like, when I'm in bigger groups, I have more anxiety because there's more people that you have to. Read their facial expressions to see if they're, if they like you to see if [00:30:00] you're doing it. And so I used to think, I was like, oh, I just love being in small groups, but I think it's really just that I have social anxiety. And so I'm working on. Like clearing that and healing that so that I can just really be the extrovert that I am without this deep sense of like insecurity around bigger social situations. And so that being said, as I learn more and more about myself, as I do with my clients too, we're in this process of self discovery, then you can understand more and more of. What your self needs to feel fulfilled. And so what I'm talking you guys through right now is more life design, lifestyle design sort of elements. But when I do this with my clients, it's generally more career design they're related for sure, because your career can impact your lifestyle, but essentially like I'm doing this in a lifestyle way, but we do this with my clients in a career way. Taking all of these lessons, taking the information and continually developing. More [00:31:00] knowledge of yourself and more information around what it is that it's going to work for you. And it's not about getting it perfect because you're never going to land in a perfect situation, but it's just this process of. Getting clearer and clearer, moving closer and closer. But you're always in process and that's okay. Like being in the process is great as well. So those are some, I have a lot more learnings, but those are just some of the ones. And we'll go ahead and leave it at that for now. You really just go through and you extract all the information from that situation asking what have I learned? What do I know now about what I want, what I need, what works for me? What doesn't. I'm really just gathering all of that data. Then from your learnings. You want to take some clear, you want to make some clear guidelines for yourself going forward. So one thing I like to check in with and ask myself is okay, knowing what I know now. What will I commit? To doing differently next time.
[00:31:59] [00:32:00] How am I going to apply these learnings? How am I going to take these learnings and really make sure that I do learn from them? You can learn them on paper, but I want to learn from them. In life, like I want them to be integrated learnings. And so one sort of guideline I made for myself is from now on. I want to stay somewhere. For 90 days as like a Airbnb short-term rental before taking it any further, right before signing. A longer lease before, like trying to commit in any deeper way. Really wanting to just stay somewhere for 90 days. First as a trial period in Toronto, I did a month long trial period, but that's just really not enough time because. You really have about three weeks. And then you need to start making a decision and yeah, so I think for me that feels like a really good ground rule now, who knows if I'm going to keep this exactly. But I think the ethos of the rule is stay longer. Before committing further and also realizing too [00:33:00] that. I operate in a very accelerated timeline compared to a lot of people. What takes some people. Weeks to figure out or to. Do a project on or whatever. Like I just moved very quickly. Like I have an idea, I implement it. I want to start a project. I do it. I just. I move fast. Everything in my life is a little bit accelerated. And I don't. Yeah. I don't know exactly why. I just feel like it doesn't take me weeks and months. To do things. I'm just quicker. And so really realizing that 90 days for me is actually like a year for a lot of people. So that's okay. That's a definitely a decent period of time. And so just remembering that as well that I have this very. Accelerated sort of timeline that. just remembering that as I'm making plans. And then also that I do need to plan in periods of, we call it slow matting, right? So there's digital nomads, which are, [00:34:00] you're traveling and, moving around the world, but then there's the slow, mad movement. Which is you're still moving. You don't have a full home base. But you take your time or you have at least periods of slow, mad life where you're somewhere for at least three months. This is kind of part of my 90 day trial period, but. Even if I'm not doing it from a place of, I need to. Do a trial period. And to see if I liked this as a home base. Maybe I know it's not a home base, but still having. Periods of time. We're intentionally plan out. I'm going to be here for three months. I'm going to just situate here for three months, because the way I have been doing it. Up until now is go until you're tired. And then, oh yeah. I do need to stop, but now, as I'm like seeing my own rhythm and I'm figuring myself out more. Then it's oh, you know what, why don't I plan that in advance so that it doesn't get to a point where I'm fully exhausted. And then I have to just settle somewhere and it's a crap shoot, but I can really think about it intentionally of oh, you know [00:35:00] what? There's a couple of there's fast travel coming up, and then I'm probably going to want a longer period of time to relax and chill. And yeah, just planning in those periods of slim adding each year so that I can. Take that rest that I need. And so that I don't get to that place of like I'm fried and I need somewhere stat. And yeah, this is how I really go through this process of. I made a decision. It didn't turn out the way that April, March and April Chelsea. Thought it was going to turn out, but I can release the idea that was the wrong decision, or it was a bad decision. I just released that. I take. All the things I've learned from it. And then I commit to doing things a little bit differently going forward. And so really, as I do this, it's I can't get it wrong. Like I really can't get it wrong because. I'm just learning. I don't know. I haven't ever done life before. I've never been. Digital nomadic for five, almost five [00:36:00] years and known exactly what to do. Like I'm in a new phase. I'm always in a new phase, cause I'm always growing and always learning. And that's fine. Like it's okay. To let life be an experiment. Give yourself grace and just space to learn from mistakes to, to zigzag a bit, right? Let's just release this rigid perfectionistic idea that we've got to nail everything right out of the gate. No, that's not realistic. And who cares? Just have fun with it. Enjoy, let yourself off the hook a little bit release the pressure because really the pressure tends to come from us. We want to have this life that is you just zoom out of the womb. And you just nail everything. Boom boom. There's never any swivels or zigzags or turns or anything. And that's not even fun. That's not even. A good story or [00:37:00] something that I it's just really, not even how I want to live life. It's not that I'm going to try to hurdle myself into. Ridiculous decisions and get things wrong and create chaos intentionally. But I want to just relax. I want to release the pressure. I want to allow myself the grace.
[00:37:19] To make mistakes. I want to allow myself.
[00:37:23] To have a life that just feels like this beautiful experiment. And so that's the invitation for you as well? To release your tight hold and your tight grip on getting everything. Exactly right. And correct. And perfect on the first try. To just open up the reins a little bit. To implement this mantra. I can never get it wrong. As long as I'm learning. And growing. And checking in with myself. I can never get it wrong. When ever I fail. I win. And whenever I mess up, [00:38:00] I learn. And messy action beats the hell out of analysis paralysis. So I love you all so much. I hope that this episode was really helpful. For figuring out.
[00:38:13] How to start trusting your decisions, how to develop a bias towards action, that you can get out of that analysis paralysis state, and just give it a go. I love you all. And I will see you next time.