The Samantha Parker Show

Sam's Sober Update

• Samantha Parker • Season 1 • Episode 26

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Today, I'm diving deep into my sobriety journey, especially focusing on how I've managed to travel while staying sober. It's been challenging but also incredibly fulfilling. I've gathered some of my best tips that have helped me navigate through various trips and experiences without alcohol.

Helpful Tips for Being Sober While Traveling:

  1. Always Have a Drink Plan: Pack aesthetic non-alcoholic drinks like Recess or Poppi in a cooler so you won't be tempted to drink alcohol.
  2. Keep a Drink in Hand: Replace the urge for alcoholic beverages with fun, non-alcoholic options such as lattes, juices, or flavored sodas.
  3. Ask for What You Need: Don't hesitate to request your drink in a fancy glass with a fresh garnish to feel included during social toasts and cheers.
  4. Remove Yourself from Triggers: Feeling agitated? Walk away from the situation to clear your mind and reset your focus.
  5. Give Yourself Grace: Accept that triggers may happen and allow yourself the space to navigate them without guilt.
  6. Be Open About Your Journey: Encourage conversations about your sobriety to make it more manageable and less of a "dirty little secret."
  7. Play the Tape Forward: Think about the long-term consequences of taking that "one" drink to remind yourself why you chose sobriety.
  8. Focus on What's Important: Remember that certain experiences and relationships are more valuable than the temporary pleasure of drinking.
  9. Have a Support System: Randomly calling friends or family helps shift focus from the urge to drink and provides emotional support.

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 All right, friends. Welcome back to the Samantha Parker show. I thought it was time. I did a solo episode and I talked a little bit more about my sobriety journey. It turns out a lot of you are interested. It's been really, really scary for me to share this, honestly. And I feel like it's been a huge act of bravery to put this out there.

Yeah. I think especially where you do something for a living that's maybe more public and you're constantly being judged, I'm air quoting judged here, but if you're consuming content at all or you're watching social media, like you're watching the video and then you're making a judgment about it, right?

So anytime you're doing something where you're being judged, like that's literally your job And then you put something out there that might be perceived as negative.  You know, or  I don't feel like me going through the sobriety journey has necessarily been perceived as negative. 

What I'm saying is, is it's probably not one of my shining qualities,  but I don't know. I'm kind of enjoying it these days. Okay. So let's talk about being sober.  



/ So this is the sober update. No one really asked for just kidding. I've gotten hundreds and hundreds of comments on Tik TOK and you guys are awesome. Thank you. I thank you for listening to the show too. So I see you, I hear you. I think we're kind of all in this together, but. Um, recently I've had a lot of opportunities to travel and honestly, these are things that in the past I didn't think I'd be able to do sober.

So I wanted to break down some of my best tips for you today on the Samantha Parker show and then just share some of my experiences. I really think that God has been putting me in this time of, Hey girl, like, you know, you can do everything and still have a really amazing life when you're sober.  So what I was thinking in my head when I walked into that first AA meeting was my life is ended. I will no longer have friends. I will no longer have family. I will no longer be able to experience life and things and the world. And you know, Those facts are not facts.

That is like some bullshit lie that the addict in me was screaming and telling myself. Because it turns out I still have lots of friends.  I still have a really great relationship with all my family. You know, there's been some things I've had to navigate, but it's been about me. You know, it hasn't been about them abandoning me or telling me I suck because I no longer drink.

You know, so many of these things have been. Like about me.  And I think that's something to remember too.  You know, my sobriety journey isn't about you. So if you're listening and you're like, well, I'm not sober, that's awesome. I think you still might take something away from this conversation because I don't care that you're not sober.

Like if I'm being a hundred percent honest, that is about you.  And that's something I'm learning. You know,  this really has been one of the most selfish things I've ever done because I was doing it for me.

It was something in me that had to change. But at the same time, this act of, you know, total self devotion has completely changed a lot of things around me as well and affected those closest to me. And I think it's been fucking beautiful to be honest.

Has it been messy? Absolutely. Has it been chaotic in Samantha's brain a million times over, but I don't have any regrets. The first time I walked into AA, I was incredibly embarrassed. It took me eight weeks. To record a podcast with my friend Jalynn and say, Hey, I'm sober.

Like I felt like I was in this closet and I was coming out for the first time. And now I can tell you, I sit here today at very, very close to five months sober. And I can say, I'm really, really proud. I am really proud of myself, and I'm really proud of the things that I've done. And you know, the last few months have been nothing but like blessing after blessing.

You know, it didn't really feel that way at first. Everything felt hard. And there have been moments where I've been like, you're so stupid. This is so stupid. Why are you like this? But I'm going to dive into those today. So it's going to be a little bit of an up and down roller coaster, but I think you guys are here for it.

So let me tell you some things that I have survived sober. So, and this is not necessarily in chronological order. I'm trying to think if I could put it in chronological order. Oh, I probably could. Okay. So let's map out a timeline. The very first thing I did sober was I made it through the Amex lounge, which is my favorite lounge in the airport when we were flying to Alabama for a beach vacation.

So I did the Amex lounge sober. Then I did that entire week long vacation at the beautiful beach. I love Alabama. Someday we'll have a second home there. I'm manifesting it. You guys watch.  I made it through that entire vacation on the beach sober. Then made it on the flight back sober. And then I immediately went to Vegas with my daughter.

And we went to the Zach Bryan concert sober. And then after that, I'm trying to think, well, what did I do? Okay, now it might get a little hazy. , we've gone camping multiple times sober and on these trips I've been the only adult that was sober. Okay. So, you know, obviously the kids do not drink. Obviously.

Okay. Obviously guys, like look at me.   But everyone, you know, of drinking age was drinking. So I've been camping sober multiple times. I went to Nashville for work sober and we were right on Broadway.  I went to some music stuff, you know, we went to dinner, we did all of those things and I was sober.

It was fun too, cause I got to drive home.  Right before that Nashville trip, I did a girl's trip. Um, sober. That one was a really big bandaid moment for me. Oh my God. That trip felt so good to be like, oh my God, like it doesn't matter. I can do this. And then I also drove everyone around.

So that was super fun to be honest.  And then But most recently I just got back from two weeks in California. So I went to Disneyland sober, which was tripping me out a little. There's definitely some moments. Okay. Not that like when you think of Disneyland, you think of hardcore drinking, but you guys have to admit California adventure land, or if you've been to Epcot, Disney world.

They're really pushing the drinks. And then even like on my downtime, normally like the hot tub, I would have been drinking a glass of wine, you know, celebrating myself. We just do things differently now. And then I attended a mastermind,  in California, which is a very high end mastermind. They had a beautiful cocktail hour.

I did it sober, you know, and more airport lounges, sober.  First class flight sober, and this is what I've learned. This is the whole podcast episode is going to be about what I've learned being sober. But I feel like,  you know, God in the universe has been really setting me up with these incredible experiences.

 I feel like I've worked hard in my life to get to where I am and what I'm being shown is that, Hey girl, like you still get to live this big, amazing life. You're just going to experience it a different way. And then drinking. And when I say it that way, it feels so like simple, but think about how much, you know, alcohol is celebrated as the pillar of success.

There's been so many moments on the sobriety journey. You know, let's talk about my most recent one where I checked into a really awesome hotel in Manhattan beach. And I was so flipping triggered right off the bat. Okay. We walk in, it's a boutique hotel.  I think it was about 800 a night and you immediately walk into a bar, like a beautiful bar or restaurant area.

And there's a little tiny check in desk. And I was like, okay, that's fine. Then they go, Oh, here's your welcome glass of frozee, Samantha. And I was like this motherfucker,  like, why would they offer me a glass of frozee? Remember I was incredibly triggered. Okay. I was coming off of a high too. We'd just been to Disneyland and I was like, Oh, I made it.

I did it.  And then I was like this froze bitch and I immediately blurted out, I can't, I'm an alcoholic, which I don't know why I said that. I could have just politely declined, but you know, shit comes out of my mouth sometimes.  And then, you know, I check into my room, which was stunning. And then it turns out like I had an upgraded room as well.

So, I mean, when I tell you guys, this is probably one of the coolest hotel rooms I've ever stayed in. It's definitely like way, way up there.  it had like this light button on the wall where you could change the color of all the lights. And of course, when I walk in, they have this. Insanely beautiful mini bar.

I mean, it was really cool. It was like this glass mini bar and it was lit up like neon hot pink. It was vibing. Okay. And it pissed me off. Like it pissed me off so much. And I was like, what the fuck? Like if this is what success is, if this is what like you've worked so hard for and it's just gonna be shoved in your face all the time, what's the point?

And I started a spiral so fast. And this was like, God, this was like a week ago. Okay. It was like a week. This was like nine days ago.  I was spiraling like a motherfucker. I was like, everything sucks. You're so stupid. What is the point of all this? And I was like, well, how am I going to make it through this?

It's just, just how I'm going to live forever. But I have learned a few tools in my little sober toolbox here that we're going to share that really, really work for me. And, you know, in that moment I was like, I just have to remove myself from the situation. So Manhattan beach is a beautiful walkable area.

So what I did was, is I went for a walk. And that is actually one of my tips for being sober is anytime you're feeling like super triggered or you're just getting annoyed or you're getting agitated and you feel your brain kind of start to spiral around that, am I just going to be like this forever? I just like remove myself from the situation.

I walk away.

I am completely shameless when it comes to this. I will walk off in any situation. Like I don't give two fucks. And when I walk back, if there is a need to explain myself, I will be like, Hey, I was just feeling a little agitated and like bothered by the drinking. And I just had to go check myself for a second.

But if I'm by myself, like I was in this situation, like there's no one to explain it to, it doesn't matter. So. I walked down to the grocery store Vaughn's, I picked up a couple of poppies, poppy needs to sponsor me. Like seriously, you guys are keeping me sober. Shout out to poppy. I love you. I don't know what it is, but I'm like a poppy.

I poured it in one of the fancy ass wine glasses from the mini bar, but I also picked up like some snacks. I got some grapes. I went up to the rooftop. They had a hot tub on the rooftop and I just like had to reframe everything. And then as the universe and God does. I had been texting one of my friends and she's going through a situation that is like, it's so heartbreaking, you guys.

And she was texting me and just being really open about like how it's kind of wild. There's only been a couple of days where she felt like she was going to make it,  without going into details. It really kind of just slapped me in the face. I was like, you're upset, Sam. This is, I have pep talks with myself all the time.

I literally talked to myself this way. I was like, you're upset. That you can't have something from the mini bar.  Like it was just the perspective, like this is what you're going to be upset about. And it was awesome. So walk away, reframe your perspective. All of these things work. And you know, a lot of this is giving myself grace when I travel.

Like I do know that there's going to be times when I'm bothered, I'm triggered. I don't like what's going on and I just have to give myself grace. I know that I'm going to hyper fixate on the bottles on the counter. Like I was counting them. I was like, why would they buy so many? Why would they do this?

Why would they do that? And I got, I get like hyper fixated and then I start to go into a guilt spiral. So I've just had to be really, really self aware to the point where it's painful and be like, look, Hey, let's not do this. Give yourself some grace, walk away. And it's really, really been working for me on my sobriety journey. 

Okay. Here's some more things that I've really learned that's helped me travel. , and then even, you know, just day to day things like you might go to a barbecue or you might,  I don't know, you guys, let's fucking be honest. Alcohol is everywhere. And even if you're just sober curious and you're listening to this and you want to go to an event and just like not drink, like, I don't know, maybe you're running a marathon the next day.

I don't know what you got going on in your life, but you're like, Hey, I just, you know, need a little pause. That's very healthy. That's that's incredible. Not everyone is meant to be a hundred percent sober. Okay. So don't be judging yourself, but this is a great tip is I always have a drink in my hand. , I was getting my nails done yesterday and my no lady, which my nails are popping for Halloween.

You guys are so fucking cute. She's kills it. , my no lady is an ex heroin addict and she has gone through so much. So she, me and her like talk a lot. Like she's been clean for like over a decade. It's pretty cool. I love you, girl. You're amazing. You inspire me every day. But, and I love that I can openly talk.

, but she was like laughing at me. She's like, you know, have you changed your alcohol for like caffeine? And I was like, absolutely. She's like, you got to give yourself that.  So I always have a drink in my hand when I'm traveling. If I want to get two lattes that day, I'm getting two lattes. I'm treating myself.

And it kind of just replaces that itch, like that itch for like, I want that pretty drink, or I want to have that experience with that drink in my hand. And it fucking helps. Seriously, it helps so much. I made like a little download that you can download it. So the link on my bio with, , my tips for traveling and this is like number one for a reason.

 But I cannot stress this enough. Have a drink in your hand. You know,  what is so funny to me is that I used to always feel guilty for ordering things like juice or Sprite or, you know, whatever.  But I would order, you know, 10 drinks at dinner. It was like, drinks had no calories.

I think that's something that we just kind of like, Put in our head somewhere and we're like, Oh, it doesn't matter. It's an alcoholic beverage. I'm not counting the calories. So now I'm like, I always have a drink in my hand and it's something fun. You know, I'll order myself something fun. And then another really good tip is I always kind of go into the situations with a drink plan. 

  So when I went on our girls trip, like right outside of Vegas, the one thing I did was I packed a cooler, and I had boughten some of those recess drinks.

Recess, like, you know, you go out to recess, like at school, you know, you have lunch, then you play recess. That's what I'm saying. I had ordered some of those on Amazon, and I had them in a little cooler with me. So I had a drink planned. So my thing is, is I never want to just be like, Oh, fuck it, whatever. No, I know what I'm going to do and I'm dedicated.

And I'm the type of person who I'm like, if I say I'm going to do this, I'm going to fucking do this. So I have a plan ahead of time. I know I'm not drinking. I know I'm going to have my cute little aesthetic drinks and I'm going to fucking feel good about it. And then the other thing you really have to do is you have to advocate for what you want on said girl's trip.

Again, you guys, I learned so much about myself every time I go on these trips because you know, I'm not numbing out with alcohol and I'm actually like looking at my triggers and my things that are going on, but we're not perfect at all. So of course on my girl's trip, I had a mental breakdown because I kept asking for what I wanted.

So I was asking the waitress, the cocktail waitress to bring me a glass with ice. And I think she really was just kind of like throwing it off as like I was being bougie or I was trying to sneak drinks or I don't know what she, but she like basically wouldn't bring one. I had to go up to the counter and I was like pissed.

I'm like, I just wanted the glass of ice because it was the same glass as all my friends had and then I could pour my recess drink into it. Like, I'm like, this is helping me stay sober. And of course, if she would have known that, I know they would have given me a glass of ice, but you really have to ask for what you want.

 Same thing when I was in California, we were out at this really cool sushi restaurant on Venice beach. You know, they had ordered some fun drinks and I just asked, I said, Hey, when you bring my diet Coke,  can I have it in a pretty glass with a fresh lime?

And then I felt included, you know, I felt like I was still having that fun moment when we did the cheers and the toast, I still felt included. And honestly, that's some of the big things for me.  The other thing I really, really do when I've been traveling is I'm super open about it. You know, I'm not acting like I have this dirty little secret, which I did act like that for the first eight weeks, you guys, until I came out of the closet, but I'm finding the more that I'm able to talk about it, The easier all of this is.

So I am encouraged people to ask me questions when they ask. I'm like, Oh, you know, here's what's going on. Or here's everyone wants to know what happened. And I'm like, well, it's a whole bunch of things that happened. You know, we'll talk about this in another podcast episode, but.

I'm just, I'm open about it. I'm like, please ask me questions. Please ask me why I'm doing this. You know, we don't need to tiptoe and be weird. And then everyone's like, are you okay if we're having drinks? And I'm like, yes, absolutely.  So I'm a high functioning alcoholic, so I'm not like hiding, you know, for me personally, everyone is so different.

You guys, please know everyone is so different, but I'm not hiding like the bottle in my office desk. You know, I'm not drinking the Listerine, you know, whatever extreme example you want to insert here.  I am in a totally different space. So I enjoy, and I encourage the questions  it was really uncomfortable for me at first.

And sometimes even the first question, when it comes out of people's mouth, like, is it okay if we do this? Is it okay? You know, my friends were taking shots in the hotel room and they were like, is this okay? , I actually, I started crying and I said, yes, this isn't about you guys. This is about me. And honestly, I feel stupid.

And then we all sat there and we had this beautiful conversation about where I'm at and you know, that I do feel stupid sometimes. And then I do feel like, you know, maybe I'm ruining the vibes or the party.  And  you know, nobody actually fucking feels like that. They're like, you're amazing. And we love being around you.

So be open about it. I'm getting emotional because  I don't think I realized like how loved I was until I stopped drinking because people have been genuinely so amazing. The people closest to me in my life, I'm actually closer to them than I was before.  So don't be afraid to talk about it. You guys.   And then, you know, this is something I learned in AA. It's an AA tool. You'll hear a lot of like addicts say it, but they say, play the tape forward and playing the tape forward.  Will change your life.  So what it looks like for me when I say I'm playing the tape forward. So here it goes. Okay. So right now, today, if I went out to dinner or I went home and I had one glass of wine, I can stop at that one glass of wine.

I can absolutely put the one glass of wine down. And kind of separate myself from it.  But here's what happens is in my brain on this weekend. So let's say I'm recording this today. It's a Tuesday this weekend. I will go, okay, you had that one glass of wine. Why don't we have two glasses of wine? Like it'll be fun.

You'll feel great.  So then I'll have two glasses of wine and I'll be like, Oh God, see, look, I can stop at two glasses. I can handle this. And eventually it's just going to slip a little more, a little more, a little more. And the next thing I know it's Christmas and I'm going around with a giant hematoma on the side of my head and all down my face because I got blackout drunk at a Christmas party and fell and hit my head.

This is a true story that really did happen to me.  So. So that's kind of what I do. I play the tape forward. I'm like, I know what that one drink leads to for me. And there's a lot of you listening that you fucking know that too. Okay.

And then really just like I was talking about with my California trip, I've been texting my friend, you know, make a list of what's more important to you. There are so many things that are more important than you having that glass of wine at dinner or, you know, whatever your favorite thing is, you know, you sitting in your backyard, relaxing, watching the stars with your favorite man, lady, whoever friend, and you know, you're all cuddled up and it does feel good to have a glass of wine.

It really does. But like, what's actually more important in that moment? And I'm sorry, but for me, staying sober is always more important. And you know, maybe we should just side note into this. Side notes from Sam. , I think you all should know that me and my husband have had to navigate a lot of hard conversations and a lot of hard things.

And it's been so amazing. I was using like alcohol to have sex. My entire adult life, there had to be like some sort of barrier,  at all times, and it was impossible for me to have sex without like a few drinks. I just think that people should know that I'm just being really open here and I can't believe I just fucking said that out loud because only me and my husband have ever talked about it. 

And so we have had to navigate a lot of things, like, you know, our sexual relationship. And he's had to be really, really patient with me, and it's actually a lot of fun. I'm like, hey, I'm sorry, like, I will start to have full blown panic attacks. And sometimes we just have to take a little breather and talk about things.

Talking about things will change your life. Okay. I was never willing to talk about anything. And now I have a lot of those hard conversations. I really, really do. And it's amazing.. Okay. And then I want you guys to know if you ever receive a random phone call from me and I'm like, Oh, it's just calling to check in on you.

It's because I'm checking it on myself.  It helps. It helps just to have someone to talk to someone to call and , when I'm feeling like I'm going to slide off that goddamn cliff and the edge and I'm having this panic attack in order to like, stop hyper fixating on the fact that I can't have a drink. I will call friends just to see how they are or family members.

I'll, you know, I've called my grandma. She has no idea. She's 88 and a Mormon. , but I'm just like, just calling to check on your grandma. And it's because I needed to reshift my focus.  So, if you have gotten one of those random phone calls, thanks for being my sober buddy that you didn't know. And I understand that you're probably not sober, but I was just calling to see how you were because that, my relationship with you, that conversation mattered a lot more to me than my hyperfixation on the alcohol.

So yeah, that's just my little sober life update. If you guys want to learn more.  I'm going to be starting a YouTube channel. I think it'll be really fun. , it's the Samantha Parker show. I might be like, Sam goes sober. , if you're following me on Tik TOK or if you're not, I've been talking a ton about sobriety over on Tik TOK and opening up in the most insane, vulnerable way that I never thought was possible.

So if you want to pop over there, that's awesome. You guys can always find me on the gram, the Samantha Parker and seriously, thank you for being here and thanks for listening to the Samantha Parker show.