223: The Guilt Spiral That Keeps Women Stuck in Over-giving with Candice Coughenour

You look put-together on the outside. You show up for everyone, you get things done. And yet underneath all of that — you're exhausted and choosing yourself feels like something you have to earn.

If that landed, this episode is for you.

Candice Coughenour is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of Congruent Soul Therapy who specializes in helping high-achieving women who look fine on the outside finally start considering themselves — some for the very first time. 

This conversation goes deep on the guilt spiral that keeps so many women stuck in over-giving, and why boundaries, people-pleasing, and identity are more tangled up than most of us realize.

In this episode:

• Why high-achieving women are often the hardest on themselves
• What most people still get wrong about boundaries
• Why choosing yourself brings up so much guilt — and where it's really coming from
• One small way to start choosing yourself this week (and how it applies to your business)

Connect with Candice:

• Website: congruentsoultherapy.com and http://somewhatcongruentsoul.com/
• Instagram: @somewhatcongruent_soul + @congruentsoultherapy
• Free resources: https://www.congruentsoultherapy.com/therapy-resources
• Full link list: https://linktr.ee/candice_lmft

Podcasting for Authority: signature group program
🎟️ Learn more here: https://stan.store/CandaceDudley/p/signature-group-program

🎙️Hosts + Guests -> Join the Matchmaking Community [HERE]

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:19

I am back with another special guest. Candace was here before Candace Kogenhauer was here letting me coach her and record that with a podcast tour. And I was like, hey, we need to do a real episode highlighting your expertise. So I'm super excited for her to be here. A little more about her is that Candace is a neurospicy licensed marriage and family therapist, recovering people pleaser, and woo enthusiast, which I love, myself included. She specializes in helping high-achieving women, which is a lot of you that are listening to this show. We are those high achievers. So I think this is gonna really hit home for you, for me, for all of us here who are really put together on the outside but were possibly falling apart on the inside sometime. Finally, consider themselves some for the very first time. Her approach blends evidence-based therapy with holistic practices one step at a time. And the topic we're gonna focus on is the guilt spiral that keeps women stuck in overgiving. And I think maybe even some of us haven't even decided to call it guilt, but we overgive and then put ourselves on the back burner. So I'm excited for this episode. So welcome back.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Well, thank you so much for having me, Candace. It's great to be here. It's always fun talking with you.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Yes. Okay, diving right in then. Tell me a little bit about your story. What led you to specialize in this overthinking, people-pleasing space for women?

SPEAKER_01 1:33

I wish it was like a conscious choice, but I don't think it was. Truly, this is not the population I really ever pictured myself seeing, but the universe has always had a different plan for me. Part of why this is my specialty is because women kept finding me. I don't like blanket statements, but I do think it's fair to say that women in our society are reared to overly take care of other people, right? It is a part of the patriarchy. It's part of what is the United States. I'll speak for the country that I live in. So I started out, I thought I wanted to work with at-risk teens, which they are great. And I did work with them. And then I was in drug and alcohol and all of this stuff. And long story short, I really think the answer is the universe put me on this path because I resonate with it. I did a lot of my own work discovering that I'm anxious, discovering that I'm a people pleaser, understanding where that comes from. That was all in my own therapy, but also when I was studying to be a therapist, I was on a great program that really makes you look at yourself. I think I got to this place where I really started to understand myself and then I saw it everywhere else. It's like one of those things that once you see it, you can't unsee it. The universe picked this for me, depending on your spirituality and belief. Like I think this is my calling. So it's the people that are put in my path, and I am put in other people's path to help them with this.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

I love it. Talking about this group of women, and again, we're not trying to blanket statement anyway. We are all individuals, everything is so different. But in general, this overachieving, overgiving group of us, I will include myself absolutely in this. Why are we particularly hard on ourselves?

SPEAKER_01 3:10

I don't think that narrative stems within us often. I do think it is a lot of societal cultural narratives that are passed down. We are a generation of women that have been given this kind of gift and privilege to really look at the generational trauma with a privilege that women throughout history haven't had, right? We are of the first generation where we can stay independent. We don't have to be married, we don't have to do this certain song and dance that was taught for years and years and years and generations and generations. I don't think it's this like I was born a people pleaser. I think I was made a people pleaser. One of my therapy friends recently said parent pleasers turn into people pleasers. And I really like that. I think that's a it's a clear understanding of where that comes from. Not to say my parents wanted me to be a people pleaser. Right. Right. I think my mom grew up with the same messages and she didn't have the know-how, the worldview to look at that and be like it could be different.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

A few things there. One is that it is factual information that the generations of women before us had to have a man to buy a house, to get a loan, to start a business, like literally did not have a choice. We're kind of that first group that is like, wait, wait a minute. We have an actual choice, which I'm so thankful for, and I'm so excited for my daughters and the next generation of women. And so I love that we're even having this type of conversation. I don't think that necessarily all the women before us wouldn't have wanted to have this conversation, but sometimes, like, what's the point when you literally there's factual things that can't happen? And then the other thing is like I'm a firstborn and I know for a fact my parents, I just had a birthday recently, and my dad texts me like, I've always been so proud of you, I am so proud of you. And so I don't think like they wanted me to be a people pleaser, but messaging from the world, from TV, I don't know. But somehow I did because you can track my first decades of being an adult and see like my dad was a fourth grade teacher, I was a fourth grade teacher, my dad coached high school basketball, I coached high school basketball. You know what I mean? So I'm a very good example. This is this whole thing. But then you kind of like keep growing. And if you are on that personal development type growth path, which if you're listening to this podcast, you are because people that listen to podcasts are in general. Then you kind of awaken to there's another option. Oh, I'm aware of that. Oh, I see these things. Like you said, you can't unsee what you have now seen, which sometimes I feel like it's like a blessing and a curse. Because sometimes I'm like, maybe it would be just so nice to just be floating through life and not realizing that it's absolutely the next part that I want to jump into is boundaries. And that's not a new word. I feel like that's a very common hot topic. But what are specifically high-achieving women misunderstanding about boundaries in general?

SPEAKER_01 5:54

I think women in general, people in general, are misunderstanding that boundaries are the level in which you participate with something. Boundaries are not a request, it is your level of participating. What I mean by that is a boundary is don't talk to me that way. A boundary is I don't like the way you're talking to me. I am going to distance myself. And again, we live in a society, I could rant forever about the patriarchy. I will try my best not to, but part of that is I've received boundaries are bad from a young age. And again, I'm not blaming my parents. I think that they've also received these poor messages of, you know, when I say I don't like that, well, I'm just being difficult, or I don't like this food. Well, I'm being like I'm I'm inconvenient. I've been you problem. Yes. I've been taught my boundaries are inconvenient to others, and that solidifies this people pleasing stance. If what I want and what I need is inconvenient, then I better shut the fuck up about it. That creates this layer that is just being compounded and compounded of I'm gonna make myself small so other people feel comfortable. And what happens is we that's a defense mechanism on the outside, very surface level, people are like, oh, people pleasing is so kind, you're so considerate of other people. And it's like, no, dude, if we're really honest, I am trying to protect myself. And this is how I learn to do it. If I keep the peace externally, then I might maybe, if I'm lucky, feel a little bit of peace inside. But true peace doesn't come from control, it comes from being able to be comfortable in the discomfort, and that's why boundaries are important. Because I might say, Candice, I don't like how you're speaking to me. I don't want to do this. I I'm gonna use that information and I'm gonna act how I see fit, right? But you're gonna have a reaction to that, and I can't control it. So all of these things are so interconnected, but when we really boil it down, I think a lot of us have been taught boundaries aren't, I mean, maybe even like boundaries aren't womanly. And I say that because we're taught to be submissive, we're taught to be easygoing, we're taught to be kind and take care of people. And all of that has really distorted into this idea that if I'm gonna be a woman, and and you know, air quotes all around, then I better not be considering myself because how rude of me. The audacity it takes to do that.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Okay, this leads me perfectly then into why does choosing ourselves bring up so much guilt for us?

SPEAKER_01 8:25

We can zoom in and zoom out. I think if we zoom out, it's a lot of what we're talking about of generational trauma being passed down. We know in epigenetics, generational trauma is passed down in our DNA. We can feel that. So it's very hard. If you think about the generations of women that have been burned for being independent, right? Because they weren't burning witches, they were burning women. And from a young age, I learned that. And even if I didn't understand what I was being taught, I was receiving messages about that. There's this macro level reasoning, but then there's also the personal reasoning. I do not gamble, but I would bet that if I talk to any woman that has looked internally a little bit, they would start seeing, well, I have received messages that it's not okay for me to want what I want. One of the big tricky things is I was taught a lot that my boundaries like came at the wrong time. Oh, you're allowed to want that, but how dare you bring that up right now? We're having a good time. So it further taught me to be hyper-vigilant. You know, there were these moments I was like, I'm doing boundaries, I'm saying these things, but I was also waiting until I suspected the other person would hear me and maybe accept it. It's all of these messaging that is really deep rooted, not only in our lived experience, but women's lived experience that causes us to be hyper-vigilant, hyper-independent. We're very good at reading between the lines. And also on top of that, we have women's intuition. I truly believe in that. I think there is something to it. We just live in a society that keeps calling it anxiety, and there's a difference.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

That's interesting that you make that connection of the intuition and anxiety. I think I've been told that, you know, like you might have this gut feeling and it's kind of making me anxious, but really it's my intuition warning me or like telling me something. So yeah, I'm kind of like at a loss right now, like thinking about that. That hit. I mean, so much of what you said is just like hitting the nail on the head. I hope that people are really feeling seen that are hearing this. Let's move this now into we're aware of this. How can we work on this? So, like, what's one small way that we can start choosing ourselves or you know, something that we can do to kind of work through this?

SPEAKER_01 10:37

I wish there was an equation that was one size fit all, and there isn't. But with that said, it takes trusting your intuition to feel confident and like, well, what I'm doing does work for me. So there are some starting points. I do want to step back and kind of define what we're talking about in the way that I understand and teach it as a therapist. I'm a very analytical person. I don't know if it's chicken or egg. I'm also really neurospicy, so I like black and white thinking. I like clear-cut answers. So the irony of being a therapist where everything is abstract and nothing is real is truly funny. But because I'm so analytical, I'm an overthinker and I feel really safe in my head. And that leads me to being incongruent. And congruency is my big thing. My therapy practice is called incongruent soul, right? My newsletter is somewhat congruent because we're all just doing our best. But I think it's important to describe that, especially for any overthinker, and usually high-achieving women are overthinkers because we've been taught out of our feelings. So I think it's important to picture a pie chart. And this pie chart is going to have three pieces. In the pie chart, we have the self, other, and context. Those are the things that everybody needs to consider to be in relationship with one another, be in relationship with self, be a part of the community. If we boil everything down, those are the three aspects. So a people pleaser is usually considering self the least. So picture that pie chart and think about on a daily basis how much time am I giving myself? How many considerations am I giving? How many times do I stop to think, what do I want? That's gonna dictate how big your self piece is. A lot of people have been taught that self needs to disappear for whatever reason, right? Insert the narrative that you were told. So usually that's when other is bigger. And that's why I really want to differentiate people pleasing is not kindness. Like if we are being kind, self is a part of that pie chart. So that's important because that's the foundation of understanding. So really the first step could just be like, okay, where's my pie chart at today? Can I increase self? And that could be like, do I get myself a little treat? Do I say no to the plans that I don't really want to go to? That sounds easy, but for somebody that's been trained away from that, it can be really hard. So you might have to start even smaller. So I was actually having a conversation with my client the other day, and he he said, you know, I check in with myself. And I'm like, you're checking in with your thoughts. But yourself is your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions. So that's my next pie chart for you. If we zoom in on self, you create your own pie chart of thoughts, feelings, and actions. And the goal is that those are somewhat balanced. For me, my thinking, it could take up that whole damn pie chart if I let it, because I'm very comfortable in my head. My body's an uncomfortable place for me to be in for a lot of reasons. There's a lot of, you know, sexism and patriarchal bullshit in that too, but that's probably a different podcast. So I say check in with self, but when I'm saying that, I'm being very, I want to be very clear. That is not just checking in with what you think about the situation. It is how do you feel emotionally? How do you feel physically? And what action can you take that considers not only other in the context, but yourself. And if you can answer like all six of those questions, you're gonna have a pretty good idea of what's one way you can consider yourself in the day.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

That makes sense. I'm thinking even an example of like, yeah, canceling or not going to your plans, or sometimes maybe that's too big of a step. Maybe you go, but you stay for like a very shortened amount of time, you know, just those different levels as you build yourself up to what you truly want to do, which is just to say no, skip the whole thing, possibly for an example. Can you help me bring this all back now? Since this is very entrepreneurial type episodes, usually, but I we obviously need this mindset with it. How can this relate to someone running an online business or a business in general? It doesn't have to be online, a female entrepreneur. How can we bring this back into helping that drive our business?

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Absolutely. I this is the core of owning a business. And I'm I'm relearning that as I open my own business. Opening your business, I so I'm not a mom, but I imagine there are some parallels to like when you have a kid, you have to relearn or look at all of the things that you've been taught. Having a business is a version of that. I am not going to compare them on a one-to-one because I know they're not, but there's it's a parallel experience where it's a mirror showing you all of these things because it is a bigger relationship with your external world and you're fully in charge of it. And that is scary, but also exciting. It's brought back into this because if you have your own business or you know, you're high achieving, you work higher up, or even just at any job, if our mentality and our mindset is I want everybody to be happy, your business isn't going to be successful because you have to be happy. And only you know you best, and therefore only you know your business best. If your pie chart on an entrepreneurial level is not balanced, then you are probably not happy with the work you're doing, and customers know that. So I'm a firm believer that do what you love and you won't work a day in your life. Now, I own a business, so I know there are plenty of days of working and doing stuff I don't like, but it's all because I'm doing something that I actually love. Like I think I'm doing my calling, and I hope the universe will change my course when it's necessary. But this is what I'm doing for now, and I want to make sure I'm doing it in a congruent way, an authentic way. At the end of my life or this business or whatever, I want to be able to look back on it and say, I did absolutely everything I could do to be as successful and as joyful and happy as I could. And I think you're very similar to this. I'm trying to lead a life first business. My life does not go on the back burner because I own a business. I own a business to support the life that I want to have. And our society is a little bit backwards in that, right? We call it work-life balance. No, no, no, no. We want life work balance. And people pleasing or overfunctioning for other people or mind-reading other people's perception of us can keep us stuck in an incongruent, unbalanced pie chart. I think it's exactly the same on a personal or a bigger level, but you have to know it personally in order for it to function well in your business.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Absolutely. That brings like the whole full circle of this episode of like you are the center of your business and knowing yourself, which is exactly all the things that you've shared with us uh before this, that just like brings it all back. Like that work is important. I think sometimes we get stuck in our task lists and we don't have check-in with self or that type of thing on it. Work on your mindset, do something for yourself. But really, those things should be on that list, maybe at the top of that list, because without that check-in, I mean, what good is the rest? Your messaging and things like get on your stories and you're feeling stuck in a checklist. Like your people listening are gonna know that. Versus if you're putting yourself first, taking care of yourself first, then showing up on stories or a real or wherever you show up, that's the kind of energy that people are gonna be like, yes, I'm drawn to her.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

And that's your light. You know, there's a lot of metaphors around people pleasing. One of my favorites is don't dim your light for other people. You are the light of your business. So if you're burnt out because you're just pushing through because that's what you're supposed to do. For me, like my dad did not mean anything negatively, I think, by this messaging, but I was always told, like, don't have facet, push through, get it done. And like, did did it help me? Did am I successful because of those messages? Yes. But I'm I'm also in the past, often teetering on burning out. Yes. And I am a creative mind, I'm an introvert, I need do nothing time. And the longer I go without a recharge, the shittier my output is. Like, I might be writing a newsletter, but it probably sucks because I'm not in the zone. I'm not in my flow. You know, a lot of this in the therapy world, therapy is art. I imagine this rolls over into every business, but your business is a piece of art. You are expressing yourself. And if you're disconnected from yourself, what are you actually expressing?

SPEAKER_00 18:42

Absolutely. I've actually had a handful of guests on recently where they they say they work with creatives, creative entrepreneurs. And I originally didn't like put myself in that category right away because like I am not artsy or I don't, you know, do crafts. But after talking with them, I'm like, if we own a business and you're an entrepreneur, you are literally a creative because you're creating everything. Our offers, creating that, you know what I mean? Like you're just constantly creating, even if you have that same vision that I had, this preconceived notion that I had about what it means to be creative and that I wasn't creative, right? Air quotes all around. It's so not true. When you're owning a business, like you're just you are, you're you're in the creative category.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Absolutely. This is a quick backstory, but my undergrad degree is in art therapy. So I've been told I'm artistic and I'm creative my whole life, but that turned into a block for me because then creating art was for other people. And then I went to school to be an art therapist, and that changed my entire outlook on life because an art therapy is not about the product, it's about the process. And though many of us sell products, it is about the process because that process of your business is your life. And if you're not enjoying every moment of that, even the like hard moments of that, which, you know, I hope to believe lead us to something better, then you're you're kind of missing the whole thing, right? You're just you're putting your head down and you're powering through, but like you're powering through your life. And is that what you want for you? And some people might say, yes, like I'm on the hustle, I'm gonna do this for three years, and then I'm gonna be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If that's for you, great. I would challenge you to look in and be like, okay, but that's three years of your life that you might not have enjoyed.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

Right. I know people that are like, I'm gonna hustle now for the next X Money years, and I'm retiring early, and then I'm gonna whatever, but to each their own, like, sure. I'm not here to say it's wrong, but I am just more in the I'd rather each day be more enjoyable or have that flexibility. Once you stop subscribing or notice that, you know, even the school system and just, you know, the patriar patriarchy here go again, has just set us up to be workers, you know, to work for the country. That's another thing you can't unsee. So, you know, when I went to college, I didn't really think there were other options. I didn't really know there were other options. And so I picked teaching because that's an easy thing to tell people you do, right? There's all of that. But I mean, I have so many thoughts swirling from what you've been saying. Like I think we might have all had dads that said that and lovingly, and also I needed that message at the time. I wouldn't have made it through college basketball. I was on a scholarship and it was intense and I would never change it, but I don't want to live like that day to day anymore. I was burnt out, crazy burnt out, but it didn't matter. You had to push through. It's like a lot of unlearning, I always say for myself, I'm still unlearning a lot of those things. I've unlearned a lot of it, but there's more to do, more work to do.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

And that's where context comes in. So if we think about the pie chart, I think self and other are very self-explanatory. Yeah. When we talk about context, it's like literally everything else. And I've been really contemplating how it doesn't matter how old you are, but your inner child receives things. So you were in college receiving those messages. In that context, it made sense, right? Like there is a different mentality when you're an athlete. You have a different goal than you do when you are a student and like you were living those lives at the same time. That's why context matters. Pushing through a 90 minute game, I played soccer, is different than pushing through your entire 90 years of life. That's why context matters.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Yes. That's a great point. Yes. Literally had to push through to survive. You couldn't. Of like, I'm retired right now, or oh, my ankle hurts or my back hurts. And so let's just stop where there's 25 minutes left of the game. But in life, yes, you literally can do that. So it's it's interesting to have to like tell your inner child, like, hi, hello, we're 39, we're not in college anymore. We are not thinking that we're in life or death situations at practice. We're like, we don't know if coach is gonna be crabby today and work us to the ground until someone passes out and then let us leave. So I've done some parts work like IFS therapy in my time. And so it's like telling that part of you, like, hi, us as our current self and age, that we don't need to continue this.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

I think we're bringing up a really good point too. Women athletes, like high achieving women, and then there's the subcategory of women that are athletes, were athletes, whatever. The high achieving like narrative is in there in a different way, and it also compounds the hypervigilance. So I had a bonus. My dad was my coach, and I'm too. Mine too. Okay, so you get it. So I'm like, that is the only man I can read with sunglasses on. Like, I can't talk to you if you're wearing sunglasses because I need eyes to communicate. I can read that man's body language like a book. Some of it was because, like, yeah, he was my dad, but you need to know where your coach is at. Yes. Especially like when we were playing sports, it was a little bit different, right? Like it was yes, it was intense, it was not the same as it is now, and I think it it's great that it's getting better. But I was taught to read my coach, and my dad wasn't always my coach, but he was my coach the like the longest. I could read any of my coaches' body language from the field. Yes. And that, I mean, I'm an oldest daughter by default because I'm an only child. Okay, but I'm also an oldest daughter. So if you're an oldest daughter, you are an athlete, you're high achieving, all of that, maybe you're a little neurospicy. All of this is just you've received those messages everywhere. So it's really hard. Like when someone like Candace or Candace are saying, like, hey, are you doing what you actually want to do? And in many areas of your life, you've been told somewhat the same thing. It's hard. Like, you didn't even get an option to look in. I I started looking in when I was in grad school and I was like, I'm anxious. I thought I was depressed. But it's like it's crazy because we tend to gravitate towards those kind of contexts where we can we know we can shine, we know we're good at what we do, but what if you were good at what you did and you also like relaxed?

SPEAKER_00 24:48

Yeah, that just seems so like uh I don't know how didn't know how to do that, still have a hard time doing that. It was just March Madness. We're recording this right after the whole NCAA tournament ended. And so of course I watched the whole thing, men's and women, and I I love this time of year. I still really love basketball, even though there's like a lot where I'm like, oh thank god I'm done with that. I would never do it again, but I went not do it. But my kids now are getting older, they're into basketball. I their elementary basketball coach, you know, whatever. So they're watching it with us. And I start to notice more now, like when those final games end, and you know, you have the men are crying or whatever, the women are in because you lost and it's over. And if you're a senior, like for a lot of them, it's just done. And I I've been talking about that, like there is not enough support, and you know this because you're an athlete. Like, there's not enough support for athletes, and it is getting better. There are sports therapists. I wish we had that because through college, my whole identity was I'm a basketball player, and literally you get on campus and you're in a full basketball sweatsuit, everyone knows what you're part of who you are because of that, and then that just like ends. Yeah, your whole identity is built on something outside of you. Yes, and so I just don't know that there's like enough support. And this is obviously not on point with this podcast's purpose, but anyway, I've just was like excited to talk to someone. And I'm like, this is a thing. Like, is someone helping these kids that just ended this tournament? Because now what? You're gonna go work a nine to five, like much bigger deal. I don't think people think about it at all unless you've lived it and it is it's massive. Like it is quite, I mean, it's the same thing for us. Like, I left a teaching career. That was my whole identity teaching after being an athlete than it was being a teacher, just a very pivotal time in your life. And yeah, you know, some therapy or some support would go a long way.

SPEAKER_01 26:31

Absolutely. And I don't think it's off topic at all. I think this is a pattern perpetuated by this idea that you find your identity outside of yourself. And that's what people pleasing is. We find our identity in helping others. And I'm not saying don't help other people, I am very much saying consider other and the context. Just not, don't do it by abandoning yourself. So I didn't go on to play college soccer, and that's because I had like four knee surgeries by the time I was and luckily, like I didn't really want to play. Blah blah blah, that's a whole thing. Again, different podcasts I will tell you, soccer was my whole identity. That is the only clothes I owned. And then I couldn't play for a season and I did not know who I was. And this was before I started going to therapy, but I'm sure it was the start of me needing it. Whether it's soccer, basketball, your kids, your business, none of that is who you are. It is what you do. And when we live in a society that understands people by what they offer us, it's putting us on a course to not know who we are. And that's why at any point, at any, I don't care how old you are listening to this podcast, this is a great invitation to look in and understand like, what do you actually like? How often are you doing that? I love doodling. That really has nothing to do with therapy, but I need it because it's a part of me. So I think it's very on track because you are your business, but your business is not you.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

That's a powerful distinction. I don't check in with myself enough. I try to do it. I do it a lot more than I ever have, but it definitely could be improved. And I'm I'm guessing that's pretty similar for most people, especially moms. I know when I had my own kids, like they were kind of back to back to back. So it was a blur of multiple years when they were all in diapers. Um, but it's almost like you come out of that fog and you're like through the hardest parts where they they need you for everything, um, and they become a little more independent, and you're like, what do I even like? Now I have a little time or I have a little me time and I don't even know. Like, what did I do before this? I have no idea. It is kind of learning yourself again because you are different. Like to stay the same, I think is not what we're here to do. And so, because of that, you know, time has passed or you've gone through things and now you are different. So it's okay to change and evolve too to that point.

SPEAKER_01 28:43

Oh, that's a hard one too. Like a lot of my friends are having kids now, and I love seeing them as parents, and it's a different version of them that is them. But it's like eventually Sesame Street won't be their favorite playlist. Yes. So I hope that like for everybody that is so passionate about what's going on outside of themselves, have that passion, stay connected. But can you also keep tethered to the internal part of you and the parts of you that make you you as you grow and change? Because I agree, we're not here to stay the same.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

I feel like it's a good point to end on. But I just appreciate this conversation. It's just so good. I I hope there's a lot of validation, people just feeling really seen and have just some ideas on moving forward and kind of reconnecting with themselves and their self and their pie chart again that they can work on. So I know you have a lot of also a ton of free resources. Where can we find that? I'm gonna put everything in the show notes. So tell me about that.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

Absolutely. CongruentSwaltherapy.com is my little slice of the internet. So if you want the visual aid that I talked about, that you can click on that, download it. It's free, it's yours. I have a People Please a recovery guide, a decision fatigue guide. And these aren't giant epiphanies, but sometimes you just need it all in one place for you to be like, oh yeah, I I can do that. So I have a free resources page that has a lot of free downloads. I offer a weekly newsletter called Somewhat Congruent, and that is my personal experience of being a human being trying to be congruent, and none of us are getting it 100% perfect. So it's insights right to your inbox. I also just started recording me reading because I know not I would love to listen to something like that instead of reading it. So I call them my micro podcast, but it's literally just me reading off of a page. So you can listen to them um on Spotify. And I actually just decided this one's not free, but I am excited about it. I'm starting a somewhat congruent snail mail club. So every month you can receive like a personalized newsletter for the snail mail, a tangible something. So it could be a journal prompt, a coloring page, a meditation that I created, a little sticker that I made, because like I said, I love doodling, and something whimsical and fun. So that's something to feed your inner child. Speaking of that, I have an inner child freebie on my page too. So congruentsoulaltherapy.com is my slice of the internet. And then you can follow me on Instagram as well. Also, I guess I should say I'm a therapist. So if you are in Georgia, Florida, or Pennsylvania, I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and I see couples and individuals on a typical session as well as intensive. So if you want a longer, quick crash course into therapy, we can get that done in a short amount of time instead of six months.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

Oh my gosh, there's so many great things people can dive into. So get to work, get to the show, no one's click on those links, do a little something for you today. So thank you so much for being on and sharing this message. Well, thanks so much for having me.