Ep259. Over-Responsibility vs. Generosity: The Pattern Keeping You Stuck on the Over-Giving Side of Life.

Over the past several episodes, Mike has explored the balance between giving and receiving and why so many generous people become chronic over-givers and under-receivers. In this episode, he shares one of the biggest breakthroughs of his own journey—a realization that transformed how he understands giving, boundaries, and receiving. 

The breakthrough is simple but profound: responsibility and generosity are not the same thing. Responsibility rooted in guilt and obligation leads to depletion. Generosity flows from abundance, healthy boundaries, and a willingness to receive. This episode will challenge the way you think about helping others and caring for yourself. 

Key Takeaways

1. Over-Responsibility Creates the Over-Giver
Many people don't over-give because they're generous—they over-give because they feel responsible for everyone else's well-being. 

2. Generosity Comes from Abundance
True generosity is freely given from overflow, while over-responsibility is driven by guilt, obligation, and fear. 

3. Healthy Boundaries Protect Your Well-Being
You are responsible for your own well-being. Healthy boundaries allow you to give without sacrificing yourself. 

4. Receiving Increases Your Capacity to Give
The more willing you are to receive, the more you can give from abundance instead of depletion. 

5. Freedom Begins When You Let Go of Over-Responsibility
Releasing responsibility for everyone else's happiness creates space for both you and others to step into greater personal power. 

Notable Quotes

• "There's a difference between responsibility and generosity. We can be generous without being responsible for other people. We can demonstrate generosity from abundance and overflow without carrying responsibility for someone else's well-being."
• "Healthy giving does not contain elements of responsibility for another person's well-being. But when you give from obligation, guilt, shame, or fear, you're no longer giving from generosity—you're giving from over-responsibility."
• "I realized that I had spent most of my life putting myself second because I felt overly responsible for everyone around me. That over-responsibility created the over-giver... and it also created the under-receiver."
• "You are responsible for one person in this lifetime, and that's you. Everything else you choose to give beyond that can come from generosity instead of obligation, and that's where real freedom begins."
• "The greatest lie ever handed down from generation to generation is that it's better to give than receive. When you level up your ability to receive, you stop being over-responsible for everybody else, and you finally step into the abundance that's been waiting for you all along."

Call to Action

If this episode challenged the way you've thought about responsibility, spend a few moments reflecting on where you've been carrying burdens that were never yours to carry. Where have you confused generosity with obligation? Where have you been saying "yes" because you felt responsible instead of because you genuinely wanted to give?

If you're ready to break free from over-responsibility and learn how to give from abundance while receiving with ease, join Mike for the Built to Give, Rebuilt to Receive Workshop on August 28–29, just outside of St. Louis, Missouri. Together, you'll uncover the conditioning that created the over-giver, retrain your nervous system to receive, and learn how to live from overflow instead of depletion. Click here for details and to register.

Questions about the workshop or working with Mike one-on-one?

mike@innerwealthglobal.com

No assistant. No gatekeeper. Just a conversation about helping you let go of over-responsibility, embrace healthy generosity, and create a life where giving and receiving flow with equal ease.

Mike's Media:

Website: https://www.innerwealthglobal.com/
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Music Credit: "What's Left of Me" by Wes Hoffman & Friends

Transcript

Why Giving Equals Receiving

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Welcome to the Inner Wealth Podcast where we learn and choose to live inspired each and every day. The last four or five weeks, the last four or five episodes of the Inner Wealth Podcast have been the theme of receiving, giving and receiving, giving versus receiving, the balance of giving and receiving. And what I've been diving into, and one of the things that's really starting to um, I guess, heal, uh, for lack of a better word, or resolve in my life, is the imbalance between giving and receiving. And I bought into at a very young age the absolute destructive lie that it's better to give than receive. It's not better to give than receive. Greatest lie ever handed down from generation to generation. The uh the absolute truth is that giving and receiving are equal and they're an exchange and they're both equally valuable. And in order to live a very super high quality life, like I know we all want to live, we must be willing to receive at an equal level that we give. And if you're anything like me, and an overgiver, a massive overgiver and under-receiver, I am surrounded by people that struggle to receive. And in my inner wealth mastermind, there's people in there there that are, you know, we talk about receiving and how in some cases, how receiving easily is difficult. And it's almost like our nervous systems are wired to give and not receive. And our nervous system only has one goal and one goal only, and has to keep us alive. It tries to keep us alive by keeping us in familiar circumstances, and it tries to keep us in familiar circumstances because it knows how to keep us alive there, and it has proven to be able to do so. And any change of anything, whether it be a behavior, an act, a decision, a feeling, an emotion, threatens the nervous system. And it's like it sends up signals and flares of danger and it tries to get us back into something familiar because it knows how to keep us alive there. And receiving, the balance of giving and receiving are exactly the same. If if you're anything like me, my my upbringing, my childhood was all about not being selfish and not wanting too much and not, you know, not being too much and just shrinking myself for the benefit of everybody else around me. And my, you know, what whether it be my parents, my siblings, it was all always about you're selfish, you're selfish, you're selfish. You always get what you want, right? You ask for too much. All those things went in to build a narrative and a story that that I carried around in my nervous system for 53 years and 53 and a half, and now I'm starting to dissolve it. But all these stories in there about giving and receiving. And it's better to give than receive. And if you

Built To Give Rebuilt To Receive

SPEAKER_00 5:38

ask for too much or receive too much, then you're greedy or you're selfish. And those are all lies. We are here to be on the receiving end of life just as equally we are here to be on the giving aspect of life. And this is an exchange. And we must be willing to level up in our ability to receive at an equal value, at an equal level, than giving. And the book that I'm writing right now, the workshop that I've launched and I announced for August 28th and 29th, right outside of St. Louis, Missouri, is called Built to Give, Rebuilt to Receive. And it's where we start the process to help you understand, you know, what how you've gotten to this place of overgiving. And from there, I help you understand the work required to level up in your ability to receive. And it's a two-day powerful workshop. I invite everybody to come and hang out. And no matter your level of competency or capability or capacity of receiving, it will help you level up from there. So this isn't just for just for people that haven't been on the receiving end of life. This is for people that want to upgrade their ability to receive in life. And I'm talking about receive everything compliments, money, success, love, uh every pleasure, all of it. It's to level up in all aspects of achieving or uh receiving in our life. All right. So

Real Stories Of Learning To Receive

SPEAKER_00 7:11

I invite you to come and hang out. I'll put the link in the comments. I'd love to come and play. We're gonna have a lot of fun. This is the first time I've ever launched this workshop or or taught this type of content, this type of material. But as I'm understanding it more and more on a daily basis, and as I'm stepping into it, I wanna lead the charge in helping us kind of get move past this struggle to receive. All right. I had in my mastermind, I just had a one of my students when we were at our retreat in Nashville, Tennessee. She was talking about, you know, leading yoga and leading women's circles. And just yesterday, just yesterday, as I record this podcast episode, just yesterday, she led her first yoga session. And that that's super, super exciting. Like we she allowed herself to receive what she wanted to receive. And up to this point, she's been a massive overgiver in life. She gives to her kids and she gives to her husband and she gives to her family and everybody around her. But receiving anything positive and anything beneficial for herself has been, you know, it's caused her a lot of guilt and shame. And now she's allowing herself to be on the receiving end of life. There's another guy that that's in the Interwealth mastermind. He he launched a candy business and people are starting to ask for his candy. And receiving the love, receiving the praise, receiving the quote the requests has been a struggle for him. And I he just sent me a couple of messages, a couple of texts about how uncomfortable it is even getting orders for his candy, because he's an overgiver and he overgives regularly and he hasn't allowed himself to always be an easy receiver, easily on the receiving end of life. And in the mastermind, in my life, in the lives of everybody I'm coming in contact with, I'm helping them step into another level of healthy selfishness. And I'm I'm asking them, where aren't you selfish enough? Let's let's level up in our ability to be selfish in all aspects of life. But the only time that we're crawl we cross a line with selfishness is if we intentionally hurt someone to get what we want. That's the only time you ever cross the line, is when you hurt somebody intentionally because you asked for what you want or because you take what you want, because you get what you want at somebody else's expense, deliberately and intentionally. But in our lives, in our business, in our relationships, it is super, super important, critical, and relevant that we

The Drill Method For Resistance

SPEAKER_00 9:53

level up in our ability to receive. And that's what that's what my life and my teachings and the content has been about over the last four or five weeks. It's where aren't you being selfish enough? And let's level that up. Let's get past the nervous system collection and accumulation and the noise and the suffering and the pain that's collected in the nervous system, the blockages that are keeping you on the overgiving side of life and the under receiving. And just this morning, as I work through all this and as I do the energy work, because that's what this is, nervous system work is very much somatic and energy work. As I, you know, in the morning, I've done episodes about the drill method, drop into your body when when you when you start to feel some resistance in life, right? And some pain and or some resistance in your nervous system, drop into your body, recognize what you're feeling, uh what you're feeling, inquire and investigate into what it's trying to teach you, listen to what it's saying, and then let it go. And every time you let it go, every time you let that resistance go in your body, there's less to deal with. And this is how we let go of the resistance that's in our nervous system that keeps us stuck in life. And we become more free inside, our limitations open up, our comfort zone opens up, and we allow ourselves to grow. We allow ourselves to be on the receiving end of life. You can either have comfort or growth. And to become or to grow, you must feel the discomfort of the growth, and then drop into your body, recognize what you're feeling, and inquire and investigate, listen to what it's trying to tell you, and then let it go ultimately. And every time you become a little more free, and every time, every time you drill into anything, you're going to open up your nervous system to new circumstances and new levels of freedom. I hope this is making sense. And as my students start to be on the receiving end of life, they're using the drill method, they're using shadow work, they're using some of the tools that I teach in uh build to give, rebuilt the receive, they're using some of the tools to allow themselves to be on the receiving end of life in a in a more comfortable way, in a more flowing way. But as I do my nervous system work every morning, as I do this nervous system work each and every day and in all interactions, I am coming to new realizations. And part of this podcast is me sharing what I'm realizing, me sharing what I'm learning. And this is a mechanism, a channel for a method for me to share what I'm learning. And it's you're watching, you're literally by what by listening to this podcast episode, or by listening to this podcast, you are literally listening to me learning in the world, and I'm learning or I'm teaching what I'm learning. And I just had a realization today that was, it seems so freaking small, but it has been super profound today. And I also shared it on uh on my call this morning with with uh my my mastermind in our Soul Sciences call. And I shared this little profound revelation, and uh immediately I got you know one or two people that freaking it it just cracked them open and and it allowed them to see something different. I for the 15th time, I'll say I've been a massive overgiver. And I remember one story, and and I this is one of my favorite stories, one of my recogn, uh favorite recognitions of the fact that I was an overgiver and and I took pride

Marine Corps Lesson On Overgiving

SPEAKER_00 13:31

in depleting myself, I guess, or giving more than I received, or giving more than I asked for. And it gave me like a almost a sense of self-worth and self-esteem and significance. But that's why I was always on the giving end of life and not on a receiving, because I always derived my significance to giving, and I wouldn't allow myself to receive because that felt shameful. It was like I was robbing somebody else of significance. But one time I was in the Marine Corps in the United States uh Marine Corps in Denver, Colorado. I was stationed at Lowry Air Force Base back in 1993, and right before a year or two before Lowry Air Force Base closed. But it was a training facility. And I was in school, in tech school for a year. And I remember one day there was a Marine named Lance Corporal McLeod, and he was walking one of our new guys around the uh the floor, the deck. And we're in the Marine Corps, so we use naval terminology, but walking around uh on the Marine Corps deck where all the Marines were stationed, where where we were. And I remember hearing him say, there's there's only, he was telling the new Marine, he said, there's only three people right now you got to get to know immediately. One, and he pointed to the senior Marine's room, he said, Lance Corporal Nicholas, that's your senior Marine. He is the senior Marine on deck, and he is responsible for this floor, this deck, and all of us operating well. He said, Pointed down to the squad leaders' rooms. There were four squad leaders' rooms in succession, and he said, There's the squad leader's rooms. And just get to know your squad leader. And I don't think he, I don't think he mentioned which squad leader it was, but there's your squad leaders, get to know your squad leader because that's your second in command. And then he pointed down to my room and he said, There's Kitko. There's Kitko's room. And most times Kitko is going to be able to help you more than the senior Marine or your squad leader will. And if you need anything, Kitko is always a helping hand. Now, I was like a bank to the Marines. I would lend money to them and never ask for interest. It was like an interest-free loan. They would, I would help them, I would always be of service, I would always be of value. I was always lending my stuff out. Like I had knocks on my door all the time, people coming to ask for what they needed from me. And I was all I always said yes, even if it was at my expense. And I I know it sounds ridiculous now, but I was naive and I didn't know how to be on the receiving end of life. And it did, it didn't start with this. It it this is just carryover from learning how to shut down my receiving faculties before. And I remember the parade of Marines coming to ask me for help. And I was always a helpful hand. And that's why I was always, always, always an overgiver. And I never, I always felt shameful for asking for help. And I always tried to figure out a way to do it myself. But that's why I became so self-sufficient, is because of the guilt and shame that it created in me to bother, and I'm air quoting, to bother or burden anybody else. Right. This is what I mean when I say an imbalance in our ability to give and receive. All right. Giving is not better than receiving, even though I adopted that belief when I was a child. I got to level up in my ability to receive. Okay. Here's where the new awareness comes into play. My children are 24 and 21 years old. Mine and Angie, Angie, my wife Angie, mine and Angie, mine, my and Angie's kids are 24 and 21. And we still pay their car payment, we still pay their car insurance, we still pay their their cell phone because they're still they're still trying to like the youth today and the 20-somethings today aren't like us. When I was growing up, when I was growing up, when I was 24 years old, I was completely self-sufficient. But it was a different world. It was a different economy, right? It was a different set of factors. It the cost of living wasn't quite what it is today. And you could easily afford with a with a decent job, you can easily afford to be to be autonomous. But anyway, we take care of our kids. And I there's times where you know people like Angie, some of Angie's family, Angie grew up in in dirt poverty. Some of Angie's family asked for, you know, asked for money because of their situation. And we we've struggled up until now to ever say no to anybody. All right. The nos, when the news come, it's not easy for us. But here's what I've realized today is I have said yes to almost every request that's been made of me. And I've I've put most people first out of I'm not gonna say

The Hidden Driver: Over-Responsibility

SPEAKER_00 18:48

that yet. I have put myself second in most interactions. And if it's between what you want, if what you want and what I want are in conflict, then I've tended over 53 and a half years to subvert myself and to make you more important than me. And that's an inability to receive. That's an that's an overgiver. And I realized this morning that there's a reason that I did that, and it comes down to one word and it's responsibility. I have felt an over sense of responsibility for everybody in my life. For family, for clients, for prospects, for strangers. I have felt an over responsibility for everybody. Like I am responsible for everybody else's well-being. And my well-being is less important than their well-being. That that wasn't, I it might that might sound very, very simple to you, and it might be, well, no shit, right? You're not responsible for them. But I it was kind of like game-changing when I when I reflected on and contemplating the magnitude of over-responsibility that I felt for everybody in my life. And that is what created the overgiver and the under-receiver is that over sense of responsibility that I had for everybody else. And right after right after I had that realization and I had that aha, I'm like, okay, so let's unpack this and let's understand this at a deeper level because I don't want to, I don't want to say no to everybody. I don't want to just not be on the giving end of life. I don't want to just just practice selfishness for the sake of selfishness and just say no to everybody and only receive. So what's the what's the balance to the over-responsibility?

Generosity Without Obligation Or Shame

SPEAKER_00 21:04

What is the balance? How do you how do you balance that out? And how do you make sense of the the the equality of giving and receiving when you're trying not to be over-responsible for everybody else? And when I when I really sat with that for a while and dove into it, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and it felt really good to come to this awareness. There's a difference between responsibility and generosity. And we can be generous without being responsible for other people. We can execute and demonstrate generosity, which is from abundance and from overflow, without being responsible to others, and responsible for others. When we give from a place of less than overflow, it's because we we feel a sense of responsibility for the other person's well-being. Healthy giving does not contain elements of responsibility for another person's well-being. And this is what generosity is. But if you feel responsible for somebody else's well-being, and you give from a place of obligation, of fear, of guilt, of shame, that's being over-responsible. I hope this is making sense. I hope this is clicking. Because it clicked for me in a big way. And I hope I'm saying it in a way that makes sense for you. Because when I shared this with this with another student in the Interwealth mastermind that I know has the same struggles, he said, it's so simple, but it's so difficult. And I got a text that his voice was amplified. And it's like, this is a great realization. It's like some things that he had always always like fallen prey to, I guess. I don't know another way to say that. I'm not going to use the V word. But things that he he had fallen to in the world, it they started to make sense. He felt responsible for other body, everybody else, uh, everybody else's well-being. And he wasn't able to say no to them. And an inability to say no because you don't you don't have overflow, or you're not feeling inspired, or it'll deplete you, or it'll it'll lessen your well-being. That's being over responsible for other people. And that's that's a lack of healthy boundaries for yourself. My children are 24 and 21. They are above the age of being minors in this world, and they are legally their. Own human being. I literally have no more legal responsibility to my children. Now, I still give to them because I am generous. And one of my daughters, even, my daughter Megan, even sent me and Angie a text that said, thank you guys for being so generous. Not all the parents here at college are. They make their kids, their kids are in school taking classes, and they're also working just to pay their car payment or their car insurance, or even their more rent. And although our daughter Megan has some fiduciary responsibility, she does have a job and she does pay for some of her bills. We carry the burden of them because we want her mindset and her focus to be in her schoolwork. And we do that because we're generous, not because we're overly responsible to her. When she can assume more control over our finances, we'll give it to her. But for now, we're going to continue to be generous because we can be generous and still be selfish. Those two can fit in the same body. They can live in the same body. And I said that on last week's episode. Being selfish and generous can live in the same, the same body and take up the same space because when you allow yourself a healthy dose of selfishness, you're going to have more to give away. And you can be even more generous in the world. But someone who's not selfish or who refuses to allow themselves to receive at all, not going to have anything to give. But I guarantee you they'll try because they're not a good receiver. And I guarantee you they're a great giver. So they're always going to try to give from lack and from scarcity. And all it's going to do is continue to deplete them more and more. This whole thing that I'm sharing with you today isn't about saying no and not giving back to other people and not giving to other people. It's about making sure that you are being responsible for the only person or people that you are responsible for. And if you do have minor children, if you have children under the legal age, then of course you're responsible for them. You are responsible to provide and protect them. But if you have adult children, or if you are just have adults in your life, then you are no longer legally responsible for them. And that means that you, if you are not legally responsible for anyone, you are literally responsible for one person and one person only in this lifetime. And that is you. You anything else that you give is from generosity. Unless you're giving out of over-responsibility, which comes from a place of guilt, from shame, from trying to avoid feelings of selfishness by taking over responsibility for everybody else's well-being. And when you are only responsible for you in a world of 8.3 billion people, you can preserve your well-being and make sure it's not depleted to take care of somebody else's. And you can literally assume responsibility for the only person that you are responsible for in a world of 8.3 billion, and that's you. And of course, if you're legally responsible for someone else, you have some duty and some obligation to be responsible. But ultimately, you are not here to assume responsibility for everybody in your life. At some point, relinquish

Boundaries, Abundance, And Workshop Invite

SPEAKER_00 28:11

that responsibility and that over-responsibility. Allow them to manage their own well-being and to step into their own personal power, their own personal authority, and their own personal sovereignty. Take back responsibility for yourself and increase your well-being by allowing yourself to be on the receiving end of life. The greatest lie ever handed down from generation to generation is that it's better to give than receive. It's not. That is based on lack and scarcity and guilt and shame for feeling less worthy, less deserving, less self-esteem than other people's, less, less levels of significance. And you are equal in 8.3 billion people on the on the planet. You are equal with everybody else. You're not less than anybody else. When you level up your ability to receive, you stop being over-responsible for everybody else. Then you can finally step into the abundance that is rightfully yours. And it's there to be received as soon as your nervous system will allow you to receive it. Guys, that's my breakthrough today. I hope that helps. There's a difference between over-responsibility and generosity. Generosity is from abundance. Over-responsibility is from guilt, shame, embarrassment, feelings of selfishness, feeling over-responsible for everybody. It's assuming control and authority over people's lives that you don't naturally have. I hope this is making sense. I hope you can differentiate those two. August 28th and 29th, just outside of St. Louis, Missouri, in my current hometown of St. Charles, Missouri, built to give, rebuilt to receive. I hope to see you there. It's going to be a great, great workshop. And we're going to tap on subjects just like this. If this is helpful, get in the room and I can't wait to spend some time with you.com for more tools and resources.