Women desire a man who knows how to lead in a relationship. Embracing this episode "What happens When Men Lead The Right Way In A Relationship" will create greater harmony and success in your relationships.
Believe it or not but a lot of men struggle with leading in a relationship and a lot of women don't know what it looks like for a man to lead in a relationship.
I hope this episode gives you all insight of what it means for the man to lead and what happens when a woman allow the man to fully embrace his role to lead her.
As a life coach, and dating coach for men who provide relationship advice for men and women, Wedesire to make relationships and dating much easier for you. The goal of this episode is that you find it helpful, and that you will receive the person who is truly created for you. If you find yourself asking the following questions:
- Should Men Lead In The Relationship - How To Lead In A Relationship -Dating Advice For Men/Women -Dating Tips For Men/Women -Life Coach - How A Man Should Lead In A Relationship and more, then I believe this episode will help you.
Women desire a man who knows how to lead in a relationship. Embracing this episode "What happens When Men Lead The Right Way In A Relationship" will create greater harmony and success in your relationships.
Believe it or not but a lot of men struggle with leading in a relationship and a lot of women don't know what it looks like for a man to lead in a relationship.
I hope this episode gives you all insight of what it means for the man to lead and what happens when a woman allow the man to fully embrace his role to lead her.
As a life coach, and dating coach for men who provide relationship advice for men and women, Wedesire to make relationships and dating much easier for you. The goal of this episode is that you find it helpful, and that you will receive the person who is truly created for you. If you find yourself asking the following questions:
- Should Men Lead In The Relationship - How To Lead In A Relationship -Dating Advice For Men/Women -Dating Tips For Men/Women -Life Coach - How A Man Should Lead In A Relationship and more, then I believe this episode will help you.
Even with you saying you know your, your self, you know your level of self-awareness, and becoming more transparent, like I can feel that you know what I mean. I can feel, like you said, you've always loved me at a very high capacity and always given me, you know, the liberty and the freedom to like operate in my true self, based off what that was at that time.
Speaker 2:
Right.
Speaker 1:
Because what I'm learning is that your true self. There's an evolution of that, because you're not, I'm not who I am today, who I was yesterday or last week.
Speaker 2:
Oh, that was good.
Speaker 1:
Right. So you allow me to operate in my true self. At that time felt great, but I can also feel and recognize that you definitely dug a lot deeper and did more work and it shows up in your roles in the home as a husband and as a father and because you are the head of the household, I think that that that has trickled down to the dynamic and the fluidness of how our family kind of flows and operates now, versus maybe even a year, a year ago, right. And that goes up because you're the leader of the household. So when you make changes and you operate differently and you do things differently and you respond differently and you react differently, it trickles down to the other members of the family and I've seen how that's provided like a new, like synergy in our household with me and you with me and the kids with the kids, you know, with themselves. It's showing up. So the proof is definitely like in the pudding.
Speaker 2:
Wow, that's, that's a shout out. All right, that's kind of touching. I'm not to you, I was touching because head of the household. A lot of times it feel like men are not appreciated.
Speaker 1:
So you can, you should sit in that for a moment, because as a woman, you know, even as a black, woman.
Speaker 2:
I don't know what it's like to be a man.
Speaker 1:
I don't know what it's like to be a man that's actually leading his household. I only know how to be a wife and a mom. I don't know what that pressure, with that heaviness, feels like not only your household but like in society, and to be able to navigate through that. But for you to be able to look at your family and say, oh my God, like we are successful, so that means you are doing it, that you're operating at like a very high level in your role. How do we know? Because of the results that you see in your family and in your life, you know it shows.
Speaker 2:
You know, I watch a lot of people and this is no, this is no shade, this is no shade at anyone. I watch a lot of leaders on social media, certain communities, and we talk about how family is so important, but these leaders that speak on families, they don't have families and I'm not saying that to throw any shade at them, but I'm saying that this is a different kind of ball game. When you have to manage yourself, when you have to deal with a partner that has her own identity, when you have to have, when you have to manage your wife, your children, yourself, your entire household, and that takes a lot of Work. I've said before that a relationship is like the catapult, for it's the melting pot for transformation. You know. So, when I, when I, when I hear you give me this, a, this appreciation, it makes all of this, the, the work, ness it like, it makes it more valuable, makes it more fun, because it seems like in today's society that Men aren't appreciated.
Speaker 2:
And then the ones that are talking about the family men, they don't have that experience and that. And to be a family man it takes a certain level of mastery. You know, god don't give you what you pray for God, give you what you can manage, mm-hmm. And what do I mean by that? But there's the, there's the scripture in the Bible that said God come to give. He wants to have dominion over this earth, mm-hmm. And one of the words, one of the syllables for dominion is master. Another syllable for a dominion is management synonym.
Speaker 1:
No, I'm sorry, one another synonym yeah, what did I say?
Speaker 2:
I'm sorry another synonym for Dominion is master in management, and there's no way that you can have dominion over anything if you don't master Managing yourself. I cannot manage my family if I don't manage myself. So it takes so much time to spend with myself, so much looking in the mirror, so much self Reflections, so much self discovery, so much honesty, so much truth, so much Suffering, yeah, in artist, in order to manage this empire. So thank you for giving me that, that shot out and that appreciation, because it is hard. This is a any man, that's a family man, and they're managing their household. Everyone is happy, the man is happy, the woman's, the woman is happy, the children is happy, the dogs are happy, the cats are happy.
Speaker 1:
If you are, that man has off to you has off to you and just because I'm, you know I'm practical and I believe in like application, I kind of want to just elaborate a little bit, because you know we're talking about you being a successful head of your household, a successful father, a successful husband. But one practical thing that I saw you do and I thought that it was like, when I saw you Start this whole practice I was like what is big Charles doing now? Because if anybody knows him, nobody really knows him like I know him. But to know him is to know that he always comes up with something that requires like repetition, like an insane amount of repetition, certain amount of times a day, for a certain amount of weeks, for a certain length of time, in order to change a behavior. So I remember when you were doing, your phone was going off and it was saying Respond, not react, or react and not respond.
Speaker 2:
Respond and not react respond and not react.
Speaker 1:
So I remember when you took yourself through that whole journey of making sure that you were aware of how you responded to things and that you didn't just react right and from the outside looking in. I Didn't think it was silly at the time, but I was just like, oh boy, you know, this is something else that Doing but I think that that, from like a practicality perspective, has had a lot to do with you changing the direction of how you reacted to certain things and certain people, how you responded to certain things, certain situation and certain people, and it Allowed you to like, just elevate your self-awareness and realizing that you control that I'm nobody gets to control your world.
Speaker 1:
You're totally in control of how you respond to every single situation that life presents itself because reality is.
Speaker 2:
Reality is I have the same Demons to battle as any other human on this earth. You think I don't hear voices that say you don't need your family. You think I don't hear voices saying, saying that you know what. You probably can go elsewhere at times, you know you don't think I have these thoughts in my mind, especially like when we are arguing. You know I mean you don't think at that time, like you know what my kids don't appreciate me. You know my point I'm making is we all have these, these Demons are these battles that we have to deal with?
Speaker 2:
And it takes putting yourself in a certain Environment. It takes driving out old habits. It's take, it takes Self-mastery, it takes a reputation. It takes on learning and relearning. It takes a renewing of the mind. I'm realizing that my old ways are not working for the, for the direction I want to go in. Right, you know. And I can't ask my family to be accountable if I'm not holding myself accountable Right, as as a man, right, you know. So I'm always putting myself, I'm always challenging myself to just be better, because I know that there's a next level, regardless when you are in life, what phase of life you're in, you know.
Speaker 1:
So, with all of that being said, right, all this self-work, and right on me giving you Recognition for the husband and the father that you showed to be the leader.
Speaker 2:
I grab my friend's wife leader you are.
Speaker 1:
You cry two minutes in, but that's okay, because you felt like you were getting your flowers in you know you felt appreciated.
Speaker 2:
I like that. I love that for you, right? I love that for you.
Speaker 1:
I'm tough. I Love that for you. I love yourself. Decide, however. I have a question, yeah, in regards and in alignment, like what we're talking about. If you met you big Charles Mm-hmm, would you like you?
Speaker 2:
if I met me. So what I'm asking am I, am I meeting me as an adult, as a mature adult?
Speaker 1:
I mean, we can let this evolve.
Speaker 2:
So if I'm, if I am me, and if I'm looking at myself and I'm observing myself, yeah, if I met me right now, I will absolutely love me, I would absolutely love me, I love, I love me. Okay, talk about it I love listen when you have someone you don't gotta convince me.
Speaker 1:
I know I'm not like you too. I'm not.
Speaker 2:
I'm not, I'm not trying to convince you at all. I'm not. I'm saying I am that in love with Myself. I love the person who I am. I love the straightforwardness, I love the heart that I have. I love the. Okay, you need to get it together. I tell myself I don't talk to no one how I don't talk to myself. True, you know, I don't ask anyone to do anything that I'm not doing. You know I love being challenged. So if I met me right now, if I met another me, baby, baby, you are blessed, I would be blessed. Big Charles, can you meet another big Charles? You want me to know? So if you met you right now, would you like you?
Speaker 1:
so I I love this you like nah cuz that's. I'm not gonna tell you know in all honesty, like kind of like what you said, if I met Big Shay right now who I am today, I would absolutely love me too. Right, because I think that I show up to the world. I keep it real Like I show up, show up every day who I really am, and I couldn't always say that.
Speaker 2:
Stay by the microphone, please.
Speaker 1:
I couldn't always say that? Didn't you get these good mics so I could look and talk to you? All right, okay?
Speaker 2:
I'm sorry All right.
Speaker 1:
I show up to the world exactly how I want to present myself, regardless of what people may think, what you know, if they judge me or not, like I really don't care. So I live a life that, like no host bars, like I really don't care what people think about me. But I also know that I'm super giving, I'm super loving. I know that I have a super warm side. I have a very nurturing side of me that people seem to gravitate towards.
Speaker 2:
Right.
Speaker 1:
And I'm like, I'm like the mama bear, you know, to those that are close to me. I love catering to people, I love serving people. So if I came into my presence I would think that I was super dope, because I'm also very multi-dimensional, like I'm from Harlem, so you're going to get that hood side. I'm a business woman, so you're going to get that good professional side. I love to have a good time, I love to celebrate life, celebrate people. So you're going to get like so many versions of a one person packed in one. That's just like irresistible.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that sounds amazing, but we are irresistible we all have something on the inside of us that we can't see of ourselves. That's annoying to another person Absolutely, because being a mama bear, that also means that you're kind of bossy.
Speaker 1:
I'm controlling, I'm bossy yeah, that's definitely true. So Because I want I have the best interest for those that I love and adore, I mean go on.
Speaker 2:
So let's flip it a little bit Now. If I met me, if I met who I, well, if I met me and I wasn't as emotional, mature, or if I wasn't as if I was raised differently, because you know I was, you know the way I was talked to coming up, I was talked to straight forward and direct, you know, and. But for another person that can be very distra-, that can be taken out of context and as disrespectful. So if I, it just depends on what type of person you are. You know what I mean. In order to how, how, what am I to like?
Speaker 1:
me.
Speaker 2:
So you're saying, what are you saying Like before, it's just no, I'm saying it just depends on what kind of person and what level of maturity that you are in order to. I'm talking about another person now. Oh, okay. So another person came in my life. They may not like. You know what I don't like? I don't like Big Charles because he's too straightforward, you know.
Speaker 1:
He's too honest, you know he Too much confidence, maybe Too much confidence.
Speaker 2:
So that depends on that other person's lifestyle, how they're upbringing, are they confident, are they mature, are they? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, because basically, essentially, what you're saying is some of the things that we are looking at as like attributes to our character, right, like why we, why I would like me could not work for other people, right, right, so they could look at me, as you know, like she's too much, she's bossy or, you know, she, even though I look at it as being helpful, like whenever she come around she try to take, she has a takeover spirit or she's smothering. You know what I mean. With people that I truly care about, I can, you know, hover over them and be super protective, and that might not work for somebody else.
Speaker 2:
So why would you think you love yourself so much? Why do I?
Speaker 1:
think I love you.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, why do you? Why would you like? Why do you love yourself so much? Like? Because you said all of these good things about you, these good attributes, what got you to the place? Because I'm saying that, because I know you're?
Speaker 1:
So I love myself today right.
Speaker 1:
Because of who I've become. I love myself for because sticking through the process of life and going through At almost 44, going through lots of child's, lots of tribulation, lots of healing, lots of trauma, lots of close to death situations, when I look myself in the mirror I'm like girl, you a bad one, Because you've been able to endure, you've been able to heal, you've been able to redefine yourself, you've been able to not let the things that you have gone through in life Make you feel like you are those things, but use those things to make I've used those things to make me the person that I'm actually in today.
Speaker 2:
Right. I mean it's like if you don't like you, then who gonna like you? Who else gonna like you? If you don't love you, who else gonna love you? I mean, self love is critical. That's the best, that's the best love, and I didn't always love myself. So how do you get to that point of like really like loving yourself, though? Like, what work did you have to put in?
Speaker 1:
I mean I had for me I first of all. First of all, the big dog talk podcast helped me a lot. Being able to get on the mic and be vulnerable and transparent and share things Just through conversation that sometimes wouldn't come up and just you know, your regular day of things that you've gone through has really helped me. So this platform has really helped me to become more aware, just through conversation, of things that are inside of me that I may not have been aware of.
Speaker 1:
Therapy was another tool that helped me to dig into some things from my childhood. Digging some things just from a non self love perspective why I didn't love myself the way that I should and bring that to light and, you know, help me to work on those things. And also just self care. You know I'm big on self care. I'm big on spending time with myself in order to identify what I like, who I am, what I don't like, who I am. You know what makes me happy, what motivates me, what drives me in life, to bring that like happiness inside of me that only I can control, like, for example, being a wife and having someone like you that loves me unconditionally. Your love for me will never make me have the self love that I need for myself, because a person can love you until the sun goes up and the sun comes down, but if you don't have that love for yourself, then it's kind of it's contradictory.
Speaker 2:
Let me tell you why I like this, why I like the question if I met me, would I like me? Because reality is you just ask me a question that a lot of us don't take the time to even have these type of personal questions with ourselves, right? That sort of question, that sort of question demands Self-reflection. You can't just answer off the top of your brain like, yeah, I like me because I'm a cool, I'm a real one, I'm no. No, when you ask, when you ask me, when you ask me what I like me if I met me, it made me go within myself and it made me look within and say, okay, am I really happy? Am I really hiding anything in the closet? Am I really hiding any monsters? Or there anything, any areas of my life that I don't accept about me? So it made me have. It made me just sit in me and how oftentimes do we sit in?
Speaker 1:
Ourselves and the beautiful thing of the. I'm gonna tell you, even when you ask me why I love myself, that was a hard question. That was very hard because that's not a question that just comes up In, like why do you love yourself? Like I'm not just sitting around each week like journaling why I love myself. So you asked me that question.
Speaker 1:
It made me pause and really I really felt myself like go inwards, right, and so the great thing about this conversation is that this is what I this is what I absolutely love about the big dog talk podcast and conversations like this it doesn't stop when the mics go off, right, because when you bring up this sort of energy within and in your spirit, like it's there for a little bit of time, right? So like tonight, tomorrow, the next day, this is still gonna continue to resonate Within yourself, and then it allows you to take that journey and kind of navigate to some answers.
Speaker 2:
But listen, it is okay if you ask yourself this question Would you like me if I met me? And your answer is no, that is, that is actually okay because, honestly, is the first honesty, is the first, first level of Ownership and transformation.
Speaker 1:
I said that I want to buy live shows. Right, you got to be honest with you.
Speaker 2:
You gotta be honest.
Speaker 1:
The first step because listen if you ask, if you, if you were to ask me this same question Five to seven years ago, I love these conversations. I would have said no right. If you met me seven years ago, I would.
Speaker 1:
I would not have liked me right, right, for real and so much so that even like Relation we've talked about this before off the mic but even some relationships that have, you know, gone away 17 years ago. I even sit back and reflect now who I am now like, oh, I could have handled that a different way. Not that I want the relationship back, but if I was then who I am now, there would have been some different kinds of conversations.
Speaker 2:
That's the moments like that.
Speaker 1:
That's the beauty of life quite nasty seven years ago.
Speaker 2:
That's the beauty, that's the beauty of life, though, when you really can sit down with yourself and you, these sorts of questions that make you go within now there are. Regular person would just say you know what, yeah, I like me, of course, I like me, you know, and it just it stops right here. But if I go inside of me and I say you know what, I'm actually not happy with when I, where I, it's get a little personal. Yeah, get a little personal. I remember years ago Maybe, like at the beginning of our marriage, I looked at you and said I'm not happy.
Speaker 1:
Do you remember that conversation? I absolutely do, because I was. I was Terrified. I'm like wait what I look we were driving in the car.
Speaker 2:
What does that even mean? I looked at you and I said I am not happy. And I and I automatically thought that that has something to do with me. And I looked at I looked at your eyes. I said this has nothing to do with you. Yep, I've never been here before. I'm not happy. You know what I mean. And it demanded that I go within. It demanded out that I go with inside of me because I was in a foreign place. Right, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:
So sometimes, when you, when you have these hard questions, it makes you deal with yourself. Okay, why are you not happy? Make you start digging why are you not happy? What's bothering you? What keeps showing, what keeps popping up in your mind, your consciousness, every single day? Okay, are, am I gonna dwell in this or am I gonna start looking up things to problem solve? Am I gonna start reading books? Am I gonna start talking to friends? Am I? Am I gonna like go go to church, go to therapy? Am I gonna change my environment? How am I gonna change my way of thinking? Am I gonna Unlearn some things? And my possibly the problem?