Giving Yourself Permission to Have It ALL: Manifesting Unhinged EP5

This has been a game-changer in my life, and I think you need to start doing this too. I’m talking about giving ourselves the damn permission we deserve to have what we desire. I've been on this wild ride of self-discovery, realizing how much I've held back, all thanks to that pesky inner mean girl.

You know that little voice? Yeah, the one that says, "No, Sam, you're not good enough for that."

Well, I've learned to kick that voice to the curb and take charge of my own destiny. It's all about letting ourselves have what we want without the guilt, shame, or going through that exhausting cycle. Because we are awesome!

I'm spilling the glitter on my own experiences and sharing about the times I held back, the fears that almost stopped me, and how I learned to shut down that negative self-talk. And guess what? You can do it too!

No matter where you are in life, it's time to ask yourself, "Is this what I really want?" Spoiler alert: You're a grown-ass adult, and you can do whatever the heck you want.

We're breaking free from societal expectations, embracing the power of saying, "Yes, I'm going all in." From my wild dreams of breeding million-dollar chickens while flying our jets around, we are in this together.

So, how do you really end these cycles?

It’s about creating space, checking in, taking action, holding yourself accountable, and repeating it forever. Trust me; this isn't just another motivational talk because you’ve heard enough of those by now.

It's real, it's raw, and it's time for you to give yourself permission to be the main character in your dream life!

So, buckle up, baddies, as we conquer that inner mean girl and design a life that screams, "Hell yeah, this is what I want!

Connect with Sam on Instagram or TikTok

Transcript

  

We need to lean into giving ourself permission to have the things that we want.

let yourself do whatever it is that you want to do that day without the guilt, without the shame and without going through the whole cycle. And I was like, Oh yes, girl, that is like solid, solid gold.

that little bitch ass voice is going to pop up in my head and be like, no, Sam, you're not good enough to do it.

I wasn't being brave enough. to move forward and like do what I really, really wanted because I was constantly showing myself subconsciously, even that there was this failure sitting in the back of my goddamn head. 

No one else is controlling me. I am not a kid. I am a very grown woman. And hey, I'm a boss. 

I'm going to make a million dollars breeding really cool chickens

chickens, jets, whatever.

So what I'm saying is, is wherever you're at in your life, give yourself permission to ask yourself if this is what you really want.



/ it's the Samantha Parker Show!  I hope you guys enjoyed my intro. 

All right guys, I think one of the biggest hurdles that I have faced in my entire life, like period hands down. And when I look back at any of my patterns or any of the things that I've done, so much of my life has been dictated around the fact that I just don't give myself permission to do what I want and enjoy it and do things the way that I want to do them. So I think a huge part of our growth and our learning and just being humans is honestly having the experience of being the human. And so much of that comes down to like giving yourself permission to have the experience. I tend to cycle through a lot of guilt and I bet you can relate to this, right?

You're really excited about something, you want to do it, and then you kind of find all the reasons why and you talk yourself out of it and you're like, well, I don't deserve that right now. Or I could be doing XYZ for my family.

Or like I could do something else instead of actually do the thing I want to do. And that can be like so multifaceted. That could be like going on the trip that could be enjoying time by yourself. That can be like joining a gym and finding the time to go to the gym. And that could even be like starting a business that you want to start or creating the content you want to create or putting a freaking podcast out into the world that you've always wanted to.

But instead you've been like creating a different kind of podcast. Oh, am I talking about myself? Of course I am.  I just think that like we need to lean into giving ourself permission to have the things that we want. Okay. So a lot of you have probably heard the Mel Robbins, like let them theory. And to me, that's kind of like.

 Don't worry about what other people are doing. Don't worry about what they're saying about you. Don't worry about if they don't like what you're doing. Like just let them, let them do their own thing. If they're doing something you disagree with, like just let them do them. And I love that theory, but I love almost the opposite of that theory where it's like, let yourself have it.

I first heard this from Jaden Hummel where on her podcast she was like, let yourself have this day. And it is like really like kind of just hit me in the gut where I was like, why wouldn't I just let myself have that day? And the example that she gave was maybe you woke up and you didn't feel like super, super awesome and you were really beating yourself up about not going to the gym.

She's like, that's the decision you made. So just let yourself have that decision that day. Like who cares? Like let yourself do whatever it is that you want to do that day without the guilt, without the shame and without going through the whole cycle. And I was like, Oh yes, girl, that is like solid, solid gold.

And so I've been really asking myself,  , taking the advice of Mel Robbins and Jaden Hummel. And I've been saying, what do I actually want and giving myself permission to go after what I want. So this is the podcast for you today. If you've. Seriously been wanting to do something and you're not fucking doing it.

We're going to end that right now because I've even like mapped out some steps and some things that you can do to be like, yes, I'm going all in. Yes. I'm giving myself permission. Yes. I'm doing the damn thing. Because we're not getting any younger. I just turned 39. That means I'm super close to 40, which 40 is not old.

I know a lot of you are listening and you're going to be like, Oh, wait till you turn 50.  But I know a lot of people are also listening and maybe they're still in their twenties, right?  But I think there comes a point when you're like, wait, I'm a grown ass adult. Like, why am I not letting myself have the things that I want in life?

  Okay. I'm totally gonna use my mom as an example here I fucking love her and I hope she hears this but she talks a lot about how she Didn't like the way her mom so my grandma cooked vegetables growing up and she talks about it all the time and she almost has like this fear that like we're not cooking the vegetables correctly and the other day my sister was like it's kind of wild because she's like  60, she's going to turn 60 next year and she's still like worried about the stuff that her mom taught her.

And then I was like, Oh my God, what about all the things that I've picked up from my mom?  And we could have had great parents or we could have have horrible parents. I think my parents are pretty great. They were just kids when they had me. So I've got to give them,  credit for just being human.

But there's some things that we have subconsciously picked up somewhere in the universe. Maybe we even saw it in a movie, but we're applying it to our own lives. And seriously, this is one of the best things I ever learned in therapy. Shout out to therapy. But what it is, is when I'm actually going after something I want, that little bitch ass voice is going to pop up in my head and be like, no, Sam, you're not good enough to do it.

Or like, Hey, remember when you did it? And this happened. And I seriously, I learned this in therapy. My therapist said to pull up the date on the calendar. So today is actually Friday, February 16th, 2024. And you are, and you say your age. So I am currently 38 years old because I haven't had my birthday yet.

But when you guys are listening to this, you'll know I've had my birthday because it's such a big fucking deal. You'll be like, I'm so tired of hearing about your birthday, thank God it's over.  But you say the date, you say your age, and it's something really calming. Like something super, super calm will come over you.

Okay. Another example is, I had a podcast that was really bitchin Yes, I use the word bitchin and I even have the podcast, well, I have Badassery tattooed on my arm because I had the Badassery podcast and, I've been carrying my own podcast for a while since that ended, but I was never really going all in with my vision and what I wanted and it was because I would be like, oh, that, that was a failure.

That was a complete and utter failure and I wasn't being brave enough. to move forward and like do what I really, really wanted because I was constantly showing myself subconsciously, even that there was this failure sitting in the back of my goddamn head. And I have had to practice being like, no, this is like years later, you have learned so much.

This is my ninth year in business. I know what the fuck I'm doing and I know what it is that I want. And so when I start feeling anxious, when I start feeling nervous, or when I keep saying like, who do you think you are? Who the hell do you think you are? I can be like, yes, I'm going to let myself have this, but I'm telling you, if you look at the calendar I'm gonna do right now on my desktop here, it is Friday, February 16th.

It is 1227 PM and the year is 2024 and I am 38 years old. I can do whatever the fuck I want. No one pays my bills. Well, my husband helps a shout out.  We co adults,  but no one's paying my bills. No one's making my decisions for me. Ultimately, I'm the one who gets to make them all. I work for myself. I can do brave things, and I can go out into the world and put out what I want.

No one else is controlling me. I am not a kid. I am a very grown woman. And hey, I'm a boss. And so I have to keep reminding myself that though, because even though those are the facts, A lot of times the monkey mind inside me really wants to go crazy and really wants to just take over and be like, no, like, no, remember when this happened or no, remember when that didn't happen.

So yeah, I know, I know those thoughts are there, but instead of choosing to let them lead me, I'm like, I'm going to let myself have this because. I'm 38 years old and I get to do what I want. So I hope that you, no matter what freaking age you are, you can seriously be like, it is time for me to start doing what I want and I'm going to let myself have this.

 And a lot of times like we don't even really know what it is that we want We just don't feel good in the current situation that we're in and so I've got some I've got some tips for you guys Cuz I've been around the block. I was gonna say I've been around the bush, but is it like beat around the bush?

I don't know, but we're going around the block. Okay, 

So as a creative individual and as a creative person, I tend to come up with a lot of ideas and I get really, really excited. And there are so many different things that we could choose in life. And  if you're a fan of woo woo shit, you realize that there are so many different paths and so many different timelines and so many different places that you could take yourself at any given moment.

And my brain is constantly thinking about them. I was like, Ooh, how cool would it be if I could do that? How cool would it be if I could do that? And I get really, really excited. But one thing that I've learned is having to ask myself if I really, really want it. So there's this term I like to use when it comes to marketing and I am a social media manager, but you see a lot of fantasy marketing on the internet like a lot.

And what this looks like is,  I made a million dollars doing X, Y, Z. So that means that you will be happy when you make a million dollars doing X, Y, Z. And what we have to realize is we might not actually want the million dollars. That's true. That's truth right there. But we also, I'm going to assume a lot of us want a million dollars.

Okay. If someone was like, here's a million dollar check. I'd be like, fuck yeah. I put it in my bank, cash, cha ching, pay those taxes. Let's go. But  you might not actually want to get that million dollars doing their version of X, Y, Z. In fact, you might want to do something totally wild.  Somehow buy an airplane and like become like this high end jet procure. 

That sentence made no sense. But you get my point, right? Or you might just want to be like, I'm going to make a million dollars breeding really cool chickens. Like you have to figure out what you want.  I might not enjoy flying planes and I might not want to take on that responsibility of all those chickens,  chickens, jets, whatever.

They're all in the same category. But my point is, is that you want to make sure that what you're going after is what you really want. And here's the thing. Okay. Being human is really fun and we get really into the hustle. So we're like hustle, hustle, hustle. And we get really caught up until one day. We don't feel good about our choices.

And for me, that comes out in the form of like, actually like my mental health, I can see it where I'm like suffering. I'm not excited about life. I don't want to get up. I'm asking myself as I'm getting in the shower, what is the point of being a human? I'm just being honest with you guys, because I think other people need to know that people have these thoughts and you're not crazy if you're going through them.

That's how it really shows up for me. And so I know as I'm approaching 40 that I have to be on top of this and I have to make sure that I'm always following. in alignment with what I want and I'm not just excited about the latest and greatest thing and I didn't get caught up in the fantasy of it. So I've learned to kind of take myself through this process and I think you guys are going to enjoy it.

And you don't have to be at a super low point in your life to Like be like, Hey, I want to make a change,  I feel like I have a really good life, but there are times when I get going down a path. It's just, it's just not what I want. Okay. Well, let's just face it. I'm like, I don't like that. I don't want to do that.

I started going down a path in January where I had this amazing plan where I was going to create this really cool, like membership site. And I was going to people. Give people content and templates every month and give them a community to be in and all these tools for social media. And I was starting to get like full blown panic attacks.

And,  I had to really ask myself, is this what I want? I love being a social media manager. I love creating content for people, but to do it at that scale and. I was like, that's, that's not what I want. I don't want to put out generic stuff where people just plug and play. I do know that it'd be really helpful for a lot of people, but I was like, I could do that, but I knew my soul was like seeking something bigger and I'm not meaning like that wasn't big enough for me.

I just knew that that wasn't in my spirit of what would feel good every day. Like I wouldn't wake up every day and be like, I want to do that.  So you can be like at a super low point in your life, but you don't have to be, you could be at a super great, amazing point.

When I was feeling that way, I had come off of my biggest month in business ever, which was in December. It was wild. I was like, that is a really cool fucking number. Thank you universe more please. And  I'd had a great Christmas. I love my family. And I was like coming off of like a really big high,  the new year's excitement and stuff really.

Um, and then I realized like, Hey, I don't, I don't feel so good. I don't, I don't like where I'm going. And I think you can ask yourself this at any point. You don't have to own your business. You can ask yourself this in your job. And that doesn't mean you have to go out and quit your job tomorrow, but maybe you shift into a different department or you just change things a little, or you find something that you fill your cup with,

I also think that you can be any point in your life financially to kind of pick this up and be like, what is it that I really want in my life? And you know, how am I going to let myself, because I have had to ask myself this when I'm super, super broke. And I've had to ask myself this coming off a super high financial amazing month.

So what I'm saying is, is wherever you're at in your life, give yourself permission to ask yourself if this is what you really want. So here, I've got a few like little. Steps like a cycle that I go through and this is a cycle that I feel like you have to repeat forever This is a good cycle though. This isn't the cycle where you're like, I keep doing the same shit and expecting different results And this is a good cycle.

So I think whenever you're asking yourself, what is it that I want in life? You have to have space and that means you have to have time and trust me, I know there's a lot that people expect from me every day.  As I'm sitting here so far, I can see I've got seven text messages just since I started this.

That's from seven different people.  I can see I have new emails. I've got team messages in Slack and I get it. Okay. I get it.  You might be burning both end of the candles, but you're going to have to block off some space somewhere to actually have some space and time. So that's something that I'm really, really conscious of now is I'm like, okay, Friday for like these couple of hours, I'm going to give myself some space to like have my own thinking time. 

And then, so you've got to have space, you've got to create it somewhere, put it somewhere. And then you have to check in. So the reason why we're blocking off this time is so that we can check in with ourselves and be like, Hey, where am I not feeling good? Where is life feeling super good? And you could even divide it out.

I've said this for years. I'm like, you could be like, Hey, right now, I want to work on my relationship or Hey, right now I want to work on my finances. Hey, right now I want to work on,  my own mental health, my physical health.  You could be like my bedroom, my bedroom's not doing it for me.

Something like that, but check in with yourself and be like, well, what is it that I want? Because if we're so caught up in the hustle bustle, you're never going to like stop and you're never going to check in with yourself. And then you've got to take action. So really you have to move forward. No one's going to do it for you.

You know, you can't sit in your car in the garage and be like, I don't like this. I would rather have this and then just get out and think that the universe is going to make it happen. You're the one who's going to have to. Absolutely take some action. So, you know, start small. If we're talking about our bedroom, be like, what is it that's bothering you about my bedroom?

Maybe it's the giant pile of laundry that gets out of control. You know, for a long time, I was doing my laundry every Sunday.  Cause I have this thing where I'm like, set yourself up for success always. But then I was dreading Sunday and getting anxiety because that amount of laundry was like the whole day.

And that's not fucking fun. Okay. If it's not fun, I don't want to do it to a point.  No laundry is fun. So I started just doing a load every day and I just fold like the one little tiny basket before I go to bed every night and I'm okay with that. And then if I don't get to it that night, I just let myself have it.

Okay. I don't go into the guilt cycle. I have to catch myself though, because I will, I'll be in bed and I'll be like, you're so lazy. You should get up and fold that. Like my mind is wicked. And I'm like, shut up, bitch. Like I should have myself evaluated, but you have to take action. So I didn't like that the laundry was getting piled up.

So I took some fucking action and I made a different plan. It was actually my cousin who suggested it. So thank you, Christy. Okay. And then you also really have to take serious accountability. Like for reals, you have to be so accountable for where you're at in that current situation. You can't be like, Oh, my relationship sucks.

And then try and dump it on, you know, your significant other. You have to take accountability for where you're at. And just like the bedroom, you know, I can't be like, Oh, well, if my kids didn't wear so many clothes and just dump it, just take accountability. Like just do it. That's like the mental space that like we don't have time for.

Um, and then I think you have to repeat the cycle like forever. That's seriously, my last step is repeat it forever. You're going to repeat the cycle over and over and over again.  Seriously, like. If you could do once a month, that would be awesome. If you could do once a week, that would be ideal.

Cause you would be really on top of your stuff and you would really start to see how you can design a life that you love. I think this is what they call manifesting guys,  but create the space and time consistently check in with yourself, take action, take accountability, and then just repeat it. Rinse and repeat, because you might get really, really excited about something.

I have to tell you guys, I worked in healthcare for 10 years. And then when I moved to St. George, Utah, like I lived up, we say up north. It sounds so, sounds so ridiculous. But when I lived up north, I didn't pick that up till I moved down here. I'd be like, why does everyone from St. George say up north?

Because if you go north at all, from where I live, it's.  we're like, it doesn't snow. If you stay here in the South, but we're all still in Utah. People are always like, you live in Utah. Oh my God, how much do you snow ski? And I'm like, I guess if I go up North, I could,  but I did. I grew up in the Northern part of Utah.

And when we moved down South,  I got a job as a florist in a like really high end floral shop. And I had always grown up around flowers. My grandma owned a flower shop. Shout out to her being such a boss. I learned so much from her. Mostly that women could just do what they wanted. That's what I always learned from her.

She always had money for what she wanted and it was so cool. And she still does. I'm like, where does she get this from? She's also a witch.  Like legit, she'll be like, I witched it up and my sister's like, Oh, that's like manifesting. And my grandma's like, well, back in my day, we called it witching.  It's so cute.

But,,  I took this job at this floral shop and I was like, this is so incredible. Like this opportunity is insane. And what I learned was is that it had been really fun to pop in and out and work for my grandma here and there and help her with floral stuff. But, Doing it all the time at the level that they were doing it was exhausting.

I mean, when people are like, you guys just get to play with flowers all day? I'm like, no, we were literally here till 3 in the morning and then I came back and I was flipping weddings at 7 in the morning. Well, like 9am. Okay, let's not exaggerate. I was flipping weddings at 9am. Like, tell me what part of that is super fun.

And it was so demanding. You basically stood. It was harder than working in the hospital, I just have to say that. My years in healthcare Working in that flower shop for two years. I swear to God aged me so much. Um, my back always hurt. My shoulder was always getting pulled out from carrying like those giant buckets everywhere.

Plus you had to deal with like the front facing and being super nice. And whenever you do anything in, you know, like retail or public, anything in the public.  You get a lot of shit. So, you know, waiters, waitresses, um, retail, like people, I know you guys get it. And it was a lot. It was such a lot. I remember I would just lay in bed when I got off work on Saturdays, I would come home and just have to get in bed.

And that was it. That was like what I could do.  I was not driving. Let's just say that. So really my entire point of that whole story was is I thought that that was like the golden goose job It was so amazing and so prestigious and I was gonna be so incredible And then when I started down the path, I was like, oh my gosh This is going to literally physically kill me and it was definitely killing my soul, too And there was no room for growth I would never make more than what I was making and that was just that right?

so I knew I had to make a change 

And really you guys, you might start something where you're like, Oh, it feels really good to do the laundry every day. And then you get going at it and you're like, this has given me anxiety and I don't like it. Or you might, make a huge left turn and take a job where you're like, okay, this is the golden job you told everyone.

And you feel like really dumb, you know, six months to a year into it, because you're like, this isn't what I want. So that's you again, you have to take accountability for it and be like, Hey, this didn't work out the way I wanted it to. So that's why I think it's important to check in with yourself so often.

And I do realize sometimes we make commitments. Okay. We're a military family. My husband's been in the army for over 20 years and I get that like he's had to stay in that commitment. And so when I think of.  Stay in that commitment and it might not be like the ray of sunshine or it might not be quite what he thought it was So you might be in some situation where you're like, hey, this might not be what I thought it was And I think that's why it's even more important to give yourself this kind of space in this kind of time And go through these steps.

Right. Is because even though you have, like, you might be sucked into a commitment and you're like, I can't just quit my job and find another job. Or, you know, like my husband's like basically bound by blood to this American government.  Um, but that means that you've got to find other areas in your life where you are being super fucking fulfilled.

It is our job. as humans to have the human experience. And so it's not all going to be sunshine and rainbows. It's not all Bali and butterflies. There are going to be things that like are required of you and you might not agree with them like taxes or like military contracts.  By the way, my husband, he'd be, he'd be rolling his eyes if he was here.

I think he quite enjoys the military, but he's definitely ready. He's put it in his retirement packet. We're excited. Um, but you, what I'm saying is, is you'll have commitments. You know, you have a baby, you got to go up in the morning and feed them. So you have to make sure that you're fulfilling yourself.

Somewhere, somehow, something in your life feels really, really good to you. And that you're constantly making these little adjustments. So I hope this helps you guys, you know, give yourself permission to do it. Give yourself the space and time, check in, take action, take serious accountability, and don't be afraid to repeat the cycle because like me, I thought I'd found that amazing job.

And then I found out it was literally going to physically kill me and it was leaving me broke as hell. So give yourself permission to grow. Okay. Like, even if you're like, this is it, this is what I'm doing next. It's okay if you shuffle because you're the only one living your life. You don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks.

All right, guys, thanks for joining me on the Samantha Parker show. And I hope you enjoyed this like solo episode. I think you're a baddie. I think you're amazing. And keep showing the fuck up for yourself.