Tuesday Talks: Hand Signals, Code Words & Playtime Communication

Tuesday Talks: Hand Signals, Code Words & Playtime Communication | Episode 98

In this episode of The Swing Nation Podcast, the top-rated podcast about non-monogamy and swinging, Dan and Lacy are back with another Tuesday Talks — answering real listener questions from inside the lifestyle.

This week, they respond to a message from a listener who shares that she and her husband use hand signals during play to communicate. One signal means “I’m having fun,” and another means “It’s time to wrap this up and go.” She wants to know: Do Dan and Lacy use something similar? And is this a common practice in the lifestyle?

Dan and Lacy dive into the idea of secret signals, code words, and subtle check-ins between partners. They discuss why some couples love having a private communication system and how it can create a sense of security. But they also get honest about how these systems can sometimes backfire, leading to confusion, mixed messages, or even hurt feelings if not clearly defined and agreed upon beforehand.

They share their perspective on what actually works, what to think about before implementing secret communication, and why clarity and conversations matter more than clever signals.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18. It contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together. Join the nation.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Tuesday talks. Just send your questions to Dan and Lex Day. Tuesday Talk. Tuesday talks.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. How about that high note?

SPEAKER_01 1:07

That was perfect. Hey there, Pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy and Southern Girl. And we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks.

SPEAKER_03 1:19

We are. Talking Tuesday with Dan and Wacy. I didn't reach out to your mom. I should have.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Wacey!

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Are you ready?

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Yes, Danny boy.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Keep keep trying. Good luck with that. All right. Let's go to the phone line and hear this week's question. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:41

Hi Dan. Hi, Wacy. My husband and I are giant fans of your show. The Tuesday question, Tuesday talks question that we have at least is when my husband and I go to a sex party, we like to have a little like hand signal or little like ritual that we use to kind of check in with each other, make sure we're both having fun, um, or can kind of use snow when it's time to wrap things up. So curious if you guys have something like that. If you know couples that have something like that, um what that looks like. But thanks for everything you do. Nice. That's a different question.

SPEAKER_03 2:15

We haven't gotten that one.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

That is a different one. I don't know. That's something I think we maybe have talked about randomly uh here on the podcast, but nothing we've really done a whole episode on. Uh, and I also think, did she call you Wacy? Wacy? I think I heard Wacy.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

I think she said hi, Dan and Wacy.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Um, you probably got people thinking that's my damn real name. Anywho, I don't think she said that.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

It sounded a little bit like it though.

SPEAKER_03 2:37

The answer is that is no, we do not.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Right. So her question, just to recap, is do we have secret signals that we we use to communicate to each other? Uh, and you could communicate things like, um, do you think do you want to fuck that couple? Um, are you having fun? Are you not having fun? This is awful. We should leave. Uh, no, let's go, you know, stop, go.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

And we've heard everything. Like, we've heard people say like jelly bean, we've heard what it remember that one couple.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

We've heard of hand signals, we've heard of code words, we've heard of people, you know, using words in sentences, we've heard of leg tapping, we've heard of um eye blinking, uh, you name it. We have heard of people doing it. Do me and Lacey have that? Um, the answer is we do not.

SPEAKER_03 3:30

Yeah. No, we don't. I mean, I can see where that is beneficial, and I think it's actually probably somewhat of a smart idea, especially like when you're first starting this. I think it can give a level of like security that you can you have an out. Um, but no, we if I'm ready to go, I say I'm ready to fucking go. Like, I mean, that's just the truth. We've been doing this for so long now, and it's not even that long. I mean, we know people that have been doing it like triple the amount of time. If if I'm not okay, I'm gonna make sure my husband knows. I'm giving him the look, I'm giving him the eye, I'm pulling him to the side. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna sit somewhere in misery if I'm not happy. I will, I will get us out of there if if I don't rely on him. You know, like if I'm unhappy or uncomfortable, I'm gonna be like, hey babe, we need to go. Or can you walk in the bathroom with me? Or I'm gonna give you the look like wrap this shit up. We're done. You know, so like we just we just don't do that. And maybe we should, but I just I guess at this point I'm comfortable enough in my own skin and and uh my surroundings that I care about me more than the other couple, you know, does that and that might be selfish, but like if I'm not having a good time, I'm not gonna sit there and suffer so somebody else can have a good time. Yeah, I'm gonna be like, I think this, I think we're done here. You know, I mean, or like if somebody's like if the husbands can't get their dick hard, you know, we talked about this a few weeks ago on the Tuesday talks. Like, if the husband's dick won't get hard, and you know, that we I need the wife to come, I'm gonna get the wife to come help him. I'm like, hey babe, can you come help him? Because it's I'm just not gonna put myself in a situation where I'm uncomfortable, I don't want to be there, anything like that. I'm I'm I'm gonna take personal ownership of the situation and just figure it out on my own.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

Yeah, so I think that is you know the answer as far as do me and Lacey use code words? We do not. Uh, and and usually we just directly communicate. If we need to have a conversation, Lacey will say, Hey, can we step outside real quick and have a conversation? If she's done, she'll say, Hey, uh, I'm done. Um, so we we you use pretty direct communication. Um, now for the couples that do have code words or hand signals or or something like that, is there any advice you would give to people?

SPEAKER_03 5:49

Maybe don't do something completely out of the ordinary. Because like if you're gonna sit there and go, like jelly bean, jelly bean, jelly bean, you know, you might as well just say, Hey, I'm not real comfortable because like that couple's gonna know that something is going on, you know. So I think I do think that it's okay. And like maybe you just need to get your husband's attention, so like pinching him on the leg, but I've heard horror stories of people saying the word like five times and the you know, the spouse not realizing it or using the hand gesture and and the other person not never saw it, yeah. Never saw it. So that's why I just I personally feel like direct is better. You know, I can think of an instance, I don't know, it's been a few years ago, I felt very left out because you were the only one that could get hard. And so the uh guys were not paying me any attention because they couldn't get hard, and then you were like all over the other girl, and I just simply walked up to you and whispered in your ear, hey babe, I feel left out, and that's all I had to do, and you immediately pivoted and included me in what you were doing. And to me, that just seems better, yeah. You know, like could I have said pineapple upside down cake or um red herring, Martin Luther King. I mean, could I have done that, you know, or yeah, maybe, but it just there was no ifs, ands, buts about it. You knew exactly what was going on with me and what I needed, and we pivoted and we ended up having like a great experience because we pivoted, you know, like so. I mean, we've also failed at that, you know, like before. I'm not gonna lie, like we've I've been like, hey, we gotta go, and then we leave, and you're like, why the fuck did we leave? And I was like, Oh my god, that guy was great, you know. So, like, we've also failed a little bit at it, but we've kind of I just I I think direct is better. I think if you don't want to have sex with someone, being honest, but but kind, and I just feel like that's just so much better than like beating around the bush.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

Yeah, I guess that would be my the problem with all these signals and hand signals and code words and stuff is they don't say enough. Right. You know, you're gonna run into so many different scenarios. Um, you're gonna run into so many different things that can happen that you you can't possibly come up with code words or hand signals for all of them. Um, and so sometimes I think just saying, hey, babe, can me come me and you step out for a side for a second, I want to have a I want to have a conversation, um, that that works for anything, right? Yeah. Uh secondly, you know, I think the misconception that having code words or hand signals or or something like that is gonna somehow keep your communication a secret. Well, if all of a sudden you stop and then you leave because you said a word, well, everybody in the room knows that something happened, right? You know, so why do you need a code word? Why can't you just say, hey guys, I'm not okay? You know, I need to talk to my husband for a second. To me, that's the exact same as saying red or purple.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

I have a lot of respect for couples that do that, especially like if they step out in the hallway and they just seem to have a little pow-wow and then they come back in, like, and they're like, hey, those are the best. Everything's fine. I just I needed a moment with him. You know, like, okay, great. I personally find that like attractive. You know, I feel like that's like almost like uh emotional maturity. You know, I find it like I won't I want to be that couple, so I I like that. So, you know, that that would be my advice. Do I think hand signals and cohorts are bad? No. Do I think that people that use them are bad? No, not at all. I think whatever works for you, you do that. For us, we've just we've never really done that at all. I mean, I can think of one time you text me from the bathroom, like asking my like question about like if I wanted to go home with a couple, you know, so we had had dinner with them. Um, you know, outside of that, we've always just been pretty direct and we kind of know each other's body language, and um, usually Dan's pretty much go with the flow. So it's usually me.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Yeah, it is usually me that needs to make a decision.

SPEAKER_03 9:53

Yeah, so um I've done I've learned how to like put myself first in that situation, in my body first, and I'm always gonna choose me, always.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

Yeah, no, and I and I think that's that's the answer. Now, if it again, if you not to say that if you want to do this code word thing, if you want to do hand signals or something like that, certainly you could do that. I also think it's worth saying that um we're not talking about safe words, so that's like a different thing, right? So I I don't think it's not bad to necessarily say, hey, if you know my safe word is whatever.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

Yeah, no, that's a great thing to do.

SPEAKER_01 10:27

You know, or just saying stop, you know, like you know, like hey, I need you to stop.

SPEAKER_03 10:31

You know, this is we're talking about like a couple trying to communicate something to each other without the other couple knowing. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

So I mean, if you want to establish safe words prior to playing with somebody, that's that's fine to do. Um, but that's very different than what we're talking about here, which is like communicating secretly between just a couple about you know if you're okay or if you you want to have sex or not have sex or stuff like that. And I I do think you know, my biggest uh hesitancy to do that is there's not really there's too much to communicate to necessarily do it in just a signal.

SPEAKER_03 11:07

Yeah, that's not gonna tell you what I need and what I want, you know. I mean, like it's just not and like in that case, like when I told you that I felt left out, I wasn't trying to leave the situation. I wasn't I didn't need to get out of anything. I just needed you to realize what was I you were completely oblivious, you were having fun and not really understanding what was going on, and so as soon as I told you that we could pivot and save the evening, and it wasn't it wasn't a thing.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

And I think that's those type of situations I think happen more than I need to stop right now. Yeah, like shit's going down.

SPEAKER_03 11:39

Yeah, it's usually like usually if we can just like communicate through it, we can usually save the evening, you know.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

We just recently had an experience where you know a husband got up out of a room and left, and it was awful, and nobody really knew why he left. So everybody continued, and then he came back in and basically snatched up his wife and said, We need to go. Where you know, and he felt left out. Again, he felt left out. I think it's because he felt left out, right? And so had he, instead of doing that, just said, Hey babe, can we can we take a little break for a minute and have a conversation? And had him and his wife step aside and said, Hey, I'm feeling left out right now. Can you try to include me more or whatever the case may be? I think he could have saved the evening.

SPEAKER_03 12:21

So again, I think because he really derailed everybody's evening. Right truth.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Right, because it turned into kind of a scene, everybody stopped, and then it just was hard to get everything going again. It kind of just it ruined the whole vibe of the evening. Uh and so everybody just ended up going to bed after that. So, you know, I think again, I think stepping aside, having communicating, things like that, maybe having a code word to hey, can't let's step aside and have a talk. Maybe that's not a bad idea. Um, but again, if you and your wife get up out of an orgy and go outside and start talking, like everybody's gonna know what's going on. So there isn't really a need to try to be secretive about it. And I think that's the case uh in most of these situations. And I agree with you. I think everybody in this lifestyle needs to realize you're all adults, right?

SPEAKER_03 13:08

With like 40-something year old people, imagine me going, fruit loop, fruit loop, fruit loop, fruit loop, or like something random. Like that to me, that makes no sense. Like, we're adults, like we should be able to communicate, flicking your nose. Yeah, like I've I've seen it where like people are going, like, you can't see me on right, like cut, like across your neck. Like, like, no, no. Like, could you imagine if you looked up and saw somebody doing that about you? Oh my god, right, how awful would that be? Instead of saying, Hey guys, we really enjoyed meeting you and had a great time, but tonight I don't think we're gonna go back with y'all. But like, let's let's do this again sometime, you know? Like that is such a nicer way to treat people than like somebody looking at you going, no, no, you know, like, oh my God, I would die if I saw that.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

Right. And I think that's that's the key. I think we that's I wish the entire community would realize that, right? That we're all adults. What we're doing is complicated, right? There's lots of feelings, there's lots of emotions, there's lots of insecurities and anxiety, right? And we're all going through it, and we all know that. So it's okay if somebody is off one night and needs to take a break. It's okay if somebody's feeling off and needs to step outside and talk to their partner. It's okay if somebody just stops in the middle of orgy and says, Hey, I'm not okay, guys. I feel left out right now, right? And let everybody know, hey, yeah, hey, you know, I'm sitting here by myself. I feel a little left left out right now. Um, and what's likely gonna happen is the people, your friends are gonna rally around you and they're gonna support you and they're gonna bring you into the fold and make you feel better. To me, that's the better way of doing it. Um, and I I would encourage more and more people to find their voice. And I think the more people that do that and kind of make that the normal, right? That it's okay to instead of freaking out and slamming doors and walking out, or instead of using secret code words, like guys, I'm just not okay, just communicate.

SPEAKER_03 15:04

And even if you don't know what you're not okay about, it's okay to say that. It's okay to say, guys, I'm feeling off, and I think it's me, but I love y'all. But something doesn't, I think something's going on with me.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

Right. If you feel comfortable enough with me to let me put my dick inside of you, you should feel comfortable enough with me to say, Hey, I'm not okay. I need to take a break, or hey, I need to talk to my partner. Can we can we take a little break for a minute? Yeah, right. That that that should be way easier than letting somebody have intercourse with you, right? Like sure. Yeah, so I don't know. That's my opinion of it. And again, you're gonna hear a hundred different um opinions on that. Um, but I think Do what works for you. Do what works for you. Um as long as you're communicating in some ways with your partner, that's the most important thing. You and your partner being on the same page and communicating is the the most important thing, and then you communicating your wants, needs, and desires to the other people that you're engaging with is the second most important thing. And if you can do those two things, um, your level of success in this lifestyle is gonna um improve drastically.

SPEAKER_03 16:07

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

All right, anything else for the swing nation listeners? I think that's it. All right, I think that wraps up this question. If you have a Tuesday talk question, we would love to hear from you. There's a few different ways you can get a hold of us. You can email us at theswing nation at gmail.com, theswing nation at gmail.com, or you can call or text, and that phone number is 972-302-7716. One more time.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

972-302-7716.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Uh, you can call or text, or you can send a voice note to to that number. Uh or you can send some nudes. Uh, we we love those too.

SPEAKER_03 16:47

There's some hot nudes in there.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

There are some hot nudes in there. Did you reply? Did you send ours back to everybody?

SPEAKER_03 16:53

No.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

Okay. Well, you failed. You need to do that. Um, get on that. Uh, I feel like that's your job. You've inherited that job for the city. I'm like, because I am terrible at it.

SPEAKER_03 17:01

First of all, I never even asked anybody to send me nudes. You're the ones that want the nudes, not me. And so somehow this is my job.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Yeah, you have more free time than me. You've actually this is off topic, but I used to be the communicator. I was the one on SLS, SDC, I was the one in all the apps and all the, you know, back in the day, the kick groups. Um, you've kind of taken that over.

SPEAKER_03 17:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Nowadays, if if you message us, Lacey's probably more likely to respond than me.

SPEAKER_03 17:30

Yeah, not on like um Cassidy and SEC. I don't I don't usually log into those, but definitely like group chat, but the Bliss Cruise. Yeah, the Bliss Cruise app. I just I I'm much better with communication than Danny is. He's just he's like one of those people that he can't get sidetracked off of his tasks. If he does, it's not gonna be derailes the whole thing. So it's better for him to stay on tasks.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

And I have lots of tasks.

SPEAKER_03 17:56

Yes, you do.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

All right. Well, I think with that, in a world full of apples, be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Twinger content creators on our Twinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at dustwination at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to dustwination.net and keep up to date on all things Twin Nation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.