Explore the dynamics of love and intimacy in the Digital Age with Big Charles and Big Shay. We delve into modern relationship challenges, from navigating gender roles to the impact of technology on communication and connection. Join us for a candid, insightful discussion on finding authentic intimacy in today's digital world.
Navigating the modern dating scene can feel like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube in the dark, but we're here with a flashlight and some laughs. We muse over the evolution of courtship, from the influence of absent parents to the authenticity of online connections. Our conversation may take you down memory lane or give you a fresh perspective on swiping right in today's digital love landscape.
To wrap up, we don't shy away from the real talk. Vulnerability might be the secret ingredient to a fulfilling relationship, but it's often the hardest to serve. We share how embracing emotional availability can transition a casual fling into a lasting legacy, and why self-improvement is something both partners should RSVP 'yes' to. Thanks for joining us on this journey, where we celebrate love, challenge norms, and grow together—one podcast at a time.
This video is about Love And Authentic Intimacy In The Digital Age - Ep.31.
Explore the dynamics of love and intimacy in the Digital Age with Big Charles and Big Shay. We delve into modern relationship challenges, from navigating gender roles to the impact of technology on communication and connection. Join us for a candid, insightful discussion on finding authentic intimacy in today's digital world.
Navigating the modern dating scene can feel like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube in the dark, but we're here with a flashlight and some laughs. We muse over the evolution of courtship, from the influence of absent parents to the authenticity of online connections. Our conversation may take you down memory lane or give you a fresh perspective on swiping right in today's digital love landscape.
To wrap up, we don't shy away from the real talk. Vulnerability might be the secret ingredient to a fulfilling relationship, but it's often the hardest to serve. We share how embracing emotional availability can transition a casual fling into a lasting legacy, and why self-improvement is something both partners should RSVP 'yes' to. Thanks for joining us on this journey, where we celebrate love, challenge norms, and grow together—one podcast at a time.
This video is about Love And Authentic Intimacy In The Digital Age - Ep.31.
Do modern day women cook? That's a whole. Do they clean?
Speaker 2:Listen, listen. All I know is when I talk to our daughter you know she's 22, a lot of you know young ladies in her age category can't cook, so that's also something that's kind of just.
Speaker 1:We don't even have the fundamentals Fading away. We like we losing the fundamentals. Men don't know how to be men. Women don't know how to be women. Women don't know how to communicate with women and control the temperature, the thermostat. Women don't know how to approach men. We don't know how to coexist with one another, because we've never seen it. And what's interesting, that I posted on my social media your post that went viral, got like 400,000 views, oh, yes. And we said these are a few things that you should think about discussing before getting married. Yes, and one response stood out to me. He said we wouldn't have to respond, we wouldn't have to address these things if we had culture.
Speaker 2:As you all know, on the Big Dog Talk podcast, we have a slogan Therapy is always in session, and that is why we are now sponsored by BetterHelp. During hard times, it can get really difficult if you don't have anyone to talk to. Being alone with your thoughts can be an isolating feeling that can allow negativity to continue to consume you. Betterhelp has customized online therapy that offers video, phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist, so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. Some of the things that we have learned from our therapist on the Big Dog Talk podcast are how to be emotionally available, why it's important to practice self-care and calming activities to ease anxiety.
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Speaker 1:Welcome back to another episode of the Big Dog Talk podcast. It's me, Big Charles, in the building.
Speaker 2:What's up, what's up, what's up? Y'all, it's your girl, big Shay, and I'm back in the building.
Speaker 1:And look and check this out before we even get started. It may be a few of you that may be some newcomers. Y'all may not know Big Charles and Big Shay, so I'm going to thoroughly that sound country right there thoroughly reintroduce myself. My name is Big Charles, my real name is Charles. My wife name is Shay.
Speaker 2:We've been married for almost 12 years. My name is Shay Vaughn. My name is Shay Vaughn.
Speaker 1:You want to just beep, beep and action. My name is Charles. My wife name is Shay Vaughn. We've been married for almost 12 years this April. So, us being who we are, we thought it was appropriate to create a safe space for love, for relationships and for tough, intimate conversations. On here we talk about a plethora of things mental health, self-development, financial literacy, relationships, entrepreneurship, healing but our core is all roles leads back to self.
Speaker 2:And do everything unto God, amen Amen. So, but yeah, that was a great introduction. Was it good, that was very good, and we love newcomers and we also want them to know who we are. So I like how you did that there today. You like that, I like that, but I'm not that happy with you Already. I'm not happy with you, I'm not happy with him.
Speaker 1:Already.
Speaker 2:So for the regular.
Speaker 1:Already.
Speaker 2:Schmagular Already, people, you see anything different? I come to work today and I find out that Big Charles, my wonderful, handsome husband, put me on the other side. Dang they off the show.
Speaker 1:Did I give you a valid reason?
Speaker 2:Should I tell him really what you said.
Speaker 1:I tell him what.
Speaker 2:I said I tell him what you said.
Speaker 1:I said when I do the editing, the big dog sign is on you, it's never on me. And I came up with Big Dog. I started the big dog. I am the big dog.
Speaker 2:This lets me know that working with my husband in 2024 is going to be a challenge.
Speaker 1:We're definitely going to new levels in 2024. It's going to be a challenge.
Speaker 2:It's going to be a challenge. You move my seat again and we're going to have bigger problems.
Speaker 1:Move it again One day I'm her boss. The next second she does whatever she want to do.
Speaker 2:See, I know what this is about. What is it about? You gave me some time off.
Speaker 1:I gave you some time off.
Speaker 2:It's like my second week back to work from my 30, day 30, 40 family medical leave of absence About 30, 45 days. And so when I get back to work, just like all the rest of these jobs, you take time off to take care of yourself. You get back to work. Next thing you know your office is back in the corner somewhere and it got smaller. So he want to put me over here because I had to take time off, and he want to be under the big dog talk sign. Whatever, let's just.
Speaker 1:I mean I feel some kind of way I do it. I got to come up in here set up. You been off, you been and rightfully so Rightfully so, but rightfully so. I've been putting in all of the work and holding us down. Rightfully so, so I wanted to be promoted.
Speaker 2:And that constitutes me getting demoted to the side with bad light and no signage.
Speaker 1:All right, let's go, all right.
Speaker 2:Let's rotate, rotate, rotate. What are you playing today?
Speaker 1:Anyway, I think we look pretty cute dressing up alike. See, see, see, see. You see, man, when you listen to the fun things you get to do, when you get in a relationship, a loving relationship, you get to be identical, identical First of all, you copied me.
Speaker 2:Yes, I did. I was getting dressed and he was like I'm gonna wear red like you today.
Speaker 1:I've been trained. We're black pants. I've been trained to Facts. It's okay Facts. I didn't even have to think about what I was going to wear. I saw what she had on. Oh, I'm gonna just wear red sweater, like you. And guess what? I get away with it and I'm still considered as masculine because, guess what, I'm in a relationship.
Speaker 2:It's not only the red sweater, but you got on black pants too.
Speaker 1:I got on black pants. I sure do Cute, cute Twinsies. Deep down, y'all really want to do this. Deep down, y'all really want to? Yay Twinsies, yay, I think we looking kinda cute.
Speaker 2:I think so too.
Speaker 1:But anyway I think so too.
Speaker 2:I mean, hey, when we first started dating you wasn't trying to match, but you did. Let me dress you.
Speaker 1:I wasn't trying to match.
Speaker 2:You was not into the whole matching.
Speaker 1:Nah.
Speaker 2:But you did. Let me like you know buy you little stuff and style you and things like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, just make sure you're talking to that mic when you're talking, I'm talking to the mic. You haven't been in here in a minute, but you're right.
Speaker 2:First of all, everybody and their mother know the live voice. You're right.
Speaker 1:You're right.
Speaker 2:It's gonna carry.
Speaker 1:You know you're gonna dress me when we first started dating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you weren't into the matching thing.
Speaker 1:Nah, but now I'm into it and, deep down, all of us tough men right, all of us really like, really want to be on some matchy, matchy vibes. Let's just make this cool. 2024, you finding somebody that you can match clothes with. Period From head to toe. From head to toe.
Speaker 2:When we go out on dates, what color are we wearing? Are we wearing black? Are we wearing gray? Like we be matching plaid. It's a matching thing, it's a vibe, it's an energy, it's a connection.
Speaker 1:Big Charles.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So what do you think about this dating in the modern world?
Speaker 1:Dating in the modern world. Can you elaborate on that?
Speaker 2:I mean dating in the modern world. Could you, okay, could you survive dating in the modern world, the way the dating scene looks right now? Could you survive and I? Could you been out the dating game for what like six? It's been a long 16, right About 16 something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you been, you been, you been locked me down.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You try to get your own spot and everything. I was like oh no, sir, that ain't happening. I'm coming up in your tools.
Speaker 1:I had to. I had to spot with the single. I had to. I had to single spot, single pad. You had the bachelor. I had to playboy sheets on there, silk sheets, and within a week you interrupted about seven days.
Speaker 2:I said can I come over there and do my laundry?
Speaker 1:You ain't never left sense. You ain't never left sense A dog you treat.
Speaker 2:No, I said I think we need a bigger space, right right Dog you treat men.
Speaker 1:have your own pad before you move in with a woman.
Speaker 2:Even if it's for a week, right?
Speaker 1:But could I survive in modern day with a modern woman?
Speaker 2:See, now you put, now you well.
Speaker 1:See, I asked that question because, when I think about modern women today and modern men, the person who I am wouldn't be inspired to want to be in a relationship with modern day women. Why? Modern day, modern day, women haven't been taught how to be a wife, not even actually a mom. Just think about it, modern man. I'm about to make some people mad.
Speaker 2:I was just saying go ahead and keep going, vic Charles.
Speaker 1:No reality is like modern day women, the ones that I see. They come to school with their kids. They don't have their ass showing in the club with their kids. Let me let this pair start. Modern day women. I wouldn't be inspired to be with a modern day woman. I would prefer to be single if I had to choose now.
Speaker 2:Okay, Okay, I mean in all honesty. I can relate it to our situation when we were dating 16 years ago.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Prior to me meeting you what do they call it? I felt like chivalry. Is that the word?
Speaker 1:Was that? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I feel like what you did for me coming into us. Dating is so far gone, like opening the doors, embracing me with child being honest, but was that a thing back then?
Speaker 1:though that wasn't a thing back then.
Speaker 2:That's true too. That's true too. Yeah, that's true. It definitely wasn't, because that's the point that I'm trying to get to when you came into my life and you showed me like a whole different world of dating and how men should be showing up when you're dating a woman.
Speaker 1:See, here's the thing.
Speaker 2:Baby, the mother one's child.
Speaker 1:That's cab. She was in love with somebody before that, but anyway, that's a whole another topic.
Speaker 2:We're talking about from a dating perspective.
Speaker 1:That's a whole another topic.
Speaker 2:Stick to the topic.
Speaker 1:But back to what you were saying. I showed you a whole another way of dating. But here's the thing, though. So back to the question. When you asked me could I date in today's modern time? I could not, because most of the children who are raised, most of the adult women and men who will raise they, were raised without a mother or father. I was able to show you a different style of dating because of the relationship that I had with my mom. My mom was very supportive.
Speaker 1:Today's women and mothers they dropping the kids off to grandparents and they going to hit the clubs, hit the streets you know it's all about self and independence in that route. Back then I had an old school mom. As far as she was at the games with me, you know, she made sure that she had a relationship with me. I was a priority. She wasn't dropping me off every day by her mom, she was spending time with me. My mom is the one that taught me how to. It's because of my relationship with my mom that I really value women and most, let's just say, men. Men don't have that story. Men can dog women because they don't have that true relationship with their mom, that true connection, that true reverence with their mom. And somebody say I disagree with that. You know, but I learned how to value women by the relationship that I have with my mom.
Speaker 2:So that's how you showed up, that's how I showed up. Because of that, I agree with that. I also agree with it from the flip side of you know, unfortunately, men in our society now a lot of them are not in relationship with their fathers.
Speaker 1:You know what?
Speaker 2:I mean so the flip side and this is just talking about the men, for right now, on the flip side, the men don't have that family model to show them how to be the leader you know of their household, how to show up as the you know the man of their household. They don't have that.
Speaker 1:So here's the thing with men. Here's the thing with men, and this is no shade, because I'm in the year of 2024. I'm building men all 2024. But the reality is, a lot of men have bitchy ways like women.
Speaker 2:A lot of sassy men out there.
Speaker 1:So here's, and I'm going to say that and I say that respectfully a lot of men were raised by women and the father wasn't present. Yeah, you know, teaching a man how to have emotional control that is, teaching a child how to have emotional control is taught by a man, right. And a lot of men don't have that discipline of controlling your emotions, being logical and being calm when you speak with someone, when you communicate with someone, right. So, and I'm saying that to say when a man and a woman in the modern time when they argue, it sounds like two bitches arguing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Two women arguing. Yeah, and I'm going to make sure I'm not referring to women as bitches, I'm talking about the sassiness, the sassiness yeah, that's what I was saying earlier like the sassiness of it, right. So when you, when they have a discussion or disagreement, you have two women going back and forth, all because of that man wasn't there, right and a lot of women I said this plenty of times. A lot of women didn't have a role model, didn't have the example of what a woman and how a woman should treat a man.
Speaker 2:Right, I mean, it's just also just from of how and what dating looks like today. It's just, it just doesn't make sense. So a lot of dating and connections is made through like what's your Instagram page yeah, you know what I'm saying. Like what's your Instagram page? That's, that's like the initial.
Speaker 1:Let me follow you.
Speaker 2:Let me follow you and you follow me and it's like that. To me that's ridiculous. I mean, there's no like real conversation. People aren't really meeting in like you know, kind of like traditional places. It's all about like connection on like Instagram or TikTok and things like that, and for me that just doesn't foster like a good exchange of really getting to know some because Instagram ain't real.
Speaker 2:People put up there what they want to put up there. That's the perception they create for themselves. So you might be like in that person that you see that you follow on Instagram but don't you know and that's not who they really are.
Speaker 1:I don't have a problem starting off on social media. I don't have an issue with like dating apps.
Speaker 2:No, not dating apps Well social media is a date.
Speaker 1:It basically what you post on social media. It gives you an idea of a person start process, even if it's not their reality.
Speaker 2:I wasn't referring to dating apps, because I know some people that met their spouses.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll take that back.
Speaker 2:I don't even know what a dating app looks like. To be honest, yeah, me either. I don't know what's on there.
Speaker 1:Me either. But let's talk about Instagram. Yeah, I mean, someone on Instagram is not an issue with me, because you still get an idea of their thought pattern. Now you still have to take it a step further and meet face to face eventually.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You know. So that's why I don't have an issue with Instagram. The only we're talking about dating in modern, modern time, right, modern men, modern women don't have the tools, the necessities, to even be in a relationship, because it requires a relationship requires a lot of selflessness, and right now it just seems like it's a bunch of ego. You know, it's all about me.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is all about it's all about material things, what I bring to the table, how much money I make, what can you do for me. It's not about what can I do for you. How can I make you better? Right, how can you make me better? How can we come together and build a bigger legacy, bigger than you and I? Right, it's all about me, me, me, me, me, right.
Speaker 2:It would be hard for me to get with someone and be with someone that's selfish, like that I mean, and I think that that's why, for me, thinking about modern dating and being, you know, utilizing Instagram as like the onset of you know, getting to know somebody, I think that's why for me, it just seems so whack. Do modern day women cook? That's a whole.
Speaker 1:Do they clean?
Speaker 2:Listen, listen. All I know is when I talk to our daughter you know she's 22, a lot of you know young ladies in her age category can't cook, so that's also something that's kind of just.
Speaker 1:We don't even have the fundamentals Fading away. We're like we're losing the fundamentals. Men don't know how to be men. Women don't know how to be women. Men don't know how to communicate with women and control the temperature, the thermostat. Women don't know how to approach men. Because we don't know how to coexist with one another, because we've never seen it.
Speaker 1:And it was interesting that I posted on my social media your post that went viral, got like 400,000 views, oh, yes. And we said these are a few things that you should think about discussing before getting married. Yes, and one response stood out to me. He said we wouldn't have to respond, we wouldn't have to address these things if we had culture. And I thought about that. He said every other culture. They have an example of what marriage looks like. They have an example of what a man looks like. They have an example of what a woman looks like. They have an example of what marriage looks like. They have an example of what it looks like to coexist with each other. And because lack of culture, that destroyed us and unfortunately we got to go back to ground zero and study truth that was taken from us Right.
Speaker 2:I mean. But even going back a little bit to what you said, there's no real true identity around feminine and masculine energy anymore. Everybody, even to what you said, with the sassy men era and the masculine women era, everybody is operating outside of, naturally, who we're supposed to be. Because me, as a married woman for 12 years, almost 12 years and with three kids, I have absolutely no problem catering to my husband. I have absolutely no problem being a successful entrepreneur and still being able to submit to my husband. I have absolutely no problem cooking home cooked meals for my family. I have absolutely no problem making my man's plate, you know, making my children's plate. Absolutely enjoy being a boss entrepreneur, but at home I can be in my soft woman, nurturing wife, mom energy as well. I love that for me.
Speaker 1:But it's a flip side to it, though.
Speaker 2:I'm saying I love that for me.
Speaker 1:It's a flip side to it, though.
Speaker 2:What's that?
Speaker 1:The flip side to it. The reason you love it is because I know who I am as a man and how I show up as a man. If you had to date a kid and tell me what to do all of the time, then you'll feel like you're dating a child. That's exactly. And you'll be raising me. That's exactly what.
Speaker 1:I'm saying Then you wouldn't be able to operate in your soft woman, you wouldn't be able to switch your titles from a boss woman to a submissive wife. Yeah, I love being domesticated, you know. Here's the thing. This is why I said there's a flip side to it, man. We have to be able to show up with something, show up with value.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know, it's more than about respectfully. It's more than about how much money you make. It's more than about slinging dick. Yeah, it's more than about how good you can lay the pipe down and how good you can sex, Because at the end of the day, that wears off.
Speaker 2:And just to my ladies too. It's more than just about the outside aesthetics too. You know what I mean. It's more than just about how your body look. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:That's all surface.
Speaker 2:That's all surface and everybody has to go through the natural maturation of aging. We all got to go through it. So the way you look at 25 is not going to be how you look at 45. That's just it and that's all. So you got to build a deeper relationship and show up in a bigger way than just making your aesthetics top.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give some game to the men. Back to what I was saying as a flip side, you love being able to serve me, because that's who you are at the core. You love watching how I respond from what you do out of love, yeah. But how did I get there, though? How did we get there as a unit? You know? First and foremost, you were raised. In a way, you was raised on the ground. You saw a great grandma do certain things, so you got to be able to see that side.
Speaker 1:A lot of women don't get to experience that. They didn't witness their mom or someone in their life, the matriarch of their families, serving a man. That's true. They didn't get to see that. The second thing is as a man, though. Women are attracted to wisdom. Women are attracted to confidence, leadership. Women are attracted to a man with a vision, a man to have direction. You know what I mean. So a lot of women don't want to follow no one that don't know where they're going. You have to know where you're going. You have to have an idea of where you're going in life.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:You don't have a problem with me taking control and solving problems, because I've shown you over and over and I'm going to show up and I'm going to solve problems. Right? You have no problem being vulnerable with me, because I've created a safe space for you to be self how I treat you. I'm tender to you. You see how I am in real life, but you also get to see how I am with you, so it puts you in a place where I can let my walls die, right, you know.
Speaker 2:Right? No, I mean, that's what I'm saying about. Back to the point I made a little while ago about women are not able to operate in their true femininity and men aren't able to operate in their masculine. We've switching roles, which impacts how you date, how you show up in your relationship. It all impacts that because of life experiences.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's a scientific fact, big shade that the male sperm count has weakened by 50%, since, like it's 50% weaker than our grandfather's sperm, our masculinity Testosterone, our testosterone, is 50% weaker than our grandfather's testosterone. Which says, though which says a lot about us and the guidance and who were present in our lives? That part, again, I wouldn't listen. The type of man I am right now, I wouldn't be inspired to date. A modern day woman I wouldn't be inspired to. You know, it's a lot of games that you gotta go through, it's a lot of unlearning that we have to go through, and it's a sad situation because we raise our kids to be old school, because we understand the power of family.
Speaker 2:Yep, that's what I was just thinking about. I was thinking about, in our household, how our kids get to see how we operate individually, but also as a unit and, as I just observed them in my own day to day with them, you can definitely see the reflection on how they show up. You can tell what they see in their home, I mean what they're experiencing of how they show up to the world in their young ages.
Speaker 1:I mean, just think about it. You see our boys, and when I feel like they're crying too much, I say control yourself. Emotional management intelligence has to be taught and it has to be more. Think about it, though. 95% of the time 99% I'm just throwing a number out there that is taught by a man. I learned how to control my emotions because I had a man in my life. I learned how to talk to a woman and learn how a woman should be treated because I was able to observe my mom. I was able to see what she liked and what she didn't like. I was able to communicate with her. I was able to study her.
Speaker 2:How a woman going to tell a man how to be a man and she never seen a man before she's never had an example, never experienced it how a man is supposed to show up and you know even you talk about the boys. But even with our daughter, she's having a hard time dating because the bar is high.
Speaker 1:On the flip side. Can you stop bringing my daughter and this to people? Listen, I only know my daughter's business.
Speaker 2:It ain't her business. But I'm saying she got a high bar. So just this regular Schmeagula that's trying to approach her that doesn't work for her. It just doesn't impress her, doesn't excite her and she's absolutely not interested.
Speaker 1:We got to get back into that's the facts.
Speaker 2:That's the age category where you could be going along with the modern dating world, or you can base that on foundation and what you've experienced throughout your life and what you've seen and what example you've seen in your life.
Speaker 1:And we got to get back to getting a man and a woman in the house. I'm not saying that it has to be with the man that you had children with, yeah, nah, I'm not saying that. That's not what I'm saying. But we do have to find a way. If you really want true love, if you really want to be able to come home to a union, we have to be able to. We got to get that man and that woman back in the house together. We have to. Our children need to see what it's like and what it's like for To even have an argument. Men don't even know how to argue with women. Listen one thing about women women can break you down with their words easily. That's because women don't have the physical strength to hurt a man, but a woman have the power to destroy a man with their words, and we're emotional beings.
Speaker 2:Yes, we are.
Speaker 1:Men have the power to destroy a woman with their physical strength, right, but that's not the case. So you need a man that knows how to control his emotions during an argument disagreement. You need a woman that knows how to communicate to a man, and you need to both have to. You have to learn how to Okay, this may be a I may be pulling the trigger if I say something like this. All of these things have to be taught. There's no way that I can date a modern day woman.
Speaker 2:But, just like you said, we need children to see what an argument looks like. We need them to see what it's like to walk in on their parents being affectionate with one another as well.
Speaker 1:Correct.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean that's the positive side of it as well, like that does something and puts an imprint on their psychology as well.
Speaker 1:I'm not. There's no way I can survive in modern day time.
Speaker 2:First of all, I You're saying you would have been. You're gonna be single.
Speaker 1:I would definitely be single if I had to. If I'm going by what I see on social media, maybe there are some old school traditional women out there that really desire to be with someone to be with, to have a husband too, that don't mind serving a man the way he needs to be served. Maybe there are some men out there that don't mind serving a woman the way that she needs to be served, because we are both genetically wired differently and we both deserve to operate how we are designed to operate Naturally.
Speaker 2:Naturally, I mean because, also, you know, just based off what I see, a lot of men aren't very emotionally vulnerable to women in this modern day like dating world either. You know, and I think, and for me, what I gather from that is because a man has certain needs too. When a woman is not operating in her natural femininity, then they're not able to tap into that part of the man that also makes him vulnerable and emotional towards that woman. Like men need to be able to feel like they can also trust a woman with their heart and their emotions, which is something that's difficult for a man, based on everything that you've just said on this episode.
Speaker 1:Truthfully speaking, right or wrong? Uh, I got to respond to it, I don't want to put it right or wrong to it. Okay, truthfully speaking, I believe that being truly vulnerable is a hard thing for the man and the woman, like women, may be more vulnerable and may show up as more vulnerable, but being truly vulnerable is being able to give you a whole heart, and I don't think anyone, any parties of, male or woman, show up giving their whole heart. And this is why I believe that, because most of us show up in a relationship afraid of being hurt True and we all have like past experiences, true so there's no way that you can all the way show up and be vulnerable without being afraid of being hurt. Now, men, now it's more than likely harder for men to be vulnerable because we wasn't taught to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2:Also, I know for a fact that women certain times show up in a relationship really desiring, you know, wanting to be in a relationship, because that's what women want, that's what women desire. They want to be married. You know what I mean. They want to have a family, and so, speaking from a woman's perspective, I honestly feel that we show up more vulnerable than the man.
Speaker 1:You show up with the mind. Women show up with the mindset of wanting to be in a relationship, but their actions don't say the same, and that's the struggle that a lot of men have. Like, a lot of women say that I want a man to be able to lead me, but truthfully, a lot of women don't like to listen or don't want to listen. There are a lot of things that come with that. Like, I agree, women show up wholeheartedly in a relationship not with the wanting to be white.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's what I'm saying, but from my experience from my experience, big Shea, and from my observation, most of the women that show up in a relationship wanting to be in a relationship, their actions say it's differently, and a man watches that more than what your mind and what your words say.
Speaker 2:So are you saying that women in particular show up wanting to be in a relationship but still want some aspects of being single, being in control?
Speaker 1:of certain things I'm saying. Women are not showing up, being able to give what they want. That's what I'm saying, because it's more than about a title of being in a relationship. I don't want to be as a man. I don't want to be in a relationship if you don't know how to treat me as well, if you don't know how to show up for me. If I'm already good where I'm at, if I'm already doing things on my own and there's certain things that I need from a woman and you aren't able to give that to me and all you want is a relationship. I'll pass on that. I hear that, yeah, you showing up, as you want a relationship, but I'm communicating with you certain things that I need and you're not willing or able to show up in that way and give it to me.
Speaker 2:So when does that example that you're giving, when does that constitute like just putting in work with that person? You know what I mean. So, yes, that's very well could be a scenario which could happen in, you know, actually a relationship that has some good potential. So, at what point like that could be the scenario you're not showing up and giving me what I want, but this relationship still constitutes putting in work and trying to work through the keeps.
Speaker 1:I want to make sure that we're not veering off.
Speaker 1:But, to answer your question. When does that? When it would be much easier Because you're still talking about dating Okay, it would be much easier to say I'm ready to put in work. When you are showing up, we're just more than words. So if you're showing me that you want to be in a relationship, I have to be able to show you that I want to be in a relationship.
Speaker 1:So if you're saying I want to be in a relationship but you still dogging me out, you still talk to me any kind of way. You still nagging me all the time. You still talking about I'm an independent woman, I don't need you. Every time we get in an argument, you want to put me out. You know, when you still you calling me a B-I-T-C-H. When we get into an argument, you still belittling me. When you don't know how to control your anger and your emotions and you still getting emotionally irate in this. Nah, most from what I experience, a lot of women point a finger at men and it's always what a man needs to do and not what I need to do. What do I men don't want? Because to men it sounds like you're always nagging us. What are you doing?
Speaker 2:I mean. But honestly, on the flip side and in the dating world, modern world, like I said earlier, I want to reiterate it Sometimes men are not showing up ready as well, and that's where that lack of vulnerability and emotional availability is not there in the relationship.
Speaker 1:Most of us are not showing up, though that's the thing it's what I'm trying to get you to see.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, I got you.
Speaker 1:It's not just a man, it's not just a woman.
Speaker 2:It's both. Absolutely, I got that.
Speaker 1:But usually one thing they're showing up more than the other.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Usually the woman thinks they are more healed and ready and got it together. And I'm not saying that's not the case, but when you get in that space and a man have to hear that it sounds like you're not focusing on you, you're focusing on everything I'm doing wrong.
Speaker 2:No, I totally hear you and I'm definitely not trying to. You know, it's not a man versus a woman scenario. But I'm speaking from a woman's perspective and you're speaking from a male perspective and I just know, you know also from experience, you know.
Speaker 1:What do we do?
Speaker 2:In our relationship.
Speaker 1:Let's take a deep breath, though. Let's talk about me and you for a second. Let's go. What was it? When did we get to a point when we were just like you know what? We're going to work towards marriage. We're going to work towards being something and creating a bigger legacy.
Speaker 2:You said when yeah.
Speaker 1:What was it that made us transition? I mean, I have to be a thing, but what gave us direction?
Speaker 2:I mean, I think what gave us direction was that we had a lot of common goals. Right, we had family as a common goal. We have faith as a common goal. We had, you know, aspirations and goals in life. We wanted to create something bigger than us and we, you know, bigger than us and that could translate you know, generations and generations you know, down the line. So I think, when I think about our relationship, we had so many things that we wanted to accomplish and that was a commonality for us that it absolutely made sense that we should work together to create that and that us together versus me individualizing my goals and you doing yours on your own us coming together would make for a much better foundation, create a legacy to create for our children and our grandchildren, our great grandchildren. And when we tapped into that, that's when, like, our relationship was really able to, like, take off in all areas. But we had the foundation, was so linked and so closely knit and had so much commonality that it only made sense for us.
Speaker 1:I agree with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I agree with that. I don't even feel like I need to elaborate on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean because it was bigger than just like the superficial, small, tangible aesthetic things. It was really deep down to the core. Like yo, we can make something big and I like you. And I'm attracted to you, you know what I mean and you're nice to me and I respect you and you're a real man and you've been showing up for me and I feel safe with you and, like I could tell you got leadership qualities, like based off of what I was going through, I'm like this is very different.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean, so it only made sense and only made sense, it only made sense, it only made sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, and it wasn't, you know, we not even even trying to paint a picture like it was just like beautiful art, all along the way.
Speaker 1:No, it's not about beautiful art, but it is about vision. Individually, as individuals, though, we both had a vision for ourselves Absolutely, and, like you say we had, we after you knew where you wanted to go, I knew where I wanted to go. Definitely, we were able to link those two together and say you know what? We actually can coexist with each other and we both can benefit Benefits Even in a larger spectrum, absolutely. Beyond our expectation if we come together and work together, it's going to be a win.
Speaker 2:It's going to be a win, it's guaranteed. The bottom line is what you're saying everybody needs to show up with some benefits. Baby, you don't have to have some benefits no way you want to go.
Speaker 1:Know what you bring to the table. Know your core values. Have some fun.
Speaker 2:Core values matter. You got to have some fundamentals.
Speaker 1:Got to.
Speaker 2:Got to, because that's really where the connection happens.
Speaker 1:So but in the meantime, between, time, I'm just happy I'm not in the day to be real. Hey, I saw. Listen, you know our page is like a relationship page. They be playing love and connection on there.
Speaker 2:I love that for them.
Speaker 1:They do they go back and forth? They communicate, and that's one of the things that we decided.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're real passionate about that. Relationships yes.
Speaker 1:Relationships and working together is a real life hack. Coming home to a beautiful family man that you work so hard to create.
Speaker 2:Yes, ladies feeling safe.
Speaker 1:Man.
Speaker 2:Being able to operate in your true femininity.
Speaker 1:That's what's up? Coming home, feeling like you're home, is a safe haven. Safe haven Like it's a real heaven. Yes, and working towards that. You go through the ups and downs in between time. You know what I mean. But when you working towards something, man, it's a beautiful feeling and I ain't sugarcoating that it feels good. When I get home, you know what I mean, I smell some good food in the house when I come to the table and I sit down. You know what I mean. And then my kids are making noises and I'm fussing at them for making too much noise because they too happy, right?
Speaker 2:You understand me Y'all settle down, but anyway man we love y'all, yes, and wish you guys nothing but the best. Feel our heart through all the words that we, you know, spit on this episode.
Speaker 1:Take the gems out of it. Take the gems out of it what's not for you. Spit it out Right At the end of the day. We want to see you happy Yep and hold Yep, you know.
Speaker 2:Successful.
Speaker 1:Subscribe to our YouTube Big Dog Talk Podcast YouTube channel. Hit us on Instagram Big Dog Talk underscore podcast. Tiktok Facebook Big Dog Talk podcast. Like, subscribe, tell a friend. Tell a friend, we got some things in store. Yeah, we trying to curate.
Speaker 2:I ain't trying nothing we doing. We curate in some amazing things for our community and we are super excited about it. Love y'all, man, until next time, peace.