Part 2 - The continuation of last week's episode with Shirlene!
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Part 2 - The continuation of last week's episode with Shirlene!
Follow us!
Instagram: instagram.com/hangryparentpodcast
You were using an alarm, you were waking yourself up, and now I'm having to call you again. Do you understand that I won't always be here, like this is something you're gonna have to do on your own.
Demetrius:Welcome back to the Single Parent Conflict Podcast, and back to a now ongoing series called The Single Mother Conflict. Just wanna get some housekeeping items outta the way first before we get to our guest. If this is your first time listening in, I'm your host, Demetrius, a former single parent who at the time had no idea what direction I will be steering towards to overcome the challenges of well being a father. After gaining a lot of insight, education, and a ton of patience, I now want to give that information back to you, the parent. Whether you're single or not, to stay motivated and inspired during your parenting journey. This episode is part two, a continuation of last week's conversation with Charlene. So if you haven't listened to it yet, pause this episode and come back to it when you're done listening to part one. Now, for those of you who have listened already, Welcome back. Let's continue on with our talk with Charlene. Yeah, I was gonna say, you were just telling me, you know, before, was it yesterday or early today? Um, just about kind of all the struggles you guys are going through just to get the second truck. Um, so can you talk about that a little bit there? Like what are, what are some of struggles you guys are going through with, with, you know, this owner operator, you know, business he's doing
Shirlene:well, it's his, um, his, so his, so his truck. Um, obviously he needed to get a, he, he needed to get a second truck because his, I mean, he needed it for his, for his job. The contract that he has, he needed two trucks to be running. Mm-hmm. So he temporarily started to rent one truck and we started shopping right away for a second truck. Unfortunately. Trucks are, the prices of trucks are just crazy, right? Um, the, our first truck that we have, he only paid$16,000 and change for that truck. And now like the average truck is running like$70,000, you know, for a truck. So it put us in this position of kind of like, all right, what are we gonna do? Because we also are looking to move mm-hmm. and purchase, um, our first home together. Next year. Mm-hmm. So, you know, we've gotta watch how we invest, you know what I mean? So, um, with that being said, because of how expensive, you know, trucks are, he made a decision to kind of go. Out, out of the co He was looking at one specific company. Yeah. Doing business with this one company. He decided to kind of go outside of that mm-hmm. and he ended up finding something for half the price and he and, um, down in Atlanta. And unfortunately, I, like I had mentioned to you, um, when he, he had to obviously travel to go and get the truck, and the truck ended up breaking down on the way. On the way
Demetrius:home. Oh, I don't think I knew. Maybe I didn't write that wrong. I didn't know that. So he's driving it from Georgia up and then it broke
Shirlene:down. Right. So, so he, so we bought, so they had an option where we could pay, I think, like$1,500 and have someone bring the truck up. Yeah. Well, we never, my husband never, like, had seen the truck and, mm-hmm. um, the finance company, they were like, you know, You know, everyone, like the dealer was like, normally we have you come, you look at the vehicle and that's when you put down the rest of your deposit and finalize the deal. Mm-hmm. So he just thought it was better cuz they were like, you can pay a mechanic to come and look at it if you want us to then bring the truck up. So what he decided to do was, He was like, I'm gonna fly down there. I'm gonna check the truck out myself. Mm-hmm. and then I'm going to bring the truck up. So that's exactly what we did. Everything was going, you know, smooth. There were some things on the truck that he, he recognized right away, like the AC wasn't working. Mm-hmm. um, the box had like a hole in it. So he found some things and he told them, and they were like, okay. They fixed everything. He got there on a Wednesday. The truck was ready by a Thursday. Um, like Thursday afternoon. Okay. Evening or early evening.
Demetrius:This is probably helpful not to cut you off, but helpful that he went down versus somebody driving up. Cause then he would've to, it would've made what days probably for him to like, oh, now I got this truck. Now I got all these problems.
Shirlene:Exactly. Exactly. So it worked out well. It, it, um, in that aspect. But then unfortunately, like, He left from Georgia, he only got as far as Tennessee, literally in the middle of nowhere. And, um, and the truck basically broke down, like it started having some serious problems. Wow. But the thing is, is that me and my husband, We, um, our faith, we, we, we walk, we walk and we run and we gallop, you know, with, with on our faith. Mm-hmm. and, um, I just feel like it's amazing how I feel God was working because his truck br breaks down in Tennessee and it breaks down four miles from a freight line dealership. Oh, wow. A freight, a freight line. He has a freight line. And it breaks down and it breaks down four miles from a freight line truck. So my husband, the truck wasn't, the truck was not work, it was like done. Mm-hmm. But he pushed it. He like, he was able to get it to like keep going. Yeah. It took him an hour and a half and he drove those four miles to get it to that. Wow. He, he, he gets it, you know, so, so that was one area. I'm like, this is God, because like yeah, outta all the places you could break down. You're in the middle of nowhere in Tennessee and there's a Freightliner dealership mechanic shop four miles away. Then, um, I had to figure out how to get him out of there. Basically this happened on, this was a Friday. Mm-hmm. So guess what? We can't tell you what's wrong with this truck until Monday. Ooh. You know what I mean? Because it was, it was Friday overnight this happened. Mm-hmm. So he slept in the truck until six in the morning when they opened on Friday. And he was hoping that they would be able to like look at the truck right away. Yeah. And they were like, you know, we're backed. They ended up not looking at the truck until like four o'clock in the evening on Wow. Friday, and they were hooking it up running. So they were like, the truck is coming back with like two, three different codes. Mm-hmm. we're not really gonna know till Monday. So now guess what? Super Charlene, super wife, super sure has to figure out how to get my husband because my, yeah, like, it's like I'm the designated like ad admin of this new upcoming business. Right. So now I have to figure out how to get my husband, you know, out of Mr. C e o. Yes. Yeah, exactly. I have, I have to get him outta this predicament out of, you know, Tennessee. Yeah. So, But this is how God works. Again, I'm like, now I'm searching for airports because he's in the middle of nowhere. I'm like the F. There's two international airports in Tennessee. He was seven and a half hours away from one. and he was four and a half hours away from another. Okay. So I continued to search and search and search and all of a sudden I find this little airport called Tri-Cities Airport. Hmm. That was 12 miles away from him. And we were able to, we were able to rent a car there. Mm-hmm. And he had to drive back, but he got back. And I just feel like, alright. Like, come on. Like, and then the truck, the warranty on the truck only was for a certain amount of miles. So if, if he would've maybe even dripping the truck all the way home Yeah. And then had a problem with it. Yep. It might have been out of the warranty by the time he got home.
Demetrius:It's funny. Miles, not like timeline, like 30 days or 60. That's interesting. Hmm. Yeah. Wow. So too many, too many coincidences. Right? It's, it's more than a coincidence, right? Yeah.
Shirlene:So it's so, so, you know, so it's, so it's tough when you're, when you're, you know, you're running a business and you're trying to grow it, you know? Wow. So now we have, you know, fast forward, it was hard, it was difficult, it was stressful, but the truck got fixed and the truck just came home on Sunday.
Demetrius:Wow. And, and this might not be the only time too, especially when you're dealing with trucks, it's like they're, they're gonna break down, right? So now you got that experience of like, all right, we did, we dealt this before. Let's go ahead and figure this out. And, you know, so now you got that experience on your belt, right? So, right. So, yeah. Oh man. But I still, whew, that's gotta be that F word we used before, right? Frustrating
Shirlene:Yeah. Especially, I mean, after you just spent your, you know, you just spent your money on something, right? And you know, and. You're just kind of like what? You know. And then, um, the original quote that they had given one day on Monday, they were like, um, it's$7,000 in parts to fix it. Wow. So, you know, not just, you know, you know, trucks are expensive. Yeah. You know, so, yeah.
Demetrius:So, man, so now dealing with the business struggle, now going back to like the, the parenting struggle. So you have your teenage like son now. So now this is the time right of. Like school, uh, you know, focusing on if, if they're going to school, what they're interested in. Um, and I know recently, um, your son just found an interest, uh, in a certain subject, which sounds great, but what was, how, what do you think sparked that interest in him? Like what, what are the struggles that have you felt with like, ah, should he go to school? Should he not? How do I spark his interests? Like, talk about that a little bit. So,
Shirlene:um, So as far as, as far as my son mm-hmm. and I don't know if this is, uh, like a new, I don't know if it's, I mean, alright, let's be real. The times are different, right. Kids are interested in, in different things. So he, he started talking to me about being a influencer. Mm-hmm. So that's where this all came from. He, um, he wanted to be an influencer, and my thing was, all right, great. Like, you know, you can do whatever it is you wanna do. I don't wanna shoot down anyone's, you know, dreams, but how can we, how can you get an education and still, and, and, and basically still be an influencer mm-hmm. but have a degree with that. Right. You know, so, um, you. Being 16, you know, he's only able, he doesn't really understand living yet. Mm-hmm. and, you know, struggle yet. And, and money. And to him, to him, when someone says they're making$25 an hour, he thinks that's money, you know? Yeah. But in, in this day and age, that's not. That's not money. Money. You're, you know,$25 an hour is not, is not cutting it anymore, especially if you live in, if you're single and you're by yourself. You know what I mean? Right. So, um, he has, he always had a strong interest just in technology. He's, he's, you know, he's a, a more of a tech person and he wants, you know, he's interesting in, in podcasting and, and doing all that stuff. So he came to me and he told me that, you know, that's the program that he was interested
Demetrius:in. Right. Okay. And just to go back to, cause$25 an hour, depending on where you are in the United States,$25 an hour is a, is a huge chunk of chain that some people may never get. But also, like you were saying, depending on where you are,$25 an hour, like New York, other places, that's nothing like, you know, like that. That's nothing at all. And the, and the
Shirlene:thing is, in those places, yeah. Many times they don't even pay you$25 an hour. Nope. Because the cost of living is lower. So they, the pay is usually also lower as well. Lower right as well. You know what I mean? So, so that's where you still are then having a struggle because you're still not, you know what I mean? But like, yeah. So you're not gonna be somewhere or making$25 an hour probably, where you know, Where a mortgage is$257 a month.
Demetrius:Oh, money, I tell you. And then so, so now, yes. I feel like
Shirlene:his struggle. Yeah. I was just gonna say, I feel like, you know, I feel like his struggle, his personal struggle with not wanting for a, for a while, it was kind of like, I don't wanna go to school. I don't wanna go to school, I don't wanna go to school. I wanna go to school. Because he was, he was connecting college as being. Like high school. Mm-hmm. or where you're, you know, from eight o'clock in the morning until two 50 or three o'clock in the evening. Mm-hmm. you're in a building. You're like, you know what I mean? And I explained to him like, no, it's not like that at all. It's completely different. You know what I mean? So that concept alone was, you know, and then my son also has a D H D. Mm-hmm. So the focus. Is is another thing, like sometimes he can just become very overwhelmed. Mm-hmm. when you know, like too much work right. He can just become very overwhelmed with like having too many assignments and too many things to get done in a certain amount of pain, like timeframe.
Demetrius:So yeah. And the assignments are still there. Definitely. But like you were saying, like it's not. It's not the same. Like you got that separation, like you may have you maybe just two classes that day. It's not like 8:00 AM 9:00 AM all the way to 2:00 PM Right? Like, so you get more of that, but you also have more responsibility to get a lot of your work done too. So it's that balance. Right, right. So, so, but it's finally coming around it sounds like. Now, how do you deal with the balance of like, cause I know there's some parents that, um, you took the approach of, okay, this is what you're interested in. Let's look at the majors out there college-wise that will help you enjoy your interest and put a degree behind it. Um, so not like certain parents that are like, yeah, I know you like that, but I ain't making any money. You're gonna be a doctor, you're gonna be this. Uh, so that's a great approach. But what, but how do you feel like now that you know he's interested in something, how much are you trying to kind of. Put your hands on it a little bit now. Cause you know, as parents you like to like, Ooh, okay, let me, let me help you with this, let me help you with this. But how do you balance that and having him, you know, be responsible as well?
Shirlene:Actually, I don't feel like I'm putting my hands really on it at all. Okay. The only, I, I just kinda like, only thing I'm gonna do is I'm gonna fill out that financial aid to see what the going hands on it that I really need is the financial aspect of things. Cuz that's gonna fall, you know, on my plate because he is only, you know, 16 years old. Mm-hmm. um, and from, and, and from there. It's kind of like, this is, this is your thing, right? You know, this is, this is, you know, your thing. And, um, you know, just like I was, I would say just like, just like high school, you know, I will be, I will be here to try to give you advice and guide you and, you know, do those things, but I don't really, like, I'm not looking up to see. Like what different fields this, this profession is gonna put him in. Mm-hmm. And I'm not doing any of that.
Demetrius:Got you. No, it's understandable. Okay. All right. So. Now I just wanna jump forward and see, so you, you've given some, you know, great things about your own life. Hopefully anybody's listening could kind of take from that and help them in their own lives. But there are some questions I actually pulled. Uh, I'm a follower of the website, core.com. core.com is kind of like Reddit, and, uh, if you haven't heard of Reddit, it's basically like a, a website. They have different community pages. This page I'm a part of is like a parenting page and people will throw. Questions out there, like, you know, I, I don't know how to deal with this with my kid. Or, or kids would even put stuff out there like, Hey, I don't know how to deal with this with my parents. Can you? Right. I'm gonna ask some questions here. I pulled and I think we wanna think you don't mind helping some people out here. No problem. The Single Mother Conflict Series is brought to you by the single parent conflict.com. If you are a parent and have a question that you feel you would love to have answered by another parent, even if it's anonymous. Head over to the single parent conflict.com and have your questions submited there. Awesome. So here's the first question I pulled here. Um, my 27 year old, oh, he is stepson. My 24 7 year old stepson won't leave our home. What can I do to show him that he is too old to be depending on us for survival? If you even feel that way.
Shirlene:So you wanna know what I would do in that situation? Yeah. What would you do? Yeah. Well, first of all, I would just have to say is a 27 year old still living at home? Oh wait, they want, they wanna get him out. Right. But
Demetrius:it doesn't stay. Yeah. So just looking like, so yeah, look at it again. He won't leave, basically. Sounds
Shirlene:like,
Demetrius:yeah. Won't leave our home. What should we do to show him that he's too old to depending on us?
Shirlene:Yeah. So I feel like, first of all, I feel like as a parent mm-hmm. that starts from when they're younger, kind of getting them ready for their, getting them ready for. Independence. Mm-hmm. and not having them rely on you and kind of building them up. So like this morning as an example, I, my, I had called my son to wake him up and mm-hmm. I was like, you know, this is like, you know, we're reverting backwards. Like you were doing good. You were using an alarm, you were waking yourself up, and now I'm having to call you again. Mm-hmm. do you understand that I won't always be, Like this is something you're gonna have to do on your own. So I feel like a 27, a 27 year old living at home, I don't think there's anything wrong with your 27 year old living at home. Mm-hmm. But if you are wanting to actually. Like actually get rid of your son like a victim. I mean, like, I don't understand. Like, I mean, how else do you get rid of somebody? Like, I mean, um, obviously this 27 year old is, is feeling like they're entitled to be still living there. Mm-hmm. after, I'm sure they've been. That they would like them to leave and live on their own and maybe, you know, have their own place. You know what I mean? Right. So I think what, what would you do with anybody living somewhere where you're not wanting them to be there anymore? I would've true. I would've, I would just evict them. They're 27 years old, like, wait.
Demetrius:Like if they're not listening or maybe there's not a game plan, it's like, all right, well here's a game plan. Oh, you're not following a game plan. We'll, maybe step three. And the game plan is like, all right, well you're not listening. You gotta, you gotta get out sooner or later, right?
Shirlene:So, yeah, come on. They're 27. So like you, they've probably had numerous conversations right? With them already about needing. You know, move out. I'm assuming, I don't know if this person works, doesn't work. There's not much information. Right. Exactly. But I would, I would say if, if I need my 27 year old out of my house mm-hmm. I'm evicting them out of my house. I don't think that sounds mean, but that's what I would have to
Demetrius:do. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, you gotta do what you gotta do, So that was question one, question two. Out of the three here, um, my parents allow me, uh, a person who was 13 years of age, two hours of gave me a week. On weekends only. I get high grades and I'm well-behaved. Any conversation with him about weekdays or longer than two hours a week to play games is instantly shut down. What do I do?
Shirlene:Ooh, so this is a kid asking the
Demetrius:question. He's a, yeah, his 13 year old. He has good grades. He says. He says he is wellbe behaved, no issues. He just wants a little more game time, you know, so it's like, do, how do you, how would you deal with something like,
Shirlene:Yeah, that's, that's tough. You know what I mean? Because as far as me as a parent, um, I don't put those stipulations on my child. Um, I mean, those things don't, I, you know, doctors always ask if the doctor's appointment about screen time ever since he was. Two. Mm-hmm. you know, but I don't, I don't have a problem with, um, with, with, with screen time, as long as there's a, a, a balance mm-hmm. So as, as the, it, this is kind of hard because a 13, as a 13 year old, um, I would say to have that, have a conversation with your parents. Yeah. You know, and I would say to let them know that, you know, Like he expressed in the letter that, you know, I'm doing well academically and, um, I would maybe make, like, I would probably make some type of, um, agreement with them. Right. Why don't you, can you guys give me, how about this? Give me one month, one month of, you know, increased gaming. They could come up with like a plan together. Mm-hmm. maybe that would be from two hours on the weekend to maybe. Four hours on a Saturday, you know what I mean? Two hours on a, you know, just make up some type of plan. Mm-hmm. and then if, if there's by like the next rating period or something like that, if there's any changes in my grades, if there's any changes in my chores, if I'm not doing my chores, if there's any changes, then we can go. to like what you guys said. So I would say like something like that, but it's kind of hard cause a 13 year old wouldn't normally know how to do something like that. Right.
Demetrius:But, uh, it's a good suggestion though. And that's all they're asking for are suggestions that the worst gets narrow, false fails, like up, sorry, they're your parents and I guess you just have to wait till you're 18 or ordering. Exactly. You'll be able to make your own rules when you leave,
Shirlene:and that's always so tough. But yeah, I would say that to try to go to them with a, like a plan and see.
Demetrius:Oh man. But that's a good idea though, the plan. Um, so the last question of the people that ask questions here, my three-year-old is refusing to let us cut his hair. We've tried everything. Bribery, I don't know what they're bribing him with light ups, but bribery, taking away treats, et cetera. But he is too stubborn. What should we do?
Shirlene:Not cut his hair.
Demetrius:Hmm. That's it. Just don't
Shirlene:cut it. Not cut his, not cut his. Let it grow, put it in a ponytail. Why does, why does, why does a boy, well, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl.
Demetrius:True. Yeah. They didn't say, they said three-year-old. Yeah.
Shirlene:Gender. Yeah. But why, why, why does, why does a child need a haircut? You know what I mean? Is, is that that three, that sounds like that's a demand that we're putting on the child. Cause we want their haircut. But if the child doesn't want their haircut, I don't feel that we. Just pull it back in a ponytail until they're four or six months down the line, you could try it again. Right. But a three-year-old has rights.
Demetrius:a three. Yearold
Shirlene:has rights. A three-year old has rights. I don't, yep. I don't feel that we should force, I don't feel like, like you should, if your kid doesn't wanna sit still to get a haircut. Mm-hmm. maybe they're too young. They're three, maybe they're not ready for it. It's like, it's like, My three-year-old is going to the dentist. Mm-hmm. And they won't sit through the appointment. Well, that means they can't go to the dentist yet. Yeah. They're not ready. You know what I mean?
Demetrius:Yeah. That's difficult though with the dentist part cause it's like, I don't even know. Cause it's like how important those cleanings are, especially when there's teeth are coming in. Um, well there's,
Shirlene:there's, there's, um, I mean there's, there's children that have trouble. Dentist. Yeah. You know what I mean? And, um, I mean, I don't know what the workaround is for that, but obviously a dentist can't do anything if a kid is screaming. Oh yeah, definitely. Right?
Demetrius:So you hurt
Shirlene:the child. Yeah, right. Exactly. So
Demetrius:mm-hmm. even with the haircut, now that I think about it. Yeah. But go ahead. See, even with the haircut, now that I think about it with the kids moving, that's also, it can be
Shirlene:dangerous, right? Yeah. So, so your safety of your child is number one. So at those young ages, Sometimes it could be fair, it could be just maturity. So I think sometimes we gotta kind of revisit things and slow down and just be like, all right, Susie or Jimmy isn't wanting this right now. Let's try another approach.
Demetrius:Well, that's it for those questions, but I do have one more question to ask you. Um, and I asked this for all the guests I talked to, so if you can go back in time and just tell your past self, just like one thing, and when I say past self, it could be maybe your early twenties or maybe right before you had your kid, you know, it could be anything. But if you could tell your past self one thing that you know now in your current state, like what would it be? What would be that one thing you would tell your past self?
Shirlene:Hmm. The one thing I would tell my past self, I would tell my past self, always walk with love. Awesome. That's what I would tell my past self.
Demetrius:All right. Awesome. Okay. So I just wanna thank you for joining in. It's been one of the, I think it's probably been one of my logger, uh, ones, but hey, we had a lot to say and a lot to talk about, so we can't, you know, we don't wanna shorten that. Right. So I just wanna thank you for, uh, coming on, and I appreciate it. Thank you for having me. I just wanna thank you for joining us on this journey through the second season of the Single Mother Conflict podcast series. Now this is the last episode of the season, and we hope that you've gained valuable. Into the unique challenges that single mothers face. We'll be providing additional content throughout the year. So make sure you stay tuned. Now, if you are a parent or know someone who is a parent, please consider subscribing and leaving us a review to help us reach more people like you. Now, we know that being a parent can sometimes be difficult, but we hope that by sharing our stories and experiences, we can help make things a little easier. So with that being said, I just wanna thank you again and we look forward to hearing from you.