Tuesday Talks: Exploring without Being Exposed

Tuesday Talks: Exploring without Being Exposed| Episode 114

On this week’s Tuesday Talks, Dan and Lacy answer a listener question from a couple who are curious about exploring the lifestyle but need to keep things private because of their careers. How do you dip your toes in without putting your personal life on display?

They share practical, real-world advice for protecting your privacy while still finding community, making connections, and deciding whether the lifestyle is right for you. From being thoughtful about where and how you meet people to skipping lifestyle-specific social media accounts altogether, Dan and Lacy talk through ways to keep your boundaries intact without letting fear keep you from exploring.

Whether you are brand-new to the lifestyle or simply more private by nature, this episode is a reminder that you get to decide how visible—or invisible—your journey looks.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18. It contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.

SPEAKER_03 0:22

Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together. Join the nation.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Tuesday talks. Just do your questions to Dan and Fix Day. Tuesday talks. Tuesday talks.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. Ooh, how about that high note?

SPEAKER_03 1:07

That's perfect. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy and Southern Girl.

SPEAKER_02 1:15

And we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks With Dan and Lacey. AKA Dog and Wazy. Why do you always sing it? Because it's a song you sing like this. What is wrong with you?

SPEAKER_03 1:33

You sing it.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

I don't sing it. And why is it in a high note?

SPEAKER_03 1:40

I don't know. I don't like the rules. I just I just follow it, baby.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Okay, let's get into it. So it says, hi Lacey and Dan. I have a Tuesday talk question that I've been wanting to get your take on. My wife and I have been together for over 25 years and have just started to talk about getting into the lifestyle. I, husband, am a bit concerned about being outed because we both have jobs that are very public and we are pretty con we're in a pretty conservative area. I'm worried that it that if it would get out that we are in the lifestyle, we would lose our jobs. Not so much because it's against our morality clause, which it could be interpreted that it is, but because the court of public opinion would force our employers' hands. Can you talk about the discretion, how discretion is handled in the lifestyle, and what precautions can be taken to reduce the risk of people in our community finding out? Thanks.

SPEAKER_03 2:35

Yeah, man, this is a subject that I absolutely love and hate talking about.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Um we hadn't talked about it in a while, and I thought it was a good question, so I felt like it was because it is obviously a bare it is a big concern of a lot of people.

SPEAKER_03 2:51

Yeah, I, you know, our goal, and really the mission of the Swing Nation podcast, and and in most of the non-monogamous people that we know that are in a leadership industry type role is we all want to protect this community, right? We all want to help pass laws that uh that protect us legally. We all want to help push back against the stigmas, we all want to help normalize this so that people, I don't can't, did they say a name, did they? Of course they didn't, right? Because they're afraid of their employers firing on them. Uh, but so that people like this don't have to worry about that. This this is the worst. This is such a great, and you're gonna get me on a soapbox. This is such a great and amazing community, and it has so many positive effects on so many people and their life, in their relationships, in their marriage. It has effects on everything, right? I know people that feel like they have better relationships with their kids because of the lifestyle, better relationships with their friends, better relationships with their partners and their spouses. They're less depressed, they're more happy. There's so many things, you know, we're immersed in this community, and there's so many positive things that we hear from people uh when they start the their journey into this lifestyle, um, that it's a travesty to me that it's still something that people have to worry about participating in because there might be fallout, they might get fired, they might lose custody of their kids.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

Yeah, and I'm I love your soapbox, and I know that that's where you want to go with this question, but that's not what you ask it. And so, yes, I agree with you, and I uh and I understand that we should be able to shout this from the rooftops, and I wish that this gentleman could shout this from the rooftops. The fact is that not everyone can, and we have to be respectful of that. And that is what his question is about.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

So I know you and No, I wasn't trying to go to I just I think I wanted to, you know, just preamble that with this is a travesty, that this type of question in 2026 still has to be asked.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

It is, but unfortunately, that is a situation, and I think that even if it was socially acceptable across the board, there are going to be people that still hide it.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

I think so.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Think of other communities. So I I I do understand that. And so I guess his question is is how is discretion handled in the lifestyle and how can they basically like avoid things finding out? And the and I guess let me say this first. If you are a swinger and you are going to swinger things in your community and you have your face on swinger things in your community, even if they're behind a paywall, even if they're privacy, there are those risks.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

I I think you would be uh not wise to go into it thinking no one will ever find out because they they they they very well might, you know.

SPEAKER_03 5:43

You could do it, you know, this is almost like OnlyFans, right? Although OnlyFans I think is probably worse, you know. But uh there is always a chance, even if you do everything right to protect your identity, that somebody finds out, right? You run into the wrong person that has a big mouth at an event, right? And they go back and they start telling people, and then they tell people uh you ask, you know, somebody else that's just curious ends up on one of these websites and they stumble across your picture or your profile. Uh, there's always risks. But I think there are things that you can do to help protect yourself. We were both in the lifestyle for years and years and years before uh, you know, anybody ever felt nobody until we started this podcast and started on social media, nobody in my life knew that I was in the lifestyle. Nobody even thought, like maybe for a second, that we of course there is a risk, but there are lots of things that you can take.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Yeah, there's a lot of people that do keep it hidden, but I think thinking there are no risk is a bad way to go into it. So uh first thing I think you could do is not play in your town.

unknown 6:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

If you are concerned, uh, I would not engage in my city. Like if like let's say you're a pastor, you know, in that like obviously in that case it would be detrimental to you if someone found out. I think doing anything in your town would be uh very, very risky, you know. Um, I think putting face pictures on social websites, whether it be a Facebook, you know, SLS, at Cassidy.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

My advice would be and just touching on what you just said, if you cannot survive getting outed in the lifestyle, do not, do not make a public or a lifestyle Facebook page or Instagram page or Twitter page, right? Those are probably the most likely ways of getting you outed.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

Yeah. Because you forget and you turn off, you forget to turn off the contacts thing, and the next thing you know, it's popping up on all of your friends' Facebook pages. And even though it's not your face, if you know you, you know that's you, you know, so it's to be honest with you, that's probably the number one way people get outed.

SPEAKER_03 7:46

Facebook is probably the number one way that people get outed. And here's the thing you can turn on or off all that privacy stuff, you can have all those settings perfectly right. It's still I'm telling you, Meta has a way of connecting people, they know who you're connected with, right? Meta is they got access to all the information in your phone. And even if you're telling your phone, don't connect me to people based on this, it still finds a way of doing it. I don't know how many times uh, you know, even our social media profiles, I have the privacy stuff turned off. You know what I mean? Uh, but I still get people I went to high school with, people I wasn't served in the army with, are getting recommended as friends on our swinger pages. Yeah. Uh so I would just stay off of social media as a swinger if you're trying to protect yourself. Uh the second thing I would do is just what Lacey said. Do not post public face pictures on any of the dating sites. Don't put them on a single one. I know you have to be paid uh to see those pictures. You have to have a profile and you have to be on there and paid. And there is something that'd be said that, like, well, if you have a paid profile on here and you're looking at people's profiles, aren't you just as guilty? But the problem is they're gonna find you and they're gonna screenshot and they're gonna they're not gonna say that, oh yeah, me and my wife were on there looking. They're just gonna say somebody start some kind of rumor. Oh, yeah, look, somebody sent me this and that. And then that once that's out, it it's it's done, right? There's no way that you can have a profile on one of these swinger dating sites and then be like, no, that wasn't me, or I didn't do it. Um so I think you know, no face pictures and stick to the paid sites, uh, and maybe even no pictures at all unless they're locked. Yeah. Right. So don't share any pictures, you know. You see that all the time, or people's profile pictures is an emoji or is a you know a picture of a lake or something like that, and you can't even see any of their pictures until you start talking to them. Now I will say the part that sucks about that is it's way harder to connect with people because people want to see those pictures. So it's definitely a balancing act.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

And I honestly, if it if if finding people finding out that you are a swinger completely would destroy your life, maybe don't really if you have to have a profile to like buy a ticket or something, maybe do that. But I I probably wouldn't even really have much out there. You're because honestly, if you don't have any face pictures, you have vague information, you're really probably not gonna connect well with people. So you're probably gonna like run into like it's just gonna be hard. If you want my honest opinion, if I was somebody that was this was a major build, big deal. Like my life would be ruined if people found out. I would probably just go on a few vacations a year. I would go on naughty vacations, go to desire, go to Jamaica, go on a bliss cruise, and like you have like one week of naughty fun, and then you go home and then you're completely vanilla and then you go back. Now, what's to say that that ship doesn't go, it doesn't sink like the Titanic, and then the headlines say John John was a swinger at on a swinger cruise. I mean, the shit can still happen. That's the truth, but I think you probably have the least recourse if you just do that.

SPEAKER_03 10:48

Yeah, keep the least amount of possible on the internet and connect with people in person is probably the safest way uh to stay to stay private. Yeah. Now, that being said, me and Lacey had body pictures online, face pictures behind locked walls, and we operated like you know that for years.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

We nobody out, nobody found out.

SPEAKER_03 11:06

Nobody ever found out, nobody ever out is.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

You know, we're giving you worst-case scenarios here. The truth is the a lot of the people in lifestyle are we protect each other. It's kind of like Fight Club. You know, we all want, we all, nobody wants, even us who are public face facing people, we don't want our friends to get out it. So we're gonna do everything we can to protect you. And and pretty much everybody in the lifestyle is that way. I'm not gonna say everyone because there's always gonna be a few bad apples. But for the most part, people in lifestyle want to protect each other. We care, we don't want to see anybody harmed from just trying to have hot sex. So the truth is that you could probably be on a dating side and probably meet people in your town, and you could probably never ever be outed, but there is that chance that you will. And so, like we said before, if this would change your life and completely destroy everything that you built, you definitely need to keep that in mind.

SPEAKER_03 11:56

Yeah, I would say if you look at the majority of the people that are trying to stay private, they're putting body pictures on their profiles, face pictures behind paywalls. Most of them probably even have a swinger Facebook pit page, but they're they're not putting any face pictures on that either. They're putting all, you know, they'll they're just posting body pictures and just you know, posting texts and stuff like that. Um, and most of them are probably gonna be okay. Um, but there are several that we know that have come across each other and found each other, and uh people have found them and they've been outed and stuff like that. So you gotta be really, really, really careful with that stuff. And like you said, if if you were somebody that could not survive, um you know, your your your life could not continue if you got outed and you lost your job and it would have a detrimental effect to your your um quality of life. I would keep it to the bare minimum on online and just go connect with people in person. And honestly, connecting with people in person is the best way to do it.

SPEAKER_01 12:52

Yeah, honestly, we're not big fans of online. I mean, yes, you need those to like book tickets and see who's going and stuff like that, but truly for us, we make our best connections just in in person. So all right.

SPEAKER_03 13:04

Well, I think that's the best advice. Anything else you could give uh for advice on how to stay private?

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Hide your swinger stuff in your house. Yeah, you know, uh I'm trying to think of ways that people have been outed. I've I know uh one person uh they had their swinger friends on their vanilla swinger page. You know, they it was there, it was vanilla pages with vanilla pages, and somebody forgot that they weren't public and and tagged someone in a picture and and and it had bliss cruise in the background. The daughter Googled what is a bliss cruise and figured out that we've heard of people's kids finding their swinger cups or their shirts. Um, I'm trying like I've seen people uh they have their like swinger websites logged in on their computer. Somebody sits at their computer, a cousin, a friend family friend to look something up, and there's a swinger website.

SPEAKER_03 13:53

Somebody gets in their car and our podcast uh pops up and starts playing.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

Yeah, I'm trying to think of some of the more common ways that people get outed. Um it that's usually how it is. I don't you don't really hear of somebody saw somebody at a party and told people that's not you don't really hear of that very often. It's it could happen. It could happen. Usually it's careless mistakes with some sort of social type.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

And usually it's the Facebook or Instagram or uh there's several, you know, we know several people that have they're using their vanilla, so their real Facebook page, and they join swinger groups on Facebook. Like Secrets has a group, we have a group, Liz has a group, and then not realizing if somebody else, even if you have your groups hidden, if somebody else joins that group, sometimes it'll give alert of like these are your friends who are in this group, and it will tell you who your friends are in that group, yeah. And things like that. So you gotta be really, really careful with the vanilla.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

Or like if you like heat, like Hito's page, you know, like maybe not.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

Yeah, this is like mutual like, yeah, yeah, something like that.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

Yeah. So you just very much have to be careful, or your friend likes this page.

SPEAKER_03 14:54

It's like, oh, they do, do they?

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Yeah. So you just gotta be very, very careful with that.

SPEAKER_03 14:59

Uh-huh. And the funny thing is, I think most of the time when people get outed, they get outed by somebody that's curious and exploring, and then they catch their friend on it, and then they start because it's such a salacious rumor, they start telling other people, and then it it makes its way around the friend groups like in communities and towns like wildfire.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:18

Uh so you gotta be careful. Uh, but the best thing is stay off social media, stick to the uh swinger dating sites, and keep your profiles locked down.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:27

And uh meet people in person because that's the best way to do it anyway.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:31

All right. Any other advice for how to stay private in the lifestyle?

SPEAKER_01 15:34

I think that's it.

SPEAKER_03 15:34

All right, I think we crushed that one. If you have a Tuesday talk question, we would love to hear from you. There's a few different ways to get a hold of us. You can email us at theswingnation at gmail.com. The swing nation, all one word at gmail.com. Uh, you can email us your questions, you can send us an audio file, or you can send us a video file. I'm still waiting to put somebody up on that big screen so we can see their beautiful faces. They ask us a question. Of course, you have to be public if you want to do that, because this does get posted on YouTube. Um, or you can call or text, and that phone number is 972-302-7716. One more time.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

972-302-7716.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

We love your questions. We could use some more. Tuesday talks is not possible without your participation. So please, if you've been thinking of a question, uh if there's something you need maybe a little bit more detail on, or if you just want to, maybe something weird happened, you know, you you had a falling out with your friends or something like that, and you want Dan and Lacey's opinion about that, uh, write us, text us, send us an audio file, call us. We would love to hear from you.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 16:42

Or maybe just want to know about Lacey's hair or her makeup or her outfits or her lips or her how she keeps her butthole lubed up for anal. Uh, whatever your question is, we have an answer.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:54

Uh, and we'd love to hear from you. All right. I think with that, in a world full of apples, be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Twinger content creators on our Twinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at thustwination at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to thustwingnation.net and keep up to date on all things TwingNation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.