I Met My Younger Self for Drinks on My Sobriety Journey - 40th Birthday Episode

Writing can be a powerful tool for healing, and I want to invite you to try this exercise with me. Writing about your experiences can help you see the lessons in your past and guide you toward an alcohol-free life.

I met my 19‑year‑old self for drinks today and remembered a time when overwhelming nausea, stress, and early motherhood pushed me toward a Sprite to ease the pain. That moment reminded me how our earliest struggles set the stage for the choices we make later, teaching the importance of self-care even in the darkest times.

I encountered my 22‑year‑old self, who reached for a vodka cranberry to dull the heartbreak and chaos of raising a baby amid a difficult breakup. That memory made it clear that numbing the pain only deepens it, and true healing begins when we face our emotions head-on.

At 30, I saw a version of me juggling entrepreneurial dreams and heavy responsibilities, clinging to the illusion of a drink in hand to hide my vulnerability. This meeting taught me that growth comes from accepting our fears and realizing that real self-acceptance blossoms when we let go of harmful crutches.

Finally, meeting my 39‑year‑old self—who chose long runs, early coffee dates, and genuine connections over another round—reminded me that transformation is possible when we honor our true selves and choose clarity over the chaos of alcohol.

I encourage you to try this writing exercise on your own. Reflect on your past, write down your memories, and discover the insights that can lead you to a more authentic, alcohol-free future.

Step into Your Sober Era! Are you ready to embrace a life of clarity and empowerment? Let’s embark on this transformative journey together! [Subscribe Now ➔] Sam's Sober Stack | Samantha Parker | Substack

Want to Work with The Samantha Parker for Content Management CLICK HERE

Grab my Sober Travel Tips Guide HERE

Check out My Sober Storefront HERE

Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@samanthaparkershow

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@thesamanthaparker

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thesamanthaparker/

Grab $10 off Curious Elixirs https://oken.do/ho7cxduy

Shop Ryze Coffee - Grab 15% Off HERE

Transcript

 Hey guys, welcome back to the Samantha Parker show. I just got done writing a sub stack. If you guys are on my sub stack, it's a lot of fun. I've enjoyed it because like, writing is very, very healing.  I'm on a    sobriety journey. I'm guessing  if you're watching this,

you are curious about going alcohol free,    sober curious, that's  what they call it, or you're on your own sobriety journey. 

 ​

 So on Substack, I love it because there is free content and then there's also paid content, so you can pop over there.    Be a part of my community for free,  or you can join for 7 and you can also grab my sober journal.

But, my whole point of telling you all that is, I just wrote something that was so healing and    feels so freeing  to me.  I called it, I met my younger self for drinks today. It was inspired by her name is Janay Cecilia. Sometimes I feel bad because I say people's names wrong and it sucks. And I'm sorry. But she has a beautiful Instagram and she has a beautiful book of poetry. And I'm sure you guys have seen it. It's trending like hardcore right now.

It's,    I met my younger self for coffee today,  and it's so fun to read, but I thought I would write one to my younger self that I met for drinks,  and I'm going to share it with you guys. So basically what I did here is I went through and I met my 19 year old self for drinks. I met my 22 year old self for drinks.

Then I met my 30 year old self for drinks. And then I wrapped it all up with meeting my 39 year old self for drinks. And you'll see why I picked these ages for very Specific reasons and I think that if you're on an alcohol free journey, you're sober like me I've been sober for nine months. Hallelujah.

And guess what you guys I'm turning 40 tomorrow So this is officially unofficially also my birthday episode. So we're doing a little dance making a little love We're getting old tonight 

 take a break  I need Diet Coke to sponsor me. Could you imagine getting paid by Diet Coke?

I have paid so much to them. I actually own Coke's stock. So, I own Coca Cola's stock. Which is funny, but.   📍 Impromptu Diet Coke break.  We are not sponsored.

We will be someday. I know it. 

 It's really cool to see. So many people going sober and I just stitched a TikTok of Bethany Frankel and you guys will remember her She was from like the original   📍  📍 The Real Housewives of New York  And then she went on she like started the skinny margarita line But she's come out and said that she's sober so she's even   📍 three months Sober  and I think that's really fucking cool.

So I know this like train is rolling. There's so many people who are waking up to it and what I love about the internet and podcasts all those things   📍  📍 is you can find people like you.  So when you're going through that rough time, like when I first got sober. I didn't know where to turn. So I just started finding people online and then you're like, oh my god, I'm not crazy.

   I went to AA and I was like, oh my gosh, all these people in real life,  these real people that I can like touch, see, feel, they're also alcoholics and they're also struggling with alcohol in the way that I was. Freaking amazing, but let's get into this. I'm going to read this to you, you guys. And if you want to read it yourself, I love listening, but I also love like reading, you know, you can pop over to Substack and check it out.

But I thought this was so perfect to share for my   📍 40th birthday and my 40th birthday episode of the Samantha Parker show.  So here we go guys.  I    met my 19 year old self for drinks today.  I was surprised she showed up because she didn't own a car. She was at the mercy of her husband. She was late because she was scared to see me.

I was early to get a windows view.

 She ordered a Sprite because the nausea, stress, and   📍 pregnancy was   📍 overwhelming  her.  My stomach hurts all the time, she said. I tried to make eye contact just to see the sorrow staring back.   📍 I ordered a Diet Coke  and said, please order as much  food as you want, it's on me today. I knew she had counted change last night and spent it on a sandwich working nights at the hospital. She had   📍 stolen a small carton of milk  and cereal out of the break room that morning.

I reached out and tried to hold her hand, she pulled back. I know that's something I still do. She said she wished she could just take a shot of vodka and make this all go away. But obviously she couldn't. I sighed deeply and recalled the pain. To feel that trapped and with a growing baby in her belly.

I knew that those early years are where the   📍 alcohol first took hold.  After giving birth to that beautiful baby girl, the real pain formed.  The abuse became unmanageable and she kept going back.  She just kept going back. But trauma will make you feel like you are   📍 unlovable, unworthy  of the simple gift of life.

Trauma will steal your soul and she knew alcohol could numb it, even if it was just for a couple of hours.   📍 As we both ate our food in awkward silence,  I wanted to give her some reassurance. I was just too overcome with the flood of memories. I knew what she would face, and I knew how long it would take for her to finally feel free.

Instead, as   📍 I hugged her goodbye  and paid the bill, I told her how beautiful her baby girl grows up to be. It's a girl, she asked with awe. It is, I said. I told her that she's 19 now too and so beautiful. I shared my favorite memories of when she was a child and my favorite memory of   📍 watching her graduate college. 

Thank you, she says as she carries her leftover box away. My heart shattered into a million pieces for what's to come.  That was one of the hardest times of my life for sure. And obviously, you know, I was pregnant.  

I never drank alcohol during both of my pregnancies. That was just something I did not do, never would do. But I know that's when I really, really started to lean on alcohol was right after I gave birth and because   📍 I became a single mom.

 And while I can look back now and see how I was using alcohol to like kind of numb all that pain, I know that like Giving birth, being a single mom, getting a divorce.

I don't know why I was married that young. That's, you know, that could be a whole freaking podcast on its own. All of that was when I started to use alcohol to numb the pain. And again, you guys, I had started drinking to numb my pain   📍 when I was 17,  but I can see that this point at 19 is when it just like really kind of rooted in. 

  📍  I met my 22 year old self for drinks today.  I got there early and had my drink in hand because she wouldn't have trusted me if I told her I didn't drink anymore, which you guys, side note, that's one of my favorite sober tips, is You don't have to pretend like there's alcohol in there, but   📍  📍 at least have a drink in your hand.

 So, when I was writing this, I was like, I know that at 22, I would have been like, K, you can leave, like, you're not drinking. So, I was like, I have to get there early and   📍 I'm going to pretend like I have alcohol  in this cup, because that's the only way she's going to talk to me. She ordered a vodka with cranberry and then asked for an extra shot of vodka to top it off with.

I watched her pound it back and then order another one. Her energy was high, but   📍 I could see she was faking it. I  asked her how life was going and could see the pain in her eyes.   📍 She spilled all the tea  on how hard it was to raise a baby and how much of a dick the soon to be ex was. I chuckled because   📍 I still completely agree.

 I asked her about work and she ordered a third round and started trying to buy us both shots. I said I had to go. I wanted to tell her to put the drinks down, find AA, and never touch alcohol again. But at that point, I knew she was far too gone. That little bit of reprieve was all she cared about after going through so much pain.

I couldn't even blame her. And I got thinking about like what I would have told my 22 year old self. And honestly,   📍 she wouldn't have listened.  I think everything has to like play out as it should. I think, you know, God, the universe. All of it has, like, this divine path for us, and I do think there are different points where   📍  📍 we choose our own, like, little offshoots and what we want to do,  you know, like, choose your character, because we have free will, ultimately, but I do think everything is happening as exactly as it should, and I know at 22, I would have never listened to 39, turning 40, turning 40 tomorrow, I would have never listened to me, so.

I knew there was nothing I could really say to my 22 year old self that would've put her on a different path, and also convinced her that   📍 alcohol fucking sucks.  There just wasn't anything to say.

  📍 I met my 30 year old self for drinks today.   She was early, and so was I. She ordered a   📍  📍 chilled glass of Chardonnay,   📍 and I got a latte.   I could tell she didn't like that I wasn't drinking, but had learned to keep her mouth shut.

I knew she was counting how many drinks she could order in her head.   📍 She had just quit her job and   📍 started her own business.  She was afraid it wouldn't take off. I told her it's a lot of hard work and patience will become her best friend. She laughed and asked if I wanted fries. I knew she was ordering food so she could get another glass of wine.

I wasn't judging because I knew the truth behind the drinks. At 30 she had learned to use alcohol as a way to make it through everything. She was still hiding that pain but doing a great job to appear successful.   📍 In air quotes here you guys.  We laughed and chatted about the potential of how great life was going to be.

 I gave her my best business advice and told her that life gets easier  when you actually face the things that hold you back.   📍 I gestured to that third glass of wine.  She didn't love it but made a funny joke and we both laughed. She was   📍 good at deflecting.  We gushed about how great it was to be married again and to have someone who really saw her.

How having two kids was hard, but I told her to savor all of it. We talked about life as a military wife, as this is something we both could understand.   📍  📍 She made a joke about hangovers hitting harder,  and I tried to hold her hand. She still pulled away, but lingered just a little bit longer. We split the bill, and I told her how pretty growing old looks.

We hugged goodbye. I love my thirties. My thirties is when I think I really found the   📍 whole self help world,  which I know that worlds can be a little bit toxic, but it's when I started to realize that like, you know, what was going on up here in my mind and my heart was really dictating the path of my life. 

 Which leads me to,   📍 I met my 39 year old self for drinks today.  Except she didn't show up this time. She doesn't do drinks anymore.   📍  📍 She goes for long runs and makes new friends.  She spends her days with her insane amount of pets and having chats with her kids.   📍 Her husband smiles at her in the most amazing ways and now she notices.

 She says yes to early Sunday morning coffee dates. She says yes to a friend needing help. She shows up to   📍 AA every Monday  night and even chairs the meeting. She's still the same Sam, but at 39 she is so different. She sees life clearly. She's thankful for her past self and she finally handled those   📍 demons in her closet.

 She gets so overwhelmed with love some days she sits in the quiet of her car and cries. She doesn't have time to meet for drinks because she's too busy experiencing life sober.   📍 And she loves holding people's hands.   Okay guys, I couldn't be more grateful to be where I'm at in life, and at 39, I just feel so overwhelmed with life sometimes, and   📍 in the best way. 

You know, last night I had like a not very good moment, I'm also 9 months pregnant. And sometimes around like these big dates and these big anniversaries, you will get a little like itchy and a little heated. And I was definitely feeling it last night.   📍 I got really overwhelmed.  I snapped over a comment that was made.

 And I'm sharing that with you because I want you to understand that it is a bit of a   📍 roller coaster ride. While I am so thrilled  and so happy to be here, there are still things that come up, but the cool thing is, is Yes, I did lose my cookies last night.

Yes, I did say some things I didn't want to say. But I was very,   📍 very quick to apologize.  And it was very, very quick to see how I could have reacted differently. And it was very quick to resolve it with the people around me. And that is a fucking beautiful gift. Yesterday I was feeling overwhelmed with my nine months of sobriety, turning 40, some new business I have coming in, some things that my kids needed, and   📍 I'm getting a little bit of a cold.

 So I wasn't super thrilled about all of that, and I kind of just like, bleh ed all over. But also how fucking cool is it that I was overwhelmed with   📍 nine months of sobriety  that I was overwhelmed with   📍 turning 40 and  that I was just overwhelmed with some new business coming into my life. That's an amazing place to be and I can see it for exactly what it is.

So do I for a second regret going sober? Absolutely not.  And I am so excited for what my 40s have to bring. So if you take anything from listening to this you guys,   📍 let your past be your past.  Learn from it, honor it, and like get so thrilled at what a beautiful life you have unfolding in front of you.

 And let's try doing it sober for the next bit of life.