{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":31.669,"endTime":35.479,"body":"Welcome, everybody"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":31.669,"endTime":35.479,"body":"to therapist unplugged, I am so"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":35.509,"endTime":40.069,"body":"excited about today's guest in"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":35.509,"endTime":40.069,"body":"our conversation. I can't think"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":40.069,"endTime":44.629000000000005,"body":"of a better person with whom to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":40.069,"endTime":44.629000000000005,"body":"talk about couples relationships"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":44.929,"endTime":50.239000000000004,"body":"than my mentor Connie Cornwell."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":44.929,"endTime":50.239000000000004,"body":"Connie has over 30 years"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":50.239000000000004,"endTime":53.809,"body":"experience as a couple and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":50.239000000000004,"endTime":53.809,"body":"family therapist, educator,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":53.809,"endTime":58.219,"body":"trainer and supervisor. And she"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":53.809,"endTime":58.219,"body":"trained and supervised me, I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":58.219,"endTime":61.579,"body":"gotta say, she studied"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":58.219,"endTime":61.579,"body":"Emotionally Focused Therapy"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":61.579,"endTime":65.179,"body":"under Sue Johnson and Gail"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":61.579,"endTime":65.179,"body":"Palmer, who developed this most"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":65.179,"endTime":68.689,"body":"researched model of couples"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":65.179,"endTime":68.689,"body":"therapy called Emotionally"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":68.689,"endTime":74.029,"body":"Focused Therapy. She also co"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":68.689,"endTime":74.029,"body":"edited co edited case studies in"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":74.029,"endTime":77.779,"body":"couple and family therapy with"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":74.029,"endTime":77.779,"body":"Dr. Sarah woods of UT"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":77.779,"endTime":81.469,"body":"Southwestern, and in which I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":77.779,"endTime":81.469,"body":"also contributed a case study."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":81.91900000000001,"endTime":85.60900000000001,"body":"Currently, Connie is the senior"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":81.91900000000001,"endTime":85.60900000000001,"body":"supervisor of the Family Study"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":85.60900000000001,"endTime":89.869,"body":"Center at UT Southwestern"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":85.60900000000001,"endTime":89.869,"body":"Medical Center in the Department"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":89.869,"endTime":92.839,"body":"of Family and Community"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":89.869,"endTime":92.839,"body":"Medicine, where she trains"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":92.839,"endTime":97.699,"body":"counseling interns, medical"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":92.839,"endTime":97.699,"body":"interns, and residents. Welcome,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":97.699,"endTime":98.509,"body":"Connie."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":99.47,"endTime":102.86,"body":"Laurie. Laurie,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":99.47,"endTime":102.86,"body":"thank you so much for inviting"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":102.86,"endTime":107.57000000000001,"body":"me to do this. I love this. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":102.86,"endTime":107.57000000000001,"body":"I always enjoy working with you."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":107.659,"endTime":111.919,"body":"Well, thank you so"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":107.659,"endTime":111.919,"body":"much. You know, in my years in"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":111.919,"endTime":117.07900000000001,"body":"working with couples, what has"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":111.919,"endTime":117.07900000000001,"body":"become clear to me is that we"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":117.07900000000001,"endTime":121.729,"body":"really don't teach people about"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":117.07900000000001,"endTime":121.729,"body":"what it means to have a good"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":121.819,"endTime":125.299,"body":"relationship. And so I thought"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":121.819,"endTime":125.299,"body":"that could be the starting point"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":125.299,"endTime":127.279,"body":"of our conversation today."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":128.029,"endTime":130.369,"body":"I think you're"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":128.029,"endTime":130.369,"body":"right about that I was just"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":130.369,"endTime":135.43900000000002,"body":"thinking about in previous"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":130.369,"endTime":135.43900000000002,"body":"years, before I got introduced"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":135.43900000000002,"endTime":141.499,"body":"to EFT couples work, couples"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":135.43900000000002,"endTime":141.499,"body":"would come in with therapy. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":141.529,"endTime":147.10899999999998,"body":"their attitude was we fell in"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":141.529,"endTime":147.10899999999998,"body":"love. And as long as we're in"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":147.10899999999998,"endTime":151.72899999999998,"body":"love, we're okay, that we're now"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":147.10899999999998,"endTime":151.72899999999998,"body":"falling out of love. And so, you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":151.72899999999998,"endTime":154.249,"body":"know, what does that mean? I"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":151.72899999999998,"endTime":154.249,"body":"mean, you know, how do you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":154.249,"endTime":158.719,"body":"define what that means or what"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":154.249,"endTime":158.719,"body":"love is? So, you know, thank"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":158.719,"endTime":164.539,"body":"goodness that Sue Johnson has"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":158.719,"endTime":164.539,"body":"made a point of really diving"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":164.539,"endTime":170.119,"body":"into what it means to have"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":164.539,"endTime":170.119,"body":"secure adult partnership. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":170.119,"endTime":174.139,"body":"so now we kind of can help"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":170.119,"endTime":174.139,"body":"couples realize, hey, this is"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":174.139,"endTime":179.269,"body":"where we want to go. And so to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":174.139,"endTime":179.269,"body":"define what that is, is really"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":179.269,"endTime":181.519,"body":"important, even when you're"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":179.269,"endTime":181.519,"body":"beginning your work with"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":181.519,"endTime":186.799,"body":"couples. And what it is secure"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":181.519,"endTime":186.799,"body":"adult attachment is where people"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":186.799,"endTime":190.369,"body":"not just feel secure with each"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":186.799,"endTime":190.369,"body":"other, but they have total trust"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":190.369,"endTime":196.099,"body":"in each other. Yes, they end up"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":190.369,"endTime":196.099,"body":"creating the safe haven. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":196.519,"endTime":201.589,"body":"And the most important thing is"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":196.519,"endTime":201.589,"body":"that, you know, no matter what,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":201.649,"endTime":205.429,"body":"even in disagreement, your"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":201.649,"endTime":205.429,"body":"partner will always be standing"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":205.429,"endTime":210.049,"body":"by you. Yes, yep. What we're"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":205.429,"endTime":210.049,"body":"longing for. That's really what"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":210.049,"endTime":210.829,"body":"we all want."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":211.61,"endTime":214.97,"body":"Oh, that is so"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":211.61,"endTime":214.97,"body":"true. That is absolutely so"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":214.97,"endTime":222.44,"body":"true. When I think about how"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":214.97,"endTime":222.44,"body":"couples present conflict, and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":222.44,"endTime":226.49,"body":"it's usually expressed as well,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":222.44,"endTime":226.49,"body":"we just don't communicate very"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":226.49,"endTime":232.34,"body":"well. I'm not sure what's going"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":226.49,"endTime":232.34,"body":"on. But so I'll say things like,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":232.67,"endTime":237.38,"body":"Well, can you predict what's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":232.67,"endTime":237.38,"body":"going to happen when you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":237.38,"endTime":242.75,"body":"disagree? Like what happens when"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":237.38,"endTime":242.75,"body":"there's tension and conflict? Do"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":242.75,"endTime":247.16,"body":"you know what all the steps of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":242.75,"endTime":247.16,"body":"that dance are? And often they"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":247.16,"endTime":252.05,"body":"do, because they've gone through"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":247.16,"endTime":252.05,"body":"that cycle so many times that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":252.05,"endTime":256.4,"body":"they can actually give you a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":252.05,"endTime":256.4,"body":"rundown of what might happen."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":256.43,"endTime":259.4,"body":"He'll say this, I'll say that,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":256.43,"endTime":259.4,"body":"and then she'll do this. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":259.4,"endTime":264.86,"body":"I'll do that and back and forth."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":259.4,"endTime":264.86,"body":"But I don't think for most"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":264.86,"endTime":270.71000000000004,"body":"people, the concept of a safe"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":264.86,"endTime":270.71000000000004,"body":"secure attachment is ever really"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":270.71000000000004,"endTime":273.59000000000003,"body":"mapped out for them. And I think"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":270.71000000000004,"endTime":273.59000000000003,"body":"that's what Sue Johnson's model"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":273.59000000000003,"endTime":275.41999999999996,"body":"of EFT does it gives you a map?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":276.139,"endTime":278.779,"body":"Absolutely not."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":276.139,"endTime":278.779,"body":"And she's talking about adult"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":278.779,"endTime":282.43899999999996,"body":"attachment. That's right. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":278.779,"endTime":282.43899999999996,"body":"this is kind of a fairly new"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":282.43899999999996,"endTime":286.789,"body":"concept. If you think about it."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":282.43899999999996,"endTime":286.789,"body":"You know, when couples come to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":286.789,"endTime":290.869,"body":"us, it's always about"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":286.789,"endTime":290.869,"body":"communication problems. And then"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":290.869,"endTime":294.139,"body":"when they sit in front of you,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":290.869,"endTime":294.139,"body":"you know what happens? It's the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":294.139,"endTime":298.399,"body":"blame game. You know, if you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":294.139,"endTime":298.399,"body":"would only then things would be"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":298.399,"endTime":303.139,"body":"fine, right? Yeah. So they're"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":298.399,"endTime":303.139,"body":"shooting arrows at each other."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":303.55899999999997,"endTime":308.029,"body":"That's right. And then one of"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":303.55899999999997,"endTime":308.029,"body":"the key pieces of doing the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":308.029,"endTime":312.58900000000006,"body":"couples work is the ultimate"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":308.029,"endTime":312.58900000000006,"body":"reframe, which is, as you just"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":312.619,"endTime":318.619,"body":"described, how the couples"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":312.619,"endTime":318.619,"body":"dance. Yes, they get that dance"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":318.649,"endTime":323.20899999999995,"body":"takes him under and that dance"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":318.649,"endTime":323.20899999999995,"body":"is the enemy rather than each"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":323.20899999999995,"endTime":323.539,"body":"other."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":323.71900000000005,"endTime":326.419,"body":"That's right."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":323.71900000000005,"endTime":326.419,"body":"Exactly. And I what I love about"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":326.419,"endTime":331.549,"body":"having that reframe of a dance"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":326.419,"endTime":331.549,"body":"sense is that it helps to lift"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":331.549,"endTime":337.519,"body":"up that sense of? Well, I think"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":331.549,"endTime":337.519,"body":"it gives couples some hope. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":337.519,"endTime":341.20899999999995,"body":"it gives a more objective"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":337.519,"endTime":341.20899999999995,"body":"framework to consider what's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":341.20899999999995,"endTime":345.34900000000005,"body":"going on between them, that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":341.20899999999995,"endTime":345.34900000000005,"body":"allows them to make better"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":345.34900000000005,"endTime":349.129,"body":"sense. Without feeling as though"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":345.34900000000005,"endTime":349.129,"body":"they're being attacked, blamed,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":349.129,"endTime":352.009,"body":"it's their fault, and so on. I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":349.129,"endTime":352.009,"body":"mean, it takes time to get"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":352.009,"endTime":359.80899999999997,"body":"there. But it's, it's, it's that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":352.009,"endTime":359.80899999999997,"body":"dance, it's also catching in the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":359.80899999999997,"endTime":363.019,"body":"moments of therapy, you talk"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":359.80899999999997,"endTime":363.019,"body":"about the arrows or the fight, I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":363.019,"endTime":368.119,"body":"call them shots across the bow,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":363.019,"endTime":368.119,"body":"or games and ping pong, when a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":368.119,"endTime":371.269,"body":"partner is expressing how they"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":368.119,"endTime":371.269,"body":"feel. And then the other partner"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":371.269,"endTime":375.499,"body":"says, Yes, but and then they go"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":371.269,"endTime":375.499,"body":"back and forth. You know, it is"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":375.499,"endTime":378.769,"body":"it's like watching your ping"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":375.499,"endTime":378.769,"body":"pong match, as they go back and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":378.769,"endTime":382.279,"body":"forth. fighting so hard to be"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":378.769,"endTime":382.279,"body":"heard and understood."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":383.17999999999995,"endTime":387.67999999999995,"body":"Absolutely. You"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":383.17999999999995,"endTime":387.67999999999995,"body":"know, it's like, partner is"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":387.67999999999995,"endTime":391.73,"body":"trying to justify their"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":387.67999999999995,"endTime":391.73,"body":"position. Yeah. You see, that's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":391.73,"endTime":395.15,"body":"right. And, and, you know,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":391.73,"endTime":395.15,"body":"that's kind of how we're wired."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":395.15,"endTime":399.91999999999996,"body":"As human beings, we all want to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":395.15,"endTime":399.91999999999996,"body":"justify our positions. But, you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":399.91999999999996,"endTime":404.41999999999996,"body":"know, it takes them down a"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":399.91999999999996,"endTime":404.41999999999996,"body":"rabbit hole where the conflict"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":404.45000000000005,"endTime":409.03999999999996,"body":"never gets resolved. That's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":404.45000000000005,"endTime":409.03999999999996,"body":"right. Now, as you and I both"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":409.03999999999996,"endTime":414.79999999999995,"body":"know, we also know this crazy"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":409.03999999999996,"endTime":414.79999999999995,"body":"dance is their way of trying to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":414.79999999999995,"endTime":420.5,"body":"stay connected. You see? And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":414.79999999999995,"endTime":420.5,"body":"that's otherwise they wouldn't"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":420.5,"endTime":421.85,"body":"be in the dance"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":422.09000000000003,"endTime":426.16999999999996,"body":"does, right? It's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":422.09000000000003,"endTime":426.16999999999996,"body":"that it is that fight to the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":426.16999999999996,"endTime":430.01,"body":"fight for connection, the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":426.16999999999996,"endTime":430.01,"body":"longing to be connected. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":430.01,"endTime":435.08000000000004,"body":"sometimes what happens is, what"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":430.01,"endTime":435.08000000000004,"body":"couples it's couples getting"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":435.11,"endTime":439.49,"body":"are, how do I say this become"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":435.11,"endTime":439.49,"body":"engaged in reacting to the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":439.49,"endTime":444.32000000000005,"body":"reaction of their partner, which"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":439.49,"endTime":444.32000000000005,"body":"creates this feedback loop back"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":444.32000000000005,"endTime":447.35,"body":"and forth? You said yes, but you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":444.32000000000005,"endTime":447.35,"body":"said and before they know it,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":447.35,"endTime":452.17999999999995,"body":"they're stuck in this feedback"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":447.35,"endTime":452.17999999999995,"body":"loop of reactivity, and not"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":452.17999999999995,"endTime":454.88,"body":"really getting to the heart of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":452.17999999999995,"endTime":454.88,"body":"the matter."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":456.26,"endTime":459.62,"body":"And, you know,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":456.26,"endTime":459.62,"body":"in our work, we describe all"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":459.62,"endTime":463.61,"body":"that enemy dance is being filled"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":459.62,"endTime":463.61,"body":"with what we call a secondary"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":463.61,"endTime":469.73,"body":"emotions, the anger, the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":463.61,"endTime":469.73,"body":"blaming, yes, the frustration or"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":469.76,"endTime":476.36,"body":"the heat. But then, in EFT"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":469.76,"endTime":476.36,"body":"couples, we're, what we're"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":476.36,"endTime":480.95000000000005,"body":"trying to do is to go underneath"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":476.36,"endTime":480.95000000000005,"body":"that and get to what we call the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":481.01,"endTime":484.97,"body":"primary feelings. These are the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":481.01,"endTime":484.97,"body":"feelings, feelings that are"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":484.97,"endTime":489.23,"body":"really driving. That's right."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":484.97,"endTime":489.23,"body":"That's right. That's, as you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":489.23,"endTime":493.37,"body":"know, that's the bulk of you,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":489.23,"endTime":493.37,"body":"and see what happens in"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":493.37,"endTime":497.6,"body":"relationship. Is it so easy to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":493.37,"endTime":497.6,"body":"become reactive and go to those"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":497.6,"endTime":503.75,"body":"secondary emotions? Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":497.6,"endTime":503.75,"body":"Because a lot of us are not, we"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":503.75,"endTime":506.41999999999996,"body":"don't access the deeper emotion."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":507.26,"endTime":509.84000000000003,"body":"I have a beautiful"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":507.26,"endTime":509.84000000000003,"body":"example of that that came up"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":509.84000000000003,"endTime":513.59,"body":"yesterday, Kanye was working"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":509.84000000000003,"endTime":513.59,"body":"with a couple. And we were"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":513.59,"endTime":517.67,"body":"unpacking an incident that had"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":513.59,"endTime":517.67,"body":"happened the night before. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":517.67,"endTime":521.66,"body":"he said to his wife, oh, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":517.67,"endTime":521.66,"body":"well, what about? And I said,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":521.78,"endTime":527.66,"body":"Can we hit pause? What just"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":521.78,"endTime":527.66,"body":"happened for you there? And he"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":527.66,"endTime":530.87,"body":"kind of looked at me. And I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":527.66,"endTime":530.87,"body":"said, I'm wondering if you're"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":530.87,"endTime":538.22,"body":"speaking in code, what was what"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":530.87,"endTime":538.22,"body":"was underneath that response to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":538.22,"endTime":543.4399999999999,"body":"your wife? And as we unpacked"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":538.22,"endTime":543.4399999999999,"body":"it, what did we find? Feeling"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":543.4399999999999,"endTime":548.51,"body":"of? I don't know how to tell you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":543.4399999999999,"endTime":548.51,"body":"how much I love you. When it"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":548.51,"endTime":554.0899999999999,"body":"feels as though the words aren't"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":548.51,"endTime":554.0899999999999,"body":"enough. I use words for a living"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":554.0899999999999,"endTime":558.89,"body":"and my words with you don't"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":554.0899999999999,"endTime":558.89,"body":"stick. And I'm so lost. And I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":558.89,"endTime":565.1,"body":"don't know what to say. And I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":558.89,"endTime":565.1,"body":"just so I lash out, or I push"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":565.1,"endTime":570.17,"body":"back, because I feel so lost in"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":565.1,"endTime":570.17,"body":"that moment when I want to share"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":570.17,"endTime":576.35,"body":"with you that I do love you. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":570.17,"endTime":576.35,"body":"just to be able to stop in that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":576.35,"endTime":581.54,"body":"moment. I don't know, honestly,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":576.35,"endTime":581.54,"body":"that deeper emotion of feeling"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":581.54,"endTime":586.88,"body":"lost and inadequate, would have"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":581.54,"endTime":586.88,"body":"come up. If we hadn't hit pause."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":586.91,"endTime":591.92,"body":"And I was able to say, what was"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":586.91,"endTime":591.92,"body":"happening when that when you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":592.49,"endTime":594.8299999999999,"body":"when you went came back to life"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":592.49,"endTime":594.8299999999999,"body":"about that."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":595.01,"endTime":596.99,"body":"We see You're"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":595.01,"endTime":596.99,"body":"right about that. Laurie,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":596.99,"endTime":602.9,"body":"because see those primary deeper"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":596.99,"endTime":602.9,"body":"feelings we may not have access"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":602.9,"endTime":609.74,"body":"to or we don't want to touch it"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":602.9,"endTime":609.74,"body":"because it's too painful. Yes."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":609.89,"endTime":614.18,"body":"See? Yeah. So we're kind of"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":609.89,"endTime":614.18,"body":"wired in way to avoid those"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":614.18,"endTime":618.17,"body":"things. You know, and and the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":614.18,"endTime":618.17,"body":"truth be told, I don't know"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":618.17,"endTime":622.52,"body":"about you, but I don't think any"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":618.17,"endTime":622.52,"body":"of us were raised in families"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":622.52,"endTime":625.76,"body":"that talked about those primary"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":622.52,"endTime":625.76,"body":"emotions very often."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":626.18,"endTime":629.9,"body":"Oh my gosh, no,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":626.18,"endTime":629.9,"body":"absolutely. not I mean, you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":629.9,"endTime":632.8399999999999,"body":"know, I've speaking from my own"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":629.9,"endTime":632.8399999999999,"body":"experience, I think being"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":632.8399999999999,"endTime":637.55,"body":"trained in EFT and having gone"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":632.8399999999999,"endTime":637.55,"body":"through, pardon me, that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":637.55,"endTime":642.47,"body":"experience certainly gave me"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":637.55,"endTime":642.47,"body":"tools to access how I'm feeling"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":642.65,"endTime":646.67,"body":"in a much deeper way than I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":642.65,"endTime":646.67,"body":"could have on my own."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":647.3299999999999,"endTime":648.14,"body":"Absolutely,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":648.17,"endTime":650.24,"body":"yeah,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":648.17,"endTime":650.24,"body":"absolutely. And I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":650.24,"endTime":655.16,"body":"point this something right now"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":650.24,"endTime":655.16,"body":"that you're reminding me of, I"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":655.16,"endTime":662.39,"body":"think the truth is, in order to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":655.16,"endTime":662.39,"body":"do this work, the therapist or"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":662.39,"endTime":667.13,"body":"himself has to be vulnerable, to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":662.39,"endTime":667.13,"body":"be willing to touch your own"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":667.13,"endTime":668.0,"body":"vulnerability."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":668.81,"endTime":669.68,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":670.91,"endTime":675.47,"body":"Do you as a"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":670.91,"endTime":675.47,"body":"therapist can't do the work? You"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":675.47,"endTime":676.43,"body":"know, no, that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":677.6,"endTime":680.8399999999999,"body":"that's very, very"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":677.6,"endTime":680.8399999999999,"body":"true. It's not, it's not a model"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":680.8399999999999,"endTime":683.18,"body":"of therapy, that's for all"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":680.8399999999999,"endTime":683.18,"body":"therapists"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":683.24,"endTime":685.61,"body":"know, if not,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":683.24,"endTime":685.61,"body":"really isn't, you have"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":685.61,"endTime":687.9499999999999,"body":"to be willing to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":685.61,"endTime":687.9499999999999,"body":"go there and be and be"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":687.9499999999999,"endTime":691.31,"body":"vulnerable and to be fully"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":687.9499999999999,"endTime":691.31,"body":"present. And I think you have to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":691.31,"endTime":696.62,"body":"have done your own work. Because"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":691.31,"endTime":696.62,"body":"invariably, the people sitting"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":696.62,"endTime":699.77,"body":"in front of you will reflect"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":696.62,"endTime":699.77,"body":"back experience you've had,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":699.77,"endTime":703.6999999999999,"body":"especially at this stage in my"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":699.77,"endTime":703.6999999999999,"body":"life. There, there are scenes"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":703.6999999999999,"endTime":705.5899999999999,"body":"that have been played out in"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":703.6999999999999,"endTime":705.5899999999999,"body":"front of me, and I'm thinking,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":705.5899999999999,"endTime":708.26,"body":"Oh, my gosh, this is like a page"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":705.5899999999999,"endTime":708.26,"body":"from my own book."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":711.0799999999999,"endTime":713.2099999999999,"body":"It's a bit of"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":711.0799999999999,"endTime":713.2099999999999,"body":"you sitting across from me."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":713.24,"endTime":714.4399999999999,"body":"Yeah, absolutely."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":714.8299999999999,"endTime":717.5899999999999,"body":"It really is."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":714.8299999999999,"endTime":717.5899999999999,"body":"Connie, let's talk about family"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":717.5899999999999,"endTime":722.54,"body":"and the influence of family of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":717.5899999999999,"endTime":722.54,"body":"origin. One of the things that I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":722.54,"endTime":726.9499999999999,"body":"say to clients when we start is"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":722.54,"endTime":726.9499999999999,"body":"we bring our families with us"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":727.52,"endTime":731.8399999999999,"body":"into our relationships, because"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":727.52,"endTime":731.8399999999999,"body":"they have influenced the way we"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":731.8399999999999,"endTime":735.98,"body":"show up in a primary"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":731.8399999999999,"endTime":735.98,"body":"relationship. And then I'll do a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":735.98,"endTime":740.48,"body":"Gina Graham, which for our"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":735.98,"endTime":740.48,"body":"listeners, looks like a three"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":740.48,"endTime":745.4,"body":"generational family tree. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":740.48,"endTime":745.4,"body":"when you're a systems thinker,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":745.4,"endTime":748.79,"body":"like Connie is, and I am we"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":745.4,"endTime":748.79,"body":"consider a person within the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":748.79,"endTime":752.03,"body":"system of the family in which"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":748.79,"endTime":752.03,"body":"they were raised, and the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":752.03,"endTime":755.81,"body":"generations that precede them."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":752.03,"endTime":755.81,"body":"Because we know that patterns"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":755.81,"endTime":760.13,"body":"get handed down from one family"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":755.81,"endTime":760.13,"body":"to another, sometimes in ways"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":760.13,"endTime":763.4599999999999,"body":"they don't even know. It's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":760.13,"endTime":763.4599999999999,"body":"actually a little woowoo. When"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":763.4599999999999,"endTime":766.85,"body":"you look at some of the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":763.4599999999999,"endTime":766.85,"body":"patterns. Yeah, yeah, I wonder"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":766.85,"endTime":769.79,"body":"if you could speak to that, and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":766.85,"endTime":769.79,"body":"how that affects the way couples"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":769.79,"endTime":771.1999999999999,"body":"interact and show up?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":771.259,"endTime":774.7389999999999,"body":"Yes, I'd like"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":771.259,"endTime":774.7389999999999,"body":"to do that, you know, um, what"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":774.7389999999999,"endTime":780.3489999999999,"body":"happens is that we can bring"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":774.7389999999999,"endTime":780.3489999999999,"body":"with us from what we call our"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":780.3489999999999,"endTime":789.3489999999999,"body":"family of origin, our attachment"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":780.3489999999999,"endTime":789.3489999999999,"body":"style. Yes, see, and you may"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":789.379,"endTime":796.039,"body":"come from a family, where you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":789.379,"endTime":796.039,"body":"may have had negative"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":796.069,"endTime":802.159,"body":"experiences in relationships."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":796.069,"endTime":802.159,"body":"And then that ends up creating"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":802.159,"endTime":806.029,"body":"what's called a fearful"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":802.159,"endTime":806.029,"body":"attachment style. And sometimes"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":806.029,"endTime":810.7389999999999,"body":"it's also called a disorganized"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":806.029,"endTime":810.7389999999999,"body":"attachment style. Because you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":810.7389999999999,"endTime":814.429,"body":"can see, if you were raised in a"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":810.7389999999999,"endTime":814.429,"body":"family where it wasn't safe to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":814.429,"endTime":819.139,"body":"be in relationship because of"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":814.429,"endTime":819.139,"body":"trauma, or maybe abuse, some"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":819.139,"endTime":823.8489999999999,"body":"kind, then you can end up being"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":819.139,"endTime":823.8489999999999,"body":"very fearful. And you can bring"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":823.8489999999999,"endTime":828.379,"body":"that with you into your current"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":823.8489999999999,"endTime":828.379,"body":"relationships are certainly in"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":828.379,"endTime":834.649,"body":"relationship to a partner. Or"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":828.379,"endTime":834.649,"body":"you may be someone who is"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":834.649,"endTime":840.769,"body":"avoidant. And doesn't really"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":834.649,"endTime":840.769,"body":"trust being in a relationship or"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":840.769,"endTime":844.4889999999999,"body":"doesn't want to be in a"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":840.769,"endTime":844.4889999999999,"body":"relationship because they pride"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":844.519,"endTime":849.679,"body":"independence over connectedness."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":844.519,"endTime":849.679,"body":"Right? And that can come from"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":849.679,"endTime":853.909,"body":"your family. If you came from a"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":849.679,"endTime":853.909,"body":"family, that you didn't feel"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":853.909,"endTime":858.2289999999999,"body":"that nurturance or sense of"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":853.909,"endTime":858.2289999999999,"body":"belonging, and you felt more"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":858.2289999999999,"endTime":862.639,"body":"alone, then that can contribute"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":858.2289999999999,"endTime":862.639,"body":"to that kind of attachment."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":863.15,"endTime":865.04,"body":"Certainly, because"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":863.15,"endTime":865.04,"body":"you drift towards what's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":865.04,"endTime":866.03,"body":"familiar, don't you?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":866.42,"endTime":869.66,"body":"Oh, yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":866.42,"endTime":869.66,"body":"And then you have the anxious"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":869.66,"endTime":874.52,"body":"attachment style, where you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":869.66,"endTime":874.52,"body":"never want closeness, but you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":874.52,"endTime":880.43,"body":"have never yet to experience"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":874.52,"endTime":880.43,"body":"that closeness. And so you bring"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":880.4599999999999,"endTime":885.14,"body":"that anxiety to your current"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":880.4599999999999,"endTime":885.14,"body":"relationships, and you end up"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":885.14,"endTime":886.1,"body":"feeling anxious."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":886.13,"endTime":889.6999999999999,"body":"Yes, yeah. So you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":886.13,"endTime":889.6999999999999,"body":"were you grow up in a family"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":889.6999999999999,"endTime":893.8399999999999,"body":"environment in which you never"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":889.6999999999999,"endTime":893.8399999999999,"body":"knew what to expect. Right?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":894.02,"endTime":897.35,"body":"Right. And so you were on guard"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":894.02,"endTime":897.35,"body":"a lot of the time where people"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":897.35,"endTime":900.89,"body":"would come or go, or sometimes"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":897.35,"endTime":900.89,"body":"to where children found"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":900.89,"endTime":905.12,"body":"themselves or find themselves in"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":900.89,"endTime":905.12,"body":"a family of origin where they"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":905.12,"endTime":907.9399999999999,"body":"feel they're taking care of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":905.12,"endTime":907.9399999999999,"body":"their parents. They have to take"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":907.9399999999999,"endTime":913.1899999999999,"body":"emotional care of their parents."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":907.9399999999999,"endTime":913.1899999999999,"body":"Yes, very much,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":913.28,"endTime":916.76,"body":"or they never"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":913.28,"endTime":916.76,"body":"really got that secure bond,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":916.79,"endTime":922.4,"body":"right? With a family member,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":916.79,"endTime":922.4,"body":"primarily a parent. Yes. It was"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":922.4599999999999,"endTime":926.36,"body":"just, they couldn't count on it"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":922.4599999999999,"endTime":926.36,"body":"yet. They were longing and"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":926.36,"endTime":931.1899999999999,"body":"longing. So they And what"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":926.36,"endTime":931.1899999999999,"body":"happens is, as you, you know,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":931.1899999999999,"endTime":935.03,"body":"become an adult, and you start"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":931.1899999999999,"endTime":935.03,"body":"to be in relationship and you're"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":935.03,"endTime":939.11,"body":"looking for a partner, you can"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":935.03,"endTime":939.11,"body":"bring those styles with you."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":940.4599999999999,"endTime":945.14,"body":"Which then unconsciously be it's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":940.4599999999999,"endTime":945.14,"body":"kind of the crazy dance that you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":945.14,"endTime":949.6999999999999,"body":"may end up creating with your"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":945.14,"endTime":949.6999999999999,"body":"partner, your partner with you."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":949.999,"endTime":953.8389999999999,"body":"Yes, absolutely."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":949.999,"endTime":953.8389999999999,"body":"That makes a lot of sense."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":953.8389999999999,"endTime":957.019,"body":"Because, again, you're drawing"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":953.8389999999999,"endTime":957.019,"body":"from what you know, based on"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":957.019,"endTime":960.5889999999999,"body":"your own experience growing up"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":957.019,"endTime":960.5889999999999,"body":"where you had the earliest"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":960.5889999999999,"endTime":962.809,"body":"experiences in relationships."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":963.1999999999999,"endTime":965.72,"body":"Right? And and,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":963.1999999999999,"endTime":965.72,"body":"you know, and I'm sure you do"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":965.72,"endTime":970.43,"body":"this, too often, I'll ask"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":965.72,"endTime":970.43,"body":"couples will ask each partner,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":970.97,"endTime":975.5,"body":"have you ever experienced a"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":970.97,"endTime":975.5,"body":"secure relationship? And then"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":975.53,"endTime":980.0,"body":"that's kind of a measurement of"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":975.53,"endTime":980.0,"body":"where they are? And some people"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":980.0,"endTime":984.5,"body":"actually very sadly tell you no."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":980.0,"endTime":984.5,"body":"And then some people say yes,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":984.5,"endTime":987.68,"body":"and they begin to describe it."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":984.5,"endTime":987.68,"body":"But then they'll say, Well,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":988.1899999999999,"endTime":992.6899999999999,"body":"actually, I didn't like trust."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":988.1899999999999,"endTime":992.6899999999999,"body":"Or, you know, there'll be some"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":992.6899999999999,"endTime":998.66,"body":"other thing about that doesn't"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":992.6899999999999,"endTime":998.66,"body":"really describe what we know, is"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":998.6899999999999,"endTime":999.41,"body":"secure."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1000.249,"endTime":1004.629,"body":"That's right, I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1000.249,"endTime":1004.629,"body":"asked the question. Was there"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1004.629,"endTime":1009.009,"body":"anyone in your life growing up?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1004.629,"endTime":1009.009,"body":"Who made you feel safe, taking"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1009.009,"endTime":1013.5989999999999,"body":"care of unconditionally loved?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1009.009,"endTime":1013.5989999999999,"body":"Whose lack you wanted to crawl"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1013.5989999999999,"endTime":1018.159,"body":"into when you needed comforting?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1013.5989999999999,"endTime":1018.159,"body":"Exactly? It's when I asked the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1018.159,"endTime":1020.5889999999999,"body":"question that way, it's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1018.159,"endTime":1020.5889999999999,"body":"interesting to hear what comes"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1020.5889999999999,"endTime":1023.3489999999999,"body":"up because you're right. It's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1020.5889999999999,"endTime":1023.3489999999999,"body":"not always a parent, it can be a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1023.3489999999999,"endTime":1027.669,"body":"grandparent, it can be an aunt,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1023.3489999999999,"endTime":1027.669,"body":"it could be another adult in the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1027.699,"endTime":1031.6290000000001,"body":"inner circle of the family, who"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1027.699,"endTime":1031.6290000000001,"body":"perhaps offered that partner"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1031.6290000000001,"endTime":1034.689,"body":"something they didn't get from"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1031.6290000000001,"endTime":1034.689,"body":"their parents. But they remember"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1034.689,"endTime":1038.259,"body":"that feeling of being"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1034.689,"endTime":1038.259,"body":"unconditionally loved and safe."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1038.71,"endTime":1042.91,"body":"Yes. And for"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1038.71,"endTime":1042.91,"body":"the couple that you're working"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1042.91,"endTime":1048.43,"body":"with that describes that, that"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1042.91,"endTime":1048.43,"body":"makes the work of EFT little"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1048.43,"endTime":1052.72,"body":"easier. Yes. What's really"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1048.43,"endTime":1052.72,"body":"difficult is if you're working"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1052.72,"endTime":1057.07,"body":"with a couple where neither one"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1052.72,"endTime":1057.07,"body":"has ever experienced anything"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1057.07,"endTime":1061.24,"body":"close to a secure attachment,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1057.07,"endTime":1061.24,"body":"and then you have to remember"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1061.57,"endTime":1066.76,"body":"that they have no idea where"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1061.57,"endTime":1066.76,"body":"you're going, you know, what"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1066.76,"endTime":1071.56,"body":"that experience is, like, say?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1066.76,"endTime":1071.56,"body":"So in the course of doing"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1071.56,"endTime":1074.83,"body":"therapy with them, you're"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1071.56,"endTime":1074.83,"body":"helping them to hit start, have"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1074.83,"endTime":1076.06,"body":"they having that experience?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1076.479,"endTime":1079.089,"body":"That's right. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1076.479,"endTime":1079.089,"body":"I think that's where it happens,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1079.089,"endTime":1086.4089999999999,"body":"right? In the therapy room in"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1079.089,"endTime":1086.4089999999999,"body":"session. Because the clients,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1086.6789999999999,"endTime":1089.769,"body":"you're right, they don't have"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1086.6789999999999,"endTime":1089.769,"body":"like, an emotional memory of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1089.769,"endTime":1095.499,"body":"what that feels like. Because we"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1089.769,"endTime":1095.499,"body":"do remember feelings. Yeah. And,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1096.039,"endTime":1098.559,"body":"and if you haven't had that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1096.039,"endTime":1098.559,"body":"experience, and you don't have a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1098.559,"endTime":1102.549,"body":"frame of reference, to know what"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1098.559,"endTime":1102.549,"body":"you're working towards, and I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1102.549,"endTime":1105.549,"body":"think that's where therapy"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1102.549,"endTime":1105.549,"body":"therapy can be so helpful,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1105.789,"endTime":1110.199,"body":"because we're creating that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1105.789,"endTime":1110.199,"body":"experience in in the therapy."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1110.379,"endTime":1113.4089999999999,"body":"Yeah. And and"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1110.379,"endTime":1113.4089999999999,"body":"literally, you're pointing and"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1113.4089999999999,"endTime":1116.859,"body":"teaching them and actually"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1113.4089999999999,"endTime":1116.859,"body":"telling them what it's gonna"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1116.859,"endTime":1119.559,"body":"look like. That's right. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1116.859,"endTime":1119.559,"body":"then I always say, is that"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1119.559,"endTime":1124.9289999999999,"body":"something you're longing for?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1119.559,"endTime":1124.9289999999999,"body":"And say yes, yeah. And they look"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1124.9289999999999,"endTime":1129.969,"body":"at you, as if is that possible?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1124.9289999999999,"endTime":1129.969,"body":"Yes. In this relationship?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1130.66,"endTime":1133.24,"body":"Yes, that's right."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1130.66,"endTime":1133.24,"body":"Because they're there. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1133.24,"endTime":1136.57,"body":"it really means learning new"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1133.24,"endTime":1136.57,"body":"steps to their dance and new"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1136.57,"endTime":1144.31,"body":"language. Yes. Connie, can you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1136.57,"endTime":1144.31,"body":"talk about what happens when"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1144.82,"endTime":1150.19,"body":"couples come in, and perhaps one"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1144.82,"endTime":1150.19,"body":"couple doesn't have the language"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1150.37,"endTime":1154.33,"body":"to express how they're feeling?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1150.37,"endTime":1154.33,"body":"We've talked about secondary"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1154.33,"endTime":1157.84,"body":"emotions, I described those as"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1154.33,"endTime":1157.84,"body":"the emotions you can see on the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1157.84,"endTime":1161.5,"body":"surface of the water, right,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1157.84,"endTime":1161.5,"body":"maybe that reactive level, and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1161.5,"endTime":1164.8899999999999,"body":"then the deeper emotions, which"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1161.5,"endTime":1164.8899999999999,"body":"we don't always see in the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1164.8899999999999,"endTime":1170.32,"body":"depths of the water. But even"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1164.8899999999999,"endTime":1170.32,"body":"though secondary emotions for"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1170.32,"endTime":1175.72,"body":"some, for some couples, for some"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1170.32,"endTime":1175.72,"body":"partners in a couple, have a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1175.72,"endTime":1181.09,"body":"hard time describing, how do you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1175.72,"endTime":1181.09,"body":"feel all that feels bad? Well,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1181.09,"endTime":1185.53,"body":"what's bad? Well, I don't know."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1181.09,"endTime":1185.53,"body":"Then I'll say, Well, can I throw"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1185.53,"endTime":1187.93,"body":"a few things at you, and you let"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1185.53,"endTime":1187.93,"body":"me know if I'm heading in the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1187.93,"endTime":1190.75,"body":"right direction? Wondering if it"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1187.93,"endTime":1190.75,"body":"could"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1191.02,"endTime":1198.73,"body":"sweat. What I"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1191.02,"endTime":1198.73,"body":"have learned is it sometimes you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1198.73,"endTime":1205.06,"body":"have to help the client move"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1198.73,"endTime":1205.06,"body":"towards those deeper emotions by"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1205.06,"endTime":1213.01,"body":"giving them some length. And you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1205.06,"endTime":1213.01,"body":"do that in a very respectful and"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1213.16,"endTime":1220.09,"body":"an active way? Like, let me see"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1213.16,"endTime":1220.09,"body":"if this is how it did. For"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1220.09,"endTime":1224.74,"body":"instance, you have someone who"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1220.09,"endTime":1224.74,"body":"is and we really didn't talk"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1224.74,"endTime":1229.0,"body":"about the cycle itself. The"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1224.74,"endTime":1229.0,"body":"basic cycle includes Someone,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1229.24,"endTime":1231.67,"body":"this is a simple description,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1229.24,"endTime":1231.67,"body":"believe me, it's more"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1231.67,"endTime":1235.36,"body":"complicated as you know, right?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1231.67,"endTime":1235.36,"body":"Someone's pursuing and someone,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1235.66,"endTime":1243.49,"body":"right? So often the pursuer may"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1235.66,"endTime":1243.49,"body":"be anxious, right? They're eager"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1243.52,"endTime":1247.99,"body":"that connection. And I'll ask"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1243.52,"endTime":1247.99,"body":"them how it feels. And they'll"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1247.99,"endTime":1252.61,"body":"just say, Oh, well, I'm upset,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1247.99,"endTime":1252.61,"body":"I'm angry, you know, frustrated,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1252.6399999999999,"endTime":1256.51,"body":"right? Then I'll also take them"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1252.6399999999999,"endTime":1256.51,"body":"down to maybe a deeper place."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1256.66,"endTime":1260.2,"body":"Because what I know from"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1256.66,"endTime":1260.2,"body":"experience that the pursuer"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1260.29,"endTime":1265.06,"body":"often feels invisible. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1260.29,"endTime":1265.06,"body":"exactly. It's like when I offer"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1265.06,"endTime":1268.36,"body":"that up and say, Do you feel"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1265.06,"endTime":1268.36,"body":"like you're invisible?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1268.3899999999999,"endTime":1274.3899999999999,"body":"Immediately? They look and you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1268.3899999999999,"endTime":1274.3899999999999,"body":"see the look in their face? It's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1274.3899999999999,"endTime":1281.59,"body":"like a recognition. Yes. Yes, I"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1274.3899999999999,"endTime":1281.59,"body":"feel invisible. Which makes"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1281.59,"endTime":1285.28,"body":"sense. Because if they've been"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1281.59,"endTime":1285.28,"body":"pursuing and trying to read your"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1285.28,"endTime":1289.45,"body":"connect with their partner, and"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1285.28,"endTime":1289.45,"body":"they're not getting response,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1289.84,"endTime":1295.72,"body":"after why you do feel invisible."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1289.84,"endTime":1295.72,"body":"Absolutely. So what I'm doing"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1295.75,"endTime":1299.29,"body":"and and you know, this as well"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1295.75,"endTime":1299.29,"body":"is that we're offering up"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1299.56,"endTime":1305.26,"body":"another languaging, the mother"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1299.56,"endTime":1305.26,"body":"kinds of emotional language that"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1305.47,"endTime":1309.46,"body":"helps them to kind of start to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1305.47,"endTime":1309.46,"body":"identify there's a whole bunch"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1309.46,"endTime":1313.18,"body":"of other stuff underneath just"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1309.46,"endTime":1313.18,"body":"feeling frustrated and angry."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1313.449,"endTime":1316.899,"body":"That's right."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1313.449,"endTime":1316.899,"body":"That's right. You describe the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1316.899,"endTime":1321.189,"body":"pursuer, I think also for the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1316.899,"endTime":1321.189,"body":"partner who tends to withdraw,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1321.969,"endTime":1327.4289999999999,"body":"and just wants to leave, because"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1321.969,"endTime":1327.4289999999999,"body":"they get overwhelmed, or because"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1327.4289999999999,"endTime":1332.769,"body":"they too, feel anxious. But they"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1327.4289999999999,"endTime":1332.769,"body":"respond to the anxiety"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1332.769,"endTime":1337.299,"body":"differently by avoiding or"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1332.769,"endTime":1337.299,"body":"distancing. And also, there can"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1337.299,"endTime":1342.549,"body":"be a real fear of making things"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1337.299,"endTime":1342.549,"body":"worse. Well, if I just keep"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1342.549,"endTime":1347.1689999999999,"body":"quiet, things will calm down and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1342.549,"endTime":1347.1689999999999,"body":"we'll be fine. So becomes a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1347.1689999999999,"endTime":1351.879,"body":"protective move, in the same way"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1347.1689999999999,"endTime":1351.879,"body":"that the pursuer is trying to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1351.879,"endTime":1356.6789999999999,"body":"protect their relationship by"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1351.879,"endTime":1356.6789999999999,"body":"pushing and poking and pursuing"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1356.6789999999999,"endTime":1361.689,"body":"and desperately wanting to know,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1356.6789999999999,"endTime":1361.689,"body":"Are we okay? Yeah. And, you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1361.689,"endTime":1368.9189999999999,"body":"know, it creates this perfect"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1361.689,"endTime":1368.9189999999999,"body":"storm, right, of running after"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1368.9189999999999,"endTime":1375.009,"body":"and running away. And it's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1368.9189999999999,"endTime":1375.009,"body":"amazing what can happen when the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1375.009,"endTime":1380.4089999999999,"body":"communication style or pattern"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1375.009,"endTime":1380.4089999999999,"body":"is reframed in that dance."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1380.71,"endTime":1382.06,"body":"Exactly. You"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1380.71,"endTime":1382.06,"body":"know,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1382.06,"endTime":1386.62,"body":"what would it feel like to take"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1382.06,"endTime":1386.62,"body":"a couple of steps towards her?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1387.16,"endTime":1387.85,"body":"Or him?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1387.879,"endTime":1390.969,"body":"You know, it's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1387.879,"endTime":1390.969,"body":"it's really, really interesting"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1390.969,"endTime":1395.439,"body":"to see how that can change."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1390.969,"endTime":1395.439,"body":"Right, when a couple understands"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1395.439,"endTime":1400.599,"body":"their dance and their triggers."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1395.439,"endTime":1400.599,"body":"What gets that's what gets the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1400.599,"endTime":1405.039,"body":"dance moving, and the emotional"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1400.599,"endTime":1405.039,"body":"music that starts playing. You"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1405.039,"endTime":1409.329,"body":"know, and I will say that often."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1405.039,"endTime":1409.329,"body":"Oh, you heard some music before"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1409.329,"endTime":1414.339,"body":"the words were ever exchanged."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1409.329,"endTime":1414.339,"body":"Because you've done this so many"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1414.339,"endTime":1415.059,"body":"times."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1415.3,"endTime":1418.78,"body":"Yes. Because it"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1415.3,"endTime":1418.78,"body":"becomes it's automatic. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1419.2,"endTime":1420.73,"body":"Automatic. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1421.27,"endTime":1423.76,"body":"It's like there's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1421.27,"endTime":1423.76,"body":"a physiological response."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1423.819,"endTime":1427.119,"body":"Yeah. And and"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1423.819,"endTime":1427.119,"body":"they don't know another way yet."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1428.9189999999999,"endTime":1432.459,"body":"He did not know another way. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1428.9189999999999,"endTime":1432.459,"body":"that's what the work is. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1432.459,"endTime":1434.979,"body":"therapy was showing them. No,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1435.609,"endTime":1439.569,"body":"absolutely."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1435.609,"endTime":1439.569,"body":"Absolutely. What are some of the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1441.009,"endTime":1446.259,"body":"situations? I, you know, I'm I'm"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1441.009,"endTime":1446.259,"body":"curious about where are the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1446.259,"endTime":1449.289,"body":"places that couples get tripped?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1451.69,"endTime":1453.1,"body":"Yeah, where"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1451.69,"endTime":1453.1,"body":"they, you know, when"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1453.1,"endTime":1456.04,"body":"you talked earlier"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1453.1,"endTime":1456.04,"body":"about? Well, we were in love,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1456.04,"endTime":1460.33,"body":"and now it feels like we're"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1456.04,"endTime":1460.33,"body":"roommates."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1460.96,"endTime":1465.04,"body":"Exactly. And I"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1460.96,"endTime":1465.04,"body":"think that there's many places"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1465.07,"endTime":1471.16,"body":"that couples can get tripped up,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1465.07,"endTime":1471.16,"body":"one of the ones that I always"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1471.16,"endTime":1477.6399999999999,"body":"check on, is the birth of the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1471.16,"endTime":1477.6399999999999,"body":"first child. Yes. And see what"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1477.6399999999999,"endTime":1481.75,"body":"happens with the couple is that,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1477.6399999999999,"endTime":1481.75,"body":"you know, the wife will feel"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1481.75,"endTime":1485.08,"body":"like, well, you really weren't"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1481.75,"endTime":1485.08,"body":"there for me. And you know, and"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1485.08,"endTime":1488.35,"body":"the husband saying, but I held"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1485.08,"endTime":1488.35,"body":"you your hand through the whole"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1488.35,"endTime":1492.49,"body":"ordeal. But what the wife is"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1488.35,"endTime":1492.49,"body":"saying, but you weren't there"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1492.49,"endTime":1496.33,"body":"for me in a way I really needed"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1492.49,"endTime":1496.33,"body":"you to be. And then the husband"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1496.33,"endTime":1500.29,"body":"is saying, Well, you abandoned"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1496.33,"endTime":1500.29,"body":"me because it became all about"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1500.5,"endTime":1506.95,"body":"the baby, baby. And what happens"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1500.5,"endTime":1506.95,"body":"in these scenarios is that this"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1506.95,"endTime":1512.62,"body":"never gets talked about. The"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1506.95,"endTime":1512.62,"body":"couple never has a conversation"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1512.62,"endTime":1516.49,"body":"about how they're feeling."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1512.62,"endTime":1516.49,"body":"That's so true. That's true."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1516.97,"endTime":1521.71,"body":"Breast and invariably, when I"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1516.97,"endTime":1521.71,"body":"work with couples, particularly"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1521.71,"endTime":1526.54,"body":"younger couples, I'll ask about"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1521.71,"endTime":1526.54,"body":"that incident and right there is"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1526.54,"endTime":1529.6299999999999,"body":"a red flag. Yeah. And then they"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1526.54,"endTime":1529.6299999999999,"body":"say start to really get back in"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1530.62,"endTime":1534.94,"body":"feelings very, very quickly. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1530.62,"endTime":1534.94,"body":"then those are what we call"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1534.94,"endTime":1539.3799999999999,"body":"attachment wounds. And so"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1534.94,"endTime":1539.3799999999999,"body":"they're still, even though the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1539.3799999999999,"endTime":1544.42,"body":"womb may be baby five, 610 years"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1539.3799999999999,"endTime":1544.42,"body":"old, they're still both bleeding"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1544.42,"endTime":1547.93,"body":"from it. That's right. They"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1544.42,"endTime":1547.93,"body":"never talked through it, they"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1547.93,"endTime":1552.25,"body":"never resolved. And so we have"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1547.93,"endTime":1552.25,"body":"to go back. And we have to kind"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1552.25,"endTime":1554.17,"body":"of help them net up with each"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1552.25,"endTime":1554.17,"body":"other."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1554.44,"endTime":1556.84,"body":"That's right,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1554.44,"endTime":1556.84,"body":"exactly. And for our listeners"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1556.84,"endTime":1560.71,"body":"who may be in that situation, I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1556.84,"endTime":1560.71,"body":"just want to remind you that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1560.98,"endTime":1565.1499999999999,"body":"there is an earlier podcast in a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1560.98,"endTime":1565.1499999999999,"body":"conversation with Jason and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1565.1499999999999,"endTime":1568.09,"body":"Christian called postpartum and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1565.1499999999999,"endTime":1568.09,"body":"relationships. And they talk"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1568.09,"endTime":1570.6399999999999,"body":"about that very thing a week"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1568.09,"endTime":1570.6399999999999,"body":"after the birth of their"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1570.6399999999999,"endTime":1573.85,"body":"daughter. And they talk about"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1570.6399999999999,"endTime":1573.85,"body":"the firt, the birth of their"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1573.85,"endTime":1577.09,"body":"first daughter, and how"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1573.85,"endTime":1577.09,"body":"different the second one was."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1577.09,"endTime":1582.01,"body":"But all of these things came up"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1577.09,"endTime":1582.01,"body":"about how to ask for what you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1582.01,"endTime":1586.72,"body":"need to remember that you were a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1582.01,"endTime":1586.72,"body":"team. You were a couple before"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1586.72,"endTime":1590.56,"body":"the baby came, and you will be a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1586.72,"endTime":1590.56,"body":"couple throughout, but the focus"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1590.56,"endTime":1597.07,"body":"on how you communicate and the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1590.56,"endTime":1597.07,"body":"combination of a life event that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1597.07,"endTime":1602.53,"body":"changes you in ways you can't"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1597.07,"endTime":1602.53,"body":"even imagine. And of course,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1602.74,"endTime":1604.75,"body":"then we're not talking about it."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1605.47,"endTime":1609.73,"body":"Exactly. Well."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1605.47,"endTime":1609.73,"body":"And you know, I can imagine"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1609.73,"endTime":1613.27,"body":"young couples are not talking"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1609.73,"endTime":1613.27,"body":"about because, one, they may"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1613.27,"endTime":1616.42,"body":"have some shame about what"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1613.27,"endTime":1616.42,"body":"they're feeling, you know?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1616.81,"endTime":1620.44,"body":"Absolutely. Why should I be"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1616.81,"endTime":1620.44,"body":"jealous of our new son or"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1620.44,"endTime":1625.36,"body":"daughter, and the mom may feel"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1620.44,"endTime":1625.36,"body":"like she's got a lot of mixed"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1625.3899999999999,"endTime":1628.54,"body":"lifting feelings, and she"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1625.3899999999999,"endTime":1628.54,"body":"doesn't feel like she can share"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1628.54,"endTime":1631.48,"body":"them. So and they don't have"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1628.54,"endTime":1631.48,"body":"time."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1632.29,"endTime":1635.35,"body":"That's right. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1632.29,"endTime":1635.35,"body":"they're exhausted. Yeah, they're"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1635.35,"endTime":1635.98,"body":"exhausted,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1635.979,"endTime":1639.1589999999999,"body":"and there's no"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1635.979,"endTime":1639.1589999999999,"body":"time. Now, kind of want to go"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1639.1589999999999,"endTime":1644.379,"body":"back over these attachment"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1639.1589999999999,"endTime":1644.379,"body":"wounds. The, of course, you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1644.379,"endTime":1649.029,"body":"know, the main key attachment"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1644.379,"endTime":1649.029,"body":"wounds that most of us who do"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1649.059,"endTime":1653.229,"body":"couples work are faced with is"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1649.059,"endTime":1653.229,"body":"the issue around infidelity."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1653.649,"endTime":1661.479,"body":"Yes. Probably half the couples"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1653.649,"endTime":1661.479,"body":"I've seen has to do within"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1661.509,"endTime":1666.129,"body":"fidelity. That's right. It may"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1661.509,"endTime":1666.129,"body":"be something that's current, or"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1666.129,"endTime":1670.149,"body":"it may be something that's way"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1666.129,"endTime":1670.149,"body":"back in the history. That's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1670.149,"endTime":1675.9089999999999,"body":"right, exactly. But it's a kind"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1670.149,"endTime":1675.9089999999999,"body":"of wound that you do have to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1675.9089999999999,"endTime":1678.069,"body":"help support them in working"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1675.9089999999999,"endTime":1678.069,"body":"through."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1679.54,"endTime":1683.1399999999999,"body":"That's right. It's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1679.54,"endTime":1683.1399999999999,"body":"the other thing I noticed, too."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1683.1399999999999,"endTime":1686.62,"body":"And I I agree with you, Connie,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1683.1399999999999,"endTime":1686.62,"body":"I would say probably 50% of the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1686.62,"endTime":1692.32,"body":"couples with whom I work,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1686.62,"endTime":1692.32,"body":"infidelity of some kind, is the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1692.32,"endTime":1695.8899999999999,"body":"issue that they present when"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1692.32,"endTime":1695.8899999999999,"body":"they come in. And these days,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1696.19,"endTime":1698.32,"body":"there's different kinds of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1696.19,"endTime":1698.32,"body":"infidelity."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1698.709,"endTime":1700.839,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1698.709,"endTime":1700.839,"body":"There's many, many kinds."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1700.839,"endTime":1705.009,"body":"There's the kinds where it's an"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1700.839,"endTime":1705.009,"body":"act of sexual involvement, or it"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1705.009,"endTime":1709.599,"body":"may be an emotional involvement."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1705.009,"endTime":1709.599,"body":"And the emotional, emotional"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1709.599,"endTime":1714.219,"body":"environment is the kind that"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1709.599,"endTime":1714.219,"body":"takes the partner away. Yes, the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1714.219,"endTime":1719.199,"body":"partner to withdraw and seek"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1714.219,"endTime":1719.199,"body":"comfort elsewhere. That's right."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1719.469,"endTime":1725.319,"body":"And that's a form of infidelity"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1719.469,"endTime":1725.319,"body":"as well. Um, you know, my old"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1725.799,"endTime":1732.129,"body":"supervisor used to say that"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1725.799,"endTime":1732.129,"body":"infidelity or affairs, he dumped"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1732.129,"endTime":1738.279,"body":"the marriage. And they do. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1732.129,"endTime":1738.279,"body":"sometimes that's exactly what"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1738.279,"endTime":1742.209,"body":"gets a couple into therapy."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1738.279,"endTime":1742.209,"body":"That's right. And we're really"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1742.239,"endTime":1745.359,"body":"able to do some really good work"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1742.239,"endTime":1745.359,"body":"with them, because then they can"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1745.359,"endTime":1748.959,"body":"pause and look at, you know,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1745.359,"endTime":1748.959,"body":"what, what's going on? How does"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1748.959,"endTime":1752.079,"body":"that affair fit into the crazy"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1748.959,"endTime":1752.079,"body":"dance that they're caught in?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1752.199,"endTime":1756.699,"body":"Yes. It certainly takes a"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1752.199,"endTime":1756.699,"body":"partner away from the other"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1756.699,"endTime":1758.439,"body":"partner. Right?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1758.71,"endTime":1763.51,"body":"That's right. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1758.71,"endTime":1763.51,"body":"it certainly injures things like"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1763.51,"endTime":1769.99,"body":"trust. And, and the other piece"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1763.51,"endTime":1769.99,"body":"of it is that the hurt partner,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1770.41,"endTime":1775.06,"body":"in addition to the sense of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1770.41,"endTime":1775.06,"body":"betrayal, then often suffers"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1775.12,"endTime":1780.94,"body":"tremendous self doubt. Anger,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1775.12,"endTime":1780.94,"body":"how could I have been so stupid?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1780.94,"endTime":1785.8899999999999,"body":"Why didn't I see the signs? How"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1780.94,"endTime":1785.8899999999999,"body":"could I not have known? Am I not"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1785.8899999999999,"endTime":1790.3,"body":"good enough? What am I lacking?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1785.8899999999999,"endTime":1790.3,"body":"How could How could he or she"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1790.3,"endTime":1796.03,"body":"have done that? It becomes a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1790.3,"endTime":1796.03,"body":"form of self punishment almost"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1796.06,"endTime":1800.59,"body":"in the self doubt and the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1796.06,"endTime":1800.59,"body":"humiliation and shame in"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1800.59,"endTime":1802.21,"body":"addition to the betrayal."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1802.569,"endTime":1806.319,"body":"Exactly. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1802.569,"endTime":1806.319,"body":"the person who is committing the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1806.319,"endTime":1813.1589999999999,"body":"betrayal actually often feels"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1806.319,"endTime":1813.1589999999999,"body":"like they have some sense of"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1813.1589999999999,"endTime":1816.789,"body":"lack of self worth. Because they"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1813.1589999999999,"endTime":1816.789,"body":"feel like they couldn't go to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1816.789,"endTime":1819.969,"body":"their partner with their"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1816.789,"endTime":1819.969,"body":"intimacy needs are to really go"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1819.969,"endTime":1824.529,"body":"their partner to really talk."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1819.969,"endTime":1824.529,"body":"And so they avoided by getting"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1824.529,"endTime":1829.269,"body":"involved with someone else. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1824.529,"endTime":1829.269,"body":"so You know, as you start to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1829.269,"endTime":1832.899,"body":"tease these things out, it's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1829.269,"endTime":1832.899,"body":"interesting all the factors that"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1832.899,"endTime":1836.859,"body":"go into this phenomena called"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1832.899,"endTime":1836.859,"body":"infidelity."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1837.97,"endTime":1840.73,"body":"Connie, what are"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1837.97,"endTime":1840.73,"body":"your thoughts about the ability"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1840.73,"endTime":1844.27,"body":"or the potential for repair when"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1840.73,"endTime":1844.27,"body":"there's been infidelity in a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1844.27,"endTime":1845.11,"body":"relationship?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1845.5,"endTime":1849.1299999999999,"body":"In my"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1845.5,"endTime":1849.1299999999999,"body":"experience, if the couples"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1849.1299999999999,"endTime":1853.3899999999999,"body":"sitting in front of me are both"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1849.1299999999999,"endTime":1853.3899999999999,"body":"wanting the marriage wanting"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1853.3899999999999,"endTime":1859.72,"body":"their relationship, and they are"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1853.3899999999999,"endTime":1859.72,"body":"no longer involved in the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1859.72,"endTime":1865.06,"body":"affair, it's truly over. I think"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1859.72,"endTime":1865.06,"body":"there is great potential for"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1865.06,"endTime":1868.78,"body":"repair. And I've seen the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1865.06,"endTime":1868.78,"body":"repair. Now I have witnessed it"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1868.78,"endTime":1873.19,"body":"firsthand, where couples have"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1868.78,"endTime":1873.19,"body":"been able to come back together"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1873.37,"endTime":1877.36,"body":"and actually learned it as a way"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1873.37,"endTime":1877.36,"body":"to understand better themselves"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1877.36,"endTime":1883.66,"body":"and each other. Yes. See? So I"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1877.36,"endTime":1883.66,"body":"think I don't get too excited"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1883.66,"endTime":1888.19,"body":"about finding out there's been a"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1883.66,"endTime":1888.19,"body":"fair, no, I see it, as you're"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1888.19,"endTime":1892.78,"body":"telling me that there's this"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1888.19,"endTime":1892.78,"body":"thing in your relationship that"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1892.78,"endTime":1898.93,"body":"isn't secure. You say, yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1892.78,"endTime":1898.93,"body":"that we have to look at, you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1898.93,"endTime":1902.2,"body":"know, those components and what"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1898.93,"endTime":1902.2,"body":"contributed to it, and how to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1902.2,"endTime":1906.94,"body":"get you guys to start looking at"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1902.2,"endTime":1906.94,"body":"each other for safety and"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1906.94,"endTime":1912.43,"body":"security, and intimacy. That's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1906.94,"endTime":1912.43,"body":"right, so that so that they can"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1912.43,"endTime":1921.3999999999999,"body":"create the safe haven? That's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1912.43,"endTime":1921.3999999999999,"body":"right. So the affair will give"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1921.3999999999999,"endTime":1922.09,"body":"them to this."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1923.71,"endTime":1928.18,"body":"I agree with you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1923.71,"endTime":1928.18,"body":"100%. I think that for the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1928.18,"endTime":1931.66,"body":"couples who can't who, with whom"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1928.18,"endTime":1931.66,"body":"I've worked, many more have"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1931.66,"endTime":1935.98,"body":"stayed together than to have"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1931.66,"endTime":1935.98,"body":"decided to end the marriage. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1935.98,"endTime":1939.43,"body":"usually, that's because one of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1935.98,"endTime":1939.43,"body":"the partners is already out"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1939.43,"endTime":1945.94,"body":"before they come in. You know,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1939.43,"endTime":1945.94,"body":"and so I think that my"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1945.94,"endTime":1949.45,"body":"experience has certainly been"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1945.94,"endTime":1949.45,"body":"that it's when they get into"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1949.45,"endTime":1953.08,"body":"therapy, they do, they learn a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1949.45,"endTime":1953.08,"body":"lot about each other, but they"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1953.08,"endTime":1956.26,"body":"learn a lot about themselves."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1953.08,"endTime":1956.26,"body":"Because this kind of work, you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1956.26,"endTime":1962.83,"body":"have to understand what happens"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1956.26,"endTime":1962.83,"body":"within effects flows between. So"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1962.83,"endTime":1966.67,"body":"so important, I think this this"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1962.83,"endTime":1966.67,"body":"model of couples therapy"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1966.67,"endTime":1970.72,"body":"requires that each partner"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1966.67,"endTime":1970.72,"body":"really go within and to be"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1970.72,"endTime":1975.79,"body":"curious to learn to be curious,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1970.72,"endTime":1975.79,"body":"what happens for me when what"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1975.79,"endTime":1980.32,"body":"just happened for me right now,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1975.79,"endTime":1980.32,"body":"and to notice and pay attention."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1980.8,"endTime":1985.42,"body":"And that's when when we can work"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1980.8,"endTime":1985.42,"body":"that way. It helps couples when"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1985.42,"endTime":1988.24,"body":"they come in to talk about"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1985.42,"endTime":1988.24,"body":"themselves rather than each"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":1988.24,"endTime":1988.6299999999999,"body":"other."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1989.379,"endTime":1992.049,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1989.379,"endTime":1992.049,"body":"Well, I don't allow them to talk"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1992.049,"endTime":1994.479,"body":"about the other because the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1992.049,"endTime":1994.479,"body":"others in the room? That's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1994.479,"endTime":1999.249,"body":"right, exactly. talk for"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1994.479,"endTime":1999.249,"body":"themselves. But you know, what"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1999.249,"endTime":2003.269,"body":"you're pointing out is, what"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":1999.249,"endTime":2003.269,"body":"we're doing is helping couples"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2003.269,"endTime":2008.219,"body":"learn again, how to be present"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2003.269,"endTime":2008.219,"body":"with each other. Because so much"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2008.219,"endTime":2011.549,"body":"of what they've been doing has"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2008.219,"endTime":2011.549,"body":"been withdrawing or avoiding or"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2011.579,"endTime":2016.199,"body":"even in, in the, in the partner"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2011.579,"endTime":2016.199,"body":"who's pursuing, they're not"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2016.199,"endTime":2020.399,"body":"always pursuing clearly about"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2016.199,"endTime":2020.399,"body":"what the need really is. You"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2020.399,"endTime":2024.689,"body":"see, so it's about helping them"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2020.399,"endTime":2024.689,"body":"to actually turn towards each"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2024.689,"endTime":2029.279,"body":"other. And you know, and I know,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2024.689,"endTime":2029.279,"body":"couples work, when those"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2029.279,"endTime":2033.509,"body":"partners in session, maybe"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2029.279,"endTime":2033.509,"body":"session eight or nine are"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2033.509,"endTime":2037.649,"body":"starting to turn towards each"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2033.509,"endTime":2037.649,"body":"other without being prompted,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2038.189,"endTime":2042.809,"body":"you know, that we're, it's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2038.189,"endTime":2042.809,"body":"moving. Things are changing."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2042.989,"endTime":2047.939,"body":"That's right. You know, what's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2042.989,"endTime":2047.939,"body":"so interesting, fascinating to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2047.939,"endTime":2050.399,"body":"me, and I know you've had this"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2047.939,"endTime":2050.399,"body":"experience is where you're"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2050.399,"endTime":2054.029,"body":"coming to that in stage of"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2050.399,"endTime":2054.029,"body":"couples work. And the couples"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2054.029,"endTime":2057.719,"body":"sitting there in front of you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2054.029,"endTime":2057.719,"body":"having this conversation about"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2057.719,"endTime":2061.7690000000002,"body":"topics that when you first saw"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2057.719,"endTime":2061.7690000000002,"body":"them would have taken the Munder"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2061.799,"endTime":2066.599,"body":"right. That's it in this intense"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2061.799,"endTime":2066.599,"body":"fight that now you're sitting"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2066.599,"endTime":2070.199,"body":"there observing this, they kind"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2066.599,"endTime":2070.199,"body":"of forget you're even present."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2070.199,"endTime":2074.099,"body":"That's exactly right. That's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2070.199,"endTime":2074.099,"body":"phenomenal, phenomenal"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2074.099,"endTime":2076.829,"body":"conversation. They're working"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2074.099,"endTime":2076.829,"body":"through all these things. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2076.829,"endTime":2079.9190000000003,"body":"then, you know, I look at them,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2076.829,"endTime":2079.9190000000003,"body":"I say, Do you realize that that"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2079.9190000000003,"endTime":2082.1690000000003,"body":"was the thing that used to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2079.9190000000003,"endTime":2082.1690000000003,"body":"really get you upset and they"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2082.1690000000003,"endTime":2086.8790000000004,"body":"look at me like a really?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2082.1690000000003,"endTime":2086.8790000000004,"body":"There's, there's no memory of"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2086.8790000000004,"endTime":2088.529,"body":"it? That's right."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2088.7090000000003,"endTime":2091.559,"body":"No, it's really"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2088.7090000000003,"endTime":2091.559,"body":"it. That's what makes the work."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2091.559,"endTime":2096.509,"body":"So rewarding, is when I'm in the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2091.559,"endTime":2096.509,"body":"room and the conversations"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2096.509,"endTime":2101.8190000000004,"body":"happening between a couple and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2096.509,"endTime":2101.8190000000004,"body":"I'm like, you know, this is this"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2101.8190000000004,"endTime":2105.5690000000004,"body":"is great. This is they can do"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2101.8190000000004,"endTime":2105.5690000000004,"body":"this. This is a whole other ball"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2105.5690000000004,"endTime":2107.6690000000003,"body":"of wax compared to when they"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2105.5690000000004,"endTime":2107.6690000000003,"body":"first came in."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2107.94,"endTime":2111.9900000000002,"body":"It's, it's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2107.94,"endTime":2111.9900000000002,"body":"fascinating. And what I love"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2111.9900000000002,"endTime":2115.2000000000003,"body":"about that is that it says to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2111.9900000000002,"endTime":2115.2000000000003,"body":"me, they have taken true"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2115.2000000000003,"endTime":2121.0800000000004,"body":"ownership. Thank you, they have"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2115.2000000000003,"endTime":2121.0800000000004,"body":"taken ownership. They now have"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2121.0800000000004,"endTime":2123.96,"body":"new skills and they are putting"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2121.0800000000004,"endTime":2123.96,"body":"them to use."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2124.2900000000004,"endTime":2129.21,"body":"Yes, exactly."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2124.2900000000004,"endTime":2129.21,"body":"Exactly. And it makes it It's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2129.21,"endTime":2133.32,"body":"just so rewarding to see couples"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2129.21,"endTime":2133.32,"body":"come in to be and they report we"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2133.32,"endTime":2136.8300000000004,"body":"were, you know, we we hit this"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2133.32,"endTime":2136.8300000000004,"body":"little hiccup but we were able"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2136.8300000000004,"endTime":2140.1600000000003,"body":"to talk through it and I'll ask"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2136.8300000000004,"endTime":2140.1600000000003,"body":"what did you do? And they'll"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2140.1600000000003,"endTime":2143.5800000000004,"body":"talk about slowing things down"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2140.1600000000003,"endTime":2143.5800000000004,"body":"or taking a pause when things"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2143.5800000000004,"endTime":2150.6000000000004,"body":"get escalated. And it's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2143.5800000000004,"endTime":2150.6000000000004,"body":"fantastic to see the evolution"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2150.6000000000004,"endTime":2151.92,"body":"of the relationship."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2152.52,"endTime":2156.1200000000003,"body":"Now, as we're"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2152.52,"endTime":2156.1200000000003,"body":"talking, and you were, we were"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2156.1200000000003,"endTime":2159.8100000000004,"body":"talking about those attachment"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2156.1200000000003,"endTime":2159.8100000000004,"body":"wounds. There's another one I do"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2159.8100000000004,"endTime":2162.6600000000003,"body":"want to bring up that that I"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2159.8100000000004,"endTime":2162.6600000000003,"body":"know you have worked with as"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2162.6600000000003,"endTime":2169.23,"body":"well, is that if one of the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2162.6600000000003,"endTime":2169.23,"body":"partners becomes ill, yes. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2169.3500000000004,"endTime":2176.46,"body":"what happens is that the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2169.3500000000004,"endTime":2176.46,"body":"relationship gets put by the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2176.46,"endTime":2181.6800000000003,"body":"wayside, in the focus, and"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2176.46,"endTime":2181.6800000000003,"body":"rightly so many cases, becomes"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2181.6800000000003,"endTime":2188.9700000000003,"body":"all about the illness. That's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2181.6800000000003,"endTime":2188.9700000000003,"body":"right. And often, we have had"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2188.9700000000003,"endTime":2194.82,"body":"couples come to the Family Study"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2188.9700000000003,"endTime":2194.82,"body":"Center who have one, or maybe"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2194.82,"endTime":2197.55,"body":"you both have been struggling"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2194.82,"endTime":2197.55,"body":"with some kind of chronic"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2197.55,"endTime":2203.9700000000003,"body":"illness, and the relationship"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2197.55,"endTime":2203.9700000000003,"body":"has not been nurtured. Because"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2203.9700000000003,"endTime":2210.8100000000004,"body":"everything becomes about the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2203.9700000000003,"endTime":2210.8100000000004,"body":"sickness. Yes. And so we have to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2210.8100000000004,"endTime":2215.1000000000004,"body":"gently remind them that, hey,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2210.8100000000004,"endTime":2215.1000000000004,"body":"there's a relationship here."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2215.4300000000003,"endTime":2217.11,"body":"That's beyond the illness."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2218.07,"endTime":2220.65,"body":"That's right."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2218.07,"endTime":2220.65,"body":"That's right. I had the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2220.65,"endTime":2224.4,"body":"privilege of working with a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2220.65,"endTime":2224.4,"body":"couple last year who came to see"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2224.4,"endTime":2231.2400000000002,"body":"me. And there was a chronic"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2224.4,"endTime":2231.2400000000002,"body":"terminal illness in the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2231.2400000000002,"endTime":2237.57,"body":"relationship that they were both"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2231.2400000000002,"endTime":2237.57,"body":"struggling with. I mean, the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2237.57,"endTime":2243.9900000000002,"body":"news was quite recent. And the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2237.57,"endTime":2243.9900000000002,"body":"relief for them to be able to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2243.9900000000002,"endTime":2248.67,"body":"talk about how they feel about"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2243.9900000000002,"endTime":2248.67,"body":"each other, to say things with"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2248.67,"endTime":2254.5800000000004,"body":"one another. They hadn't said"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2248.67,"endTime":2254.5800000000004,"body":"before, for the partner who"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2254.82,"endTime":2261.96,"body":"would be the caretaker to talk"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2254.82,"endTime":2261.96,"body":"about their fear and sadness and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2261.96,"endTime":2266.5800000000004,"body":"not wanting to burden because"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2261.96,"endTime":2266.5800000000004,"body":"then the talking stops, because"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2266.5800000000004,"endTime":2269.82,"body":"both parties don't want to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2266.5800000000004,"endTime":2269.82,"body":"burden the other. Yeah, it was"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2269.82,"endTime":2272.73,"body":"really Connie, it was really a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2269.82,"endTime":2272.73,"body":"privilege to work with this"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2272.73,"endTime":2277.3500000000004,"body":"couple because they have a long"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2272.73,"endTime":2277.3500000000004,"body":"road ahead of them. And the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2277.3500000000004,"endTime":2280.4100000000003,"body":"illness could have easily become"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2277.3500000000004,"endTime":2280.4100000000003,"body":"a third party in the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2280.4100000000003,"endTime":2285.21,"body":"relationship, where neither one"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2280.4100000000003,"endTime":2285.21,"body":"of them would turn to each other"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2285.21,"endTime":2289.6200000000003,"body":"for connection. Right and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2285.21,"endTime":2289.6200000000003,"body":"soothing. We talked about the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2289.6200000000003,"endTime":2293.2200000000003,"body":"relationship becoming a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2289.6200000000003,"endTime":2293.2200000000003,"body":"sanctuary of safety, trust,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2293.2200000000003,"endTime":2296.88,"body":"soothing, comforting, I know"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2293.2200000000003,"endTime":2296.88,"body":"that when I reach for you, you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2296.88,"endTime":2300.8700000000003,"body":"will respond. And boy, when"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2296.88,"endTime":2300.8700000000003,"body":"there's a terminal or chronic"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2300.8700000000003,"endTime":2304.5,"body":"illness in the relationship, a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2300.8700000000003,"endTime":2304.5,"body":"lot of that can fall by the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2304.5,"endTime":2304.92,"body":"side."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2305.3100000000004,"endTime":2309.8700000000003,"body":"Right. And you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2305.3100000000004,"endTime":2309.8700000000003,"body":"know, fear comes into play. Yes."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2310.17,"endTime":2314.01,"body":"And the fear sometimes keeps us"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2310.17,"endTime":2314.01,"body":"from connecting. That's right."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2314.4300000000003,"endTime":2317.07,"body":"It can be very"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2314.4300000000003,"endTime":2317.07,"body":"isolating. Yes."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2317.5800000000004,"endTime":2320.01,"body":"Very nice."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2317.5800000000004,"endTime":2320.01,"body":"Very, very nice."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2320.82,"endTime":2324.51,"body":"Connie, the other"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2320.82,"endTime":2324.51,"body":"thing I wanted to talk to you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2324.51,"endTime":2331.3500000000004,"body":"about was couples and trauma,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2324.51,"endTime":2331.3500000000004,"body":"because I'm seeing more trauma"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2332.6400000000003,"endTime":2336.6600000000003,"body":"experienced by one of the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2332.6400000000003,"endTime":2336.6600000000003,"body":"partners in couples coming in."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2336.69,"endTime":2342.4500000000003,"body":"And that requires perhaps not a"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2336.69,"endTime":2342.4500000000003,"body":"different approach necessarily"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2342.4500000000003,"endTime":2347.6400000000003,"body":"with a slower approach. It can"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2342.4500000000003,"endTime":2347.6400000000003,"body":"be trauma that has perhaps not"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2347.6400000000003,"endTime":2353.52,"body":"been fully shared with the other"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2347.6400000000003,"endTime":2353.52,"body":"partner, like molestation,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2353.52,"endTime":2359.1600000000003,"body":"sexual abuse as a child for both"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2353.52,"endTime":2359.1600000000003,"body":"men and women. Yeah. And so on."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2359.2200000000003,"endTime":2363.7200000000003,"body":"How do you what approach do you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2359.2200000000003,"endTime":2363.7200000000003,"body":"employ when you're working with"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2363.7200000000003,"endTime":2365.1000000000004,"body":"trauma and a couple?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2365.6400000000003,"endTime":2367.6200000000003,"body":"Well, I think"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2365.6400000000003,"endTime":2367.6200000000003,"body":"you're right, the work goes"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2367.6200000000003,"endTime":2372.6000000000004,"body":"slower. But I also believe in"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2367.6200000000003,"endTime":2372.6000000000004,"body":"what Sue Johnson said very"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2372.6000000000004,"endTime":2377.76,"body":"clearly to quote her. When"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2372.6000000000004,"endTime":2377.76,"body":"facing our monsters, it's good"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2377.76,"endTime":2383.0400000000004,"body":"to know that we have somebody"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2377.76,"endTime":2383.0400000000004,"body":"standing by us. And that's where"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2383.07,"endTime":2387.96,"body":"I started to include partners in"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2383.07,"endTime":2387.96,"body":"trauma work years and years ago,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2387.9900000000002,"endTime":2392.1000000000004,"body":"even before EFT because I"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2387.9900000000002,"endTime":2392.1000000000004,"body":"realized when you're working"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2392.1000000000004,"endTime":2398.34,"body":"through trauma, it's it's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2392.1000000000004,"endTime":2398.34,"body":"frightening. Caroline, you have"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2398.34,"endTime":2402.0600000000004,"body":"all kinds of triggers. You have"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2398.34,"endTime":2402.0600000000004,"body":"all kinds of flashback. If you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2402.0600000000004,"endTime":2406.8,"body":"have a partner that can stand"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2402.0600000000004,"endTime":2406.8,"body":"with you, that will make that"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2406.8,"endTime":2411.8100000000004,"body":"journey easier. So you have to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2406.8,"endTime":2411.8100000000004,"body":"deal with the trauma in the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2411.8100000000004,"endTime":2416.3100000000004,"body":"couples work because it also"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2411.8100000000004,"endTime":2416.3100000000004,"body":"feeds the crazy dance."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2416.5800000000004,"endTime":2422.6400000000003,"body":"Absolutely. And often I've"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2416.5800000000004,"endTime":2422.6400000000003,"body":"worked with couples where you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2422.6400000000003,"endTime":2427.86,"body":"know, maybe the female partner"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2422.6400000000003,"endTime":2427.86,"body":"is awakening to some earlier"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2427.86,"endTime":2435.2400000000002,"body":"sexual abuse. And the male"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2427.86,"endTime":2435.2400000000002,"body":"partner kind of knew the story,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2435.2400000000002,"endTime":2440.28,"body":"but not really. Yes. And then"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2435.2400000000002,"endTime":2440.28,"body":"when the female partner begins"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2440.28,"endTime":2443.28,"body":"to get in touch with those"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2440.28,"endTime":2443.28,"body":"primary feelings around the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2443.28,"endTime":2448.2000000000003,"body":"trauma and start expressing it,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2443.28,"endTime":2448.2000000000003,"body":"often the male partner will"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2448.3500000000004,"endTime":2455.9700000000003,"body":"light up and say, Oh, wow. Now I"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2448.3500000000004,"endTime":2455.9700000000003,"body":"understand, yes, when we been"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2455.9700000000003,"endTime":2461.4900000000002,"body":"having sex, I thought maybe you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2455.9700000000003,"endTime":2461.4900000000002,"body":"weren't into me. And now I get"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2461.94,"endTime":2467.7000000000003,"body":"that it's a major trigger, that"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2461.94,"endTime":2467.7000000000003,"body":"you do escape, you do go"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2467.7000000000003,"endTime":2468.2400000000002,"body":"elsewhere?"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2469.0800000000004,"endTime":2471.27,"body":"That's right, I go"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2469.0800000000004,"endTime":2471.27,"body":"somewhere else where I feel"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2471.27,"endTime":2474.51,"body":"safer in my head, I go somewhere"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2471.27,"endTime":2474.51,"body":"else and not present."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2474.7200000000003,"endTime":2479.25,"body":"Exactly. And I"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2474.7200000000003,"endTime":2479.25,"body":"think it's, you're not doing"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2479.46,"endTime":2483.75,"body":"even if you are just working"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2479.46,"endTime":2483.75,"body":"with traumatized people, if you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2483.75,"endTime":2488.6400000000003,"body":"are not including their"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2483.75,"endTime":2488.6400000000003,"body":"partners, somehow in the work,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2489.9300000000003,"endTime":2493.92,"body":"if not every session, somehow,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2489.9300000000003,"endTime":2493.92,"body":"in certain sessions that you set"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2493.92,"endTime":2496.8,"body":"up with both of them. I don't"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2493.92,"endTime":2496.8,"body":"think you're doing your due"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2496.8,"endTime":2501.15,"body":"diligence, because the other"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2496.8,"endTime":2501.15,"body":"partner is so directly impacted"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2501.15,"endTime":2501.57,"body":"by"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2502.77,"endTime":2507.09,"body":"Absolutely. And"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2502.77,"endTime":2507.09,"body":"what I've seen, too, is that the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2507.09,"endTime":2510.2400000000002,"body":"other partner begins to believe"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2507.09,"endTime":2510.2400000000002,"body":"there's something about them, as"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2510.2400000000002,"endTime":2515.3700000000003,"body":"you mentioned, and or is full of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2510.2400000000002,"endTime":2515.3700000000003,"body":"self recrimination that they"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2515.3700000000003,"endTime":2519.8100000000004,"body":"didn't recognize or pick up on"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2515.3700000000003,"endTime":2519.8100000000004,"body":"the trauma years before."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2520.26,"endTime":2523.92,"body":"Right. Now,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2520.26,"endTime":2523.92,"body":"what's really difficult. And"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2523.92,"endTime":2527.67,"body":"we've had cases like this Family"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2523.92,"endTime":2527.67,"body":"Study Center is where both"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2527.67,"endTime":2531.4500000000003,"body":"partners we start to reveal that"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2527.67,"endTime":2531.4500000000003,"body":"they've had trauma, the now"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2531.4500000000003,"endTime":2535.5600000000004,"body":"you're working with a couple"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2531.4500000000003,"endTime":2535.5600000000004,"body":"where each of them have had"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2535.5600000000004,"endTime":2540.15,"body":"trauma in their past. So work is"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2535.5600000000004,"endTime":2540.15,"body":"much, much slower."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2540.36,"endTime":2544.5600000000004,"body":"Yes. And you can"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2540.36,"endTime":2544.5600000000004,"body":"spend a longer time in that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2544.5600000000004,"endTime":2551.0400000000004,"body":"reactive. You know, there's all"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2544.5600000000004,"endTime":2551.0400000000004,"body":"these stages to EFT and a lot of"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2551.0400000000004,"endTime":2554.8500000000004,"body":"the first, the early part of the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2551.0400000000004,"endTime":2554.8500000000004,"body":"work is trying to distill the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2554.8500000000004,"endTime":2560.5800000000004,"body":"emotions and to create safety."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2554.8500000000004,"endTime":2560.5800000000004,"body":"But it can take a lot longer, I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2560.5800000000004,"endTime":2564.6000000000004,"body":"think with couples where they"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2560.5800000000004,"endTime":2564.6000000000004,"body":"have both had trauma, right,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2564.63,"endTime":2565.98,"body":"it's it's so scary,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2566.28,"endTime":2568.92,"body":"it's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2566.28,"endTime":2568.92,"body":"frightening. And I I find myself"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2568.9500000000003,"endTime":2572.13,"body":"being doing a little more"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2568.9500000000003,"endTime":2572.13,"body":"psychoeducation with those,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2572.7000000000003,"endTime":2577.6200000000003,"body":"those couples, because they need"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2572.7000000000003,"endTime":2577.6200000000003,"body":"to know how trauma, even though"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2577.6200000000003,"endTime":2581.88,"body":"it's maybe long ago in their"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2577.6200000000003,"endTime":2581.88,"body":"history, still impacts them"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2581.88,"endTime":2588.78,"body":"today. So often, you're going"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2581.88,"endTime":2588.78,"body":"slow, you're providing safety,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2588.78,"endTime":2592.86,"body":"safety, that's a big key to the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2588.78,"endTime":2592.86,"body":"work. And you're also helping"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2592.86,"endTime":2597.7200000000003,"body":"them understand that the trauma"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2592.86,"endTime":2597.7200000000003,"body":"does impact them. And sometimes"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2597.84,"endTime":2602.67,"body":"the survival mode they learned"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2597.84,"endTime":2602.67,"body":"early on in life is no longer"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2602.67,"endTime":2607.9500000000003,"body":"working now. And they're not"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2602.67,"endTime":2607.9500000000003,"body":"even realizing, Oh, that's my"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2607.9500000000003,"endTime":2609.0,"body":"survival behavior."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2609.4500000000003,"endTime":2612.6600000000003,"body":"That's right, they"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2609.4500000000003,"endTime":2612.6600000000003,"body":"develop strategies for survival"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2612.6600000000003,"endTime":2616.05,"body":"when they're younger, that"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2612.6600000000003,"endTime":2616.05,"body":"really no longer serve them, or"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2616.05,"endTime":2619.86,"body":"get in the way of having safe"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2616.05,"endTime":2619.86,"body":"secure adult attachment with"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2619.86,"endTime":2620.0400000000004,"body":"their"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2620.0400000000004,"endTime":2622.6800000000003,"body":"partner. And so"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2620.0400000000004,"endTime":2622.6800000000003,"body":"you know, you want to help them"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2622.6800000000003,"endTime":2626.2200000000003,"body":"understand all that and explain"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2622.6800000000003,"endTime":2626.2200000000003,"body":"to them that that's quite"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2626.2200000000003,"endTime":2630.78,"body":"normal. You know, it's kind of"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2626.2200000000003,"endTime":2630.78,"body":"how we're wired as human beings."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2631.11,"endTime":2634.17,"body":"That's right. So, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2631.11,"endTime":2634.17,"body":"often find him working with"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2634.17,"endTime":2638.34,"body":"these couples. No, we're going"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2634.17,"endTime":2638.34,"body":"slow. I'm always checking to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2638.34,"endTime":2643.17,"body":"make sure they feel safe in the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2638.34,"endTime":2643.17,"body":"process. Yeah, and also just"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2643.17,"endTime":2646.2000000000003,"body":"doing little psychoeducation."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2643.17,"endTime":2646.2000000000003,"body":"You know, I want you to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2646.2000000000003,"endTime":2649.59,"body":"understand this is normal. This"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2646.2000000000003,"endTime":2649.59,"body":"is okay. We're going to get"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2649.59,"endTime":2650.52,"body":"through this."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2650.579,"endTime":2654.929,"body":"No, that's right."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2650.579,"endTime":2654.929,"body":"Exactly. Exactly. Well, Connie,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2654.9590000000003,"endTime":2659.1890000000003,"body":"we've we've been around the room"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2654.9590000000003,"endTime":2659.1890000000003,"body":"on relationships in our in our"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2659.1890000000003,"endTime":2664.9790000000003,"body":"straight talk today. What"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2659.1890000000003,"endTime":2664.9790000000003,"body":"resources are there any"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2664.9790000000003,"endTime":2668.1290000000004,"body":"resources that you would"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2664.9790000000003,"endTime":2668.1290000000004,"body":"recommend to couples who are"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2668.1290000000004,"endTime":2670.679,"body":"struggling? Or who would like to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2668.1290000000004,"endTime":2670.679,"body":"know more?"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2671.1600000000003,"endTime":2675.1800000000003,"body":"Well, I think"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2671.1600000000003,"endTime":2675.1800000000003,"body":"you know, I'm sure you recommend"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2675.1800000000003,"endTime":2678.84,"body":"this to sue Johnson's book"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2675.1800000000003,"endTime":2678.84,"body":"written for the lay person will"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2678.84,"endTime":2684.27,"body":"be tying Muay Thai. It's quite"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2678.84,"endTime":2684.27,"body":"good. And also, her other book"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2684.27,"endTime":2688.1400000000003,"body":"Love Sense, which is filled with"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2684.27,"endTime":2688.1400000000003,"body":"more research, which some people"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2688.1400000000003,"endTime":2694.11,"body":"like reading is also a good book"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2688.1400000000003,"endTime":2694.11,"body":"too. So people can begin, you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2694.11,"endTime":2697.7400000000002,"body":"know, on their own reading these"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2694.11,"endTime":2697.7400000000002,"body":"kinds of things, and learning"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2697.7400000000002,"endTime":2701.9700000000003,"body":"more about it, and of course,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2697.7400000000002,"endTime":2701.9700000000003,"body":"referring them to a good couples"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2701.9700000000003,"endTime":2702.6000000000004,"body":"therapist."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2702.7490000000003,"endTime":2706.349,"body":"That's right. I"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2702.7490000000003,"endTime":2706.349,"body":"think all of those things can"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2706.349,"endTime":2712.799,"body":"help recalibrate a relationship"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2706.349,"endTime":2712.799,"body":"and help couples remember why"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2712.799,"endTime":2716.3390000000004,"body":"they came together in the first"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2712.799,"endTime":2716.3390000000004,"body":"place and what they loved about"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2716.3390000000004,"endTime":2722.8790000000004,"body":"each other and find new ways to"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2716.3390000000004,"endTime":2722.8790000000004,"body":"connect and to feel safe and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2722.8790000000004,"endTime":2724.559,"body":"secure in their relationship."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2725.61,"endTime":2728.4900000000002,"body":"Yeah, and you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2725.61,"endTime":2728.4900000000002,"body":"know, being a couple isn't Not"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2728.4900000000002,"endTime":2729.1200000000003,"body":"easy."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2729.4790000000003,"endTime":2730.259,"body":"No, it's not."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2731.969,"endTime":2736.949,"body":"Like happens to"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2731.969,"endTime":2736.949,"body":"us, and unexpected things happen"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2736.949,"endTime":2742.739,"body":"to us. And so in some ways, it's"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2736.949,"endTime":2742.739,"body":"probably an ongoing test of the"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2742.739,"endTime":2744.0890000000004,"body":"security of our religion."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2745.7400000000002,"endTime":2747.8100000000004,"body":"Well, and I think"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2745.7400000000002,"endTime":2747.8100000000004,"body":"the other, you know, to your"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2747.8100000000004,"endTime":2752.82,"body":"point is that we also change"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2747.8100000000004,"endTime":2752.82,"body":"over time, we evolve over the"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2752.82,"endTime":2756.8100000000004,"body":"lifespan. Yeah. And how I am as"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2752.82,"endTime":2756.8100000000004,"body":"a partner at this time in my"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2756.8100000000004,"endTime":2760.53,"body":"life versus how I was 30 years"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2756.8100000000004,"endTime":2760.53,"body":"ago is probably quite different."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2760.8900000000003,"endTime":2765.0600000000004,"body":"Yeah. And so when you learn how"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2760.8900000000003,"endTime":2765.0600000000004,"body":"to connect and what you need,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2765.0600000000004,"endTime":2767.73,"body":"and how to express what's"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2765.0600000000004,"endTime":2767.73,"body":"happening for you, with your"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2767.73,"endTime":2772.8900000000003,"body":"partner, that becomes a pretty"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2767.73,"endTime":2772.8900000000003,"body":"secure foundation. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2773.13,"endTime":2775.23,"body":"structure of your relationship."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2775.6200000000003,"endTime":2780.48,"body":"To your point."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2775.6200000000003,"endTime":2780.48,"body":"Seems like two years ago, we"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2780.48,"endTime":2783.9,"body":"were having a lot of older"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2780.48,"endTime":2783.9,"body":"couples showing up at the Family"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2783.9,"endTime":2787.2000000000003,"body":"Study Center. Now, these are"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2783.9,"endTime":2787.2000000000003,"body":"couples in their 70s and 80s."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2787.44,"endTime":2793.2000000000003,"body":"Wow. And what was fascinating is"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2787.44,"endTime":2793.2000000000003,"body":"that they were seeing us because"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2793.23,"endTime":2797.6400000000003,"body":"they didn't want to have"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2793.23,"endTime":2797.6400000000003,"body":"anything incomplete. They wanted"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2797.6400000000003,"endTime":2801.69,"body":"resolution. And some of them had"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2797.6400000000003,"endTime":2801.69,"body":"some really old in their"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2801.69,"endTime":2804.78,"body":"relationship that they really"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2801.69,"endTime":2804.78,"body":"had never talked about or work"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2804.78,"endTime":2809.0400000000004,"body":"through. And so they were"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2804.78,"endTime":2809.0400000000004,"body":"bringing it to us, to help them,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2809.13,"endTime":2812.9100000000003,"body":"guide them through how to have a"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2809.13,"endTime":2812.9100000000003,"body":"deeper conversation about these"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2812.9100000000003,"endTime":2816.42,"body":"things, so that they can have a"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2812.9100000000003,"endTime":2816.42,"body":"sense of completion towards"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2816.42,"endTime":2820.5600000000004,"body":"their end of their life. Wow."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2816.42,"endTime":2820.5600000000004,"body":"It's fascinating. It was so much"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2820.5600000000004,"endTime":2824.82,"body":"fun. It was fun working with"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2820.5600000000004,"endTime":2824.82,"body":"them, too, because I thought"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2824.8500000000004,"endTime":2830.9100000000003,"body":"how, even at this later stage"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2824.8500000000004,"endTime":2830.9100000000003,"body":"ones, like it's never too late"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2831.63,"endTime":2835.6800000000003,"body":"to clean up things and and to,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2831.63,"endTime":2835.6800000000003,"body":"you know, heal things and bring"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2835.6800000000003,"endTime":2837.27,"body":"about a closer relationship."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2838.26,"endTime":2842.0400000000004,"body":"That's beautiful."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2838.26,"endTime":2842.0400000000004,"body":"What a wonderful note on which"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2842.0400000000004,"endTime":2846.2400000000002,"body":"to end our conversation today."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2842.0400000000004,"endTime":2846.2400000000002,"body":"Connie, thank you so much for"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2846.2400000000002,"endTime":2852.1800000000003,"body":"your time, your insight, and"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2846.2400000000002,"endTime":2852.1800000000003,"body":"your expertise. I respect your"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2852.1800000000003,"endTime":2855.8100000000004,"body":"work so much. And I know our"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2852.1800000000003,"endTime":2855.8100000000004,"body":"listeners will get a lot of good"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2855.8100000000004,"endTime":2859.1400000000003,"body":"information from our"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2855.8100000000004,"endTime":2859.1400000000003,"body":"conversation today. So thank you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2859.1400000000003,"endTime":2859.86,"body":"so much,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2859.86,"endTime":2862.77,"body":"Cory, thank you"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2859.86,"endTime":2862.77,"body":"for inviting me. And this was so"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2862.77,"endTime":2865.38,"body":"much fun. I you know, I love"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2862.77,"endTime":2865.38,"body":"talking with you about these"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2865.38,"endTime":2867.6000000000004,"body":"things. And so thank you."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2867.6600000000003,"endTime":2870.8700000000003,"body":"Well, thank you."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2867.6600000000003,"endTime":2870.8700000000003,"body":"And thank you to our listeners."},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2871.17,"endTime":2877.2000000000003,"body":"You can get more at the Montfort"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2871.17,"endTime":2877.2000000000003,"body":"group.com. And I'll look forward"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2877.2000000000003,"endTime":2881.28,"body":"to our to another conversation"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2877.2000000000003,"endTime":2881.28,"body":"down the road. Connie, thank you"},{"speaker":"Laurie Poole","startTime":2881.28,"endTime":2882.21,"body":"so much."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2882.3,"endTime":2884.94,"body":"Thank you,"},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2882.3,"endTime":2884.94,"body":"Laurie. All right. Take care."},{"speaker":"Connie Cornwell","startTime":2884.94,"endTime":2885.69,"body":"Bye bye"}]}