The Akiona Law Podcast: Parenting Plan Series with Meg Gluckman Part 4

In the final installment of our four-part series on parenting plans, Akiona Law Podcast host Ululani "Lani" Akiona and co-parenting coach and host of “Welcome to the Other Side” podcast, Meg Gluckman explore crucial aspects like child safety, effective communication strategies between parents and children, and maintaining open dialogue about family values. Lani and Meg provide practical advice for managing school and medical appointments, introducing new partners, and customizing plans to fit your family's unique traditions. 

Update 8/19/2025: Since the recording of that podcast, Washington courts have released a new parenting plan form.

Specifically, the section we referred to as "Section 14. Other" in the podcast is now designated as “Section 10. Other” in the court’s new parenting plan form.

Transcript

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5, 4, 3, 2, and 1. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Akiona Law Podcast. I am Lani Akiona and.

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In the Akiona Law Podcast, we talk about anything and everything that intersects in the areas of family, law, and divorce.

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And today, I am wrapping up my four-part series of. What are the main parts of your parenting plan with Mae Gluckman?

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Meg is a divorce and co-parenting coach, and she is host of Welcome to the Other Side podcast.

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Mag specializes in supporting parents. Whether they have toddlers, tweens, or 30-somethings.

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Navigate these challenging life transitions with grace. Resilience, and dignity.

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Meg, I'm so glad to have you back.

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Hi, Lani, it's good to be here. I'm excited for today's conversation. This is a good one.

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Yes. And for a reminder for those who didn't listen to the other three parts, uh, Meg and I first talked about decision making in a parenting plan.

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Then the second podcast we did, we talked about conflict resolution.

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The third part of this four-part series was a residential schedule, also known as a visitation schedule, a custodial schedule.

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And last but not least, we are talking about Section 14.

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Other, the mysterious other provisions that you put in a parenting plan.

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Yay! The catch-all!

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Exactly, exactly. It's the catch-all. It's… it's everything else that didn't have a place.

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We throw it in here.

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Everything, and you know that… And listen, you know, what I want to start off with is that, okay, so first of all, you… what I love about Section 14.

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Is that, in a way, like you said, right, it's a catch-all. It's almost like, in a way, I try to tell people, it sees guidelines.

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It sees co-parenting guidelines that everyone is supposed to abide by.

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But, can you necessarily ding someone, hold them in contempt because they didn't follow a provision such as they didn't give you their new telephone number?

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Mm-hmm.

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Not necessarily, but the answers depends. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

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Mm-hmm.

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Which is what I do. But anyway… Ugh, big. So, how do you process Section 14?

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Yeah. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah.

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Other.

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I, very similar to how you… described it, I also… I think of it… as a lot of, um.

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Best practices, like, these are child-centered best practices. And I really love.

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I love that.

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Talking about this section with my clients, because. I feel like it's an opportunity to clarify our values.

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And to actually find a lot of things that we can agree on.

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Uh-huh.

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Oh, okay.

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Right? There might have been a lot of things. In the other parts of your divorce, or in the residential schedule, that might have been really challenging.

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Right? And this one, I feel like you can get some really easy wins, because.

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Right.

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Most people look at. Um, the items in here are some of the items that you might want to include.

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And say, well, of course I agree to that. Right? And so it's nice that both people can kind of be like, well, of course we agree.

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Right.

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On this, so… some fun, fun stuff.

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So, how do you… how do you approach it when you're discussing 14? Is there certain, like, um, buckets or sections you divide it into?

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Yeah, so I think of, um, generally four… different buckets that I have.

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Um, or categories. Um, and of course, there's stuff that doesn't totally fit, but.

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Okay.

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Um, generally, they are communication. Safety.

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Communication. Safety?

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Parenting values. And schedule.

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Parenting values. Schedule? Oh, okay.

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Yeah. Right? Right? Yeah. So… Should we start with communication?

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All right. Communication, yes.

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Yeah? Um… So, like, you just shared one, right? That we're gonna… um, share current.

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Communication, like, uh, sorry, current contact information. That's, like, usually almost number one.

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Okay.

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Mm-hmm.

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In almost every case, right? Like, we're… if any of our contact information changes, we update the other parent.

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Most… most parents are like, well, of course. Yeah, I'll do that. You know, like, it's a no-brainer.

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Of course. Yeah. It seems so simple, but sometimes when you're in a contested case, maybe not.

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It seems so simple. Yeah, well, that's… that's very true.

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Um, another one in the communication bucket is how we're going to use text.

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Right? So, uh, if there's an emergency, if there's a… day of change to our… transition time, you know, if we're running late or something. Like, that's when we're going to use text.

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Right.

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And that, you know, and we might put some parameters around it, like.

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Um, you know, if… If a child is injured, we're going to try to text within.

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So much time, you know, to… to let the other parent know.

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Right. Or, um… haha.

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If you're… yeah, please, please text if you're going to be more than 15 minutes late to… an exchange or whatever, so I'm not just sitting here waiting.

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Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

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Common Curities is like those courtesy things. It's just to kind of memorialize it.

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Exactly, right? And I also think I, as a general practice, I try to get.

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Um, my clients to move away from texting. All coordination, right? So, like, if you're talking about.

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Okay.

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Needing to make a change. You know, asking… making a request for a change to the parenting.

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Schedule, you know, in a month. You know, oh, I need that Sunday afternoon to do X, Y, and Z.

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Right.

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Uh, could you take the kids? Put that in email. Right? Like, that's not for text. It's gonna get lost.

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Yeah. It will.

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Um, put it… put it in email, or even something like.

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You know, next week, can you make sure that Bobby has his soccer cleats when he comes back to me?

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Put it in the email. You know, don't do it over text.

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Good point. Good point. Just save the text for that immediate… Right now, this is what needs to happen.

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Yeah. Yeah. Exactly, exactly.

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Um, and one piece of that, too. Is, uh… Lots of folks, especially going through the divorce process.

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Um, can be kind of emotionally triggered. Every time they get a text from their ex or co-parent.

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Ugh! Yes.

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Right? And so. Let's minimize that, and let's… um, control… your access, so, like, when you choose to look at your email.

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Right? You're going to be in a space where. You're ready to handle what's… whatever's coming through.

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You know, I have to… I'm just gonna interrupt and chime in here.

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Um… in terms of my own divorce.

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Yeah.

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Mm-hmm.

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That I am going through, and it's a high-conflict divorce, people. I wish I could have… I wish… it would have been the other route, where I could have brought you in, Meg, and you could have created this beautiful, lovely parenting.

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Yeah.

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Plan, but it's not. So we use Our Family Wizard. And now, mind you, I do sign up for the Our Family Wizard notices, so I get it.

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Yeah.

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Yeah. Yeah.

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But even then, seeing that can be triggering. So I have to wait until I'm in a good headspace where I can look at the message.

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For my… for my was-been. And then not being a more calm space.

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Mm-hmm.

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Yeah. Yeah.

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So there's a lot to be said. To, um, to, you know, sending things via, via email, or in my case, the Our Family Wizard application.

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Yep.

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And just waiting, waiting until you're ready, because sometimes it can be triggering. Divorce is… it's tough, and it's painful.

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Even when people get along, it's still painful. Yeah.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Even when they… yeah, absolutely, right? Absolutely.

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Um, another communication item. Is communication access.

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Huh.

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So, you know. Making sure that we say, like, we're gonna make sure that the kids, when they're with one parent, have access to communicate with the other parent at a reasonable rate.

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Right.

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And reasonable times, which is very, like… uh… disputable what that means, right?

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What's reasonable, right?

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What's reasonable, right? But we want to… to agree that… when they go to one house, it doesn't mean that they can't have any communication with the other parent during that time.

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Right? So we're going to preserve their right to. Communicate with the other parent.

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Right.

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You know the question when you do that, do you kind of include, like, this… this should include, like, telephone calls, text messages, or FaceTime.

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Um, I think… Well, one, it depends on the age of the kids.

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Right.

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Okay. Okay.

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Right? Um… And I… I mean, really, I like to feel it out with the family. I try not to get super specific, because the reality is, it really changes as the kids age, right? So.

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When you're dealing with toddlers. Right? Or… or just… you know, under a certain age, a FaceTime is probably the easiest thing to do.

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Right.

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Right? Because the… they get to see him, they get to talk to him, they, you know, they have 30 seconds of attention.

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And you can do it. But it requires that the present parent.

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I thought I was gonna say that.

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Yes, right.

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Really facilitate that. Right? And then as they age, it might be much easier to just have a quick phone call.

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Right.

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That the kid can do, really, themselves, right? And then at some point, you're getting to… the kids have their own communication devices that they can contact the parent. So, I think it's… worth having, kind of.

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A general conversation about it, but not getting super specific in the parenting plan about.

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What it is, because it's gonna evolve as the kids age.

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True. Good point.

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Yeah. Um, any other communication ones that come to mind for you?

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Ooh, let me think, I was just, uh, you know, I had one of my parenting plans.

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Lonnie?

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I had a… I had my other provision open up. I was trying to take a look at that, uh, let me think, let me think. I'm looking at it right now.

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Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I… actually, one… one other… just as I ask that, one other one came to mind for me, too, so while you're looking.

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Yeah.

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Is, um, encouraging communication or relationship. With the extended families.

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Oh!

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Right? So, you… you could say this is… this kind of crosses into what I consider to a parenting value, right?

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We are going to encourage communication. You know, with the children between our extended families, and maybe… maybe it's specific, like, just their grandparents or… or whatever.

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Um, but holding that and… and just… talking about, like, this is important to us, that the kids maintain a relationship with their grandparents, and so we're going to make that possible.

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And I can definitely see, especially when you have the younger kids, like, right, the toddlers.

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Mm-hmm.

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And of course, that's so important, but of course, as the kids get older and then the kids can communicate with the grandparents themselves, like, with.

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Right.

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In fact, with my boys, I, you know, I text my two sons, and then my mom, saying, hey boys, are you guys free for.

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Mm-hmm. Mhm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

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Yeah, that's awesome.

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Lunch this weekend with me and Nana. Then there's just whole text thread, and it's so hilarious when, you know, you're texting with teenagers.

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Ugh! You get it.

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Yeah, yeah, completely. Completely. Yep, I do, I do.

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Alright, any other communication items, or should we move on to safety?

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I don't know, it's just, I looked at mines really quickly, and I… it's kind of just similar with… with what you have, and I think especially, too, I just kind of… you know, I make it kind of… general in the sense, the…

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The children should have reasonable communication, email, telephone, FaceTime with the parent. They're not resigning with, something real broad.

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Yep. Yeah, yep.

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And of course, though, when they're younger, then maybe I'll put in something more specific. Maybe I'll put in… set days or set times, because especially with younger kids, you really have to be cognizant of schedules.

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Yeah.

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But not necessarily so tied in, where if it doesn't occur between this time, then your SOL… So, flexibility, of course.

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Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, and I like to have a conversation with the parents, too, about how.

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What… what might feel good and what might feel necessary. During the initial period of separation, and two homes, and adjusting for the kids.

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Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

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You know, is going to evolve. And that we have to differentiate.

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How a parent is feeling. Versus what a kid needs.

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Uh, relative to communication with that other parent. Right? So, if you're… if you're the non-residential parent today.

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Yeah, good point.

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And you're feeling like you're really missing the kiddos. That's your feeling.

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Mm-hmm.

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Right? And we have to differentiate that from them being. Potentially fully engaged.

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Right.

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Yes.

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In whatever they're doing over at the other parent's house. Right? So… We want the communication, as hard as this feels.

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We want the communication rate. And, um… I guess frequency, timing, all of those pieces.

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Uh-huh.

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Should be in the child's. Best interest, like, what the… child needs. Less about what the.

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Parent who doesn't have the children at that moment. Craves, if that makes sense.

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No, that's… that's a really good point, because I think sometimes, I know.

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Personally, as a… you know, especially with younger kids, there may be this mindset, oh, I need to say goodnight, I need to say goodnight. He won't be able.

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Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

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In your head, you're thinking, my child won't be able to go to sleep unless I say goodnight.

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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To them, that's more of your own need, where you want to be able to visual… you want to be able to see your child and wish them good night.

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But maybe your child is just fully engaged with the other parent in their own bedtime routine.

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Yeah. Yeah.

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And they said they saw you at… after they ate dinner, or before they took a bath, so that child is good.

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Mm-hmm.

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Yeah, you…

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Yeah, yeah. Right? Or… or, you know, I mean, the other thing is this really ties into how, you know, we talked about in the other.

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Podcast, How We Design the Residential Schedule, so that those young kids are getting enough contact with both parents.

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Mm-hmm.

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Right? So, if you're really only going. Two days without seeing, or three days without seeing. You know, how much.

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How much connection do you need? Do they need with you?

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In between. And again, I think that there's a transitionary period.

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Right. In between.

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Right? There is a time period where. More communication is going to happen, and then… The kids get into their new routines.

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Right? Um, and we want to support them. In developing those routines, too.

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Right.

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Okay. Love it!

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Safety! Okay.

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Yeah. Um, okay, so let's… let's talk about safety. Then? Yeah. Um… So… And this can be different for everyone, right? But, um… One basic one is, like, we're gonna follow guidelines for safety relative to.

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You know, helmets, seat belts, like, anything the Academy of… American pediatricians, you know, recommends for keeping our kids safe.

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I like that one a lot, because again, it's one of those that, like, everybody's like, yeah, okay.

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Like, we'll wear seatbelts. This is an easy yes.

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Remember the day when you didn't… when I was a kid, I remember the days I didn't wear a seatbelt.

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For us, right?

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Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Um… Another one is to talk about gun safety.

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Oh, gosh. Ooh, yes.

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Right? You know? And… yeah. And generally, it's, you know, a conversation about.

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Big one.

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A parent, you know, both parents will notify each other if they are keeping a gun in the house, and that they will follow.

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Yeah.

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Best practices to… you know, store, you know, lock.

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Hmm? Hm?

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Store the gun separate from ammunition, like, all of those. Best practices there. But that can be an important conversation.

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To have done that.

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Do you do this when I do this in my parenting plan, when I'm putting in a paragraph about gun safety, sometimes I'll even add a provision that when the child is old enough.

00:18:27.000 --> 00:18:29.000
They have to take, like, a gun safety class. So they learn how to… use it properly.

00:18:29.000 --> 00:18:37.000
Yeah. That… that might be, you know, especially… and that, to me, also falls into, like, family values.

00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:38.000
Hmm.

00:18:38.000 --> 00:18:50.000
Right? So if that… that's an important thing for the family, like, they can talk about, or important for one parent, like, they can talk about that.

00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:51.000
Oh, okay.

00:18:51.000 --> 00:19:01.000
Um, I mean, my… My example is, like, my ex is a hunter, right? And he always… wanted to take the kids hunting. Like, that was, you know, and so, yes, my daughter went through the hunter safety course, I think, when she was 12.

00:19:01.000 --> 00:19:02.000
Oh, wow, okay.

00:19:02.000 --> 00:19:08.000
And, um, yeah, and so she's… out there hunting deer. So, um, yeah.

00:19:08.000 --> 00:19:10.000
Your daughter hunts deer? Wow!

00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:13.000
She sure does. She's a… she's a badass. He does.

00:19:13.000 --> 00:19:18.000
Okay, but does she skin her deer? Okay, she is badass.

00:19:18.000 --> 00:19:23.000
And then she brings it over to me for dinner. It's pretty amazing.

00:19:23.000 --> 00:19:24.000
Wow, that is so… well, I mean, sorry for the animal rights lovers out there, but I mean…

00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:37.000
Yeah, yeah, she does it all. Well, yeah, I mean, we have… Just as a side note, like, we have a deer population issue, because we're on an island that doesn't have any sort of predators for deer other than.

00:19:37.000 --> 00:19:38.000
Oh… Other than converse with it.

00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:44.000
Other than cars, so, um… Yeah, yeah.

00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:51.000
Um, yeah, so I think that's… yeah, you can definitely include a hunter safety course at some point, or a gun safety course.

00:19:51.000 --> 00:19:52.000
Yep. Um, another one we talk about sometimes is corporal punishment.

00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:57.000
Wow. Ooh, yes.

00:19:57.000 --> 00:20:02.000
And, like, where… where those parents sit on it, but also, you know, that.

00:20:02.000 --> 00:20:08.000
Both parents agree that they will protect the child from. Other individuals, right, who want, you know, who might use physical or.

00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:12.000
Mm-hmm.

00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:21.000
Corporal punishment in any way. Um, it's a good… it's a good conversation. Again, I think so many of these things can be just a good conversation.

00:20:21.000 --> 00:20:22.000
Meg, I have to ask you, did you ever spank your kids?

00:20:22.000 --> 00:20:25.000
Topic. Um… Yeah.

00:20:25.000 --> 00:20:32.000
No… I don't, like… That's a great question.

00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:33.000
No. I haven't… yeah.

00:20:33.000 --> 00:20:39.000
Hmm. I spanked my kids just a couple of times when they were younger, and then it hurt my hand.

00:20:39.000 --> 00:20:42.000
Yeah.

00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:45.000
And also, too, I felt bad. I felt so bad, and it hurt my hands, so I've only done it, like.

00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:47.000
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:54.000
Two or three times, and then I was like, yeah, I can't do this, I'm just gonna resort to the timeout method.

00:20:54.000 --> 00:20:55.000
Parenting is hard.

00:20:55.000 --> 00:20:59.000
It is hard, but it's just, you know, and then they're crying because you spanked them. I was like, oh, I can't do this!

00:20:59.000 --> 00:21:03.000
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I hear ya. I hear ya. Um, are there any other safety.

00:21:03.000 --> 00:21:07.000
Yeah.

00:21:07.000 --> 00:21:12.000
Um, items that you tend to include in Section 14?

00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:18.000
So, in Section 14, I think just following, you know, sometimes a big thing is, um.

00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:21.000
Parents shall follow the doctor's recommendations in terms of taking prescribed medicines, or, you know, like when kids have allergies.

00:21:21.000 --> 00:21:27.000
Mm-hmm.

00:21:27.000 --> 00:21:28.000
Yeah. Yeah.

00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:37.000
Things like that, or asthma, making sure that. In each household, the parent has the appropriate medication prescribed by the child's pediatrician, and that.

00:21:37.000 --> 00:21:41.000
They're also, um… They're also making sure the child takes it.

00:21:41.000 --> 00:21:42.000
Yeah, I think that's a really good one. Um, and uh… following on that.

00:21:42.000 --> 00:21:52.000
Which… Yeah.

00:21:52.000 --> 00:21:53.000
Oh, man. You're… that's a can of worms you're going down!

00:21:53.000 --> 00:22:00.000
Is, um, vaccinations. That, that's… It is a can of worms, right? But it's a good time.

00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:05.000
If we can kind of talk about it in this kind of… this arena here, right, in a neutral.

00:22:05.000 --> 00:22:07.000
Let's do it!

00:22:07.000 --> 00:22:11.000
As they're developing the parenting plan, and come to an agreement.

00:22:11.000 --> 00:22:18.000
About how they're going to treat vaccinations, um, that can really, uh.

00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:20.000
Save some conflict. In the future.

00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:28.000
Right, you know, you're, like, putting in the perineal plant that the parent should comply with the American Mechanical Pediatrician's recommendations regarding receiving.

00:22:28.000 --> 00:22:30.000
Yeah.

00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:35.000
Child-appropriate, age-appropriate vaccinations. Right.

00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:42.000
Right. Right? Um, and I think it's worth having a conversation that, like.

00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:43.000
If you go to court. On a vaccine question.

00:22:43.000 --> 00:22:46.000
Mm-hmm. Okay.

00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:50.000
The court doesn't really want to act like a doctor. Right? It doesn't. So it's always going to go back and say, what does the pediatrician say?

00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:56.000
No.

00:22:56.000 --> 00:22:57.000
Exactly.

00:22:57.000 --> 00:23:04.000
Right? So… Knowing that… like, save yourself the hassle of going to court for the court to say, what is the pediatrician say?

00:23:04.000 --> 00:23:07.000
Coinicorp. Yeah.

00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:13.000
And, um… agree that you will follow the pediatrician's recommendation.

00:23:13.000 --> 00:23:25.000
Because, you know, this… oh my gosh, this was such a huge topic when COVID came out, and the COVID-19 vaccine, and there are such big fights about one parent wanting to get it, another parent didn't.

00:23:25.000 --> 00:23:28.000
And the end result was that if you're gonna go to court about it.

00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:32.000
If that's the course they're going to follow, what you… the doctor's recommendations.

00:23:32.000 --> 00:23:33.000
That's right. Yeah.

00:23:33.000 --> 00:23:41.000
So you're spending all this time and energy for nothing, even though you don't personally believe in the vaccine, it doesn't matter what you don't… what you do or do not believe.

00:23:41.000 --> 00:23:48.000
The court's gonna say, this is what the… child's doctor recommends it's in the child's best interest and safety, so that's what I'm gonna follow.

00:23:48.000 --> 00:23:52.000
Yeah. Yep.

00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:53.000
Yeah, yeah. It really was.

00:23:53.000 --> 00:23:57.000
End of story. That was such a big dispute back in the COVID days. Woo!

00:23:57.000 --> 00:24:01.000
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Um, okay, so… That's right, there'd be a four times.

00:24:01.000 --> 00:24:06.000
In the before times, Meg.

00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:09.000
Okay, let's… let's move on to parenting values, then. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

00:24:09.000 --> 00:24:12.000
Hey, wait, can I add this in terms of safety? I always include a provision about, um, drugs and alcohol.

00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:17.000
Yeah.

00:24:17.000 --> 00:24:18.000
Mmm…

00:24:18.000 --> 00:24:26.000
Were no parent. And, you know, and again, sometimes it's a little bit getting into… I think sometimes it's just those reminders, like, hey.

00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:31.000
When the child is in… when you have your time with your child.

00:24:31.000 --> 00:24:40.000
You know, don't expose them to necessarily. People who are… getting drunk… as a skunk. You know, do things… do things in a… consume alcohol.

00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:47.000
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:52.000
In a reasonable amount, not necessarily to the point where you're so intoxicated.

00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:55.000
Where if you were to drive, you would be impaired. Or if you're consuming.

00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:58.000
Mm-hmm.

00:24:58.000 --> 00:25:00.000
Illegal drugs or substances. Sometimes it's just those, like, little reminders.

00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.000
Yeah. Yeah.

00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:12.000
Like, hey, and don't expose your child to undoing people who may be consuming illegal drugs or excessive amounts of alcohol either.

00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:14.000
Because it can be scary for a kid.

00:25:14.000 --> 00:25:20.000
Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely, that's a great one. That's a great one.

00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:21.000
Okay, so I interrupted you. Where are we at next? Parenting values.

00:25:21.000 --> 00:25:36.000
Okay. No. Okay, so we're looking at parenting values. Next. Um… So… Let me think about which one I want to start with here. I think, um…

00:25:36.000 --> 00:25:43.000
There's, uh, there's a couple that I include around protecting children from.

00:25:43.000 --> 00:25:45.000
Adult matters. Right? Right? So, things like… Child support payments.

00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:51.000
Oh, yeah.

00:25:51.000 --> 00:25:56.000
Um, kind of the progress of the legal aspects of your divorce.

00:25:56.000 --> 00:26:01.000
Um, you know, division of assets in the divorce, anything like that.

00:26:01.000 --> 00:26:03.000
That's at the adult level. That's… That's above the kid's pay grade.

00:26:03.000 --> 00:26:06.000
Yeah.

00:26:06.000 --> 00:26:14.000
Right? They don't need to know that. And it confuses them, it complicates relationships.

00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:22.000
Right? And the only reason that we are sharing that kind of information with them is because we are having.

00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:27.000
Some big emotions. The adults are having some big emotions around these topics.

00:26:27.000 --> 00:26:37.000
And we're thinking, like. Will feel better if the kids know, or we're trying to use it as a tool.

00:26:37.000 --> 00:26:38.000
To be honest. Yeah.

00:26:38.000 --> 00:26:48.000
To… to, um… Well, that's what we're thinking, to be honest, but we're using it as a tool to disrupt their relationship with their… their parent.

00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:49.000
Good point. Good point.

00:26:49.000 --> 00:26:54.000
Right? So… Keep adult stuff amongst adults.

00:26:54.000 --> 00:27:03.000
If you need space to talk about these hard topics. Find another adult to talk about these topics with, whether it's a therapist, or a coach, or your attorney.

00:27:03.000 --> 00:27:09.000
Or your BFF, like, whatever. The kids don't need to know about this stuff.

00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:12.000
Or call Meg. I'll use.

00:27:12.000 --> 00:27:17.000
Yeah, call me, right? I'll talk to you about it. Um.

00:27:17.000 --> 00:27:18.000
Yeah.

00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:24.000
You know, let me… I'm gonna chime in here. So I just… okay, so again, my boys are… I have my kids are 19 and 17.

00:27:24.000 --> 00:27:34.000
My youngest just finished his junior year of high school. And he's at… you know what's… I'm in that really tough position where he thinks he's maturing enough.

00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:35.000
He thinks he's adult enough where he should know these things.

00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:38.000
Yeah. Yeah.

00:27:38.000 --> 00:27:47.000
And I have to tell him, you know what, son? This is an adult matter. It's between me and your father, and I'm not gonna tell you. And it's hard, because guess who's involving him?

00:27:47.000 --> 00:27:48.000
His dad. And in fact, just the other day via text message, my son.

00:27:48.000 --> 00:27:53.000
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

00:27:53.000 --> 00:27:57.000
Asked me, how much are you paying down in child support?

00:27:57.000 --> 00:28:02.000
How much… and he asked me that, like, 2 or 3 times, and I said, you know what, son? I am not discussing child support with you.

00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:03.000
Yeah. Yeah.

00:28:03.000 --> 00:28:10.000
There's just no way. And I, you know, when one of my mom, when I was younger, my mom, um.

00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:15.000
Was divorced. I never even a dream to think to ask my mom, how much is Dad paying you in child support?

00:28:15.000 --> 00:28:19.000
Yeah, yeah. There's a different level of awareness. No, so… yeah.

00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:22.000
Yeah, it's like, there's no way in heck.

00:28:22.000 --> 00:28:32.000
Yeah. Um… And I think what you're getting into there is, like, uh… a principle of co-parenting.

00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:37.000
Right? Which is… Even if the other parent does this.

00:28:37.000 --> 00:28:38.000
Mm-hmm.

00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:47.000
I'm not going to. Like, it… I'm choosing, like, you are choosing. We're… we're stepping away from the parenting plan conversation a little bit here, but, like.

00:28:47.000 --> 00:28:52.000
As a principle of how I want to show up as a parent and as a co-parent.

00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:59.000
I am not going to talk about these topics. Um, even if he does.

00:28:59.000 --> 00:29:00.000
Yeah, and it's hard. Yeah, yeah.

00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:03.000
Yeah, and it's tough. It really is tough. It's tough. So hard.

00:29:03.000 --> 00:29:05.000
It's very hard. It's very hard, yeah. Uh-huh.

00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:11.000
Moving into shared values. Romantic relationships.

00:29:11.000 --> 00:29:12.000
When do parents introduce the kids to, you know, new partners?

00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:16.000
Yeah.

00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:22.000
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So… I go back and forth on whether to include this in the parenting plan.

00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:24.000
Ah, yeah. Mm-hmm.

00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:31.000
Um, we always talk about it. Um, but again, it falls into that category of, like.

00:29:31.000 --> 00:29:40.000
Would I… would you ever want. This to come to court. Like, somebody to try to say, we put it in the parenting plan that you were gonna give me.

00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:53.000
You know, one month's notice before you introduced your kid, you know, kids to a new… like, I don't know about that, but… We talk about best practices and, like, what… what would… feel respectful, right? And what would feel, um…

00:29:53.000 --> 00:29:57.000
Mm-hmm.

00:29:57.000 --> 00:30:03.000
Feel good. What… what do you usually talk about?

00:30:03.000 --> 00:30:04.000
For, uh, new partners.

00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:17.000
You know, that, I agree with you, too. That's really touchy, because… You don't want it to be… I mean, I get it, right? You don't… there's two sides to the equation.

00:30:17.000 --> 00:30:26.000
You don't want it where a partner… where a parent is introducing the kids to a new significant other, and it's only been a month.

00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:36.000
And, you know, 3 months down the road, then there's a new partner coming in. You don't want the children to be almost exposed to, like, this rotating, revolving wheel of new romantic relationships.

00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:41.000
At the same time, it can also be used as, like, a tool or a weapon.

00:30:41.000 --> 00:30:58.000
To, in a way, control the other parent, and… who the other parent decides to… bring into this new… unit with your kids, but… So going back to what you're saying, normally when I include it, it's because both parents are in agreement.

00:30:58.000 --> 00:31:00.000
And they want it in there. And normally, I do, like, it's 6… it's a 6-month time period.

00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:09.000
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, so they've… they've been with the new person for 6 months.

00:31:09.000 --> 00:31:10.000
With a new person, for 6 months.

00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:16.000
Right? And generally, I'll say, like, they're gonna let the parent… the other parent know.

00:31:16.000 --> 00:31:17.000
Mm-hmm.

00:31:17.000 --> 00:31:28.000
You know, some heads-up time before the… before they introduce. Them to the kids, right? Because the… the real point of putting it in the plan and, like, having that agreement.

00:31:28.000 --> 00:31:33.000
Is how best can we support the kids. Through this new thing.

00:31:33.000 --> 00:31:34.000
Right? And… what's in the kids' best interest is if.

00:31:34.000 --> 00:31:38.000
Right.

00:31:38.000 --> 00:31:45.000
Um, the… the parent… the other parent. Who's not, you know, bringing in the new person.

00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:46.000
Can be supportive of it. Right? Um, and.

00:31:46.000 --> 00:31:51.000
Mm-hmm. Right.

00:31:51.000 --> 00:31:55.000
Isn't surprised by it. Right?

00:31:55.000 --> 00:32:04.000
Because we want the kid. To feel like… you know, whatever they experience at the other house, whoever they're hanging out with.

00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:09.000
They can comfortably share that. With the other parent, too, right? So, like.

00:32:09.000 --> 00:32:11.000
Right.

00:32:11.000 --> 00:32:19.000
A kid who… you know, suddenly gets introduced to a new girlfriend.

00:32:19.000 --> 00:32:25.000
And comes home and tells Mom, oh, dad just introduced us to his new girlfriend, and mom's totally shocked, had no idea this was coming.

00:32:25.000 --> 00:32:26.000
Ugh. Yeah, that's not good.

00:32:26.000 --> 00:32:34.000
Right? How is she going to react? In that moment. Like, even if she… does her darndest.

00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:35.000
Right? To not have a strong reaction. Um, it's hard.

00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:40.000
Right.

00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:45.000
Because you feel kind of sideswiped that this… this new person's coming in, and all of this, so… Let's… let's help the other parent.

00:32:45.000 --> 00:32:49.000
Mm-hmm.

00:32:49.000 --> 00:32:53.000
Kind of be on solid footing, so that when the kid does come.

00:32:53.000 --> 00:32:57.000
Back and talk about it. It's not this, like, shock and surprise.

00:32:57.000 --> 00:33:02.000
Yeah, because that doesn't feel good, to get blindsided, almost.

00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:18.000
No, yeah, yeah. And I like it if they can give a little bit of a heads up. I mean, not… You know, um… Everybody's different, but… If the other parent, especially if they're going to be kind of proactive on this.

00:33:18.000 --> 00:33:23.000
Can do a little processing and work about how they feel about a new partner.

00:33:23.000 --> 00:33:31.000
Being introduced, right? Like… That's really nice, but sometimes we don't get to do that work ahead of time, and we just have to do it.

00:33:31.000 --> 00:33:33.000
Once that new person's there.

00:33:33.000 --> 00:33:41.000
No, that's why I… I mean, definitely, I think therapy is really an important process of the divorce, even if you're agreed or contested, because for one thing, talking to your counselor is a lot cheaper.

00:33:41.000 --> 00:33:45.000
Yeah.

00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:46.000
Then talking to your lawyer. And the counselor can kind of help you process.

00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:50.000
Yeah.

00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:55.000
These feelings when your ex-spouse starts. Gaining someone begins a new relationship.

00:33:55.000 --> 00:34:01.000
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely a big milestone.

00:34:01.000 --> 00:34:02.000
It is.

00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:16.000
Um, to go through, for sure, for sure. Um, one other value I like to include is that.

00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:17.000
Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

00:34:17.000 --> 00:34:26.000
You know, both parents are, um… welcome and encouraged to… attend school events, you know, come to extracurricular activities, volunteer with extracurricular activities, like… That's… that's a welcome and shared.

00:34:26.000 --> 00:34:28.000
Value.

00:34:28.000 --> 00:34:34.000
How do you address parent-teacher conferences?

00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:35.000
Okay.

00:34:35.000 --> 00:34:41.000
Hmm… I've never actually put that into a parenting plan. Um… I… I have folks who do them, I guess, both ways. You know, one, they attend together.

00:34:41.000 --> 00:34:44.000
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:34:44.000 --> 00:34:48.000
You know, and do it. And then other folks who schedule separately, and the teacher does two conferences.

00:34:48.000 --> 00:34:50.000
Yeah. Right.

00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:58.000
So, um, I do like… Uh, and I'm trying to think if I've ever included this in a parenting plan, but.

00:34:58.000 --> 00:35:02.000
As a value of communication, if one parent has a concern.

00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:06.000
You know, with school. Um, and they make an appointment, and.

00:35:06.000 --> 00:35:16.000
Talk to the teacher, like… A best practice would be, you know, to give the other parent a heads up that you're going to talk to the teacher, and then to fill them in on.

00:35:16.000 --> 00:35:22.000
Everything you talked about, right? And then, you know, then the other parent also has an opportunity to either.

00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:27.000
Attend, if that makes sense, that you guys are in that kind of communication space, where.

00:35:27.000 --> 00:35:32.000
Both people are comfortable attending, or to talk to the teacher themselves.

00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:33.000
Um, and get filled in, so… Yeah.

00:35:33.000 --> 00:35:42.000
Okay. And wouldn't that also, too, apply for, say, for example, like, if a child is, you know, annual physical appointments.

00:35:42.000 --> 00:35:49.000
Or say if a child needed a separate medical appointment because, again, they… maybe they had to talk about allergies, or maybe.

00:35:49.000 --> 00:35:50.000
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:35:50.000 --> 00:36:02.000
Orthodontia work needed. It's kind of almost that same thing, right? Where… if… I'm gonna just get the primary residential parent, or the custodial parent.

00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:09.000
Um, maybe either… letting the other parent know the appointment, or just saying, hey.

00:36:09.000 --> 00:36:14.000
I'm gonna fill you in afterwards. I'll give you, like, I will… and this has to be email. You can't be texting someone the summary.

00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:19.000
Yeah, absolutely. No take. Yeah. Yeah.

00:36:19.000 --> 00:36:20.000
Yeah.

00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:28.000
Put it in an email. I met with Mary's doctor, and Mary's doctor, she recommended, this is how we treat.

00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:29.000
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

00:36:29.000 --> 00:36:34.000
Mary's, um, teeth grinding issue, or something. Or Mary's gonna need braces, because if she doesn't get braces.

00:36:34.000 --> 00:36:37.000
Her teeth are gonna start, like, crossing over. I don't know.

00:36:37.000 --> 00:36:48.000
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Um… That's definitely something you could include in here, and who is going to be the primary person for, like.

00:36:48.000 --> 00:36:53.000
Regular wellness checkups or, um… regular dental cleanings, you know, those kind of things, and then how you will.

00:36:53.000 --> 00:36:56.000
Other major medical.

00:36:56.000 --> 00:37:04.000
Um, make decisions or, uh… share information, yeah, from each of those.

00:37:04.000 --> 00:37:05.000
That's really good, really good.

00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:13.000
Because it's… especially when… especially if you're asking. And again, you know, based on my own personal experience, there was a medical appointment scheduled for my oldest, and it had to do with, um.

00:37:13.000 --> 00:37:19.000
Yeah.

00:37:19.000 --> 00:37:25.000
My oldest needs a jaw surgery. And, uh, to kind of just… I don't even know what the condition is called.

00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:40.000
And… I wasn't… I wasn't… told of the appointment, and I get it, because there's, um, there's, um… there's a restraining order in place that I have in place between us, but at the same time.

00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:48.000
If I can't physically be there, I would have liked to have… I would have called my son so I could have.

00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:49.000
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:37:49.000 --> 00:37:52.000
Listened in to what the doctor had said, instead of being completely kept out of the loop.

00:37:52.000 --> 00:37:53.000
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

00:37:53.000 --> 00:37:59.000
And then yet being told, this is what the doctor said, and this is how much you're gonna have to pay.

00:37:59.000 --> 00:38:00.000
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:11.000
And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, I wasn't even a part of this. I wasn't even part of this conversation, I don't even know, like, I would have liked the opportunity to have asked questions.

00:38:11.000 --> 00:38:12.000
Or what have you. And it does feel a little bit almost like, um… a punch in the gut.

00:38:12.000 --> 00:38:18.000
Mm-hmm.

00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:24.000
To not even be included, or not even afforded the opportunity of this big medical decision.

00:38:24.000 --> 00:38:29.000
And just kind of being told after the fact, well, this is what you're gonna have to pay.

00:38:29.000 --> 00:38:32.000
This is what Dr. Simmons, Richard, you're gonna have to pay.

00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:33.000
So, and it does, so that really sucks.

00:38:33.000 --> 00:38:43.000
Yeah. Right, right. And… Yeah. Yes, and… Um, oftentimes… I'll say, like, more on smaller scale.

00:38:43.000 --> 00:38:44.000
Mm-hmm.

00:38:44.000 --> 00:38:49.000
Items. Um, not… not quite that large scale, right? I often encourage folks.

00:38:49.000 --> 00:38:59.000
That, um… you know, it's normal that, like, say you're just taking your child in for, um.

00:38:59.000 --> 00:39:00.000
Yeah. Yeah.

00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:07.000
You know, a regular dental cleaning, right? And the dentist says, oh, we found a cavity, you know, we want to do this, you know, you have these two options, blah blah blah.

00:39:07.000 --> 00:39:10.000
Um, the parent who wasn't there. I will say, you know, get the report from the parent who was there, so.

00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:16.000
Mm-hmm.

00:39:16.000 --> 00:39:21.000
That would be nice. And then, it's on you. To call the dentist.

00:39:21.000 --> 00:39:22.000
Mm-hmm.

00:39:22.000 --> 00:39:34.000
And have a conversation… my son came in today. Um, you said there was a thing in… you know, the co-parent said there's two different treatment options. Can you explain them all to me? What do you think is… like.

00:39:34.000 --> 00:39:36.000
Taking… taking that because… or responsibility for getting that information that you want from it.

00:39:36.000 --> 00:39:42.000
Good point.

00:39:42.000 --> 00:39:47.000
Um, uh, only because… and I'm not using your particular circumstance, but I'm just saying.

00:39:47.000 --> 00:39:48.000
Right.

00:39:48.000 --> 00:40:00.000
In a regular, um… a regular kind of health treatment setting, right? Like, it makes sense that only one parent would go to a dental cleaning, like, you don't need both people there.

00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.000
Yeah. We don't need both people. Yeah.

00:40:02.000 --> 00:40:10.000
So, yeah. So. Being okay with… um… taking responsibility for that.

00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:14.000
Kind of stuff. Or even, you know, like, the vaccine question.

00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:22.000
You know, calling the pediatrician and having your own conversation with them about, like, so… What do you think the risks are of this? Do we need it? What's the timeline?

00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:24.000
That kind of stuff.

00:40:24.000 --> 00:40:31.000
You know, just kind of even going even further in terms of what you're saying of, listen, I'm going to go back to your dental cleaning example.

00:40:31.000 --> 00:40:32.000
Yeah.

00:40:32.000 --> 00:40:38.000
Right? So, like, so let's say if I was the parent, and I took my child to the dental cleaning and say they had.

00:40:38.000 --> 00:40:39.000
Yeah.

00:40:39.000 --> 00:40:47.000
Two cavities, and I would tell my… my… my spouse, hey, the dentist said they have two cavities, this is a different course of treatment.

00:40:47.000 --> 00:40:48.000
Yeah. Mm-hmm.

00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:55.000
Here is the dentist's contact information. If you want to contact them and learn some more about the treatment options.

00:40:55.000 --> 00:41:01.000
Yeah. Yeah.

00:41:01.000 --> 00:41:02.000
Yep. Yep. And then it's on the other parent if they want to figure it out. Yep.

00:41:02.000 --> 00:41:08.000
You know, I wouldn't… I would… I would kind of go that extra and just be like, here you go, so… Then it's on the other parent, and you've… you've… that's… you've done all you can do.

00:41:08.000 --> 00:41:12.000
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:15.000
Totally. Whew. It's hard. Again, we already said parenting is hard.

00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:19.000
Good stuff! Good stuff in this other, yeah.

00:41:19.000 --> 00:41:25.000
Yeah, yeah. Um, okay. I think we have one last… one last area.

00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:26.000
Okay.

00:41:26.000 --> 00:41:40.000
Schedules, okay? Um, but we'll… We'll zoom through this quick. I like to put a, um… a line in here, or a bullet, about honoring the residential schedule.

00:41:40.000 --> 00:41:49.000
And that we're not… neither parent is going to encourage. You know, the child to not honor.

00:41:49.000 --> 00:41:54.000
The residential schedule, or tell the child, essentially, that it's up to them.

00:41:54.000 --> 00:42:00.000
What the residential schedule is, right? We're gonna… we're gonna honor what's decided.

00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:02.000
Mm-hmm.

00:42:02.000 --> 00:42:08.000
Um, any thoughts on… On that one?

00:42:08.000 --> 00:42:09.000
Yeah.

00:42:09.000 --> 00:42:15.000
No, you know, I… I do that too, because you definitely don't want the kids to… kind of be put in the middle, like, wouldn't you rather live with me full-time instead of your mother?

00:42:15.000 --> 00:42:17.000
Yeah.

00:42:17.000 --> 00:42:22.000
And… so I always put that in, because I think that's really important to have.

00:42:22.000 --> 00:42:23.000
Yeah.

00:42:23.000 --> 00:42:31.000
Uh, I was also kind of looking at. This can kind of be a big topic, too, but including a provision in terms of the child's clothing and possessions.

00:42:31.000 --> 00:42:32.000
Maybe a child has this… has a certain teddy bear, and the child wants to take it back and forth.

00:42:32.000 --> 00:42:36.000
Mm-hmm.

00:42:36.000 --> 00:42:37.000
Yeah.

00:42:37.000 --> 00:42:44.000
Or also, too, you know, it is a parent's duty to make sure your kid has clothes, and.

00:42:44.000 --> 00:42:45.000
In your own home, and especially with toddlers, you don't want to necessarily.

00:42:45.000 --> 00:42:48.000
Yeah. Yeah.

00:42:48.000 --> 00:42:53.000
Keep all the clothes that maybe Dad sends. Lucy over with, and then Lucy goes back, and she's in clothing too small, or what have you.

00:42:53.000 --> 00:43:00.000
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yep.

00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:04.000
Yep. Um, I also like to include something about, like, the child.

00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:10.000
Is, um, welcome to bring things back and forth, and the parents will help facilitate that.

00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:11.000
And that if any point there's something that has kind of, like, landed in one house.

00:43:11.000 --> 00:43:15.000
Yep.

00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:18.000
The other parent can request that it come back, you know, that kind of stuff like that. Yep, that's great.

00:43:18.000 --> 00:43:21.000
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

00:43:21.000 --> 00:43:27.000
Um, the other piece about scheduling I like to say is just noting.

00:43:27.000 --> 00:43:33.000
That the current residential parent. Is the one in charge at public events.

00:43:33.000 --> 00:43:34.000
So, if you're at a soccer game, and it's on mom's time.

00:43:34.000 --> 00:43:39.000
Mm-hmm.

00:43:39.000 --> 00:43:45.000
And there's a decision about, you know, whether to go out for pizza afterwards as a team or something like that.

00:43:45.000 --> 00:43:49.000
That's her decision. Right? Even though data's there, like.

00:43:49.000 --> 00:43:50.000
Hearing on the team and so forth. So, I just like to call that out sometimes because.

00:43:50.000 --> 00:43:54.000
Yeah.

00:43:54.000 --> 00:43:59.000
Um, it can… it can feel a little messy when both parents are there, at least.

00:43:59.000 --> 00:44:01.000
In the beginning, usually, parents kind of work… work it out over time.

00:44:01.000 --> 00:44:14.000
Uh… Right, right. And here's another thing, too, in terms of scheduling. I like to always include, you know, if a parent's going to be away with a child for more than any, you know, more than two overnights or three overnights.

00:44:14.000 --> 00:44:25.000
Let the other parent know. Like, you know, I'm gonna take… I'm gonna take Susie up to, um… Lake Chelan this weekend, you know, the Labor Day weekend.

00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:26.000
Mm-hmm.

00:44:26.000 --> 00:44:32.000
So this is where we're going to be here, and then we come back on this date if you need to get ahold of us, this is where we're going to be staying.

00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:33.000
Yeah, I like that.

00:44:33.000 --> 00:44:44.000
And that really kind of kicks in more in terms of vacation, and that's something, like, I… with the parents' agreement, it's like, okay, when do you want the supply? Only on vacations, or do you want it to apply for…

00:44:44.000 --> 00:44:47.000
70 chargers away from a parent's residential home, give the other parent the other… the heads up.

00:44:47.000 --> 00:44:49.000
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yeah.

00:44:49.000 --> 00:44:52.000
As a courtesy, honestly.

00:44:52.000 --> 00:45:00.000
I like that. I like that. Um, another one on scheduling is kind of expectations around time swapping.

00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.000
Oh.

00:45:01.000 --> 00:45:10.000
I… I like to make sure that we understand that if I… you know, if you ask me for a modification to our.

00:45:10.000 --> 00:45:15.000
Residential schedule, and I agree. There isn't any expectation that.

00:45:15.000 --> 00:45:19.000
You have to agree to my next request. Or something like that, right? So… you… you could.

00:45:19.000 --> 00:45:23.000
Oh, that's a good one, right, right.

00:45:23.000 --> 00:45:30.000
Right? I mean, but there… like, if I say yes to something, it doesn't require you to say yes.

00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:31.000
To my next thing. Not tit for tat. Yeah.

00:45:31.000 --> 00:45:36.000
It's not tit-for-tat. Do you call that time swapping?

00:45:36.000 --> 00:45:37.000
Yeah, that's usually what… yeah, that's usually what I call it.

00:45:37.000 --> 00:45:40.000
And other? Oh! Oh, I like that. Good one.

00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:52.000
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Anything else big? I mean, what I would just note is that.

00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:53.000
Yes. Yes.

00:45:53.000 --> 00:45:59.000
This Section 14 can be so customized. Too, right? So what… what your values are, what's important, you know, like, I had a family that was.

00:45:59.000 --> 00:46:12.000
Very big soccer family, right? Like, they… they put in there that they were committed to supporting their kids.

00:46:12.000 --> 00:46:13.000
Oh, that's a good one. I love that. Love that.

00:46:13.000 --> 00:46:18.000
To whatever level of soccer that they. Wanted to get to, right? Both parents were committing to doing that, right? Um, but that was already, like, a joint value, and they were just.

00:46:18.000 --> 00:46:19.000
Yeah, yeah.

00:46:19.000 --> 00:46:25.000
You know, putting it down. Um, I've had other parents kind of on the extracurricular.

00:46:25.000 --> 00:46:29.000
Lines say. You know, we commit to supporting.

00:46:29.000 --> 00:46:34.000
One, uh, like, sport per season. For each kid, right?

00:46:34.000 --> 00:46:35.000
Right. What's up?

00:46:35.000 --> 00:46:40.000
Right? But there's no requirement that we do more than that.

00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:41.000
Right.

00:46:41.000 --> 00:46:47.000
In any season. Um… uh, there might be, you know, music lessons.

00:46:47.000 --> 00:47:08.000
Um… idea, uh… what's another one? Sorry. Um… any sort of, like, religious ceremony, like, we're gonna both support, you know, a bat mitzvah or bar mitzvah, something like that, or… Um, or a certain family tradition.

00:47:08.000 --> 00:47:12.000
You know, you can put that in, too. So… It can be very customized.

00:47:12.000 --> 00:47:13.000
The family. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

00:47:13.000 --> 00:47:19.000
You know, that's a… that's a good point, and that's what I like about Section 14. Some… you could maybe put nothing, it could just be blank.

00:47:19.000 --> 00:47:20.000
Yep, yep. Yep.

00:47:20.000 --> 00:47:25.000
You could have maybe 5. Or you could have, like, 15 or 20.

00:47:25.000 --> 00:47:30.000
Provisions in Section 14. I love it. It is completely up to you and customizable when you're doing it by agreement.

00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:35.000
Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

00:47:35.000 --> 00:47:36.000
Yeah. I think that's what I have, Lonnie.

00:47:36.000 --> 00:47:39.000
That's a good point.

00:47:39.000 --> 00:47:40.000
For today?

00:47:40.000 --> 00:47:48.000
You know, that's, uh… I love the way how you talked about it in buckets. Can you kind of summarize again the four buckets you do?

00:47:48.000 --> 00:47:49.000
The header. Safety?

00:47:49.000 --> 00:47:55.000
Yeah, so it's communication. Safety, our parenting values.

00:47:55.000 --> 00:47:56.000
And schedule. Yeah.

00:47:56.000 --> 00:48:01.000
Our parenting values. Schedule. Communication safety, our parenting values, and schedule.

00:48:01.000 --> 00:48:06.000
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

00:48:06.000 --> 00:48:07.000
Yeah.

00:48:07.000 --> 00:48:14.000
Love it. Well… Thank you so much, Meg, and… to the listeners out there, that wraps up our four-part deep dive episode into.

00:48:14.000 --> 00:48:20.000
Making a parenting plan with Meg Gluckman, and if you're just turning into this episode.

00:48:20.000 --> 00:48:25.000
Go back and listen to the other past 3 podcasts that we did on decision-making.

00:48:25.000 --> 00:48:33.000
Conflict resolution, and the residential schedule. Um, Meg, this was a joy.

00:48:33.000 --> 00:48:38.000
Pleasure and a privilege. Thank you so much for, um, doing this with me.

00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:41.000
My pleasure, Lonnie, it's been great. Thank you.

00:48:41.000 --> 00:48:45.000
And Meg, how can people get ahold of you, uh, to get your help?

00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:46.000
In creating a parenting plan, or whatever else.

00:48:46.000 --> 00:48:56.000
Sure. Yeah, um, check out my website, which is just my name, Meg Gluckman, G-L-U-C-K-M-A-N dot com.

00:48:56.000 --> 00:49:02.000
And I have a ton of free resources there around separation, divorce, and co-parenting.

00:49:02.000 --> 00:49:10.000
Um, one of my favorites is Five Questions that will help you prepare for your next, um, either attorney meeting, mediation.

00:49:10.000 --> 00:49:16.000
Or co-parenting meeting, um, so that you can feel more calm and confident going into those meetings.

00:49:16.000 --> 00:49:17.000
You can grab that resource. I've got 5 questions!

00:49:17.000 --> 00:49:27.000
You've got… you've got 5 questions as a resource. Wow, I almost… that's awesome! That's great! Take advantage of that, folks.

00:49:27.000 --> 00:49:28.000
Yeah.

00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:35.000
Okay, well, again, thank you so much, Meg. Um, it was my thrill, and again, my pleasure, honestly.

00:49:35.000 --> 00:49:40.000
And for those of you, uh, my listeners, uh, thank you for joining us.

00:49:40.000 --> 00:49:49.000
On another episode of the All Kiona Law Family Podcast, wherein we talk about anything and everything that intersects in the areas of family law and divorce.

00:49:49.000 --> 00:49:55.000
Until next time, be well.

00:49:55.000 --> 00:50:03.000
I can't… how do I stop? Record. That was so much fun!