How Maggie's Millennial Life Crisis Led to a Spiritual Awakening {Client Interview}

Maggie takes us through how she invited more consciousness, more awareness, and more healing after returning from South Africa. We dive into all the things she did during her spiritual awakening - and the speed bumps she hit along the way. We touch on boys, different healing modalities, and what she is doing now.

If you want to connect with Maggie, you can follow her on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/maggiewardcoaching/

Maggies website: https://maggiewardcoaching.com/

These are the healers we discussed in the podcast.
Bess Matassa: http://thestarparlor.com/, @bessmatassa
Gwen Walsh: https://www.gwenwalsh.com/, @gwenwalsh
Caitlin Marino: https://caitlinmarino.com/

Connect with me:
My website: jessicaknightcoaching.com
Instagram: @jessicaknightcoaching
Email me: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com

Transcript

The Millennial Life Coach is a podcast of real life candid conversations about millennials navigating the ups and downs of adulthood. The podcast is hosted by Millennial life coach Jessica Knight, who is on a mission to help those in their twenties and thirties to break free from what society says they should be doing, accept where they are, and.

Powered and ready to create a life of their own.

Hello and welcome back. Today we have Maggie back and Maggie's going to talk about the second part of her journey, which her and I refer to as her spiritual awakening. Maggie and I will talk through what she went through when she returned from her. All of the healers that she went to to try and understand herself and how she said yes to the invitation to unlock more and more of herself because she had the time and space and really owned that.

We mention a few healers on this podcast, all of which I will put in the show notes, so don't feel like you need to jot down a name pretty quickly. It will be there as well as Maggie's information if you want to reach out and connect with her or sign up for a reading. Her. I really hope that you can see yourself in Maggie's journey and I really hope that this is helpful.

Okay, so Maggie's back for part two where we will talk through her spiritual journey as her and I continue to refer to it, of basically what happened after she came back from South Africa. We end the last podcast with Maggie in South Africa. You know, all the cards sort of fell into place. She had a job like her, she got laid off, which is what she wanted.

She extended her trip in South Africa. She met people on her trip and was hanging out with people and trying to do things in South Africa. And then do you think the spiritual journey started there, like right before you left, or do you think it happened when you came back? Yeah, it definitely started there for sure.

Mm-hmm. ? Mm-hmm. , do you remember what was happen? Yeah. Oh actually, so before South Africa I had a reading, this was in December. I had an astrology reading. You and I have spoken with the same astrologer. She's a genius and her name is Best Tassa and I was curious about it. So I had an astrology reading in, yeah, I think it was December of last year.

And it, like, I had never felt so seen in my life and it weirded me out. So I kind. Got incredibly curious about astrology, but put it kind of on the back burner cuz I, it truly just confused me, like how much this person understood how I was feeling and how much she just understood me as a person. Um, so that happened before South Africa and I think it just kind of planted some curiosity into other ways of healing.

Cause I had been in coaching for a couple months at this point. So when I was in South Africa, there were two things. In retrospect, pretty pivotal to this. I would say catalyst to this awakening the layoff, which was three days before the trip, was kind of, was definitely a catalyst. And to me feeling like there was, I was being guided in some way.

And then in South Africa I had a reiki session. . And then I also met someone who I would say his role in my whole journey was like awakening my heart chakra, if you will. So I had this like week long encounter  with someone that, um, yeah, it just felt like a really strange, like I had never really had these feelings before, so it's even hard for me to articulate it now, but, I could feel it in my chest, like I felt like my chest was being like pulled apart at times and I had never had that feeling before.

And initially it just confused me until I understood that it was really like truly just me being like cracked open. Like I had been so closed off to real emotion and real connection and real life for so long. That this experience, like I, I would just say it like cracked me open and it was, I, I would say the relationship between me and this guy was the catalyst for that, which I feel like was his role in all of this.

But, but yeah, that happened over there. Yeah, and with that connection with that guy, as I remember it, it was one of the, or maybe the first like conscious connections that you had with somebody where you were having these big, these like large conversations that weren't superficial, you know, and that that cut really deep.

Is that right? Yeah, I just, I'll say, I think I said it about astrology too, but it was the second time in like the course of a few months where I just felt really seen and obviously it was more meaningful in an inter like a, you know, a guy, like a romantic sense to feel that way. But I had felt seen for the first time in any kind of romantic relationship like I had, and I have had very long partnerships before and I still don't feel like they were able to kind of see through me in the way that this person did.

So, That was a lot to take in and I was confused, right? It initially. But it was really also awakening in a new sense that there are relationships and people that you can connect with in this life that are, are way more meaningful and exciting and spiritual than, than what I had been experiencing. So it kind of opened my eyes to a new way of.

Interacting with people too. Yeah. And how like almost elevating to that place of, you know, what you want in a partnership. Mm-hmm.  or like the elements of what you want in a partnership rather than mm-hmm. . I think that feeling that you had of, I can't have this thing or I can't have this kind of connection, or these guys don't exist.

Mm-hmm. , this, this was now it was different. Yeah. And so you come back from South Africa and as your coach, what I remember from you is really like feeling. You wanted to like, almost like break out of your apartment in a way. Like you landed and you were like, I can't be here. And that was just, I think that was also happening like in your body, like in your soul too.

So talk about what it was like that first week when you came back. Yeah, and I think I mentioned this a little bit on the first episode, but the first week I came back it was totally, it was just raw. Mm-hmm. . And it was hard to be in Boston where I didn't feel like I. Experiencing meaningful connections in the way that I wanted to, and so I did.

I was just like drinking for those first two weeks and just feeling like, Get me out of here. And then something just switched. And I was like, This isn't the way to like continue. This isn't the same feeling. Right. And I think that was kind of what helped me really stop drinking was I was like this escapist attitude that I have or like this longing for something more like this is not found in these drunken nights like partying with people who I don't want to like be around.

And so I think I really understood after my experience in South Africa that that wasn't the con, that was not the experience and the connections that I was wanting. And so I stopped drinking and I literally just like hibernated, I think I like, I, I feel like I spent the next three months like laying on my apartment floor and just like clearing my chakras or whatever, but I was just sort of like, I'm not around people.

I necessarily wanna be around and I'm confused by some of the experiences that I've just had and continued to have like once I got home. And we can talk more about that. But I wasn't enjoying the apartment, um, environment though, so that was kind of difficult where I just wanted to be more outside and more in nature.

But it was still kind of like gray, cold time in Boston. You also were in an apartment, which you touched on in the last episode that had a lot of, like, it had a lot of social life. It had a lot of people that knew you, that had people that had an idea of you based on who you were, you know, before you went and didn't know about all these changes.

And so you like entered the same environment, but you were feeling new and, and really, really raw at the time. Yeah, so I stopped socializing. I, I stopped going out pretty much completely. Um, even friends who weren't in that apartment, I just remember feeling like I didn't really know how to be in the world in this new way.

So I, I, like, I had a friend who people like wanted to see me once I got home from this trip. So, This one friend who I'm really close with, she lives like a mile away. She was like, I really, let's catch up. And I think this was probably a month after my trip and I hadn't seen her in a while, and I walked outside of my apartment and I just like sat down on a park bench and just cried.

I was like, I can't come over. I was like, I don't know what, how to talk about things right now. Like I'm still processing so much. And I didn't say any of this to her. I think I gave some excuse of it, like I'm exhausted. I'm sorry, but I just like couldn. I didn't really know how to be a person and  anymore.

And, and I, and so I just stopped socializing. Truly. I think I, the, uh, for at least two months I just, I stayed in my apartment and what happened there was just a real kind of, Yeah, I, you can call it awakening, a personal awakening, but I just, there was a complete shift in my belief system, in my beliefs in the world, and I just was seeing the world completely differently and I really wanted.

Just be with myself and really just kind of like comfort myself in ways that I was, you know? Cause I was always trying to escape myself. So I think, you know, in retrospect is really me just wanting to like be with me. And I was journaling a ton. I was like exploring all of these new spiritual tools. Like literally, I don't know, all I did like every other day was like talk to some new spiritual.

You know, healer in a different modality and we can like, get into all the specific ones that I tried, but I, I just went down this rabbit hole of like energy clearing and, and taro and astrology and all this stuff. But yeah, and, and so I'll stop there though. But yeah. So something I just wanna frame was that you.

like the in when you came back and you felt really raw. I remember at the beginning you did try and run away from it a little bit. There were people were trying to get you to go on trips and stuff like that, but you had such a resistance, so it was like your mind was like, I should go. And your heart was like, You're not going anywhere.

Yeah. And then, And so you'd stay and. I feel like the invitation was there for you to just actually be with yourself, and you almost like you accepted it. You were like, I have this time. You didn't get caught up in the, I need to go get a job, or I need to figure out this stuff. You were like, I have unemployment.

I can take this time and I'm going to take this time and I'm gonna let it be whatever it is. And you allowed. I think a lot of us don't really allow it. And you, I think you knew like, this might be one of the only times in my life where I have the ability to do this that I'm going to Yeah, that's a, I think that's an important point too, because it's true and I, I felt liberated, like I didn't.

Care at all about my employment status. Like I didn't care at all about like any of the, I just knew, Yeah, I did. There was just this quiet, knowing that like this time is important. I didn't really know why, but it was like, I need to just, yeah, I need to just be right now. And I, historically for sure, I just, I would run as fast as I could from that kind of like situation.

Mm-hmm. . So, yeah, that was, That was a big change, a big shift in how I was operating. Yeah. And there were so many emotions at that time. I guess like when I was reflecting back on this last night thinking about today, something that I was thinking about was that you were really emotional because you didn't know why you were getting like this, like you were feeling so called to just explore yourself more.

Like it was just, it felt so opening but also stuff with the guys started to shift with, which also act was like very activating and so let's actually go there first and then let's go back to the you exploring you. . So you, you come back and I think you felt all right, I'm gonna stay in touch with the people I met in South Africa.

And then things started to shift a little bit and that didn't really make sense. Mm. Yeah. Cuz it was romantic and there was an attraction. And then when I got back it was just like friendly and I almost defaulted to feeling like, He was the key to my, to that feeling of feeling like seen and feeling open.

And so it was, it was confusing for me to navigate that and it did distract me from myself and also just wanting to understand that connection. Mm-hmm. , um, because it was so different from what you've ever had, so. Yeah. Yeah. You know, but I, and. While, like, so while that hard chakra was like very, very open it.

Yeah. You know, and even though this wasn't as I, this wasn't like a breakup, but a lot of times in breakups, they like open us up to all these parts of ourselves because we're like so activated and so anxious. Right. And what was happening, like, you know, as you were dealing with like, I wanna understand this and I also wanna understand my feelings.

You also were feeling so emotional around like just like. That part of you that wanted to know more or just wanted to make sense of a lot of the pieces of like your inner puzzle? Yeah. Yeah. So it was a lot . It was just a lot of uncovering and there was past moons from past relationships that hadn't been healed fully.

So I was doing like in addition to still having this, this guy like kind of. Perimeter. I was also doing, like, I was doing like hypnosis, you know, I was doing like these energy clearings, I was doing these like AKA records, which is like connect to your soul's purpose. I was literally, I mean, I, I don't know how many people I talked to, I, I signed, I was still in coaching training, so I was coaching with people and talking about this with.

With people in the coaching space, cuz they were like one of the only safe spaces, like in addition to you where I could start to talk about spirituality. Um, because most people in my life are very atheist. Um, so I had like all of these. Self development outlets that I was doing during the day, but it still was hard for me to understand.

It was, it was hard for me to understand my emotions and specifically with this guy, but also just in general, and I think I said this on the last podcast episode, but because I had spent so many years numbing myself like this flood, this wave of like feeling things. That I had been ignoring. So kind of still processing and making peace with past relationships.

Like again, not like reaching out to guys and being like, Hey, you know, it was just like more me being like allowing these feelings to finally just like move through me. So it did just feel like this wave of emotions and. Yeah, it was exhausting. I was taking naps. Like I was really tired. I, I was, I never nap, but I started to take naps during the day.

Like I just had such low energy. Um, it was really exhausting. . Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I want you to, the best that you can, give me the laundry list of all the things that you tried during this time. Yeah. It's really crazy. So I was doing, I was still really curious about astrology. So I signed up for an astrology course and I started, I started there, which led to another modality called human design, which also led to tyro cards cuz Tyro was linked to astrology.

So I started studying all three of those things pretty intensely. And then I was working. Digital or over zoom? Just different healers that I was interested in. So one was in a kasak records healer, one was a star seed meditation healer. One was just a tr like a, an energy reiki healer who removed, you know, was like working on removing all of like the block energy and limiting beliefs.

Of feeling like I'm not enough. Um, I was working with a, yeah, hypnosis, like I worked with someone, I think it's called rapid transformational therapy. You should be like a personalized hypnosis meditation for me to like, listen to every night about overcoming, you know, the feeling of not being enough. And then I was working with, um, Yeah, there's more.

I'm like blanking on it now. But yeah, so there was also the coaching. I had like two life coaches at one point, like, which is just weird. I was working with an embodiment coach, which was someone to learn how to like get in touch with. Cause I just wanted to feel like in my body, cuz I felt like my, I was really disrespectful to my body in terms of just like, you know, all the alcohol abuse and the overeating to numb as well is a huge thing.

So, Trying to figure out how to get into my body. There was like, tanto is like of interest because that's also more of just like being comfortable and central in your body. Cuz with men, you know, I just hated my body and I never felt comfortable during sex and I wouldn't feel comfortable. I never was feeling really comfortable to just be me.

So I was wanting to just like crack open and like eliminate all of those things. So I worked with this like one on one. Tan Zoom person to like try to like get me to be more like sort of intimate and like comfortable with myself physically. And then I was doing, I did a retreat, like I went to a, an actual retreat about bundance.

So then I'm like, I was just trying to do all the, all the things and then like start learning to talk to. Spirit guides, which, so then, and I started to receive messages and downloads as all of this was happening. So that was very confusing for me as well. Like I would hear, started to have very vivid dreams.

And I also would hear kind of like voices sometimes, but they were like inside. It sounds big. It was like me, like it wasn't outside of me, but it was not my voice. So I knew that it was like a message coming from a spirit guide and it all was just, yeah, so it was like exciting and I was curious, but I was also really confused and I feel like I should also say it was hard for me in particular, cuz I went to Catholic school first, second, and third grade, and I just remember.

No, like I was so put off by Catholicism and church, like I became an atheist at the age of like eight years old. Like my mom and my sister remember me saying things like, God's not real. I mean, I just, whatever was happening at that school, like, you know, I just was not buying it. So being an atheist was a really important part of my I identity.

It was like such a strong conviction that I carried. I would write, you know, papers about it in college. Like I was just fascinated with atheism. I was like, People are being manipulated by the church. I can't. So for me, like opening up to spirituality is, It was confusing because that the concept of God had been so rooted in Catholicism for me, and so some of the terminology overlaps and I felt resistant to that at first.

Cause a lot of people use God for the, as a term, for like source energy or the universe or this or that. So I, I understand that, but I was resistant to it for so long. So like that's another part of the reason why it was confusing for me. I'm like, do I believe in God now? You know, I was kinda like, what's happening?

The truth of the matter is like there's, I still don't identify with any religion whatsoever, but I, there is a whole world out there that we can't see and I didn't, I felt like my blinders were just taken off. Like, it, it truly is like an awakening, like I was awake to the way the world is, into the, you know, consistent pulse of energy that just is everything and that there are.

Yeah, there. I mean there's, you can use the term spirit or whatever you wanna say, but there's a consciousness, there's a higher consciousness that we all can access, like psychic gifts and intuitive gifts. Literally, they live in every single human being. They're a part of our brains really at the right side of our brains.

So just sort of getting comfortable. With that whole new belief system. Um, cuz for me it's just, it's just very real. Like, that's just the way the world is now. Like that's how things operate. Like there are spirit guides, there are unexplainable events that happen and that's just what I came to understand.

But the process was at times was scary. Especially the voices part. , Yeah. Yeah. The voice and the, And the dreams. The dreams. I remember being really tough on you because you were like, What, what is happening in my life? Yeah. And. A few of these modalities really stuck and they really helped you continue on that journey of exploration.

You went into this space of, I'm gonna try all these things and I wanna be as open as possible. And then after you did that, you started to ground more on the modalities that were speaking to you most. Yeah, So my belief system switched from kind of just being a person lost in the world, feeling like my career and was of the most importance, and I needed to figure out how to make money and how to just be happy to just understanding.

Every single human being has a soul and we are imprinted with a soul. You know, it's very intentional in our, especially the stars in astrology and our birth charts carry sort of the blueprint to our highest selves, if you will, where it's like, it's a tool that you can leverage to understand yourself on a deeper level and to understand your soul's, uh, purpose in this world.

So it very became very important to me to start to live out my soul's purpose versus just my, like, the ideas of what I wanted, you know, my life to be. And it re, So astrology human design and tyro cards resonated. The most with me, but also because it was just help, like, you know, kind of uncovering parts of myself that I already knew were there.

So it just, and it's a lot of what storytelling too, like, it's just kind of the map of a personality, but it, they just made me feel like it was okay to be me. Like, they weren't telling me anything. I didn't know about myself, but it was just like, oh. I understand myself deeper and it's okay that like I, you know, this is why I get super spacey at times.

Like this is why I'm wanting to just like, detach a lot of the times. Like, this is part of my makeup and I can learn how to leverage that for, um, more of a gift or to just start to notice when I'm, when I'm defaulting to more of the shadow sides of me and you know, kind of flip it around. So it was just like a deeper understanding of self and a higher.

Purpose, which wasn't attached necessarily to a career or anything outside of me, but just like wanting to be the best version of me I could be if, If that makes sense. Yeah. And just to add on to that, I think human design in particular helped you lean into your natural way of being a lot more, rather than pushing against, you know, some shoulds of, Oh, I should be doing it this way, or, Oh, I should be doing it this way, or I should throw this against the wall and see if it sticks.

It was more like, that's not how I. Yeah. And if I know that that's not how I work, I'm not gonna do it because it's just putting me in resistance right now. Yeah. So it's the human design is the energetic makeup of our, of our beings. And we, we act as though, you know, our society culturally. We act as though everyone's built the same and in word is not.

So, human design was really kind of cemented. Yeah. What'd you say? Enlightening. Enlightening and like, kind of cemented a lot for me in terms of like, I'm not, I'm not meant to operate. That way, and I have a slower way of being, and I have like a, a more gentler way of being and it also really helped me understand that my.

You know, because before I found human design and astrology, like I, I think I mentioned this on the last podcast, but I was always sort of losing myself to other people or feeling like an outsider of my own life and kind of always looking in and always reading stories and like watching other people operate.

But that also is just a part of me. Like I'm very curious about other people and I learned through other people. That's how I'm meant to learn. So again, that line between learning from others versus losing your. To others, but it also made me feel like that was okay, that I was always really wanting that.

I was always wanting to read stories and like learn about other people like that doesn't mean that I, that's, you know, giving away part of me that's part of like, it's like more empowering to say that I am learning this way and I am understanding myself deeper through others. So that was important for me too because it's what I do for a career now, but it's also.

Fun. Like now I've just made it fun. I'm like, I love stories. Like I love the archetypes of astrology and the archetypes of taro and human design and the stories that they tell us about, you know, the main character. It's not like, you know, astrology isn't the story of a life, it's the story of a character, right?

It's like, it's not predicting your life's. Path. It's just like this is, these are the charact, these are the traits that you've been gifted and like what is this? What, Who is this character? And so understanding everyone kind of from that storyteller lens is just really fun. You know? It's just made life fun.

It's made me stop into people who I've historically had very hard times interacting with. Cuz I'm like, Oh, like that's their Virgo, whatever. That's a shadow of their Virgo side that's coming out right now. Like, okay. You know, And I don't like try to preach to them, but it just helps. Consciously understand or if someone's, you know, a manifestor in human design and in shadow like that can be incredibly over like an overpowering personality.

So it's like recognizing that though, and it's just, yeah, it's really allowed me to soften towards other people that I was always kind of put off by. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that was a really good, like, description of what human design offered you and also how you decided to like lean into it, you know, and really narrow your focus into something that felt so helpful and so mm-hmm.

I guess, you know, like kind of core to who you are now. You know, it's like, it's, it's almost as. I guess when I think back to when you found it, it was like you found like this like key to understanding yourself so much better and it like offered so much relief too. And so, and you said the second thing that you really leaned into was taro cards.

And so can you tell us about your relat. Or what your relationship was at that time to Terra cards. Cause you had a daily practice around it. Yeah, it was really an intuitive practice and it was forcing me to get honest with myself. Um, and I was just, you know, especially when it comes to men in relationships and.

Wanting to just understand myself in that department better. And so I started a daily practice and it was just, sometimes it was really challenging for me because it's like, I didn't want, doesn't really tell you what you wanna hear, you know, Whereas's, like sometimes a friend would, or whoever. Yeah. But it tells kinda like, hey, like what are you, what are you really doing here?

You know, what's your, what are you looking for? Like, what's your end goal? And once you start to understand the cards and that way, Very helpful as a guide, and it was really instrumental in me understanding myself in relationship, in relationship to the the South African guy and just how I was like operating in kind of the shadows side of myself that was coming through in that relationship and in my like, Like refusal of letting it go.

Well, it's what's fun, it's funny is like at that time you kept getting the same cards or the same message. And it was funny, I mean, funny, I mean funny as in like Eric, it was funny, but it's like, you know, it's, it's that same type of feeling of like, I'm gonna keep asking and hope there's a different result.

So I was, and one of the cards was the ADA cups, which a lot is very much just means move on. And the first voice I. Because I wasn't listening to the cards. The first voice I heard was move on. Like there, there's one of my spirit guys is certainly trying to help me in the men department, but like one of the voices came in and was just like, Move on.

And it was so strange and I messaged you right away and I was like, um, I just heard a voice like. I was like, I think it's just telling me to like move on from this though. I don't think it's telling me to move on. It's not the guy's like connect.

So Maggie, I dunno. I dunno that that's been saying. Why don't you ask the cut again? Yeah. Yeah. So really. But yeah, I get, and I, you know, and that's the other thing, like free will, you know a lot, lot of people who aren't. Um, and I, and I really love your conversation that you had with Gwen too when you talked about Tyro, because she also said like, it's always our choice.

Like we have choices. Like we are the people who, you know, Kind of pay our our own path. And I think sometimes people look at astrology or any of these tools as like telling you what to do. Like there's a lot of mistrust and confusion around it like that. How is fortune telling or that all of it's kind of fortune telling in some way, and that's just not true at all.

It's like, here's how you can just get real with yourself and face these parts of you that are pretty hard to face that you've been ignoring. And also like you can do it in kind of a fun way, but also like it'll just bring you. Deeper place of confidence. Um, because like once you can own those parts of yourself that feel really hard to own, like you, you can't just operate from a, a place of ease, you know?

And so that's sort of been also my goal with it. Um, But yeah, it, it is it a challenge? It's challenging and, and it's, that's where the work gets really hard. And as a life coach, which I, which I also am now, I don't know if we talked about that. And I think, you know, in your experience too, sometimes with clients, it can just be like, there's a lot of avoidance to wanting to just face those difficult parts of ourselves.

Yeah. Yeah. And, and I've always gone to terror and other healing modalities, and I've done this my whole life to. Give me another perspective, like one that I can't think about. Like, it's like I can't think my way through this, and especially if I'm feeling very limited, like there's one or the other.

That's when I always go toter and, and usually it is a reading of some kind. And so it's, I want another perspective so then I can decide where it lands or where I wanna land. But I, I think it's something that has. Negative connotation sometimes in society, but it can be so helpful and so useful, especially when you start forming a relationship to some of the cards.

Like one I know you and I both share a relationship to the tower card. Mm-hmm. , um, and Gwen and I talked about like a few cards in particular, and Gwen is actually gonna come on the podcast in November and talk about her millennial life crisis. Oh. Um, so that will be exciting. Um, I think it's a great tool and it's something.

When I actually feel stuck when I'm coaching someone, I flip over a card and I'll just glance at it and I don't try and think about it too much. But if I ever have that moment of like, I feel really stuck sometimes that is, it's useful even from the other side of the phone. Yeah. And I've stopped reading, doing daily polls because I started to feel a little overthinking it with some parts of my life, which, so I still love to go to other readers though, like for that exact reason.

I need a new perspective. I'm not seeing this clearly or I'm too afraid to get honest with myself, which can happen as well. So now I sort of do like weekly card pulls about the week ahead and I practice, like I'll just go through cuz I love to read for other people and a lot of times that just comes through way clearer for me versus me doing it for myself all, every single day.

But I do, I do love it. Yeah. So I wanna touch on like what your offerings are now, but before we go there, we have to touch on the fact. You were in this spiritual awakened place and then you went back into the world  and a lot of things felt like they were crashing down. Yeah. You don't have to go into too much detail around it because I know it's a lot, but if you just wanna give like the bare bones of how it felt to be so open and so in a way change, but then go back into like a world, like it's almost as if you like walk back to like working in your old office every day,

Yeah. You know? Yeah. So take us into, So I went from, yeah, hi, in my apartment for three months to being at a overnight summer camp for three months. Three months with like, you know, 300 people. And it was really overwhelming for me and I was excited about it initially because I, I was wanting to get out of the city and it's this place I used to work in college, um, and I was so excited about it.

A good friend of mine owns it. It's so beautiful and it's like naturey. And so I was like, couldn't wait to get up there and I think, I thought I was like gonna be a camper. Like I, I think my idea of it was like, Oh, I'm going to summer camp. Like I can play tennis and I can do arts and crafts and I can swim.

And then like, not the reality cuz I had a, my job there was like over, over seeing an, an entire age group and some counselors and yeah, I. Again, I didn't really know how to kind of like merge the spiritual side of me with the social side of me, and so I felt like I was regressing and then I was just totally taking on all these different like energies now that I, and I was just like kind of frantic and, and exhausted.

So, and I was. In resistance the whole time, which I understand now. But like I wanted it to be fun and I kept just wanting it to be fun and easy and it wasn't. And that bummed me out. So I didn't really let the experience like just be what it was. I kind of just was gonna state of resistance. I was like, I can't go.

I'm supposed to be showing up, you know? And then I started like all these shoulds of like, I wanna show up and just like be fun, you know? I had this idea of this kind of person. I wanted to be there and I. Showing up as that person, I was kind of showing up as like this old version of me that like is kind of like cynical.

So that was hard. Um, and I felt disconnected for myself and I felt disconnected from the spiritual practices that I had just come into when I stopped doing a lot of the spiritual practices that were making me feel really good. And you also got sick at the end for like two weeks. So sick you. Your body got, and it wasn't covid or anything, it was like your body got so run down.

Mm-hmm. . And at the end of that experience when you left, like I think it was only about a week later, you felt lighter again. Yeah. And you got to return back to yourself. Yeah. It was almost immediately. And I had, I had an energy clearing with. An session and it, and I could feel it. And that was when I felt good cuz I was, I realized that I was still obviously connected to the spirit, but I was like, Oh, I can really feel this lightness after this crazy summer.

And I almost. Almost immediately, it was just like a switch. I felt like my like a per like myself, and I felt like I was kind of, you know, And I also was really trying to analyze like, what is here for me? What am I supposed to be learning? Like what is this lesson, you know? I was really overthinking that side of it too.

And. I just kind of dropped it like it was over. Then I was just done with it and I, I felt like, uh, I was just onward, you know, like, what's next? I'm gonna, I need to focus on coaching and, and what I wanna do. But it  it was tough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, I didn't think about this then, but I'm thinking about it now.

As you also, that same feeling of wanting to run away came back when you left, like in the same way when you came back from South Africa and you're like, I just need to get outta here. Wow. That's exactly what happened when you left camp. Like you were, you were spending, you know, a lot of time trying to find a place that, that felt what you needed.

Yeah. But also was reason, like reasonable and that you could get there and all of that stuff like it. And it was always a trip. And, you know, at the time, I, I also felt like you needed it based on needing that break. But now that we just talk through you. You know when you came back it's like, it's almost like that same feeling of like when you notice that you are like wanting to run away from something, that's probably when you need the most presence.

Yeah. And since, Yeah. It's funny you bring up, cuz I, then I went to Costa Rica like, so I got and I was like, I just need to, you know, reconnect. Well there was a while there was like a month. It was a month. Yeah. And yeah. But I took that month and I still was in a state of, like, I was, it was a really constant feeling of like, where am I supposed to be going?

Cause, and this was also like, I'm nomadic right now. Like I, I was excited for that and I was like, New things are just, new doors are just gonna open Ladi da. And then I was like, Well then what is it? Like, what's the right, Almost obsessed with like, what's the next right thing that I'm supposed to do?

Which is not a great perspective to have. And I, so I was kind of obsessed with finding like the right place, you know, life is, I think it can be really hard. Like I, I, I think that, like, those are still questions that like, I'm hard, hard, hard on myself with, like, I by no means, like, you know, this, a spiritual awakening isn't like the answer.

You know? I, I would say like life happens, like as long as you're a human being, like there's gonna be anxiety, like there's gonna be confusion, like there's gonna be doubt. But like, what I will say happened with the awakening and even like all the difficult feelings I had over the summer, it was like there wasn't that.

Even with wanting to run away, it was like I didn't, I wasn't wanting to like escape myself. I didn't, I didn't really have that like. Hollow feeling that I had like prior to the awakening. So I would say like the, the boredom and the numbness were pretty much like, were not the issues that I was, I was facing like post awakening, if you will.

So that's really all that kind of like did for me was like really bring me into a deeper sense of, of meaning, even with all of the other emotions on top of it. I didn't, and I didn't numb, you know, like I didn't. Back to drinking. Like I wasn't wanting to like escape in that same kind of way. I just still felt this, you know, like our, our habits are pretty deeply wired.

So like my habit to wanna just like go, it would, it's also kind of like something I have to understand in myself. I think it's always gonna be there. Like, I'm always sort of craving like the next experience and I, I just have to learn how to like, You know, do that in a way that's not, um, destructive or impulsive.

But that was kind of the thing. I was like, Okay, now I'm done with this. Like, what's next? Now I need like the next experience, but I do wanna like emphasize it. Like the numbing thing wasn't, wasn't present. Absolutely. Yeah. It wasn't like you were running away from yourself, like you were, you know, in podcast num, Podcast one, it was, you were running away.

A bit of like societal structure and also just wanting to have peace with yourself. Yeah. Like you just wanted to be able to be with yourself and process and now you had trust within yourself so you could sit with yourself. Right. You weren't afraid of yourself anymore at this point. Yeah. Mm-hmm. , you just wanted, you just wanted the space and the freedom to be, and to decompress and I think probably to, you know, reengage in some of the spiritual stuff and just like breathe.

Yeah. So yeah, you're right. And I think that's a really important distinction. So I'm, I'm super glad that you said it because it wasn't a running, it was never a running this time from you. It was a running from just like everything else so that you could be with you. Yeah. Yeah. So bring us into now, and please touch on some of the offerings that you have too.

But now you are coaching and you are doing reading. . Yeah. So I've combined, so one-to-one coaching is, I'm still, Yeah, I'm doing that. But the, one of the other offerings that I'm putting together now, and I was brainstorming this with you for a while. I was kinda like, I wanna put the three things together that have really helped me the most.

And that's human design and taro and coaching. And I was trying to figure out the best way to do it. And I landed on something recently that I'm really excited about, which is like a month long. A container that is designed to just for anyone who's can relate to what I'm saying or feeling stuck or feeling confused or feeling disconnected from themselves and just wanting to reconnect with themselves and understand themselves on a deeper level.

It's, so I put together a a month long program, which includes, um, two human design readings to life coaching calls and two weekly tyro card polls to for journaling. So it's kind of like this container. Almost like a kickstart, like human design can really tell you a lot. And I include a little bit of astrology in it as well.

So kind of understanding your energy in the world, understanding how you're meant to operate a little bit, understanding a little bit of, you know, cuz we're all like two side, you know, shadow, dark, however you wanna phrase like the shadow gift, light, dark, It's two sides of the same coin. So that's inherent within all of us.

So understanding our shadow. On a deeper level to just know when we're in them and to know whether that's not our highest and best selves. But those are the lessons, right? So really kind of embracing shadow a little bit to just understand it better. That's what it's really helped me with. And Tyro has done that as well, so, So container to deepen self knowledge really.

And so I'm really excited about that. And I'm starting that one in like November 1st, most likely. And then I also offered just free. Well free sometimes . I'm also doing tower readings. I've been doing free tower readings and I'm starting to charge, It's on my website, um, for a recording. So, I like the pre-recorded ones cuz I'll just, you ask a question and I'll send it right to your inbox.

It's just like a four, four card reading of for about 15 minutes and those are really fun. So that's what I'm doing. Yeah. And I will put Maggie's links in the show notes so you can find them. And I'll also include the links of the healers that you touched on today. Mm-hmm. . So CAO is the energy healer and I also go to.

Gwen Walsh is a tare reader. I did another podcast with Gwen on the Relationship recovery podcast, and she is in her twenties and is a, i, in my opinion, a pretty well known and very smart taro reader. And then Beth Natasa is like, there's no description of best that would be , the, the accurate because she's so, she's just like a very magical and intuitive person.

She takes her intuition, you know, she takes the cards and she also does astrology and she blends it all together in this really fluid way. And so I will put her, her con all of their contact information into, so you can go to these people and tell them that. You want to be, You want your spiritual awakening.

Yeah. They'll laugh. They'll laugh cuz they know. They know both Maggie and I. But Maggie, this was great and thank you so much for unpacking this part of your story with us. I know that it can be very vulnerable to talk about a lot of these things, but I think you did a really great job of showing how you can get through all these different pieces of life and then get to a point where you're like, Okay, I just figured a lot of things out, but now I also feel like I know nothing.

Yeah, and you   and you started to figure that out because you were open to it. So thank you. Yeah, thank you.