The Hangry Parent Podcast
Welcome to The Hangry Parent Podcast! Join us as we explore the wild adventure of parenting, seasoned with a side of mouth-watering cuisine.
The Hangry Parent Podcast
#13 - The Balancing Act: Co-Parenting, Budgeting, and Family Dynamics in 2024
Ever wondered how co-parenting can be both a challenge and a rewarding journey? This episode of the Hangry Parent Podcast offers Part 2 of a fascinating conversation with Lay-Cee from The Dottedline Podcast, providing an insider's view into her family's co-parenting dynamics. We uncover how Lay-Cee and her husband have mastered the art of balancing household chores, school runs, and those unexpected parenting curveballs.
You can listen to Part 1, "Power of Routine..." using the link below:
linktr.ee/thedottedlinepodcast
News Articles Covered:
Savings tips for first-time parents:
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/savings-tips-first-time-parents-220424797.html
Parents are often told it takes a village to raise a child. So, where is it?
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/parenting-village-1.7347040
Sabrina Carpenter Criticized for Provocative Tour Performances
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXT5jNui4qk&t=221s
Other Links:
The Total Money Makeover
https://www.amazon.com/Total-Money-Makeover-Classic-Financial/dp/1595555277
Spice Girls: 2 Become 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA5jsa1lR9c
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All right. So welcome to the Hangry Parent Podcast, where you can find the latest parenting news, insights and other things that you need when you're hungry for answers to make informed decisions for your family. I'm your host, Demetrius, and I'm joined today by a special guest. Her name is Lacey. She's from the Dotline Podcast. Now this is a continuation this is a part two, if you will from her episode. We first kind of met up and talked and discussed, so that'll be in the link in description in this episode. Make sure you watch that first, Then you can mosey back on over here and continue with part two. But how's it going, Lacey?
Lay-Cee:Yeah, that's going good. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited.
Demetrius:Yeah, definitely. So you tell us a little bit about what your podcast is usually about.
Lay-Cee:for any new listeners or people listening to you for the first time, yeah, so it's the dotted line podcast and so I have real transparent, honest communications and episodes more on the heavier things of like harder conversations to have. But I'm branching out obviously, um, even with this collab right and doing something a little bit different than what I'm used to, and I'm excited about that of branching out. So definitely take a listen awesome, awesome, no, definitely.
Demetrius:Um. So again, that'll be in the link in the description of this episode, so make sure you click on that. Watch that first. Come on back.
Demetrius:So a couple of things we'll be talking about. We'll be talking about co-parenting dynamics, sharing parenting responsibilities really important Coping with parenting challenges, because you know, as a parent, there's so many things that go on Goal setting, future planning, things I'm terrible at, so we'll talk about that. Also, life lessons from parenting and some news things I saw that were like ah, caught my eye, so we'll probably discuss those a little bit as well. But so first then talking about co-parenting dynamics and really specifically discussing roles and responsibilities in co-parenting.
Demetrius:So, if we some of the stuff may divvy into what we talked about in your episode, lacy, but, um, when we're talking about responsibilities and like co-parenting, maybe saying hey, you know what dad, maybe dad can focus on, maybe do it just breaking stereotypes here, maybe dad can focus on the cooking you know is, is that cooking? Uh, you know lately, maybe mom, maybe mom is helping kids with the homework, but not talking about that and just kind of going off on your day just like, hey, we'll figure it out, I mean that kind of feel like hurts a little bit, without figuring out what those roles are. What are your day responsibilities with you and your husband, and how do you guys figure that out?
Lay-Cee:Yeah, so I'm definitely not the typical because I do not like cooking at all. I will wash the dishes and make sure everything is clean, but I do not like cooking at all. I will do it in emergencies, like if my husband is, like, you know, having some late meetings and things like that because he works in education. He just finished his master's program, so like if he had stuff to do with that, then I would, you know, step in, cook, if not order something. He's the predominant cook. He loves to cook, his family cooks, everyone in his family can cook and it's like awesome. So I just support that. So that's kind of like his responsibility.
Lay-Cee:My responsibility is we kind of divide and conquer when it comes to taking them to school. So my older ones that are nine and 10, he takes those kids to school. They're in middle school and then I take my youngest, who's three, to daycare. I come back and work, I work from home and then I pick up in the evening. So I'm kind of doing, you know, dance practice right, making sure everyone has everything for dance practice. My son's in soccer, so then he has soccer on certain days and so I have to go pick him up and then go drop him off with my husband so he can take him to soccer. So we divide and conquer that way. As far as like just household responsibilities and stuff like that, we work on that together. I may do laundry in the heap holds, or I really like have a jam with cleaning the kitchen.
Demetrius:You say have a jam with it.
Lay-Cee:Yes, have a whole jam session.
Lay-Cee:Like I have my headset on and I'm like ready to go, don't nobody bother me, like let me clean up everything you know baseboards and all the things Right, and so I'll clean that kind of stuff up. And then he definitely helps with like just you know, the week to week stuff. But I'm more of kind of like the deep cleaner. So we definitely work together when it comes to just our household responsibilities, everything with the kids. I'm super grateful for that, just because I know that's not everyone's dynamic and things like that. But we are definitely strive to, you know, divide and conquer and kind of get everything together as we can. And some days it may not look the same. Some days, you know, he may be like hey, I have this to do and I take on a little bit more, and vice versa. But having that flexibility and grace is like absolute best. It's key.
Demetrius:Like that flexibility and grace, super important, especially when you get into like decision making, because you may have those roles, responsibilities, but you know, some things may fall out of line. You know life happens. So can you talk a little bit more about, uh, decision making? So, uh, if a decision has to be made I'm trying to think of an example, maybe, um, like, for example, my son this hasn't happened in a while. He's a good student. He comes back, let's say, he gets, you know, an f in math or something and uh, okay, how are okay? How are we going to handle it? Or am I going off the rails? Am I talking with him? Am I talking with mom first? You know, how does that work. What do you guys usually do when it comes to like decisions of that sort, and how do you come to a resolution?
Lay-Cee:Yeah.
Lay-Cee:So one of the things I'm really grateful for my husband is in education. He works in education, he's a behavior coach, so he's very patient with kids and things not going the way that we expect as a parent, right, like we send them to school and think that they're just supposed to be learning, coming back with the grades, right, minimal effort that you have to put in. So when my kids have had maybe bad grades or let's just say, bad behavior in school or just something that's like not you know what you want to hear as a parent school or just something that's like not you know what you want to hear as a parent he has been very helpful with saying, okay, I'm going to take the lead. This is kind of my area and I support. There have been some times that, like I think it kind of goes into that generational, the way you were raised, right, because if I would have got a bad grade, like I would have gotten in trouble, right, something's getting, you know, getting taken away until that grade comes up, type of thing. So when I've kind of had that and that's like my go-to, there's times for that. If it's something that's like repetitive, and I know that you can you know, do better, and things like that. So we kind of assess that, okay, is this something? That is a pattern? Is there something wrong? Is something going on with the teacher? Is something going on with the you know the actual kid, things like that. So we'll kind of talk through that and problem solve that way.
Lay-Cee:As far as how we should handle that, again, I'm always about the way that I grew up and like if you didn't have good grades, like you know, you're grounded, right. But in certain situations, in most situations right, especially with the kids these days, it's not always that cut and dry to where it's like, okay, you didn't make the grade that I'm expecting. So like now I'm going to take this away, right, it's more so. Conversations, what? Let's get to the root of the issue. Why are you making the bad grade? Do we need tutoring? Do we need to have a conference with the you know the teacher and things like that. And it's super helpful.
Lay-Cee:I think if I did not have a husband that was in education, that's where we would have the issue, because I would literally just go based off of what I grew up with and, hey, you're grounded. And that doesn't necessarily fix the issue right. That doesn't say, hey, like, what is the problem? Why are you making the bad grade? Do we need tutoring? What do we need, like, how can I support and really stepping into that role of saying, hey, I do have some responsibility in your education, not to just send you to school.
Lay-Cee:So I'm very grateful for that, because he kind of, you know, takes his his work hat off right and put parent hat on to be able to help me to understand that perspective. So that's. I think that's only happened maybe a few times where I'm like, hey, you're grounded and that may have lasted a week or two until you start figuring out, okay, wait, it's maybe not the grade, or maybe it's not, you know, the student, maybe something else, or whatever like that. So that's been really really helpful. So kind of again dividing and conquer, but more so he kind of takes the lead in that because that's his area of expertise oh, it's perfect?
Demetrius:no, definitely. I remember having bad grades when I was younger. My parents would literally take the entire tv out of the room. Yes, what's going on like? Is this like?
Lay-Cee:so the box tv right, yeah, right the box tv it's getting taken out, or because that's back when we had cable right, so like have to have that. Or I'm gonna take the dvd player or the vc vcr player out or like a phone out. I remember one time I had like the hinges on my door taken off, like stuff like that, like in insane right, which now it's like I'm not gonna make things harder on myself.
Demetrius:Yeah, it's like if you're punished, then I'm punished, but how can we compromise on on this punishment because like can't you just get good grades like, come on, I don't want you yeah, it's terrible. It's terrible, it's funny and the worst part is you just come home to it so that you don't see the teeth. You just go home in your room and it's like oh it's gone.
Lay-Cee:Yeah, I already know it gone. And I think too, like in this generation, like back then we kind of hide our grades. Right, you actually got a paper and like you know your parents like either they got it or they didn't get it, but then like something had to get signed and then maybe they got an email or a call home, depending you know whatever.
Lay-Cee:But like now it's on, we have a system called Skyward right, so like they literally say a system called Skyward right. So like they literally say, hey, it's available there, so I will see the grades before my kids see the grades Right.
Lay-Cee:So that kind of helps too to where I can see it before I see them and then say, okay, how do we process this? And then, looking at what the progress report was to the actual report card, okay, was there a decrease, increase Like what do we need to do? Are there certain things you need to work on?
Demetrius:that type of thing what do we need to do? Are there certain things we need to work on? That type of thing? Right so, definitely so. So, going from that challenge to other challenges, like other common issues, like getting to sleep or sleep tantrums, other struggles, sibling right Cause you have, you know, more than one kid, right so sibling rivalries, or battles you know with each other, like how do you cope with those?
Lay-Cee:like specific parenting challenges, that is a good question, because I'm a single.
Demetrius:I'm my only child and also my son's only child too. So I'm like I always hear about those battles of oh wow, that's, that's crazy.
Lay-Cee:I can't relate and I'm an only child Right and I have step siblings, but they were like six, seven years older than me, so we never like all lived in the same house.
Lay-Cee:So like I still was like the only child, right. And, honestly, when my kids, it's not necessarily like they don't. I have a son and a daughter, right? So my daughter's the oldest and then my son is 17 months behind her. They're 10 and nine Right, my daughter will be 11 this year. So Like they don't have like the rivalry of like I think two sisters would have or two brothers would have, because they're really kind of not competing against each other because they're different genders, right. But the bickering is insane. Just like my son's birthday was yesterday. My youngest son is three's three.
Lay-Cee:We went to Target and like we're getting him stuff right, like what you know, taking him down the toy aisle and then like okay, hey, like there I love graphic tea. So like let's go look over here, whatever. And all of a sudden, like they start arguing about like this. I don't even remember what they were arguing about, but I literally walked away. I was like let me go look at the shoes and like get away, because all of this bickering and we're in the middle of a store, like chill out. So one of them came to me. It's like hey, mom. And then the other one comes back and I'm like so y'all came over here to argue again in my presence.
Lay-Cee:When I walked away from y'all and I think that was kind of when the light went off Cause they were like wait, like I didn't realize. So we ended up having to talk later and I was like that was kind of embarrassing. Right, we're in public, y'all are arguing, y'all are old enough to know better. Right, your three-year-old brother is sitting in the car just living his life and not having an issue. And they're like my daughter was like I didn't realize I was coming off like that and that was kind of like that, like light bolt, right, a simple communication of like hey, that was embarrassing, that's why I walked off.
Lay-Cee:And it like okay, I got it, cause I was like hey, like what if I'm at the store and I'm arguing with your dad, right, aren't you going to be embarrassed? And they were like, yeah, so I think that part of parenting, of where we're, I'm taking the approach of my husband's, taking the approach of more like talking through issues and not at being like you're bad or you can't say that or we can't have a conversation, going back and forth, I think, really really changes their trajectory of how they process things and how they act Right and think in the moment and be able to make their own decisions. So that's just one instance, right, this just happened yesterday. But most of the time when it comes to like the bickering and everything like that, they are very like. With me they'll kind of be late, laid back and not think it's a big deal, but with our dad they kind of don't do that because he's like, you know, the, the one that's like he has the dad voice Right and he's like soon.
Lay-Cee:They say something they're like right Like it's like kind of like everyone's like zipped, so it depends where we're at. We happen to all be at the store together and we were kind of able to capture that moment there. But like, if they're with me, like in afternoons, when I'm picking them up and they're bickering, I'm like why are y'all doing that? And they'll keep going. We're in the car and I'm like, ok, I'm turning up the music Right. When they're with their dad, it's like completely different thing because they have and it's not like dads have that like just authoritative voice. Like you know, they're not playing right and it can still be with love, right. So it's not like I fear you and, oh my gosh, I'm gonna get beat. It's more so like okay, dad's not playing, mom's a little bit more like laid back right, okay, let's talk through it, that type of thing that's not a bad thing either too, because people it's not like oh well, you know dad need to be less well.
Demetrius:This is why, in my opinion, uh, that it's good to have both parents, because you want both you don't have being a single parent. You know and you can't help. You know that if that's what happens, yes having to play both roles, like that's not the you might have to, but that's not the goal. The goal shouldn't have to be that way. Now, if you have to, you have to, but that's why it's. But it's good, when you can, to have both roles in there to to kind of mitigate and balance that out Right.
Lay-Cee:So yeah, it is, and I mean coming from you know, like I grew up in a single parent household right until my mom got remarried. My husband grew up with both of his parents and his parents got divorced. We are really treading in an area that we really knew nothing about or remember seeing Right. So that's one of the good things about having both of us there, because we're able to talk through our traumas and say like, hey, like you know, that didn't work when we were growing up, so like what can work right, and kind of trial and error with that type of stuff. So it's really beneficial and I don't take it for granted that it's both of us here for both of our kids. Right, having two sons and a daughter. Right, they need both parents. Right, I can't teach my sons how to be men, right, like.
Lay-Cee:I can't do that I'm not a man, and vice versa with my daughter. My husband cannot teach her how to be a woman, because Right, exactly.
Demetrius:And again, if you're listening and you're a single parent, it's not because I can hear it now. I can hear it now. Well, I'm a single mom or I'm a single father. I am a father's day is also for me and I'm a mom and a mother's day is for me. Yes, I get it, but you know, if there's a point where you can and you're not, in that point, you know. You know we get it. Like having both, uh, parents is important, but you're not short-changing all the single parents out there too, because, um, I was once also a single parent, uh, as well, and it's hard to try to beat me as a man. You hear the voice talk about authoritative. How am I gonna sound, you know? Oh, okay, okay, you know, let's, it's gonna be all right. I was like he doesn't believe me, like it's to be all right, and I was like he doesn't even believe me, like it's going to be all right. Why are you, why are you saying it like that? I'm just talking. What do?
Demetrius:you mean I'm automatically just sounding authoritative and um, you know it's, it's, it's hard, it's hard. Um so, again, kudos to those summer parents out there trying to a lot, um, so then, oh, so I have a question. So, because you're those responses you gave as far as like oh, you know what, I'm gonna walk away like, that is amazing, not just the response that you gave, but also the response of your kids, like oh, oh, something is going on.
Demetrius:Maybe I shouldn't do that yeah is there other times where it's like they don't listen, or because I just feel like, okay, yeah, they, they had that epiphany. But I feel like certain kids won't have that epiphany, like, yeah, it's fine, but I'm just gonna, and then back in a day it's kind of like all right, cool, let me grip you up then or let me wear the belt, because you're not understand what I'm saying. So I'm like the fact that they're going off like oh, yeah, we get it, we get it.
Lay-Cee:mom, like oh, it's like wow, you got some good kids it like that Majority of the time they are bickering about the stupidest thing who didn't do the dishes? Why do I have to do the dishes? And this is everyone else's stuff. They share a bathroom. The bathroom's dirty. I didn't want to put my stuff in here because so-and-so's dirty.
Lay-Cee:I mean, this is constant, and I think one of the biggest things for me, like you mentioned before, being a only child is something that no one will really understand unless you've been through that. Right. You kind of like your alone time, right. Sometimes you wish you had a sibling. That you know. You see your friends that have the siblings and things like that, and you're like man, I wish I had that bond with you know someone, you know whatever, and so it's a really complex like territory that you're in.
Lay-Cee:On top of that, then you're raising multiple kids, right. So, like, their upbringing is completely different than mine, because I was literally like a latchkey kid, right, coming home and able to, you know, pop something in the oven, pop something in the microwave to fix myself something to eat. You know in the time that my mom was getting home, right, so I was by myself a couple of hours at their age. There's no way in the world, I would leave them home at nine and 10, at this point, right, they're very resourceful and they can cook and things like that, but like I'm not leaving them at home, like I'm going to be here, so there are.
Lay-Cee:It's a different thing of being a single child and then you know, or only child and then having, you know, multiple children, right, because again, you can't relate on that level. The stuff that they're doing. It's like well, I don't get it, but they argue all the time. It's always bickering, it's always like why are y'all arguing? And they'll listen for a little bit and then kind of be quiet and go back upstairs and then I hear them arguing again.
Lay-Cee:Right, why are y'all getting on each other, blah, blah, blah. So there's definitely majority of the time. So there's definitely majority of the time it's very back and forth. Hey, okay, well, you know, my husband will take my son and they may go to the store. I'll take my daughter, like we do dance practice and stuff like that, and I'll try to split them up in that way, because I noticed that having multiple kids especially because my youngest is three, so it was just them two for so long that, like now my youngest son, he went from being the baby to the middle child, right Now my youngest son, he went from being the baby to the middle child, right. So like that's a different thing.
Lay-Cee:So trying to take that time out individually and kind of talk through things helps, but they still argue all the time there's no getting around, that there's no like why are y'all arguing? Why don't y'all get along today? Right, they're at the same school but different grades and it's still like in the car. And why did you say that? This is every day. So I'm learning to be okay and thrive in the chaos of all of that, because it used to just really be like y'all argue all the time like how does this work? And I really kind of just got that like aha moment for my husband, right because he's the youngest of three yeah, that's normal that's normal.
Lay-Cee:I'm like what like? And they're like kind of his brothers. They're kind of the same age difference between my kids, so like it's like interesting to see, with him being the youngest and then he has an older brother it's like seven years older than him, and here in the same it's all the same, and they were all boys, right. So it was even worse because they're all boys and they're doing all that. So that really helped to having that insight from him, because I was like I don't get it, like I would love to have a sibling. I don't think I would argue with them type of thing, right, but I'm I wasn't in that situation, but yes, they don't listen all the time.
Demetrius:In another life you're bickering with a sister that you've never had yes, yes exactly exactly.
Demetrius:So we're talking about grades before and, uh, I mean just having kids in general. But grades education. You think of college things like that later on. But you know money, you know all that's money. Take education out of it. Money Gotta feed your kids, gotta, you know, maintain their lifestyle. Gotta keep the roof over your head right.
Demetrius:So a couple of things, because earlier we were talking about you know I might go over some news articles here. So there's one that I found from Yahoo Finance that just came out recently. They released some information about, like, the average cost that is to raise a child. I'm like I don't know if that's, if I was expecting more or less. I don't know, I want to get your take on it. So they say the cost of raising a child has been steadily increasing over the years. According, uh, to a bank rate study, the average cost to raise a child from birth to age 17 to the us is estimated to be about 313 939, which breaks down to about 18 000 a year. Um, this does include expenses like housing, food, child care, education and health costs. So my question is was that more or less about on par Like? What are your thoughts?
Lay-Cee:I feel like it's on par, but it's crazy. When you like total it out, oh my gosh, Like I'm thinking in my head. I'm like I'm going to spend like a million dollars on my kids Right, Like all three of them right is insane. But when you put it into housing, right Like our mortgage is fairly, fairly, cheap just because we bought our house in 2015. So it's not these, you know, two, three $5,000 mortgages Absolutely not. But when I think about, especially like my daughter being in dance, I'm paying like 150 a month just for her to go to class. That doesn't include gas, that doesn't include snacks, that doesn't include any type of materials or, you know, clothes, whatever.
Lay-Cee:And then on top of that you're talking about recitals, right? So we just figured out she's in three dances this year and it's like $400 just for her to be in the recital and then also to have her costumes, right. Again, this doesn't include gas. This doesn't include any of the things. Now, thankfully I'm pretty resourceful and I can do makeup and I can do hair, so I don't have to pay anybody for that, right. But that's just my daughter in dance. My son is in soccer. His is a little bit cheaper because I think it's like 200 a season, right, 200 a season, right. So that season is maybe like two or three months, not bad, so maybe $400 a year.
Lay-Cee:But then, literally I'm thinking of like clothes, like insane, like my, my youngest son, we just bought clothes and shoes and I think maybe I spent like I got him three pairs of shoes and like six outfits, and I think it was like 300 bucks, which is pretty decent.
Lay-Cee:He's he's three, though, right, so he doesn't require to get his approval on the certain shoes. So I can buy him cute Jordans that are on sale for like 40 bucks, right, as opposed to my daughter wants Uggs that are 70 bucks. Right. My son's like, hey, I want these Jordans. Right, and I mean all the things. Like it was cheaper. I felt like when they were younger because I could go and pick out their stuff and go to children's place, like I did my youngest son and get everything. And so now it's like, hey, no, I like this type of thing, I want this type of thing.
Lay-Cee:So it gets more expensive as they get older, right. Then you're talking about cars. You're talking about you know, um, gas, if you're helping, right, like if, if my daughter is going to be in dance, and like I don't know if we'll require her to get a job, like will she even have time? So like we're paying for her. You know expenses and things like that, so that's right on par. It's crazy when you put it that way of you know that in a lifetime of their 17 years. But that makes sense. It's. It's super expensive to have kids.
Demetrius:It's super, super expensive yeah, and it just makes you reflect on this um meme I saw recently. Uh, trying to remember what it was okay, so there was a um birth control, I think they were like a box of condoms that were there, and then they were pampers and they said the box condoms are like what? Four or five bucks and the diapers are like twenty dollars. And it was like you decide, or something like that, and I'm like that's just diapers.
Lay-Cee:So that's twenty dollars for diapers. I'm wondering what the quantity is because my son and I remember like diapers, like a box of diapers, like a hundred dot hundred diapers right in a box, whatever size, are literally like 40 bucks exactly, so it's like it's. Which one do you want to do? What do you want to do? You protect?
Demetrius:yourself. You know it's a whole other discussion, but that's crazy. So so going into the finances of that right because this goes in discussion.
Demetrius:What I was talking about separately from this even article at all, but kind of connects here, um, is like financial planning and separate even from financial planning, just even just getting yourself out of the hole, because you hear that and you hear people that maybe don't have the money and funding, and it's like that's great, you know, yeah, that is the amount of money that I need to pay with this child and I barely have it as it is like what do you go through as far as financial planning? What are your goals that you have in mind of? You and your husband have these talks of like OK, we need to save X, y and Z. Here's how we're going to do it. Here's how we're going to invest. Here's how we're going to like how are those conversations like and what tools you have, if anybody's listening to say like hey, you know what, here's some things, that kind of work for us.
Lay-Cee:So I want to first say, before you have kids, I don't care what anybody says, you're never going to be prepared financially Right To take care of a kid. Right, raise a kid. I feel like the easiest part was to actually like just make sure the kid is alive, right, and saying up, you're very tired, but that's the easy part. Right Is just. They're just alive, right, they're fed, they're good, they're changed. You know things like that, right.
Lay-Cee:They're fed, they're good, they're changed, you know things like that. But when it comes to planning, as we've had kids, right, my two oldest ones are 17 months apart, like I mentioned. So we've talked about cars. Okay, how much do we want to spend on a car? Well, like back in my day, like I remember getting a cash car for like 4,000 bucks. Where is that happening right now? Where are you getting a car that's even going to be like reasonable, like for it to last for a decent amount of time? Right, so we did start putting away for that. We just did a savings account for that. Right, we put away so much every check. Okay, cool, we're going to start doing that. So that you know, my daughter has a car, things like that. Right, cause, we want to pay it in cash. I don't want to get a payment for her and Lord, Lord forbid that she gets into a wreck or something like that and wrecks the car. Right, cause teams are responsible, like that.
Lay-Cee:Um, when it comes to investing, we both invest within our jobs. He works at a school district, I work, um, in the healthcare field and things like that. So we invest, like through our 401ks and things like that, through our jobs and stuff like that. The other part is that, the debt portion. So I feel like we've kind of went up and down. Because you know spending, you have to really figure out what your spending is. I personally am an emotional spender. So if I'm stressed out about something, I'm like, yes, let's go to Amazon and like, get all these boxes Right and get all these packages, and we need this. I saw it on Instagram. And then, finally, when I'm not stressing anymore, I'm like why do I have all this crap? Now I need to declutter, right. Like what am I going to do? You know what I mean. So we went up and down to where we've had debt. We paid it off and did the whole. You know, went Gazette and Pence and did all the things and paid off the debt. But you have to realize how your spending works, because you can roll back into that cycle really easy. Just as quick as you can get out, you can get right back in, right.
Lay-Cee:So I would say, when it comes to planning, you know, as you have kids, however that pans out like how many kids do you want to have I would really focus on your future and how you want things to look, because the temporary is right now. Like I mentioned, having the child, keeping the child alive, is the most tiresome part of being a parent, but it's the easiest part, because you don't have kids talking back, you don't have behaviors, you don't have grades, you don't have all of that, right. But it also you have daycare. That's super expensive, right? So that's the kind of you know you're always going to have something. That's like, man, I wish I could save here, cause as soon as you're able to save, it's something else that comes up. So I'd really say what are your financial goals If you are not, you know, a homeowner, cause homeownership is not for everybody, right?
Lay-Cee:So do I want to be a homeowner eventually? Okay, what do I need to do to save up for that? Do I want my child to have a car or do I want my child to work for a car? Right? Like you have to really look at what is going to work for your child, right? Because I got a car when I was 16, but my husband did not. So that was kind of a push and pull of like I want Candy to have a car, and he's like why I didn't get a car until I was 21. And I'm like what?
Demetrius:Yeah, I was going to say I didn't. I was taking a bus still at that time, like, yeah, and so that's what and so you have to figure out what you want for your child.
Lay-Cee:What's going to work, what is the benefit of giving a child a car Right? Like, yes, that's what they want, but like, what is the benefit? Is that going to teach them responsibility? What are they going to have to exchange to get that? Because you're not going to just give your child a car right?
Lay-Cee:So really figure out what you want your children to have, what kind of life you want them to have. On top of that, you want to think of you first because, like I mentioned that homeowner thing, if you want to be a homeowner, that's one of the most expensive purchases you make, probably in your lifetime, right? So is that something I want? Well, you want to make sure you have that before you start saying, hey, I want to give my kid a car Right.
Lay-Cee:The same thing with college, you know. Do I want my child to do? I want to save money for college? Or like, am I going to make my child work for a scholarship? Right, are they athletic or is there anything they can get a scholarship in? So it's really figuring out what works best for you, your budget, what, how you want your kids to be raised. How does that impact? You know the way you were raised or the things that you want to take from that, and there are things that you don't like and implement that as well, cause I think it's a push and pull with that. There's some things that you know I grew up with and I'm like yep.
Demetrius:I like that, some things I grew up with and I'm like, no, I don't think I want that for my child, right? No, no, I completely agree. You mentioned Dave Ramsey. You talk a little bit about that.
Lay-Cee:Was that a?
Demetrius:method that he talks about, or can you talk about that a little bit?
Lay-Cee:Yeah. So I have a love hate relationship with it because I think when I originally got into debt and really understood what it was right, this was like the second time you know you have your debt when you're younger and you have bad credit, and I learned how to, you know, repair my credit, bought my house and then got into the debt of all the things that you buy, get in the house, right. You know furniture. Um, you know everything, right, appliances, you know redoing the home. However, you know whatever you go into debt for. So when, covet, I was like hey, we got to get out of this debt. This isn't it, right, like it's it's. Things are looking funny and we were very fortunate enough to have very secure jobs at that point Right, like I said, my husband's in um education and then I'm in the healthcare field Right, so very fortunate for that. But I started reading his book and I'll have oh my God, what is this?
Lay-Cee:book Um do I even have it with me, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give it to you so you can link it, okay, but it was a book that he had. It's like one of his first books. He had a few different books and he basically explained how he went into debt, how he, you know, was able to pay it off. And one of the things that he said is like the first thing you need to do is have a thousand dollars at least saved, right like that's for emergencies and things like that. Now, now, if your family size is like mine five people in your home a thousand dollars is going to go like that, right Between food and you know all the things. So you have you start that up and then you take your.
Lay-Cee:I did the snowball method, where I took the smallest balance first and paid that off. So, while I was still making like minimum payments on whatever cards and things like that, I would take that first card. Let's say it's $500. I'm going to pay that off. Okay, cool. Well, that minimum payment may have been a hundred bucks, so I'm able to roll that now into additional payments and I'm kind of saving money that way. It gives you momentum, it makes you feel like you accomplish things. Hey, I got two credit cards paid off in three months, whatever it is they also have. He also explains another way, as far as like the interest way, of looking at all your balances and seeing which has the most interest and you pay that off first. That's for the numbers.
Lay-Cee:People that are saying, hey, I could take the you know the easy way out and get the small win of paying the smaller balance off first, but financially, if I do that, I'm going to be paying more interest overall. Right, and I want it kind of like the instant gratification type of thing. So we literally were able to pay off about 30,000 in credit card debt in about 18 months. Right, between COVID stimulus checks, right, like literally getting our budget down to bare bones. Right, where can we save? Do we need all of these different you know streaming channels? Right, like where can we save? And things like that. The thing of it was is that I in that book the reason why I said I have a love hate. It gives you the tools of what you need to do and get you started, but it does not give you the tools of, like, how do I stay out of debt?
Lay-Cee:I know how to pay it off. But how do I stay? Stay out of debt? And then really understanding what your triggers are of how do I spend? Am I an emotional spender Right, like what value am I spending my money on Right? Or is it things and experiences like things like that? So it was. It helps me get out of debt, for sure, but it did not help me stay out of debt. So that's why I say I have a love, love, hate relationship with it but it was a great book and helped and it, you know, did all the things you know for me and things like that.
Lay-Cee:So I was very grateful for that. But I had to kind of learn what were my triggers with spending and what I spent my money on.
Demetrius:So yeah, so yeah, once we have that, we'll, we'll link up and we'll put that in the link in the description too, because I think that's very helpful. That's awesome. Um, you also mentioned, you know, daycare, daycare, another love hate relationship. I need somebody to take care of my kids, but where am I coming up with this money to take care of them? Um, this actually came um another news article, since you brought that up, um cbc news out of canada, excuse me, which kind of talked about that a little bit as far as not really daycare, but really the breakup of what traditional, like child care was, because before it was like you know what? I gotta go, hey mom, hey dad, you might watch my kid, you know the kids for me while I go. Oh yeah, I got you no problem, you just would it go. I'm saying like I lived that life. I didn't, but I'm just I'm assuming that's how that was.
Lay-Cee:It was my grandma was like that.
Demetrius:Yeah, she definitely said okay, see someone making it up. Um, so, according to cbc they were talking about. So they say, experts say that the concept of the traditional village that supports parents, where extended families, communities, neighbors, neighborhoods all lend a hand, so that village to raise a child, kind of concept. They say that it's outdated now. Part of it is the nature of Western families living in individual households. People living further away from their relatives change expectations of grandparents because, you know, grandparents now they're not retired like they were now, they're still working. So it's like, how do you battle that concept? We talked about money. We talked about finances. We talked about, okay, cool, now I want to get the money, but now how am I going to get this money if I'm using that money now to pay for daycare? Now I'm still in the same kind of boat.
Demetrius:Yeah, separately that, who can I get to kind of watch my kids? Who should I listen to, even to as far as knowledge, to get that? Because another thing he talked about was like, oh, you know, we aren't really listening to parents or our parents anymore. Now we're listening to podcasts. Maybe you're listening to this podcast now, um, and getting information. So how does that all work for you? I know I said a lot there, but, uh, maybe we focus on, like, the outdatedness of child care, like, um, how, how, how do you, how did you guys handle that with um, or even when your kids were younger?
Lay-Cee:Yeah, so, um, I've been fortunate and blessed enough to when I've had all my kids, even my son now they started at in-home daycares. My son now they started at in-home daycares.
Lay-Cee:So I moved right from the North Texas area to South Texas, which is about four hours, and because Texas is huge, like they're not lying about that, and so I moved down here to my husband's area. So he, when who watched my children when they were younger, like my older children, and even now it's a, it's a different lady. They were friends of the family, right Of, like hey, she used to babysit me back then, or whatever the case may have been Right. So I was very fortunate enough to have that opportunity to have an in-home daycare. So that's a low teacher to kid ratio. They only kept about like five kids at a time and then the cost was really low. Even right now, like I have daycare for my son, I pay 160 a week Unheard of Right Now. Mind you, my son is not fully potty trained, ok, so he he can tell you like, yeah, I need to go, but like he still is going to have some accidents, that price range is going to go up. You're talking about like two to $300 a week for that, for one kid, right, when I'm paying 160. So I'm very fortunate for that Um, and, like I said, I got to do the same thing with my kids, um as well. So that, I feel like, is a blessing within itself. Um, small ratio, don't have to worry about, like. I literally never worry about him being over there. I work and I go on about my business and I don't have to worry about, like, do they have complaints? So on and so forth.
Lay-Cee:But one of the points that you made about, like the village, right, and just their traditional grandparent, my grandma I remember being with my grandma all the time. My grandma, like I remember she still worked. At one point I remember, like on Saturday she would go to the office and she would bring me with her. I'd be sitting under her desk and playing on typewriters and all the things. Right Would be with my grandma every weekend, right, and we just have that close-knit relationship. Right, my kids, they have that relationship with my husband's mother because she's here locally, right, so they spend time with her, spend the night, things like that. But my parents, they stay four hours away. Right, so they spend time with her, spend the night, things like that, but my parents, they stay four hours away, right, so they don't have that type of relationship Right, like maybe a once a year, twice a year, type of thing, right?
Lay-Cee:In addition to that you mentioned, like I said, you mentioned the village. It's not the same. Like I feel like we're at a different age and I don't want to blame it on COVID, but I do feel like COVID opened up the door to see, number one, how nasty people are and how you don't trust people. You know what I mean. Like my daughter has friends and like she's been to their parties, but like I've been there at the party, right, like it's a party at a public place. Like I'm not letting her spend the night at someone's house, right. So that kind of takes away that village, because I used to go spend the night at my friend's houses.
Lay-Cee:But the way that you meet other parents, it's not the same anymore. You can't trust everyone with your child, right. So I think the way that people are now and I feel I feel like there are people back then I'm not going to say, like you know, because every generation has, like their evils and things like that but it's so different the way that people collaborated back in the day, right, you had your aunties that were your mom's best friends, that you could go to their houses or whatever like that Things are different now, right, it's not really like that. You kind of have your own individual family and I don't think that has anything to do with you know, know, staying outside of different homes, because I think that we were doing that years ago, but it's just the the climate is different. You know of who you can trust and who you want around your kid, and you know what they're being subjected to for sure right?
Demetrius:no, definitely. Uh, it's a, it's a different life. It's, um, yeah, I think so. My son, his grandmother took care of him in a big early beginning, and then it shifted between that and his mom, which is great, and then it's shifted again to more of just me, and and then the weird thing happened was okay, it was me, and then it was like me and him gets the world kind of thing, kind of like I know I can, only I Don't need help.
Demetrius:That's another problem. Maybe again for another podcast. It it's just like asking for help, especially any single parents out there, it's like that breaking that mentality of like hey, I need help, like it's okay to ask for help. Yeah, you don't have to do it solo, you know. So that's another hard thing. But again, maybe something will bring up another time, hopefully, potentially so. Uh, one other question here um, I have separate from this. I'm kind of trying to segue to it, but I don't have a good segue. But Sabrina Carpenter in the news a little bit. Have you heard of Sabrina Carpenter? Isn't she a singer? She's a singer, right, I'm like is she on?
Demetrius:TV. What does she do? Yeah, I've heard of her before like tell me, tell about. I'm like damn, it's showing, it's showing. But um she's local to 7pa, so she's a local from here. So that's the only reason I know about it.
Demetrius:But now she's kind of becoming mainstream, okay, and the thing they're talking about now and I'm like this isn't really new in general with music, but like she's pretty provocative with her music and she's okay at her shows and talking about you know, sensual things and all that and it's like, oh, they're blaming her, why. Why are you allowing kids to come to your shows? And you're talking about this. That kind of verbiage is going on right. I'm thinking to myself like that's not. I mean, insert nikki minaj, uh, insert you know other artists and stuff like that and.
Demetrius:I'm like it brings up the conversation to me of, like, all right, is it the artist's fault or, okay, now I'm, this is the type of music I have and these are the type of kids that listen to my music. Or is it really the parents fault? Like, listen like it's. You're allowing them to listen, yeah, you're allowing them to go to the concerts. It's not right. She's grown like. She can do whatever she's gonna do. She's like 25, I think she is. So it's like so how? What do you feel about that? Is it the artist, is it the parents or the kids? Like who? Not that there's fault, but I guess there is some fault. What do you think about this?
Lay-Cee:the parents and let me tell you why, quick story when I was younger I'm really telling my age too. I love the spice girls. Right, spice girls was hot. I had like all the barbies and things. I didn't get to go to their concerts but I had like the vhs tape, the movie that they made. Yeah, there was a song that they had and please link this, okay, because I like literally like it took me years to understand what they were saying because I knew the words but I wasn't understanding the context. The song is called to become one, okay, okay.
Demetrius:And some of the number two like to become one like two people become one. Okay, gotcha.
Lay-Cee:The the words I remember. The chorus was I need some love, like I never needed love before. And then they said want to make love to you. Okay, mind you, I was in the fourth grade. I'm singing this with my whole chest. My mom comes in. That's when we still had CDs. Mom comes in and was like what is this? Absolutely not Right, because I'm blasting the music. She took the CD for years. We moved. When I was a senior in high school she gave me all the CDs, the CD back, that, along with like little Kim ladies night, right, whatever Get older, have kids go back and listen to the song, right, cause everything is nostalgic these days and I was like, wait a minute, why was I listening to this in the fourth grade?
Lay-Cee:But I think everything that was like.
Lay-Cee:I think now I like some of the music that my children listen to, right, but I do listen to older music, right, like stuff I came up on, like older stuff, like back when my parents came on.
Lay-Cee:So I do believe it's the parent's responsibility to stay in tune of what your children are listening to. An artist is not going to stop producing music based on an age group, because if that age group that may not be able to listen to them. Guess what? They have another age group that they can market to and they can go ahead and make their music, sell their you know, sell their music, sell concerts out, so on and so forth. So I do believe it's the parent's responsibility to be in tune with what your children are doing right Like and listening to and bonding over that. Some of the music I like, right Like, but then some of it like I like Cardi B and I love the song WAP, but I'm not listening to that with my kids right, that's something I'm gonna listen to on my own, and I'm not listening to that because there's no way around that.
Lay-Cee:I don't want to subject them to that right.
Lay-Cee:So so I think questions and like listen, this is not, I mean, they're already going to ask questions anyway, right, like, like I know for a fact, my children have listened to that song. Right, I'm just waiting for them to ask me what. What means? I'm not going to bring it up to you, but if you come and ask me, like you know, that's another conversation. But willingly putting them in that, as me, as a parent, absolutely not. It's the children, it's the parents responsibility to make sure that, hey, what you're listening to is appropriate for your age group, for sure.
Demetrius:And you can't show them from the world too. So it's like, yeah, it's almost like cursing with my son. So he, uh, well, he's now gonna be 18, so it's whatever, I'm gonna tell you that oh, oh yeah it's funny enough. So two things. One, it's like I know what you're doing, but I dare you to do it around me, that type of thing, and it means different now, but like like don't, don't do it around me.
Demetrius:And if you get caught doing it around teachers or everything, then that's it like you're done, like that's it. I don't have it, you don't have. I'll take computer out of your room, whatever that is, you know it's not tv anymore. Now it's the monitor right. And then the other thing was it's like yeah, I think I lost my train of thought, I don't remember, but anyway, so. So yeah, it's like, it's not, it's just I don't know. I think a lot of it falls back on the parents.
Lay-Cee:It does Right and you can't like you mentioned, you can't shield your kids from everything. So, like, do I know everything that my kids are listening to? No, I do facilitate and cultivate a space for them. So when they're in the car, hey, what are we listening to? Let's look on iTunes and kind of listen to what, because I want to know what they're listening to.
Demetrius:I may like it, I may not.
Lay-Cee:Right and be proactive, to see what they're saying and what are these artists that they're listening to. So I know and I think that's the part about being a parent you have to build that relationship and meet your kids on their level.
Demetrius:Right.
Lay-Cee:So you can relate to them. They're not always going to come to you and relate to you. You have to kind of go back and you know, hey, like I want to relate to my kid, I want to know what they're listening to Right, and find that out and kind of keep that constant communication with them for sure.
Demetrius:Definitely. Well, I want to thank you for joining in. Yes, being a part of this conversation is part two. Again, I'll remind everybody that we did have a part one already. And if you listen to this entire episode and haven't listened to part one, what are you doing? The link is in the description of this episode. But, lacey, where can people find you?
Lay-Cee:Yeah, so I do have Instagram. It's at the dotted line podcast, right? That's the best way to reach me and then having the link to my actual podcast to be able to listen to it. I am on Apple Spotify and things like that. But, yeah, definitely Instagram is the best way to reach me.
Demetrius:Awesome, awesome, all right, well, I want to thank everybody for listening in. My name is Demetrius and you've been listening to the Hangry Parrot podcast, and take it easy, we'll see you next time.