{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":28.28,"endTime":31.46,"body":"Are you ready?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":32.089,"endTime":33.529,"body":"I am so ready."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":34.82,"endTime":35.6,"body":"What are we"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":34.82,"endTime":35.6,"body":"talking about?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":36.14,"endTime":38.27,"body":"Today we are"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":36.14,"endTime":38.27,"body":"talking about recovery from"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":38.27,"endTime":39.02,"body":"heartbreak."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":39.59,"endTime":41.06,"body":"Oh, I've had a"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":39.59,"endTime":41.06,"body":"few of those."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":41.33,"endTime":45.5,"body":"You too. Me too."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":41.33,"endTime":45.5,"body":"Welcome everybody. You are"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":45.5,"endTime":49.370000000000005,"body":"listening to therapist"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":45.5,"endTime":49.370000000000005,"body":"unplugged. This is Laurie pool"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":49.370000000000005,"endTime":54.14,"body":"speaking your host. And today's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":49.370000000000005,"endTime":54.14,"body":"co host is my colleague."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":56.18,"endTime":57.14,"body":"We have to start"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":56.18,"endTime":57.14,"body":"again."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":58.46,"endTime":60.71,"body":"Because you just"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":58.46,"endTime":60.71,"body":"kind of erase"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":63.620000000000005,"endTime":64.97,"body":"everyone's gonna"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":63.620000000000005,"endTime":64.97,"body":"listen to the hole."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":65.78,"endTime":69.17,"body":"You want to plug"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":65.78,"endTime":69.17,"body":"in. My name is Cory Montfort"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":69.35,"endTime":74.53999999999999,"body":"forgot? Yes, my colleague Cory"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":69.35,"endTime":74.53999999999999,"body":"Montfort is joining me today"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":74.53999999999999,"endTime":78.59,"body":"because our Hot Topic is"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":74.53999999999999,"endTime":78.59,"body":"recovery from heartbreak. Cory,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":78.59,"endTime":80.81,"body":"how many songs have been written"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":78.59,"endTime":80.81,"body":"about a broken heart?"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":80.84,"endTime":82.46000000000001,"body":"I have no idea."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":80.84,"endTime":82.46000000000001,"body":"Do you have that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":82.46000000000001,"endTime":85.88,"body":"too many to count?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":82.46000000000001,"endTime":85.88,"body":"How many clients come to our"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":85.88,"endTime":89.72,"body":"offices seeking relief and ways"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":85.88,"endTime":89.72,"body":"to mend that broken heart?"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":90.08,"endTime":93.11,"body":"I almost predict"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":90.08,"endTime":93.11,"body":"that that is the real reason why"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":93.11,"endTime":97.79,"body":"many people are there. They say"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":93.11,"endTime":97.79,"body":"they're there for one thing, and"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":97.79,"endTime":101.0,"body":"then all of a sudden, you know,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":97.79,"endTime":101.0,"body":"by the end of the first session,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":101.0,"endTime":104.24,"body":"they're like, well, then I had"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":101.0,"endTime":104.24,"body":"this breakup or"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":104.75,"endTime":108.44,"body":"this right. I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":104.75,"endTime":108.44,"body":"think that a broken heart is one"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":108.44,"endTime":111.41,"body":"of the most difficult things to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":108.44,"endTime":111.41,"body":"heal from, because it's not a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":111.41,"endTime":115.91,"body":"wound you can see. And often"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":111.41,"endTime":115.91,"body":"it's more painful and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":115.91,"endTime":120.89,"body":"debilitating than a physical"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":115.91,"endTime":120.89,"body":"wound. Yeah. And I think that,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":121.13,"endTime":126.44,"body":"you know, there's so many ways a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":121.13,"endTime":126.44,"body":"heartbreaks, and how the how a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":126.44,"endTime":132.2,"body":"relationship comes to an end,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":126.44,"endTime":132.2,"body":"can also determine how difficult"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":132.2,"endTime":136.34,"body":"it is to recover. Yeah, I think"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":132.2,"endTime":136.34,"body":"I think I don't know, what's one"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":136.34,"endTime":138.38,"body":"of the toughest breakups you've"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":136.34,"endTime":138.38,"body":"ever experienced."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":141.14,"endTime":146.99,"body":"Probably breaking"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":141.14,"endTime":146.99,"body":"up with someone that I was still"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":146.99,"endTime":152.15,"body":"in love with, but I knew I had"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":146.99,"endTime":152.15,"body":"to do it. That was a different"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":152.15,"endTime":157.88,"body":"kind of, because if you know,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":152.15,"endTime":157.88,"body":"when you're ready, it feels"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":157.91,"endTime":160.07,"body":"easier when you're in charge of"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":157.91,"endTime":160.07,"body":"the change."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":161.09,"endTime":162.56,"body":"In charge of the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":161.09,"endTime":162.56,"body":"change, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":162.62,"endTime":166.64000000000001,"body":"but but when you"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":162.62,"endTime":166.64000000000001,"body":"when you're the recipient of"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":166.64000000000001,"endTime":172.46,"body":"someone's decision, or it just"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":166.64000000000001,"endTime":172.46,"body":"ends up being, you know,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":172.67,"endTime":176.93,"body":"impossible to continue. I think"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":172.67,"endTime":176.93,"body":"that was probably the hardest"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":176.93,"endTime":184.22,"body":"thing for me. Although I did the"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":176.93,"endTime":184.22,"body":"breaking up, I was still very"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":184.22,"endTime":190.31,"body":"much attached to the person. I"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":184.22,"endTime":190.31,"body":"just knew it couldn't be. It was"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":190.34,"endTime":195.98,"body":"just tragic, you know. And I was"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":190.34,"endTime":195.98,"body":"thinking about pain and how you"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":195.98,"endTime":198.86,"body":"said it was harder than physical"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":195.98,"endTime":198.86,"body":"pain. And I can kind of see"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":198.86,"endTime":202.01,"body":"that, because when we're in"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":198.86,"endTime":202.01,"body":"physical pain, we look for an"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":202.01,"endTime":206.03,"body":"ailment, you know, we look for"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":202.01,"endTime":206.03,"body":"we go to the doctor, we take"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":206.03,"endTime":212.39000000000001,"body":"medicine, there's usually unless"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":206.03,"endTime":212.39000000000001,"body":"you have chronic pain, right?"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":212.39000000000001,"endTime":216.23,"body":"Physical pain, there's usually"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":212.39000000000001,"endTime":216.23,"body":"some resolve, that can happen"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":216.83,"endTime":221.99,"body":"fairly quickly. There's an"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":216.83,"endTime":221.99,"body":"answer and for emotional pain."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":223.43,"endTime":227.06,"body":"We don't know what to do with"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":223.43,"endTime":227.06,"body":"that. And sometimes it's not"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":227.06,"endTime":231.29,"body":"about relieving the pain when"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":227.06,"endTime":231.29,"body":"they come to therapy. It's about"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":231.29,"endTime":235.13,"body":"walking through it with them."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":231.29,"endTime":235.13,"body":"Yes. You know, but that's hard."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":235.19,"endTime":237.62,"body":"Because none of us like pain."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":235.19,"endTime":237.62,"body":"It's very hard."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":238.19,"endTime":243.62,"body":"It's very hard."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":238.19,"endTime":243.62,"body":"And I think for many people, the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":243.71,"endTime":247.55,"body":"intuitive thing to do is to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":243.71,"endTime":247.55,"body":"distance to try and distance"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":247.55,"endTime":251.54,"body":"yourself from the pain"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":247.55,"endTime":251.54,"body":"initially. And that could be"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":251.57,"endTime":256.58000000000004,"body":"engaging in behaviors that give"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":251.57,"endTime":256.58000000000004,"body":"you temporary relief. Maybe it's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":256.58000000000004,"endTime":260.72,"body":"drinking too much. Maybe it's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":256.58000000000004,"endTime":260.72,"body":"distracting finding sources of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":260.72,"endTime":266.24,"body":"distracting Yeah, they give you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":260.72,"endTime":266.24,"body":"temporary relief. But the pain"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":266.24,"endTime":269.24,"body":"doesn't really go away. And it's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":266.24,"endTime":269.24,"body":"not working through it. It's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":269.24,"endTime":273.95,"body":"just like I said, giving you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":269.24,"endTime":273.95,"body":"some temporary relief. And I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":273.95,"endTime":278.53999999999996,"body":"think that, particularly with a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":273.95,"endTime":278.53999999999996,"body":"first really bad breakup, you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":278.53999999999996,"endTime":281.06,"body":"don't even there's parts of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":278.53999999999996,"endTime":281.06,"body":"yourself you haven't even met"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":281.06,"endTime":285.23,"body":"yet. So how do you like what are"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":281.06,"endTime":285.23,"body":"what are the things in your"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":285.23,"endTime":288.79999999999995,"body":"toolbox to even manage that? How"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":285.23,"endTime":288.79999999999995,"body":"do you even know what you need?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":289.22,"endTime":292.76,"body":"And as you said earlier, it can"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":289.22,"endTime":292.76,"body":"be different if you're on the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":292.76,"endTime":297.67999999999995,"body":"receiving end of that breakup."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":292.76,"endTime":297.67999999999995,"body":"If it's a mutual thing, where"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":297.67999999999995,"endTime":301.88,"body":"you both realize that what is"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":297.67999999999995,"endTime":301.88,"body":"going on between the two of you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":301.88,"endTime":305.87,"body":"is not sustainable, or the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":301.88,"endTime":305.87,"body":"relationship has run its course."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":306.53,"endTime":312.20000000000005,"body":"That's one thing. If your"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":306.53,"endTime":312.20000000000005,"body":"partner says, Look, I'm just I'm"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":312.20000000000005,"endTime":315.16999999999996,"body":"not feeling it anymore. I don't"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":312.20000000000005,"endTime":315.16999999999996,"body":"want to be in this relationship"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":315.16999999999996,"endTime":320.15,"body":"with you. I'm not feeling my"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":315.16999999999996,"endTime":320.15,"body":"feelings for you have changed"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":320.21000000000004,"endTime":325.15999999999997,"body":"and that's a surprise. That's a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":320.21000000000004,"endTime":325.15999999999997,"body":"whole other experience."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":326.12,"endTime":330.59000000000003,"body":"infidelity is another kind of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":326.12,"endTime":330.59000000000003,"body":"expect reads, but such a huge"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":330.59000000000003,"endTime":331.03999999999996,"body":"blow."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":331.42999999999995,"endTime":335.45000000000005,"body":"Yeah. Also, I'm"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":331.42999999999995,"endTime":335.45000000000005,"body":"thinking about how other people"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":335.45000000000005,"endTime":339.71000000000004,"body":"in your life can break your"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":335.45000000000005,"endTime":339.71000000000004,"body":"heart. You know, I think"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":339.83000000000004,"endTime":344.57000000000005,"body":"familial relationships Oh, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":339.83000000000004,"endTime":344.57000000000005,"body":"even if not romantic can"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":345.95000000000005,"endTime":350.65999999999997,"body":"surprise you. And I think that's"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":345.95000000000005,"endTime":350.65999999999997,"body":"what causes pain. You know,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":350.72,"endTime":353.57000000000005,"body":"if children can"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":350.72,"endTime":353.57000000000005,"body":"break your heart, yes,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":353.6,"endTime":358.19000000000005,"body":"yes. And it's"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":353.6,"endTime":358.19000000000005,"body":"because we these are these are"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":358.19000000000005,"endTime":362.29999999999995,"body":"the kinds of relationships that"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":358.19000000000005,"endTime":362.29999999999995,"body":"mean the most. And, you know,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":362.29999999999995,"endTime":365.51,"body":"I've heard something that, you"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":362.29999999999995,"endTime":365.51,"body":"know, the grief will be as deep"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":365.51,"endTime":372.5,"body":"as the love what's. Yeah. And so"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":365.51,"endTime":372.5,"body":"it's, it's the risk of it. All"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":372.53,"endTime":379.82000000000005,"body":"right. To feel that deeply, both"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":372.53,"endTime":379.82000000000005,"body":"ways. But it's, it has been"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":379.82000000000005,"endTime":380.69000000000005,"body":"worth it to me."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":380.9,"endTime":385.34000000000003,"body":"Yeah. No,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":380.9,"endTime":385.34000000000003,"body":"absolutely. Absolutely. It's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":385.34000000000003,"endTime":387.79999999999995,"body":"interesting, because we're all"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":385.34000000000003,"endTime":387.79999999999995,"body":"going to get we're all going to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":387.79999999999995,"endTime":393.5,"body":"have that experience. Anderson"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":387.79999999999995,"endTime":393.5,"body":"Cooper in his podcast talks"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":393.5,"endTime":397.46000000000004,"body":"about grief. And one of the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":393.5,"endTime":397.46000000000004,"body":"revelations he had, and if"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":397.46000000000004,"endTime":400.4,"body":"anybody hasn't listened to that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":397.46000000000004,"endTime":400.4,"body":"podcast, it's really worth it."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":400.4,"endTime":403.30999999999995,"body":"Because we're at that is a human"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":400.4,"endTime":403.30999999999995,"body":"emotion that we are all going to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":403.30999999999995,"endTime":411.08000000000004,"body":"experience. And breakup is loss"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":403.30999999999995,"endTime":411.08000000000004,"body":"and grief. Yes. And if you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":411.08000000000004,"endTime":414.98,"body":"haven't experienced that before"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":411.08000000000004,"endTime":414.98,"body":"in your life, it is probably one"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":414.98,"endTime":418.46000000000004,"body":"of the first times you'll feel"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":414.98,"endTime":418.46000000000004,"body":"it that deeply Yes, is the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":418.46000000000004,"endTime":423.83000000000004,"body":"aftermath of a breakup. But we"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":418.46000000000004,"endTime":423.83000000000004,"body":"don't talk about it very much"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":423.86,"endTime":429.38,"body":"No, or we're,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":423.86,"endTime":429.38,"body":"we're expected to rationalize"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":429.38,"endTime":434.53999999999996,"body":"everything and just move on very"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":429.38,"endTime":434.53999999999996,"body":"quickly. But it's very normal,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":434.53999999999996,"endTime":438.14,"body":"let's say for a romantic"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":434.53999999999996,"endTime":438.14,"body":"relationship where you have"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":438.35,"endTime":442.78999999999996,"body":"spoken every day to this person"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":438.35,"endTime":442.78999999999996,"body":"for X number of, you know,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":442.82000000000005,"endTime":448.03999999999996,"body":"months or years, you have slept"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":442.82000000000005,"endTime":448.03999999999996,"body":"in the same bed, you have shared"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":448.07000000000005,"endTime":452.92999999999995,"body":"intimate moments over and over"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":448.07000000000005,"endTime":452.92999999999995,"body":"and over again. So anything that"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":452.92999999999995,"endTime":457.64,"body":"it's that normal, as part of"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":452.92999999999995,"endTime":457.64,"body":"your life, when it is ripped out"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":457.64,"endTime":463.52,"body":"from underneath you is going to"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":457.64,"endTime":463.52,"body":"feel very destabilizing and very"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":463.54999999999995,"endTime":470.36,"body":"painful. So I, I think, just"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":463.54999999999995,"endTime":470.36,"body":"normalizing that that is going"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":470.36,"endTime":475.22,"body":"to feel like a lack of"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":470.36,"endTime":475.22,"body":"homeostasis, you have to"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":475.22,"endTime":480.53,"body":"restabilize that takes some"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":475.22,"endTime":480.53,"body":"time, and an understanding that"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":480.53,"endTime":484.34000000000003,"body":"it will get better with time."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":480.53,"endTime":484.34000000000003,"body":"But there are things I think"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":484.34000000000003,"endTime":489.16999999999996,"body":"that people do to maybe prolong"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":484.34000000000003,"endTime":489.16999999999996,"body":"it, then they don't you know,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":489.16999999999996,"endTime":491.80999999999995,"body":"quite know that that's what"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":489.16999999999996,"endTime":491.80999999999995,"body":"they're doing. And then there's"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":491.80999999999995,"endTime":494.78,"body":"things that we can actually do"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":491.80999999999995,"endTime":494.78,"body":"to use that time to feel"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":494.78,"endTime":497.36,"body":"stronger and better about"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":494.78,"endTime":497.36,"body":"ourselves and get to know"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":497.36,"endTime":498.55999999999995,"body":"ourselves a little bit better."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":497.36,"endTime":498.55999999999995,"body":"That's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":498.55999999999995,"endTime":500.27,"body":"right. That's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":498.55999999999995,"endTime":500.27,"body":"right. Exactly."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":500.29999999999995,"endTime":501.47,"body":"It is that"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":500.29999999999995,"endTime":501.47,"body":"opportunity."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":501.5,"endTime":504.98,"body":"That's right. I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":501.5,"endTime":504.98,"body":"think it is counterintuitive, to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":504.98,"endTime":510.62,"body":"walk towards the grief and the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":504.98,"endTime":510.62,"body":"loss and the sorrow and the deep"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":510.62,"endTime":514.64,"body":"emotional wounds that can come"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":510.62,"endTime":514.64,"body":"as a result of a breakup. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":514.64,"endTime":517.82,"body":"listen, you know, we're talking"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":514.64,"endTime":517.82,"body":"in gross generalities, in a lot"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":517.82,"endTime":520.64,"body":"of ways here when we're talking"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":517.82,"endTime":520.64,"body":"about how do you recover from"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":520.64,"endTime":523.43,"body":"heartbreak? Because there's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":520.64,"endTime":523.43,"body":"different kinds of heartbreak."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":523.43,"endTime":526.37,"body":"You've cited some of them, which"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":523.43,"endTime":526.37,"body":"is, you know, we can have a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":526.37,"endTime":530.93,"body":"broken heart, in our familial"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":526.37,"endTime":530.93,"body":"relationships with parents, with"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":530.93,"endTime":535.58,"body":"children, with other members of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":530.93,"endTime":535.58,"body":"our family and friendships. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":535.61,"endTime":539.18,"body":"right. That there's different"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":535.61,"endTime":539.18,"body":"kinds of grief and heartbreak."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":539.21,"endTime":545.54,"body":"Yeah. We're talking today about"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":539.21,"endTime":545.54,"body":"the heartbreak of romantic"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":545.54,"endTime":550.31,"body":"relationships, heterosexual,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":545.54,"endTime":550.31,"body":"homosexual, whatever, but then"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":550.37,"endTime":555.92,"body":"that when you have a primary"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":550.37,"endTime":555.92,"body":"relationship that breaks up Yes,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":556.5799999999999,"endTime":561.35,"body":"there it does result in in"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":556.5799999999999,"endTime":561.35,"body":"heartbreak, it can for many be"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":561.35,"endTime":565.79,"body":"the first time where you've had"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":561.35,"endTime":565.79,"body":"that really heart felt deep"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":565.79,"endTime":571.01,"body":"loss. And it can be very"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":565.79,"endTime":571.01,"body":"overwhelming. And as you say,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":571.01,"endTime":575.81,"body":"Cory destabilizing and really"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":571.01,"endTime":575.81,"body":"disorienting. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":575.81,"endTime":578.54,"body":"and if you think"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":575.81,"endTime":578.54,"body":"about the stages of grief, that"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":578.54,"endTime":582.68,"body":"certainly applied to this"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":578.54,"endTime":582.68,"body":"situation, you you kind of"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":582.68,"endTime":587.93,"body":"waffle in the top three for"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":582.68,"endTime":587.93,"body":"survival mode, which is, you"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":587.93,"endTime":593.75,"body":"know, denial, bargaining, maybe"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":587.93,"endTime":593.75,"body":"could change something, yes, I"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":593.75,"endTime":596.81,"body":"would maybe if I wouldn't have"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":593.75,"endTime":596.81,"body":"said this, then this wouldn't"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":596.81,"endTime":599.99,"body":"have happened. Yes, we make it a"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":596.81,"endTime":599.99,"body":"lot about ourselves. There's"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":599.99,"endTime":606.68,"body":"also anger. And those first"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":599.99,"endTime":606.68,"body":"three feel somewhat empowering,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":606.68,"endTime":611.9,"body":"in my opinion. So you still feel"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":606.68,"endTime":611.9,"body":"like, you know, you either are"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":611.9,"endTime":617.93,"body":"the victim of something, or that"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":611.9,"endTime":617.93,"body":"you, you know, didn't have a"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":617.93,"endTime":622.1899999999999,"body":"choice or that you could have"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":617.93,"endTime":622.1899999999999,"body":"made different choices. Or if"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":622.1899999999999,"endTime":625.4599999999999,"body":"they would just see it this way."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":622.1899999999999,"endTime":625.4599999999999,"body":"If they would just change these"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":625.4599999999999,"endTime":627.5899999999999,"body":"things. We could have a great"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":625.4599999999999,"endTime":627.5899999999999,"body":"relationship. Let's say if"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":627.5899999999999,"endTime":631.13,"body":"you're Not the one who chooses"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":627.5899999999999,"endTime":631.13,"body":"the breakup? Because that is"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":631.25,"endTime":638.12,"body":"very painful, right? And then"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":631.25,"endTime":638.12,"body":"the sadness is after all that."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":638.42,"endTime":642.65,"body":"That's right. And I'm not saying"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":638.42,"endTime":642.65,"body":"we can't go back and forth in"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":642.65,"endTime":645.92,"body":"the stages, but the sadness is"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":642.65,"endTime":645.92,"body":"really what we're avoiding."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":645.92,"endTime":649.76,"body":"Because that is we're right next"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":645.92,"endTime":649.76,"body":"to the acceptance. Yes. And"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":649.76,"endTime":655.43,"body":"sadness is just, it feels what?"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":649.76,"endTime":655.43,"body":"What can you do with sadness,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":655.49,"endTime":659.2099999999999,"body":"you can do something with anger,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":655.49,"endTime":659.2099999999999,"body":"denial, bargaining, but it feels"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":659.27,"endTime":664.3399999999999,"body":"helpless. But it's the it's the"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":659.27,"endTime":664.3399999999999,"body":"healthiest place to be, because"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":664.3399999999999,"endTime":670.37,"body":"then you're right there close to"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":664.3399999999999,"endTime":670.37,"body":"being able to accept it. And one"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":670.37,"endTime":673.61,"body":"of my favorite quotes, I say it"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":670.37,"endTime":673.61,"body":"all the time, that which is"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":673.61,"endTime":678.56,"body":"destroyed by the truth should"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":673.61,"endTime":678.56,"body":"be. So to let go of the outcome"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":679.3399999999999,"endTime":682.97,"body":"of someone else's truth to"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":679.3399999999999,"endTime":682.97,"body":"realize that that's the path"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":682.97,"endTime":685.88,"body":"they're carving and you are not"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":682.97,"endTime":685.88,"body":"meant to be on it any longer is"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":685.88,"endTime":687.11,"body":"so difficult."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":687.3199999999999,"endTime":690.35,"body":"Very difficult."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":687.3199999999999,"endTime":690.35,"body":"It's very, very difficult. I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":690.35,"endTime":693.26,"body":"think you you raised some really"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":690.35,"endTime":693.26,"body":"good points, which is those"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":693.29,"endTime":696.8299999999999,"body":"those stages of grief are"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":693.29,"endTime":696.8299999999999,"body":"empowering. They're kind of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":696.8299999999999,"endTime":702.1999999999999,"body":"action oriented, like anger is"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":696.8299999999999,"endTime":702.1999999999999,"body":"very mobilizing. And it can get"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":702.1999999999999,"endTime":709.91,"body":"you out of that slump,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":702.1999999999999,"endTime":709.91,"body":"initially. And I think that's,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":711.14,"endTime":715.73,"body":"well, that's, you know, that's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":711.14,"endTime":715.73,"body":"implying, because that was my"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":715.73,"endTime":718.28,"body":"teenage daughter. Well, of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":715.73,"endTime":718.28,"body":"course, it wasn't she needed to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":718.28,"endTime":722.78,"body":"speak to me. Yes. We're needed"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":718.28,"endTime":722.78,"body":"to Starbucks. She can't have a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":722.78,"endTime":729.05,"body":"good day without one Oh. Where"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":722.78,"endTime":729.05,"body":"can I go for an extra hot? Well,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":729.05,"endTime":735.65,"body":"I'll tell you that. So as we"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":729.05,"endTime":735.65,"body":"think about, you know, recovery,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":735.68,"endTime":742.8199999999999,"body":"and how you work your way"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":735.68,"endTime":742.8199999999999,"body":"through the kind of grief that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":742.8199999999999,"endTime":746.78,"body":"follows a breakup, and that the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":742.8199999999999,"endTime":746.78,"body":"heart the heartache of a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":746.78,"endTime":755.3299999999999,"body":"breakup. I think one of the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":746.78,"endTime":755.3299999999999,"body":"things that I sort of sit with,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":755.36,"endTime":761.3299999999999,"body":"in working with clients and even"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":755.36,"endTime":761.3299999999999,"body":"in my own grief or my own"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":761.3299999999999,"endTime":765.98,"body":"experiences with grief is, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":761.3299999999999,"endTime":765.98,"body":"go I got, you know, there's that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":765.98,"endTime":774.35,"body":"whole indignation, etc, but also"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":765.98,"endTime":774.35,"body":"really sitting with the emotions"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":774.35,"endTime":778.67,"body":"and the feelings without"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":774.35,"endTime":778.67,"body":"judgment, like just Can we sit"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":778.67,"endTime":783.5,"body":"with how you're feeling? And not"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":778.67,"endTime":783.5,"body":"judge it? That's hard, which is"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":783.5,"endTime":785.9599999999999,"body":"really hard. But there's,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":783.5,"endTime":785.9599999999999,"body":"there's often a hairball, you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":785.9599999999999,"endTime":790.91,"body":"know, maybe I shouldn't really"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":785.9599999999999,"endTime":790.91,"body":"be feeling that way. Well, why"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":790.91,"endTime":793.85,"body":"not? Like, can we just say,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":790.91,"endTime":793.85,"body":"that's how you feel period? Full"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":793.85,"endTime":799.31,"body":"stop. Yeah, that's how I feel"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":793.85,"endTime":799.31,"body":"today. Yeah. One of my clients"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":799.55,"endTime":803.0,"body":"described it beautifully. She"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":799.55,"endTime":803.0,"body":"said, It's like the EKG of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":803.0,"endTime":807.41,"body":"emotions that you experience"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":803.0,"endTime":807.41,"body":"following a breakup, which is"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":807.41,"endTime":810.8,"body":"very much those first three"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":807.41,"endTime":810.8,"body":"stages you described. Today, I'm"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":810.8,"endTime":817.49,"body":"so angry. I wish that person"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":810.8,"endTime":817.49,"body":"would just fall off the planet."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":818.15,"endTime":821.6899999999999,"body":"And the next day, it's like, Oh,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":818.15,"endTime":821.6899999999999,"body":"my God, what could I have done?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":821.72,"endTime":825.17,"body":"Yeah. Oh, I wish I had done this"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":821.72,"endTime":825.17,"body":"differently. If only I had done"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":825.17,"endTime":827.9,"body":"that maybe the outcome would be"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":825.17,"endTime":827.9,"body":"different. Now. Wait a second."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":828.38,"endTime":832.79,"body":"Or, and? And with that can also"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":828.38,"endTime":832.79,"body":"How did I not pick up the signs?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":833.06,"endTime":840.05,"body":"How did I not know? Sort of that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":833.06,"endTime":840.05,"body":"self blame? Yeah. Yeah. Not"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":840.05,"endTime":841.31,"body":"picking up the signal?"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":841.52,"endTime":844.13,"body":"Well, how could I"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":841.52,"endTime":844.13,"body":"have controlled it? Yep. Being"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":844.13,"endTime":848.0,"body":"able to control Yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":844.13,"endTime":848.0,"body":"Yeah, I mean, and especially if"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":848.0,"endTime":852.65,"body":"you come from a background,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":848.0,"endTime":852.65,"body":"maybe a childhood where you"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":852.65,"endTime":857.5699999999999,"body":"didn't have as much agency, as"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":852.65,"endTime":857.5699999999999,"body":"maybe you should have, that"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":857.5699999999999,"endTime":860.75,"body":"there wasn't enough freedom of"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":857.5699999999999,"endTime":860.75,"body":"choice that, you know, maybe you"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":860.75,"endTime":866.39,"body":"moved around a lot, or you were"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":860.75,"endTime":866.39,"body":"criticized a lot, or you just"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":866.39,"endTime":869.72,"body":"had a lack of control over your"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":866.39,"endTime":869.72,"body":"environment, I think, then when"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":869.72,"endTime":875.39,"body":"you become an adult, you focus a"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":869.72,"endTime":875.39,"body":"lot on maintaining some control"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":875.6,"endTime":880.61,"body":"over yourself. And it's hard not"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":875.6,"endTime":880.61,"body":"to extend that to things you"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":880.61,"endTime":885.89,"body":"can't control, you know, pretty"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":880.61,"endTime":885.89,"body":"much. So I think when you're"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":885.92,"endTime":889.3399999999999,"body":"already feeling a little bit"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":885.92,"endTime":889.3399999999999,"body":"insecure about change, you know,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":889.3399999999999,"endTime":895.37,"body":"that you didn't initiate. When"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":889.3399999999999,"endTime":895.37,"body":"that happens, it's like fight or"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":895.37,"endTime":899.51,"body":"flight goes off, you know, and"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":895.37,"endTime":899.51,"body":"there's a lot of anxiety. And"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":899.51,"endTime":902.78,"body":"then sometimes what people do"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":899.51,"endTime":902.78,"body":"with that anxiety has made"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":902.78,"endTime":909.26,"body":"things worse, you know? And so,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":902.78,"endTime":909.26,"body":"like you said, being able to be"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":909.26,"endTime":915.65,"body":"present, and let the, let the"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":909.26,"endTime":915.65,"body":"anxiety pass through you. And"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":915.65,"endTime":922.0699999999999,"body":"just notice it. I'm anxious"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":915.65,"endTime":922.0699999999999,"body":"about my future right now. Or"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":922.0699999999999,"endTime":927.17,"body":"I'm sad that I will no longer"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":922.0699999999999,"endTime":927.17,"body":"have that relationship in my"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":927.17,"endTime":932.54,"body":"life or As the daily talks or"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":927.17,"endTime":932.54,"body":"whatever it is that the parts of"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":932.54,"endTime":937.25,"body":"you that you will miss in that"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":932.54,"endTime":937.25,"body":"relationship, how can I develop"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":937.25,"endTime":939.3199999999999,"body":"those parts without this person?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":939.35,"endTime":942.02,"body":"Yeah. Those are"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":939.35,"endTime":942.02,"body":"great questions."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":943.369,"endTime":946.879,"body":"Yeah, how can I"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":943.369,"endTime":946.879,"body":"feel loved and happy and safe"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":947.209,"endTime":950.689,"body":"and energized without this"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":947.209,"endTime":950.689,"body":"person,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":951.77,"endTime":955.28,"body":"and that can take"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":951.77,"endTime":955.28,"body":"a lot of self compassion. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":955.28,"endTime":959.5699999999999,"body":"actually, in some studies that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":955.28,"endTime":959.5699999999999,"body":"they've done on recovery from"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":959.5699999999999,"endTime":966.02,"body":"heartbreak, the people who seem"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":959.5699999999999,"endTime":966.02,"body":"to fare more positively in their"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":966.02,"endTime":969.47,"body":"recovery from heartbreak are"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":966.02,"endTime":969.47,"body":"those who can practice self"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":969.47,"endTime":974.8399999999999,"body":"compassion. Who can say, You"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":969.47,"endTime":974.8399999999999,"body":"know what, there were things I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":974.8399999999999,"endTime":985.1,"body":"didn't know. Or I did my best at"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":974.8399999999999,"endTime":985.1,"body":"the time. I can understand where"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":985.1,"endTime":989.72,"body":"I participated in a certain way,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":985.1,"endTime":989.72,"body":"I think one of the things that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":989.75,"endTime":993.68,"body":"I've experienced in working with"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":989.75,"endTime":993.68,"body":"clients is that when we can look"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":993.68,"endTime":999.89,"body":"at some of the relationship"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":993.68,"endTime":999.89,"body":"pattern, objectively, it can be"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":999.89,"endTime":1005.56,"body":"helpful, it can be a helpful"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":999.89,"endTime":1005.56,"body":"framework, to understand how"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1005.56,"endTime":1008.9499999999999,"body":"things what some contributing"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1005.56,"endTime":1008.9499999999999,"body":"factors might have been to your"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1008.9499999999999,"endTime":1012.8199999999999,"body":"breakup. Sure. And then it isn't"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1008.9499999999999,"endTime":1012.8199999999999,"body":"about oh, what did I do wrong?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1012.8199999999999,"endTime":1015.5799999999999,"body":"What did he do wrong? Like the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1012.8199999999999,"endTime":1015.5799999999999,"body":"self blame? Because there can be"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1015.5799999999999,"endTime":1020.5899999999999,"body":"a lot of that, again, depending"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1015.5799999999999,"endTime":1020.5899999999999,"body":"on some attachment styles, but"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1020.5899999999999,"endTime":1025.3600000000001,"body":"to really look at what what was"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1020.5899999999999,"endTime":1025.3600000000001,"body":"going on? How, how did things"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1025.3600000000001,"endTime":1029.95,"body":"look? Because we can romanticize"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1025.3600000000001,"endTime":1029.95,"body":"a little bit. Yeah. And put"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1029.95,"endTime":1034.96,"body":"things in this light. But when"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1029.95,"endTime":1034.96,"body":"you when you kind of explore"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1034.96,"endTime":1038.41,"body":"what was going on? And how did"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1034.96,"endTime":1038.41,"body":"things look when you disagreed"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1038.41,"endTime":1038.71,"body":"or"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1040.33,"endTime":1044.3500000000001,"body":"even how happy"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1040.33,"endTime":1044.3500000000001,"body":"you were? Yeah, in reality, what"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1044.3500000000001,"endTime":1048.46,"body":"wasn't working for you, that"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1044.3500000000001,"endTime":1048.46,"body":"might have started some of the"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1048.46,"endTime":1053.2,"body":"chaos and the relationship, some"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1048.46,"endTime":1053.2,"body":"truth to that, and how you were"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1053.2,"endTime":1057.04,"body":"willing to hold on to something"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1053.2,"endTime":1057.04,"body":"that maybe wasn't completely"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1057.49,"endTime":1060.55,"body":"right for you. And there's a"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1057.49,"endTime":1060.55,"body":"there's a great book that I'm"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1060.55,"endTime":1064.78,"body":"currently reading. So I've just"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1060.55,"endTime":1064.78,"body":"just started the first few"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1064.78,"endTime":1067.8999999999999,"body":"chapters called loving kindness."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1064.78,"endTime":1067.8999999999999,"body":"And I can't remember the"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1067.8999999999999,"endTime":1072.61,"body":"author's name offhand. But it's"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1067.8999999999999,"endTime":1072.61,"body":"kind of complimentary to what"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1072.61,"endTime":1077.44,"body":"you were talking about. Self"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1072.61,"endTime":1077.44,"body":"Compassion, loving kindness has"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1077.44,"endTime":1084.6399999999999,"body":"to start within, but then it can"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1077.44,"endTime":1084.6399999999999,"body":"be extended outwardly. And even"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1085.24,"endTime":1090.19,"body":"though anger and villainizing"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1085.24,"endTime":1090.19,"body":"your acts, and it's a way to try"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1090.19,"endTime":1094.24,"body":"to get through it, when you can"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1090.19,"endTime":1094.24,"body":"practice self compassion, you"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1094.24,"endTime":1099.73,"body":"can also have compassion for"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1094.24,"endTime":1099.73,"body":"someone else, and allow them to"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1099.73,"endTime":1106.72,"body":"go. And, you know, that's not"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1099.73,"endTime":1106.72,"body":"the same as forgiveness, you"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1106.72,"endTime":1110.95,"body":"know, but compassion is a"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1106.72,"endTime":1110.95,"body":"healing part, I think,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1111.25,"endTime":1115.1499999999999,"body":"very much so. Very"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1111.25,"endTime":1115.1499999999999,"body":"much so. And I think that the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1117.91,"endTime":1125.32,"body":"All roads lead back to self. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1117.91,"endTime":1125.32,"body":"part of part of recovery and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1125.32,"endTime":1132.43,"body":"healing in the aftermath of a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1125.32,"endTime":1132.43,"body":"breakup also involves, in my, in"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1132.43,"endTime":1138.31,"body":"my opinion, introspection, about"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1132.43,"endTime":1138.31,"body":"your own needs, what you learned"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1138.31,"endTime":1144.6399999999999,"body":"about yourself, the parts of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1138.31,"endTime":1144.6399999999999,"body":"yourself that you came to know,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1145.18,"endTime":1148.66,"body":"what your, what you're coming to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1145.18,"endTime":1148.66,"body":"know about yourself now, and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1148.66,"endTime":1152.44,"body":"what your needs are and how you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1148.66,"endTime":1152.44,"body":"change. Because we are"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1152.44,"endTime":1158.05,"body":"constantly evolving, you know,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1152.44,"endTime":1158.05,"body":"and the comfort that you have"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1158.05,"endTime":1164.71,"body":"with yourself, self compassion,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1158.05,"endTime":1164.71,"body":"and kindness. And that's a very,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1164.71,"endTime":1166.6,"body":"very important step in healing."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1167.11,"endTime":1170.11,"body":"Yeah, I remember"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1167.11,"endTime":1170.11,"body":"what you're making me think"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1170.11,"endTime":1176.74,"body":"about years ago, like, I don't"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1170.11,"endTime":1176.74,"body":"know, 15 years ago, maybe. I was"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1176.74,"endTime":1181.3,"body":"working with a therapist who"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1176.74,"endTime":1181.3,"body":"said, and I've gone through a"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1181.3,"endTime":1185.8899999999999,"body":"breakup, and it was difficult,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1181.3,"endTime":1185.8899999999999,"body":"and the loss felt tremendous."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1186.46,"endTime":1192.82,"body":"And she said, Well, you're kind"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1186.46,"endTime":1192.82,"body":"of still in a relationship with"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1192.82,"endTime":1197.5,"body":"this person. Yeah. It's like,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1192.82,"endTime":1197.5,"body":"well, no, I'm not. She said,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1198.16,"endTime":1203.74,"body":"Well, he's still teaching you"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1198.16,"endTime":1203.74,"body":"something. And until you learn"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1203.74,"endTime":1207.1299999999999,"body":"whatever he's trying to teach"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1203.74,"endTime":1207.1299999999999,"body":"you, you'll always be in a"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1207.1299999999999,"endTime":1214.24,"body":"relationship with Him. And so I"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1207.1299999999999,"endTime":1214.24,"body":"think that if you can look"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1214.24,"endTime":1219.25,"body":"within and say, What is my"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1214.24,"endTime":1219.25,"body":"uncomfortableness teaching me"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1220.6299999999999,"endTime":1226.96,"body":"about myself about how I was in"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1220.6299999999999,"endTime":1226.96,"body":"this relationship? And how can I"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1227.32,"endTime":1232.45,"body":"learn and grow through that and"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1227.32,"endTime":1232.45,"body":"evolve into a more understanding"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1232.45,"endTime":1238.93,"body":"person. And once you learn that"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1232.45,"endTime":1238.93,"body":"you can truly move on. They're"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1238.93,"endTime":1240.1,"body":"no longer your teacher."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1240.219,"endTime":1244.389,"body":"Yeah, exactly."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1240.219,"endTime":1244.389,"body":"Yeah. And I think you know it"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1244.389,"endTime":1247.149,"body":"and feel it when you hit that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1244.389,"endTime":1247.149,"body":"point. Yeah, you do you do. It's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1247.149,"endTime":1258.789,"body":"just a knowing Do you have any"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1247.149,"endTime":1258.789,"body":"advice or kind of, I guess,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1258.789,"endTime":1265.629,"body":"advice, or principles or just,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1258.789,"endTime":1265.629,"body":"you know, things that you share"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1265.629,"endTime":1270.279,"body":"with clients about recovering in"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1265.629,"endTime":1270.279,"body":"their heart in their heart ache?"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1270.55,"endTime":1274.06,"body":"I know, I'm"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1270.55,"endTime":1274.06,"body":"probably just thinking of a"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1274.09,"endTime":1276.91,"body":"certain kind of breakup, I"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1274.09,"endTime":1276.91,"body":"guess, in my head. So I don't"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1276.91,"endTime":1280.24,"body":"know if this is applicable"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1276.91,"endTime":1280.24,"body":"across the board. But thinking"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1282.01,"endTime":1288.58,"body":"that, I think we should have"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1282.01,"endTime":1288.58,"body":"some compassion for ourselves as"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1288.58,"endTime":1293.59,"body":"we want to distract ourselves."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1288.58,"endTime":1293.59,"body":"As we want to talk through it"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1293.59,"endTime":1298.8999999999999,"body":"or, you know, I'm not one to"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1293.59,"endTime":1298.8999999999999,"body":"quickly tell them, you know,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1300.04,"endTime":1301.8999999999999,"body":"just get over it, or just like,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1300.04,"endTime":1301.8999999999999,"body":"oh,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1301.8999999999999,"endTime":1305.3799999999999,"body":"gosh, you know, go"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1305.41,"endTime":1307.66,"body":"go do something"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1305.41,"endTime":1307.66,"body":"nice for yourself, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1307.66,"endTime":1313.42,"body":"think it's normal to maybe want"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1307.66,"endTime":1313.42,"body":"some people want to go out and"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1313.42,"endTime":1317.8899999999999,"body":"date other people to distract"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1313.42,"endTime":1317.8899999999999,"body":"themselves. Or they want to go"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1317.8899999999999,"endTime":1320.3799999999999,"body":"out all the time with your"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1317.8899999999999,"endTime":1320.3799999999999,"body":"friends to distract themselves,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1320.3799999999999,"endTime":1323.41,"body":"or whatever it is. And I think"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1320.3799999999999,"endTime":1323.41,"body":"there's a period of even"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1323.8,"endTime":1327.16,"body":"vilifying the other person that"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1323.8,"endTime":1327.16,"body":"just feels cathartic, you know,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1327.16,"endTime":1331.96,"body":"to try to try to get to a point,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1327.16,"endTime":1331.96,"body":"but the end point being allowing"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1331.96,"endTime":1336.52,"body":"them to process all those stages"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1331.96,"endTime":1336.52,"body":"of grief, and making normalizing"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1336.52,"endTime":1341.8899999999999,"body":"that, and also staying aware"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1336.52,"endTime":1341.8899999999999,"body":"that this whole thing doesn't"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1341.8899999999999,"endTime":1346.36,"body":"define them as a person. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1341.8899999999999,"endTime":1346.36,"body":"it is happening to them right?"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1346.6,"endTime":1351.1,"body":"And within them, but it is not"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1346.6,"endTime":1351.1,"body":"who they are. And so like you"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1351.1,"endTime":1355.6299999999999,"body":"said, letting those feelings"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1351.1,"endTime":1355.6299999999999,"body":"come, letting them be angry,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1355.6299999999999,"endTime":1359.02,"body":"letting them be sad, but let"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1355.6299999999999,"endTime":1359.02,"body":"yourself feel those things"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1359.02,"endTime":1363.55,"body":"because they're going to change"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1359.02,"endTime":1363.55,"body":"over time. And it won't always"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1363.55,"endTime":1364.3,"body":"be this way."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1364.36,"endTime":1366.82,"body":"That's right."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1364.36,"endTime":1366.82,"body":"That's right. I think that's so"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1366.82,"endTime":1369.46,"body":"important. I think that's where"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1366.82,"endTime":1369.46,"body":"therapy can be really helpful"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1369.46,"endTime":1372.85,"body":"also, Oh, yeah. Because a you've"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1369.46,"endTime":1372.85,"body":"got someone who's going to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1372.85,"endTime":1376.51,"body":"normalize that, and I hate the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1372.85,"endTime":1376.51,"body":"expression. I mean, I really"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1376.51,"endTime":1381.73,"body":"detest the expression of move"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1376.51,"endTime":1381.73,"body":"on. It isn't about move on."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1381.73,"endTime":1388.66,"body":"Because the truth is, if you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1381.73,"endTime":1388.66,"body":"don't really, like, allow the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1388.66,"endTime":1393.82,"body":"emotions to come out. Yeah. Shit"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1388.66,"endTime":1393.82,"body":"comes out sideways. Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1393.82,"endTime":1397.75,"body":"gonna show up somewhere else."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1393.82,"endTime":1397.75,"body":"Yeah. So giving yourself"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1397.75,"endTime":1401.17,"body":"permission to feel all the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1397.75,"endTime":1401.17,"body":"fields. And try not to judge"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1401.17,"endTime":1404.02,"body":"that but to say, Okay, this is"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1401.17,"endTime":1404.02,"body":"what is today, tomorrow could be"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1404.02,"endTime":1407.68,"body":"different. That's okay. But to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1404.02,"endTime":1407.68,"body":"really allow yourself to go"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1407.68,"endTime":1412.18,"body":"through the EKG and know that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1407.68,"endTime":1412.18,"body":"that is all normal. Yeah. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1412.69,"endTime":1416.47,"body":"Move your body, if you can. I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1412.69,"endTime":1416.47,"body":"really think moving your body"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1416.71,"endTime":1420.43,"body":"and connecting with your body"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1416.71,"endTime":1420.43,"body":"physically, also connects you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1420.43,"endTime":1424.54,"body":"with your soul. And that's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1420.43,"endTime":1424.54,"body":"really, really important. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1424.57,"endTime":1429.55,"body":"and if journaling speaks to do"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1424.57,"endTime":1429.55,"body":"that, but pay attention, like"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1429.55,"endTime":1433.87,"body":"trust your inner GPS for what"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1429.55,"endTime":1433.87,"body":"you need. And if it's talking to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1433.87,"endTime":1437.1399999999999,"body":"your friends and surrounding"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1433.87,"endTime":1437.1399999999999,"body":"yourself with people, or one"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1437.1399999999999,"endTime":1441.16,"body":"day, you just want to be alone"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1437.1399999999999,"endTime":1441.16,"body":"to be in your feelings. That's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1441.16,"endTime":1443.02,"body":"okay. Yeah. But"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1444.19,"endTime":1447.52,"body":"yeah, and I'm"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1444.19,"endTime":1447.52,"body":"always trying to tap into"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1447.52,"endTime":1450.82,"body":"people's creativity, whatever"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1447.52,"endTime":1450.82,"body":"that means. Doesn't have to be"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1450.82,"endTime":1454.12,"body":"actual art, but something that"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1450.82,"endTime":1454.12,"body":"they are in charge of creating."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1455.11,"endTime":1458.92,"body":"And cultivating. That can feel"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1455.11,"endTime":1458.92,"body":"very good. It's almost like"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1458.92,"endTime":1464.1399999999999,"body":"nurturing oneself. Yeah. And so"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1458.92,"endTime":1464.1399999999999,"body":"I think that's important. I also"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1464.1399999999999,"endTime":1468.76,"body":"think that when you mentioned"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1464.1399999999999,"endTime":1468.76,"body":"therapy, I do feel like that's a"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1468.76,"endTime":1476.86,"body":"good place to, to talk out loud"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1468.76,"endTime":1476.86,"body":"about the relationship, etc. As"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1476.86,"endTime":1482.17,"body":"opposed to maybe sometimes"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1476.86,"endTime":1482.17,"body":"talking to other relationships,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1482.2,"endTime":1487.18,"body":"like friendships or familial"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1482.2,"endTime":1487.18,"body":"relationships, that you know,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1487.21,"endTime":1490.99,"body":"are obviously going to be biased"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1487.21,"endTime":1490.99,"body":"and, and not necessarily"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1491.5,"endTime":1497.08,"body":"therapeutic but but more that it"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1491.5,"endTime":1497.08,"body":"might produce more anger or"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1497.08,"endTime":1500.53,"body":"anxiousness. Or it might keep"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1497.08,"endTime":1500.53,"body":"you in those first three stages"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1500.53,"endTime":1504.3999999999999,"body":"because these people are"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1500.53,"endTime":1504.3999999999999,"body":"obviously upset for you. So"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1504.43,"endTime":1507.79,"body":"having a therapist to"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1504.43,"endTime":1507.79,"body":"counterpoint some of that is is"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1508.0,"endTime":1509.53,"body":"wise and healthy, I think."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1510.85,"endTime":1513.37,"body":"Yeah, and it's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1510.85,"endTime":1513.37,"body":"talking to someone who has no"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1513.37,"endTime":1516.61,"body":"skin in the game, right? In"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1513.37,"endTime":1516.61,"body":"other words, they're not trying"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1516.6399999999999,"endTime":1521.35,"body":"they're not speaking from a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1516.6399999999999,"endTime":1521.35,"body":"protective trying to villainize"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1521.59,"endTime":1525.94,"body":"the other person, but rather,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1521.59,"endTime":1525.94,"body":"you know, has a higher viewpoint"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1525.94,"endTime":1533.26,"body":"and also it Is has a more"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1525.94,"endTime":1533.26,"body":"objective perspective, I think"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1533.26,"endTime":1537.97,"body":"and and can really validate what"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1533.26,"endTime":1537.97,"body":"that whole process is like."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1538.0,"endTime":1538.69,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1539.11,"endTime":1546.07,"body":"you know. And to"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1539.11,"endTime":1546.07,"body":"note here I was thinking, I'm"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1546.07,"endTime":1551.5,"body":"not sure I ever really see"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1546.07,"endTime":1551.5,"body":"people that come into therapy"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1552.37,"endTime":1557.5,"body":"that are in love. So just"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1552.37,"endTime":1557.5,"body":"remember that pain is where the"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1557.5,"endTime":1562.51,"body":"growth happens. So sometimes we"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1557.5,"endTime":1562.51,"body":"we have to remember that these"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1562.66,"endTime":1568.18,"body":"places, although inflicted upon"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1562.66,"endTime":1568.18,"body":"us, at times, are in places, the"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1568.18,"endTime":1572.44,"body":"valley is where things grow. And"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1568.18,"endTime":1572.44,"body":"so that's your opportunity, and"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1572.44,"endTime":1575.02,"body":"there's going to be a mountain"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1572.44,"endTime":1575.02,"body":"you'll go back up on and you'll"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1575.02,"endTime":1577.99,"body":"feel better one day, but a lot"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1575.02,"endTime":1577.99,"body":"of people they don't even start"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1577.99,"endTime":1584.35,"body":"therapy until their heart is"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1577.99,"endTime":1584.35,"body":"broken. And so that's when a lot"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1584.35,"endTime":1588.91,"body":"of the muscle building can"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1584.35,"endTime":1588.91,"body":"happen is when we've, we've been"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1588.91,"endTime":1589.42,"body":"hurt."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1590.26,"endTime":1594.19,"body":"Very true. Very"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1590.26,"endTime":1594.19,"body":"true. Our greatest lessons"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1594.19,"endTime":1598.42,"body":"happen in our relationships."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1594.19,"endTime":1598.42,"body":"Yeah. Yes. Throughout life."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1598.51,"endTime":1602.05,"body":"Yeah. Yeah. It"},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1598.51,"endTime":1602.05,"body":"was good talking to you today."},{"speaker":"Cory Montfort","startTime":1602.08,"endTime":1602.77,"body":"Well, thanks,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1602.77,"endTime":1606.07,"body":"Cory. Another"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1602.77,"endTime":1606.07,"body":"episode and affairs of the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1606.07,"endTime":1609.55,"body":"heart. Yes. All right. Until"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1606.07,"endTime":1609.55,"body":"next time, until next time,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1609.55,"endTime":1610.1499999999999,"body":"thank you"}]}