Tuesday Talks: Are We the Drama?

Tuesday Talks: Are We the Drama? | Episode 122

In this episode of Tuesday Talks, a couple writes in with a complicated play situation and one big question: “Are we the drama?”

After a night of playing with friends didn’t unfold the way they expected, they’re left wondering whether there was a major misunderstanding—or whether they were intentionally misled. They believed another couple was interested in a full swap with both of them, but when the night played out, only the wife ended up playing.

Dan and Lacy break down what may have happened, including the possibility that expectations weren’t as clearly communicated as everyone thought. Was there actually bad intent, or could this simply be a case of two couples walking away with very different interpretations of the same night?

They also discuss why the best solution is usually the simplest one: talk directly to the couple involved instead of trying to fill in the blanks yourself.

Plus, Dan and Lacy share their thoughts on the “tit-for-tat” approach to play—the idea that if one partner gets to play, the other partner should automatically get something in return. Does everything in the lifestyle need to be perfectly even, or can keeping score create more problems than it solves?

It’s a conversation about expectations, communication, assumptions, and what “fair” really looks like when playing with other couples.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18, it contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely does, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe. Interview the experts. Learn and grow together. Join the nation.

SPEAKER_03 0:50

Tuesday talks. Just send your questions to Dan and Lake said. Tuesday talks. Swing Nation got you feeling sexy. Tuesday talks.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lazy. How about that high-no?

SPEAKER_00 1:07

That was perfect. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

And Southern Girl.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

And we are back with another episode of Tuesday Talks.

unknown 1:19

Talking Tuesday.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

What is wrong with you?

SPEAKER_00 1:25

I don't know. Okay. I don't know. I don't know. Uh my therapist has been asking me that for three years now. Um, okay. You have this week's Tuesday Talk question. I have no idea what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Yeah, it's a little long, so bear with me.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

I'm bearing with you.

SPEAKER_02 1:42

Okay. Hey Dan and Lacey, love the podcast. It's really helped us navigate the lifestyle. So we're a younger couple in the lifestyle 30 and 31. But wouldn't say we're new at it anymore. We've been in the lost stuff for a few years now, and we've had our fair share of experiences and really have gotten a grasp on what we like and our rules and boundaries. So we've recently had an experience that we both were pretty upset about because we value respect and respecting everyone's rules and boundaries. It started with a fun night at a club with a few friends and our main couple that we're always going out with playing with. So towards the end of the night, we ended up going back to this new couple's house. Let's call them Adam and Ashley, with our main couple that we usually play with. We've met Adam and Ashley before and known that they're sorry, and known that they're the type of couple that does parallel play, and Ashley only plays with girls. So that's exactly how the night turned out as well. Until Ashley came up to my wife while we were playing and asked if her man could play with her. We're a full swap couple, so normally we have no problem with that, but only under the rule that if it's with a couple, that is actually full swap between everyone. Given that we've already encountered that problem beforehand with another couple, which was due to a lack of communication with everyone's rules. We made it very clear moving forward that it will not happen again. So my wife began to tell Ashley she can, but only if it's a full swap between both of us. She's even asked her a couple of times because it sounded un because she sounded unsure at first, and she proceeded to tell her that she will. In the end, Adam played with my wife, and Ashley never played, which really upset us because she crossed a clear rule that we had made and kind of felt like she manipulated us just so we can have her enjoyment of watching her man, which we've known that's what she's into. After that, we decided that they will not be a couple that we talk to anymore or ever play with. Am I crazy for being so stern on not wanting Am I crazy for being so stern on not wanting to give them another chance? We just felt like there was clear lack of respect of our rules, which everyone knows that in the is the most important thing in the lifestyle. We've seen them again in another after party with a f with a few more other couples and they wanted to play with us again. We brushed it off and left it and didn't play at all with any other couples just because we didn't want to see them. Just wondering how we should approach this because we feel like we're gonna run into them again being in the lifestyle. Should we just flat out tell them we didn't like how the night went or just keep ignoring them and hope they get the picture that we're not into them? And we're just trying to avoid starting any drama.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Oh, this couple is not gonna like any of my answers. Really? I don't know how you feel. I'll let you start.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

I was gonna let you start.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Well, I I I am asking. If you're gonna be nice, you start.

SPEAKER_02 4:50

Okay. So I think that whatever you're into, you have the absolute right to be into that. For example, this cus this customer, this couple, like, so what the the husband just plays and basically the wife just kind of plays with girls and what if that's what they're into, then like then that's what they're into. Then why were we trying to like full swap with them, right? And on the flip side, because it seems seemed like you knew that going into and were just kind of hoping for a different outcome. Um, and then on the flip side, if you're a full swap couple, you have absolutely every right to only want to full swap. Um, but I'm gonna say this I'm a we are Dan and I are a full swap couple. But if a wife looked at me and said, Well, we can't go play unless you fuck my husband and I fuck Dan, I would probably be out because I have been in so many play situations where in the middle of it, I've just decided that I'm done. Or maybe, you know, like I'm not feeling it, you know, and like I don't want to ruin there's no reason for me to ruin everybody's time. You know, I can still have a lovely time with my wand, with oral, with other things. And Dan can like have a great time, you know, with the wife and do whatever, but like it doesn't have to completely derail the whole night. But for somebody to tell me that in order for us to do this, I have like I have to sleep with someone, I would be out immediately because I just don't, I don't like that. And listen, I we have couples, friends of ours that like I I encountered it recently at uh HETO, which Dan and I haven't talked about it. He doesn't even know who this couple is. And I was actually surprised. She said, we don't play unless we're both occupied. And that kind of like took me aback a little. Listen, they have every right to feel that way, they have every right to do that. Who am I to tell them? But like, I don't know. I feel like they're missing out on a lot of really fun opportunities with that rule in place. Um, uh so, so for the advice, like to just kind of put a little bow on what I'm saying, I think that maybe she did tell your wife. I don't know if maybe she changed her mind in the middle of it or what. I think if that she should have communicated that, you know, been like, hey, I'm just not feeling it, but I'm having a great time, you know. Like, um I do think that it sounds like you're running into and it seems like you're really upset about it. So in if you had if you want my advice, I think you should just talk to them because it's it sounds like they completely derailed a whole nother night because you didn't play with anybody because they were there. So it sounds like it's going to continue to affect your evening, your nights going wherever you're going and with other people. So I do think that you have a conversation with them. But just like you are a full swap couple, they apparently are not, and that's also okay. You know? Maybe she said yes because she really wanted to, but then she got in there and then maybe she kind of panicked, you know. And then the truth is we don't know what happened to her in her life. You know, there might be a reason why she doesn't want to engage with men. There might be some trauma there. We just, you never know what someone's going on behind closed doors. So if you want my true advice, I say talk to them when you're not intoxicated, not in a sexual situation, and just kind of explain the situation. That would be my advice.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

I agree with you. And I think you said everything I was going to say, but maybe in a little bit nicer of a way. Uh, so my issue is I I shouldn't use the word hate. I do not like couples that have this tit for tat, right? Like you can't make out with my wife unless I can make out with your wife. It's an immediate turn. You can't touch my wife's boobs unless I can touch your wife's boobs. You can't fuck my wife unless I can fuck your wife, right? I, you know, we are very much uh open play, group play kind of couples. And I think we like that because this one-for-one swap is such a hard thing. Now, are there couples that we do it with and we love it? Absolutely. But it's hard, and I think maybe something that's under talked about in the lifestyle is I think, yes, me and Lacier are a couple and we engage as a couple, but we are also responsible for ourselves in some aspects, and we also have to bring something to the group play as an individual, right? And so the couples that are like that that I've seen in the past, like, oh, you can't fuck my wife unless I'm fucking somebody. It's usually like this super hot chick and this like not hot guy. And I'm not saying that's who this couple is, but you see that a lot, and that's almost like it feels gross. Yeah, like you're making people fuck your husband who they're not attracted to just so that they can have an opportunity with the wife. That's not what the lifestyle is about. Okay. You're pressuring people for you know, like for no reason.

SPEAKER_02 9:44

But on the flip side, there's also very both very attractive couples that also do this. No, no, no. So like I I don't want I don't want you to piss anybody off because it goes both ways.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

I agree. But what I'm saying is we have all seen the super attractive wife or husband, maybe. Yeah. And that that they have this rule of you can't play with one unless you play with the other. And it almost feels like they're pressuring, they know maybe, or maybe they don't realize it, but but when you're ever whenever you're pressuring somebody to do something they don't want to do, that's an icky feeling. And if you're using this tit for tat, oh you can't play with her unless you play with me thing to do that, to me, that is gross, right? So that's so that's what all I have to say. So ideally is you would both individually brief bring something to the group or to the dynamic, and everybody would want to play with each other. That's what we want to do, right? We don't want to pressure or make people feel awkward in in in order to do that.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

Well, and it sounded like there was like six people in this thing, you know. So, like, I guess I guess that's where I'm confused because like, and so this was obviously like an orgy situation. So, like, I'm assuming you were playing with the other wife, you know, like the husband was playing with the other wife. So it's it shouldn't have been like because I can get if you somebody felt left out, you know, if nobody was engaging with the husband and he was sitting in the corner all by himself, and then he was like, Well, she said she would fuck me, and then we got in there. And to be honest with you, I've probably led people on to think that I'm gonna fuck them, and then we get in the playroom and you get busy, you get occupied, you get doing other things, I might not fuck anybody, right? You know how many times we've been in a playroom with people that I've fucked often, but just that night, I just wasn't feeling it very often. I'm like a moody bitch. It doesn't matter, you know. The like I could have just like ate too much dinner, or you know what I mean? Like it it has nothing to do with the individual. It's it's a me thing, right? But I can tell you this the second somebody tells me I have to do something, I'm out.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

Right. That's that's I guess that's kind of my point. Is you shouldn't be I I don't like the you have to do this, you have to do that. This is it's I like the free flow. We're all doing what we want to do, everything feels good, nobody's pressured, and it's kind of a natural.

SPEAKER_02 11:47

Like in this case, it sounded like maybe they they had this conversation on the dance floor or outside of the play area, and then when they got in the play area, it it changes and that as it should.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Right.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

You are allowed to, in a play space, to change your mind. As the female might have said, Yeah, I'm totally down, and then got in there and maybe wasn't down anymore. And instead of saying, Hey, I don't want to fuck you, she just probably avoided the situation. That's not the best way to handle things, but sometimes it it helps to not hurt our feelings, you know what I mean? So I don't think either one of these couples are bad couples. I think y'all are all probably lovely people trying to navigate the lifestyle, and um and it's hard. You don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but you like what you like, and I get it.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

So Okay, so then my second point is sorry, I took over. No, it's okay. I think this my second point is one is I hate that tit for tat. I hate that. I think that's you're pressuring people, and I think that's icky. My second point is we like playing with new couples, and I think is especially if you know you're a couple that's been in the lifestyle for a while, when there's a new couple entering the space, give them space to explore the way they want to explore and they feel comfortable exploring, right? If me and you meet this new couple and we're both attracted to them and we we both want to fuck both of them, right? But they're like, hey, we're new, and she's kind of unsure about fucking other guys, but she'd really like to see, you know, her husband fuck a girl, I would be okay with going into a playroom with just us and them and letting them have that experience because I get enjoyment out of people living out their fantasies, right? Even though I'd only fuck you and I wouldn't get to fuck this chick that's hot and I want to fuck. And often what you'll see, if you give people to the space to do that, they'll grow. Yeah. And then the next time, or maybe two or three times later, you will get the opportunity to fuck that girl that you wanted to fuck. It's just it's taking her a while to figure out what she wants and feel comfortable and feel safe. Yeah. Like you said, you don't know. She might have abuse in her past, she might have, you know, sexual abuse in her past. You don't, it's it's not necessarily that she's not attracted to and doesn't want to fuck you, is not the reason she's not engaging with you. It could be a million other things. And especially, it sounded like they said this was a newer couple, or you know, did they say that? I thought maybe I just inferred that. Yeah, I don't know. But again, definitely when there are newer couples in the space, I think as a community, especially if you're a community member that's been in this community for a while, you almost have a duty to give those kind of couples space to explore the way they want to explore and and kind of be a safe place for them to do that. Uh, and and so, like you said, I think, you know, if this couple was coming to you and saying, hey, this is our fantasy, you know, give them space to do that. And you never know what's gonna come out of that, right? I agree. And I think you could have, you know, we've had just straight up soft swaps with couples before because they were new and weren't comfortable. And and some of those experiences were almost as good as some of the best orgies we've ever been in, right? Because I get a lot of energy off of seeing newer couples excited about the lifestyle.

unknown 14:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

Uh, and then my third point is we don't want to be the drama. If you are not going to this couple and just saying, hey, this is what happened, this is what we feel about it, you know, how can we work this out? We you know, we like you guys, but you know, you you said this was gonna happen and it didn't, and we feel a certain kind of way about it. If you're just avoiding them and not going into space, you are the drama. Yeah, be a friggin' adult and go to them and say, Hey, we just want to talk about what happened last night, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:13

You know, how many times have y'all heard us on this podcast, all the Tuesday talks? At the end of the day, if you just talk to the people about it, it that's the answer.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Because I guarantee you that question that con that conversation isn't gonna be that big a deal, right? They're probably gonna be like, oh man, we wanted to, but oh, you know, this guy, you know, I fucked her first, and oh, she started her period, and so you know, like who knows the reason she didn't do it, follow up with it.

SPEAKER_02 15:39

She's never actually freaked out.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

I felt a little weird, and so I you shut down.

SPEAKER_02 15:46

Like I really wanted to, but I got really nervous. I mean, I would say nine times out of ten, stuff like this is always just like a miscommunication. And if we just have those conversations, and listen, guys, we also need to take our own advice because we struggle with this sometimes too. But the truth is, is just have that conversation because it sounds like y'all run in the same circles, you're playing with the same people.

SPEAKER_00 16:08

So it's just gonna be now what you're doing, and maybe I'm wrong, but now what you're doing is you're avoiding them, right? Yeah, you've probably talked to other couples when they're in this circle and been like, oh yeah, Adam and Amy or whatever she, Adam and Ashley, whatever they call them, you know, they said they were gonna fuck both of us, and then we got there and they didn't do it. And you know, like I don't like those kind of couples, and you know, like you don't play those couple. But you know what I'm saying? Like that that's how the drama starts. And I don't know that this couple is doing that, but in my head, I can see it.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

Okay, let's flip it around. They could be genuinely concerned, right? They could be their feelings could be very, very hurt, and they they're best friends, they sound like they have a best friend couple. They could have been like, guys, this happened and that really hurt my feelings, and we don't know quite how to navigate it. It doesn't have to be as as negative as Dan made it out to be. Right, but you could be going to your friends for like advice and help, and then your friends could tell somebody, and then but like, but basically what Dan's saying is it does create drama.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

This is how the drama starts, right? Yeah, like this it didn't have to turn into all of this, right? It it did you have a good night? Did you have a good time? Did you at least fuck somebody? Was it an overall positive experience for you? Then then take that as a win and like you said, and and move on. I don't I don't, you know, and and if you do have a problem with the what happened, talk to the couple you have a problem with straight up and say, hey, you know, we had a great time with you, but you did, you know, we did tell you we we were a full swap only couple, and you said you guys were good, and then you know, your wife never engaged with my husband.

unknown 17:32

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:33

And for guys that I've ever not fucked in a playroom, if you feel this way, I'm sorry, because I've I've probably done it to 20 plus guys.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Right.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

I do this all the time. Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

And you've never like tried to set somebody up so that I could fuck their wife and then sneak off and not do it.

SPEAKER_02 17:48

No, but it's been implied, it's been implied that we were going to all fuck. And then I sometimes I just get in there and I'm like, you know what? Today's not the day.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Right. Or sometimes, you know, you'll have two or three good orgasms and you'll be kind of like my clit sensitive right now, and I need to take a break for a while, you know? Yeah, yeah. Sometimes all those things happen, right?

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Yeah, yeah. You never know. Anyway, I hope you're not mad at us. You seem like you're a good supporter of the podcast. So I we come, we're coming from like a really nice place, even though dance aggressive.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

No, I'm not trying to be aggressive, and I don't think they realize what they're you know. I mean, I I don't think they're trying to be nice. No, they just got their feelings. There are couples out there that are straight up like we are a person for person, a tit for tat, uh, and if you don't do that, then you're the problem. Where I think we could all just be a little more open-minded, and that would help with a lot of the things.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

Yeah, I think having fun, good experiences should be like the top of the list, not whokay. Like, you know, like I don't know. But anyway, thanks for your message.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

If you have a Tuesday talk question, we would love to hear from you.

SPEAKER_02 18:49

We promise we're not normally this mean.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Uh there's a few different ways you can get a hold of us. You can email us at theswing nation at gmail.com. Theswing nation at gmail.com. Or you can call or text, and that phone number is 972-302-7716. One more time.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

972-302-7716.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

She nailed it. She nailed it. Uh, okay. And uh you can send text, you can send audio, you can send video files. Uh we'd love to get your voice. We actually had whoever we can.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

We've had no voicemails in over a month.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

Is it do we pay our phone bill?

SPEAKER_02 19:24

Yeah, we're getting texts.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

So if you got some call, we've loved some calls. Right now we really just have texts and emails.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

So uh we'd love to hear from you. You guys make the Tuesday talk thing happen, and everybody says it's their favorite. So keep calling, keep texting, keep sending your questions. If you sent one maybe, you know, a year ago or a couple months ago and we never answered it, you can send feel free to send it back in so it gets back to the top of the pile and we can hear from you. Yes. All right, anything else for Swing Nation listeners?

SPEAKER_02 19:53

That's it.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

All right. I think with that, in a world full of apples, be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Twinger content creators on our Twinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at thustwingnation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to thustwingnation.net and keep up to date on all things TwingNation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.