The Samantha Parker Show

How to Feel Confident at Social Events Without Alcohol with Lauren Fay (Sobriety Mentor)

• Samantha Parker, Lauren Fay • Season 1 • Episode 50

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Thriving at social events without alcohol can feel impossible until you do it. I sat down with Lauren Fay, who’s been alcohol free for seven years. She shares what it takes to walk into events confidently, without a drink in your hand, and still feel like you belong.

We’re talking about creating a new identity, letting go of the fear of missing out, and understanding why most of us are less extroverted than we think.

Lauren shares her take on the term California Sober, how she gave up caffeine, and why the rituals matter more than the alcohol itself.

If you’re wondering how to show up, stay true to yourself, and have fun without drinking, you’ll love this one.

We’re choosing freedom over fear, clarity over numbing, and showing up fully as ourselves!

We also unpack why moderation rarely works, the mental energy alcohol steals, and how to stop justifying your choice not to drink.

Whether you’re newly sober, sober curious, or just tired of feeling like alcohol is the only way to have fun, this is your permission slip to rewrite the rules. Thriving at social events sober isn’t just possible; it’s powerful.

Connect with Lauren: https://www.instagram.com/laurenfaycoaching/

Step into Your Sober Era! Are you ready to embrace a life of clarity and empowerment? Let’s embark on this transformative journey together! [Subscribe Now ➔] Sam's Sober Stack | Samantha Parker | Substack


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  📍  📍 Hey guys. Welcome back to the podcast. Today I'm sitting down with a guest. Lauren Fay welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited to have you here. Thanks for having me. I know we were just chatting a little bit and I am really excited where we're gonna take this podcast and our focus today is gonna be about thriving at events sober.

This is a big one, and I know a lot of people ask me like, how I travel sober, how do I go to things sober? And I'm like, oh man, you just go, you know? But I do have a lot of like tips and tricks as well. But Lauren, we reached out to you to see if you'd be on the podcast 'cause I really love like your vulnerability and sharing your sobriety story and are so, are you completely sober?

Yes, I've been alcohol free for, well, alcohol free for seven years. But I also, like, I don't smoke marijuana. I don't do any drugs. I don't smoke cigarettes. So sobriety is such an interesting definition for a lot of people. It is. So, okay, so no alcohol. Seven years. And then you kind of help women who are like curious about going alcohol free as well, right?

Yes. I love helping women create the identity of an alcohol free woman. Like who would I be without the alcohol? And then who am I now once I've stopped drinking alcohol? Okay. That what you just said there, like, who would I be without the alcohol? That was like such a struggle for me and I had to like really go through that process, like all by myself.

And the reason why I am like so outspoken about it now, and I, I know I've only been, well, I don't say only, I feel like nine months is a big, like, it's a big commitment and it starts to feel like, oh, this is like for life, you know? But it was because like I didn't see a lot of other women talking about it, especially women who were, you know, successful looking, if that makes sense.

Totally. I feel like I would never say I did it alone in terms of like I had support, but the identity shift was an inside job that was a, an uncomfortable experience that took me many months to like get into and really understand that the version of Lauren with alcohol could not be the same version of Lauren without it.

I didn't have any of that knowledge though when I stopped drinking. So that was very much an inside job. I know I was like certain that my world was going to end and like I would have no friends. I wouldn't be able to do anything and I would just be this like super loser, but it's actually quite the opposite.

Totally. Absolutely. And so many people don't know that. So I'm so glad we're having this conversation. I know, I'm like, I really like who I am now a lot more than I was slash you know, I can't word you guys. I've had this stupid cold and like, it's like literally hard to think, do you get like that where I'm like, oh my words aren't coming out.

Yeah. Yes. There's some days it's like, oh, words are hard today, but yes. Like you like this alcohol free version of you more than Samantha nine months ago. You know? Exactly. There you go. Thank you. Yeah, exactly. I'm same. I like this version of Lauren. So much better. Yep. What kind of like motivated you to share your story?

That it just was this instant desire of the vulnerability I suffered in silence. A lot of my alcohol use and I, cocaine was a part of my story as well, was behind closed doors where it was like I just was suffering in silence and people didn't really know what was happening. And when I came out into the world, I put on face and.

People, you know, I, the ones closest to me obviously could tell something wasn't right. But for the most part, people thought I was fine. And so when I decided to get sober, I also decided to not be silent anymore. And to not only just share my story but to hopefully help other women realize that what they're going through, they're not like, it's normal in a way.

Like it's not, you're not unusual, you're not unique. Other people suffer too. And I'm one of 'em. So. That's why I decided to share my story. Okay. You brought this up at the very first, like you don't smoke marijuana. And I do get the question a lot of like, California is sober, right? And it's something I've kind of like hinted at, but I'm like, it's just not really like for me, you know?

But like what are your thoughts on like that whole California sober thing? You know, quite honestly, I never liked weed, so I tried. Yeah. It makes me so anxious now. It's been over seven years since I've done it and I haven't, I have no desire to try. But in terms of like total sobriety, I help women focus on alcohol because it's just a different animal, you know?

It is like the one drug that we have to justify our reason for not taking. It's so deeply ingrained in our society. It's just part of our conditioning and our cultural expectations. Whereas weed is not, you know, cocaine is not, so I just feel like alcohol is a completely different animal. But in terms of if you wanna be free in your life, I do think like stop putting in mind altering, chemical substances into your body and give yourself an honest chance to just be alive.

Yeah. And I don't love weed and then, but I think you have to really look at it too, like, 'cause people will be like, well, you know, I just smoke a little bit of weed and it's actually helped me to completely stop drinking. And I'm like, oh, that's super great for you. So I think you kind of just have to evaluate like.

You know, is that something that I'm using to numb or is it something that's actually truly helping me? And I, I think a lot of times your answer would be if you really were honest with yourself that you were just using it to numb. That's exactly what I was gonna say. The, the ultimate choice and, and litmus test is the honesty with yourself.

 If you were radically honest with yourself, why are you actually using it? And that's where the revelations come through. Yeah, I've gotten to the point too where like I had to take some cold medicine and I've been like so bothered because I can feel it in my body. You know how it just makes you a little like groggy, but like, I needed it.

I was like, I can't sleep. I'm going down. But I'm to the point now where I'm like, I don't even want that. I've even been like, how far can I push myself without taking some goddamn NyQuil? Mm-hmm. I, I concur. I am so I can feel an ibuprofen at this point in my life. 'cause I'm just so, like nothing goes in me.

And that includes caffeine. I'm also caffeine free. And I, it just, I just don't like the way it makes me feel. And when you spend enough time being free of anything that alters your body, the smallest things are so obvious, you know? And I, I don't like it. Some people do though. That's the thing. It's like some people do like those feelings.

I just, I never have. Okay. How did you cut caffeine? I need some tips because I'm not, I did replace alcohol with coffee uhhuh so many people do. Or with smoking cigarettes. So part of my journey is as a reiki master. So I started my journey as a reiki practitioner and now reiki master. And it was just told to me by my coach, by my teacher, that caffeine can block the intuition and obviously we wanna be a complete open portal when we're doing any sort of energy work.

So it was just like, oh, it's gotta go.  It was just one of those things where, I mean, I'm sure it was seven years ago at this point, I'm sure it was uncomfortable. I'm sure like, you know, I had the crashes and the headaches and all of that, but it's just like anything else. You get over it and then you move on.

So I know this is seeming really obvious to me now 'cause I've been like, well how can I cut it? Because like I get up in the morning and I like it and I'm like, oh my God. It's just like alcohol. I had to switch, change my habits and I had to replace those things. Exactly. Exactly, and oftentimes it's the ritual.

So for instance, I drink all of my, all of my liquids outta wine glasses, my morning orange juices, and a wine glass. Like I, okay, I love that. Love wine glasses. And it's like, I don't want the wine, I just wanna hold the stemware. In the morning. I don't want the coffee, I don't need the caffeine anymore to wake up.

Like you can do breath work for that. But I love the mug and the hot mug in my hand and like the steam in my face of hot tea and honey to make it extra sweet or even steamed milk. And so it's the ritual often that we're seeking, not act, not always what's in the glass. Yeah, no, I agree. And you know what's funny is I have this thing with glasses, like I really, really love them.

Yeah, I do too. I love drink wear. I was such a snooty alcoholic. Like if someone handed me red wine in a red solo cup, I'd be like. Put it in a wine glass and then offer it to me. Like, I don't want, I don't wanna drink it out of a red solo coat or out of  a coffee mug. Like, oh, I would've, I would've just gone for It would, yeah.

No, I was definitely, I, it had to be in a certain stemware in a certain glass. It was such, that was the full experience for me. There was a sophistication about it. Even though I was not behind closed doors. I was a, a sloppy drunk, but there was a sophistication about it that I really did seek out. You're like, I'm gonna be bougie.

I'm gonna like be a wine snob and yeah, totally. That was my identity. Absolutely. I love that. Okay, so one thing before I ever have a podcast guest on, like, I really like comb through their Instagram, which probably sounds scary, but I, I basically just stalked you, you know, I watched all your videos and I saw that you were talking a lot about thriving at events sober, and that was a really very scary thing for me.

So it's like you make the decision not to drink alcohol. But you're like, I still wanna interact with my friends. I mean, obviously there are some friends that are gonna go that's like, it's the truth, you know, but your family, things like that. And you still wanna go to these things. You still wanna enjoy your life.

So like how did you navigate that? Well, let's like start at the very, very first, like you're going to your very first event sober. Mm-hmm. What do you do? So I got Janu, I got January, I got sober in. The end of January in 2018. And so I, it's kind of a relatively uneventful time to get sober. There aren't a lot of holidays.

You know, I'm in Washington state, so the winter still is keeping you indoors.  So there wasn't a lot happening. 4th of July was probably my first notable holiday other than my birthday, which was in April. And that was an uncomfortable experience. I went out to dinner with a guy who drank wine, but he was my date and he drank wine.

I was like, Ugh. The audacity. But, um, it, I would, the first biggest memory though of like the big event was a Christmas party of all sober people. Like it was literally every, there was no alcohol, but it was a big party. I mean, you could hear the base of the hou, like the music from blocks away. And the very first thing that I had to make through was just going inside.

I was so uncomfortable. How do I go to such a big house party as an alcohol free woman? It didn't matter that everyone else was sober too. It was just like, there's so many people, there's so much energy. How do I act? And it was like, just walk through the door. Yeah. And if you don't even walk through the door, you don't give yourself the opportunity to even try to make it something good, because once you get through the door, you can always turn around and leave.

Right. But it's just like. Being willing to move forward to step forward even while experiencing fear, just to see what miracle is available. Even if that means turn around and leave. But you, you gotta take that first, you know, step. So, I dunno if that answered your question, but that was the first thing I experienced was like, I just had to walk through the door.

Yeah. I was like, I just have to go to the things, you know? Yeah. And they have to feel a little uncomfortable. And what I realized right away was nobody actually cares that I'm not drinking. I was the one who cared that people weren't drinking. Yeah, exactly. And I'm glad you said the word uncomfortable because as an alcohol free human, you just basically are required to create a really intimate relationship with being uncomfortable.

Like being uncomfortable in early sobriety is like almost a non-negotiable. I don't know anyone that avoids it. And so if you just accept it, then you can move on. Like, okay, I'm gonna be uncomfortable, but I'm still gonna go to the thing. You're right. It's like people don't think about you as much as they do or as much as you think that they do.

You know, they don't really care. It's, it's what we think that bothers us the most. Yeah. The very first girls trip I went on, you know that group of girls, they all drink. I. And I knew that I was gonna feel awkward because like I'd feel a little squirrely and right off the bat they were like, so we want you to feel included, but we're like taking shots in the room, like, what do we do?

And I was like, oh, it like was really great because we had this really open conversation and I was like, I actually don't know, you know, I was like, and I remember I started crying. I was like, I feel stupid because I feel like I'm ruining your time. And they're like, no, we're making sure that like. You don't drink, you know, and that you still feel good being here.

And so it was kind of cool because we had this really open conversation about it. Mm-hmm. Oh honey, I love that so much because at the end of the day, like good people wanna help good people, you know? And so if we are open, I. And we communicate that, Hey, I'm not drinking right now, or, and you just allow that open communication to come through.

It also, not only does it set you up for success, but it sets the other people up for success because they know how to act around you or how to what they, what to offer you, what not to offer you. It just kind of makes things a little bit more of a clear game plan, even though there is no perfect plan and there is no rule book.

But I do think that level of informing and communication is, it's really important so that you can be supported. Like you don't have to go through this journey alone, even by the people who are drinking alcohol. Yeah. So it, you know, and then I always do kind of look at events too, and I'm like, do I feel good going to that?

You know, like you never have to go to something. And then I've actually been at events where I just like bounced, like nobody even knew. I was like, I'm out. You know? Yeah. I was just talking to another woman about this actually. Literally yesterday when we stopped drinking alcohol, we realized we weren't as extroverted and social as we thought we were, like the alcohol.

We went to the events, we did the things, we went to the parties. We stayed up late, whatever it was. But the alcohol, I was like, I kind of am. I kind of am more like, I love the, the safety of my sanctuary. I love quieter things, don't get me wrong. I still get on the dance floor today. But it's funny what we did when we were drinking and when we take the alcohol out and our all, like, all of our intuitive systems come back online.

We get to discern if we even want to do the thing, you know, and, and what we like doing might change and be like, I actually didn't like that. I just maybe liked the alcohol part of it. No, it absolutely does change.  My whole, like my core friend group and a lot of my family just went to Cabo, and so me and my two cousins are like just a few days apart.

And so we were all going for our 40th birthday and my husband and I decided to pull out of that trip. And it wasn't because I was like, oh, I'm gonna go and drink. It was that I wanted to do something different. I was like, I don't really, I don't wanna go to Cabo. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I love that. I love that you have, that's the great thing about choice is we get to change our minds.

And I feel like when we're drinking alcohol, the alcohol makes the choices for us. Oh, definitely. Become alcohol free. We get the, we get our choice back. And Cabo, like, you know, to me sounds great because I love being hot and I love the ocean, but I would like, I have no desire to go to Vegas, for instance.

It just, there's nothing for me there. Okay. You wanna hear something funny? So, yeah. Instead of gonna Cabo, we went to Vegas and I ran, did you guys okay? Yes. And I ran the rock and roll, marathon. Yeah. It was pretty, it was like really awesome. Yeah. So I, and like that for me, I'm like, oh, I would avoid it at all costs.

And it's not even because every, like, everyone's drinking or whatever, it's just, it's also very stimulating. Like there's so much light. Mm-hmm. And there's so much noise and there's just so much. And like I just shared, I actually kind of go towards the quieter things now. So, or the less stimulating things I should say.

I've also found myself like just trying a lot of new things. Perfect. Which before I was like, oh, I don't think I'll do that because I know there won't be alcohol. And now it's like, well, I can do whatever I want, you know? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I love that. So what to you really is like thriving at a sober, like an event?

Like how does that feel? Well, I, I want, I wrote that ebook, that guide to give women permission to go have fun. I just really feel like there's this common misconception that sobriety is a prison sentence, and I believed that, like, I truly felt like I was going to live a very boring life once I gave up alcohol.

Like, how could I possibly do X, Y, Z without it? It took me a few months to learn that that just wasn't true. I broke through that by taking a solo road trip to a music festival against everyone's, you know, concerns and comments and opinions on me. It being too soon to go. I wasn't even four months sober yet, and it was at that event that I realized, oh my gosh, I can choose to be free in my life.

I don't have to be scared of, I think there's a lot of fear-based messaging for the, the sobriety journey and. For some people it works. And for me, I don't wanna live my life scared, right? I wanna live my life free. And so thriving at an event sober is just that you can. Come alive without any assistance of the, the alcohol and what a gift like that.

We can do that. We haven't always drank alcohol. You know, we were free little kids, right? We, we knew how to play. We knew how to go into fairytale and fantasy land and come up with really creative games. All of those things. We knew how to do that. And when we come become alcohol free, it's almost like we get to relearn and remember how to do that again.

I love that. Okay, so I also saw you talking on Instagram about moderation and this is just something, I went on a rant recently on TikTok, but I like, actually don't think alcohol moderation is possible. I do know that there's like people, they go out, they can have one or two drinks, but even those people that I feel like are air quote normal drinkers for the most part, like I guarantee you they've had a lot of like hangover stories.

Hmm. Oh yeah, for sure. What do you, how do you feel about moderation? I think that for someone who has identified self-identified an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, that moderation is a waste of energy. I just think that if you have self-identified that your relationship with alcohol is not healthy and that it does take up more of your time and your mental space and your energy than say the normal person.

Then why would you funnel your energy into trying to create a relationship with something that just simply is not working for you? It's like staying in an unhealthy relationship. It makes no sense.  I, my sister is, yes, she's had hangovers, but she is such a normal drinker and  it's a good reminder to me of how I definitely had a problem compared to her, you know?

So I do think some people truly can be fine, but I think that someone who has a problem shouldn't try to be like that person because it's just probably not true for them. Maybe for some there, I'm sure there are unicorns out there, but I like, I know for myself, I probably could never have a relationship with alcohol the way my sister does.

It will just, even if I'm not actively drinking, I'll be thinking about drinking. Should I, shouldn't I? Mm-hmm. Should I start drinking? Should I have a drink tonight? Should I wait until the weekend? Should I only have one? Should I have wine in the house, should I not? And it's like all of that energy can be funneled somewhere else.

Well, that sounds just like me. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's anyone who has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol knows exactly what that mental obsession is like. I know, and looking back, I can see so many times like, you know, I really wanted to do 75 hard, but I was like, why wouldn't you drink for 75 days? I was like, that was like something that would've, I could never, there was like no possible way.

Mm-hmm. Totally. I felt the same way. I never ever did an alcohol free challenge ever. Yeah. I just. I would do like plank challenges or squat challenges or push up. 'cause I was in the fitness industry before I got sober, which is such a, it's so funny to be so healthy in many areas of real life and then go home and poison yourself every night.

Mm-hmm. But the thought to go alcohol free never crossed my mind. So, yeah, it was, yeah. Moderation is tricky. Again, it comes back to being honest with yourself, but. I think that if you're honest with yourself that you'll have more time and space and freedom and expansion and liberation and satisfaction in your life without it, then you wouldn't try to make it fit in your life.

Okay, so tell me your thoughts on dry January. Dry January. I have lots of thoughts on dry January. I do believe that any amount of time people take going alcohol free is a very good use of their time. What I dislike about dry January is that many people see it as a short term solution to actually a bigger problem.

The people that are not questioning if they have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol or most not, or most likely not challenging themselves to not drink it. So then my follow on question would be like, so what are you gonna do at the end of 30 days? You know, are you going to celebrate with a drink?

Are you just gonna go back to business as usual? So that's the part that I, I struggle with is I don't think about alcohol in terms of giving it up for the short term. I think about creating a life where alcohol doesn't fit anymore, so that it can be a long-term journey for you. So I know if someone's thinking about giving up alcohol, the word forever is like a hard stop.

If we don't think about it in terms of drinking alcohol, we think about creating a life where alcohol just doesn't fit. Then suddenly forever becomes a possibility. So I, I am on the fence with dry January. I don't run dry January. Challenges as an alcohol free coach, but I also have quite a few clients who are now, you know, celebrating over a year sober, because they started in a dry January.

So it does work for some people. It does. So I did a dry January challenge this year and I had quite a few people in my group. but I did think it was really interesting to like see, you know, and there's some people that are like, I did it, but like, you know, I'm just going back. So, and I was like, oh no, you're the one who you guys need it the most, you know?

I know. It really, so I said I got sober in January. I got sober on January 25th, and it was not due to a dry January challenge. It was just the date I got sober. But like I said, any amount of time is a good amount of time because your body is working so hard on just like a physiological level to process out this toxin on a daily basis that if you can give it like a moment of reprieve, it is quietly whispering.

Thank you. So it's like some are doing it specifically for those health reasons and it's like, great. But then it's just sad to think about putting the alcohol back in after they finally get the break, you know? So I know I, the first few months were really, really hard for me 'cause I was going through a lot of that, like guilt and shame and, oh, I'm such a horrible person because I cannot drink.

And now I'm like the opposite. I'm like, oh wow. Like we're actually like the cool people. You guys haven't figured it out yet. I think, um, you know, I actually started my journey, my alcohol free journey in the rooms of aa. So again, I got sober seven years ago. I really didn't know of any other options, right?

I went to a traditional treatment center by choice. I checked myself in and what was great about that was it gave me 21 straight days without drinking alcohol, which was hands down the longest I'd gone without drinking alcohol. That's about all it offered me. It's a, it's just a weird. You know, you're not in the real world when you're in a treatment center and then you're just dumped into the real world and you're like, what the fuck do I do now?

Um, so it was very hard for me too, but, um. Where was I going with that? I was gonna tell you why I was in AA and what I, I'm sorry. I completely No, it's totally fine because I'm glad you brought up aa 'cause it was actually my next question is like, did you go to treatment? Do you go to aa? I just like people to see all the resources.

Yeah. And there's a weird stigma around aa. I'm like, it's really great. If you just go, you'll see, you know? Yeah, I, I really don't remember where I was gonna go with what I was sharing, but to just go into this new conversation, for me it helped just gimme an anchor point. You know, it, it put me around into the rooms with people who also weren't drinking alcohol.

And, um, there was like a level of accountability. But I also, you know, I, the shame of like what I did while I was drinking was one thing, but I also, I. I'm a collegiate athlete, all of that, I'm highly competitive and I didn't wanna fail. It was like a personal, you know, goal for myself to not go back to alcohol.

And it wasn't o like only fueled by not wanting to disappoint other people, but that was a part of it. And talk about being in the rooms with all these other people, not drinking. Like you don't wanna be the one to relapse, you know? So that was,  oh, I, I felt that like immensely. And this is actually my, it was my second go around of like trying to get sober.

 I did go to AA in 2020 for like a couple of weeks and then I just like, kind of fell off the wagon. But there was something about this time I, my very first AA meeting ended up being a closed women's meeting and you know, they were like, here's our phone number. There's just, I mean, these amazing women.

And I was like, oh, I have to make sure I come back next Monday, you know? And I was, in my head, I was like, I'm not gonna be that loser. Not that like you're a loser if you fall down. But in my head I was like, I'm not going down. Yeah, yeah. I am. I'm not anti aa. My coaching and my messaging is a little bit different from there, from theirs and, uh, what I learned there, but what I learned there helped me a lot during that time.

And then I just, I kept growing, you know, I just. Kept evolving and eventually it just didn't fit for me anymore. And I think that that is important for everyone is to give yourself permission to try things and let them work, but also discern when you've moved on, when you've outgrown, when you've expanded past.

And it's not being better than, or anything, it's just as humans we're designed to evolve. And so it was time for me to move on and, and I did. Um, but it's great. It helps a lot of people and I'm glad that it's one of the many options that we have today. I tell people all the time, you know, they'll message me and they'll be like, how do you get sober?

And I'm like, you really need to go to aa. You know, like just go. You really need to get with other people. It's one of those, you become the anomaly when you stop drinking. 'cause again, like our society is just absolutely lubricated by alcohol. So to find your tribe of other people who are alcohol free is incredible.

And what I found was early in my sobriety, I got really deep into the yoga community. And again, I got into my Reiki healing energy and started going to festivals. And I learned that there's a lot of people who just don't drink because. They don't like the way it makes them feel, or because it, you know, blocks their creative flow and it's like, oh, like you cannot drink alcohol just because of those things, not because you have a problem with it.

Mm-hmm. So I actually started to surround myself with people who were alcohol free, but didn't need to go in a room and talk about how it was a problem for them, you know? And that was really uplifting and empowering for me. No, I actually love that. I, it was just in Vegas, like I said, and one of my friends who she came like before, like my family and stuff did, um, and we went to dinner and I was like, oh, this is so great.

She like, just doesn't drink because she doesn't wanna drink. Yeah. I'm like, how refreshing. I mean, I love my friends and all my family that do drink, you know, but I was like, this is kind of nice. It's so great. And my current partner doesn't drink 'cause he just doesn't like it and it's. When we first started dating over a year ago, you know, first text message, by the way, I don't drink alcohol, but I've got plenty of soda tea, you know, because I invited him over.

He is like, oh, no worries. I don't really drink either. And I was like, cool. Like what? Yeah. I was like, okay, that that works. That just makes life easier. And he has said to me numerous times, we've traveled together and whatnot, and he's like, I just love that you don't drink alcohol. 'cause now he's starting to see like in his past relationships, how consuming it was.

You know, and yeah, like you go to the beach, you gotta pack the cooler or pro provision the alcohol and all those things procure the alcohol. And it's just like, we don't have to worry about that, you know? Yeah, that's actually really awesome. Yeah. Um, one funny thing that I always had with alcohol, so I live in Utah, which is like very Mormon and Mormons don't drink.

And so when I stopped drinking too, I was like, I don't want people to think like I've, I've gone Mormon. It is so funny. Like all these weird little like stereotypes you get all the things. I have such a strong stance on labels and, you know, and stigma. Um, because labels and stigmas are a roadblock for so many women to even get started on the journey.

Well, what if people think I'm an alcoholic? Or what if, and I'm like, it, it's, it's always funny too when I get the like, well, what if people think I have a problem with alcohol? And I'm like, but you do. So, you know, like, like why? Don't let their judgements and whatever their stories stop you from solving your problem.

But I do really believe in empowering yourself. And if a label is going to stop you from getting started with the process, then drop the freaking label. You know, I called myself an alcoholic in the beginning because that's what I was taught in the treatment center. And it, like, it made sense. And at that point in my life, I was grasping for anything that made sense.

And then suddenly I was like, I don't wanna identify this way. You know, I don't drink alcohol. I'm solving the alcohol problem. And now I'm, now I'm solving the, the self-love problem, which was the core root of all of it. So I'm not gonna keep labeling myself to something that I'm not doing. I'm not drinking alcohol.

So I dropped the label and it was such freedom for me. Oh, that's so cool. I love this because of where you're at in your journey. 'cause I think it, you know, shows people, there's like no one way to do it. Mm-hmm. And there's no one size fits all. Oh, it's been a learning process, like I said, you know, seven years.

Um, so seven years in one month, and. It has been a learning like and, and just that permission again to evolve that permission to have as many identity shifts as it take. The one constant though was I never changed my decision about abstaining from alcohol. That was the one thing that never changed. So I don't have relapse as part of my story.

So I went through all of these, you know, trial and error and what worked for me, what didn't work for me. Get in these rooms, get with these people, try on these labels, read these programs, work with these coaches, and the one constant was I was alcohol free through it all. Oh, I love that. That's beautiful.

Okay, so you are a reiki master, and I am quite familiar with this. My husband actually has his reiki master as well, which is kind of fun. Um, but alcohol and energy, like, let's talk about that. Like what are your thoughts on an energetic standpoint? I love this question. Everything I do is in terms of energy.

Everything I talk about is in terms of energy, and we can start from the basics with just the physical body. 'cause obviously with energy work, we're talking physical, emotional, mental, spiritual bodies, ORIC bodies. But if we're ingesting something that is not designed to be in our body, then the body has to work in overdrive to process it out.

That takes energy. So two things come from this. One is it's completely normal to feel very, very tired for a, a little while, a couple months when you first give up alcohol because your body has been like, again, overworking. And now it's added to, it's at a deprivation, like it is below working capacity. So then we have to build that energy back up.

But. The great news is once we like fill our reservoir back up and we hit that neutral again, we now have all of this extra energy to start using in other areas of our life. So I don't encourage women to try to make really big life changes in the first couple months because they are at like an energy depletion.

But in a few months in when you start to neutralize, like now you have energy to funnel into designing the life you wanna live, like creating the life, I mean, we can sound all. Cliche, like something you'd see on a poster in Ross, but like creating the life of your dreams, that becomes actually realistic.

It's really hard to do that when you're at an energetic deprivation. Um, but the other turn, like the other connections between it all is that alcohol as it's designed as a depressant, shuts off our, you know, our intuitive receptors and women especially, were just such intuitive, divine wise women. We bring that back online when we stop drinking alcohol.

So suddenly we just can tap into our internal messaging system. We get to tune back into the messages of our body. All the things that were, they never went away, but they got blanketed by alcohol. All of that comes back. So, which kind of full circles to the, um, the events conversation was then you start to learn your body.

If it's like, yes, I actually wanna do this thing, and you feel the pole, or if it's like a no, I don't wanna do this thing, and you actually literally feel the resistance. Are you familiar with this? Yes. Have you experienced this? Yes. Right. Yeah. And that goes offline when we're drinking alcohol. Oh, it totally does.

And the other thing too is like I just really like trust myself now. Yeah. And so much of my controlling, like I didn't realize how much I was trying to control things. Yeah, like especially like my husband and just like the people really close to me, I was trying to like control all these weird little things.

Yeah. And it was exhausting. I didn't realize like how exhausted I was. When we are like absolutely scrambled on the inside, we just seek and reach and grasp for anything on the external that we can control to cultivate the sense of safety that we're lacking. And it's like, oh by the way, if you just take out the thing that's making you feel unsafe.

Not unsafe, like there's a boogeyman in the closet, but it, you know, where it takes you away from your neutral state, right? It fires all of the fight and flight and the anxiety and all of that. You take that away and then suddenly you can, you, you just find that like things start to settle. You know? You have that trust, like you said, there is that level of surrender.

You don't necessarily need to control everything around you because you trust that everything's gonna be okay, you know? So it's pretty cool. It is pretty cool. Okay, so you define sobriety as a conscious or elective, like what does that mean to me, it is. Just so much more than abstaining from alcohol, but I, it starts with the conscious choice to abstain from alcohol or the elective choice, I should say, to abstain from alcohol and then the conscious decision to then get back into like control in a different sense of the word back into control of your life.

So looking beyond just the action of drinking alcohol and more into. How do I want to live in my life? How do I wanna feel in my life? Like how, what identity do I wanna embody in my life? Where we get to kind of be in that masterful creation mode again? And that's, and it's conscious like, 'cause we're tuning into what feels good.

We're tuning into what doesn't feel good. We're tuning into our values again, to what we like, to what we don't like. So it's just so much more than the action of drinking alcohol. It's really that total body, you know, you're fully back online. Picture., so looking at it more so than just the action of drinking too.

Again, what life do I wanna create for myself? And it's a conscious decision. Ooh, I love this perspective participation. Yeah. No, I love this perspective. If you look at that, you're like, I'm consciously choosing not to participate in this action, you know, versus like, oh, I'm a horrible person because I can't control my alcohol.

Exactly. And the other thing that it does is it switches it from deprivation to liberation. Like, I'm not, not drinking because I can't have it. I'm not drinking because I'm choosing not to have it because again, it doesn't fit with my values anymore. It doesn't fit with the life I'm creating anymore. Like I'm not willing to compromise what I've got for this thing anymore.

And that's such a conscious experience. Oh, I love that. Okay, so Lauren, thank you so much for your time today. I, this is like a beautiful conversation around alcohol. Um, I noticed you have a freebie. It's on your Instagram, thriving at events sober, or what's your, well, what's your direct Instagram handle?

We'll link it up in the show notes for sure. Yeah, I've got a couple freebies for people. So direct Instagram handle is at Lauren Faye coaching all one word. Fay does not have an E, so FAY. But I have this ebook, how to Thrive and at at an Event Sober, which is just such a different perspective on navigating events as an alcohol free human.

I have a free masterclass on my website, which they'll find through my Instagram too, of just the promise of living an alcohol free life. You know, what's available for you to, again, switch it from that deprivation mindset to the liberated mindset. And then I have a book coming out. You. Okay. Tell me about it.

Yeah, so my, it's a memoir and it's called Blurred Lines. My reclamation of power for alcohol addiction PSU are not powerless and it takes you through the journey and, you know, of course the health state and then it shows the switch and it really, I'm, I'm like storytelling. My, my journey as a sober woman and how it started really uncomfortable, but how that power came back online.

Ultimately, like the biggest lesson that I learned was that I had fallen out of love with myself. Drinking alcohol is a very not loving, kind thing to do for ourselves on a soul level. And so when we take it away, we give ourselves an honest opportunity to fall back in love with ourselves. And that's all in the book.

Oh, that's beautiful. So when do you kind of like project, you'll have your book out? So I'm already doing early reader chapter excerpts, so if anyone wants to opt in, there's a, a link on my website and I'll send out early chapters. But, a few months definitely by the summer. That's fun. So are you writing it like one chapter at a time and kind of leaking it?

Yes, but it's not in any particular order. It's amazing. The creative process is such a, it's not linear. It's like one day I'm writing a, a chapter in the heaven state and the next morning I'm writing like, you know, the night where I almost ended it all. So it's like. Whatever comes through, comes through and I'm just online to receive it and I'm very proud of the work and it's been my most vulnerable piece to date, but I've been an open book my whole journey, so made sense to actually write a book.

Oh, that's so, dude, that's so exciting. I'm like so excited for you. Great. Thank you so much. I can't wait to get you a copy. Oh, I was like, I need one immediately. Yep. Yep. You'll get one. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for just, you know, sharing your insights today and thank you for sharing your story. I feel like every time we share our stories, like we are able to help someone, you know?

Yeah. I, I appreciate it. Thank you for having a platform for, you know, us to use our voices to get this out to other women or to whoever your audience are. I always say women, 'cause I work specifically with women.  But also congratulations to you, you know, and I could say for choosing sobriety, but really just for choosing you.

Like, congratulations for choosing you taking it one day at a time and, and learning so much about yourself in the process. Like what a great gift you've given yourself. Yes. Oh my gosh. Thank you Lauren, and thank you so much. We will have all of your links linked up in the show notes for you guys listening, and of course, if you have questions, feel free to pop over and DM me on Instagram.