Strap in for a heart-to-heart that's as rich and complex as the relationships we cherish. We're peeling back the layers of marriage and parenthood, sharing how the embrace of a true partnership has been our anchor in the unpredictable seas of family life. Through laughter and learning, we examine the threads that weave the tapestry of our home—from the whimsical debates over who's hungrier to the profound moments of growth inspired by our children's innocent wisdom. Without shying away, we'll uncover the deep-seated beliefs that define our choices and the strength we've found in the unwavering institution of marriage.
Have you ever considered the pivotal role of men in crafting the happiness of women, or pondered the societal tales that drive our longing for commitment? We invite you to join us as we dissect these narratives and celebrate the transformative journey of self-improvement and mutual support within a relationship. Our candid conversations reveal the unexpected ways conflicts can blossom into a more profound understanding and communication, even as we tackle the intriguing dynamics of gender expectations in the pursuit of wedded bliss. Prepare for an episode that's not just a conversation but a reflection of the love and learning that propels us forward as individuals and as partners.
Strap in for a heart-to-heart that's as rich and complex as the relationships we cherish. We're peeling back the layers of marriage and parenthood, sharing how the embrace of a true partnership has been our anchor in the unpredictable seas of family life. Through laughter and learning, we examine the threads that weave the tapestry of our home—from the whimsical debates over who's hungrier to the profound moments of growth inspired by our children's innocent wisdom. Without shying away, we'll uncover the deep-seated beliefs that define our choices and the strength we've found in the unwavering institution of marriage.
Have you ever considered the pivotal role of men in crafting the happiness of women, or pondered the societal tales that drive our longing for commitment? We invite you to join us as we dissect these narratives and celebrate the transformative journey of self-improvement and mutual support within a relationship. Our candid conversations reveal the unexpected ways conflicts can blossom into a more profound understanding and communication, even as we tackle the intriguing dynamics of gender expectations in the pursuit of wedded bliss. Prepare for an episode that's not just a conversation but a reflection of the love and learning that propels us forward as individuals and as partners.
When I came into your life, I started lighting up your load. That was healthy for our daughter to say you know what? Somebody's coming around my mom making it easier for her.
Speaker 2:
I hate to even talk about the flip side, but let's just say that we never met. I hate to even talk about the flip side, but let's just say that we never met. Mm-hmm, I can't even think about it. We never met, and so I do my absolute best to sacrifice and raise our daughter by myself. Now her experience is I don't even know. My mama did it. I can do it too. When that's not the narrative that we absolutely want to push down to our future women or our future men, that's not the narrative.
Speaker 1:
That's not the narrative. The goal is to come together work together as one.
Speaker 2:
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Speaker 2:
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Speaker 1:
Hungry Want some seafood Might be happening.
Speaker 2:
Make it happen, then I'm hungry, but you're it happen, then I'm hungry, but you're always hungry. I'm really hungry right now. Is the mic on? Yeah, we're recording.
Speaker 1:
Welcome back to another episode of the Big Dog Talk podcast. It's me, the hungry, hungry, hungry big Charles in the building, baby.
Speaker 2:
Y'all don't want to see me hungry, but it's your girl, Big Shay, and I'm back in the building.
Speaker 1:
I didn the building. Baby. Y'all don't want to see me hungry, but it's your girl, big shay, and I'm back in the building. I didn't bring any snacks to work. Yeah, I always bring snacks, it's all good, it's all good we're gonna.
Speaker 2:
We're gonna eat good today, though we're gonna eat good without them, damn kids, sunday communion gotta break bread gotta break bread, gotta break hallelujah, yeah, so what's up with it?
Speaker 1:
no, so I'm I. I wanna go straight to it because so last night, you know, granny stayed at the house love that so much. I love spending time with her, being the oldest grandchild.
Speaker 2:
I love that because she's my only well you know granny left that I have like a relationship with right, so I love that right.
Speaker 1:
I'm gonna get on here crying. No, I got a little more. So last night her and I were in the room talking and she was like did you hear? Did Chase them tell you about the conversation that we had in the car about if your mom tried to leave you and get another man?
Speaker 2:
what? You didn't even tell me this? And if you tried to?
Speaker 1:
leave you and get another man. What? You didn't even tell me this and if and if you tried to leave your mama and get another man I mean get another one.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, let's retract that go ahead and edit that out so, uh, if and if and if you dad tried to leave mommy and get another woman, what they would do? They were saying how they would beat up the man that mommy tried to leave you for, leave me for, and then they will call the police on the woman, because they're not going to hit no woman.
Speaker 2:
Those kids are invested Right.
Speaker 1:
They was like that and Chase was like my daddy he better not never leave my mama. My mama better not never leave my daddy. They mean it.
Speaker 2:
It's funny though, because, like you know, we both come from married households and when you just see, like your parents, you know happy, it really provides a sense of confidence and security for children, yeah, and I think that you know for them it's like in their minds obviously they can't see life any other way. Right, this is their life, this is their family, and they let you know, like if something like that did happen, they going to be hurt, right, and they going to try to wreck shop.
Speaker 1:
Somebody getting beat up, somebody going to jail right, even if we have to lie those two.
Speaker 1:
They mean it, they mean it, they mean it they mean it so I guess I wanted it because I want babies, and I brought that up because today I know people probably look at us like, look at us as a relationship podcast and all we think about is marriage and but and we understand that marriage isn't for everyone right. My perspective is this. My truth is this right if you're going to have children, you need to think about being married. That's just my truth, because you believe, you whole you wholeheartedly believe that.
Speaker 1:
I wholeheartedly believe that, based off of the benefits that I received by watching my parents be in a marriage, it helped my mental well-being, and I can see how it. I can see how it affected others who parents were split up Right, and even you know what I mean. So, but I don't want people to think that you have to. We think that you have to be married, though yeah, yeah if you don't want to be married, don't be married.
Speaker 1:
It's not for everybody, but I do stand on if you're going to have children, although it don't always work. Work like that that's reality, that's reality. So we're not. We're not pointing any fingers at anyone, but I do believe that if you're going to have children and you want to uh be a change in this world, in order to create a good community, you have to first create a good community, like within your first community, which is family right, right.
Speaker 2:
so let me just ask you a question. So you know we, like you said, we both came from a married household, so I feel like that gave us the desire to, to want to be married, right, and so observing our children all three of them speak about you know, that desire in the future to be married. But what if? Um, that marriage, that paper that binds, you know, the union and the relationship, is not there, but there is a, for whatever reason, um the, the couple isn't married, but they are functioning like, let's just say like in a common law situation, um, without the marriage, without the marriage certificate. Do you then think that that's still beneficial for children to experience? Or you are sold out on being married? Emphasizes that next level and kind of building that solid family, if all that makes sense.
Speaker 1:
No, it makes sense. I just want to take a deep breath. You just said you don't have to say anymore Because it just brought me back to First. Let me just answer this part. Okay, Okay, paper is paper, but I do think the paper makes it harder for when, makes it harder for you when you think about I want to just leave or be divorced. It makes you just can't get up and leave. And the reason I just say that? Because just this past week I was talking to a young lady that I work with and she's like 28. Okay, she has a boyfriend and they have a child together. And I said, hey, do you ever do you think about marriage? She said I don't want to be married. He wants to be married, but I don't want to be married. I instantly you know me want a problem solved.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
I was like I bet I know why, but I wasn't going to get into her business right so a few days go by, we're talking about it again.
Speaker 1:
So what if your boy this is me. What if your boyfriend want to be married? He want to be married. That's selfish of you not to not want to give him that. And I was like so why don't you want to be married? She said well, based off my mom and dad experience, I don't want want to go through that. And if we, just if I decide what? If I want to be with him, no more, I can just get up and go, and I really think a lot of people operate from that consciousness work out can just get up and go. So with the paper, I just feel like the paper makes it harder, you know.
Speaker 2:
But I'm not against the like common, the common law but even thinking about what she shared with you, I think you know. So her parents were married yeah, they still are married and but their. But her experience right with them being married didn't leave a positive impression on her brain, and that too can happen.
Speaker 1:
Yes.
Speaker 2:
Where it completely turns a person off like her from wanting to be married because whatever she's created in her mind based on her experience with her parents, it's like it's not even worth it. Like if it gets tight, like I want to be able to have the freedom to leave when I want to leave.
Speaker 2:
So it's also important that you know marriage as we present it to like, as our kids experience it too. It's important that it's positive, not that things are perfect and it looks peachy and creamy 24, seven, and they don't know that mommy and daddy are in disagreement or having conflict or, you know, even mad at each other. We're not talking about perfection, but we're talking about, like, leaving a positive impact on that experience of watching your parents be married. So for her it's like I don't know her full story, I don't know her, but it's valid it's valid that's her only experience with seeing people married and it was just a negative experience.
Speaker 2:
She's like I'm good.
Speaker 1:
Right, it's valid because, even like in her situation, her mom and dad are still together, but they're not together. She just, she has always been a housewife and he has always paid the bills, so she can't leave because she's.
Speaker 2:
She locked in. She locked in. Yeah, so that gives she locked in. Yeah, that's a black and white. So, when it comes to marriage, yeah, it's good talk though.
Speaker 1:
Even when it comes on paper. Paper was that stuff was all made up by man. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. You know, for whatever reason, mm-hmm, my idea of marriage is a spiritual commitment between two people, man and woman, saying you know what? We're going to walk this walk of life together and we're going to do our absolute best. We are committed, we're locked in.
Speaker 2:
I love how you just opened that up to build something.
Speaker 1:
I love that for you as an individual, for me as an individual, but most importantly not for our children and the legacy after us. That's what I look at as marriage A spiritual connection between two people.
Speaker 2:
And a sound decision.
Speaker 1:
And a sound decision Working towards goals.
Speaker 2:
Operating in, you know, family ship.
Speaker 1:
So, because we do, you and I do believe, this is what we believe two people are better than one.
Speaker 2:
We do believe, we do believe that like wholeheartedly. Um, getting a little transparent, I was a single mother before I met you. I know what that looks like, I know what it feels like, I know what it does to the mental, I know what it does to the physical, I know what it does to the spirit and I also know how it makes um a child feel to just be in a home with mom. They want to feel that family union and feel that safety from a man being in the house. So, from a personal account perspective, I wholeheartedly believe that two are better than one, because I've I've I've lived both sides shout out to the single moms out there.
Speaker 2:
I mean for real.
Speaker 1:
Shout out, duh Listen.
Speaker 2:
Duh, that's my tribe. Yo, that's my tribe, like you man, that's a whole nother.
Speaker 1:
Listen, I want to talk. I got a little chills coming on me right now. Shout out to every single mother that's out there doing their absolute best to raise your children and to create a space for everyone's mental well-being yes, yes, being nurturing I have so much respect and reverence for you guys. I want to say this though it's a scientific fact that a child's well-being and their mental space, their mental health, is based off of their mother's happiness.
Speaker 2:
The connection to their mom, yep.
Speaker 1:
Are you following me, though? I like what you're doing with it. Now, here we go, before you guys already say, well, here he goes, siding with the women. Here he goes. Now check this out, although I find that to be true, that statement. In order for a woman to be at her optimal happiness, I believe that it takes a man to help come and lighten the load up. A man to come and help nurture her happiness, to help her become the best version of herself. You know what? I'm gonna take care of this while you take care of that. I'm going to do this while you do that, because I understand that, yes, women, you are strong and you are designed to carry a lot of burden based off of just labor. Yep.
Speaker 2:
Yep.
Speaker 1:
But here's the thing In order for you to be at your optimal happiness, your load have to be at your optimal happiness. Your load have to be lightened, and I'm not just talking about financially. You shouldn't have to take care of the children all of the time, right? You shouldn't have to cook all of the time. You shouldn't have to worry about how to pay the bills all the time.
Speaker 2:
How they gonna get to school, how they gonna get picked up all the time the thing about it, the thing.
Speaker 1:
This is why the man is also important, because there's a certain there's a certain role that the man plays in a woman's happiness, the way you want to agree with me or not. When I came into your life, I started lighting up your load.
Speaker 2:
Big time.
Speaker 1:
That was healthy for our daughter to say you know what? Somebody's coming around my mom making it easier for her.
Speaker 2:
Because here's the flip side. Right, I hate to even talk about the flip side, but let's just say that we never met. Scary to even think about the flip side, but let's just say that we never met. Scary to even think about. We never met. And so I do my absolute best to sacrifice and raise our daughter by myself. Now her experience is I don't need no man. My mama did it, I can do it too. When that's not the narrative that we absolutely want to push down to, our future women or our future men?
Speaker 1:
that's not the narrative the goal is to come together work together as one, to understand that both of you have some flaws that we need to work on and talk about, but the goal is to work together. I say this all the time Relationship is the melting pot for transformation. The relationship is the blueprint for self-development and growth. Why? Because it's going to be something in your partner and your mate that you do not like about them. It's going to aggravate the hell out of you and you're going to want to change her or to change him, but what it should force you to do is to look at yourself and say, okay, why is this bothering me? What is it about me that's triggered by something that that person my partner is doing? Relationships is the blueprint for self-development and growth. If you're by yourself, it's hard to. If you're living by yourself, it's easy to get stuck in your ways.
Speaker 2:
Absolutely Yep.
Speaker 1:
You don't have anyone to challenge you, you're not forced to look in the mirror. You become settled and conditioned to think that your ways are right. Now, if you don't want to be in a relationship, you don't want to be in a relationship, don't Don't. But I do believe that two are better than one. I do believe that my most growth came from my marriage and being with a woman that challenged me. You know that's intelligent, that I'm able to see. Let's okay, let's get personal, let's get a little personal. Remember when you and I used to argue when we first um got married and I used to think that you were like belittling me because you would use big words and what I, what I considered as big words at the time when we were getting in arguments. Yeah, yeah, not realizing, because every time we had an argument you would use a word that I didn't understand. Right, I had no clue. I was like stop doing that.
Speaker 2:
Why the hell are you doing that?
Speaker 1:
You know, I don't know what that means that is so, yes, doing that, you know, I don't know what that means. That is so, yes, not realizing, though that was all on me and my insecurities because I didn't have the education that I needed yeah, to be able to communicate with you and understand right, yep, and so you thought that I was trying to make you feel small, feel less than conflict, I'm living in my own insecurities, yep, yep.
Speaker 1:
But on the flip side, how I used it, though, I use it as a growth opportunity and I start reading books, I start learning new words, and if I don't know what that word say even to this day, we were just having a conversation with another couple and I said what does that word mean? Because I don't know what that word say even to this day. We were just having a conversation with another couple, yeah, and I said what does that word mean? Because I don't know what that means. It went from being insecure to being confident, and and and and, sitting in my own right. Okay, I don't know that word, that's okay. Can you teach me that? Yeah, so I can learn something new. Yep, a relationship is the blueprint for growth.
Speaker 2:
Yep In, like so many areas though. In so many areas you know, but I can't stop thinking about the young lady at your job because you said that she said her boyfriend wants to get married.
Speaker 1:
Her boyfriend wants to get married.
Speaker 2:
And that to me is like totally flipped from what we're used to in society, because typically, you know, women we want to get married and the man might be, like you know, need a little more time, right, but he wants to get married. So that just makes me interested in like his experience and his story.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
And also what that does to their relationship with somebody that wants to get married and somebody that doesn't want to get married.
Speaker 1:
You know what's funny? We're talking about this relationship that doesn't want to get married. You know what's funny? We're talking about this relationship, but even when she speaks about it, she speaks about it from a fearful place, like already in her mind that they're going to break up, yeah. You know how many of us let's just be honest how many of us get into relationships and we operate from a fearful place.
Speaker 2:
Yep, it takes time to unlearn that thought.
Speaker 1:
It takes time to recondition your mind. It takes time to. Relationships are important. I wouldn't I, honest to god, truth will. I know that I would not be the man that I am today if I wouldn't have married a woman like you. I know that for sure. You know, because even with our arguments and all of that will force me to go look back within myself, like our arguments, our hiccups, our disagreements, the things that triggered me.
Speaker 1:
Sometimes you were right, sometimes you were wrong, you know, but it still was designed to bring out the best of me, though you know I do feel like I do know for sure I'm a lot sharper now because I got into a relationship that that was challenging to me. Like you have some characteristics about you. You was feisty, you talk back, you had a voice for yourself, you wasn't considered like no, you know what I mean. You strong, strong minded and opinionated, and I know I could have went easily got a woman that wasn't opinionated, right, but I knew that I needed something that was going to challenge me and it was like the challenge that, although it was getting on my nerves, it also was making me better. You know what I mean. It was like a sharpener.
Speaker 2:
Right.
Speaker 1:
You know, so anyway.
Speaker 2:
But let's just be clear you don't have to get married if you don't want to get married. When we talk about marriage, we're speaking about that from generations of experience too, right, you know. So that's where we pull from. But we just want to make it clear on this episode that no, marriage may not be for everybody and it may you may more so, be interested in, like charles said, that spiritual union. I'm dedicated to you, you dedicated to me. We're building our family. We're building, we're doing life together. We are locked in. That might work for you, and rightfully so. So it's. Don't get us twisted or twist up. You know what we're doing life together. We are locked in. That might work for you, and rightfully so. So don't get us twisted or twist up what we're saying. If you don't want that piece of paper to solidify it, don't get it, but find your person, be with your person and build your life.
Speaker 1:
I believe in family. Build your family build your life. I believe in if you're going to have children, you do your absolute best to make it work and if, after you've done your absolute best, do a little bit more to try to make it work. I also believe that no man or no woman should ever put hands on each other. If you are in an abusive relationship, you get your ass up out of that, you get some help.
Speaker 2:
But there's physical abuse. There's help, but there's physical abuse, there's emotional abuse, there's verbal abuse. So abuse on any level is unacceptable. Yes, not to be tolerated. Yes, not to be tolerated.
Speaker 1:
Yes. So at the end of the day, you have to choose. You know this podcast is all about Choose your heart. Choose your heart in creating a life that you imagine for yourself and taking full ownership of your life by unlearning and relearning, by healing and building self, by focusing on yourself, by reconditioning your mind. This, this is what our podcast is about you taking control of your life and creating it how you want it to be, and doing whatever it takes to get there, step by step, morally, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So today is your job to decide what type of life do you want for yourself and go after it. You want someone. You don't want someone. You want to be married. You don't want to be married. You want to build with someone. You don't want to build with someone what's going to give you the optimal life that you desire?
Speaker 2:
What are your relationship goals and aspirations? That's what this whole conversation was about Define what your relationship goals and aspirations are. We've defined ours, so we're living in our truth. Our relationship goals were to find our person, get married Yep, we had our kids before we got married, so we found our person.
Speaker 1:
Why you telling them all our business?
Speaker 2:
like that we found our person.
Speaker 1:
I already had a kid.
Speaker 2:
We were fornicating let's be crystal clear our story is not no textbook fairy tale, picture perfect story so what are your relationship? Goals. We are big on family. We see the benefit in marriage. We see the benefit. We've lived it, we're experiencing it. Um, it's part of our story. But define your relationship goals, define your relationship aspirations and then go after that period.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, glow go to big dog talk podcastcom and get the e-guide also. If you want to. Also, if you want to be coached one-on-one by big charles and big shea, go to big dog talk podcastcom. Go to big dog talk podcast. Listen, we're giving y'all this here. Imagine what we can give you one-on-one. Ooh-wee what you say. At the end of the day, we hope that we add value to your life. We hope that you are even willing to share, like subscribe. Tell a friend of. Tell a friend, go to our website, become a subscriber there and we working baby.
Speaker 1:
Yep, we love y'all Until next time winning win, win, win, win, win, win, peace out y'all love, y'all peace thank you, stella.