Milestones, Moshiach and Mourning

Episode 138: The AHM crew debrief after Modi's milestone performances at the Beacon Theatre, attending an event for Jewish singles, and sitting shiva for someone near and dear to our hearts. 

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:03

Welcome to, and here's Modi. Everybody welcome to, and here's Modi. We are in the studio, leo Vega has joined us, thank God, and we have Periel Ashenbrand.

Speaker 2 0:18

Wow hi.

Speaker 1 0:20

We are back. We are. You know, just before the comedy, just before the podcast, we had a bit of Mashiach energy. Leo and I were walking here on the way from our trainer, stan, and we said let's just pop in and get a cup of tea at the comedy cellar. And I went in there and Liz was there and right then and there, mateo canceled all of his spots, so I took them. I was going to just sit at home tonight. And right then and there, matteo canceled all of his spots, so I took them. I was going to just sit at home tonight and I have three spots at the Comedy.

Speaker 2 0:48

Cellar Amazing.

Speaker 1 0:49

And then tomorrow I'm doing. Jim Norton had to cancel a one-hour show that he does at the lounge, so I got that. And I was like thinking last week I didn't put in for spots and now I got these spots.

Speaker 2 1:00

That's amazing.

Speaker 1 1:00

That's spots. That's amazing. That's. That's mashiach energy.

Speaker 2 1:02

That's 100 mashiach energy it's mashiach energy for me too, because I'm gonna come and watch you for an hour tomorrow.

Speaker 1 1:08

So that's fine, do I even have a 15 minutes I've been doing. I've been doing an hour and 15 minutes. I don't even know, you know oh, do you have only 15 minutes. Yeah, yeah, I mean I'm sure you yes yes, all the new material I'm like, not in the show doing, but like that I'm not doing in the current tour, which, by the way, people need to understand something the tour I'm on now has nothing to do with the last special.

Speaker 2 1:34

Yes, they do need to understand. It's a brand new hour.

Speaker 3 1:37

It's different from what you've seen online. We haven't even really been posting clips of it online because we want to save it for you guys. So whatever you think is the show, it's not. It's a new thing.

Speaker 2 1:47

And this is the show that you just performed at the Beacon. At the Beacon, three sold out shows.

Speaker 1 1:53

Yes, three sold out shows. It was amazing. I mean, well, I want to talk about, like just before we do, the Beacon, just like I was at a shiver. I'm sorry and I was there for all the days and so I got a whole bunch of fans that I got to interact with and it's so funny how they say to me you know what bit you haven't done lately, and they're saying it as if they're at every show, but they're basically saying you know what bit I haven't seen online lately, okay, and they'll be like whatever the, the shiver bit or the or the marry someone younger bit, or the have your kids with you late in life bit or whatever the bit is.

Speaker 1 2:38

They're like you know what you haven't been doing lately and they haven't seen a show like. It's like you think they were coming to every show. You know it's so funny. So just it's a reminder for us to post older stuff and let people just to refresh it in their feed. Am I right? And that's it. So that's it, the Beacon shows.

Speaker 2 3:01

Yeah, how are the Beacon shows? I mean, I was there, so I know, but for you guys, both of you you had your debut at the Beacon too, miss Thing.

Speaker 3 3:11

I did. I did introduce the show, all three. I don't even want to call it opening the show, because that's not what I did. I just come out, I do some announcements, I make up one joke and then I get off the stage.

Speaker 1 3:23

Okay, so it is opening the show. You're not featuring, but you're opening the show. You're the producer and you're thanking them for coming and you're dropping a few jokes and you're letting them see who I'll be talking about later

Speaker 2 3:38

on, you're so cute.

Speaker 3 3:39

Yeah, I'm basically the setup for other jokes in the show, just like a visual setup. That's a great actual way to think about it, because he talks about me in the show, but he just hops right in and doesn't really it's actually I don't know.

Speaker 2 3:54

maybe you thought about this, but I never really thought about it like that and it's actually probably so great for the audience to have the visual.

Speaker 3 4:03

Yeah, I think it's like a hook.

Speaker 1 4:05

It's like a visual hook. It's great, it's an amazing thing, and he is the producer of the show.

Speaker 2 4:10

Right, yes, he is. But even more than that, there are a lot of producers that don't get on stage. Like he's also part of your act, so it's fun.

Speaker 1 4:20

He's thanking the audience for a show that he is profiting from as well. Yes, it's not like you know, he's producing the show. I think it's very nice. And then Elon Altman came on.

Speaker 2 4:32

He was great.

Speaker 1 4:33

He did a great job he killed it, he killed it, he killed it, he's funny. He's funny, he's funny and he's a great hang for backstage and it was surreal and you said something that made me laugh so much.

Speaker 2 4:49

You said they're not going to be able to get me out of here oh, I was like how am I gonna three nights?

Speaker 3 4:55

what did we do right after the weekend? What did we do? Did we go to connecticut?

Speaker 1 4:59

we did shabbat. I was like thank god we had shabbat to look forward to. What did we do shabbat in in connecticut? Oh, went to connecticut. We've been spending a lot of time in connecticut I I was like thank God we had Shabbat to look forward to on Friday.

Speaker 3 5:05

Where did we do Shabbat? In Connecticut.

Speaker 1 5:06

Oh, went to Connecticut.

Speaker 3 5:07

We've been spending a lot of time in Connecticut. I don't even know if we've discussed this.

Speaker 2 5:11

Well, let's finish the beacon, though, but like it's… so were you at all like a little bit more… I mean, I know you don't get nervous before shows, but like, was there like anything that felt like?

Speaker 3 5:23

no, he doesn't get nervous, but I think he had not. That he doesn't have this for all shows, but just like kind of more of a reverence for what was happening as a new yorker yeah, it is like a huge deal.

Speaker 1 5:37

I spoke about it in the show that you know, I began doing comedy five blocks down from where this Beacon Theater is, in a room that sits 100 people. Oh, I love that. And so here I am 30 years, literally 30 years later. I'm at the Beacon with the three sold out shows and my mom's in the audience all the shows. She was there, you know, looking for her people and making sure they all know I can tell you something.

Speaker 1 6:01

Wait, wait, wait. Also, can we discuss everybody on the line to get into the show? I had no idea, but every woman in my mother's age bracket is telling the security I'm Modi's mother. Oh yeah, we had some reports of that.

Speaker 3 6:17

We had some mother impersonators.

Speaker 1 6:20

We had some mother impersonators. Yes, yeah.

Speaker 3 6:23

It's a security issue.

Speaker 1 6:24

It's a security issue. It's a security situation. My mom obviously came in the back door, came to the green room, saw the elevator, took some waters and went to her seat. We took care of her like my mom, and she's not going to be outside online, but every woman who looks like her, that's kind of enterprising on their part. It's very smart.

Speaker 3 6:47

I am asking one of these women to please get in touch with us. If you know someone who has done this or something like this, please send us an email.

Speaker 1 6:51

Because it was a big line and they didn't want to go online. They came all the way to the front and go.

Speaker 2 6:55

I'm Lodi's mother. That is outrageous.

Speaker 1 6:57

Yeah, and the shows started 20 minutes late, and not because the people weren't there, because they wouldn't get out of the lobby. People were just talking in the lobby and so like, yeah, she's like we're 80, 88% checked in, but no one's in their seats, because they're all in the lobby and they had to literally close the lights on the lobby.

Speaker 2 7:23

But that was, but that was. So, I went to two shows and I did find your mother outside at one of them, like getting her like flock.

Speaker 3 7:32

She's always shepherding, yeah, shepherding her people. She's always shepherding people.

Speaker 2 7:37

And she said something else to me. She goes. I know you're not going to like it when I tell you this, but it's true. You look better in person. And then somebody else came over to me and said that they had heard me say that on the podcast that Modi's mother said that I look better in real life. And she goes. I'm sorry to tell you, but it's true.

Speaker 3 7:59

How do you feel about that? How do you feel about that?

Speaker 1 8:02

observation what does that tell you?

Speaker 2 8:04

I don't know. I mean, I feel like, you know, it's not a great thing. I don't know, I'm not I'm not insecure so like I don't care, but I feel like it's not like a great thing to say this, like you can really give somebody a complex, especially somebody who's on camera all the time right.

Speaker 1 8:23

your, your opening line needs to be good. I witnessed one of the craziest things, completely off topic here we hosted an event for Lox Club.

Speaker 3 8:33

Oh yeah, there's a dating app for Jewish singles called Lox Club Cute.

Dating in the World and Torah

Speaker 1 8:37

Yes, and I actually was at a wedding of one of the people who were a couple that got married a. Monica wedding. They met on Lox Club and there was this amazing little dinner for like very 40 people, super curated, at Shushu, one of our favorite restaurants. And Albert was there. It was amazing, it was very nice. And I will say in the dating world, leo called it the trenches, it's the trenches out. Leo calls it the trenches, it's the trenches out there.

Speaker 1 9:07

It is the trenches, it's trench warfare and between their hinges and schminges and whatever the hell they're on. And all these dating Couldn't be me. The guys okay, the girls came in all seven, eights, nines, even, all of them law degrees, all of them working, have their own apartments and great guys, four, five, sixes, five sixes. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be honest with you but how much money do they have?

Speaker 1 9:34

they are not, not, not like the women. I don't know all lawyers and we're all by anyway and no, I feel bad for the women. It's like slim pickings out there. I feel so bad. And then there was one, so we met and we spoke with everybody, kind of we just you know, nobody's Jewish, it's all Jew they're all Jewish no, they're all.

Speaker 3 9:52

They're all Jewish but the app is like for they kind of market themselves as flexibly. Okay if you're not Jewish, but maybe yeah okay same, by the way we're talking to people.

Speaker 1 10:03

And then this one one, a guy, we're talking to people. And then this one, a guy, we're talking to him and he's a lawyer and he's very sweet. And I said you know what? One minute, ariel, come over. I call this girl, this woman that we spoke to earlier. And I said Ariel, this is Michael, whatever his name is, say hi.

Speaker 3 10:26

And her opening line was was you have such pretty eyes?

Speaker 1 10:27

that's what she says to him great opening line, opening line. And what does he say to her? Well, my eyes aren't that great though they might look good, but they're not great. I had these contacts are very, very strong. I have a stigmatism in my eye. That was his torpedoed right away and I'm like, oh my god it was crazy, I saw it, I saw it in real time. I couldn't believe that that was happening.

Speaker 3 10:49

It was just people self-sabotaging left and right.

Speaker 1 10:53

I would say to people at this event, like isn't there anybody else? Yeah, but they all know my ex-girlfriend. I'm like what. And then it was. It's harsh, you really. Leo and I went home that night and like just held each other and then it was… what a mess. It's harsh, you really…. Leo and I went home that night and like….

Speaker 3 11:07

Just held each other. Don't leave me, don't leave me, no, no, I'm crazy about it Whenever someone says this is my second husband or my third husband, I always look at Modi and I go first and final bitch. There's no returning this.

Speaker 1 11:20

First and final which, by the way, if we're already on this crazy topic, leo showed me. You know, leo keeps me abreast of what's happening on the internet.

Speaker 2 11:29

Uh-huh.

Speaker 3 11:29

And so I do what's happening on the internet.

Speaker 1 11:32

What isn't happening on the internet? The fires I don't know when this is airing, but probably next week. The fires were blazing in Los Angeles and I've been praying and we've been hoping the best happens for what happens out there and people help each other. And then he shows me this page on Instagram of this gay couple. Like they have millions of followers and they decided to make this about their divorce.

Speaker 3 11:58

Oh yeah, they hard launched their divorce using the Los Angeles fires, being like we were kind of heading towards this path anyway, and then losing our home really sealed the deal. I was like read the room.

Speaker 2 12:09

It was crazy Like narcissistic behavior Crazy behavior.

Speaker 3 12:14

With like a full carousel swipey post that they collaborated on oh my gosh, that they co-posted together announcing their divorce a la the thanks to the LA wildfires. There's nothing to split anymore. There's no how. So let's talk about this. Everyone's saying LA was burning because it's Sodom and Gomorrah and God is mad at them. But if it's splitting up the gays, maybe God has a plan. No, no, no, that's not the I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm trying to appeal to our religious base.

Speaker 1 12:44

I don't even know how to put that into my head. The fires, obviously. All we know this is one thing from Torah that you learn that you don't own anything. Whatever you have, you don't really own. It's all borrowing. Anyway, you die, so it doesn't matter, don't take it with you. And even while you think you own, so it doesn't matter, don't take it with you. Even while you think you own this, it's a gift, it's something for you to have. You worked for it, you made it, but it really it's on loan from.

Speaker 3 13:15

This has been the Devar Torah of the day with Modi. Thank you for tuning in.

Speaker 2 13:18

Oh by the way, that's not bad.

Speaker 1 13:22

That's not bad. I'll give you Devar Torah of the day. So we were okay.

Speaker 3 13:27

We left the beacons You're popcorning around all over the place.

Speaker 1 13:29

Is that okay though? Yeah, go ahead, it's your show we were at. Dina's father passed away, rabbi Yisroel Yaakov Yoichal Gross, of sacred, righteous holy memory, and I'm sure that also has something to do with the fires, because when a righteous person leaves this world, it tumbles it, things happen. I'm not blaming the fires on that, but it's a thing. It's a thing. The world lost a righteous man, and we were at the shiva, and you know how I always throw out all this Torah stuff and it's always from the wrong place and I mentioned the wrong names, but I don't care, it's my podcast, and people always write no, that's from Parsha's Vayetze, and whatever they say. Someone loaded an app onto my phone where I could really now just become a full Rebbe. There's an app and it's called Sephora and you can punch in like-.

Speaker 2 14:35

The makeup company.

Speaker 1 14:37

It sounds like it it's from Sefer, from book, and you can punch in like what did Abraham say to Moses? Moses and like pass the salt, whatever, like what you know, whatever they, they, they have it's probably just plugged into chat gpt, I know, but like for me, that's a gift I can.

Speaker 1 14:55

I can punch this in like under the table and go. You know, I believe it was isaac that said to, to, uh and then um. So that was a funny thing that happened to me. This little app. Everybody now he knows the entire Torah by heart.

Speaker 3 15:08

You don't need to oh, tell them about the, the, whether it's kosher or not to take food from a shiva house okay, we're gonna go into the shiva okay, we're done with the beacon officially.

Speaker 1 15:19

No, we're gonna go back, but since we're on the shiva, okay, okay, so like I've back. But since we're on the shiva, okay, okay, so like I, I I've baruch hashem. Thank god I've never had to sit shiva. My parents are alive and, and I've never, we never had any a family member other than grandparents, and so I was like a part of the shiva. I was, I'm family, he was my adoptive father, dina's, my sister, rafi's, my brother, we're family and I went there to sit the shiva and luckily the house has not been redecorated since 1980. And all the chairs were those low chairs, so every house in the chair was a shiva chair. They had to actually bring in chairs that weren't shiva chairs, those folding chairs.

Speaker 1 15:58

And basically we learned one thing there's only one law, and that's bury the body as soon as possible. Everything else is just custom or minhag. A custom, a tradition, and tradition becomes law. But you know, is it seven days? When do you start? Is it after the body's buried? Before the body? When do you start saying the prayer for the mourners? And they had to bring him to Israel. Everybody had all kinds of, everybody knew laws and there was one law. I mean, I was just sitting, so now we're just sitting there Everybody's telling oh, you know, you can stop sitting shiva on Thursday, you can. Everybody had what to say. Everybody had what to say. My favorite one was this you know there's extra food and cookies and stuff and oh, please take some. So then someone said, well, you can't take food home from a shiva. And then someone else said you can if the person didn't die in the house.

Speaker 2 16:53

Oh my.

Speaker 1 16:54

There's always a loophole. There's always some kind of loophole. There's always a loophole.

Speaker 1 16:57

It's amazing. The whole shiva was that kind of like. People just like and you know how I have a bit about like the shiva stuff yeah, this is so niche and specific. You know, when you finish the visit you say this thing and it's a whole like, it's a word, it's like this little sentence you say to the family and the members People just say I'm going to leave now, and they say the sentence and then they go. Some of them get up and they give you the sentence and then they give you a whole Dvar Torah. So now here they are standing on top of you, You're sitting almost on the floor and they're spitting up. You know spitting. So why did we say Hamakom and not Hashem? Why do we say the place on that? Because it's the place in your heart and they go on this full, like you can know, that's their Dvar Torah, that's their words of Torah, from whenever they go to a Shiva, like that's their, they're gonna hit them with that. It was anyway, but it was.

Speaker 1 17:59

I felt the loss and luckily I felt it was happening soon and I said to Leo I'm going down to Florida before New Year's to go see Rabbi Gross before he passes away. Wow, and Leo came with me. Leo also got to see him. I spent three days, like three hours a day with him and completely there. It was wow, it was emotional, it was spiritual, it was. First of all, to spend time with somebody right before they pass away is insane. I've had that, I've had three times. I've had that, you know like, and it was just I'm so grateful I had that moment with him, those moments with him before he passed away. And then he passed away. I flew back down and we had the shiva.

Speaker 2 18:48

And you've known him since you were in college, known him since 1990? Well yeah, because you and dina became like best friends immediately, right in college yeah, yeah, yeah and so you immediately like, connected with her family yeah, no, right away.

Speaker 1 19:05

Oh, my god, immediately. Yeah, I was like becoming more and more religious. He's this Hasidic, like dynasty. I was like, yes, it was great. And you know, and I, you know, I called him at the trips to Kereshtia we did with him to the town where he was born in, where his great grandfather was born. We were there twice with him and, and you know, think, three beacon shows with him and, um, and you know, think, three beacon shows yes, leo produced them, but hashem also helped and that was the end of present. I, before every show, called him. I would call him before every show and ask for a blessing, and sometimes I'd forget to call and he'd call. Oh, that's really great. Moments like that happened in there and, um, I'm so lucky to have known him and be a part of this family and my parents loved them and you know, my father had, he gave him blessings and it was, it was, it was unbelievable, it was unbelievable. Yeah, um, the beacon shows.

Speaker 3 20:05

Back to the beacon yeah what was your take on the beacon, my take on the beacon um?

Speaker 1 20:16

where's that string? Put the string away.

Speaker 3 20:18

It puts string oh, um, the beacon was amazing. I, I. It's always weird when you have something like that on the calendar and you are working towards it and looking forward to it and kind of like counting down the days, and then, once it's happening, you have to kind of like pause and just absorb it all because it's really special. It's like kind of like. I remember I really vividly remember us walking out of Gramercy Theater the night after we shot your special and we were just like that. That did that just happen like, oh my god, like and you have to like it's cheesy, but you gotta stop and smell the roses, I guess it's not cheesy.

Speaker 2 21:02

I think it's amazing. I think it's.

Speaker 1 21:05

I prepared myself way before to enjoy every moment of it. So I wasn't like, let's get through this. No, we weren't like, let's get through this, yeah, of course. I was like I am going to savor every minute of this.

Speaker 3 21:20

There was three nights in a row. That was very helpful. Could you imagine doing one and done? I can't imagine doing one and done. Yeah.

Florida Shenanigans and Dining Etiquette

Speaker 2 21:27

You're good like that, like he likes to settle into a venue, yeah, florida, we're doing florida speaking of settling into a venue.

Speaker 3 21:35

We have just added a seventh show at the parker playhouse in fort lauderdale, florida, today. This morning uh, january 14th those tickets went on sale um fourth. Today is january 14th. The tickets went on sale this morning. The show is February 4th and don't confuse them.

Speaker 1 21:52

I was saying it today oh my god, that was clear funniest story from the Shiva, I'll tell you back to the show no, back to the Shiva interior scene. Shiva, I'm showing you a picture now of two hustards. Maybe we'll post this when you guys edit this.

Speaker 3 22:13

On the AHM underscore podcast Instagram page yes, not only creative directing our.

Speaker 1 22:18

Instagram, so keep in mind.

Speaker 1 22:20

I'm not in a shiva chair, but this is the angle I had of everybody in the shiva. Do you see? It's a picture of two chassids. One of them has a plachka debibahit, the big hat and the shiva. Oh my God, do you see? It's a picture of two chassids. One of them has a plachka de bibahit and the other has a big hat and a small hat. We're going to post this picture. So they're there, and next to them is sitting Rabbi Shmuel Boteach's brother, who declared he is my ex-brother. It's a guy. They have a jewelry store down in Miami on 41st Street. Of course, he's showing me this WhatsApp chat of it's called Guys of South Florida. It's a gay group of guys that live in South Florida Jewish, jewish, jewish Guys of South Florida. Okay, jewish Jewish guys of South Florida.

Speaker 2 23:09

Okay.

Speaker 1 23:10

That's the name of the WhatsApp chat Gay guys. It doesn't say gay on the title.

Speaker 2 23:16

This is with this rabbi's brother.

Speaker 1 23:18

No, no, no, leave that. I'm just showing you that picture, but it's called Jewish guys of South Florida, okay, and I think they're all gay and he was showing this to me, and I think they're all gay and he was showing this to me and he's showing me how, like how the chat goes. We tried to get tickets for Modi's thing and then they didn't get Modi's stuff. And then he goes like does Leo keep kosher?

Speaker 3 23:41

I keep a kosher mouth.

Speaker 1 23:45

And then they're all like asking all these questions about Leo. Did Leo convert? Did Leo not the whole conversation about me and Leo and the show? And then he leaves and these other two guys are showing me another chat, another WhatsApp chat that's in Yiddish, showing clips of me.

Speaker 3 24:06

I was like that's the show, duality of man yes, yes, yes, it's for sure. Duality of man yes, yes, yes, it's so fun. Do we want to do like the AMAs or anything?

Speaker 2 24:16

like that. Yes, but first I think that while we're talking about savoring the moment, maybe we could also give a shout out to our sponsor, you know what's really savory.

Speaker 3 24:26

What's savory A&H Kosher Hot Dogs or A&H Provisions? Yes, you can visit them at wwwkosherdogsnet for all your kosher delicatessen needs. If you input code MODY, you'll receive 30% off of your first order there. Thank you, seth.

Speaker 1 24:44

We love you and your food's delicious. Seth and I've had at the shiver other foods and you're on to something.

Speaker 2 24:52

That's a good niche.

Speaker 3 24:54

There's also White's and Luxembourg, the law firm that not only does well, they do good, they're very philanthropic. White's and Luxembourg, we have gotten some. We apparently have been plugging the website incorrectly so if you'd like to clarify that white luxcom can you spell that out for them?

Speaker 2 25:15

I can w-e-i-t-z-l-u-xcom.

Speaker 3 25:21

okay, I should have been doing that into the camera yeah, but it's good, all All right, we did our sponsors.

Speaker 1 25:26

We did our sponsors. Okay, ama, should we talk about ZZ? Sure, we actually. We went when we were in Florida before the rabbi passed away. We told Arthur that we're there. Arthur Luxenberg, he's like, oh, dinner tonight, this amazing restaurant, it's like a club restaurant called ZZ's. Never even this amazing restaurant, it's like a club restaurant called ZZ's never even heard of it. Some of the most delicious food I've eaten.

Speaker 3 25:51

It was quiet miso Caesar salad was life changing next level miso Caesar salad. I've never had it like how good could a Caesar salad be?

Speaker 1 26:02

it was, I would go back just for that wow yes and it was me, leo Randy, arthur's wife Arthur, and another couple. I'm not going to mention names because I mean they would love it. But no, go on, no, I'm not going to mention their names. Anyway, one thing Leo has taught me since when we began, you know, when we began dating, leo told me when a restaurant we'd be in a dark restaurant and the menu would come, I'd take my flashlight out. But he goes no, do not pull your flashlight out at a restaurant, just don't ever do that. And me and Leo are sitting there with two couples that are older than me. They're all like 10 years older than me.

Speaker 3 26:48

Yeah, it was like if you had epilepsy at the table. You were in trouble, Not only did the flashlights come out?

Speaker 1 26:53

they were holding them, like above. The entire table can see what's going on and they didn't care. They didn't care, no.

Speaker 3 27:01

I also think it is necessary sometimes for some people, like it is dark in those places.

Speaker 1 27:05

I was just saying like I'd rather read you the menu than you do that so I said, I said yeah, but, but I now take a picture of the of the menu and then open it up you know.

Speaker 3 27:19

But what did I tell you? Why not to do that?

Speaker 1 27:21

he said to me okay, so he told this to me at soho house. Soho house, orchard.

Speaker 2 27:26

He said Modi.

Speaker 1 27:28

Look around, look how beautiful the lights are. Somebody was paid a lot of money to curate the lighting in here, and now you're with this. It's a whole thing, lighting design, and you're with this light and it just focuses everything. It's like a lighthouse.

Speaker 3 27:44

Okay, but to be fair, you can be 100 feet away. You're like whoa.

Speaker 2 27:47

I can't see the menu, Like I can't see.

Speaker 3 27:50

That's what the tea lights are for you. Geriatric.

Speaker 2 27:53

And so what am I supposed to do?

Speaker 3 27:54

Take out, like my readers, and a tea light, that's better Find a solution that doesn't involve putting a strobe light on a table.

Speaker 1 28:01

So he's right, find a solution that doesn't involve putting a strobe light on. So just take a picture of the part of the menu you want to look at and have it flash, no, and then you open it up. Like you know how you put your thumbs together and you open up. And you put your thumbs together. Yeah, you do it with your two fingers. You know what?

Speaker 2 28:16

You don't even need to put your thumbs together.

Speaker 1 28:18

Yeah, and you can read what's going on in there.

Speaker 2 28:20

But if it's pitch black you can't take a picture. It's already more lit. You'll see it.

Speaker 3 28:31

You'll see just wait, give him a few years. In like 20 years he's gonna be like remember, I'm gonna put on glasses like a normal person.

Speaker 2 28:34

No, you're gonna do it on your regular glasses. You're gonna carry your readers with you, but whatever I need to do.

Speaker 1 28:38

I want to talk about readers. Have we not? Have we discussed in the podcast once? I don't think so okay, so readers is, is it's really it's's a sign of how you feel towards your spouse? Readers, just so we all know what we're talking about. I'd love to hear that Glasses that just are for when you read something.

Speaker 2 28:58

They're magnifying. They're magnifying.

Speaker 1 28:59

They're not prescription, just so you can read right, Because I don't need glasses for anything except for reading.

Speaker 3 29:03

Oh, readers are by default, not prescription.

Speaker 1 29:10

I mean maybe they can be pers. I mean maybe you can get sorry, they are prescription. They're not a clear glass or readers. Are any glasses you put on to read okay, is it's it's glasses.

Speaker 2 29:18

It has a prescription in it no, but what does it say about readers at like um?

Speaker 1 29:22

cvs like you can buy them. Yeah, they have that thing that turns around. Or you can go get your eyes checked like a human being and and get a prescription and have glasses made. So now people that are with their couples and one of them needs to have readers, so they buy the $7 one over at Duane Reade or Walgreens and it looks horrible. And now they're sitting there reading a newspaper or reading their internet or reading whatever, and their spouse has to look at them.

Speaker 3 29:51

I don't think that's so bad. I think it's horrible. I love when you put on your glasses. You look so cute.

Speaker 1 29:56

Because I have cute glasses. Right, but he doesn't have my glasses cost $700.

Speaker 3 30:00

The prescription thing Are you crazy? Point taken.

Speaker 2 30:02

If you were looking at him in a pair of $4 CVS.

Speaker 1 30:06

And it's red. Yes, the sides are red and they're like crooked and they have like fingerprints. It's like saying to your partner I don't care what I look like in front of you. I've given up. I've given up. It's like wearing Crocs, yeah.

Speaker 3 30:19

Hey, what Crocs are kind of comfortable I don't own any.

Speaker 2 30:23

Balenciaga did a cute collab with Crocs.

Speaker 1 30:25

I'm just giving an example.

Speaker 3 30:26

And what you have, those yellow clogs of yours? They're not, not Crocs, by the way.

Speaker 1 30:30

Those are not Crocs. Those are campers. Those are a limited edition clogs. Those are not Crocs. Crocs, words are hard Anyway what I'm saying to you is show your spouse, or whoever you are around, a little bit of like I care what I look about you and go get.

Speaker 2 30:53

Do I have to?

Speaker 1 30:54

Not even expensive. Go to Warby Parker and get it.

Speaker 3 30:56

Is there anything I could be improving on?

Speaker 1 30:58

No, you don't wear glasses and you kill your. Looks around the house are amazing. You always have like matching In the house. No one's coming in, he puts together like matching outfits.

Speaker 3 31:11

I don't think I do that, you do.

Speaker 2 31:12

You guys are gay? I'm not really sure, like I'm trying to think.

Speaker 3 31:16

What does Guy wear around the house? God knows? Like a rat, Is it like no?

Speaker 2 31:21

no, I'm the one who's a rat. He's like he's cute.

Speaker 3 31:25

You're wearing like a falling apart t-shirt and like boxer shorts. He's like will you?

Speaker 2 31:29

please, for the love of God, take a shower today.

Speaker 3 31:34

No really Meanwhile, Modi can't get me out of the shower.

Speaker 1 31:37

Leo is showering three times.

Speaker 2 31:39

So does Guy. It's a disorder.

Speaker 3 31:41

That's why I'm so dry. Right now it's winter. I'm like still showering as if it's summer.

Speaker 1 31:46

I don't mind showering. Showering as if it's summer. I don't mind showering.

Speaker 3 31:48

How often do you shower?

Speaker 1 31:48

I shower twice a day, at least once a day I shower twice If I go to the gym or something, I come back. But it's not even the showering that I love showering, it's the aftermath the moisturizer, the hair, the this, all of that stuff that you like or you don't like.

Speaker 2 32:00

No, he does a lot to start moisturizing your body. Tell me about it and I have. Yeah, it's.

Speaker 1 32:05

Yeah, the aftermath of the shower is harsh.

Speaker 2 32:08

I don't think you need to shower in the winter. Actually, why don't you guys let us know how often?

Speaker 3 32:13

You already know how I feel about this.

Speaker 2 32:15

You feel?

Speaker 3 32:17

like I think we've talked about this when you live in New York.

Speaker 1 32:19

City. Before you go to bed at night, you might want to shower.

Speaker 3 32:21

Yeah.

Speaker 1 32:22

You need to shower and get the city off of you.

Speaker 3 32:23

Got that greasy, grimy, gross, crusty, dusty, musty on you.

Speaker 2 32:27

But what if you haven't been out and about? You got that outside on you. What if you haven't been out and about?

Speaker 1 32:44

You got that greasy grimy musty on you. Wow, that just came to me now that is not bad at all.

Speaker 3 32:47

A memoir greasy crusty, dusty. No, you didn't get it right. I knew I wasn't gonna get. That's gonna be the name of the episode greasy, grimy, gross, crusty, dusty, musty how do you keep doing?

Speaker 2 32:51

that I don't know how do you?

Speaker 1 32:52

remember that? How do you remember that? Oh, my god um agree to disagree agree to disagree fine because you're crusty, dusty, musty it's so easy to get a pair of nice readers you know what he says to me.

Speaker 2 33:04

He goes oh, thank god, you're going to see modi and leo today. You're gonna take a shower, oh, my god, are you that gnarly?

Speaker 3 33:12

no, I mean, I don't think I don't think you're gnarly, by the way, I actually recognize that showering so much is probably not good for your life. It's not your skin microbiome et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 2 33:24

It's not.

Speaker 3 33:25

And your hair always looks better and healthier when it's not washed. Every day I get it.

Speaker 1 33:28

George Carlin has an amazing bit about over showering, over cleaning and getting, and he goes and washing your hands. Every time you go to the bathroom he goes. I only wash my hands in the bathroom if I crap on them.

Speaker 2 33:42

That's so disgusting, that is so funny that I actually do. Do I do wash my hands.

Speaker 3 33:46

Speaking of washing your hands.

Speaker 2 33:48

Yeah.

Luxury Shopping, Connecticut Obsessions, Home Renovations

Speaker 3 33:49

I just want to talk about ASAP. Yes, they're not paying us, no, but I want to give a shout out. In a world where customer service and brick and mortar retail experiences have gone to shit, the last vestige of a pleasant shopping experience is at your local Aesop.

Speaker 2 34:07

Wow.

Speaker 3 34:08

They all are so nice.

Speaker 2 34:10

Okay.

Speaker 3 34:11

They let you try whatever you want. They smell nice. The lighting is considered. They spray your bag with a fragrance before you leave, so when you take it home it smells like the store. It's like they've thought of everything.

Speaker 1 34:24

And the soap is $55 for hand soap, but it's lovely.

Speaker 3 34:28

It's worth it, though that makes me look forward to washing my hands, though it also makes you look forward to going to.

Speaker 1 34:33

When you walk by one of their stores, you go in there and talk to them.

Speaker 2 34:36

I have to say that I also like to buy very expensive hand soap, and it makes me look forward.

Speaker 3 34:42

Do you like Molten Brown I do like Molten. Brown, I like Molten Brown. You don't like Molten Brown, I do like Molten Brown I absolutely do.

Speaker 1 34:48

There's a few scents of Molten Brown I love, I do love A-Stop more. Okay, scrappy Low is good, the Labo is good, the.

Speaker 2 34:55

Labo the. They make a soap.

Speaker 1 34:57

Yeah, yeah, they make a whole bunch of stuff.

Speaker 2 34:59

Yeah, I didn't know that this is. I mean. I think that we had our current obsessions in a potential.

Speaker 3 35:06

Oh yeah, Current obsessions.

Speaker 2 35:08

ASAP.

Speaker 3 35:08

ASAP. I mean, I know about it for a while, but I just went into one again the other day.

Speaker 1 35:13

My current obsession is the state of Connecticut. I am obsessed.

Speaker 2 35:20

The problem with that obsession is that they can't potentially come on and sponsor us.

Speaker 1 35:25

Oh.

Speaker 3 35:26

Connecticut that'll be sure Do you have any retail experiences at all? I have.

Speaker 2 35:31

I'm totally obsessed with Trudon candles.

Speaker 3 35:35

See, I was about to say I feel like all of my answers are scent-based, which makes sense because your sense of smell is like the strongest thing tied to memory. I'm very into like a diptych store.

Speaker 1 35:47

You can't get me out of there a part of my name a part of my name, besides being, you know, from the bible, from the story of the book of esther more the high, more is a scent, is've told me. The life.

Speaker 3 36:02

I love a store that smells good. I love diptyque too but sorry, we have plenty of diptyque candles in our Connecticut house, so now you can go back to your Connecticut's an obsession of mine. I'm learning about it we bought a house in Connecticut and we've been spending a lot of time there, and we'll just sit there in bed in the morning and just absorb the silence. So quiet, it's so quiet.

Speaker 1 36:26

It's so insane.

Speaker 3 36:27

Our apartment in the city is on the Lower East Side and it is so loud. It's sirens and honking and people yelling and screaming.

Speaker 2 36:37

Door to door no traffic.

Speaker 1 36:39

Hour 40. We leave after like a Broadway show. We get in the car. Car's fully packed. Get in the car. Hour 40, we're there. We found this place at the end of the hutch. It's called Chestnut Market or something.

Speaker 3 36:57

Gas station.

Speaker 1 36:57

It's like a gas station that you can get to from both sides of the highway.

Speaker 2 37:00

Okay.

Speaker 1 37:00

Brand new. They redid. I remember we were. We were looking for a house in connecticut. We drove by this thing.

Speaker 3 37:06

I was like it was in construction stunning, gorgeous yeah, like one of those nice gas stations oh, there's like every kind of drink and every kind of food, and like and displayed and nothing's empty, and they have these like uh cake. Oh yeah, that's your current obsession is those coffee cakes from the chestnut. Rest stop.

Speaker 1 37:26

Those of you who drive by a chestnut. There's a coffee cake that they have in there. It's not like a brand, it's like I guess there's, and they wrap it in like….

Speaker 3 37:33

Saran wrap.

Speaker 1 37:34

Saran wrap. It is the most… it's like… it is pretty good, it's the soft and then the hard.

Speaker 3 37:39

Do you think it's just Entenmann's that they're repackaging? No, nothing to do with.

Speaker 1 37:42

Entenmann's, it's super soft.

Speaker 2 37:46

And then on top of, it is that hard crunchy crumb the crumble.

Speaker 3 37:51

The crunchy crumb.

Speaker 1 37:53

And you have to eat it. Listen to me, bring it to its own paper bag. Don't just open it and start eating it.

Speaker 3 38:00

Put it in the bag. Yeah, it's going to get it all over your car.

Speaker 1 38:04

Over the bag because it's going to crumble Because it's all the crumbles and also the powdered sugar and you want to enjoy it, you know. So just that's how I eat it. So, In the car, not in Publix. Ever I'm not eat out of a bag. They look like animals, yeah, but in the car. That's our break on the drive up. Get a coffee. I get that cake. We sit in the car for two seconds and I eat it. It's so delicious.

Speaker 2 38:32

And you don't like crash out from the sugar. No, then I'm driving, I'm driving, I just want to say that you guys really had the right idea with buying this house. That was just like turnkey, because I am continuing to live under a pile of wood.

Speaker 1 38:49

It's so funny. On the way to the podcast, here I get a text from Bob Kelly, robert Kelly to call into.

Speaker 1 38:58

Bonfire because Jay Oakerson just dealt with a contractor who was Israeli and so I call into the, I'm right away on the podcast and, like Jay, didn't argue with the price. He's like whatever the guy gave as a price, he was done. I'm like, okay, did you offer cash? Like no, he goes Modi. The guy is Israeli and I believe I oversold our friendship a lot more and he just wants to meet you, and so Whenever.

Speaker 3 39:25

I get to the discount.

Speaker 1 39:26

Whenever I get to the, I'll be happy to show up with bagels and coffee for the workers. That is hilarious. He's going to get like a 25% discount. No, he's not going down. That'd be pretty good, for sure.

Speaker 2 39:37

I don't know, you might be underestimating your worth in certain markets. Okay, all I want to tell you is I think I've mentioned this before that, like I was on this trip where I only was going to work with Israelis, I know How's that working out for you. Not well. Not well, as I have noticed. I have one Israeli man in my life. That's enough, two actually, and I'm all set, I am good.

Speaker 1 40:06

Yep.

Speaker 2 40:07

But I do wish Jay luck. Wish Jay luck. I wish Jay Oakerson good luck.

Speaker 1 40:12

Oh yeah, He'll be fine. He'll be fine. It's great, and his wife is on top of it. She's.

Speaker 2 40:18

Oh yeah, who's GCing this job of our house?

Speaker 1 40:23

Yeah.

Speaker 2 40:24

You're looking at her.

Speaker 1 40:25

What's GCing Overseeing?

Speaker 2 40:27

General contractor.

Speaker 1 40:29

You.

Speaker 2 40:29

Yeah me, Everything. Guy has no idea what's going on. All he does is like complain that it's taking so long.

Speaker 1 40:38

Okay.

Speaker 2 40:39

Well, you took that upon yourself. That was like your own little journey. Okay, well, sometimes we make mistakes. What's?

Speaker 3 40:45

the timeline. What's the runway for me here between now and you having a normal house?

Speaker 2 40:51

Well.

Speaker 1 40:52

Ari's graduation. That's when I'll be able to move.

Speaker 2 40:55

I decided that I want to convert the house to gas from oil, and now so probably about six years years.

Speaker 1 41:02

I don't know if you saw, but donald trump said that that's the itchy heat what's itchy, I don't know.

Speaker 3 41:08

There was some said you want to convert to gas or from gas to gas?

Speaker 2 41:11

the house is good oil I have an oil tank the size of this podcast studio I don't know anything about how houses work.

Speaker 3 41:19

That's why we hired a house manager.

Speaker 1 41:21

Isn't it tired downstairs of like tubes and the water softener and the heater and the pump.

Speaker 3 41:29

And you can see here this pipe is.

Speaker 2 41:31

I thought you knew how to do this stuff.

Speaker 3 41:33

I thought you were handy. He is very handy.

Speaker 1 41:36

He could hang a TV like no one's business but a water softener, I can change a light fixture, I can do everything A water softener.

Speaker 2 41:43

I will be calling you to come to Westchester.

Speaker 1 41:46

I'll send the guy we have. We luckily found an amazing guy that calls up. I don't have the energy to start lighting. He comes in. He was made for it. He comes in two seconds. Oh, normando, normando.

Speaker 3 42:01

In three seconds he's all the light fixtures. He's just throwing light fixtures up left and right. I was like, wow, he keeps his car running.

Speaker 1 42:05

because he does it so fast, he gets out.

Speaker 3 42:07

With a smile on his face. Connecticut is great because we went up there and you know the house we bought furnished and ready and whatever. But like there were some things get done and we were ready, I guess, because I guess we had ptsd, because our friends had houses in the hamptons, we were like, oh my god, what are these like estimates gonna look like? But it's connecticut prices the god.

Speaker 1 42:26

The gardener says that. The gardener says us we have to cut this branch off. It's a giant branch, massive tree right and uh, and, and I said okay, well, how much will that cost? He says it's 250, we're ready I was ready for $3,000 and we're going to get three permits.

Speaker 2 42:43

Come to where I am. That's what it's like where I am.

Speaker 3 42:45

Maybe we should stop talking because maybe my invoices are going to start changing.

Speaker 2 42:48

No.

Speaker 1 42:48

Normando. He's amazing, they're great, it's really great. That's Connecticut In.

Speaker 2 42:55

Westchester. It's a nightmare.

Speaker 3 42:56

I'm sure.

Speaker 2 42:57

Just a nightmare.

Speaker 3 42:58

Westchester, westchester, westchester.

Speaker 1 43:02

How long We've been on, for a long time now.

Speaker 3 43:04

An hour. It's an hour, less than an hour. Do you want to wrap?

Speaker 1 43:06

it up. Yeah, we'll wrap it up.

Speaker 3 43:08

Let's wrap it up.

Speaker 1 43:09

Oh my God, thank you for listening, thank you for being fans. We really didn't hit anything hard, because that's Leo is going to let you know where the shows are going to be.

Speaker 3 43:19

All right, I don't know when this is going to air, but I'm just going to say we're in Austin and Houston next week, january 21st in Austin, houston, january 22nd and 23rd. Then we're in Phoenix, arizona. February 2nd. Fort Lauderdale, florida. We are there February 4th, 5th, 6th, Then we go to Tampa February 13thth, then we go back to Fort Lauderdale. The 16th of February there's a matinee and a late show. Then the 17th and 18th, february 27th we go back to London for the Palladium for an encore performance at the Palladium. That show is sold out. March 2nd is in Baltimore at the Lyric Theater. Still a chunk of tickets left there. March 8th Las Vegas, nevada. I've gotten lots of requests for Vegas, so there you go. March 20th, los Angeles, at the Wiltern Theater, hartford, connecticut. March 23rd, pittsburgh. March 26th, buffalo, march 27th, and then we end things off in Toronto. March 30th and 31st.

Speaker 1 44:18

Amen, and we're working on.

Speaker 3 44:21

European dates yeah, I'm going to have those soon.

Speaker 1 44:26

Anything you want to plug.

Speaker 2 44:28

Everything I'm doing is on my Instagram. You can find me there Periel At Periel.

Speaker 1 44:34

Ashen Brand and be the friend that brings the friends to the comedy show. Get a few tickets for you and your friends. It's literally the easiest way to create Moshiach energy. Bring a friend to a comedy show. It is just period, moshiach energy. Okay, and thank you all very much, and thanks to our sponsors for being a part of today's podcast. Bye, bye, bye.