Feel the rush of victory each week as Big Charles and Big Shay take you through their ritual of celebrating weekly wins, a practice that's not just uplifting but also a cornerstone of their success strategy. This episode is a powerhouse of motivation and practical advice, as we open up about the balance between hustle and harmony. Listen to Big Shay's incredible story of juggling entrepreneurship, hitting the books at 44, and keeping family life vibrant. You'll learn how to keep your own goals in check with our accountability hacks, and get inspired to push through the year with gusto.
Craving a deeper connection in your relationships? We've got the real talk on conflict resolution and the transformative impact it can have on your personal growth. This conversation cuts close to the bone, discussing the evolution from shying away from tough talks to embracing them for stronger bonds. We reveal insights on how childhood dynamics play out in adult interactions, inviting you to a raw and enlightening look at how to use accountability as a force for positive change in your relationships.
Tying the knot or weathering the storm of a partnership can be complex, but it doesn't have to be daunting. We reflect on the enduring lessons learned from our parents' marriages and how they inform our approach to marital challenges. We're not just talking about the black community's family dynamics; we're stepping into the role of change-makers with an exciting announcement. Ready to uplift your relationship game? We're branching out into marital and relationship coaching, sharing wisdom mined from our own lives to empower your journey, whether you're flying solo or navigating the waters of partnership. Plug in and let's rise together!
Feel the rush of victory each week as Big Charles and Big Shay take you through their ritual of celebrating weekly wins, a practice that's not just uplifting but also a cornerstone of their success strategy. This episode is a powerhouse of motivation and practical advice, as we open up about the balance between hustle and harmony. Listen to Big Shay's incredible story of juggling entrepreneurship, hitting the books at 44, and keeping family life vibrant. You'll learn how to keep your own goals in check with our accountability hacks, and get inspired to push through the year with gusto.
Craving a deeper connection in your relationships? We've got the real talk on conflict resolution and the transformative impact it can have on your personal growth. This conversation cuts close to the bone, discussing the evolution from shying away from tough talks to embracing them for stronger bonds. We reveal insights on how childhood dynamics play out in adult interactions, inviting you to a raw and enlightening look at how to use accountability as a force for positive change in your relationships.
Tying the knot or weathering the storm of a partnership can be complex, but it doesn't have to be daunting. We reflect on the enduring lessons learned from our parents' marriages and how they inform our approach to marital challenges. We're not just talking about the black community's family dynamics; we're stepping into the role of change-makers with an exciting announcement. Ready to uplift your relationship game? We're branching out into marital and relationship coaching, sharing wisdom mined from our own lives to empower your journey, whether you're flying solo or navigating the waters of partnership. Plug in and let's rise together!
Right Water you ready? Welcome back to another episode of the Big Dog Talk podcast. It's me, Big Charles.
Speaker 2:What's up, y'all? It's your girl, big Shay, and I'm back.
Speaker 1:Hey, how are you feeling? Like I'm just talking to the world, like the whole world looking at me, you're an audience of me.
Speaker 2:What up y'all? What up dog? Yeah, it's me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, listen, what up dog? Yes, lord, yeah, look at my fellas over there. Yeah, yeah, thank you for coming out. Ladies, do my ladies run this mother? Hell? Yeah, Do my fellas run this mother? Yes, lord.
Speaker 2:Love my audience. Hey y'all.
Speaker 1:Listen, ain't nothing like a vision, baby. Ain't nothing like a vision, baby. Make it plain. Ain't nothing like a vision. You understand me.
Speaker 2:You're gonna have to have that vision, baby You're gonna have to. Make some things happen. Speaking of vision, it's a new week.
Speaker 1:Yes, Lord.
Speaker 2:We got some new gold.
Speaker 1:Yes, Lord.
Speaker 2:We been killing the game.
Speaker 1:Yes, Lord.
Speaker 2:Since 2024 came in with a bang. Every Friday I hit you up and I say here go my three wins for the week.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you do.
Speaker 2:I hit you up, I say Big Charles, that's true. Here go my three wins.
Speaker 1:So the first time you did that, though the first time you just hit me about the bloom, it was like three wins for the week and you just labeled them. I was like it just shocked my brain, but it was a great high. I got from that, though. It was an instant spike of dopamine.
Speaker 2:Right right.
Speaker 1:Because at the end of the day, money through Friday. It's weak grind who? It's a weak grind, we grind. Mind the fact we grind seven days a week. We just loosen up a little bit. Let fall back a little bit on Saturday and Sunday that part. You know that part. But when you sent that to me, I was like what a brilliant idea, why thank? You what a brilliant idea and what a way to start 2024. Every Friday we check in what our goddamn wins.
Speaker 2:Yep, every Friday we do a check in, and so what I love about it is that I usually initiate it because it's on my calendar, you know. So we could keep it as part of our weekly routine to celebrate because, at the end of the day, you know what I'm working on, I know what you're working on, but, like this past week, life gone light.
Speaker 1:Wait, though. Remember that life is gone light, but I want to share with them what we're working on, though a little bit. Okay. Okay, because it needs to be known I went too fast. It needs to be known that how you are already a successful entrepreneur.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:In my mind you are already like woman in both goals. Appreciate you. You know what I mean, but for you to be, can I say age?
Speaker 2:You better say the right age You've been acting up, say it.
Speaker 1:For you to be 44 years young.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Right, a successful entrepreneur. Yeah, you're in a good space. You have a husband that love you, have children that love you. Every. You know what I mean. You're in a good space, but you decided to stretch yourself in 2024 and go back to school. So not only do you go to school, you run your business for 12 hours a day. Yeah, as soon as you get off work. We got to paint the picture for you all, because they think we just be talking that talk. You understand me? This right here is earned. Yeah, you work, you are boss, for 12 hours out the day. Straight after work, you go to school, open up the computer, online school for a few hours Straight. After that, you go to the kitchen. It's time to be a mom and a wife making dinner, have our plays ready, serve your entire family Both time you get to the bedroom, it's time to take a shower. Quick talk, check in and go to sleep and do it all over again.
Speaker 2:Here's the thing, though Big dog, energy, god, energy, baby. The part that you don't see because you at work, is that I've given up my lunch break, so I don't get a lunch break. I actually start school at 12 o'clock each day. That's my first session from 12 to two.
Speaker 1:Let's give them details.
Speaker 2:I go back to work and I get my kids from school, do all the things and then I tap back into school at five o'clock. I'm so strategic and so disciplined and so into the details that once I got a rhythm with the three classes that I'm taking, I make sure I do all of my assignments. I don't care how much I got to stretch myself. Monday through Friday, that's when I'm doing my assignments, because I know who I am, I know the person that I am and I need balance. I need Saturday and Sundays to belong to me. If I got to put in that extra grind throughout the week to get my assignments done, my readings, studying, all of that, then that's just what Monday through Friday is just going to have to look like right now, because I need Saturday and Sunday to be time to recharge, Since how my family be fully present and I have to do the extra stuff Backtracking.
Speaker 2:What I love about the Friday check-ins is that I tell you my three wins and they vary each week depending on the week and what's going on in the week but you always celebrate and congratulate me. You say good job and sometimes we throw in a little bonus. You know what I mean Then, when time permits with you, what you have going on, you'll circle back and you'll say what your three wins are for the week. I think just that weekly check-in helps us both. It holds us both accountable to making sure that we have something to celebrate At least three things out of any bucket in your life. It don't have to be work, it don't have to be school. Out of any bucket in your life that you want to celebrate and call it a win. You get the autonomy to do that.
Speaker 1:Yes, lord, it's up to you. Listen, monday through last year in 2023. We said fourth quarter mentality, did we not?
Speaker 2:Yeah, we did, we did.
Speaker 1:In the year 2024 hit. Everything came at us and we still been trucking, we still holding each other accountable. I get up every morning at 3.30 in the morning, go to bed around 8.30 at night and do it all over again. Yep, every single day going to work, working on the business, working on my working on me reading, studying, meditating, making sure I have a word for my community, for our community.
Speaker 2:Hitting that gym at 5.
Speaker 1:Hitting that gym at 5 in the morning before work. Man, this man, I'm so grateful for it and I'm doing it without complaining, because when it's your passion, when it's your purpose, you don't have to feel like doing it Right. When you are called to serve the community and do what you're doing a childcare service you getting your ass whooped daily and you get up every single day To make this podcast. I have to work daily. I get up my son up to son down. I have to get up and study. I have to meditate, go to the gym, work on me on my way to work. I work with children who that are especially needs artistic.
Speaker 1:I have to work while I'm on my on my way to work. When I get on my 15 minute break, I'm working on the podcast. When I get on my lunch break, I'm working on the podcast. When I get off work, I'm working on the podcast. When I get home, I have like an hour or two to work on the podcast, because you're still working. Yep, you know this, you. This isn't the thing, though, about. I'm about passion. Though you don't always have to feel good, because you're not going to always feel good, majority of the time you feel like you're getting your ass whooped.
Speaker 2:The majority of the time, yes, amen.
Speaker 1:But you get up and you do it over and over and over and over. Why? Because this is what we would do if this is, this is what God has called us to do. And those three wins beloved make us like really recap, because recap, because I really beat down. When it come on Friday, wednesday, I'm like, oh my God, yep, but I'm going to keep going. But when Friday hit and it's time to hit those wins for the week, it just gives me a burst of energy Like we did it again, yep.
Speaker 2:Yep, and it's funny because, like you know, a couple of weeks ago I was struggling. I was like a win, Like I had to really dig deep. You know what I mean Dig deep and really.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can tell by your text that you were sending me.
Speaker 2:Figure out like, nah, there's three wins from this week. I don't really care what happened, what it looked like, how I feel there were three wins that happened. And so I dug deep and that's what it makes you do too. On those weeks that are tougher than others because some weeks is easy I'm like blah, blah, blah, blah. This is what I'm proud about. But on that particular week I was kind of like yo, it's a struggle. So I really had to sit with myself and say girl, find you three wins. And I did.
Speaker 1:You know what I like about this, though, Because everything is about a mindset shift. Everything is about a mindset shift In 2023. At 11 o'clock. We got together as a family 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock PM and we wrote we created a vision board individually for our family New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve, we created a vision board together as a whole, and my point I'm making is, if you want to win, you have to set yourself up to win. It's no shortcut to this BS. It's no shortcut to this. You got to put in the work. You got to grind. You got to go sleep this night. You got to find balance. You got to take time to celebrate yourself. You got to take time to count the wins. You got to take time to yourself. You got to stretch yourself. In anything though in a relationship, in your finances, spiritually, mentally, you have to plan and put the work in to win. If you think about it, Big Shane, if I'm getting over track, let me go over track for a second. You know, Big Charles, go over track.
Speaker 1:So you're saying don't stop you Don't stop me If you think about it in every area of life, when we think about pillars when I say pillars, you can correct me if I'm using the wrong word when you think about church, you think about therapy, you think about coaches, you think about mentors, you think about these certain things that they're teaching, regardless of what they teach, you still got to put in the work. If you don't work it, it's not going to work, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2:It's just like the concept of manifestation. People don't realize that, yes, you can manifest the things that you want for your life. I'm going to just pray for it, but you absolutely have to have a plan, a strategy and things to execute.
Speaker 1:I'm going to just hit the jackpot again, rich. So what is that? I'm going to just hit the jackpot again. It does not happen, no, no, no. It happens like this I'm going to just hit the jackpot again, Rich. Good luck, I'm going to just keep playing. I'm going to just keep playing every Friday. I ain't going to work until I was getting better. I'm going to just Good luck. I just know, one day I'm going to just have a whole bunch of money. It's just going to come to me.
Speaker 2:Good luck.
Speaker 1:One day, I'm just going to be One day hopeful.
Speaker 2:Hope is not a strategy.
Speaker 1:And it paralyzes us.
Speaker 2:Hope is not a strategy. It's just not a strategy.
Speaker 1:It creates a prison.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:But anyway, yep, anyway, yep, that was yeah. So how about, hey, y'all try that out, man, try that out, go ahead, it was your idea.
Speaker 2:No, what Big Charles was saying? Definitely try that out. You know, don't? It's nothing that you really got a plan for in the beginning of the week, but when Friday comes, put it on your Whatever you need to do to remind yourself, post this sticky note alarming your phone, put it on your calendar. Whatever your system is for reminders, put that down so that Fridays you can write down or, you know, say it out loud what your three wins were for the week. If you can find you a partner, if you have somebody that's interested, that you guys can hold each other accountable to that, I guarantee you it will definitely benefit your mindset, you will see progress in certain areas and it will keep you with a positive mentality even when life be life in.
Speaker 1:We just gave y'all some great doggy treats. Man, Listen, I don't know if, If y'all don't like this podcast, you are out of your mind. We are really shifting your awareness to another level. We are really giving you back your power to take control of your life. If you don't like this podcast, baby, no.
Speaker 2:I'm not. I ain't know you can do about that.
Speaker 1:Anyway, what we talking about today, big Shay, you, know what?
Speaker 2:Today I want to talk about handling conflicts and disagreements.
Speaker 1:First of all, I love you. I love you too, let's make that clear. I love you too. All right, baby.
Speaker 2:So handling conflicts and disagreements is something that I wanted to talk about today because, you know, when I thought about the topic and found it fitting for today, it kind of brought me back to the beginning of our relationship. For me, handling conflicts and disagreements and beginning of our relationship, I would like to call that it was a huge opportunity. I wasn't good at conflict resolution. I wasn't good at receiving feedback. I wasn't good at even just being accountable in the situation.
Speaker 2:Whatever it was how I felt, always precedented, how I thought you should respond to what I was saying, or I would just shut down and, I don't know, think like, oh, it'll fix itself. Just let a little time pass, a couple days maybe even a week, and it should pass, because I love him, he loved me, and it's cool. It should be all right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's exactly how our conflict used to happen back in the day.
Speaker 2:That's exactly how it happened. And then you, on the other hand, are all was, is and will probably forever be all about having difficult conversation, facing conflict and disagreements head on, having tough conversations, being accountable, being solution-based and definitely not giving a damn about how you feel.
Speaker 1:Well, it's not that, it's not that I don't give a.
Speaker 2:That was a jack.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna say it's not that, because I definitely care about. I definitely care about how you feel. Well, this, you know, what you know was looking back.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:A lot of us don't realize how our childhood has affected our adulthood.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:We're like. We really don't realize how our child version, our child us, affects our relationships and it spills over into that. You know, respectfully and gracefully, I was able to see my mom and dad be married and have conflict. I was able to learn from that and experience the good and the bad and I was able to pull out everything that I need to help me succeed in my marriage, if that makes sense. So I don't want to say like, for instance, but a lot of us just been conditioned and it messes up the relationship. Like you and I, when we were younger, it was heavy. I was very egotistical, you know, especially when I felt like he was crossing boundaries Right and back then, you know you were a tough cookie. I was just very egotistical.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so that brought about a lot of conflict. It did and conflict is going to happen. It's inevitable, one way or the other is going to happen. But also, at a certain point in maturation, you just honestly really feel that you don't have the tools that you, that you, you don't have the right tools to resolve conflict and handle disagreements. You immediately defer back to like what you said, to what you're used to.
Speaker 1:What you're conditioned to do, what you've seen, what?
Speaker 2:you've experienced. You don't handle conflict from an aware point of view or a place of you know having emotional intelligence. Oh, you deal with that joint, the way you seen conflict dealt with.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be honest though Life for me when I before I got married, I was never scared to get married. I don't think men are scared to get married. I think men are scared of divorce more than they're scared to get married.
Speaker 2:Interesting. Are you following me Elaborate?
Speaker 1:When I proposed to you, what I was thinking about was divorce. What if I get a divorce when I'm 40 years old, and I say that to say that? And when I, when I accepted the challenge of our relationship and then I realized my ego was getting in the way, your ego was getting in the way, I knew that I had to start releasing my ego and we wasn't going to make it, because you know. You asked me if I believe in divorce and what did I say?
Speaker 2:So yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Although I believe in it, that doesn't mean that I wanted it Right Right. So if you wasn't willing to release your ego, somebody had to take the lead and start releasing their ego. Right, and I? Just I just thought of following that path. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:It makes sense. I mean, when you talk about ego in relationships, ego is definitely, I feel is one of those things that should be kind of put to the waist out a little bit in a relationship, because two egotistical, prideful people lead with that Right, and it's hard to get past that ego and really be able to see the person because, nah, I'm not, you change it's you, it ain't me. You change how you are.
Speaker 1:I got to give a shout out to my father, though, because my father, this is the thing, this is the thing. So, and I may be, I may be everywhere like a ping-pong, but these are the benefits of being able to see a marriage, and I'm getting ready to share that with you, because my father had the highest. One thing he taught me is to always value the woman. That gave you legacy, like that was taught. I was taught that, son, I'm going to love your mother forever because she gave me you, and that's the highest honor a woman can give to a man, and, besides pouring into them, it's giving me something to pour into.
Speaker 1:So, watching my father, this big muscle man, and how sensitive and tender he was when it, when he came to my mom, it taught me so much about valuing the woman. So, when it came to you and our relationship, when you were going too far, I really valued you because I was taught that you have my legacy, you have my kids. You see what I'm saying. It was more than just about you. It's what comes with you, and also I feel like I'm being boring right now, but no, you're painting a picture.
Speaker 1:Also, though I really wanted I feel like I was called for how your purpose to show people how to be an example of what a family man looks like.
Speaker 2:So you're saying you feel like that is one of your calling on this earth?
Speaker 1:Yes, that is. That is one of my callings to show men to be an example, because a lot of men haven't had the example of what it is to be a man and to be a married man and to be a father. So I'm that example. Of course, I had the choice to choose my darker path, which is easy to be a womanizer. I could have went down that path, but I took on the responsibility to be an example to men, not just my children, but to the world that listen, you don't have to be perfect. You got to be a foundation. This is what marriage can look like if you're willing to work it, if you're willing to go through the process.
Speaker 1:I knew that I had a higher calling when I accepted the role of marriage. I knew that. So, when we get back to our conflict, I was aware of certain things and I knew if I was in my ego, you were in your ego. We keep yelling at each other. I knew if I didn't take the lead, it wasn't going to work, because I believe in divorce. So if you remember, when I'm getting really intimate, I told you before I can't take this no more. But something shifted in me and I had to just start leading by example, of course, because who can show you the right way when you're doing marriage in a way that you've never seen it before?
Speaker 2:So that's true. Finished that thought oh good, you made a point earlier when you said that you saw your parents be, married and I come from a household, my parents. They're actually almost married 40 years, so shout out to them and so being married, seeing them go through highs and lows, it gave me the impression that you never leave. So I remember having that conversation. So for me, I'm telling you, divorce is not an option, Because even though I witnessed like everybody else, I witnessed my parents firsthand go through highs and lows in any marriage.
Speaker 1:But they stuck it through.
Speaker 2:I always saw them stick it through and still have a lot of happy moments together. So, as I looked at them as my primary example of marriage. You don't leave the divorce is not an option. That's just part of being married. You know what I mean, and so that was my seat on the bus. Where you still like? No, I don't, but it's still option.
Speaker 1:So that was it. Stylish cars this was the things that we happened to get a. Haha, I'm speaking more towards the comfortability that marriage is not an option bring. I mean divorce is not an option bring.
Speaker 2:Got you. That's a good point.
Speaker 1:So when you say marriage, I mean divorce is not an option. It's easy to get settled in that and it's easy to get comfortable just going through routine. I did not want that for us. No, I believe in divorce and what I'm going to do is I'm going to use that to fuel me to fight against divorce. I'm going to listen to you, I'm going to be understanding. I'm going to do my best to not make the mistakes that my father did. I'm going to do my best to capitalize on the things right that I've witnessed, that my mom and dad do. I'm going to take you out on dates. I'm going to put myself in a position. If my parents can make it, I'm going to put myself in a better position.
Speaker 2:Right. I think that that's key right there too, if our parents can make it and both of our parents have been married for a very, very 39 and 40 years Very long time Shout out to them, definitely our number one example, if they can make it and anything it's just like, even in parenting, things that are even that I'm married things that our kids see us doing they may want to remix that thing, you know, in the future if they decide to get married, and I think that that's okay because it elevates it.
Speaker 1:It definitely elevates it. This is the thing, though we talk. I want to talk about the black community.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And the black community. We don't push family anymore. No, like we don't push that, and that's the only way we're going to gain like real, true unity and powers by family. This is the only way the community is going to get better. The community in our neighborhood and the entire world will be affected by. We are all affected by broken families. So, again, us having the benefit of seeing our parents be married gave us a lot of insight. Absolutely, we didn't go like you said. You saw some things, some highs and lows. I saw some highs and lows, so we knew already that it was going to be highs and lows that we have to work through.
Speaker 2:We already knew that.
Speaker 1:That come with the package.
Speaker 2:Yep, yep, we already knew that.
Speaker 1:Now, our job was to position ourselves to intentionally try to minimize the highs and lows, but this is the benefit of someone being able to see marriage and what it looks like.
Speaker 2:Right, right, right, because we're talking about our parents who've been married 39 and 40 years. We're looking at year 12 in the face.
Speaker 1:How does a woman know how to communicate to a man if she never witnessed that she doesn't even have a relationship with her father? How do a man know how to communicate to his woman right, when he doesn't have a good relationship with his mother? I value you because the first person I ever had a relationship is a woman, which is my mom. My mom is the only person in this world that I've never had to introduce myself to. Are you following me? A lot of men don't know how to communicate to a woman because it wasn't. They didn't have an example. A lot of women don't know how to communicate to a man because they didn't know how. They didn't have an example. They were taught how to communicate to a man by watching their experience with their mother and how she communicated with the different men that came in and out of her life.
Speaker 2:Or none at all. Or none at all, that's also an option, right.
Speaker 1:The man. He communicates with the woman in a disrespectful way because he's mad at his mom. In real life. I'm not calling you no bitches and hoes. I'm not calling you no slut why? Because the first woman I see first and the outermost is my mom. That makes a big deal, though.
Speaker 2:It does. Our parents gave us a cheat code.
Speaker 1:A cheat code of hack. It's like you said a hack.
Speaker 2:I like that better. A hack in relation to what you said about the black community. If we had a hack with our parents growing up in households where our parents were married, then to the point that you're making, that's not the norm. The majority of the people in our black community don't have that. They're starting at below zero.
Speaker 1:I can give an example. This is not like to throw women under the bus In the beginning of our relationship. You do not like to apologize or take accountability for anything. I think that's a huge thing with women, period, I think, taking accountability to say you know what, I was wrong, I did this and I'm going to work at correcting that. I think that's a huge thing with women taking accountability. The reason I say that because I really didn't witness women taking accountability. Oh, I was wrong. For that I'm sorry. I was wrong. It was just. Usually I was wrong. You proved to me that I was wrong, but I ain't going to apologize and we just going to move on from it. My point I'm making is I was able to see that I've never really seen a woman that's saying you know what? I apologize for being wrong. That was something that was okay. I expected for you not to apologize for a while. For a while, I just okay. I've really never seen a woman take accountability when they're wrong.
Speaker 2:And this is your personal. You talking about it from your perspective.
Speaker 1:I'm talking about it from my lenses, so I guess I can deal with that for now. Anyway, you know what I mean, but the point-.
Speaker 2:That was something that you were willing to accept.
Speaker 1:For a certain amount of time.
Speaker 2:I was going to say temporal, yeah, temporal.
Speaker 1:Until my enemy couldn't take it no more, until it was going to disrupt our marriage and disrupt our relationship, because the big picture was to have a successful marriage. Right, you understand, right?
Speaker 2:So yeah, I mean when you talk about me in particular not being able to apologize. I don't think that I know for a fact. It's not even. I don't think I know for a fact that communication was not my strength coming into the relationship. I had strengths in other areas obviously.
Speaker 2:But communication was definitely an area that required a lot of work, a lot of raising my Just awareness and just a lot of feedback from you and a lot of pushback from me. Right, that that's something that I needed to work on, because the truth of the matter is is it was hard for me to articulate certain things because I also really didn't know. People aren't born with accountability. Accountability is taught.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's taught.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying, and so, for me, accountability wasn't something that was at the top of my list of things that was taught or that I practiced or that was just the norm.
Speaker 2:I feel like in our home, you have created accountability, like it's something that's at the top of the foundation of lessons and talks that you have with our kids, and so it's almost automatic that when conflict arises, even in our home, among siblings or from parent to child or child to parent, there's a pause, which everyone deserves, a pause to be able to go, reflect, recalibrate. But at the end of the day, nobody in our home goes to sleep angry or not being accountable for the part that they've owned. Obviously, we're still working on it.
Speaker 2:We're small kids, but it's something that everybody in our home is aware of because it's a foundational principle that you've instilled in our home.
Speaker 1:Again, these are all principles that I was taught. I was taught accountability Right. So what you mean to?
Speaker 2:They're out into the world, it's easy for them to own okay, I did do this. Or if my kids say they didn't do something, I'm absolutely believe them, because I know the expectation in our home about owning when you do something wrong.
Speaker 1:You do something wrong. I ain't talking about nobody else but what did you do? Right, you take accountability for it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I understand that it's easier for something other it is that's the work Because, again, we don't realize. Remember, I said we don't realize. Okay, so I'm just going to pause and just I want to give talk to our community. This conversation is all about shifting awareness.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:On self.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Okay. So we don't realize that our childhood really conditions who we are. It does In our adulthood. It's a lot of grown, hurt kids walking around looking in the form of an adult a 30, a 40, a 50, a 60-year-old man or woman. It's a lot of grown, immature, hurt kids walking around because of our childhood and then it has spilled over until our adulthood and we have to get that right.
Speaker 2:I agree, 100%, 100%, and that's easier said than done, and it's easier said than done.
Speaker 1:Let's keep it a buck. It's easier said than done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, much easier said than done.
Speaker 1:That's when the self-development comes in, that's when the therapy comes in, that's when the coaching, the mentor, that's when getting some accountability, partner, all of I don't get up here and just run my mouth for no reason. I don't do that. I don't even like wasting my words.
Speaker 2:Right, right Right.
Speaker 1:But if we're going to be able to build a strong structure or foundation, somebody got to be an example To the world. I'm considered December, how I value you To the world. I look at that as self, but how I honor you. You understand me. Do you think I give a damn about that? Right, I got a wife that cooks for me every day. I got a wife that loves me. I have children, as happy when daddy come home. You understand me. And there's no money amount of money that you can. I have a peaceful home that I work for. Yep, and deep down, we all desire that. Deep down, the truth of the matter is we want to love someone. We want to. That's just the truth of the matter. Right Of the matter.
Speaker 2:We need our community to understand that. The same way and I'm speaking for myself, Big Shae the same way that I had to unlearn a lot of my ways and a lot of the ways that I responded to conflict, disagreement, just how I responded in life, the way that I was able to unlearn those things and relearn with new ways of handling situations, the same way that you can too. I am no different from anybody listening to us right now. It's still a journey for me. I'm nowhere near perfect. I would say literally. It's been about five, six years since I have been unlearning and relearning new ways to approach just life in general.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you something.
Speaker 2:Especially in the relationship area.
Speaker 1:I've been practicing this for a long time, for over a decade, right or wrong.
Speaker 2:Over a decade.
Speaker 1:But the point I'm making is, if you go to the gym for 30 days and you get in shape, right, and you decide to stop the next day, and then the following week, and then the following month, then the following year, you get back out of shape. This is a lifestyle. You hear what I'm saying Because, at the end of the day all of me the truth of Big Charles. I'm still egotistical. I just know how to manage it. I can. When it comes to my wife, because I realize that it will just bring about destruction. I'm still very egotistical. I just have control of it. Now that is a part of me and myself and I understand that. I'm very confident. I still have the mindset of I do what I want to do, just not with my family, because I understand the consequences that come with that.
Speaker 2:It's part of your makeup for sure it's part of my makeup.
Speaker 1:You understand something. The point I'm making is I'm not listen. It's not about being healed. It's about us constantly reconditioning ourselves because our childhood has conditioned us. We could have been conditioned genetically. Absolutely Environmentally, yes.
Speaker 2:Socially, nature is a thing.
Speaker 1:So it is important. It's important listen, no disrespect. It's important for me to challenge you guys every week to make you look at yourself. Listen. I lost a lot of friends because I make everyone look at themselves. I lose people in my life because you have to look at yourself, because I'm obsessed with looking at me. Where did I go wrong? What can I learn from this? I'm just tired of our childhood spilling over until our adulthood. It's affecting our relationships. It's affecting how we communicate with one another. It's affecting on how we coexist with one another. It's affecting how I see you and how I handle you. It's affecting that.
Speaker 1:So I got to read why am I so defensive when my wife tells me she don't feel safe? Because this is a real life experience I'm talking about In the beginning of our relationship. I don't feel safe. Why I'm here every day, but I'm still cocky and arrogant towards you. I do what I want to do. You don't tell me what to do. I'm realizing, big shade, this is a doggy treat. I'm realizing that I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the little me in the conflict, in the battle that I was dealing with on the inside of me by feeling like I didn't have a voice. So I'm telling you, I'm looking at you, but I'm telling my problem, or my monster, which is the end of me. I do what I want to do. Nobody tell me what to do. You hear what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:Am I making sense? Yeah, that's the little boy inside of me.
Speaker 1:That's the little boy inside of me and my point I'm making is it's the little boy, it's the little girl inside of us that needs to be faced in recondition, Absolutely. My God, that was good to me.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, sheesh, absolutely, and, from my perspective, thinking about conflict and things that made it worse. So I already said that I struggled with being accountable. I struggled with that. I also struggled with not being solution oriented. So just talking about the problem, rehearsing it, going over and over and over again, yelling about it, screaming about it, but not being able to focus on what's the solution, how can we make this better? How can we repair what's not right right now? And then, as you know, I'm a very feel person, so it was always about thinking about how I feel versus the situation.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right, it's okay to say how you feel but you can definitely get caught up in your feelings and not be able to logically think and communicate so that you can get to the solution.
Speaker 1:See, this is the thing, though. If men took the time to study women, if that's a part of your makeup, women are very emotional, and I'm not one way or the other and I'm not saying that as a bash, I'm saying you're genetically. For some reason God wired you that way, to be emotional, more emotional than the man.
Speaker 2:We are wired very differently.
Speaker 1:We are wired very differently. So if the man take the time to study and observe the woman, you realize that's a part of her trait, mm-hmm. That right there, makes me go internal and say what is it about me that I can work on to help manage that? Mm-hmm, like your wrongdoings was making me sharper, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, you hear what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:I heard you, you talking back in mouth and arguing, and it was making my spiritual me sharper and that's what I loved about you. Let me think you didn't think me as a young man that I was. I could have went and got another woman that would do exactly what I would say.
Speaker 2:You ain't want that.
Speaker 1:It would have been boring. It would have been boring. This is the thing that I want, and I'm not saying that to like Brad. I want people to understand that relationships are not meant to find a perfect person. Right, it's meant to find the perfect person for you.
Speaker 2:Say that yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've never thought I talked about this before. I've never thought that I would marry someone that already with child Right. I've never thought that. But that gave me. When I saw how you was raising the autumn five, six year old autumn, I was wild by that. You was doing that by yourself.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I said, wow, I can have kids like that. That's just picking up a book to read. You understand me? I want to. It was the bigger picture. I wanted to create a legacy. And if I wanted kids that were smarter than me and more intelligent than me but still had that grit like me, I said, if I, oh, if I get that woman right there, I get this. Okay, fellas, I say this all the time. Matter of fact, this is a legacy hack. If you impregnate an intelligent, smart, jeans baby woman, she's going to raise you some smart, intelligent kids. But if you impregnate a dumb woman, she's going to raise you some correct, some dumb kids. More than likely and I'm not saying that to be mean I'm everywhere right now.
Speaker 2:It's okay, they get. We get the point. I'm everywhere.
Speaker 1:We get the point, I'm just trying to drop some game, yeah, but again, we were able to see our family. We that's the benefit of being able to see our family, our parents being married. We got insight. So we had some expectations of what we can possibly go through, right. But we were like, okay, well, maybe we don't have to make the same mistakes. Right, we can take on this, we can take out that, we can add this. Right, we had the blueprint in a lot of the world. Yep, and we're not bashing broken homes. Absolutely, we're saying we want to put back together the home, the families. Right, we have broken crayons, we not. You know what I mean. It's not about just the man need to get back in the house with a woman. Absolutely, point blank.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I mean a lot of what we're doing right now being transparent, giving out hacks, sharing our stories, the good and the bad and the ugly is to be a hack.
Speaker 1:Yes, to be a hack.
Speaker 2:For our community.
Speaker 1:For our community.
Speaker 2:Because maybe everybody, everybody listening, didn't come from a two parent home.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's fine too. So then, here we are, putting our life on our life on the line, exposure To be that hack for somebody else, and that's really our goal.
Speaker 1:That's our goal. You can still win. You can still win. You didn't have a mentor coming up Fine one, Yep. You didn't have a father to show you how to be a father, be a father or be the opposite of what he done Yep, you didn't have a mother to show you how to be respectable respectable to the man. Go read books. Go talk to other. Go talk to more women that have husbands.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Go get your accountability. Our goal here is to not be little anyone, but to set you up to win.
Speaker 2:And to not make excuses.
Speaker 1:I don't want to get on here and expose my marriage. I hate doing this. Yeah, yeah. If I didn't feel like it was a purpose, I wouldn't do this yeah. Facts, facts. Why am I sharing my? Why are we sharing our? We don't benefit Facts. We don't benefit from spending hundreds of dollars per episode to come share with you guys good news, Right, right, we don't. We don't benefit materialistically by spending hours and hours and hours figuring out what we're going to talk about, to help make your life better.
Speaker 2:Time out of the home with our kids.
Speaker 1:Our number one goal here is to shift your awareness to, and show you that it's possible to win from any place, from any walk of life. No matter how your cars were dealt, you do not have to be a victim of your story. Yep, I don't want to even keep talking, big Shay.
Speaker 2:This was good. A lot of doggy treats in there, a lot of life hacks. The point, the point, the point has been made.
Speaker 1:I make a lot of people mad, but it has been made.
Speaker 2:If you can't get nothing out of this episode, then it's on you.
Speaker 1:In the near future. Big Charles is working on some things, man, big Charles and Big Shay and we are going to be giving marital counseling, coaching, relationship coaching, all things. Marriage and relationships for a single people that desire to be married, married for couples that want to stay married.
Speaker 2:Couples that want to get married.
Speaker 1:Listen, we hear the help. We hear the help, we want to find.
Speaker 2:You know they person.
Speaker 1:It's possible for us to win. It's possible for us to create a different legacy. It's possible for us to go and create the life that we imagined for ourselves. It's possible.
Speaker 2:Let us be your, hack, your cheat code.
Speaker 1:But at the end of the day, we need y'all to continue to like and share. Thank you, guys, for all of your support. Continue to tell a friend, to tell a friend, continue to just support and spread the word. You know y'all this right here is hard for us. I don't want to do this every day. I don't feel like doing this. We have money coming out of our pocket, you know, giving you game, giving you doggy treats, because we care about you that much. We care about our culture, we care about humanity, we care about healing. That much we care about your happiness, that much.
Speaker 2:Your future, your future.
Speaker 1:We out here man.
Speaker 2:We love y'all.
Speaker 1:Big Charles.
Speaker 2:We out.
Speaker 1:Peace, very good.