Tuesday Talks: Don’t Let the Internet Ruin Your Lifestyle Experience

Tuesday Talks: Don’t Let the Internet Ruin Your Lifestyle Experience | Episode 95

In this episode of The Swing Nation Podcast, the top-rated podcast about non-monogamy and swinging, Dan and Lacy are back with another Tuesday Talks, answering real questions from listeners and creators in the lifestyle.

This week, they get a message from an anonymous content creator who’s preparing for a local Valentine’s Day lifestyle event but is feeling overwhelmed after being flooded with explicit messages and requests for naughty pics — despite clearly stated boundaries. The experience has been so off-putting that they’re now questioning whether they even want to attend.

Dan and Lacy break down the realities of online interactions in the lifestyle, why people can be overly forward, and how digital dating can fast-track attraction in unhealthy ways. They share practical advice on setting boundaries, managing attention, and keeping your excitement for real-life connections without letting the internet kill the vibe.

Whether you’re new or experienced, this episode is a must-listen on navigating modern lifestyle dating and digital overload.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18. It contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe. Interview the experts, learn and grow together. Join the nation. So Lacey, people are asking, how do they get to go to a party or an event with us?

SPEAKER_02 0:52

They check out swingerssociety.net, you create a profile, you sign up for an event, and you come hang out with us.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

That's right. If you want to party with us in the other faces and names that you know from social media and TikTok, head on over to swingerssociety.net.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Can't wait to see you there.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Just send your questions to Dan and Lake. Tuesday talks. Swing Nation got you feeling sexy. Tuesday talks.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. How about that high note?

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast. We are your host, Northern Guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

And Southern Girl.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

And we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks.

SPEAKER_02 1:42

We are. Talking Tuesday. With Dan and Lacey. Um, this might be our last podcast in this studio. Well, we're not moving, but we uh basically are doing like a complete like over like so. If you watch us on YouTube or if you watch these videos on TikTok, we have all new stuff coming, new signs, yeah, furniture, furniture, rug, which you don't really see that.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Um we're gonna be shooting multi-camera angles.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

Yeah, it's time that we step up. We've had like we've had these chairs since almost the beginning. Almost.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

This was the first time we built a studio. So we like when we first first started, we were recording like in my house, yeah, and then in my RV.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

And then we built our first studio when we moved in together. Yeah. And these were the chairs.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

So that was what?

SPEAKER_02 2:35

2022, maybe?

SPEAKER_01 2:36

Yeah, so three years ago. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

So yeah, we've got new chairs that were actually delivered days. Things are slowly starting to come in. We're going out of town next week. You'll hear this probably once we're back. But so hopefully we can get it all set up and out to you. We do have some very exciting things coming in the month of February. So that's kind of what uh motivates. Sparked, yeah, kind of sparked a lot of this. So you'll know when you see it what we're talking about. We can't really give you um any details, but you'll know it when you see it. And we're excited for you to kind of go along on this journey over the next month with us. But yeah, so so long, purple chairs.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

Buy purple chairs, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

That shoot me at a terrible angle because they're hard. They like they sit weird. They're hard. I even have a pillow behind me.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

It's like hard not to show your FUPA.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

It's hard not to slouch. And we honestly are not sure if the new chairs will be like that, but I did order us pillows. We've got throw blankets.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

Are we gonna keep these as backups if we have people to interview?

SPEAKER_02 3:36

I think we should. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think we should. Um, because there's nothing wrong with them. They're just a little bit, you know, we've just used them.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

We've been singing them for three years.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Yeah, so yeah, we're excited. So can't wait for everyone to say you can sign if you we've got some new books, we've got some new things. So we've slowly started to change.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

So stay tuned.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

Stay tuned. We're excited.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Did you get new tables?

SPEAKER_02 3:57

I didn't get new tables yet. That's a to be determined.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

I think we're okay right now, though. We'll see how it works. Yeah. Okay. So uh today's question comes from TikTok by another TikTok creator who is public on TikTok. Uh, it's a little hard to read. I'm not gonna lie. So I'm gonna do my best to read through this, but I do think that it is a very good question and worth talking about.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Agreed.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

Okay, so it says, Hi there, wife here. Hope this gets to you. We want to be anonymous. Um, Tuesday talk question. We are a long-term couple, fairly new to the lifestyle. We finally went back on socials shortly. I think she's trying to say is they're gonna be going to a Valentine's Day event coming up local. And they went online, is what she's trying to say. And they were excited um to be back online until all of a sudden they're getting bombarded with messages. They've got male gazers, and then only actually two couples have messaged them. And they were a little too forward, even in the first day or two of them being online. And they're at these couples are asking for their nudes. They want to know what they're into, in quotation marks is how she um explains it. And we she automatically told them that we don't roll like that. And it's also in our profile. She said she is completely turned off by this and needs to know how to pass this on to these couples or singles. And since they're both always busy with work and family, they're just not online as often as some people are. They've expressed that they're not into that. But how can they fix their bio so people actually read it and can make real connections? They're looking for friends with benefits and maybe just friends in general in the lifestyle. So um, and she's saying thank you. At this point, I don't even want to go to this event because I feel like nothing's genuine in these forums. It sucks because it's an actual local club that does require membership. So these are paid people. And she's also says that she is not bisexual, you know, so she feels like that kind of makes it a little bit harder for her. But she really would like to know our opinion on this. And I think this is a, even though it's a little hard to read, I think it is a very um important question. And I think we can try to help her a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

All right. So if I'm gonna I'm gonna summarize that a little bit because it did bounce around a little bit. But it sounds like this is a couple that's new to the lifestyle. They just joined an online platform. I'm a little confused if that's like a website, like what YesDC or SLS or Cassidy or one of the bigger ones.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

You said it was a club, so I'm assuming it's like an ML, like we have a modern lifestyle for swinger sighting and electric pleasures, and pretty much most clubs in the US use something like modern. Right. So I'm assuming that.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Right. So all clubs, majority of clubs, have some kind of online um social media type website that you can join up and do some socializing and connect with people before attending the club. And she referenced that a little bit. So we can assume that that's what she's talking about. Um, so I want to say, and it sounds like she's on this platform now, but she's getting overwhelmed by couples that are, I guess, being a little pushy and pushing for uh nude photos and things like that, asking about what kind of kinky things they're into, and and really they're new and they don't they don't even know.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

Yeah, it's a little bit like it it's not putting a good feeling in her mouth. And I get and I can get that.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

And it sounds like she tried to explain most of that into her profile that you know she's not they're not down with exchanging nudes right off the bat, and they want to kind of get to know people and um maybe they put that they're new and they're not, you know, they're just exploring, and you know, uh so it sounds like she wrote that in her profile, but people are still um pressing her for nudes and and um for what they're into.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

So that was the gist of what I got from it.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Yeah, and it's turning her off, and they're like now. She's like, I don't even want to go. If this is how people are gonna be, especially like if people are like this online, how are they gonna be in person? Which I think are all valid, valid feelings.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

Right. Okay, so I have a few takes on this, and I'll explain to you a couple of my things, and then you you can chime in. So I think one, online dating sucks.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

It does.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Period. Right. And it doesn't matter if you're on one of the larger swinger websites, and even on some of these swinger club sites, um, you know, the problem is you're online and people interact online differently than they interact in real life person. Um, often they're much more pushier, often they're much more aggressive. Um, they'll say the weirdest things to you that they would never say to you in person. So I think some of her experiences are just being online. Yeah. Now the fact that this is, it sounds like she's talking about a vetted club site where the memberships are are pre-approved and these people have been vetted in some way that they're real people and not just creepers that are um online trying, you know, trying to find nudes makes me seem like it would it would be a little bit better than what she's describing. Um, but I will say various clubs screen their memberships in in various ways. Um, you know, some clubs are it's just this is a person and they have an ID and and they checked all the blocks that we needed, so they're approved. Uh, you know, some clubs go as far as to do background checks, some clubs will go as far as uh, you know, you have to be recommended by another member just to be able to apply for the club. So there are various levels of approval. So I don't know what this club is, but you know, it could just be that they, as long as they fill out their profile properly, that they get approved for membership on that site. Um, so that you know, some of these sites, even ours, even Electric Pleasures, even Swinger Society, not everybody that signs up for the website even comes to events, you know. So I do think you get some. I mean, we get people that you know sign up and they're like coming from Egypt and all these crazy places. And they're never. They're of course they're never gonna uh attend an event. So, you know, often we'll try to we can't discriminate, right? We can't say, Oh, just because you're from a foreign country, you can't, you know, sign up and come to our events. But we can press back and say, hey, we need you to, you know, verify what you know what event are you, you know, thinking about coming to and kind of press back. And most of the time they will just never answer us back, and it kind of solves itself. But uh, so there is some of that that happens even on club and and event websites. Um secondly, I don't think it's uncommon for what she is saying is that's happened. I agree. It is very common in the lifestyle that when you reach out to another couple that you may be interested in to ask what their rules and boundaries are and what they're into.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

That's kind of a way of getting to know. It's kind of like when you go to like a work event or like you go out like socially and you're like, what do you do for work? You know, it's kind of like what swingers do to like start the conversation.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

The questions are usually how long have you been in the lifestyle? Um, you know, are you what what are you guys into?

SPEAKER_02 10:50

Uh, you know, are you a same room couple? Do you full swap like that is kind of like the swinger checklist? That is how you start your conversations, and it's really that's kind of the norm.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

And then asking for nude pictures or adult type pictures is usually the next step because what you're you know, what a lot of people are trying to do is saying, okay, do our rules and boundaries match, right? Are we interested in the same things? And then is there some type of attraction in chemistry here? Because if if you know, if you guys are a separate room-only play couple and you only do hot wifing and we're a same room full swap couple, well, then we're gonna we're not gonna match, right? So move on from there.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

And a lot of people just like immediately out the bat, you do those things so that way you're not talking for two weeks and then you find out that like the wife doesn't play or the husband doesn't play. It's immediate so that way if this is not a good fit, we can move along. And because let's be real, most of us are like she said, working people, have children, have lives, have jobs. We don't have time to sit there and chit-chat for a week and then realize that it's not gonna work. Right. So you kind of like get that out of the way very quickly before you kind of get any further.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Yeah, and I would say the same with the the photos, um, you know, asking for nude photos or whatever. You know, sometimes couples, you know, depending on your profile, we see couples that just have a smiley face as the only picture you can see, right? Or or maybe they just have a face, you know, a full clothes picture and their faces are covered by some kind of emoji or something like that. Well, that really doesn't tell you a lot about is this somebody I'm sexually attracted to and would like to swap partners with, right? So I think it's a natural next step to ask for those things. I do think you know, you don't come right out the gate with that. I think you do exchange a few messages first and say, you know, like, oh, hey, we see your guys are coming to the club this weekend. We like your pictures, you guys are hot. What are you guys into? You know, they flip like, oh, you guys are hot too. We like Sam Room full swap. Oh, us too. Hey, we unlocked our pictures for you. Check us out, see if you're interested. And that's a pretty normal, okay. Yeah, I'll unlock my pictures. Oh, you guys are hot, we're hot, let's meet up and chat. That's kind of the natural progression that most swinger conversations online have.

SPEAKER_02 13:06

There are now there with that being said, that is very normal, but you do have those weirdos on the internet for lack of a better word, because there's gonna be, if you've got, you know, 75% normal everyday people, there's gonna be 25 people that are just like a little, you know, a little different, a little eccentric. And they might go immediately with a dick pic. You know, I mean, they just might, and that is wrong, and they shouldn't do that. And so I guess I think part of the problem here is that maybe it sounds like you're new in the lifestyle, and I think maybe just kind of learning, like Dan was saying, learning what is normal and what is not. Um, I also want to say that you could put everything on your profile that you want people to read and understand about you. Nine out of 10 couples are not looking at your profile. They're looking at your pictures. And again, it's wrong. Should we read every word? Should we get to know you, look at your pictures, and then make a like a decision together as a couple before we message? Yes. But that's just not what's happening. And I'm not excusing that behavior. We should not do that. But the truth is, is it doesn't matter if you're on like a heterosexual dating app or if you're on a swinger or a bike, whatever kind of dating app you're on, the pictures are where it's at, unfortunately. Yeah, I mean, it's well, I'm guilty of it too.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

You know, we're getting ready to go on Bliss Cruise. We just went to uh you know an event here recently. What you do is you go to the RSVP list, you scroll down it, you look at their profile picture, and if you see a couple that's hot, you click on it, you maybe read their their bio, but or maybe you just shoot them a message and say, hey guys, you can shoot. We see you going to you're going coming this weekend, you know. What's would you be interested in getting together? You know what I mean? Yeah. Would you be interested in having a few drinks or something like that? That's normally how the conversation um starts. So I wouldn't be completely deterred um that what they're doing is outside of the normal. It does seem to be relatively normal. Now, I do think if they message you and you know say, Hey, what are you guys into? Can you send some nude picks? And you reply with, Well, hey, you know, we're actually coming to the club for the first time. Um, you know, we're not quite comfortable sending nude pictures yet until we get to know people. Um, you know, but you know, if you're interested, we'd like to chat more, maybe meet up at the club this weekend.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

If you do that, then to me, the next response is what's really going to tell what type of person it is, right? If they say, Oh, never mind, we're not interested, or oh, we don't play with newbies, or you know, then you're then good because you probably figured out you wasted your time. Or they might say, Oh, oh, yeah, well, welcome, uh, you know, and tell you something about the club and say, Oh, we've been going for two years, and you know, it's best to park out back and try to get a spot by the DJs.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

Because those are the people that you're looking for, and it's just a matter of like weeding out those people because not everybody is going to be that couple. So I I guess that would be my advice to you is your responses back. You know, I don't think that you can put anything in your profile that's going to make people treat you different or eat. I just think it is what it is. Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

Because they're approaching you like you're a seasoned swinger. And because they probably just assume that you were.

SPEAKER_02 16:15

Correct. So I think you probably have done the best you can do with that. So I think it's all in the matter of how you respond. If somebody just straight up comes in with like a dick pic or a vagina pick or a statement that is not your vibe, you don't have to respond.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Like, if it's a vagina pick, refer them to my profile.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

But yes, but you know, I mean, like you're not required to acknowledge those people. You don't, you're not required to correspond. If it's not something that you feel like is going to work for you, just move along. Ignore it. If it is a couple that maybe you are attractive to and maybe they just came in a little bit more aggressive than maybe you're comfortable with, I think saying that is okay. I think saying, hey guys, we are brand new. This is our very first night at our very first swingers club. And to be super transparent, we're a little nervous. We don't really know what we're into. And we're just trying to figure this out as we go.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

If you get any advice, we'd love to hear it.

SPEAKER_02 17:15

Yeah, I think approaching it that way. And then as you do this more, as you engage more and you go to more parties and you feel more comfortable, then I think those conversations will be easier. Another piece of advice is if the internet and people on the internet are just not your speed, you don't have to be on there. You can sign up, pay your dues, and then just show up at the party. Because, in my opinion, people in person are much better than they are on the internet. You know, in person, people are not gonna come across the way they do. Now, is there one in every group? Yes. But for the most part, everyone's gonna be kind, respectful, um, happy that you're there, willing to show you, you know, anything you need in the club. There, there people are always there to help. And so maybe until you kind of get your feet wet, so to speak, maybe staying off the socials just might be the best like way to start.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Yeah, I think though you know those clubs and hotel takeover groups and stuff have the website so people can meet and chat ahead of time. But if that's not your vibe, I think, you know, keeping that profile basically blank and just getting, you know, the minimum that you need to get your tickets and then meeting people in real life. To me, that's always the best connections. And another thing I'll note, and this maybe is a little bit controversial. Usually the first people that approach you at a club is almost like, you know, you ever been to the new kid at school, and the first person that comes running up to you and saying, Oh, oh, be my best friend, we're gonna be best friends, is usually not the person you want to be friends with. You know, I mean that's usually the desperate person or they pissed off people or their drama, you know, like it not always. I mean, maybe they just are super friendly, but um, you know, sometimes the loudest voice in the room isn't necessarily the person you're most likely to connect with. Yeah. Um, so I do think, you know, going to the club and getting to know people and kind of finding your your group or your niche. I because I think there there are people that you're going to connect with about at just about every event. It might take you a little while to figure out who they are and and make those connections. But I think once you do it, this is like the secret to the lifestyle is finding a good friend group that you can connect with and explore with. And everybody is going to make those connections.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

It might just take, you know, some people And nine times out of ten, it's not meeting them on socials, it's meeting them in at a swingers club or a swinger, any kind of party, and like you just hit it off in person. It's gonna be the people you're wearing similar clothes to, or you know, you're listening to similar music, or it's not gonna be just because you randomly see a hot photo on a swinger website and you just know that that's your person. It's it's a vibe, it's the person that you see that is like totally your jam, you know, hanging out, dancing, just looks like fun that you're just gravitated to. That's gonna be your people. So I really hate that the socials are throwing you off. Listen, we get it to be super transparent. We don't use a lot of social to find anybody. I can't even tell you the last time that we've like found somebody on like SEC or SLS and then met them and hung out. Did we use that in the beginning when we were first kind of finding our way? Absolutely. And I totally think that there is a group of people that those are wonderful for. But at this point, we've kind of like made our tribe and we kind of learn about things through like word of mouth and stuff. So we don't rely super heavy on that. So if that gives you like some peace of mind to know that you're not, in order to find people, you're not like a slave to these sites. You're gonna, you're gonna find your people, I promise you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Once you, I think once you find events and things that you like going to, you'll meet people organically, and then you know, you'll make friends, and those friends will introduce you to new friends, and your your group will just kind of keep growing. And uh, you know, it'll ebb and flow like every group of friends does, I think. But um, it's it's part of the journey. Yep. All right, anything else? I think that's it. I think I hope that helped answer your questions. Don't be dismayed by swinger social media or swinger sites.

SPEAKER_02 21:17

Yeah, and everybody has different levels of DTF. We actually, if you want to go back and listen, we did a Tuesday talk about is being down to fuck.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

Is there such a thing as being too down to fuck? Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 21:29

I couldn't get the words out. Yeah, maybe go back and listen to that one because that might have some good insight as to kind of help you because everybody is at different levels of eager, you know. Like if you're that couple that only gets a one go to one thing a year and maybe it is Valentine's Day, you're probably chomping at the bits. You know, you're probably messaging everybody on there and you're just ready to throw down, you know. But that doesn't make that couple a bad couple, you know, it's just they're just different and they're they're under a different set of circumstances. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:59

Well, I think it's Yeah, how much experience you got? You know, the way you treat guys that message you on Tinder when you're single, probably the first week you're on Tinder compared to if you've been on Tinder Tinder for two or three years is probably completely different. And I think it's kind of similar for this.

SPEAKER_02 22:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

All right. Anything else for the Swing Nation listeners?

SPEAKER_02 22:14

I think that's it.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

Uh okay. So we could use some more Tuesday talk questions. Oh, could we? Uh, we got a few messages. We got a few emails. We appreciate that. But we're trying to build up that bank. These Tuesday talks keep coming. And uh, so we need to keep uh your questions coming. Yes. A few different ways you can get a hold of us. You can email us at theswing nation at gmail.com. Uh, or you can call or text, and that phone number is 972-302-7716. One more time.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

972-302-7716.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

All right. So we hope to hear from you. We look forward to your questions. Um, and I think with that, in a world full of apples.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

Be the pineapple.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Swinger content creators on our Swinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at theswingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to theswing nation.net and keep up to date on all things swing nation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.