What’s Actually Hard in the Lifestyle—and What Isn’t

What’s Actually Hard in the Lifestyle—and What Isn’t | Episode 252

What do people think will be the hardest part of the lifestyle… and what actually is?

In this episode of The Swing Nation Podcast, Dan and Lacy break down some of the biggest assumptions people make before entering the lifestyle. Is it really difficult to watch your partner with someone else? How much jealousy actually comes up? And do boundaries and rules make everything easier—or can they sometimes create new challenges?

Dan and Lacy share their honest perspective on the things couples often worry about most, versus the realities that tend to be more difficult once you are actually living the lifestyle. From communication and expectations to navigating emotions, mismatched comfort levels, and the unexpected situations that can come up along the way, this episode is a candid conversation for anyone curious about what lifestyle relationships are really like behind the scenes.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18. It contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.

SPEAKER_03 0:22

Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe. Interview the experts. Learn and grow together. Join the nation. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy and Southern Girl. And we are back with another full-length episode. Alright, so today we're going to be talking about uh okay, so let's do a little pretext on how this came about. And I don't even fully remember how this came about, but I think I was reading something. I was trying to remember if it was on Reddit or if it was on like one of the Facebook groups, but it was somebody was having a conversation about man, when we joined the lifestyle, we thought X, Y, and Z was going to be hard. But boy were we wrong.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:21

These were the things that were actually hard. Oh. And I was like, that's actually a pretty good because I think we do everybody comes into the lifestyle expecting that there's going to be challenges, but I don't think we necessarily the challenges you end up facing, I don't think, are what you expect you're going to be facing. I agree. And I think that is it's an interesting conversation for two reasons. I think it'll help set people's mind at ease on some of the things they are worried about.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:47

And then also it'll if we talk about what most people actually find hard, it'll give space for that conversation, right? So if you're if you're joining the lifestyle or thinking about joining the lifestyle, this might help put your mind at ease for the things you are worried about and will maybe also lead you to have a few conversations about some of these other things that you might not be thinking about.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Yeah. Well, one thing, like we we uh we see all the Tuesday talks questions. Um so we like see all the things that people are nervous about and also see it like on Reddit and Facebook and some of that stuff. And some of the shit that people come up with trivial is like like they're reaching for some of this stuff. It's like it's almost like they're like really, really overthinking it. It's like at some point you just got to do it and kind of see how it's gonna fall. And I think a lot of people would don't realize is that the stuff that you're worried about is really minor. It's the stuff that you're not thinking about that kind of slips in, and then you're like, oh shit, I didn't that never even crossed my mind to be like a what if scenario. I think you'd be surprised at the things that pop up.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

Yeah. So I actually took this idea of you know, tell me what you thought would be hard versus what was hard, and I put this on social media. So I put it on X, I put it on Facebook, I actually posted it in our Discord chat, and I was surprised a lot of people were saying kind of the same things over and over. Um, and so I kind of used that and a couple other things that I've seen repeatedly, you know, through the years, um, to kind of outline this podcast uh so that we can talk about some of these things.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

All right, so I think the way we're gonna work this is I got six here. I don't know if we're gonna make it through all six, but it's six what people think would be hard versus what actually is hard. And we're just gonna talk through these one at a time.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

In truth, I didn't read it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 3:29

You don't even know what we're gonna talk about.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

I kind of glanced over, I couldn't tell you one thing that you put on there. I just wanted to know what we were talking about.

SPEAKER_03 3:35

So this is typical old school, like Dan did the prep, Lacey's gonna shoot from the hip.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Yeah. Well, I was I didn't even know you posted it.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

Oh, you didn't even know yet.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

I had no idea. I truth be told, I'm not logged in on on all of our socials. So uh, so yeah, I had no idea.

SPEAKER_03 3:50

All right, so let's start it off. Okay, so we're gonna start with what people think is going to be hard. And this one is we probably hear this the most, right? Watching your spouse with somebody else or your spouse having sex with somebody else. Um, something like that.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

Which that can't, I mean, to play devil's advocate, that can be hard sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

So but I think everybody is terrified of that thing, right? Like, how am I gonna react when I see my spouse fucking somebody else?

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Yeah, I think that's a valid concern.

SPEAKER_03 4:17

And I would say for most people, that's not a problem. Not to say it's not a problem for anyone, there is some people, but if you're thinking if the idea of this is hot to you, if you if you guys have been, you know, pillow talking about this, if you've been watching, you know, couple swapping porn or or group sex type porn or MFM porn or whatever, you know, whatever your fantasies are, if you both have these fantasies, actually seeing the fantasy, I don't think is gonna trigger you in a negative way. Now, if you're somebody that doesn't have this fantasy and maybe you've kind of been pressured or you've kind of you're just going along with it, it could be a problem for you.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

I disagree because I do think this is something that could bother you. Because, like, for instance, for us, we've told the story before. I very much had a fantasy of you going to fuck someone and then coming back. And I was you were you actually deterred me from that. I very much was into that. Very much it, like I was pressuring you to do it.

SPEAKER_03 5:18

If anything, 100%, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

And then when you did it, I was like, oh, I can't do this. So I agree, but I also disagree because I do think that that will, I think it if you love your partner, I think it will cause an emotion. Now, what you do with that emotion and how you handle it is a different thing, but I I do think that that is something to think about, and I think it's important because even if you love your spouse dearly and this is a really hot fantasy, I still think it can evoke some emotion.

SPEAKER_03 5:45

No, I agree. I I guess my point would be, you know, we have engaged with several new couples and been like their first.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

Out of those times, how many times has there been like a visceral bad reaction?

SPEAKER_00 5:56

There has it been.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

Almost never, right? I I can't think of one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

But I do think it will, it will cause emotion, regardless. You know, it might cause emotions two or three days later. You'd be like, oh my God, what the fuck? But I do agree with you that a lot of people very much overthink this thing and kind of forget about a lot of the others. So I do agree with that, but I do think that it it is something that should be on your radar.

SPEAKER_03 6:17

Okay. Uh so we both agree that seeing your partner with somebody is probably something you're concerned about. Yeah. It's probably not going to be as big of a deal as you you think it is, especially if you've been, you know, working up to this.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Correct. Like if you've done all the steps, like you've danced with somebody, you've kissed with somebody, you've you've kind of like been flirting, if you've done all of that, you're probably gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:39

Yeah. Okay. So now what actually gets couples in trouble? Communicating, specifically communicating boundaries or rules. If we've seen somebody fight in a playroom, it's because somebody crossed a boundary, and most likely somebody crossed a boundary that they didn't know existed.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

So are you talking about communicate with their partner, communicate, communicate with new partners?

SPEAKER_03 7:01

Uh I just have it communication, I think, is a is a difficult thing or a triggering thing for people. Well, I think miscommunicating.

SPEAKER_00 7:08

I think a lot of people, when we say communication, they think we're talking about communication with their spouse, right? Because and don't get me wrong, very, very important. It's the most important.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

But what we we don't really put a lot of emphasis on is communication with other people that we're engaging with, right? We think as long as, like me and you, for example, as long as we're on the same page, we're good. But the problem is that you go into a playroom and you don't mention, hey, we don't kiss or we don't do this, or we don't do oral, or whatever your boundary is. And then somebody does it and then all hell breaks loose. But whose fault is that really? If you didn't communicate that to them, how are they not supposed to be mind readers? So I think in the lifestyle, I think a lot of people forget that yes, communication is very important between your spouse and yourself or your partner, however you want to label that, but it's equally as important with the people that you engage with.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

No, and I think that's or choose to not engage with at the same time.

SPEAKER_03 8:02

Like if you're not into that person, we have seen we've got people have got mad at us because they have communicated that they didn't like, hey, I'm okay with you fucking other guys, but maybe not him.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 8:15

But nobody said that to anyone. Nobody said that. And then when you ask that person, hey, can I fuck you? They're like, Yeah. And then the spouse gets mad because they were like, Hey, I was uncomfortable with you playing with him. You know what I mean? So it's like, well, you gotta tell people that. And then when I, if somebody asks you, hey, are you okay if I touch you or are you okay if I have sex with you, you you should say, oh no, thank you, or you know what I mean? So like that communication piece is a hundred percent uh the one of the hardest parts. And we're probably gonna talk more about communication in in different ways is for to why it's hard or some of the hard things in the lifestyle. But if if there is people that have a blow-up fight in a playroom or at a swingers club, it's usually because there's been a miscommunication, and it's usually specifically a miscommunication about rules or boundaries that people have.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Honestly, every like issue that we've had has been because of this. For another example, one time we were playing with this couple and we didn't tell them our boundaries, and the guy took my hand and led me in the bedroom.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

Close the door.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

And close the door, which they were they played separately. Yeah, so for them, that was not an issue at all. That was 100% within their rules and boundaries.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

I actually think we handled me and you handled that pretty well.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

Yes, but they didn't ask us, and we and honestly, when he shut the door, I did not I should uh if I in hindsight, I should have been like, hey, we actually only play in the same room, you know, we don't really know you very well. We would can we leave the door open, you know, or something. I so like in that case, it kind of ended up going south, but if I would have one, if we would have told them before we got we went south before the door was open.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

Yeah, this has nothing to do with the door.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

The door being closed was a non-issue, to be honest with you. But you know, if but that's just one of the many things that was an issue that night. I'm just trying to give examples for people, you know, like had we communicated when we first got there, hey, if we're gonna play, these are our boundaries. You know, do y'all have any that we need to be respectful of? And then two, when he walked me in there to the door, I could have been like, hey, actually, can we, you know, can we do this instead of this?

SPEAKER_03 10:17

100%. 100%. So I think, you know, everybody thinks that sharing your partner is gonna be the hardest part, but I think really it's the the nuances of communicating with your partner what you're okay and not okay with, and communicating with other partners what you're okay with and not okay with actually ends up being the issue. Uh okay, what we thought would be the hard part, jealousy.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:40

People, and this is kind of, I guess, the same.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

It's like a hot button topic. Anytime I'm on TikTok live, anytime I'm on anything, it's like, what about jealousy? What about it's like, what about it? Right now.

SPEAKER_03 10:50

So it's these kind of things. What if somebody enjoys somebody else more than me? What if I uh can't handle seeing it, which is similar to the last one? Uh, what if the person is more attractive than me that the in my partner? So people are very concerned about jealousy. Um is there jealousy in the lifestyle? People will argue, uh, you know, we've heard other podcasters or other social media influencers say things like, we don't, we don't get jealous, or we don't have a jealous bone in our body, or if you get jealous, you're doing the lifestyle wrong.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Yeah, or you shouldn't be in the life. I disagree with that. I I don't think there's a one size fits all answer. I think that it's okay that we all have different answers. I I respect that. Um for us, jealousy is still there. It it it we have learned to handle it better. We've learned to like, I don't want to use the word cope because that sounds like putting a band in it, but we've learned how to like communicate through it and kind of work through it. Where in the beginning it was like a blow-up fight because we weren't really sure how to handle that. I think over the years you kind of learned, oh yeah, he's gonna kiss her and make out with her, but I know at the end of the night he's gonna come home with me because every other time he's come, you know. So you learn, you get trust, you build that.

SPEAKER_03 12:00

Well, and sometimes I would even maybe make the argument that we've learned to lean into it, lean into it, yeah. Jealousy can be like, make it sexy, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Yeah, jealousy can. I mean, like honestly, like seeing you with a girl, yes, it it ignites something in me. Is there a little bit of like jealousy there? Yes. Is it bad? No, it doesn't have to be. So I but for me, I think jealousy is always there. What you do with that, because it's just an emotion at the end of the day. It's just like getting mad or sad or happy. It's jealousy, it's just an emotion. It's what you do with that. Just like if somebody pisses you off in a swingers club, you can like throw a chair, raise hell, throw a glass, and run out the door, or you can be like, okay, that didn't sit well with me. I'm not real happy. Maybe it's time for us to go. You know, it's all in how you handle that said emotion, and jealousy is no different to me.

SPEAKER_03 12:46

Yeah, I agree 100%. I think just like you said, jealousy is an emotion that you're going to experience it. I think it's a human emotion. I think if you don't experience it, you're almost like inhuman in some ways. You know what I mean? Like, I don't I don't understand people that just say that's something I just doesn't exist in my brain. Um, I think most of them people that say that are saying that to try to be like boastful and not aren't necessarily being honest with themselves. That's what I think. I could be wrong. Uh and I I we always compare jealousy to anger, right? Yeah, do we want to get angry? No. No. Is getting angry fun? No, right? But if if you were to, if you know, if if Lacey was if or me, if I said, Oh, I I never get angry, you would look at me like I'm stupid. Like, yeah, of course you get angry. You're a human being, you're going to experience anger, right? But there's a big difference between somebody that gets angry and somebody that has anger issues. Yeah. And I think jealousy is the same way. It's okay to be jealous. Now, if you have jealousy issues, that's going to be a problem for you in this in this community and in this lifestyle. Right. And we all know the couples that are out there that have jealousy issues. And they there are couples that have issues with jealousy and probably don't belong in this community or in this space until they work that out. Similar with with uh, you know, anger issues. If you have those problems, you need to work on them, find better ways to cope with those emotions so that you can be a valid, uh respectful member of the community. Because truthfully, just like if you have anger issues, if you have jealousy issues, it's going to affect people around you in a negative way. And that's not fair to your friends and those people.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

No, I agree. And like just to back to the like, if you don't to be honest with you, you and I at this moment in our life, I can't remember the last time I was truly jealous. Like just sitting here thinking about it. So could I say I never I'm not jealous? Maybe, but that I just feel like that's too that's like saying never, I would never do something. You know, I mean, like I I've learned to to handle it. I've learned to how to regulate my emotions, you know. And if I feel that way, I'm not gonna like.

SPEAKER_03 14:46

Yeah, I'm sure there are people out there that say, Oh, I I can't remember last time I got angry or mad. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 14:50

Like I think it's but that doesn't mean that you're never gonna be angry for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:54

Or that that's not something that you should ever feel or experience.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Or you're a bad swinger or a bad person if you have those feelings.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

Okay, so I think we we we crushed jealousy. So what actually is hard? And this is something that people kept saying over and over and over again finding connections is actually the hard part, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:16

It is by probably the the hardest. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:19

So I is jealousy an issue in the lifestyle? 100%. Can do most people find ways of coping and dealing with it? Yes. Um, is finding connections a hard thing in the lifestyle? One of the hardest things, right? And I don't think people think about that really.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

Yeah, I think people decide, oh, I'm gonna be in the lifestyle, and then it's like, oh shit, where do I find these people? And then not only where do I find them, but then how do I make sure that like I'm into the wife, he's into the, you know, or whatever, vice versa, you know, whatever dynamic you have. Finding that is is extremely hard. And then you add in factors like you have small children, so it's hard to get away, or you live in a rural community, or maybe you don't have the funds to travel and go to vacation, so it makes it even you can name a million things, and those are all roadblocks into it.

SPEAKER_03 16:06

I mean, like literally because not only are you looking for me that you're attracted to, but they have to match match your boundaries, match your personality, match your play style, right? So if you're a same room couple but they only like playing separately, you might think they're hot. You might want to fuck them, you guys might have good chemistry, but if your playstyle just doesn't match up, you're not, it's not gonna work, right? So finding couples that you want to engage with or couples that you want to swap with is one of the hardest, especially if you are like us in a same room, full swap type couple. That's hard to find.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

It's very hard. And honestly, that's when you see a lot of couples, you know, several options, play separate, bring in singles, you know. So, like one night they'll bring in a single male for the wife, and then maybe the next weekend they'll bring it, try to find a unicorn for the husband. That's why you see all of these alternative ways of playing, opposed to like same room full swap, is because it is very hard to find a four-way connection. And honestly, it's hard to find a husband and a wife that kind of matches. Usually it's a hot husband and the not so attractive wife, or vice versa. You know, it it very rarely do you find a couple that is equally matched and that you are all four on the same page.

SPEAKER_03 17:16

Yeah, no, a hundred percent. And that's where, like you said, you lead to, I think me and you have explored singles, like you playing with single males and you know, like doing the wifey stuff and stuff, because it's like a way for you to experience your fantasies in ways that sometimes is really hard to do in a couple for couple type scenario. Um, so and I think that's good. Like I think it's good if you're going through this journey together and maybe you are struggling to find connections, opening up your mind to exploring in different ways so that you can kind of hit some of those check marks.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

Well, it's just kind of like fulfilling fantasies. It's like a good way to like do all the things like on your list that are hot, you know, it's a way to kind of work through all of those, you know. And then on top of that, once you do find a connection, there's like a million things that could, you know, just everybody's dick work.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

Uh, did somebody drink too much and now, you know, they can't consent? Did you know, did your schedules line up? I mean, there's so like finding the connection is like the hardest part, but it's just the beginning. Once you get that, there's so many other things, you know.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

So yeah. Um, I've actually kind of forgot how hard it is to find people because we've been so blessed and kind of built this community, and now we go to events a lot, and there's kind of these built-in friend groups that are always at these events with us. Uh, but here, you know, we've what taken almost a month off between our last event and our next one. And Lacey has been fiending to be a dirty girl. And so I actually got on some of the websites and started like looking for people.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Okay, key, okay. So, first of all, I am, if you don't know, I started hormone replacement pellets back in December, and I feel like I'm at my prime right now. I feel like a 20-year-old. I'm not gonna lie. I just want to fuck all day, every day.

SPEAKER_03 18:56

Lacey's trying to fuck five times a day, and I'm like, baby, I'm good for one, maybe two, but five times a day, I'm not on the same level you're on. So she's like, let's find some people to fuck. Let's get dirty, let's be nasty.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

Not like us, to be honest with you. Not like you, yes, but honestly, on the same say that, it's also been a breath of fresh air. You know, we did that uh podcast, you know, last week or whatever about burnout, burnout. It's almost ignited a flame being home and being horny and wanting to do stuff. It's kind of reminds me of when we first started, and honestly, I kind of needed that. So, but yeah, you're right. Because of that, because we're having these conversations around it, we've been looking for people and it's been fun.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

We've it's been fun, but we've found almost nobody.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Nobody, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

Yeah, we haven't gone on a date with anybody, and this is it is fun because it's fun to see. When's the last time we went on a date with another couple, just me and you, or just went out for drinks, or met a couple in a hotel room or something like that? Like, we haven't done that in forever. So we've kind of been like talking about maybe doing it here in the last couple weeks, and it's we've been on the struggle bus. We're trying to find people. So even us, uh, if you are listening and you're out there struggling, yeah. And this is the other annoying annoying part. I've messaged a few couples and just been like, Oh, hey, we like your profile, and they write back, Oh my god, we love you guys, we follow you on TikTok. You know, it's like uh it's so embarrassing. So it's like another layer of not to say that we then we wouldn't swing with them, but then it's just it just adds that weirdness to it.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

We just want to be like naughty people and just go fuck some people and then we have no idea who we are. Yeah, that's what we want.

SPEAKER_03 20:27

Yeah, so when we get that message back, it's kind of like oh they know who we are.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

So we can't just be naughty and yeah, secretively.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

But it's it's been struggle, so we get it. We get it. Finding that four way connect, and then also we found a few people and they said they want to fuck me and not Dan, which is hilarious because Dan's got a big dick over here and can lay it down.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

I'm like more of the starfish of I won't say their names. This is kind of funny, this is off topic, but there's this couple that are content creators that live within a few hours of us. And um, I don't know, probably like two years ago, I messaged them and asked if they wanted to make content. And the guy messaged back and said, Oh, we'll fuck your wife, but my wife's not interested in you, which is fine, it's okay. But he was very blunt about it. But he communicated, he communicated, so and we were like, Okay, well, you know, and not to say we wouldn't, just the way he said it, I was like, eh, we just rubbed you the wrong way. Yeah, kind of rubbed me the wrong way, right? It came across a little arrogant, and uh, you know, you could have said it in like a nicer way, right? Yeah, uh, but anyway, so we just haven't haven't engaged with them, and actually we haven't even I don't think we've ever met them in person even. So, anyway, uh so we've been going through this thing the last couple weeks where Lacey's horny and wanting to fuck people. Well, the girl of this thing posted on uh on Reddit and said, Looking for big dicks to fuck, gotta have recent tests and both.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

I mean, like all of her criteria was Dan's like exact thing. And keep in mind, on top of this, she wanted it on July 2nd, which is Dan's birthday. So I was like, babe, let's get you fucked. Yeah, let's get it.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

And she's like, Hey, I found you this girl to go fuck on your birthday.

SPEAKER_00 21:59

Let's Do it. I was like wife of the year over here.

SPEAKER_03 22:02

And so she sends me this picture, and I'm like, Yeah, that's the girl of the couple that said that she didn't want to fuck me.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

I'll so sorry. I was just trying to get you fucked, babe.

SPEAKER_03 22:11

Yeah, it's kind of funny. Um, and then I would be curious though if we did message them now, if they would even remember that that uh but you know what?

SPEAKER_00 22:19

But I don't want I get that maybe that he could have had a little bit more tact, but I support somebody being honest.

SPEAKER_03 22:25

No, I I do too.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Because I would rather know up front than us wasting our time.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

So I agree. Yeah. Uh okay.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

So we don't even make connections with everybody, y'all.

SPEAKER_03 22:34

Yeah, we get sometimes Dan gets rejected, you know? It happens. I'm not I'm not I'm not mad about it.

SPEAKER_00 22:38

Not after you fucked them once, they usually come back.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

It's true, yeah. Yeah. Uh okay, moving on. What uh things that we thought would be hard? Um guilt. We have a lot of people that think, oh, if I, you know, they've been married, maybe they've been together for a long time. They think that if they fuck somebody else, they are gonna feel just terrible guilt the next day.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

I get this comment a lot that says, at what point do you quit feeling guilty? And I was like, Whoa, if you're feeling guilty, you need to reevaluate what you're doing. Because I I have never not one time felt guilty. Never. Yeah, and I think I don't die.

SPEAKER_03 23:18

Well, careful now. You're so you're sounding like those people that say, I've never felt jealousy.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

I've never felt bad for fucking somebody else when you're sitting there cheering me on.

SPEAKER_03 23:25

Yeah, well, I can see that.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

I've never felt that way.

SPEAKER_03 23:27

We've come from it from a different, we kind of joined this lifestyle together. We've been open the whole time. I can see if you have maybe a conservative Christian type background, right? Uh, and you've been married in a long-term relationship.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Who are they feeling guilty to, though? I guess is my question.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

I I don't know. I think maybe maybe they feel guilty because of their religious beliefs, maybe could they feel guilty because they think it's gonna ruin the sacred bond of marriage. Uh, maybe they think it's gonna somehow damage their relationship or their marriage afterwards. That maybe, you know, maybe the husband is is telling this this girl that, oh, I really want to see you get dicked down and I really want to see you get fucked. Um, but maybe the girl's afraid that if she actually does it, her husband's gonna look at her differently as like she's some kind of slut or something. You know what I mean? Like these are real things that people thoughts that people have. We've got these kind of questions.

SPEAKER_00 24:17

I know that this question is valid because I do get it a lot. I none of those things have have they you?

SPEAKER_03 24:24

Uh I have never no.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

Uh I have never actually.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

Maybe we're just heathers. I don't know. Yeah, I've never dirty or dirty whores.

SPEAKER_03 24:30

Guilty, but I I can understand the thought of that.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

Yeah, I guess like if you're both doing it, like I could say, like if you have uh I I guess I'm thinking guilt towards each other. That's where my mind would go. Uh not so you know, I get the religious I that that I understand.

SPEAKER_03 24:46

I think religious guilt is real, you know.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

For sure. I'm guessing guilt towards each other. Like if you go and you swap with a couple, I could see like maybe if like the husband couldn't get hard and the wife got dicked down and then she felt guilty because he I've probably walked away from scenarios like that where maybe you didn't have the best experience and I had a great experience and I felt a little bit. I can see that, but I've never felt bad to like society or God or or anything like that because I I maybe I'm just uh born a dirty whore.

SPEAKER_03 25:13

Yeah. Now I will say, as far as guilt goes, our experience in the community, that is not a big issue. No, it's not if I think about our friends, celebrated. If I think about the events we go to, um, so if if it's something you're worried about, right? I understand, especially the religious.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

I was about to say, especially the religious, uh that is not an uncommon thing in the lifestyle to have like religious trauma or religious upbringing and having to work through those emotions.

SPEAKER_03 25:40

You need to go back and listen to the episode we did with the pastor, if that's something that you're experiencing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

Uh but that I think that's something that like you probably need to work through. Right. I mean, could you do it along with getting in the last hell? Maybe, but I feel like that's like an internal, like you're gonna have to. I mean, you're almost unlearning everything you've probably been taught your whole time.

SPEAKER_03 25:58

You're gonna have to go through that process. But I'm saying if if if guilt is something that you are concerned with, if we look at our experience in the lifestyle overall, it's not a problem for most 99% of the people.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

I think it maybe once you do it once or twice, then you realize you are oh, you're gonna quickly overcome. Yeah, we're like, what about to feel guilty about this? Is strengthening our marriage, we're having fun, we're living our best life.

SPEAKER_03 26:20

So yeah, I don't really so I think that this guilt is one of those classic, this is a thing that people bring up a lot and a thing that people are very worried about going into this, but it's a thing that ends up not being that big a deal long term.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 26:33

Um, something that actually is hard and ends up being a big deal long term is finding balance. And this kind of goes back to last week's episode, right? With burnout. But there are several people that we know that really struggle with balancing real life in the lifestyle. Uh, and I wish I could give you better advice. Go back and listen to last week's podcast episode, but it's something that we struggle with.

SPEAKER_00 26:57

Yeah, no, a hundred percent, because it's like a newfound world, you know. It's almost like you've unlocked Pandora's box and you just want more and more and more. So it's I think it's also fun to go back and nobody know. You know, it's like a dirty little secret. It kind of reminds me of that like affair feeling, you know, like it's a dopamine hit for sure. Yeah, uh, so I think like chasing that is definitely a thing. So yeah, I mean, especially if you have a really good, you know, first few experiences, and then you just it's like you want more and more.

SPEAKER_03 27:29

I want to go to all the parties, I want to go to all the events, sign me up, naughty, bliss, secrets. Uh I want to do all the things.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

And then you have to, but you have to find balance. It's very important. And I think net people will naturally find their balance. I think our we are a unique situation because it is our business, but I think your average couple will find organically find balance. You know, you'll do too much and then you'll you'll lean off a little and then you'll, you know, do a few, you know. I I think I think naturally people will find that balance.

SPEAKER_03 27:59

It's like partying. Is it like when you graduated high school and you kind of got out on your own for the first time and you, you know, you were 21 and you can drink now, and you just want to like party every weekend and drink and get crazy?

SPEAKER_00 28:10

I didn't do that. I didn't do that. I I didn't even drink on my 21st birthday. I didn't even get drunk until I was in my 30s. So I never had a party stage. And I almost wonder, and I feel like I'm kind of living that now with like adult money and like you know, like in in a clear head, does that make sense? And I wonder if a lot of people are like that. I mean, I do think there is a like a group of people that did explore and live their best life in their 20s, but I think there's also a lot of people, especially like in the South, and even you, you're in the north, but you get married right out of high school, and then you start having babies, and then like your 20s are um are dedicated to children and raising a family, and you're poor, and you're just trying to, you're trying to grow in your work and trying to, and then I think like 30s, 40s, your kids are getting older, you have little money, you're a little bit more secure, you're you know, you know what you like. I think for me anyway, I feel like that is the case. But I I can't speak for everyone because I know there's a lot of people that party in their 20s.

SPEAKER_03 29:10

Yeah, I mean, what you're describing is similar, but I think even when I was in my younger 20s, I can remember we used to have, you know, we weren't out going out wild partying and all that stuff. We used to have friends over almost every week, and then we'd get drunk and we'd play cards or you know, do something, you know, hang out in the basement, play pool. Um so I think you kind of go through this phase where you're like, oh, this is new and exciting, and this is I can do this. I'm an adult now. Uh and then eventually you're like, man, I just want to, I just want to sleep. Like I just like with life. Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

You know, it's like up and down. Like I think, like, you know, when you're young, you want to do all those things, and then you're getting a little older, you're like, oh, I'm just exhausted, you know, I'm running around with my kids, and then you all of a sudden your kids are older, and then now you have free time, right? And now you have a little bit more money, you can go on trips, you can so I think that's part of life, you know. I think you've got ebbs and flows. I think it just kind of is part of it.

SPEAKER_03 29:58

No, I agree. Yeah, but I think finding balance. Now I wish I could tell you exactly how to do it. I think only you and your partner really can figure out where that line is or what your balance is. But it isn't a hard thing to do in the lifestyle. I think, especially like we said, when you come in new and fresh and you just want to do all the things. Um, but find that I think the quicker you can find that balance and and figure out what out what that is for you, um, the better you're gonna be long term uh in this space. And I say that as somebody that's been doing this for almost 10 years and still have not necessarily found that balance.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

A great example of this, and then we'll move on, is we had friends that were in, and they they know who they are if they're listening to this. They it took them a year to full swap. Like they baby baby stepped into this lifestyle. They finally did it, and the next day we were at a pool party, and the husband looked at you and some of the other guys and said, I can just like fuck everyone here if I wanted to. I mean, obviously with consent and all that. But I think it's like his eyes were open to like this whole new world of like, oh my God, I can just like fuck people, you know, if I want to, and they want to fuck me back. You know, that's kind of like a good representation of what it feels like to enter the lifestyle. You know, it's like you do it, you you got through your first full swap, and it's like this a bright, like aha moment, and you just want more and more and more of it. And at some point you have to figure out a good balance.

SPEAKER_03 31:19

No, I agree 100%. Uh, and I think that's what it is. It's like, you know, when you first enter the space, you're like a kid walking into a candy store, and the person, you know, behind the desk is like, take anything you want. And you're like, really?

SPEAKER_01 31:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

But you know, at some point, you get, you know, there can be such a thing as too much of a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 31:40

Too much pussy?

SPEAKER_03 31:41

You can have too much candy. Uh, you know, you know, you gotta there's gotta be moderation in everything. Uh, I don't know if there's too much pussy, but uh you definitely, you know, you still have to pay your bills, right? So you can't just be fucking pussy all the time uh and not have you know, not pay your bills. So there's balance in everything. Yeah. Uh okay. So moving on from that. So something that people think is going to be the hard part. And actually, this one I think actually is hard. Um, but maybe it I think most people find their space here. Dealing with insecurities. Am I attracted enough? Will people want me? Uh am I gonna get rejected? Uh I think when people enter this space, a lot of them are afraid to do it out of that fear of not being good enough or being rejected.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Yeah, well, you can listen to our Tuesday talks, and literally every other one is will people want to fuck me if I have this? Right. Like if I'm bald, if I have a little dick. If I have a little dick, if I uh have a mole on my dick, if uh I have stretch marks, if I have this. I mean, literally that is and we give the exact same answer to every single one. Is the truth is there's someone out there for everyone, you know? Will somebody not like it? Maybe, but there's gonna be equally as many people that are okay with it. I don't I will say, I don't think insecurity ever goes away. Right. I think that will always be there. But if anything I found in the lifestyle is that differences are celebrated and not everyone looks like Barbie and Ken. You know, and and honestly, Barbie and Ken probably have a harder time finding couples because people are intimidated by how good they look or how great their bodies are. So I think you and I I was telling somebody this the other day because they were complimenting me at Ledger Pleasures about my weight loss. So I've lost like 20 some pounds. And he was like, I don't want to, this is sounding sensitive, like you were hot before, but you look really, really good. And I said, I don't take that as a negative thing. Thank you for saying then thank you for saying you like me 20 pounds heavier. I said, the truth is I've had people want to fuck me at every every weight, you know. I've been damn near 200 pounds and people want to fuck me, and I've been 140 and somebody want to fuck me. So I mean, I think, and that's something I've learned. Now making that click in my brain sometimes is hard, but that's the truth. You know, it doesn't matter what size you are, what your hair looks like, what your outfit looks like, what you if you have a mole on your dick, if whatever, there's gonna be somebody for everyone. Maybe not at every single party. You may have to find your people, but there is gonna be somebody for everyone.

SPEAKER_03 34:21

Yeah, and I think that's why this one kind of goes into that. This is a thing that people are very concerned about that actually isn't that big a deal, but it is to you. Yeah, right. So I I don't want to discredit this, right? This we're not saying like, oh, you shouldn't have insecurities or insecurities. We all have insecurity. It is something that's very real to people. You know, Lacey's been in the lifestyle for almost 10 years, it's still something every time she puts on an outfit, she has a little panic attack before we go to the club. Still to this day, almost every single fucking time. Uh, you've gotten actually better at the city.

SPEAKER_00 34:50

I was about to say, can you tell me when the last time I did that? Because I don't think that's a true statement.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

But you still do get that panicky sometimes. You know, you've gotten much better. You know, I can think four or five years ago, there's times where you're like, I'm not going. Like I'm just not going to the club. You don't do that anymore. But I can tell when you don't like your outfit or you don't like your you don't think your hair is the right way. You just get kind of antsy, right? And I can read, I can read that. And I don't know, usually it's like, I'm gonna go get some ice or like I need to get out of the room or something. Because it doesn't matter. I can't, you know, it's hard to be like, because if I say you do look beautiful, then you're gonna think I'm being, you know, so there's no right thing to say necessarily in that situation. It's what I've found is usually just giving you a little bit of space, uh, ends up being the best thing I can do. Um, but what I'm saying is those insecurities are 100% real and don't necessarily really go away. But if your fear is because of your insecurities, you're going to be rejected in this space, or there's not going to be other people for you in this space, that is an irrational fear.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

Well, the truth is everyone gets in rejected. Regardless, it doesn't matter how hot you are, everyone is going to face some rejection.

SPEAKER_03 35:58

But they're also gonna have to only fans girls doesn't want to fuck me. So I mean, we we just talked about this.

SPEAKER_00 36:03

But no, I mean, but like, but there's also gonna be people that do want to, you know. So I think that's just kind of part of it.

SPEAKER_03 36:09

Right. I 100% believe that there is somebody for everybody in this space. I don't care how big you are, how small you are, how tall you are, if you're in a wheelchair, if you're blind, if you whatever your thing is, there is kinky people in this space that not only will fuck you, that they wanna fuck you. Like whatever your your thing might be their kink.

SPEAKER_00 36:34

You just gotta find them.

SPEAKER_03 36:34

Right.

SPEAKER_00 36:35

That's probably the hardest.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

And that goes back to like two, you know, connections. Connections, finding connections is the hardest part. They are here, they exist. The hard part's finding them. But again, once you find that community, once you find that niche, once you find that space um where you connect with people, that's that's that's where you can explore. And it exists, it's out there, I promise you. Yeah, uh okay. What's actually hard staying on the same pace, speed, wavelength as your partner. So, like moving together in this space can be very difficult. Yeah. Um I don't know if I know the answer or what to give you, but it's something to consider, right? And we see this a lot when people enter the lifestyle. Usually there's somebody that wants to jump all the way in, and there's somebody that wants to tiptoe in. Um, and finding that balance is hard for a lot of people. Um, and then even once you get in the lifestyle, that can continue to be a difficult thing. You might have one partner that wants to move a girl in and be poly, right? Uh, and you might have another partner that that's nowhere on their radar and they don't want nothing to do with that. Uh, so that's it's difficult to navigate that. Um, so I don't do you have any advice on how to do that.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

Yeah, I mean, I don't have any advice. I think it's definitely a real thing. It could be something as simple as one person wants to go out every Saturday night and the other person think maybe we should do once a month.

SPEAKER_03 38:03

One person, Dan, wants to go to the orgy room every night and one person doesn't. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:07

Yeah. Um, and so it unlocks a lot of feelings, like am I not good enough? Uh, you know, around that. So you know, that that's probably the main one. But it unlocks a lot of feelings. So I think it's important if you are the one that is probably the more eager to be very respectful of the one that's not as eager, you know. I I think that's very important. I don't think you should just like roll over and do everything that they say, but I think somewhat of a compromise. Like, for example, if you if you want to go out four nights and they only want to go out one, maybe let's do two and meet in the middle, you know. So, like you're both giving up something, but I definitely feel like you have to be respectful of the one that doesn't want to do as much.

SPEAKER_03 38:55

Yeah, that and this is such a hard thing. And me and you have a struggle with this, you know. Like I said, like when we go on a bliss cruise or something like that, you know, often I would go to the playroom every single night if if you wanted to, right? You usually don't want to. You might currently in the state and Lacey 2.0 might want to. Uh, but even then, I bet you you wouldn't.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

Uh yeah, because like honestly, for a female, for my vagina, I can't speak for every female. Going to a playroom eight days in a row is uh is a lot. Yeah, it's that's a lot of sex, it's a lot of wear and tear, it's a lot of, I mean, it's just that's a lot. I feel like that's a little much to ask of someone.

SPEAKER_03 39:33

No, I I I a hundred percent agree with that. Uh and then so the two is okay, well, let's find a middle ground, right? But but here's the problem if you don't want to go to the playroom, and I do, and the middle ground is you going to the playroom and now potentially having sex with people that you maybe don't not say you don't want to have sex with them because you never have sex with anybody you don't want to have sex with, but maybe I was not as eager. Right now, pressuring somebody to go into a sexual situation is wrong. Like you should not do that, right? But then you still have this imbalance of, well, one person wants to go and play more than the other person, right? So you have to somehow solve that problem. And I don't know, again, this is one of those scenarios where really it's only you and your partner are gonna be able to talk through that and negotiate through that and communicate through that and find out with a good plan. I know for me and you, some of the nights where maybe you don't feel like going to the playroom, but you feel like, but maybe, you know, but that Dan deserves this experience. You know, like I I shouldn't, you know, I should allow him to explore. You've done things like you've come to the playroom and just brought a toy with you and just kind of sit in the corner and watch, right? Uh so I think there's things like that where you can kind of find some some middle ground. Yeah, and I think this is why some couples do end up playing separately or pla playing without each other.

SPEAKER_00 40:45

On the flip side, sometimes like I'm kind of one of those persons, like, like if somebody invites me to go somewhere, like I don't want to get up and get ready, but I know once I get there, I'm gonna have fun. So, like there are been times where I'm like, ugh, I don't, I'm tired, I don't really want to go. But then I get to the playroom and I have a fucking blast, you know.

SPEAKER_03 41:00

That's majority of the times, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

So I mean, I think there's like there still is a balance though, uh, regardless, you know. So I think a little push is is okay, but I think like coercion or like being manipulated into going is different.

SPEAKER_03 41:18

Yeah. Well, and we've done this the flip way too, right? Because there's been times where I've DJ'd and come down off the DJ booth and I'm like exhausted. And you know I'm exhausted. And so you're like, Do you want to go to the playroom? And I'm like, uh, not really. And you're like, are you sure you don't want to go? Like, we, you know, everybody's ready to go. And it's like, all right, like, let me take a shower, give me five minutes, give me a shot of fucking fireball, let's do this. You know what I mean? And so I think we've gone both ways with it, where there's been times where one or the other person was more eager to go and in and engage. Um, and I think that's hard. That that's the hard, nuanced parts that's um very, very difficult, right? So you know, you think nobody wanting you is gonna be the problem, but really the problem is how do we find how do we get on the same page about when we do want to engage and who in or even who you want to get engaged with, right? Because there's been times where couples have messaged us and I've been like, fuck yeah, let's do this. And you're like, Are you kidding me? No way, you know what I mean? So I think those are more the nuances where people actually struggle in their lifestyle.

SPEAKER_00 42:16

Yeah, no, I agree.

SPEAKER_03 42:17

There's gonna be somebody out there for you, but finding that the balance of when and where and how often um is really the hard part. Yeah. Um okay. Things that people think are gonna be hard. Uh actually, let's take a little break. Uh, I forgot about the commercials and we're wondering. Ran a little long. I was winding. But I think now's the perfect time to take a little break and hear from the partners and sponsors of the swing nation podcast. And then when we get back, we got a couple more what you think's gonna be hard versus what's actually gonna be hard in the lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 42:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 42:54

All right, we'll be right back, guys. Lacey, one thing I don't leave home without when going to a swinger event is my ED medication.

SPEAKER_00 43:10

That is correct.

SPEAKER_03 43:11

Performance anxiety is 100% a real thing. Um, having sex in an orgy room with um a hundred people in there is way different than having sex at home in your bedroom.

SPEAKER_00 43:22

It is.

SPEAKER_03 43:22

Um, so I like to have what we call a little insurance policy and have some of that ED medication in my pocket. Um, shameless care is who I use for that. And they actually just came out with a new product called the Shameless Duo, yeah, which is a combination medicine that has Viagra and Cialis in it, so that one you can be ready whenever, but also it's got that dose that you can take when you're you know as you're getting ready to go to the playroom and you need that to kick in. Yeah. So I love it. I mean, I used it at Hito for the first time, and that that combination pretty much switched to that, haven't you? That's basically what I use all the time now. Yeah. So if you're Looking for ED medication, if you're new to the lifestyle and you're going to an event, you might want to get some and have it just handy in case you need it, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 44:09

And the really cool thing about shameless care is they don't set you up on a recurring plan. So you're not going to get all of this ED medication that you have in your nightstand built up. When it's time that you need more, you'll get an email from them and they'll ask you, hey, are you ready for another round? And you can respond back. Yes, please refill it. Or no, I'm good right now. Thank you. So it's really cool because you don't end up with all these extra pills and spend a bunch of money that you're not, you know, you don't need to spend.

SPEAKER_03 44:38

Yeah. And my favorite part is you don't actually have to go into an office and talk to your family doctor or a military doctor. Um, you can do it all right online from the privacy of your home. Uh you just go to their website, you fill out some forms, the doctor reviews it, approves you, disapproves you, and you move on from there. So if you would like to get some medication, you can go to theswingnation.info, click on the little recommended apps and products, uh, scroll down to the shameless care icon, click on that, and that's going to take you over there. Uh, there's some discount codes there for you, so you can get a discount off your first order. But uh I highly recommend if you're going to some events or parties, go get you some lifestyle insurance.

unknown 45:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:20

All right, guys, check it out. Lacey, people are always asking, how do we get to a party or an event that you guys are hosting? Like, how do we find these things? Where did they exist?

SPEAKER_00 45:30

Yeah, because we're pretty open about where we're gonna be. So if you want to find these places, you need to check out swingers.net.

SPEAKER_03 45:39

Right. So you can go to swingersight.net, sign up for a profile. Most of our friends, most of the people that are attending our events, all are on there and have profiles. So you can message them, link up with them before a party, get to know some people. Uh, please become a diamond member. Okay. So this is the way that we keep are able to throw events. There, it's a way we're able to have staff. Uh, really, it's the the community that keeps those memberships on swingersciety.net that really keep this whole thing running.

SPEAKER_01 46:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 46:05

Um, if you're a diamond member, it gets you early access to tickets. Uh so you can get those VIP tickets in the clubs and you know those preferred rooms at a place like Secrets. Um, our Diamond members usually grab all that up. So if that's something that you're interested in, you definitely want to become a Diamond member, or if you just want to support us, support what we're doing, uh, and help us pay our staff, please go sign up and be a diamond member. Yes, it's super helpful for us. Uh, and you can do that by going to swingersociety.net.

SPEAKER_00 46:33

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 46:34

Uh, and sign up today. Hopefully, you come become part of our community, and we hope to see you at a future event.

SPEAKER_01 46:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:39

Thanks, guys. All right, guys. Welcome back. Welcome back. Thank you for listening to our sponsors. Lacey loves our sponsors.

SPEAKER_01 46:45

I do.

SPEAKER_03 46:46

She loves all of the things. Um, okay. So when we left you, um, I was just about to tell you what the next what you think is going to be hard. And this is one that we get a lot of messages about. Um rules. Understanding the rules, understanding the language, understanding etiquette, things like that. People are very concerned before they go to their first swingers club or party uh or cruise that they need to know what all the rules are. Is that something people should really be concerned about?

SPEAKER_00 47:24

I mean, I think they shouldn't should handle themselves accordingly. I think you should have some knowledge. I don't think you should walk in blindly. Start grinding, you know, like if you are from like the vanilla world and you walk in and and dance up on somebody without asking permission, you know, that's probably not a big deal. But in the lifestyle, you need to know that you need to ask. I so I do think some level of knowledge, you know, like how to approach a couple, how to like how, you know, like especially if you're like a single guy and then you walk wait till the husband walks to the bathroom and then approach the wife. I mean, stuff like that I think is very important. Yeah. Um, I think you'll learn quickly. So, I mean, as far as it being a problem long term, and if you're a quick learner, you're you'll probably be okay because you'll figure it out, you know. All you gotta do is one once or twice kind of cross that line and somebody will put you in your place. That's the good thing about the lifestyle is we kind of like self-regulate, you know, like yes, there is security, and yes, there's, you know, but like just Oh, if you fuck up, especially like if you fuck up in a playroom, the the got people around you are gonna correct you way before any security or something. Yeah, like if you don't know anything about the lifestyle and you're like on the dance floor and pull out your phone and start recording, someone's gonna say, Hey dude, you can't do that, or hey ma'am, you can't do that. Well, then you know. So as long as you're like a fast learner and you're then you're probably gonna be fine. But and it as long as you come in like with like the eagerness to learn, I think you're you're fine. Cause even if you do something wrong and you're like, oh, I'm so I'm new, I had no idea, and let somebody correct you and and then you just don't do that again. I think that's okay.

SPEAKER_03 48:56

Yeah. We've this is one of another one of those things where we get questions all the time about, oh, we're about to go to the first swinger club. You know, how do you how do you approach people? How do you talk to people? Are there hand signals? Are there secret codes? Are the what spaces can I go into and what spaces can I not go into? And the truth is there is a lot to that, right? And uh, and the truth is, you know, we've done podcast episodes about proper etiquette, uh, we've done podcast episodes, I think, about like rules and or you know, we've done podcast episodes about a different bunch of different swingers' clubs and what their rule, you know, we kind of walk you through the club and tell you what about the rules and YouTube tours and all that kind of stuff, and and certainly go watch all those, and if you you know, before you go to an event and kind of catch yourself up on that. But the truth is if you go to a swingers party and you just be respectful, right? And just practice consent, right? Ask somebody before you touch them and just treat people the way you want to be treated and handle yourself with in a respectful fashion, if you don't know all the nuanced little rules like what Lacey is saying, um, you're gonna be fine, right? People aren't gonna fight you, people aren't gonna they're not gonna you're not gonna get kicked out. Um, people want new people to come, and we understand that there's that you might not fully understand what all the rules are. And honestly, if you just ask before you do things most of the time, or if you don't know if it's okay to do a thing, like take out your phone and take a picture, if you ask somebody around you before you do the thing, you're gonna be okay, right? Don't get all bent out of shape about knowing every single rule, knowing all the etiquette. Because honestly, no two clubs are the same. Yeah, if you go to a club in the West Coast versus the East Coast versus one in Europe, they're not the same. Yeah, so there's no, you're never gonna learn all of that before your first event. Yeah, right. So I think if you just go in, you know, certainly go look at the website, read the rules. Most most clubs have you sign a piece of paper that goes over the rules, so glance through that, read through that, make sure you're up to date. But I would not get too bent out of shape about knowing everything before you go.

SPEAKER_00 50:59

Yeah, as long as you're respectful and open to correction or feedback, I think you'll be fine.

SPEAKER_03 51:07

What's actually hard in the lifestyle? Knowing that there are no rules, um, as far as no two people are the same in the way they engage. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And so, like, and this is kind of this is kind of why I guess why these got put together, but like, you know, people are so worried about the rules going into a club, but really what you learn if you stay in this this space for more than a day is that everybody is different. Yeah, everybody has different rules and boundaries, they've also interpreted things differently. Every everybody has different play styles.

SPEAKER_00 51:44

Yeah. So for example, you you meet a couple and you really like them and you go in the playroom, and before you start to engage, you're like, hey, what are your rules and boundaries? And they list off, you know, four things. Like, for instance, say we always use protection. Okay, what does that mean? Because, like, protection, what does that mean? Does that mean a dental dam? Does that mean uh condoms? You have a late date. You always want to ask like the questions that go along with that. You never want to assume that, because when you think of protection, you think of only he wears a condom. You know, you don't want to assume that you always want to ask her further clarifications. Another example is we knew a girl years ago who had Hot Wife in her name, and there were talks of playing, not us. This is another couple, of playing, and it was assumed that her husband would not be engaged in the playing. He would be there, obviously, but not be engaged because of her title being Hot Wife.

SPEAKER_03 52:39

Her username. It wasn't even her, yeah, like yeah, that's what I meant.

SPEAKER_00 52:41

Like, yeah, it was her username, and it was so the other couple assumed that that meant he would not be an active member of the swap. And um, the girl went got very offended that that was the case.

SPEAKER_03 52:57

That was assumption was made.

SPEAKER_00 52:58

That assumption was made that her husband felt protective over her husband because she felt like he wasn't being included. Um, when honestly, a simple conversation of hey, what are your rules about? Yeah, we're interested in in playing with you. I see you have hot webs. What does that mean to you? Yeah. Will your husband be there? How do you guys play? How do you play? What are you, you know, what is your dynamic? So, like questions like that, um, you always need those follow-up questions when somebody says something.

SPEAKER_03 53:26

Yeah. And I think that's the, you know, kind of what it says here is eventually in this space, you stop asking what's the right way to do something, and you just communicate with the people you're engaging with and figure out what their rules and boundaries are and what their playstyles are, what what they like, what they don't like. Like you said, allergies and all that kind of stuff. It it really is a very not, I guess it's a team sport, yeah, but it's a me and you team, it's a two-person team. Um, but every team plays the game differently.

SPEAKER_00 53:58

Also, like different parts of the country call different things, you know, like right.

SPEAKER_03 54:02

Some people assume a female unicorn is automatically bi or that or she might be single.

SPEAKER_00 54:07

Right. Hell, she might have a whole ass husband that doesn't even know she's there. So that's why asking the questions, you know, you might not care if she has a husband. Somebody else that might be like a problem to them if she has a husband. They want to make sure that it's okay so they can like ethically do this. So, like just saying you're unicorn doesn't say much, say much, you know, or a dragon. We don't really hear that word a lot where we live, but a lot of West Coast, we hear that word. Uh from my understanding, is like a bisexual male, you know, that plays with couples. Yeah, you know, so what you just need to ask those questions because you you just don't know, you know, and we're talking about in the United States. If you're in another country, I'm sure it's even worse, you know, because there, I'm sure there's words in other countries that we've never even heard of or have no knowledge of. For example, we were on the cruise one time and we met this couple that said a lot of clubs, um, like in Europe and stuff like that, consent is assumed instead of given. Like for instance, here you say, May I touch you, and you allow the person to touch you or not. Like in Europe and places like that, uh consent is assumed until you say no, thank you. So it really just depends on where you are and what you're doing. So it's just I it's hard. No two places are the same. So you always just have to like be like cover all your bases a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_03 55:31

No, I I agree. I agree. I think I think that's again, it almost goes back to you know, communicating your rules and boundaries. You know, I I think people think going into these spaces, they need to learn all the rules, but the truth is you really don't learn all the rules until you engage with a couple and having good communication with that couple about what their rules, their boundaries, their expectations are, um, is really the the hard part. Um what the rules of art of an event are is pretty minor compared to learning everything else. And I and I think that's kind of why we use this as an example is I think people get really bent out of shape about what the rules are going into a club, but they don't always think about all the nuanced um boundaries and rules that they're gonna have to learn before they actually engage with people. And usually those are the rules and boundaries that get you in trouble, not so much can you wear your hat backwards in the club. Yeah. That's a pretty minor thing in comparison to this other stuff.

SPEAKER_00 56:30

Yeah, no, I agree.

SPEAKER_03 56:31

Uh, okay, so this is my last my last set of what we think is gonna be hard versus what is hard. Um people think sex is the hard part. Uh, like people get all worried about um positions or how long does it go?

SPEAKER_00 56:50

What do you do?

SPEAKER_03 56:51

How long you're gonna have sex?

SPEAKER_00 56:53

What do you do when your partner finishes before you?

SPEAKER_03 56:55

What if somebody comes before people are very, very concerned about the nuances that go to actually engaging in a sexual episode?

SPEAKER_00 57:03

When you finish with another couple, how do you leave? Uh yeah, just all we get those all of those questions all the time.

SPEAKER_03 57:12

Yeah. Is that hard?

SPEAKER_00 57:14

No, yeah. It's literally like dating, like when you're young. You know, think about before you got married, which I know a lot of people get married, you know.

SPEAKER_03 57:21

Maybe you've been married for 20 years or something.

SPEAKER_00 57:23

Yeah, but it but it's very similar to that, except for you have your partner there. So you have somebody that you can like talk about it with on the way home. But it's very similar. Like if you're done and you want to leave, just be like, guys, we're exhausted. We got to get up at 8 a.m. with our kids. We're gonna, we we care about y'all. Y'all did great. This was awesome. Let's do it again. But we gotta go, you know. Or if you're a couple that wants to hang out and cuddle, then just say that and say, I want to hang out and cuddle or whatever. I mean, yeah, I think people like with a lot of this stuff, people like overthink it and pick apart it. It's just go with the flow. What feels right, just do that. If it's if if somebody doesn't like it, they're probably gonna tell you, you know. I mean, it's not that big of a deal.

SPEAKER_03 57:59

I feel like the new couples are always the ones that want to hang out and talk and cuddle, or they talk a long time before the sex and then or and then want to hang out and kind of yeah, like when people ask me that and they're like, How do you leave?

SPEAKER_00 58:09

I'm like, peace out, we gotta go. See y'all tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03 58:11

High five. Yeah, like that was great, guys. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 58:13

Like it's not that big of a deal. Like everybody's tired. We're all ready for bed, you know? And I have no issues being like, This was awesome, but I'm exhausted. Like, I have no issues doing that.

SPEAKER_03 58:24

Yeah, I think people overthink it. Um, again, you know, there could be some uh if you're a couple that needs that come down cuddle time after sex. Some couples really enjoy that, you know, maybe communicating that ahead of time. That way, if you get done sex in a couple, you know, if you're if you have sex with us, me and Lacey are probably gonna jump up proposing.

SPEAKER_00 58:44

If you're in our room, I'm probably gonna start taking my makeup off and put my pajamas on. You can stay and hang out for a little while, but I'm gonna get ready for bed.

SPEAKER_03 58:50

And Lacey doesn't want to cuddle, she's not like that. I don't even want to cuddle with Dan.

SPEAKER_00 58:54

Yeah, I definitely don't want to cuddle with no other boy.

SPEAKER_03 58:58

No, uh, you know, so if you do have needs, wants, desires around any of this kind of stuff, communicating ahead of time is important. But honestly, the sex stuff is go with the flow. Like it's that that's the best way to handle it. Um, and honestly, it's even more than go with the flow.

SPEAKER_00 59:15

To me, it's experiment and have fun, right?

SPEAKER_03 59:18

Explore. Yeah, right. And I think that's where it's not just uh let's fuck each other to try to come as quick as we can. I hope not, right? It's more of a hey, there's four of us. What kind of dirty shit? You know, like what fantasies do you have? Like, do you want to take the do you want to try DVP? Do you want to do Eiffel Tower? Do you want to, you know, like, oh, do you like, you know, if you're a girl, maybe you like enjoy licking pussy while you get fucked? You know, like all the stuff you can't do at home with your partner, this is your opportunity to explore all of those things. And so I really like it, like when we're in an orgy situation or even with another couple, and you start communicating some of that, like, oh, who wants to try this or who wants to do that, or you know, when a couple comes up and they say, Oh, we've always wanted to do this or try this. Uh, you know, we've me and you've been around the block a few times, so we've checked a lot of those boxes, but I love it when a c another couple is excited to try those things, and we kind of get to help them experience things for the first time. You kind of get like uh you feel some of their excitement, you get some of that energy from them, and it it really feels it feels good. It's that's that's part of what I like about this.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:22

Yeah, same.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:23

Um, so it's not just all about getting it in and trying to orgasm, although hopefully there's lots of that in the middle of all this. But I think it really is exploring and taking your time and and and and enjoying each other and trying new things.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:37

Yeah, no, I agree.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:38

Uh okay, versus what actually is hard. So I think people think you know, they really overthink the sex and the sexual acts and where to put their hands and their bodies and what happens if somebody comes too quick and all of that stuff. But don't worry about that. Uh, but something to think about um is how do you protect your primary relationship while you explore?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:03

That is very important. I think this is something that people let slip often.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:09

And why do you think that people let it slip? What makes you say that?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:12

All the other things that we talked about today, getting excited, the balance, uh, the communication, the being on the same page, all of those things. Like if you let any of that other stuff slip, it affects your primary relationship. And that's something we try to teach a lot of people. Like, people get caught up in drama and stuff like that. And my advice always to them, and listen, we we also do.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:35

So I'm not we obviously publicly king and queen drama.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:39

Okay, not on purpose, not on purpose. Um, but my advice to someone that comes to me and is mad at somebody else or whatever, their feelings got hurt. My advice to them is always as long as you and your partner are good and on the same page, all of this other stuff is noise. You know, like you want people around you like you, you want to get along with everybody, you want, you know, things to be awesome and great, but you have to protect that marriage or that relationship first. And if it, if it ever that is not your primary focus, even if it's not intentional, because sometimes, you know, we can get a little caught up in situations, um, you need to adjust and fix that. And I feel like when we and it's it can it can happen not even on purpose, you know, you could just get get caught up in a situation when you stop making the focus the relationship. I think that's when you see these couples that it do start to fall apart.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:36

Yeah, and this is probably very different. If you are a poly person, don't listen to anything we're saying because this is probably like almost offensive to you. Yeah, right. But if you are a swinger and you are in a primary relationship and you you have no desire to marry or date or fall in love with anybody else, your focus should be your partner, right? And when we see people get in trouble in this space, it's often they're putting the priorities of another couple or maybe another or their feelings. They're putting their thoughts and feelings above even their own spouse's feelings. And if you're doing that, you are on the roadway to disaster. Yeah, right? Because that's you what I don't think is right. Like you shouldn't be prioritizing another person above your partner. If you're in a swinger marriage, not if you're if you're pursuing polyamory, go listen to a different podcast, right? But if you're a swinger and you want to be in a marriage but have sex with other people, you have to protect that core relationship. And your partner's feelings and needs should be above everyone else's in this scenario. Yeah, I cannot speak to if you're pursuing a different relationship structure, go listen to a different podcast. But in this scenario, I think it's essential that your partner always takes priority, right? If Lacey's not okay and we're at a party or an event, we're leaving. Right? We're just gonna get up and we're gonna leave. And it doesn't matter if her reaction is irrational, if it's like she might be wrong in this situation, right? She might be gotten in a fight with some bitch and she's a hundred percent in the wrong, but me and her are leaving together and fuck that bitch, right? Like, even if Lacey's wrong, it's fuck that bitch. And that's you have to be of that. Now, once we all calm down, maybe we can go back and we can apologize and be like, you know what, you were right, but in that situation, you have to always have your partner's back. I don't know if we're pretty good at this. Um, you know, I think sometimes we maybe struggle, we think about other people first and kind of try to put their feelings ahead, especially if we know our partner's being irrational. Uh, I think that's natural, but I think to protect your primary relationship, that's the attitude you you have to strive for at least. You're gonna mess up sometimes. It's not always gonna be perfect, but you have to strive for.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:54

And the couples that are the strongest and like that we look up to always put their marriage first. Always put or you can not be married, whatever, your relationship. You they always put that first. And um, and so I think that's like always a goal to work towards.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:11

I think if you ever feel yourself slipping in that or you know, or questioning that, maybe you need to pause and reevaluate where you're where you're at, or maybe reevaluate what you want, right? Because maybe you maybe you are wanting to be poly, or maybe you are developing feel you know, feelings that are more than or maybe that relationship's just your primary relationship is not at a good place, at a good place, or maybe it's it's not something that is healthy anymore, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:38

I mean, there could there's lots of people that are in the lifestyle that don't have great marriages, you know. So um in that case, that's you know, you have to work towards that. That's why we tell a lot of people before they get in the lifestyle that's that your relationship needs to be as good as it could probably ever get prior to doing this, because if you engage in this lifestyle, it's Going to show and you have issues within your relationship, it's going you're it's just gonna show those problems quicker. You don't know how many times we've been at a party and somebody gets drunk and starts talking shit about their spouse. It happens almost every single party. Or uh their partner goes off with somebody else and they're like, fuck that bitch, I'm going in here with y'all, or whatever. I mean, like it happens all the time. You know, we like to think that everybody there is like has a really good relationship and they love their partner and they, you know, it's a really healthy situation. But the truth is is that we don't know what other people are going through at home and they're not all perfect and they're not all great. And so it definitely happens and you definitely see it. It almost like puts a big red target on you when you're at a lifestyle party and you know, you've been drinking and emotions and all of the things. It it definitely shows.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:50

And those are the people to try to avoid if you see those type of behaviors. Yes, trust us. Yes, even I don't care how hot they are, how tempting it is. Um, if you see somebody casting their partner aside, stay away from that person. Yeah. Uh okay, and that sums up my what you thought would be hard versus what actually is hard. Good. I think that was good. That was a good conversation, right? I think that was a good podcast. I hope that helps people that are thinking about coming into the lifestyle, maybe helps put some of your fears at ease and maybe start some good conversations.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:21

Or unlock new fears.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:23

Well, I think I think the what actually is hard could start maybe some good conversations and maybe that are more of the things you should be thinking about uh rather than some of the other things. So uh okay. What else? Uh so we are what a week away from naughty New Orleans. Uh so if you're gonna be at Naughty, we look forward to seeing uh you there. We're gonna be hosting a couple events. So we're gonna be doing our boot scoot root rodeo party what on Saturday. I'm gonna be DJing a couple sets.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:53

Uh if I can give you the do you want to give me the rundown? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:57

Tell the listeners if they're going to Naughty New Orleans where they can come hang out with the Swing Nation podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:03

Okay. So uh Thursday, uh, you'll be DJing in the Voodoo Club, which is the EDM club. Right that they're it's basically a ballroom that they've turned into an EDM.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:13

Thursday night. What time will I be DJing? Do we know?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:15

I don't I don't have that off the top of my head. But you will be just being there Thursday night the whole time.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:19

The whole time I think it was earlier. I think it's like nine or ten o'clock.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:22

Yeah. Um Friday, uh, you will actually be the MC of the famous beach party, which is a big deal.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:29

Yeah. It's really a big deal that you're so rockin' Ronnie, I don't think could make it this year. So um Splash slash Cassidy asked me to MC and do the games for the um beach party, which is one of the bigger day parties at Nova.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:45

It's our favorite day party aside from ours. So but like literally when they schedule our events, we're like, for Naughty, we're like, do make sure nothing overlaps because we want to be so we gotta talk about games.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:56

We gotta come up with some fun games. I got a few ideas. Uh, but if you're gonna be at the beach party, come see us. We'll be up on the stage playing games. If you want to play a game, please jump up, help me out. Uh, we got a bunch of fun games planned. We'll be giving away some prizes and stuff. The beach party is definitely a party you don't want to miss.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:12

Um, and then we'll also be at the Sexual Freedom Parade that same day, Friday.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:16

If you can if you are if you can show your face and march in the parade, please do that. Um, it it if you've never experienced the parade, it you prepared, prepare yourself. Yeah, you might get a little emotional.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:29

It's pretty awesome.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:30

And then on Saturday, we um will be hosting the uh pull or not a poll party. We're hosting a bourbon street party at Boot Scoot and Rodeo. I think this is our third or fourth year.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:42

Um, we do it every year. It's a really cool bar. They've got uh mechanical bull, you can ride at Topless. Uh just like it's it's a really cool place. We kind of make it like an EDM country slash theme. It's it's fun. We have a good time.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:57

It's like country theme. We might do some EDM remixes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:00

Um, but it's a good it's a good party. And then um at 7 p.m. that night, speaking of Polly, our good friend Nicole, who is uh a partner with us, is gonna be hosting a Polly meet and greet at the Aster at 7 p.m.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:15

And then um that same night on Saturday night from 2 to 4 a.m., you and just in time are gonna be DJing at the af Afterglow party. So if you were at Naughty last year or heard us talk about it, it was they the speakeasy. They've changed the name this year to the afterglow parties.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:33

I think they changed the location, which I don't know if that's public exactly where it's gonna be located. Uh, but yeah, we'll be DJing the after party. So last year the speakeasy after party was one of my favorite, I think our favorite um parties of the event. And so we are gonna be DJing and kind of hosting the after party uh this year. So go check that out. Um uh if you're you know, if you if you're gonna be up at two o'clock in the morning on Saturday, honestly, it's a really close down naughty New Orleans.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:03

It's actually we did it last year, and it was like all year long, we have been striving to make that magic happen again. It's like something that like it's very hard to explain. If you want to like know what we're talking about, go back and listen to our naughty recap from last year. It was pretty epic. So um, hopefully we can recreate it this year.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:23

I think last year we had like the midnight to two slot, not the two to four slot. So we'll we'll see if the later slot, if we're able to keep the energy going that late into the night. But uh, I have faith in us. I think we can do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:34

Yeah, I know I agree. So, yeah, that's our naughty schedule. So, yeah, so we will, if you're there, please come say hello, please say hey. We'll have a table set up with swag. So please make sure you come grab the stuff off our table, and it's gonna be a great trip.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:49

Yep, and uh, and then go check out swingersciety.net. We got some other fun events. We're gonna be at Eroticon in Atlanta, which is gonna be a giant hotel takeover, one of the largest uh that Splash puts on every year. Uh, and then we're gonna be uh Secrets and uh Electric Pleasures this fall. So if you want to come party with us, if you're looking for an event, swinger society.net, come come experience um the lifestyle. I think it's it's it's really all the parties we attend, all the parties we throw, all the parties we go to, uh are I'd like to say top notch.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:24

Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:24

I think so.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:25

Naughty's a great thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:26

If you're looking for something, um, come check it out with us. Uh it's it's getting that time of year. Yes. We're about to be busy. So we hope to see you guys.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:35

Yeah, we can't wait.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:36

All right. Anything else for the swing nation listeners? That's it. All right, guys. I think with that, in a world full of apples.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:42

Be the pineapple.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:43

Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Twinger content creators on our Twinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at thustwingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to thustwingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Twing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.