The Samantha Parker Show

Midlife Sobriety & Breaking Free from the Wine Mom Culture with Emily Allen

• Samantha Parker, Emily Allen • Season 1 • Episode 43

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Is wine mom culture keeping you stuck?

Today, I’m sitting down with Emily Allen to talk about midlife sobriety, breaking free from alcohol, and redefining what life looks like without wine. Emily opens up about her journey to sobriety, the wake-up call that changed everything, and how quitting alcohol in midlife gave her more freedom than she ever imagined.

We’re diving into why midlife is actually the perfect time to go alcohol-free, how wine culture keeps so many women trapped, and what happens when you finally break free. Emily shares the surprising benefits of sobriety beyond just feeling better, plus how to navigate friendships, social events, and family dynamics without alcohol.

If you’ve ever questioned your relationship with alcohol or just wondered if there’s a better way, this conversation is for you. Discover what’s possible when you ditch the wine and reclaim your power.


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being completely sober was more freeing than I would have thought it would have been.

I would have thought I was going to feel like I'm, this is so boring or I'm such being left out, but I really kind of enjoy it.

Getting alcohol out is what opened so many floodgates. And yeah, you have to feel your feelings now, which some people like  that's that can be the hard part of not numbing out all the feelings anymore, but I would never go back to the numbing.

the freedom that I found. You know, by getting alcohol out, I mean, it opens up time, because you're not spending three hours or whatever at night drinking anymore. So it's opens up time and money.

I feel like midlife is a great time to get all of that out, to give back time, give back money, give back your brain space to, you know, really enjoy this next chapter 

this is the secret sauce. 



Hey, Emily, thank you so much for agreeing to being on the Samantha Parker show.

I'm excited to have you. I think we're going to have a really cool dynamic conversation. So you guys, my guest today is Emily Allen and you have a lot of like. I want to say like accreditation, like you've done, you know, work as well around like helping other people with their own sobriety and alcohol journey.

But okay, I want to tell you though what I was really most excited about having you on the show.  Is you really talk a lot about like midlife and how like in your midlife, and the wine culture and all of that. So I'm just going to let you take it away for a second, like introduce yourself and tell me kind of like how you got to this point in your sobriety journey.

Sure. Yeah. Thank you for having me. I'm real excited to be here.  Yeah, so I  recognized that like the wine mom culture, is just so invasive. And  when I was in it, I just didn't really appreciate how much I was being you. Almost targeted,  by the ads, just everything like that we see and on TV, movies, all that,  so I got sober four years ago.

Do you want me to talk a little bit about that journey too, or just more about the midlife part first? Yeah, let's get into, like, midlife. I was really excited because I like to offer, like, a vast variety of perspectives, you know? And, you know, a lot of times people get sober. Well, actually, what I have noticed is a lot of people do actually get sober, like, 30s, 40s, you know, 50s.

 I almost feel like it's acceptable in your 20s to be a drunk. Yeah. We could talk about that as well.  But I really, like, what do you consider midlife?  I would, I consider it, like, anyone who, or Who is maybe his kids are getting ready to leave the nest. That's sort of where I'm finding like I'm most drawn to because that's sort of the phase that I'm in right now.

I've got a daughter who has left. I mean, she's in college. She might come back. You never know, right? They do. They come back. I have one of those. She came back.  And then my son's a sophomore in high school. So it's that sort of tricky time when you are seeing what. Your next chapter is going to be. And  like, for me, just reevaluating, like, do I really want to just still hang on to this, like wine mom where, you know, drinking with friends and using that as just my way to basically like numb out, but also, you know, socialize, celebrate.

I felt like  this is a time in my life when I could really make a change.  Just like the freedom of not having your kids need you as much, even though it's. It can be sad if that's been your whole life up until then. It's still like you get that sense of freedom of I will be able to do things that I want to do and not have to worry about. 

You know, making sure that they're taken care of, have a babysitter, all of that. So, I just see it as an exciting launch point of life,  when we're getting ready to, to move into that transition into midlife. So, I would say, you know, 40s, 50s, 60s. Or, you know, if you had kids when you were a baby, like me,  I'm still holding on to 39, I've got 39 for like three more weeks.

Yeah. Hold on to it. No, it's good. I'm 53 and it's who knew that I would be so like doing new things when I turned, I mean, I was 51,  49,  50 when I got sober, I came trying to do the math, but just, it's not a time of life you would normally think is now's the time to start. Like.  Yeah, I almost feel like, so my brain, and I really recognize like how my brain works as an alcoholic, you know, at first I was like, well I just have a drinking problem and I need to stop drinking, and then I'm like, oh my god, my brain really is running the show.

There's like multiple parts of it. But my brain is almost thinking like, well, we could drink more if the kids were gone, you know? We could like, do whatever we wanted. Yep. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And  that is what I was starting to realize, you know, and I didn't have to like when my daughter started driving. Well, I don't have to worry about, you know, being completely sober at a certain time of day to pick her up from, you know, sports or whatever, because she could drive.

So yeah, you do start to see these things like, oh, this could be great. I can just  I'm not having to get them up for school. Then who cares if I'm, you know, hung over if I don't have somebody else to worry about. I could just  stay in bed longer. So yeah, all of those. Aspects could definitely make you go, maybe this is the time to keep drinking, but I know it's almost like you have like a little asshole in your brain.

That's like, oh, but you know, and then yeah, there's this deep down inside of you. Like, you just know, you're like, this is not the life I want is really how I feel about it. Like I always knew, but that voice would override, especially once you started drinking. Yeah, and I kind of had a vision one day or probably one night of  like when I'm 75 and have maybe have grandkids.

Maybe not. I didn't know. I was like, do.  Am I going to still have to like hide how much I'm drinking or,  you know, worry about, do I have enough or what if I'm eventually in a nursing home, is somebody going to buy me one? So I just started thinking, I don't want to be still doing this then.  And when I, if I stopped then we're looking back and thinking, well, dang, I wish I would have stopped.

20 years ago, instead of waiting until I was, you know, nobody was gonna go out and buy me my box of wine anymore, . So now I have to stop just like that future vision one day just, I was like, I don't want to be like drunk grandma. You know? Like, I don't like that. I've never even thought about that.  I actually, I have that modeled a lot in my life and you know, sitting at this point I'm like, God, it's weird to realize like, you know, your grandparents.

So my grandma and my mom, I'm like, they're drunk. Sorry. They're good. I don't think they listen, but I'm like, sorry,   you know, and I've never really actually put it in that, that you guys were listening. Like, that's a really great perspective because I've never put it into that perspective. Like I don't want to be like old and falling down. 

Right. Yeah. And having to,  yeah, it's just having your grandkids or whatever, look at you like, Oh, my grandma's drunk again. Like it just gave me. That vision was pretty powerful. I mean, I didn't stop right then, of course, but I think it, but it's, I remember it, so yeah, it is definitely. And I didn't have, my family didn't drink, so I never really, so I didn't see that as like a potential, something that I could become, I just. 

No, that's not what I wanted.  So, I was reading, you said that you, your biggest wake up call came on Christmas morning of 2020, which you made it through 2020, man. I know. Well, it ramped up. Yeah, exactly.  I had that, yeah, I had a little bout of sobriety in 2020, because I was like, what am I doing, you know?

Because everyone was like, you just drink during the day now. We're like cases of liquor. It was wild. But so you said you woke up with a headache Christmas morning, which I have been there. I have been so hung over so many Christmases, but headache and absolutely zero Christmas spirit after drinking multiple glasses of wine the night before, while finishing up wrapping presents.

And you're super disappointed in yourself. Was that the last time you drink or, well, I know it wasn't. Cause you said you got sober in 2021. Sorry. I'm all here's a timeline of your life, but it was right. So that was. I stopped on January 1st. I think that that is what really  made me say, okay, I am going to try this now.

I had no idea if I would survive 1 day, 2 day, 3 days of dry January, but I just knew I wanted to try it. I was scared. I didn't tell anybody. I think you've talked about that too. Like, I mean, I wasn't telling anybody because I didn't want to be. Four days into dry January, you know, drinking again, then people be like, Oh, I thought you were going to give this a shot.

So I didn't, didn't talk about it, just  tried it. And then once I realized, Oh, I can do this,  then I started being opened more up about it. But yeah, it was that sort of Christmas where I'm like, I just do this. I don't want to do this again next year. And I felt like dry January was going to be this opportunity where you can kind of do it without it being a big deal because so many other people are doing it.

And I was like, I'm committed. So I kind of set my, my quit date on that day.  You know, I guess it's like, what, a week, week and a half, or maybe it's like a week between Christmas. Yeah, like a week ish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.  It's a blur. It is. And I didn't quit during that. I mean, I didn't even like cut back. It was also sort of that, like, let's just  go for it and  finish all the wine in the house or whatever and just get it out of here.

But I didn't pour it, pour it down the sink. I  managed to get rid of it.  You know, we still have like wine and stuff in our house. because I was like, I'm not going to pour this down the sink. I just put it away. Yeah. I don't know why though. Like what the, what the fuck am I going to do with this?  You know, I thought about do I give it to people?

But then that seems kind of like cold to like, I don't want this person, but here, why don't you take it? So I have thought about that multiple times. Like I'm going to a birthday or like, you know, a friend's and which is perfectly acceptable to give it to like, to give them a bottle of wine, you know, and I'm like, what if I just gave them this?

But like, it feels so wrong, doesn't it? I just feel like I just have this like thing in my house that the alcoholic in me is not willing to part with, but I know I don't want it, you know? Yeah. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't get rid of any of the, like the hard liquor. I mean, we had bourbon and gin and all that. 

I wasn't tempted by it, but I didn't get rid of it until just like, maybe this summer, cause my husband has not, he didn't stop drinking. When I did, but he hasn't, I guess he's been almost a year now where he hasn't drank. So I'm like, why are we still just like hanging on to this? So it was sort of symbolic and nice, but I waited like,  yeah, almost about three and a half years before I just finally got every last drop out of the house. 

Yeah, I know. I don't have one of those moments where like all of a sudden it's staring at me and I'm like,  I don't know. I just, I haven't, if I ever do, I'll be like, this has got to go, you know?  Yeah. Okay. Well, you just kind of mentioned it, but let's talk about this because so many people ask me, does your husband still drink?

What does your husband think about this? And then they ask him, like, is this bothering you? Da da da da da, you know? So like, what was your experience with your husband? Like, were you like, Hey, I'm not going to drink anymore. I almost felt stupid. Like.  I know not. And I didn't even tell him for those first couple of days.

And then I was like, okay, he's got to realize that at dinner, I'm not like pouring wine. I'm over here like LaCroix with slight lemon slices. I still would pour it in like a wine glass. That really helped me at first. Cause it was such a part of my routine, like making dinner and having it. So I would use the same wine glass that I had always used like a stimulus and just would pour LaCroix in there and put.

orange slices, lemon slices, whatever. So I'm like, he's got to realize something's different. So I finally did. Once I made it through the first two days and was like, okay, I can, I can keep going a little bit longer. At least I mentioned it. And and he actually was like, well, I'm not going to drink this month either.

Like he thought it would be kind of. Fun to do. And he was never as much of a drinker as I was. I mean, he, I would have wine every single night. I mean, he'd have like beer on the weekends. If we went out with other people, you know, he would drink more. If it wasn't for me, he probably wouldn't have drank as much as he drank.

Same. I know.  My husband would be like, Oh, I haven't had a drink for a couple of weeks. And I'm like, what? Like,  you know. I know, right? Like, how does that just happen without? Yeah. Set dates and things all around to support you. Yeah. Yeah. So it was  definitely not, it was never hard for him to have to, to not drink.

But then he would still like, if we would again, like go out with friends would have like a beer or whatever out. And then,  and it didn't bother me. And also it felt kind of nice. Like I'm. Even if he had one beer, I'd be like, well, I'm driving now. Like it was sort of that feeling of being completely sober was more freeing than I would have thought it would have been.

I would have thought I was going to feel like I'm, this is so boring or I'm such being left out, but I really kind of enjoy it.  Oh, I've actually had fun with that whole driving thing. Like, I'll even be like, you guys can have drinks, I'll drive. Yeah, yeah. And I've had some funny trips. We went on a girl's trip and like, there was like 10 of us piled in my friend's, like, husband's giant truck, you know?

And I'm like, you guys don't shut up! And like, but we're, I mean, it was like one of my favorite memories. Like, I'm driving and we're like, you know?  And I'm like, if we get pulled over, I'm gonna be like 100 percent sober. Yes! Isn't that, I mean, isn't that just  So freeing. Oh, I love it. Yeah. So I don't mind.

Don't mind that. And he would never, probably the most he would even have would be two even, you know, after. So it was not a big deal. And then,  but yeah, I think the last year he hasn't, I noticed when we would go out, he wouldn't order. He would order like a non alcoholic beer. He really, he enjoys those because he always liked like IPAs and sort of those stronger layered ones.

So he can get those like the athletic beer or there's so many of those options. I was never a big beer person. So I, you know, doesn't appeal to me. But, yeah, so  it's been a year and I don't know if. If that's his intention to like always to never drink or what, but he runs, like ultra marathons. So he has a lot of focus on.

He does. Okay. Do you run? No. No. Okay. I did a little bit. I did before we adopted my daughter. I did a half marathon and I'm like, okay, I'm done like check. So no, I don't run. Yeah. I've made it up to 10 K. So I've ran a 10 K. I'm running another 10 K for my 40th birthday. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, so my run today was like 4.5 miles, but I follow a lot of these like ultra marathon runners on of my mm-hmm

I'm intrigued, but also like mortified. It's crazy. I mean, , it's like, I guess he's done, he's done a cup two fifties and then he did one, 100, and I thought, well, that's just gonna be the end of it. But he seems to be wanting to do another 100. Which 100 did he do? Oh gosh. It was here locally. I mean, like, I'm in, I'm in North Carolina towards the coast.

So he didn't have to go very far, but I can, I cannot exactly remember.  I know, , I follow a lot of people who do like the Cocodona 100. Oh, is that out? It's in like Sedona and Arizona. Okay. That would be cool. Yeah. It's kind of wild though. I think they experience like both temperatures too. You know? Cause they climb so much.

Oh gosh. Yeah. It's kind of flat. Flatter here for sure than Yeah. Cause we're not near the mountains. One of the runners I was following through it,  Andy Glaze. I don't know if you follow him on, you should just follow him if you don't. Okay.  He's a lot of fun to follow, but he, the one time he like passed, like fell asleep.

He didn't pass out. He fell asleep while he was running and like cut his head open. And I'm like, how would that be to just be running and then just be like, boop, just fall asleep. Yeah.  That's crazy. That's dedication or something. Yeah, because I think he'd been running for like 40 hours or 48 hours straight or whatever.

It was on a,  I think it might have been, no, it wasn't the Cocodona 100. He goes and does them like all over the world. He's crazy. He's like kind of like David Goggins. My husband follows him. I'm sure he does. I'm assuming he probably does. It's worth a follow, okay? You'll be like perplexed.  I'm like inspired and perplexed all at the same time.

Yeah, yeah. I just can't imagine. I don't like running that.  that much or definitely not that long to be able to just do it. And then toenails fall off, it's a whole thing. Right? That's what I'm saying. I'm like, you guys, I'm like, I'm going to stick with my four and a half miles. That was hard. Okay. I'm going to stick with that.

Yeah.  Yes. Who knows? The next thing you know, Emily, you're going to see me posting my sprays, like I'm training for the Cocodona 100. You'll be like,  Wow, that escalated.  Alright, 

  📍  📍 let's talk about sobriety tips, though, especially for, you know, this midlife, later life, your kids are getting older, that type of stuff.

One thing I talk about a lot, though, is like habit swapping. Like, what, did you find yourself picking up new habits or trying new things, or like, what's your advice around that?  Yeah, so right when I stopped January 2021, it was, you know, still definitely right in the height of COVID. So there wasn't,  options necessarily.

I mean, I should have, could have probably done things online, found online. You know, knitting groups or something. I don't know, but I kind of just used that first year. I mean, the COVID part of it really probably did help me because I wasn't going out anyway.  But just to kind of really almost like hibernate and read.

I was reading lots of Quitlet books. I Just spent time like trying to learn more about myself and what I liked and getting out of my other routines. I mean, physically, like changing where I would go in the evenings because to me, like being in the kitchen, I would just kind of hang out in the kitchen and keep  drinking,  like scrolling on.

You know, internet or whatever, just staying in that kitchen area. So I physically like said, I'm going to change my spot. Like I move, I would go hang in the bedroom and like have hot tea and read and just changing all of that really helped. And then as I. I moved out of that first year. I,  started trying to figure out what do I like to do because drinking was such my hobby.

I mean, if somebody would say, what's your hobby?   Like,  Wine tasting. You can make it though. Like alcoholics can make anything. I'm like, I like to travel and go to wine tastings and visit vineyards, you know, My connoisseur. Yeah. Yeah. So I,  Sort of almost not a whim. I mean, now looking back, it wasn't a whim, but I, I guess it was a year ago.

So I was three years sober, decided to join the yoga teacher training program that was offering at being offered at the studio. That's close to me that I'd only, I've been to it a handful of times.  But I just thought, you know what, this is a way for me to try something totally different,  meet new people, because I was also feeling isolated,  with. 

You know, you kind of, I don't want people to think you have to lose your friends if you become sober in midlife, because I think that that's probably a legitimate fear that women have. Like, wait, I have this social circle, and yeah, we drink together, but we're friends, and so I don't want people to Think, okay, if I stop drinking, I lose all my friends.

That's not true, but it also brings an opportunity to meet other people who might be more, you know, or wanting to try new things. I, my, my therapist was actually the one she was like, I said, yeah, I just feel like I need to like meet new people. And she was like. You should probably leave the house.  Thank you.

And she had, you know, we talked about maybe going to AA or,  and she mentioned yoga, she said, I know you've talked about yoga, she said, no, not everybody goes to yoga studio sober, but you know, you might find that it, there might be a community of people there that are, and I did,  so that has just been life changing to have. 

Basically started something that I really never did before. And doing the yoga teacher training, there was a lot of, you know, self-reflection and  and that was just really helpful too. And it was something that if I had done that when I was drinking, I wouldn't, I mean, the physical part of it, I might've been like, okay.

But I never would've gotten into the whole, the spiritual part of it and just the learning about myself. I wouldn't have been able to, to do it. I mean, it wouldn't have been honest or authentic. Well, I think when you're drinking, you're willing to like, kind of do these same things. I definitely identify like, high functioning alcoholic, so I was going to Tony Robbins and I was doing all this mindset work and like, doing all these things, but I think what you're doing is just kind of almost putting on a facade.

You know, it's like a sliding door and you're like, well, I'll open it a little bit, but you don't actually open it all the way you kind of almost like block yourself or alcohol blocks you from like actually opening the door and being like, this is who I am.  Totally. Yeah.  Yeah, there's some, even like my,  massage therapist, she does a,  like a wellness coaching program and she had mentioned it to me several times, you know, I've been going to for years and years and then I finally did it that January.

Right after I quit drinking. And I told her, I was like,  I've wanted to do this with you for so long because I really, you know, enjoy you appreciate you. And I said, but I knew if I was drinking the amount I was drinking, I wasn't going to tell you that I said, and I feel like I wouldn't have been able to fully invest in what you have to offer and, and she was surprised.

I mean, she had no idea. Most people didn't have no idea. I mean, you know, because. They're not sitting in my kitchen with me every night, so they wouldn't know, but it definitely getting it out. Just getting alcohol out is what opened so many floodgates. And yeah, you have to feel your feelings now, which some people like  that's that can be the hard part of not numbing out all the feelings anymore, but I would never go back to the numbing. 

ever.  Once you just start filling them. You're like, oh, like I'm sad. And like, that's okay. You know, or like, oh, I'm really happy. Like you get to experience emotions, which I think is the whole part of being human. Yeah. Yeah.  My dad passed away. In 2016. And so, I mean, I was you know, Not obviously not sober then.

And I just think now, Gosh, did I ever? I mean, since then I've worked through some of it, but I don't feel like I really even completely comprehended everything that was happening. I just, it just gave me more opportunity to just numb, numb, numb, numb. And so, yeah, and that was the other thing I was like, I never  want to be like that again.

When somebody I love has, you know, passes away or gets married or whatever. I just don't ever want to be in that state of just being numb to it.  really, you know, that was this thing I could be feel shame or guilt about, but that doesn't do anybody any favors either. I can just. talk about it admit it and know that I've grown from there. 

I saw a TikTok just this morning and it was one of those that like really hit me, you know, and it said my favorite part about being sober is getting to fall in love with my wife again and then it said Like, damn, I was basically, I can't remember what he said, but it was along the lines of like, damn, I was such a loser.

Like this is a really amazing woman that I've missed out on. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And it can be easy. And like with my kids, you know, I'm sure you can relate to with having had young kids during the time when I was drinking and just, you know, just things that I would rush through like bedtime routines, all that, just so I could get back down and have another drink.

And,  but I can't beat myself up about it. But it's. It's just part of my journey.  I feel like I was always just kind of pushing them away, you know? Just like, you're just kind of pushing them away always. Yes. Yeah. And I,  yeah. It's just, it can make you sad. The another kind of like, moment that stands out in my mind is, I don't know if they, I guess they probably still do it.

Like with Netflix, you can pick the little avatar for each member of the family. And, I guess I don't remember if it was my son or my daughter, they're four years apart, but somebody had put like a red wine glass from above my name and I thought, is that how they see me? And so one of my  One of my favorite things I did probably like a month after I stopped drinking was I went in and changed it to, you know, whatever, like Spongebob character or whatever it was.

And one of them noticed, they're like, oh, you changed it. I said, yeah, I don't, I don't not, I don't drink anymore. They're like, you know, they were excited. I don't, they never really complained to me anything about my drinking, but I know that obviously they were aware of it. Otherwise they wouldn't have made my.

My avatar, a glass of red wine. Like, is that how the world sees me?  I know, I was like, this is horrible. So that was, that was a great feeling to go in there and change that little avatar. Oh. I wonder what it is now I haven't looked lately, who knows, it could be something even worse.  True. Yeah.  So

when I was kind of stalking you online, I noticed that you're a mindset coach, an alcohol free life coach, success coach, neuro linguistic programming, and hypnosis training. So you've really, like, dived into, like,  finding, like, all those new parts of you, and also, like, how you can help other people. Yeah, yeah, the course I did was a really robust course.

I mean, that it was a 10 month program and it had all of those certifications offered in the program,  with always like alcohol free kind of being like the baseline of all of it. So that was really nice to learn.  I mean, even like the hypnosis, that was just cool. Like, I had no, never had an experience with it and we got to practice on each other.

But yeah, having those tools sort of at my disposal now to be able to use with potential clients, I think it's, it's great. And it, it was, it was really fun to learn about cause I had never had any experience with any of it before. So yeah, it was nice. I'm a pharmacist. That's what I've done for the last like 30 years.

I haven't been full time in a long time, but,  so all of these. Other modalities. I'm like, Ooh, I could have gone to school for some other things. So just like science based.  I love actually, when you like, okay, so like, here's the science, right. And then you're like, and here's like the feelings. And I kind of like love when they can come together.

Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And you would have thought, I mean, I was when I was in pharmacy school, I was, I was not drinking much. I didn't start drinking until after I got married.  So, we talked some about alcohol and expects, I mean, not near anywhere near what I know now about the effects, but yeah, you would have thought that could have maybe made me never drink, but.

No, because you kind of just like, you're like, that's nice. You know, it's almost like, sure, I could get hit by a bus.  Right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. What are the odds that I'm good?  That's nice.  You mentioned you called it quit lit, which I'm assuming is like sober literature or like books. Do you have any recommendations?

Cause that's one thing too. I just started, I like, have you ever read the big book? Actually, that's what I should ask you. No, I have not. I have not. Yeah, that was the first one I listened to because I went to AA like, day one, super hungover. And this lady there was like, Hey, I bought you a copy of the big book, you know, and she had her number in and she's like, just read this. But if you've looked at the big book, that's a big ass book. So I downloaded it on Audible and I listened to the entire big book. 

Yeah. But what are, what my favorite book is actually, is it Sober ish? Yeah. It's Sober ish. I love that one. Have you read that one? I think, I'm trying to think about how that read it. Cause I read a lot during those first few months, or if I just have it like saved in my, in like to read book, read list.

Cause that was one that came up a lot. Like that I would see recommended.  The very first one I read was This Naked Mind by Annie Grace.  And so I started kind of following her right away. , and it talked a lot about, or it talks a lot about how,  just how alcohol works, like what it's doing inside of your body.

And, but then also, like some of her personal stories.  It was really something that by the end of it,  it made me go, okay, I'm never going to drink again because it was just like a well laid out story of why you shouldn't,  and it was very relatable too. So that was the first one that, that like hit home and, quit, quit like a woman by Holly Whitaker.

I got that in my audible. Yeah. That one's recommended a lot. Yeah, I think you'll like that one. I mean, it's very, she is on fire and just, it is, it's really good. It's very powerful.   and then  there was, it's called The Sober Diaries by Claire Pooley. And it was, it was, She's from, you know, she lives in England and it was just her story.

I think she started a blog back before call, like mommy was a secret drinker. So like, that's what she's funny. And I was far enough into my like sober journey by then that I could just read it and relate to everything that she was saying and also kind of laugh at some of her stories because she was laughing at the stories too.

That one, I think I've read it twice just because it was. It was cute. She, her description of like the pink cloud effect,  was really vivid. It was a great little analogy that she had for it. And so, yeah, those are my top ones at the time.  I might still that Quitlet. I've never heard it called that.

I'm like, I like that. Yeah. I don't know where, you know. Heard it. Who knows? Probably once I searched enough of it, it would just be like, Oh, you want quitlet. So that helped me a ton just being able to just read that and just get it into my brain and my body and, and  learning things. And also just like knowing you're not alone.

I mean, you know, that's. The whole thing is so isolating, and to read these stories, you're like, this person, and yeah, it just opens you up to, I'm not alone,  and alcohol is made to be addictive, and that's why I'm addicted to it, it's not something I did wrong, it's just how it was designed to be, so. 

Soberish was a big one for me. Cause I was sitting there and I'm like, listening to the book and I'm like, this woman is explaining my own thoughts. And all of a sudden I was like, Oh my God. And it also makes sense why you really need to stay like tapped in because a lot of times I don't get it. I'm like, I don't want this to be my entire personality. 

But then also I'm like, Okay, you have to like, keep that, maintain that vision because outside of it is, you know, the fancy bottle service and you know, all the pretty marketing and it's designed to not be, the world is designed to not be sober. Yeah. And so I think staying plugged in is, to anything, you know, if it's working with you, if it's watching sober TikToks, it's, I noticed you had some great Instagram reels.

So, you know, reading books, podcasts, it helps so much. You're like, I'm not crazy. Yeah, yeah, keeping that in my feeds because I'll follow other sober people, sober, or coaches too. It,  it's just nice to just constantly see it. Not constantly, like you say, you don't want to make it your personality. I mean, at first you kind of have to make it your personality.

It's my, it's my Instagram's personality now, so. Yes.  Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you really just have to go. And, and I, I agree too, just like keeping it,  keeping it at the front of my mind, even like hearing podcasts. I think,  Mel Robbins, I know you talked about her. I love her. And she just had a guest on recently who,  Was a doctor talking about the effects of alcohol.

And I just love that. That's just kind of popping up now on,  on just, you know, regular podcasts, not ones that are focused on it.  And I, anytime I hear something like that, I'm going to listen to it, you know, like, I'm never going to feel like, oh, I already know everything about it. Never. So, and yeah, knowing that.

You're not alone. Yeah, no. So how does this concept of freedom evolve from women as they move from wine mom to empty nester.  Yeah.

So the, for me, I had no idea, like the amount of freedom I was going to feel when I stopped. I just thought it was going to be hard and it was maybe going to be lonely. I just had no idea that it was going to actually  change the way my mind is, change the things that I want to do. So I feel like during midlife.

Sometimes it can, you know, when you think of like empty nest and, um, menopause and all that, it can just have this like negative connotation to it.  But I'm seeing that it can actually be very positive, like a great time to make changes in our life, a great time to learn new hobbies, new skills, and just figure out like where you want this next chapter to go.

So the freedom that I found. You know, by getting alcohol out, just completely getting out of my space, I mean, it opens up time, you know, because you're not spending three hours or whatever at night drinking anymore. So it's opens up time and money. I mean, how much money, gosh, have I saved by not drinking?

 And then, and just mental space, being able to, or not having to think about when's my next glass going to be or. Or like if you're on a vacation,  kind of rushing through whatever you're doing to know that you're going to get to the happy hour.  Oh, I don't know. I was just like vacation. We could start it when we woke up, you know?

Exactly. So I feel like midlife is a great time to get all of that out, to give back time, give back money, give back your brain space to, you know, really enjoy this next chapter and not see it as such a.  Like, you know, the going down the hill, or I guess that's what they used to say, right? Downhill.   It doesn't have to be like that.

It can be  a whole, it is a whole new chapter. Well, have you looked, you mentioned this, you said menopause, but, so I'm in perimenopause, and this is like, I have labs. to prove it.  I have hormones.  I don't have a lot of hormones actually.  So what my nurse practitioner and I actually had a nurse, I had two nurse practitioners on my podcast who very, very like very adamant that they were like alcohol and menopause do not go together.

Yeah. No. Yeah. I mean, the way that we metabolize alcohol changes to once you've gone, gone through menopause or even or perimenopause to, I mean, just the metabolism of it changes. And then it's messes with your estrogen. You know, what little estrogen that you have, you don't want it to be. Like  totally messed up by alcohol.

 And I think that's another reason why women sometimes feel like once they've gotten, you know, maybe around menopause age, and they're like, I just can't, you know, I used to be able to have two glasses of wine and feel fine. Now I have one glass and I feel like shit in the morning. And that's not in their mind.

I mean, that's really because of the way that their body is handling it. Now it's different. So, yeah, it is definitely. Another great time. I think another reason why it's a great time to quit is because your body is not doing the same with it that it used to.   People keep telling me this, they're like, you hit 40 and it's like an off switch goes off and you're like, I don't give a shit what you think.

And they're like, and then you hit 50 and you're like, I definitely do not give any, like, F's what you think. And so I honestly think, you know, however old you are listening, but it's like, Stop giving a crap what everyone else thinks and it's what you actually think. Exactly. Yeah. And that's, that's strange too.

I mean, I lived my life as a people pleaser for sure. And so that's something that. Just through the,  the self growth, learning about myself and even with the yoga teacher training and all of that learning that  I don't have to be a people pleaser. There's no way I can please  every, everybody. And,  and it doesn't even matter.

I don't need to please anybody but myself. So that's been,  that's been a journey for sure for me and  would never have. I felt this freedom around that if I was still drinking, for sure.  It's, it's amazing. And I don't know quite how to like tell people sometimes. I'm like, you just almost have to experience it.

Yeah. Yeah. Cause I didn't understand. I had no idea  what  was possible. And I don't even know if I was really around that many people who were sober too, so I probably wasn't getting much feedback. Well, I don't know if you're like me, but I'm like, well, we'll never be like friends, friends. Cause you don't drink.

Yeah. Yeah. It's.  When I first started meeting people who don't drink anymore, you know, it was just like, oh, my gosh, like, you get it, you know, and I do know a few people who never drank. And that's, that's great, too. But I there's something about having gone through this experience. It's  It's like you just, you get it, you know, and it's so fun to talk about too, like to be able to just really talk about the things, even the embarrassing things, but then just the changes to have that  with somebody who's been through what you've been through.

Yeah. That's amazing. Okay. So now you're helping other women kind of discover their path to freedom by going alcohol free. What does that look like?  I know it can be scary, right? And so I'm trying to just.  Wanting women to come to me who are, you know, sober curious, or interested in, in cutting back like that.

All of that is fine. It's a good place to start. And so I just. And I just want to build a community for women to feel safe, to feel heard, to feel like they can get advice from other people. That's what I  really  zoned in on that I was missing. And I didn't completely have that during my first year.

 When I got sober, I didn't really have that community. And now I've witnessed it and been part of it. And I'm like, this is the secret sauce. Like having a group can be in different phases, but to be able to, to talk and share. And so,  and then like, they would see other people's. freedom, you know, based on what we're sharing too.

So I feel like that is,  how I can best help women right now and having my experience and then,  you know, the shared group  experience too,  I think can be , yeah, just show what it could be like.  Yeah. So I know you have like a group program coming up. So if you guys want to check out Emily.  Emily Allen, what is your Instagram handle?

It's at Living Free with Emily?  Yes. And you guys, I followed her. I was like, I loved your reels and I know you're dishing lots of good information. Do you hang out anywhere else online?  I have, my website is, is.  www. livingfreewithemily. com. And so that has like the information. I've got a free quiz on there.

What's your empowered alcohol, personality, alcohol free personality. So it's kind of a fun, like, what's your superpowers? Yeah. What's your alcohol personality? You're like that. I had in the free part there.  Yeah, I'll make sure that we link that up in our show notes if people want to go check it out.

And thank you so much for your time today, Emily. And thanks so much for being brave and sharing your story. Oh, thank you. And the same to you because it's, it's,  scary to get it out there and, and open up to the world. So proud of you. Thank you. And thank you guys for listening to the Samantha Parker show.