When I woke up one morning feeling the weight of depression heavy on my shoulders, I made a decision that would turn the tide in my battle for mental wellness. Our latest podcast episode is a raw and intimate exploration into the transformative power of acknowledging our struggles and arming ourselves with tools to fight back. With special guest Kareega Bailey, we dive into the necessity of mental health support and how seeking rejuvenation at a wellness event reignited my passion for podcasting and social media engagement, despite the pressures they bring.
We don't often consider our genetic makeup as a player in the mental health game, but the truth is, our family history and brain chemistry can lay out a unique set of challenges for us to navigate. This episode is where we unbox the complexities of our inherited traits and cultural backgrounds, as revealed in Dr. Carolyn Leaf's "Cleaning Up My Mental Mess", and the continuous effort required to maintain mental fitness. From the specific hurdles faced by the black community to the wonders of neuroplasticity, we shed light on how understanding and embracing our identity can lead to a more robust mental state.
Relationship dynamics can be the linchpin in our mental health journey; they can either anchor us to a healthy state of mind or pull us down into the depths. Sharing from personal experience, I discuss how being the pillar of support for others often left me neglecting my own mental well-being. This episode is a candid talk on the significance of cultivating positive relationships, setting boundaries, and the empowering realization that our guidance finds its true impact with those genuinely seeking change. Join us for this heartfelt conversation, where we celebrate the brain's incredible ability to adapt and the potent influence of healthy practices and supportive communities in our quest for mental wellness.
When I woke up one morning feeling the weight of depression heavy on my shoulders, I made a decision that would turn the tide in my battle for mental wellness. Our latest podcast episode is a raw and intimate exploration into the transformative power of acknowledging our struggles and arming ourselves with tools to fight back. With special guest Kareega Bailey, we dive into the necessity of mental health support and how seeking rejuvenation at a wellness event reignited my passion for podcasting and social media engagement, despite the pressures they bring.
We don't often consider our genetic makeup as a player in the mental health game, but the truth is, our family history and brain chemistry can lay out a unique set of challenges for us to navigate. This episode is where we unbox the complexities of our inherited traits and cultural backgrounds, as revealed in Dr. Carolyn Leaf's "Cleaning Up My Mental Mess", and the continuous effort required to maintain mental fitness. From the specific hurdles faced by the black community to the wonders of neuroplasticity, we shed light on how understanding and embracing our identity can lead to a more robust mental state.
Relationship dynamics can be the linchpin in our mental health journey; they can either anchor us to a healthy state of mind or pull us down into the depths. Sharing from personal experience, I discuss how being the pillar of support for others often left me neglecting my own mental well-being. This episode is a candid talk on the significance of cultivating positive relationships, setting boundaries, and the empowering realization that our guidance finds its true impact with those genuinely seeking change. Join us for this heartfelt conversation, where we celebrate the brain's incredible ability to adapt and the potent influence of healthy practices and supportive communities in our quest for mental wellness.
You were like. You looked at me like I think I'm depressed, and I looked at you and said you are not depressed?
Speaker 1:
You are fighting, and that's a major difference. You are not in a sunken place, you are fighting. You're in a battle right now and y'all going toe to toe and it feels like you're losing, but you have the tools to continue to fight back. You got the weapons. You got your faith. You got therapy. You got the weapons. You got your faith. You got therapy. You got a life coach. You got exercising. You got reading. You got eating healthy. You have your friends. You have your environment. You have what you, you locked and loaded. You are ammo. You have everything in your clip to fight this battle.
Speaker 2:
I mean, I remember when you looked at me and said, no, you're fighting against it. It was like a big aha moment, like you fucking right, you're right, man. I got my butt up and I thought I started. I was thinking differently from that very moment of that conversation. I am not depressed, I'm not about to accept that I'm fighting against it and everything that I'm doing every day when I wake up is keeping me out of that state of depression.
Speaker 1:
I was so empowered.
Speaker 2:
As you all know, on the Big Dog Talk podcast, we have a slogan therapy is always in session, and that is why we are now sponsored by Better Help. During hard times, it can get really difficult if you don't have anyone to talk to. Being alone with your thoughts can be an isolating feeling that can allow negativity to consume you. Betterhelp has customized online therapy that offers video, phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist, so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. Some of the things that we have learned from our therapists on the Big Dog Talk podcast are how to be emotionally available, why it's important to practice self-care and calming activities to ease anxiety.
Speaker 2:
There's a broad range of expertise in BetterHelp's 20-plus therapist network that gives you access to help that may not be available in your area. You just fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs and then you get matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Then you schedule a secure video or phone session. Plus, you can exchange unlimited messages and everything you share is completely confidential. You can request a new therapist at no additional charge anytime. Join the three million plus who have taken charge of their mental health with an experienced BetterHelp therapist. So many people use BetterHelp that they are currently recruiting additional therapists in all 50 states. Get 10% off of your first month of BetterHelp by using betterhelpcom slash bigdogtalk. That's betterhelpcom slash BigDogTalk.
Speaker 1:
Welcome back to another episode of the Big Dog Talk podcast. It's me Big Charles baby.
Speaker 2:
Hey y'all, hey, what's up? It's your girl, Big Shea, and I'm back in the building.
Speaker 1:
I missed you guys. I missed you guys. I'm not even going to lie with you guys. Last week was rough with Big Charles. Big Charles was ready to call it quits.
Speaker 2:
Throwing it out, child.
Speaker 1:
Listen, this podcasting is hard work. It's a lot of energy. It's just a lot of compelled. Is it compelled?
Speaker 2:
Compelled what.
Speaker 1:
With everything else that we're doing.
Speaker 2:
Oh um compiled.
Speaker 1:
Compiled with everything else that's going on with life. It was just whoo yeah, he was.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, true story. He was real close throwing the towel. I said you know what? In two seconds I'm gonna send you on a sabbatical because you're wilding right now. You're straight wilding.
Speaker 1:
Well, the schedule the 4 am in the morning, waking up, working out at 5, getting to work by 6.30, work until 4 o'clock, then get home, work on a podcast and eat with the family. Then have to figure out some more stuff with the podcast.
Speaker 2:
Content.
Speaker 1:
Content and have to post on social media throughout the day. Honestly, though, honestly, now that we're talking about it's just like it was. It's not healthy, for, like my mental well-being and I know how I am I I need the space to be able to create. I need, I need to be able to be still on the inside, and it just was. It was crowdy. You know social media demands a lot of time. With the podcast, when you are considered an influencer, right, you know, they have it set up where you have to post two or three times a day.
Speaker 1:
You have to it has to be in a certain algorithm or it's not going to get shared or liked. You know it's not going to spread through social media. And I just was like Congested.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, that's like when you told me like you were having a, I called it a creator block.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
When you were having a creator block, I was like yo, what I do know about you is that you need quietness and stillness and like time by yourself in order to be able to tap in and get your creative juices flowing. Order to be able to tap in and get your creative juices flowing so jokingly I said it, but seriously I was like you might probably need to go on a sabbatical for an upcoming weekend, you know to be by yourself and really tap into your creative juices so here's the thing, though I don't feel like I need a sabbatical, though I don't feel like I need a sabbatical, you like those.
Speaker 1:
It's not about me liking them, it's about what I need internally. Okay, and what I realized? What I needed was you pushing me to that men's wellness event, health event.
Speaker 2:
Okay.
Speaker 1:
By the guy, kareega Bailey, out in Oakland. Okay, I might. In fact, I want to make sure I say it. I said I got to say it correctly because it was a beautiful event. So Kareega Bailey, he is the co-founder of Men's Wellness Fellowship, matter of fact, and this is not no sponsorship. He don't even know I'm doing this. Right, you know you can go to the Instagram at Men's Wellness Fellowship and, again, his name is Kareega Bailey.
Speaker 1:
And so back to what I was saying is I was listening to what is the next move for me? I needed to get out of my comfort zone. I needed to because, you know, I'm not a social being like that. I don't hang around a lot of people. I'm very intentional with my time and who I spend my time with, and even the friendships, everything. But when I but when I got to that fellowship, that men's fellowship, I mean it was a beautiful thing to see a bunch of men, black men uh, they had a few other races there, but majority were black just to uh be in a space and everyone is going towards the same direction, but at different levels of the journey. I just felt like that was a beautiful thing.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
And to see Kariga meet Kariga. I know what it takes to even want to desire to create something like that. I know what you had to go through. I don't know what his experience was, but I know what you had to come out of in order to create something that is so vulnerable, that is so God-sent, especially for men and their mental health. So shout out to Men's Wellness Fellowship and Kariga Bailey out in Oakland man, and if you guys need a safe space, that is a great place to start for men, it is a great place. I've only been there once. I don't know Karriga like that. I had one encounter with him and it was a great encounter. And I had one encounter with the Men's Wellness Fellowship and it was a great experience, and I believe that more men uh need to attend this it's interesting that you said that, though, because who you are just naturally going to.
Speaker 2:
Things like that are not typically on your radar. Um, that, because that's definitely more of like a social network scene which is something that is typically out of your comfort zone, and you tried to talk your way out of it and I was like, no, you need to go, you need to go, you need to go.
Speaker 1:
Be exhausted.
Speaker 2:
You need to go, you need to be engaged, you need to converse with people and you need to get whatever the space is providing right for the men, whatever that is for you. But, um, you stayed longer than I thought you would right, I stayed the entire time. The entire time. You even helped with stuff in true charles, big charles fashion. So listen.
Speaker 1:
Here's the thing, though.
Speaker 1:
I love people that's very true I love people but I just don't have time to waste. I'm that intentional. And what attracted me to this guy, what really got my attention, was that he was a family man. Someone sent me a DM and said, hey, you should know this guy, you should go and meet this guy. So I checked out his social media and the first picture that I saw I think it was him, his wife and his family, and you know how heavy I am on family Big time. I'm big time heavy on family and that's all I needed to see, right? You know, a lot of people try to get me to come to their events. If I don't feel compelled, if I don't feel inspired by you, if I don't feel like we have things in common, not wasting my time, I'm not kissing no ass, it is what it is. Right, right. But this guy, this guy, karriga, great guy, great experience. You can tell he had a heart for the people and I'm glad I went, although I woke up at four in the morning.
Speaker 2:
That and went to bed super late, outside of your routine. It was worth it, though right and shout out to Karika Bailey for putting on something so positive like that for men in Oakland Right In Oakland Right, so that's also very huge. A whole bunch of men were in that room. Everybody got home safely. Nothing but positivity, good energy, good aura, intentionality. They even fed the people Like just good overall fellowship, right, love it. Right, love that.
Speaker 1:
And speaking of that, guys, today is well, this month, May, the month of May. The month of May is Mental Health Awareness Month and, as you all know, Big Dog Talk podcast was birthed out of and cultivated because we wanted to create a safe space for mental health, dealing with our inner selves, our darkest parts of ourselves. We wanted to create and cultivate a community where it was normal to talk about things that typically aren't talked about, whether it's in schools and church and family events. We want to talk about things that challenge us to grow internally and heal from our past. So do you want to start off on the mental health?
Speaker 2:
I mean, I just I want to kind of tag along and I felt like it would just, we would have just been remiss if we would have let the month of May go by, based off of the brand of the podcast, and not talk about mental health awareness. And I think you know it's funny because you mental health conversations in general are on the rise.
Speaker 1:
Right.
Speaker 2:
But as I listen and observe, you know for years now like I don't know if mental health has ever even been clearly defined. And so today, on the podcast in honor of mental health awareness month, we want to clearly define. What is mental health? Okay, here it is. Mental health refers to a person's overall emotional, psychological and social well-being. It involves how you think, how you feel and how you behave in different situations, as well as how we cope with the ups and downs of life. That is what mental health is, and that's an absolutely loaded that is loaded description of what mental health is, but I think it's important that we clearly define it, because it's so loosely talked about.
Speaker 1:
I agree.
Speaker 2:
Right, and I'm looking forward to spending this time talking about mental health, because I have, and still have, my own mental health journey that I am on, and so this topic is actually very near and dear to my heart. I didn't realize it until, like you know, even starting to talk about it now, that it's just so important that we erase the stigma around not talking about it Right.
Speaker 1:
It's a normal thing, and making it relatable. It's a normal. It's a normal listen, you're not crazy. It's like getting a cold. You're not crazy, it's just when we don't talk about things and then someone have the courage to say this is what's going on in my mind. When one person stands up, you know we probably label it as crazy, like hey, I'm having these thoughts in my, in my head.
Speaker 2:
You know we have a stigma around the way, like, even just like expressing what's going on and and with your internal thoughts, you're considered as crazy I mean, I, I mean, I agree and I, I think that, as it relates to mental health overall, I think that as a society, regardless of color, I think that we are growing and not labeling it as crazy, but there's many people that are really trying to gain understanding around mental health. So I do love that too, because years ago, decades ago, so-and-so was just crazy, right, and that's how we labored and we just pushed on the rug and kept going when they really were suffering from mental health issues.
Speaker 1:
Before we even move any further, I have to give you a book that really helps with mental health. It's by Dr Carolyn Leaf. It's called Cleaning Up my Mental Mess by Dr Carolyn Leaf. It's a really good book. It's practical tools, it's down to the science and if you apply these tools, I guarantee it will help clean up the mess and the space in your mind over and over at different uh periods of life. Cleaning up my mental mess by dr carolyn leaf. Go check out that book, as I I wasn't. This is not sponsored or anything. Go check out that book.
Speaker 2:
I wasn't this is not sponsored or anything.
Speaker 1:
Go check out that book Cleaning Up my Mental Mess by Dr Carolyn Leaf.
Speaker 2:
Okay, Good and that's one of your go-to's. Yeah, I think you've probably read it more than once. Yeah, that's your go-to.
Speaker 1:
Listen to it on audio. Read it more than once, because it's always see. This is the thing about mental health. What always see. This is the thing about mental health. What you said earlier um you're finding out that you have even some now. Yes, mental health is a is no different than going to the gym and working out on your muscles. Your brain is a muscle absolutely you know.
Speaker 1:
You know what I mean. And if we don't accept the fact that we have to do certain things to maintain our mental health, it will decline. It's no different than going to the gym eating, healthy, exercising. It's no different. The focus is towards your mental health.
Speaker 2:
I mean the ups and downs of life.
Speaker 1:
Right.
Speaker 2:
They're guaranteed to show up right. And so when we talk about mental health, big Charles, I feel like we only kind of talk about one aspect of it, which a lot of times is just your life experiences right. As a factor that contributes to your mental health. But we can't forget about genetics.
Speaker 1:
Right.
Speaker 2:
There are some of us that genetically are more prone to mental illness.
Speaker 1:
Like anxiety.
Speaker 2:
Anxiety.
Speaker 1:
Panic attacks. Panic attacks.
Speaker 2:
Personality disorders.
Speaker 1:
Personality disorders, schizophrenia, yeah.
Speaker 2:
Depression.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
High functioning anxiety, like our we are. We have genetics inside of our body that we have to intentionally work on defying. Because you still can't? Because, like you always say, the brain has a lot of plasticity. Yeah right, so you can defy genetics and work on it, just like you work on your muscles and your weight and everything in the gym. But we can't negate that part no, we cannot some of us just have that in our makeup.
Speaker 2:
Then there's your brain chemistry right, just the way your, your, your brain is different from mine. Yes, so the way that means the way that my brain processes, I could have a, we could have the same situation, big Charles experience the same exact thing, but the way my brain processes, that could send me into a spiral in life and it may not have the same impact impact on you so we have to respect that when we deal with individuals as well. Of course, there's life experiences, things that we go through naturally in life. Life is going, life things are going to happen.
Speaker 2:
Circumstances grief loss, loss of a job.
Speaker 1:
Social environment Divorces.
Speaker 2:
Like things are going to happen, you know. And then there's your social environment. You know some people are born in low income environments. Some people are in foster care, you know, some people are homeless. Those social environments impact your mental health.
Speaker 1:
All of these things matter when it comes to mental health. Now, here's the thing, though, because even with, like, even with genetics and brain chemistry this is where, now, I'm not a doctor.
Speaker 2:
Neither am I.
Speaker 1:
But as far as I know what my family deals with on both sides my mom and my dad's side, right I've also done the homework to study my genetic makeup to find out exactly where I'm from.
Speaker 2:
You have.
Speaker 1:
I went all the way back to the parts of Africa where my ancestors I had to go. Here's a. This can go a lot of ways.
Speaker 2:
That just resonated when you said that this can go a lot of ways Understand your genetics.
Speaker 1:
You have to be able to understand your genetics and even understand the culture of the original culture of where you came from.
Speaker 2:
Right Matters, that matters, yeah, because that's your genetics.
Speaker 1:
You know? Yeah, cause that's your genetics, you know, and these are things that I had to do to get more understanding of who I really was, because when you don't know who you are internally, this is not, this is this. This can go a lot of ways, but when you don't know who you are internally, then you'll be playing a guessing game of like, what should I do? What's the next, what's the next thing? When, when I started this journey, I had to go and find out where I come from, my tribe I came from, what are some of the things that we uh, what are some of the foods that we ate? What are some of the, what are some of our traditions?
Speaker 2:
some activities. Some activities what were?
Speaker 1:
what were the benefits of coming from the tribe? What did we my dad's tribe, my mom? I had to go and do all of my homework to find out where I come from, so I can gain more understanding of who I am and the bonus is you get to pass that down to your children and you get to pass it down to your children the biggest bonus ever so that helped me when it came to genetics based off of what you just explained, I had to break that down.
Speaker 1:
The biggest bonus ever, so that helped me. When it came to genetics, yeah, based off what you just explained, I had to break that down because it's that serious Right.
Speaker 2:
It's that serious Right. Mental health is that serious. Mental health is very serious.
Speaker 1:
And I'm not in the black community. We've experienced so much hurt. In the black community, we've experienced so much hurt. We experienced so much 400 years of slavery. We talk about this all the time, but reality is? It affected our DNA?
Speaker 2:
Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
Reality is, some things are in our blood and if we don't end in ourselves and if we don't deal with it, we will continue to pass it down, no matter how much we try to grow and heal from it. If we don't deal with certain things, we will continue to pass it down. Right, you know so.
Speaker 2:
Right, right, right. I mean, I think what you when you started your TED Talk, very good your part, that you just said with Ted talk. I think it's important also to know, like you said, you know what in both sides of your family, you know the mental health catalog yes. And, like as do I on my mom's side and my dad's side, I'm very well versed on the mental health catalog. It's good to know that, so that you can strategize.
Speaker 1:
I like that.
Speaker 2:
Against it.
Speaker 1:
Yes.
Speaker 2:
Not to say that you're exempt, no, but you need to exercise that muscle, yes, to prevent it. Just like you know, they say, for example, genetically some of us are more prone to high blood pressure or diabetes.
Speaker 1:
We can fight against that matter of fact, since you're talking about that, I'm one of those people that are more prone to high blood pressure. My I was diagnosed with high blood pressure at 13 years old. When I met you, you had high blood at 13 14, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure at 13 years old.
Speaker 2:
When I met you, you had high blood pressure.
Speaker 1:
At 13, 14, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure hereditary high blood pressure.
Speaker 2:
The age of one of your sons.
Speaker 1:
So how do I counter that? How do I counter that? I'm observing my family. I'm observing my family history. I'm observing how everyone eats, how everyone take care of themselves or lack thereof.
Speaker 1:
So what do I want to do? I want to start eating healthy. I want to exercise, I want to meditate. These are things that I have to do to maintain that, because I can still have a piece of salt and my blood pressure shoot sky high. Gracefully, I'm not on any blood pressure medication now. I've been off since I was 21, but I've changed some things.
Speaker 2:
Yes, you have big time.
Speaker 1:
Because what I'm realizing is a lot of things that we pass down. We say is genetics, but what we pass down are habits.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, but sometimes too. Big Charles, I hope I'm not cutting you off, but am I cutting you off? No, go ahead. A lot of times when we talk about genetics we have to be careful when we say, oh, I'm genetically prone to this or I'm genetically prone to that.
Speaker 1:
That's good.
Speaker 2:
Because it's also saying that I already accept it. It is what it is. Listen, I got overweight people in my family. I'm genetically prone to high blood pressure. Like it's just going to happen, You're already accepting that for your life.
Speaker 1:
And that mindset is killing us.
Speaker 2:
That and that's relative to our conversation around mental health, right, just because you may be genetically prone to certain things in mental health doesn't mean that you have to accept it.
Speaker 1:
Yes.
Speaker 2:
Strategize against it.
Speaker 1:
Yes, yes, you know certain things about, like I said, certain catalogs that your family deal with on both sides. Yes, it's just the reality. It doesn't make you weak, it doesn't make you less than this is what my family deal with. I knew exactly what my family deal with. I knew exactly what my family deal with. I even listen, so much so that I said I know if I knew certain things that my family dealt with. I said if I don't stay in church, I'm gonna, it's gonna be bad for me. Why? Because I know what I deal with internally, right, you know, I know my darkest areas of me. I know what the environment that internally Right, you know, I know my darkest areas of me. I know what the environment that I grew up in. I know what, how my relatives are. You know, I know how my ancestors are. So all of that is passed down, was passed down to me, and the reason I said church earlier was because that was the one thing I knew how to use I grew up in that.
Speaker 1:
So that was the one thing I knew how to use. I grew up in that so that was the one thing I knew how to go to for as something in my arsenal when I'm struggling as far as mental health.
Speaker 2:
Yes, nothing wrong with that Right.
Speaker 1:
And that was at the beginning of my journey.
Speaker 2:
Right, that was like a tool that you had in your toolbox to combat your moments of mental illness. You got to call it what it is when we get low mentally, the mental illness is kicking in. It's like getting a cold. We're all prone to get colds. We're going to get a cold. We're going to get sick. We're also going to get mentally ill.
Speaker 1:
It happens, especially if we don't stay focused, especially if we don't stay focused.
Speaker 2:
Especially if we don't stay focused.
Speaker 1:
And then, at the end of the day, life reigns on the just and the unjust. It happened to us all, yep, so you could be doing all the right things. Then life suddenly hit you. Now, what are you going to do? And this is a, this is the importance of creating like healthy habits, though, healthy habits as far as we talked about, you said, genetics early in brain chemistry, and I wanted I'm wanting to just start off with with the brain chemistry because what I've?
Speaker 1:
learned what I've learned? That you can change the the brain chemistry and the cell chemistry in your body within 21, 25 days, and this is why it's important to have affirmations. You know, becoming the observer of self, becoming more aware. I was paying attention to my thoughts. I was realizing that every day I was waking up negative. This is years ago.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:
You know, why do I think this way? I'm starting to question. When I say I'm becoming the observer of myself, I'm asking these questions and I'm like, why am I thinking this way? Why do I feel this way when certain things happen to me? You know why do every time this comes up, I automatically want to respond this way, right?
Speaker 1:
So this is when you become the observer of self and I had to have some real, hard truth with myself. Like bro, you messed up internally, you messed up, you are messed up and you don't really have anyone to share your thoughts with, because this is not something that people talk about. It. At that time, all I had was church and it don't go this real, in this raw, when you have this kind of like, when you have a church platform. I'm having negative, real negative thoughts. I know that I'm just as bad as the whoever the worst is out there Mentally. These are the thoughts that I'm having. So I'm learning that when the affirmations come along, I'm waking up every day and I'm saying these things to myself and I'm changing the genetic makeup in my body. I'm rewiring, I'm reconditioning my mind, I'm unlearning, I'm relearning, and then I can pass this stuff down.
Speaker 2:
Yep, yep, and shout out to the brain, because the brain can do that.
Speaker 1:
The brain can do that.
Speaker 2:
I respect the brain so much, the brain can really do that. I respect the brain so much, the brain can really do that. What you put in repeatedly, over and over and over and over again is what the brain is going to remember. Whatever you do over and over and over again from a mental perspective, that's what the brain is going to remember. So to your point, if it's constantly negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, here comes the mental health illness. I mean, here comes the mental illness.
Speaker 1:
Yes, here it comes. You have to have some real conversations. Am I a pessimist? Am I really a pessimist? Yeah, why, I'm always. I get excited. Yeah, people get excited about talking about gossip and drama they put. Am I?
Speaker 2:
nagging. Why am I nagging? Why am I nagging?
Speaker 1:
why am I nagging so much? What?
Speaker 2:
is the what is what is the root causing me to nag? Am I? Am I feeling mentally burnt out? Like, do I need to take a break? Do I need a mental health day? Like, why am? Why am I so? Why am I so naggy?
Speaker 1:
right and but we can recondition our minds. Here's the thing, though it is important to have a healthy system as far as creating something, a strategy to maintain your mental health. Why do I and he? Let me give you some examples. Like for Big Charles, I wake up every morning at 4 o'clock in the morning, the first thing I do, before I even touch my phone, do anything. I say thank you God, and I find reasons that I am grateful, whether it be for my wife, my children, the roof over my head, my family, my small circle of friends, my health, being able to get up and go, provide for my family. I find at least three to ten things to be grateful for. The second thing I do is after. I find something that I'm grateful for. You know, I just sit there and I do breathing techniques. I just breathe and just relax my entire body. I get up and go to the gym and exercise. I make sure I eat healthy, and the reason I'm saying this?
Speaker 1:
Because earlier I said, life happens to us all. Are you following me? Life happens to us all, and when life hits, we all run to our habits, and if you didn't create a sound structure that is there to support your mental health. You are going to run to your habits, and whatever your habits may be drinking, smoking, um, going out and partying. You know, you know I'm I'm talking about overeating. Oh, yeah, overeating your. If you don't have a sound out strategy, uh, and a system to maintain your mental health when life hits, you're going to go to that sunken place and you won't be able to fight against depression. Right.
Speaker 2:
Anxiety.
Speaker 1:
Anxiety.
Speaker 2:
Yep.
Speaker 1:
Anyway.
Speaker 2:
That was good, I'm sorry. No, that was good. That was good. So let's get a little bit personal it. So let's get a little bit personal Okay. It's that time to get a little bit personal. When was a time that you felt your mental health was declining, like you just felt it, like you just knew it. It could have been after, because sometimes I feel like with mental health it just kind of depends on the scenario, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, so we've talked about some really deep stuff. On this podcast, we express our darkest areas. So all of the listeners that have been with us, we've expressed some dark moments but honestly, it doesn't always have to be dark moments where your mental health starts to decline.
Speaker 2:
Okay, talk about it.
Speaker 1:
So, to answer your question, last year I started realizing that my health was declining just by the people that I allowed in my space, meaning I was trying to be like their big brother. I was trying to show them the right way or I showed them a better way, you know, and be there for them through all of their hard times, giving them tools that I use to maintain my mental health. So when I realized over time, because I've been working on my mental health in, so when I realized over time, because I've been working on my mental health in my inner world for so long, I can tell when someone is taking your advice and applying it, I can tell that Keep having it. Every problem come up, you keep handling it the same way over and over again. You're really not putting in the work that your big bro or your coach is giving you Right. So I noticed that my health was declining because these people that I had around me. I was trying to pull them up, but their weight was so heavy. This was unconsciously.
Speaker 2:
That's what I meant earlier.
Speaker 1:
Unconscious, this was unconsciously on their part, right, just unconsciously on their part, that I was trying to bring them up, but their lack of consciousness, lack of practicing the tools that I was giving it was starting to be too heavy for me and it was bringing me down while I was trying to bring them up and I knew it was getting to a place where, ok, it's not my job, that's not my job, I just need to be an example.
Speaker 1:
Right, I'm putting too much expectations on this, but I realized that our relationship wasn't going anywhere and I had to just make a sound decision at this time. For us to split ways because my internal world was declining. For us to split ways because my internal world was declining Every time we got together it was conflict Every time, you know, it was just. It was such a rollercoaster ride up and down, up and down, that I'm realizing that our relationship was based on conditions, right. So I had to make a sound decision that was best for me, not because I disliked them in a way, but because you know, mentally it's not working for me, right, and I have to. At this phase of my life I've put too much work in for and to be around people that constantly challenges me to go backwards and not forward. Right, that makes sense absolutely so.
Speaker 2:
like I feel like the example that you gave from your like personal um experience is around relationships and I think that sometimes well, I know that sometimes we don't account for how relationships with people can definitely impact our mental health Right.
Speaker 1:
For the good or the bad.
Speaker 2:
That's what I mean For the good.
Speaker 2:
Well, yeah, I mean you were speaking of it from the negative part so I was kind of talking about that that relationships are important. What I hear you saying is that it's important to constantly really identify and know how certain relationships make you feel Right. Are these relationships beneficial to your mental health Right? How are they benefiting you? Or are these people just taking, taking, taking away from you? Whenever you're around them, whenever you talk to them, you just leave feeling so drained, or whatever the case may be. But relationships is a huge factor that can, like really impact our mental health.
Speaker 1:
Some people really don't want help. Some people love the pity party that comes with the sobbing stories, and that's just the reality of things. So I have a heart to help. Like we get on this podcast every single week, you know, with expectations, right, as far as none of the listeners owe me anything, right? You know so I'm, I've, and this helped me, this helped me grow. That you can't, I can't, help everyone. Right, it's my voice is for who it's for. Right, for whoever grabs it and decides. You know he's talking to me, he's helping me. Their, their husband and wife relationship is helping me, you know. But I had to come to grips that everybody don't want help, peep. Some people love the sob stories because of the attention that comes with it. Right, and that's just the truth of the matter right.
Speaker 2:
You know they're not willing to dig in. Dig into self studies show that.
Speaker 1:
Studies show that. I can't remember exactly where I got it from, but I did read before where studies show that, statistically, how you handle mental health has a lot to do with the people around you. It has a lot to do. I've I've been in numerous encounters where, if it wasn't for you being there for my support, I wouldn't have been able to get out. I felt like it would have been harder, I would have went more into a sunken place.