The Inner Wealth Podcast

Ep234. Part Three – Nervous System Regulation and Relationship Sovereignty (with Angie).

• Mike Kitko

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 49:02

Send me a some feedback!

In Part Three of our ongoing series, Mike and Angie dive into one of the most foundational — and misunderstood — forces shaping relationships: the nervous system. This episode explores why so many relationships become survival-based, how unconscious emotional “APPs” get installed in the body, and what it actually takes to move into a conscious, sovereign partnership. This conversation is not about fixing your partner or avoiding triggers — it’s about learning how to regulate your own internal world so connection no longer feels like a threat.

Key Takeaways

  1. The nervous system is always trying to keep you alive, not happy.
    Much of relationship conflict comes from the body’s instinct to seek familiarity and avoid past pain, not from what’s actually happening in the present moment.
  2. Most emotional reactions are markers of the past, not indicators of truth.
    Triggers reveal stored emotional energy from earlier experiences that are still running in the background.
  3. Unconscious relationships outsource emotional regulation to the partner.
    When someone doesn’t know how to work with their own nervous system, they try to get the other person to change so they can feel safe.
  4. Conscious relationships require nervous system regulation, not control.
    Learning how to process emotions internally removes the need to manipulate, demand, or fix the other person.
  5. Triggers are invitations for growth, not signs of failure.
    When met with awareness and tools, emotional reactions become gateways to deeper freedom and sovereignty.

Noteable Quotes

  • “When there’s two people like us that were unregulated in our nervous system, then we’re just fighting for survival.” 
  • “All emotion is our markers of the past. They have nothing to do with the present moment.” 
  • “You’re trying to rearrange the external world so that your nervous system can be okay.” 
  • “Nobody can take that feeling away.” 
  • “If your mind and your emotions go up and down with your bank account, you are money’s bitch.” 

Call to Action

If this episode resonates, get a copy of Mike’s latest book, Inner World, Outer World, featuring a powerful foreword by Angie, to deepen your understanding of how to step into a more conscious way of BEing. Grab yours by clicking here!

👥 Message Mike or Angie Directly
mike@innerwealthglobal.com angie@innerwealthglobal.com

Music Credit: "What's Left of Me" by Wes Hoffman & Friends

My Social Media:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mikekitko
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mike_kitko
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mikekitko
Subscribe to my YouTube: / @mikekitko

Welcome To Inner Wealth

SPEAKER_00

Do you ever wake up feeling like there's something missing in your lifetime? Do you ever feel the need to explain your business? Are you running your life or is your life running good? I might get to know and I'll help you design and create a life so authentic and aligned with who you really are. You'll get excited just to wake up. I'll help you create real wealth, success, and freedom from the inside out. Welcome to the Inner Wealth Podcast, where we learn and choose to live inspired each and every day. So every time I say 10 part series, I'm like, that's a lie. Like I get this.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, it could be forever. So it could be.

SPEAKER_00

But the point being is as soon as I say 10 parts, it's like lie. But anyway, but yeah, our to our 10-part series with an intro about our life and our relationship and uh what you know what the first 16 years was like and and what it's like kind of like now and how we interact with each other. And and going forward, we're gonna talk about some of the other aspects of our relationship that that we feel uh have have empowered something special. How are you feeling this week?

SPEAKER_03

Um, I'm definitely a lot better. I'm still have scratchy voice and um sniffly nose, but I just I was it was so funny. I was telling, we were talking about this the other day. I was watching back.

SPEAKER_01

If you've watched any of the videos, if you've been watching the clips or the YouTube or whatever, last week I literally looked like I wanted to be anywhere else in the world but here.

SPEAKER_02

That's true.

SPEAKER_01

That is absolutely not true. Mike's been putting these clips on. I'm like, oh dear God, I look like I want nothing to do with it.

SPEAKER_00

And she said that a couple times while while making the little you know, opus clips or the little reels. It's like the the look of I don't know, I I don't want to be here.

SPEAKER_03

It was on your face, but that's not no, I was just doing everything in my power to not cough or sneeze and completely ruin an entire episode because it was so bad.

SPEAKER_00

But uh some some of the clips that I did every like at the perfect time, she lifts up the the uh the toilet paper.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I do still have it today just in case I need it, you know.

SPEAKER_00

But yeah, the water's not here, but we're getting we're taking like baby steps to get better. But I'm glad you're feeling better. Yeah, and your energy's back. Yeah, so that's awesome. But I do want to be here. I know you do. Are you having fun with this so far?

Health Check And Audience Feedback

SPEAKER_03

I'm having a lot of fun, and it's been super cool because we've been getting a lot of really positive feedback about this.

SPEAKER_02

For sure.

SPEAKER_03

Um, I've gotten several DMs on my Facebook and Instagram and uh comments being made on other people's posts saying, oh, like Mike and Angie talk about, like, and that's really cool for someone who kind of just hid in the shadows for so long to hear that is it's it's really, really, really cool.

SPEAKER_00

Well, like I said, like I said in the intro, when when we we'll do events, we'll go to speaking engagements, and people come up to you and say, Okay, I heard his side of the story, but for whatever reason they think that I'm lying, or you know, they're telling the half.

SPEAKER_03

Or you're just like superly exaggerating.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, they're like, I want to hear your story, and you're like, well, see, he just told it. But uh no, it's good to get it out here. And I am having a blast doing this with you. Me too. I love this. And this is this feels like this literally feels like the next chapter of our life. Not that we're gonna be doing couples counseling and therapy.

SPEAKER_03

That's we you've expressed that a couple of times this week. We definitely don't want to throw that energy out there because that's we we have many, many, many great folks that aren't in committed relationships that we work with. Um, but you know, Mike likes to say that we he teaches through messiness. Well, now we can teach through messiness too, while we continue to teach from our own messiness on separate levels.

Sovereignty And Relationships

Today’s Focus: The Nervous System

The Laptop Metaphor: Body, Awareness, Apps

SPEAKER_00

So yeah, and the same things that apply to how we built our relationship applies to my favorite word, sovereignty. Right. And that's that's really what we teach in the Interwealth mastermind and in our teachings. We teach sovereignty, we teach someone how to find who they are, their design, their their purpose and their destiny, and live it and don't let anybody pull you off of it. And that's sovereignty. And the hardest place that I've witnessed to really step into a place of sovereignty is in a relationship, in a committed relationship. Because if and and we're gonna go into today, our episode today is about the nervous system and the impact of the nervous system and understanding the role that the nervous system has in, you know, in your life and uh and and and how it can derail everything and understanding that. But when there's someone who's unregulated in their nervous system, in when there's two people like us that that were unregulated in our nervous system, then we're just fighting for survival. And that's a survival-based relationship, which which robs you of of sovereignty, right? Right? So that's that is the power of this work. That that works just as powerfully for individuals and and and singles as it does for couples. Yeah, we just need to maintain our our sovereignty and not leak, like not leak ourselves, not leak compromise. But you ready to go? Yeah, awesome. So the nervous system. Listen, this is one of the core teachings within my work. Okay, within our work. I say my work, but because I have one-on-one calls that Angie's not privy to, and she's not on the calls, and and I I lead a community where she's not she's not there. So when I say my work, it really is our work because it's a it's a joint message, it's a uh it's joint language. Um, we talk to stuff around the house all the time. Angie, it Angie just gets really frustrated because this is really all I talk about, except right now it's like football season, it's winding down. So uh anyway, um but uh when uh someone doesn't understand about the components of their being, it's really hard to navigate life from a place of sovereignty. And there's three parts that I like, three parts of our being, and I'm not gonna say, you know, uh the the body, the mind, and the soul. That's not where we're going with this. But there's three parts to our being that we really have to understand and pay attention to. Now, I'm gonna I'm gonna teach a little bit about this, and I'm gonna lay the foundation for this. So, so this is probably gonna be a little bit more about me, unless not not me or or just me speaking, unless Angie wants to jump in here. But uh, this is critical to understand um how to really get into a conscious relationship and how to thrive there. Three parts to our being. First, we're gonna talk about uh I want you to think about a laptop or or a cell phone, okay? And I have both right in front of me. The laptop has three basic parts. It's got the hardware to the laptop. Follow me?

SPEAKER_03

No, I'm following it.

SPEAKER_00

Got it. Pretty easy, right? Got the laptop, the the the actual hardware, you got the operating system, which I use Mac, so there's iOS, right? And and non-Mac use Windows or whatever the new thing is. I don't know. I'm not a Mac guy, or I'm not a Windows guy, but there's the operating system, and that's the the thing that makes the the the hardware functional. And then you've got the apps, the programs. So the the operating system enables the the programs to work, and all three of those are critical to doing anything useful and valuable with your laptop, okay, or your phone, same thing. Now I wanna the I want you to think about this. The the laptop, the hardware is your body, okay? It's it's the container that your awareness lives in inside of, and the awareness is like the operating system, and then you've got the apps, and the apps are these programs that we live in, and sometimes they're like we call them our personality, or they're our our preferences or our beliefs, or they're they're these things that are running in our lives that frankly can be installed and uninstalled at any time.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Now the what I recognized and what I realized by doing some self-reflection and really diving into this deeply is app can stand for adaptive protective program. Okay, so for the sake of the our work together and and this podcast or or or this series or this episode, the when we say app, we're talking about an adaptive protective program. And what that is, it's something that's been installed in you to keep you safe because there's been an experience in your life that put you in a place where you didn't feel safe, and your body installed this app to prevent that from happening again.

Adaptive Protective Programs Explained

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that hit the mastermind huge when you brought that up when you came up with that and and and uh presented it to the group.

SPEAKER_00

So I am not gonna take credit for it because this stuff comes through me, not from me. Like this was this was a whoosh of awareness. I didn't make this thing happen, it just dropped into me and it was a gift from God, right? But it's for the benefit of everybody, okay? Now the the awareness is perfect. The the awareness is perfect, right? The awareness is complete, whole, perfect, divine. Um, it's the the awareness is the thing that's looking out of these eyes and the thing that's listening or watching this or listening, the awareness is what's receiving the sensory input inside of this hardware. Okay. So the hardware allows the the sensory uh parts of life to actually get in and be recognized by the awareness. Pretty simple. Okay, cool. But that awareness is perfect. Now we've got this, we've got this hardware, and this hardware is not perfect. And this hardware is literally just an animal. That's what it is. It's an animal. When you I was sitting on the couch upstairs the other day, and I'm sitting there watching my cat, and I'm looking at the cat, and the cat has a heart and kidneys and a liver, and he's got a nose, and he's got an ear, and and I look at my dog, and same thing, right? I'm like, wow, I'm an animal just like this. Body is an animal just like them. Now, I have a different, I have an awareness that's installed within this animal, and and the awareness has access to a higher level of like consciousness and and receiving and like because dogs can't see color. So uh this this animal has a higher level of functioning than a cat or a dog, but at the bottom line, the bottom line is just an animal and and it's just trying to stay alive. Okay, now we talked about that, I think, last episode, because Angie got that all wrong about keeping it alive is the thing.

SPEAKER_03

And I guarantee if you ask me again, I'm I'd botch that again.

SPEAKER_00

I love you anyway. And the so the body is an animal, the awareness is the divine, okay? It's consciousness looking out your little peepholes, and the apse are these things that are inside of the animal that are there inside of the nervous system, with only all it's trying to do is keep keep you from uh keep you avoiding pain in the past that you've experienced in the past. And you're let when we're referring to the the animal, it's just a nervous system with functioning components to keep the nervous system going. Okay, make sense? Are we are we square? I'm anything comment left out? Nope.

SPEAKER_03

I've heard nope.

Emotions As Past Markers

SPEAKER_00

You've heard it a billion times. Yeah, no, it's no, I'm just but this is really I'm I'm saying for the listener, this is important. You gotta understand this. Go back if you if you only listen to one podcast episode for the rest of your life, go back and listen to this one and just listen and listen to that. Because if you don't understand that design, if you don't understand the mechanics of your being, everything else is harder.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. And just and and to phrase that differently, once you do understand it, it makes it makes this existence a little bit easier to to swallow when you look at it like, oh, okay, I got this.

From Avoiding Pain To Conscious Living

SPEAKER_00

And and you when you recognize you, your awareness is is walking around in a big nervous system that has one goal in mind, and that's to keep you alive. And it keeps you alive by trying to keep you in familiar circumstances, and it tries to keep you in familiar circumstances because it knows how to operate there. But there are these things running inside of you called apps that are avoiding things or attached to things or that prefer things or that believe things. Some of those beliefs are true and some of them aren't, or maybe they're they're operating at a lower level of truth or a higher level of truth. But all these are are apps because all emotion, all emotion is, are markers of the past. They have nothing to do with the present moment, they have everything to do with the past. When when mom and dad, when you felt unsafe or unprotected, or unloved, or uncared for or unprovided for, or you what you felt in danger when you were a kid, when you were in that environment, and we talked about this a lot in in episode one. Yeah, when you're in a dangerous environment, your body is installing apps, the animal's installing a bunch of apps, so that you because you're all you're doing is learning from pain, and now you spend the rest of your life avoiding that pain. And those apps are are what cause you to do that, and and it'll keep you it. The unconscious way to live is for two outcomes, right? This and I'm talking about the the entire being. The unconscious way of living is to avoid pain and to seek pleasure. And that that is a very, very unconscious way to be. Okay. Higher levels of consciousness, which is what we've stepped into in our relationship, and that's what that's what brought us to a higher level, not just frequency-wise or vibration, but a higher level of consciousness in in our ability to merge our lives, is the fact that we no longer avoid pain and seek pleasure as the foundational aspect of life. All right. And this hopefully this episode helps you get there because that's what it's intended to do. Now emotion is energy in motion, and emotion is stored in in the animal in the nervous system. And things are gonna trigger during the course of your life, things are gonna trigger this emotion, things are gonna trigger the this past, these past memories in your nervous system. And if you're not aware of that or you don't know what to do, do about it, then if if I don't know that or don't know how to manage that, then I need her to say everything that's gonna keep me comfortable. Right. I need her to do everything that I need her to do to keep me feeling comfortable. I need her to be who I need her to be and serve me in the way that I need to be served and change her life so that I can feel comfortable and not feel triggered. And all those triggers are markers of the past, they have nothing to do with today. Does this make sense?

SPEAKER_03

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00

I know you know this stuff. Is there anything I'm leaving out?

SPEAKER_03

No, I don't know. You explained that really well.

SPEAKER_00

The reason we enter a relationship and try to get the other person to say the the thing, to do the thing, to be the person, to shift themselves, to compromise themselves, to meet your own needs, is because there's pain or there's something in your body that you're not looking to face or you don't know what to do with. So you're just trying to get the world, you're just trying to rearrange the external world so that your nervous system can be okay. And what we're suggesting, and what we've done, a lot of the work that we've done, is learn how to recognize when that nervous system's been triggered. Learned we we know what to do with it, and then we don't need the other to be different.

Triggers And Dependency In Love

SPEAKER_03

Right. Emotional regulation, nervous system regulation. And that's something that I just didn't, you know, that I took me years to get to that place. This is emotional intelligence.

SPEAKER_00

Neither of us had emotional intelligence when we and we didn't teach our girls emotional intelligence either, right?

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

But what part has this played now now now? You get to talk a little bit, right? That was a lot. I in our business, I am the teacher. Yeah, and Angie is a facilitator and a guide and a mentor, but literally I am the teacher because I I am fired up by teaching. Yes. What role has this stuff played in your life? And walk us through like the story of you becoming aware of some of this.

The DRILL Method Walkthrough

SPEAKER_03

Well, and I mean, I've told this story several times that damn orange. It's just a mindfulness story. Yeah. So you years ago, I was in and out of um of rehab facilities, in and out of psychiatric facilities. I was diagnosed with a huge list of mental health um issues. And so I was in and out of rehabs, in and out of psychoards, and um in and out of outpatient programs after getting out of my inpatient programs. And I remember this one program I was in, we would sit in class and they were hours long. I mean, some days, I think they some days they were eight hours long. I remember you dropping me up in the morning and picking me up later in the evening. And this one therapist, it was like this entire day was talked, it was focused on this damn little Clementine, those little Clementine oranges, look cute, though, sorry, Clementines have decided they wanted to be called cuties, so we have all obliged. So the little cutie oranges that you get around fall, and she would talk about peeling the orange slowly and feeling the peel underneath your fingers, and then smelling the peel and smelling the orange and then biting the orange and tasting the juice. And I'm like, oh my fucking gosh, like literally, lady, I just want to feel normal. I don't need to be taught how to eat an orange, I know how to eat a damn orange. And I remember watching people, and I'm still friends with some of these folks on Facebook, which is super cool. And seeing people graduate this program and go on and go into the next step. It was like it was like a step-up program. And I was always back at square one and back at square one, and I will never forget the day where it finally freaking hit me. And I was like, got it, I'm just supposed to pay attention to the orange and and ignore everything outside of this little damn orange. And it was just a huge moment for me. I mean, and then of course it was years later until we started this work, but that that little baby cutie started everything.

SPEAKER_00

But it taught you nothing in that or little in the moment, but it gave you something. Oh, all of that made sense at that later point.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it tucked it, it gave me a little nugget to tuck back into my subconscious and for me to to bring out late years later when when we started this work.

SPEAKER_00

Because I remember when and and you bounced in and out of those programs and you relapsed many times and and it many, many is how. A bunch of times. Yeah. I don't know about many, many, but I don't want to like inflate anything. But the point is, I remember when I'd say, hey, we need to get you back to the hospital. You're like, I'm not, I'm not peeling an orange again. Like it was it was a lot of pain in peeling that little friggin' orange. But what they were trying to teach you was to get out of your mind and get your focus on something else besides the present moment and not just on your pain, right? Not just on the discomfort. But if what I was hearing when you were saying that, and I've never I've never thought about this, is you didn't feel okay and you wanted something else to fix it.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. That was it. I was I was like, I don't just give me there's gotta be a medicine to fix this. There's gotta be there, there's gotta be something to fix this, and not, and it's not a damn orange in my current state of mind. So right.

SPEAKER_00

Something outside of me needed to to to to happen so that I could feel okay inside. And and there was nothing wrong with you. Yeah, you were just living in unconscious.

SPEAKER_02

I was a little bit crazy.

SPEAKER_00

Well, but but we're all operating at crazy. It's just who's operating at a higher, lower, lower level than crazy. But but the point being is I was just as crazy as you were. I I just maybe I had more ability to regulate, but you know, that that's actually, I mean, there were times where you would say some things that they were intended not painfully, and I would uh uh presume the pain in it, and we get into arguments and vice versa. So we just spend 16 years. We can go back to episode one. We spend 16 years trying not to feel, trying not to feel what we didn't want to feel. That was it. That was the whole point of our relationship, right? And then and then you know, today we still we still get on barstools and we still enjoy, you know, we still enjoy going up, you know, and and and hanging out. We love that part of our relationship, but it's not there for escapism or blackouts or things like that, because back then I think it was all just escaping.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, absolutely. And I I definitely think that you know we we've we sit on our barstools, we've met great friends on barstools, and we've had some pretty deep conversations on those barstools. It's not just it's not just sitting there just escaping and yep, it's uh get to philosophize.

Money Fear And Regulation

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, shout out to Brian, yeah, get get to philosoph, get to philosophize with with him, and and and and I'm not talking about this is another Brian, right? I'll keep me eating all these Brian's spelled B-R-Y-A-N. So it's it's it's kind of crazy, but uh the universe is bringing me all the Brian's, but uh yeah, that this this stuff, this awareness has changed everything. So in the past, when you would feel anxious, yeah, when you were unconscious, what would you do in our relationship when when you were feeling anxious, or maybe you were feeling unloved, okay, or you were feeling or you were feeling unwanted, what would you do?

SPEAKER_03

I would try to get you to make me feel loved or wanted.

SPEAKER_00

To try to do something to get you to so that you could rearrange a feeling in your body now you're feeling unloved, not right now, you're not because you're fucking hot, you're gorgeous, you wanted, trust me, you're loved, holy crap. No, like smothered, smothered love. But the point is, let's say today you you had a little episode where you felt unloved or unwanted or unseen by me. What would you do?

SPEAKER_03

I would talk to you, I would tell you that I would come to you and I would I would take what I needed from you to feel loved or wanted or seen. Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_00

Inside of your body, what would you do?

SPEAKER_03

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00

So yeah, those feelings, yeah, are they true?

SPEAKER_03

No.

SPEAKER_00

So if you're feeling them, yeah, and they're not true, is there anything I can do?

SPEAKER_03

Oh no. I mean, I I I I I can acknowledge the feeling, drill into it, right? Drop into it, recognize it, see where it's coming from, and then would you certainly like would you uh you you would and then seek out what I what once I got to the bottom of that drilling through the emotion, the feeling, then okay, what is it that I need right now? Okay, I need a hug. Okay, I need I need you, I need us to go out on, you know, like the museum this Friday, right? Like I I want to go do something productive. Yeah. So I would go through the emotion first and then seek out what I needed first.

Shadow Work And Releasing

SPEAKER_00

So I'm hearing two parts of it. So what I'm hearing is the first thing that you would do is drill into it. Where is this coming from? Why why is this here? Why is this showing up? Because it's untrue. Yep, right? There's there's there's enough material evidence to say that none of these stories, I'm I'm not unwanted, I'm not unloved, I'm not unseen. There's enough evidence to suggest that that all that's bullshit, but there's still this feeling inside. That feeling represents some past experience that you had maybe as a child, or maybe in our relationship, that it's buried pain in there. So the the the way the the method and the tool that I teach is the it's called the drill method. You drop into your body, you feel that emotion, you feel it, you amplify it, you bring it up, and you you get more into it. You recognize what's in there. What am I feeling? I'm feeling unwanted, I'm feeling unloved, I'm feeling unneeded, I'm feeling blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But these are just temporary states. Inquire, where did they come from? Why are they here? Why are they showing up now? Right. And then when you when you start inquiring into this emotion that's inside of your body, then you can start to listen to it. It'll tell you stories. And and as it tells you stories, it'll, it'll, it'll bring up a little experience, an experience or an event, or a person, or it'll bring up something that's your subconscious or your nervous system saying, here's where this came from. And most times it does. If it doesn't, that's okay. Because the last steps to most important is let go of that feeling. Okay. Because it's not an indicator of the present moment, it's an indicator of the past. And it's like plates at a buffet. Every time we let go of a little bit of that emotion, we're letting go a little of the of the collected emotion, energy, and motion that got stuck in our nervous system. And that's just an app.

SPEAKER_03

And then another one pops up. And you could have picked a worse explan example to use here. Because I'm like, the hell are you talking about feeling unseen and unloved on one? I'm like, holy crap, you could have picked like 90 other things, and you picked that one that I'm like, uh, I don't feel unloved.

SPEAKER_00

Right. I'm sure that I'm sure that's hard for you. So so in our mastermind, we talk a lot about today. We we're just having a great conversation about money fear. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_00

But I wasn't gonna like so anyway, because we're we're experiencing some some some financial volatility volatility right now. So I wasn't gonna poke that bear. But the point being is it there's a lot of people in our mastermind that are experiencing some financial.

Overgiving, Receiving, And Presence

SPEAKER_03

It came up and I had to work, I worked through it, but then I came to you and said, hey, I'm feeling scared. And it was it was just it was just a quick conversation between the two of us where you know everything is always everything always works out for us. And you know, we we trust God, we trust the universe, we trust, we trust in in us.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_03

And that conversation after going through the emotion myself, you know, that's that's just a little bit of reassurance.

SPEAKER_00

And yeah, 100%. And but in an unconscious relationship, in a s in a survival-based relationship, you're looking for the other person to solve feelings.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and when you got fi when you got fired from the second second time, you know, go get another job. Yeah like I I am scared of going, I'm terrified of ever going back to an impoverished lifestyle. And I need you, you need to fix it. You need to go get a job, you need to work 40 hours, you need to work Monday through Friday, we need 408 insurance, four weeks vacation.

SPEAKER_00

Not doing it. And yeah. But um the point being is when we were unconscious, we were looking for the other person to take the feeling away in some in some way, shape, or form. But nobody can take the feeling away. Like I said, that when you when you drill, when you drop in your body, recognize what's in there, inquire, listen to it, let it go. There's it's like that the stack of plates on a buffet. One plate goes, but another one pops up, and there's probably a bunch of layers down there. And this is just little by little letting that emotion out of our body. Okay. And we breathe it out in our in in our workshops and and in our mastermind retreats. I lead people through shadow work. And shadow work is simply getting into the emotion that you're trying to avoid and feeling it and amplifying it and beginning to release it from your body, right? Because it's in there. You've been you've been trying to trying to escape it your whole life. So when we get into it, we mix it up that with that emotion and we feel it and we amplify it. We start to breathe it out, we start to let it go. There's less of it over time, and our nervous system begins to regulate. And we learn how to regulate our nervous system, and our triggers become our greatest source of growth. And in a conscious relationship, I don't intentionally trigger her, but when I do, it's for her growth. And I don't intentionally, but when she gets triggered, like right now, when she starts to feel like little Angie, four, five, six years old, had didn't know where her next meal was coming from. And we went over that in episode one.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Right? Little Angie didn't know where her next meal was coming from. Little Angie didn't have a television. Little Angie was was uh punished the whole the whole summer. Little Angie didn't know where she was going to be living from from day to day. And when there's a little bit of like when there's a little bit of emotional or financial volatility, then her her nervous system starts to starts to get out of whack. And that doesn't mean that the finances need to change. It means that there's some drill drill work to do.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, there's something for me to work through and release.

Spotting Apps In Daily Life

SPEAKER_00

There's something to work through. It doesn't mean anything needs to be fixed immediately. It doesn't mean there, it doesn't mean that there's danger. And there's a lot of people in the world that are reacting to these survival signals, to these apps, to these adaptive protective programs that they're running, like your money pro like your money app, right? Your money fear app. Angie's running a money fear app. And when and when you you see the bank account go down and that and and you get that that insecurity, that burst of insecurity, that's that money fear app saying, hey, I'm still on. And and you know, uh the conscious work is uninstalling that money fear app, not just fixing your your uh your bank account. And there's a lot of people just reacting to these apps instead of learning how to let them go and uninstall them and reinstall a healthier money fear app. And and what I believe to be completely like the spiritual purpose of this lifetime is God loves us so much that God will constantly allow us to experience those triggers so that we can let go of that, so we can ascend in our level of consciousness and really understand how powerful we are as spiritual beings, not just material material beings. And if we're not triggered like that, if you're holding a lot of money fear and you just keep putting money over it, you'll think that the money fear is gone, but the money fear is not gone, it's buried. And when the money goes away, you'll feel that fear and you won't know what to do with it. You'll just think you just need a lot of money. And this gets to the root of it, the issue. And uh in the in in it, there's a great book called The Untethered Soul, and Michael Singer calls these, he calls apps thorns. And these are thorns that are buried and lodged inside of you. That if you don't address them and deal with them inside of the nervous system, they will run your life and you will spend your entire life trying to avoid pain and experience pleasure. Anything I missed?

SPEAKER_03

I don't think so. No, no, no, I think I didn't put the the drill method in there is is I think that's that's what really helps clear those apps out. And they'll never be gone. I really don't, I truly don't believe that they'll ever be gone.

SPEAKER_00

I agree.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and I think that recognizing, you know, even just when I went through that little spurt the other day with my my financial insecurity app, you know, just recognizing, oh wow, back years ago I would have like just spiraled and and now I have you know now I can I can irregulate it. It's I'm I'm okay.

Red Pill Work And Emotional Courage

SPEAKER_00

I'm okay. There's a I have an app in that I'm that that runs and Angie Angie spots it from a million miles away. And there's nobody that can that sees this app and and can can help me understand it more than an angie. And and when she brings it to my attention that the app showing up, it it all I in the past I would be, I would, I would have taken it personally, but now it's just like okay, spiritual relationship, my benefit. She's showing me this. I feel this, got it. And there's a there's an app that I run, and you could call it the overgiving app. And I am a I am a serial overgiver. And um receiving has been difficult for me. Where uh giving feels good and receiving feels like selfish, guilty, uh and it almost feels like like I'm being selfish. And that's a that's a a receiving app, uh, uh an overgiving app. And we were we were the other day, we were getting out of uh, we were at the grocery store, and it drives me crazy because all the successful people and all the wealthy people that I know, when they go to the grocery store, they they never leave their carts outside. Yeah, right. It's the people that are you know that aren't like happy and aren't free, they're leaving their carts all around the all around the the the the uh grocery store parking lot. But there were like three or four Costco, yeah. Costco, there were three or four grow grocery carts, and Mike did a rescue. I was gonna go out and round them all up and and and put them away. And she said, she's like, there you go again. It's like it's like you're all you're doing is is just giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, and trying to, you know, tip trying to trying to fix everything everywhere and not let other people like help in this stuff.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I mean, we rec we did that too. We kind of we I can't remember where we were, but we you you brought that to our attention because just even being out, I don't know if we were in Cancun or what, we were where you were trying to clean up at the bar or something, and we're like, we're always so worried about everything that's going on around us.

SPEAKER_00

It's like we're like our our our minds are are we on but we're on a satellite ditch, yeah, always scanning the environment for how can we be of service to other people.

SPEAKER_03

And I mean that takes away from from from presence. I mean, even us walking down the street, if we see trash, if if Mike and I see trash on the street, we pick it up, right? And just little things like that. But are we allowing all these external things around us to take away from a present moment?

SPEAKER_00

And it's not it's not to not help and not be courteous and not be of service and not be of benefit and not add value to the world. But so because it is that that is that is how I choose to live, but it's not not sacrificing my life in order to do it.

Generational Money Apps And Consumerism

SPEAKER_03

Right. And I think also it's different, it's different circumstances. Like last night we were at our at our favorite local local, we're regulars at the local restaurant called Cyburgs here, and one of the elderly ladies who's who comes in frequently, she needed a ride home. And of course I'm gonna give you a ride home. Like I'm not gonna leave, leave this little lady who I've known for for a while now at the bar. But you know, if you see trash on the street, it's just it's the things that don't have impact. Like when the carts are out, and I look at it like if you go and take the carts, you're taking away someone's job, and that's their livelihood. And if you're if you're corralling the carts, that 16-year-old that works at Costco who makes their fun money by by going to pick up the carts, you're taking his job away.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and I think it so this is just it's recognition, and this is why I've talked about the uh you know, the working title of my next book being uh uh built built to uh give and rebuilt the receipt, because in my nervous system, feeling like feeling receptive to other people pouring into me the way I pour, my nervous system kind of gets gets triggered a little bit. Okay, there's a little bit of there's a little bit of fear in there, and that that goes back to childhood circumstances and it's selfish to want anything, right? So that these are all apps that are that that can can control our life, and all we're doing is trying to avoid those triggers in our body, and we're trying to do things, do things and do things for others and rearrange things to feel okay. And when we recognize this, when we when we start this nervous system work and and we get in tune with this work, and we get in tune with feeling the triggers and trying to understand what they're telling us, drop in your body, recognize what's in there, inquire into it, listen to it, and let it go. When we as we master the drill method and and this the art form of releasing the emotion that pops up, we can start to feel more free and and more sovereign in the world and not not be entangled with the world, not be entangled with our circumstances, not need to be anything other than ourselves. What else you got?

SPEAKER_03

I also wonder when we do when we let's say on this this specific thing when you're you're trying to fix everything around you, are you trying to satisfy an app? Is there an app that's in there that you're trying to now to soothe something? Is there something by performing these tasks and and fixing things? Is there an app in there that's just that's screaming and that kind of quiets it?

Key Takeaways And What’s Next

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, uh absolutely. That's great. And and that's the the fear app, right? The money fear app. Like you you want to get some more money, so that money fear app kind of kind of shuts off for a little bit. But this this work is all about recognizing the apps. And we're gonna do an episode later in the series about self-awareness, the power of self-awareness and power of understanding your design and and your purpose and your destiny. Because if you're not aware of what's happening in your body, if you're not paying more attention to what's happening in your body than in the world, then then you're you're just And and I'm I'm using this word, but you're being a victim of circumstance. You're not being the master of it. Yeah. Right. You're you're trying to get the world to look a certain way. You need the world to look a certain way so you can feel good. And this is saying, no, let me stop leaking sovereignty. Let me take my power back. Let me not give money the power over my nervous system. Let me not give my my wife the power over my nervous system. Let me take that control, the authority, the sovereignty, a personal power back, and then show up as me. And if she needs me to be somebody that I that I'm not, then we got other issues. And that that's where the you know sovereignty, we leak leak even more sovereignty in, and that becomes a survival-based relationship. So it all ties together.

SPEAKER_03

Control what you can control.

SPEAKER_00

Control what you can control, influence what you can influence, and for God's sakes, never try to control what you only influence. And take back your sovereignty, take back your authority, your personal authority, take back your personal power, and just show up as you and the things that are meant and aligned for you will lean in, and the things that are meant and aligned for you will lean away. And both of them are perfect. So, but it starts with nervous system, understanding the power of the nervous system and the role it plays in our lives.

SPEAKER_03

It's a lot, it is, it's a lot.

SPEAKER_00

It was unconscious. This is the matrix, the matrix is a was a documentary. And all the matrix was about is the red pill, blue pill, right? Red pill. Do you want to see the truth or blue pill? Do you want to keep living within the illusion? Right. And you can't see my hand on the on the video, but the red pill was about truth, and the blue pill was about illusion. And to swallow the red pill means you're going to start feeling things that you'd rather not feel. You're going to start experiencing things that you'd rather not experience, and you're going to start seeing the reality of how chaotic it is inside your body and how how how chaotic it is in survival mode. And that's exactly what this is. This is red pill work. And not everybody has the appetite for it, right? Not right away, but it starts with getting into this the whole ability to shift from any sense of survival mode in the creation mode or survival relationship into a conscious relationship is the willingness, the ability, it's emotional courage, the willingness and the ability to feel the any and all emotions and continue to be okay. But it takes getting into the body, getting your awareness into the body and understanding what you're feeling in the drill method can help. There's a lot of other methods in the world that can help. EFT, the Sedona method, all of these are useful and valuable, viable methods. Pick the one that works for you, but start releasing the stuff inside your nervous system. And when you get triggered, recognize it's a gift. It's not a curse. Right.

SPEAKER_03

It's an opportunity, opportunity to reveal another layer of the onion and get rid of get rid of one piece and let the other let the next one come on.

SPEAKER_00

And the next one will come up. Oh yeah. The next one will come up. One of my favorite sayings, and and we'll I'll end it kind of we'll end it and we'll start to fade away on this. But one of my favorite sayings that that I thought of one time when I was doing some again mindfulness work, some sometimes this stuff comes through me, is if if your mind and your emotions, your your nervous system, goes up and down with your bank account, you are money's bitch. Money's got you bent over, and and you're not controlling your money, and you're not you're not owning your money. Your money is controlling and owning you. And the same thing can be said about a marriage, the same thing can be said about the way your body looks, the same thing that can be said around words of needing constant affirmation or validation or whatever. If if if you give up your power to anything, then you're leaking sovereignty, and it's time for us to take back. Right?

SPEAKER_03

I'm definitely still running the I Am Money's Bitch app.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. It's it's present. The Great Depression did a number on us. And we're still only a few generations from the Great Depression. And the Great Depression created all of this financial pressure that we're feeling that we feel now. All right. There wasn't there wasn't the financial pressure before the Great Depression that there is now. And there wasn't as much of an emphasis on money as there is now. The Great Depression created a lot of that, and we're still we're still experiencing the ripples. The the the the pain and the suffering and the uh the apps that you have in your nervous system were present in your mom and dad, and they gave them to you.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And they were present in their mom and dads, and and they gave them to them. So they were running their money apps, you're running your, you're just, but now we we hear break in the cycle. You're letting a little of that go. And as we let it, as we let some of that go, our kids are starting to let some of that go.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, we're yeah, the work we're doing now is going to affect future generations. And we we spoke about this on today's mastermind call, you know, the the Great Depression that happened, but now this generation, we our generation and everyone out here now, we have the battle of consumerism, the battle of overconsumption. So that then on top of the of all the fear put into us by the Great Depression, like we're just adding on to that, we're adding on another layer. And it's like, can we work through all of that? Like that's and I I spoke about that this morning on the mastermind call, is that that's what that's a huge focus for me this year is to work on that that overconsumption, the consumer, the over-consumerism mentality. Because if we don't heal that now, then we're just giving that down to future generations. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Right, for sure. All right. Well, I hope that was helpful. I hope that uh I hope that opened your eyes a little bit. It sure has opened our eyes. We got a long way to go on this journey. This was episode three or part three. Yeah. Um, we got you know, seven more episodes in in the hopper, seven more parts in the hopper, but you know, we're gonna talk about uh the love languages, the love language line. We're gonna talk about uh Angie talks about standards versus conditions. We're gonna get into that more. Manipulationships versus relationships, manipulationships versus relationships. We're gonna talk about where we still have teed up uh uh a whole bunch of good stuff. So uh living a life where you're just you know we're in in a marriage, in a relationship where you're just taking care of everybody else's needs at your own expense. We got a lot teed up, right? Just keep joining us. Thanks for tuning in this episode. Thanks for sticking with us as long. And we are having, I am having a ball with this. I don't think I've ever been this fulfilled doing podcast episodes because I get to sit next to my favorite, absolute favorite person in the world and spend even more time together because every second of every day is just not enough, I guess.

SPEAKER_03

I'm having a great time too.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, look, yeah, yeah. Let's keep having a good time together.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, no, this this is super cool. I really do enjoy this. And and we do spend an obscene amount of time together. Happily, very happily.

SPEAKER_00

Very good. It's not obligation.

SPEAKER_03

No, not at all. We call it, we we joke about our level, our our fun, our fun codependence because we actually enjoy this.

SPEAKER_00

So it's just like our dog, our dog walks from room to room. Oh my gosh, codependent ones. Yeah, but look, until until uh next episode, keep crushing it, keep letting this stuff soak into your into your awareness, into your operating system, into your body, and uh start to let go of those apps. They're just adaptive protective programs. They're expired, you can uninstall them. Get get uh get the work installing them. We love you guys, and we'll see you next week.

SPEAKER_03

Thanks, guys. Bye.

SPEAKER_00

If you enjoyed what you heard and you want to learn more, go to www.innerwealthglobal.com for more tools and resources.